


Sub Rosa

by slytherinbarnes



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 (TV) RPF, The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Canon Rewrite, Canon-Typical Violence, Episode fix it, F/M, Fix-It, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Grounders (The 100) - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Protective Bellamy Blake, Season 7 Fix it, Smut, Soft Bellamy Blake, Suicide mentions, The 100 (TV) Season 1, The 100 (TV) Season 2, The 100 (TV) Season 3, The 100 rewrite, but no actual suicides, sad things, shumway being an asshole, the grounders are kinda scary, you are clarke's twin, you are inserted into the 100
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:42:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 101
Words: 562,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24063775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slytherinbarnes/pseuds/slytherinbarnes
Summary: sub rosa. latin. literal translation: under the rose. interpretation: happening or done in secret. just like your birth. it’s been 97 years since a nuclear apocalypse wiped out life on earth. and now, you are being sent to the ground, along with 99 others (101 including Bellamy Blake) to see if the ground is survivable. among the others is your twin sister, Clarke Griffin, who you haven’t seen since your arrest and your father’s death, and Bellamy Blake, the king of the douchebags. now you will have to learn to survive out in the open when you’ve spent your entire life in hiding, while also avoiding twin drama, boy drama, and…Grounders.complete!
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Original Female Character(s), Bellamy Blake/Reader, Bellamy Blake/You
Comments: 208
Kudos: 114





	1. i. pilot (1.01)

**Author's Note:**

> HELLO I HAVE WORKED ON THIS FOR AGES AND I’M SO EXCITED TO FINALLY SHARE IT! I wrote you, the reader, into the 100! Each episode has its own part, so some parts are shorter than others. Please let me know what you think!

You can hear chaos outside your door. 

Guards yelling, grumbling teenagers, squeaky boots, doors slamming. Still, your eyes stay focused on the ball you’re tossing against the wall and catching. The repetitive bounce lulls you into a routine. Toss, bounce, catch, toss, bounce, catch. It’s only when your own door is pulled open that you stop, eyes flitting over to the guards lazily. “Welcome, gentleman. So glad you stopped by for a visit!”

“Prisoner 217, face the wall.”

You stand and roll your eyes as you turn to the wall. “What’s going on?”

“Hold out your right arm.”

You turn your head slightly so you can get a look at the guard over your shoulder. “Not until I know why.”

“I won’t tell you again, hold out your arm.”

You spin around completely, defiant. “Why?”

The second guard steps forward, baton in hand, crackling with electricity. As he moves closer, you pull your leg back and kick him between the legs. He drops to the ground with a loud groan, and the baton clatters to the floor beside him. You reach out and grab it, before spinning slightly and shocking the first guard, who joins his coworker on the ground. You close the space between you and the door and step through it before kicking it closed behind you. When you reach the railing of the walkway, your eyes scan the levels of the skybox, overflowing with teenagers and guards alike. “What the hell?”

You hear the drag and scrape of more doors opening around you, and you turn away from the mass exodus quickly, trying to formulate a plan. A door at the end of the walkway swings open, and a guard steps out, immediately locking eyes with you. “Prisoner 217!”

You take off running in the opposite direction, your feet thudding against the metal railing, drowning out the angry yells from the guard behind you. Before you have time to process it, a guard steps out of a cell in front of you, stopping right in your path. He grabs you as you attempt to run past him, pinning your arms to your sides as you kick and flail in anger. “What is going on? Let me go!”

Suddenly, a familiar voice cuts through your protests, freezing you in place. “Stop!”

You watch as your mother materializes from the crowd, walking quickly towards you. She flashes one look to the guard and he sets you down and steps away from you. As she draws closer, your body tenses, but she doesn’t notice. She pulls you into a hug, squeezing you tight as you ask, “What the hell is going on, mom?”

Prisoners file past you and your reunion, whispering as they catch sight of you. You ignore it and instead focus on your mother, who is letting you go and giving you a serious look. Her voice is a low whisper when she says, “They’re sending you to the ground. 100 of you.”

You start shaking your head, “No, that’s not possible. The ground is still toxic. Unliveable.” 

She puts a hand to your cheek, and you tense up again. You see the hurt in her eyes as she pulls her hand away and gives you a sad smile. “There’s not enough time to explain. But Clarke is going too, she’s being loaded up as we speak. You need to look after each other. You’re all I have left.”

Her statement hits you like a punch to the gut, and you reach up and touch the small moon shaped pendant that hangs around your neck, remembering. Mourning. 

If she notices, she says nothing. Instead, she pulls you in for one more hug as a guard speaks up from behind you. “Dr. Griffin, you’re needed at the launch site.” 

She pulls away from you. “Find Clarke on the dropship and stick together. Protect each other.”

You nod and she smiles at you one last time before walking past you, following the guard to the dropship. As soon as she’s gone, the guard from before grabs your wrist. Instinctively, you fight back, forcing two more guards to restrain you before they snap a metal bracelet around your wrist. The two guards grab you by the arms and lead you from the skybox, through the twisting hallways of the Ark. You take in the gray metal walls as you walk, eager to map the hallways of the Ark in your mind, much of it still unfamiliar to you. As the guards guide you through the hallways and around a corner, a voice rings out in the small space, chilling you straight to the bone. “Stop!”

The guards on either side of you pull you to a stop, and seconds later, Commander Shumway steps into view, a smile on his face. Your stomach rolls over and you swallow a wave of nausea. His eyes never leave yours as he addresses the guards, “Leave us, I’ll make sure she gets there.”

“Yes sir.”

The two men step away, and you open your mouth to protest, but they are gone before you can make a sound. You meet Shumway’s eyes, and they roam up and down your body, looking at you with appreciation. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it, la lune?”

“Don’t call me that,” you bite, voice full of anger. 

“Ah yes, that’s what the traitor called you, isn’t it?”

You let saliva collect in your mouth before you spit in his face, anger radiating off your body in waves. Shumway lets out a dark laugh as he wipes off his cheek, before his cold eyes settle on you. In one quick move, his hand reaches out and grabs your neck, and he backs you into the wall behind you, your body colliding against it with a dull thud. 

You hide a wince as Shumway smiles down at you, “You know, I love a woman with some fight in her.”

You struggle against his grip as his fingers tighten around your throat. His other hand lifts to your face and slides across your cheek, and you resist the urge to vomit. He leans in and crashes his lips to yours, and you fight and struggle to get away. His grip on your neck tightens, keeping you in place, so you pull your knee up and hit him between his legs. He pulls back in pain, letting you go, before immediately hitting you hard across the face. You lift your cuffed hands to your cheek, biting back tears as heat blooms across your face and blood washes over your tongue. 

You are both interrupted by the quick pace of footsteps moving down the hall towards you, and Shumway turns as a guard steps into view, slightly out of breath. The guard’s eyes dart to you, glancing at the blood around your mouth and the pink of your cheek, before flashing back to Shumway. “Everything okay here, sir?”

“Just handling an unruly prisoner.” Shumway’s gaze hardens, “Blake, aren’t you supposed to be loading the dropship right now?”

The guard lets out a breath, “Yeah, I uh, had to take care of something.” His eyes dart to yours again, “I’m heading that way now, I can take her.” 

Shumway turns to you, and back to the guard. You’re sure he’s going to disagree, and your skin crawls at the thought of what might happen if this guard leaves you alone with him. The guard must seem to sense something, because he adds, “They were almost loaded up when I left.”

Shumway nods, and leans towards you, his lips brushing your ear. “No one ever believes the troublemaker.” He moves away and gives you a wicked smile, “May we meet again.”

The guard steps towards you and you scramble closer to him, putting distance between you and the commander. You both step away, but Shumway calls out to him, forcing you both to stop. “Did you get everything taken care of?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good.” He gestures to you, “Better get her loaded up.”

The guard takes your arm and pulls you away from Shumway, down the hall and towards the growing sounds of the dropship. The second the commander is out of your sight, you pull your arm out of the guards grip and hold your restrained hands up. “Are you planning on sending me to Earth in cuffs?”

The guard glances at your hands and reaches into his pocket, pulling out a pair of keys and tossing them to you. “Thanks.”

As you uncuff your hands, you see him watching you from the corner of his eye. “I’ve never seen you around before.” 

You glance over at him as you near the dropship, a line of kids now coming into view. “That’s because I was never around. I‘m a twin.”

You see the guard tense up beside you, his anger instantly palpable in the air. “Wait, you’re the Invisible Twin?”

“Don’t call me that.” The dark haired guard lets out a short laugh, and you feel your anger rise up to meet his. “I’m serious. Don’t call me that.”

The guard stops and you stop with him. “Sorry _prisoner_ , but I don’t take orders from a privileged twin that faced no consequences for breaking the law.”

“No _consequences_?” Your anger boils up and over, taking control of your body. You lunge at the guard, yelling a string of insults, only to stop when you feel a prick in your back. You reach back and touch the tranquilizer sticking out of your shoulder, and the last thing you see is the guard’s smirk as your legs give out beneath you and the world goes black. 

-

Your eyes pull open to the rattle of metal and the scared shriek of teenagers. As your vision comes into focus, you look around, noting the looks of fear on the faces around you. Your heart jumps when your gaze lands on a blonde head of hair, familiar to you since birth, and she seems to sense your gaze. Her eyes lift and meet yours, a shocked smile on her face, before she remembers that your relationship is not what it used to be. The smile drops, and instead you watch each other carefully, before Chancellor Jaha’s voice cuts across the ship. 

“Prisoners of the Ark, hear me now. You’ve been given a second chance. And as your chancellor, it is my hope that you see this as not just a chance for you, but a chance for all of us. Indeed, for mankind itself. We have no idea what is waiting for you down there. If the odds of survival were better, we would’ve sent others. Frankly, we’re sending you because your crimes have made you expendable.”

You roll your eyes, as someone nearby yells out, “Your dad’s a dick, Wells!”

A chorus of agreement follows, and you follow a brunette girl’s gaze to a guy beside Clarke. Wells, you’re guessing. You know he’s Clarke’s best friend, and the chancellor’s son, but nothing more beyond that. 

As the chancellor’s message drones on in the background, the ship begins to shake and groan. You watch as a guy floats by you and towards Clarke, enjoying the effects of zero gravity. You can’t hear their exchange over the sound of the dropship and the message, but you know her expression well enough to know that she’s not happy. It’s the same look she used to give you when you beat her in chess.

Two more guys seem to get the urge to join the first spacewalker, and you hear Clarke’s voice through the crowd, “Stay in your seat!”

They ignore her and unbuckle, making it only inches from their seats before the dropship lurches from the parachutes being deployed. All three boys go flying, and half of the teenagers let out a scream as the dropship flies towards the ground. Smoke billows around you and you see sparks fly as the lights flicker on and off. Your hands tighten around the straps of your seatbelt, clutching to them in fear. You close your eyes as the rockets fire, shaking and jolting the ship violently, and with one final crash, the dropship hits the ground. 

It powers down quickly, sending the entire ship in silence. True silence. Seconds later, there is an echo of seatbelts being released, and you glance over at Clarke and watch as she jumps from her seat and beelines to the two guys who were thrown against the wall. You pull your seatbelt up and stand on unsure legs, still shaky from the tranquilizer you were given. You hear the clamor of teenagers as they head for the doors, and Clarke stands quickly. “No, we can’t just open the doors!”

She takes off running for the ladder and you start to follow her, before hesitating. You don’t know anyone here, except for Clarke, but even she is a stranger. 

In your hesitation, a line forms to get down the ladder. You wait patiently as everyone files down, one by one, leaving you to go last. While you wait, you notice a girl in front of you, with long brown hair and a pretty smile. She talks to some of the guys around you, killing time as she waits for the line. Finally, she descends down the ladder, leaving you to bring up the rear. When you are halfway down, the brunette’s voice calls out, “Bellamy?”

As the first floor comes into view, you watch as she cuts through the crowd, focused on a guy near the door. When he turns, you recognize the guard from earlier, and you feel your blood start to heat up again. You jump from the ladder and follow the path of the brunette girl, drawing close enough to the door that you can watch the scene unfold. You see Clarke nearby, eyes focused on the same scene. 

The guard, Bellamy, watches in shock as she draws closer. His voice is laced with awe when he says, “My god, look how big you are.”

He smiles and she jumps forward, pulling him into a tight hug. You smile in spite of yourself, and move closer, nearer to Clarke. She analyzes the scene. “Where’s your wristband?”

The brunette turns quickly, annoyance written all over her features. “Do you mind? I haven’t seen my brother in a year.”

 _Brother_. You lift your brows in surprise, but a memory involving Shumway floats to the front of your mind. _They just locked up another illegal sibling. But you’ll always be the first, don’t worry. And you’ll always be my favorite._

You shudder, trying to dislodge the memory from your brain. The crowd murmurs at the mention of a sibling, disbelief and confusion moving through the delinquents like a wave. 

_No one has a brother._

_That’s Octavia Blake, the girl they found hidden in the floor._

Octavia lunges at the crowd, ready to fight anyone who gives her grief. Bellamy manages to catch a hold on her quickly, keeping her back from the crowd. “Octavia, Octavia, no. Let’s give them something else to remember you by.”

“Yeah?” She pulls herself from his grip and gives him a defiant look. “Like what?”

He smiles, “Like being the first person on the ground in a hundred years.”

She returns his smile as Bellamy puts his hand on the lever and pulls open the dropship door. It flies from the hinges in a haze of smoke, revealing a light that’s so blinding, you have to blink against it for a few seconds. 

As your eyes focus, trees come into view and the sun dances between them, bright and high in the sky. You think of your mom, and then your dad, a pang echoing through your chest. 

Octavia moves down the ramp slowly, hesitantly, before stepping from the ramp onto solid ground. She turns to the dropship doors, a huge grin splitting her face, before throwing up her arms and screaming, “We’re back, bitches!”

Suddenly, a hundred teenagers come running out of the dropship, screaming and laughing and celebrating the return to the ground. You let the crowd carry you from the ship, a huge smile on your face as you run down the ramp and take your first steps on the ground. You don’t venture far from the dropship, instead you step into a little clearing and look up at the sky, taking note of everything in your sight. You’re smiling, spinning in the sunlight, when you hear someone come up beside you. You turn, surprised to find the girl from under the floor, Octavia. “Hey, you’re that twin, right? The one they found hidden in Dr. Griffin’s place?”

You nod, and her face splits into a grin. “I’m Octavia. The girl under the floor. Bellamy told me all about you after your arrest, said I wasn’t the only one.”

You smile at her, “The ‘other’ sibling. What a legacy.”

“All those years hidden away, and then locked up just because we were born.” She rolls her eyes, but her expression turns playful. “Want to get into some trouble?”

Your smile widens, “I have years of trouble to make up for, so absolutely, yes.”

“Good.” She grabs your hand and leads you towards the dropship, “Follow me.”

She pulls you up to Clarke and Finn just as they are recruiting two guys to travel to Mount Weather with them. “Can we go now?”

Octavia smiles, “Sounds like a party, make it five.” She turns to you expectantly, and you chime in, “Six.”

Clarke gives you a once over and doesn’t protest, but Bellamy Blake does. He grabs Octavia’s shoulder, and she drops your hand. “Hey, what the hell are you doing?”

She pulls out of his grip, “Going for a walk.”

“Hey.” Clarke ignores the siblings, and walks closer to Finn, grabbing his wrist. “Were you trying to take this off?”

“Yeah. So?”

“So, this wristband transmits your vital signs to The Ark. Take it off, and they’ll think you’re dead.”

You look down at the bracelet, eyeing the locking mechanism. 

“Should I care?”

Clarke glares at Finn, “Well, I don’t know. Do you want the people you love to think you’re dead?” She glances at you, and back at him. “Do you want them to follow you down here in two months? Because they won’t if they think we’re dying.”

Finn looks down, taking her point, and Clarke nods her head in satisfaction. “Okay. Now let’s go.”

They start walking off and you follow, pausing when you realize Octavia isn’t with you. You turn and look at her, but her eyes are locked on Bellamy, silently pleading. 

“Go on.” 

She smiles and kisses his cheek in thanks, before turning to follow the group. Your eyes linger on him, and for the first time since your altercation, his eyes meet yours. You both exchange an annoyed look, and you hear Octavia call your name from behind. “You coming?”

Without looking away from Bellamy, you yell, “Yeah!” before giving him one last angry look and turning to join the others.

You start to join the group, passing Clarke as she stops in front of Wells with a sigh. “You shouldn’t have come here, Wells.”

Your brows furrow in confusion and she turns away from him, heading back to the group. You trot to walk beside her, and utter the first words you’ve said to her since getting locked up. “What was that about? I thought you and Wells were best friends?”

Her voice is laced with anger when she answers, “Our friendship ended the day he told his dad that our father was a traitor.”

Her response hits you like a kick to the gut. “He’s the reason dad got floated? But how did he know what dad was planning?”

You watch your twin’s expression fall, guilt taking over every inch of her features. The familiar rush of anger takes over, “You _told_ him?”

She stops and turns to face you, her anger rising to meet yours. “I thought I could trust him, and that’s on me! But YOU weren’t there! You left me to deal with it all on my own!”

“ _Left_ you? Clarke, Shumway assa-”

You’re cut off by Finn stepping up beside you. “Uh guys, Mount Weather?”

“Of course. We’re coming.” Clarke gives you one last look before turning and walking away. You take off running back to the camp, unsure of anything other than the fact that you want to be nowhere near your twin right now. You hear Octavia calling your name as you leave, but you ignore her and hope she understands when you explain it to her later. 

You reach the campsite quickly and look over all the trees in the area, smiling when you find one with sturdy branches you can climb. You walk past lip locked teenagers and boys in fights, and hoist yourself up into a tree, hiding amongst the leaves and branches. From your vantage point, you can see the dropship, all of the campsite, and slightly beyond. You watch the retreating figures of the Mount Weather search party, until they disappear behind a wall of trees and brush. 

-

Hours later, long after darkness has settled, you watch the group gathered around the fire. A group of boys, led by Bellamy, has convinced some of the 100 to take off their wristbands, and slowly seal everyone’s fate. You watch in mild amusement as a new volunteer steps up to the plate, gets freed from their Ark based shackles, and the crowd cheers in support. They are a few kids in when Wells leaves the safety of the dropship to investigate all the noise. You sit up straighter in the tree, sure that there’s going to be a fight; Wells and Bellamy do not disappoint. 

Wells breaks through the crowd and moves right over to Bellamy. “What the hell are you doing?”

“We’re liberating ourselves. What does it look like?”

“It looks like you’re trying to get us all killed. The communication system is dead. These wristbands are all we got. Take them off, and the Ark will think we’re dying, that it’s not safe for them to follow.”

Bellamy smirks, “That’s the point, Chancellor. We can take care of ourselves, can’t we?”

The crowd cheers in agreement, and you roll your eyes, doubtful. Wells pushes on, “You think this is a game? Those aren’t just our friends and our parents up there. They’re our farmers, our doctors, our engineers. I don’t care what he tells you. We won’t survive here on our own, and besides, if it really is safe, how could you not want the rest of our people to come down?”

“My people already are down.” Bellamy gestures to the crowd, before angrily pointing at the sky. “Those people locked my people up. Those people killed my mother for the crime of having a second child. Your father did that.”

You inhale a deep breath at Bellamy’s words, his anger from earlier suddenly making sense. His mother died for Octavia’s existence, your mother stayed on the council and kept her life. 

“My father didn’t write the laws.”

Bellamy shrugs, “No. He enforced them, but not anymore, not here. Here, there are no laws.” His voice grows louder, carrying up into the trees and beyond. “Here, we do whatever the hell we want whenever the hell we want. Now, you don’t have to like it, Wells. You can even try to stop it, change it, kill me. You know why? Whatever the hell we want.”

Murphy yells out into the crowd, “Whatever the hell we want!” and the crowd of teenagers follows suit, chanting the only established law into the night sky. The night sky seems to agree, letting out a low rumble, seconds before water rains from the sky. You look up, smiling, in awe, at the first thunderstorm. You carefully slip from the trees and move to the open air, letting the rain hit your skin and soak you to the bone. 

You allow yourself to enjoy the rain for a few moments longer, turning and looking at the other delinquents with a smile. Your gaze lands on Bellamy, his eyes already locked on you, and your smile fades. You glare at him before turning and walking to the dropship, in search of something to collect water in. You quickly move to the seats, eyes roaming over their features for anything useful. You smile when you realize the handrests are accented with metal. With the right amount of strength, you manage to pry them off and free them, leaving you a neat little trough for water. 

You grab a few more before running back out into the rain and setting the troughs up in a section of open sky. Once you get them situated, you plop on the ground beside them, ready to stand guard over your collecting resource. 

-

The storm doesn’t last long, but it manages to leave you a small stash of fresh water. You rehydrate until you’re satisfied, before taking your mini troughs, one by one, into the dropship and tucking them away. When you return from dropping off the last trough, you settle back into your spot, ready to get comfortable for the night. Teenagers are fast asleep around you, some alone, some paired up, some in groups. Wells sleeps soundly on a tree across the clearing from you, and you swallow the anger that rises at the sight of him. As you get comfortable and ready for sleep, the soft thud of footsteps makes you open your eyes and look around in confusion. In the center of the clearing, Bellamy is maneuvering around sleeping bodies and making a beeline for Wells. You watch as he reaches the traitor and clamps a hand over his mouth, effectively waking him. Wells gives Bellamy a sharp look, and you see him raise something in his other hand and hold it to his lips. 

When he moves his hand into the moonlight, your brows lift in shock at the sight of a gun. Bellamy motions for Wells to follow him, which he obediently obliges. Once they make it to the edge of the camp and mostly out of sight, you sit up and look around. Before you can contemplate your actions, you jump up and follow the pair, keeping a safe distance as they walk through the woods and to the banks of a river. 

When they’ve put a big enough distance between themselves and the camp, Bellamy comes to a stop. “That’s far enough.” You pause close enough to hear them and sink behind a row of brush, thick enough to conceal you. “I don’t want to shoot you, Wells. Hell, I like you, but I do need them,” he motions to the sky, “to think that you’re dead.”

Wells shakes his head, “Why? Why are you doing this, for real, not some crap about getting to do what you want to do?”

“I have my reasons.” Bellamy smirks, “I also have the gun, so, I ask the questions. And the question is, why aren’t you helping me? Your dad banished you, Wells, and yet here you are, still doing his bidding, following the rules. Aren’t you tired of always doing what’s expected of you? Stand up to him. Take off that wristband, and you’ll be amazed at how good it feels.”

His voice hardens as he stares Bellamy down. “No. Never. Not gonna happen. Is that clear enough for you?”

Bellamy nods, “Yeah. It is.” Bellamy cocks the gun, and for a split second, you are convinced he’s going to shoot Wells, right then and there. Instead, he tucks it into the waistband of his pants. “I’m sorry it had to be this way.”

Bellamy gives a signal and Murphy emerges from the bushes near the pair, followed by three other henchmen. Wells panics and tries to run away, only to be grabbed and dragged back down to a rock. His desperate protests cut through the night air, “No! No! Get off of me! No!”

The four men pin Wells down, his protests never ceasing. “ No! Don’t do this! Don’t do this! No. No! Come on, man!”

Satisfied, Bellamy steps away from the group and begins walking towards you, back to camp. You retreat into the woods and hide behind a tree, watching as he grows closer. When he’s feet away from you, you step into his path, freezing him in place. “What are you up to, Bellamy?”

His voice is hard as he sizes you up, “What are you doing out here? Did you follow me?”

“Yes,” you shrug, and cock your head to the side. “Why? Do you have a problem with that?”

Bellamy strategically readjusts his shirt, flashing the gun. “Yes, I do.”

You set your jaw and meet his eyes, unwavering. “I’m not afraid of you.”

“You should be.” You cross your arms and he watches the action, his eyes lighting up when they land on your wrist. “What if the Ark thought that both princesses were dead? Surely they wouldn’t follow us down then, would they?”

He takes a step towards you, and you take one step back. “I’m not giving you my wristband.”

Bellamy cocks his head to the side, watching you like a lion watches his prey. “Who said anything about giving?”

Without hesitation, you take off running, wanting nothing to do with Bellamy and his group of henchmen. You arrive back at the camp, breathless, before making a beeline to your tree. You climb it quickly, ducking behind the branches just as Bellamy and his crew arrive back at the camp. He looks around for you, but not for long, before heading to the dropship for the night. 

You sink into the darkness and lean against the trunk, trying to get comfortable enough to sleep. You drift off with your eyes locked on the sky, tracing the outline of the moon. 

-


	2. ii. earth skills (1.02)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and a small group of people head into danger to look for Jasper, who may still be alive. And Bellamy reminds you that he’s a dick.
> 
> Warnings: Language, fighting, violence, allusions to past assault (nothing explicit)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> INCOMING SPAM I AM SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG TO UPLOAD THESE, PLS ENJOY 4 NEW CHAPTERS

Morning comes quickly. 

Sleeping in a tree is uncomfortable, and the fear of falling leaves you restless and unable to sleep. As soon as the light breaks the horizon, you climb down from your lookout and venture past the makeshift camp, into the woods. You spend a long time watching the sun rise higher in the sky, thinking about your life and what led you here. 

It doesn’t take long for the sound of rowdy teenagers to reach you, and you decide to head back to camp to wait for Clarke and the arrival of food. Your stomach growls in agreement and you shake your head before standing from the fallen log and pointing yourself in the direction of camp. You’re only a few minutes out when you hear a twig snap behind you. You turn quickly, eyes scanning the forest for the source of the noise. Finding nothing, you continue on, more alert than before. 

You stop again when you hear another branch break and you whip your head around, watching and listening. You swear you hear footsteps running through the woods, and you begin to panic. You take off running towards the camp, head still searching for the source of the noise. You sigh a little when you hear the growing sound of the delinquents, but you keep running until you accidentally collide with someone. 

The impact sends you flying to the ground, and you land on your back with a groan. You lie there, looking up at the sun filtering through the trees, when a voice asks, “Hey, are you okay?”

A figure moves into your vision and blocks out the sun, and you start to reply until you see his face. 

_Wells_. 

He holds out a hand to help you up, but you swipe it away and quickly stand. You both watch each other, and he quietly says your name. You shake your head, already cutting him off. “Whatever you’re about to say, I don’t want to hear it. You’re the reason my dad is dead.” You practically spit the last word at him. 

His voice is quiet, barely above a whisper. “I’m sorry.”

“ _Sorry_? Did you not hear me? He’s DEAD because of you! Gone. Floated.” Tears well up in your eyes, “I never got to say goodbye.”

He steps towards you, and you look up at him in anger, swallowing back your tears. “Just stay away from me, Wells. Me and Clarke.”

You turn and head into the camp, not stopping until you reach the dropship. You pull the makeshift door to the side, ready to check on your collected water, before coming face to face with a naked Bellamy Blake. 

You freeze in shock, eyes scanning his body, before coming to land on his face. He smirks at you. “Enjoying the view, princess?”

You give him a look of disgust, “The exact opposite actually.”

He pulls on his pants, letting out a short laugh. “Really? Because it looked like-”

“I don’t care what you think it looked like. I was just coming in here to check on something.” For the first time, you see a girl behind him getting dressed, and your brows lift in disbelief. “And now I’m leaving.”

You turn and scurry out of the dropship, before colliding straight into Wells, who is mid argument with Atom. You manage to catch yourself from falling this time, but you roll your eyes. “Seriously? Are you everywhere?”

Bellamy comes out of the dropship, still shirtless, and eyes Wells and the pile of clothes in his hands. “This is home now. Your father’s rules no longer apply.” He snatches the clothes from his hands, and Wells lunges at Bellamy, only to be stopped by Atom. Bellamy motions for Atom to let him go. “You want it back? Take it.”

Bellamy and Wells stand in place, eyes locked, tension filling the air. Wells breaks first, and turns to toss the rest of the clothes, which are immediately grabbed by a group of teenagers. Wells turns back to Bellamy, “Is this what you want? Chaos?”

Bellamy smirks, “What’s wrong with a little chaos?”

He starts to pull on his shirt when a scream rings out through the camp. You all take off running towards it, and find Murphy holding a girl over the fire. “Bellamy. Check it out. We want the Ark to think that the ground is killing us, right? Figure it’ll look better if we suffer a little bit first.”

Wells runs towards Murphy and pushes her off the girl, “Let her go!” He turns back to Bellamy, eyes pleading. “You can stop this.”

“Stop this?” Bellamy smirks, eyes flitting to the side, where Murphy is getting up and running towards Wells. “I’m just getting started.”

Murphy’s fist connects with Wells’ face, sending him to the side. Wells recovers quickly and starts to fight back, both boys evenly matched in terms of skill. Finally, Wells manages to get the upper hand, and he delivers a final blow to Murphy before standing and walking back towards Bellamy. “Don’t you see you can’t control this?”

You watch as Murphy rolls over, pulling a makeshift knife out of his pocket. You look over at Bellamy, wondering what he’s going to do. As Murphy bears down on Wells, Bellamy steps forward, stopping him. “Wait!”

Your brows lift in surprise, and you watch as he looks between the two boys. After a second, he holds up his own makeshift blade for Wells. “Fair fight.”

You shake your head as he steps back, stopping at your side. You mutter, “You can’t be serious.”

Bellamy turns to you, away from the fighting boys. “Something wrong?”

“You’re really gonna let them pick each other off?”

He tips his head to the side, appraising you. “I thought you didn’t like Wells. Heard he was the reason your dad got floated.”

You flinch, the pain from your father’s fate affecting you just as much today as it did when you first found out. You reach up and touch your necklace, Bellamy’s eyes watching the movement. You shake yourself out of your thoughts, and glance over at the pair before looking back to Bellamy. “I don’t give a shit about Wells, or whether he lives or dies.” You watch as Wells grabs Murphy in a chokehold, and you turn and give Bellamy the same appraising side eye. “I’m just wondering, how long until Murphy gets tired of taking orders?”

Before he can answer you, your twin’s voice cuts through the crowd. “Wells! Let him go!”

She jogs into the clearing, the rest of the group right behind her, as Wells releases Murphy and pushes him away. Murphy spins around and lunges at him, only for Bellamy to step in and hold him back. “Enough, Murphy.” As Monty guides a limping Octavia into the clearing, Bellamy runs to check on her. 

It takes only a second for you both to realize something is missing. “Where’s the food?”

“We didn’t make it to Mount Weather.”

You step closer to them, “What the hell happened out there?”

Clarke turns to look at you, gaze serious. “We were attacked.”

“Attacked? By what?”

Finn’s voice answers first, “Not what. Who. It turns out, when the last man from the ground died on the Ark, he wasn’t the last Grounder.”

“It’s true. Everything we thought we knew about the ground is wrong.” Clarke looks around at the group of people closest to her. “There are people here, survivors. The good news is, that means we can survive. Radiation won’t kill us.”

“Yeah, the bad news is the Grounders will.” 

Wells looks around at the group in confusion. “Where’s the kid with the goggles?”

“Jasper was hit. They took him.” Clarke’s eyes fall to his arm. “Where’s your wristband?”

He cuts his eyes to Bellamy. “Ask him.”

“How many?”

Murphy answers, proud. “Twenty-four and counting.”

She shakes her head. “You idiots. Life support on the Ark is failing. That’s why they brought us down here. They need to know the ground is survivable again, and we need their help against whoever is out there. If you take off your wristbands, you’re not just killing them. You’re killing us!”

Bellamy glares at Clarke, and steps closer to the other delinquents. “We’re stronger than you think. Don’t listen to her. She’s one of the privileged. If they come down, she’ll have it good. How many of you can say the same? We can take care of ourselves. That wristband on your arm? It makes you a prisoner. We are not prisoners anymore! They say they’ll forgive your crimes. I say you’re not criminals! You’re fighters, survivors! The Grounders should worry about us!”

The others yell in agreement, and you shake your head at their ignorance. Clarke must feel the same, because she stalks off, Monty hot on her heels. You watch them go, before glancing at Octavia, and the fresh blood on her leg. Getting an idea, you run to the dropship and grab some of your water, along with one of the seatbelts and a discarded shirt. You go and search for Octavia, finding her sitting on a ledge, letting Bellamy inspect her cut. You smile at her as you approach, and she returns it. “Why’d you run off yesterday? I thought we were going to get into trouble together.”

You glance at Bellamy and back at her, “‘Other sibling’ stuff.” She nods in understanding. “Looks like you got into enough trouble without me though. I got some stuff for your leg, can I take a look?”

She nods, and Bellamy gives you room to look at the wound. You tear the shirt into pieces and dip it into the water before looking up at her, “This is probably gonna hurt.”

You wipe the blood from the bite, and Octavia lets out a groan. You clean it up and look at it closely. “Good news is, it’s not deep.”

You take another piece of the shirt and lay it on top of the cut, before glancing at Bellamy. “Hold this here for me?”

“Yeah.” He reaches for the cloth, fingers brushing yours in the process, causing you to flinch. Subtly, he shifts his focus, his eyes settling onto you. You grab the seat belt and secure the fabric over the wound, as Bellamy looks up and scolds Octavia. “You could have been killed.”

Clarke speaks up behind you, and you turn to watch her approach. “She would have been if Jasper didn’t jump in to pull her out.”

Octavia checks the bandage, and starts to stand.“You guys leaving? I’m coming, too.”

Bellamy grabs her shoulder and pushes her back down, “No, no. No way. Not again.”

“He’s right. Your leg’s just gonna slow us down.” Her gaze shifts to Bellamy, “I’m here for you.”

Your brows raise in surprise and Wells protests behind her. “Clarke, what are you doing?”

“I hear you have a gun.” He looks down and lifts the edge of his shirt to reveal the gun in his waistband. Your mind flashes back to last night. “Good. Follow me.” She starts walking only to be stopped by Bellamy’s next question. 

“And why would I do that?”

“Because you want them to follow you, and right now, they’re thinking only one of us is scared.”

As she walks off, you turn to Octavia. “I’ll go and get into trouble for the both of us this time. Deal?”

She sighs and then smiles, “Deal.”

You jog off to catch up with Clarke, who turns as you approach. Wells runs ahead to give you a minute. “I’m coming too.”

“Fine. But you better keep up.”

You let out a snort, “Easy, I was always the better twin.”

You both look at each other and she rolls her eyes. “You wish.”

She gives you one last look and jogs to catch up with Wells. You look back when you hear footsteps behind you, and you lock eyes with Bellamy and Murphy. You turn to watch where you’re going and let out a sigh. _This should be fun._

You keep your eyes on Clarke and Wells ahead of you, following their footsteps as they move through the woods. Bellamy jogs to catch up to them, and Murphy keeps close by his side. “Hey, hold up. What’s the rush?” Bellamy punctuates the question with a shrug, gun in hand. “You don’t survive a spear through the heart.”

The group stops in a clearing, and Wells glares at Bellamy. “Put the gun away, Bellamy.”

Murphy steps forward in defense of his leader. “Well, why don’t you do something about it, huh?”

Clarke ignores them both, looking at you and Bellamy as she catches you up. “Jasper screamed when they moved him. If the spear struck his heart, he’d have died instantly. It doesn’t mean we have time to waste.”

Bellamy lunges forward and grabs her wrist, “As soon as you take this wristband off, we can go.” 

You step up instantly, pulling Clarke’s arm free of his grip, and putting yourself between them. “Don’t touch her.”

Clarke steps from behind you and glares at Bellamy, “The only way the Ark is gonna think we’re dead, is if we’re actually dead. Got it?”

Bellamy looks between you both with a smirk, but his response is cut off by approaching footsteps. “You call this a rescue party? Got to split up, cover more ground. Clarke, come with me.”

Clarke steps closer to Finn, and they split off from the group, taking the high ground. Bellamy storms off in the direction the group was originally heading in, and Murphy follows. You veer off to the right and search the land close to the river. Wells seems to hesitate, unsure where to go, before finally following Bellamy at a distance. 

Most of the search is spent in silence, as everyone keeps an eye out for any sign of Jasper. Every now and then you hear the faint whisper of conversation from Finn and Clarke, until eventually they put so much distance between you that everything goes silent again. As your eyes scan the river’s edge and surrounding trees, you’re surprised to hear bits and pieces of the hushed conversation between Bellamy and Wells. 

“…more in common than meets the eye, huh?”

Wells deadpans, “We have nothing in common.”

You follow the line of the river, the sound of running water growing louder. Bellamy’s voice gets lost in the din of a waterfall. “Finn around, Clarke doesn’t even see you. It’s like you’re not even here.”

You stop at the edge of the waterfall, admiring the view. It’s a small fall, not very powerful, and it drains into a small swimming hole. It’s framed by a semi circle of trees, dense enough to conceal anyone swimming in the water from someone lurking in the woods. 

You move away from the water’s edge, skeptical of the drop, given your inability to swim. As you get deeper into the trees, a twig snaps somewhere behind you. Your mind instantly flashes back to earlier that morning, and then to Clarke’s warning of not being alone. You start to walk faster, looking for any sign of Clarke and the others. When you hear more movement behind you, you break into a run, tearing through the trees in search of a familiar face. 

Finally, you spot Bellamy up ahead, and you’re surprised to find relief flow through you at the sight of him. You slow as you near him, and he turns at your approach. He ignores you panting for breath, his eyes instead traveling to the moon that sits along your collarbone. There’s nothing fancy about it, just a small silver moon secured to a chain. “Was that from him?” You turn slightly to meet his eyes, and he adds, “Your dad?”

You say nothing, choosing instead to continue through the woods in silence. He goes for a different approach. “You know, I don’t get your attachment to that bracelet. What has the Ark ever done for you?”

“Isn’t this the same speech you gave Wells last night before you ambushed him?” You give him a look of annoyance. “Is Murphy about to jump out of the bushes and take my hand off?”

“No. Not yet anyways.”

Before you can answer, you burst through the trees, into a clearing, where Clarke and Finn are pointing at something on the ground, showing Wells what they found. Murphy is standing nearby, uninterested. You run over to them and Clarke looks up at you as you approach. “Where have you been? We found a trail of blood, and we think it’s Jasper’s.”

“Trail of blood, huh? Let’s see where it takes us.”

She and Finn stand, and start to follow the trail, and you fall in line behind them, with the others right behind you. 

“Hey, how do we know this is the right way?”

You look back at Murphy and shrug, and Bellamy smirks. “We don’t. Spacewalker thinks he’s a tracker.”

Wells turns to look at Bellamy. “It’s called a cutting sign. Fourth-year earth skills. He’s good.”

Finn turns back to the group, slightly exasperated. “You want to keep it down or should I paint a target on your backs?”

He stops and studies a branch, and Bellamy slides up next to Wells. “See? You’re invisible.”

As Finn bends down and inspects a puddle of blood, a moan cuts through the trees and reaches the group. Everyone looks around, confused.

“What the hell was that?”

Clarke glances at Bellamy, “Now would be a good time to take out that gun.”

He pulls it from his waistband as another groan reaches you, and Finn takes off running. Everyone follows behind him in a line, Clarke, then you, Wells, Bellamy, and Murphy. He comes to a stop in a clearing, and as you step past the trees, your eyes land on Jasper, strung up in a tree. 

“Jasper. Oh, my God.”

Clarke jogs into the clearing, eyes locked on Jasper, and you follow right behind her. Bellamy looks up at the tree as he follows you into the clearing, “What the hell is this?”

As Clarke nears the base of the tree, you hear a cracking sound. Your eyes dart towards her and you watch as she starts to fall, legs already disappearing into a large hole. You lunge forward and grab her arm, both of your hands locking around each other’s wrists as you hit the ground. Clarke’s weight starts to pull you towards her, over the edge of the hole, inch by inch. Behind you, you hear Finn and Wells yelling in a panic, “Get them up! Pull them up! Pull them up! Get them!”

You reach out and grab Clarke’s other wrist and she grabs yours, both of your eyes filled with panic. You watch the pit of spikes move closer and closer to impaling your twin, just as a hand closes around your ankle and stops your sliding. Seconds later, a collection of arms grabs Clarke and hoists her over the side, onto the safety of solid ground. 

She lands in a heap beside you, and you sit up and meet her eyes, breath heaving in panic as the reality of what almost happened starts to set in. Finn kneels beside Clarke, checking on her, and she turns away. You glance at the figure near your ankles, surprised to find Bellamy there. You nod in thanks, and he nods once in return. Finn helps you and Clarke to your feet, and Clarke immediately turns back to Jasper. “We need to get him down.”

Finn moves closer to the tree, “I’ll climb up there and cut the vines.”

Wells starts to follow, “Yeah, yeah, I’m with you.”

Finn turns quickly, “No. Stay with them.” He turns to look at Murphy, “You. Let’s go.”

“There’s a poultice on his wound.”

Wells furrows his brows in confusion, “Medicine? Why would they save his life just to string him up as live bait?”

Bellamy glances down at the pit of spears and back up at Jasper, “Maybe what they’re trying to catch likes its dinner to be breathing.”

“Maybe what they’re trying to catch is us.”

You all look around in fear, eyes scanning the trees and brush for any sign of life, as Murphy and Finn work quickly to get Jasper down. You all watch as they free the vines securing him, only pausing when a low growl comes from beneath the brush. 

You whip your head towards the sound, “What the hell was that?”

Bellamy steps back, away from the tree, fear in his voice. “Grounders?” 

The growling grows louder, and you watch as Clarke tenses up. You follow her eyes and let out a quiet gasp when you see the black panther loom into view. Clarke backs up and yells out, “Bellamy, gun!”

You look over at Bellamy, as he pats his waistband, no gun in sight. Before he can question it, a shot rings out, and you all turn towards the sound, shocked to find Wells pointing the gun at the panther and firing. One of the bullets catches it in the thigh, and it leaps into the bushes surrounding the clearing. You and Bellamy step back as it runs around you, growling and snarling as it moves through the bushes, before everything stills for a split second. 

Then with a loud growl, the panther leaps from the bushes behind you. You turn just in time to see it flying towards you, inches from your face before it drops to the ground, dead. 

Your mouth drops open, in shock, and you turn and look at Clarke, then Wells. Bellamy does the same, breath coming out in pants. “Now she sees you.”

You all stand in shocked silence a few more minutes, before Clarke once again takes charge. “Wells, get the parachute out of your pack.”

He reaches in his pack and pulls the parachute out, before handing it to her. She tosses it to you, “Help Bellamy bag up the panther so we can carry it back for food.”

You nod, and she turns back to Wells. “Looks like they almost got Jasper freed. We should help them down.”

They move closer to the tree and you turn back to the panther, stepping closer to it. Bellamy eyes it with skepticism, “Is it dead?”

You nudge it with the toe of your boot, and it doesn’t move. “Looks like it. If you’ll lift the head, I can slide the parachute under the body.”

He steps forward and lifts the top half of the animal, giving you enough space to slide the parachute under the body. You then repeat the action with the lower half, before twisting the ends to close it off, securing the animal inside. Minutes later, Finn and Wells come walking over, Jasper held between them. Clarke steps up beside them, “We don’t have time to waste, let’s go.”

She leads the way, and the rescue team follows, followed by Bellamy and Murphy, leaving you to bring up the rear. 

-

The walk back to camp is silent, as everyone processes the day’s events, and the near death experiences. The sun sets quickly, long before you are near camp, and the darkness welcomes a whole host of terrifying sounds and shadows. The moonlight shines through the trees, nearly full, and providing the only light to guide you home. 

You reach the camp when the moon is directly overhead, welcomed by a crew of anxious teenagers. Clarke, Finn, and Wells take Jasper straight inside of the dropship, and you watch as Bellamy and Murphy drop the panther near the fire. 

“Who’s hungry?”

The delinquents let out a celebratory yell, cheering Bellamy on for providing the one thing you all desperately wanted. Octavia hugs him, a smile on both their faces, and you are suddenly reminded of Clarke, and the distance between you. You turn away from the scene and head into your tree, immediately looking up and connecting the stars in the sky, forming constellations.

-

They make quick work of preparing dinner, and soon the smell of cooked meat reaches you in your place in the trees. You climb down, eyes falling to the line of people near the fire. You watch as someone steps up and offers their arm, before their wristband is pried off in exchange for food. You shake your head at the sight, and turn towards the dropship, deciding to look for Clarke, finding her lost in conversation with Finn. You freeze in place, as Finn walks towards the fire and reaches for two pieces of meat. Murphy steps towards him, trying to stop him. “Whoa, whoa. Wait, wait, wait. What, you think you play by different rules?”

Finn shrugs, “I thought there were no rules.”

They stare at each other for a minute before Finn turns, smiling at Clarke. You start to walk towards them, to join them, before she follows him into the woods, leaving you alone. You move back towards the fire, deciding to grab your share and take it to your spot. As you reach the fire, you watch as another teenager tries to mimic Finn, moving towards the meat, wristband still firmly clasped around his wrist. Bellamy steps towards him and grabs his wrist, before pulling back and landing a punch on the kid’s jaw. He turns and sees you standing there, and you keep your eyes locked on his as you reach forward, grab a stick of meat and take a bite. You give him a small nod before turning and walking away. Bellamy runs after you, “Hey! No food without a wristband.”

You glance over your shoulder as he approaches, but keep walking back to your tree. He grabs your arm and spins you around, “I’m talking to you.”

You pull your arm from his grip and take another bite, “Yeah, I heard you. But I told you yesterday, I’m not giving you my wristband.”

He snatches the meat from your hands, “Then you don’t eat.”

You lunge for the food, “Screw you, Bellamy. Give it back.”

He pulls the food away from you, lifting it higher. “Not without your wristband.”

You step closer, reaching for the food. “Bellamy, seriously.”

He smirks down at you, “That’s the deal.” You jump towards your dinner, missing it by centimeters, and Bellamy lets out a small laugh. “Shumway said you didn’t know a good deal when you saw it. Guess he was right.”

You step back, as if he slapped you. Tears threaten to fall from your eyes, but you push them back down, not wanting to give him the satisfaction. “You’re an asshole.”

You turn and walk away, careful to keep your shoulders back and head high, until you reach your tree and climb into it. As soon as you are hidden from the eyes of the camp, you allow yourself to cry, the pain from the last couple of years spilling over. Quiet sobs wrack your body as you relive that first day with Shumway, and every day since. The tears turn to anger as you wish him nothing but pain and suffering, because it’s the only thing he deserves. Soon, the tears slow and the sobs stop, and you lean back against the trunk of the tree, suddenly exhausted. Your eyes instinctively find the moon, surrounded by stars, and you wish for nothing more than to get lost in the sky. A new constellation to join the stars, born from suffering, forever immortalized by your tragic history. You fall asleep mapping the stars, looking for the faint pattern for constellation 89, the invisible la lune. 


	3. iii. earth kills (1.03)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy takes a small group of hunters into the woods, and you catch someone trying to follow along. When you follow, you end up stuck with your least favorite person. 
> 
> Warnings: Language, violence, character death.

_(flashbacks are italicized)_

_The sound of the TV floats through the thin walls of the Ark, into the room you share with Clarke. Outside the bedroom, in the living room, sits the rest of your family, Clarke’s best friend, and his father, the Chancellor._

_In other words, make a sound, and you’re screwed._

_You’re hidden in a closet, behind a false wall engineered by your father, in the play space you and Clarke used as kids. Now, it serves as your prison cell. Your parents rarely invite anyone over, and you don’t have to stay in the space during the day anymore, like you used to when you were younger. But occasionally, the Jaha family comes over for dinner or to watch sports games. Your parents say it’s unavoidable, and the best way to prevent any suspicion. So on the designated days, you crawl into the playspace and keep quiet, forever playing the role of the secret twin._

_You’re going through Clarke’s schoolbooks, working on the same assignments she has to do. It’s something your parents always insisted on; you may not be able to see the Ark, and live like the others, but you were going to get the same education Clarke got, no matter what._

_You glance up from your work when you hear the creak of the front door open, and strain to listen._

_“What’d I miss?”_

_You can hear her move further into the room, her voice growing more faint as she nears the TV. The chancellor’s response barely reaches you in the confined space. “Your husband and daughter being obnoxious.”_

_**Daughter**. Singular. _

_You try to push down the rising pang in your chest, closing your eyes and breathing in deeply, ignoring the sounds of the group just outside the door. You feel your breathing start to calm just as your dad’s voice grows louder. “Just for a few minutes.”_

_“Everything okay?”_

_The door scrapes open, and his voice starts to fade as he leaves. “You know this old boat. It’s always something.”_

-

You wake with a start, the memory fading from your mind as someone’s screams enter it.

“No! No!”

You sit up, and look down from the tree, eyes landing on a small girl sleeping at the base. You start to rise, preparing to climb down to wake her up, when Clarke steps into your line of vision, reaching for her. “Hey, wake up. It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s just a dream.” The girl sits up and looks around, fear written all over her face. “You’re Charlotte, right? I’m Clarke. It’s okay to be scared. Do you want to talk about it?”

Clarke settles down next to Charlotte, as the girl quietly answers, “It’s…my parents. They were floated and they…and I see it in my dreams and I just…”

Clarke’s voice is soft when she answers, “I understand. My dad was floated, too.” You see her fingers brush against her wrist, touching the watch, and the bracelet she’s worn since you were kids. She takes a deep breath, “So, how did you end up here?”

“Well…we were taking my parents’ things to the redistribution center and…I kind of lost it. They said I assaulted a guard.”

“I can’t say I blame you.” She smiles and looks up, past your tree to the clear night sky. She points a bright light in the sky, larger than the stars around it. “See that bright star up there? That’s The Ark orbiting above us. I think whatever happened up there, you know, the pain,” she glances at her wrist, “the loss…maybe we can move past that now. Maybe being on the ground is our second chance.”

“Do you really believe that?”

She pulls Charlotte close, comforting her. “I’m trying to.”

As she settles against the base of the tree, you settle against the branches above her, following her eyes as they seek out the one place you called home before landing on Earth. 

-

Jasper’s groaning affects everyone in camp.

Most of the delinquents keep their distance from the dropship, trying to get away from the sounds of his pain, each scream a stark reminder that anyone could be next. You are no exception, and spend most of your day wandering the camp and picking berries and people watching. 

It’s midday when you decide to find Octavia, but she finds you first. “Have you seen my brother?”

You shake your head. “Not since last night. But when you see him, tell him he’s a dick.”

She plops down on the log beside you. “You too?”

“Yeah, we had a moment last night. Brought up some stuff I didn’t really want to relive.” You turn and give her a small smile, “What did he do to you?”

“You know Atom? The one he got to babysit me while you guys were gone?” You nod. “Well, we kissed.” Your mouth drops in shock, but you smile as she continues, “A few times actually. And things were going really good, until Bellamy went on a power trip, and now Atom won’t even look at me.”

“I’m sorry, Octavia.”

“It was the first time I really felt like a teenager. Or a person, really.”

You both sit in companionable silence, feeling the same things, before you bump her with your shoulder. “Was he a good kisser, at least?”

She laughs and elbows you, and you burst into laughter with her. As you both start to calm down, she whispers, “The best.” and it sends you both off again.

You’re both still quietly giggling when a scream rings out across camp. You and Octavia turn to each other with matching looks of alarm, and you mutter, “Jasper.”

His name pushes you both into action and you take off running towards the dropship. She makes it to the ladder first and you follow, and when your head breaches the second level, you see Octavia running towards Jasper, who’s passed out. Finn and Wells are holding his legs down, and Clarke is at his side, blade in hand. Octavia screams out, “Stop it! You’re killing him.”

You walk over to the group and kneel on the other side of Jasper, acoss from Clarke. Finn looks up at Octavia, “She’s trying to save his life.”

A voice immediately follows Finn’s, “She can’t.” Seconds later, Bellamy’s head pops through the hatch and he steps onto the second floor. 

Wells stands from Jasper’s legs, and gets right in Bellamy’s face. “Back off.”

“We didn’t drag him through miles of woods just to let him die,” Clarke bites back, while checking his wounds. 

“Kid’s a goner. If you can’t see that, you’re deluded. He’s making people crazy.”

“Sorry if Jasper’s an inconvenience to you, but this isn’t the Ark. Down here, every life matters.” You meet Clarke’s eyes, and offer a nod in agreement.

Bellamy’s voice is hard and angry, his glare leveled at the back of Clarke’s head. “Take a look at him. He’s a lost cause.”

You look up at Bellamy, “Why don’t you just go to hell? No one wants you here anyways.”

The room is silent, until Clarke turns to Octavia and whispers, “Octavia, I’ve spent my whole life watching my mother heal people. If I say there’s hope, there’s hope.”

Bellamy responds to Clarke, but his eyes never leave yours. “This isn’t about hope, it’s about guts. You don’t have the guts to make the hard choices. I do. He’s been like this for three days. If he’s not better by tomorrow, I’ll kill him myself.”

“I’d like to see you try.”

Bellamy ignores you and turns to leave, stopping only to look at his sister. “Octavia, let’s go.”

“I’m staying here.”

He says nothing, and turns back to the ladder, climbing down quickly. Monty watches him leave, glaring. “Power-hungry, self-serving jackass. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself.” He turns and looks at Octavia, “No offense.”

Finn looks around at the group. “Yeah. Bellamy is all that. But he also happens to be right.”

You all turn to glare at Finn, before Clarke looks at you. “Can you get me some clean water?”

“Sure, be right back.”

You climb down the ladder, dropping to the floor below, and head out of the dropship to the water supply. As you’re filling up the containers, you watch as Charlotte looks around before sneaking off, away from the camp. Curious, you put the water containers on the ground and follow her. You find her quickly, darting in and out of bushes, ducking behind trees, eyes trained on something up ahead. You jog ahead, light on your feet, reaching her in a few seconds. You touch her lightly on the shoulder, “Charlotte?” She nearly jumps out of her skin and turns to face you, looking scared. When she recognizes you as one of the 100, she calms. “What are you doing out here?”

“A hunting party just left. I wanted to go with them, but I knew they wouldn’t let me, so I decided to follow them.”

You nod, “Mind if I walk with you? I could use the air.”

She nods her head, and you both start walking again, following the path of the hunting party. You keep your eyes on the horizon, the faint outline of the group of boys just visible enough for you to follow them. “I heard about your parents.” You glance over at her, and sadness passes across her features. “I’m sorry. I know how hard it is.”

“You do?”

“Clarke’s my twin. Our dad got floated while I was locked up.”

She turns to study your features, “You’re the invisible twin?”

You cringe at the only name people ever seem to call you. “The very same.”

Up ahead, the hunting party stops, growing larger as you both move closer. “What’s it like?” You look down, a question in your eyes. “To have a sister, I mean. A twin.”

A smile graces your features as memories flash across your brain. “I have a built in best friend. Someone that truly understands me. Someone to tell all my secrets to, cry with, laugh with. We shared everything.” You glance over at her, “You know, sisters don’t always have to be related by blood.”

“They don’t?”

“Nope. Sometimes, you find people in your life that become your family, even though you aren’t related by blood. Sisters included.” You pause when you hear the loud sounds of a boar, and you grab Charlotte. “Stay close, there’s a boar nearby.”

She nods and you both creep forward slowly, the group of boys now within walking distance to you. Up ahead you see Bellamy inching closer to the boar, axe in hand. Charlotte must see it too, because she steps forward quickly, snapping a twig in the process. You see Bellamy turn, and instinctively you grab Charlotte and pull her behind you. Your eyes meet Bellamy’s, just as his axe lands in the tree inches from your head. He glares as he stalks towards you. “What the hell are you doing? I almost killed you.”

He steps forward and pries the axe from the tree, and you glare back as you answer him. “Charlotte wandered from camp and I followed her to make sure she was okay. She wanted to see you hunt.”

Charlotte steps from behind you, into Bellamy’s line of sight, and his gaze softens. “Okay then,” he reaches down and pulls out a knife, handing it to Charlotte. “But you can’t hunt without a weapon. Ever killed something before?”

Charlotte shakes her head and he smiles, “Who knows? Maybe you’re good at it.”

He turns and walks towards the rest of the group and you and Charlotte follow. As you near the fallen pig and the rest of the hunting party, a horn sounds through the forest. You turn and look around, confused. “What was that?”

“Grounders?” someone asks, and you step closer to Charlotte. Suddenly, a sound comes rumbling through the trees, preceded by a group of screaming teenagers. “It’s a poisonous cloud, run!”

You grab Charlotte’s hand and take off running, with Bellamy right beside you. You turn and look over your shoulder at the approaching fog, yellow and electric. You trip over something and stumble, losing Charlotte’s hand, and barely catching yourself from falling. 

Bellamy turns back to you and Charlotte, “Come on! There are caves this way.”

You both follow Bellamy, frantic, and he turns and grabs Charlotte’s hand, pulling her in front of him. He reaches back and grabs yours, guiding you as he stumbles through the trees and over a small hill. He pulls you both around a corner and pushes Charlotte into the cave first, before pulling you in afterwards. As you make it through the doorway, Atom yells from somewhere outside. “Bellamy!”

Bellamy steps back into the fog, which makes him instantly cough, and you pull him back through the doorway. When he’s inside, you both look down at your joined hands, and you pull yours away angrily, before moving deeper inside the cave, as far away as you can get in the enclosed space. 

-

Before long, night falls, and you stand from your spot. “I’ll take first watch, you two get some sleep.”

Bellamy nods and pulls off his jacket, draping it over an already sleeping Charlotte. You move to the front of the cave and look out into the night, keeping an eye for any sign of danger. 

Bellamy isn’t asleep for long when Charlotte starts to cry out, tortured by another nightmare. You stand and move closer to wake her, but Bellamy wakes up and puts a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Charlotte, wake up.”

“I’m sorry.”

Bellamy’s voice is quiet when he asks, “Does it happen often?”

She says nothing, only letting out a sigh, and Bellamy nods. “What are you scared of?” She’s silent and he shakes his head, “You know what? It doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is what you do about it.”

“But… I’m asleep.”

He smiles softly, “Fears are fears. Slay your demons when you’re awake, they won’t be there to get you when you sleep.”

“Yeah, but…How?”

“You can’t afford to be weak. Down here, weakness is death, fear is death.” They stare at each other for a minute, before he gets an idea. “Let me see that knife I gave you.”

She pulls the knife out and passes it to him, and he holds it tightly. “Now, when you feel afraid, you hold tight to that knife and you say, ‘screw you. I’m not afraid.’”

He hands the knife back to her and she grips it in both hands, quietly repeating, “Screw you. I’m not afraid.”

He gives her an unimpressed look, and she repeats it with more confidence. “Screw you. I’m not afraid.“

He smiles at her and pats her knee. “Slay your demons, kid. Then you’ll be able to sleep.”

He turns away, and his eyes meet yours. He stands and moves to the mouth of the cave, near you, as Charlotte rolls over and falls back asleep. You sit there in silence, stewing, before you spit, “It’s interesting to see you play nice, when you make a joke out of assault.”

His head whips towards you, face in shock, and he mutters, “Assault? What are you talking about?”

You roll your eyes before standing up. “I’m going to bed. Wake me up if something happens.”

-

Shumway steals your dreams. And you are full of relief when Bellamy shakes your shoulder the next morning, freeing you from the nightmare of memories stuck on repeat in your head. He ventures into the morning air first, unharmed, before turning to you and Charlotte. “It’s all clear.” He raises his voice and yells into the trees, “Anybody out here? Jones?”

Somewhere to the right, Jones’ voice reaches you, “We’re here!”

You follow Bellamy through the forest, and soon, you are standing amongst the hunting party from the day before. Bellamy appraises the group, “Lost you in the stew. Where’d you go?”

“Made it to a cave down there. The hell was that?”

“I don’t know.” Bellamy looks over the three members. "Where’s Atom?”

They all shrug, and Bellamy shifts into leadership mode. “Split up, we have to find him.” 

Everyone branches off, searching for any sign of Atom. It’s not long before Charlotte screams out in fear, and you run closer to her, “What? What is it?”

She’s standing at the top of a hill and she points down at the base of it, where a body rests on the ground. You cover her eyes, and pull her into a hug, “Hey, don’t look.”

She cries into your jacket and Bellamy runs up a second later, watching Charlotte as she sobs in your arms. He looks up at you with a questioning gaze, and you tip your head towards Atom’s body. “Son of a bitch. Atom!”

He rushes towards Atom, and you step away from Charlotte. “I’m going to go help him, okay? Stay here, and don’t look.”

She nods and wipes away her tears, and you jog down the hill after Bellamy, who is now kneeling beside Atom. He looks over at you, unsure what to do. “Your mom’s a doctor, and Clarke…”

“I’m not her. I only know a few things that I picked up over the years, I wasn’t in training like her.”

You look down at Atom, and work hard to hide the fear in your eyes. His skin is bloody and covered in blisters, eyes cloudy, and his breath struggles as it leaves and enters his lungs. Atom turns towards Bellamy, begging, “Kill me. Kill me. Kill…me.”

Bellamy stands unsure what to do, and Charlotte steps down the hill and wanders closer. Eyes still locked on Atom, she reaches into her pocket and pulls out her knife, before sliding it into Bellamy’s grip. 

His eyes lock on her in shock and she whispers, “Don’t be afraid.”

Regaining his composure, he turns to the others, “Go back to camp.” They follow his command and walk off, and Bellamy turns back to Charlotte. “Charlotte, you too.”

She turns and walks away, and Bellamy kneels back beside Atom again, watching him. “Kill…me. Bell…a…my… pl…ea..se.”

Bellamy holds the knife in his hand, over Atom’s body, watching in horror as he struggles to breathe, but unable to do anything about it. You watch as Bellamy lets out a shaky breath, and he looks over at you. You place a comforting hand on Atom’s chest, and he turns towards you. “Plea…se.”

You look up at Bellamy and see his jaw clenching as he hears Atom’s pain. You take a shaky breath and smile down at him, “You’re going to be okay, Atom. You won’t be in any more pain.”

You start humming a song your dad always hummed to you when you didn’t feel well, ‘Clair de lune’. As you hum the familiar song, you reach towards Bellamy, and slide the knife from his grip, before pushing it into the side of Atom’s neck, killing him almost instantly. When you’re sure he’s no longer suffering, you stop humming, and look over at Bellamy, who’s watching you closely. “We should, um.” You wipe away a few tears, “We should get him back to camp. Do you have something we can carry him with?”

Bellamy nods, and pulls out a piece of parachute from his pack. “Okay, we need two thick branches, and we can make a stretcher.”

You both split off, each returning minutes later with a long branch. You tie the parachute between the branches, and place the stretcher beside Atom’s body. Then you each take a side and carefully lift him and place him into the parachute, before you take off your jacket and use it to cover his face. When you’re finished, Bellamy turns to you, “I’ll take the lead.”

You agree before you each lift one end, and make the trip back to the campsite in mutual silence, both of you still in shock. When you arrive back to camp, Wells is the first to meet you. “I’ll get started on the grave.”

Bellamy nods and you both lower Atom’s body to the ground carefully. Octavia comes running from the dropship, eyes locked on Bellamy, “It’s about time. Where have you been?”

You step forward and grab her arm to try to stop her from getting any closer, “C’mon, you can update me on Jasper.”

She pulls her arm free and gives you a weird look before making a beeline for Bellamy. “Octavia, just stay there. Please, stay back.”

He grabs her and tries to stop her, but she pulls her wrist free. “Bell, stop.” She sees the stretcher on the ground behind him and walks towards it, kneeling down to get a closer look. She pulls your jacket down, revealing Atom’s face, and her breath comes out in a shaky gasp. “Atom.”

Bellamy looks at her, the hurt obvious in his eyes, “There’s nothing I could do.”

She holds up a hand to silence him, “Don’t.” She starts to cry before covering his face again, and running off. 

You stand to the side, watching, and when you meet his eyes, you seem to sense the question in them. Nodding once, you run after Octavia, preparing to comfort her. 

You find her sitting in a small clearing, sobbing quietly. She turns when she hears your footsteps, and you offer her a sad smile. “Can I join you?”

She says nothing, only nods, before wiping away her tears. You sit beside her, and reach for her hand. “I’m sorry about Atom.”

She inhales a shaky breath, “I guess we’re gonna have to get used to people dying down here, aren’t we?”

You give her hand a light squeeze, and whisper, “Probably. But that doesn’t stop the hurt you’re feeling right now.”

She rests her head on your shoulder, and you both sit in silence for a long time, lost in your own worlds. 

-


	4. iv. murphy's law (1.04)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Character death, language, violence, hanging, fighting, character suicide (canon compliant). 
> 
> Summary: Everyone learns that actions have consequences when Murphy seeks revenge on Charlotte. You team up with Bellamy and Clarke and try to save her from death.

You wake up to the sounds of chaos from the camp.

You blink against the early morning sun and sit up, looking around the clearing, watching as people run by with supplies, fear written on most of their faces. You grab one girl’s arm as she runs past you. “What’s going on?”

“They found someone dead outside of camp. Bellamy has us building a wall for protection.”

You stand quickly, “Dead? Who?”

“I don’t know.”

You jump up and take off running, looking for Clarke. She’s not in the dropship or anywhere in the camp, and you don’t see her working on the wall. You look around in panic, before you spot Octavia getting some water. You run over to her, “Where’s Clarke? Is she okay?”

“I think she’s at the graves.”

“Thank you!” You make a beeline for the small clearing being used as a graveyard, and you let out a sigh of relief when you see Clarke kneeling at the edge of a freshly dug grave. She spins around when she hears your approach, knife in hand, and you hold up your hands in surrender. “Easy, it’s just me.”

She lowers the knife, “Sorry, I’m a little on edge today.”

“I heard someone died,” you kneel down next to her, eyeing the grave. “Who was it?”

“Wells.”

You turn to her, confused. “Wells? Good riddance then.”

She turns to you, abruptly. “ _Don’t_ say that.”

“Clarke, he’s the reason our father is dead. 

Her face falls, “He’s not…he didn’t…” Tears well up in her eyes, and you put a hand on her knee. “He was protecting me. Us.” 

“I don’t understand.”

“Wells let me think it was him who turned in dad. But it wasn’t.” She looks up, her eyes meeting yours, voice hard. “It was mom.”

You recoil, staring at her in shock. “ _Mom_?” Anger heats up your skin, and rolls off your body in waves. “Mom turned dad in? Why? Why would she do that?”

Clarke shakes her head, “I don’t know. I only just realized last night, and confronted Wells about it. I was going to tell you, but I couldn’t find you.”

You both sit in silence, facing each other, saying nothing. Clarke reaches up and brushes a finger over the moon around your neck, before pulling up her sleeve to reveal dad’s watch, and a bracelet that’s nearly identical to your necklace. Except, instead of a moon, a silver star glints back at you in the sunlight. You whisper, “His little la lune and his shining star.”

She smiles sadly at the memory, and you both start to silently cry, one small part of the crack in your relationship starting to heal as you mourn the loss of your father together. 

You don’t know how long you sit there, but the silence is soon broken by the sound of approaching footsteps. Clarke pulls out her knife again and holds it up, before lowering it when Finn comes into view. You don’t miss the way they look at each other, and suddenly you feel very out of place. You stand, wiping the tears from your eyes, “I’m gonna go see if they need any help on the wall.”

Clarke nods and you turn and walk back to camp, giving Finn a small smile as you walk by, which he returns. Every step you take away from Clarke, and Wells, you feel your anger start to rise back in you, drowning out the sorrow. You look around at the members of the camp, looking for one in particular.

Bellamy.

You finally spot him near the wall, talking to Murphy. You stalk over, stopping in front of him, chin tipped in defiance. “I need to talk to you.”

He looks over at Murphy and nods, before leading you into a tent that he often uses as a headquarters. As soon as you’re both inside, you spin and face him. “I want you to take my wristband off.”

He shakes his head in confusion, “What?”

You hold out your arm, the wristband on display, “I’d do it, but I don’t want to hurt myself.”

“Why?”

“Doesn’t matter why.” You point towards the door of the tent, “If you won’t do it, I’m sure Murphy will.”

“No, I’ll do it.” He motions towards the small table, “Put your wrist on the table.”

You do as he says and he grabs a small metal bar. “This might hurt.” 

You nod and he slides the bar under the bracelet, near the clasp, and pulls the bar up, creating tension on the lock. You wince as the bar digs into your skin and the small needles in the bracelet shift. With one final pull, it pops off and drops to the table. Bellamy steps back as you grab the bracelet, and you pick it up and hand it to him. “I didn’t do it for you. Just so you know.”

And before he can respond, you turn and walk to the exit of the tent, only to stop short when Jasper, Octavia, and Clarke come running in. You step back as they pile in, and you don’t miss the scared expression on Jasper’s face. You turn to Clarke and ask, “What? What happened?”

She turns to Octavia and nods, and Octavia places a small bundle of cloth on the table, before pulling out a knife and using it to flip the cloth open, revealing two severed fingers. You inhale a sharp breath, full of shock, before leaning in to observe the fingers closer. You turn to Clarke, “Is it…are they…Wells?”

She gives a single nod, and you let out a whoosh of air, before picking up the knife to inspect it. “This knife was made of metal from the dropship.”

You pass it to Clarke, so she can look it over. Jasper’s voice is thick with fear when he asks, “What do you mean?”

“Who else knows about this?”

Octavia turns to Bellamy, “No one. We brought it straight here.”

Clarke lets out a soft sigh, “It means the Grounders didn’t kill Wells. It was one of us.”

“So, there’s a murderer in the camp?”

Bellamy gestures to the door of the tent, “There’s more than one murderer in this camp. This isn’t news. We need to keep it quiet.”

Clarke steps forward, towards the door, and Bellamy steps in her path. “Get out of my way, Bellamy.”

Bellamy holds his arms up in surrender, “Clarke, be smart about this. Look at what we’ve achieved… the wall, the patrols.”

You see annoyance flash over her features and you step forward and grab her arm. “He’s right, Clarke.” You see a look of surprise flash over Bellamy’s face, but you push on. “Putting this out there will only start a riot, cause chaos.”

She shakes her head, voice quieter. “That’s what mom told dad.” She lifts her eyes, expression hard. “Before she turned him in.”

You recoil, as if she slapped you. “This is not the same thing, Clarke. That was a ship full of people, governed by rules and regulations.” You point towards the camp, “This is a camp full of delinquent teenagers, who crave nothing more than chaos. You can’t give that to them.”

Bellamy adds, “Like it or not, thinking the Grounders killed Wells is good for us.”

Clarke ignores you and spins towards Bellamy. “Oh, good for you, you mean. What…keep people afraid and they’ll work for you? Is that it?“

“Yeah. That’s it. But it’s good for all of us. Fear of the Grounders is building that wall. And besides, what are you gonna do…just walk out there and ask the killer to step forward? You don’t even know whose knife that is.”

She holds up the knife, flashing a set of initials. “Oh, really? J.M. John Murphy. The people have a right to know.”

She pushes past him and storms out of the tent, and you catch Bellamy’s eyes, both of you sharing a look of worry. You turn and follow Clarke out of the tent, the others right behind you, as she storms up to Murphy, shoving him hard. “You son of a bitch!”

Murphy lets out an amused laugh, “What’s your problem?”

“Recognize this?” 

She holds up the knife and he shrugs, reaching for it, “It’s my knife. Where’d you find it?”

“Where you dropped it after you killed Wells.”

As soon as the words leave her mouth, the camp falls eerily silent. The teenagers all stop working, and turn to watch the confrontation. You can sense the mood growing uneasy, and you turn to look at Bellamy, who’s lingering nearby with Octavia and Jasper.

Murphy balks at her accusation, and steps closer. “Where I what? The Grounders killed Wells, not me.”

“I know what you did, and you’re gonna pay for it.”

He smirks, nodding in disbelief. “Really?” You step closer, not liking the look on Murphy’s face, as his eyes flick over Clarke’s head and land on his leader. “Bellamy, you really believe this crap?”

You turn and watch as he says nothing, silently clenching his jaw and folding his arms tighter. Clarke pushes on, “You threatened to kill him. We all heard you. You hated Wells.”

“Plenty of people hated Wells. His father was the Chancellor that locked us up.”

She steps closer, leaving inches between her and Murphy. “Yeah, but you’re the only one who got in a knife fight with him.”

“Yeah, I didn’t kill him then, either.”

Octavia yells from behind Clarke, “Tried to kill Jasper, too.”

The camp falls into further silence, weighing the evidence. Murphy senses the shift in opinion, and doubles down on his defense. “Come on. This is ridiculous. I don’t have to answer to you. I don’t have to answer to anyone.”

Bellamy steps forward slightly, head tipped. “Come again?”

Murphy approaches Bellamy, “Bellamy, look, I’m telling you, man. I didn’t do this.”

“They found his fingers on the ground with your knife.”

Clarke stands in the center of the group, and addresses them all. “Is this the kind of society that we want? You say there should be no rules. Does that mean that we can kill each other without…without punishment?”

You feel the pulse of anger, and revenge, moving through the crowd, and you step closer to your sister, your voice a soft warning. “Clarke.”

She turns to you, about to answer, when Connor yells from the thick of the crowd, “I say we float him.”

A resounding chorus of agreement follows the proposition, and you watch as alarm flashes over Clarke’s face. “That’s not what I’m saying.”

“Why not? He deserves to float. It’s justice.”

Another chorus of agreement as Clarke yells, “Revenge isn’t justice.”

“It’s justice. Float him!” The group of teenagers all begin to chant, closing in on Murphy, before someone trips him and everyone descends upon him, kicking him and hitting him as they continue to chant. 

You grab your twin and pull her away from the thick of the fight, as she screams, “No! Get off him! Let him go!” 

The crowd gags Murphy and ties him up, before kicking him down a small hill, into a clearing. A sturdy branch stretches from one side of the clearing to the other, and the crowd tosses a rope over the branch, attaching it to Murphy. Clarke pulls free from your grasp and you follow her as she pushes her way to the front of the crowd, next to the Blake siblings. You all watch in horror as they string Murphy up, his feet precariously balancing on the edge of a container. 

Clarke runs to Bellamy and shoves him, screaming, “You can stop this! They’ll listen to you!”

Connor turns to him, “Bellamy! You should do it.”

The group starts to chant his name, and you can see his resolve weaken second by second. You step over to him, pushing Clarke out of the way, and try to reason with him. “I saw you with Atom. I know you’re not a killer, Bellamy.”

He looks over at Murphy, the crowd still chanting, and you see him make the decision before he even moves. You and Clarke grab his arm and yell his name, but he shakes you both off and stalks over to Murphy, who is begging for his life. Bellamy takes one last look at him and kicks the container from beneath Murphy’s feet, leaving him to hang to death. 

Clarke screams and pushes him again, and you grab her and pull her back as she yells at him. “No, Bellamy, no! How could you?!”

He closes the distance and gets in her face, “This is on you! You should’ve kept your mouth shut.”

Before she can answer, Finn’s voice breaks through the crowd, “What the hell are you doing? Cut him down!” He grabs Charlotte, who has been watching the whole thing. “Charlotte, get out of here now!”

Finn tries to get close and cut Murphy down, but Connor pulls a knife on him and stops him in place. Clarke launches herself towards Finn, to protect him, and you try to grab her. 

Suddenly, a small voice calms the chaotic crowd. “Stop! Okay? Murphy didn’t kill Wells! I did!”

Everyone stills, frozen in place, and you look from Charlotte, to your twin, to Bellamy, all in shock, before jumping into action and grabbing the axe from Bellamy’s belt, cutting Murphy down. As he hits the ground, Finn and Clarke run to him and cut him free of the ropes and binds, and you move back to Bellamy to return the axe. His eyes are still locked on Charlotte, completely still with shock. You see the crowd start to turn towards her, and you nudge him. “Bellamy, we have to protect her.”

He nods and jogs towards Charlotte and you follow, as he leads you both into the tent. Seconds later, Clarke and Finn rush in, looking worried. Finn mutters, “Murphy is getting restless.”

You hear him yell from outside, “Bring out the girl, Bellamy!”

Bellamy glances in the direction of Murphy’s voice, and then looks back at Charlotte, fear in his eyes. “Why, Charlotte?”

Her voice is small, quiet. “I was just trying to slay my demons, like you told me.”

You let out a sigh and Clarke turns on Bellamy, “What the hell is she talking about?”

“She misunderstood me.” He turns to look at the small girl, “Charlotte, that is not what I meant.”

Murphy’s voice reaches the tent, louder than before. “Bring the girl out now!”

“Please don’t let them hurt me.” The fear in her voice makes you step closer to her, feeling protective. And you assure her quietly, “We won’t, Charlotte. I promise.”

Bellamy looks between Finn and Clarke, “If you guys have any bright ideas, speak up.” They both look around, worried, but stay silent. “Now you stay quiet.”

Finn snaps at Bellamy, “Those are your boys out there.”

“This is not my fault! If she had listened to me, those idiots would still be building the wall.”

Outside, Murphy’s voice is louder, and angrier. “You want to build a society, princess? Let’s build a society. Bring her out.”

Charlotte turns to look at Bellamy, her eyes wide with fear. “No! Please, Bellamy.”

You swear you can visibly see his heart melt, and he kneels down to her level. “Charlotte, hey, it’s gonna be okay. Just stay with them.”

And then he gives you one last look before stepping out of the tent. You look between Finn and Clarke, and move closer to your sister. “Clarke, you have to protect her.”

She nods, but you aren’t sure she hears you, the stress of the situation weighing on her heavily. You turn to Finn instead, and find him lost in thought. “Finn.” He looks up at you and you continue, “You and Clarke have to get her out of here.”

You can hear Murphy yelling outside, but you aren’t paying attention well enough to understand him. Finn nods, “I have a plan.”

“Okay. When I step out, slip out of the back of the tent. The brush is thick enough that it should conceal you so you can sneak out of camp.”

You start to step away, but Clarke grabs you. “You aren’t coming with us?”

“No, I’m going to buy you some time.” She hesitates but releases you, and you step back to the front of the tent. “Stay safe.”

You step out of the tent as Murphy is mid rant. “So, it’s okay to string me up for nothing, but when this little bitch confesses, you all let her walk?”

You come to walk past Bellamy and up to Murphy, leaving some distance between you. “The difference is, Murphy, that you’re an asshole. No one cares that you murdered Wells, they just cared that they had a reason to get revenge.”

He steps towards you, closing the space you left, and you repress the fear in your body, trying to focus on anger instead. You think about being locked up, and your dad’s death, and your mom’s betrayal, channeling it as Murphy bites back, “You know, princess, I wouldn’t mind hanging you in her place.”

You step closer, your noses now practically touching, and smirk. “I’d like to see you try.” You hear rustling in the tent, and from the corner of your eye, you see Bellamy shifting, because he heard it too. You know you have to push Murphy over the line to keep him distracted. You nod towards the crowd, “They may hate me because of my family, but they hate you because you’re the scum of the earth.”

Murphy lets out a dry laugh and appraises you, before he pulls his head back and slams it forward, crashing it into your nose. You let out a cry of pain and stagger backwards, seeing stars, and already feeling the warm rush of blood from your nose. You can hear Bellamy walking towards you and you turn to him, holding up a hand. “Don’t.”

You can see him weighing his options, but it only takes you a few seconds to recover, before you take off running towards Murphy, and pounce on him. The impact sends you both flying to the ground, and you lean back enough to land a punch on his face. He returns a blow to your cheekbone with his elbow, knocking you off of him, before he stands and delivers a kick to your ribs. Your breath leaves your body in a quick whoosh, and you curl into yourself, groaning in pain as you hear Octavia screaming and Bellamy yelling as he lunges at Murphy, grabbing him. “Hey, Murphy! Murphy. It’s over.”

“Whatever you say, boss.” Bellamy releases Murphy and turns around, walking towards you, but he barely takes three steps before Murphy grabs a log and hits him with it, knocking him to the ground beside you. Octavia screams out in anger and lunges towards Murphy, but Jasper steps between them, only to get punched in the face. Murphy’s posse holds them back as he lifts the flap of the tent, and yells out, “Son of a bitch! Charlotte! Charlotte, I know you can hear me! And when I find you, you are gonna pay!”

He turns to his group, looking at the rest of the teenagers in disgust. “Come on.”

They release their hold on Jasper and Octavia, who both come running to you and Bellamy. Octavia falls to her knees beside her brother, who waves off her concern with a groan. “I’m fine, check on her.”

Octavia turns to you and looks at your injuries before muttering to Jasper, “Help me get her up.”

They haul you to your feet and you wince, as they pull you towards the dropship and settle you into a chair. Monty comes running over at the sight of you, looking between Octavia and Jasper. “What happened?”

You mutter, “Murphy happened,” and Monty nods in understanding. Octavia returns with a pile of rags and water, and they clean the blood from your nose, while you protest, “I’m fine, honestly. It looks worse than it feels.”

Octavia gives you a look, and turns to Jasper. “We need more water, can you help me get some?”

He agrees and follows her dutifully, leaving you alone with Monty. You stand and walk to the dropship door, ignoring the pain in your ribs, and manage to catch sight of a curly head of black hair leaving the perimeter of the camp. You look around and find a pack at your feet, before stuffing a few things inside. A rope, a knife, some extra bandages, and you take off running from the dropship, ignoring Monty’s protests behind you. You keep to the perimeter of the camp, avoiding curious eyes, and follow the same path Bellamy just took. 

It only takes a few minutes for you to find him, as he quietly jogs in and out of trees, following some unseen trail. An hour into you following him, as darkness begins to fall, you step on a branch, and he spins around, knife drawn. You freeze in place, and when he recognizes you, he lets out a sigh and lower the weapons. “You have a thing for following people, don’t you?

You shrug and close the space between you, “They don’t call me the invisible twin for nothing.”

He smiles a little and starts walking again, leaving you in a surprisingly companionable silence. As the sun sets further and the darkness becomes more pressing, you sink deeper and deeper into your thoughts, still trying to process everything from the last few days, until you blurt out, “It wasn’t his fault.”

Bellamy’s brows pull together in confusion, and you clarify. “Wells didn’t turn my dad in, like I thought he did. It was my mom.”

He lets out a quiet breath, but says nothing, not quite sure what to say. “I never really knew who to blame for my dad’s death. I was already locked up when it happened.” You see a flash of a memory as you run down the corridor, failing to make it in time. You shake it away and push on, “I started out in solitary, so no one ever told me anything, except…”

You cut yourself off, and Bellamy glances at you, “Except who?”

“No one.” You look up at him, “It was kind of nice to have someone to blame and hold responsible. Except, I spent all this time hating someone who didn’t even deserve it.”

You touch the moon around your neck, drawing comfort from it, and you catch Bellamy’s eyes following the action. He says nothing, remembering the last time he asked. This time though, your vulnerability gets the better of you. “It was from my dad. We all have one, me, Clarke, our mom, but they’re all different. Dad always said mom was the center of his world, his sun. Clarke was like the stars, always shining, always bright, always there.” You look up at the sky, finding the Ark blinking amongst the stars. You let out a shaky breath, and your voice comes out softer than before, “I was his little la lune.”

Bellamy’s voice is as soft as yours when he asks, “Clair de lune, is that what you were humming to Atom?”

You smile a little, impressed he recognized the song. “Yes. He used to sing it to me when I was upset or didn’t feel well. Do you know it?”

He shakes his head, and his curls bounce against his face. “Not well, only in passing. But I thought I recognized it.”

You continue wandering through the woods in silence, keeping an eye out for Charlotte or Murphy, when the sound of footsteps grows closer. Bellamy grabs your arm and pulls you behind a tree, out of sight. Then he creeps forward as the footsteps slow and then stop near the tree, before grabbing them. You hear Charlotte scream out once, before Bellamy muffles her mouth with his hand, and you step from behind the tree, into her line of sight. 

Nearby, you can hear yelling from Murphy and his posse, and you exchange a worried glance with Bellamy. He takes Charlotte’s arm and starts to pull her away from the yelling, and you follow close behind. She screams and protests, trying to pull herself free from his grip. “Let me go!”

He turns on her, “We’re trying…hey, hey. We’re trying to help you!”

“I’m not your sister! Just stop helping me!” She bites back, before running towards the glow of light from Murphy’s group, “I’m over here!”

You manage to grab her and pull her back, asking, “Are you trying to get us all killed?”

“Just go, okay? I’m the one they want.”

Bellamy steps up and kneels to her height, “Okay, Charlotte, listen to me. I won’t leave you.” He glances over at you, “We won’t leave you.”

She seems to soften as she looks at him, “Please, Bellamy.” And in a split second, she pushes Bellamy away, screaming, “Murphy! I’m over here!”

Bellamy runs after her and grabs her, tossing her over his shoulder, he yells at you, “Let’s go!” And you take off running through the woods, as Charlotte screams for Murphy, alerting him to your location. As you tear through the trees, branches smacking you and tripping over unseen obstacles, you hope more than anything you’ll all make it out of this alive. As you step through the line of trees and into a clearing, Bellamy stops quickly and sets Charlotte down, muttering, “Damn it.”

As you move closer, you realize you aren’t in a clearing at all, you’re all on the edge of a cliff. As you all peer out over the edge, Murphy steps through the trees. “Bellamy!” You all spin around, as the rest of his group moves into sight. “You can’t fight all of us. Give her up.”

“Maybe not, but I guarantee I’ll take a few of you with me.”

He steps forward and you follow suit, pulling Charlotte safely behind you. Clarke and Finn run through the trees, before Clarke stops between the two groups. “This has gone too far. Just calm down. We’ll talk about this.”

Murphy glances at Charlotte for a second before suddenly grabbing Clarke and pulling her to him, lifting a knife to her throat. “I’m _sick_ of listening to you talk.”

You step forward, and you see Finn do the same, as you beg, “Let her go.“

Murphy holds the knife up to you, then Finn. "I will _slit_ her throat.”

Charlotte cries from behind you, “No, please! Please don’t hurt her.”

“Don’t hurt her? Okay, I’ll make you a deal. You come with me right now, I will let her go.”

You watch as Bellamy steps in front of Charlotte, protecting her, and Clarke yells to Charlotte, “Don’t do it, Charlotte!”

You stand between them, feeling conflicted, as Charlotte screams at Bellamy for holding her back, and Clarke stands beside you with a knife at her throat. You turn to Bellamy, practically begging with your eyes for him to fix this and save your twin as Charlotte screams, “I have to!”

Bellamy spins and levels a glare at Murphy, “Murphy, this is not happening.”

A quiet voice shakes and mutters, “I can’t let any of you get hurt anymore. Not because of me. Not after what I did.”

You watch the muscles in her body twitch before she starts to turn, and you all lunge towards her, screaming her name, as she jumps off the cliff. You all reach the edge as she falls, disappearing from view, tears streaming down your faces. 

Bellamy recovers first, standing and spinning towards Murphy with a look of animalistic rage. Murphy senses the danger he’s in and starts, “Bellamy!”

He lunges at Murphy the same way you had hours before, delivering punch after punch to Murphy’s face. You and Clarke stand, and she screams, “Bellamy, stop! You’ll kill him!”

Finn pulls Bellamy away, before Clarke steps between them. Bellamy yells, “He deserves to die.”

“No! We don’t decide who lives and dies. Not down here.”

You all glance at Murphy, bleeding on the ground, and he closes in on Clarke. “So help me God, if you say the people have a right to decide…”

“No! I was wrong before, okay?” She glances at you, then Bellamy, “You were both right. Sometimes it’s dangerous to tell people the truth. But if we’re gonna survive down here, we can’t just live by whatever the hell we want. We need rules.”

Bellamy scrubs his face, frustrated, “And who makes those rules, huh? You?”

“For now, we make the rules. Okay?”

Bellamy points at Murphy, “So, what, then? We just take him back and pretend like it never happened?”

“No” She glances back at him, thinking, before deciding, “We banish him.”

Bellamy glances at Clarke, then Finn, then you, before pulling Murphy to his feet, and to the edge of the cliff. “If I ever catch you near camp, we’ll be back here. Understand?” He tosses Murphy back on the ground, before turning to the posse, “As for the four of you, you can come back and follow me, or go off with him to die. Your choice.”

He turns to you, waiting for you to lead the way. Surprised, you step forward and he follows, before everyone else falls in line behind you. The walk back to camp is mostly quiet, save for the conversation regarding how to tell the others about Murphy’s banishment. 

As soon as you are all back, everyone is gathered for a meeting and told of the banishment. With no objections, the meeting is over as quickly as it began, and you turn to Bellamy. “I wanted to tell you earlier, that-”

You’re cut off by two girls bounding over to Bellamy, and wrapping themselves around him. “Bellamy, we’ve been waiting for you _all_ day.”

The other girl pouts, “Yeah, you said if we were good today, you’d reward us.”

Your brows raise in surprise, and you watch as Bellamy opens his mouth to say something. Feeling weirdly jealous, you give him a single nod. “Night, Bellamy.”

Embarrassed, you make it back to your tree in record time, and scale the branches until you reach your favorite. Once you’re settled, you lean back to contemplate your evolved relationship with Bellamy, trying to decipher your feelings. 

_On the one hand, he’s an asshole, who mocked my assault. But he was so sweet with Charlotte. And he stepped back to let me lead the way back to camp earlier, almost like a show of respect. But he’s also a dick._

Your thoughts turn in circles, never quite landing on a solid conclusion, and you fall asleep unsure of anything other than the fact you were jealous of the two girls in the tent, and you hated yourself for it. 

-


	5. v. twilight’s last gleaming (1.05)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Language, mentions of blood, fighting.
> 
> Summary: A pod lands near the 100, introducing the group to a new addition. Contact with the Ark seems imminent, but not if Bellamy can help it.

You wake to the sound of amazed teenagers. 

Ever since landing on the ground, and sleeping in a tree, you wake up to the quietest of sounds. It’s reassuring to know you’d likely wake up during an attack of some sort, but it didn’t often result in a good night’s sleep. 

You climb down from the tree and stop near a group of delinquents, their faces all pointed to the sky. You follow their gaze, and someone next to you exclaims, “It’s a shooting star!”

As it draws closer, you catch sight of the lights flashing on the front. “No, it’s not, it’s from the Ark!”

Someone behind you yells to Bellamy’s tent, “Bellamy, get out here!”

Bellamy runs from the tent and stops beside you. You glance over, and find that he’s shirtless. You both exchange an awkward glance, and the girls from his tent run up, and come to stand beside him. Someone points to the falling Ark artifact, and you can hear the crowd murmur in excitement. “They’re coming to help us. Now we can kick some Grounder ass.”

Bellamy abruptly turns and goes back to his tent, and Octavia moves to stand next to you. “I never thought I’d be relieved to see something from the Ark.”

You turn and let out a short laugh, “Yeah.” You’re silent for a second, lost in thought, before nodding towards the headquarters tent. “Should we go see what the plans are?”

“Yes!”

You both walk to the tent and step inside, just as one of the delinquents updates Bellamy. “If it cleared the ridge then it’s probably near the lake.”

Octavia speaks up from behind you, “We should get moving. Everyone’s ready.”

You watch a strange look pass over Bellamy’s face, before he speaks, voice firm. “No one’s going anywhere. Not while it’s dark, it isn’t safe. We’ll head out at first light.”

He steps away from the group and tries to leave the tent, not meeting your eyes, but Octavia stops him. "Everyone for a hundred miles saw this thing come down. What if the Grounders get to it first? Bell, we should go now.”

“I said we wait till sunrise.” He storms from the tent, effectively ending the conversation, and leaving you and Octavia to share a confused glance. 

“I know my brother. He’s hiding something.”

You nod in agreement, “I was starting to think the same thing.”

You both step out of the tent, scanning the camp for any sign of Bellamy. Growing concerned, Octavia makes a beeline for his tent and storms inside, coming face to face with the two girls from earlier. “Where’s Bellamy?”

“Rude much?”

Octavia steps closer, “Where is my brother?”

You look around the tent, trying to locate any sign of his belongings. You nudge Octavia, “His stuff is gone.”

She turns and meets your eyes, muttering, “Shit.”

You both run out of the tent and head for the dropship, where you pick up a few supplies. Octavia runs into Jasper, “If you see Clarke, tell her my brother went for the dropship and we’re going to follow him.” And then you’re both off in a flash, sneaking from the camp and moving in the general direction of the fallen Ark pod, looking for any sign of Bellamy.

The sky gradually lightens as you move, and you eventually come across Bellamy, bobbing and weaving between trees. He stops to look around for a second, gathering his bearings, and you and Octavia duck behind a nearby tree. You both watch him silently, before a burst of anger pushes her into action and towards her older brother. You try to grab her to pull her back, but she pulls free and storms right up to him. “Bellamy! What are you doing?”

He spins around in shock, “Go back to camp. It isn’t safe.”

“You lied to everyone. You lied to me. You just want whatever’s in that pod.”

Bellamy pushes Octavia, putting space between them. “Just go home!”

“You always want to play big brother, huh? Well, guess what? Jokes on me. You’re just a selfish dick.”

Bellamy’s voice rises, reaching you easily. You shift around in your hiding spot to get a better look. “I did this for you! To protect you. If the Ark finds out we’re alive, they’ll come down. And when they do…I’m dead.”

“What did you do?”

“I shot him. I shot Jaha.” The sibling’s voices drop to a softer level; Bellamy’s in shame, and Octavia’s in shock. You ease closer to hear them better. “I found out they were sending you to Earth. I couldn’t let you go alone. Someone came to me with a deal. Do this, kill him, and they’d get me on the dropship. And I did it.”

Octavia’s voice is laced with shock, “You killed the chancellor?”

“He floated our mother. He locked you up. He deserved it.” From your spot, you can barely make out the rising tears in his eyes, but you can hear the emotion in his voice as he tries to justify his actions to Octavia.

“I didn’t ask you to do that.”

His voice comes out resigned, as he shoulders the burden of what he’s done. “You’re right. I made the choice. This is on me. Whatever they sent down, I’ll take care of it.”

“I didn’t ask for any of this!” She backs away slowly before suddenly turning around and running off, straight past you and back to camp. You stay frozen in place, unsure what to do, unsure who to follow. 

Bellamy scrubs a hand over his face, composing himself again, before his voice rings out through the wooded area. “You can come out now.”

You freeze, but realize there is no use now, before standing and walking towards him, looking sheepish. “How did you know?”

He lifts a brow and looks down at you, “It wouldn’t be the first time.”

He turns and starts walking in the direction of the crashed pod, continuing his journey, and you follow. “So, you shot the chancellor?”

He spins around, eyes bright and full of anger. “I don’t have to justify anything to you.”

Your arms lift in a show of peace, “I didn’t mean it like that.” You shrug, “The chancellor never did anything for me. Except kill my father and lock me up for being born.”

He says nothing, but seems to accept this, because he turns and continues walking. After a few minutes of silence, you ask, “What exactly are you looking for in this pod?”

“A radio.”

You nod, “And if you find one?”

“I’m going to destroy it.”

Another nod, “Okay.”

He turns to look at you, suspicious, “Just ‘okay’? What about Clarke?”

“What about her?”

He passes underneath a low hanging branch, and lifts it so you can pass beneath it. “You’ll be on the wrong side for this one.”

You glance back at the general direction of camp, which Octavia was likely still walking towards. “Siblings disagree sometimes.” You glance up at him, “And, if we’re being honest, there’s nothing on the Ark for me. No one I’m interested in seeing. Not my mother, not the Chancellor, no one. Anyone I could ever want is either already down here, or dead.”

Bellamy opens his mouth to reply, but closes it abruptly when the sound of someone talking reaches your ears. You both turn to each other in surprise before taking off running towards the sound, making out the words as you grow closer. “Pod one, Pod one, this Ark station medical. If you are receiving please respond.”

You burst through the treeline into a small clearing, a crashed pod situated along the perimeter. As you get closer and the message grows louder, you recognize the voice. “That’s my mother.” Bellamy looks over at you, confused. “On the radio.”

He pulls open the door of the pod, revealing a girl in a space suit, out cold from the crash landing. Bellamy pulls out his knife and looks at her for a long minute, before reaching down to the radio and cutting the wires, freeing the machine. He steps back and starts to close the pod door, but you stop him. “Wait, what about her?”

“She’s alive.”

You give him an annoyed look, “And bleeding. We can’t just leave her here.”

Bellamy sighs and thinks for a minute, before offering, “We destroy the radio first, because I’m sure the others will be here soon. Then we come back to help her.”

You hesitate, glancing back at the pod. And he sighs again, “I promise we’ll come back.”

“Fine.” You watch him close the door to the pod and you take one last look at it before you follow him out of the clearing. He speeds up to a run, tearing through the trees, searching for the small trail that leads to the river. After a few minutes of running, he spots it, and you follow him down the slope until you come out on the edge of the riverbank. With one last look at the radio and a moment of hesitation, he flings it into the water, watching as the current carries it away. 

He turns back to you, “Alright doctor, we can fulfill your medical dreams now.”

You roll your eyes as you turn and head back up the slope, Bellamy right behind you. “Medical was always Clarke’s thing. Her special thing with mom.” You both step off the trail and into the woods, heading back towards the pod. “I mean, it wasn’t always like that at first. Clarke was just better at it.” 

You glance over at him and let out a bitter laugh, “She always did outshine me. I suppose that’s why she was the shining star.” You shake your head, “Anyways, I ended up picking up some engineering stuff from my dad. That was more my thing anyways. That, and the history of the stars.”

His brows lift, surprised. “Oh, so you’re a star expert? I didn’t know I was in the presence of greatness.”

You punch him in the arm and let out a laugh, turning to answer. Just as you start, you’re cut off by a loud, “Hey! Where is it?”

You and Bellamy look up and see Clarke barreling towards you, from the direction of the pod. You take a deep breath to prepare yourself as she stops in front of you, and Bellamy quips, “Hey, you taking a walk in the woods?“

Clarke ignores you completely and gets right in Bellamy’s face, angry. "They’re getting ready to kill three hundred people up there to save oxygen, and I can guarantee you it won’t be council members. It’ll be working people.” She taps him on the chest, “Your people.”

Finn runs up from behind Clarke, shoving Bellamy. “Bellamy, where’s the radio?”

He shoves Finn back, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

A girl runs up from behind Finn, coming to stand beside him. “Bellamy Blake? They’re looking everywhere for you.”

Bellamy glares at her, “Shut up.”

“Looking for him, why?”

The girl smirks, “He shot Chancellor Jaha.”

Clarke turns on him, “That’s why you took the wristbands. Needed everyone to think we’re dead.”

“All that ‘whatever the hell we want’? You just care about saving your own skin.”

Bellamy turns and starts to walk away, and you turn to follow, only to be stopped by Clarke grabbing your arm. You turn to her, angry, “What are you doing?”

She gives you an incredulous look, “What are _you_ doing with him?” You watch as she starts to put the pieces together, “Did you know about this?”

You pull your arm free, “What if I did?”

Her face falls, disappointed, and her voice comes out soft. “What would dad say?”

You rear back, instantly hurt, before dropping your voice to an angry whisper. “I don’t know, Clarke, what would he say? But while we’re discussing it, how about we talk about what he’d say to you for starting a riot, getting an innocent guy nearly hanged, and driving a young girl to jump off a cliff.”

You regret the words as soon as they leave your mouth, and you know they aren’t fair. But the anger overshadows everything, drowns it out until it’s the only thing you feel. And now it’s Clarke’s turn to look hurt. She steps away from you and you feel the distance in your relationship grow, widening the gap until things are worse than before. She looks like she’s going to say something, but she fails to get a word out before the new girl follows Bellamy and grabs him. “Hey! Shooter! Where’s my radio?”

“Get out of my way.”

You all follow the duo as they argue, and she gets in Bellamy’s face. “Where is it?”

“I should’ve killed you when I had the chance.”

“Really? Well, I’m right here." 

He grabs her by the neck and throws her against a tree and you yell his name in shock, “Bellamy! Stop!”

As the words leave your mouth, the girl pulls out a knife and holds it in front of his face. "Where’s my radio?”

You grab Bellamy and pull him away from the girl, glaring at them both. “Enough!”

Bellamy starts to walk away again, annoyed. “Jaha deserved to die. You all know that.”

“Yeah, he’s not my favorite person either, but he isn’t dead.”

Bellamy spins, face slack with shock. “What?”

“You’re a lousy shot.”

Bellamy looks over at you and you’re wearing a similar shocked expression, as Clarke closes the space between them, “Where’s the radio?“

"You’re too late.”

-

Later, after going to camp and recruiting the others, you are all back at the river, shin deep and searching for the radio. You glance up from the water, over to your twin, and her eyes meet yours. She looks away instantly, and you watch as Finn approaches her to talk. You shake your head and give up, making a beeline for the shore and plopping down beside Bellamy. 

You both sit beside each other in mutual silence, watching the others search for the discarded radio. The new girl, Raven, hovers nearby, keeping watch over Bellamy. He whispers to you after a while, “I heard what you said to Clarke earlier.”

You feel a fresh wave of shame wash over you, and you pull your walls up, tall and high, ready to defend yourself against whatever he says. He seems to sense this, and his eyes soften a little, “I only wanted to say, it’s hard being the sibling on the outside, too.”

You say nothing, choosing instead to look out to the river, weighing his words. Minutes later, Jones holds up a black box and calls out, “Hey! I found it!" 

You and Bellamy stand slowly, the villains of the situation, as the others run over to the radio. Raven takes it from Jones and looks it over as Clarke asks, "Can you fix it?”

“Maybe, but it’ll take half the day just to dry out the components to see what’s broken.”

Bellamy crosses his arms, “Like I said, it’s too late.”

You sense something in Clarke snap, seconds before she storms over to Bellamy.“Do you have any idea what you did? Do you even care?!”

“You asked me to help. I helped.”

“Three hundred people are gonna die today because of you!" 

You step between Bellamy and your twin. “He gets it, Clarke. We get it.”

“I don’t even know what to say to you.” She shakes her head in disgust, as Raven makes a realization. 

"Hold up. We don’t have to talk to the Ark. We just have to let them know we’re down here, right?

Finn shakes his head, "Yeah, but how do we do that with no radio?”

Raven smiles at him as her only answer, before nodding her head towards camp. He follows, Clarke right beside them, discussing the plan. The others follow behind them in a close group, and you and Bellamy bring up the rear. As you walk back to camp silently, you can feel his anger and defiance subdue, his defense mechanisms no longer necessary. 

As soon as you are back at camp, Clarke turns on you both. “We’re going to fix your mistake. But we said we couldn’t live by ‘whatever the hell we want’ anymore, so there has to be consequences for this.” She looks over at you, holding your gaze. “For both of you. Until we can figure out what that is, stay out of everyone’s way.”

She turns without a word, and without a response from you and Bellamy. From that moment on, you both spend the rest of the day on the sidelines, monitored by different people as each guard is eventually called away to help with something. You sit in silence, both of you shamed into saying nothing, as the day progresses and the rockets are built. 

A few hours after dark, everything is set up, and the first trio of rockets are launched into the sky. You and Bellamy finally stand and wander into the crowd, coming to a stop beside Clarke. She looks over as you stop but says nothing, instead watching as they soar into the sky. Rocket after rocket is fired, casting an eerie red glow over the camp and the crowd of teenagers that stand watching. 

You glance at Clarke, “You think they can see it from up there?”

She gives you a look from the corner of her eyes, and for a moment, you think she’s not going to answer. But then she lets out a little sigh, “I don’t know. I hope so.” She’s silent, before adding, “Do you remember what dad said about shooting stars?” You turn to look at her, giving her a small smile as she continues, “Think you can wish on this kind?" 

You shrug, “Don’t know. I wouldn’t know what to wish for anyways. What about you?" 

She says nothing, just turns and looks behind her, right at Finn with his arms wrapped around Raven. And for the first time, you realize that they’re together, and what that means for Clarke. And despite the fight, despite the gap in your relationship, you feel yourself grow angry and defensive for her. For your shining star sister. 

Bellamy’s words come back to you, about it being hard for the sibling on the outside, and you watch the last rounds of rockets enter the sky, with that thought on your mind. 

-


	6. vi. his sister's keeper (1.06)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Language, mentions of vomit, allusions to sexual assault/scummy Shumway deals, Grounder violence.
> 
> Summary: A small group of people head staright into Grounder territory in search of Octavia, and you have a surprising moment with someone unexpected.

_(Flashbacks are italicized)_

_Jake looks over at his wife, screaming out in pain, gripping his hand with a strength he didn’t know she possessed, forehead damp with sweat, and he could only think one thing._

_She has never looked so beautiful._

_He looks around at the room, stuffed with medical equipment, but empty of anyone other than himself, Abby, and Jackson._

_And soon, his beautiful daughter._

_Clarke comes into the world the same way she’ll regard the world in the future. Pensive, quiet, evaluating. At first, everyone is worried, because she didn’t make a sound. But after a quick look of her surroundings, she lets out a hearty scream and all Jake can do is smile, tears filling his eyes. Jackson handed him his daughter, wrapped in a blanket, and he looked down into her face. Chubby cheeks, bright blue eyes, little shock of blonde hair; everything about her bright and shining, like a star. And then he turned to his wife, his sun, the center of his universe, and he knew his family was complete._

_Until Jackson gave his wife a knowing look, asked, “Are you ready?”_

_Jake can’t hide the fear and concern in his voice, “Ready for what?”_

_Abby reaches out and grabs his hand. “I couldn’t tell you before, didn’t know how to say it…There’s one more.”_

_And before Jake could comprehend what she was saying, implying, you had entered the world. He didn’t want to accept it, accept you. Multiple children were against the law, they’d get floated for it._

_But he took one look at your face, his little la lune, and he knew he’d protect this secret until the day he died._

_-_

_Cabin searches were a reality on the Ark, but with a chief medical doctor slash current councilwoman for a mother, and a chief engineer highly revered father, they were few and far between._

_Usually, they were done by Jaha himself, and never in a very serious way, because they were friends and it was easy for the Chancellor to pass along the message that the Griffin residence was safe, passed the test._

_Sometimes they were done by actual guard members. High up in the ranks, aware that no real searching needed to be done._

_But no matter who it was, you had to hide in the space in the closet, engineered by your father to keep you quiet and hidden._

_Because it had been decided early on that Clarke would be the twin to venture out into the world. She was quiet, better behaved, calmer. And besides, she was the first born. **You** were the bonus. The secret. _

_-_

Your eyes trace the patterns of stars in the sky, naming the constellations as you go. 

The long tail of Draco, over to the zig and zag of Casseopeia, down over the round shape of Auriga, before finally landing on the shape of Orion the Hunter. As you trace over his form in the sky, his belt, over to his raised arm and shield, you hear a familiar voice tearing through the camp. “Octavia!”

You sit up in confusion, looking around, before finally locking eyes with Bellamy, who looks frantic. He jogs over to you, “You’re still up?”

“I have a hard time sleeping these days.” Your eyes scan over him, noting the tension in his body, coiled so tight you’re afraid he’ll pop. “What’s wrong?”

“Octavia. I can’t find her anywhere. You haven’t seen her, have you?”

You stand, thinking, “Not since she ran off yesterday. But she’s bound to be around here somewhere.”

He shakes his head, curls bouncing, “I checked everywhere, and no one’s seen her.”

“I’ll help you look again, just in case. You check the dropship, she tends to spend a lot of time there with Jasper and Monty. I’ll check the tents again, then we’ll meet back in the middle.”

He nods, “Thank you.”

You give him a soft smile before you both walk off, him towards the dropship, and you for the cluster of tents. You poke your head into each one, making sure to scan every face and softly whisper Octavia’s name. When you step around the side of the last tent, you come face to face with your twin, who looks at you in confusion. “What’s going on?”

“Octavia’s missing. I’m helping Bellamy look for her.”

She immediately turns and grabs her jacket, “I’ll help.”

“You don’t have to, we’ve got it. Besides, I’m sure you’re tired.”

You watch her expression change and she mutters, “Hard to sleep when I’m thinking about all those people on the Ark.” You offer a single nod, feeling uncomfortable, unsure what to say. She shakes her head, “I just don’t understand why you’d do something like that. Why would you help him throw away our only way to contact the Ark.”

“Clarke, I-” A sigh pushes past your lips, “I know it’s hard for you to understand, but things were very different for us on the Ark. I spent my entire life locked up in our place, then I got caught and locked up in the Skybox. And then, they killed our dad…” You trail off, running your hand through your hair, “I don’t have any attachment to the Ark. Nothing good ever happened to me up there. And I don’t care what happens to mom, or Jaha, or anyone else that got left behind.”

She seems to be weighing your words, forming a response, when Bellamy runs up. “Anything?” You shake your head. “Then we need to gather a search party.”

You and Clarke agree, and the three of you branch off, waking everyone up and gathering them in the center of the camp. Bellamy drops a pile of handmade weapons and tools in the center of the group, as he yells, “Hey, everybody, gather around and grab a weapon. My sister’s been out there alone for 12 hours. Arm up. We’re not coming back without her.”

You grab a knife with a short curved blade, and slide it through a loop in your pants, before going to find a torch to light the way. As you grab one from the edge of the camp, someone yells out nearby, “Guys, guys. Come here!”

You look up, curious, and jog over to the small group, instinctively stopping by Bellamy. You follow their eyes to the night sky, as hundreds of shooting stars fall to the Earth. But the closer you look at them, the sicker you feel, as you realize what those shooting stars are. 

Raven comes out of the tent, eyes focused on the sky. “They didn’t work. They didn’t see the flares.”

“A meteor shower tells you that?” You nudge Bellamy and he looks over at you as you shake your head in warning. 

Clarke’s voice is quiet when she corrects him, “It’s not a meteor shower, it’s a funeral. Hundreds of bodies being returned to the Earth from the Ark. This is what it looks like from the other side.”

You glance at Bellamy and watch his face fall, and you know he’s got the same sick feeling in his stomach. Raven comes marching towards Bellamy, yelling, “This is all because of you!”

Bellamy’s walls raise in defense as he retorts, “I helped you find the radio.”

“Yeah, after you jacked it from my pod and trashed it!” Clarke and Finn each grab a hold of Raven, and one of Bellamy’s girls, Roma, pushes you aside to stand closer to him. His eyes lock with yours over her head, and you think you see sorrow in them, but you also aren’t sure if it’s just wishful thinking. 

“All I know is that my sister is out there and I’m gonna find her.”

Bellamy turns and storms off, Roma hot on his heels, and you’re left standing there, looking between his retreating figure, and your twin. She meets your eyes and turns away from you slightly, effectively closing the conversation from you. You take that as a sign and turn to follow the others from camp. 

As you trudge through the darkness, a small torch your only light, you hear your name being called from near the front. Your brows furrow in confusion and you jog to the front, where Bellamy stands waiting. “You were with me yesterday, so I want you up here, in case you remember anything.”

You hesitate and glance over at Roma, who hovers near Bellamy, glaring at you. He seems to sense this and he turns to the long haired beauty. “Go find Mbege and help him search near the back. You’re better with the details.”

She pauses, weighing her options, but her desire to please Bellamy ultimately wins out. She pulls him in for a passionate kiss that lasts an uncomfortably long time, before dropping near the back of the group and leaving you and Bellamy alone. 

He starts walking again, leading the group, and you both search side by side in uncomfortable silence. The change in your relationship presses in on you, weighing heavily in your mind as you remind yourself over and over that Bellamy Blake is an asshole, and you want nothing to do with him. Right on cue, he seeks to change your mind. “There’s something I’ve been thinking about since we were in that cave with Charlotte.”

Your heart drops at the mention of her name, and you think back to that day in the cave. Only a few days ago, but it feels like lifetimes now. You glance over at Bellamy, “What is it?”

“After I comforted Charlotte, you got mad at me and said I made a joke about assault. What was that about? Because I don’t remember saying anything like that.”

You pull a face and turn your head towards him quickly, instantly annoyed. “But you did.” You turn away and look back out into the woods, “The night we found Jasper, after you took the panther meat away from me. You said ‘guess Shumway was right about you not taking a good deal when you see it’.”

You hear a sharp intake of air, as he processes your words. “I still don’t understand. Shumway just said you wouldn’t take the trade deal he offered you in order to keep your secret. Something about wanting stuff from the Privileged because he could turn a good profit.”

You turn towards Bellamy, shocked, and resist the urge to vomit all over his shoes. “That’s what he told people?” You let out a bitter laugh, “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, considering he was always a self serving, opportunistic asshole.” You shake your head, and give Bellamy a serious look. “That’s not what happened. Not even close.”

“Then what did happen?”

You take a deep breath, contemplating whether you want to tell him or not. You glance over at him, still unsure, and you don’t miss the soft concern in his eyes. You let out a sigh, and turn away from him, focusing on the woods, as you begin, “I’ve never told anyone this before, but the day started out usual enough…”

_You turn the page of the textbook, scanning it for the answer to the last question of your homework. Your eyes light up when you find it, and write it down quickly, before closing everything with a smile. As you stand and stretch your limbs, you hear the door to the apartment open and close, and you glance over at the clock._

_4:30._

_A grin splits your face as you realize it can only be one person._

_Dad._

_You run from the room, already talking to him as you cross the threshold, “Dad, perfect timing, I **just** finished my homework and I’m feeling really good-”_

_As you round the corner, you come face to face with a man who is not your father._

_You freeze in place, panic rising in your chest, unsure what to do. He’s taller than you, with dark hair and eyes, dressed in what looks like a guard uniform. He’s eyeing you suspiciously, as he takes you in. “You’re not Clarke.”_

_You say nothing, do nothing, and just stand frozen._

_He puts down the files in his hands and moves closer to you, and with every step he takes forward, you take one backwards, trying to keep the distance. He backs you into a wall, and you press yourself into it, wishing you could disappear, or run to your hidden compartment._

_He reaches up and pushes your hair out of your face, and your body shakes in fear. “You look like Clarke, but you have a lot of Jake’s features too.” He lets out a slow breath, as he makes the realization. “Twins.”_

_Your shaking stops as he says it, leaving you once again frozen, and he takes your reaction as confirmation. His eyes light up with something you don’t recognize, “The secret twin.”_

_You turn away from him and he grabs your face and turns it towards him, “A secret like this would destroy your whole family. Get your parents killed. Leave your sister alone. What is that secret worth to you?”_

_Your blood freezes and your eyes lock with his, realizing that his look was one of opportunity. He takes a step back and admires your body slowly, top to bottom, and you feel like you’re going to crawl out of your skin. “I’ve got a deal for you, sweetheart. I’ll come visit you, everyday, and you keep me satisfied. In return, I’ll keep your secret.”_

_You say nothing, and your brain screams at you to react. **Say no, run, spit in his face, anything!** But you do none of it, your limbs thick and heavy, like rocks. The man smirks and leans towards you, before pressing his lips to yours. Your brain shifts into overdrive, into panic mode, as he slips his tongue between his lips and into your mouth. That sends you into action, finally, as you bite down, catching part of his tongue and his lips between your teeth. You taste blood in your mouth as he pulls away with a cry of pain, and he immediately retaliates by hitting you across the face. You yelp and clutch your face, as your eye and cheekbone throb in pain. _

_He wipes the blood from his mouth and looks at his hands, now stained red, and he points at you. “You’re going to regret that, you little bitch!”_

_And then he turns and stalks from the apartment, slamming the door behind him and leaving you to collapse to the floor with a wave of emotion._

_You don’t know how long you lie sobbing on the floor before the door opens again, and you don’t even look up, already convinced that it’s the guard, back again. Instead, you hear your name fall from your dad’s lips, softly, confused._

_When you look up at him, he catches sight of the blood near your mouth, and the dark bloom of a bruise already forming near your eye. He runs towards you, instantly worried, tipping your head up to look at the injuries. “What happened?”_

_You recoil from his touch, and a look of hurt washes over his features as he tries to decipher the meaning. Your voice trembles as you meet his eyes, “Someone saw me.”_

_You see panic cross his face, as he looks around. “Someone was here? Who?”_

_“A man. Black hair. He was wearing a guard’s uniform.”_

_You let out a choked sob and your father moves closer to you. This time, you let him. “Where is he now?”_

_“He ran out a few minutes ago.” You start to cry harder, and Jake once again remembers the bruises on your face. “Did he touch you? Did he put his hands on you?”_

_Before you can answer, the door bursts open, and you and your father turn towards it, both of you frozen in fear._

_As they start to come near you, the guard from before enters the room, blood still smeared across his cheek. You lock eyes with him and turn back to your dad, as one of the guards announces, “You are under arrest for the crime of-”_

_You reach out for your dad as they close in on you, grabbing him tightly. “Dad don’t let them take me! Please!”_

_He holds you tightly, wrapping his arms around you and pleading with the guards as they try to pull you away, “She’s just a kid! She didn’t do anything wrong!”_

_More guards file into the room, separating you from your father as you both continue to scream, and your attacker watches with a smug look on his face. They pull you further and further away, and you hear your dad as you are pulled from the room, as he sets his sights on the attacker. “What did you do to her? You son of a bitch! She’s just a kid!”_

_They continue pulling you down the hall, and you raise hell the entire way, kicking, screaming, hitting any guards you can reach. Other Arkers press themselves into the wall as they drag you by, and you hear your name as they pull you around another corner. A head full of blonde hair pops into view, as your twin screams your name. You scream back, trying to reach her, “Clarke! Help me, Clarke!”_

_And as you struggle against the group of men, causing nothing but trouble, you feel a small prick of pain in your shoulder. When you look over, you see a needle sticking from your arm, as the room around you starts to grow hazy. You turn back towards your twin, her face the last thing you see as everything fades to black._

You shake the memory from your head and look at Bellamy, who seems to realize why you were so upset that night. He stops, and puts a comforting hand on your shoulder, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize. I should have known Shumway was lying.”

You shrug off his apology, and he meets your eyes with fierce sincerity. “I’m serious. I’m an asshole.”

You match his look, “Still are.” and he seems shocked for a second before you follow your statement with a smile, and he gives you one in return. The moment is quickly broken by Mbege yelling nearby, “Look! Over here!”

You see alarm pass over Bellamy’s face before he takes off towards the sound of his voice, and you follow closely behind. You burst through the treeline, near the edge of a ravine, and Bellamy asks, “What is it?”

“Right there. You see it? Is that Octavia’s?”

Bellamy doesn’t take his eyes off the tree, as he demands, “Rope.”

Someone gives Bellamy a rope that he begins to rig up, and Finn steps up, “What are you doing?”

“We need the rope to get back up.” He tosses the rest of the rope down the ravine, before he turns to Mbege. “Flashlight.” 

When he reaches the tree, he turns and yells, “It’s hers. I’m going all the way down.”

You turn and hand the closest person your torch, and follow Bellamy down to the bottom, Jasper right behind you. When you run up on Bellamy, he’s kneeling near a rock, his fingers slick with blood. His eyes meet yours, full of fear, and you whisper, “Shit.”

Jasper and Finn join you, and Bellamy’s eyes find a set of footprints in the mud. “Someone else was here.”

“The prints are deeper going that way. He was carrying her.”

Bellamy pales a little, and Jasper notices and tries to offer some comfort. “If they took her, she’s alive. Like when they took me.”

Bellamy immediately stands and starts to follow the tracks, and you all follow him. The journey is quiet, the only sound around you consisting of boots squishing in wet mud, and the sounds of the forest at night. As you all break through the trees and into another clearing, you come to the entrance of a path, and freeze in place. All around the path are skeletons impaled on posts, guarding the way. You can feel the fear of the group begin to build, as Finn whispers, “I don’t speak grounder…but I’m pretty sure this means keep out.”

Behind you, various delinquents mutter their dissent, and desire to turn around. Bellamy never takes his eyes off the warnings. “Go back if you want. My sister, my responsibility.”

He steps into the path and heads in, but even you take a second and hesitate. Bellamy turns and looks at you, still standing there, and you can sense his disappointment. You take a deep breath and jog behind him to catch up, ignoring every warning in your head telling you that this is a bad idea. 

-

The group that follows Bellamy into Grounder territory is small, only a handful of those originally on the search team. With some annoyance you note the continued presence of Roma, who now lingers even closer to Bellamy than before. You scold yourself for the line of thinking, reminding yourself that this is about Octavia, and there is safety in numbers. 

The group is even quieter than before, as they follow Bellamy and Finn, who follow the forgotten trail. You all walk for a long time, and night turns into dawn, marked by the sun beginning to filter through the trees. Around you, the others cut off their flashlights and snuff out their torches, tucking them away for later. 

As mid morning approaches, you hear Finn whispering to Bellamy, “I got nothing. We lost the trail.”

“Keep looking.”

Finn shakes his head, “Wandering around aimlessly isn’t the way to find your sister. We should backtrack…”

“I’m not going back.” They come to a stop and the group follows suit, pausing and looking around. 

Behind you, Roma sounds worried, “Hey, where’s John?”

“I just saw him a second ago.”

You feel a pit of anxiety growing in your stomach and you pull out your knife, as Bellamy says, “Spread out. He couldn’t have gotten that far.”

As the words leave his mouth, a loud thud comes from behind you, and you all turn to see what it is. As you do, your eyes fall on Mbege, now on the ground, throat slashed. You all run closer, and kneel down, pressing your fingers to his neck to be sure. You meet Bellamy’s eyes and shake your head once, and his face falls. 

Finn looks around, worried, before lifting his head to the sky. “They use the trees.”

You all look around, scanning every tree in sight for signs of movement. Signs of Grounders. 

“We shouldn’t have crossed the boundary.”

Jasper’s voice reaches you next, as he points to your right. “There. Right there.”

Your eyes follow his and you see a Grounder, standing perfectly still and watching you. Diggs points behind you, his voice shaking. “Another one.”

Finn whispers, “We should run.”

And that’s all it takes to put you all into gear. Bellamy reaches down and hauls you to your feet and takes off running, half pulling you as he goes, reminding you of the day in the cave with the poisonous fog. You tear through the trees, leaping over logs and dodging low hanging branches, keeping your eyes straight ahead, afraid to see how many Grounders are nearby. Bellamy changes direction every few minutes, as another Grounder jumps into your path and cuts you off. 

You hear Jasper gasping for air behind you, “I can’t run much longer!”

Bellamy stops, pulling you to a stop with him, and the others pause with you. Diggs keeps on running, right past the group. “I’m not stopping for him!”

Bellamy looks around at the approaching grounders, “I’m sick of running anyway.They know where she is.”

Roma spins in a circle, frantically searching. “Diggs, where are you?”

From somewhere nearby, his voice calls her name, and Roma takes off towards it. You all follow, before skidding to a stop, right in front of Diggs’ impaled body. Roma keeps running, and you all search the trees, full of adrenaline and fear. “They were leading us here. It’s the only direction we could run in.”

You whisper, “Where’d they go?”

Realization dawns on Bellamy, “After Roma.”

He takes off running again, and you follow until you reach him, and he slows to a jog. You move through the woods quietly, on guard, ears perked and waiting for the smallest of sounds. Monroe spots her first, near a tree, and whispers her name. When she doesn’t move, Bellamy runs to her, and you jog behind him, coming around the tree and face to face with Roma, a spear through her chest. 

Bellamy reaches up and closes her eyes, and whispers to you quietly, “She only came because of me.”

You feel regret over your earlier annoyance of her, because this is not something you wanted. She didn’t deserve to die, impaled to a tree. 

Jasper starts to panic, and starts yelling at the grounders, taunting them, “Come on! We know you’re out there! You want to kill us!”

Bellamy and Finn descend on him in seconds, trying to shut him up as grounders run at you from all angles. Monroe yells, “They’re coming!”

You all turn back to back, trying to protect each other and cover all sides, weapons raised as they near closer and closer. You start to regret everything you ever said and did, all the pain you caused, the fight with Clarke, the anger towards your mother. And just as they reach you, the sound of a horn moves through the trees, stopping the Grounders dead in their tracks, before they turn to run the other way. 

Bellamy’s voice is full of disbelief, “They’re leaving.”

“That horn. What does it mean?”

You look around, “Acid Fog.”

Finn starts to pull a parachute from his pack, spreading out wide enough so everyone can get inside. You all scramble into the tent, tucking the sides in and holding it down, hoping that it’s strong enough to protect you from the fog. As you lay there in the parachute, panicked breathing the only sound inside, you start to become acutely aware of the fact that you are next to Bellamy. And not just next to him, practically on top of him, as you are all pressed so close. Your sides are pressed together, his hands holding the chute closed beside yours, skin touching. You turn to look at him, and he follows the gesture, your breath mingling as you say nothing.

Jasper is the first to break the silence. “How long are we supposed to wait?”

After a beat, Bellamy breaks your gaze and pulls back the parachute. “There’s no fog.” As he stands, he spots a Grounder running through the trees, “They’re coming back.”

“I think he’s alone.”

Bellamy watches him closely, “He doesn’t see us. I’m going after him.”

Finn holds out a hand, “And what? Kill him?”

“No. Catch him. Make him tell me where Octavia is, Then kill him.”

Bellamy starts running again, this time after the Grounder, quietly moving through the trees. You all trail behind, hesitant to follow a Grounder after the three dead delinquents you just saw, but determined to find Octavia, despite the odds. You watch as the Grounder ducks into a tunnel, and you creep in behind him, unsure what lays around every corner. Finally, the tunnel opens up into a cave, and there you find Octavia, chained to a wall, with the Grounder at her feet. 

Bellamy runs towards her and frees her from the wall, and they pull each other into a hug. You watch with a smile as they hold each other tight, finding comfort in each other. When they release each other, she pulls you into a hug next, and you smile again, realizing it’s been a while since your last hug. When you let each other go, Octavia moves to the door. “We should go. Now. Before he wakes up.”

Bellamy picks up a large piece of wood and moves closer to the Grounder, “He’s not gonna wake up.”

Octavia grabs him and pulls him back, “Bellamy, stop. He didn’t hurt me. Let’s just go!”

“They started this.” Bellamy looks down at Finn, who is kneeling beside the man. “Finn. Move.”

Finn grabs something attached to the Grounder’s waist, and you see it as he shifts to the side. “A foghorn.”

And before anything else can be said, the Grounder jumps up and spins around, plunging a knife into Finn’s chest. Finn falls backwards as the Grounder knocks Bellamy to his back, and you pull your knife out and run towards him, plunging it into his shoulder. He turns from his advance on Bellamy and pulls the knife out, before spinning and slashing you across the stomach with it. Bellamy runs at him from behind, jumping on his back, and the Grounder tries to swing him off. You use the opportunity to advance on him, but the Grounder kicks out and lands a solid blow to your chest, sending you backwards. 

He falls on his back, slamming Bellamy into the ground, knocking the wind out of him. The Grounder scrambles up and over to the weapon Bellamy was going to use on him, turning the wood around to the pointed end and aiming for Bellamy’s throat. Bellamy grips the point, using every ounce of strength to keep the spear from entering his neck, and Octavia cries out from beside Finn. “Stop! That’s my brother!”

You try to pull yourself up to help Bellamy, groaning in pain as you do. Just as you get near them, Jasper runs from the corner holding a different piece of wood, and swings at the Grounder, knocking him out cold. You collapse next to Bellamy, both of you panting for breath. 

Octavia’s voice echoes around the small cave, “Guys, he’s losing consciousness! Finn, wake up!”

Bellamy is the first to stand and move over to Finn, and seconds later he calls your name, voice laced with concern. His tone is what makes you move quickly, reminding you of the day you found Atom. When you reach Finn’s side, you instantly realize the danger he’s in. “Shit.”

Jasper whispers, “Should we take the knife out?”

“No!” You look up and meet his eyes. “That knife is dangerously close to his heart. If you pull it out, he’ll bleed out before we can even help.”

You turn your gaze to Bellamy. “We have to get him to Clarke, I don’t know enough to save him.”

You put your hand on Finn’s cheek and whisper, “You hang in there, Finn. Clarke will kill me if you don’t make it.”

And then Bellamy scoops him up, careful of his wound, and exits the cave. You all move as quickly as you can given the amount of injured people in the group, and Bellamy makes Monroe help you along, as Jasper helps Octavia. As you near camp, you send Monroe back to Octavia. “Tell Jasper to run ahead and get Clarke, and you help Octavia into camp.”

She nods and runs ahead, and you watch as she relays the message, and Jasper takes off running towards camp, screaming your twin’s name. “Clarke! Where’s Clarke? Get Clarke now.”

He disappears inside the walls, Octavia and Monroe close behind, and you and Bellamy move faster. You squeeze Finn’s shoulder, “You’re almost there, Clarke is waiting for you.”

You step back and let Bellamy enter the camp first, and a group of guys runs over to help lift Finn from Bellamy’s arms. You hear the panic in your twin’s voice as she checks his pulse, “Finn. Finn? Oh, my god.”

She lets out a little sigh of relief before immediately taking charge, “He’s alive. Get him in the dropship now. Go!” 

The boys run off with Finn, and Raven moves towards Clarke, crying. “Clarke, can you save him?”

“No. Not me. I need my mother. I need to talk to her.”

Raven’s voice cracks, “There’s still no radio.”

“Raven, fix it! Go!”

She runs a hand through her hair, turning to look at you and Bellamy, pausing when her eyes land on you and your blood stained shirt. She runs towards you, full of sisterly concern, forgetting your harsh words from the day before. She reaches out for you, already searching for the wound. “Are you okay?”

You wave her off, “I’m fine. Go take care of Finn. I can patch myself up.” She hesitates, and you squeeze her hand in reassurance. “I’m fine. Go!”

She runs off, checking on Octavia on the way, who is coming back your way, to the entrance of the camp. You step back a little already sensing the beginning of an argument. Bellamy runs her down, “Why were you defending him?”

“Because he saved my life. That spear that hit Roma was actually meant…”

He cuts her off, “No, you’re wrong. I saved your life. For all you know, he was keeping you alive to use you as bait for one of their traps.”

“No. I don’t think so.”

His voice rises, growing more exasperated. “You don’t think, O! That’s the problem. They killed 3 of our people today. And if you would’ve let me kill him when I had the chance, Finn wouldn’t be in there dying right now.”

Octavia’s exasperation grows to meet his, and she blows up, “Stop blaming me for your mistakes! What happened to Finn is not my fault. I wanted to leave, so if Finn dies in there, that’s on you!” She punctuates her words by pointing to his chest. “Everything that’s gone wrong is because of you. You got me locked up on the Ark. You wanted me to go to that stupid dance! You got mom killed!”

You watch as Bellamy’s face sinks, and then he starts to build the wall, brick by brick, jaw now clenching with anger instead. You try to stop them, before the fight grows worse, and creates a rift. A rift like the one you and Clarke have. You touch his arm and whisper, “Bellamy.”

He shrugs you off and barrels on, “Mom was floated for having you. She’s dead because you’re alive. That was her choice. I didn’t have a choice. My life ended the day you were born.”

Octavia’s face crumples as the last sentence, and she tries to storm off out of the camp, but Bellamy grabs her arm and pulls her back, “Where do you think you’re going?”

“You can’t keep me locked up in here forever.”

You feel yourself start to grow faint and you put a hand to your wound, panicking when you realize your shirt is sticky with new blood. You mutter his name again, “Bellamy.”

He turns towards the gate of the camp, and yells at a kid outside the walls, “Get inside. Go!”

He scrambles past you as Bellamy pulls the door closed with a slam, and as he turns to you, you look up at him, holding up your hand covered in fresh blood. Worry etches across his face and he runs towards you, just as your legs start to give out. He catches you easily, “Woah, easy there.” He starts to lead you to the dropship, “Let’s get you to Clarke.”

“No!” He looks down at you in confusion. “She’s got enough to worry about with Finn.”

He hesitates, and then offers, “I have some supplies in my tent, if that’s okay.”

“Yes.”

He leads you back to his tent, and helps you sit down, before he starts to gather supplies to bandage you up. As your adrenaline wears off and the pain receptors on your stomach start firing, you’re able to ignore any potential awkwardness as you try to focus on not passing out. Bellamy comes back over to you, supplies in hand, and kneels beside you, looking up at you in permission. You pull your tank top up and secure it around your chest, keeping yourself covered while also giving him a good view of the cut. 

He dips a rag into some water and starts to clean the blood away, dabbing carefully over the wound. You wince anyway, and Bellamy looks up at you, apologetic, before attempting to distract you. “I never got the chance to tell you earlier, but Shumway was the one who came to me with the deal.” You look down at him, and he clarifies, “To get on the dropship.”

“After Octavia’s arrest, and our mom’s death, I got kicked off the guard and stuck on janitorial duty. The day they planned to launch the dropships, Shumway came to me with a deal. He said if I killed Jaha, he’d get me on a dropship and send me to the ground with Octavia, so I could protect her.” He gets another clean rag and continues to wash away the blood, “I knew I was going to do it as soon as he offered. I didn’t even hesitate when faced with the decision of taking someone’s life to save my sister…”

He trails off, lost in thought, and you wonder what about. Before you can ask, he shakes his head and continues, “Anyways, that’s where I was coming from when I came across you and Shumway in the hall.”

“Explains why you were so jumpy.”

“Yeah, well…”

You smile a little, “I’m glad you showed up. I’m not sure what would have happened if you didn’t.” You shudder at the thought, as Bellamy starts to bandage your cut, wrapping the cloth around your middle. “I told you he was opportunistic though. Deals were always his thing.”

Bellamy secures the bandage and leans back, inspecting his work. He smiles, satisfied, and starts to clean up, motioning towards the bed. “You should get some rest.”

You start, surprised, and he starts to backtrack, “I mean, you don’t have to or anything. And it’s not like I’d be in here, so you don’t have to worry about that. Just thought you might want something a little comfier to sleep on besides a tree branch.”

You look up in surprise, meeting his eyes, and he laughs at the look of shock on your face. “How long have you known?”

“Since the beginning. You’re not as invisible as you think you are.”

You feel a change in the air, something akin to affection, and you rub your palms on your pants, uncomfortable. “Well, I guess I’ll get some rest then.”

Bellamy stands, and steps back, “Yeah, of course. I’ll put someone on guard outside the tent, in case you need anything.”

Your eyes soften, and you smile at him. “Thanks, Bellamy.”

He smiles and ducks his head to hide it, before raking a hand through his hair. “Yeah, of course.” He starts to back away, towards the entrance of the tent, “Like I said, just yell if you need anything.”

He gives you one last look before ducking out, leaving you alone inside a large tent and a bed meant for…three. Your stomach sinks as you think of Roma, and you settle back into the bed, whispering to yourself, “In peace, may you leave this shore. In love, may you find the next. Safe passage on your travels, until our final journey to the ground.” Your eyes close and you sink deeper into the makeshift bed, drifting into sleep as you finish, “May we meet again.”

-


	7. vii. contents under pressure (1.07)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mentions of blood, nausea. Injuries, torture, language. 
> 
> Summary: Bellamy brings a Grounder into camp for torture, despite everyone’s reservations, and Raven finally makes contact with the Ark, despite your reservations.

A clap of thunder splits the sky, rolling through the tent and waking you from your sleep. 

You sit up quickly, looking around in confusion at your surroundings, until you remember the events from earlier. On cue, pain radiates from your cut. You take a peek under the bandages, checking for early signs of infection, pleased to find that it doesn’t look too bad. You make a mental note to thank Bellamy when you see him. 

As you stand and stretch lazily, another clap of thunder rolls through, followed quickly by a sheet of rain. It weighs down on the tent, already leaking through the cracks, dripping on everything. You move to the tent door and poke your head out, looking around. The rain is heavy, but not heavy enough to discourage a large number of teenagers to play in it. They ignore the thunder as they chase each other around, while others kiss and strip beneath the falling sky. 

You smile a little and decide to lay back down for a bit, still tired from the earlier events. There are enough furs to shelter you from the slight chill and dampness, and before you know it, you are lulled back into a deep sleep.

-

You wake with a start.

The thunder that rolls through the camp is louder, right over head. Rain pours down around you, and you are suddenly aware that you’re sitting in a few inches of water. The rain has poured through the tent, pooling around you, soaking nearly everything in sight. With a shiver, you stand and move to the front of the tent to peep outside. 

The camp around you now sits empty, devoid of any teenagers. You step outside, into the thick rain, and look around, quickly spotting the light from the dropship. As you start to near it, you hear someone yell from inside, “Hey! They’re back!”

You turn, watching as a group of boys files through the entrance to the camp, Bellamy in the lead. He spots you quickly, soaked to the bone and shivering slightly, and makes a beeline for you. “What are you doing out here? You should be inside!”

You laugh, “Seems as though I slept through the start of the storm and the evacuation to the dropship.” 

You shiver again, and Bellamy pulls off his jacket, and drapes it over you, “We should get inside, c’mon.”

You let him lead you to the dropship, before realizing he’s just as soaked. “Wait, where were you? What were you doing?”

He looks over at you and says nothing, and you spin around as he leads you closer to the ship, spotting a man being dragged between two teenagers. As you eye him, you realize he’s the Grounder that cut you. 

You whip your head back to him in shock, “Bellamy. What did you do?”

His mouth is pressed into a thin line, and you wonder if the gravity of his choices is weighing on him. “What I had to. We need answers!”

You open your mouth to say something, but then decide against it, before landing on, “Octavia is going to be upset.”

He turns to you, “Octavia is the reason we’re in this mess.”

You give him a look, “Bellamy.” He turns away and you reach out to grab him, pulling him to look at you again. “Bellamy, she’s doing what she thinks is right. Same as you.”

He says nothing but nods in return, before leading you inside the dropship, into the tiny, cramped space packed full of teenagers. The two guys follow Bellamy inside and drop the Grounder to the floor unceremoniously, as Octavia storms closer. “What the hell are you doing?”

“It’s time to get some answers.”

Octavia counters, “Oh, you mean revenge?”

“I mean intel.” He turns to the two guys and motions for them to take the Grounder to the top floor. 

Clarke spins away from Finn, towards Bellamy. “Bellamy, she’s right.”

You see Bellamy grow angry and you nudge him, before turning to your sister. “What about a compromise? We try to get some answers, see what he knows, and then we let him go.”

Clarke seems to agree, but before she can actually say anything, a radio crackles in the background, and your name comes through. “Is that you?”

You look up in shock, and over at Bellamy, who seems just as surprised as you. Your name crackles through a second time, a little clearer. “Honey, is that you? Clarke, is that your sister?”

You lock eyes with Clarke, eyes wide, as you shake your head no. Clarke weighs your reaction for a second, and yells back, “No, she was gathering supplies nearby when the storm hit, she’s probably holed up in one of the caves!”

You hear the disappointment in her voice when she answers, “Oh. Well, we’re ready for you.”

“Okay.” She yells back, before turning back to you, eyeing you both. “This is not who we are. We are not like the Grounders.”

Bellamy sets his jaw, “We are now.” He storms off, following the others upstairs, leaving Clarke looking worried.

You offer her a small smile, “I’ll keep an eye on things, keep them under control. You just worry about Finn, okay?”

She nods and turns away as you follow Bellamy to the second floor, into a section that is cleared of teenagers, save for a few. As you step away from the ladder, you glance down and see Octavia ascending behind you, and you step back to let her up. As her head reaches the top, the Grounder begins to move, pulling against his restraints. Bellamy yells, “Tie him! Last thing we need is this bastard escaping because you screwed up!”

A look of horror passes over Octavia’s face at the sight of the Grounder, who freezes at the sight of her, no longer fighting the restraints. Your brows lift in surprise. 

Octavia turns on Bellamy, “I told you, he was protecting me. You didn’t have to do this!”

“This isn’t about you, I’m doing this for all of us.”

Octavia glances at the Grounder’s bloody face, “You did that for all of us?”

Bellamy glares, “I did that for Finn and Jasper and John and Diggs and Roma.” He finishes with a point to you, “And for her, and the cut that stretches across her stomach.”

“Bellamy, please!” Octavia reaches for Bellamy as he nears the Grounder, trying to pull him back, but he just shakes her off. 

“Drew, Miller take her downstairs.”

Both boys grab her and drag her to the ladder, and the Grounder’s eyes follow her every move. She shakes both boys off and offers one last quip before descending, “I don’t even think he speaks English, he won’t understand you.”

Bellamy stands in front of the Grounder, voice quiet as he answers, “Oh, I think he will.”

-

You watch as Bellamy paces in front of the Grounder, jaw set, growing angrier with each passing second of silence. You’re standing nearby, equally on edge, when you suddenly hear the dropship creak and groan. Seconds later, it shifts, throwing you all to the ground. Down below, you hear the teenagers scream. You sit up with a groan and look around, as Bellamy scrambles towards you. “Are you okay?”

A wave of pain rolls through your stomach, and you close your eyes against it. Bellamy whispers your name and repeats, “Are you okay?”

You open your eyes and nod, lifting your shirt to check the wound. Fresh blood peeks through the bandage, and you see Bellamy’s eyes widen in concern. You shake your head, “I’m fine, really. Just a little sore.”

He helps you to your feet and over to a chair, before practically ordering you to stay put. He yells at Drew as he emerges from the bottom level, “What the hell was that? We under attack or not?”

“Storm damage, we’re ok.”

Bellamy glances over at you, still checking your wound, before storming back over to the Grounder. “We’re gonna try this one last time. What’s your name? Where’s your camp? How many of you are there?”

Bellamy pulls back and punches the Grounder, landing a hit on his nose. He yells, “Who are you?” When the Grounder is silent, he punches again, this time in the stomach, “Where is your camp?” 

Silence meets Bellamy again, and he unleashes a tirade of assault on the Grounder, kicking him and punching him, sending blood flying everywhere as he yells, “Why are you killing my friends? Why are you hunting us?”

When you see the Grounder’s eyes begin to shut in pain, you stand up and yell, “Bellamy, enough!”

He pauses dead in his tracks and spins towards you, eyes still alight with the fire of his anger and frustration. Miller and Drew retreat into the shadows, out of Bellamy’s line of sight. You stand as he descends on you, “Enough? _Enough_? This is nowhere near enough! This isn’t even the start of enough! They have done nothing but hunt us down and kill us since we got here! Yet, for some reason, you and Octavia are able to ignore that, and do nothing but defend these people!”

Refusing to let your anger rise to meet his, you keep your voice steady. “Bellamy, this is not you. This is not who you are.”

“It is now! I’m not going to stand by and watch everyone in this camp die because everyone else is too afraid to do what needs to be done to keep us safe!”

You balk, “Too afraid? Maybe some of us don’t want blood on our hands, Bellamy! Maybe I don’t want to torture someone, even if that means keeping us safe! Because that makes us no better than them! And no better than people like Shumway!”

Bellamy rears back as if you slapped him, and his voice drops low, dripping with venom. “I am nothing like Shumway.”

You both stand staring at each other, angry, and convinced the other is in the wrong, until Miller breaks the silence. “Hey, check it out.”

He picks up a bag and dumps everything onto the ground, looking through it, and Bellamy approaches and watches over his shoulder, before kneeling down and picking up a journal. When the Grounder sees him, he starts to struggle against the restraints, and you move closer in interest. 

“Looks like we found something he doesn’t want us to see.” He flips through the notebook, skipping over sketches of landscapes and monuments until he settles on a familiar one. He turns and glares at you, showing you the picture. “It’s our camp. Guessing that all those marks add up to 102. 10 are crossed out. That’s how many people we’ve lost.” He closes the journal and brushes past you, moving over to the Grounder. “You’ve been watching us ever since we got here!”

Before he can say anything else, Clarke comes up the ladder, and stalks over to the Grounder, just as pissed off as Bellamy. She holds up the knife from Finn’s wound, “What’s on this?”

“What are you talking about?”

She turns and yells, “He poisoned the blade! All this time he knew Finn was going to die no matter what we did! What is it?! Is there an antidote?”

You move closer to your twin, worried, as Octavia steps into the room. “Clarke, he doesn’t understand you.”

“Vials.” Bellamy remembers and grabs the small container from the bag, handing it to Clarke as she drops the knife. “You’d have to stupid to have a poison around this long with an antidote. Which one?”

“Answer the question!”

“Show us, please.”

Everyone in the room pleads and demands for an answer, but the Grounder remains unwavering in his silence. You put a comforting hand on Clarke’s arm, and her head drops in defeat. Beside you, Bellamy’s anger grows and he mutters, “I’ll get him to talk.”

He moves in front of the Grounder and pulls back his arm, ready to resume punching. Octavia grabs his arm, “Bellamy no!”

Bellamy turns to Clarke, “Do you want Finn to live or not?”

“Do it.”

Bellamy disappears for a second, before reappearing with a knife and a torn seat belt. He cuts the Grounder’s shirt open, and steps away, before meeting Clarke’s eyes, then yours. You whisper, “Bellamy.” and shake your head, but he takes a breath, and swings. 

You and Clarke wince as the buckle makes contact with his skin, letting out a loud thud. With each hit comes a new demand for answers, which is met with the same vow of silence from the Grounder. Hit after hit, each one sending a wave of nausea through you. Finally, you can’t take it anymore, and you run over to Bellamy, and grab his arm. “Bellamy.”

He turns and looks at you, and his eyes soften at the disappointment in yours, as you whisper, “Please, stop.”

You turn and glance at Octavia, tears streaming down her face, and he follows your gaze. His eyes soften further, and she lets out a quiet beg, “Please.”

The moment is shattered by Raven yelling from below. “Clarke! He’s getting worse!”

Clarke runs forward and spreads out the antidotes again, “We’re running out of time. Which one? Which one is it? If you tell us they’ll stop! Please, tell us which is the antidote and they’ll stop this!”

Bellamy throws the seatbelt in frustration and grabs a metal spike from nearby. He stops in front of you and whispers, “You don’t have to be here for this.”

Your eyes harden and you meet his eyes, “Yes I do.”

You step back and move over to Octavia, holding her in a hug as she cries in your arms. You both watch in horror as Bellamy plunges the spike into the Grounder’s hand, sending blood flying from the wound. Your stomach turns and Octavia pulls away from you, turning away in horror to stare at the wall and compose herself. 

The Grounder’s hand shakes in pain, but he remains silent and just as stoic as before. Raven comes bounding up the ladder, yelling, “What’s taking so long?”

Clarke answers as Raven steps into the room, “He won’t tell us anything.”

“Wanna bet?”

Raven pulls two electrical wires from the wall and the Grounder flinches at the sound of the electricity as it sparks. Bellamy sounds concerned as he watches her, “What are you doing?”

“Showing him something new.” She shocks the Grounder, and Octavia gasps in horror, as Raven yells over the man’s grunts of pain. “Which one is it? Come on!”

She shocks him again as she screams, “He’s all I have!”

Beside you, Octavia looks around frantically before reaching down and grabbing the knife. She yells, “No more!”

Everyone turns to her in shock as she drags the knife down her arm, poisoning herself. She mutters, “He won’t let me die,” before grabbing the vials and kneeling in front of him, pointing at each with the knife, until he gestures to one on the end. When she holds it up, he nods in confirmation, and she hands it to Clarke. Clarke and Raven run off to Finn, as Bellamy reaches for Octavia. 

“Don’t touch me!” She shrugs him off and storms down the ladder behind Clarke and Finn. 

He turns to you, eyes pleading, and you just shake your head softly before shrugging out of his jacket and handing it back to him. “I’m gonna go get him some water.” You eye the bleeding cuts on the Grounder, and glance back at Bellamy. “And bandages.”

Bellamy reaches out for you, “Wait-”

But you ignore him and follow the same path the others took, only to find Clarke softly crying against Finn’s shoulder. You pause and she looks up at you, and you stammer, “I was just, looking for bandages…”

She sits up and wipes her eyes, and you step off the ladder, moving closer to her. “This is a stupid question, but…are you okay?”

She looks at you for a long second before shaking her head no, tears falling down her face. You reach out and pull her into a hug, and she hugs you back tightly, crying into your shoulder. 

You don’t know how long you stand there comforting your twin, whispering reassurances that Finn will be okay, before a voice crackles through the radio. “Clarke, are you there? I just want to tell you that I’m so proud of you. Your father would be so proud of you, too.”

At the mention of your father, Clarke freezes in your arms. You yell over your shoulder at the radio, “Don’t talk about him!”

Your mom whispers your name and asks, “Is that you? Baby, what’s wrong?”

You give your twin one last squeeze and step away from her, spinning towards the radio. “Dad is dead because of you! You turned him in and let Wells lie to Clarke about who turned him in. We know the truth, mom.”

“I want you to both listen to me. This was never supposed to happen. Jaha was supposed to talk him out of it.”

You yell at the radio, “We’re done talking to you!” 

You shut the radio off angrily as tears stream down your face, and you stand there for a few moments trying to gather yourself before turning back to your twin. With a discreet wipe to your eyes, you face her. As your eyes lock, she gives you a small nod of thanks for ending the radio call, before you whisper, “I’m going to get some air.”

She nods and you run out of the dropship, into the moist evening air, not stopping as you reach the door. You keep running, past Bellamy’s tent, past the clearing, and straight to your tree. You stand at the base of it, eyes automatically drifting up to find the moon and the stars, landing on Orion the Hunter again. You try to remember your dad telling you the legend of Orion, but before you can recall it, you break down sobbing. You drop to your knees, sobbing apologies to him, to the night, to the world, hoping you can be forgiven for what you’ve done. 

-


	8. viii. day trip (1.08)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Language, character death, violence, fighting, blood, injuries. Allusion to past assault.
> 
> Summary: You and Bellamy go on a little day trip, even though you’d rather be with anyone other than him.

You stand back and admire your handiwork of the repairs to the wall, satisfied with its hold. Wiping the sweat from your brow, you move over to the water containers and grab something to drink. Clarke finds you leaned up against a tree, drinking water, and she walks over with a small smile. “I’m heading to the tent to talk to the council, if you want to join.”

You shake your head, “I’m not sure I can look at Jaha’s face without screaming. I’ll probably just check on Octavia, if that’s okay.”

She nods, “Of course. I think she’s still in the dropship, waiting to visit the Grounder.”

You stand and nod towards the tent, “Let me know how it all goes.”

“I will.” She offers you one last smile before ducking into the tent to face the council. 

You glance around the busy camp, watching the teenagers as they move around, repairing the wall and preparing for winter. Sure that they can handle it, you turn and head to the dropship, unsurprised to find Octavia plopped down near the ladder, waiting to see the Grounder. You smile as you approach, “Visiting hours over?”

She lets out a huff of frustration as you settle down beside her. “Yes. Bellamy won’t let anyone up except for Miller.”

“I wonder if I could-”

Bellamy’s voice cuts you off, “You’re still here?”

He descends the ladder, feet hitting the floor, and you notice his eyes shift over to you before landing on Octavia again. Her eyes slide away from him and land on the wall, annoyed. “I’m not moving until you let me up there to see him.”

“Get comfortable,” he quips back. 

Noting the tension, you stand and silently move away from the siblings and over to the dropship door, eyes scanning the camp. You spot your twin immediately, headed your way, looking troubled. She comes to a stop at the door, and you tune out the bickering siblings behind you as you ask, “How was the meeting with the council?”

Clarke rolls her eyes, “Jaha tried to lecture me about forgiveness.”

“Good thing I missed it then.”

“No kidding. But,” she holds up a map and a set of coordinates. “There is potential good news.”

She hands you the paper and you look over it as she continues, “It’s supposed to be an old emergency aid depot, built to withstand nuclear war. It could shelter us from the cold.”

You start to hand her back the map, “You going to check it out?”

“No,” she pushes the map back your way. “You’re going to check it out.”

Your brows lift in surprise, “Me?”

“You’ve been out there more, and you know the terrain better. Plus, I have to keep an eye on Finn, he’s not out of danger yet.”

“Okay, I’ll pack a bag then.” 

You start to walk away, but she grabs your arm, stopping you. “Wait. There is one more thing.”

She looks over your shoulder, eyes locking with someone, before she nods them over. As you hear footsteps approach, she sighs, “I want you to take Bellamy with you.”

You pull a face and step back, as he stops beside you. You glance up at him and back at your twin. “No way. No.”

“What’s going on?”

You ignore him and glare at Clarke as she insists, “You’re the only two I trust with this, and I know that you’ll keep each other safe.” She squeezes your arm lightly and adds, “You know I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important.”

You glare at her for a moment before letting out a sigh. “Fine.” You redirect your glare to Bellamy, “Be ready in ten, I’ll meet you by the gate.”

“Ready for what?”

“Clarke will explain.” And with that, you walk off, grabbing a pack and your knife on the way. You stop at the food station and grab a few rations before making a beeline for the gate. As soon as you arrive, you spot Bellamy already waiting, stuffing a bunch of rations deeper into his pack. You give him a sidelong glance and brush past, “Let’s go.”

-

Unlike your previous outings with Bellamy, this one is largely spent in angry silence as you navigate through the woods and pointedly ignore Bellamy. As you climb down a grassy hill, you pull out a pack of nuts and eat them quickly, noticing that Bellamy is trailing behind you, doing the same. As you reach the bottom of the hill, it starts to slope upwards again and you check the map before continuing. When you reach the top, you pause, and Bellamy stops beside you. 

In the distance, there’s a large house, destroyed by the nuclear apocalypse. You start to feel uneasy as you take in the burned out house, situated behind a dark lake. You glance at Bellamy, “The depot is supposed to be around here somewhere.”

You watch him scan the area again, “Let’s just split up, cover more ground. Stay within shouting distance.”

You walk off down the hill, towards the lake, while Bellamy moves parallel to the house, both of you in search of a door. Only a few minutes pass before your foot lands on something with a metallic thunk. Confused, you step back and brush the leaves and debris away, revealing a door. You smile to yourself and call out, “Bellamy! Over here, I found a door!”

A second later he approaches you, stopping beside you at the door. You lean down and pull on the handles with all of your strength, but it doesn’t budge. You look up at him, “I think it’s rusted shut.”

“Here. Watch your foot.” He pulls out his axe and uses it to break the lock, before muttering, “Give me a hand.”

You both pull on the door, and this time it swings open with a creak. You peer into the ominous darkness and pull out two lights, turning to hand one to Bellamy. With a deep breath of courage, you descend the stairs, Bellamy close behind. You follow the stairs deeper into the depot, deeper into the darkness, pausing when you see a skeleton sitting on the stairs. Bellamy stops behind you, so close that you can feel his breath shift the hairs on your neck. You shiver and squeeze past the body as he mutters, “Hell of a place to die.”

As you reach the bottom of the stairs, and shine the light around, disappointment flows through your body. Cobwebs hang over everything, accompanied by a thick layer of dust. A damp chill hangs in the air, and you both have to step around fallen and scavenged supplies. “This place is disgusting.”

Bellamy hums in agreement. “Anything left down here is ruined.”

Water rains down from the ceiling in front of you, and you cringe and skirt around it, looking at the picked over shelves. You lift the lid of a box in front of you and smile at the contents inside, “Hey, I found blankets.”

“Excited about a couple of blankets?”

You toss a glare at him over your shoulder, “It’s _something_.”

He storms past you, dropping glow sticks that he found as his voice rises in anger, “How about a canteen or a med kit or a decent fricking tent?” 

He lets out a yell of frustration and kicks an oil drum over, the black liquid spilling towards you. You turn in surprise, your shock only growing as you hear something clatter to the ground. Your eyes lock on the pile of guns now spilled out over the floor, and you and Bellamy lock eyes, mouths spreading into a grin. 

He grabs a couple and pushes past you, back to the blankets, pulling one from the container. He shifts everything over to one arm and grabs you as he walks by, dragging you with him. You yank your arm free and freeze in place, watching as he uses some dirt to spread a target on the blanket before hanging it up. “This changes everything. No more running from spears.”

You lift a gun from beside you, eyeing it carefully. He grins as he stops beside you, watching as you load the gun. “Ready to be a badass?” You roll your eyes and he steps towards you, “We’re lucky the rifles were packed in grease. The fact that they survived means we’re not sitting ducks anymore. You need to learn how to do this.”

You let out a sigh, “Fine.” He moves out of the way, allowing you to step up to the target, lifting the gun with hesitation. You glance down at the gun, and then over your shoulder to look at him. “So I just hold it on my shoulder?”

“Yeah.” He steps closer to you, folding his left hand over yours where it sits on the grip, and placing his right hand on your right shoulder. He guides the gun up, “Just a little higher now.” 

You lean down and peer through the scope, trying to ignore the way his breath shifts your hair and his hand slowly slides from your shoulder and down your back. Another chill runs down your spine and Bellamy doesn’t miss it. And then he’s stepping back and shaking his head as if he’s clearing his thoughts, “Yeah. Uh, that’s good. Watch and learn.”

He steps away and grabs a gun of his own, before moving up beside you and pulling the trigger. You hear a click echo in the small space, but stand there confused as nothing else happens. Bellamy reloads the gun and pulls the trigger a second time, but the gun offers nothing more than another click. You let out a snort and he turns to glare at you as you openly smile at his expense. “Still watching.”

He glares at you harder, “My bullets are duds. Try yours.”

You lift the gun and settle it to the place on your shoulder, where Bellamy instructed, before looking through the scope and pulling the trigger. The sound of the gunshot rings through the room, and you stand tall and admire the new hole in the blanket. You let out a laugh in amazement and turn to him, finding that his face is already split in a smile. 

You let the smile drop when you remember your anger, but you don’t turn away from him. “I guess we’re going to have to talk to Clarke and decide where we’re going to keep these and who has access.”

He ignores you and raises his gun, pulling the trigger, and stepping back as the sound echoes in the room. You spot the hole he leaves in the target, near the middle. As you’re about to comment on it, he turns to you suddenly. “You should keep Miller close. The others listen to him.”

Your brows draw together in confusion. “I should keep him close? Bellamy, what’s going on?” 

You stare him down and he shifts beneath your gaze, uncomfortable. A lightbulb goes off in your head when you remember the rations from earlier, “All the rations you took. You’re gonna run! You were gonna load up on supplies and just disappear.”

“I don’t have a choice. The Ark will be here soon.”

You step closer to him, “So you’re just gonna leave Octavia?”

Bellamy shakes his head, “Octavia hates me.” He pauses and his voice drops to a whisper, “You hate me.”

He shakes his head again and takes in a breath, “She’s gonna be fine.”

“You don’t know-”

He cuts you off, “I shot the chancellor. They’re gonna kill me. Best-case scenario, they lock me up with the Grounder for the rest of my life, and there’s no way in hell I’m giving Jaha the satisfaction.” He slams the gun down and throws his hands up in frustration, “Keep practicing. I need some air.”

He brushes past you, leaving you alone in the depot. You stand there for a minute, looking around, before lifting the gun back up and aiming at the target. As you do, you watch as the target melts away, taking the bullet holes with it, leaving the blanket untouched. You lower the gun in confusion and back away, jumping in surprise as you feel the gun bend in your touch. You throw it to the ground and step back from it, turning to look around in confusion as the space around you transforms into your cell in the Skybox.

You feel panic rise in your chest as the prison stares back at you, mocking you. You back away in horror, jumping in surprise when your back collides with someone. You spin around, and come face to face with your father.

You feel your lip quiver with emotion as you whisper, “Dad?”

He smiles and you jump towards him, sighing in relief as his arms wrap around you tightly. You bury your head into the crook of his neck, breathing in his familiar scent of Ark soap and grease. As you pull him tighter, the memory of his death flashes across your mind, and you feel your stomach drop. You pull back slowly and watch him closely, “You’re not real, are you?”

“Sorry, kiddo. I wish I were.”

You shake your head, trying to clear your thoughts, before looking around at your cell. “Wait. How is this possible?”

“I’m thinking why is more important than how. Why me?”

Tears well up in your eyes, “Because I miss you. And I never got to say goodbye.”

He shakes his head and reaches up to brush your necklace, “Think there’s more to it than that.”

You hear his voice in your head, disconnected from a memory. _My girls. My sun, my moon, my stars._

You feel your face harden at the thought of her. The thought of what she did. “You want me to forgive her.”

“Your mom loves you both. Everything she does, she does for you two.”

You turn away from him, and plop down onto your bed. “She betrayed you. How can I forgive her for that?” He pulls a face, and it’s one you recognize well. “The disappointed look isn’t fair. I’m trying.”

He reaches out and pulls you to him, into a hug. “Come here. I know, honey. It’s been tough, hasn’t it?”

You feel emotion tighten your throat, “I watched as someone got tortured. Said awful things to Clarke. Caused the Culling on the Ark…”

Tears spill down your cheeks as you recount your sins, and your father leans down to kiss your head. “You’re doing the best you can.”

“You want me to say mom did the best she could.”

His face softens, “This is about what you want.”

“You’re dead because of her. She doesn’t deserve my forgiveness. Our forgiveness.”

He shakes his head softly, and comes to stand in front of you, “Listen to me. Forgiveness isn’t about what people deserve.”

Before you can respond, his eyes lift sharply, and you swear you hear muffled yelling nearby. He looks back at you, and lifts a hand to your face. “My little la lune. He needs you.”

Seconds later, something collides with the back of your head, sending you tumbling down a tunnel of black.

-

You pull your eyes open, groaning against the sharp pain radiating from the base of your skull. You rub your eyes and struggle to recall what happened, letting out a quiet gasp when you remember your dad’s final words. _He needs you._

_Bellamy._

You stand, fighting against the pain in your body, and stumble towards the gun you tossed down earlier, grabbing it quickly. You run towards the stairs and out into the night, following the sounds of yelling nearby. As you get closer, you see Bellamy on the ground, looking up at Dax, who is pointing a gun down at him. You stumble up behind them and aim the gun at the middle of his back, before yelling, “Put it down, Dax.”

He spins, “Should’ve stayed down there. I tried not to kill you, but here you are, and Shumway said no witnesses.”

Your blood freezes at the name, and you lock eyes with Bellamy. You take a deep breath, willing the fear to leave your body as you look back at Dax. “I won’t tell you again, put it down.”

“Walk away now, and I won’t kill you.” When you stay locked in place, he shrugs. “Your choice.”

You pull the trigger, but the gun clicks, and your blood goes cold at the sound. You dive to the left, behind a tree, seconds before you hear Dax’s gun go off. He misses, but you hear Bellamy yell in anger before colliding with Dax, the sound of them fighting reaching you behind the tree. You tug on the gun, trying to reload, before giving up and jumping up from behind the tree, and running at Dax with the gun raised to use as a bat. “Get the hell off him!”

Just as you reach him, Dax spins and hits you with the butt end of the rifle, right in the stomach, sending a flood of pain through you as it collides with your wound. You groan and hit the ground, but the distraction gives Bellamy enough time to find a discarded bullet and plunge it into Dax’s neck. You both watch as he bleeds out, struggling and gasping for air, before he hits the ground, dead. 

Bellamy stumbles towards you as you drag yourself to the tree, clutching your stomach. You plop down at its base as he lowers himself beside you, his hand on your thigh as you both pant from exertion. You grit your teeth against the pain and lean towards him, putting your hand on his arm. “You’re okay.”

“No, I’m not.” He shakes his head, and you watch tears well up in his eyes. “My mother…If she knew what I’ve done, who I am…She raised me to be better, to be good.”

You try to cut him off, “Bellamy-”

“And all I do is hurt people.” He lets out a sniffle as the tears spill over his cheeks. “I’m a monster.”

“Hey.” You squeeze his arm and he turns to look at you, “You saved my life today. And ten other times. You may be a total ass half the time, but I need you.” His eyes widen slightly and you continue, “We all need you. You want forgiveness, fine, I’ll give it to you. You’re forgiven, okay? But you have to come back with me.” 

“Jaha will kill me when he comes down.”

You shake your head, “We’ll figure something out.”

He lets out a deep breath, “Can we figure it out later?”

You nod and let your head drop to his shoulder, whispering, “Whenever you’re ready.”

You both sit in silence for a few minutes before you whisper, “I saw my dad.” He shifts beneath you and you lift your head to look at him. “I mean, I know it wasn’t him, but this time I got to say goodbye.”

Unsure what to say, he chooses instead to say nothing, and you lean back against the tree, looking at the stars. Your eyes find Orion quickly, and you whisper, “See those three stars in a row up there?”

You see Bellamy nod out of the corner of your eye. “That’s Orion’s Belt.” You lift your hand and trace the rest of the constellation. “And that’s Orion the Hunter.”

You turn towards him slightly, a small smile on your face. “They say Artemis, the goddess of the moon and the hunt, fell in love with Orion. And Apollo, her twin, was worried she was going to give up her vow of chastity for him. So one day, when Orion was swimming far out into the ocean, Apollo called to his twin. He pointed to a rock near the horizon, and dared her that she couldn’t hit it. Of course, Artemis hit it easily. But imagine her horror when Orion’s body washes up on the beach, and she realized what she had done. She put him up in the stars after that.” You turn and look at him. “I wonder if she takes comfort in knowing that he’s always up there.”

You look away and back up at the stars, both of you sitting in silence. After checking your bandage and watching the moon rise higher, you mutter, “We should probably get back.”

“Yeah, we probably should.”

He stands and helps to pull you to your feet, before leading you back down into the depot, and gathering the guns and blankets. You both tie up a sack a piece of weapons, and head back to camp, walking through the woods in a comfortable silence, interrupted only to discuss what’s next.

As you near the camp, you hear the sounds of fighting from within. You and Bellamy walk faster, pushing through the gates just as someone asks, “What if he brings other Grounders back?”

Just then, Bellamy pushes through the crowd, before stopping in the middle. “Let the Grounders come. We’ve been afraid of them for far too long, and why? Because of their knives and spears. I don’t know about you. I’m tired of being afraid.”

You both drop the sacks, revealing the guns to a camp of excited teenagers. You catch Clarke’s eye across camp, and sense her hesitation, but she offers you a smile anyways. Bellamy continues, “There are plenty more where these came from. Tomorrow we start training, and if the Grounders come, we’re gonna be ready to fight.”

Excitement ripples through the camp, and you give Bellamy a nod before walking over to your twin. “I need you to set up a meeting with Jaha for me and Bellamy.”

Her brows lift in surprise, “Uh, yeah. Of course. Just give me a few minutes.”

You nod and look around in search of Bellamy, spotting him near the edge of camp, draping a blanket around Octavia. You watch with a smile, and when they seem finished, you call out to him. “Bellamy.”

He turns and looks at you, and you give a nod in confirmation. He heads over to you, following you to the tent. Clarke steps out and gives you a smile, squeezing your hand quickly as she passes.

You both step inside and settle down side by side, pulling on the headsets to chat with the waiting Jaha. When you’re both ready, his eyes go straight to Bellamy. “Mr. Blake, I’ve wanted to talk to you for some time now.”

You cut in, “Before you do, I’d like to say something. When you sent us down here, you sent us to die, but miraculously, most of us are still alive. In large part, that is because of him, because of Bellamy.” You both lock eyes, before you turn back to Jaha. “He’s one of us, and he deserves to be pardoned of his crimes just like the rest of us.”

“I appreciate your point of view, but it’s not that simple.”

“It is.” Bellamy offers, matter of fact. “If you want to know who on The Ark wants you dead.”

Jaha considers this for a moment, and each passing second feels like a minute. He leans forward, looking at you. “You’re pardoned for your crimes.” He turns to Bellamy. “Bellamy Blake, you’re pardoned for your crimes.”

You both smile in relief, before Jaha continues. “Now, tell me who gave you the gun.”

-

When the video feed ends, and Jaha disappears from the screen, you and Bellamy exit the tent in silence, before pausing at the door, unsure what to do. Just as you are about to step away, he turns towards you. “Your cut.” You glance up at him. “We need to change the bandage.”

You nod and follow him to his tent, sitting in the same spot as before as he gathers supplies. When he makes his way back to you, you lift your shirt, exposing the bandage. You watch him quietly as he works, removing the bandage, cleaning off the fresh blood. Only breaking the silence to ask, “What if they don’t float him?”

He looks up at you, confused, and you add, “Shumway, I mean.”

“They will.” He goes back to your wound, nearly done cleaning it up.

You press, “Yeah, but what if they don’t?”

He looks up, sensing something in your tone, and meets your eyes. You take in a sharp breath, and look away. “There’s something about Shumway that I haven’t told you before. Something I haven’t told anyone.”

He picks up the bandage, wrapping it around your middle, afraid to interrupt you. You pick at your nail as you whisper, “I was arrested a few days before my dad was. But I didn’t know that until Shumway came in my cell one day to gloat. He told me that my dad had been arrested for treason and was going to get floated for it. He said he was getting floated in half an hour.”

You hear Bellamy’s sharp intake of breath and he leans away from you to meet your eyes. “Shumway wanted to know what I would do in order to see my dad one last time. What would I give him in order to say goodbye to my father. I didn’t hesitate, I told him ‘anything’. As soon as I said it, I knew I had made a deal with the devil.”

You pause, lip quivering. “I knew that I just gave him what he wanted all along. He cuffed me and led me through the Ark, taking me to see my dad.” Your voice breaks on the last word, and tears spill down your cheeks. “I didn’t make it in time. Right as I came around the corner, we locked eyes, and they pushed-”

You cut yourself off, crying harder, and Bellamy puts his hand over yours, offering comfort. You gather yourself and push on, “I was pissed. I knew that Shumway got me there late on purpose, because that’s the kind of man that he is. I raised hell, got shocked and dragged all the way back to my cell, before they decided to throw me in solitary, permanently, because I was just too much to manage.”

You shake your head, “Solitary made it that much easier for Shumway to get what he wanted. No one listens to the cries of a problem child. No one listened when I said he came into my cell, and abused me.” You look up and lock eyes with Bellamy, finding a fire of anger burning there. “That day you found us, I thought he was gonna-” You shake your head, “Right then and there in the hallway.”

Bellamy is quiet for a second, and you see a muscle in his jaw clench and his eyes grow hard. “If he’s alive when they make it to the ground…I’ll kill him myself.”

-


	9. ix. unity day (1.09)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Language, drinking, violence/fighting, implied character death, sad things. 
> 
> Summary: Unity Day welcomes an ironic twist, when a meeting with the Grounders results in everything except unity.

You drop down from your perch in your tree, where you spent the better half of the morning watching the Unity Day celebrations from above. As your feet hit the ground, you meander over to the crowd gathered to watch Jaha’s speech, catching the end. “To our sons and daughters on Earth listening to this message, we will see you soon. The first Exodus ship will launch in under sixty hours, carrying you the reinforcements that you need, so stay strong. Help is on the way.”

You roll your eyes as he finishes, before the Unity Day pageant begins. You watch in relative interest, as the crowd around you thins in favor of the Unity Juice that Jasper is passing around. You move closer to the screen as the story of the Ark is told, and you feel someone come up beside you. You know it’s Clarke before she even opens her mouth. “Unity Day right?”

You scoff, catching onto her tone. “We all know the history of the Ark. Refusing to acknowledge the violence doesn’t erase the fact that it happened.” You turn to look at her, shrugging. “Besides, I never got to enjoy it like you guys did. I was always locked up, forced to listen to the celebrations over the speakers.”

She says nothing, and instead turns to watch the pageant. As the story continues, there’s a strange sound before the comms cut out, leaving nothing behind but static. You and Clarke exchange confused glances, and you mutter, “Strange.”

“I’ll keep an eye on it, who knows what’s going on up there.” She takes a breath before turning fully to face you. “I know you don’t want to talk about it, but mom will be down in two days.”

“You’re right, I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I’m not saying you need to forgive her. I’m just saying that you need to be ready to deal with this, to see her and maybe work with her, even if you don’t forgive her.” She squeezes your arm, “Just think about it.”

You watch as she walks off, before you shake your head and move to the perimeter, opting instead to spend a little time on security.

-

Night comes quickly, and with it, the sounds of partying only grow louder. As more Unity Juice makes its way around camp, you trade out on detail, and move to check on the comms. You aren’t surprised to find Clarke already there, tinkering with the static screen. “Still dead?”

She looks up, “Yeah, there’s nothing.” 

She stands up straight and looks around, and you watch her eyes catch on the partying. You smile a little, “You should join them.”

Her eyes flit to yours, surprised, and she immediately shakes her head. “Me? No. There’s still too much to do.”

“Nothing that can’t wait until morning.” You bump her shoulder with your own. “As our top medical professional and the unofficial leader of this camp, you deserve a night off.” 

“I’m not the only leader. You, me, and Bellamy share that title.” She turns to you, a smirk on your face. “Maybe you should go tell him to party. Let loose with him.”

You pull a face and shake your head, “I know what you’re thinking, and no. He’s an ass, and he’s not my type.”

She laughs, and you smile at the sound. “How would you know your type? You were-”

She cuts herself off, expression dropping, looking uncomfortable. You laugh and turn to her, “I was locked up. It’s okay Clarke, you can say it. It’s not like it isn’t the truth.”

When she stays quiet, you grab her hand. “C’mon, we’re gonna go get a drink together, AND just to appease you, I’ll bring one to Bellamy.”

Her grin splits her face, and she wiggles her eyebrows suggestively. “Really? Ooooo.”

You roll your eyes and lead her to the fire in the middle of camp, picking up two cups of juice, handing one to your twin. You turn to face each other, and your mouth lifts in a smile. “To the stars.”

Her smile matches yours, “To the moon.”

You both tap the cups together before swallowing the juice quickly, urging it past your tongue and down your throat before you can think about the taste. You scrunch your nose as you feel it trace a path through your body, and you smile when you find Clarke’s expression matching your own. You both laugh and you have to control the feeling spreading through your body, a mixture of pure joy and a nostalgia for something you’ve never gotten to experience before. Going to a party with your twin sister. 

She pulls you from your thoughts by lifting two cups to your face, a smirk hidden behind her neutral expression. “Appease me.”

You grab the cups with an eye roll and scan the camp for Bellamy, finding him quickly near the edge of the party, watching everything with a smile on his face. Your stomach flips, and you tell yourself it’s the Unity Juice. You head towards him, turning to glance at your sister, who is full blown laughing now. You shake your head and turn back, coming to a stop in front of Bellamy. He smiles, “Best Unity Day ever.”

He lifts the apple in his hand to take a bite, as you lift the drink to him. He takes it with his empty hand, and glances down at the other cup in your hand. “Didn’t know you were the type to let loose.”

A laugh blows past your lips, “Never really had the chance before this.”

His smile drops a fraction of an inch, and you regret being the reason why. His eyes find the Ark in the sky. “Your mother comes down in two days. You ready to face her?” His eyes drop and lock with yours, “You ready to forgive her?”

“I don’t want to talk about my mother.” You lift your glass and give him a one sided cheers, before draining it in a single gulp. When you lower the cup, you can see mischief glinting in his eyes. 

“Well I guess that’s that then.” And then he lifts his glass to do the same.

-

You don’t know how long it’s been when Clarke finds you and Bellamy, plopped beside each other, side by side, laughing. “Hey Clarke, are-”

You lift your eyes to greet her, cutting yourself off when you see her face, expression etched with that serious look she gets. “I need to talk to you.” Her eyes shift from yours to Bellamy. “Both of you.”

You stand, a little uneasy on your feet, and you feel Bellamy shift onto his feet beside you. “What’s wrong?”

“Finn’s set up a meeting with the Grounders. I’m leaving to go talk to them.”

You rear back in shock, and Bellamy stills beside you, voice coming out in a quiet angry way that scares you a little. “Because you think that impaling people on spears is code for ‘let’s be friends’? Have you lost your damn mind?”

“Bellamy is right, Clarke.”

She shrugs, “I think it might be worth a shot. I mean, we do have to live with these people.”

“They’ll probably gut you, string you up as a warning.”

Her voice drops, “Well, that’s why I’m here. I need you both to follow us, be our backup.”

You think about Finn, and all his anti violence rhetoric. “Does Finn know about this?”

She turns to you, “Finn doesn’t need to know.” She grabs your hand, giving you a serious look. “And bring guns.”

You nod your head and squeeze her hand. “Be careful.”

She squeezes back and walks away, leaving you and Bellamy to make a beeline for the weapons tent. When you both step inside, Jasper and Raven are already there, lost in conversation. Bellamy starts talking as soon as he sees them. “Jasper, you’re coming with me.”

“I am?”

You lift a gun and hand it to Bellamy, who passes it to Jasper. “You handled yourself well in the cave with the Grounder.”

“I mean, I hit him in the head.”

You step over to the bullets and start grabbing some, but Raven puts her hand on your arm to stop you. “If you’re planning on shooting anything, you better think twice. I haven’t checked those yet.”

You shrug her off, “Then give me some bullets that work.”

“What do you need them for?”

You say nothing, and turn to look at Bellamy, who just shrugs in response. You turn back to her and give her a glare. “Your boyfriend’s being an idiot. And has now dragged my twin into his idiocy.”

You see her face drop, and regret mentioning Clarke, just a little. She hands you a few magazines full of bullets. “I’m coming with you.”

You shrug, “We can always use one more.”

You turn and hand some of the bullets to Bellamy before you both exit the tent, Raven and Jasper right behind you. Bellamy nudges your arm and then points, and you follow his finger and see Clarke and Finn ducking out of camp. You turn to Bellamy and nod, letting him take point before you follow, the other recruits hot on your heels. 

Most of the hike is spent in silence, trying to keep Finn from hearing the group following behind them. Night bleeds into day, and you feel yourself growing sober with every step you take. You never thought you’d miss Unity Juice, yet here you are. As the terrain slopes down, Finn and Clarke stay level as your group goes down below. Eventually the trees open up over a small creek and a bridge, and you can see Clarke and Finn standing side by side, with…Octavia. 

Your brows lift in surprise, and Jasper whispers, “What’s Octavia doing here?”

You all watch as the Grounder from before runs across the bridge, catching Octavia in a hug as she flings himself into his arms. You nod, your earlier suspicions now proven correct, as Raven reaches the same one. “I guess we know how he got away.”

Beside you, Bellamy tenses, and you reach out to put a hand on his arm. He turns towards you and his eyes soften a bit, before you give him a small smile and a nod. He nods in return and you both turn back to the scene, watching as the Grounder angrily eyes Clarke, and she shifts back and forth, nervous. You feel your fingers tense around your gun, but before you can react, Finn reaches out and grabs Clarke’s hand. You turn and look at Raven, her face fallen, and realize how stupid you were for directing your anger at her on behalf of Clarke. Because Finn is clearly the problem. 

You turn back to the bridge, watching as three horses emerge from the shadows, and a woman slides off one of the horses and makes her way towards Clarke, who is now walking to the center of the bridge, alone. You watch through your scope, trying to make out what they’re saying, but unable to. All you can see is the anger on the Grounder woman’s face. Raven says as much. “Grounder Princess looks pissed.”

Behind you, Jasper mutters, “Oh, no. No. This is bad.”

Bellamy spins towards him, and you watch as Jasper lifts his scope to the sky. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“There’s Grounders in the trees.”

“What?”

“Where?”

“Are you sure?”

You all lift your guns and look around, scanning the trees nervously. You lower your gun when you don’t see anything, and turn to give Bellamy a concerned look. “I don’t see anything.”

“They’re gonna shoot!” And before any of you can stop him, he jumps from behind the treeline, screaming, “Clarke, run! Run!”

He lifts his gun and immediately starts firing, and you watch as a Grounder falls from a tree. You lift your gun and turn towards the Grounder woman, aiming as she pulls a knife from her sleeve. You pull the trigger and fire a single bullet, watching as it catches her in the shoulder. Clarke turns to look at you, scared, her eyes locked on yours. You nod once, and then turn back to the trees, firing as Raven yells behind you, “Go, go, go!”

You and Bellamy cover them as they run back into the woods, and you watch in relief as Clarke, Finn, and Octavia slip behind the trees, heading into safer territory. 

You and Bellamy turn and leave, covering each other, sprinting up the hill and meeting up with the others as you tear through the trees, ignoring the branches that tear and scratch you. You run until the sun drops from the sky and the walls of the camp come into view, and only then do you all stop, doubling over to catch your breath. 

You look around at the others, and your eyes land on Finn, who is leveling a glare at Clarke. If looks could kill. You step closer to him, brushing past Bellamy to glare right back. “You got something to say?”

Finn stands tall, still looking at Clarke, voice loud. “Yeah. I told you, no guns!”

She steps beside you, radiating anger. “I told you we couldn’t trust the Grounders! I was right.”

Raven cuts in right after, exasperated. “Why didn’t you tell me what you were up to?”

He spins towards her, “I tried, but you were too busy making bullets for your gun!”

Bellamy jumps to Raven’s defense, “You’re lucky she brought that! They came there to kill you, Finn.”

“You don’t know that! Jasper fired the first shot!”

Octavia glares at Jasper, “You ruined everything.”

“I saved you! You’re welcome.”

Octavia storms off and Jasper follows, clearly upset. Finn turns back to Clarke, “Well, if we weren’t at war already, we sure as hell are now. You didn’t have to trust the Grounders. You just had to trust me.”

Finn storms off into the camp, with Raven right behind, calling his name. You, Clarke, and Bellamy exchange glances, thinking the same thing. He turns to you, shaking his head. “Like I said, best Unity Day ever.”

Behind you, a loud sound rips through the air, and you all turn to look at the sky, watching as a bright light races across it. Bellamy muses, “The Exodus ship? Your mom’s early.”

Clarke lets out a laugh and you feel your skin pull tight with anxious energy. But as you all watch the ship, her smile fades. “Wait. Too fast. No parachute? Something’s wrong.”

And as soon as she gets the words out, the ship disappears behind a range of mountains. Seconds later, a bright light flashes through the sky, followed by an explosion. You jolt back as if the explosion hit you, mouth dropping open in shock. Beside you, Clarke shifts, and then stumbles, dropping to her knees, a choked sob escaping her throat. You drop down beside her, wrapping your arms around her as she sobs, crying out for the only parent you both had left. 

You feel Bellamy lower down behind you, placing a strong hand on your shoulder and Clarke’s. Later you’ll wonder when things changed between you and him, when your mutual hatred started to ebb. Whether it was gradual, or all at once. Whether it was ever really hatred at all, or just misplaced anger. But for now, you hold your twin close, comforting her as she cries for your mother. 

-

It’s hours later before you pull yourself up into your tree, and allow yourself to think about her. And just as you start to get lost in thought, a voice drifts up from below. “Anyone home?”

“Yes.”

“Can I come up?”

You hesitate for a moment. “Yes.”

You wait and listen, the sound of boots scraping against bark and grunts as he pulls himself higher. And then, a dark head of hair pops into view, followed by a face full of freckles, cheeks pink from exertion. He pulls himself up beside you and leans heavily against the trunk, catching his breath. You hide a smile and let your gaze lift to the stars, watching as the Ark blinks across the sky. Bellamy lets out a breath, and then, “You couldn’t have picked a lower branch?”

You breathe out a laugh, and glance over at him, watching as his eyes scan your face. You blush and look back up. “Better view up here.”

“You’re fond of the sky.”

You smile, and turn to look at him. “Because of my dad. He used to teach me the constellations, tell me all the stories, answer every question I had. It was our thing. Everything else was Clarke’s thing. But this,” you glance at the sky again, “This was all mine.”

You sigh, look down and pick at your nails. You can still feel Bellamy’s gaze heavy on your face. “I spent my entire life eclipsed by her. Weird to think that now she’s all I have left.”

You feel tears start to well up in your eyes, and Bellamy shifts closer, putting his hand on your knee. “I thought I wanted her dead. But now that she is…” You glance at him, remembering his mom. “I know that’s selfish. Your mom was taken from you and I wished mine away. But I was so angry. Angry that she turned in my father, angry that she took the only person that really understood me. Because, despite being a twin, I knew they favored her more. Clarke was better behaved, so she was chosen to see the Ark, be in the open. Clarke got the best grades, top choice for an apprenticeship, the undying favor of our mother. And I got a mother that always seemed ashamed of her secret.”

You fall silent, letting the anger squish out the sadness, until none of it remains. Bellamy takes a breath and his voice is quiet when he says, “You’re allowed to feel conflicted, you know. She was your mom, who, despite everything, kept you a secret until you were born because she didn’t want to give you up. And she gave up your father, for whatever her reasons were, and you’re allowed to be angry about that too. But don’t let that anger poison you and your relationship with your sister.” His voice drops softer, “Trust me.”

You look over at him, and his hand squeezes your knee. “You are not Clarke, and that is a good thing. You always talk about how bright she shines, but the stars don’t light up the darkness like the moon can. The stars don’t control the tide. The stars are important, but the moon is our guiding light.”

You feel tears squeeze your throat for a different reason, but you swallow them back down, whispering a quiet, “Thank you.”

He nods and you both fall into silence, shifting your gaze from Bellamy, to the guiding light that sits high in the sky. 

-


	10. x. i am become death (1.10)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mentions of blood/wounds, scary bleeding fever courtesy of the Grounders, puking, mentions of torture, death, fighting, the usual.
> 
> Summary: Murphy’s return to camp brings a hemorrhagic fever that weakens and infects most of the 100 as the Grounders prepare for war.

It’s hard not to choke up at the sight of the wreckage, spread out over the expanse of the valley, littered with burnt skeletons that still release smoke into the air. Your eyes scan each body, looking for any sign of her, and you know that Clarke is nearby doing the same. You can see her lip quivering as she checks each body, and you start to move closer to comfort her when you see it.

It catches the afternoon sun, glinting back at you. You kneel down and sweep some of the ash away, lifting the chain to reveal a small metal sun, the only jewelry that your mother ever wore. You lift your eyes back to Clarke, not quite ready to expose her to this, and let out a sigh of relief when you see her looking at something else. A voice behind you nearly makes you jump from your skin. “What is that?”

You spin around quickly, closing your hand around the necklace to hide it from his view. Bellamy gives you a weird look as you whisper, “Nothing.”

His eyes flash back down to your hand and then meet your own, and he mutters, “If you say so.” He turns and addresses the teenagers on guard duty, “Stay sharp. Grounder retaliation for what happened on the bridge is coming, just a matter of when.”

Finn offers a glare, “Can you blame them?”

“No. I blame you.”

“Maybe if you didn’t bring guns–”

Raven cuts Finn off, “If we didn’t bring guns, we all would’ve been killed.”

“Why they’re coming doesn’t matter anymore. It’s our job to be ready when they do. We’re on our own now.“

A shudder passes through you, his words offering no comfort. On our own. Behind you, Raven yells your twin’s name. "Clarke, stop!”

You all follow her as she jogs over to Clarke, coming to a stop as she asks, “Rocket fuel?”

“Hydrazine…Highly unstable in its non solid form. If this stuff meets fire, we’re all pink mist.” She kneels down and dips a rock into the liquid, before standing and yelling out, “Fire in the hole!”

She tosses the rock over the ridge, into a pile of burning rubble, and an explosion immediately shakes the ground. She turns to Bellamy, “We need to clear the area.”

“Okay, then. We move in formation, no straggling, weapons hot. We’ve got to get back before dark.”

You pick through the woods quickly and quietly, sandwiched between Bellamy and Clarke, weaponless. He’d said something about emotions and weapons not mixing earlier, and you hadn’t had the energy to argue. But as night falls and you near the camp, you can tell that something is wrong. The teenagers are practically buzzing with energy, and your small group speeds up at the realization. You and Bellamy make it through the gates first, and someone yells at you as you pass through, “Murphy is back!”

You and Bellamy exchange a glance before you take off running, your feet pulling you past him and into the dropship first. Bellamy is yelling before he even makes it through the door. “Where is he?”

The crowd parts around him, revealing Murphy on the ground, bloodied, bruised, and shaking. Your breath catches in your throat at the sight of him, and a mixture of guilt and pity courses through you, despite what he has done. 

“Everyone but Connor and Derek out…Now!”

The room clears, leaving only Connor, Derek, Murphy, Clarke, Finn, Bellamy, and you. Derek turns to Bellamy, "He claims he was with the Grounders.”

“We caught him trying to sneak back into camp.”

Murphy’s voice is quiet, lacking any of his usual anger. “I wasn’t sneaking. I was running from the Grounders.”

Bellamy scoffs, “Anyone see Grounders?”

“Uh-uh.”

“Well, in that case–”

Bellamy lifts his gun, before it is shoved back down by Finn. “Hey, what the hell is wrong with you?”

“We were clear what would happen if he came back.”

As your eyes scan Murphy’s body, the cuts, the bruises, the torn clothing, your eyes land on his hands. Your brows furrow as you move closer, ignoring the arguing behind you. You drop to your knees beside him and he flinches away from you, but you lean closer, reaching out to lift his hands. You swallow bile down when you confirm that his nails have been ripped from his fingers. You cut off the group, turning to say Clarke’s name. Her eyes land on you and you lift his hand as she moves closer to investigate. You turn to the boys, “His fingernails were torn off. They tortured him.”

Finn mutters to Bellamy, “You and the Grounders should compare notes.”

“The Grounders know we’re at war. What did you tell them about us?”

Murphy’s eyes lift to Bellamy, nervous. “Everything.”

Clarke’s hands lift to Murphy’s face, inspecting his injuries, before she drops them and steps away from him. You follow suit as she moves to Bellamy, “Once he’s better, we find out what he knows, and then he’s out of here, okay?”

Bellamy levels a glare at her. “What if he refuses to leave? What do we do with him then?”

“Then we kill him.”

She pushes past him and leaves, and Finn is quick to follow. You step out into the cool night air, turning to look at Bellamy. “I’m gonna…” You trail off and nod towards your tree. 

He nods once and mutters, “Yeah. See you in the morning.”

-

You forget about the necklace in your pocket until morning, pulling it out to inspect it as dawn emerges. You brush your finger over the cool metal, shaking the memories of your mom out of your head. Now is not the time to mourn. As you start to close your hand and tuck it back into your pocket, a drop of blood lands in your palm. Confused, you reach up and brush your nose, finding nothing. You feel panic start to rise in your chest as a wetness tracks down your cheeks, from your eyes. You reach up and swipe at them, nearly falling from the tree in horror when your fingers come back stained red. 

You shove the necklace into your pocket and clumsily climb to the ground, realizing for the first time that you are feverish and shaky. You call for Clarke as your feet hit the ground, scanning the camp for her. She emerges from the communications tent, and you know you are wearing matching expressions of horror as you take in each other’s bloody eyes. Nearby, Connor and Derek call out for her, blood gushing from their noses at an alarming rate. You see the realization pass over her face at the same time you make the connection and whisper, “Murphy.” 

You tear through the camp and into the dropship, running and sliding up beside Murphy. He coughs and vomits blood beside you, and you snap at him, “Murphy, look at me. I need you to tell me exactly how you escaped from the Grounders. What happened?”

He shakes his head, “I don’t know. I woke up, and they forgot to lock my cage. There was no one there, so I took off.”

And you think of the Grounders, and all of their tactical ability and intelligence, and your stomach sinks to the floor. You turn your head and lock eyes with Clarke as she runs inside, “They let him go.”

She drops down beside you, and Bellamy enters the dropship. You turn to him and see his shock as he registers the blood around your eyes. You lift your hand as he gets closer, warning him. “Bellamy, stay back.”

His voice is hard, “Did he do something to you? You shake your head, and his eyes drop to the pool of blood beside Murphy. "What the hell is this?”

Clarke mutters from beside you, “Biological warfare. You were waiting for the Grounders to retaliate for the bridge? This is it. Murphy is the weapon.”

Bellamy steps towards Murphy, anger written all over his face. He looks ready to kill him on the spot. But Clarke holds up her hand. “Hey, don’t. Whatever this thing is, it spreads through contact.”

Before he can answer, Finn comes in, eyes immediately finding Clarke’s. “Clarke?”

Her voice shakes as she warns him, “Finn, you shouldn’t be in here. No one should.”

“I heard you were sick. Clarke, what is this?”

She shakes her head, “I don’t know, some kind of hemorrhagic fever. We just need to contain it before–”

She cuts herself off as Derek retches from the other side of the room. You jump up and run to him, as his body shakes and seizes. You can hear Clarke running up behind you, warning Finn to keep back. You watch as Derek vomits blood one more time, and then drops to the floor, face down. You hesitate before leaning down and pressing your fingers to his pulse, freezing in place when you realize. Behind you, Bellamy starts, “Is he-”

You lock eyes with him. “He’s dead.”

Finn spins towards Clarke, “What do we do?”

“Quarantine. Round up everyone who had contact with Murphy. Bring them here.”

Bellamy quips, “And everyone they had contact with?”

“Well, we have to start somewhere. Connor, who was with you when you found him? Who carried him in? Think.”

“The first one there was Octavia.”

Bellamy freezes and then runs from the dropship, returning minutes later with his little sister in tow. Clarke searches around for some cloth and rips it into pieces, giving it to you, herself, and then Bellamy so you can cover your mouths and limit the spread. Octavia stands in front of Clarke as she examines her, and all around you more sick delinquents are brought inside. With a satisfied nod, Clarke steps away. “Okay. We’re done. No visible signs of swelling or bleeding.”

“So you’re saying she doesn’t have it?”

Clarke sighs, “I’m saying she doesn’t have symptoms, but that could change. We need to keep her here just in case.”

He shakes his head, gesturing around. “No way. Look at this place. She’ll get sick just being here.”

“Do you want to stop the spread, or not? Look. I’ll keep her on the third level with the people who aren’t symptomatic yet. Think of it as a way to stop her from sneaking out again.”

Octavia turns and gives her a glare. “Screw you, Clarke.”

“I’ll let you know if her condition changes.”

Bellamy sighs and nods once in agreement, turning to leave as Octavia starts to climb up the stairs to the third floor. Before she can, Clarke stops her. “Octavia, wait. I need you to sneak out again.”

You miss the rest of the conversation, because you feel the room sway around you, before you feel yourself falling, plunging into the darkness around you. 

-

You wake, turn and vomit blood, and fall back into something soft, drifting off again as fingers push your hair off your face.

-

Your eyes open slowly, finding the world again, and your skin is sticky with sweat. You press your fingers to your forehead, relieved to find it cool to the touch. With a deep breath, you pull yourself up and look around, surprised to find yourself swinging slightly in a hammock. You turn and plant your feet on the floor, pleased that you can stand on steady legs. As you survey the room, you find almost everyone asleep, moaning in pain, or puking blood. Murphy runs around, helping people and getting water, and you open your mouth to question him when you hear a commotion outside. 

As you walk to the door, you can hear the panic of nearly 100 teenagers, screaming at others to get back. As a precaution, you grab the gun near the door, pulling back the parachute to reveal the camp in utter chaos. You lift the gun into the air and fire three shots, and stillness settles into the air. 

You see everyone turn towards you, and you walk down to the bottom of the ramp, past Clarke. You raise your voice so everyone can get the message. “This is exactly what the Grounders want. Don’t you see that? They don’t have to kill us if we kill each other first.”

A guy steps from the group, lifting his gun towards you, aiming for the center of your chest. “They won’t have to kill us if we all catch the virus. Get back in the damn dropship!”

Before you can react, Bellamy steps up to the guy, pulls the gun from his grasp, and hits him in the throat, effectively shutting him up. You nod your thanks, as you hear an odd sound from behind you. You turn just in time to see Clarke starting to fall, and Finn rushes up to catch her. Raven yells out, “Finn, don’t touch her!”

Clarke’s voice is weak as you step closer, “Hey, let me go. I’m okay.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Octavia will come back with a cure.”

Octavia’s voice cuts through the crowd. “There is no cure…But the Grounders don’t use the sickness to kill.”

“Really?” You can hear the sarcasm dripping from Bellamy’s voice. “Tell that to them. I warned you about seeing that Grounder again.”

“Yeah? Well, I have a warning for you, too. The Grounders are coming… and they’re attacking at first light.” She steps past him, and up to Finn. “Come on. I’ll help you get Clarke into the dropship.”

You give Bellamy one last look before following them inside, and pointing Finn towards your now empty hammock. “You can put her there.”

He sets her gently into the hammock as you grab a rag, wiping the sweat from your twin’s brow. She gives you a weak smile, as Finn turns to Octavia. “What else did Lincoln tell you?”

“The virus doesn’t last long.”

You turn to them, “It’s true, I feel a lot better.” 

Clarke tries to stand. “They need to stay hydrated.”

“You need to stay hydrated.”

Octavia hands Clarke a drink and she takes a long sip before handing it back, “Okay. Them, too. Please?”

She nods, “It’s okay. I’ll do it. Just rest.”

Murphy jumps up from across the room, “I’ll help you.” He surveys the room and offers a hard truth, “Look. At this rate, when the Grounders get here, there won’t be anyone left to fight back.”

Octavia cuts him a glare, “That’s the point.”

You watch an idea pass Finn’s face, “Then we slow them down.”

And then he turns to leave. Clarke watches him with an uncomfortable look, and you put a comforting hand on her arm. “"If he’s not sick by now, then he’s probably immune like Octavia.“ She nods, and you push her hair back from her forehead, remembering that it was likely her that did the same for you. “Sleep. It helps.”

She turns her head and drifts off quickly, and you stand watching her for a long time, before jumping up to help Octavia and Murphy care for the others. Hours later, you are taking a quick break, on your knees next to Clarke, watching as she shifts in her sleep. You reach up to wipe the sweat from her forehead, brows lifting in alarm as you register her fever. She wakes up retching, and you help turn her to her side, watching as blood spills over the hammock and onto the floor. 

When she stills, you lay her back down, and grab her hand, lacing her fingers with yours. You finally realize you’re crying, and you watch as tears land on the fabric around her. With your free hand you reach into your pocket and pull out the necklace, which you wrap around her hand and rest in her palm before reconnecting your fingers. You let out a quiet sob and whisper, “I didn’t want to show you earlier, because I didn’t want to upset you. But now…I found mom’s necklace, Clarke. And I just can’t…I can’t do this without you, please don’t leave me alone.” 

You drop your head and cry into your joined hands, jumping in surprise when you feel her lightly squeeze your hand. Your eyes flit to her face, and her eyes are still closed, but you know that she heard you, and you know she’s going to fight. You smile a little and wipe your tears away, as a commotion rings out behind you. Bellamy is being dragged inside by two others, and you start to stand and help when Octavia jumps into action. “Clear some space, lay him down!”

You lower yourself back down, letting the Blake’s have their moment in the same way that Octavia let you have yours. You catch her eyes from across the room and you both exchange small smiles, before turning back and tending to your respective siblings. 

-

Hours later, after helping the others, you find Octavia leaned against a wall, nodding off. You shake her awake, and nod to the third floor. “Hey, get some rest. Me and Murphy can handle it for a while.”

“Yeah. Thanks.” She starts to walk away but turns back, “Can you check on Bellamy for me?”

“Of course.”

She nods in thanks and climbs the ladder, leaving you to stop by beside Bellamy. You give yourself a minute to map his features, unnoticed, as everyone is either distracted or asleep. Including him. The longer you look, the more you hate the blood staining his face, reminding you of the danger you’re all in. You step away to find a rag and a cup of water, before you wet the rag and gently wipe the sweat from his skin, along with the blood around his mouth and nose. He wakes as you’re finishing up, and your eyes instantly connect. You blush a little, even though you did nothing wrong, and his eyes drop to it. You pull back and he sits up, and you grab a cup of water as Murphy passes by, handing it to Bellamy and urging him to drink. He drains the cup and then looks you over, "You feeling better?”

“Much.” 

He nods, a smile on his face, and he looks around. “That’s good. You seen Octavia?”

“She was up all night helping people. I sent her away to rest, while Murphy and I took over.” He opens his mouth to say something, before changing his mind. He settles on something else instead, "It’s almost dawn. Better get everyone inside. If we lock the doors, maybe the Grounders will think we’re not home.”

You shake your head, “Not everyone is sick.”

“Sick is better than dead.”

You consider this, and nod. “I’ll get everyone inside.”

-

You go around the camp, gathering everyone and telling them about the plan, leading them towards the dropship, and potentially, the last stronghold of safety. Bellamy comes out to help minutes later, unable to handle even a second of inaction. You resist the urge to roll your eyes.

As you are both leading everyone inside, an explosion shakes the camp, and a mushroom cloud floats up in the distance. Bellamy’s voice is shocked behind you, “They did it.”

You watch the smoke lift into the sky, and remember a quote your dad once taught you. “I am become death, destroyer of worlds.”

Bellamy whispers, “Oppenheimer.”

-

As soon as Octavia returns, she sends you away, promising that now she would keep an eye on your sibling. You head to your spot, your tree, and climb up, wondering if sleep will reach you at all. 

It doesn’t.

Instead, the realization that your mom is really gone hits you. Sobs wrack your body as you remember her, and then your dad, the crushing weight of being an orphan now heavy on your shoulders. You think of Clarke, temperature impossibly high, coughing up blood and leaving you alone in this world. Because you called her over to look at Murphy. Before that, she was safe, she was okay. 

You wonder if a curse slides through your blood, dooming everyone close to you, and you decide that you will give it no more victims. You will put no one else in harm’s way. Because no one close to you is safe. And with a steely resolve that rivals that of your mother, you head back to the dropship to check on Clarke, ready to nurse her back to health and then leave her alone. Ready to keep her safe by keeping your distance. Instead of finding her resting comfortably, the hammock is empty. You look around in confusion, and Murphy spots you, offering, “The graves.”

“Thanks.”

You turn and leave, heading for the small graveyard outside the walls of the camp. As you near the perimeter, a voice catches you off guard. “You’re not thinking of going outside the walls without a gun, are you?”

“Guess not.” The curse can’t reach them if I’m dead. You shake the thought away, and an odd look passes over Bellamy’s face.

He makes eye contact with two guards and gestures for them to walk in front of you as he falls in step beside you. Clarke turns as you both step through, and she turns back to eye the new row of freshly dug graves. "Fourteen graves.”

Bellamy ignores her, “We need to talk about Murphy.”

She turns to face you both fully, and you see the light of the torch glint off the metal sun around her neck. You look back up at her and her fingers brush across it, acknowledging your gaze. She looks over at Bellamy, “He was right about the bridge.“

"We’ll see. Octavia says the Mountain Men are pissed, whatever that means.”

You turn to him, “Mountain Men?”

He shrugs in response, and Clarke reasons, “I’d say it means we need as many soldiers as we can get.”

You pull a face, but say nothing. Bellamy eyes her, “So, what, we have pardon power now?”

“It’s hard running things.” He lifts a brow quickly and drops it, and she gazes over the graves one last time. “Fourteen.”

And then she heads back into camp, leaving you and Bellamy standing in silence. He starts, “That necklace…that Clarke was wearing?”

He doesn’t need to finish the question, because you know what he’s asking. “Yes. It was our mother’s.”

“I’m sorry.” 

You just shrug in response, the emotions not reaching you, tucked too far away in a box now labeled off limits. But the realization does reach you. “Only the stars and the moon now. No sunlight. Just darkness.”

He shifts beside you at your dark tone and reaches for your hand, but you step away, fighting the pull of your muscles to reach for him. A hurt look passes over his face and you step on your regret. “I am become death, Bellamy. You’re not safe.”

And before he can answer, you walk away, heading back to your tree, back to isolation where no one else can get hurt.

-


	11. xi. the calm (1.11)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Language, angst, allusions to smut, some sad things.
> 
> Summary: A fire takes out most of the food supply, prompting a need for hunting. While most of the hunting parties come back with no problems, Clarke and Finn never return to camp.

You sit in your tree, legs dangling over the edge, watching the camp as it comes to life in the early morning hours. You’re lost in thought when you hear your name from the ground. Recognizing the voice, you ignore it, keeping your eyes out on the horizon.

Seconds later, a rock hits your knee. You toss a glare down to the ground. “Ow!”

She returns your glare with an eye roll. “That did not hurt.” You prepare yourself to ignore her again, when her voice reaches you, soft and pleading. “It’s been two days, please. Just come to the edge of camp with me, just for a few minutes.” 

You start to shake your head, and she adds, “You’re all I have left.”

The words pull at your heart, like she knew they would, but you descend the tree anyways, taking your twin’s outstretched hand when you reach the bottom and allowing her to lead you to the edge of camp. She takes you just beyond the walls, to the top of a hill, and stops, gazing out to the woods.

Silence sits heavy between you, until she breaks it. “Did I do something?” You turn, head already shaking when she shrugs. “I thought we were doing better.”

“We were.” You shake your head, correct yourself. “We are.”

You’re silent for a minute, thinking. “It’s not you, Clarke. I promise.”

She nods her head, as if she was fully expecting that’s all she’d get from you. She accepts it nonetheless. The conversation ends when Bellamy approaches from behind. “Anything?”

You turn and meet his eyes, and you don’t miss the concern in them, directed at you, no doubt. You drop your eyes as Clarke answers him, “It’s been two days. Maybe the bomb at the bridge scared them off for good.”

“You believe that?”

“No. They’re coming.” You shudder at the thought, the impending war weighing heavily on you all. 

“Jasper thinks he can cook up some more gunpowder, if he can get some sulfur.” Bellamy starts to walk away, and Clarke follows, pulling you with her. You listen in on the conversation silently. “And Raven says she can turn that into landmines. So be careful where you step.”

He turns and offers a smirk, and you notice his eyes stay locked on you. You shrink beneath his gaze. “What I really need is a thousand more of her tin can bombs that I can roll into their village and blow those Grounders to hell.” You see the glare Clarke gives him, and you hide a smile, having just been on the other end of the very same glare. “That’s what they want to do to us.”

“Can’t believe we survived a hundred years just so we could slaughter each other. There has to be another way.”

“Any word from the Ark?” 

Clarke shakes her head, “Radio silence.”

“Finally ran out of air.”

“Maybe our mom was lucky being on the Exodus ship.” She squeezes your hand, “At least it was quick.” She lets the statement settle between you before she adds, “No one is coming down to save us.”

The word alone bounces around your head, echoing throughout the space. You all thought that if you could hold out until the Ark came down, until the Exodus ship landed with your mom and the Guard, then maybe you’d all be okay. Maybe you’d survive. Survival doesn’t seem as likely now.

In the camp behind you, the sound of yelling starts to grow, punctuated by screams of “Fire!”

You, Clarke, and Bellamy all exchange a worried look before you take off running towards the camp, pushing people out of your way to reach the growing flames. Bellamy spots Octavia, kneeled down and coughing, and stops to check on her, as you stand and watch the majority of the camp’s food source go up in flames. You almost want to laugh at the Universe’s cruel idea of a joke. 

As everyone stands to watch, Murphy yells at Del, who is standing near the flames. “This is all your fault! We told you it was too much wood.”

He closes the space between them quickly, before landing a punch on Del’s jaw. You think of Wells, before running forward and shoving yourself between them. Del tries to swing and hit him, but misses, and makes contact with your cheekbone instead. You shove him backwards, away from Murphy, and yell, “Knock it off!”

Behind you, Bellamy has gotten a hold of Murphy, and mutters, “Save it for the Grounders.”

Octavia yells to her brother, “Well, now what the hell are we gonna do? That was all the food!”

The camp grows silent, watching as the food burns to ash, and you watch Clarke’s face fall. For the first time in days, you get a good look at her, and realize how awful she looks. There are bags under her eyes, and her shoulders are practically sagging from carrying the weight of the camp. Anxiety seems perpetually etched into her face, and you start to feel guilt for your absence. In keeping away and keeping her safe, you dropped all your leadership and responsibility onto her. You swear to yourself you’ll do better.

-

Later, after the fire is put out, you follow your sister over to Bellamy. He is kneeling in the ashes of the food supply, scowling at the remains. You are the first to speak, and you see a flash of surprise cross his face before the scowl returns. “Any idea what happened?”

“Murphy says that Del kept feeding the fire, mostly because Octavia told him it was a bad idea.”

Clarke sounds skeptical, “And we believe Murphy?”

“I do.”

“We have some wild onions and nuts in the dropship.” You shrug and add, “It’s only enough to last us maybe one or two weeks. What’s left here?”

He shakes his head, “Nothing. It all burned.”

“Then we have to hunt.” You and Bellamy turn towards her at the suggestion, but she doesn’t seem to notice. “Anyone we can spare goes out.”

“With the whole Grounder army out there?”

Her voice is firm. “Look. We can’t defend ourselves if we’re starving.”

You watch the muscle in his jaw clench, and you know that he agrees with her, whether he wants to or not. He offers her a nod, before you all split off to gather who you can, and bring them to the dropship. When you get there, Bellamy is already briefing the hunters. “Each group takes someone with a gun, and they’re for killing Grounders, not food. We don’t have the ammo. Use the spears for hunting. Get what you can. Be back by nightfall. No one stays out after dark.”

You step over to the spears, checking them all to find the best for fishing. As you finally decide, you feel a hand touch your arm and then drop away. “Are you sure you’re okay to go?”

You glare, “I’m fine, Bellamy.”

You start to step around him, but he grabs your arm to stop you. You look down at his hand, and back up to his eyes. “It’s just…we’ve barely seen you for days.”

“I still showed up for my guard shifts.”

“I know.” He shakes his head, “That’s not what I meant. I just think that maybe you should stay in the camp for today.”

Your anger flares because you hate when he babies you. “I’m not Octavia. You can’t tell me when I’m allowed to leave the camp and when I’m not.”

He steps back, dropping your arm, and you know you’ve hurt him. _I’m cursed I’m cursed I’m cursed._ You repeat the mantra, reminding yourself, keeping you from apologizing. You look around him to the two other fishers. “I have to go. I’ll be back before sundown.”

He steps back and lets you go, and you follow the other two from the dropship and into the woods. You reach the river in no time, and after an hour of attempts, you spear your first fish with a triumphant smile. The afternoon sun shifts overhead and starts to sink below the trees, and you and the other two fishers decide to wrap it up early, weighed down with fish. 

As soon as you arrive back to camp, you plop the fish down on Murphy’s table, and he raises a brow, impressed. You glance at the dropship and ask, “Is Clarke back yet?”

“You guys are the first ones back.”

“Thanks.” You leave and drop off your spear, deciding to wait for Clarke, so you can tell her all about your fishing success. You promise yourself you’ll still keep your distance, but you hope the news will ease the burden she carries, if only a little. 

As hunting party after hunting party returns, some successful, some not, you feel your worry start to rise. Night falls and the moon rises, and you wait until it is high in the sky to allow yourself to truly feel alarm, because you know they should have been back hours ago. 

You pass Murphy and make a beeline for Bellamy’s tent, telling yourself that you’re only going to him because he’s the other leader. That’s it. You barge into his tent, saying his name, ready to spill the news as soon as you confirm he’s in there. Instead, his name dies on your tongue as you make eye contact with him, and then…with Raven. You take in their naked bodies, covered in sweat, their breaths coming out in hard pants, and you mutter a quick, “sorry” before rushing from the tent. 

You stand outside, debating what to do, because you still need to talk to him, but now anger is swimming in your blood. Because despite the fact that nothing happened with you and Bellamy, despite the fact that you had been distancing yourself from him ( _to keep him safe_ ), you thought that maybe, just maybe, he felt something for you too. 

A second later, Raven bursts from the tent, and she makes eye contact with you. An odd expression passes over her features, and she opens her mouth to say something, but the look you give her must stop her in her tracks. Instead, she repeats your earlier apology before heading towards the dropship. 

You take a deep breath, box up your anger and put it away, before stepping into the tent with a hand over your eyes. You make a point of being extremely loud, and you stand near the entrance, eyes still covered, until he whispers, “You can open your eyes.”

You drop your hand and look at him, his gaze instantly dropping away from yours. You try to ignore the way his hair looks, wild and untamed, and the way his breath still pushes a little too hard past his lips. You get a flash of a thought, _Bellamy beneath you, panting,_ and you blush before shoving it away. He clears his throat a little, and you remember your earlier mission. “Clarke still isn’t back.”

His eyes snap to yours, instantly worried, and he is already in action, leaving the tent as he asks, “What about Finn and Myles?”

You shake your head, but remember that he can’t see you. You jog to catch up and answer, “No.”

“We can’t spare many people, but we’ll gather a few of the others and go look for them. Monty and Raven have been working on walkie talkies all day, so hopefully they’ve got a few up and running.”

He bursts into the dropship, grabbing guns and passing them to you, and then moving deeper into the ship until he finds Raven, Octavia, and Monty. He nods and addresses them. “Good, you’re all here. Clarke, Finn, and Myles are still missing. We’re going to go look for them.”

He passes them guns and then turns to Monty. “Are any of those radios up and running?”

“Three.”

“Okay, we’ll split into groups, so we can cover more ground. But stay close, in case anyone needs help. Got it?”

Everyone nods, and he grabs the three radios that Monty hands him. “Raven and Octavia.” He passes them a radio, and turns to Monty, handing him one. “Are you good to go alone?”

Monty nods, and Bellamy pockets the last radio. “And you’re with me.” His eyes meet yours and you open your mouth to protest, but decide not to waste time. Instead, you nod in agreement. “Alright, let’s go.”

-

The woods around you seem impossibly dark, the kind of darkness that presses in on you, suffocating you. Despite this, you keep your space from Bellamy, who steals glances over at you every few minutes. The silence finally seems to get to him, because he starts to ramble. “I’m sorry you walked in on me and Raven. And I’m sorry in general. She was upset about Finn, and she wanted a distraction, and she was stripping before I could even-” He cuts himself off, realizing how flimsy his reasoning is, before starting again. “You pushed me away, and I-”

You cut him off this time, forcing a smile that you’re not even sure he can see in the dark. “You don’t owe me anything, Bellamy. It’s fine.”

He starts to respond, but Monty cuts him off over the radio. You let out a quiet sigh of relief. “I thought you said you were heading west. Where are you?”

Bellamy lifts the radio to his lips, “Just keep the moon to your left, and you’ll find us.”

It’s silent for a minute before Monty asks, “Is anyone else hearing this signal?”

Raven answers, “Just keep your eyes open.”

“I think it’s the same thing we heard in the black box.”

You can feel Bellamy’s frustration growing beside you. “Damn it, Monty, pay attention. Do you see anything? Report.”

The radio falls silent again, before Raven’s voice cuts through, quiet. “There’s someone in the bushes.”

You and Bellamy tear through the trees towards them, reaching them as Octavia pulls back the bushes and mutters, “Myles?”

Raven leans forward, “Myles, what happened? Where are they? Clarke and Finn, where are they?”

“Grounders took them.”

You feel your breath leave your body in a whoosh, and you drop to your knees. You think of Clarke earlier that morning, holding your hand, and you berate yourself. Stupid stupid stupid!

Behind you, you hear Bellamy whisper, “We have to get him back to camp.”

Octavia’s head snaps up, “Bell, what about Clarke and Finn?”

His voice is so quiet, you almost miss it. “I’m sorry.”

You hear your blood roaring in your ears as you take in his words. _I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry._ You stand and spin towards him, buzzing with anger. Your voice is low and threatening. “I’m not leaving without Clarke.”

He tries to reason with you, “Myles will die if we leave him out here.”

You balk, “I don’t care!” You hear your voice rise, “I don’t care who might die in the process, as long as Clarke is safe.” 

He tries to shush you, whispering your name. “There are Grounders out here.”

“Exactly! There are Grounders out here and I am not leaving my twin alone with them!” You shove him, pissed. “What if it was Octavia? You wouldn’t leave her behind! You made us march right into Grounder territory to save her!”

Behind you, you can hear Raven and Octavia begging you to quiet down. You spin and yell, “No!” And before they can stop you, you take off running, screaming Clarke’s name as you go. “Clarke! Clarke!”

Seconds later, something collides with your body, sending all the air from your lungs. A hand closes over your mouth, and you catch a brief glimpse of dark curls and freckles, before you start struggling and kicking, your yelling muffled behind his hand. “Let me go, Bellamy Blake! God damn it, you better let me go!”

You feel your hand start to reach for your knife, but he anticipates it, and wraps his legs around you, strong thighs pinning you in place. You scream and fight against him, until the fight starts to leave you slowly, turning into muffled sobs. Bellamy rocks you, comforting you as he keeps you pinned, stroking your hair until you start to quiet down. Only when the sobs stop do you realize he’s humming Clair de Lune, and you feel the tears start again.

You don’t know how long has passed before he leans down, his lips brushing against your temple as he whispers, “I’m going to let you go now, okay?”

You nod against him, and he lowers his hand from your mouth. When he sees that you stay silent, he unlocks his legs, freeing you. You stay frozen in place, until you realize you are still in his arms, laying against him, and you feel awkwardness overtake you. You stand and he follows, picking up both of your forgotten guns. He slings them both over his shoulder and puts his hand on your lower back, guiding you back to Raven and Octavia. 

When you get there, you avoid their eyes, embarrassed, before whispering. “I’m sorry. That was stupid.”

They say nothing, but Raven tells Bellamy, “We made a stretcher for Myles and got him loaded up, but we still can’t get a hold of Monty.” 

“Damn it.” Bellamy lifts the radio and says, “Monty, we’re heading home. You copy? Monty, can you hear me? Monty, Monty where the hell are you? Report.”

When Monty doesn’t answer, Bellamy sighs. “We can’t go after him now. Hopefully his radio just died and he’s on the way back to camp right now.”

He leans down and starts to lift the stretcher, and feeling useless, you grab the other pole to help. Raven and Octavia lift the other end, and you all take him back to camp in silence. As soon as you’re back, some of the other teenagers help carry Myles to the dropship. With Clarke gone, you and Octavia help him the best you can, removing the arrows and stitching him up. Once he’s asleep, you stumble out of the dropship in a daze, overcome with the realization that you might truly be alone in this world now. 

Bellamy finds you after dropping off the radios and the guns, and he leads you to his tent, wordlessly. You don’t have the energy to fight him, and allow him to lead you inside and lay you into the bed he just used with Raven. You don’t have the energy to care. 

He pulls a blanket over you and whispers, “We’ll find her, I promise.”

Exhausted, you nod your head, and then let sleep take you. 

-


	12. xii. we are grounders, pt 1 (1.12)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: language, Murphy gets revenge (there are nooses involved), hanging, fighting, violence.
> 
> Summary: Murphy is on the war path, seeking revenge, and more than a few people get caught in the crossfire.

_You run through the woods, leaves and branches reaching out to grab you, tearing at your skin and clothes. Up ahead you can see a head of golden hair, shining in the moonlight. You call out to her, desperate. “Clarke! Clarke, I’m right here! I’m behind you!”_

_She stops running and she turns, giving you a hard look. You stop dead in your tracks, forgetting the Grounders that were at your back just moments before. Clarke’s expression slowly changes, mouth now pulling into a sinister smile. Her eyes shift behind you before sliding back to yours, and she mutters. “Got ya!”_

_When the hand touches your shoulder, you scream._

You practically fly out of the bed, sweating, breath coming out in quick gasps. You push your hand over your fluttering heart, telling yourself that it’s not real. It’s just a dream. It takes you a few minutes to calm down, but when you do, you are reminded of where you are and the nightmarish reality that you now exist in.

You know yourself well enough to know that sleep is not returning to you, so you look around the empty tent, find your boots and pull them on. As you step out into the night air, you look for the moon, finding it low in the sky. You walk through the camp, looking for a few familiar faces, smiling when you finally find one near the outside wall. Octavia looks up as you approach, and she smiles. “Hey sleepyhead.”

“How long was I out for?”

“Only a few hours.”

You nod, “Good. I was starting to worry I lost a day.” You look around, watching as she swings a branch and tosses it onto a small structure, forming a roof. “What’s going on?”

“Bellamy’s got us working overtime to get the camp ready. Setting landmines, making foxholes.” She looks over at a guard leaned up against a tree, fighting against his closing eyelids. “He’s working us until we drop.”

“I better chip in then.” She shrugs, but you start lifting branches and adding them to her foxhole. She watches you closely, trying to get a read on you. You let out a quiet sigh and meet her eyes. “I’m okay, I promise. I just…freaked out at the idea of leaving Clarke to die. It was stupid and I put us all in danger. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize to me.” A grin splits her face, and you know she’s being genuine. You both start to work on the foxhole again when she adds, “Me, Jasper, and Raven are going back out in the morning to look for them, if you want to come.”

“Of course.”

You both exchange a smile and work in silence until Bellamy’s voice approaches from behind. “Come on. These foxholes aren’t gonna build themselves.” You watch as he walks past you, heading for Raven and Jasper. “Better hope those landmines work. All the gunpowder we’re wasting, we could be making more grenades.”

Raven quips over her shoulder, “You want to come over here and test one?”

“Cute.” You don’t need to be looking at him to know he’s rolling his eyes and tossing her a glare. “I need this entire section mined by morning. Then you finish the south field.”

He turns, and she jumps up from her spot. “Hey!” She closes the space between them, voice dropping. “I told you, we’re going after Finn, Clarke, and Monty in the morning.”

“And I told you, nobody leaves this camp.”

You pause, watching as he turns away from her again. Raven’s voice rises. “I’m talking to you! We can’t just abandon our people. You want to lead them, show them you give a damn.”

Bellamy is cut off by a gunshot from somewhere behind you. You and Octavia instinctively duck, and when you turn, you see the sleepy guard from before standing and looking around confused. Bellamy bears down on him in seconds. “What the hell is the matter with you?”

“I’m sorry, man. I fell asleep. I’ve been on watch all day.”

“We’ve all been on watch all day!” Bellamy grabs Sterling, shaking him, and you cringe, aware that you are the exception. “That bullet was one less dead Grounder.”

Beside you, Octavia glares at him. “Bell, you’re scaring people.”

“They should be scared!” He shoves Sterling away, releasing him, and turns as he addresses the others. “The bomb on the bridge bought us some time to prepare, but that time is up! The Grounders are out there right now, waiting for us to leave and picking us off one by one when we do! Clarke, Finn, and Monty are gone, probably dead.” You shudder, looking over and meeting Raven’s eyes, and you know she’s fighting back grief too. Bellamy’s hysteria grows as he finishes, “If you want to be next, I can’t stop you, but no guns are leaving this camp! This camp is the only thing keeping us alive! Get back to work!”

Octavia turns to you, eyes pleading, and you know what she’s asking for. “Bell?”

He turns, surprised to hear the sound of your voice, eyes meeting yours. You jump down from your spot beside Octavia, closing the space between you. You grab his arm to lightly pull him away, and he follows. You feel his eyes search your face. “How long have you been out here?”

“Not long.” When you reach his tent, you duck and pull him inside. “Bellamy, are _you_ okay?”

You watch him tense, the muscle in his jaw clenching. “I’m fine.”

“You’re not.” You push him backwards, towards his bed. “You need to rest.”

He pushes back against you, “I’ll rest after-”

“No.” His brows lift, surprised at the force behind your words. “You’ll rest now, and I’ll keep an eye on things until you wake up.”

He hesitates, and you push him backwards again, urging. “It’s only for a few hours, okay? You’re no good to us exhausted.”

He sighs, dropping back onto the bed. “Only for a few hours.”

“Exactly. I’ve got it.”

He nods, and you duck out of the tent, and head back to the wall. When you get there, Octavia meets your eyes, and you nod to let her know it’s handled. She smiles in thanks. You step over to Sterling, who is now watching the perimeter, eyes wide. You put a hand on his shoulder, and he jumps. ”Sterling?”

“Yeah?”

“Go get some rest.”

He shakes his head so hard you hear his neck crack. “Bellamy said-”

“I know what Bellamy said. And I’m telling you to get some rest. I’ll finish out your shift.” 

His eyes scan your face, skeptical, searching for any signs of deceit. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.” You grab his gun, lifting it from his hands. “Now go.”

He stands and jogs off before you can change your mind, though you have no plan to. You settle down into the spot he just vacated, searching the woods for any signs of Grounders, or your sister.

-

The sky lightens with the early signs of dawn, and you stand from your spot just as the next guard relief arrives. You pass Harper the gun before heading over to Octavia. “I’m gonna go check on Bellamy and the rest of the camp. See if he’s in a better mood for a rescue mission. Can you hold things down out here?”

“Sure.”

You head towards the camp, stopping to grab something to drink on the way. You stand there rehydrating and checking out the camp, making sure everyone is working hard to keep the Grounders out. You turn when you hear someone exit the dropship, and you are unsurprised to come face to face with Bellamy. You can tell that the few hours of sleep did him well; the bags under his eyes aren’t nearly as deep, and some of his earlier tension is now gone. He seems annoyed as he approaches, but he tries to hide it behind a smile, which you return. “Feeling any better?”

“Yes.” He dips a cup into the water and surveys the camp at work. “Are they making any progress out there?”

“They finished most of the foxholes and mined the section you wanted. Now they’re over in the south field.”

“Good.”

You nod towards the dropship, “What were you doing in there?”

He gives a sharp shake to his head. “Nothing. Just talking to Jasper.”

As you open your mouth to answer, Murphy’s voice crackles through the radio, “No, it’s not. You know what’ll happen to me if you tell Bellamy.”

You and Bellamy exchange a glance and he starts to walk towards the dropship, lifting the radio to ask, “Tell Bellamy what?”

“Murphy has a gun. He killed Myles.” Jasper’s voice rushes out in a panic.

There’s a brief second where a weight hangs in your stomach, and you just know something is about to happen. You take off towards the dropship, passing Bellamy, who lifts the radio again. “Murphy, what the hell are you doing?”

Just as you reach the dropship, it starts to creak. You turn to look at Bellamy, whose face is frozen in horror. He shakes his head, calling your name before you make a split second decision and jump inside. You can hear Bellamy’s voice growing softer as the door closes, screaming your name and Murphy’s.

You take a deep breath and creep around the hanging parachute, keeping an eye out for Murphy or Jasper. As you step around the parachute and into the light, you reveal yourself to the open room, right next to Murphy. You both hesitate in surprise when you lock eyes, before jumping into action. You reach out for the gun, grabbing it and trying to wrestle it from his grasp, but he uses your momentum to swing the gun up, catching you in the chin. You feel your teeth clatter together but you push through, swinging an arm out and catching him near his eye. He grunts in pain and swings the gun again, but this time you duck and dodge it. As you come up, he lands a kick to your stomach, knocking the breath out of you and making contact with your old knife wound from Lincoln.

You feel the wound stretch and you wince, hoping the last healing parts are not reopened. As you try to stand and get back to Murphy, he closes the space between you and swings the butt of the gun, making contact with your skull. Pain explodes and spreads throughout your head, and stars swim in your vision. As the world goes dark, you watch Murphy lift the radio and mutter, “You try to be a hero, they die.”

-

Your senses come back to you slowly. 

The pain in your head is the first to arrive, and you try to lift a hand to press against it, only to find both of your hands tied securely behind your back. A pole digs into your spine, and something presses against your tongue, gagging you. You open your eyes, blinking against the pain, and you hear a muffled sound beside you. You make eye contact with Jasper, and relief flashes across his face. You give him a weak smile, assuring him you’re okay. 

Outside, you can hear Octavia yelling, “Murphy! Murphy, if you even touch them, I swear to God, you’re dead.”

Murphy scoffs from somewhere in front of you, and you force yourself to lift your head and look at him. He gives you a sinister smile as he quips, “Well, well, well, look who’s awake.”

You yell against your gag and fight against your restraints, trying to tell him every terrible thing you want to do to him, but the only sound that comes out is muffled yelling. His smirk only grows, “They’ll be plenty of time for that later. For now…”

He lifts his hand, shaking the radio, and on cue, Bellamy’s voice enters the room. “Come on, Murphy. You don’t want to hurt them. You want to hurt me. So what do you say? How about you trade them for me?”

“No.” You yell against the muffle, hoping Bellamy is catching what you’re saying. _Not you for me._

Bellamy’s voice is almost pleading when he asks again. “All you have to do is let them go, and I’ll take their place.”

Beside you, Jasper shakes with a quiet sob, and Murphy turns his smirk on him. “How?”

“Simple. You open the door, I walk in, they walk out.”

Murphy pauses for a second, thinking, before he stalks towards Jasper. Jasper shrinks away from him, but Murphy pulls him to his feet, muttering, “Just you.” Murphy drags him to the door and you hear it creak open, but you can’t see it from where you’re tied up. He yells, “Just you, Bellamy! Unarmed. Ten seconds, or I’ll put one in Jasper’s leg. One…”

You sit with baited breath, hoping Bellamy changed his mind. But as soon as Murphy gets halfway through his countdown, Bellamy announces his arrival. “I’m here.”

You hear feet ascend the ramp, and the parachute being pulled to the side. A second later you hear feet stumble down, and a quiet thud before the dropship door rises again. You wiggle against your restraints, as a soft voice whispers your name. You yell against the gag, before a pair of feet run towards you and kneel into your view moments later. Concern is written across his face, and he reaches up to brush the bruise that is already forming on your chin. His eyes flash with anger, and he lifts his eyes to Murphy behind you. “You said them for me!”

“Yeah, well, I lied.” Murphy kicks at your feet and you struggle to reach him, as Bellamy starts to leap towards him. Murphy lifts his gun and you and Bellamy freeze in place. “Besides, what’s the King without the Queen?”

“Murphy, just let her go. She has nothing to do with this, it’s between you and me.”

He lifts the gun higher, and takes a step back. “Shut up and grab those seatbelts over there. Tie two nooses.”

You feel your blood run cold, and your stomach sinks. Bellamy’s eyes shift to you, and you can feel the tension radiating off him. “Murphy, just listen to me-”

A shot rings through the air, cutting him off. “I said shut up!” He swings the gun towards you, aiming at your head. “Start tying.”

Bellamy lifts his hands in surrender, slowly, and then reaches for the seatbelts. As he ties, Murphy nods. “That’s good. Do what I said.”

Octavia’s voice crackles through the radio, “Bellamy? Bellamy! Are you guys okay?”

Murphy lifts the radio and nods towards the belts, urging Bellamy to tie. He complies, and Murphy presses the button, allowing Bellamy to speak. “I’m fine. Just a misfire. Now stop worrying about me and get back to work, all of you…And tell Raven to hurry her ass up.”

Your brows furrow at the mention of Raven, and your eyes shift over to Bellamy. He meets yours for a fraction of a second, but you don’t miss the nearly imperceptible nod at the question in your eyes. You feel relief for half of a second before Murphy gestures to the metal that criss crosses the ceiling. “All right. Now get up and toss them over, facing each other.”

Bellamy tosses one, then the next, before turning to face Murphy. “What do you want me to say? You want me to apologize? I’m…I’m sorry.”

“You got it all wrong, Bellamy. I don’t want you to say anything. I want you to feel what I felt, and then I want you to watch her die. And then…then I want you to die.” Murphy drags over a stool, and gestures to the noose. “Stand on it. Put it over your head.”

You fight against the restraints, yelling and screaming as Bellamy yells, “This is insane. The Grounders could…”

Bellamy trails off when Murphy swings the gun towards you, and you grow still. He steps onto the stool and stares at the noose, before looking at you. You shake your head, hard, tears starting to fall. _I don’t want him to die, I don’t want to watch him die. Let me take his place._

Murphy presses the gun to your temple. “Put it over your head.”

Bellamy complies, and Murphy pulls out a knife and presses it to your throat. You calm any struggle in your body, pulling away from the blade. Bellamy watches as Murphy pulls off your gag and frees your wrists before dragging you to your feet, and shoving you over to the other noose. You stumble and pause beneath it, glancing at Murphy, who points the gun at Bellamy. You scramble onto the stool and pull the noose over your head and around your neck. 

Bellamy pulls Murphy’s attention away from you, and back to him. “Happy now?”

“You’re so brave, aren’t you?” He grabs the lead to Bellamy’s noose, and tugs lightly. “I mean, you came in here thinking you’re just gonna turn this whole thing around, that you were stronger than me, and maybe one of your friends would come and help you. Well, what are you thinking now, Bellamy? Hmm?”

The two boys glare at each other before Murphy yanks the lead harder, and Bellamy struggles to put his fingers between the noose and his neck. You can hear him choking a little and you start to struggle. Murphy turns to smirk at you, and he yanks hard on Bellamy’s lead, choking him harder, as he scolds you. “Quiet.”

You watch Bellamy’s feet teeter on his stool as Murphy scoffs. “You know, I’ve got to hand it to you, Bellamy. You got ‘em all fooled. They actually look up to you, almost as much as they look up to the twins. Yeah, well, we know the truth, don’t we? You’re a coward. I learned that the day you kicked out the crate from beneath me.”

“I should have stopped them.”

Murphy lets out a bitter laugh, “Yeah, it’s a little late for that now.”

“You think they’re just gonna let you walk out of here?”

“Well, I think the princess is dead…” He trails off and turns to you, smiling. “And the Queen is soon to follow. And I know the King’s about to die, so who’s really gonna lead these people, huh? Me, that’s who, and, yeah, maybe I’ll have to kill your Grounder pounding little sister…”

Bellamy struggles against the restraints and Murphy pulls the lead so hard that Bellamy’s feet lift off the stool. You panic and scream out, “Stop! Stop you stupid asshole!”

He lets Bellamy drop and he turns to you. Bellamy struggles to catch his breath and he whispers your name as a warning, but you let your anger carry you, and hope it’ll be enough to distract Murphy and keep Bellamy safe. “Bellamy, I told you that you should have taken care of Murphy because he was gonna get tired of taking orders!” You glare down at Murphy as he approaches your lead and you ignore your fear. “Because cockroaches don’t ever stop being cockroaches. And Murphy will never be more than scum of the earth!”

He yanks your lead and you feel your body rise and your hands lift to your neck to pull the noose off your airway as your feet scramble to find purchase on the stool beneath you. You faintly register the sound of Bellamy yelling, but your body ignores everything other than the strangled pull of breath in and out of your body. Murphy drops your lead and you struggle for breath, locking eyes with Bellamy as you hear a scream in shock down below, and Murphy smiles. “That must be your sister right now.”

He fires blindly into the ground, and Bellamy screams in anger before locking eyes with you again. You see something you can’t name flash over his face and he starts to open his mouth, but you know you have to beat him to it. “Bellamy, I’m sorry I got you into this and I’m sorry that the curse reached you too.”

He looks confused, but you hope it’s enough for him when you’re gone, because you see a look flash across Murphy’s face, and you know the end is near. He stalks over to you and kicks your stool from beneath you, and you feel the air leave your body in a rush. Your hands lift to your neck again as you struggle to pull the noose free, and Bellamy’s screams of anger tear through the dropship. Murphy smirks at you and stalks closer, “Using your hands is a cheat. Mine were bound, remember?”

He reaches out to push your hands away and you kick blindly, feeling your foot make contact with something as he groans in pain. You are given only a second of reprieve before your arms are yanked harshly behind you and snapped together with the belts before you can fight him off again. You hear Bellamy’s rage grow more desperate and you think you register the faint sound of another stool hitting the ground. But all you can think about is your father, your mother, and your sister. The Griffin Family back together again. Stars dance at your vision, swimming all around you, and you think of Orion and how Artemis put him in the sky forever. You smile as you plunge through the stars and into the darkness. 

-

The world comes back to you with the long pull of oxygen that enters your lungs.

The dropship, your hands at your back, the limp lead of the noose beside you, and a freckled face boy yelling your name in relief. He pulls you to his chest as an explosion rocks the dropship, and he pulls away to whisper. “I’ll be right back, I promise.”

Another dark haired angel pulls you into their arms, and you squeeze an arm around her limply, letting your strength return to you bit by bit. You finally pull away and sit up, and Octavia’s face is split into a huge grin. You smile back, and she pulls you into another hug, which you return. She pulls back when the radio on her belt starts to speak. “All gunners! We got movement outside the south wall!”

You both stand as Bellamy runs past you with Jasper. You and Octavia follow, feet hitting the ground when Miller yells, “Wait! Hold your fire! Clarke and Finn! Open the gate!”

“Clarke?” The gate slides open and she runs in, her eyes scanning everyone until they find you. You take off running towards her, colliding in a hug as tears fall down your face. “I thought you were dead. I thought I was alone!”

She pulls away, shaking her head, tears streaming down her face too. “You’re never alone.”

You smile and she smiles back, but the look drops as her eyes find your neck. She reaches up to touch it as Finn asks, “We heard an explosion. What happened?”

“Murphy happened.”

You can tell Clarke wants to say something, but Finn cuts in. “Clarke, we need to leave, now. All of us do. There’s an army of Grounders, unlike anything we’ve ever seen, coming for us right now. We need to pack what we can and run.”

Your eyes jump from Finn to Clarke, and she nods in confirmation that he’s telling the truth. You feel fear creep into your body at the thought of more death. 

“Like hell we do. We knew this was coming.”

“Bell, we’re not prepared.”

“And they’re not here yet. We still have time to get ready. Besides, where would we go? Where would we be safer than behind these walls? This is our home now. We built this from nothing with our bare hands! Our dead are buried behind that wall in this ground! Our ground! The Grounders think they can take that away. They think that because we came from the sky, we don’t belong here. But they’re yet to realize one very important fact: We are on the ground now, and that means we are Grounders!”

All around you, the teenagers yell in agreement, but Clarke steps away from you, shaking her head. “Bellamy’s right. If we leave, we may never find a place as safe as this. And God knows, in this world, we could be faced with something even worse tomorrow. But that doesn’t change the simple fact that if we stay here, we will die tonight. So pack your things. Just take what you can carry, now.”

You open your mouth to protest, but she gives you a look that tells you not to argue. She glances at your neck again, and asks, “Where is he?”

“Gone.”

She starts to reply, but her gaze lifts over your head to something behind you, her brows furrowing. You hear a cry of pain follow. “Help me!”

You turn and see Raven limping towards you, and you all jump into action. Finn reaches her first and scoops her off her feet, taking her into the dropship. Jasper confirms the question Clarke is about to ask with a whisper. “Murphy shot her.”

Clarke nods and follows Finn into the dropship. You and Bellamy stand outside for a moment, in silence. You turn to him and smirk, “Ten minutes ago Murphy had us hanging up like smoked meats. Now we’re running from Grounders.” He turns to you and you can tell from the glare on his face that he doesn’t think your joke is funny, but it drops when he sees your neck. You reach up to touch it. “That bad, huh? Stopped you and Clarke dead in your tracks.”

His jaw clenches and his voice is seething with quiet fury. “If I ever see him again, I’ll kill him.”

“Not if I kill him first.”

-

To be continued…


	13. xiii. we are grounders, pt 2 (1.13)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: It’s a war, baby. Bleeding, injuries, fighting, shooting, swords. Language, angst, sad goodbyes. 
> 
> Summary: The war is here. People die, goodbyes are said.

Clarke calls you and Bellamy into the dropship, and you step inside as she is cauterizing Raven’s wound. Her screams cut through the air and dance around you, reminding you of what she did for you and Bellamy both. 

“That should stop the external bleeding.”

Finn looks between you and Bellamy, “I don’t understand. How did Murphy get a gun?”

“Long story.”

“We got lucky.” Raven turns to look at Clarke. “If Murphy hit the fuel tank instead of me, we’d all be dead.”

“Wait, there’s rocket fuel down there?” Raven nods and Clarke asks, “Enough to build a bomb?”

“Enough to build 100 bombs…if we had any gunpowder left.”

Bellamy cuts them off and holds up Lincoln’s notebook, pointing to a drawing you’re sure will give you nightmares later. “Let’s get back to the Reapers. Maybe they’ll help us. The enemy of my enemy is my friend, right?”

“Not this enemy. We saw them. Trust me, it’s not an option.”

Finn cuts her off, “There’s no time for this. Can she walk or not?”

“No. We have to carry her.”

“The hell you will.” She struggles to pull herself up, and you don’t miss her gritting her teeth against the pain. “I’m good to go.”

Clarke drops her face down to Raven’s, voice low and serious. “Hey, listen to me. That bullet is still inside you. If by some miracle, there’s no internal bleeding, it might hold until we get somewhere safe. But you are not walking there. Is that clear?”

“I’ll get the stretcher.”

Bellamy watches him leave. “Can’t run away fast enough, huh? Real brave.”

You throw him a look, but he ignores you. “Dying in a fight you can’t win isn’t brave, Bellamy, it’s stupid.”

“Spoken like every coward who’s ever run from a fight.” 

Bellamy comes around the table to get in Finn’s face, and you feel your anger flare. “Enough!”

You step in between them and glare at both of them. “We have enough to worry about with the Grounders out there, we don’t need you two fighting on top of that.”

Clarke agrees and adds, “It’s time to go.”

“If they follow? It’s a 120-mile walk to the ocean.”

You turn to him, shocked. “120 miles?” He holds up a map in Lincoln’s notebook and nods, and you look back at Clarke, shaking your head. “Clarke, we’ll never make it.”

“Look, we’re wasting time. If they want to stay, they can stay.”

She throws a sharp look at Finn’s retreating figure, “No, they can’t. We can’t do this without either of you.”

“What do you want me to say, Clarke?”

Her eyes are on Bellamy, pleading, “I want you to say that you’re with us, Bellamy. Those kids out there, they listen to you.”

“They’re lining up to go. They listen to you more.”

“I gave them an easy choice. But 5 minutes ago, they were willing to fight and die for you. You inspire them. I’m afraid we’re gonna need that again before this day is through.”

He sighs and turns to look at you, searching for your answer. Clarke reaches out and grabs your hand, squeezing, and you drop your head, already knowing your answer. Because no matter how hopeless things seem, or how impossible a 120 mile walk looks, you won’t let Clarke leave you behind. Bellamy senses this, and steps towards the door. “I’ll go get my things.”

Clarke pulls you into a hug, whispering, “Thank you.”

When she pulls away, she turns to head out of the dropship, leaving you alone with Raven. You step around the table to look at her, and you start to worry as soon as your eyes land on her. She’s pale and sweaty, and you can tell by the way she pulls her eyes open to look at you, she’s weak. You grab her hand, and squeeze. “Thank you, Raven. You saved my life.”

You hear her scoff, and she protests. “I did what anyone would have done.”

“Maybe. But no one else could have done it. Seriously, thank you.”

She nods, before glancing at the door. “You should probably go pack.”

“Right.” You let go of her hand and give her a smile, before leaving the dropship in search of Bellamy. You find him in his tent, shoving his few belongings into a bag. He meets your eyes when you walk in. 

“Are you packed?”

You gesture at your body, “This is all I own.”

He pulls his pack closed and plops down onto his bed with a huff. “This is a mistake.”

You sit down beside him. “Maybe.” You glance up at him, eyeing the bruises on his neck. His expression changes, and his brows furrow. 

“You said something, before, about a curse? What did you mean?”

“I thought I was going to die. It’s just something I said.“ You start to stand, hoping to avoid this conversation, but he catches your hand and pulls you back down.

“But that’s why I know it means something, because you knew you were about to die. I could see it written all over your face.”

You think of the look he gave you, the one you couldn’t identify. And now you realize it’s because it was a few looks rolled into one. Realization that you had accepted your fate, anger that you were giving up, sadness, regret. And you think back to the relief in his voice after you opened your eyes, and the extra weight you have given him to shoulder after you pulled away, and how it wore on him the same way it did to Clarke. And you know you owe him this, because what if this is it? What if one of you is dead by sundown?

You sigh, glance over at him, and then back down to your hands. “I’m cursed, Bellamy. Everyone I get close to ends up dead or hurt. My parents, Clarke, you…”

“That’s why you pulled away?”

“I was trying to protect you.”

He shakes his head, uses his fingers to lift your chin until your eyes meet his. “I need you to listen to me, because this needs to be said before we leave this tent, this camp, and into a war zone. Bad things happen to you, and around you, but you are not the reason. Do you hear me? The Universe has done cruel things to you, but it is not your fault. You are not cursed.”

You open your mouth to protest, but snap it closed again when he gives you a serious look. “None of this is your fault.”

You nod, slowly, still unsure. But something about the way he said it, the way he’s looking at you…You want to believe him. 

Before he can say anything else, Clarke is yelling both of your names from outside the tent. Bellamy drops his hand from your chin, and stands, lifting his pack and taking one last look at his tent. You follow him as he leaves, bag slung over his shoulder and gun now in hand. Bellamy stands in the middle of the camp, spinning, looking around at the empty grounds with sorrow. 

When he stops, you look towards the open gate, where your twin stands, and then back to him. “Ready?”

He offers you a nod before walking ahead, leaving you as the last person to exit the camp. You turn around and look at the camp one last time before pushing yourself through the gate and into the unknown.

-

The walk in the woods does not last long. 

You, Bellamy, and Clarke bring up the rear, keeping a sharp eye on the landscape around you. You can hear laughter and conversations drifting back to you, and you want to scold everyone for being too loud, too obvious. 

As the sun starts to set, the group comes to a stop. You know Octavia is in the lead, and you tense at the thought of her seeing something. Bellamy pulls his axe from his belt and hands it to you, before raising his gun to his shoulder. Your eyes scan the woods quickly, finding nothing, and you will yourself to slow down and look again. You are checking each shape and shadow when Jasper’s yell from the front of the group reaches the back. “Grounders!”

You turn to the group and yell to be heard above the noise, “Back to the camp!”

You, Bellamy, and Clarke lead the teenagers back to camp, tearing through the woods as one thunderous, terrified unit. You and Bellamy reach the gate first, and you both push it open and wave everyone inside. 

As soon as the last teenager crosses the threshold, Bellamy runs to one of the gunner posts, and you and Clarke follow, jumping up to stand beside him. All three of you watch the woods, looking for any sign of movement. “Where are they? Why aren’t they attacking?”

You glance at him, shake your head. “I don’t know, I don’t see anything.”

Clarke grows still beside you and mutters, “Because we’re doing exactly what they wanted us to do.”

“What are you talking about?”

She spins and finds Finn. “Lincoln said the scouts would be the first to arrive.”

Octavia shrugs, “If it’s just scouts, we can fight our way out. That’s what Lincoln would do.”

Bellamy jumps down from the post. “We’re done doing what that Grounder would do. We tried it and now Drew is dead. You want to be next?”

Finn snaps at him, “That Grounder saved our lives.” He glances at Octavia, and then locks eyes with Clarke. “I agree with Octavia. For all we know, there’s one scout out there.”

Jasper turns from his Gunner post. “One scout with insanely good aim.”

“Clarke, we can still do this.”

Bellamy looks up at Clarke. “What’s it gonna be? Run and get picked off out in the open, or stand and fight back?”

“Clarke. If we’re still here when Tristan gets here…”

He trails off when she lifts her hands in frustration, and she turns to you. You can tell how overwhelmed she is, and now all eyes in the camp are on her. You grab her hand to support her, and whisper, “It’s your decision, Clarke. You have all the variables, you’ve seen the Grounder Army. Whatever you decide, we’re going to back you up.”

She nods and you watch as she thinks, running through scenarios and conversations in her head. “Lincoln said ‘scouts’. More than one. He said, ‘Get home before the scouts arrive.’ Finn, they’re already here.” She turns away from him and over to Bellamy. “Looks like you’ve got your fight.”

He jumps into action, “Okay, then. This is what we’ve been preparing for! Kill them before they kill us. Gunners, to your posts! Use the tunnels to get in and out. From now on, the gate stays closed.”

Everyone in the camp jumps into action, heading to their predetermined posts. Octavia tries to run past Bellamy to the tunnels, but he grabs her. “O, O, O. You’re not a gunner.”

“No, I’m not. Like you said…” hHe lifts Lincoln’s sword. “I’m a Grounder.”

He shakes his head but lets her go, before nodding for you to follow him. Yot both jog to the dropship and step inside, joining Clarke, Finn, and Raven. Everyone gathers around Bellamy’s war plans, and Clarke asks, “So, how the hell do we do this?”

“We’ve got 25 rifles with 20 rounds each, give or take. Roughly 500 rounds of ammo. While you two were gone, we made some improvements. Thanks to Raven, the gully is mined.”

She shrugs, “Partially mined. Thanks to Murphy.”

“Still, it’s the main route in. If the Grounders use it, we’ll know.” He nudges the small box of grenades on the table. “She also built grenades.”

Clarke winces, “It’s not many.”

“Again, thank you, Murphy.”

“We’ll make them count. If the Grounders make it through the front gate, guns and grenades should force them back.”

Clarke eyes his layout skeptically. “And then?”

You meet her eyes, “Then we close the doors and pray.”

“And pray what? That the ship keeps them out? Because it won’t.”

“Then let’s not let them get through the gate.” Bellamy lifts the radio to address the others, “All foxholes, listen up. Keep your eyes and ears open. Inflict casualties, as many as possible. You can hold them off long enough to make them turn back. That’s the plan.”

You watch Clarke as her eyes quickly shift over the makeshift battlefield, planning. You ignore Finn and Bellamy arguing beside you and ask, “What is it Clarke?”

“It can’t be that simple.” She mutters, before turning to Raven. “You said there’s fuel in those rockets, right? Enough to build 100 bombs?”

“I also said we’ve got no gunpowder left.”

She shakes her head, “I don’t want to build a bomb. I want to blast off.”

“Draw them in close. Fire the rockets. A ring of fire.”

Bellamy smirks, “Barbecued grounders. I like it.”

“Will it work?”

Raven turns to you, answering your question directly. “You give me enough time, I’ll cook them real good.”

Bellamy looks at the trio, “You three work on blasting off, and we’ll keep an eye on the camp, buy you some time.”

Everyone nods and breaks apart, preparing to do what needs to be done. When you and Bellamy get outside, the sky is dark, the sun now gone, the moon rising to take her place. You both immediately start working on reinforcing the camp the best you can, dragging stuff in front of the gate to reinforce it, making sure all the posts are filled, checking for any weaknesses in the perimeter. 

The moon is much higher in the sky when you hear it. 

_War drums._

You and Bellamy are on opposite sides of the camp, and your eyes meet before you jog closer to each other. “We need to get out to the main foxhole. There aren’t any guns left so stay behind me.”

You nod and pull his axe from the loop in your pants, holding it at your side as you follow him through the tunnel and into the main foxhole. He jumps in beside Miller, lifting his gun, and you duck down beside him, keeping an eye on the woods. Bellamy quickly surveys the people in the foxhole. “Where’s Octavia?”

Miller scoffs, “She left 5 minutes ago. Didn’t say where to. She thinks she’s a damn samurai.”

You see the small smirk on Bellamy’s face and remind yourself to tell Octavia about it later. He nudges you, whispering, “You see anything?”

“No.”

Monroe is on the other side of you, and she shifts from foot to foot. “What the hell are they waiting for?”

“The longer they wait, the better. This is about buying time for Raven.”

Sterling’s voice crackles through the radio. “I see them. They’re moving! I count two, 3, no, wait, there’s more. I don’t know, man. There’s too many of them!”

The end of his report is punctuated by the sound of gunfire, and Bellamy asks, “Who was that?”

You whisper, “Sterling.”

“South foxhole,” Miller adds, and Bellamy picks up his radio. “South foxhole, report now.”

“Yeah, yeah. We’re ok. They didn’t attack. It’s like…it’s like shooting at ghosts.”

Monroe yells, “There! I see them!”

Everyone in the foxhole starts to fire, and Bellamy yells over them. “Stop! Stop. Hold your fire! Reload. Now.”

“Those were our last clips.”

“We should…we should fall back.” You can hear the fear in Monroe’s voice. Bellamy can too, but he ignores it. 

“No. If this position falls, they’ll walk right to the front door.”

More chatter comes through the radio. “I don’t see anyone. They’re too fast.”

“I hit…I hit them. I think I hit them.”

And then, Clarke’s voice joins the mix. “Jasper, we need you in the dropship right now.”

Bellamy grunts, “Negative. We can’t give up the west woods.”

Two large explosions ring out in the distance, near Jasper. “The west woods are mined, Bellamy. The Grounders just figured that out. Jasper, get in here.”

You hear more gunfire in the distance, coming from every foxhole. You watch as the Grounders run past, parallel with you. Behind you, someone grumbles about the lack of ammo, and then it hits you. You stand and grab Bellamy’s radio, yelling out to the others, “They want us to run out of ammo. All gunners, listen up. The Grounders are not attacking. They’re making us waste bullets. Don’t shoot when they’re running side to side!”

You pass the radio back to Bellamy, and he backs you up. “She’s right. Don’t fire until you’re sure it’s an attack. Repeat, do not fire until you are sure.”

The woods are silent for an alarmingly long minute before chaos erupts. Gunfire punctures the air nearby, and the radio comes alive with overlapping messages. One line is repeated by nearly every foxhole: _“They’re coming.”_

In the main foxhole, situated at the bottom of a small hill, you watch in horror as a wave of Grounders surges over the hill, screaming with rage. Around you, everyone fires off their last few rounds of ammo, killing a few Grounders. Monroe bolts from the foxhole, leaving you with one less person. 

Bellamy grabs the back of your shirt and pulls you to your feet before pushing you to the side, just as a Grounder leaps through the foxhole and lands on top of him. You scream his name, before running forward, axe raised, and plunging it into the man’s back. He rolls off Bellamy, the axe hitting the ground nearby. Before either of you can celebrate, you are pulled backwards, and another Grounder attacks. 

To your left, you hear the sound of a bone snapping and Miller’s cry of pain, but you can do nothing to help him as you’re pinned beneath a Grounder. His hands come up to close around your neck, and you fumble for something to use as a weapon as he squeezes the air from your lungs. 

Finally you close your fingers around something sharp, cutting them in the process of blindly finding the handle. Just when you think it’s over, your hand closes around the bottom and you lift your arm quickly, plunging the blade into the Grounder’s neck and pulling it back out again. The action sends blood flying towards you. He reaches a hand up to stop the flow, unsuccessfully, and you push him off and turn to Bellamy, watching as Octavia sends a sword through the Grounder’s skull, freeing her brother. 

“Admit it, you want one.”

Bellamy smiles up at her and you scramble to your feet, running over to them when Octavia catches an arrow to the leg. Bellamy catches her and yells at Miller to retreat, before turning to you, Octavia still in his arms. “Get back to the camp!”

“No! I’m not leaving either of you!”

He grunts but doesn’t argue further, before turning and stumbling in the direction of camp with an injured Octavia. The radio at his side crackles to life as you all avoid the Grounders. “They’ve broken through! There’s hundreds of them! They’re heading for the gate! Game over, man!”

Bellamy ducks behind a large tree, and you follow suit, peering behind it to find that you are just outside of the camp’s walls, along with hundreds of Grounders. You turn back to Bellamy, “The only way out is through.”

He starts to respond, but a large explosion echoes around you, and as you all look around in confusion, Octavia points to the sky. “Look!”

Your eyes find the large fireball in the sky, watching as it breaks into smaller pieces, surrounded by falling debris. You whisper, “The Ark.”

Almost immediately, your gaze tears away from the sky to the whooping and hollering in the woods around you. You peer around the tree again and spot a new group of Grounders, different from the ones you’re battling now. You hear someone yell, “Reapers!”

You turn to Bellamy and he whispers, “The enemy of my enemy is my friend.” He turns back to Octavia, “They’re distracted. Let’s move.”

Behind you, the sounds of battle resume, with the clanging of swords ringing out into the night. Octavia leans against the tree, panting. “We’ll never make it. Leave me. I’ll find another way.”

Bellamy shakes his head, hard. “I’m not going anywhere without you.”

“Octavia.”

You all turn to the voice in shock, and Lincoln materializes out of the shadows, pulling Octavia into a hug. Bellamy watches them, tense, and you put a hand on his knee to calm him. He nods to the Reapers, “You did this?”

“With Finn.” He leans down to inspect Octavia’s wound. “It’s deep. I can help you, but you have to come with me now.”

“Go.” Octavia’s head snaps towards her brother in shock, and he turns from Lincoln to meet her eyes. “Let him help.”

“No way. I have to see this through.”

“Octavia,” you start to protest, but Bellamy beats you to it. “You can’t walk and I can’t get you back to the dropship.”

“He’s right. This fight is over for you.”

The siblings lock eyes again, and you hear emotion rise in Bellamy’s chest. “O, O, listen to me. I told you my life ended the day you were born. The truth is…it didn’t start until then. Go with him. I need you to live. Besides…I got this.”

He tries to smirk, reassuring her, but you can see the doubt in her face. Still, she reaches forward, pulling him into a hug and whispering, “I love you, big brother.”

You smile at the exchange, and she pulls back and reaches for you. You hug each other tight, and whisper, “May we meet again.”

The boys help her stand, and Lincoln lifts her into his arms. Bellamy’s eyes are now locked on the Grounder. “Keep her safe.”

Lincoln nods, serious, and you know he’ll keep her safe or die trying. Octavia scoffs and grabs your hand. “Keep him safe.”

She cuts her eyes to Bellamy and back to you, and you smile and squeeze her hand. “I will.”

Lincoln turns and takes off running, and you both watch until she’s gone, before you duck behind the tree again. You’re catching your breath, gathering your nerve and sharpening it into steely resolve when you hear a Grounder yell, “Now to the wall!”

You and Bellamy lock eyes, and you know it’s time to go. You jump up quickly, ready to leave, and Bellamy follows. You never make it to your full height. Instead, Bellamy shoves you to the side, pulling your body beneath his. You land on the ground in a tangled heap, and before you can ask why, an arrow hits the tree right where your chest was going to be. 

Your eyes meet Bellamy’s, both of you panting, adrenaline buzzing along your skin. His eyes drop to your lips, and back up to your eyes seconds before he grabs your face and pulls you closer. Your lips meet in a clash, tongues darting out to meet in an instant, and you reach up and tangle your fingers into his curls. You think of all the fights, and the curse, and of nearly dying. You think of the moments of comfort, the quiet moments where Bellamy reveals who he really is, like when he doctored your cut or comforted you after your mom’s death. You think of it all, pouring it into the kiss, hoping that he knows. Hoping that he gets it. His lips pull away, forehead dropping to rest against yours, your breaths mingling. Bellamy lets out a new sound, a quiet chuckle, happy, and you file it away for later. Your head feels light, from the kiss or adrenaline, you don’t know. But you know that if you die in a minute, or ten, or tomorrow, that he knows, and you know. And that’s enough.

You hear the gate fall, and the sounds of battle rush back to you, reminding you where you are. Bellamy must hear it too, because he jumps to his feet and pulls you up, grabbing your hand and pulling you back into the woods. “We’ll never make it through there, we have to backtrack and take the tunnels.”

You and Bellamy fly through the trees, hoping you don’t come across anyone, now weaponless, save for an axe and a knife. You duck into the tunnels and you can hear the grenades exploding on the surface, before you and Bellamy burst from the tunnel and into the camp. You both have a split second to survey your surroundings, _bleeding teenagers, Grounders on fire, bodies at your feet_ , before you hear Clarke screaming your names, followed by, “Run!”

Bellamy scoops up a fallen rifle from the entrance of the tunnel, pulling you behind him as he shoulders the weapon and aims for the one Grounder in the way. When Bellamy squeezes the trigger, the gun clicks, and you have to stop yourself from falling down a memory, back to the bunker and learning to shoot. 

The Grounder has reached Bellamy now, swinging his sword, which Bellamy barely dodges, but he doesn’t dodge the punch to his face. He rears back, turning from the force of it, and blood is gushing from his nose and over his mouth. He yells at you, “Run!” before he catches a knee to his stomach. 

You think of nothing other than survival and anger, and you run towards the Grounder, colliding with him. You don’t shift him much, but you shift his attention from Bellamy to you. You shake off the feeling of hitting a brick wall, just quick enough to avoid a sword to the shoulder. You jump backwards, and he misses you, giving Bellamy the opportunity to swing the gun and hit the man in the shoulder. He recovers quickly and delivers a kick that sends Bellamy flying, and you scream his name in horror. 

You turn your anger to the Grounder, screaming with rage as you run at him, and he meets you with a punch to your face. You swear you feel the bones in your cheek disintegrate beneath his fist, and fresh blood rushes from your lip, into your mouth and over the dried blood on your face from earlier. You hear someone scream your name, but your brain doesn’t have the energy to identify who. And as you await another blow, a bullet zips through the air. 

The Grounder grunts in pain, and turns in anger, looking towards the source of the wound. You have enough time to register a hand coming towards you before you are tossed onto the ground in favor of the next victim. You hit the ground hard, turning to look towards your savior, watching as Finn hits the Grounder so hard, they both fly to the ground. Somewhere in the distance you can hear your twin screaming your name, and Finn’s name, and Bellamy’s, voice broken and full of hurt. 

Bellamy rushes forward and drops on top of the guy, delivering punches until he is rolled beneath the Grounder and given the same treatment. You jump to your feet and push the Grounder off Bellamy, but he recovers quickly and swipes your feet from beneath you, knocking you to the ground. He backhands you and you feel blood drip down your face, but you can no longer tell from where. Finn jumps to his feet and descends on the Grounder with Bellamy, fighting in unison to keep him distracted. 

The distraction gives you enough time to make eye contact with Clake, who is crying now, tears streaming down her face. You can see Miller behind her, trying to pull her to the dropship as she screams and fights against him. You nod your head, _giving her permission, telling her it’s okay, telling her you love her_ , and she fights Miller even harder. You pull yourself to your knees, and set your face, fighting against the feeling of being left behind, and you scream at her. “Clarke, go! Start the Ring of Fire! Go!”

She gives in and you nod again, turning away when you hear a yell behind you. You roll to the side, but not fast enough, and his sword catches your arm. You scream in pain and he lurches forward, hit from behind. He turns back to Finn, and you glance where Clarke stood, finding it empty, the dropship door closing. 

You jump to your feet, running over to Bellamy and pulling the axe from his belt, waiting until Finn and Bellamy have the Grounder distracted again. When he forgets about you, you sneak forward and swing the axe, catching him in the stomach. He knocks you away, and you know that the axe didn’t go as deep as you hoped it would. But you scramble to your feet, using his injury to grab Bellamy and Finn, shoving them towards the tunnels. They look at you in confusion as you push them ahead of you, running as fast as they allow. You yell, “The ring of fire!”

And as the pieces click in their brain, they speed up, flying through the tunnel as fast as they can, with you running right behind. You swear you hear someone in the tunnels behind you, but you don’t have any time to think before an explosion cracks through the air. Seconds later, the heat reaches you, and then the world goes black.

-


	14. xiv. the 48 (2.01)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Violence, mentions of blood, language, fighting, angst, death, mentions of nausea/puking.
> 
> Summary: Hours after the Battle of the Dropship, you find yourself separated from the others, alone in the woods. Unexpected reunions occur, including one that you’d rather do without.

All around you, the woods shift with movement. 

You spin, scanning every bush that lines the small clearing, looking for a sign of him, the Grounder. Your heart beats hard in your chest, your breath panting so hard that you feel lightheaded, and you close your eyes for a brief second, slowing your breathing to a manageable pace. You open your eyes when you hear a stick snap behind you, and you slide the knife out of your pocket.

When you hear another twig crack, you spin, knife raised and ready. As you turn, you come face to face with Bellamy.

Your breath rushes out, and you both lower your weapons, laughing with relief. You run towards each other and he pulls you into a brief hug, before a shift in the bushes behind you forces you apart. You both turn, back to back, searching the area. Before you can even open your mouth to say something, you hit the ground, knocked aside by an unseen force. You turn quickly, the Grounder from before now on top of Bellamy, using his body weight to slowly inch a spear towards Bellamy’s throat. 

You scramble to your feet and run to the pair, barely missing the knife that is swung your way by the Grounder. You circle him as he tries to focus on both you and Bellamy, tightening your grip on your knife. Bellamy throws an elbow hard enough to distract the Grounder, giving you enough time to run forward and plunge the knife into the man’s neck. 

Blood rushes over your fingers as he falls to the side, and you drop to your knees beside the man, hands shaking, the trauma of the last 24 hours now settling onto you. Your mind flashes to Murphy, and watching Bellamy struggle for air. Raven, dying slowly in front of you. Clarke, closing the dropship doors. Getting separated from Finn, and then Bellamy. The two Grounders you’ve killed. And now, as you look down at the blood on your hands, you feel tears well up in your eyes, tracking down your face, streaking through the dirt and blood on your skin.

Bellamy inches closer to you and grabs your hands, taking the knife from you and tucking it into his pocket, before wiping your hands off on his pants the best he can. He reaches up to grab your face and forces you to look at him. “I know this is not what you want to hear right now, but we have to go. There was a Grounder tracking me before I found you, and I think I know where Finn is.”

You nod your head, drying your eyes and taking a deep breath, tucking your emotions back away to deal with later. “Okay.”

His hands drop from your face as he pulls you to your feet, and he grabs the spear from the dead Grounder before taking off running, pulling you with him. 

His hand never drops from yours as you tear through the trees, his silent apology for not having enough time to talk about everything that has happened, with you, the Grounders, the kiss… You stop your mind from drifting, forcing yourself to focus on the here and now instead.

Bellamy pulls you deeper into the woods, deeper into Grounder territory, and you have to work to swallow the fear that starts to rise in your chest. Suddenly, he stops, pausing to look at the area around him. As he eyes the terrain, a twig snaps behind you, and a quiet voice whispers, “Bellamy?”

Bellamy spins, spear raised, putting himself between you and the noise. When you turn with him, your eyes land on Sterling and Monroe. Bellamy sighs in relief and motions towards the fallen tree near them. “Get back down.”

Monroe looks at Bellamy, eyes flitting in the direction you just came from, then over to the direction Bellamy is now looking. “You were followed?”

“Quiet.” He studies the area, and then drops behind the tree, turning to the pair. You follow suit. “Have you seen Finn?”

“Finn’s alive?”

You nod, answering first. “He was. We all got separated. We knew the fire was coming, and we ran, but one of them followed us into the tunnels.”

Bellamy’s brows furrow and he eyes them suspiciously. “How’d you guys get out?”

You get a flash of a memory, _Monroe, running out of the foxhole, seconds before the Grounders attacked_ , and with it, a flash of anger. Sterling stammers, “We-we saw the Ark come down. We thought we’d come get help. Piece of it came down this way. Monroe thinks it’s Mecha, but personally, I think-”

He cuts himself off and looks to his right, and you and Bellamy follow his eyes. In the distance, you can hear talking, and a horse. You meet Bellamy’s eyes and know that he’s thinking the same thing. _Finn_. He turns to the other two, “Follow me. Stay low and quiet.”

You all follow Bellamy through the woods, stepping over branches and keeping your footsteps light, hoping to avoid detection. He comes to a stop on the crest of a small ravine, and you pause behind him, peeking out from behind a tree, down to the path below. 

The Grounder from earlier, Tristan, based on what Finn told you before getting separated, is riding his horse down the path, with Finn and another delinquent towed behind him. The other delinquent stumbles and hits the ground, and Tristan spins around to yell, “On your feet!”

The delinquent doesn’t move, and Finn steps forward and attempts to pull him up, unsuccessfully. Tristan swings himself off his horse, “I said, get on your feet. Get up!”

When the boy fails to move, Tristan pulls his rope free and yanks the fallen boy towards him. As he lands near the Grounder’s feet, Tristan pulls out his sword, and lifts the boy by his hair, exposing his neck. You hear Finn yell, “No! No!” before watching Tristan slide his sword across the boy’s neck, killing him. 

He drops the dead delinquent to the ground, and you feel your hands pull into fists. Beside you, Bellamy tenses as Tristan steps closer to Finn. “That’s one. I lost three hundred.” He pulls out a canteen, and offers it to Finn, who drinks greedily. “You’re lucky. I need to keep one of you alive to talk to the Commander.”

He pulls Finn to his feet again, before stepping back to his horse and pulling himself back up. He starts to ride off again, when Bellamy turns around, gaze moving from Monroe to Sterling. “We have to help Finn. I know you’re scared, but we are warriors. We can do this.”

“How?”

“We attack as a team. When he goes for us,” he gestures between you and himself, “Monroe goes for Finn. Once he’s free, it’s five on one.”

Sterling looks between Tristan and Bellamy. “What do I do?”

“Try not to die.” He lifts his spear, “Ready? One, two, three.”

On three, he takes off running down the small slop and out into the open. When he reaches the bottom, he yells, “Hey!”

Tristan and Finn turn around to look at you, and you both realize that Sterling and Monroe are not behind you. You feel your anger grow again and you mutter, “Cowards.”

Finn yells, “Get out of here!”

Before he can say anything else, Tristan turns his horse and leads it straight for you, dragging Finn behind him. Bellamy throws his spear and misses, and you look around for something else to use as a weapon. As you reach down to grab a large rock, Bellamy gets hit with the blunt end of an axe, knocking him onto the ground. Tristan pulls the horse to a stop and Finn rolls across the ground, stopping with a groan. You see Tristan stalking towards Bellamy and you toss the stone, hitting him in the stomach. You see him flinch, and a quiet hiss of pain rushes past his lips before he turns his sights on you. 

Bellamy tries to stop him as he goes by, but the Grounder kicks him in the face, and blood erupts from Bellamy’s nose, spilling over his lips and running down his neck. He groans and rolls away, just as Tristan reaches you and grabs your arm, fingers closing around the sword wound he gave you earlier. 

You cry out in pain and he digs his fingers in further, before pulling his head forward and colliding it with your own. You feel a cut on your head open, and as warm blood drips down your face, he uses his other hand to hit you across the face. Your head snaps to the side, so hard you hear your neck crack, and you scream in pain.

Bellamy is yelling in anger behind you, and Tristan tosses you to the side before moving back to Bellamy and punching him over and over and over, creating new cuts and opening up old ones, blood now coating almost every inch of his face. 

You jump up, stumbling on your feet, your head feeling fuzzy, and run right towards them. Tristan greets you with a kick to the stomach and you hit the ground in pain. He drops Bellamy beside you, stepping on your cut fingers as he walks by, crushing a few and reopening the wound. 

When he returns, it’s with two ropes, one for each of you. He ties you up first, wrapping the rope securely around your hands, and then attaching that to your waist, limiting your mobility. Then he ties up Bellamy, before dragging him over to the horse and connecting him beside Finn. Both boys call out to you, urging you to flee. “Go, run! Go!”

You take off running, but you don’t make it far before you are yanked backwards and pulled into a pair of strong arms. “You’re riding up front with me.”

You scream and struggle against him, kicking and flailing the best you can. You feel your elbow sink into his skin slightly, coming out wet and warm, and he drops you with a grunt. He lifts his shirt to reveal a cut, coated with fresh blood, and after a second you realize it’s from Bellamy’s axe. He appraises it before looking back to you. “Don’t worry, I’m going to return the favor.”

You use your feet to push you backwards, trying to create distance between you and him. As he closes the space and reaches out for you, two yells emerge from the bushes and move closer to you. Tristan smiles and steps away from you, pulling out his sword to handle the approaching Monroe and Sterling. 

And when they are feet from the large Grounder, a shot rings out through the air, freezing you all in place, followed by one more shot. You watch as Tristan sways and then hits the ground beside you, dead. You scramble away from his body, and turn, making eye contact with none other than Marcus Kane. He gives you all a smirk, “We’re here now. Everything’s going to be okay.”

You, Bellamy, and Finn all exchange a glance, before Kane gives the command and guards descend on all of you, freeing you from your bonds. You stand on unsteady feet, watching as Kane turns towards the bushes and nods. Then the branches part, revealing more people, a few now running towards you. You feel your heart drop to your feet when you see one, brown hair flying behind her as she runs towards you, medical bag tucked under her arm. You choke on a sob, “Mom?”

She reaches you, pulling you into a hug, and you freeze, thinking of your father. But then you remember Clarke, and all the death, and for a second you allow yourself to need her. You allow yourself to need your mom. You hug her back and she pulls you in tighter, and you wince when she hits the cut on her arm. She pulls away, concern in her eyes, immediately scanning you for injuries. “Baby, what happened to you?”

“I’m fine.” But then you remember Bellamy, and you grab her and pull her towards him. “But he’s not.”

She hesitates, wanting to help you first, and you glare at her. She sighs and turns to Bellamy, noting the way he’s grabbing his ribs, and she motions for him to sit. “You shouldn’t be standing.”

He throws a glare over her shoulder and straight at you, before he waves her off, repeating your earlier sentiment. “I’m fine.” He steps back, and you feel yourself already doing the same. “We need to get back to the dropship.”

Abby reaches out for you, but you stay out of her grasp. “Where’s Clarke? Is she all right?”

You shake your head, “She was when we left, but we got separated.”

Bellamy and Finn are already turning in the direction of your camp, as Bellamy mutters, “We’ll take you to her.”

Kane steps in front of you, blocking your path. “Wait. Slow down.” He steps away from you and up to another man. “Sinclair. We’re splitting up. One guard detail comes with me to the Dropship. Everyone else here goes with you to Alpha Station. You have the coordinates. We’ll follow as soon as we can.”

“Yes, sir.”

Kane turns back around, pointing to people as he does. “Okay. You six with me.” Then he makes eye contact with your trio, “You three, lead the way.”

Finn pulls ahead, in better shape than you and Bellamy, but he is careful to stick close, just in case. It doesn’t take long for you to reach the outskirts of camp, into the battlezone for the first time since the night before. Bodies litter the ground around you, Grounder and Delinquent alike, and you, Finn, and Bellamy all pull closer instinctively, eyes always on the trees around you. 

You all stop and kneel down right outside the perimeter of the fallen walls, and exchange a look. You whisper to the two boys, “It’s too quiet.”

Bellamy nods and starts to walk towards the camp, but Kane pulls him to a stop. “We’ll take it from here.”

He looks back at two guards and gestures to you. “You stay with them. We’ll signal once we’re sure it’s safe.”

Kane stands and starts towards camp, and you watch as your mom stands with him. You grab her and protest quietly, “No, mom, we’re coming with you!”

She squeezes your hand, but pulls it off her. “No, you’re not. Stay here and wait for our signal.”

“But mom-”

You cut yourself off when she walks away, and glare at her retreating figure. You can feel Bellamy watching you, and you stand, stepping away from him to hide your anger. He stands and follows, watching as you pace back and forth, waiting. 

“We need a stretcher!”

You freeze and spin towards Bellamy and then Finn, all of you thinking the same thing. You all jump into action, ignoring the protests of the guards, and run towards the tunnels. You reach the entrance first and duck inside, the boys at your heels, before bursting out into the now empty camp. 

You take in the burned skeletons around you, and Bellamy asks, “Where is everyone?”

You and Finn don’t answer, just as unsure, taking in the state of the camp. As you reach the center of the camp, surrounded by death and wreckage, you notice something shining on the ground near your feet. You feel your heart leap to your throat as you bend down and swipe the ashes away, revealing a small silver bracelet with a star charm hanging off of it. You nearly puke when you see it, sick with worry, and you stand and turn to Finn and Bellamy, holding the bracelet up for them to see. Both of their eyes go wide, immediately recognizing the piece of jewelry, and you feel a wave of dread wash over you as you imagine the worst.

You can hear talking nearby and you turn, looking towards the dropship, where Kane is helping a limping boy descend the ramp. It takes only a second for you to recognize who it is, and for anger to take control of every cell in your body. 

“Murphy!” You yell, rage dripping from your voice. You tuck the bracelet into your pocket as you stalk towards him, and you can hear Bellamy hot on your heels behind you, as Murphy stutters, “Oh, You’re-you’re alive.”

You barely let the words leave his mouth before you run forward, screaming in anger as you collide with him and take him to the ground, yelling, “You psychotic little cockroach!”

Your hands reach up and close around his neck before you pull back and land a punch on his face, and then another, and another. You faintly register Finn yelling your name, before you are pulled off of Murphy and dragged backwards. You turn and see Bellamy above you, arms hooked under yours, and Murphy mutters, “Maybe I should have finished-”

And he doesn’t get to finish his statement, because you watch Bellamy’s face morph into the rage he was trying so hard to control and he lets you go and collides with Murphy, aiming to finish what you started. You jump up and run over to the pair, swinging a kick towards Murphy when there is a lull between Bellamy’s punches. 

You’re pulling your leg back when you hear electricity crackle behind you, and you have a split second to register what the sound means before lightning courses through your blood and dissipates over your skin. You hit the ground with a gasp of pain, the crackle of electricity so powerful it takes your breath away, and you register the sound of Bellamy doing the same somewhere beside you. 

Kane stands over you, looking disappointed, and you hear him mutter, “Place them under arrest.”

Finn protests on your behalf as two guards grab you and another two grab Bellamy, pulling you both to your feet. “Wait. You don’t understand. Murphy murdered two of our people. He shot another one. He tried to hang them.”

“I don’t care. You’re not _animals_. There are rules, laws. You are _not_ in control here anymore.”

They cuff you both, hands secured in front, and the guards stay at your side, arms looped through yours to keep you in place. You’re contemplating how to get free and go after Murphy again when the parachute on the dropship is pulled to the side, and someone is taken down the ramp on a stretcher. When you see her face, you whisper, “Raven.”

Finn stops to look at her, and you can see how much color is drained from her face, except for the deep purple that rings around her eyes. Sweat is covering every inch of her skin, and her eyes are closed, her body still. Your mom follows Raven down the ramp, directing the men on where to put her when her eyes fall on you, cuffed and surrounded by guards. She’s in front of Kane in seconds, demanding, “Marcus, what is this? Take those restraints off of them!”

“They attacked another-”

She cuts him off, “I don’t care. That’s my _daughter_. Take the restraints off.”

“Abby,” he grabs her arm and pulls her to the side before turning to the guards and nodding. The men pull you and Bellamy away from the arguing adults, leading you over to one of the small campfires and pushing you down to sit on the logs. They step away from you slightly, giving you enough space and privacy to talk. “Bellamy, what happened here? There’s no sign of anyone other than Raven and Murphy.”

“I don’t know, but I don’t have a good feeling about this.”

You both look up when you hear approaching footsteps, and Finn nods at you both. “We’re leaving.”

Bellamy shakes his head, “What? This is where they’ll come back.”

“I don’t think they’re coming back. The Grounders took them and you know that.” He looks over at you, “Both of you do.”

Finn kneels and drops his voice to a whisper, “Look, we go with Kane to Alpha Station, we get reinforcements, weapons, then we find our friends.”

You glare, “So you want us to leave our friends, Clarke included, with the same people who were killing our people 12 hours ago? How long until they’re all dead too?”

“Abby says Raven needs surgery or she’s gonna die.” You snap your mouth closed and turn to look at Bellamy, who’s looking at Raven before his head drops, and you know he’s thinking the same thing. You’re going to Alpha Station because Raven needs to get to Alpha Station. Because she saved both of your lives, and now it’s time to save hers. 

Finn stands and steps away, and a guard grabs you and pulls you to your feet. Beside you, they’re doing the same to Bellamy. You allow them to lead you from the fire, past your mom, who is writing a message to Clarke on the dropship. And even though you’re angry at her, for always treating you differently, for not fighting for you when they locked you up, for turning in your dad, for treating you like a child, even now, you know she won’t stop until she finds Clarke and brings her home. And that brings you some comfort.

Your mom jumps down from her spot, message completed, and falls into step beside you. You turn and look at her. “I found your necklace.”

She reaches up to touch the remaining chain around her neck, which now holds your father’s wedding ring. You swallow back the urge to cry. “It fell off when I was trying to escape.” Her eyes fall to the moon around your neck, coated in blood. _You don’t know whose._ “Where is it now?”

“It was with Clarke.” You reach down into your pocket and pull out her bracelet, before reaching out and dropping it into her hand. You can see worry pass her features as you add, “So was this.”

She nods, aware that Clarke would never leave this behind willingly before she attaches it onto her wrist. You can see her tucking her emotions away before she turns and then glances down at your cuffs. “Why did you attack that boy?”

“He tried to kill me and Bellamy.” She whispers your name, quiet and scolding, and something in you snaps. “Don’t say my name like that, all disappointed and upset. You don’t know what we’ve had to deal with since you sent us all down here to _die_.” Her face falls, and it fuels you, pushing you harder. “Because despite your good intentions, you sent us down here, sure that we would never survive. And I’m sorry to break your heart mom, but I’m still alive. Your perfect star is missing, but your screw up twin is still here, despite you wanting her dead.”

Her head whips towards you, and you hear a touch of anger in her voice. “Is that what you think? If I wanted you dead, I wouldn’t have turned in your father.”

Her mouth snaps shut, and you can tell she regrets saying the words as soon as they leave her mouth. You feel the air leave your body in a rush, and suddenly everything feels upside down. “ _What_?”

She shakes her head, smiles, and reaches for you, but you step away. “Nothing, baby. I didn’t mean it.”

“Mom.” Your voice is a low warning, “What are you saying?”

She steps away from you now. “I have to talk to Kane.”

And before you can protest, she’s gone. 

-

The walk to Alpha Station is a daze, as only one thought circles around your head until you feel sick and dizzy. _I killed my dad. I killed my dad. I killed my dad. I blamed Wells and I blamed mom, but it was me. It was always me._

Bellamy tries to get your attention a few times, but the guards always shush him and pull him away. And as the sun starts to set behind the mountains, you all step through the treeline and into a clearing, revealing Alpha station. The ring of the Ark sits half in the ground, half in the air, watching over the camp and its people. The walls and walkways form a natural barrier, already guarded by men and women with guns. 

The group enters the camp, reuniting with people they just left and with those they haven’t seen since their descent. A man steps forward and hugs your mom, before looking over her shoulder and locking eyes with you. He smiles.

Your guard drags you past the reunions, following Bellamy and his guard, leading you into the makeshift prison. They push you both inside before closing the door and locking it behind them. 

As soon as they round the corner and disappear out of sight, you let out a frustrated cry and kick the wall, before slamming your restrained fists into the metal over and over until you feel your knuckles split and blood warm your skin. 

Bellamy yanks you away from the wall, turning you, sliding his restrained hands down to intertwine with yours. His eyes search your face, and land on your quivering lip, before meeting your own. His voice is quiet, “What did she tell you?”

You shake your head, tears already falling, dropping your gaze away from his. “I’m the reason he’s dead.”

“Who?”

“My dad.”

“I told you that’s not true, that you’re not cursed.”

You look up and meet his eyes, insistent. “Bellamy, you don’t understand. My mom turned my dad in to keep me from being floated. She sacrificed him to save me.”

“But that’s not-”

You drop his hands, step away. “I know what you’re going to say, and you’re wrong. It is my fault, Bellamy. Because even if I didn’t turn him in, I’m the one that got caught.” Your voice drops quieter, “I should have just taken Shumway’s deal.”

A voice rings out from the cell beside yours and Bellamy’s. “That’s what I like to hear, sweetheart.”

Your blood freezes in your body, and you feel your head turn slowly, gaze locking with eyes so dark the devil would be scared. His face is stretched into a smirk, and even though he’s clearly locked up, same as you, he still possesses every ounce of his usual haughty attitude. 

Bellamy sees him too, because his voice is dripping with venom when he spits, “Shumway.”

-


	15. xv. inclement weather (2.02)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Language, allusions to past assault, mentions of nausea.
> 
> Summary: Being locked up sucks, especially when Shumway is locked in the cell beside yours.

You turn away from Bellamy when you hear the doors slide open behind you. 

You both stand, watching as Kane hands off his gun and steps into your shared cell, gaze already hardened as he looks at you both. You step closer to him and ask, “How long are you going to keep us locked in here?”

“Until I’m confident neither of you are no longer a threat to others.” He pulls out a chair and sets it in the middle of the room, getting comfortable. “Let’s continue.”

He gestures to the two chairs in front of him, side by side, and you and Bellamy exchange a glance before settling into them, resuming the interrogation from earlier. “Now you said there were hundreds of Grounders attacking. 200, 300?”

“We were too busy getting killed to count.” 

Kane glares at you, but ignores your tone. “Why do you think they attacked? What provoked them?”

Bellamy answers first, “We were here. That was enough.” His voice grows louder as his frustration grows. “We’re wasting time. The others didn’t just vanish into thin air. They were taken, and we need to go after them!”

“A search team is prepping to leave, but not before we’ve gotten the intel we need from the two of you.”

You lean forward in your seat, voice begging. “We need to be on that team, please.”

“That’s out of the question. Neither of you are trained. It’s too dangerous.”

“Those are our people out there!”

Kane ignores your outburst. “They’re my people, too. You want to help them? Tell me what we’re up against… Grounder tactics, their numbers, what kind of weapons they used.”

Bellamy answers for you, “Arrows and spears, axes, swords. Their teeth.”

“No guns? You had guns.”

He sighs and scrubs a hand over his face. “The guns we found at the aid depot leveled the playing field, and maybe, maybe if we’d had more bullets, we could have-”

Kane cuts him off, “There were more bullets.” You and Bellamy turn to each other as Kane adds, “Search team just returned from the bunker. They found two more barrels full of rifles and a third filled with bullets.”

You feel a look of horror pass over your face, and Bellamy whispers, “We should have looked harder.”

The door slides open, ending the conversation, and two guards pull Murphy into the cell. You and Bellamy both stand, angry. “What’s he doing here?”

“Excuse me, sir. Dr. Griffin cleared Mr. Murphy out of medical.”

Kane nods, “Put him over there, Major Byrne.”

They lead Murphy to one side of the cell, and force you and Bellamy to the other side, grunting, “On your knees. Come on.”

You both comply, and the guard slips cuffs around each of your wrists, and then attach you to a support beam in the middle of the room. Murphy catches your glare and mutters, “Well, this should be fun.”

Kane looks over at him, ready to respond, when the sound of gunshots pop off in the distance, and the room jumps into action. “Let’s go! Move, move, move! Go, go, go!”

You’re all forced to watch the retreating figures run from the cell and out into the camp in search of the sound, while you’re all left behind, glaring at each other from opposite sides of the room.

A voice reaches you from the next cell over, “Wonder what that’s all about.” You cringe at the sound of it, the voice that haunts your nightmares. Kane’s interrogations were pointless, but they had given you temporary reprieve from _him_. 

Murphy eyes the man in curiosity. “Who’s that?”

“No one.” You snap back.

“It breaks my heart to hear you say that.” His voice grows closer, and you know he’s moved until he’s standing just on the other side of the wall, but you don’t turn to face him. “I thought we were closer than that, little la lune.”

Your skin crawls at the sounds of your nickname coming from his mouth, and you fail to suppress the chill that scurries down your spine. Beside you, Bellamy yells, “Shut up, Shumway!”

He laughs, “No need to get defensive, Bellamy, we’re just having a little fun.”

You can feel your emotions rising, threatening to spill out and over, and Bellamy must sense it too, because he reaches for you. The restraints keep him from offering anything more than a hand to hold, but you take it, grateful. You close your eyes and focus on the feel of his hand in yours, warm, safe, and picture the night sky, tracing constellations from memory. 

When you feel yourself grow calmer, your eyes open and land on Murphy, who’s giving you a strange look. You see his gaze bounce between a tensed up Bellamy, your intertwined hands, and then to Shumway, and an odd expression passes over his face, almost like he’s tucking the information away for later. You’re about to throw an insult over to him when the sound of Raven screaming cuts through the camp and into the room. 

“Yeah. That was me at the Grounder camp. You now, I did everything I could to not scream, but eventually…”

You glare at Murphy, and Bellamy tenses even further, grounding out, “But eventually, you broke and you told them everything.”

“And you wouldn’t have because you’re better than me.” He says it like a statement, not a question, but Bellamy answers him anyways. 

“Damn right. I’m not a traitor. I didn’t tell them where they could find us.”

“And I did. Yeah, I did. After they tortured me in their prison camp for 3 days, but go ahead. You just keep on believing, even if you are in here just like me.”

Bellamy opens his mouth to answer, but Shumway beats him to it. “Three days?” He lets out a low whistle. “Too bad they didn’t get you, Bellamy.”

You spin around, finally allowing your anger to run free. “Shut up, Shumway! You worthless, pathetic, piece of shit! Just shut up!”

He smirks, and his eyes drop down to your hand, intertwined with Bellamy’s, now in his view. His smirk grows. “Now this is interesting.”

He looks like he wants to say more, but you can hear a set of doors slide open, and he turns around. A muffled voice reaches your ears, “Shumway, you’re coming with us.”

“Why?”

“We just lost three of the Guard, and the Chancellor wants everyone with weapon experience on watch.”

You try to stand, held back by your restraints, and yell out in protest, “You’re gonna give him a weapon? He’s a psychopath! You can’t let him go!”

Shumway flashes you a smile over his shoulder. “I hope you haven’t forgotten about our deal. I’ll come to collect once you’re out.”

The words drop you back down on your knees, and nausea rolls through you, nearly pushing its way out of your chest and onto the floor. You hear your blood rushing in your ears, and beyond that, muffled words from Bellamy. You shake your head to clear it, his words now coming through. “Don’t listen to him. I’m not going to let him near you, do you understand? I’m going to keep you safe.”

You feel yourself nod, and he squeezes your hand. “You should try to get some rest, you’ve barely slept in days.”

And as if his words remind you, you finally notice the heavy feeling in your limbs and your eyes. The emotions and trauma of the last few days stretch and blanket over you, weighing you down further. You nod again and lean against him, dropping your head onto his shoulder and allow sleep to take you. 

-

A hand closes over your arm and shakes you gently, and you wake with a start. Finn is kneeling in front of you, pulling a pair of bolt clippers from his bag. “Get up. We’re going after them.”

He cuts your hands free, then Bellamy’s, who quips, “It’s about time.”

You both stand and start for the door, but Murphy stops you. “Wait, wait. What about me?”

Bellamy bends down and lifts the discarded bolt cutters and walks towards Murphy. For a second, you think he’s going to knock him out with them, and Murphy must think the same, because he cowers behind his hands. Instead, Bellamy cuts the lead on his cuffs, keeping him restrained but allowing him to leave. Finn protests behind you, “No! What are you doing?”

Bellamy pulls him to his feet, “He’s coming with us.”

You cut your eyes towards Bellamy and your brows furrow in confusion and Finn responds, “No way.”

“He’s been to the Grounder prison camp.”

“He’s right. I can bring you there.”

Finn considers this, then lets out a quiet sigh. “Fine.”

He heads for the open door, past Monroe who is waving you through as she keeps watch down a separate hallway. You follow Finn out of the building and along the back of the camp, until he slips underneath the fence in a poorly guarded area. You all duck beneath the wire and follow, running towards the wall of trees that line the camp, using them for cover. Bellamy whispers, “You don’t think anyone saw us?”

Finn turns around and gives him a sharp look. “Shh. Keep it down.”

As soon as the words leave his mouth, a pair of flashlights land on you, and you all freeze in place. You start to contemplate how far you can run before they can get a shot off, when a familiar voice cuts through your thoughts. “You’re late.”

They lower the flashlights, and you see her, your mother, along with a member of the guard that you’ve never seen before. As soon as your eyes land on her, you think of your father, and what she did to save you. Conflicting emotions run through you, but guilt stays at the forefront, strong and heavy. Your mom passes Finn a pistol, and the guard passes the rifle in his hand to Bellamy. “Here. Find my son. His name is Nathan Miller.”

Bellamy nods and the guard un-shoulders a second rifle and passes it to you, and your mom’s gaze bounces over each one of you. “Bring them home.”

Finn starts to run off, followed by Monroe and Sterling. Bellamy pushes Murphy ahead, and you bring up the rear. As you pass your mom, she grabs your arm to stop you. “Bring Clarke home.”

You look up and see tears in her eyes, and she brushes a finger over the moon around your neck. “And stay safe.”

“I will.”

She drops her hand and releases you, and you jog off, turning around to look at her one last time. Her eyes meet yours and she gives you a sad smile, before you turn back around and catch up with the others. 

-


	16. xvi. reapercussions (2.03)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Violence, death, mentions of blood.
> 
> Summary: how far will you go to find out what happened to your friends? your twin? how far will Finn go?

The walk through the woods is strangely relaxing. 

As night turns to day and the sun starts to warm your bones, the tension in your body melts away, and you can almost forget why you’re hiking along behind Bellamy and Murphy. But then your thoughts drift to your sister, and the war with the Grounders, and all of your earlier stress returns in a rush. 

You try to push it away again as Bellamy stops the group and turns to Murphy. “Alright Murphy, where to now?”

He lifts his still cuffed hands. “What do you say we lose these first, huh?”

Bellamy deadpans, “No.”

“If we get attacked out here, I have nothing to defend myself with.”

“I don’t care.” And you know he really doesn’t, because Bellamy’s face is settled into a “so what” expression. It almost makes you laugh, despite the topic.

Finn spins around from his place in the lead, pulling a small pair of pliers from his bag and cutting Murphy free. You and Bellamy both turn to him with matching confused expressions, but he’s already turned away and walking on. 

Murphy shrugs, “Thank you.”

Bellamy jogs to catch up to Finn, ignoring Murphy, and you join him. His voice is hard when he reaches him. “Hey, what the hell are you doing?”

“It was your idea to bring him.”

“Yeah, because he’s the only one who’s seen where the Grounders keep their prisoners.”

Finn glances at him over his shoulder, “Then we probably shouldn’t let him be defenseless out here. We can handle Murphy.”

“Better hope so,” Bellamy mutters to Finn’s retreating figure. Murphy jogs between you two, smirking at Bellamy. “So, do I get a gun now?”

Bellamy shoves Murphy ahead, annoyed. You walk side by side in silence for a minute before he exclaims, “Oh, almost forgot.”

You turn to him and he reaches into his pocket, pulling out the knife you found during the battle. _The one you killed two Grounders with._ You shake the thought loose, and take it as he offers it to you. “Thanks.”

You turn the knife over in your palm, looking at it for the first time. It isn’t big; large enough to be effective, but small enough that you can safely slide it into the waistband of most of your pants. The handle is made of wood, smooth and polished, save for the rows of notches along it. Tallymarks, 16 in total. You hold the knife up, showing Bellamy. “What do you think it means?”

“Number of kills, maybe?” His eyes search yours, before dropping to the landscape around him, looking for Grounders. “Lincoln had something similar with the scars on his back.”

“Maybe.” You brush a thumb over the marks, and muse, “It’s missing two notches then.”

Bellamy looks at you, confused, as you slide it into your belt. You clarify, “From the two Grounders I killed.”

He nods once, but doesn’t say anything for a long moment, before dropping his voice lower. “We never got to talk about it, but you saved my life. Just like with Atom, you did what needed to be done. You did what you had to in order to survive.”

Your voice is a quiet whisper, “I feel like a monster.”

“Who we are and who we need to be to survive are very different things.”

Your eyes search his face for any signs of being disingenuous, but you find none. “It doesn’t feel like that sometimes.” You pause, turning to look at the woods around you before turning back to him. “Aren’t the Grounders just trying to survive too? We landed in their territory, launched flares that burned down a village, kidnapped one of their own…”

You see his face fall, and you reach for his hand, intertwining your fingers with his. “I know why we made the choices that we have, to survive and protect our people. I’m just saying that maybe, that’s what the Grounders are doing too. And that doesn’t make anything that we’ve done or they’ve done right or wrong, it’s just…something I’ve been thinking about, I guess.”

“And you think that because we look at the Grounders as monsters…”

He trails off, and you finish for him, nodding. “That others will look at me the same.”

He shakes his head, “That’s not what people think of you. Our people see you as a leader, someone who keeps them safe, helps them survive. They’ve seen you vulnerable and they’ve seen you strong. They see you as what you are: human. You’re a good leader and you’ve had to do some things that no person should ever have to do, but you are not changed because of that.” He turns to you, and you see him hiding a smile. “You’re still the same stubborn, hot headed girl that I met in the halls of the Ark.”

You let out a quiet laugh and punch him lightly on the arm. “I’m stubborn? That’s the pot calling the kettle black.”

His mouth drops open in mock offense, and you grin at him, which he returns. But the moment is cut short by Murphy grabbing you both and pulling you to the ground behind the cover of trees. “Everybody down! Now!”

You look up and for the first time notice the village in front of you. You got so wrapped up in Bellamy that you didn’t even notice the changing terrain or the buildings that climb and connect to the trees around them. 

“This is it. Told you I’d find it.”

Bellamy lifts his gun to look at the village through his scope, and you swing your rifle around and do the same. Bellamy mutters, “I see nothing but Grounders. Our people aren’t here.”

You start to nod in agreement when Finn counters, “Wait a minute, they’ve got stuff from our dropship.” He’s quiet for a minute before he whispers your name and adds, “Son of a bitch.”

You lower your gun and turn to him. “What is it?”

“The guy with the one eye. Around his neck.”

You lift your gun again and scan the Grounders until you find him, and then you lower the scope to his neck, gasping when you see it. Bellamy, still confused, whispers, “What am I looking at?”

You drop the gun again and turn to look at him. “Clarke’s watch. It was our dad’s, she would never take it off.”

Bellamy lowers his gun and meets your eyes, understanding your fear. “She wouldn’t give that up without a fight.”

Behind you, Finn quips, “Neither will we.”

“Okay.” Bellamy turns away from the village and towards the group. He nods at you and Finn, “You two are with me.” 

You both nod in confirmation, and he looks at Sterling and Monroe. “You two stay here. If this thing goes south, take out the other Grounders, but don’t shoot the Grounder with the watch. Copy?”

“Copy.”

“Copy. And what about Murphy?”

Murphy turns to Bellamy expectantly. “Yeah, do I get a gun now?”

“Something like that.” He grabs him and pulls him up, pushing him ahead. You leave Sterling and Monroe behind and head deeper into the trees on the other side of the camp. Bellamy explains the plan to Murphy, who immediately disagrees. “No, no way. I’m not going to be Grounder bait.”

“Yes you are.”

You smirk at him, “Besides, we’re gonna be in the trees beside you the whole time.”

Murphy sighs, realizing that he doesn’t have any other option, before turning on Bellamy, pushing a finger into his chest. “Fine, but if I get one scratch on me from that Grounder, I’m taking your gun and shooting you.”

Bellamy rolls his eyes and you suppress a laugh, as you all reach a small clearing to use. Murphy gets set up along the edge of a clearing, hidden behind a tree, and you, Bellamy, and Finn all sink into the brush surrounding him, hidden from view. You slip the knife from your waistband, figuring that it’s better for close quarters combat, and lie in wait as Murphy clacks together two rocks. 

From your place amongst the vegetation, you can see the Grounder turn, looking around with suspicion. After a moment, he sneaks from his spot and heads towards Murphy, eyes always scanning the trees around him, vigilant. Just when you think he’s going to stumble upon Murphy, the delinquent slips into the bushes, and the Grounder steps into the clearing, looking around. He’s facing towards Finn, so Bellamy rises from the brush slowly, moving without making a sound. The Grounder starts to turn when Bellamy lifts his gun, sensing the movement, but his eyes never reach him before he’s knocked out cold. You all stand from your places and move to the Grounder, and Finn reaches him first. His hand closes around the watch hanging from his neck and he pulls, yanking it free. He reaches over the man to hand it to you, and you smile in appreciation. You slide the watch over your wrist, latching it into place as Bellamy looks at Finn. “We need to take him somewhere quiet.”

“I know just the place.”

Bellamy nods and they pull the man to his feet, tossing the Grounder’s arms around their shoulders so they can drag him away. Bellamy looks back at you. “Can you go get the others? Meet us at the split in the path.”

You slip away and run towards the pair, letting out a low whistle as you approach so they know it’s you. They still spin towards you, guns raised, and you lift your arms in surrender. They drop the weapons quickly, and you motion for them to follow you. 

You make it back to the boys quickly, and Finn says, “Let’s go.”

-

It’s not long before Finn pulls to a stop, motioning for Murphy to grab the man. When he slips free from the Grounder’s weight, he bends down and pulls open a door, revealing a ladder that descends into darkness. He slips down first, and you can see lights come on in the space before his voice drifts up to you, “Okay, bring the Grounder next.”

Bellamy and Murphy maneuver him down, followed by Monroe and then Sterling. You’re the last to descend, taking one last look at the woods around you before swinging the door closed and dropping to the floor below. When your feet hit the ground, you look around, taking in the small bunker. There’s a bed in the corner, large enough for two, and supplies are scattered around the space. Art kits, toys, a few canned goods, lanterns. You note that the space seems used and you glance over at Finn, who moves around the bunker comfortably. You tuck the information away for later, just as Finn smacks the Grounder on the face. “Wake up!”

The Grounder’s head rolls and then lifts, a groan pushing past his lips from the pounding in his head, no doubt. His eyes grow wide in alarm when he realizes he’s tied up, and he tugs against the restraints once he lifts his head and sees you all standing around him. Finn wastes no time reaching out for you and pulling you forward, lifting your arm to put the watch on display. “Where did you get this watch?”

The Grounder glances at it, but says nothing, and you’re reminded of Lincoln. Bellamy steps forward, voice hard, as the others slink back into the shadows. “Where did you get the watch? Where are our people?”

When the Grounder offers up nothing other than silence, you see Finn and Bellamy exchange a look over your head. Bellamy’s hand reaches out to give you a squeeze, and a second later, Finn hits the Grounder across the face. You flinch at the sound of the impact, cringing at the use of torture, despite it being the only way to find Clarke. And you know that, you really do, but it doesn’t make the act any more comfortable. “Where did you get the watch?!”

They receive more silence, and Finn hits him again, growing angrier, more erratic. “Where is she?”

The next round of silence sets him off, and he delivers blow after blow, blood blooming beneath his fists, and you step back a little, shielding yourself from the view by moving behind Bellamy. Finally, the Grounder breaks. “I found it outside your camp.”

Bellamy’s voice is annoyed, “You really expect us to believe that?”

He says nothing, and you start to feel the anger rise in your chest a little. “Clarke would never take this off. Where is she?”

You glance over at Finn as he hits him again. “Tell the truth!”

“I told you, I found it outside your camp.”

Finn grabs your wrist again, pulling you closer. “Where is the girl who was wearing this watch!?”

“I never saw a girl.”

From behind you, Murphy’s voice floats towards you, bored. “Another lie. Maybe you should stop asking him nicely.”

Bellamy sets his jaw. “Shut up, Murphy.” He looks down at the ground, thinking, before glancing at the Grounder again. “Where are our friends? You took them, we know you did, just tell us where!”

Finn drops your arm, and reaches for the gun in his waistband. “Murphy’s right, we’re wasting time.” He pulls his arm back and strikes the Grounder in the head with the gun, screaming, “Answer the question!”

You reach forward, grabbing Finn, trying to keep his arms pinned down. But he’s too strong and shakes you off easily. You descend on him again, Bellamy now at your side, and the two of you pull him back. “Finn! Finn, stop!”

Bellamy tightens his arms around Finn. “You don’t want to do this, trust me. There are some lines you can’t uncross.”

Bellamy’s face falls a little when he says it, his eyes full of regret. When he feels Finn’s breathing start to calm, he releases him and steps away. You drop your arms and he turns to look at you, grabbing your wrist, hard. “She’s your sister. Your twin.”

You glance down at his hand and try to shake him off, failing, before meeting his eyes again, your voice hard. “Exactly Finn. She’s my twin. And that’s how I know she wouldn’t like this.”

He squeezes harder as he grinds out, “She would do anything to get you back.”

You let out a squeak of pain, and you see Bellamy step toward you both, voice a low warning. “Finn.”

He drops your wrist and takes in a shaky breath, before turning around suddenly and hitting the Grounder again, over and over. “Where is Clarke!? Where is she?!”

“Finn!” 

Bellamy runs towards him, grabbing him and pulling him back, but Finn shoves him and lifts the gun towards him. “Back off!”

Bellamy glances at the gun and then to his friend. “Put down the gun, Finn.”

He keeps the weapon aimed there, breathing hard, and you whisper, “Finn. This isn’t you.”

Bellamy nods his head in agreement and you see Finn’s teeth clench before he swings around and cocks the gun, aiming at the Grounder. “Three seconds!”

His hand shakes, and you and Bellamy exchange a worried glance. “Two!”

His voice drops down to a whisper, and his finger slides towards the trigger. “One.”

Just before you think he’s going to shoot, the Grounder breaks. “Okay, okay! I’ll tell you. Your friends are East of here, the village where we take our prisoners of war.”

“East, where? How do we get to them?”

“I can draw you a map. But you should hurry, soon they’ll outlive their usefulness.”

Finn lowers his gun, and steps away. “Get him something to draw a map.”

Monroe steps up with a piece of paper and a pencil, and Murphy walks by Bellamy. “You thought I was the crazy one, huh?”

Bellamy turns and looks at Finn, still in shock, before grabbing your hand and leading you to the back of the bunker, away from him. He pulls up your sleeve, revealing small fingerprint shaped bruises that are already forming, and you see the muscle in his jaw twitch. You put your hand over his, reassuring him, before tugging your sleeve down when you hear Finn approaching you from behind. He hands you and Bellamy the map, which you both look over in silence, studying it. 

Bellamy starts to fold it up and turns to the others. “Gather up the gear. We’re leaving.”

Sterling turns and gives the Grounder a wary look. “What about him?”

Bellamy glances over at the man, tied up and now gagged, “For now, we leave him. We’ll deal with him when we’re done.”

“And what if he escapes? He knows exactly where we’re going.”

Bellamy turns and glares at Murphy, his tone final. “We’re not killing him!”

“I don’t really see another option here. If we don’t take care of this now, it’ll blow back on us and you know it.”

“He’s unarmed, Murphy.” He glances at you, and you know he’s thinking of your earlier conversation, about the Grounders doing what they need to survive, too. You give him a nod, a show of support, as Murphy argues his point. “He’s a _Grounder_.” 

He turns and looks between Sterling and Monroe. “Really? Come on, tell him.”

“I don’t know.” Monroe’s voice is quiet, and Murphy turns on her. “You don’t know what? He’s gonna tell his people everything. We’re as good as dead. Our friends too.”

Bellamy grabs him. “We’re _not_ doing this, end of discussion. You want him, you gotta go through me.”

Murphy steps towards him and spits out, “What exactly happened to you, huh?” He glances over at you, realization crossing his features, and then back to Bellamy. “You’re acting like you’ve never killed a Grounder before.”

“That was in battle. This would be an execution-”

He’s cut off by a gunshot ringing out, too loud in the small space. Your stomach sinks, afraid of what you’re going to see when you turn to look, but you force yourself to look anyways. 

Your eyes land on the gun first, smoke still curling out of the barrel, and then to the ground, where the prisoner now lays dead, blood spilling out of his wound and onto the floor. Finn lowers the gun, and you follow the action before looking up to meet his gaze. “Let’s get moving.”

He reaches out and grabs the map from Bellamy and brushes past, climbing up the ladder quickly. Murphy recovers from his shock first and follows after, and Monroe reaches down and grabs Bellamy’s gun, passing it to him. He takes it as Sterling passes you yours, and they both follow the other two men. You and Bellamy still stand frozen in place, your gazes both turning and dropping onto the now dead Grounder. 

“Bellamy…” You whisper, trailing off, unsure what to say. _That was an execution. What have we done? Finn is losing it._

Bellamy’s voice answers you, agreeing with all of your thoughts. “I know.”

And then he steps away from you, heading towards the ladder and onto the surface. You follow, taking in a deep breath of fresh air, wishing that it was enough to erase the memory of this bunker from your head.


	17. xvii. many happy returns (2.04)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mentions of dead bodies, fighting, violence, language. 
> 
> Summary: You and the others race against time to save one of your own from the remains of the Ark crash.

Your small group jogs through the woods in tense silence. Finn is in the lead, followed by you and Bellamy, and then Murphy, Monroe, and Sterling. Everyone is on edge, either thinking of Grounders, kidnapped friends, or friends losing their minds. Your gaze is jumping between scanning the woods and the back of Finn’s head, trying to judge which is the bigger threat, when Bellamy mutters, “Everyone, eyes peeled. We’re in Grounder territory.”

“Everything is Grounder territory. I can’t keep running, all right?” You all turn to face Murphy, who is now stopped and struggling for breath. “We don’t even know if the guy Finn killed was telling the truth.”

Finn rushes to him, grabbing him and forcing him to walk. “Keep moving.”

Bellamy mirrors the motion with Finn, pulling him back. “We can give him a minute.”

“No, we can’t. You heard what that Grounder said. ‘They’ll outlive their usefulness.’” He turns to you, seeking your support, but you avert your eyes. Because even though you agree with him, and you’re worried that you’re already too late, you don’t want him to think you support him or that what he did was okay.

“I heard what he said when you had a gun to his head.”

Finn’s voice drops to a whisper, “Look, you think I wanted to do that? He would have told his people we’re coming, and by the time we got there, our people would be dead. Maybe that’s something you can live with, but I can’t!”

He tries to push past Bellamy, but Bellamy stops him, and pushes back, forcing Finn to listen to what he has to say. “I know you did what you think you had to do,” his eyes bounce over Finn’s head and over to you, before returning to meet the man’s gaze. “But you are not yourself right now, and I can’t be out here with another loose cannon.”

You step closer, about to say something, when your boot connects with something hard. Confused, you look down, and find that you’ve just hit another boot…that is still connected to someone’s body. You step back, fear rising in your voice when you say, “Bellamy…”

He looks away from Finn and over to you, where your eyes are scanning the ground around you. Bodies litter the area, some still strapped in seats, some mangled beyond recognition. Bellamy eyes the others and demands, “Fall in.”

You do as he says, following him down the path as he leaves the safety of the trees and steps out into the open, right along the edge of a cliff. The mood is somber, and only grows darker when you all step to the edge and see it, the wreckage stuck into the side of a cliff, still smoking. 

“It’s one of the Ark stations,” you whisper, feeling sick. 

“That’s a rough landing.”

You glare at Murphy, wondering how he can see this and still joke, surrounded by dead bodies. Finn steps away, and Bellamy follows. “There’s nothing we can do for these people. We gotta go.”

As you all start to turn and follow, you hear a soft whimper. Bellamy turns back, brows furrowed, and Murphy asks, “Did you hear that?”

You all scurry to the edge of the cliff, and look over, spotting a girl standing on a small piece of rock, clinging to a tree. “Please, help me!”

The girl is looking up, watching you all, and recognition passes over Sterling’s face. “Mel?”

“Help me! Sterling, please!”

Finn grabs you and Bellamy and pulls you to the side, voice dropping to a whisper. “We can’t stop.”

You give him a sharp look. “Finn. She’s from the Ark, we can’t just leave her.” Bellamy adds, “This isn’t a Grounder, Finn. We have a rope.”

He looks between you, “You saw her. She’d never be able to hold on to it. We’d have to lower somebody down. It’ll take time that we don’t have. I hate this as much as you-”

Bellamy cuts him off, shaking his head. “I know. Okay? I know.”

“We’ll come back for her.”

“Wait-” You start, looking between the two men. They both turn to you, and Finn says, “Clarke could already be in trouble.”

“I know, but-” You look to Bellamy, who glances over at Finn and then back to you. “We’ll come back, I promise. But we have to go save our people. Your twin.”

You feel yourself growing frustrated. “You both keep saying that like I don’t know what’s at stake here, but I don’t want to just leave this girl here, and Clarke wouldn’t either!”

They exchange another glance, and you can feel the decision being made without you. Bellamy turns to the others, “We’re moving out.”

As you all turn, Sterling is already lowering himself over the edge, heading for Mel. You glare at the back of Bellamy and Finn’s heads before you join them. Murphy turns to the pair with a smirk. “Well, it looks like we’re taking that break after all, huh?”

You all stand at the edge, watching as Sterling gets closer and closer to Mel. When he is feet from her, he yells up, “I’m almost there! Once I have her, pull us up!”

You can see him reaching for her, and their hands connect as Sterling pulls himself closer. The action must put too much weight on the small ledge beneath Mel’s feet because it breaks, leaving only the tree for her to cling too. She screams and lets go of Sterling to wrap both arms around the last stronghold, and he slides away from her. 

You all watch with bated breath as he regains his balance and works his way towards her again, reaching for her hand. They connect again, and she leans closer, putting tension on the rope. You have a split second to register the sound of the rope snapping free from the trunk behind you, before it’s sliding between your legs. You all leap for it, but it slides past too quickly, slipping over the edge and sending Sterling plummeting to the ground below. 

You know he’s dead as soon as he hits the ground, and you all stand in silence as you figure out what to do. You turn and look at Finn and Bellamy before dropping to your knees at the edge and yelling down, “Mel, hold on. You can do this!”

“I can’t!”

“Yes, you can. You’re strong!”

Mel shakes her head, locking eyes with you. “I’m not strong! Stubborn, maybe.”

You smile at her, “So be stubborn a little longer. I’m not gonna let you die!” You stand and turn to the boys again. “We’re pulling her up.”

Finn pushes his finger into your chest, his tone mocking yours. “We’re out of rope.”

You push his hand away. “I don’t care. I am not leaving her here to die.” You turn and look at Bellamy, insistent. “We don’t leave our people behind.”

Finn’s voice rises, “If anything happens to our friends when we could-”

You spin towards him, hot headed anger pushing through you. “We don’t even know if they’re alive, Finn! We don’t even know if what that Grounder told us was legitimate. You can take your map and find Clarke, but then you can explain how you left someone behind to die just to save her. Trust me when I tell you that I know my twin, and she’d be pissed.”

Bellamy mutters, “She’s right about Clarke. And even if she wasn’t, it’s the right thing to do.”

Monroe steps closer, voice quivering. “Sterling was one of us. She was his friend. I’m in.”

Murphy turns to you. “How do we do it?”

“We make new rope from the wreckage. Go find wires, seatbelts, anything.”

Murphy and Monroe run off, already searching. Finn glares at you for a minute before he follows suit, leaving you and Bellamy alone. He meets your gaze. “I’m sorry. I just thought you’d want to get to Clarke.”

“I do.” You start to step away from him, “But I don’t want to lose myself along the way. Surviving or not.”

You turn away from him and pull the Grounder knife from your pocket, using it to cut free any seat belts you can find. A few minutes later, you all regroup and create a new rope, frankensteined together with knots, and secured better around the old tree stump. You step towards the end of the rope, ready to secure yourself and go down to Mel, but Bellamy stops you. “I’ll go.”

“No, I’m lighter.”

“I’m stronger,” he counters. You open your mouth to argue, but Finn adds, “It’s better if he goes.”

You nod and help him tie the seatbelts around him, securing him to the end. You smile as he prepares to descend. “Be careful.”

“I will.”

He steps over the edge and you all let the rope slide through your fingers slowly, controlling his speed as he goes down. Murphy is the closest to the edge, and you’re right behind him, then Finn and Monroe. Bellamy calls out to Mel every few seconds, reassuring her. “Just hang on. I’m almost there.”

Murphy eases closer to the edge so he can keep an eye on everything, and he turns back to narrate to the rest of you. “Okay, he’s just reached her. Now she’s grabbing onto him. Okay, pull them up!”

He steps back from the edge as Bellamy yells, “I got her! Pull us up!”

“Don’t you worry, Bellamy. I won’t drop you.”

Finn grunts from behind you as you all pull as hard as you can, “Just pull, Murphy.”

The pulling is slow, but steady, as you all grunt and tug, bringing Bellamy and Mel to the surface. As they start to reach the top, you hear tension break a clasp, and suddenly Murphy flies forward, the seatbelt in his hands now in two pieces. He cries out as he struggles to keep Bellamy and Mel up, and you rush up beside him and grab the seatbelt. Finn joins a second later on the other side, and then Monroe appears next to you. “Pull! Pull!”

You’re all tugging, every muscle in your body straining as you try to lift the pair and pull them back up and over the edge. You can hear Mel screaming down below, followed by Bellamy yelling, “What the hell is happening up there?”

Before anyone can answer, arrows start to zip in the air around you. Monroe screams, “Grounders!”

Finn passes her a gun, screaming at her to cover, as you, him, and Murphy strain against the weight of Bellamy and Mel. Bellamy yells up, “How many are there?”

“We can’t see them!”

You scream over your shoulder, towards Monroe, “In the trees! Aim for the trees!”

You hear bullets popping off behind you, and arrows continue to whiz past your head. Your head cocks to the side slightly, listening, when you hear something whistling through the air. Seconds later a spear lodges itself into the dirt between you and Murphy. You both turn to each other in shock, the closeness of the spear, and death, freaking you both out as you still struggle with the belts. You hear Monroe cry out in pain behind you, but none of you can do anything to help her. From beside you, Murphy grunts out, “We’re gonna need to cut her loose. We can’t do this. Bellamy, you gotta cut her loose!”

Bellamy yells back up, “No way!”

“Bellamy!” You yell his name, not sure what you want. Cut her loose, he lives. You said you wouldn’t let her die. But right now, they’re both about to hit the ground.

Behind you, a foghorn echoes through the trees and the arrows instantly stop whizzing around you, while the rest of the woods grow quiet. You mutter, “Acid fog.”

Finn yells, “Monroe, get back on the rope!”

You all strain and pull, and Murphy stands and moves to the back, wrapping the rope around him as he goes, in case you all slip again. It takes a few seconds, but you finally see a head full of curls appear over the edge of the cliff, and you almost cry in relief. Bellamy pushes Mel ahead of him, and she collapses on top of Finn, before Bellamy collapses beside you, all of you panting. His hand reaches for yours and you take it, squeezing to convey your relief. 

Bellamy lifts his head to look at Murphy, rope wrapped around his hands, wrists, and arms. You see them exchange a nod, one in thanks, one in acceptance, before Finn pants, “We have to take cover from the fog.”

“Bellamy.”

You turn when you hear her voice, and Bellamy is already standing from beside you, dropping your hand. Her eyes catch the movement before their gazes lock, elated smiles on their faces. “Octavia.”

They run towards each other, colliding together in a hug, tears falling down Octavia’s face. You scramble to your feet and run over to them, grabbing her for a hug when the siblings release. She pulls you in close, both of you holding on tight, before you release each other. She wraps one arm around you and one around Bellamy, and you all walk back over to the others to assess the damage. Bellamy steps away to help Mel, while you and Octavia look over Monroe. After removing the arrow, you’re both bandaging it up when Murphy asks, “Nice foghorn. What happened to your boyfriend?” 

Her face drops, and she deadpans, “He’s gone.”

You reach out for her and grab her hand, which draws her gaze towards you. You whisper, “I’m sorry, Octavia, I know how much he meant to you.”

She nods, as Bellamy walks over to give her a similar heartfelt apology. “Hey. I’m sorry, O.”

She gives him a sad look, before reaching down to grab her bag. “The Grounders will be back, so we need to go, now.”

“Yes, we do,” Finn counters, as you and Bellamy approach him. 

“Octavia says the arrow might be poisoned. I have to take them home.”

“I know.” Finn offers Bellamy a piece of paper, which you glance at and realize is the map to the Grounder camp. Bellamy nods, “I’ll meet you as soon as I can.”

“I know.” He repeats, before swinging his gaze to look at you. “Are you coming?”

Your mouth parts, looking between Finn and Bellamy, and you struggle with feeling like you’re choosing between Clarke and Bellamy. Finn, anxious to leave, makes the decision for you. “I’ll keep her safe until you guys meet up with us again.”

You nod, and he turns and runs off, without another word. Moments later, Murphy walks past you, following Finn. “Parting. Such sweet sorrow, right?”

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?”

“Come on. Bellamy, you know if I go with you, they’ll just lock me up again.”

Bellamy watches him for a second, thinking, before leaning down and tossing Murphy a rifle. Octavia mutters, “Really?”

Murphy cocks the gun, looking at Bellamy in shock, who tells him, “Watch his back.” Murphy nods and runs off, and Bellamy turns back to his sister. “I can’t get them home without you.”

She smirks, “Of course, you can’t.”

He walks over and grabs Mel, leaving you and Octavia to grab Monroe. She wraps her arms around each of your shoulders as she limps between you, and Octavia leads you all into the woods, ready to take you home. 

-


	18. xviii. human trials (2.05)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Violence, mass murder, fighting, language, blood, death. A slightly spicy moment.
> 
> Summary: Finn goes off the rails, and you arrive just in time to witness the aftermath.

You stoke the fire, and the flames rise a little higher, sharing their warmth. You lean back against the fallen tree behind you, turning towards the cave when you hear someone leave, smiling when your gaze falls on Bellamy. He smiles back and settles down beside you. “They’re both asleep.”

You hum in response. “Where’s Octavia?”

“Keeping watch.” He’s silent for a minute, before he reaches over and grabs your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours. You look down and smile, before turning your gaze to search his face. “I really am sorry about earlier and not agreeing with you at first about Mel.”

“I think you made up for it when you lowered yourself over the side of a mountain.”

His fingers trace patterns over the back of your hand, and you close your eyes and drink in the feeling of his skin touching yours. You feel electrified, every nerve awake from his body being so close to yours. He shifts beside you and you open your eyes to find him turned towards you, facing you fully. His eyes rove over your face, mapping it, and you do the same with him, cataloging each cut and bruise from the last few days that mars his skin. 

He reaches up and brushes a bruise that darkens your cheekbone, fingers tracing over it lightly. You lean into his touch, and he whispers, “You’re so beautiful.”

You smile, melting from his words, melting beneath his gaze, and he leans forward, closing the space between you. You allow him to press his lips to yours, and his kisses are soft at first, so soft that you wonder if you’re imagining the whole thing. But when you peek one eye open and see his face close to yours, you know you aren’t dreaming. 

After a while, his kisses grow hungry, his lips pressing harder against yours. You open your mouth to catch your breath, and he uses the opportunity to slip his tongue inside your mouth. As soon as your tongues meet, a fire starts to grow within you, and your hands start to roam up to his hair, where you give a light tug, causing him to moan into your mouth. You swallow it greedily as his hands drop from your face, skating down your neck, over your back and chest, before settling on your waist. He tugs you towards him, lifting you slightly until you are sitting in his lap, straddling him, one leg on either side of him. 

His lips shift from your mouth, over your chin and down to your neck, where he latches onto the sensitive spot there. A breathy moan slips past your lips, which only seems to encourage him harder as he nips and laves over the spot. You almost let out another moan when you hear a throat clearing behind you. You and Bellamy fly apart, and you jump from his lap and stand, both of you looking embarrassed about being caught. Octavia smirks at you both and Bellamy pulls himself to his feet, stammering, “Uh, I’ll go stand watch. You two get some rest.” And he practically scurries off, leaving you and Octavia alone. She walks towards you and you hope the dark of the night hides your blush as she settles down against the log, patting the spot beside her. You lower yourself down, avoiding eye contact. “So.”

“So.”

“You and my brother.”

It’s not a question, but you answer like it is. “Yes.”

“Hm.” She doesn’t say anything else, just gazes in the direction Bellamy left in.

“It’s still new.”

She reaches out and grabs your hand. “He deserves to be happy. You deserve to be happy. And I think you’re good for him, so I approve.”

You’re more pleased than you thought you’d be to hear the words, and you let out a quiet laugh. “Well, I’m glad we have your approval.”

You’re both quiet for a minute, before she tugs on your hand, and you turn towards her. “Is that why you didn’t go with Finn to find Clarke?”

“Yes and no.” She looks confused, so you add, “Honestly, I’m a little scared of Finn right now. He went a little…off the rails once we lost Clarke and the others.”

You pull your hand free from hers and push your sleeve up your arm, revealing the bruises. Octavia gasps, “ _Finn_ did that?”

“Not on purpose. But yes.” You take in a deep breath, and let it out as a sigh. “I just didn’t want to be alone with him, even if it meant finding Clarke. I’d rather be a few days late to the party and have other people with me, just in case.”

She nods in understanding, and you stifle a yawn. She laughs and motions towards the cave. “You should probably get some rest, we have a long walk ahead of us tomorrow.”

“You’re probably right.” You stand, stretching out your limbs, before you start to step away. You pause and turn towards your dark haired friend, giving her a smile. “I’m glad you’re back, Octavia.”

“Yeah, me too.”

And then you both wave goodnight before you head into the cave and settle in beside Mel and Monroe, letting sleep take you.

-

Much of the walk back to Camp Jaha consists of catching up with Octavia, and hearing all about the things she’s seen since you last saw each other at the battle at the dropship. She tells you about Lincoln and Nyko, fighting the Reapers, and the few bits of Grounder culture that Lincoln had taught her before she lost him. You take it all in with excitement, despite the sadness you have about Octavia losing Lincoln. 

It’s near midday when the terrain starts to look familiar, and the sounds of camp reach your ears. Everyone lowers their weapons and puts them away, not wanting to be seen as a threat as you burst through the treeline and out into the open, following the path to the front gates. Up ahead, you can hear Guards jumping into action, training their guns on you. You send up a silent prayer that Shumway isn’t among them. As the gate opens, the guards start to yell, “Weapons. We need your weapons!”

Bellamy and Mel pass through first, and he gives up his pistol. You and Monroe hand over the rifles, but Octavia keeps the sword strapped to her back. They don’t press her for it. Your mom jogs up to the group, ignoring you all and focusing on the injured girls. She reaches Mel first, reaching up to brush the hair from her face. “I know you. Factory station. Where are the others?”

Mel whispers back, “There are no others.”

Bellamy drops his arm from around her, and turns to your mom. “Found her a day from here. No survivors. Lots of supplies.”

“Get her to medical.”

You and Octavia step forward with Monroe, and your mom reaches out for her, taking her hand. You see a pin on her jacket glinting in the sun, but you don’t get a chance to ask her about it, because she’s already turned and heading back to medical, thinking only of the injured. You look at Bellamy, about to say something, when you hear the sound of feet thundering towards you. You turn just in time for someone to collide with you, and your mouth stretches into a grin when your eyes catch on a head of golden hair. She whispers your name, and you feel tears prick your eyes. “Clarke.”

She pulls away to look at you, and you feel your expression harden when you see the cuts and bruises all over her face, but she gives you a watery smile, making you forget. “I thought you were dead.”

You shake your head and pull her in for another hug, shocked that she’s here, shocked that she’s alive. She pulls away and gives Bellamy and Octavia equally strong hugs, all of you happy to be alive and reunited. As you watch the reunion, Raven steps up beside Clarke, crutch under her arm and brace secured over her leg. You feel a pang of sorrow in your chest and you reach forward to hug her, happy that she made it through the surgery. When you pull back, Bellamy is turning towards Clarke. “How many are with you?”

“None.” Your face falls, and you see Bellamy and Octavia’s do the same. Clarke looks behind you, and then around you, before her eyes meet yours, searching. “Where’s Finn?”

You shake your head, thinking of Finn, unhinged, looking for your twin. “Looking for you.”

Her face falls, and she thinks a moment before reaching out to grab your hand. “Mom is the Chancellor.”

“ _What_?” 

She nods at the others, “C’mon, we need to tell her everything. We have to get to Finn and we have to get back to Mount Weather.”

Four heads whip towards her at the same time, shocked. “Mount Weather?”

“I’ll explain everything, let’s go.”

She pulls you towards the Medical tent, already talking of Mount Weather and escape plans. 

-

An hour later, you, Bellamy, and Clarke stand outside of the council’s meeting room, waiting, pacing. Clarke told them everything, about Mount Weather, and the harvesting chambers, and the Grounders. And you and Bellamy filled them in on everything you had seen and witnessed, leaving out the parts about Finn losing his mind. _Because they don’t need to know right now. Because we protect our own._

Finally, when it seems like a lifetime has passed, the council exits their meeting, and you and Clarke approach your mother, expectant. Bellamy lingers behind you, still pacing. “Well?”

She turns to Clarke with an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry, sweetheart, but they’re on their own.”

Clarke shakes her head and you make a sound of protest. “What? No. You can’t just cut them loose!”

She adopts the Mother Tone. “Sweetheart, we don’t have the manpower to send out two separate rescue missions and protect our camp.”

“They’re in trouble,” you cut in, forcing your mom to look at you. “They’re either gonna get themselves killed or they’re gonna make things worse with the Grounders.”

“Who we need to get our people out of Mount Weather,” Clarke adds. 

She looks between you both, “I know you both feel this is unfair. But our priority has to be with Chancellor Kane if there is any hope for peace.”

“If you wanted peace, you shouldn’t have killed the only Grounder who was gonna help us.” Your twin’s voice is hard, and she glances over at Major Byrne, who is standing nearby listening. 

“I’m sorry. The decision’s been made.”

Bellamy stops pacing, and steps forward to join the conversation, jaw clenching with anger. “You’re sorry? Finn and Murphy are out there looking for Clarke with guns you gave us, and now she’s home, you’re just going to abandon them? If you can’t spare the guards, we know the terrain, we have a map. We can do it ourselves.”

You and Clarke start nodding, agreeing with him, but she immediately shoots him down. “Absolutely not.”

“Mom-”

She cuts Clarke off, voice hitching with emotion. “I just got you both back!”

And before either of you can argue, Jackson comes running down the hall, stopping beside your mom, looking sheepish. “Abby. I’m sorry, we need you in medical.”

You glare at her and step back. “You better go.”

She appraises you, and then Clarke, picking up on both of your anger and frustration, and as her gaze bounces between the pair of you, she yells, “Byrne? No one leaves this camp.”

“Yes, ma'am.”

She gives you one last hard look before brushing past, and you grab Clarke’s hand and pull her over to Bellamy, the three of you standing close. You look at each of them, and set your jaw. “We’re leaving this camp.”

They both nod, and Clarke adds, “And we’re gonna need guns.” She steps away, “I’ll go find Raven and Octavia.”

“We’ll go get supplies. Meet at the back of the camp, behind the prison.”

And then you break apart, leaving Clarke to head towards the engineering station, while you and Bellamy search for packs and food. 

-

Less than an hour later, you and Bellamy are standing behind the prison, waiting, when Raven walks up and sets down a large duffel bag. “I scored you a couple extra clips.”

Bellamy reaches in the bag and starts pulling out weapons when Clarke jogs up to join you. “Hey. Our mom’s in surgery and the team going after Kane just left. We should, too.”

Bellamy hands you a gun while he looks at your twin. “Did you find Octavia?”

“No. I found you.” You all turn at the sound of her voice, watching as she jogs closer to you. She comes to a stop beside her brother. “I’m not letting you leave here without me.”

Behind you, Clarke starts, “Octavia-”

“Finn and Murphy are headed for Lincoln’s village. I’ve been there. Have you?” She turns and looks at Clarke. “Has she?”

Bellamy tips his head to the side, a smirk on his face. “You done?”

You bend down and pick up the backpack at your feet, passing it to him so he can offer it to her. She eyes it with suspicion. “What’s this?”

“Your pack.” She smirks at him and takes it, and he holds out his arm in front of him. “Lead the way.”

She steps towards the fence, and you start to follow, but Raven holds out her crutch, blocking her path. “Whoa. Not so fast, Pocahontas.”

She touches her crutch to the fence and it sparks with electricity. You turn to Bellamy, your brows lifted, and mutter, “That’s new.”

“I thought you said it was handled.”

Raven turns to Clarke. “It is.” She pulls a radio from her pocket and lifts it. “Shut her down, Wick.”

She waits a minute and then tests the fence again, and this time, there is no reaction. She smirks, “Handled.”

Octavia tosses her pack through the fence and ducks through, and you all follow, immediately heading toward the trees, using them for cover. You run through the woods for a few miles, before slowing to a walk. The sky grows darker earlier than usual, and a rumble of thunder tells you why. 

You smile when the first drop touches your skin, still just as in love with the rain as the first time you saw it, months ago, when Bellamy was still a jerk and Wells was alive. You wish he could be here to see everything now. Because despite not knowing him well, you know he was a good man. He protected you and Clarke from the truth about your mother, and your father’s death. Too bad he didn’t realize it was your fault all along. _Because I’m cursed._

Bellamy pulls you from your thoughts when he reaches out to grab your hand, lacing your fingers together. “What are you thinking about?”

You shake your head, dislodging the bad memories, only focusing on the good as you smile at him. “The first thunderstorm.” You see his smile lift and you ask, “Do you remember it? After your talk with Wells?”

You see his face fall a little at the name and his smile grows sad, but he nods. “I wish he was here to see this.”

“I was just thinking the same thing.”

You both keep walking in silence, following behind Octavia and Clarke, watching the way the rain falls through the thick canopy of trees and soaks the ground below. After a while, the rain lets up, and the sky grows darker, this time with the setting sun. You shiver a little as night falls and the air grows cooler. Bellamy drops your hand to shrug off his jacket and drape it over your shoulders, and you push your arms through the sleeves, smiling in appreciation. He looks around before turning to you. “I think we should stop for the night, get some rest.”

You smirk, “Whatever the hell you want.”

He laughs, surprised, before calling ahead to the others and relaying the message. They both agree, and soon you have a makeshift camp, complete with a fire. After everyone has eaten, Octavia is the first to lay down, already fast asleep before her head hits her makeshift pillow. You see Bellamy’s lids drop, and you fight back a smile. “I’ll keep watch.”

“No, I’m-”

You cut him off, “Bellamy, seriously. I’ve got it.”

“Wake me up in a few hours, and I’ll take over.”

“I will.”

He lays down beside a log, facing the fire, and you watch him drift off to sleep. Clarke leans against you, watching the fire. You sit in silence for a long while, enjoying each other’s presence when you suddenly remember. “Oh.”

You pull up your sleeve, revealing the watch, and take it off your wrist, before reaching out to grab Clarke’s arm. She lets you take it and reattach the watch, now with its rightful owner and situated beside her bracelet. Your brows lift when you see it. “Mom gave it back to you?”

“Yeah, right after she stitched me up. They took her necklace too, because when I woke up, it was gone.”

“We didn’t see it with the bracelet or the watch.”

She nods, before she suddenly sits up and turns to you. “Earlier, when you were telling Mom about Finn and the Grounder you kidnapped, I felt like you were leaving something out.”

“I was.” She looks at you, expectant, and you let out a sigh. “He killed the Grounder. We were all arguing about what to do with him, when Finn just picked up his gun and executed him like it was nothing. Then he walked away, acting like he hadn’t just killed a man in cold blood.”

“That doesn’t sound like Finn.”

“It doesn’t. But losing you, and the others, the war… It changed him, Clarke. He’s not the same peacekeeping Spacewalker that we met on that first day.”

She turns away from you, glancing over the fire and out into the woods around you. “We’ve all changed.”

You shake your head, “Not like this.”

She says nothing, thinking it over and you both resume your earlier silence before she eventually lays down beside you. “I’m gonna get some sleep.”

“Goodnight stars.”

“Goodnight moon.”

Her eyes slide closed and you stay on watch for a couple of hours, scanning the woods around the camp for any signs of danger. You start to consider waking Bellamy soon, from boredom or lack of attention, you don’t know, but as usual, he beats you to the punch, and is already awake when you swing your gaze towards him. He lifts his gun and stands, motioning for you to take his place. You nod in thanks and lay down, shifting his pack around a few times until you get comfortable, before sleep takes you quickly.

-

Your eyes slide open slowly, greeted by a fire, brain working to remember where you are. It comes back to you in a flood, and you shift your gaze up, locking eyes with Bellamy across the blaze. His eyes drop away, and you swear you see a tinge of pink across his cheeks when you sit up, stretching your limbs out and to the sky, shaking the sleep from them. You couldn’t have gotten more than a few hours of sleep, but it feels like enough, your body finally learning to adapt and work with less. 

You stand and walk over to Bellamy’s log, dropping down beside him, before leaning back to look at the stars. His gaze follows yours, and he’s quiet for a minute, before he lets out a short hum. “Hm.”

You turn to look at him. “What?”

“Do you remember when you told me the story about Orion? How he was killed by his lover Artemis because her twin challenged her, and then she put him in the stars because she felt so bad about it?”

“Yes.”

He turns to you, fighting back a smile. “You weren’t trying to warn me or something, were you?”

You let out a quiet laugh, surprised, before hitting him lightly on the arm. “No!”

He laughs too, and you marvel at the pretty sound, something he rarely lets out into the world. You’re both looking at each other, his amusement still twinkling in his eyes, when Clarke shifts on the ground beside you. You both turn to her, and she meets your gaze, starting to wake up. Bellamy watches her for a minute, and then offers, “When we got back to the dropship and no one was there, we assumed it was the Grounders.”

“Of course, you did. You couldn’t have known it was the Mountain Men. No one could have.”

He shakes his head, thinking of the 47, thoughts jumping to the worst. “How long until chocolate cake turns into being hung upside down and drained for their blood?”

“I don’t know, but we don’t have much time.”

You look between them. “First we find Finn, then our friends in Mount Weather.”

“And Lincoln.” Your gazes all shift to Octavia, now wide awake and sitting up. “I think we’ve slept long enough.”

She stands and grabs her things, already walking away, and you all follow suit. You kick dirt over the fire, making sure it’s put out before you follow the others through the woods, using only the moon for light. 

-

The moon gives way to the sun, partially hidden behind clouds heavy with rain, and your group travels together mostly in silence. By the time the sun is high in the sky, it has broken free from the clouds, shining bright through the trees around you. Octavia starts to gradually speed up as the area becomes more and more familiar to her, and soon she breaks out into a run, leaving you all to catch up. 

She comes to a stop at the bottom of a small hill, gaze locking on a large white statue in front of her. Bellamy checks the map and nods in confirmation, coming to a stop beside her. “This is it. Which way to the village?”

Octavia says nothing, her gaze never leaving the statue as tears start to well up in her eyes. She whispers, voice breaking, “The Reapers came from there. I couldn’t save him, Bell. I couldn’t save him.”

She starts to cry and he pulls her into a hug, comforting her, as you and Clarke watch on, hearts hurting for her. You know Clarke is thinking of Finn, and you’re both thinking of your father, and you step closer together, wrapping your arm around her and pulling her close. 

You are all pulled apart when a burst of gunfire echoes through the trees nearby, and everyone takes off running, lifting their weapons as you do. Bellamy pulls ahead, but you are all right on his heels, fighting through the burn in your legs and ache in your lungs as more shots echo around the woods. You can hear screaming as you draw closer, and you feel fear tangle in your stomach and chest. 

You see Bellamy pull to a stop ahead of you, now at the edge of the forest, and the shots pause, no longer punctuating the air. You, Clarke and Octavia stop beside him, and the fear in your stomach turns to horror as soon as you see the scene before you. 

Finn stands on the other side of a fenced in pen, a group of Grounders trapped inside. All around the pen are bodies, some still moving, some dead, bleeding from a variety of gunshot wounds. Octavia runs forwards first, recognizing a few of the Grounders, and you, Clarke, and Bellamy follow at a much slower pace, shock dulling your senses and slowing you down. 

Clarke comes to a stop in front of Finn, and his face pulls into a dazed smile. He steps towards Clarke, but she steps back, keeping the distance between them. “I found you.”

She shakes her head, in horror, disbelief, shock and turns away from him, lip quivering. You can no longer ignore the sound of crying around you and you drop down to the nearest body, searching for a sign of life. When your finger fails to find a pulse, you move to the next, relieved to see the rise and fall of the woman’s chest. You search her body for injuries, finding three gunshot wounds. 

You pull your pack off your back, searching for medical supplies, when someone drops down on the other side of you. You look up and meet Murphy’s eyes, and he whispers, “Let me help.”

You nod, pull out antiseptic, tools, bandages, and direct him on how to pull out the bullets and bandage them properly, taking a page from Clarke’s book. Bellamy joins you when you move to the next body, and out of the corner of your eye, you see Octavia and Clarke doing the same, Murphy now at their sides assisting. Finn stands amongst the bodies, frozen, watching everyone move around him. 

When you finish administering first aid, you look around, watching as the Grounders care for the dead, wrapping them in cloth and then securing it with pieces of rope. You and Bellamy exchange a look before you both walk over and help them, working silently with the Grounders, attempting to clean up the mess that Finn made.

When everyone is cared for, Octavia walks over to Nyko and talks to him briefly before joining your group again. “He says we should go, before the others return.”

You all heed the warning and leave the village, alternating between walking and running back to Camp Jaha, but never stopping until you reach the inside of the camp, secured behind a wall of guards and an electric fence.

-


	19. xix. fog of war (2.06)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Death, blood, violence, fighting, language, Shumway is an asshole. 
> 
> Summary: A plan to knock out Mount Weather’s communication includes a detour for you and the Blake siblings, which results in a shocking discovery.

Two days pass after Finn’s massacre, largely uneventful, marked only by periods of planning to invade Mount Weather, and tension between Finn and everyone else. 

You’re currently walking towards Bellamy’s tent, situated on the opposite end of the camp from yours and Clarke’s, when you see him.

 _Shumway_.

You make eye contact and he starts to walk towards you, and you turn and duck between a row of buildings, bobbing and weaving between them, hoping that he doesn’t find you. A voice drifts between the buildings, sinister enough to make your skin crawl. “La lune, where are you hiding?”

You start to run faster, maneuvering through the camp until you burst out on the other side, near the group of tents. You run towards Bellamy’s, not stopping until you burst inside, unannounced. 

He looks up at you in surprise, his pants held in his hands, and his body uncovered except for his gray boxers. You quickly cover your eyes and mutter, “Sorry I saw Shumway and-”

He laughs, “You don’t have to do that.”

“Do what?”

His voice is closer when he answers, right in front of you. “Cover your eyes.”

His fingers close around your wrist and lower your hand, and your eyes open to his bare chest. His pants are now pulled up and secured, and you look up to meet his eyes. His hands lift to your cheeks, holding you in place as he dips his head, his lips meeting yours.

You lose yourself in the kiss instantly, forgetting Shumway, forgetting why you were looking for him, focusing only on the way his lips feel against yours. How his curls tickle your face, and how his hands are now roaming over your body. They have just reached your butt, giving you a light squeeze, when you hear both your names called from outside his tent. You pull away, breathless, and a second later Clarke steps inside, instantly eyeing you both suspiciously. “Are you coming or what?”

“Yes.”

“Good.” And then she exits without another word, already making a beeline for the bar, leaving you to grab Bellamy and follow. 

“Wait, what’s going on?”

“I was supposed to come get you for a meeting.” You blush when you remember his distraction. “She thinks she finally got the map right.”

“Oh. Good.”

When you reach the table, Clarke is already sitting, map open and spread out, three drinks already waiting. You and Bellamy sit, and she launches into her explanation. 

“It’s a Labyrinth. We got to the dam through this tunnel,” She uses her pencil to point it out. “It’s all connected to the mine system. That’s our way in.”

You give her a skeptical look. “Sure, if we can get past the Reapers and the Mountain Men.”

Bellamy sighs and leans back in his chair, looking between you and Clarke. “I swear to God, if your mom doesn’t sanction the mission soon, I’m going by myself.”

You and Clarke answer in unison, “You won’t be by yourself.”

Bellamy pulls a face, weirded out by the synchronization, and you and your twin let out a laugh. Her laughter dies out quickly and you turn to her to see why, finding that her eyes are locked at something over Bellamy’s head. You follow her gaze and Bellamy does too, spotting Finn and Murphy, before you both turn back to Clarke. He attempts to sound casual when he asks, “How’s Finn doing anyway?”

She shrugs. “I haven’t talked to him since we got back. I don’t know what to say.” Her gaze drops to the table, and you can tell she’s somewhere else, stuck in a memory. “He just kept shooting.”

Bellamy tries to comfort her, offering her a similar sentiment to the one he gave you previously. “We’re at war, Clarke, we’ve all done things.”

She doesn’t say anything, and a second later the moment is lost, Finn now standing beside you. “Hey.”

Clarke avoids his eyes. “Hey.”

Bellamy looks between Finn and Clarke, before grabbing your arm and pulling you from your seat. “Next round’s on us.”

“Wait-” You start to protest, turning to look at your twin, but she nods her approval, so you let Bellamy lead you away. You watch the former couple talk as you wait in line, Clarke’s shoulders rigid with tension. When you reach the counter Bellamy hands you a cup of Monty’s stash while he grabs the other two, and you both head back to the table. You note that Finn is now gone, and Murphy is left behind in his place. 

He doesn’t last long though, because Raven reaches the table the same time you and Bellamy do, and she turns towards him. “Beat it, Murphy.”

After he walks off, her face splits into a grin as she looks between the three of you. “I know why we haven’t heard from any of the other Ark stations. Mount Weather’s jamming us.”

“Show us.”

She turns and quickly heads towards Engineering, and you all follow, abandoning your drinks on the table. She leads you straight to a radio, appearing to be in a state of disrepair, before she looks between you. “I tweaked the resonator and got this.” 

She turns a knob and reveals a high pitched hum, paired with a quiet clicking sound. “It’s on every frequency. Long range communication is totally screwed. It’s also the reason the range on our walkies sucks. It’s the same signal Monty heard in the black box of the Exodus ship.”

Realization hits you. “Wait, so Mount Weather crashed the Exodus ship?”

She nods and Clarke comes around the table to get a better look at the radio. “Can you get around the signal?”

“Around it? No. But if I can get to the tower that broadcasts it, I can make it go boom.”

“No one is going anywhere.”

You all turn towards the door, watching as your mom steps inside, looking pissed. You have the distinct feeling of being caught doing something you aren’t supposed to, but you push it aside as she starts in on her lecture. “What do I have to do to get through to you? You and your friends are not soldiers, and continuing to act like you are puts lives at risk.”

You let out a huff of frustration, but Clarke steps towards her, reasoning with her. “You don’t understand, Raven found something. Mount Weather is jamming our communications.”

“It’s true. There could be other Ark stations on the ground.”

Major Byrne cuts in, ignoring the good news. “The Grounder retaliation for the massacre could happen at any time, and when it does, we need every available man to defend this camp.”

You turn and snap at her, “So let _us_ go!”

“Neither of you are gonna stop, are you?”

You and Clarke deadpan, “No.” And she adds, “Not until our friends are safe.”

Your mom sighs, “Okay. But I’m coming with you.”

“Then it’s settled, we’re going back to Mount Weather.”

-

Later that night, after the team has been chosen and briefed, Clarke approaches you once you’re alone in your shared tent. “I need you to do something tomorrow. You, Bellamy, and Octavia.”

“What is it?”

“You need to look for a way into Mount Weather.” She pulls a map out of her pocket and hands it to you. “Mom seems hellbent on keeping us locked up or keeping an eye on us, and this might be our only chance to find one.”

“Okay, so what’s the plan?”

She points at the map, drawing your eyes to a forked path. “We’re supposed to go down this path tomorrow, bringing us opposite of the mountain. But this path takes you towards the mountain. When we get close, I’ll distract mom, and you three can sneak off and go that way. You already know all the rendezvous points, so if you find anything or if something goes wrong, you can meet back up with us and let us know.”

You nod and fold the map up, putting it in your pocket. “I better go tell Bellamy.”

“Don’t let anyone see you. We already know that Byrne is one of mom’s spies, but who knows who else is. If she gets suspicious at all, she might call the whole thing off.”

“You’re right.” You head over to your bed and grab a small blanket off the top, draping it over your shoulders and around your head, shielding your face from view. When you turn to Clarke, she gives a nod in approval, and you slip out of the tent and into the cool night air. 

You slink through the camp, avoiding the busy areas and sticking to the shadows. You make it to Bellamy’s tent without being seen, and you call out his name before entering, giving him fair warning this time instead of barging in. He’s already in bed when you slip inside, and he sits up as you pull the blanket back from your face, revealing yourself to him. “I’m sorry, were you asleep?”

“No, just laying here. I have a hard time sleeping these days.”

He swings his legs out of his bed, making room for you to sit down beside him. “I do too. I think I’m missing the stars.” _Or maybe it’s the guilt._

You look to the roof of the tent, opaque, just like all the others, keeping the view of the sky hidden from you. Bellamy hums in response, before asking, “Not that I’m not happy to see you, but what are you doing here?”

You pull the map out of your pocket, and start to explain the plan. “Clarke wants us to look for a way into Mount Weather tomorrow. You, me, and Octavia. She’ll keep mom distracted so we can slip away and search without a chaperone breathing down our necks.”

“I’ve noticed we’ve had more eyes on us lately.”

“Mom is worried about us leaving again. I get it, I guess, but I don’t like having babysitters that report my every move to her.”

He nods towards your disguise, “That explains the blanket.”

“She’s got spies everywhere. I swear I can’t breathe without one of them telling her about it. And she shows up almost anytime me and Clarke are talking together, instantly suspicious.”

He laughs, “I mean, we are planning a rogue mission as we speak.”

“I didn’t say it was an unwarranted suspicion.”

You both laugh, and when it dies down, you fold up the map and stand to leave. Bellamy reaches out and grabs your hand. “Where are you going?”

“Back to my tent. We both need rest for tomorrow.”

“You can stay, if you want.” 

Your brows lift in surprise, but you consider his offer. “Are you a blanket hog?”

“No. Never.”

You smile, unable to resist your amusement at the serious way he answered your question. His face splits into a grin and he swings his feet back up into the bed and scoots over, pulling back the covers and inviting you in. You don’t know if it’s the cups of Monty’s stash that you drank, or just a desire to be near him, but you lower yourself into his bed, kicking off your shoes before lifting your feet off the ground and sliding beneath the covers. He pulls them up to your chin and you lay stiff beside him, unsure on what the rules are. But then he scoots closer to you slowly, giving you time to protest. And when you don’t, he tugs you closer, wrapping his arm around you and guiding your head onto his chest. 

Once you get comfortable and settle into his warmth, you feel the haze of sleep start to whirl around you, which surprises you. Sleep never greets you quickly, but you welcome it, allowing your lids to drop closed and your brain to slip into a swirl of dreams. 

-

You wake the next morning, warm, happy, and wrapped up in a pile of blankets. When you turn to look beside you, you see that Bellamy is missing. You turn towards the rest of the tent and find him slipping his boots on in the center of the small space. He smiles when he sees you. “I was just about to wake you up. We’re leaving soon.”

You nod and reluctantly slip out of the covers, stretching and fighting off the sleepy haze. Bellamy watches you for a second before reaching down to grab his knife and strap, securing it around his thigh. “You’re a blanket hog, by the way.”

“What?”

“You took all the blankets last night. I had to wrestle them back from you.”

“I did not!”

He laughs and nods his head, his messy morning curls bouncing. “Yes you did.”

You tug your shoes on and glare at him. “I probably had to steal them from you first.”

“Whatever you say.”

You roll your eyes and pat your pocket, checking for the map, before standing and heading for the door. You ignore his earlier accusation. “You ready?”

“After you.” He pauses and you step out of the tent, and then he whispers, “Blanket hog.”

You turn and punch him lightly when he steps out, both of you laughing. “Shut up!”

Both of your laughter dies in your throat when a voice cuts through the early morning air. “Well, isn’t this sweet.”

You cut a glare at Shumway, and open your mouth to say something, but Bellamy grabs your hand and pulls you away, stopping you. “Keep going.”

As you put distance between you and Shumway, he calls out to your retreating figure, “You got a deal with her too, Bellamy?”

The words stop you both dead in your tracks, and you feel Bellamy tense up beside you. You resist the urge to scream at Shumway, kick him, push him into the electric fence. Instead, you take a deep breath, remember the stars, your father, and saving the 47 before continuing to walk, pulling Bellamy with you. 

You reach the front gate and meet up with the others, the last of the group to arrive. Your mom stares at your approach, and her eyes drop down to your hand, still held in Bellamy’s, and you release it, feeling guilty for some reason. Her eyes shift to the rest of the group, “Alright, let’s head out.”

Everyone follows her from the camp as she takes the lead, map in hand, gun tucked into her pants. Octavia and Clarke hang back and wait for you and Bellamy, and Octavia hands Bellamy his pack while Clarke hands you yours. She whispers, “Did you tell him?”

“Yes.”

“Good. We’ll reach it about mid day. Be ready.”

You nod in confirmation and she jogs ahead, rejoining your mother, leaving you behind with the Blake siblings. Bellamy quickly explains the plan to Octavia, who agrees as soon as he mentions the idea.

When the sun stands tall above you, nearing noon, Clarke turns back to look at you and you know it’s time. You motion to the siblings and they spread out, looking up in the trees and pausing to survey the area. Bellamy yells out, “Don’t forget to look up, because the Grounders use the trees. That’s how we lost John Mbege.”

You watch as space grows between you three and the rest of the group, everyone too busy watching the trees to notice three teenagers dropping away. When the group starts to disappear around the bend in the path, still oblivious, you all take off running down the other path, heading down towards the mountain. 

You don’t stop running for a while, trying to put as much space as possible between you and the others, but you finally slow to a walk when you’ve made it far enough down the path. You pull out the map and hand it to Bellamy, who unfolds it and looks it over before glancing at the area around you. “Before the bombs, there were buildings everywhere. I’m guessing some of them had access to the bunker.”

He pushes on, turning to glance at you and Octavia. “So we’re looking for ruins. Anything that’s man made, okay?”

You and Octavia nod the same time a voice cuts through the woods. “Griffin! Blake! Let’s go right now!”

You all freeze in place before turning around slowly. You meet Sergeant Scott’s eyes and shrug. “In case you’ve forgotten, we’re not under your command.”

“Don’t make us do this the hard way.”

Bellamy steps closer to the man, “Come on Scott, 47 of our people are prisoners in this mountain!”

“That’s why we’re out here.”

You cock your head to the side, and correct him. “Wrong. You’re out here to find other stations of the Ark. We’re out here to find our friends.”

Beside you, Octavia glances down at her feet and whispers, “Bell.”

You both turn and look at her in confusion, but her gaze is still locked on the ground. You both follow it and realize that all around you, mice and insects are scurrying away, running in the direction you were originally walking in. Scott asks, “What are they doing?”

Bellamy’s voice is confused, but he replies, “Running.”

You hear a pop of thunder behind you, so you turn, and your eyes land on an ominous yellow cloud, crackling with electricity. You point towards it. “Acid fog! We need cover now!”

“Deploy your tents, go!”

The guards pull off their packs and start digging around, looking for their tents. Octavia ignores the command and runs off, following the rats, and you and Bellamy instantly turn to follow her. “O! O! Get back here!”

She comes to a stop around a bend in the path, lifting up shrubbery, and revealing a small crack in between two pieces of metal. “Bell, there’s something in here! Maybe there’s some ruins.”

Bellamy turns and yells at the others, “Hey! Hey! Over here!”

You all start frantically tearing the vines and bushes away, searching for a door handle. When you find it, Bellamy and Scott grab it and tug, as the acid fog closes in on you. You and Ocatvia start yelling, “Hurry up!”

They finally pry it open and Bellamy pushes you and Octavia inside, followed by Scott. He turns to yell at the other guards, “Hurry, get inside!”

One guard immediately spins and runs towards you, joining you inside. But the other fumbles with his tent for a second longer before deciding to run, sealing his fate as the acid fog rolls over him seconds later, killing him. Scott tries to run back outside and grab his guard, but Bellamy pulls him back inside and closes the door. 

With the door closed, you are all plunged into darkness. You can hear fumbling for a second before everyone pulls out their flashlights and switches them on, bringing in enough light to see each other and some of the area around you. The guards step deeper into the space first, guns raised, and you, Bellamy, and Octavia follow. 

You draw closer to the siblings, feeling uneasy as your flashlight bounces over abandoned vehicles and dark corners. Nearby you can hear the rats squeaking and other unusual sounds, and you try to ignore it, focusing only on what’s in front of you. Scott swings his gun and light around, searching, before muttering, “Where are we?”

You shake your head, “It looks like a garage.”

“More like a tomb,” Octavia corrects you. You find yourself nodding in agreement. 

She pulls Lincoln’s sword out, armed up, and you pull out the only weapon you have on you: the Grounder knife. You and the siblings share a look before Bellamy turns to Scott. “Look, I’m sorry about your man, but we need to find an access door to Mount Weather.”

Bellamy doesn’t wait for a response and is already turning away when Scott stops him. “Hey, not so fast.”

“Sir, that fog will keep us pinned down for another-”

Bellamy cuts himself off when he sees the reason for Scott’s protest, a pistol, now offered out to Bellamy for protection. Bellamy takes it and Scott grabs and takes the pistol off his guard, handing it to you. You take it with a nod of thanks as he adds, “We’ll split up, meet back here in fifteen. Be safe.”

You break apart, you and the siblings traveling forward, while the two guards veer off to the left. You move through the garage slowly, your flashlight only lighting up small sections of the space at a time, leaving dark corners largely unexplored. You hear Bellamy make a sound of surprise beside you before he breaks into a jog, and you and Octavia share a confused look before taking off after him. 

He pulls to a stop at a door, and you all exchange an excited smile as he reaches for it, only to freeze in place when a scream echoes through the dark garage. You all immediately turn away from the door, guns lifted and sword out as you start walking back into the pressing darkness of the garage. You can now hear music playing nearby, pretty and melodic and you creep towards it, searching for the source. Bellamy stops and ducks behind a car, pulling you and Octavia behind it and calling out, “Scott? Are you there?”

When no answer comes, he motions for you to start moving again, spread out into a line, creeping along. Your flashlight finally lands on a small wind up radio, abandoned on the ground next to one of the guard’s rifles. Bellamy bends to pick it up, shouldering it, as the sound of rustling reaches your ears. Octavia whispers, “Bell, what was that?”

He swings his gun to the right, illuminating two bodies bent over a third. When they turn towards you, you can see blood dripping from their mouths, and over their clothes. Bellamy fires a few shots, killing them both. “Reapers.”

A shudder passes through you and you hold your light in the direction of the third body, spotting the guard whose name you didn’t know. Bellamy passes his pistol to Octavia and whispers, “Take this.”

She complies, and you all start creeping forward again, now more cautious than before. Your flashlight lands on another body, and it only takes a second for you to identify Sergeant Scott, silent and unoving. Bellamy turns his flashlight to join yours, and it illuminates a third Reaper. He lifts his gun, ready to kill him too, when Octavia reaches out and grabs his arm. “Don’t. It’s Lincoln!”

When the Reaper’s face lifts, blood is pouring from his mouth, courtesy of whatever body part he was chewing on. Lincoln stands and starts to step towards you, and Octavia tries to reason with him. “Lincoln. Lincoln, it’s me! It’s Octavia!”

He looks right at her, not recognizing her and charges, lifting her and tossing her to the side. “Don’t kill him!”

Lincoln spins on you and Bellamy, guns both raised, unsure what to do if you can’t kill him. You both start to back up, keeping your distance, and just as he starts to charge at you, a shot rings out. Lincoln drops down and grabs his leg, grunting, and Bellamy rushes forward and knocks him out with the butt of the rifle. You step around him, tentative, and grab Octavia, pulling her away from him. Bellamy reaches out for your hand and you take it, forming a human chain. “We need to get somewhere safe!”

He pulls you through the garage, stopping when he finds a car with dark, tinted windows. He checks the door to the backseat and it pops open, so he slides inside, pulling you in behind him. Octavia slides in behind you, sandwiching you between them, and pulls the door closed softly. You all sit inside, panting and struggling to catch your breath, wondering how to get out of the garage alive. Octavia looks back at you, face fixed in disbelief. “He’s a Reaper. How is it even possible? He just looked right through me.”

You hear metal clang nearby and your head snaps up, listening. Bellamy must hear it too, because he whispers, “Shh.”

“How-”

You clap a hand over her mouth, cutting her off, before lifting your finger to point out the window. Lincoln is standing right outside the door, blood dripping from his mouth, face twitching. You whisper back to Bellamy, so quiet he barely hears it, “Can he see us?”

His breath rushes past your ear, his response carried within it. “I don’t know.”

Lincoln stands at the window for a long minute, just staring, before smacking the window and smearing blood across the glass. And then he turns away, leaving you alone again. You drop your hand from Octavia’s mouth, and she turns to Bellamy, mouth already open to say something, but he beats her to it. “Shh, just listen to me. We’ll get him back, I promise.”

“How?”

He thinks for a long minute. “We need to knock him out long enough to get him out of here.”

“Scott has a shock baton.”

He turns to you, eyes lighting up. “If we can get the shock baton, we can hit him with it until it knocks him out.” He glances at his little sister, “You’ll need to distract him long enough for us to shock him.”

“Okay.”

His eyes are on you again. “You head to Scott and get the baton. I’ll stand in between the two of you, watching both your backs. Then you give the baton to me and I’ll take him down.”

“Okay.”

He takes a breath and then pulls open the car door, helping you and Octavia out. He looks between you both, now hesitant. “You sure you’re ready for this?”

When you both nod, he starts to creep forward, leading you around the corner and back to the two dead guards. He swings his light towards them before whispering to Octavia. “Stay here. I’m gonna follow her halfway.”

You both start walking again, heading closer to the bodies, and when you’re halfway between Scott and Octavia, Bellamy stops and takes up his post. You take in a breath of courage before continuing on, now alone, light trained on Scott’s side and the baton that is situated there. You reach him and drop to your knees beside him, struggling to wrestle it free from his belt. When you finally get it, you lift it in the air, high enough that Bellamy can see your success. 

You hear him say your name a split second before a hand closes around your wrist, and you let out a scream, looking up and making eye contact with Reaper Lincoln. Fear freezes every muscle in your body as he pulls you to your feet and then flings you, sending you flying into a car. You feel the baton roll out of your grip when you hit the front of the car, and you land on the ground with a groan. You hear Octavia yelling in the distance, calling to her boyfriend, and you shake off the pain and scramble to your feet. You pick up the fallen baton and take off running towards the siblings, yelling at Bellamy as your approach, “Catch!”

You toss the baton and he catches it with ease, pushing the button and lighting it up, uttering a quiet apology before he presses the baton to the Reaper’s neck and holds it there, shocking him until he drops to the ground, unconscious. You jog up as he lands with a thud, and you all look down at him, panting form exertion. Octavia eyes him. “Now what?”

“Now we take him home.”

You turn towards Bellamy, already shaking your head. “We can’t take him back to Camp Jaha.”

His eyes meet yours, and he shakes his head. “Our real home.”

You think of the Delinquent Camp, full of tents, home of the dropship, and smile. _Home_. 

-


	20. xx. long into an abyss (2.07)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Reaper things, drug withdrawal (kind of?? the 100 style), violence, near death things, language, mentions of blood, choking.
> 
> Summary: Everything hinges on Lincoln’s recovery and survival, which seems less likely as time passes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: I finished writing s3 and it is a looong one! but I’m really happy with it and so excited to eventually share it with you guys! until then, here is part TWENTY!

You’re halfway between the Delinquent Camp and Camp Jaha when Bellamy glances over at you, looking around Lincoln’s head. “You need to go get Clarke. We’re gonna need her if we’re going to figure out how to save Lincoln. Octavia and I will get him to the dropship.”

“Okay.” You shrug out from underneath Lincoln and Octavia takes your place, ready to carry him home. “Be safe.”

“You too.”

You turn from the siblings and break into a run, heading straight for Camp Jaha. It isn’t long before you hear the sounds of the camp in the distance, and you slow to a walk, moving to walk parallel with the perimeter so you can sneak in the back way. You walk until you find the small break in the trees and then you duck through it and jog up the short path to the fence. You look around for a stick and toss it at the fence, relieved to find that it isn’t electrified, before ducking inside and creeping from behind the buildings. 

When you step into the camp, everyone is gathered in the center of it, looking towards the doors of Alpha Station. There your mother stands, with Jaha at her side, both of them looking tense. Your brows furrow as you watch the former chancellor, sure that the last time you heard his name it was because they were telling you that he was dead. “I have faith. And right now, given the alternative, that’s good enough for me.”

“Not for us.” You turn when you hear her voice, eyes quickly scanning the crowd to find your twin. You catch her when she steps forward, closer to Jaha and your mother, Finn right beside her. Her voice rises angrily, “If we leave here, what happens to our people in Mount Weather?”

 _Leave here?_ Jaha’s gaze locks on Clarke. “As your mother said, that is a very difficult decision to make. But the time has come for each and every one of us to ask, ‘Is this how the story of our people ends? Did we come all this way just to die tomorrow?’ Because if we’re not gone by the time that sun rises, that is exactly what will happen.”

You shake your head in confusion, trying to make sense of what he’s saying. The crowd murmurs, in fear or anticipation you’re not sure, and you start to sneak towards your sister as your mom wraps up the meeting. “No decision has been made. In the meantime, please report to your station supervisor and gather emergency supplies.”

Everyone starts to turn away, and you use the chaos and movement to make the final steps towards Clarke, reaching out and grabbing her arm. She spins quickly, shock and relief crossing her features. “Where have you been?”

“You need to come with me right now.”

“Why? What’s happened?”

You shake your head, “I’ll explain on the way. Grab your med kit and meet me at Raven’s gate.”

She nods once and you turn away, ducking from the crowd and dropping your head to avoid eye contact with anyone who may be watching. You stop by the supply room on your way to Raven’s gate, and slip inside unnoticed. You jog past the shelves of clothes and head straight for the rations, grabbing a few extra and stuffing them in your pack. You make a u-turn and head towards the locked up weapons, reaching out to grab the lock and inspect it. You smirk when you see it, easily breakable, and turn back to the shelves of supplies to find something to put pressure on the mechanism with. As you’re searching, you hear the door slide open behind you, and you duck down, peering between the shelves to see who it is. 

Your stomach flips when your eyes land on Shumway, who is heading over to the locked up weapons, keys jingling in his hand. You take a step back and duck down further, dropping from his view, but as your foot moves, you lightly bump the shelf beside you, rattling a can above your head. Shumway spins around, eyes landing right above you, and you hold your breath, praying he doesn’t spot you. His brows pull together and he pulls out his pistol as he starts to walk towards you, searching. You pull out your knife, your gun tucked away inside your backpack and push yourself backwards, into the shadows, until your back touches the wall. Shumway draws closer and closer, and you know it’s only a matter of seconds before he walks around the last shelf and comes face to face with you, clutching a knife and backed into a corner. Just as his boot crosses the line of the shelf, the door to the room slides open, and another guard steps inside.

Shumway spins towards him, gun raised, and the guard lifts his arms in surrender. When Shumway recognizes him, he lowers his gun. “What are you doing man? Help me get these guns ready for evac.”

“I thought I heard something. Someone.” Shumway tosses one last look in your direction before heading over to the guard and unlocking the cabinet, emptying all the weapons and ammo and loading them into bags. They each grab a few bags and Shumway starts to step towards the door when he stops and drops them. “I’m gonna find one more guy to help us carry these. Stay right here.”

The guard nods and drops his bags too, turning to lean against the wall and wait for the man’s return. Your eyes start scanning the room frantically, looking for a way out, before they land on a small window at the back of the room, blown out from the crash landing and open to the outside world. You creep towards it, your gaze jumping from the guard to the window as you maneuver your way closer to freedom. When you reach the back wall, you pull off your pack and toss it through, dropping to the floor as it hits the ground on the other side. The guard spins at the sound and looks around for a second, before turning back and leaning against the wall again. 

You stand and jump up quickly, and hoist yourself through the window before dropping to the ground on the other side. You hear yelling from somewhere behind you as you reach down and snag up your bag before breaking into a run and heading towards Raven’s Gate. You come around the corner and find your sister already there and waiting for you. “Where have you-”

You cut her off and grab her hand, tugging her behind you until you reach the fence, quickly ducking through. Clarke is barely through it when you hear the fence start to hum with electricity again, and you turn to her in surprise. She grabs you and starts to lead you into the treeline, out of sight. “They’re probably checking over everything because of the threat.”

“Threat? What threat?” 

She drops your hand when you reach the treeline and steps back to let you take the lead as she explains. “The Commander sent Jaha back to camp with a message: leave or be killed.”

“I thought Jaha was dead?”

“So did we.”

You turn to look at her, face serious. “Clarke, we can’t leave. The 47-”

“I know. I already told them that. For now, mom is on our side and doesn’t want to go, but I’m sure it won’t be long until she takes Jaha’s side.” Her eyes scan the area around you, lighting up with recognition. “Are we going back to the dropship?”

“Yes.” You step over a fallen log, and turn to make sure she makes it over too. “We found Lincoln. But he’s…not himself.”

“What do you mean?”

You take a deep breath and watch her from the corner of your eye. “He’s a Reaper.”

“A _Reaper_?” You nod. “How?”

“We don’t know.”

The trees open up to a clearing, revealing the fallen perimeter of your former home. Clarke doesn’t ask anything else, and allows you to lead her to the dropship. You ascend the ladder first, Clarke hot on your heels, and as soon as Lincoln spots you he lunges towards you, screaming with rage. You and Clarke jump in surprise, and Bellamy steps towards you both, offering some comfort. “It’s okay, it’s okay. He’s been restrained.”

You both watch as he strains and pulls against his restraints, reminding you of when Bellamy tortured him. Octavia is on the ground near your feet, hunched over and exhausted. She lifts her head to meet Clarke’s eyes. “Can you help him?”

“I don’t know.” She steps towards him, slow and tentative, eyes never leaving the struggling man. “I knew Mount Weather controlled the Reapers. I had no idea they were creating them.”

Bellamy shifts closer to you, voice low. “If they can do that to Lincoln, what’re they doing to our friends?”

Your stomach drops, thinking of the 47 being beaten, tortured, and drained for blood. You work to swallow a wave of nausea, as Clarke mutters, “I need more light.”

You, Bellamy, and Octavia all grab your flashlights and shine them towards Lincoln, hoping that it’s enough. Your flashlight passes over his leg, his wound still bleeding, and Clarke turns to face you. “What happened to his leg?”

You watch Ocatvia’s face fall, then harden, as she avoids everyone’s eyes. “I shot him.”

“Clarke, he’s lost a lot of blood.” Bellamy’s voice pulls her gaze away from his younger sister, and back to Lincoln. Her gaze rakes over him quickly, but you see her squint as she tries to get a closer look at something. “Can you shine the light on his neck?”

Clarke steps closer as Octavia lifts the light to Lincoln’s neck, and he turns away from the bright beam. “Needle marks.”

You step closer to her, confused. “You think he’s being drugged?”

“Maybe.”

As soon as the word leaves her mouth, Lincoln pulls one of the chains keeping his arm restrained free. It hits Clarke as he grabs her and pulls her closer, trying to rip out her throat with his teeth. You jump into action and run towards them, only to be flung to the side and into the wall. Octavia suffers a similar fate before Bellamy runs forward, hitting Lincoln’s arm until he drops your twin on the ground. Lincoln rears his head back and collides it with Bellamy’s, sending him backwards while he shrugs himself free of the other arm restraint. You all scramble backwards as Lincoln lunges towards you, managing to stay just out of reach. Bellamy rolls and grabs the shock baton, jumping to his feet and running towards the possessed Reaper. Lincoln pulls one of his legs free just as Bellamy reaches him, deflecting the shock baton and tossing Bellamy to the ground. You watch as Lincoln delivers blow after blow to Bellamy’s face, blood blooming and spreading beneath his fists. 

You jump up and run to them, screaming out in rage as you reach Lincoln and kick him in the side. He turns towards you and smacks you across the face so hard your neck cracks, and you hit the floor. You taste blood rolling over your tongue as Clarke runs over in your defense, only to catch a fist to the stomach that sends her flying. You roll closer and kick out at Lincoln, trying to keep him away from Bellamy, who you hear calling out your name in protest. Lincoln grabs your legs and pulls you closer, hitting you in the face a few times before his hands close around your throat and cut off your airway. 

You hear Bellamy yelling in fear and anger as he lunges towards Lincoln, but he is knocked to the side easily by the Grounder. You feel your fingers reach into your pocket and pull out your knife, fingers closing tight around the handle as black spots dance in your vision. You plunge the knife into his side, but he doesn’t even flinch. Your lungs scream for oxygen as darkness starts to edge out your vision. And just before you think it’s over, Lincoln’s head snaps up and to the side as Octavia hits him twice with a large metal bar. 

You take in a large gasp of air, nearly dizzy from the sudden influx of oxygen, as Bellamy staggers to his feet and stumbles over to you. He drops to his knees at your side, taking your face in his hands as he whispers, “You’re okay, you’re okay, you’re okay.”

Tears well up in your eyes as you think about your closeness to death ( _again_ ), and he leans down and kisses you, thankful that you cheated death once more. He pulls away and looks at you for a long second, affection and worry written all over his face. You smile at him, trying to reassure him, as you hear Clarke drop down beside you. Bellamy leans back as she reaches forward, her fingers gently tugging your collar down to look at your neck. She presses the skin around the already darkening bruises, and you wince. Her hands lift and skim over the cuts on your face, checking their depth before she meets your eyes. “You’re gonna be okay. Just some bruises and shallow cuts.”

They help you up and you turn to Octavia and reach for her, pulling her into a tight hug. “Thank you. I know that wasn’t easy for you.” She sniffles and nods into your hair, and you pull away and give her a serious look. “We’re gonna get him back. I promise.”

She nods again, and you both turn to look at Clarke and Bellamy. “We should get him tied up before he wakes up again.”

Everyone agrees and you all tear apart the dropship looking for things to restrain him with. Minutes later he is held back once again, this time with a series of ropes, cables, ties, and a net, all securely held into place at multiple anchor points. You all gather around him and Clarke begins to look him over again. “We have to stop the bleeding and get the bullet out, and patch up the knife wound. Hold his leg down.”

You and Bellamy move to his leg and pin it down. At the same time, Octavia tries to help Lincoln drink water, but he screams and spits it out, wasting what little water she had left. She closes the lid on the canteen and stands with a determined look. “That’s okay, I’ll get some more.”

She leaves the dropship and you all watch her go before Clarke turns her sights back on Lincoln’s gunshot wound. She digs around in her kit until she finds a surgical clamp, which she uses to dig the bullet out of his leg. Lincoln screams out in rage and pain and attempts to fight you off, but you and Bellamy bear down on him, keeping him in place. He only fights for a second longer before passing out from the pain, making the removal process easier for all of you. Once she has the bullet removed she cleans and stitches the wound before turning her sights on the next one. 

She looks at the knife in his side before pulling it out and passing it to you. You wipe the blade off on your pants before tucking it back into your pocket. Clarke uses Lincoln’s unconscious state in her favor and cleans and stitches him quickly before he wakes up again. You whisper to her, “Mom would be proud.”

As she finishes she looks over at you, voice quiet. “Mom would know how to save him.”

She turns towards her kit and starts to drop her supplies inside, and you and Bellamy lean back from Lincoln and watch her. To the right of you, the hatch swings open and Octavia steps into view, followed by another person. The Grounder from the village, Nyko. You scramble to your feet in shock and Bellamy makes a mad dash for his gun, while reaching out to pull you behind him as he lifts the rifle to his shoulder. 

Octavia steps in front of Nyko, face etched in panic. “Bellamy, don’t! He’s Lincoln’s friend and their healer.”

Below you, Lincoln starts to grunt and shake, and Clarke leans over him, voice high with panic. “He’s seizing again!”

The room is held frozen by a moment of tense silence, until Bellamy lowers his gun slightly and nods towards Lincoln, giving the healer permission to help him. Nyko pulls out a satchel and unrolls it, revealing a collection of vials, all full of different colored liquids. He scans them before picking up one with clear liquid inside and uncorking it. 

“What is that?”

He ignores Clarke’s question and leans over Lincoln, whispering, “Yu gonplei ste odon.”

You glance over at Bellamy, who is still tensed up, and then at Clarke, whose gaze is bouncing between the vial, Nyko, and Lincoln. As he tips the vial and a drop starts to fall out, realization hits her and she sticks out her hand, catching the droplet. “Wait!”

Nyko pulls out a knife and Bellamy lifts his rifle again and aims it at the man. “Back off! Right now!”

You see Clarke’s mind spinning as she repeats the Grounder phrase. “Yu gonplei ste odon. It’s what they say before death.” She turns to look at Octavia. “He’s not trying to heal him, he’s trying to kill him.”

Octavia turns and glares at Nyko. “Is it true?”

“Yes. Death is the only way.”

“Hold on. There could be a way to bring him back.”

He looks at her, and drops the knife. “None that I’ve ever seen.”

No one has a chance to answer before the dropship is thrust into chaos again. Finn’s head pops into the room, and you hear him say something about needing to leave before Nyko jumps up, full of rage. “You!”

He runs at Finn and grabs him, yelling at him in his native tongue. He slams Finn into the wall as Bellamy turns his gun on the Grounder once more. “Get off him!”

Nyko ignores him, hands shaking with anger as he pins Finn to the wall. “You slaughtered my people. Elders. Children. Innocents.”

His hands close around Finn’s neck, squeezing tightly, and you see the color drain from Finn’s face. “Nyko, you’re killing him!”

“Blood must have blood!”

Clarke is frozen, eyes locked on Finn as the life drains from his body, and the Blake siblings scream back and forth about whether to shoot Nyko. You watch everything in a frozen panic before remembering the baton. You run to the other side of the room and grab it, lighting it up on your way over and pressing it to Nyko’s back. He screams out in pain and instantly drops Finn, and you see Clarke run towards him to check on him. You turn off the baton and your gaze locks with Bellamy’s. Octavia’s voice breaks the silence of the room when she yells, “Lincoln! He’s not breathing!”

Clarke runs from Finn to Lincoln, checking for a pulse. “His heart’s stopped. Move!”

She starts performing CPR, and Octavia watches on in horror. You and Bellamy stand over Nyko, his gun still lifted and your baton still in hand as you watch Clarke bring Lincoln back from the dead. He takes in a deep breath of air, gasping, and Nyko shifts beside you. You turn, ready to stop him again, but he stares at Clarke in fascination. “He was dead. How did you do that?”

Clarke turns towards him. “You’ve tried bringing Reapers back before?”

He nods and she asks, “And they died like this?”

You see her brain working again, and you meet her gaze. “What is it?”

“I know how to stop the attack.” She stands and turns to you. “I need you to come with me. We’ll need a united front to convince mom.”

You nod, agreeing, as she turns to the others. “Keep an eye on Lincoln and Nyko. We’ll be back soon.”

“What about Finn?”

She turns to look at Nyko, and then over at Bellamy. “I’ll take him with us, just in case.”

She steps away and heads down the ladder, and you move to the other side of the room and grab your pack. Bellamy steps up behind you and you pull the extra rations out, passing them to him. “You should eat. All of you. And you should get some rest. I don’t know when we’ll be back.”

He takes the rations and sets them aside, before turning back to you and giving you a serious look. “Be careful.”

“I will.” He pulls your collar aside and takes a peek at your bruises, before his eyes meet yours again. “I mean it.”

You stand on your tippy toes and give him a quick kiss. “We’ll be right back, I promise.”

You smile and then turn away, lowering yourself down the ladder and onto the floor. Clarke and Finn turn and step away from each other, and you can tell from the tension in the air that they were having a serious conversation. You look between the two, and start to head towards the door. “Come on, we have to hurry.”

They follow you out into the cool night air, the moon beaming down and cutting through the trees. Finn jogs ahead and leads your trio, leaving you and Clarke to walk side by side. You glance at her, searching her face. “Are you okay?”

“Yes. No.” She shakes her head. “I don’t know. Things are just…off between us right now.”

You reach out and grab her hand, squeezing in comfort, letting her know that you understand. She shakes her head, clearing her thoughts, before turning on you and twisting her mouth into a smirk. 

“So you and Bellamy?” You blush and turn away. “I had my suspicions, but I thought he wasn’t your type.”

You bump her shoulder with yours, “Shut up.”

You both laugh, but she squeezes your hand. “I’m happy for you. You guys are good for each other.”

You give her a soft smile, thinking of what Octavia said to you a few days ago. “That seems to be the general consensus.”

She’s about to ask something when Finn turns back to you both and whispers, “Shh.”

He stops and listens for a minute, and you and Clarke follow suit, but you don’t hear anything other than the owls in the trees and the scurrying of animals through the bushes. A look of fear passes over Finn’s face before he grabs you and Clarke and mutters, “Run!”

You all break into a sprint, tearing through the trees, following Finn as he guides you through the darkness and towards safety. You don’t stop running until you reach the gate, and the guards open it and let you all inside. Your mom and Jaha are standing nearby talking, and Clarke calls out to them. “Mom!”

She runs towards you, looking angry until her eyes land on your face, adorned with fresh cuts, and her expression softens a little. “Where have you been? We’re leaving.”

“I know how to stop the attack.”

Jaha spins towards Clarke, “What’re you talking about?”

“We haven’t been able to negotiate with the Grounders because we haven’t had anything to offer them. The biggest threat they face is from the Reapers.”

You piggyback off your twin’s statement, “The Reapers are being drugged by the Mountain Men. Created by them. We think we may be able to eliminate that threat for them once and for all.”

Your mom is silent, considering both of your words before she asks, “How?”

“Abby.” Jaha’s voice is stern, a glare plastered on his face, directed between the three of you. “You can’t seriously-”

He cuts himself off when the camp falls silent, his gaze locking on something out beyond the walls, you turn to follow his gaze, watching as four torches of fire glow in the distance. And then the four turn into eight, and then 16, 32, multiplying until there is a wall of fire right outside your walls. Your mom turns and looks at all of you. “Inside. Now.”

You follow her into the council room, grabbing Byrne and Sergeant Miller on the way, and you all stand around the table, staring at each other, considering the options. You’re the first to break the silence, “They’re not attacking yet, which means we still have time.”

Your mother turns towards you, shaking her head. “We have two hours until dawn.”

“Let me talk to the Commander.” Clarke steps up from beside you, locking eyes with your mom. “She was Anya’s Second. Maybe she’ll listen.”

Jaha throws up his hands in frustration. “We don’t even know if the Commander is here.”

“Yes, we do. Nyko told us.” All eyes turn to Finn as he comes in defense of Clarke. “You have to at least let her try.”

“Abby, we’re wasting time. Give me the authority now.”

You turn a disgusted look towards the former chancellor, instantly put off by his tone. Your mom seems to feel the same way, because she cuts in, “Hold on. You said that Lincoln is going through withdrawal.” She hesitates, considering every angle. “We don’t even know what he’s withdrawing from. The detox alone could kill him.”

“That’s where you come in.”

She looks at you, expression neutral. “And if I can’t save him?”

“That’s not an option.”

Her gaze locks with yours, reading your expression, running through the possibilities. She does the same with Clarke, noting your conviction, your desire to fix this now and save everyone. Jaha seems to get tired of this and grows incredulous. “We are risking everything on a bluff? Abby, we have an out. We have a way to save the lives of our people.”

You spin towards him, voice hard. “Not all of them.”

He jumps to his feet and slams his hand on the table. “We will come back to save the kids inside Mount Weather!”

“We all know that’s not going to happen!” You feel Finn and Clarke step towards you, agreeing, joining in your defense. Jaha steps towards your mother and stops right beside her. “Abby. This has gone on long enough. If you do not give the order to begin the exodus, you are killing us all.”

“I’m sorry.” She pauses, leaving a moment for you to all wonder who the apology is for, until she turns to Jaha. “I can’t give that order.”

He closes the space between them, dropping his head to speak directly into her ear. “Abby. Give the order.”

“No.”

His eyes grow wide and his energy grows more erratic as he glares at your mom. “I…am the elected Chancellor of the Ark. And I am not going to let you risk the lives of more people; do you understand? I’m going to ask you once again: give the order to begin the exodus.”

“No. Are you through yet?”

You watch as he starts to shake slightly with anger, and you reach your hand into your pocket, closing it around your knife, genuinely convinced he’s about to attack your mother and everyone else in this room. But then he seems to remember the audience, because his gaze shifts over to the rest of you. You can see him visibly trying to calm himself down as he steps away and walks over to Byrne.

“Sergeant Miller. Major Byrne. I am relieving Doctor Griffin of her command. Place these four into custody, but make sure they are ready to leave with the rest of us within the hour.”

Byrne and Miller stand completely still, unmoving. And Jaha’s voice rises in anger. “Right now, Major! Or the blood of everyone in this camp will be on your hands, too.”

Still, she doesn’t move. And despite your annoyance at her continuous spying, you commend her loyalty, because she doesn’t move until your mom opens her mouth. “Major Byrne, Sergeant Miller. Put Chancellor Jaha in the stockade.”

“Yes, ma'am.”

They reach for him, but he shakes out of their grasp and spins around in anger, looking at the woman who dares to defy him. “Everything we did to survive…” He trails off, looking over at you, Clarke, and Finn. “You’re just throwing it all away. Why?”

“Because I have faith, too.” Her gaze shifts over to you and Clarke, standing side by side, her shining star and her little la lune. “In my daughters.”

You feel a rush of affection for her, unfamiliar, a foreign idea clouded by the strain in your relationship. Clarke is the first to step forward and address her. “Thank you.”

“I’ll send the guard detail with you.”

“No.” She shakes her head. “They’ll see it as a threat. I have to do this on my own.”

You step towards your mother, “I’ll take you to Lincoln.”

She nods, and you squeeze Clarke’s hand as you pass. “See you soon.”

Your mom and twin share a hug before she turns towards you again, now ready to follow your lead. 

-

The run back to the dropship is taken in complete silence, too much stress, fear, and anxiety on your minds to hold a conversation with each other. You make it back to the camp as the sun is rising into the sky, signaling the end of the timeline given to your people by the commander. You can do nothing but hope that Clarke is granted an audience and buys you enough time.

You step up into the dropship first, and Octavia sighs with relief as soon as she sees you. “Oh, thank god. Where’s Clarke?”

“Trying to stop a war.”

Your mom immediately steps around you and heads for Lincoln, slipping into doctor mode as soon as she sees the state he’s in. “Pupils are unresponsive.” You catch Bellamy and Octavia sharing a concerned look before your mom hands rubber tubing to the younger Blake. “Tie off his arm. Tight as you can.”

She does as she’s told while your mom digs through her bag and tries to offer her some comfort. “Thanks to the supplies your brother found, he might have a chance.”

“What’s that?”

“This will bring down his fever.” As soon as she starts to enter the needle into his arm, Lincoln gains consciousness and pushes her away. Your mom turns to you and Bellamy. “Hold him down!”

You both run over and restrain him, just as convulsions start to rock his body. They only last for a second before he grows still again. Your mom checks his pulse, and her voice is full of alarm when she says, “His heart’s stopped.”

She directs Nyko on how to assist her during CPR, as she pushes down on his chest and attempts to restart his heart. There is nothing the rest of you can do other than watch on in terror as your last hope for a peace treaty with the Grounders dies with Lincoln. 

You don’t know how long has passed before your mother stops, leaning back and looking down at Lincoln in pure defeat. Octavia glares at her, “You’re stopping. What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Mom…” You trail off, unsure what to say, _keep going, you can save him, they’ll kill us all for this_ , but she just gives you a sad look. “He’s gone.”

Octavia pushes her aside, taking over. “No, it’s not possible. You’re wrong!”

You and Bellamy kneel beside her as she sobs and pushes on his chest, desperate to get him breathing again. You hear the hatch open as Octavia stops, a broken sob pushing past her lips. You make eye contact with Clarke as she steps inside, and you see her gaze drop down to Lincoln’s still body before meeting your eyes again. You can see the silent question there and you shake your head. A second person steps into the dropship, a girl with long dark hair and war paint smeared over her eyes. She exudes power and authority, and you’re almost positive that you’re looking at the Commander. 

Her eyes are on the unmoving Lincoln, and you can see her rage grow as others step into the dropship to join you. You turn towards Bellamy, touching his hand, and his eyes shift towards you. You glance at his rifle and he reaches for it, and you turn to look around you for a weapon, stomach dropping when you find none. One of the Grounders looks at your group, and then at the commander. On her signal, she snarls, “Kill them all!”

Everyone in the room jumps into action. The Grounders all pull out their swords, Bellamy lifts his rifle, and your mother grabs the baton from the floor near your feet. You grab your knife from your pocket and wrap your other arm around Octavia, as she remains unmoving, still mourning the loss of Lincoln. Clarke looks at the commander, voice shaking in fear. “Please. You don’t have to do this.”

“You lied, and you’re out of time.”

Before anything else can happen, your mother drops to the ground beside Licnoln and activates the shock baton, pressing it to his chest. His body jumps and lifts from the power, before dropping back to the ground, still unmoving. Your eyes never leave his body as you mutter, “Hit him again.”

She complies, and this time the electricity jump starts his heart. Lincoln pulls in a deep gasp of air, and Octavia tugs herself out of your arms and into his line of sight. “Lincoln.”

He looks at her for a second, and then whispers, “Octavia.”

She sighs in relief and you turn to Bellamy, both of you looking at each other in shock as the tension from the last few minutes starts to melt away. You can hear the Grounders sheathing their swords, taking you out of danger for the time being. Bellamy smiles and you let out a quiet laugh of relief, before reaching for Octavia and squeezing her hand, celebrating the return of Lincoln and your hope for peace.

_For now._

-


	21. xxi. spacewalker (2.08)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: major character death, allusions to past assault, language, angst. 
> 
> Summary: Lexa demands that Finn answers for what he did to the people of Tondc, but you are all reluctant to give him up.

_Your feet thud against the metalfloors of the Ark, echoing around you as you run through the halls of the abandoned spaceship. His voice dances and swirls around you, slithering down your spine and pulling a chill from deep within you. “Little la lune, we had a deal. It’s time to collect.”_

_You turn a corner and come face to face with a wall, a dead end. You scream out in frustration and turn to run, only to be blocked by Shumway, smiling like the predator that caught the prey. “There you are. I hope you haven’t forgotten our deal.”_

_“There is no deal, it’s done. I’m not letting you hurt me anymore, Shumway!”_

_He stalks towards you, voice low and menacing. “We’re not done until I say we are.”_

_He grabs your arm…_

And you wake with a scream. 

You sit up, panting, skin slick with sweat. You look around you, searching for Shumway, but find no one. Because you are in your tent, at Camp Jaha, alone. You shake your head and work to dislodge the dream, before standing and grabbing your shoes, pulling them on. You tuck your knife into your pants and grab your jacket, stepping out into the cool night air, shivering as it rushes over your clammy skin. 

You head towards the other side of the camp in search of Bellamy, and find him on your way over, standing guard near the gate. The moon is high in the sky as he turns to greet you with a smile, but it drops when he sees you, sensing your mix of emotions. “What’s wrong?”

You shake your head. “Nothing.” When he gives you an unconvinced look, you shrug and add, “Just a bad dream.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” His face drops at your harsh tone, and your voice softens. “Just…not right now.”

He nods in understanding, and you follow his gaze as it turns to look out beyond the fence. “Is she still not back yet?”

“No, but-” He cuts himself off, squinting to get a closer look at something. You peer out into the fog, straining to see anything until the flame of a torch dances in and out of view, lifted high in the sky. Two men on horseback lead a walking figure straight up to the gate, and you smile when you recognize Clarke. Bellamy yells, “Hold your fire! She’s back!”

One of the guards swings the gate open, letting her in, and you run over to greet Clarke, a smile still plastered on your face. When her gaze meets yours though, she does not return it, expression somber. You’re about to ask what happened when Finn runs up and stops beside you. “You okay?”

Clarke quickly turns and yells to the guard, “Shut the gate!” She turns back to Finn and grabs him, pulling him away from the fence and you follow. “You can’t be out here.” 

Bellamy jogs and catches up with you, and you exchange a look, both of you noticing your twin’s strange behavior. Clarke keeps moving until she’s right outside of Alpha Station, coming to a stop near your mom, who is running to hug her in greeting. “What did she say? Is there a chance for a truce?”

Clarke is silent, and you can see a muscle in her jaw shifting. “Yes.”

Excited murmurs shift through the crowd, as everyone draws closer, eager to hear the good news. But Clarke looks anything but excited, and you can no longer take it. “Clarke, what’s wrong?”

She turns to look at you, and whispers, “Finn.”

He shifts closer to her, looking confused. “What?”

Her gaze moves from you to him, “They want you. If we want a truce, we have to give them Finn.”

“It’s punishment. For what happened at the village. Blood for blood.” Realization hits Finn as he says it, the reality that his fate affects the fate of the camp. 

Bellamy shifts on his feet, shaking his head. “That’s insane.”

“If we refuse?”

She turns to your mother, voice now emotionless. ”They attack.”

Her words spark outrage in the camp as an uneasy energy grows and pushes in around you. “I say we give him up!”

“Get rid of him!”

“Give him to the Grounders.”

“I’m not dying for him. Spacewalker burned 3 months of oxygen from the Ark. We should’ve floated him a long time ago. Throw him out!”

People surge closer, and you and Bellamy shove a few people back, keeping them away from Finn. One person grabs Raven to pull her out of the way and she turns on him, delivering a punch to his jaw. “Back off!”

Major Byrne grabs Raven, trying to pull her back from the man as she winds up to throw another punch. Instead, Raven spins around and hits Byrne, knocking her to the ground. Two guards grab her quickly and pull her away, leading her towards the prison cells. You turn and look at Finn, who is watching the crowd with apprehension as the anger towards him only grows stronger. 

He takes one last look at the crowd before slipping away, and your mom turns back to you, Clarke, and Bellamy. “We’ll increase security on the wall, at least two guards on every post of the perimeter. Finn needs to go inside and stay where we can keep an eye on him and easily protect him. I want someone watching him at all times. Understood?”

You all nod and she gives you a tight smile. “Good. Now go.”

She turns away from you, passing the message along to the others in the area, and you all head to the armory so you and Clarke can grab a gun of your own. After each arming up with a pistol, Bellamy turns to you and Clarke. “We need to find Finn.”

“I think I might know where he is.”

You follow Clarke as she leads you through the camp toward the back wall, behind a collection of buildings and tents. When you come around the corner, you find Finn sitting on the ground, leaned against a building, Murphy at his side. 

Bellamy nods at him in greeting. “Hey. We’re reinforcing all defenses. Doubles on the perimeter. No one’s getting past that wire.”

Finn stands, “I’ll see where they’re thin.”

“No. You should head inside. B corridor will be easier to defend, if it comes to that.“

He looks between the three of you, before focusing his gaze on Clarke. “I’m not gonna hide.”

“Right now, we have to think about keeping you safe.” She gives him a small smile, before taking a step back, preparing to leave. “I’m gonna talk to Lincoln.”

“Come on.” Bellamy glances at you, then back to Finn. “We’ll take you over there.”

He hesitates, eyes still locked on Clarke, and Bellamy urges, “Finn.”

He finally steps towards the two of you, following Bellamy as he takes the lead towards B corridor. Once inside, Bellamy leads Finn to a small room, full of junk, and ushers him into the room. “Just hang out here for a while. We have to go check on a few things and then we’ll be back to get you.”

“So you’re locking me up?”

Bellamy shakes his head. “No, we’re keeping others out.”

“That’s the same thing!”

You step closer to Finn, voice quiet. “Finn, we’re trying, okay? In case you didn’t notice, there are some people in camp that would give you to the Grounders without a second thought. We’re trying to keep you safe. So can you just stay here for a little while until me and Bellamy can get some more information and find out what the plans are?”

“Fine. Okay.”

You smile at him and turn to step out of the room and Bellamy follows, pulling the door closed behind him. He grabs a passing guard and motions towards the door. “He doesn’t leave until we come to get him, got it?”

The young guard nods his head, and you leave him at his post while you and Bellamy search for Clarke, eager to hear what Lincoln has to say.

-

Clarke’s talk with Lincoln went terribly and offered no comfort for Finn’s potential fate, so you spend most of the night and the next morning running around frantically, trying to prepare the camp and the guards for an impending attack. It’s almost noon before you and Bellamy get a second to stop and rest, and while you’re leaned up against a building and joking about something, a guard passes by you, heading towards the showers. 

You double take when you see him, recognizing him as the guard Bellamy grabbed to watch Finn, and you take off running after him, leaving Bellamy behind, who calls out your name in confusion. You yell at the guard’s retreating figure, “Hey!”

He turns towards you, and when he sees you he takes off running, leaving a cloud of dust in his wake. You run after him, yelling at him as you push yourself faster, trying to catch him. 

He runs around a corner, leaving your view, and when you follow in his footsteps, you’re surprised to find him on the ground, looking to his left in annoyance. You follow the guard’s gaze and you’re shocked to find Murphy smirking at you. “Thought you could use a hand.”

“Thanks.” The words come out with more surprise than you intended, but if he notices, he doesn’t say anything. He just shrugs, and starts to back away. 

“Have fun.” And then he turns and leaves you with the guard. 

You pull him to his feet and push him to the wall of the building, just as Bellamy rounds the corner. “Why aren’t you guarding Finn?”

The guard gives you a look of disgust, “Why should I protect him? I say we give him over to the Grounders and let them tear him apart, piece by piece.”

“What the hell is wrong with you? He’s one of us.”

“He’s delinquent scum.” He looks in the direction Murphy just left in, and then back at you. “You all are. Along with those stupid kids in the mountain. And if it wasn’t for your loud mouth twin and weak ass Chancellor mother, we’d already be out of this place, safe from the Grounders.”

Your hands reach up to fist into his shirt, anger pulsing through your blood. “There is no safety from the Grounders. I’ve buried enough ‘delinquent scum’ to know that for a fact.”

You feel your fists clench tighter, and Bellamy whispers your name as a warning. His voice brings you back and you drop your hands, giving the guard a look of disgust. “And those kids in the mountain? They have more courage in their pinkies than you have in your entire body. They never tried to run from the Grounders, they stayed and fought.”

You turn away from him, back to Bellamy, taking a deep breath to calm yourself. “We need to find Finn.”

He nods and you both take off running, making a beeline for B corridor, heading straight for the room you left him in. You know he’s gone before you even reach the door, which is now swung open. You turn to Bellamy, running through places in your mind. “Where’s his tent?”

“This way.”

You follow him as he runs off, taking you to the opposite side of camp, straight towards an orange one that stands in the center of a few other tents. You both step inside and let out a sigh of relief when you see him, but your relief quickly fades when you see him stuffing belongings into a bag. You turn to Bellamy. “Go find Clarke.”

He runs off and leaves you with Finn, who barely looks your way. “Don’t try to stop me. I’ve made up my mind.”

“Okay.” You take in the expression on his face as he quickly packs, and you know he means it. You try to think of a distraction, anything to keep him here until Clarke shows up. _Clarke_. And then you rush out, “She loves you, you know.”

He freezes, looks up at you, shock on his face. “What?”

“She loves you. And I know she hasn’t told you, because it’s Clarke and she holds everything so close to her heart, but she does.”

He shakes his head. “She can’t even look at me. She hates me.”

“She doesn’t. She just needs time. The village was…” You see his expression change, regret taking over. “A lot for her. For all of us. And it might be hard for some of us to forgive you, but you’re still one of us. We all still stand by that.”

He doesn’t say anything, just sits and watches you, considering your words. A second later, the tent flap opens, and Clarke steps inside. “Finn?”

She stops beside you, eyeing him. “Bellamy told me you were here. What are you doing?”

You look between them, feeling uncomfortable, and mutter, “I’m gonna go find Bellamy.”

You turn and duck out of the tent, heading towards the center of camp, finding him standing with the other guards, protecting your mother. The Chancellor. You step up beside him and he turns to look at you. “Clarke’s with him now. If anyone can talk sense into him, it’s her.”

He opens his mouth to answer, but stops when the sound of war drums reaches the camp, followed by chanting, each line louder than the last. “Jus drein jus daun. Jus drein jus daun. Jus drein jus daun.”

You and Bellamy exchange a look as the other guards lift their weapons and stand at the ready. Clarke runs by you with Finn, taking him inside and leading him back to the corridor he previously abandoned. She returns moments later and stands beside your mother, both of them looking angry, ready. They hold hands for a brief second, sharing their strength, before your mom steps away and heads to the gate, leaving you, Clarke, and Bellamy to follow, weapons drawn.

“Where’s the boy?”

“We’re not giving him up. We’re ready to fight if that’s what it comes to.”

Her answer is followed by a horn blowing from within the woods, and the riders both turn and leave, disappearing into the trees. All around you, the guards spread out, tense and ready for action. Bellamy yells, “Watch the woods! Watch for movement!”

Your eyes scan the treeline, searching for any sign of life, and a shift in the brush has your gaze freezing on a spot near the middle. You watch for a second, before you see arms lift in surrender, and you reach out and grab Bellamy’s arm. “Bellamy. I think it’s…”

You trail off, Bellamy’s gaze following your own, landing on the man. He finishes for you, “Kane.”

“Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot!”

Everyone lowers their weapons as the Chancellor comes closer, greeting your mom with a smile. They start to talk, too quiet for anyone else to hear, and the longer it goes on, the more restless that Bellamy grows beside you. He raises his voice so that it’s loud enough to reach the pair. “We can’t be out in the open. We need to get somewhere safe.”

Kane smiles briefly. “It’s safe, for the moment. I managed to buy us a bit of time.”

He leads your mom inside the gate, both of them now heading for the room they use for council meetings. You, Bellamy, and Clarke all exchange a look, curious, but uninvited. After a moment, Clarke announces, “I’m going to check on Finn.”

“We’ll stake out the meeting.”

You walk towards the station together, but break apart once you step inside. You and Bellamy head to the council room and plop down outside the doors, ready to question anyone that steps outside the room. You each take turns trying to listen to the conversation for a while, but the door to the room is too thick, and it’s impossible to make out anything. 

You look over at Bellamy, and then turn to lean your head back against the wall. “I used to dream about coming to the ground. Getting out of my cell, having the freedom to go where I want, do what I want.” You see him turn towards you, studying you. “I never could have imagined it’d be like this.”

He reaches over and grabs your hand, and you smile. “We’ll figure it out.”

You nod, but say nothing, opting to enjoy the silence ( _and his company_ ) instead. You stay like that for a long time, sitting side by side and holding hands, until the door to the council room slides open and your mom steps into the hall. You and Bellamy jump to your feet and into her path, hands still connected, and her gaze drops down to them. This time, you refuse to feel any guilt and you keep your hand firmly in his, daring her to say something. 

She looks like she’s about to, but Bellamy speaks first. “You were in there a long time.”

“There was a lot to talk about.”

You nod your head. “Well, what’s going on?” 

“There was a lot to talk about.”

Bellamy tenses, and his voice is angry when he shoots back, “We are not turning him over to the Grounders.”

“Step aside now.” Her expression hardens the longer you stay in her way, before Bellamy finally cracks and pulls you to the side. She gives you a sharp look. “We’re all trying to find a way out of this.”

And then she’s walking away from you, leaving you and Bellamy behind, still just as lost as before. You whisper, “They’re gonna give him up.”

Bellamy turns towards you quickly and looks at you in surprise. You meet his gaze, and he must see something in your expression, because his face changes into a look of determination. “We won’t let them.”

He starts to pull you down the hall, in search of Finn, and it doesn’t take long for you to find him near B corridor, talking to Clarke. “Finn.”

They both turn to look at you as Bellamy mutters, “You need to get out of here.”

“Where would he go?”

“The dropship.”

Bellamy starts walking away, bringing you with him, and Finn seems to agree because he instantly follows. Clarke starts to protest, “No! You know that this is the safest place for him right now.”

You meet her eyes, “It isn’t if they’re turning on him.”

She shakes her head, and you can see the confusion on her face. Bellamy adds, “We can protect him at the dropship until we figure this thing out. Grab your gear and meet at Raven’s gate in 5.”

As you walk down the hallway, groups of people whisper as you pass. Some in curiosity, some in annoyance, but most in anger. You can’t hear what they’re saying, but their tone is clear enough. Clarke pulls Finn to a stop, forcing you and Bellamy to stop and turn to them. She looks between you. “We are surrounded by Grounders.”

“If we split up, we take the low ground, we’ll make it through. We’ll meet at the dropship.”

She’s about to protest further when a voice rings out behind you. “There he is.”

You all turn in surprise, a small group of men right behind you, holding weapons. They’re led by the man that Raven punched earlier, a bruise now darkening his cheek. Behind him, you see the young guard from earlier, and you both exchange a glare. “You’re gonna get us killed.”

The man lifts a wrench, ready to swing at Finn, but Bellamy steps up and hits him in the stomach with the butt of his rifle, knocking him down. You see the guard start to edge closer, and you pull out your knife and hold it up, meeting his eyes. “Do it. Give this delinquent a reason.”

He steps back and Bellamy looks over the others in the group. “Anyone else?”

Behind you, Clarke says in a rush, “They’re right. We have to go.”

She grabs Finn and pulls him past the angry group as you and Bellamy watch on, making sure they make it past safely. And then you follow behind them, heading straight for your tents and grabbing your packs, before running to meet the others at the gate. Raven is already there waiting, and less than a minute later Clarke and Finn show up. 

Raven tests the fence, and when it doesn’t spark, you all slide through it and run straight for the trees, into cover. Bellamy turns to the group. “We’ll split up from here. Take the low ground, stay within shouting distance, and keep your weapon out and ready.”

You reach back and pull the pistol from your waistband and cock it, and you see the others do the same before you all exchange one final look and break away from each other. 

You keep your pace quick, afraid to stay still for long, afraid of what you might hear if you are unmoving and listening closely. You’re halfway to the dropship when you hear a twig snap behind you and you whip around, gun lifted, finger hovering over the trigger. 

You nearly throw up with relief when you see him, gun raised, and you both drop your weapons as he jogs over to you. “You scared the shit out of me, Bellamy.”

“I thought you were a Grounder.”

You spin towards him, “I thought you were a Grounder.”

You keep jogging through the woods quickly, quietly, but you feel slightly less on edge now that you’re reunited with Bellamy. Before long, you reach the dropship and step inside. You’re both the first to arrive, so you sit and catch your breath while you wait for the others. 

Raven is the next one to show up, gun drawn as she creeps inside. She lowers it when she sees you, but she doesn’t sit beside you to rest. Instead, she starts to pace near the door, boots thudding across the floor. It reminds you of your dream.

After an unusually long time, you stand, starting to get worried, and Raven looks between you and Bellamy. “They should be back by now. We shouldn’t have split up.”

Outside the dropship you hear footsteps, and Bellamy lifts his gun to the door, prepared to shoot. The parachute is pulled aside, and Murphy steps in, lifting his hands in surrender when he sees Bellamy’s gun. “Oh. Hey, hey, hey.”

“Murphy, what are you doing here?”

He turns to look at Raven. “I believe I was invited.”

“I thought we could use an extra gun.” She pauses and then looks towards the door, tense. “Finn should’ve been right behind you.”

He walks past you to drop his stuff and settle onto one of the makeshift beds left behind. “Don’t worry. The spacewalker’s gonna be fine.”

You all sit in tense silence, waiting, eyes trained on the door for any sign of Finn or Clarke. A few minutes after Murphy’s arrival, the parachute is pushed to the side, and Finn steps in, carrying an unconscious Clarke. You and Bellamy run over to them, and he helps him carry your twin. “What happened?”

“A Grounder hit her on the head.”

Murphy jumps up and motions towards the bed. “Put her here.”

Bellamy and Finn lower her to the bed, and you turn and yell towards Murphy and Raven, “I need a bandage. A rag. Anything.”

“Got it. Here.” Murphy pushes an old rag into your hand as Finn gets up and storms off, dropping his stuff in frustration. You press the rag to the wound at the back of her head and turn to Bellamy. “Hold her head.”

He moves to her other side and supports her head, as you lean down and ask, “Clarke, can you hear me? Clarke.”

When she doesn’t move or offer a response, you push her hair back from her face and press a kiss to her forehead. “You’re gonna be fine. You just need to rest.” 

Bellamy is helping you situate her on the bed, getting her comfortable, when you hear Finn storm out of the dropship. You look up as Raven follows, and Murphy stands. “I’ll stand guard outside.”

You and Bellamy stay in the dropship, silent as you watch over your twin, worrying. After a few minutes he whispers, “I’m gonna go check on the others. Are you okay here?”

You nod and smile at him. “I’m good.”

He nods once and then leaves. You stand and grab a second rag and your canteen from your pack, before kneeling beside Clarke. You wet the rag and start to hum clair de lune as you wipe the dried blood from her neck and around the cut. Once you have it cleaned up, you lift the first rag and check on the wound, relieved to find that it’s now stopped bleeding. You’re gently cleaning it the best you can, still humming, when a voice rings out in the room, startling you. “Still nothing?”

You look up and meet Finn’s eyes, shaking your head. “No. But she’s strong. She just needs some time.”

He comes and sits beside you, his gaze never leaving Clarke, and he whispers. “You really are her other half, you know.”

You turn to him and smile. “And she’s mine.”

“I always wanted a family, but it was just me and Raven. And then we got down here, and I met Clarke and I started to think that maybe someday we could have a family of our own. But then things got so messed up, and I hurt her and Raven, and I lost them both. The only family I ever had.”

“You didn’t lose them, Finn.” You glance towards the door, thinking of Bellamy and Octavia and the other delinquents. “Besides, we’re all your family. Raven, Bellamy, Octavia, Clarke, the other 47. Hell, even Murphy. And we’re gonna protect you or die trying.”

“I know, and that’s what worries me.”

You open your mouth to say something, but then a groan lifts from below you. You look down and your face splits into a grin when you lock eyes with Clarke, who groans again as she presses a hand to her head, trying to ease the pain. You turn to Finn. “I told you she’d be okay.”

And then you give your sister a quick hug before standing and allowing the former couple to talk. Bellamy turns as you step out of the dropship, motioning you towards him, and you walk over and sit beside him behind a log in front of the camp. “Clarke’s awake.”

“Good, because we have visitors.” He turns to look out beyond the camp and you peer around the log and look, catching movement in the trees. Bellamy turns to yell to Clarke and Finn, alerting them. “We’ve got company! Get out here.”

They both run out and duck behind cover, and you watch the Grounders as they run past the gate and into the trees surrounding the camp. “Everyone fall back to the dropship.”

You all follow Bellamy’s command and run back inside one at a time, covering each other’s backs in case the Grounders decide to attack. Once inside, you all start discussing what to do. “We’re surrounded, but they’re not moving any closer.”

Bellamy shakes his head. “They’re staying out of range. Probably waiting until it’s dark.”

“If we hit them now, at least we’d take them by surprise.”

Clarke turns and glares at Murphy, annoyed. “We don’t even know how many of them are out there.”

“We’ll give them something.” You turn towards Raven, looking at her in confusion. “All they want is Finn.”

“Finn wasn’t the only one at the village.” 

Every gaze turns towards Raven, wearing matching confused expressions. “What are you talking about?”

And then realization clicks as her gaze swings towards Murphy. Bellamy shakes his head, “Raven, hold on.”

Murphy looks at her, incredulous. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Raven, I came here to protect him. You were the one who wanted me to come. You…” He trails off as the pieces start to connect in his mind. “That’s why you asked me to come along.”

“Enough Grounders saw him at the village. They’d believe he was the shooter.”

Your jaw drops, unsure what to say as you watch Raven turn on Murphy, one of your own. Who, despite his multiple murder attempts, seemed to be trying to turn things around as of late. You whisper, “You know what they do to people.”

“They want a murderer, we’ll give them one.” She lifts her gun and points it right at Murphy, face set in anger and determination. “Drop your gun.”

Murphy steps closer to her, until the end of her gun is pressed to his chest. “Go to hell, Raven.”

Clarke moves closer to the pair. “Put it down, Raven. Like it or not, he’s one of us.”

“I said drop it!”

Her finger slides towards the trigger and you walk closer, concerned that she’s going to actually shoot him right in front of you. But then Finn steps up beside her and pushes her gun down, away from Murphy’s chest. “Stop! We’re not doing this. They’ve got us surrounded. The only thing we can do is stay and defend this place.”

“I’m with you,” Bellamy answers, and you nod in agreement. Clarke and Raven both nod, and after a second of hesitation, Murphy does too. 

Finn turns to Murphy, “Go upstairs. Watch the rear. I’ll take the lower level.” He turns and looks at the rest of you. “You four, take the front gate. That’s the plan. All right?”

Everyone agrees and starts to break apart. Murphy heads straight up the ladder to the second floor and Bellamy is the first to head outside. You jog over to your pack and start digging through it, grabbing whatever extra ammo you can find. You see Raven and Finn standing in the middle of the room hugging, and you turn away, feeling like you’re intruding on a private moment. And then Raven is stepping away and Finn is whispering, “Be careful.”

She turns and heads out the front, joining Bellamy. You see Finn drop to his pack, across from Clarke, grabbing a few extra supplies. They exchange a sad look before Clarke stands and nods at him, turning towards the door. You finish grabbing what you need and stand to follow, but stop when Finn calls your name. You turn and look at him. “Yeah?”

He steps towards you, extending his hand out to you, offering you something. You reach out to meet him, and he drops something into your hand. You look and see a charm, a small cluster of stars, before looking up at him in confusion. He whispers, “Will you give this to Clarke? I was waiting for the right time, but I’m starting to feel like it’ll never be the right time.”

Your confusion doesn’t waver as you nod. “Uh, yeah, sure.”

“Thanks.” Your eyes meet and a strange look passes over his face before he reaches out and pulls you into a hug. You’re surprised and don’t reciprocate at first, but after a second your arms wrap around him and return the gesture. He releases you and steps back, heading over to the open hatch on the floor. “Keep her safe.”

You don’t have to ask who, and you nod. “I will.”

And then he drops down into the floor below, leaving you to look after him, utterly bewildered by his strange behavior. You tuck the charm into your pocket, and head outside, dropping down beside Bellamy on the other side of the large log. Everyone’s eyes are locked on the surrounding woods as you watch for any sign of movement, but you can’t seem to shake Finn’s weird behavior from your head. 

You start to turn towards Bellamy, opening your mouth to tell him about the encounter, when Raven whisper yells, “Someone’s coming!”

You all turn towards the front gate, scanning the trees, eyes landing on the bushes near the front gate, shifting with movement. “There!”

And as you all lift your guns, ready to shoot, Finn steps out from the brush and into the clearing, hands lifted in surrender. All the pieces slide into place the second you see him: the weird goodbyes, the hug. The realization that he wasn’t taking stuff out of his pack, he was stuffing weapons into it, disarming. His rifle, forgotten, laying on the ground beside the hatch, long after he had gone. 

You want to hit yourself for your stupidity, for missing the signs, but you turn your focus on your twin as she stands and looks to her former lover. “No! Finn!”

She starts to move towards him, but she has barely taken a full step before a group of Grounders jump out of the trees and bushes and grab him, dragging him away, back to their camp. 

You’re all frozen in shock for a second, watching as Finn disappears from view. Bellamy is the first to recover. “We have to get back to Camp Jaha and tell your mother. Maybe she can stop this.”

The words are enough to send you all into gear. You run inside and grab your packs, yelling at Murphy to follow. And then you’re back outside and tearing through the woods, running as fast as you can back to camp. 

You don’t make it back until nightfall, and when you do, your mom and Kane meet you at the gate, cutting you off as you all open your mouths to explain. “We know.”

They lead you to the perimeter of the gate without another word, where the rest of the camp appears to be gathered, watching something in the distance. And as you turn and follow their gazes, you can see that the Grounders have now made camp out in the open, at the bottom of the hill, right within view. At the center of their camp they are driving a giant post into the ground, and you all freeze in horror as you watch. Raven’s voice is full of quiet horror when she asks, “What is that?”

Clarke’s eyes never leave the post. “It’s for Finn. They want us to watch.”

You think of what Lincoln told Clarke. _It starts with fire. Then they’ll take his hands, tongue, and eyes. All who grieve will get a turn with the knife. And at sunrise, if he still lives, the Commander will kill him with her sword._

Bellamy glances at Raven, then down at the post, before his eyes stop on Kane. “We’re gonna get him. We’ll get in close and we’ll hit them hard.”

“Son…there’s thousands of them. Even if we could kill hundreds, they’d still wipe out this camp and your friend would still die.”

You work to swallow the lump that has started to rise in your throat. Raven turns to your mother, her voice pleading, “Abby, we have to do something.”

“No, Raven.”

You see Clarke shift beside you and you turn and look at her, her gaze already locked on yours. She doesn’t say anything, just turns and steps away from the fence and you follow. You hear Bellamy and Raven doing the same, as Clarke leads you away from listening ears. She turns and hands you her gun. “Take this.”

“What are you doing?”

“I’m gonna talk to the Commander.”

You grab her arm and pull her to a stop, forcing her to turn and look at you. Bellamy steps up beside you and gives Clarke a serious look. “What else do you have to say?”

“I don’t know.”

You all stare at each other, no one saying anything, when Raven moves closer to Clarke. “Give me your hand.” Clarke does as she says and Raven slips a small knife into Clarke’s sleeve, tucking it under your father’s watch. Raven’s voice shakes as she locks eyes with your sister. “If she won’t let him go, kill her. Things’ll go crazy, and we’ll grab you and Finn. Clarke, you have to help him. I owe him my life.”

Clarke nods but says nothing, and you grab her arm and lead her to the small gate, pulling it open so she can step outside. Before she steps through you pull her into a hug, dropping your mouth to her ear, speaking low enough that no one else can hear you. “Clarke, do not do anything stupid, do you hear me? Killing the Commander will only get you killed, and peace would die with you. And then they’d still kill Finn and we’d be back to where we started, fighting a two front war with no way to free the 47.”

You feel her nod against your neck and you pull away, giving her one last serious look before she steps out of the gate and disappears into the dark. You stand at the perimeter for a minute, praying to your father, the stars, the Universe, to keep her safe and from making any stupid decisions, before you turn and face Bellamy. He reaches out for your hand, intertwining your fingers, leading you and Raven back to the fence to watch from above. 

A minute after you arrive, Clarke reaches the camp, and your mother watches on in horror. “Clarke. What is she doing?”

She tries to step away and go after her, but Kane grabs her arm and stops her. “Wait. Abby, we’ve got to let her try.”

She turns and looks at you, anger written all over her face when she whispers, “We’ll talk about this later.”

She looks away again, back to Clarke, the entire camp’s eyes now on your other half. Your shining star. 

The crowd parts and allows Clarke to walk into camp, and you see her pause outside the Commander’s tent, waiting for an audience. The Commander walks out within seconds, and Clarke moves over to her, the two of them standing and talking.

Finn is led down the hill towards the post as you watch, before he is tied to the place of his execution. You see Clarke glance over at him and grow tense, and Finn’s eyes never seem to leave her as he watches her discussion with the Commander. 

It’s impossible to make out what they’re saying from where you are, leaving you to try to figure out what’s happening based on those around them. The Grounders all around Clarke look pissed, and Lexa herself shows no signs of emotion, nothing to give her away. Beside Bellamy, Raven mutters, “C’mon Clarke, do it.”

You can see Clarke’s tension drop into sadness as her shoulders sag, and a second later she runs towards Finn, reaching up and pulling his face to hers, kissing him. She pulls away slightly and you can tell they’re saying something, before Clarke leans forward again and pulls him into a hug. 

You all watch in quiet confusion as they embrace, and the longer they stand together, the more restless the Grounders around them grow. You think they’re about to pull her away from him when she finally steps back and turns around. Finn’s head is dropped, his body slumped, as he strains against his ropes, and you can see the dark spot on his chest that wasn’t there moments before. You look at Clarke and swear you can see a blade in her hand glinting in the moonlight, and it only takes a second for you to realize what she’s done. 

The Grounders realize at the same time you do, and they start to yell, raising their swords and spears to kill her. You tense up and step towards the fence, unable to do anything to save her from where you stand. But Lexa lifts her hand, stopping them all in place, their weapons slowly lowering. 

Clarke turns towards you and everyone around you starts to put the pieces together, a sense of sadness running through the camp. It hits Raven hardest of all and she lets out a gut wrenching scream, her legs giving out beneath her. Bellamy drops your hand to catch her before she hits the ground, comforting her as she sobs in anguish. 

-


	22. xxii. remember me (2.09)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Blood, violence, death, fighting, funeral, allusions to past assault, angst, language.
> 
> Summary: As tradition demands, you follow the Grounders to return Finn’s body to Tondc. Of course, things never go to plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very insecure about this chapter bc it took me so long to write and it went through like 3 rewrites, so pls let me know if you like it, I am begging u.

Clarke is still frozen in place, staring up at Camp Jaha and listening to Raven’s anguished screams, when you take off running. 

You don’t stop when Bellamy calls your name, or your mother, or Kane. You run through the camp, out the gate and down the hill, following the path briefly through the woods until you step out on the other side. You feel weapons train on you as soon as you emerge from the trees, and you slow down to a quick walk, lifting your hands in surrender. 

Your eyes scan the camp, looking for any sign of Clarke, no longer finding her where she once stood. You turn to your left, coming face to face with Lexa, and rush out, “Where is she? Where is Clarke?”

She looks you over slowly, taking in your features, no doubt making note of the similarities that you and Clarke share. You use the silence to do the same thing, now able to get a good look at her, unlike the day in the dropship where Lincoln nearly died. After an agonizingly long second, she gestures to the tent. “Clarke is inside.”

You nod once and turn and head inside, pulling the flap open and searching for her. She is directly across from you, shaking and sobbing, furiously trying to rub blood from her hands. _Finn’s blood._

She doesn’t look up as you approach, only focused on removing the evidence of what she’s done. Her eyes only find yours when you drop down in front of her, closing your hands over hers, trying to still her movement. Her voice breaks as she tells you, “They would’ve tortured him, I had to. I-I had to.”

You reach up and wrap your arms around her, pulling her head to your chest and shushing her. “It’s okay, Clarke. It’s okay.”

She repeats one phrase like a quiet mantra as she sobs in your arms. “I had to.”

You smooth your hand over her hair repeatedly, and start to do the only comforting thing that you can think of: sing clair de lune. She starts to quiet and calm slowly, breaths coming out more even as she listens, letting your father’s comfort reach her through you. 

You hear someone enter the tent behind you, but you don’t turn to look, keeping your focus only on your twin. Seconds later, the tent flap opens once more, and Gustus announces, “The Commander is ready to talk.”

You pull away from Clarke and wipe her tears, helping her stand to her feet just as Lexa enters the tent, followed by Indra. When you turn to watch their entrance, you make eye contact with your mom, who uses the moment to walk closer and stand on Clarke’s other side. Kane accompanied her, but stays near the back, lingering by the exit. 

You all watch Lexa settle into her seat and turn her serious gaze on Clarke. “Blood has answered blood. Some on my side say that’s not enough. They wanted the murderer to suffer as our tradition demands. But they do not know that your suffering will be worse. What you did tonight will haunt you until the end of your days.”

You shift closer to Clarke, hoping that your presence and closeness gives her strength. “Still, there will be restitution. The body will be given to the people of Tondc. Murderer and murdered joined by fire. Only then can we have peace.”

Kane disagrees immediately, voice low and serious. “No, we’ve done enough. The boy should be buried by his own people.”

“Enough?” Your eyes shift to Indra, her hand on her sword, a heavy glare watching Kane. “We were owed the pain of 18 deaths. We were owed the righteous kill. My village deserves justice.”

Your mother shifts beside Clarke, looking up at Indra. “You don’t want justice. You want vengeance.”

“You have not _seen_ my vengeance.”

You can feel Clarke’s annoyance growing with your own, and you’re about to speak up but she beats you to it. “We’ll do it.”

All eyes shift to her, but her gaze is on Lexa and no one else. “But when it’s over, we talk about how to get our people out of Mount Weather. _All_ of our people.”

“We want the same things, Clarke.”

She nods, “Good. When do we leave?”

“Now.” Lexa stands, looking over all of you. “Choose your attendants.”

Lexa walks past you and out of the tent, and your mom turns and grabs Clarke. “Clarke, you don’t have to do this.”

“Yes, I do. If this truce doesn’t hold, I killed Finn for nothing.” She steps away from your mother, reaching out to grab your hand and taking you with her. 

You follow her out of the tent, and she whispers, “I want you, Octavia, Lincoln, and Bellamy as my attendants. Get them and meet me back here.”

You nod and give her hand a squeeze, thoughts searching for something comforting to say. You think of the charm in your pocket but decide against it for now, the moment not quite right. You may have missed Finn’s warning signs, but you’re not going to mess up the only thing he asked of you. The last thing he asked of you. 

Instead, you think of the Grounder knife in your pocket, the symbol of what you’ve done. Who you’ve killed. And you know you don’t want that for Clarke. Your hands slide to her wrist, underneath her watch, and pull out the knife, tucked back in the place that Raven put it. Clarke doesn’t say anything as you take it away from her and slide it into your pocket, but you think you see a look of relief cross her features before the moment is lost by Kane’s arrival.

“I assume you’ve chosen who you want to attend?”

Clarke turns and meets his gaze. “Yes.”

Kane turns to look at you. “And I assume you’re the one that’s handling it?”

“Yes.”

“Good. We’ll walk back together.”

You nod and turn and give your sister a smile before following Kane out of the Grounder camp and into Camp Jaha. He doesn’t say anything to you until you reach the gate. “Be back here in fifteen minutes or we leave without you.”

You run off and make a beeline for the medical wing where Octavia and Lincoln spent the last few days, and Octavia starts to question you as soon as she sees you. “One of the guards told us about Finn. What’s happening? How is Clarke? And Raven?”

You don’t answer her and instead look for the keys to Lincoln’s cuffs, smiling when you find them. You ignore his protests as you start to free him, and look between the pair’s eyes. “I don’t have time to explain now, but we have to go. We’re taking Finn’s body back to Tondc and Clarke wants you both to come. Pack quickly and meet me at the gate. If we’re not there with Kane in a few minutes, they’ll leave without us.”

“Okay.”

You step away from them, heading towards the door. “I have to go get Bellamy, I’ll meet you both there!”

You turn and run out of the medical wing, and head straight for Bellamy’s tent, barging inside without announcing yourself first. You’re disappointed to find it empty, but after a quick survey of the area, you notice that his pack is missing. Getting an idea, you run to the other side of the camp towards your tent, smiling when you see him on your bed, waiting for you. He stands, lifting your packed bag along with his own. “I passed Kane on his way to choose guards. I figured something was up and thought I’d meet you here.”

You walk to Clarke’s side of the room and stuff her things inside her pack as you tell him, “We’re taking Finn back to the village to be buried with the victims. Apparently it’s part of their tradition. Clarke wanted me to get you, Octavia, and Lincoln to come with us.”

You finish packing your twin’s bag and zip it up, pulling it on your back, and Bellamy follows you as you step out of the tent. “How’s Clarke?”

You fall into step beside each other, and you glance over at him. “Not good. I can’t imagine how difficult it would be to do what she did.”

He’s about to answer when you both arrive at the gate, where Kane stands waiting for the last of the group to arrive. You stand and join the others, watching the last few guards step up, when one in particular catches your eye. 

Shumway.

You turn to Bellamy, who sees him at the same time. “Is he coming with us?”

“Not if I can help it.”

He leads you over to Kane, expression set in anger and determination. “Shumway can’t come with us.”

Kane’s turns and looks at Bellamy, immediately dismissing him. “Commander Shumway is one of the best guards that we have, especially with a weapon. He’ll be valuable to us while we travel with the Grounders.”

You move closer to Kane, voice quiet. “You don’t understand, he’s dangerous. To all of us.”

He waves you off. “This is not up for discussion. He is coming with us, and if you have a problem with that, you can stay behind.”

You and Bellamy clamp your mouths shut and step away, neither of you wanting to risk getting left behind. As Kane leads everyone out of camp and down to the Grounders, Bellamy whispers, “Don’t worry about Shumway, okay? I’ll protect you.”

You nod and say nothing, following the group silently along as they join up with the Grounder convoy. You pass Clarke her bag when you reach her and you take your pack from Bellamy, before everyone is led out of the camp and into the woods, following Lexa as she leads you back to Tondc.

-

You all walk through the night and well into the next day, surrounded by Grounders in the front and the back. All of your people walk with their weapons out, ready at any moment for the Grounders to suddenly turn on you and wipe out most of the leaders from your camp. You and Bellamy travel with Lincoln and Octavia for a while, learning more about the Grounders, before you look ahead and see Clarke walking by herself, your mother now gone from her side. She is staring off into the woods, body tense, and you feel yourself start to worry.

You elbow Bellamy and nod towards her, and he follows your gaze before grabbing you and leading you up to her. She turns when you both approach, giving you a smile that doesn’t reach her eyes, which are now flitting back to the trees briefly as Bellamy asks, “Hey, you doing alright?”

“Yeah.” She pauses and then watches as Bellamy glances back at the Grounders and then over to you. “You still think this truce is a bad idea, don’t you?”

His gaze lifts from you to her. “I think we’re wasting our time on politics while our friends are in trouble.”

“We need their army to get to Mount Weather, Bellamy, and you know it.”

He shakes his head, “Their army has been getting their ass kicked by Mount Weather forever. What we need is an inside man. Someone to be our eyes and ears.”

Your gaze turns towards him sharply, your head already shaking. “Bellamy, no. It’s too dangerous.”

His gaze softens and his voice drops, “If she can make it out, I can make it in.”

Clarke hears this and answers for you. “She said no. And I agree with her.”

“Since I don’t take orders from you, I’m gonna need a better reason.”

Her gaze briefly meets his glare, and she mutters, “Because I can’t lose anyone else, okay?”

She speeds up and away from you, leaving you both to look after her, still concerned. You turn towards Bellamy and reach for his hand. “I don’t want to lose you either.”

“You won’t.”

You shake your head. “You don’t know that, Bellamy. And if everything we know about the Mountain Men is correct, then they’re dangerous. Just as dangerous as the Grounders. Maybe more so, because they have technology and modern weapons.”

He gives your hand a comforting squeeze. “It was just a thought. And Clarke isn’t going for it anyways, so you have no reason to worry.”

You nod before you fall into a comfortable silence together, enjoying the walk and the feel of his hand in yours as you continue to hike towards uncertainty. 

-

At nightfall, ten miles outside of Tondc, Lexa announces that everyone will camp for the night and arrive the next morning. The two groups set up for the night; Kane and Abby in tents and the rest of you in sleeping bags, with the Grounders and your people on two distinct sides of the clearing. 

Clarke is the first to brave the boundaries and set up camp in the middle, straddling the invisible line that separates each side. You and Bellamy watch her for a second before setting up camp next to her, all of you situated around the fire and partially in enemy territory.

You fall asleep quickly, exhausted from the events of the last few days, drifting into a fitful sleep. 

-

_You back away from the pole slowly, grip held tight around something in your hand. You look down and see a silver knife glinting with red, the red coating every inch of the skin on your hands. You look back to the pole, at the dark head hanging there, limp, a patch of blood spread across his chest, and you feel dread rise within you._

_Your father steps up beside him, grabbing a fistful of those dark curls and lifting his head so you can see his face. You feel a sob clamp down on your chest and escape your mouth as your eyes land on Bellamy, dead by your hand. Your dad smiles and whispers, “Blood must have blood.”_

-

You wake with a start, gasping for air when you wake, eyes scanning your surroundings wildly, trying to gather your bearings. You look around and remember everything, Finn, Tondc, before your eyes land on Bellamy sleeping, still alive. A sigh escapes you, even though the dream does not, still bouncing around in your head and making you anxious. 

You look around and find that most of the camp is asleep, save for a few guards on each side. Your head whips towards the edge of camp when you hear a twig snap, your gaze falling on a familiar figure standing just out of view. “Dad?”

You stand and shake yourself free from your sleeping bag, before sneaking away and following him into the woods. You slink out of the camp the best you can, hoping to remain unseen by those on both sides, quietly navigating through the woods as he leads you into a nearby clearing where the moon shines through the trees, surrounded by the stars. He sits on a nearby log and looks up, and you sit beside him and follow his gaze, worried that turning to him will just leave you with disappointment. You whisper, “Dad?”

“I know what you’re going to ask la lune, and I’m not real, but that doesn’t mean that this isn’t.”

“Why are you here?”

“I think you know the answer to that too.”

You feel tears prick your eyes. “I’ve been blaming mom for your death, but it’s my fault. I’m the reason you’re gone.”

“You have to stop blaming yourself.”

You risk it all and turn towards him, and his smile is sad as he looks down at you. “But Dad-”

“Do you remember me telling you about the constellation Gemini?”

“The twins, Castor and Pollux.”

“Yes. Their bravery was unparalleled, but it was strongest when they were together. _They_ were strongest together.”

You shake your head, “I don’t understand, what does that have to do with-”

You’re so lost in the conversation that you don’t hear anyone approaching from behind, and you jump when a hand clamps down on your shoulder. You turn with a smile, thinking it’s Bellamy, but your smile drops when you see the face that’s outlined by the moonlight. A grin stretches across his face. “You’re hard to get alone.”

You stand and pull yourself out of his grip, stepping deeper into the clearing and putting distance between the two of you. When you turn to glance at the fallen log, your father is gone, leaving you alone with the devil himself. He matches every step you take away from him and remains as close as possible. You hear your voice shake when you snap, “Leave me alone, Shumway.”

“Don’t be like that. I’ve been trying to get you alone for a while now.” He steps closer, a sinister smile growing when he senses your fear. “I wanted to talk about our deal.”

You do your best to give him your fiercest look. “There is no deal, Shumway. You can’t hurt me anymore.”

He lunges forward and grabs you by the hair, tugging your head back to force your gaze to meet his. You let out a quiet yelp of pain, and he clamps his hand over your mouth to keep you quiet. “It looks like I can.”

You can’t say anything, his hand still closed over your mouth, but you struggle in his grip, trying to slip free. He tugs harder, and you feel tears prick your eyes from the pain. “I’ve let you have your fun with Bellamy Blake, but that’s done now. After tonight, if you go near him, I’ll kill him. Tonight and every night after this, you are mine.”

You feel fear and nausea grip you, sick at the thought of what he wants. You feel yourself grow angry, tired of Shumway and the abuse, and you bite down on his hand, not stopping until he hisses out in pain and tosses you to the side. 

You feel a wetness around your mouth and you reach up and pass a finger through it, looking down and finding it red with blood. Shumway stalks towards you, one hand clutching the other, blood seeping between his fingers, and you smile up at him. “You little bitch.”

He’s about to reach you when a voice enters the clearing, angry and low. “Get away from her.”

You turn around and see Bellamy entering the clearing, and you stumble back towards him, putting space between you and Shumway. He laughs as he watches Bellamy help you to your feet and look you over, searching for a source of the blood. You shake your head just as Shumway quips, “We were just having some fun, Bellamy. Right, la lune?”

You shudder and grab Bellamy’s hand, trying to pull him away while ignoring Shumway. “This is enough to prove he’s dangerous to Kane and my mother.”

He looks between Shumway and you, trying to decide, and when you squeeze his hand, eyes pleading, he relents and turns away. Shumway seems dissatisfied because his voice lifts slightly to reach your retreating figures. “What’s wrong, Blake? Can’t handle a little competition? Or are you just mad that I had her first?”

And before you can understand what’s happening, Bellamy’s hand drops yours before he starts running towards Shumway, delivering a punch with full force. Shumway hits the ground from the power of it, and Bellamy climbs on top of him, delivering blow after blow to the man’s face. You run towards them, freezing in place, unsure what to do as Bellamy has the upper hand.

But then the tides shift faster than you can comprehend it, and Shumway elbows Bellamy so hard that he falls back onto the ground. You run towards him in alarm but Shumway scrambles to his feet and kicks you to the side, knocking the wind out of you in the process. You struggle to catch your breath as you watch Shumway pull Bellamy to his feet so that he can punch him to the ground again. Bellamy recovers much quicker this time and the two collide, grabbing each other and kicking and punching wherever they can reach. 

You roll onto your knees, no longer struggling for air, and watch as Shumway flings Bellamy off of him and hits him so hard in the stomach that you’re worried he cracked Bellamy’s ribs. Every moment after that happens in slow motion.

Bellamy struggles to catch his breath, no longer paying attention to Shumway, who is now reaching for the gun in his holster. You see him lift it towards Bellamy, the movement catching his eye and making him aware of his impending death. You see Shumway’s finger reach for the trigger, and finally start to realize that your body has been in motion this entire time, on autopilot. 

You feel disconnected from your body as you watch your hand lift, the Grounder blade gripped tight in your hand, as it slices across Shumway’s neck. He drops his gun, both hands lifting to his throat to grab the wound, but he’s dead before he hits the ground. You stand there, gaze locked with Bellamy, matching expressions of shock on your faces as you realize what has just happened, what you’ve just done. 

Panic mixes with adrenaline, making you shake, and underneath it all, you feel relief. The tornado of emotions swirls through you, causing conflict, but you settle on the easiest: panic. Bellamy stands quickly and pulls you into his arms as you mutter, “What have I done?”

He comforts you as you shake, pulling you away to whisper, “It’s okay. You had to do it.”

You realize that you are still gripping the knife and you drop it quickly, as if it burned you. You look up at Bellamy, voice high with panic, and ask, “What am I supposed to do? I just killed Shumway. I killed a guard!”

You step out of his embrace, looking down at the dead man and whispering, “They’ll lock me up forever for this.”

“No they won’t, it was self defense. They’ll see that.”

You groan and look at him, “Bellamy, this’ll ruin everything. Peace with the Grounders, saving the 47. It’ll be a distraction.”

“Listen to me, we’re not going to tell anyone about this.” You look up and meet his eyes, surprised by his serious tone and absurd plan. You give him a bewildered look, and he grabs your face in his hands, forcing you to keep his gaze. “You’re right, it would be a distraction. So for now, we keep quiet. We’ll hide his body until after we save our friends, and then we tell the Chancellor everything.”

“We can’t.”

“We can. We have to.” He nods, glances down at the body and back to you. “I told you I’d keep you safe, protect you. That’s what I’m doing. We’ll face this, but not right now. Not when we’re so close to peace with the Grounders.”

You close your eyes and think, examining every option, every outcome. You think of your father, and disappointment, but you shake it away, bringing your thoughts to Clarke, who killed Finn for peace and this alliance, and you think of the 47 in the mountain, alone and in danger. You think of all the death and destruction that follows you and realize maybe now, going after the 47, you can use that for good. You can bring death to those who deserve it.

You know you’re going to agree before you even nod your head and whisper, “Okay.”

Bellamy steps away from you and motions towards the body, and wordlessly you both carry it deeper into the woods, away from the camp. Once his body is hidden, you both head back to the clearing and rid it of any sign you were there, doing your best to cover the blood on the grass with leaves and debris. You pick the knife up and slide it back into your pocket, before you and Bellamy help each other clean up. 

Most of his injuries from Shumway, bruises and cuts, are hidden beneath his shirt, out of view from others. Only one small cut has been added to his face, and you hope it’s small enough to explain away. 

He wipes the blood from your mouth and hands, Shumway’s blood, and you think of Finn and of your dream. The dream that led you to your father and to this. 

Once you are both cleaned up, you sneak back into camp and into your sleeping bags, praying that when everyone is up, no one will know what you’ve done.

-

You wake to someone shaking you awake, quietly calling your name. 

You open your eyes and blink against the sun, coming face to face with your mother, who is smiling softly. “We’re about to leave for the day. I made sure they let you sleep as long as possible.”

You give her a small smile and sit up. “Thanks.”

She starts to stand and step away, but turns back to ask, “Do you remember seeing Commander Shumway last night?”

“Uh, no. I don’t think so. Why?”

She shakes her head. “He’s missing. Kane thinks he made it to camp with us, but I don’t remember seeing him at all last night, and neither do the others.”

“Hm. I’m sure he’ll turn up.”

She nods. “He probably just got lost somewhere.”

She turns and walks away, leaving you to let out a quiet sigh of relief, your secret still safe. You quickly roll up your sleeping bag and return it to your pack before meeting up with the others and preparing to leave. 

You avoid Bellamy for most of the walk, unsure what to say to him, how to act. He saw you kill someone last night, and whether that was in self defense or not, you’re worried that he’s going to look at you differently. Like you’re a monster. Because something about killing Shumway feels different. Maybe it’s the shared history, maybe it’s because he wasn’t a Grounder, but you can tell that something inside of you has changed, a new turning point. _Is this how Finn felt after shooting the Grounder that had Clarke’s watch?_

You take the Grounder knife out of your pocket and eye the tally marks, running your fingers over them. You pull out the knife that Clarke used to kill Finn, and you use it to carve three new marks into the handle. Two tallies for the two Grounders you’ve killed, one for Shumway. As you’re looking over your handiwork, Bellamy comes up beside you. You slide the knives back into your pocket as he watches you. “You’re avoiding me.”

You glance over at him, noting the disappointment on his face, and you soften. “Not for the reason you think I am.”

“Which is?”

“You think it’s because I see Shumway when I look at you.”

“Don’t you?”

You shake your head. “No.”

“Then what is it?”

“I’m more worried about what you see when _you_ look at _me_.”

You see confusion cross his features for a flash of a second, before he remembers the conversation you had on the way to find Clarke. “You’re worried that I think you’re a monster?”

You nod your head and avoid his gaze, worried of what you’ll find there. He reaches out and grabs your hand, and when you look towards him in surprise, you don’t expect to see the affection in his eyes. “You saved my life. You realize that, right? Shumway was going to kill me, and maybe even you. He was never going to let you go.”

You consider his words, thinking of what Shumway said to you before Bellamy showed up. _You are mine_. You turn and look at him, and he gives you a reassuring smile, letting you know he means it. And you give him a soft smile back, letting him know that you understand. He keeps his hand wrapped around yours as you continue towards the village, everyone growing more quiet and somber as you all remember why you’re here. When you reach the gate of the village, Gustus turns to all of you. “Weapons.”

Lincoln clarifies, “We need to disarm before we enter.”

You drop your pistol into the bin that is held out in front of you, followed by the two knives from your pockets. Bellamy drops in his rifle, knife, and axe, and Clarke adds her pistol before the Grounder walks past you to disarm the others. You, Bellamy, and Clarke all exchange a look before Gustus gives the all clear and the gates are opened to allow your entrance. 

As soon as the villagers see you, you’re all met with anger. Everything is yelled in their language, Trigedasleng, but you can feel the hatred in their tone, no translations needed. A man steps into the path, arguing with the Grounders at the front, before Lexa gives Gustus a short nod. The large Grounder stalks towards the man in the path, knocking him down before starting to beat him. You all watch in horror before Clarke steps in, begging the Commander, “Commander, stop him, please. They’ll blame us for this too.”

Lexa yells at Gustus to stop, and the man is lifted and carried away by others while she turns and addresses the village. “The Sky People march with us now. Anyone who tries to stop that will pay with their life.”

You all continue into the village, and Bellamy mutters, “Warm welcome.”

You nod in response, silently following the others to a funeral pyre set up in the center of the village. Finn’s body is lifted from the cart and onto the top of the pyre as everyone gathers around and waits for the funeral to begin. Lexa approaches and begins speaking to everyone gathered in Trigedasleng. Lincoln translates, “People of Tondc. In fire, we cleanse the pain of the past.”

She is handed a torch to light the pyre with, and she pauses when she starts to lower the flame to Finn’s body. After a moment she turns and makes eye contact with your twin, holding the torch out to her. “Clarke.”

Clarke seems frozen in place, and you reach out and squeeze her hand, letting her know it’s okay. She turns and nods at you before moving to stand beside Lexa, torch now in her hand. She stares at Finn’s body for an uncomfortably long time, refusing to lower the flame down to him, before she suddenly whips her head to the left and stares at something no one else can see. After a second, her hand starts to lower and Finn’s body catches fire before spreading to the others. 

Bellamy holds your hand as you watch and say your silent goodbyes to Finn. As you watch his body disappear, your mind flashes to the body in the woods, hidden underneath leaves and debris, bloody, dead, and your stomach lurches. You shake your head to dislodge the image and you feel Bellamy turn to look at you with concern, but you don’t meet his eyes.

Everyone watches until the bodies are burnt to ash, nothing left behind to remind the living of what has happened here. And then the Grounders start to disperse, some muttering about a feast, some still cursing your people under their breath. 

Your eyes land on Clarke, now alone, still standing and staring at the pyre, and you turn and give Bellamy a smile before nodding your head towards her. He returns your smile and drops a kiss on your head before gathering the others, taking them somewhere to prepare for the feast and give you and Clarke some space. 

She turns as you approach, and you wrap your arm around her and pull her close as you both stand in silence and watch the ashes smolder. You reach into your pocket as you whisper, “Finn left you something.”

She pulls away and looks at you in surprise as you pull out the charm and drop it into her open hand. You see tears well up in her eyes as she looks it over, hands already fumbling with the clasp on the bracelet around her wrist. As you help add the charm to her bracelet she asks, “When did he give it to you?”

“At the dropship. Right before he gave himself up. I thought he was being weird, but I brushed it off.”

“You should have said something.”

You try to ignore the quiet anger in her voice. “I know. I’m sorry.”

She nods again but says nothing else and you both stand in silence for a while longer before you meet her eyes. “I’m going to wait with the others until we’re ready for the feast. We’ll wait for you.”

“Okay.”

-

The sun has set before Clarke joins you and the others, now prepared to join the feast of peace. You are motioned towards a door by one of the Grounders in the village, and you follow him inside and down a short set of stairs until you enter a caged area with a long table situated in the center. The rest of the Grounders are already there and waiting, and Lexa’s eyes never leave Clarke as she leads you all inside. Clarke comes to a stop across the table from Lexa, and your mother stops on her left side. Kane stands to her right and you stand to his right, followed by Bellamy and then Raven. Lincoln and Octavia are already waiting at the table, now standing near your mother. 

As soon as you are all in front of your seats, Kane unwraps the burlap in his hands to reveal a bottle of liquor. He offers it to Lexa. “Please accept this gift, Commander. We drink this on special occasions. I believe this qualifies.”

Gustus takes the bottle for her as she nods her appreciation. “Thank you, Marcus of the Sky People.”

“You’re welcome, Lexa.” He hesitates for a moment, thinking, before adding, “kom Trikru.”

Lexa turns to your twin, a hint of a smile on her face. “Clarke, let us drink together.”

“It would be my pleasure.”

One of the Trikru villagers grabs two goblets and hands them to Gustus, who stands at Lexa’s side and waits for her to pour. One is handed off to Clarke, while Gustus takes the other. “Heda, allow me.”

He takes a sip of the drink, and you all wait in silence, all eyes on him. After a moment, you realize that he’s testing it for poison. When nothing happens to him, he hands the cup back to Lexa, who lifts her cup in a toast. “Tonight, we celebrate our newfound peace. Tomorrow, we plan our war. To those we’ve lost, to those we shall soon find.”

Clarke raises her cup to meet Lexa’s, and they both lift them to their lips, preparing to take a drink, when Gustus suddenly collapses on the table, knees weak beneath him. He chokes out, “Poison. It’s poison!”

As soon as you hear the words, you push past Kane and knock the cup out of Clarke’s hand, sending the liquid and the goblet flying. Chaos erupts, as the Grounders reach for their weapons and the table is pushed out of the way, exposing you all. You and Bellamy step in front of Clarke, protecting her, as some of the Grounders start to get too close. She yells from behind you, “This wasn’t us! You have to know this wasn’t us!”

Lexa gives a command in Trigedasleng, and the Grounders descend on your people, pulling you all apart and searching you, despite your cries of protest. You and Bellamy fight to reach each other and get back to Clarke, who is still begging Lexa to listen. “Lexa, please-”

“Tell me something Clarke, when you plunged the knife into the heart of the boy you loved, did you not wish that it was mine?”

They stand staring at each other as the guards around you and Bellamy step away, giving you the all clear. You both gravitate closer together and step up beside your twin as one of the Grounders yells to Lexa to get her attention. “Heda.”

You all turn towards him, and he stands in front of Raven, lifting a vial into the air for everyone to see. “This was in her coat.”

“I’m telling you it’s not mine! He put it there when he searched me!”

Lexa looks over your group, anger radiating off her in waves as she yells, “No Sky Person leaves this room!”

She brushes past and leaves, taking the other Grounders with her, leaving you to all look at each other, dumbfounded. Clarke is the first one to break the silence, turning to stand beside Raven. “Raven, I need to know the truth. You wanted me to kill Lexa yesterday. If you tried to poison her, I need to know.”

Raven says nothing, just pulls her arm back and swings a punch towards Clarke, hitting her on the cheek. You step forward, in between them, pushing Raven away from your twin as she looks around you to say, “You’re the only murderer here!”

“Raven,” your voice is low and serious, a warning. You turn to Clarke to check on her, but her eyes are focused on something over Raven’s head. Her voice is shaky when she mutters, “Leave me alone. You gave me no choice. Why did you turn yourself in?”

You start to reach out for her as your mother steps closer and whispers, “Baby.”

Her hands lift to comfort Clarke, but she pushes them away and scurries to the other side of the room, plopping down into a chair with her back to the rest of you, shaking. You and your mom exchange a look, and you nod to let her know that you’ve got it. 

When you reach Clarke you kneel down in front of her, right into her line of sight. Her head drops further, trying to avoid eye contact, and you watch her fingers fiddle with the new charm. She takes in a shaky breath and whispers, “The dead are gone, and the living are hungry.”

You shake your head, not understanding what she’s saying, and she lifts her eyes to meet yours. “That’s what Lexa said to me. But if that’s true, why do I keep seeing him everywhere? Why is he haunting me?”

“I saw dad.”

Her head snaps up and her eyes lock with yours. “When?”

“Last night. And once before at the bunker with Bellamy. But he reminded me of something that I didn’t understand at the time, but I get now. He brought up Gemini.”

“The twins.”

You nod. “He reminded me that they were brave and strong, but they were at their best when they were together. And I think he was reminding me that neither of us needs to go through things alone, because we’re better when we’re together. We’re stronger together.”

She’s about to answer when your mom walks towards you both, dropping down beside you to face Clarke. She reaches out and grabs her hands. “Listen to me Clarke, I know how you feel, like the pain will never go away. But Lexa’s wrong, you won’t be haunted by this forever. What got me through was loving the two of you.”

She reaches up to touch Clarke’s cheek, which she leans into for a second, before you watch her brows furrow and anger rise up. It takes you a second to realize why. “You’re talking about dad? What I did to Finn was nothing like what you did to him!”

“Don’t do this now, Clarke!”

You turn to her, anger flaring as you whisper, “You turned him in!”

She opens her mouth to say something else but you stand, not wanting this to go on further, not wanting Clarke to know that you’re the reason why. Not yet, not now. You reach out for Clarke’s hand and she takes it without hesitation, allowing you to lead her to the other side of the room, ignoring everyone watching you as you go. You sit down beside Bellamy, pulling Clarke down with you, your hands still connected as you sit side by side. You glance over at your mother across the room, who watches you both with a look of regret. 

Beside you, Clarke starts to shake and you look over and realize that she’s crying softly. She turns to you, tears in her eyes, and whispers, “We are the same. I’m just like her.”

You give a sharp shake of your head and whisper, “No, you’re not. He gave himself up, Clarke, and you did the best thing for him. They would have tortured him until it killed him. The pain of 18 deaths, that’s what they kept saying.”

She nods before dropping your hand and standing. “I need a minute.”

“Okay.”

You watch her walk to the middle of the room and sit on a small set of stairs by herself, head held low as she processes everything happening around her. You see Kane walk towards her and sit down next to her, starting to speak low and slow, and you roll your eyes, sure that he’s speaking up in your mother’s defense. Bellamy reaches out and grabs your hand, and you turn towards him. He gives you a soft smile and whispers, “She’ll be okay. Clarke’s strong.”

“I know. It’s just…I can feel her changing, Bellamy, and I’m worried I’m going to lose her.”

He slides closer to you and locks eyes with you. “It’s barely been a day. She just needs time.”

You open your mouth to say protest further, but Kane’s conversation with Clarke has grown loud enough that you can all hear it now. “So, let’s figure out who did. Who would want her dead?”

Lincoln is the first to realize that he’s talking about Lexa, and he offers, “Too many to count. Forming an alliance with you was a risk, especially after what Finn did to this village.”

Octavia adds, “So, it had to be someone trying to break the alliance.”

You and Bellamy stand, moving closer to join the conversation, when the door to the cage swings open and Indra steps inside with Nyko and another Grounder. Bellamy leads you to the middle of the room, meeting up with Octavia, who has now been pulled out of view by Lincoln. Clarke and Kane stand and move to the front of the group as Indra says something in Trigedasleng. Two guards push through the crowd and make a beeline for Raven, who is behind you and the others. Bellamy steps in their path, arguing, “She didn’t poison anyone!”

“I argued for all of you to die,” Indra’s words freeze you all in place. “but the Commander is merciful. She wants only one.”

“She’s innocent!”

Indra yells, “I don’t care! They move, they bleed!”

You are all shoved out of the way as you step in front of Raven, trying to protect her, but they easily grab her and lead her away, despite your protests. Indra offers one last word before turning to leave, “The rest of you are free. When she is dead, so is the alliance. You should run.”

She turns and stalks out of the room, leaving you to all run after her, trying to find Raven. You rush up the stairs and into the sunlight, moving between buildings until you reach the center of the village, where Raven is now tied to a post. You swallow bile when you think of Finn in the same position not long ago, and you watch as Lexa approaches Raven. “I take no joy in this, Raven, but this time justice will be done.”

“I didn’t do it. How is that justice?”

“We have to do something.” Bellamy steps forward, ready to grab Raven and pull her away, but Kane stops him with a hand to the chest. “Wait.”

You all watch in horror as Lexa lifts a knife to the underside of Raven’s arm and slides it across her skin, causing her to cry out in pain. You wince and turn away, tears in your eyes, looking for Clarke. You spin in place when you don’t see her, searching for her in every direction, before realizing that you don’t remember seeing her leave the room. You turn and run back, flying down the stairs and sighing in relief when you see her there. She’s in the corner of the room, staring hard at the wall, yelling, “I can’t take it anymore. Say something!”

Behind you, you hear Raven scream out in pain again and again, and you approach her tentatively. “Clarke?”

She turns to you, a funny look on her face, as she mutters, “It wasn’t in the bottle.”

“What?”

“The poison wasn’t in the bottle!” She grabs your hand and pulls you up the stairs, pushing out of the door and into the sunlight again. She drops your hand as she makes a beeline for the clearing, and you follow behind her as she runs past the others and yells to Nyko, “I need that bottle, now!”

He turns and walks into a building behind him, as Clarke steps into Lexa’s line of sight. “One of your people tried to kill you, Lexa. Not one of mine.”

Lexa and Indra glare at her as she adds, “I can prove it.”

She grabs the bottle being passed to her by Nyko and uncorks it, taking a deep drink. You feel Bellamy step up beside you as you all watch with baited breath for Clarke to react the way Gustus did. A full minute passes before Lexa grinds out, “Explain.”

“The poison wasn’t in the bottle, it was in the cup.”

Gustus turns and says something to Lexa in Trigedasleng, and Bellamy shifts closer as he locks eyes with Gustus. “It was you. He tested the cup, he searched Raven.”

Lexa’s voice is hard when she answers him, “Gustus would never harm me.”

You shake your head, remembering what Octavia said earlier. “You weren’t the target, the alliance was.”

Her face falls for a fraction of a second before the mask slips back into place. She turns to face Gustus, addressing him in Trigedasleng, and he answers her in English. “This alliance would cost you your life, Heda. I could not let that happen.”

“This treachery will cost you yours. Put him on the tree!”

Raven is lifted off the tree as Gustus is led to it, and Bellamy and Lincoln run to grab her. They take her to a small building nearby, your mother right behind them, already preparing to patch her up. You and Clarke back away from the clearing and move to the edge of the group to watch as justice takes care of Gustus instead of Raven. The rest of the group joins you a while later, Raven now bandaged and wrapped in a blanket. She watches from the front of the group as Gustus grows weaker and weaker with every cut, each injury draining more of his life from him. She turns to look at Clarke with a look of horror. “This would have been Finn.”

Her expression turns to one of respect before she turns back. You all watch as Lexa steps in front of Gustus, preparing to deliver the final blow. She pulls out her sword and aims it at his heart. “Yu gonplei ste odon.”

And then she pushes it through his chest, killing him. You can see a flash of emotion cross her features as she pulls her sword back out of his chest, and you hear your mom whisper, “We’re not so different. Are we?”

-

Later, long after the sun sets, you have all made camp at the edge of the village, still maintaining some separation of Grounders and Sky People. You are sitting between Bellamy’s legs, facing the fire, and across from you Octavia leans against Lincoln, looking happy and relaxed. Most of the conversation has been about anything and nothing, the day’s events still too heavy to discuss, but Lincoln is the first to remind you of it. “How did you know it was Gustus?”

“He’d do anything for her. To protect her. It just makes sense.”

You glance over at Octavia and a strange expression crosses her face as she watches Bellamy and then looks down at you. Your brows furrow, asking a silent question, but she just smiles and shakes her head. You’re about to push her further when Raven yells, “Guys! Listen to this!”

She runs up to the fire and Clarke joins a second later as you all stand and stare down at the radio in Raven’s hands in shock. A message is crackling through the speakers, a familiar voice that you haven’t heard since the battle at the dropship. “This is Jasper Jordan. 47 of us are trapped inside Mount Weather. They’ve taken Harper. We don’t know how much time we have left, please hurry.”

Clarke urges, “Talk to him, say something.”

“It’s repeating. I don’t think this is live.”

Bellamy turns and looks at you and then Clarke. “We need to do this now. We’ve got the alliance, now’s the time to use it.”

“First we need an inside man.” Your head snaps up toward your sister, protest already forming on your lips. “You were right. Without someone on the inside to lower their defenses, turn off the acid fog, an army’s useless. You should go.”

“Clarke, wait-”

You look over at Bellamy, who is watching your twin with a confused look. “I thought you hated that plan. That I would get myself killed.”

“I was being weak. It’s worth the risk.” She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a folded piece of paper, offering it to him. “My map of Mount Weather. Find a way to get on that radio and talk to us. Good luck.”

“Clarke!” You watch her retreating figure and turn to Bellamy, pointing a threatening finger at him. “Do _not_ go anywhere until I get back.”

He nods and you turn and run after your sister, reaching out and grabbing her arm to spin her towards you. “Clarke, what the hell?”

“What?”

“You’re just gonna send Bellamy into enemy territory, alone, with no back up, no assistance, nothing?”

“He volunteered.” She shakes her head, “Besides, he’s right. We do need someone on the inside.”

“And you just decided to make that decision _on your own_? Clarke, the three of us have been making decisions _together_ since we got on the ground. But right now, I’m starting to feel like I was left out of whatever committee decided that this was a good idea.”

“I’ve made up my mind. I’m sorry.”

Your anger starts to boil and rise, tempestuous in your blood. “So losing Finn wasn’t enough? You’re just gonna keep going until you can make ghosts of us all.”

She blinks in shock before setting her jaw and hiding any emotion that rises. “Loving Finn made me weak.”

You shake your head, not understanding what she’s saying, as she reaches down and pulls Finn’s charm off her bracelet, pressing it into your hand. “Loving Bellamy will make you weak too.”

“Clarke, where is this coming from? Is it Lexa?”

“Yes, but she’s right. Love clouds your judgement and forces your hand when the tough decisions need to be made. Because if it comes down to saving someone you love or saving your people, you’ll never choose your people.”

“This isn’t you.” You hear footsteps approaching from behind, and turn to see your mother approaching. You step away when she reaches you and lock eyes with her. “You should talk to your shining star, because the Commander has gotten in her head and clouded her judgement.”

You walk away from them both, unsure what else you can say to either of them, and head back to the fire to look for Bellamy. He’s gone, but Octavia and Lincoln are still there, heads bent together as they converse in low tones. They look up as you approach, and Octavia answers your question before you can even ask it, pointing at the tent. You make a beeline for it and step inside, Bellamy and Raven both turning to look at you. 

She must recognize the expression on your face because she steps away and leaves the tent without another word. You turn to Bellamy, two emotions rising as you look at him, anger and desperation. You decide to go with anger, still reeling from your conversation with Clarke. You greet him the same way. “Bellamy, what the hell? Have you lost your mind?”

He shakes his head, stepping closer to you, but you step back, not wanting affection to sway you. His hands lift in surrender as he reasons, “We’ve got a good shot at this.”

“We?”

“Lincoln’s gonna help me get in through the Reaper tunnels. He’ll act like he’s a Reaper that’s bringing me back as a prisoner, and we’ll get in that way.”

Your mind processes his plan, and all of the incredibly likely ways that it can go wrong. You’re about to open your mouth to protest when you see the look of determination on his face, and you know that this fight will only go round and round, never reaching a resolution. So you make a decision in your head, soften your expression, and step closer to him. “When do you leave?”

“Dawn. Lincoln says that would give us enough time to get there before nightfall tomorrow.”

He closes the space between you and grabs your hands as you whisper, “I don’t like this at all.”

“Lincoln was a Reaper, and they don’t know that we’ve turned him back. He knows the tunnels like the back of his hand. And with Clarke’s map, it’s practically foolproof.”

“And you’re not going to do anything stupid?”

“Nothing.”

“Okay.”

He smiles when you agree, dipping his head to kiss you. You feel a little guilty for lying to him, but you press it down as you enjoy the feeling of him kissing you. After a moment he pulls away. “Raven was explaining the radio to me before you came in. Get some rest, and I’ll be back in a bit to join you.”

“Okay.” You repeat with a smile and he returns it before giving you one last kiss and leaving you alone. You spread the sleeping bags out to make a bed and sit on top of them, reaching in your pocket to pull out Finn’s charm. You feel anger flare again when you think of your sister and her new outlook on life, something that puts you all in danger. If she cares about no one, then you are all truly just pawns. Easy to sacrifice for the greater good.

You shudder at the thought before unhooking your necklace, sliding the charm onto the chain and then reattaching it, the charm now hanging beside the moon. You touch it and whisper, “I’ll get her back, Finn, I promise.”

And then you lay back into the bed and get comfortable, before closing your eyes and preparing to rest.

-


	23. xxiii. survival of the fittest (2.10)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: angst, language, violence, fighting, blood. 
> 
> Summary: Following Bellamy and Lincoln to Mount Weather doesn’t go according to plan. Because nothing ever does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, so first of all, yesterday I finished writing EPISODE 50!!! this is a big deal bc halfway!!! I’m having so much fun writing and sharing these chapters with you guys, and the sweet comments, and asks, and reblogs make me smile even on the bad days, so thank you!!!! this one is shorter, but because the last one was so long, I feel like you guys are probably craving something a little shorter!

Despite looking the part, you never actually fall asleep. **  
**

Bellamy comes in a while later and falls asleep next to you, gathering a few hours of rest before Lincoln quietly wakes him and tells him it’s time to go. You feel him press a kiss to your forehead and whisper, “May we meet again,” and you have to resist the urge to open your eyes and beg him to stay.

You wait until you hear his footsteps retreat before you open your eyes and sit up, looking around the now empty tent. His clothes have been left behind, his body now dressed in Grounder attire, and your mind flashes to the necklace around your throat. You reach up and touch the moon charm as you think of Clarke’s watch, disposed of as soon as she was taken into the mountain. You reach up and unclasp it, taking it off for the first time since your father gave it to you. 

It has been with you as long as you can remember, a source of strength through your captivity, his death, and your abuse, and you know that losing it to just anyone would tear you apart. So you step out of the tent, necklace tight in your grasp, and search for Octavia. You can’t be sure that Clarke’s new outlook will allow her the sentiment, so you decide to leave it with the only other person who will truly care for it like it’s her own. 

You find her in her sleeping bag, fast asleep, and you gently drape the necklace over her palm so that she’ll see it when she wakes. Then you sneak away and search for Clarke, needing to do one last thing before you follow Lincoln and Bellamy into the mountain. You find her asleep in the other tent with your mother, and you rifle through her bag quietly until you find one of her sketching pencils and some paper. You scrawl out a quick note and leave it beside your twin, needing to get one last thing off your chest in case you never make it out of this mountain alive.

_I killed Shumway to protect Bellamy. I hope that doesn’t make me weak._

_But I just hope you know that loving you, being your twin, it never made me weak. Only strong. I know dad would say the same._

_But now I have to protect Bellamy again. I hope you understand._

_La lune_

You turn and leave the tent, remembering the conversations you overheard last night about what direction the Reaper tunnels are, and then you sneak out of the camp quietly, following the sun as it rises in the sky, eyes and ears open for any sign of Lincoln and Bellamy.

-

It takes you an hour of running to find any sign of them in the woods. 

As you cross a creek, you pass a dead deer and a small sack of discarded limestone. You remember Lincoln’s description of the Reapers, and how it’s used as war paint among them. There are also two sets of shoe prints pressed into the mud around the creek, and you are positive that they haven’t been gone long. 

You take off running again, following the direction of the footprints as they hopefully lead you to the pair. You’re so focused on the prints in front of you, that you don’t hear someone approaching you from behind until it’s too late. 

You spin around, coming face to face with a Reaper who lets out a horrifying yell. You have a split second where you fumble for your knife, forgetting that it’s still at the village, and then he swings a club towards you, hitting you in the head with it.

Pain explodes throughout your skull as you drop to the ground, everything growing hazy around you. You try to stand and run, but you fall, and you resort to crawling away on your hands and knees. The Reaper grabs you easily and lifts you, throwing you over his shoulder to carry you as everything fades to black. 

-

The first thing you notice upon waking is that you’re moving. 

As your consciousness returns, the pain in your head returns with it, and you let out a quiet groan. It takes a second for you to remember what happened, but the jostling movement of the Reaper carrying you is enough to remind you. You stay still, slung over his shoulder, debating what to do next: stay or run.

If you stay, you might get a ticket to walk right into Mount Weather. _Or the Reapers might eat you_. If you run, you’ll still have to sneak into the mountain. _But the Reapers might not eat you._

But as much as you pretend to debate what to do, you know you’re not going anywhere. Because this Reaper might get you into the very same mountain that your dumb boyfriend ( _boyfriend?_ ) is trying to get himself into. 

So you stay put.

The Reaper carries you all afternoon and into the evening, showing no signs of strain or exhaustion. As the sun begins to set and the sky darkens, you hear him pause and say something in Trigedasleng before continuing on. You look around him and realize that you’ve entered the tunnels, and you feel your stomach drop in fear. 

As he travels deeper and deeper into the mine, you can hear the growing sounds of Reapers feasting and fighting nearby. You make a silent plan to run if he starts to walk that way. 

After a few more minutes of walking, he reaches an intersection. He pauses as he considers each, and you look around him to evaluate each path. You can tell that the Reaper dinner is down the tunnel to the right, shadows and silhouettes dancing on the wall from the light of a fire. Straight ahead, the path is darker and quieter, and you have a feeling it leads towards the entrance to the mountain.

You wait with bated breath as he seems to consider both options, before he starts to turn towards the right. You instantly start fighting and yelling, trying to escape, not ready to be torn apart and eaten. The Reaper tosses you from his shoulder and onto the ground and you scramble to your feet, ignoring the pain shooting through your body from the rough landing. 

You barely make it three feet before he grabs you and spins you around, and you use the momentum to fuel the fist that’s flying towards his face. He barely flinches when you make contact before immediately returning your hit with one of his own. You cry out in pain and he pulls you towards him, holding his other hand over your mouth and muttering, “Quiet.”

You grow still and he waits until he’s sure you’re not going to scream before he drops the hand over your mouth and starts to drag you down the path straight ahead, away from the Reaper feast.

You know you’re getting close when the lighting in the mine changes from torches to lights. When you reach a section of mine with a large door at the end, he spins you towards him and reaches for your jacket. He yanks it off your shoulders harshly, and you stand frozen, unsure what he’s doing. But when he reaches for the bottom of your shirt, you scream and start to fight him again. 

This time you make it much further when you take off running, but he still catches you with ease and hits you, knocking you to the ground. As you recover from the blow, he pulls out a strip of fabric, which he uses to gag you, before reaching for your shirt again. He gets it over your head before you start to fight him, and he sighs and pulls out a bag for your head and ropes to restrain you. 

After your wrists are tied, he tugs off your shoes and then your pants, leaving you in your undergarments and with some semblance of modesty. Once he has you mostly stripped, he grabs you and tugs you to your feet, just as you hear voices grow louder down the path behind you. He drags you through the mine again before forcing you to your knees, leaving you to wait, blind to the world. You hear the voices from before grow closer in the caves and the quiet sounds of struggling before others are forced to the ground around you. 

The large metal door swings open, creaking loudly, and the Reaper pulls the bag off your head, restoring your sight. You look around you and see that you are surrounded by Grounder women, none of them familiar to you, but they are also stripped to their undergarments, and you realize it must be part of the intake procedure. You redirect your attention to the open door and see people in suits filing out of the door, yelling at the Reapers. They activate a device that forces all the Reapers back, and someone with a clipboard comes to stand in front of the Grounder at the end of the line. 

Their voice comes out muffled, but it sounds like a woman muttering “harvest” before moving to the next Grounder. You watch as she moves down the line, while the Reapers behind you receive the drug that keeps them addicted, until she finally reaches you. She gives you a hard look through her gear, taking note of your bruised and bloodied face. “You must be a fighter.”

She leans closer to you, and you can see her smile through the window of the suit. “The fighters have the best blood. Harvest.” And then she finishes with the others before yelling, “Mark them all for harvest!”

Guards from the mountain descend on each of you, grabbing you and pulling you to your feet and dragging you into the mountain. They take you immediately into a large metal room, and you can see a worn sign at the top that reads Quarantine Intake. 

One guard now turns to two as they approach you with a metal collar attached to a long pole. You can hear the others fighting the process and you back away slowly, not wanting to be a part of this. But you back straight into the second guard, who holds you still as they snap the collar around your neck, securing you in place. 

Now that you’re tied onto a short leash, they tear away your undergarments. You fight them as they try to expose you, but one yank on the collar leaves you gasping and choking for air, unwilling to fight. They strip you down to nothing and leave you standing in place, shivering, before you hear water start to run through the pipes behind you. 

When the water hits your skin, you fight back a scream, the temperature something akin to lava. They spray you down thoroughly, burning every inch of your skin until it’s raw and red, before they approach you with powder on brushes. They smack the powder onto your body, and this time you do scream out as it burns your already sensitive skin. They use large brushes to scrub and clean every inch of you, and you watch weeks of blood, dirt, and sweat run down your body and into the drains at your feet. 

They force pills down your throat and multiple needles into your arm, before giving you a new set of undergarments that barely cover you. The last shot they inject you with leaves you feeling light and hazy, and soon after, you pass out.

-

You wake up in a cage. 

All around you are Grounders in cages, some moaning, some crying, some completely silent. You try to lift your head to get a better look, but it feels heavy and you feel so weak that you can barely move. 

You struggle and strain but fail to move, and the effort makes you so tired that you fall right back asleep.

-


	24. xxiv. coup de grace (2.11)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Violence, death, blood, nausea, language, using the Grounder’s for blood.
> 
> Summary: You and Bellamy reunite, now separated by cages, and an unexpected person helps set you free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be uploading a map of Mount Weather (check the end of the chpater!!!) that I found online and added to. this map combines three different maps, which are also linked with the map, in case you guys are curious about where certain events are taking place! I did a lot of pausing, screenshotting, and investigating to try to get this as accurate as possible, so I hope you enjoy!

The next time you wake, it’s to the sounds of a cage rattling. 

Your eyes open slowly as someone lets out a frustrated growl behind you. You pull yourself up, feeling stronger than before, after sleeping off whatever they injected you with earlier. You turn when you hear the cage behind you rattle again, followed by someone speaking Trigedasleng. Your eyes fall on his curls first, then to his muscles as they clench and pull, trying to get himself free. You feel tears prick your eyes when you whisper, “Bellamy?”

He freezes and turns to you in disbelief, whispering your name in shock, as you pull yourself closer to him, connecting hands through the holes in the cage. His shock turns to anger when he realizes what you’ve done. “What are you doing here?”

“You didn’t honestly think I’d let you sneak into this mountain by yourself, did you?” You shake your head, “But what are you doing in here? I thought you and Lincoln were going to take the guards out at the intake door.”

“There were too many. And Lincoln…he took the Reaper drug.” His jaw sets with anger as he leans back a little, defeated. “And now we’re both locked in cages.”

You hear a snort of disgust behind Bellamy, and you both turn to look at the woman on the other side of him. “Sky people?”

Bellamy nods and she spits at him, the saliva hitting him on the cheek. He wipes it away and grunts out, “I take it no one has told you we’re not enemies anymore.”

She says nothing and leans back, before a door at the end of the room beeps and then swings open. Two men step inside, one guard and one doctor, and you and Bellamy slide apart, not wanting to raise any suspicions. You can feel the fear in the room growing as they get closer, eyeing a few different Grounders in cages before coming to a stop in front of yours. You slide to the back wall as the guard checks his clipboard and then turns to you with a sinister smirk. “Dr. Tsing said to take her first.”

You turn and look at Bellamy with a look of fear as they reach for the lock on your cage. Fear flashes in Bellamy’s eyes before determination does, and he lets out a yell and starts to kick the door of his cage. The hand reaching for your lock drops as they turn to him. “Looks like we got us a live one.“

They move over to his cage instead, and you let out a cry of protest but they ignore you. They push a shock baton through the cage and zap him, the force of it knocking the breath out of him. You both lock eyes as he gasps for breath, and tears prick your eyes as you watch helplessly. They swing his cage open and Bellamy tries to crawl towards them, but they shock him again before injecting him with something. You press your fingers through the cage and touch his back as he starts to slump, and you whisper, “Bellamy? Wake up!”

His chin hits his chest as he loses consciousness, and the tears fall down your face as they drag Bellamy from his cage and over to a contraption near the door. They hook his feet to it before pressing a button, and he is lifted into the air, feet first, before being left to dangle there. They attach monitors and tubes to him, and after a moment you can see red filling up one of the tubes, disappearing into the ceiling. You swallow back a wave of nausea. _That was going to be me._

The guard and doctor give him one more look before leaving the room, the door swinging shut with a loud thud. 

-

You don’t know how long you sit there, pressed against the door of the cage, eyes locked on Bellamy, before the door beeps again and a girl steps inside. She’s pale with dark hair, dressed in a pink sweater and jeans. She approaches Bellamy slowly, cautious, looking between his face and the monitors. You watch in confusion as she steps towards a table and lifts a needle of epinephrine, looking over at Bellamy again. You yell out, “Hey!”

She jumps and her gaze shifts over to the cages, trying to figure out who is speaking to her. “What are you doing to him?”

Her mouth opens and closes, before she starts to step towards you slowly. Her eyes never leave you as she draws closer and whispers your name. You look at her in confusion. “How do you know my name?”

“Your Clarke’s twin. She never stopped talking about you when she was here.”

You feel a pang in your chest at the mention of her name, before realization hits you. “Maya?”

She nods and you let out a quiet sigh of relief. “That’s Bellamy. Help him first. Please.”

She nods again and walks back to Bellamy, plunging the epinephrine into his thigh, waking him with a gasp. He looks around in confusion and she drops to his level, introducing herself quietly. You hear Bellamy call your name in apprehension, and you push yourself as close to the door of your cage as you can, smiling at him. “I’m here, I’m okay. We can trust her.”

He nods before looking back up at Maya. “How about getting me down, Maya?”

She nods and pulls the monitors off of his chest, making the machine flatline. She’s turning to push the button to get Bellamy down when the door opens with a beep. She turns in shock and you lean back a little, out of sight. Maya stutters, “Lovejoy, hey.”

“What are you doing here? You’re not cleared for this facility.”

You and Bellamy lock eyes as Maya stammers, “I know. I’m sorry. I just wanted to see what was so special about him, but…he’s dead.”

As soon as she says dead, Bellamy catches onto her plan and closes his eyes. You watch with bated breath as Lovejoy comes closer and checks the flatlined monitor. “So he is.” He moves and pushes the button that lowers Bellamy to the floor, and as soon as he’s flat on the ground, Lovejoy walks over and frees one of Bellamy’s feet while turning to Maya. “You’re a brave girl coming in here-”

He’s cut off by Bellamy kicking out and knocking the guard back, who lets out a cry of pain. Bellamy scrambles to unstrap his other foot, getting free as Lovejoy pulls out his gun and points it at him. “Don’t move! On your feet!“

Maya turns and grabs a scalpel from the tray beside her and stabs it into Lovejoy’s shoulder, making him drop his gun. Bellamy lunges for it but Lovejoy pulls the scalpel from his shoulder and cuts Bellamy’s arm with it, forcing him back. He follows up the cut with a punch and Bellamy stumbles to his feet as Lovejoy slams Bellamy into a nearby cage. The Grounders are all cheering and chanting around you as Maya grabs the gun and points it at Lovejoy, yelling, “Stop!”

Bellamy blocks Lovejoy’s next move and grunts, “Don’t. They’ll hear.”

Then he swings a punch to Lovejoy’s ribs, forcing the man back and towards your cage. Bellamy and Lovejoy exchange a few more swings, pushing them closer and closer to you until they are right in front of your cage. You watch as Lovejoy’s hand lifts, scalpel still grasped tightly in his fist, and you push both your arms though the cage to grab his wrist, stopping him from stabbing Bellamy. Bellamy uses the opportunity to wrap both his hands around Lovejoy’s neck, who struggles to fight the two of you off. 

Blood drips from Bellamy’s mouth and an animalistic growl rips from his chest as he chokes Lovejoy, whose struggles grow weaker and weaker. FInally the man lets out a gargled groan and drops the scalpel, his legs giving out beneath him as he slides to the ground, dead. Bellamy holds him there until he’s sure he’s gone, before looking up to meet your eyes. 

You both let out a sigh of relief and the crowd of Grounders grows quiet around you, before Bellamy reaches down and pulls the keys out of Lovejoy’s pocket, using them to unlock your cage and free you. He helps you out and pulls you into a hug, bare skin pressing together as you find comfort in each other. You realize this is the most naked you’ve been around him, and you start to blush as you pull away and step back. 

Your eyes land on Maya, who stands frozen in place, gun still gripped in her hands, eyes locked on Lovejoy’s dead body. You nod over to her and Bellamy turns, jogging over and dropping to her eye level. “You all right?”

You follow him over as he repeats, “Hey, you okay?”

He pries the gun from her hand as she whispers, “I’m fine.”

“You’ve done enough. You should walk away.”

She shakes her head. “Neither of you know where to go.”

You give her a reassuring smile, “Then draw us a map.”

"No. I’m in.” She looks you over before muttering, “I’ll go find you some clothes.”

You nod and you both watch her leave before Bellamy mutters, “Help me get him undressed. We need to get rid of the body.”

You both work in silence as you strip the man down to his undergarments before dressing Bellamy back up. You help him clean the blood from his face before Maya returns with a set of clothes for you: a simple sweater, jeans, and tennis shoes. You take them with a smile of thanks and pull them on quickly before helping Bellamy carry the body to the trash chute that Maya pointed out. When you are both dressed and ready, Maya hands Bellamy a keycard and the gun and he secures both before tugging a cap onto his head. “We need to get to the radio so we can contact Clarke. We heard Jasper’s SOS.“

"I helped them set that up. I know where it is.” She looks between you both. “Your people are disappearing, two so far: Monty and Harper. I thought they’d be in here, but-”

Bellamy looks at you and you see the silent question in his eyes: radio or friends, and you turn to Maya and make the decision for him. "We want to see the others.”

“The dorm is on the way to the radio.” You and Bellamy turn to leave, but Maya calls out, “Wait. Roll up your sleeves.“

You both remember and mutter, "Tracking chip.”

She grabs a clean scalpel and walks back over to both of you, stopping in front of Bellamy. “It’ll trip alarms once we start moving. We have to take it out.”

“Do it.”

She looks down at the bump on his arm, hands shaking, and you think of how much shock she’s already experienced today, so you reach out and gently take the scalpel from her. “I’ve got it.”

She nods and lets you take it, and you look up and meet Bellamy’s eyes as you lift the small blade. He nods his consent and your eyes find the small bump, and you make a small incision just below it and squeeze the tracker out. Maya hands Bellamy a square of gauze to stop the bleeding, before you pass him the tool to do the same for you. Maya watches as Bellamy removes the tracker from your arm and asks, “How’d you know what my name was before I told you?”

You smile, “Clarke said Jasper couldn’t stop talking about someone named Maya.”

You see a small smile pass over her face as she hands you gauze to stop your bleeding. You and Bellamy exchange trackers so you each have your own and Maya instructs, “Put it in your cage.”

You both do as she says before meeting her at the door. She gives Bellamy a once over and pulls the name tag off his vest before she looks at you and says, “Keep your head down.”

You nod and follow her out of the room, and you feel yourself grow tense the second you are out in the mountain, exposed. Because unlike the ground, there are only so many places to hide in an enclosed mountain. You’re in the lion’s den now, no turning back. 

She leads you straight to an elevator and uses her keycard to call it to you. “There are 382 people inside this mountain. If any of them realize either of you are not one of us, you’re dead. We’re on level three, the dorm is on five. There’s a camera in the upper right-hand corner, so keep your head down.“

You and Bellamy nod and step inside, migrating to the right side of the elevator and keeping your heads ducked and out of view. The doors start to slide closed when someone yells, “Hold the elevator.”

A man steps inside and smiles at your guide. “Hey, Maya. You know, I missed you in my expressionists class.”

“Yeah, I had some work to do.”

You feel Bellamy start to reach for his gun and you touch his arm and shake your head, and he lowers his hand. The elevator stops and more people get on, and you all ride in a tense silence as you pray you aren’t caught. When the elevator stops again, everyone gets off except for the man Maya was talking to. You brush past him and out the elevator, Bellamy and Maya right behind you, but he stops Bellamy. “Hey, you’re bleeding. You okay?” 

Panic passes over all your faces, including Maya’s, as the man stares at a spot of blood on Bellamy’s neck that you must have missed when cleaning him up. You mentally kick yourself as Maya lets alarm seep into her voice. “You were exposed!”

She yanks the handkerchief from the man’s pocket and presses it to Bellamy’s neck, and she turns to you. “You were with him, so you’re at risk too! We need to retrace your steps and find the breach.”

You step back into the elevator as the man gets out, looking alarmed. Maya gives him a reassuring look as the doors slide closed, leaving you all alone again. You let out a sigh of relief as the elevator takes you to the next floor down. When it stops and the doors slide open, she checks the hallways and lowers her hand before letting the elevator take you back up to the floor you were on. When you reach it she checks once again before motioning for you and Bellamy to follow, and you keep close to her as she leads you down the halls. 

When a bell rings out she stops you at a corner and your breath stutters when you hear kids laughing nearby. "Homeroom has now begun. All students should be in their classrooms.”

Maya motions when it’s safe and you follow her around the corner as a small voice comes from behind you. “Mister…Are you on a ground unit? My dad is training for a ground unit.”

Bellamy looks down at the little boy and gives him a strained smile. “It’s pretty cool up there. I hope he makes it.”

The boy smiles and walks past you and into the classroom, and when he does, you can see the name printed on his backpack. 

_Lovejoy_.

You feel Bellamy deflate beside you and his breath comes out in a shudder. You reach out and squeeze his hand, and he looks down at you, sadness in his eyes. He whispers. “They’re just kids.”

Maya turns to him in confusion, “What did you expect you’d find here?”

Bellamy just shakes his head, and after taking a brief second to recover, you follow Maya through the halls of the mountain once more. You round one last corner and come to a stop, looking at the doors at the end of the hall, which are open, giving you a perfect few of the 47 inside. You start to walk towards them, happy and excited, but Maya grabs your arm and pulls you to a stop, nodding towards two guards standing in your path that you failed to notice before. 

You watch the delinquents and the guards, figuring out how to get around them without raising suspicion when an alarm starts to blare all around you. The doors at the end of the hall swing closed, locking your friends inside. You, Maya, and Bellamy all exchange worried looks and you whisper, “What’s going on?”

“I don’t know. It’s not a breach, but it can’t be good.”

You turn to look back towards the door and your eyes lock with Jasper’s. You think you see recognition flash across his face as Bellamy mutters, “Get us to that radio.”

Maya nods and leads you away quickly, all of you now ignored as everyone focuses on the sounds of the alarm instead. You use the distraction to slip back into the elevator and down to level seven, before running through the halls and slipping into a hidden room. You file past walls and walls of art, before stopping in front of a painting on the wall. Maya pulls it down and reveals the radio, tucked into a hole in the wall. Bellamy steps towards it, turns it on, and calls, “Camp Jaha, this is Mount Weather. Can anyone read me?”

He waits for an answer, but when he is met with static he repeats, “Camp Jaha, this is Mount Weather. Can anyone read me?”

“Bellamy?” You and Bellamy exchange a look of relief when you hear your twin’s voice crackle through the radio. She whispers, “Is she with you? Are you alright?”

You’re confused when you hear worry in her voice about your safety, considering her new viewpoint on love, but you welcome it nonetheless. Bellamy holds the radio up to you and pushes the button so you can answer, “I’m fine, we’re fine.”

Bellamy adds, “That’s it for the good news. We have to talk fast. Something has changed. Jasper, Monty, everyone, they just locked them in the dorm.”

“But they’re alive, all of them?”

You answer, “I think so, for now. Maya says that they’re already using their blood, and things are just going to get worse in here.”

“Maya is with you?”

Bellamy looks over at her with a small smile. “She helped us escape. If not for her, we’d be dead. And, Clarke, there are kids in here. We need a plan that doesn’t kill everyone. Please tell me we have one.”

“I hear you, but we can’t do anything until you guys disable the acid fog. Raven is gonna help you.”

“Got it. What else?”

“You have to figure out a way to free the Grounder prisoners. There’s a whole army inside that mountain and they don’t even realize it.”

You smile thinking of the stories your father used to tell the two of you and reply, “Trojan horse. Good plan.”

Bellamy takes the radio back from you and adds, “If we’re gonna pull this off, we need you to buy us some time. It won’t be long before they realize we don’t belong here, and if that happens-”

“That can’t happen. I’ll come up with something. Until then, Raven’s going to explain the acid fog. You work on that and I’ll buy you time. Stay safe.”

The radio cuts out and then Raven’s voice jumps on, explaining the acid fog system to you and Bellamy slowly and carefully, making sure you both understand it the best you can. When she’s finished, she asks, “Got it?”

“Yeah. Got it.”

“Clarke wants you to radio every three hours. I’ll be listening. Camp Jaha out.”

“Mount Weather out.”

Bellamy returns the radio back to its spot and you put the picture back on the wall before you both turn to look at Maya. “Time to disable some acid fog.”

-

[map of mount weather](https://slytherinbarnes.tumblr.com/post/624035945662087168/map-of-mount-weather-the-100-combines-data-from)


	25. xxv. rubicon (2.12)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Violence, bone marrow harvesting, death, nausea, missiles (do i need to warn for this lmao???)
> 
> Summary: Time in the mountain passes differently as you and Bellamy struggle to keep up with what you need to do and saving your friends.

Maya leaves you and Bellamy in the art storage room to pour over plans and schematics for the mountain, looking for the source of the acid fog. 

You have only been looking them over for an hour or so when she bursts back into the room in a panic. “They’re taking them again!”

You and Bellamy scramble to your feet and simultaneously ask, “What?”

“They’re taking your friends again.”

“Where?”

She shakes her head. “I don’t know.”

You look between her and Bellamy. “We have to find them. We have to go back.”

Bellamy nods his agreement and so does Maya, so she leads you out of the art room and back to the dorm on level five. You all watch and wait quietly, and after a while, the elevator dings and the doors slide open. You all duck out of view and peer around the corner to watch as six guards and a woman in a lab coat file out of the elevator and head into the dorm. 

They’re only in there a few minutes before they drag one of the delinquents back out, kicking and screaming. As they step back into the elevator, you realize the doctor is the same one that did the intake for you and the Grounders. The same source of evil. A chill runs up your spine before Maya grabs you and Bellamy and pulls you over to the elevator. 

You all watch the number above the elevator move from 5 to 4. You and Bellamy turn to Maya with expectant looks, but she shakes her head. You let out a frustrated huff before you both silently follow her back to the art room, where you finally feel safe enough to talk to each other. Bellamy turns towards your guide. “Where did they take them?” 

“I don’t know, that level is classified.”

“We need to figure out how to get to them, Maya.” She looks at you, heeding your words, before offering, “I think my boss has schematics for the vent system, we could start there.”

When you both nod your agreement, she gestures to the door. “I’ll be right back.”

After she leaves, you and Bellamy look at each other, both silent, thinking. You feel your heart drop. “What are we going to do, Bellamy?”

He sighs, “I don’t know, but we’ll figure it out. We always do.”

He reaches out for you and pulls you into a hug, and you revel in his comforting grasp before he whispers into your hair, “We should probably check in with Camp Jaha.”

You pull away from him. “You’re probably right.”

He takes the radio from its hiding spot and starts to call into Camp Jaha. “Do you read me? Anybody there?”

There’s a minute of silence before your twin’s voice crackles through. “You’re late. Every three hours means every three hours.“

He turns to you with an annoyed look and you roll your eyes as he asks, “Are you through?”

You hear Maya come back in, a giant roll of paper in her hand. She comes to a stop beside you and you both roll out the schematics to take a look at the vent system. Clarke asks, “Have you found the source of the acid fog?”

“No. That’s gonna have to wait.”

Despite being miles apart, you can picture her annoyance already. Head shaking back and forth, face pulled into a scowl. “What? Nothing is more important than that.”

“Our friends are. They’ve started taking them from the dorm one at a time every few hours.”

Raven cuts in, “Taking them where?”

“We don’t know. We tried to follow them, but they went to a classified level. Maya borrowed the schematics of the vent system from her boss, and we’re trying to find a way in.“ He turns to look at Maya. “Anything?”

“I think I found a path, but it’s gonna be tight.” She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a radio and two headpieces, “Oh, here. Now you can both be mobile and still have contact.”

You each take an earbud and Bellamy hooks the radio to his belt. Clarke’s voice comes through the radio again, this time more insistent. "You have to find them. If you don’t, all of this is for nothing.”

Then the radio goes silent until Raven adds, “When you’re ready, radio in and we’ll keep up with you from here.”

“Copy that. Mount Weather out.”

“Camp Jaha out.”

After he puts the radio back in its place, hidden behind the painting, he comes to stand beside you and Maya. “Okay, show us what you’ve got.” 

Her finger traces a vent path, and she elaborates, “I think if you take this path it’ll have access to the classified level. It might be a tight squeeze, but it looks like the only way in. You’ll follow the main path until you reach an air filtration system, then you take the middle vent and follow it until it leads you to your friends.”

Bellamy looks at you, and you nod in agreement to the plan. He looks back at Maya. “Take us there.”

She rolls up the schematics and stashes them before leading you out the room and down the hall to a vent in the wall. She looks around quickly before prying the vent open and motioning for you to get inside. Bellamy crawls in first and you follow, and Maya closes the vent behind you. She whispers, “I’ll be listening in on the radio so I know when you’re ready to exit. Good luck.”

Bellamy turns and looks at you the best he can in the small space and whispers, “I’m going to contact Raven, put your earpiece in.”

“Okay.”

You slide the earpiece into your ear and turn it on while Bellamy finds the right frequency and whispers, “Work station, this is Mount Weather Mobile.”

“We hear you loud and clear, Bellamy.”

He starts to crawl through the vent system and you follow as he explains, “We’re in the vents now. Heading towards the air filtration system.”

“Copy.”

It doesn’t take long to reach it. There are grates above your head and below your feet, and you can hear talking from the grates above. You and Bellamy scramble past it quickly, paranoid, and follow the middle vent for a while before Raven asks, “Okay. So tell us where you’re at now.“

“We’re at an intersection. Which way?”

Clarke is the one to answer. “We think you’re close, the lab should be up ahead.”

Bellamy shifts and you can see five different vents in front of you, none of them looking like “up ahead”. You ask, “Any chance you could be more specific?”

Before they can answer, the loud whir of a drill gets your attention and makes your stomach drop. You and Bellamy exchange a look before he turns towards the direction of the drilling and you whisper, “Nevermind. We got this.“

You follow the vent until it opens up, giving you and Bellamy enough room to stand and walk beside each other to the vent cover at the end of the path. You watch as the doctor from the intake drills into someone’s thigh, their body so weak they barely make a sound. You feel nausea wash over you when you recognize the boy they took from the dorm earlier, and you feel your hand reaching for Bellamy’s, seeking out his strength. 

He holds your hand tight, tension radiating off him in waves as you listen in to the conversation in the room. “Let’s get back to this secret army that she claims to have. She tell you anything that might help us find it?”

A man with radiation burns on his face answers, “No, sir. Nothing about the army. She did say she was coming for you and that if we let her people go, she’ll let our people live.” He hesitates then adds, “I’m sorry I failed, President Wallace.”

“No, it’s okay, Emerson. We’ll finish the job tonight.” A man in a suit, the president of the mountain, turns slightly, letting you get a good look at his face. “Whitman just radioed in. Apparently, there’s a war council meeting happening tonight in one of their villages, and all the leaders are gonna be there.”

Emerson looks towards the man, confused. “Sir, Whitman’s good, but he can’t take out that many targets alone.”

You see the man in the suit smile. “Which is why we’re gonna use a missile. This time, we’re not gonna miss.”

You and Bellamy exchange a horrified look, before he tugs you away from the opening and back into the vent system. He drops your hand and leads the way once the vents grow smaller, quickly taking you away from the room to talk more openly. Bellamy whispers, “Please tell me you heard all that.”

“We heard it.”

“If I leave now, I can make it there in time.”

“In time to be blown up, you mean.”

“When I get back, I want to know our friends are safe and the acid fog is down. Can you handle that?“

"Yeah, we can handle it. Go.”

You and Bellamy listen to Raven and Clarke as they quickly go back and forth. Once Bellamy realizes that Clarke is leaving he stops her. “Clarke, wait. Octavia was in Tondc when I left. Is she…“

He trails off, but Clarke understands. “She’s here. She’s safe.”

“Clarke?”

She answers you quietly, “Yeah?”

“Be careful. Please.” You don’t say anything more, embarrassed that so many people are listening in, but she understands what you’re trying to say. _I love you. You’re my other half. Don’t do anything stupid._

"I will. Camp Jaha out.”

Bellamy whispers, “Maya, if you’re listening, we’re ready.”

And then he leads you through the last part of the vent system, where you both wait in silence for Maya to come and free you. Once she arrives and lets you out, you all make a beeline towards the art room. As soon as you’re inside, Maya turns to you, face covered in shock. “That wasn’t President Wallace speaking.”

You shake your head. “What?”

“I mean, it was a Wallace, but not the right one! That was Cage, President Wallace’s, I mean Dante’s, son.”

Bellamy catches onto her line of thinking, “The alarms, the sudden change in everything.”

“It was a coup.” You study Maya. “Do you think he’d help us?”

“He might.”

You turn to Bellamy and give him a serious look. “This might be crazy, but I want to talk to Dante.”

“This might be crazy, but I want to talk to Jasper,” he counters. 

“Explain.”

“We need to arm them, help them fight back. You saw Jason in there. They drilled into him until they killed him. If they fight back, maybe less of them will die.”

You nod. “I agree and I think Dante might help us. When Clarke explained her interactions with him, he seemed reasonable.”

He agrees, “I think it’s worth a shot.”

And then you both turn to Maya with questioning looks, “Is it doable?”

“Yes.” She sighs, “But it won’t be easy. Bellamy, we’ll have to sneak you into the next guard group, and then sneak you back out again without anyone noticing.”

She turns to you, “And we have to find Dante before you can talk to him. Let me sort a few things out and then I’ll come get you.”

You both nod and she slips away quietly, leaving you and Bellamy alone again. He gives you a small smile, “You should get some rest. We don’t know when we’ll have downtime again.”

“Last time you said that you left me to sneak into this mountain.”

He smiles, “I’m not going anywhere this time.”

“Good.”

You look around for something soft to sleep against but find nothing other than wooden crates and hard picture frames. You sigh and start to lay down on the hard floor, the concrete rough against your bones. Bellamy notices and slides to the floor, back against the wall, motioning you over. You come and stand beside him awkwardly, not sure what he’s thinking, when he laughs, “My legs might be a more comfortable pillow.”

He motions for you to lay down beside him and rest your head on his thighs, and after a moment of hesitation, you do. You’re tense at first, the intimacy of something this simple making you nervous, but after a few minutes you start to relax. Your eyes close and you start to drift off, and when you’re halfway between the dream world and real life, you feel a hand lift and start to stroke your hair, over and over again, lulling you to sleep.

-

_The drill whirs loudly in your ears, and you clap your hands over them to drown out the sound, but it’s no use. And when you think that it can’t get any worse, his cries of pain punctuate the air, reminding you that you’re locked in a cage, helpless and watching, and he’s across the room, strapped down and being harvested._

_He calls out your name and lets out a heart wrenching cry of pain, and the sound breaks you, a sob ripping from your chest and tears falling over your cheeks, dropping to the bottom of the cage. You cry and rattle the door of the cage, screaming his name, and begging for the Mountain Men to stop. “Bellamy! I’m sorry, I should have saved you!”_

A strong hand shakes you awake.

Your eyes fly open and you sit up quickly, looking around in panic, searching for the drill, the doctor, the cages, but finding none of it. Bellamy turns you to face him, wiping tears from your face, shushing you quietly, and you realize that you’ve been whimpering his name over and over. He whispers, “It’s okay, I’m here. You’re safe, we’re safe.”

Your bottom lip quivers and you lurch forward and wrap your arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug. The ferocity of it surprises him at first and he freezes for a second before wrapping his arms around your waist. You bury your head into his neck as the dream spins around and around in your head, torturing you. The tears start to fall and you let out a choked whisper, “I thought I was losing you.”

“You weren’t. You won’t.”

He pulls you away so he can look at you, and his hands find a place on your cheeks, forcing you to hold his gaze. His thumbs brush the tears away as they fall down your face, and you have to resist the urge to shrink away from the adoration in his eyes and on his face. “I-”

He is cut off by the sound of the door swinging open, and you both slide apart quickly, just as Maya comes around the corner, breathless. “I figured it out.”

-

She explains Bellamy’s plan first, because your plan hinges on his. Maya found a way to sneak Bellamy into the shift of guards that’s meant to retrieve one of the 47 (less, now) for extraction. Once he is in place and in action, you will be sent to deliver Dante’s food to him. The guards monitoring the cameras will be so focused on watching the extraction that they will barely pay attention to Dante and his cameras. 

Once she’s explained the plans and gotten your approval, she steps away and looks over the maps one last time, giving you and Bellamy enough time to exchange a quick, but heated kiss. The danger of your individual missions is not lost on either of you, and you convey that in the kiss, each of you hoping it covers everything left unsaid. 

Bellamy pulls away when he hears Maya shift awkwardly behind you, and he whispers, “We’ll meet back here. We’ve got this.”

You nod and watch as he follows Maya from the room, taking him to the meet up point for the guards. There is nothing for you to do but wait, and hope that everything goes smoothly.

-

It’s not long before Maya bursts back into the art room and motions for you to follow her. “Quickly!”

You do as she says and follow her down the hall and to the elevators as she leads you through the mountain at a brisk pace. Once you reach the fifth floor, she stops outside of the mess hall and whispers, “Stay here and keep your head down.”

You avoid eye contact with the people of Mount Weather as they file into the mess hall for dinner, feeling tight with tension as you wait for Maya to return. Finally, she steps out into the hall with a tray in her hand, and nods for you to follow her again. She leads you back to the elevator, presses the button for two different floors, and passes you the tray of food. “I can’t go with you once the elevator stops, because it’ll look suspicious to anyone that might be watching. The cameras are down the right side of the hall, so keep your head turned away. There’s one camera inside Dante’s room, and it’s on the right side as you come inside, the left when you leave again. I stole an extra keycard and put it on the tray, and that’ll get you inside the room and onto the elevator. Come straight back to the art room when you’re done.”

You nod, taking in the overload of information. You hear the doors slide open behind you and she whispers, “Good luck.”

You step off the elevator and keep your head turned to the left, ducked away from the cameras. You walk until you reach room 302, and then you take a deep breath and scan the keycard. The door beeps in approval so you slide the keycard into your pocket before pushing the door open and stepping inside the room. As soon as you look up from the floor, President Wallace is turning towards you, staring. You see surprise cross his face followed by something else as you mutter, “Your evening meal, President Wallace.”

He says nothing, just stares at you intensely, and you start to wonder whether you made a mistake. He starts to walk towards you and you tense, planning the best way to get out and get to safety but he stops at the record player beside you and turns up the volume. You use the moment to walk past him and start setting his food out on the table near the bed. His voice is gruff when he asks, “Who are you?”

You turn slightly, careful to keep yourself hidden from the cameras, and answer with your name, and you hesitate before you add, “You’ve met my twin, Cl-”

“Clarke,” He finishes for you, coming to stand beside you. “I can see the similarities.”

You don’t reply to that, instead you inform him, “We need your help. Your son is killing my people. _My friends_.“

"I’m a prisoner, same as them.”

You finish laying out his food, and he helps you to gather his other dishes and load them up onto the tray. You retort, “A prisoner who knows every inch of this mountain, every security measure.“

"After Clarke escaped, I had all exits fortified and put under extra surveillance. My son has no doubt changed all access and entrance codes by now. Your friends will never even make it off of level five.”

You feel your anger flare, twisting with a sense of helplessness and desperation. “I won’t let them die here.”

“I’m sorry. I can’t help them escape.” He hesitates and you start to turn away, keeping your head down, and he adds, “But I may be able to buy them some time.“

You turn back towards him and he scribbles something onto a piece of paper before ripping it off and sliding it towards you in his discarded napkin. You pick up the napkin to put it on the tray, sliding out the paper and balling it into your fist as you do. “If you can reverse the filtration system, you can keep anyone that hasn’t already been cured off the level, at least for a while.”

“Thank you.”

He nods, and takes a sip of his tea. “Good luck.”

You turn and leave the room quickly, making a beeline for the elevator. Once inside, you hit the button for the seventh floor and wait impatiently as you sink deeper into the mountain, back towards safety. As soon as the elevator doors slide open, you maneuver through the halls quickly, remembering the path Maya laid out for you earlier. You let out a sigh of relief when you see the door, slipping inside quietly and sneaking through the shelves until you come around a corner and face to face with Maya and Bellamy. 

He pulls you into a hug, relief radiating off him in waves, before pulling away to let you speak. “Tell me everything.”

-

As soon as you and Bellamy tell Maya and each other what you saw and what you learned, you radio Raven and tell her the news from Dante. You read the coordinates off to her and she inputs them, before mapping out a path from your current location to the destination given to you by the former president. “There are emergency ladders that run from the top of the mountain to the bottom. If you can get to one of those, you can easily access the air filtration room.”

Maya runs across the room and grabs one of the maps of the mountain, and you all pour over it until you find access nearby. “There. Level five, past the Mess Hall. We can take that up until we reach the first level.”

“Raven, we found something. Give us a few minutes to get there, and we’ll update again.”

“Copy.”

Maya turns to look at you both. “I can’t take you this time, people are starting to get suspicious that I haven’t been around the last couple of days.”

You give her a reassuring smile, “Go, we got this.”

“I’ll come check on you guys later, and I’ll keep my ears open.”

You both nod and she starts to turn away, but Bellamy stops her. “Stay away from the 5th floor. It won’t be safe.”

“I will.”

She leaves, and you wait a few minutes for her to get some distance before you sneak out of the warehouse and take the elevator up to the fifth floor. Once you make it there, you and Bellamy move down the hall as quickly as you can without raising any suspicions, going past the locked dorms, the kitchen, and the mess hall, following the hall until it dead ends near a small access hole. Bellamy turns on the radio and calls out for Raven. “Raven, we found the access point. Going in.”

“Copy.”

Bellamy pulls the door open and then peers inside, looking up, then down, and back to you. “There’s a large space between the door and ladder. I’ll go first, and then I’ll help you make sure you can make it.”

You nod and watch as he disappears inside the hole, grunting with the effort, before he quietly whispers, “Okay, your turn!”

You peek inside and see he’s taken a few steps down the ladder so that he can catch you if you slip up. You maneuver yourself into the hole, swinging the door closed behind you, before reaching out as far as your legs will stretch and touching the ladder. You avoid looking down as you carefully shimmy to the edge of the access hole the best you can, and then use all of your upper body strength to push yourself towards the ladder. 

Your hands make contact and you let out a shaky breath of air as you situate yourself on the ladder, feeling stable. Bellamy asks, “Ready?”

“Yes.” You start to climb the ladder rung by rung, trying to move quickly for your friends sake, but trying to stay stable on the old metal ladder. Raven’s voice crackles in your ear, “Talk to me. What do you see?”

“Close your eyes. Imagine a bottomless pit.” You shudder and try to ignore the darkness pressing in from beneath you as Bellamy adds, “Did they evacuate Tondc?“

"Don’t know yet, but it’s Clarke. She’ll get it done. Just concentrate on squeezing your asses through that vent and stop worrying about your sister.”

Bellamy freezes beneath you and you stop and look down at him. He’s shaking slightly, breath coming out uneven, and his voice is full of panic when he asks, “Octavia’s in Tondc?”

Raven doesn’t answer for a long minute, and when she does you can hear the regret in her voice. "She’s gonna be okay. Clarke’s gonna get there on time.”

“How could you keep this from me?”

“Clarke was trying to protect you.” You hear him let out a frustrated huff and you resist the urge to do the same. “Listen. You still have a job to do. I know you’re-”

The radio cuts out in your ear, and you look down and realize he turned it off, not interested in what she has to say. Your heart softens and your voice comes out soft when you ask, “Bellamy?”

His head lifts and his eyes meet yours, worry etched in the lines of his face. Your mind cycles through what to say: _sorry my sister lied, I guess that’s her new thing. I’m sure she’ll make it in time and save everyone, plus Octavia. Octavia is strong, she’ll be okay._

You shake your head because none of it sounds right to you. The only thing that does is, “I left my necklace with Octavia. It helped me get through everything I’ve been through.”

You don’t know what you’re trying to say, but Bellamy must get it because he starts to calm down. He takes in a deep breath, letting it out as he turns the radio back on. “Let’s just get this done.”

You and Bellamy continue up the ladder, climbing higher and higher until you reach the first level and a different access door. You climb higher so Bellamy can get it open, and he climbs through before reaching back and helping you through. You step into a warehouse, and Raven directs you to a control box nearby. “You’ve got to pull the outside air in to reverse the air filtration system.“

Bellamy stares down at the wires and plugs in confusion, following Raven’s additional instructions as she explains it to the two of you slowly. Bellamy pulls one last plug and switches it with another, letting out a frustrated sigh. “Just tell me how we know if it’s even working.”

As if on cue, an alarm sounds around you, the warning lights on the wall casting an eerie yellow hue over everything. “Warning: Containment breach.“

Raven must hear the alarm through your headsets because she replies, "I’d say it’s working.”

You and Bellamy exchange a smile and you whisper, “Thank you, Mr. President.”

-


	26. xxvi. resurrection (2.13)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Violence, blood, fighting, death. 
> 
> Summary: As Cage’s suspicions rise, you and Bellamy work to stay hidden in the mountain while also protecting your friends.

You and Bellamy are standing in the small control room of the warehouse, celebrating your little victory when Maya’s voice crackles through the radio. “They’ve got Fox! They’re taking her to the fourth level!”

You and Bellamy exchange a look before taking off running back to the emergency ladder. You both get inside and start to climb down as quickly as possible, hoping that you make it to the fourth floor before it’s too late. When you pass the giant four printed on the wall inside the emergency tunnel, Bellamy slips through the nearest access door and helps you through, before quietly sliding the door closed again. 

He takes out his gun and starts to sneak down the hall, guessing at every intersection which way to go, hoping you don’t run into anyone else on this unexplored level. Bellamy stops when he reaches the next intersection, growing more unsure by the second, and he’s turning to ask your opinion when you hear it. A scream from down the hall.

“Fox,” you whisper. 

Bellamy takes off running down the path to the left, leading you farther and farther away from the access point, but bringing you closer and closer to the source of the screams. You’re both running down a long hallway when someone yells out, “Stop!”

You and Bellamy freeze and turn around slowly, coming face to face with two guards in protective gear: helmets, bullet proof vests, gloves, goggles. They both start to approach you, weapons raised, as they question, “What are you two doing here?”

When they get within lunging distance, you and Bellamy attack, each focusing on the guard in front of you. You knock your guard’s gun out of his hand, and dodge the punch he sends your way. You counter with a punch of your own, but the gear covering his body deflects most of the impact. His neck punch lands on your stomach, and you double over, grunting with pain, and that’s when you see a shock baton attached to his thigh. 

You slide the baton from its holster and activate it as you shove it in the space between his helmet and protective gear, right into his neck. He hits the ground, knocked out from the pain, and you turn towards Bellamy and yell, “Catch!”

He spins and catches the baton with ease, delivering a similar blow, and knocking the man unconscious. He yells, “Get his vest and his gun!”

You grab both, along with the holster off his thigh, and pull the vest on as you follow Bellamy down the hall, his face now hidden behind the guard’s helmet and goggles. The screams reach an alarming level of desperation and you tear down the hall towards it. Bellamy stops you at the door, holding a finger up to his lips, before he spins around the corner, gun raised. You attach the holster to your thigh quickly, before you peek around and watch as Fox breaks free from the guads, only to turn and have Bellamy’s gun trained on her. She steps to the side slowly, guided by his gun as the guards thank him. And with lightning fast speed, Bellamy turns towards them and fires two shots, killing the guards one after the next. You step into the room as Bellamy tugs off his helmet, revealing his face, and Fox runs towards him and hugs him, crying, “Bellamy!”

“Are you okay?”

She nods as she pulls away, and when she sees you approaching she brushes past him and collides into you with a hug. You’re still hugging her back when Maya’s voice comes from behind, “Come on, we have to get her someplace safe.”

You and Fox pull apart, turning to look at Maya, who is standing in the doorway and trying to avoid looking at the two dead bodies on the floor. You turn and look at Bellamy and he nods his agreement, and you follow Maya out of the room with Fox still clinging to your side. Bellamy closes the door behind him and jogs to catch up, walking beside you and whispering, “What about the other two guards?”

Fox whimpers quietly beside you, and you shake your head. “Leaving them out there and alive means risking our secrecy. I think they suspect someone is helping our friends, but I don’t think they know it’s us.”

“Then we have to kill them. We can’t risk that.”

You nod your head, and call out to Maya. “Wait up!”

She turns and walks back to you, and you guide Fox over to her. “Wait by the elevators for us, we have to take care of something.”

Maya shakes her head, and Fox starts to protest. “Don’t leave me, please don’t leave me!”

You smile at Fox, and step closer to her. “We’re coming right back, I promise. You can trust Maya.”

Maya’s voice drops to an insistent whisper, “There’s not enough time.”

“Maya, we have to. We can’t risk exposing ourselves.”

“Hurry.”

You and Bellamy nod and run off in the opposite direction, taking the next turn and stumbling upon the two bodies, still knocked out. You and Bellamy drag them to the locked room as quickly as you can, and once onside, you look down at them, both of you hesitant to kill two unconscious men. But then Bellamy pulls out his gun, and aims it at the man at his feet, and you follow suit. He whispers, “To save our friends.”

You nod and you both fire, one after the next, and the sounds of death echo around the room. You ignore them as you both lean down and check for a pulse, and when you confirm that both are dead, you holster your weapons and leave the room, closing the door behind you for hopefully the last time. You and Bellamy run down the hall until you reach the elevator, where Fox and Maya stand waiting. 

Fox immediately comes to stand at your side again as Maya summons the elevator and ushers you inside. You all keep your heads down and away from the cameras, waiting as the elevator drops to the sixth floor. You all follow your guide from the elevator and down the hall, until she comes to a stop in front of one of the residence doors and uses her keycard to get inside. She motions for you to follow her, and you do, stepping inside a small individual apartment. 

She walks around the corner and you see her jump in surprise. “Dad, you’re home.”

“Yeah yeah, the drill bit broke again.” You walk around the corner and into view, moving away from Maya and the man on the couch, who eyes the three of you suspiciously. Bellamy stands in front of you and Fox, protective, as the man asks, “What are they doing here?”

“They’re in trouble. They just need some place safe to stay.”

“They need to go now.” He glances back at you and adds, “Maya, you know how dangerous this is, what are you doing?

“What mom would have done.”

He ignores her and his eyes shift to Bellamy. “I need you to leave.”

You feel Bellamy tense in front of you, and you wrap an arm around Fox, ready to protect her. “Sorry, we can’t do that.”

Maya turns and looks at Bellamy and then back at her dad. “It’s okay, he’s gonna help us.”

You quip, “Really? Because I’m not getting that.”

“My parents were part of a movement that was against using Outsider blood. My mom refused the treatments, and it killed her. She was willing to die for what she believed.”

“Maya, they’re willing to kill you to get them. If you get caught-”

She cuts him off, “We won’t, if you help us.”

Fox whimpers, “ _Please_ , they’re killing us. We don’t have anywhere else to go.”

He looks between your trio and his daughter before letting out a sigh. “Just this once, just for one night.”

“Here, just this way.” Maya reaches out for Fox, and she turns to look at you. You nod, letting her know it’s okay, and she steps away and allows Maya to lead her past the kitchen and into a room. You turn and nod your thanks at the man as Bellamy moves to follow Maya, but her dad stops you. “You know they’ll never stop, right? If the rumors are true and your bone marrow can get us back to the ground, they’ll never stop.”

You see a muscle in Bellamy’s jaw twitch, and then he nods and turns away, grabbing your hand and leading you into the room that Maya and Fox just disappeared into. You both walk into a small bedroom, clearly Maya’s, decorated in that strange mix of childhood and adult memories. Fox is sitting on the bed and Maya is helping her get the blood off her face. They both turn when you step inside, and Maya asks, “Ready?”

You and Bellamy nod, and Maya steps away from Fox, now blood free, who stands. “Wait, where are you going?”

“To help the others.”

“I want to go with you.”

You shake your head, “We need you to stay here. They don’t know that you’re alive, and it’s better to keep it that way.”

She says nothing else, just nods and lowers back onto the bed. Bellamy adds, “You’ll be safe here. We’ll come check on you when we can.”

She nods again, and you both give her a soft smile before turning and leaving the room, Maya right behind you. You wait as she talks to her father for a minute, and then she pulls him into a hug before stepping away. She leads you down the hall, towards the access door on this floor, talking to you both as she goes. “Lovejoy’s keycard will get you into the armory. The guns are locked, but the guard has the key. I can lure him away-”

Bellamy cuts her off, “No, you said it yourself, there’s no time. Once we get the guns, how do we get them to level 5? They’re watching every door.”

“Maybe not.” She pauses and looks between you, “The mess hall has a trash chute.”

“A trash chute?”

“There’s one on every level. Best part, there’s no radiation alarms. The hatches leak like crazy, so they put in these airlocks just to be safe. You two get the guns, I’ll get them into the mess hall.”

You smile at her, impressed. “You’re a natural born revolutionary.”

“My mom was a revolutionary, I’m just trying to do what’s right.”

Bellamy looks down the hall, and then back at her. “Be back here in 30 minutes.”

She nods and you both turn and jog away, down the hall and around the corner to the access door. Once inside, you climb quickly, heading towards the 3rd floor to the armory. You fight against the burn in your muscles, now climbing an emergency ladder for what feels like the 100th time in the last two days, and you let out an audible sigh of relief when you see the giant number 3 painted on the wall, indicating that you’ve made it. Bellamy helps you out and into the hall, and you’ve just started walking down it towards the armory when the walkie talkie at Bellamy’s side crackles to life. “This is President Wallace talking to the people who just killed ten of my men. I thought we’d try something a little different this time. There’s only 20 minutes of oxygen in Maya’s suit; I know she’s a friend of yours.” 

At the mention of her name, Bellamy turns up the radio, both of you listening intently. “In 20 minutes, your friend will either suffocate or burn.” 

You both exchange a look, before turning around and running back to the access door, a mutual agreement reached without needing to voice it. You ignore the rest of Cage’s message as you climb back onto the emergency ladder and descend the ladder, now easily ignoring the burn in your limbs as adrenaline pushes through your veins. When you reach the fifth floor, you and Bellamy quickly climb out and into the mountain, and start jogging down the hall, trying to find the garbage chutes. You check every door off the main hallway with no success, and Bellamy lets out a frustrated yell when he tugs on the last one and it reveals nothing more than cleaning supplies. You shake your head and mutter, “It’s been almost fifteen minutes, where could it be?”

You close your eyes and picture Clarke’s map in your head before getting an idea and yelling, “Come on!”

You turn and take off running down the hall, back towards the mess hall and the kitchens. You burst through the kitchen doors and weave through it until you reach the back, smiling when you see a door. You tug it open, revealing a dark hallway and run down it until you see a giant dumpster at the end of a long chute. You almost cry with relief and Bellamy squeezes your hand as he jogs past. “Genius!”

You can hear pounding and yelling from the top of the chute, and Bellamy turns to you, “I don’t think they can get it open!”

“She’s almost out of time, Bellamy!”

Your words fuel him and he climbs into the dumpster, using it as a ladder to crawl into the chute. He keeps his limbs sprawled out to keep himself from sliding back down, and when he reaches the top, he rams into the door until it bursts open. A second later, three people slide down the chute and fly into the dumpster. You run to the edge as Jasper stands and yanks the suit off of Maya’s head, and she takes in a deep breath of air. Bellamy climbs out of the dumpster and you watch as Maya and Jasper hug, letting out laughs of relief. 

They pull apart and jump out as the door behind you swings open, and you and Bellamy both reach for your guns, expecting guards. Instead, you are met with Maya’s father, who is staring at his daughter with adoration. “Dad. What are you doing here?”

“What your mother would have done.”

He pulls her into a hug, and at the same time a body collides with you and Bellamy, wrapping their arms around you. You and Bellamy laugh as Jasper greets you, and when he pulls away he’s smiling too. Bellamy informs him, “Listen to me, Clarke is coming with an army of Grounders.”

He looks between the two of you in shock. “What?”

“We have to keep all of you safe until then.”

Jasper smiles, “Don’t tell me Finn finally got his peace talks.”

You and Bellamy exchange a look, the pit in your stomach growing as you both decide what to do. Bellamy decides first, not wanting to break the moment just yet, and gives Jasper a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Something like that. Come on, we got a lot of work to do.”

Bellamy steps away from Jasper and walks over to Maya and her father, and you follow. He nods in greeting before looking between you both. “Get the others out and meet us on level 6. Don’t worry about the cameras, we’ll take care of them.”

“Will do.”

Maya and her father turn and leave, and you look at Bellamy. “Back up the trash chute you go.”

He smiles and climbs up again, and this time you climb up after him. Once he gets the door pushed open, you are both pulled out of the chute and into the room, and hugged in greeting by Monty, Harper, and Miller. You hear the others get close, whispering yours and Bellamy’s name, and you talk loud enough for them to hear you. “Grab your weapons and get ready to go. We’re going to take the trash chute out of here and then head to level 6!”

You turn to Bellamy, “I’ll stay up here and make sure everyone makes it down, if you wait at the bottom.”

“Come find me when we’re ready.”

You nod and he slides down the trash chute, followed by Monty, Harper, and Miller. The others follow, one by one, waving and hugging you in greeting as they walk by. They’re in various states of injury, some bruised, some bloodied, some limping, but all alive, for now. When the last delinquent slides down, you step into the room, checking it over and making sure it’s empty. You step around the blood stains on the floor, and glance at the art on the walls, also splattered with blood. You shudder, thinking of what they’ve endured, suddenly feeling less guilty for the guards you and Bellamy killed earlier. 

When you’re sure the hall is empty, you slide down the chute and meet up with Bellamy, and together you lead them to the access ladder. Bellamy stays behind this time and you lead the way, helping everyone out of the access door one by one until Bellamy pops out. You both unholster your weapons and start to sneak down the hall, following the map in your head towards the residential areas. When you reach the last hall before your destination, Bellamy sneaks around the corner first making sure it’s clear, before waving everyone to follow. 

You openly walk down the hall now, more relaxed as you near safety, and Miller asks, “Won’t they see us?”

“Relax, Maya took out the cameras.”

He quips back, “Yeah, well, we’re still sitting ducks in a group like this.”

“You’re right. That’s why we’re gonna split up.”

You stop at the end of the hall, and Monty shakes his head, disagreeing with Bellamy. “No. We do this together. We survive together.”

“They don’t trust Maya anymore. Who the hell is gonna help us now?”

You and Bellamy exchange a knowing look and you smirk, before stepping around the last corner, leading the others to a small group of Mount Weather citizens. “They are.”

Maya stands at the front with a smile. “We’re gonna hide you. Not everyone here agrees with Cage, not by a long shot.”

“Come with me. We’ll divide you along the way.”

The delinquents start to file past you, heading towards the group and their new hiding spots. “Let’s go, you’re safe now.”

You smile as you watch them go, relieved that they’re okay and going to be hidden from Cage and his quest for bone marrow. Jasper and Monty linger behind the others, looking between the two of you. “Hey, we’re coming with you.”

You shake your head. “No you’re not. They still don’t know we’re here and we need to keep it that way.”

Monty asks, “So what do we do?”

Bellamy turns to him, expression serious. “Stay alive, be ready to fight. War is coming.”

You pass Monty your gun. “In case you need it.”

“Thanks.”

You all exchange one last look before you and Bellamy turn away, jogging off around the corner and down the hall, back to the emergency ladder and onto your next mission.

-


	27. xxvii. bodyguard of lies (2.14)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Violence, fighting, death, near death experiences, blood explosions, language.
> 
> Summary: You and Bellamy finally discover the source of the acid fog, but Mount Weather finally discovers your presence in the mountain, putting you and Bellamy both in danger.

“Now that our friends are safe, it’s time to solve the acid fog problem.”

Bellamy nods in agreement. “I think it’s on the fourth floor. It’s the only level we haven’t seen almost every inch of, and it’s where they keep the other life support systems for the mountain.”

You follow him through the mountain and up to the 4th level, thankfully finding it mostly abandoned. Bellamy tugs open the first door you see, no access card necessary, and you both step into a large room with doors down either side. There’s equipment and machines everywhere, and you jog up to each door, trying the keycard. After the fourth rejection, Bellamy turns to you, worry etched into the lines of his face. “Something’s wrong. The keycard isn’t working.”

You pull the one that Maya gave you out of your pocket and hand it to him. “Try mine.”

He tries your key, but you get the same rejection of an angry beep and a flash of red. You both step away from the door, and you’re turning to say something to him when the beep of a door reaches your ears. You watch two guards step into the room, guns lifted, and your eyes widen in surprise. Bellamy turns and follows your gaze, looking back at you as the guards yell, “Stay right there! Hands in the air!”

Bellamy gives you an imperceptible nod and you take the cue and take off running, with him right behind you. You turn and take the stairs to your left, climbing them with a speed you didn’t know you possessed, boots thudding on each step. You reach the top platform and tear across it, and you can hear the yelling of the guards behind you, growing closer. You turn and run down a corridor, eyeing the split in the path up ahead. Bellamy yells, “Split up! Meet at the access door!”

You keep running down the corridor and he splits off and takes the stairs, both of you now on your own. You weave and maneuver through the room, and just as you turn a corner in search of a set of stairs down to the base level, you get knocked back onto the floor. You look up in confusion, face to face with a guard, and he points his gun at you. “Don’t move!”

You lift your hands in surrender, and he starts to move closer to you to restrain you. Once he’s close enough you lift your leg in a kick, knocking the gun out of his hand. You hear it slide across the metal floor away from you and you jump to your feet, ducking when he swings a punch towards you. You punch back, landing one on his jaw, before sliding your feet out and knocking him onto the ground. You advance on him, ready to knock him out, but he grabs your leg when you get close and pulls you to the ground beside him. He rolls over on top of you, now straddling you, hands lifting to your throat to choke you. You fumble around as he squeezes the oxygen from your body, and black spots dance around your vision. You turn your head, trying to fight him off, and when you do you see the gun to your left, just out of reach. 

You punch him between the legs, and his hands drop from your throat, allowing oxygen back in. You take three deep breaths, compensating for what you lost before reaching out, shifting closer to the gun. Your fingers start to close around it when the guard smacks you across the face, forcing your head to whip to the other side. You feel blood roll over your tongue and you grimace as he once again reaches for your neck. You shift out again, fumbling for the gun as you think of all the times you’ve been in this position before. _Is this it? Is this the last time?_

You think of your dad and getting to see him again, you think of finally getting peace, though you might not deserve it. But then you think of your friends, still locked in this mountain, of the war that is waiting to be won, and of Bellamy waiting for you. 

You cling to your last bits of oxygen and reach out for the gun one last time, smiling when your fingers close around it. The guard’s expression changes, confused by your sudden amusement, and you see the realization cross his face just as you lift the gun to his chest and pull the trigger. 

He lets go of you, hands lifting to the wound as he chokes in air, fighting against the blood filling his lungs and you breathe in deeply, no longer struggling for air. After a moment, he drops on top of you, dead, and you push him off of you and roll away. You jump to your feet and take off running towards the stairs again, flying down them to the base level. You pass the other guard on the way to the door, unconscious at the base of the stairs. You tug it open and run down the hall to the access door, nearly crying with relief when you see it. 

Belllamy pokes his head out when he hears you, and when his eyes land on you he scrambles out and over to you. “Are you okay? What happened?”

“Guard tried to kill me, so I had to kill him.” He reaches up and wipes your face, and as his hand drops away, you see that it’s now stained red. You shake your head. “Most of that is his.”

His eyes scan your body, checking for other injuries, and when he finds nothing other than your bruising neck and split lip, he nods. “We need to get out of here.”

You holster your new gun and follow him as he leads you back down to the sixth level. You keep to the abandoned hallways as you work your way over to Maya’s place. Bellamy knocks on the door when you reach it, and it opens a fraction of an inch, revealing Vincent’s face. “Vincent, we need your help.”

He opens the door wider, letting you inside, and you don’t miss the look of shock he gives you when he takes in your appearance. “It’s all over the radio. They know about you. Did anyone see you come here?”

“No. Been keeping to the emergency ladder and unmonitored halls.”

He opens his mouth to answer, but someone comes around the corner saying the man’s name. As soon as you see the guard uniform, your weapon is out, trained on his chest. You feel Bellamy shift beside you, hand resting on his weapon as he watches the guard. The guard’s hand is out, watching you both with a look of fear, and Vincent steps closer to Belllamy, “It’s okay! Lee’s with us.“

Lee watches you both and insists, "Dante was like a father to me. Some of us don’t agree with Cage’s agenda.”

You look around the empty room, and note the lack of your friends. “Where’s Jasper, Fox, Monty, and Maya?”

“They’re okay. Thanks to Lee, we moved them to a wing that’s already been searched.”

Bellamy tenses beside you, “Isn’t that a risk?”

“We had no choice. They’ve gone public with what happened on level five. They’re saying you killed ten soldiers. I don’t know how much longer we can keep this shell game going.”

Lee lowers his hand, and Bellamy reaches out, guiding your gun down and away. You turn and look at him and he nods, so you slide the gun back into your holster. Vincent asks, “Did you take out the acid fog yet?”

“No, that’s why we’re here. We’re gonna need another route.“

"Way ahead of you. You can get there through the retrofit zones. They’re off limits. No cameras, no patrols. We used some to move the kids.”

Vincent steps away and grabs a roll of paper before spreading it out on the table and pointing to a path, “That’s your other route.”

He turns and grabs something else, passing it to Bellamy. “You’re also gonna need this, an acetylene torch.”

Bellamy nods, and listens as Vincent explains your new route. You use the moment to search for the bathroom, finding it just off the kitchen, near Maya’s room. You step inside and flip on the light, turning and facing yourself in the mirror with shock. It’s the first time you’ve seen yourself in a long time, and you couldn’t look more different. You’re covered in a thin layer of dust, thanks to all the vents and tunnels you’ve crawled through. Your lip is split and dark with blood, and there are bruises already darkening the skin on our neck. The rest of your face is covered in a splatter of blood, which extends into your hair. You finally realize why everyone was looking at you in shock. 

You reach down and turn on the water, splashing your face and scrubbing the days of grime and blood from your skin. When you’re done, you grab a towel and dry your face, and when you drop your hands and meet your reflection again, you see Bellamy is there too. Your eyes meet in the mirror and he steps up to you, wrapping his arms around you from behind. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just wanted to clean up a bit. Figured the blood might be a red flag to others.”

“Probably.”

He spins you around to face him, and you watch his eyes drop to the bruises on your neck. He reaches up and brushes a finger beneath them, careful not to touch them as he whispers, “Seems like everytime the old ones heal, you get a new set.”

“I was thinking the same thing.”

He leans down and kisses you, long and slow, and you sigh into the kiss. He takes that as a sign and deepens it, his tongue now dipping into your mouth. As you reach up to curl your fingers into his hair, someone clears their throat. You and Bellamy pull apart quickly, and Lee stands at the door, holding out a set of clothes, a pair of boots on top. “Vincent says you’ll need to change. The retrofits are pretty rough and a sweater and tennis shoes won’t cut it.”

You take the clothes and nod your thanks, and he steps away, leaving you and Bellamy alone again. He smiles and presses one last kiss to your lips before whispering, “I’ll be waiting in the living room.”

He exits and leaves you alone, closing the door behind him, and you quickly change from your standard Mount Weather clothes, the bright sweater and tennis shoes now traded in for a dark top and thicker jacket, dark pants, and boots. You smile as you look in the mirror, feeling more yourself, before stepping out of the bathroom and joining the others in the living room. Vincent smiles when you walk in and steps over to you, pressing two granola bars into your hand. He looks at your clothes and whispers, “They were my wife’s.”

“Oh.” You stand there, unsure what to say, clutching the granola bars. He smiles, “She would have liked you. A rebel and a natural born leader.”

You smile back. “Thank you. For everything.”

He nods and steps away, and you walk over to Bellamy. “Ready?”

“Yes.”

You give Vincent and Lee your goodbyes as you follow Bellamy through the halls, both of you eating your granola bars, now heading for the retrofit. He leads you to an empty hallway and stops at the end in front of an old vent. He tests it, and when it slides open he crawls inside, leaving you to follow behind him and return the vent to its place. 

It’s narrow and your only option is to file through one by one, crawling on your hands and knees. It takes a while but Bellamy finally stops in front of a vent and pulls the acetylene torch from his pocket, which he uses to create an exit. 

He climbs out and helps you to follow, both of you now inside a large room, surrounded by various types of gas. Your eyes float to a door at the end of the room and you jog over to an emergency axe just below it. You break the glass and pull out the axe, before taking the few stairs up to the door. You use the axe to knock the keycard reader off the wall, before sliding it through the handles of the door, locking everyone else out. As you jog back to Bellamy, he turns on the radio. “Come in, Raven. We made it and we hope you have a plan.“

"Still working on it. Give us something to go on. What do you see?”

You and Bellamy look around the large room and he answers, “A huge steel vat, looks like a submarine. Some other tanks with chemical formulas and warning labels. Bunch of pipes running into the wall. Monitor. ”

“Oh! Go to the monitor.“

You and Bellamy pull a face at the introduction to the new voice, and head to the monitor as you grumble, “Hello to you, too.”

“Listen, if that monitor is a control panel, we can use it to kill this thing. Look for a pH scale.”

Bellamy taps and eyes the screen. “It has a scale, but the rest…uh. S3, V2O5, H2S2O7. Look, can we just blow this thing?”

“No, they’ll know their defenses are down. They’ll send a tech to fix it or reroute it or pull out some other weapon we don’t even know about.”

“Plus, you’d probably melt your faces off.” You both share an unimpressed look before Raven adds, “We can do this.”

You and Bellamy look down at the screen and take turns reading things off. You start, “Uh…level indicator.“

"Do you see an actuator anywhere?" 

Bellamy quips, "I have no idea what that is.”

Wick urges, “Come on, what else.”

“Internal pressure sensor.”

“No.”

You read, “Setpoint and alarm.”

“Let’s avoid that one.”

“Maintenance and cleaning.”

“Bellamy, go to that subdirectory. See if there’s anything there that says ‘passivation’.”

He scrolls down the menu and selects the subdirectory, opening up a list of options. Near the bottom, you see passivation and you point to it. “Okay, we got it. It says, uh, 'aqueous sodium hydroxide bath.’”

“That’s a base. That’ll neutralize the acid. Select that.”

He selects it, and you hear the pumps start to whir up behind you. You and Bellamy both turn and look at them before glancing back at the screen, watching as the needle starts to move. “Needle’s moving, pH is rising.”

After a minute of waiting, the needle reaches 7 and the pumps start to wind down. A message flashes at the top of the screen, and you smile and read out, “Passivation successful!”

You hear Raven and Wick cheering and you and Bellamy turn to each other and he grabs you in a celebratory hug. He spins you around and plants a kiss on your lips before telling the others, “All right, send a flare.“

He turns to you, “We should get back to the harvest room, there’s still a lot to do before the army arrives.”

You nod and follow him as he turns away from the monitor, facing towards the pumps. Something must catch his eye because he freezes, approaching the tank slowly and kneeling down beside it. You drop down beside him and ask, “What is it?”

His fingers lift to a small display on the side of the tank and he wipes the years of grime and dust from it, revealing the pH scale for the tank, still pointed at 0. You exchange a worried look before running over the monitor and looking down at the screen that says the pH is 7. Bellamy addresses the pair on the other end of the radio, “We’ve got a problem.”

You’re both met with silence, and he asks, “Raven?”

He pulls the radio off his belt and checks the frequency, shaking his head when it’s correct. “Dammit, where are you? I don’t think the acid fog is down!”

Still, you are met with nothing, and you feel your stomach sink, a bad feeling washing over you. “Get word to Clarke, we have to stop the army. Raven!”

He doesn’t get the chance to question them again, because an alarm starts to ring in the room, and the door at the other end of the room rattles. “Bellamy…”

You trail off as the door bursts open, and six guards file into the room, yelling, “Drop your weapons!”

Bellamy grabs your arm and pulls you behind the large oxygen tank nearby, using it for cover. You can hear the men approaching, drawing closer and closer, and you look around, trying to figure out what to do. Your eyes land on the acetylene torch sticking out of the back of Bellamy’s pocket, and you reach down and grab it. He turns towards you, and you point towards the retrofit exit, “Go!”

He shakes his head, already starting to protest, but you nudge him. “I’ll be right behind you!”

He turns and takes off running towards it, bullets pinging off the metal around you. One of the men yells, “Cease fire! Don’t hit the tanks.”

You light the torch and wedge it between two bars on the oxygen tank, using them to hold the torch in place and hold it lit. You make sure the flame is reaching the tank before taking off running in the same direction Bellamy just took off in. He’s standing beside the exit, waiting for you, and you climb into the small space and yell, “We need to go! This place is a ticking time bomb!”

He follows behind you, both of you crawling through the retrofit as fast as you can, before Bellamy stops and whispers, “Give me your gun!”

You pass it to him and he rolls onto his back, firing the two weapons down the vent and out to the men waiting just outside. When both weapons click, now empty, you hear the guard urging the others to follow you inside. You whisper, “We really need to go!” 

You turn and start crawling as fast as you can again, knees and hands thudding against the metal around you. You can feel Bellamy right behind you, hot on your heels, followed by a few guards as they enter in after you. Up ahead, you see the curve of the vent, and you know you’re almost to one of the air filtration stops that drops off a few feet to a grate down below. You crawl faster, pushing yourself, before an explosion knocks you and Bellamy into the side of the vent. You scramble the last few feet and roll down into the air filtration junction, jumping to your feet and screaming into the vent, “C’mon Bellamy, go go!”

He crawls towards you as fast as he can, and when he’s feet from you, the fire pushes him out the rest of the way, sending him flying into the grates below. You drop when you see the flames approaching and as he lands beside you, you grab him and tug him backwards, out of the path of the fire. It whooshes above you, spitting flames into the air above your head before it runs out of oxygen and spits out smoke and debris. You and Bellamy fall back, adrenaline now worn off as you cough and struggle for breath, but between it all you can hear him laughing. You turn and look at him, bewildered, but when you lock eyes, you burst into laughter too. And you both lie there, side by side, laughing with relief that you’re somehow still alive.

-


	28. xxviii. blood must have blood, pt 1 (2.15)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Death, blood, angst. 
> 
> Summary: War is full of losses, and this war is no exception.

You and Bellamy take a minute to recover from the explosion before you follow the vents back to the harvest cages on the third floor. You and Bellamy crawl out of the vent and into the harvest room, welcomed by the sounds of moaning Grounders. Bellamy makes a beeline for the Grounder from before, pulling keys out of his pocket and reaching for her lock. “Get up. It’s time to go. Our people are marching on Mount Weather right now.”

He swings the door open, waiting to help her out, but she just stares at him. You shake your head and come to stand behind him, dropping your voice to a soft level and introducing yourself. You gesture to Bellamy and add, “This is Bellamy.”

“Echo.”

You smile and say, “Listen to me, Echo. There’s an army inside this room, and we need you to help us get them ready to fight. Can you do that?”

She nods and you whisper, “Good.”

You both help her out of the cage and Bellamy hands her the keys. You and Bellamy look around for something to use to break the locks, and you spot some pipes nearby, which you use to pry the locks open. As you work, Echo asks, “How do we do this?”

Bellamy glances at her over his shoulder. “There’s an army outside going for the main door. When they get it open, all hell will break loose. That’s the signal for our friends to come here, and-”

He’s cut out by the P.A. system for the mountain crackling to life, and Cage’s voice projection throughout the mountain. “My fellow citizens, this is your president speaking. For 97 years, Mount Weather has been our home. It’s kept us alive, but it has also held us captive. Most of us have made peace with what we’ve had to do to survive. We’ve done these things for one reason…so that our people could someday return to the ground. That day is today.”

You and Bellamy turn to look at each other, and you can hear the fear in his voice. “He’s going public.”

“Before my friend Lorelei Tsing was murdered by the Outsiders still at large in this mountain, she found a cure. It was in their bone marrow.”

“Bellamy.” You say it as a warning, and he’s already nodding his head, realizing what’s happening. You both turn to Echo. “We’ll be back.”

“Where are you going?”

Bellamy steps away, pulling you with him. “He’s trying to get his people to turn on each other. They’ll find our friends.”

You think for a second before telling her, “We’ll have to bring them here. We’ll send them in groups. You get your people ready to go, but wait for us to come back, do you understand?”

She nods and you both start to walk away again, but she calls out, “Wait! Thank you.”

Bellamy yells over his shoulder, “You free your people. Protect mine when they get here. We can thank each other when we’re all outside.” 

And then he ushers you into the vent first, sliding in behind you. “Take us to level 6.”

You both crawl through the system quickly and quietly, maneuvering through the vents towards level 6 and your friends. You can tell you’re getting close when you hear muffled arguing coming from the other side of the vents up ahead. You turn and glance back at Bellamy and he nods, urging you forward. “If you want her, you’ve got to go through me.”

“Dad, please. They’ll kill you.”

You reach the opening and peer through, taking in the scene in front of you. A guard stands at an angle from you, gun lifted and aimed at Vincent, who stands in their way. You can see Maya, Jasper, Fox, and Miller behind the guard. You reach for your gun and slide it from your holster, pushing it to the edge of the vent as the guard says, “Don’t make me do this, Vincent.”

“Sorry, Paul.”

When you see the guard’s finger start to slide towards the trigger, you slide your finger to your trigger first, and pull. The shot echoes loudly in the small space, but you ignore the ringing in your ears as Vincent runs over and pulls the vent off the wall, freeing you and Bellamy. You both slide out quickly, your guns aimed at the other guard, but you drop it when you realize Miller has already taken care of it. Vincent reaches out and squeezes your arm, whispering, “Thank you.”

You smile before jogging over to the guards and pulling the keys from their pockets, tossing a pair to Jasper. As you both free your friends, Bellamy stands guard and informs them, “You need to get everyone into the harvest chamber. You’ll be safer there.”

“Safe in the harvest chamber?”

“Just trust us.”

They nod and Vincent turns to Bellamy, “Monty’s with the other group on level 3. You should go there next.”

Bellamy nods and steps away, motioning for you to follow him as he looks at the others. “Go on, Vincent will take you. We won’t be long.”

“Hey! I’m coming with you.”

Bellamy shakes his head, “Jasper.”

You touch his arm. “They already know we’re here and we could use the extra weapon.”

He lets out a soft sigh and nods his head, “Let’s go.”

He turns and runs around the corner and you follow. There’s silence behind you for a minute until you hear two sets of feet behind you. When you glance back, you see Maya running at Jasper’s side, and you bite back a smile. You all follow Bellamy as he leads you to the third level, and you creep down the halls quietly, guns drawn and ready for a fight. “We don’t have much time. The last 12 are on this level.”

Bellamy glances back at Maya, “Which way?”

“This way.”

She starts to lead you down the hall, but stops when the P.A. system begins to blare a message. “Attention. Class one quarantine protocols are now in effect. All citizens must report to level 5 immediately. Hard seal lockdown in T-minus 30 minutes and counting.”

You can see fear take over Maya’s body, and she starts to shake. Jasper steps in front of her. “Listen to me. It’s gonna be okay. We’re not gonna let anything happen to you.”

“Jasper, in 30 minutes, all backup power gets diverted for species continuity. That means level 5 for life support and security. Radiation will seep in everywhere else. I can’t go to level 5 without being shot in the head.”

Jasper is about to answer her when a gunshot rings out, just around the corner. You all exchange a look before creeping towards it, guns lifted. Bellamy whispers, “Be ready for anything.”

When you come around the corner, you see an open door in the middle of the hallway, and a body on the ground just outside of it. It’s a woman, surrounded by blood, a bullet wound in her head. Maya whispers, “It’s Mrs. Ryan.”

“She was hiding the last 12.”

You shake your head, “Where’d they take them?”

“It’s got to be level 5.”

Jasper tries to walk away, and you and Bellamy both reach out and grab him, pulling him to a stop. “Jasper, are you crazy?”

He glares between you, “Get out of my way.”

Bellamy steps right in front of him, voice low and serious. “Every person inside this mountain is on level 5. Every soldier.”

Maya backs Jasper up, “After the lockdown, it’ll be almost impossible to get them out. It’s now or never.”

“But how do we even get-”

You’re cut off by a thump and you all lift your guns, but quickly drop them when Monty comes stumbling out of the open room. You see the look of horror on his face and you step closer, “What is it? What’s wrong?”

He drops down to Mrs. Ryan’s side and brushes the hair out of her face, muttering, “They know about the Grounders. That’s why I hid. I..I didn’t do anything to save the others. I let them kill Mrs. Ryan.”

Bellamy looks at him in confusion, “What do you mean they know about the Grounders?”

“It was on a soldier’s walkie. They’re going for the harvest chamber.”

“If they take it, we lose everyone.”

And that’s all he has to say to get you running again, legs carrying you as fast as possible. You reach level 3 faster than anytime before, fear and adrenaline fueling you all. Bellamy swings the door open first, with you right behind him and the others at your back. The first thing you notice is the eerie silence of the room, the second thing is the body. You can tell it’s Vincent, even at this distance.

Maya can too, because she lets out a heart wrenching scream before she takes off running towards him, dropping on her knees beside his body, sobs ripping from her uncontrollably. Jasper follows her to comfort her and you lower your weapon, tears springing to your eyes as you think of the last time you saw your father. Two different men killed for doing what’s right. You wonder if Maya will carry the guilt the same way you do. 

You lean against the wall beside you, taking in deep breaths as you will the tears away, pushing your emotions back down and locking them up tight. You hear Bellamy call your name, and you look around and spot him at the opening to the rest of the chamber. You walk over and stand beside him, following his gaze as he looks around the room, the hundreds of cages empty and abandoned. Your army now gone.

And your hope gone with it.

-


	29. xxix. blood must have blood, pt 2 (2.16)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Death, angst, language, mass murder, blood, torture.
> 
> Summary: You, Bellamy, and Clarke discover how far you’ll go to save your people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE FINALE IS HERE!!! if you want season three, let me know, because I want to make sure there’s enough interest! i love you all little moons!!!

You and Bellamy are still standing and staring at the cages, silent and confused, Maya’s sobs soft behind you. 

You turn and look at him, “We should take care of Vincent.”

He nods and you both walk back over to Maya. You drop down across from her, reaching for her hand. “Go get your suit and as much oxygen as you can, we’ll take care of your father.”

She opens her mouth to say something, and sensing a protest, you squeeze her hand. “You shouldn’t have to see him like this.”

She lets out another sob before nodding, and Jasper helps her to her feet. You pass Monty your gun. “You two go with her. Meet back here.”

They nod and turn from the room, leaving you and Bellamy to look down at Vincent’s body. You shake your head, pushing away the emotions that threaten to rise, before whispering, “We need a sheet.”

Bellamy nods and jogs out of the room, towards the Quarantine rooms on the same floor. You kneel beside Vincent and push his eyelids closed as you whisper, “In peace, may you leave this shore. In love, may you find the next. Safe passage on your travels, until our final journey to the ground. May we meet again.”

You wipe away the tears that slipped down your cheek as Bellamy steps back into the room, sheet in hand. He lays it beside Vincent’s body and you both carefully lift him onto it, before wrapping him up the best you can. Then you carry his body down to one of the Quarantine rooms and place him in one of the beds before you both head back to the harvest room and wait for the others. 

You only have to wait a few minutes before they arrive, Maya now suited up. Monty walks over to you and Bellamy and whispers, “All of the canisters were half full and we could only find a couple.”

“Shit.”

You look at Bellamy, opening your mouth to say something when you hear the sound of banging nearby. Your brows pull together as you ask, “What was that?”

“What?”

When you hear it again you take off running, the others following you in confusion as you run past the harvest cages and into the intake room. Once there, you stop and listen again, turning to the others when you can hear voices from the other side of the door. Bellamy pulls out his gun and motions for you to do the same, and you lift them as he uses a keycard to activate the door. 

It beeps and unlocks and he pushes the door open, revealing Octavia and Clarke, looking back at you in shock. Bellamy and Octavia collide in a hug, and you run past them to grab your twin and hug her. She hugs you back, grip tight as she whispers, “I’m sorry.”

You pull away and give her a smile. “There’s nothing to forgive. Stronger together, right?”

She nods and you turn away to hug Octavia. After you pull away, you reach up to touch one of the braids in her hair. “I like this new look.”

She smiles, “I’m not so sure about yours.”

You glance down at your clothes, covered in dirt and some of Vincent’s blood, along with a layer of sweat. “This is better than it was.”

She starts to answer you, but she sees the others step into the doorway, and she runs over to greet them. You turn back to Clarke, and as you do, your eyes land on the mine cart in the corner, a pair of feet sticking out the top. You look inside and your stomach drops when you see Fox, bruised, bloodied, and dead. 

You call Bellamy over, and he walks over, tensing up as soon as he sees her. You exchange a look and walk over to Clarke, huddling together as he asks, “Where’s your army?”

“Gone, just like yours. Say you have a plan.”

Bellamy shakes his head, “Not really. We need to talk to Dante, he’s in quarantine.”

Just then, the tank on Maya’s tank beeps, and Jasper lifts the gauge to check the levels. “Thirty minutes, and we just changed it…It’s her last tank.”

Maya whispers, “All the supplemental oxygen is on level five.”

Jasper looks at her, “Then we have to get you to level five.”

“Five isn’t safe for any of us.”

He turns to you and Bellamy. “We can do this. We’ll split up. You guys go for Dante. We’ll help Maya.”

Everyone nods and splits into the two groups: Maya, Jasper, and Octavia for level 5, and you, Bellamy, Clarke, and Monty for quarantine. With one last exchange of smiles and nods, you break apart and walk through the doors, back into the intake area. You run past the cages and the harvest room, and once out in the hall, you go your separate ways. 

You take the lead and guide them down the hall until you reach his room, the door now wide open. You all walk into the room, stopping just inside as Dante turns to face you. You nod at him, “We need your help again.”

Dante’s eyes jump over to the camera on the wall, but Bellamy ignores his fears. “Please. We don’t have much time. We need a way to get our people out of this mountain without killing everyone.”

Dante says nothing, just stares between all of you, focusing his gaze on Clarke as she steps forward. “He’s not gonna help us.”

“You cut the power, risking the lives of everyone in this mountain, my people. Even the ones who helped you.”

Clarke’s voice rises as she steps even closer. “We knew they’d be safe on level five. We made sure not to destroy the turbines so you could repair them. _We’re_ the good guys here, not you.”

“Tell me, if we released your people and theirs, what would’ve happened to mine?”

Clarke doesn’t answer him, she just turns away and looks at Monty. “Can you get us into the command center? We need to see what’s happening on level five.”

“No problem.”

She steps out of the room, and Bellamy steps forward and grabs Dante, leading him out behind Clarke, as you and Monty follow. You make it to the command center on level seven with your weapons drawn, despite Dante’s insistence that it’s not necessary. Once you reach the command center, you all stop and step back, allowing Monty to do what he needs. You eye Dante suspiciously. “Why aren’t you with your people on level five?”

“After what I’ve done, they can be free. I can’t. Deliverance comes at a cost. I bear it so they don’t have to.”

You and Clarke share a look, and you can see her mind working over the phrase. Bellamy takes in a sharp breath as he comes to a realization. “It wasn’t Cage. It was your idea to make the deal with the Grounders.”

He nods, and you and Clarke tense at the same time, inching towards him. Before either of you can do something stupid, the doors to the command center slide open. “We’re in. Got it.”

You all file inside and close the doors behind you, while Monty makes a beeline for one of the computers in the middle of the room. He gets to work, silently typing for a minute, before the cameras and computer screens all around the room start to buzz to life. “The command center is live.”

You watch as one of the cameras in the dorms pans around the room, revealing your people chained to the wall around a table in the middle of the room. When your eyes fall to the person on the table, a drill being pushed into their leg, you gasp, and Bellamy’s voice comes out in a horrified whisper. “Is that Raven?”

As the camera pans around again, it lands on another familiar face. Clarke sees it too, because she whispers, “Mom.”

Belllamy picks up one of the radios nearby and tries to push it into Dante’s hands. “Tell them to stop. Now!”

“I won’t do that.”

Your jaw clenches and you feel that familiar flare of anger move through your blood, spreading through your body like wildfire. Clarke’s eyes scan over the other feeds on the floor, and she whispers, “Emerson.”

She grabs the radio from Bellamy and lifts it to her lips. “Carl Emerson, Mount Weather Security Detail, come in.”

“Who is this?”

You see a flash of fire in her eyes. “You know who it is. Give the radio to the president.”

You all watch the video feed as Emerson grabs Cage and leads him to the edge of the room, passing him the radio. Monty makes sure to keep the cameras focused on them, no matter where they move. 

“This is President Wallace.”

“We have your father. If you don’t let our people go, we’ll kill him.”

“How do I know you have him?”

Clarke rolls her eyes and holds the radio out to Dante. He says, “Stay the course, Cage.”

You can see a look of fear pass over his face before it settles into disbelief. “You won’t do it.”

“You don’t know me very well. This ends now, release my people.”

“I can’t do that.”

Clarke whispers your name and you know what she wants before she even asks. You lift your gun towards Dante, aiming for his chest. Bellamy steps closer to you, looking between you and your twin in shock. “We need him.”

You glance over at him, “What for? He’s the one that left us in this damn mountain without a choice.”

Clarke whispers into the radio, “Don’t make me do this.”

Cage is silent, and you can tell he’s thinking of his options. He looks back into the mess hall, which is buzzing with people, before answering, “Dad…I’ll take care of our people.”

You see a look of horror pass over Dante’s face, as he realizes that his son’s words have sealed his fate. Clarke turns to you and mutters, “Do it.”

You start to hesitate, but you think about Fox and how you promised to keep her safe, only for her to end up dead, left with no marrow. You think of Vincent, who was killed trying to save you and your friends, and you think of one of the first things he ever said to you. You turn and repeat them to Bellamy now, hoping he understands. “They’ll never stop.”

And then you pull the trigger.

The bullet hits Dante in the chest, and blood instantly starts to bloom and spread, staining his white shirt red. You can hear the blood gurgling in his lungs as he breathes, before he takes one last breath and falls to the ground. 

You turn and look at the monitor, at Cage’s fallen face, and you know he’s heard the whole thing. Clarke made sure of that. She presses the button to deliver one final warning, “Listen to me very carefully. I will not stop until my people are free. If you don’t let them go… I will irradiate level five.”

Cage says nothing and lets the radio drop, before he turns to say something to Emerson, who’s standing nearby. You watch as Emerson turns and runs away, now heading towards you. “Emerson is coming for us.”

Bellamy steps over to Monty, “They deactivated my key card. Can you do that to his?”

“That one’s easy.”

You all turn back to the screen and watch as Cage heads down the hall. “Where’s he going?”

“The dorm.” Clarke turns away from Bellamy, and over to Monty. “Monty, can you do it? Can you irradiate the level?”

“I can do it.”

Bellamy starts to protest, “Wait a second, Clarke. We need to think about this. There are kids in there…”

“I know.”

“And people who helped us.”

“ _Please_ give me a better idea.”

You all look between each other, the tension from the conflict radiating between the three of you. Clarke is about to say something else when her eyes lift the screen, and she lets out a horrified whisper. “No.”

You turn and watch as they take Raven off the table and drag your mom over to it, strapping her down. You feel emotion rise in your chest as you watch them plunge the drill into her thigh, and her mouth opens in a scream that you can’t hear, but you swear you can feel. You turn away from the screen and you feel Bellamy slide his hand into yours and whisper, “If we do this, there is no going back.”

You look over at him. “I know. But those are our people, Bellamy, our friends. Everything we’ve done, everyone we’ve lost, it’s been for them, to save them.”

He turns back to the screen, looking at your people, before his eyes bounce to one of the cameras trained on the hall in level 5. Octavia and Maya are running down it, and Octavia takes out two guards before they turn and run into the mess hall, trying to escape. Bellamy lets out the same horrified whisper that Clarke did moments ago, as the guards descend down on the pair. 

Pounding on the door behind you alerts you to Emerson’s presence, and you watch on the cameras as he tries to break in. Your eyes go back to the cameras in the dorm, and you all watch in shock as Jasper is led inside and chained up with the others. “Jasper. They caught him.”

Monty continues to type quickly, as all of you watch the different video feeds displayed in front of you. Your people chained up and being killed, Octavia and Maya surrounded by guards, Emerson trying to break in, when suddenly Monty stops. Clarke turns to him, tense. “Why are you stopping?”

“Because I did it. All we have to do is pull this.” He points to the lever beside him. “Hatches and vents will open, and the scrubbers reverse, pulling in outside air.”

The hall camera shows Emerson pulling explosives out of his bag, and you turn to glance at the door. “He’s gonna blow the door.”

“Clarke, we’re out of time.”

Bellamy’s eyes float back to his sister, now caught and being restrained, and he whispers, “My sister. My responsibility.”

Clarke whispers, “I have to save them.”

And you look between them, already knowing what you’re gonna do, dropping your hand onto the lever first. Clarke’s hand falls on top of yours, and Bellamy’s on top of hers. You meet each of their eyes and whisper, “Together.”

They nod and you slowly push the lever from one side to the other, before turning to watch the monitors stretched around you. Those that aren’t immune react almost immediately, freezing in place as red spots and blisters start to pop up on their skin, their mouths opening in silent screams. It doesn’t take long for the video feeds to go still, most of the people in them now dead, and Clarke mutters, “Let’s go get our people.”

You leave the room quickly, making your way up to level 5, heading for the mess hall first. You all pause at the door, surveying the death and destruction you caused, eyes scanning over the bodies of the innocent mixed in with the bodies of the guilty. Clarke leads the way into the mess hall, stepping around bodies as you try to make your way over to the dorm and your people. Clarke freezes in the middle of the room, and when you look around her, you see why. Jasper is on the floor, clutching Maya’s lifeless body in his arms, crying. He looks up at all of you, angry and disgusted. “What did you do?”

You feel your heart break as you look down at Maya, your guide, the one who got you through the mountain, kept you alive. She risked it all for people she barely knew, because it was the right thing to do. You feel regret for not being able to save her. Clarke’s voice shakes when she answers, “We had no choice.”

“I was gonna kill Cage. If you’d just given me one more minute, it would’ve been over.”

Bellamy looks at him, repeating your words from earlier, “Jasper, they never would’ve stopped.”

His head drops down again, tears falling down his face, and Clarke glances back at you and Bellamy. “We have to go to the dorm.”

You follow her out of the mess hall and into the dorm, both of your eyes landing on your mom, who is sitting up on the table, Kane right beside her. Her face lights up when she sees you both and Clarke runs to her first, pulling her into a hug. Your mom meets your gaze over Clarke’s shoulder and waves you over, and you jog over to them, allowing them to pull you into a hug; the sun, the moon, and the stars finally back together again.

-

The walk back to Camp Jaha is long, slowed down by the amount of injured people in your group. Lincoln catches up with your group early on in the walk, letting you know that Cage is dead and taken care of. 

Sometime after night bleeds into day, Bellamy jogs off in search of food for the two of you, and Lincoln and Octavia step up beside you. Octavia presses something into your hand with a smile. “Almost forgot.”

You open your palm to reveal your necklace, the pretty little moon glinting at you in the sunlight, a small cluster of stars hanging beside it. “Thank you for keeping it safe.”

On the other side of you, Lincoln reaches into his pocket and says, “There’s something else.”

You turn towards him and he pulls out the Grounder knife you carried before sneaking into the mountain. “I found it in the wreckage, and I remembered seeing you with it a few times.”

He passes it to you and you look down at the knife, studying it. The girl who picked this up the first time to save her life is very different from the girl holding it now, the knife now lacking a few hundred tally marks, but you try to shake that from your mind. “Thank you, Lincoln.”

“It’s Grounder made.”

You nod, and look over at him. “Do you know whose it is?”

“It’s not one that I recognize.”

You hum, and give them each another smile. “Thank you both.”

They both nod before jogging off to check on the others in the group, always worried about everyone else. You slide the star charm off the necklace and stick it in your pocket before attaching the chain around your neck, the moon now resting below your collarbone where it’s meant to be.

-

When you step through the treeline and into the clearing, you watch as the sun catches on the sign in the distance. 

Camp Jaha.

You want to cry in relief, but you follow Bellamy to the gate, and stand watch as you watch your people file into camp, home and _safe_. 

Bellamy stands beside you, and when the last of the group walks inside, he nudges your arm. You look over to him and he meets your gaze, before tipping his head to your twin, who is standing outside the gates and hugging Monty. Monty walks away when you both approach, and you all stand and watch the camp, now buzzing with energy. Bellamy smiles down at you and your twin. “I think we deserve a drink.”

You nod in agreement, but Clarke shakes her head. “Have one for me.”

You look over at her, catching the strange tone of her voice, and you can see the broken look on her face as she stares at the camp. You reach down and grab her hand, whispering, “We’ll get through this.”

She turns to fully face you. “I’m not going in.”

“What?”

“Clarke.” You think of the burden on her shoulders, the horrors of what she’s done weighing down on her, and it reminds you of the night at the bunker with Bellamy. “If you need forgiveness, I’ll give that to you. You’re forgiven.”

“Take care of them for me.” She looks from you, over to Bellamy. “Take care of each other.”

Bellamy’s voice is quiet when he answers, “Clarke-”

She cuts him off, not wanting to hear his argument. “Seeing their faces every day is just gonna remind me of what I did to get them here.”

You squeeze her hand. “What we did. You don’t have to do this alone. We’re stronger together.”

She looks back at the camp, and then her eyes lock with yours. “I bear it so they don’t have to.”

You stare at her, long and hard, before she slips her hand from yours. She fumbles with her wrist before sliding off her watch, your father’s watch, and pressing it into your hands. And something about the act feels like something you can’t dispute, because you know her mind’s made up and you’ll never be able to change it.

She steps over to Bellamy and hugs him, and you take the moment to slide the charm out of your pocket. When she turns to you, she pulls you into a tight hug, burying her face in the crook of your neck. You feel tears fall down your face as you cling to her, silently begging her to change her mind. 

She doesn’t.

She pulls away and whispers, “May we meet again.”

You hand her the star charm and when her eyes land on it, you see a flash of sorrow pass over her features. But she doesn’t reject the gift, instead she quickly slides it onto her bracelet and nods her thanks. And with one last look at you and Bellamy, she turns away, heading straight back into the woods and leaving you both to watch her leave. 

-


	30. xxx. wanheda, pt 1 (3.01)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: smut! fighting, blood, mentions of past assault, death.
> 
> Summary: three months gave passed since the events at mount weather, and things have changed so much in that time: your friendships, relationships, living situation. despite clarke’s absence, life has been good. until you receive news that not only is clarke alive, she’s being hunted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy season three premiere!!!! thank you for all the kind words on season two (and sub rosa in general!!!) you have all made me smile so much! this season is the longest to date, so I hope you’re all ready! we’re starting off with a longer chapter update too, so I hope you all enjoy!

_5 days after Mount Weather_

“Tell me about Shumway.”

“Tell me about dad,” you counter.

Your mother and Kane keep neutral expressions as they watch you, and you squirm in your seat, uncomfortable with the topic at hand. They exchange a look and after a second, your mother nods. “What do you want to know?”

“Did dad know you were going to turn him in?”

“Yes.” Though you had started to suspect that would be her answer, it still knocks the breath out of you. “It was his idea actually.”

Your head drops, thinking of your misplaced blame since he died, when it was his idea all along. _Just like Finn, turning himself in to save the rest of you._ When you lift your head again, tears glitter in your mom’s eyes, and you know your eyes mirror hers. “Right after your arrest, your dad told me that this was the only way to save you. He’d known about the oxygen problem for a few days, and he had already told me about it, though he didn’t tell me about his plans to go public until then.”

She stands, walking around the council table to kneel in front of you, taking your hands. “We knew there was no other way to save you. So he traded his life for yours.”

“A life for a life,” you whisper, looking down at your joined hands. 

She squeezes your hand and whispers, “Now tell us about Shumway.”

You stand abruptly from the chair, spinning out of her grip and starting to pace, your body tense and anxious. 

“Shumway was the lowest form of scum there is.” You practically spit the words at them. “He was the one who discovered me. Before he ratted me out, he said he wanted to make a deal. Become his plaything, and I’m safe. Our secret is safe. My family would be safe.”

You feel tears spill from your eyes and roll down your cheeks, and you shake your head. “But I couldn’t do it, didn’t want to. And when I fought back, he turned me in.”

You take a deep breath to steady you, sparing a glance over at your mother, who’s now watching you in pure anguish. “After that, I thought that was it, that I’d never see him again. But then on the day of dad’s execution, Shumway came to my cell. I didn’t even know dad had been arrested. But he told me that he could get me there so that I could say goodbye, I just had to agree to his original deal.”

Your mom steps towards you, and you lift your hand to your wrist, brushing your fingers over the watch that belonged to your father. “This time I said yes.”

You angrily wipe away your tears as you remember that day. “But I didn’t make it in time, Shumway made sure of that. I came around the corner right as they sent dad into space. After that, I lost it and tried to attack Shumway. They sent me to solitary because they said I was too much trouble. Shumway came to visit me whenever he wanted, and I tried to tell the other guards what was happening to me, but no one believed me. He abused me physically, mentally, and emotionally for months. It was hell.”

Your mom steps towards you and reaches out for you, pulling you into a hug. You can hear her sobs as she holds you, the comfort forcing your tears to start up again, finally able to mourn and cope the way that you never could before. After a minute, she releases you from her hold, but stays close to you. “The night before we made it into Tondc with Finn’s body, I had a nightmare. When I woke up, I swear I saw dad, leading me to a clearing to look at the stars.”

You drop your gaze to your feet, hoping that they don’t think you’re unhinged. “Shumway followed me out there and tried to tell me that I still belonged to him, but I fought back. Bellamy showed up and we were starting to leave, to come get you two, actually, when Shumway attacked him. I tried to pull them apart, keep them separate, but he knocked me to the side. By the time I looked up again, Shumway had his gun out, aimed at Bellamy.”

Your gaze lifts and lands on Kane, determination set in your jaw. “I don’t even remember pulling the knife out, but I couldn’t let him kill Bellamy. Afterwards, I freaked out about killing him, but I was worried that it would’ve derailed the treaty and getting my friends out of Mount Weather, so I forced Bellamy to help me hide the body, and I swore to him that I’d tell you after everyone was safe.”

You lock eyes with Kane, wanting him to understand what you have to say. “This is all my fault. Bellamy is completely innocent in all of this, a victim really.”

Kane stands from his seat, and lets out a quiet sigh. He places his palms resolutely on the table in front of him, looking down and thinking hard about your punishment. Your gaze drops to your feet, ready to accept it, whatever it is, as long as Bellamy is kept out of it. After a long moment of silence, you can hear Kane readying to speak.

“Will you join the guard?”

Your head snaps up so hard your neck cracks. “What?”

“Will you join the guard?”

“I don’t understand, aren’t you going to punish me?”

Kane shakes his head, coming around the table to stand closer to you, and you watch him exchange a look with your mother. “Shumway did terrible things to you under our watch. We failed you, and I’m sorry about that.”

Your mom grabs your hand. “What you did was an act of survival, to save you and Bellamy both. We’ve pardoned others for much worse than what you did.”

Finn. You shake your head in disbelief. “So, that’s it then?”

“Yes.” Kane steps back and gestures toward the door, “You’re free to go, as soon as you answer my question.”

“I’ll do it.”

His face splits into a grin. “Great, you start training tomorrow.”

-

_Two weeks after Mount Weather_

Your swords clang together in a clash of metal on metal, both of you letting out a grunt as you try to overcome the other’s strength. Knowing that Octavia has the advantage, you drop down, freeing your sword, before reaching out your other hand and swiping at her legs. The force sends her onto her back, and she lands with a groan. 

You stand, smiling down at her annoyed expression. You feel your smile drop, worried about the incoming criticism, when she grins. “Took you long enough.”

You let out a surprised laugh as you lean down and pull her to her feet. Once she’s upright, she sheaths her sword and gestures towards the mess hall, “Let’s eat.”

You smile and follow her to there, talking the whole way over about everything and nothing. When you get there, you run into Lincoln, drenched in sweat, clearly post training. He smirks at you, “Did your boyfriend wimp out on me or something?”

You shake your head, downing a cup of water before looking at him. “What are you talking about?”

“We were supposed to spar today, but he never showed.”

You lower your cup, and your brows lift in surprise. “He didn’t show up?”

He shakes his head and you set your cup to the side. “That’s not like him.”

Lincoln just shrugs, inviting you and Octavia over to eat with him, but you wave them off. “I’m gonna go find Bellamy.”

“See ya later.”

You jog out of the mess hall and make a beeline for Bellamy’s place, stopping outside the door and lifting your hand to knock. As you do, you swear you hear a muffled sob from the other side. You feel your panic rise before you knock softly. “Bellamy?”

The crying stops, the room behind the door falling into silence, and you realize Bellamy has no intention of opening the door. “Bellamy it’s me, can I come in?”

You’re once again met by silence, and you debate walking away, leaving him to be alone if that’s what he wants, but the nagging feeling in your gut tells you to do the opposite. “Okay, I’m coming in!”

You open the door and step inside, eyes falling on a figure sitting up in bed, swiping at his eyes, trying to hide the tears on his face. But as soon as his gaze locks with yours, the emotion spills over again, and he starts to cry softly. 

You quickly close the door and the space between you, sitting down on the bed beside him and trying to decide the best way to comfort this new side of Bellamy. He looks over at you, a sob breaking free from his chest before he whispers, “I keep seeing their faces. Maya, Vincent, all those people who helped us, kept us alive. Dead, because of what I did.”

You reach out and grab his hand, and his eyes follow the movement before lifting to your face. You shake your head. “What we did, Bellamy. All three of us pulled that lever. We did what we had to do to save our people. That doesn’t always make it easier, but that’s not the outcome that any of us wanted.”

He nods his head and wipes away his tears again before asking, “Will you stay with me?”

“Of course, Bell.”

He pulls back the covers and you both slide inside, turning to lay on your sides and face each other. He pulls the covers up as high as he can, and you both watch each other silently for a long while, drawing in comfort from each other, trying to forget what you’ve had to do to survive. Eventually, he whispers, “Tell me about the stars.”

You look at him with affection and nod. “There’s one that always made me laugh growing up, and it’s the story about Cancer, the crab. Zeus had a son, one that I know you’ve heard of before, Hercules.”

Bellamy nods, familiar with the legend, watching you with quiet intensity. “Well Hera, Zeus’ wife, was jealous of Hercules and the love that Zeus had for him, so she gave him 12 labors to test his strength and courage. She picked tasks that were difficult, if not impossible, for the average man, in the hopes that Hercules would fail and lose Zeus’ favor. The second of these labors was to kill the Hydra, a beast with nine heads. If you cut one of the nine heads off, two more would grow back in its place. Of course, Hercules figured out how to defeat the Hydra: cut the head off and seal the wound with fire, making it impossible for the heads to grow back. When Hera saw this, she panicked and sent a crab to grab Hercules on the heel and distract him from the fight, thus making him lose. Instead, when the crab latched onto his foot, Hercules used his other foot to stomp on the crab and crush it, ruining Hera’s distraction. He defeated the Hydra and proceeded to the next labor, but not before Zeus put the crab in the stars, partially to immortalize the success of Hercules, but also to remind Hera of her failure.”

The corner of Bellamy’s mouth lifts in a smile, so small that you almost miss it. You smile back and he whispers, “Can you tell me another one?”

“Of course I can.”

-

_4 weeks after Mount Weather_

Things are better between you and your mother, the truth about your father and Shumway no longer a secret, the heart to heart working to improve your relationship. But _better_ doesn’t mean _fixed_. 

“You just _let_ her go! Do you realize the danger you’ve put her in?”

“I know, mom! I get it, okay? I regret letting her leave as soon as she was out of sight, but there’s only so much I could do. This is what Clarke wanted.”

“I don’t care what she wanted! You are both still kids, and-”

You cut her off, “We haven’t been kids since we got down here. The sooner you realize that, the better.”

You turn and storm off, slamming the door to your shared quarters and heading across the camp to Bellamy’s. He lets you in as soon as soon he sees you, anger still billowing off you in waves. He ushers you inside and over to his bed, patting it and inviting you to sit. You do so with a huff and grind out, “I should have known that peace would be short lived with us.”

“Your mom?”

“I can’t take it anymore, Bellamy, she’s driving me crazy! We fight every few days about Clarke, and it doesn’t help that we’re stuck in the same room. I think I’d rather be back in that damn tent with Clarke. Or sleeping in a tree.”

Bellamy snorts, remembering your preferred sleeping location. “Why don’t you just move in here?”

You turn to him with a surprised expression. “With you?”

You can see him fighting back a smirk as he quips, “That was the plan, unless you’d like to share a room with some other guy.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

He laughs, “I know.”

You hesitate, thinking it over, looking at him with skepticism. “Are you sure?”

“I don’t know, are you a blanket hog?”

You keep your face serious. “No, never!”

“Then yes, I’m sure.” You launch yourself at him suddenly, both of you falling back onto the bed with happy laughter. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

-

_5 weeks after Mount Weather_

Kane stands in front of you and Bellamy, both of you wearing matching guard jackets and neutral expressions. “You can both assist the others on the supply run to Mount Weather today.”

Your expression drops, mouth pulling down into a frown. “No.”

Kane turns towards you, surprised, until he sees your expression. You mutter, “It’s too soon. For both of us. What can we do instead?”

“Abby has asked me to form a team to search for Clarke. I was waiting to find the best people for the job, but who better than the two people closest to her?”

“I’m in.”

“Me too.”

“Good.” He smiles and hands you a rolled up map. “It’s up to you to plan the searches. Just remember: peace with the Grounders is fragile.”

-

_6 weeks after Mount Weather_

He stands in front of you, shirtless, shifting from side to side on his feet, hands up in defense. “I hope you know that I’m not going to go easy on you.”

You lunge forward, swiping your leg at his feet and knocking him flat on his back. You can hear the others snickering behind you. “I hope you know that I won’t either.”

You scramble backwards as Bellamy launches himself at you, barely avoiding the arms that reach out for you. He jumps to his feet and you swing a punch at him, which he dodges easily. You duck under the fist he sends flying at you in return, using the move to toss a punch to his exposed abdomen. He grunts in pain before using your move on you, and knocking you off your feet and onto your back. He’s on top of you in a second, pinning your arms to the ground and grinning down at you like the cheshire cat. “Admit defeat.”

You knee him in the leg, the force of it knocking him off balance, and you use the distraction to roll you both over until you’re on top of him, pinning him to the ground. “You first.”

A smile spreads across your face at your advantage, until you see a spark of something in his eye, a mischievous glint that lights a small fire within you. You don’t have time to question it because Lincoln yells, “It’s a draw! Monroe, Harper, you two are up tomorrow.”

Lincoln’s voice pulls you out of your head and you roll off of Bellamy, both of you still staring at each other as everyone else packs up around you and leaves the room. You swear you hear Lincoln mutter something about “too much pent up aggression” as he walks by, but you barely notice. 

You and Bellamy stay kneeled in front of each other, eyes locked in a stare until the room is empty. You see the glint in his eyes grow, and you catch onto his line of thinking quickly. As soon as you are the last two left in the room, you both practically jump at each other, lips connecting in a frenzy of built up aggression and passion. 

His hands reach out and pull you closer, and you lift your hands up to his curls and thread them there. As the kiss grows more heated, his tongue slips into your mouth, fighting for dominance. You feel the heat in your belly grow white hot, desire burning through you like a wildfire. You pull away a fraction of an inch and gasp out, “Home.”

Bellamy nods and stands, pulling you to your feet, and you both grab your things and practically run back to your shared quarters. The door is barely closed before he turns and pushes you up against it, kissing you long and hard, the passion from your spar following you home. Bellamy’s hands start to roam over your body, and you feel his hands stop just below the hem of your shirt, hesitating. You break the kiss and pull your shirt and undergarments off quickly, giving him permission, before your mouths collide again. 

He pulls you close, your bare chest now pressed against his, the skin on skin contact lighting electricity along your skin. He slides his mouth along your jaw and down your neck, pressing open mouthed kisses to your skin. His mouth drops to your chest, and you moan at the contact as he kisses and sucks a path from one breast to the other. Your back arches, pressing your chest closer to him, and you can feel him smile against your skin. You start to feel embarrassment creep up, and he must sense it, because his mouth comes back up and reconnects with yours, pulling you out of your head and away from any thoughts of embarrassment.

He steps backwards, pulling you with him, both of you kicking off your shoes as he leads you back to the bed. Once he reaches the edge, he pulls away and sits, leaving you standing in front of him. He leans forward and kisses a path down your chest and over your stomach, stopping at the waistband of your pants. He looks up at you, his expression soft, and for the first time you realize how truly safe you feel with him. His hands come to rest on your sides, and his voice is a quiet whisper when he asks, “Is this okay?”

“Yes.”

He unbuttons your pants slowly, giving you time to change your mind, but you don’t. Instead, you allow him to pull them down and off, helping you to step out of them. He guides you to straddle his still clothed lap, before his hands come to rest on your cheeks, holding your gaze in place as he looks at you with affection. “I love you.”

The words shock you, and you feel tears prick your eyes as your gaze stays locked with his, the affection never wavering. Your heart swells because you know he means it. You smile at him, and whisper, “I love you more than the stars.”

His face splits into a grin, the brightest smile you’ve ever seen on his face. You feel yourself overflowing with adoration for him, and the bright smile surrounded by the smattering of freckles on his face. He leans in and kisses you, this time soft and slow, the fire from earlier now changed by the softness of his love. 

He leans back, taking you with him, before rolling you carefully until you’re beneath him, safe in his arms. He pulls away from you and tugs off his pants and underwear, and you take a minute to stare at his chiseled body with appreciation. He catches your eyes and ducks his head, sheepish, but you reach out and lift his chin, guiding his gaze back to yours before giving him a smile. He smiles and leans in for another kiss, before pulling away to ask, “Are you sure?”

You smile and nod, “I’m sure.”

He pulls your underwear off and tosses it to the side with the rest of the clothes, turning back to admire your now naked form. You resist the urge to cover yourself as his eyes rake over you, before meeting yours. His voice is full of awe when he whispers, “You’re beautiful.”

You pull him down for another kiss, relishing in the safety of his arms as they come to rest on either side of your head. He spends a long time kissing and worshipping you, constantly checking to make sure you’re okay. When he finally takes you, it’s slow and sweet, both of your foreheads pressed together and your eyes locked as he pushes into you, mouths open and panting, breaths mingling. 

It doesn’t take long for you to reach your climax, and Bellamy is right behind you, both of you moaning each other’s names as you finish. 

After you’ve both come down, he rolls off of you and you lay side by side, enjoying the comfortable silence of each other’s company. As you reach up a finger and trace the freckles that dot his body, forming constellations, you whisper, “Tell me about the gods.”

He smiles, his eyes lifting from your finger to your face. “What?”

“Your mom used to tell you and Octavia about mythology, right?” He nods. “Then tell me about the gods.”

-

_8 weeks after Mount Weather_

“Tell me about the stars.”

You give him a sidelong glance, the request one that he only makes when he’s upset, but doesn’t want to talk about it. His eyes are locked on the sky above him, both of you side by side on a blanket just outside the walls of Arkadia. You think of his quiet intensity when he found you tonight, fresh out of a meeting with Kane, a hurricane of emotions brewing inside of him. You accepted his request without hesitation, the same way you accept his request now.

“The Pleiades were the seven daughters of Pleione and Atlas, the titan that held the weight of the world on his shoulders.” You glance at him again, his body tense with stress, because Bellamy and Atlas are the same. Two men given an impossible task; carry the weight of the world, and hope it doesn’t break you. “It’s said they felt so much sorrow for Atlas’ burden that Zeus placed them among the stars. But there’s another story too.”

Bellamy turns to look at you and you meet his gaze, reaching out to thread your fingers through his. “The Pleiades were beautiful. So beautiful that Orion took notice and chased them constantly, no matter how uncomfortable it made them. The Pleiades appealed to Zeus, who took pity on them and changed them into doves, allowing them to fly up and hide among the stars.”

Bellamy turns to look at the sky again, the stars high and bright above you, and he whispers, “Sometimes I wish I could hide in the stars.”

You reach out with your other hand and turn his face towards you. “What’s troubling you, Atlas?”

“So many people are looking to me, counting on me, to lead and keep them safe. But what if I’m the problem?”

“You’re not.”

“Jasper blames us for Mount Weather, and for Maya’s death. Monty says he drinks himself into a stupor nearly every night. Clarke’s gone, Finn’s dead. I took the radio and sentenced 300 people to death in the Culling. I irradiated Mount Weather.”

“You don’t have to carry this alone, Bellamy. I was in Mount Weather with you, and I pulled that lever with you. I missed every sign that Finn was going to give himself up until it was too late. I helped you with the radio, and I let Clarke go.” You see tears well up in his eyes, and you lift a hand to his cheek. “The world is not yours alone to bear.”

He nods, and lifts his free hand up to rest on yours. He glances at the stars again and whispers, “Still, I wish I could hide among them.”

“Me too.”

-

_10 weeks after Mount Weather_

“Mebi osa-”

“No, no, no. Mebi _oso_.”

You sigh and start again, “Mebi _oso_ na hit choda op nodotaim?”

“Yes!”

You look at Lincoln as he smiles at you with pride. You ask, “And that means?”

“May we meet again.” You smile at the translation, the blending of two worlds, Grounder and Skaikru. He pulls himself to his feet before extending a hand out to you to help you up. As he pulls you to your feet, he asks, “Same time tomorrow?”

You nod and he starts to turn away, but you call out, “Wait.”

He turns and looks back at you, a question in his eyes. “That takedown that you used on Miller yesterday in sparring, can you teach it to me?”

A smile slowly spreads across his face as he remembers the schedule for tomorrow. “You spar Bellamy next, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Get over here.”

-

_12 weeks after Mount Weather_

You stand to the side of the mat, watching as Lincoln and Bellamy tug off their shirts and toss them aside as they prepare to spar. You hear murmurs of enjoyment in the crowd behind you and you roll your eyes. 

The two men stand on the mat facing each other, hands lifted in defense. Bellamy swings a punch out first, but Lincoln dodges it easily. Lincoln punches back, but misses, and Bellamy follows up with two consecutive punches. As he swings his arm around for the third, Lincoln ducks and punches Bellamy in his exposed ribs, causing Bellamy to double over and grunt in pain.

Lincoln brings an elbow down onto Bellamy’s back, who returns the move with a strong kick. When Bellamy tries to punch Lincoln again, he stops Bellamy’s arm in the air and delivers a punch to Bellamy’s chest. Lincoln uses the painful distraction to send a strong kick towards Bellamy, which knocks him down onto his stomach. You watch him punch the ground and yell out in frustration, his anger now pulling him to his feet. 

He descends on Lincoln and delivers blow after blow, and Lincoln steps back enough to wipe blood from his mouth. You already know the outcome before it happens, and you watch unsurprised as Bellamy continues his aggressive attack, only to be flipped on his back and defeated by Lincoln. 

The crowd lets out the collective breath they were holding as they watched the fight, and Lincoln turns to address the group. “He had me, but he was too aggressive.”

Bellamy pulls himself to his feet and walks over to his shirt, pulling it over his head. He mumbles, “Whatever you say.”

A few people snicker behind you as Lincoln counters, “Quitting so soon?”

“Mapping run. Sector 7.” He locks eyes with you, “Let’s get this over with.”

You nod and grab the bag on the floor, turning and tossing it to Lincoln who catches it with ease. He pulls a guard jacket from the bag, and you walk closer to the pair as he looks between the two of you in surprise. “The Council wants you to have that.”

“I’m Trikru.”

“A uniform doesn’t change that. This is our home now, Lincoln. We fought for it, too many of our friends died for it. On the Ark, the uniform meant something different. Down here, it means what we make it mean. My sister will understand that eventually.”

Lincoln tells the others to pair up before turning back to you and Bellamy. “Sector 7? That puts you right at the Ice Nation Border.”

“We know.”

“Just because Azgeda is part of the Commander’s Coalition, doesn’t mean they respect the ceasefire. I should be on that scout.”

You and Bellamy give him a sad smile, “I wish. We all do. But until the Commander agrees to lift the kill order on you, you’re more trouble than you’re worth.”

He nods, defeated, and Bellamy gestures to the door, asking if you’re ready to go. When you nod in return, he motions for you to lead, before he follows you from the room. Once you get outside and start heading for the Chancellor’s office, you turn to Bellamy with a smirk. “You got your ass kicked.”

He throws you a mock glare, “Shut up.”

“No, really. I think that was your shortest spar yet.”

He cocks his head to the side, and you eye him suspiciously before he lunges at you. You let out a laugh and run off, trying to avoid his outstretched arms. He catches up to you easily and scoops you up, tossing you over his shoulder as you laugh and protest, “Put me down!”

“What was that about me getting my ass kicked?”

You laugh, “Bellamy, put me down!”

“What was that you said? Something about my shortest spar yet?”

“Okay, okay, I take it back!”

He puts you down, his face still split in a wide grin. “Good, because we’re here.”

He leans down and gives you a quick kiss before knocking quietly on the open door. You and Bellamy peer inside, locking eyes with Kane, who’s standing in front of the map, a finger held to his lips. He points over to your mother, asleep on the couch, before waving you both inside. You smile at her sleeping form as Kane whispers, “This is the first sleep the Chancellor’s had in two days.”

You cut your eyes over to Kane, disapproving. “Kane, you’re supposed to watch her. You know she’ll work until she drops.”

“I know, but your mother is a force to be reckoned with when she sets her mind to something. Kind of like a certain set of twins that I know.”

You roll your eyes and Bellamy cuts in, “We’ll be quick, but we wanted to let you know we’re going into Sector 7. I think we should arm the entire unit.”

“Permission granted. But the rules of engagement still apply, non lethal response. There hasn’t been an attack since Mount Weather. That’s three months. Our people believe that this is real peace. Try not to screw that up.”

He smirks at the end, a sign that he’s serious, but trusts you both. You and Bellamy both smile back and nod. “Yes, sir.”

Bellamy leads you to the armory first, and you both keep up a casual conversation as you pack guns into a duffel bag, prepared to arm your entire team. You keep to light topics, the nerves of going outside the walls ever present at the start of a mission. Once the bag is packed, you head towards the rover, the meeting place for the entire team. 

When you step inside the hangar bay, your eyes land on Monty, who is sitting at a table, head in his hands, unmoving. Bellamy yells, “Monty, why aren’t you ready?”

“I am. He’s not.”

You both follow Monty’s gaze to the passed out figure on the floor, half hidden underneath a table. You exchange a look with Bellamy and whisper, “Jasper.”

You all three stand over Jasper, watching him, as Monty asks, “What should we do?”

You look at the two boys like it’s obvious, “We should leave him this time.”

Monty looks between you and Bellamy, eyes pleading. “He’s not getting better. Maya’s death broke him. He needs this.”

You can hear Bellamy sigh, a sign he’s caving, and you turn to him with a warning look. “Bellamy…”

He turns to look at you, understanding, but he whispers, “I know. But we did this. And if this is what Jasper needs, then we owe it to him.”

“Fine.”

Bellamy hands you the bag of guns, before him and Monty each grab one of Jasper’s arms and pull him to his feet, dragging him over to the rover. Bellamy passes all of Jasper’s weight over to Monty as you drop the bag of guns onto the hood of the rover with a loud thunk. 

“Hey!” Raven wheels out from beneath the rover and glares at you, “Take it easy!”

You both glare at each other until she breaks and smiles. You smile back and retort, “Morning to you too.”

Bellamy starts pulling out guns, handing one to you and Raven, and you slide the strap on. You check your knife holster as Bellamy tosses a gun to Miller, who quips back, “What’s the point if we can’t shoot ‘em?”

“We can, just not to kill. That goes for everyone. Where’s Octavia?”

“We’re going outside the wall. You honestly think she’d miss that?” 

Bellamy nods in agreement with Miller, but turns to you. “Will you go look for her?”

“Sure.”

You head out of the building and straight for the stables, where Octavia keeps her horse, Helios. She smiles when you walk in, and you return it, watching as she readies Helios to go out. “Are you going with us today?”

“Yes, but not in the rover.”

She pulls herself onto the back of her horse, before extending an arm out to you. You take it without hesitation, and she helps pull you onto Helios’ back before directing him towards the rover. You make it over just as the doors slide open revealing the vehicle, full of passengers. You can see Bellamy rolls his eyes playfully when he sees you and Octavia on the back of her horse. Octavia locks eyes with Raven and yells, “Try and keep up.”

She spins Helios around and guides him through the camp easily, leading the rover out of the gates and onto the path in the woods. Once you’re free of the camp, Octavia turns and smirks. “Hold on!”

You wrap your arms around her waist just as she spurs Helios into a gallop. You let out a surprised laugh as you tear through the woods on his back, the wind whipping your hair all around you. Octavia leads the group through the woods until the path opens up into a wide field, allowing the rover to ride beside you. You watch as the hatch on the top flies open, and Jasper pokes his head out of the top and lets out a wild scream. You and Octavia laugh as you watch him, a smile on his face for the first time in weeks. 

But everything comes to an abrupt halt when the rover stops dead in its tracks. Jasper ducks back down into the rover, and Octavia pulls Helios to a stop. She quickly slides off before turning to help you down, and you both jog over to the rover and pull open the back door. Your eyes instantly lock with Bellamy’s as you ask, “What happened?”

“A tracking beacon from the Ark. Farm Station.”

You nod, “Well, let’s go get it.”

“It’s in Ice Nation.”

You all exchange a look as Raven glances at the flashing beacon. “Protocol says we go home. Let the Chancellor decide what to do next.”

“Screw protocol.” Bellamy looks away from you, over to Monty and Miller. “The Chancellor’s not from Farm Station. Monty is, and so is Miller’s boyfriend. It’s your call.”

Monty nods, “Let’s do this.”

Miller looks at him like it’s obvious, “You have to ask?”

Bellamy turns and echoes Octavia’s earlier words back to her. “Try to keep up.”

Octavia closes the door with a smirk and leads you back to Helios, both of you quickly mounting and following the rover as it leads you towards Ice Nation territory. It doesn’t take long for the rover to stop at a treeline, and everyone starts to file out. You and Octavia dismount, and she secures Helios to a tree as Bellamy addresses the group. “These woods must be the border.”

“So, where’s all the ice?”

Octavia turns to Jasper. “Much farther north, Azgeda stretches for 1,000 miles.”

You lift your gun, already on guard as you fall into line behind Bellamy. “Remember rules of engagement are non-lethal force. Tight formation on my command.”

“They’re coming. 120 meters. 110.” Monty tries to step forward, but Bellamy holds out an arm to keep him back. “They’re our people, what are you-”

Bellamy cuts him off, “We hope they’re our people. On my command.”

You all lift your guns and spread out, standing at the ready, right on the border of Ice Nation territory. Three horses weave through the trees and straight towards you, looking nothing like anyone from Farm Station. You glance at Octavia. “Ice Nation?”

“Yes. White war paint. Stay calm.”

Octavia slides her sword back to the sheath on her back and holds up her hands in surrender as the three Ice Nation warriors come to a stop in front of you. _“Chon yu bilaik?”_

Bellamy, aware of your lessons with Lincoln, glances over at you, searching for a translation, but you shake your head, letting him know you’re just as lost. Octavia’s voice is strong and steady when she answers, _“Skaikru. Ste lufa osir kru au.”_

 _Skaikru, looking for our people._ Octavia’s reply helps you to follow the conversation, now realizing they must have asked who you are. But the Ice Nation’s next statement confuses you further. _“Ste lufa wanheda au.”_

You turn to Bellamy and translate, “They think we’re looking for Wanheda.”

His brows scrunch together, “Who’s that?”

“I don’t know.”

Octavia turns and looks back at the two of you, and Bellamy repeats the question to her, but she shakes her head, just as confused as you are.

One of the warriors dismounts his horse, and Monty perks up and whispers, “The light. That’s the beacon.”

Your eyes all drop to the beacon hanging from the man’s jacket, as you try to plan how to get it. But before anyone says anything, Jasper stumbles past all of you, straight towards the man. Bellamy yells, “Hey, get back here!”

The other two warriors pull back their bows and aim straight for Jasper, and Octavia tries to grab him as he walks past, but he pulls free from her grip. “It’s okay, I got this.”

Bellamy desperately whispers to Octavia, “Tell them we observe the commander’s truce, do it now!”

_“Osir gouba ogonzaun kom heda in!”_

Jasper comes to a stop right in front of the man, and they stare at each other for a split second before Jasper reaches out and pulls the beacon free from the man’s coat. “This belongs to us.”

He turns and starts to walk back towards your group, but the warrior grabs the back of his bulletproof vest and tugs him backwards, lifting a knife to his throat as he moves. _“Weron wanheda kamp raun?”_

You ignore his question about Wanheda and yell, _“Breik em au!”_

Let him go! Octavia adds, _“Osir nou get in chon daunde bilaik! Beja.”_

You recognize the words _“we don’t know”_ and _“please”_ , which is enough to give you the idea of what Octavia is pleading for. The warrior says nothing, he just stands there with his knife to Jasper’s throat, looking angry. Jasper on the other hand, is standing at the brink of death, and he’s laughing. Everyone’s guns lower as you watch him giggle, completely amused at the situation he’s in, but your guns don’t stay down for long, because the Ice Nation Warrior starts to pull the knife across Jasper’s throat as he asks, _“Yo vout in dison ste leyos?”_

You have enough time to translate the word _“funny”_ before your eyes land on the red blooming on Jasper’s neck, and Bellamy fires a shot at the warrior, knocking him away from Jasper. You aim for the warrior on the left and Miller aims for the one on the right, both of you taking them out in quick succession, knocking them off their horses. 

You watch as the warrior near Jasper starts to stand, and Octavia yells, “Jasper, get down!”

She pulls her sword from its sheath before throwing it at the man, and you all watch as it sticks itself into his chest, killing him. You barely have time to process the events of the last twenty seconds before the radio in the rover starts to crackle to life with Kane’s voice. Bellamy mutters, “What now?”

“I’ve got Jasper, you get Kane.”

He nods and jogs back to the rover, and you make a beeline for the injured delinquent, who is kneeling on the ground with his hand to his neck. “What the hell were you thinking?”

Octavia follows you over to Jasper, and you both haul him to his feet and lead him to the rover so he can lean against it for support. Jasper answers, “We got the beacon, didn’t we?”

You give him a disapproving look and mutter, “But we almost lost you.”

You see his expression soften slightly before he puts his guard up again. Miller jogs over and hands you a first aid kit, which you accept with a nod of thanks. You pull Jasper’s hand away and inspect the wound, glad that it’s not too deep, but still worried about the amount of blood. You press gauze to the wound and start to wrap cloth around his neck to hold it in place, securing it as Bellamy comes around the corner of the rover and yells, “Take him home!”

“I’m fine, thank you for asking.” 

Bellamy glares at him before calling out, “Miller!”

“Yeah?”

“Get one of their horses. Raven, since you can’t ride, you’re on the back. Octavia, get Jasper to Abby.” He looks between you and Monty, “You two are with me.”

“Okay.”

Everyone breaks off quickly, and you pass the medical kit to Octavia. “In case you need it again. Those bandages should hold until he gets back, but don’t waste any time.”

“You got it.”

You turn and head to the rover before sliding in the back seat behind Bellamy. Monty slides into the passenger seat, and he barely has the door closed before Bellamy takes off again. You look at Bellamy in the rearview mirror, “Where are we going?”

“Sector 4, to meet Kane.”

“Did he say why?”

“No.”

His curt responses are enough to let you know that he is tense and angry, and further questioning isn’t going to help that. You lean back and rest your head against the wall, letting the rest of the trip carry on in silence. 

When you reach sector 4, Bellamy drives until he reaches a large tunnel, and then he puts the car in park and slides out. You and Monty exchange a look before following him, lifting your guns and surveying the area as he leads you into the tunnel. 

Monty whispers, “You were right about Jasper.”

You glance at him and shrug, because you knew you were and having him say it out loud doesn’t change that. Bellamy turns back and glares at Monty. “Quiet. Keep your eyes peeled.” He’s quiet for a minute before adding, “I should’ve said no.”

“He’s getting worse isn’t he? I mean getting drunk every night is one thing, but smiling with a knife to your throat? That’s next level damage.”

You reach the edge of the tunnel and start to emerge into the light just as Kane and Indra step out of the bushes. You and Bellamy exchange a look as you offer, “Indra never comes with good news.”

“He must have told her we broke the truce.” As Kane and Indra reach you, Bellamy launches into his explanation. “Sir, before you say anything there was a good reason-”

Kane lifts his hand and cuts him off, “I’ll deal with that later.”

He turns to you, his expression serious, and your stomach drops. “This is about Clarke.”

“What about her?”

“She’s being hunted.”

Monty asks, “By who?”

“By everyone.”

You feel yourself sway on your feet, and Bellamy reaches out to grab your hand and steady you. Kane nods towards the rover, “We need to hurry, but we’ll explain on the way.”

You all jog back to the rover, and Monty slides into the driver’s seat, with Bellamy in the passenger seat beside him. You jump into the back, beside Kane, and Indra sits across from you. Kane directs Monty, “Back to sector 7.”

Monty nods and sets the course, and you turn to Indra. “Why is Clarke being hunted?”

“There’s a bounty for her.”

Kane clarifies, “Bounty, but not a kill order?”

“Not yet. Clarke’s a symbol. She’s known as Wanheda, the Commander of Death.”

Bellamy turns in his seat and you both exchange a look, remembering what the Ice Nation Warrior asked you about. As you process the rest of Indra’s statement, you ask, “Wait, you said it’s not a kill order yet, what do you mean?”

“My people believe that when you kill someone you get their power. Kill Wanheda and you command death.”

You feel your stomach roll over as you think of Clarke, the most wanted bounty in the 12 clans, and guilt washes over you. _Because you let her leave. You didn’t chase after her. You couldn’t find her. And now the world wants her power._

Kane looks at Indra with surprise and whispers, “She’s just one girl.”

“So is the Commander. What Clarke did at Mount Weather weakened her. The Ice Nation is emboldened because their Queen wants Clarke’s power. If her people believe she has it, she’ll break the Coalition and start a war. I can’t let that happen.”

You hear a beeping sound from the front seat, followed by Monty’s voice. “Welcome to Sector 7. Where to now?”

“If she’s here, she’ll need supplies. We’ll start at the trading posts.”

Monty shifts the rover into higher gear, speeding you up, and you turn to look at Kane. “Did you tell my mother about this?”

“No. I don’t wanna worry Abby until we know something.”

You nod, and everyone falls into silence as Monty takes you deeper and deeper into Azgeda territory. The drive takes hours, as afternoon bleeds into evening into night, and the moon is high in the sky when Monty suddenly slams on the breaks. You all slide forward, and you collide with Kane, who reaches out to steady you. You look up and over at the driver. “What the hell, Monty?”

He points to the tree in the path of the road, stretching from one side to the other. “We have to move it.”

Bellamy reaches for his door handle and you start to stand, when Indra reaches out and grabs your arm, stopping you. “Wait. It’s been cut down.”

Bellamy spins around in his seat and glares at her. “You don’t know that.”

Bellamy steps out of his seat and pushes open the hatch of the rover, poking his head out and looking around with his gun. You peer up at him from below, listening to the silence of the woods, until it’s broken by a strange creaking sound. It takes you a second to realize what it is before you grab Bellamy and tug him back inside, just as a second tree crashes down behind the rover, shaking all of you inside. 

Bellamy quickly jumps up and closes the hatch, and plops down in the seat behind Kane as Indra mutters, “We do now.”

-


	31. xxxi. wanheda, pt 2 (3.02)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: fighting, blood, injuries, dead bodies/death.
> 
> Summary: introductions to a new group leave you feeling on edge, and the search for clarke continues.

You all sit in tense silence as the moon sets and the sun begins to rise. It’s early dawn before Bellamy breaks the silence. “It’s been three hours. What are they waiting for?”

“Even with the light, I don’t see anyone.”

You turn and peer out of the vehicle, finding no movement or signs of life. Monty turns from his spot in the driver’s seat. “I say we make a run for it.”

Kane shakes his head, “No, that’s what they want us to do.”

“The boy is right. They can wait longer than we can.”

Kane watches Indra for a second, considering her words, before nodding and turning to Bellamy. “Okay, Bellamy. You get in the turret and you cover us. Once we get to that ridge over there, we’ll cover you.”

You can see the skepticism on his face, so you whisper, “I’ll stay with you, and cover them from back here.”

“Copy that. Run fast.”

He stands and pushes open the hatch, poking his head out and pulling his gun up to follow. But before he can make another move, you see him freeze in place, body going rigid. He mutters, “They’re here.”

“Everybody out or the boy dies!”

Suddenly, Bellamy is yanked out of the rover through the hatch, and he disappears from sight. You feel panic rise within you and you yell, “Okay, we’re coming out! Don’t hurt him!”

You drop your gun to the floor, and Kane follows suit, then Monty and finally, after a moment of hesitation, Indra. You turn and look at Kane as you reach for the door, and he nods his approval, so you turn the handle and start to push it open. The second you see sunlight, the door is yanked open the rest of the way, and you are harshly pulled out and thrown to the ground. 

Someone presses their knee into your lower back, pinning you in place as they secure your hands behind you. You struggle as you hear the others hit the ground around you, and you hear Bellamy let out a grunt of pain from somewhere nearby. You lift your head and search for him, your eyes landing on him to your left. He meets your eyes and you both struggle harder when you see each other in danger, fighting to reach each other, but two more Grounders converge on each of you, holding you down and stopping your movement. Someone yells, “All targets secure!”

Your brows pull together at the sound of English, the language rarely used by Grounder warriors when they think you might be listening. You hear the beeping of a machine grow more rapid as it locates what it’s looking for, and someone mutters, “Found it.”

You struggle to lift your head and see what’s happening, but you hear someone struggle as they are pulled to their feet, and Monty yells out, “It’s mine. Give it back!”

Across from you, Bellamy yells, “Monty, let it go!”

One of the Grounders lets out a surprised whisper, “Monty?”

You struggle and turn to face him, as realization passes over Monty’s face. “Mom?”

Monty’s mom tugs her mask off and runs to him, pulling him into a tight hug as you all watch the reunion in confusion. Someone yells, “Farm station, stand down.”

They release Kane, but keep their weapons trained on you, Bellamy, and Indra. Kane turns to look at the man standing over him. “Pike?”

The name seems familiar, but you can’t remember why. Pike pulls off his mask, and pulls Kane to his feet and into a hug. “You have no idea how good it is to see you.”

“We didn’t think you made it!”

Pike turns to the men still pinning you to the ground, “I said stand down.”

They finally release you, and cut your hands free, and Bellamy jogs over and helps you to your feet. You both start walking over to Kane and Pike when Kane asks, “How many of you are there?”

“Sixty-three. The rest are camped in the mountains north of here. Grounder killers one and all, am I right?”

Everyone in the group let’s out a hoorah of agreement, and you and Kane exchange a concerned look as you and Bellamy reach their side. You look between the two men and you deadpan, “I hate to cut this short, but we’ve got to find Clarke.”

Pike turns to you in surprise. “Clarke Griffin?”

You nod, and he gives Bellamy a mock disappointed look. “If only all of my Earth Skills students were as good as her.”

Bellamy smirks and they shake hands in greeting. “It’s good to see you, sir.”

“You too.”

Pike turns back to you. “And you’re-”

You guess his line of thinking, and finish the sentence for him. “The twin, yes.”

He shakes your hand as you tell him your name, before he says, “I can see the resemblance to Clarke, but you look like your dad too.”

“You knew my dad?”

He smiles, “Formidable chess player, tough to beat. We used to play every now and then.”

You smile, thinking of a memory, a chess game with your father. You’re thankful to receive a small piece of him, even after all this time. Kane turns and looks at the fallen tree, reminding you of your current mission. “Okay, move the tree.”

You and Bellamy head over to the tree, and Monty comes up beside you before other men from Farm Station line up on either side of him and Bellamy. You all start to push the tree away, and once you’ve cleared a path big enough for the rover, you step away. You turn to Monty, and see the sadness on his face. “Are you okay?”

“My dad didn’t make it.”

You feel a pang in your chest, the all too familiar feeling of losing your father, and you pull him in for a hug. “Monty, I’m sorry.”

He hugs you back before stepping away, “I’ll be okay. I have to be.”

You all start to walk back towards Kane and Pike, and Kane looks at Monty as you approach. “Monty, give them the coordinates to Arkadia. We have a settlement fifty miles south of here. Your people will be safe there.”

Pike gives Kane a serious look, “You’re my people.”

“Good. Because we have reports that put Clarke north of here. We could certainly use your expertise.”

“Mount up, we’re going back into Hell.”

-

The ride to the trading post is silent, but short. 

As soon as Monty pulls up to the building, you jump out, eager to look for any sign of Clarke. You can hear Kane and Bellamy calling out for you to slow down, and you’re about to comply, until you hear the sounds of fighting coming from inside the trading post. You lift your gun and hurry to the door, and you can hear the two men jogging up behind you as you quietly push the door open. 

Once the door is wide enough, your eyes land on a man pinning a woman to the ground, a knife to her wrist, yelling at her in Trigedasleng. You catch the word Wanheda before you pull the trigger, shooting him in the head and killing him instantly. His body drops to the ground beside her and she scrambles to her feet, turning to look at you as you all file inside, weapons raised and ready. As the others scan the room, you and Bellamy walk towards the woman, and he asks, “Are you okay?”

She steps away from the both of you, looking scared, and you lower your weapon and lift your hands in surrender. Bellamy follows suit and you tell her, _“Osir nou na bash yo op.”_

 _We mean you no harm._ You’re not sure if the Trigedasleng is correct, but Indra and the woman don’t give you a weird look, so you think you got the message across. Indra adds, _“Yu hon yu in osir sisplei.”_

You’re halfway through translating Indra’s words in your head when Pike yells out, “English!”

You turn and give him a sharp look, opening your mouth to say something, but Kane catches your eye and shakes his head. He turns to the man. “Pike, go outside. Take Monty and Hannah, search the perimeter. Make sure he was alone.”

He gives Kane a hesitant look, until Kane nods, urging him to leave, and Pike finally turns and walks out the door. Indra turns back to the woman. _“Osir ste lufa Wanheda au.”_

 _We’re looking for Wanheda._ The woman turns and glares at the dead body. “So was he.”

You step forward, voice pleading, “Please, she’s in danger.”

Her head cocks to the side, eyeing you closely, and she steps forward and reaches out for you. You feel Bellamy shift beside you, protective, and you put your hand up to let him know you’re okay. She touches a finger to the moon around your neck and whispers, “She has one just like this, but it’s a star.”

“She’s my sister.”

Her gaze lifts to yours, studying you for any signs of mistruth, but finding none. She nods and steps back. “She was here last night.”

“Did she say where she was going?”

“She was here when I fell asleep and gone when I woke up.”

Kane steps closer to her, “Did she give you any indication of where she might go?”

“No, but he did. He said that his partner came back for her, and that he was Ice Nation.” Kane nods and starts to step away, and she reaches out and grabs your hand, “I hope you find her.”

“Thank you,” you trail off, unsure of her name. 

She answers, “Niylah.”

You offer her your name, and Bellamy’s, before Monty comes running into the building. “Good news. I found fresh tracks.”

“Great, start the rover.”

Monty shakes his head. “That’s the bad news. Too many trees, we have to go on foot.”

You turn and give Niylah one last nod of thanks before you follow the others out the door and into the trees. Indra leads the group, followed by Monty and his mother, while Kane and Pike follow them. You and Bellamy bring up the rear, watching everyone’s backs. 

You hike through the woods, following the tracks into an open field, covered with dry grass that rustles in the wind. It shifts as you trudge through it, and you’re running your hands along the tops of it, lost in your head, when Pike drops back and starts to walk beside you and Bellamy. “Can I ask you a question?”

You and Bellamy nod your consent, and he continues, “Last report we got on the Ark, you were under attack by Grounders. What changed?”

Bellamy answers, “Turns out we had a common enemy.”

“What happened to them?”

You glance at Bellamy, watching as the muscle in his jaw ticks, the subject one he never likes to discuss. You glance over at Pike. “We killed them all.”

Pike’s brows lift, impressed, but he doesn’t get the chance to ask for more details, because Indra holds up a hand and turns back to mutter, “Quiet. Listen.”

You hear the heavy beats of drums in the distance, and suddenly you’re back at the dropship, preparing the camp for invasion. Indra clarifies, “Azgeda.”

Monty looks at her in confusion. “You can tell it’s Ice Nation from the sound?”

“No, from them.”

She points to three dead bodies on the ground nearby, and you get a heavy feeling in your stomach. Something urges you to look around, and you lift your gun and peer through the scope, searching the horizon. 

“We need to get those bodies off the field unless you’re good with them thinking we did this.”

“Go, hurry.”

You pass over two figures quickly before realizing and moving your scope back to focus on them. “Wait! Two people at twelve o'clock.”

You see a mess of blonde hair and your stomach drops, sure that it’s her. She turns a second later to take in her surroundings, and you get a good look at her, the gag in her mouth, and the worry on her face. “It’s Clarke!”

You immediately lower your gun and start sprinting towards her, but you only make it a few feet before Pike steps into your path and holds you back. You try to move around him as you demand, “Get out of my way!”

“You’ll never make it in time.”

Monty and Bellamy run up to your side, and Monty points to the army marching right into the only path to Clarke. “He’s right. No way we get across without being seen.”

“We should lay low, let the army pass, then we find Clarke.”

You turn to Bellamy, expecting him to be on your side, but he gives you an apologetic look, and you know you’ve been outnumbered. Bellamy grabs your hand and leads you over to one of the dead bodies, and you grab the man’s feet while he grabs his arms. Indra runs off after telling Kane something, and you watch as Monty and his mother grab the second body, while Kane and Pike get the last. You all half walk, half run to the cave, three dead bodies in tow, but you can’t stop turning and looking in the direction Clarke disappeared in. Bellamy pulls your attention back to him. “Hey.”

You turn and he gives you a reassuring smile. “We’ll get her, I promise.”

You nod, but for once, he hasn’t made you feel any better. Once you reach the caves, everyone drops the dead bodies right outside of the entrance, before stepping inside of the hiding place and getting comfortable. 

You stand at the entrance looking out at the field, before turning and walking over to Kane. “We’re losing her.”

“Relax. Save your energy.”

Pike puts a hand on your shoulder. “Kane’s right. The army will move soon. You’ll need your strength for what comes next.”

You shrug his hand off and go back to the entrance, finding no support from the others, before plopping yourself down on a rock with a huff. Bellamy kneels down in front of you, situating himself right in your line of sight. “Clarke’s strong. She’ll be okay.”

You nod, dropping your head away from him slightly, and he lifts his hand to your chin and tips your face back towards him. “You’re strong, too. Stronger than any of us.”

You can see the worry on his face, so you smile, hoping that it’s reassuring. It must be, because he smiles back before leaning forward and pressing a kiss to your lips. When he pulls away he whispers, “Come sit with the others.”

You smile, “I’ll come over in a second, I just need a minute.”

He nods, before standing and heading deeper into the cave. You drop your head into your hands, trying to collect yourself as you hear Monty ask about the fate of his father. Your stomach sinks, not sure you want to hear this, but feeling like you should, and when you lift your head again, ready to go join them, your eyes land on the dead bodies at the entrance of the cave. Azgeda. Just like the army.

You turn and glance back at the others, but they’re all focused on Pike, who’s telling them the story of Farm Station, so you walk over to the bodies and lay your gun down beside them before stripping them for clothes. You take enough from them to blend in, including one of their swords, silently thanking Octavia for the lessons over the last few months. 

The last thing you pull on is one of their masks, and you wrap it around your face to hide your identity. With one last look into the cave, you take a deep breath for courage, and sneak back out into the field. 

You cross easily at first, careful to move at the same pace as the others so as not to raise any suspicions, but the closer you get to the edge of the field and the edge of the army, the faster you start to move. You can see the start of a new treeline right in front of you, ten steps and you’ll be able to duck into the trees for cover. And just as you start to reach it, a hand claps down on your shoulder and spins you towards him. Your heart speeds up in your chest as he gives you an angry look, and for a second you think he knows you’re an imposter. But then he dips his fingers into a pouch at his side, and pulls them back out again, now stained white.

He reaches up and smears the white war paint over your eyes and to the top of your nose, before he turns you in the direction of the rest of the army and nudges you forward. You start to walk with them, watching as the man checks the others around you for war paint. He walks past you and starts to check the soldiers in front of you, and you use the distraction to take the last few steps from the army and into the treeline. 

As soon as you are hidden in the trees, you pull the mask off your face, taking in deep breaths of air as your nerves threaten to overtake you. You stand there and collect yourself until you can feel your heartbeat slow again, and then you straighten up and look around for any sign of where Clarke went. 

You almost smile when you see grass trampled down in front of you, likely the result of two people walking, and you follow it quickly, allowing it to lead you deeper and deeper into the woods. You send a silent thank you to Finn for teaching you a few things about tracking, as you pass by a tree and see a smear of blood on the bark. You walk that way, until you find a giant pole with a similar patch of blood. Right beside it, a set of stairs descends into the darkness, and with a resolute nod you pull the sword off your back and start to sneak down the stairs quietly. 

Once you reach the bottom you peer around the corner, and find a small pair of hands tied around a pole. You look around for a sign of Clarke’s captor, but finding none, you walk towards her as quickly as you can. When you step beside her, you see her body tense, and her breathing quickens until you drop to your knees in front of her and smile. Her eyes widen with surprise, and you reach up and pull the gag from her mouth as you whisper, “My shining star.”

As soon as the gag is free she yells, “Look out!”

You have a split second to register the words and movement to your right, lifting your sword to defend yourself just as her captor’s sword comes down towards you. He delivers a kick to your chest that knocks you flat on your back, and as you try to lift your sword again, he steps on your wrist, pinning it in place. 

You start to reach for your knife, still secured in your thigh holster, but he senses the movement and beats you to it, pulling the knife from its place. He lifts his sword to your neck, and just as he’s about to plunge it through your throat, Clarke cries out, “Please, please don’t! I’ll do anything, I’ll stop fighting! Just please don’t kill her!”

The man turns to look at her, considering her offer, and then back at you. You can see the moment he catches the similarities because he lowers the sword, and Clarke whispers, “Thank you.”

He follows her thanks with a swift stab to your thigh, and you cry out in pain as the blade sinks into your skin. He pulls it back out and sends blood flying, before grunting out, “Don’t follow us.”

And then everything goes dark.

-

You wake quickly to pain in your leg and a pounding headache. 

As you blink against the light that pours into the room, you start to remember what happened and you scramble to your feet, crying out in pain as you put weight on your injured leg. You grab your discarded knife from the ground and slide it into your holster, before tearing off a strip of fabric from your clothes and tying a tourniquet above your wound. 

You half run, half hobble up the stairs and into the open, searching for the signs of their departure. You finally find them to your right and you start to hobble that way when you hear twigs snapping behind you. You reach down and grab your knife and spin towards the sound, weapon held in front of you, ready to attack. You lower it when you realize it’s Bellamy, who’s tearing through the trees towards you. 

Relief washes over his features when he sees you, but it’s short lived as his eyes move down to your hand pressed over your bleeding thigh. His voice is high with panic as he drops to his knees in front of you and inspects the wound, “What happened?”

“I had her, Bellamy! She was right in front of me, until I took a knife to the leg.”

“Let me help you back to Kane and the others.”

“No!”

He looks up at you in surprise, whispering your name with concern. “You’re hurt, bleeding pretty bad from what I can tell, and-”

You cut him off, “Bellamy, this is Clarke we’re talking about. My sister, my _twin_ , and she has a bounty on her head. What would you do if it was Octavia?”

You see the muscle in his jaw twitch, and you know you’ve cornered him. “I’d stop at nothing to get her back.”

He locks eyes with you, and your brows lift, as if asking, “So?”

He sighs, “Which way did they go?”

“That way.”

He slides an arm around you, encouraging you to shift your weight onto him, as he heads in the direction you pointed in. You struggle to hold back your grunts of pain as each step sends a jolt of pain through your leg, and Bellamy pretends that he hears nothing, determined to assist your dumb decision, not hinder it. 

You don’t make it very far before you hear the others clambering towards you, yelling your name and, “She’s hurt!”

You glance over at Bellamy, “I’m not stopping.”

He nods and continues to help you along, ignoring Kane and Monty as they yell at the two of you to stop. Monty reaches you first, grabbing Bellamy’s arm to stop him, and leaning down to inspect your leg. “You need stitches.”

He glances up at you and you step away from him. “I’m fine, Monty. I just want to get Clarke.”

Kane hears this as he approaches and glares at you. “You can barely walk.”

“I’m _fine_.”

He turns to Bellamy. “She’ll bleed out if you continue down this path.”

You see Bellamy look at you with worry in his face and you turn to Kane and snap, “Don’t do that! Don’t freak him out just so he’ll listen to you. I’m not going to give up on Clarke and just let him kill her!”

Monty’s voice is soft as he replies, “We want to find her too, but look at your leg. You could die out here and we have no real trail.”

Emotion builds up inside of you and bursts free as you yell, “I can’t lose Clarke!”

Bellamy shifts beside you, forcing you to look at him. “We’ll find her, okay? We’ll figure something out, I promise.”

You glance down at your leg, and you know they’re right. So you let out a quiet sigh and concede. “Okay.”

Bellamy leans down and scoops you up in his arms, taking your weight off the wound as he carries you through the forest. You start to protest, but as soon as you’re off your feet, you realize how tired you truly are, and how much the last 24 hours has taken out of you. 

The last thing you remember before passing out again, is Bellamy softly humming Clair de lune.

-


	32. xxxii. ye who enter here (3.03)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: language, mentions of injuries, death, mentions of anxiety, angst, blood, stabbing, violence, explosions, mentions of getting drugged.
> 
> Summary: after months of trying to avoid it, you return to Mount Weather, and you’re reminded of why you hate it so much.

You wake up in the hospital ward a few hours after returning to Arkadia. 

You’re unsurprised to find both Bellamy and your mother asleep on either side of you, your hands intertwined with each of theirs. You smile down at their sleeping forms, before squeezing Bellamy’s hand slightly, waking him. 

He takes in a deep breath as he wakes, turning and blinking up at you sleepily. When he realizes that you’re awake, he wakes up much faster, smiling at you and whispering, “Hey.”

“Hi.”

“How are you feeling?”

You flip your hand over, revealing your IV. “I feel nothing, which means mom slipped me something.”

“She was worried about you.”

You roll your eyes slightly. “It’s just a little knife wound. We’ve had worse.”

Another voice answers before he can, her tone scolding. “A deep knife wound that you sloppily patched up before running on it.”

You turn and face your mother, giving her a smile and hoping that it eases her disappointment. “I promise I’m fine. Besides, aren’t you the one who’s been mad at me for letting Clarke go in the first place?”

Bellamy senses a fight coming and he stands and quickly presses a kiss to your forehead, mumbling something about “incoming explosions” as he scurries out the door. Your mother’s voice drops to a whisper when she answers, “I haven’t been mad at you in weeks, you know that.”

“I know, I’m sorry. But I’ve been mad at myself. And I was so close, mom, I nearly brought her back.”

She reaches up and pushes your hair off your face. “She knows where Arkadia is, she’ll come back when she’s ready.”

You shake your head, “Didn’t they tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

“About the bounty?”

She freezes and all the color drains from her face. “What bounty?”

“There’s a bounty on Clarke’s head, and she was being held captive when I found her.” You can tell from the expression on her face that this is all news to her. “Shit, was I not supposed to tell you?”

She tries to give you a reassuring smile, but it barely masks her anger. “I’m glad you did, honey.”

She reaches up to fiddle with your IV. “Get some rest. I’ll send Bellamy in to keep an eye on you.”

The sleepiness overtakes you as the sedative flows through the IV and into your bloodstream, knocking you out and taking you back into the land of dreams before Bellamy has even entered the room. 

-

_Four days after getting stabbed_

You shift on your stool and let your eyes rake over the guns once more, double checking your count, before scribbling down the number and moving to the next group. 

_Okay, shock batons. One, two, three-_

“Hey!”

You almost fall off the stool in surprise, and you turn to Bellamy with a glare. “You nearly gave me a heart attack!”

“I’m sorry.” He steps inside, and grabs the notebook from your hand, setting it to the side. He presses an apologetic kiss to your forehead before he pulls you to your feet. “Kane says he has news and he needs to see us.”

“Good news?”

“Seems like it.”

“What are we waiting for then?”

You head to the Chancellor’s office as fast as you can, still limping a little from the pain in your leg, despite your best efforts not to. Bellamy knocks on the door as you reach it, and Kane waves you inside, cutting off the conversation he was having with your mother. She glares as she watches you limp inside. “Where are your crutches?”

You roll your eyes, “I’m not using those.”

“Clearly.”

Kane cuts a look between the two of you, and you both cut the argument off before it can continue any further. “We just got word from Lexa.”

“Lexa as in, betrayed us at Mount Weather Lexa?”

Kane gives you a disapproving look. “Commander Lexa, yes. She has Clarke.”

“How? Is she okay? When can we get her?”

“Lexa put the bounty on Clarke’s head when she found out the Ice Nation’s Queen wanted Wanheda’s power. The bounty ensured that Clarke was brought to Polis, their capitol, unharmed.”

You open your mouth to ask another question, but he holds up a hand to stop you. “She’s fine. We’ve been asked to meet with the Commander, and that’s when we’ll get Clarke.”

“Great, when do we leave?”

“ _We’ll_ leave in three days. _You’re_ not going.” 

“What?”

“Your leg is still healing, and your mother and I agree that-”

“My leg is fine! This is just about what I-”

“…further proven by the fact that you refuse to use the crutches-”

“…just upset that I didn’t obey your stupid-”

“Enough!” You and Kane quiet immediately, tuning to look at your mother in surprise. She locks eyes with you. “You and Bellamy will be delivering supplies to the Farm Station survivors at Mount Weather in three days. Kane and I will go to Polis, meet with Lexa, and bring Clarke home. End of discussion.”

“Did you just say people are staying in Mount Weather?”

She turns to look at Bellamy, who’s been quiet up until this moment. “Yes. The only space we could offer the Farm Station survivors was tent space, and when they heard about Mount Weather being empty, they asked to stay there. We sent a small group ahead first, and if all is well with the Grounders, we’ll send the rest.”

“Won’t that look bad to the Grounders? The Mountain Slayers moving into the enemy’s house?” You turn and look at Kane, “What was it you said to me months ago? We’d look like a new set of conquerors?”

“Yes, well, the decision has been made. Gather a team, you leave in three days.”

Bellamy mutters, “Yes sir.”

“Yes sir.”

“Good. Dismissed.”

-

_One week after getting stabbed_

You’re silent the whole way back to Mount Weather, lost in your head. 

As soon as Raven parks the rover outside the ground entrance to the mountain, you freeze in place, ignoring everything around you as Gina, Raven, and Octavia all jump out and start to unload the rover. Bellamy reaches out and grabs your hand. “They’ll be fine at the delegation.”

“We should be there, Bellamy.”

“Maybe if someone used their crutches…”

You ignore his playful tone and glare at him. “My leg’s fine and you know it. Kane is just pissed that I disobeyed him and he’s trying to teach me a lesson.”

“Probably. But that doesn’t change the fact that they’re in Polis and we’re here.”

He stands and tugs on your hand, getting you to follow suit, before helping you out of the rover and onto the ground. You both stand staring at the entrance, remembering the last time you were here, and you whisper, “I hate this fucking mountain.”

“Kane says we don’t have to stay long. He gave Gina a list of things to take care of, and then we can leave.”

You nod. “Let’s make it quick then.”

You both turn and grab the last few bags from the rover, you and Bellamy each taking a handle on the heaviest one, sharing the weight as you walk side by side behind the others. You can hear Raven telling Gina a story from the Ark, and Octavia drops back to walk on your other side. She notices your silence and asks, “You okay?”

You give her a reassuring smile. “Yeah, I’ll be back to my usual charming self as soon as we’re out of here.”

She laughs but it dies in her throat as you come around the final corner, the hallway opening up into the mess hall, loud with music and laughter. You all stand at the entrance, frozen and in shock at the comfort of Farm Station as they sit at the tables eating and smiling. You fight back the image of the hundreds of irradiated bodies that littered the floor the last time you were here. 

Pike sees you all at the entrance and yells, “Welcome! Join us.”

You mutter, “Someone’s made themselves at home.”

Octavia sounds horrified when she counters, “There must be 30 of them in here.”

Pike reaches you and hears this, clarifying, “36, but the more, the merrier.”

You and Bellamy lower the bag to the ground so he can reach out to shake Pike’s hand, and he nods at you in greeting. Octavia looks around the room before glaring at Pike. “36? Wow. The Grounders are gonna think we moved in.”

“Well, there was no room at the inn.”

“And this is your option?”

Bellamy glances at his sister, his voice a warning. “O.”

“I’m out of here.”

She turns and storms off, and you and Bellamy exchange a look as Pike muses, “Spirited.”

You glance around the room again and a chill passes over you, before you turn back to Bellamy. “I’ll check on her.”

“Thank you.”

He presses a quick kiss to your cheek before following Pike into the room, and you turn and head back down the hall and up to the ground. Each passing second you spend in the mountain leaves you feeling more and more anxious, and by the time you reach the top level, you’re practically running to the door, fighting off the images of what you’ve done. As soon as you push open the door to the ground level and step into the sunshine, your anxiety starts to fade, leaving you calmer than before. You hear a whistle and you look over your shoulder to see Octavia on top of the entrance, looking down at you. 

You move to the side and find the ladder, ignoring the slight pain in your leg as you climb to the top and plop down beside her. “So that’s Pike.”

It’s not a question, but you answer like it is. “Yup.”

“Seems great.”

You snort at the sarcasm in her voice. “Very pleasant. You should have heard his anti Grounder stuff when we first met him. He yelled at Indra when she spoke Trigedasleng and kept making snide remarks about how all Grounders are the same.”

“Great.”

You hum in response and she turns to watch you. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes. No.” You shake your head, “I don’t know. It’s this mountain, O. I’ve done nothing but avoid thinking about it for the last 3 months, and being back here just…doesn’t feel right.”

“You, Bell, and Clarke did what you had to to save our people.”

“Everyone keeps saying that, but it doesn’t make it any easier. I wish it did.”

She reaches over and puts her hand on top of yours. “You’ll get through this. You and Belllamy both.”

You turn and smile at her, both of you sinking into comfortable silence as you enjoy the quietness of the ground. Bellamy comes out a few minutes later, unsurprised to find you both sitting on top of the entrance, and you scoot over as he reaches the top, allowing him to sit between you and Octavia. His gaze is focused on her. “You okay?”

“The Grounders will never accept this.”

“We’re not the Mountain Men, O. Nyko and Lincoln will make them see that.”

Octavia glares at him. “How? Lincoln has a kill order on him. He can’t even leave camp without risking his life.”

“The summit will take care of that.”

Octavia turns away from him and looks out at the trees. “Then we can finally get out of here.”

You both turn to look at her, surprised, and she meets your gazes. “I’m sorry. I don’t fit in here.”

Bellamy takes a deep breath, and reaches for her hand. “If you need to leave, I get that, but you’ll always fit in with me.”

“And me.”

She starts to reply, but stops when you hear arguing beyond the trees, and you all turn just in time to watch two guards dragging a Grounder towards the front door. “What the hell?”

You all leap up and descend the ladder, jogging over to the trio. As soon as you see the Grounder’s face, you recognize her. “Echo?”

You and Bellamy exchange a look, and Octavia asks, “You know her?”

“Yeah, she’s Ice Nation. She was in the cage next to mine.”

When Echo sees you walking towards her, she yells your names, relieved. Bellamy yells, “Let her go.”

One of the guards glares at you. “She threatened the summit.”

“I was trying to help!”

“Shut up.” He kicks her legs out from under her, knocking her to the ground. 

Bellamy yells, “I said, get your hands off her.”

Octavia moves behind the guards and glances at Echo’s restraints before looking up and meeting your eyes. “Knife?”

You pull your knife from the holder on your thigh and flip it in your hand until the handle is out, facing Octavia, and then you hold it out to her. She takes it and cuts Echo loose as the guards protest. “What are you doing? She’s a Grounder.”

You help Echo to her feet and Bellamy asks, “What are you talking about?”

“The summit’s a trap. The assassin is already there. By sundown, your people will die.”

Your stomach drops, and you turn to Bellamy with a horrified look, “Clarke. My mother. Kane.”

Bellamy looks at Echo. “We need you to tell us everything.”

She nods and you all lead her inside the mountain, straight into the mess hall and over to Pike. He looks up at all of you in shock, a Grounder between you, before clearing out the room of children and leaving only his guards. “What is this?”

“Echo is Ice Nation, and she has something to tell us.”

You see Pike’s eyes widen and he nods at two guards over your shoulder, who push you, Bellamy, and Octavia out of the way to grab Echo. They yank her towards a chair and push her into it before restraining her. “What are you doing? She’s with us!”

Pike glances between you and Bellamy. “We’ll see.”

He walks over to Echo and glares down at her. “Bellamy says you have something to tell us?”

“The summit’s a trap.”

“How do you know?”

“I was with the Queen’s army heading toward Polis. The war chief talks too loud.”

Pike looks at her in disbelief. “You’re one of them, so why are you telling us this?”

Echo looks over at you and Bellamy, sadness in her eyes. “We abandoned Skaikru in the Battle for the Mountain. It was wrong.”

Bellamy turns to Pike, voice earnest. “Pike, we saved her life, this is her saving ours. We can trust her.”

Pike considers this, as Sinclair, Raven, and Gina run into the room and join the group. Bellamy addresses all of them. “Listen up. If we want to get to Polis before the attack, we have to move.”

Sinclair shakes his head, confused. “Attack? Do we have confirmation of that?” 

Octavia walks over to you, radio in hand. “I’ve been trying to radio, but no answer.”

Pike sighs, “They may already be dead, for all we know. If they are, we need to be ready to respond.”

Sinclair turns to him. “Don’t make this about the missiles.”

You and Bellamy exchange a worried glance, both of you thinking about Tondc, and you turn to Pike in shock. “Missiles?”

“This is about survival. We don’t have the numbers, but the missiles in this mountain even the playing field, and you know I’m right.”

Sinclair steps closer to him, “Even if I did agree with you, we still don’t have the launch codes.”

Raven smirks, walking over to the two men. “No, but we have me.”

Pike nods his approval at Raven, before turning and grabbing Echo, pulling her out of the chair and out of the room. Octavia follows to keep an eye on them, leaving you and Bellamy mostly alone. You smile at him and turn to grab a gun from the crate behind you, but he reaches out to stop you. “You’re not going.”

You spin towards him, incredulous. “Like hell I’m not! My twin and my mother are at that summit!”

“Which is why you shouldn’t be there. Plus, your leg-”

“Damn it, Bellamy, my leg is fine!”

“Your mother asked me to look out for you, and-”

You reach for the guns again, ignoring him. “I don’t care, I’m going.”

“No, you’re not.”

You spin towards him, growing angrier. “Yes, I am!”

“Kane said-”

“I don’t care what Kane said, Bellamy! I’m going to that summit, and you can’t stop me.”

You start to brush past him, but he grabs you and spins you towards him, pulling you in for a kiss. You start to resist him at first, but kiss him back when you realize that this is his apology, and he’s changed his mind. As you lose yourself in the feel of him, you almost miss the prick in your neck. 

You open your eyes in surprise and pull away from him, shocked to find his hand held in the air, a syringe tight in his grip. Your eyes lift to his, your face full of betrayal. “What did you-”

You cut yourself off when you feel yourself sway on your feet, and Bellamy reaches out and catches you right as you start to fall. He pulls you up into his arms, looking down at you with regret, and the last thing you hear before passing out, is a soft, “I’m sorry.”

-

You wake up slowly, feeling heavy and groggy as you come out of sleep.

And then you remember why you were asleep.

Anger pulses through you, intertwined with betrayal, and it wakes you quickly. You jump up, realizing you’re in a bed in the 6th floor dorms, and you run out of the room and into the hall, making a beeline for the elevator. Once you reach the first floor, you run down the hall, ignoring the limp and the pain in your leg, pushing yourself as fast as you can as you head straight for the door.

When you burst out of it and into the open air, you feel your stomach sink to your feet at the now empty spot where the rover was parked. You let out an angry yell before turning and running back into the building and straight for the mess hall. Once there, you push past the people milling about, chatting aimlessly about nothing, and grab a radio off one of the nearby tables, tuning in to the agreed upon channel. “Bellamy, come in.”

You let your finger off the button and stand glaring at the radio, waiting for a response. When you get nothing, you repeat, “Bellamy, do you read me?”

After another silent minute, you grind out, “Bellamy Blake, you better answer the goddamn radio.”

But again, you’re met with nothing. You let out a frustrated huff and clip the radio to your belt, before deciding to find Raven. After asking around, you find out that she, Gina, and Sinclair are down in the control room, so you head there. As soon as you burst through the door, you meet Raven’s gaze with a glare, and she lets out a snort of laughter. “Yeah, that’s the exact face I told Bellamy you’d make when you found out.”

“Did you know he was going to do it?”

“No.”

You let out another frustrated huff and plop down into a chair. After a moment of silence, you ask, “What are _we_ doing then?”

“Trying to figure out the launch codes for this stupid missile.” You see her furiously punch the keys on the keyboard before yelling, “Damn it!”

“What happened to that Raven Reyes confidence?”

Raven turns to glare at Sinclar. “It’s a 12-digit code, and there are a trillion combinations. It’s gonna take me a minute.”

Sinclair turns to Gina. “Gina, what do you got?”

She helplessly lifts her hands, “Don’t look at me. I’m just a grunt.”

You smirk at her and she smiles back at you as Sinclair sighs, “Oh come on, guys, it’s gonna be dark soon. We’re working analog, we’re working digital. What are we missing?”

You think about Dante, remembering his age, before asking, “How is the president gonna remember a number that long?”

“Not well.”

Gina looks over at you, catching on, and asks, “Want to bet he wrote it down somewhere?”

“Oh, come on. That’s like setting the launch code to all zeros.”

“And yet it’s better than anything we’ve come up with.”

Gina smiles, “I’ll check the president’s office.”

You stand, “I’ll go with her.”

Sinclair tosses Gina a radio. “We’ll keep working the tech angle. Hopefully, one of us will get lucky.”

You follow Gina out of the Control Room and to the other side of the level where the President’s office is located. Once inside, Gina heads for the desk, and you start scanning the books on the bookshelf, taking them down and shaking them out, looking for any sign of hidden papers. You work in silence for a few minutes until Gina glances over at you. “Don’t be mad at Bellamy.”

You glance over at her, confused, and she adds, “For the sedative thing.”

“He took my choice away, Gina. Didn’t even give me the chance to go.”

“It wasn’t his idea. It was the Chancellor’s.”

You turn to her fully, brows lifted in surprise. “My mother?”

“I overheard her talking to Bellamy when she gave it to him, and she said she couldn’t risk losing you again. She told him to inject you if it seemed like you were going to put yourself at risk again.” She stops rummaging through the desk, lifting her eyes to look at you. “He fought her on it, for a while actually. I had to finish loading the rover, so I didn’t hear the rest. I wasn’t even sure he took it until Raven told me what he did.”

You nod, taking this all in, trying to process it. Then you suddenly remember something from the last time you were in Mount Weather. “Dante’s quarters are around the corner, I should go check it out.”

She nods, and you add, “Channel 4 on the radio if you need me.”

“Okay.”

You turn and head towards the door, but right before you step out, you turn back to her. “Hey, Gina?”

She looks up again, already back to searching. “Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

She smiles. “What you have is too good to throw away on a misunderstanding. Sometimes people do crazy things for love.”

You think about nearly hanging to death, and following Bellamy into Mount Weather, too worried to let him go alone, and you smile back. “Yeah, I guess they do.”

And then you turn and head out of the office, jogging around the corner and up to the only other door on this hall. The door is cracked, so you push it open, half expecting Dante or Cage to jump out and yell at you. But it’s empty, full of nothing except ghosts and a few modest belongings. You rummage through all the drawers on the bedside table before checking the small desk area. After finding nothing, you move to the bookshelf and check the books again, shaking them quickly and tossing them to the side when you find nothing. 

You smile when your eyes land on the next title, a yellow book with a blue spine.

_**The Iliad.** _

_Bellamy rolls off you, both of you panting as you come down from your high. When he hears your breathing slow, he turns towards you, a smile on his face. “Have I ever told you about the Iliad?”_

_Your nose scrunches when you ask, “Were you thinking about a book while we were having sex?”_

_“No.” He sees your disbelief and laughs. “Okay, maybe a little. But only because I was thinking of our first time, and when you asked me to tell you about the gods. Which made me think of the Iliad, and how my mom used to read it to me and O when we were kids.”_

_He smiles as he tells you the memory, his grin boyish and bright. You can’t help but smile in return. “I wish you could read it to me.”_

_His smile drops a little. “Me too. I bet the only copy left was on the Ark. Who knows where it ended up when they came down.”_

The memory makes your heart ache for Bellamy, your anger already starting to dissipate. You turn the book upside down, but you don’t see the piece of paper that falls out and flutters to the floor, too distracted by Gina’s voice calling your name on the radio. You lift the radio to your lips. “Did you find something?”

You’re answered by silence and you tuck the book into the waistband of your pants and ask, “Gina, are you there?”

You hear your name come through again, this time carried on the sound of a gurgle. You feel the hairs on the back of your neck lift, as suspicion takes over you. “I’m coming to you.”

You turn and run out the door, jogging back down the hall towards the office. Just as you round the corner and step into the room, you run right into a knife blade, which sinks into your side. You look up in surprise at the Grounder staring back at you, pure hatred on his face, and he pulls his knife out of your side. You see his hand move towards you to stab you again, and you feel your adrenaline take over as you quickly reach down and grab your knife, before lifting your arms to protect your middle. 

His knife slashes and cuts your arm, and you feel warm blood run down and drip to the floor, but you ignore it and focus on all the training you received from Octavia and Lincoln. When he tries to slash you again, you duck down, and send your arm forward, plunging your knife into his exposed side. You pull away quickly and jump back as he lunges towards you, taking another cut from him, this time to your shoulder. You bite back your cry of pain before swinging a punch towards him, and he blocks it before kicking you in the stomach and knocking you onto your back.

As he stands over you and brings the knife down towards your chest, you roll away and lean forward, stabbing him in the thigh. He lets out a grunt of pain before punching you and knocking you backwards again. He glances over at the desk and then back to you, before he takes off running down the hall. You’re about to follow him when you hear a small sound of pain, and you look over to the desk to find Gina slumped onto it. “Gina!”

You run over to her, horrified to find her surrounded by a pool of blood, her shirt soaked with it. You can see the minuscule rise and fall of her chest and you know she’s alive, but barely. You grab your radio and call out to Raven. “Raven, Sinclair, SOS!”

“What’s going on?”

“A Grounder just attacked me and Gina, and he ran off. The exit is near you, don’t let him leave!”

“Are you okay? Is Gina?”

You don’t answer as you lift her shirt to find at least three stab wounds, and you start to reach forward to help her, but she weakly pushes your hand away and whispers, “Code.”

“What?”

“He set off the self-destruct.” Her eyes flit toward it, and you see it counting down, with 45 seconds left. “Code on his arm.”

You hesitate, stuck between wanting to help her and wanting to chase after him. “Go, get the code. You can help me after.”

You reach out and squeeze her arm. “I’ll come back for you.”

You take off running down the hall, following the trail of blood from the Grounder, and you call Raven as you do. “Raven, he set off the self-destruct. The code is on his arm.”

“How much time do we have?”

You reach the elevator and your anxiety grows as it slowly brings you to the surface. “Less than 45 seconds!”

The doors slide open and you look down, spotting the trail again. You follow it down the hall and towards the exit. Up ahead you can see the door open, the sound of fighting coming from outside. You push yourself faster, lifting the radio to ask, “Gina, how much time?”

You’re met with silence, but you don’t have time to process what that means, because you run outside to find Raven knocked to the side, bleeding from her head, and Sinclair on the ground beneath the Grounder, knife to his throat. You run towards them, gripping your knife tight in your fist as you sneak up behind them and plunge the knife into the Grounder’s neck, killing him. He drops onto Sinclair, and you help roll his body to the side as Raven comes over and grabs his left arm while you grab his right.

You yank up his sleeve to find it blank, but Raven lets out a gasp as she lifts his sleeve to reveal the twelve digit code. You lift your radio and call Gina. “Gina, we got the code.”

You’re met with silence, and you start to panic. You glance at Raven as you call again, worry written all over her face. “Gina, do you copy? Gina! We got the code, do you copy?”

Raven jumps to her feet and starts to walk back towards the building, “We’ve got to go back in there.”

You and Sinclair jump up and run after her. “Raven, no!”

“We can’t just let them die!”

You think of the countdown, already at 45 seconds before you even realized, and how long it took you to reach the surface. You feel your stomach sink because you know that you’re out of time. “Raven, no one can reach the office in time!”

You and Sinclair grab her arms and tug her backwards as she fights against you, knocking the book out of your waistband in the process, leaving you feet from the door when the explosion hits. The force of it sends all three of you flying through the air, tossed to the side like you weigh nothing. You hit the ground with a thud, the wind temporarily knocked out of you, and you gasp for breath. It takes a second for the ringing in your ears to stop, and you roll to your side, looking for Raven and Sinclair.

They are both slumped on the ground nearby, and you struggle onto your hands and knees as you crawl over to them, calling their names. Raven sits up first, coughing the ash and dust from her lungs as you reach her and force her to look at you. “Raven, are you okay?”

She nods weakly, tears already starting to fall as you look over her, checking for injuries, but finding none other than her earlier head wound. You turn and check Sinclair, who’s unconscious now, but alive. You pull off your guard jacket and tuck it under his head, checking him over for any other injuries and relieved to find nothing. 

Raven’s sobs pull you back to the reality of what’s happening, and you feel fear constrict your throat as you think of the summit. _Was it a two front attack? Three?_ You scramble over to your fallen radio and push the button, calling frantically, “Bellamy? Bellamy, come in! Are you okay?”

His voice crackles through the radio, calling your name, and you let out a sob of relief before lifting the radio again. “The Grounders attacked Mount Weather. White war paint, Azgeda.”

You hear concern in his voice, and your mother calling out for you somewhere near him. “What are you talking about?”

You stand and walk towards the smoking wreckage, dropping to your knees in front of it, nothing left but a pile of rubble, and you think of the 30 something people that were inside before the explosion hit. You think of Gina, and the tears overtake you, heavy sobs wracking your body as you think of the death left behind because of this mountain. _This goddamn mountain._ You fight through your sobs, “It’s gone. They’re all gone. Sinclair, Raven, and I are the only ones left.”

“Are you okay?”

“Just hurry, Bellamy. Please. Sinclair’s knocked out, Raven probably has a concussion, and I got stabbed when we were fighting him off.”

You feel yourself start to grow weaker as Bellamy continues to ask you questions. You drop the radio at your side, and turn back to see Raven slumped over onto Sinclair, sobbing. You hear Bellamy calling your name, sounding more and more worried with each passing second, but with the adrenaline wearing off, you don’t have the energy to reassure him. 

You lay back onto the ground, rolling over to see the smoking remains of Mount Weather, coming face to face with a small yellow book with a blue spine. 

_The Iliad._

The bottom right corner is singed and the book is covered in a thick layer of dust and rocks. You reach out for it with blood smeared hands, from which wound, you aren’t sure, and you pull it towards you, tucking it to your chest. Your eyes slide closed as the rest of your energy leaves you, and the last thing you think of before the world fades out, is Bellamy.

-


	33. xxxiii. watch the thrones (3.04)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: mentions of blood, getting drugged, injuries, death, Lincoln gets brained with a rock (this is my brothers description, I had to include it), anxiety.
> 
> Summary: things in Arkadia are rapidly changing, and for the first time in a long time, you and Bellamy find yourselves on opposite sides. new leadership takes over, and you agree to something you never thought you’d do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi loves! in case you didn’t see my post at like 5 in the morning (lmao what is sleep), I finished writing s5 last night! it still needs some editing, of course, but I’m hoping to start to on s6 early next week which means we will probably be moving to three posts a week! let me know if that’s something you want!

When you open your eyes to find the medical ward, you let out a soft groan. _Twice in one week, great._ The sound stirs the sleeping figure beside you, and you look down and lock eyes with a very worried looking Bellamy. Tears spring to his eyes as he whispers, “I’m so sorry.”

You reach up and brush a finger over the frown lines on his forehead, smoothing them down, and you can tell he’s been beating himself up for leaving you behind, probably from the moment he drove away. You give him a soft smile, “Getting drugged by your boyfriend builds character.”

“You’re not mad?”

You shake your head. “Gina told me not to be. Said she overheard everything. Reminded me that sometimes people do crazy things for love.”

He smiles, but you can see the guilt still there, weighing on him heavily. “Don’t carry this alone, Atlas. You thought leaving me behind meant I was safe. You had no way of knowing.”

He nods, before shaking his head as if he’s clearing his thoughts, replacing the frown with a small smile. “Look at you. Comforting me while you’re the one hooked up to the IV.”

He stands, “Let me go get your mom.”

You turn, reaching out to grab him. “Not yet, please.”

He nods and sits back down beside you, and as your eyes follow him, they pass over a yellow book with blue binding, resting on the table beside you. You smile and reach out for it, passing it to Bellamy. “I got you something.”

He smiles slightly when he sees it, and you cringe a little at the imperfections on the cover. “Sorry about the explosion damage. And the blood.”

You see the sadness in his eyes, but he laughs at your joke anyways. You scoot over to the edge of the too small bed and pat the space beside you. “Read to me.”

He looks hesitant, eyeing the small space. “What if I hurt you?”

“If I know my mother, I know there are enough pain meds in this IV that I won’t feel a thing.” You pat the bed again. “Now tell me about the gods.”

His worry softens into one of love, and you know he won’t deny the request, the same way you never deny when he asks about the stars. He carefully slides into the bed beside you, maneuvering until you’re half laying on him, with your head on his chest. He presses a kiss into your hair before opening the book, and starting at the beginning. “Sing, O goddess, the rage of Achilles, son of Peleus, that brought countless ills upon…”

You fall into his voice as he reads to you, telling you of the Trojan War, drawing comfort in the steady thump of his heart beneath your ear. Because if the last 24 hours have taught you anything, it’s that sometimes people do stupid things for love, and you were glad that you got hurt, while Bellamy came home safe.

-

There is no privacy in the medical ward.

Your mother comes in while Bellamy is reading to you, and after some begging, she sits down beside you to tell you about the summit and why Clarke didn’t return. Kane steps into the room as she’s updating you, and as soon as she finishes, he’s muttering quiet apologies for not allowing you at the summit and leaving you at the Mountain from Hell. Raven forces her way in next, practically knocking Jackson out of the way when he scolds her about “patients needing rest”. You’re relieved to hear that her and Sinclair are okay, thanks to you she says. 

Octavia and Lincoln join the group not long after her, both pleased to hear that their training came in handy when you fought off the assassin. Your mom chases them all out soon after, lecturing them about privacy and rest, before checking your IV’s and bandages and leaving you alone again with Bellamy. As soon as the room clears out, you turn to Bellamy. “I know you don’t want to talk about it, but I know that no one else will either. Did you check for survivors?”

“We tried to, but the rubble was too dense. Abby said there’s no way anyone could have survived that, especially because most of the people were probably in the middle of the mountain when it collapsed.” You feel a wave of guilt rush over you, making you sick. “They’re having a memorial.”

You look up at him. “When?”

“In a few minutes, I think.”

You sit up, already tugging the IV out of your hand. “I wanna go.”

“Wait, what about-”

“I know what you’re going to say. Yes, I was stabbed three times, on top of my still healing fourth stab wound. Yes, I was also thrown backwards from an explosion. Yes, I should probably stay in bed. And yes, my mother will have a fit.” You look up at him, face serious. “But I need to be at that memorial, Bellamy.”

He opens his mouth to say something, but thinks better of it, before going to grab your pants and jacket, most of your clothes discarded when they stitched you up. He helps you dress before kneeling down and helping you into your boots and tying them up for you. Once he finishes, he stands and helps you out of the bed, making sure that you walk slow and lean most of your weight on him. 

As you walk through the room and towards the door, you see your discarded knife and holster on a table, and you reach out for it. Bellamy stops and grabs it, helping you strap it to your thigh, and you look at the knife as he slides it into the holster, the blade still stained red. It makes you think of Gina, covered in blood, barely alive, urging you to leave her behind. You glance at Bellamy as he slowly leads you to the memorial. “Gina saved my life.”

He glances over at you, expression neutral. “What do you mean?”

“She was covered in blood, Bellamy, her shirt soaked through with it. She had at least three stab wounds to her stomach that I saw, but I’m sure there were more. She was barely alive when I got to her, and she still managed to tell me about the self-destruct. She told me to go after the assassin and get the codes, instead of staying to help her. I don’t know if she knew what she was doing, if she knew that what she was telling me to do would save my life, but it did. I’d be dead in that mountain if she didn’t send me after him.”

Bellamy stops in the hall and turns to face you, tears springing up in his eyes. His voice is thick with emotion when he chokes out, “I’m thankful for Gina, because she saved one of the most important things in my life.”

You reach up and wipe the fallen tears from his face. “I’m thankful for her too. And I’m thankful the summit wasn’t a trap, and that you came back to me safely.”

You pull him down for a kiss, pushing all your love for him into it, letting him know that you’re okay, you’re safe, and he doesn’t need to feel guilty. You pull away and whisper, “I love you.”

He whispers back, “I love you more than the stars.”

You both smile and he helps you the rest of the way to the memorial service, and you slip inside during the middle of it. Bellamy finds a pair of chairs in the back, out of view from your mother’s position near the front. Pike stands up at the front, near a table of memorial objects, and addresses the room. “All that’s certain is that we die. How we die is up to us. Who will speak for Iris Jones?”

Miller’s boyfriend Bryan stands, moving to the front of the room quickly. “Iris was strong, good with a knife. She saved my life. I’m just sorry I couldn’t do the same for her.”

He flips open a pocket knife and sets it onto the table before returning to his seat beside Miller. Pike stands again. “We will miss Iris. May we meet again.”

The room repeats in unison, “May we meet again.”

“Who will speak for Gina Martin?”

You sit up in your seat, looking around to see who will speak for her, surprised to find no one. You glance at Bellamy, finding that he’s equally surprised, which is enough to fuel your split second decision, and you stand. Pike’s eyes find you and he nods, a look on his face you can’t identify. As you walk to the front of the room, you risk a glance at your mother, who’s shaking her head in disappointment. You mouth, “Sorry.”

You turn and look at the room, suddenly nervous to speak for Gina, a woman you barely knew, but you decide that honesty is always the best. “Um, I didn’t bring anything for Gina because I didn’t find out about this memorial until a few minutes ago, so I’m sorry about that. But I just wanted to say that though I barely knew Gina, she saved my life. And until the end of her life, she tried to save the lives of her people. Our people. I’ll spend the rest of my life honoring that.”

You nod your head once, and glance out at the crowd. “May we meet again.”

The crowd repeats back, “May we meet again.”

You head back to your seat, and Pike stands and shakes your hand as you walk past, murmuring, “Strong girl.”

Behind you, the doors to the room open and a few guards step in, heading straight towards Pike. He drops your hand and steps away from you, and you walk the rest of the way back to Bellamy. You see Lincoln standing behind him, having quietly slipped in at some point, and you nod to him in greeting as you sit down. The guards are talking quietly with Pike, and as the crowd starts to murmur with worry, you turn to ask Bellamy, “What’s going on?”

He shrugs, looking just as confused, and you watch as Pike walks over to Kane and your mom, relaying whatever news came from the guards. Pike must not like what they have to say, because he steps away from them, looking disgusted, his voice rising louder. “You gave a Grounder one of our radios?”

This sends a wave of worry through the crowd and everyone stands as Hannah, Monty’s mom, asks, “Sir, are we under attack?”

Bellamy stands beside you, looking over the crowd to watch Kane, and you rise and stand next to him, trying to get a look. “No, we are not under attack. The Commander sent a peace keeping force to ensure that we can defend against any further attacks from the Ice Nation.”

You feel Bellamy tense beside you before Pike yells, “Peace keeping force? Even you can’t be that naïve, Marcus!”

Your mother snaps, “Watch your tone, you’re talking to the next Chancellor. This has been hard on all of us, but we can’t let anger drive our policy.”

“Anger is our policy!” The crowd murmurs in agreement, and Pike jumps onto a chair nearby so the room can see him. “Now if they’re here to defend us, as you say, then tell them to go home! We can defend ourselves!”

You pull a face, unconvinced, and look over to Bellamy to see if he feels the same. But his expression is passive, unreadable. You don’t have time to dwell on it any further, because one of Pike’s men, Gillmer, yells out, “You!”

You look up and see him pointing in your direction, but after a second, you realize he’s pointing at Lincoln, who’s right behind you. “You don’t belong here.”

Some of the people in the crowd whisper their agreement, and before you can even process what’s happening, Gillmer pulls his arm back and throws a rock at Lincoln, hitting him on the side of the head. You and Bellamy jump into action at the same time, both of you moving in front of Lincoln to defend him as some of the crowd turns and tries to attack. A few of your fellow guardsmen also jump into the mix, defending Lincoln, keeping back the surging crowd as they kick and punch at all of you, trying to reach Lincoln. 

You let out a yelp of pain when someone’s fist lands in the stitches on your side, and Bellamy immediately notices and punches the guy so hard that he hits the ground. You turn, ready to defend against the next person, but a high pitched whistle pierces the room, freezing everyone in place. You all turn to see Pike watching the events from his chair, disappointed. “We do not attack our own! Fighting each other only makes us weak. The enemy is not in this camp. The enemy is out there.”

You turn and glance back at Lincoln, who looks unsteady on his feet, his eyelids fluttering as he fights back the pain. He turns and stumbles out the door before anyone can check on him, and you turn to Bellamy. “Get your sister and get my mom, and meet me in medical. I’ll bring Lincoln.”

“Okay.” He leans down and kisses you quickly before making a beeline for your mother on the other side of the room. You turn and follow the path Lincoln took, coming out into the sunshine to see him kneeling on the ground. He punches the wall in frustration, and you barely hear him whisper, _“Ge smak daun, gyon op nodotaim.”_

You watch as he pulls himself to his feet, and you ask, “What does that mean?”

He spins around quickly, surprised to see you, and you give him an apologetic look. He translates, “Get knocked down, get back up.”

“I like that.” You peer up at the cut on his head, the blood rushing down the side of his face and onto the ground below. “Let me take you to medical.”

He shakes his head, “I’m fine.”

You lift your shirt slightly, revealing your stab wound, now reopened. “Then you should take me to medical.”

He gives you a serious look, and for a second you think he’s about to lecture you, until he smiles. “Looks like we should go before your mom and Octavia hunt us both down.”

“Agreed.” 

You both start walking towards the building slowly, partially because of your mutual injuries, partially because neither of you are in a hurry to get into the serious conversations that await you both in the med bay. You glance over at him as he stumbles slightly, and he turns to you, voice sarcastic, “This is turning out to be a great day.”

You look down at your stained shirt, now turning red with fresh blood, and then at the little patches of bandages that cover your other wounds. You laugh along with him. “You know, I’ve been getting my ass kicked ever since I got down here.”

Lincoln watches you from the corner of his eye. “Do you remember when you went into the woods the morning after you landed, and sat and watched the sunrise?”

You turn to him, suspicious. “How do you know about that?”

He looks away, watching people as they mill about the camp. “Because I was there. I think I scared you off.”

“I knew I heard someone out in the woods!”

“Sorry.” He turns towards you again, looking like he means it. “I was keeping track of the camp, trying to double check my numbers when you came marching out into the woods with a troubled look on your face.”

“I was thinking about my dad, and my shitty relationship with Clarke and my mom, Shumway…just all the bad stuff really.”

He nods, “I got to see a lot of your leadership, before you even realized you were becoming a leader. I always liked the way you lead; empathetic, but take no shit. A warrior with a heart.”

You look over at him, smiling. “Yeah, well what about you, Mr. Risk It All For Octavia? You were the first Grounder that tried to help us make peace, all because you fell in love.”

He laughs when you draw out the word love, playful, before you add, “You’re the original warrior with a heart. The physical embodiment of it.”

He shrugs, “Maybe. I was just doing what I thought was right.”

“I think that’s all we can do.”

You both fall into comfortable silence as you walk the rest of the way into the medical ward, and as soon as you’re both through the door, chaos erupts. Lincoln is swarmed by Kane, Pike, and your mother all asking him a flurry of questions. You both exchange a knowing smirk as he allows them to lead him over to one of the empty beds and look him over. Jackson walks over to you, a disapproving look on his face. “Those were my best stitches.”

You lift your shirt, exposing the reopened wound. “They _were_.”

He leads you back over to your abandoned bed, bringing his med kit along with him. You lean back and allow him to work, listening in on the conversation happening on the other side of the room while your mom stitches up Lincoln. “Do you want to press charges?”

You can’t see Lincoln, but his tone is firm when he answers, “No. No charges.”

“Lincoln, we need to set an example.”

Lincoln agrees with Kane, but not in the way he wants him to. “Yeah, we do.”

“The man just lost his son, Marcus.” You roll your eyes at Pike’s defense of Gillmer.

“Lincoln didn’t do that.”

The rest of the conversation is cut short as the Blake siblings run in. Octavia heads straight for Lincoln, and Bellamy comes to your side just as Jackson finishes your stitches. You smile at him in thanks, and he gives you a serious look. “No more fist fights until you heal. Please.”

“Yes, doctor.”

He smiles before turning away, leaving you and Bellamy alone. When you look up at him, you see his jaw is set and his eyes are locked on your newly stitched wound. You pull your shirt down, before reaching up and lifting his gaze to meet yours. “I’m fine, Bellamy. You can put away your ass kicking look.”

“I just got you back.”

“I know, and I’m not going anywhere.”

His gaze lifts from yours as Pike and Kane walk out of the ward, before he looks back at you again. “I need to go talk to Pike about his men. Will you be okay?”

You sigh, because the look on his face tells you his conversation with Pike is inevitable. You reach up and grab his shirt, tugging him down until his lips meet yours. He kisses you hard, and it surprises you, the almost possessive feel of it. You pull away and whisper, “Please don’t beat anyone up on my behalf.”

His expression is unreadable when he answers, “No promises.”

He starts to turn away, but you grab his hand and tug him back. “I love you.”

The blank expression melts away, affection crossing his features, the words never failing to soften him again. “I love you more than the stars.”

He leans down and presses another kiss to your lips, this one softer than the last, before turning and leaving the ward in search of Pike. 

-

You spend most of the afternoon helping Nyko and Lincoln with the sick Grounders that Nyko brought to Arkadia while you were at the memorial service. They ask you to translate the Trigedasleng for your mother, helping you practice and correcting you when you make mistakes.

Sometime in the evening, hours after almost everyone has left, you’re sitting with Lincoln and Nyko, listening to stories of their friendship, when Harper and Monroe run in. You stand as soon as you see them, panic written clearly on both of their faces. “What? What’s going on?”

Harper shakes her head, “I’m not sure, but it’s not good.”

“Explain.”

Monroe steps forward. “We went to the mess hall to find Bellamy, to ask about you, actually, but we stopped when he realized he was sitting with Pike. Their conversation looked really serious, so we tried to listen in on what was happening, but we only caught bits and pieces.”

Harper nods, “They were talking about the Grounder army and how it’s dangerous for us to have them here because they can attack at any time.”

“And then he mentioned it would only take a small team to take them out.”

“We couldn’t hear the rest of the conversation because they started talking really quietly. But then a few minutes later, Bellamy got up and left.”

“We thought maybe he was coming here to see you, but as we started walking this way, we came across Miller.”

You look between the two girls, confused. “Okay, and?”

“Miller was guarding the armory, and said Bellamy came over to relieve him early.”

You feel your stomach sink to your feet as the pieces slide into place. “Shit.”

You look over at Lincoln, “How fast can you get to the front gates?”

“Fast.”

“I need you to stop them.”

He nods, and you turn to Monroe and Harper. “You two stay with Lincoln, back him up.”

They both nod. “I’ll be right behind you, go!”

They all turn and run off, and you jog out after them, heading towards the Chancellor’s office. Octavia finds you on the way, moving as fast as you can, clutching your side, and she sees the worry in your face. “What’s going on? I just went to medical to see you and Lincoln, and Nyko told me you all left in a hurry.”

“Bellamy is about to do something incredibly stupid because Pike got in his head. I need you to get Kane, tell him that Pike is going after the army. I’ll find my mother.”

She immediately turns and runs off, heading for the Chancellor’s office, and you turn and change course for your old residence, the one you shared with your mother. When you reach the door, you don’t even bother knocking, you just barge right in. You’re unsurprised to see her still awake, pouring over maps and notes, and she looks up in surprise at your intrusion. “What’s-”

“There’s no time. Pike is going to kill the army. Sound the alarm, shut the camp down, do whatever you need to do, but you can’t let them leave.”

“Oh my god.”

She immediately takes off running, and you turn to follow, stopping when you see her pistol lying on the table near the door, forgotten. You make a last second decision and grab it before running out the door and heading towards the front gate so you can meet Lincoln and the others. As you run up, Monroe and Harper are walking towards you, both looking defeated, and you’re about to question them when you see Lincoln standing in front of the group, blocking their path, while Gillmer points a gun at him. 

You run past the two girls and head straight for Gillmer, stopping a few feet away and lifting your gun towards him. “Stand down, Gillmer.”

He looks towards you in surprise, and you hear the sound of guns cocking as some of the people in the group lift their weapons and aim towards you. Bellamy panics and yells, “Guns down!”

They hesitate and lower them slightly, still watching you and Lincoln with suspicion. Lincoln uses the opportunity to knock Gillmer’s gun out of his hand, before pulling out his knife and holding it to his throat. The group freaks out again, lifting their weapons until Bellamy yells, “I said put the guns down. Now!”

“Do what he says.”

Everyone lowers their weapons, and Monty’s mom mutters, “So much for the good Grounder.”

You lower your weapon and turn towards Bellamy. “What are you doing?”

“I’m protecting us, like always. That army is a threat to us.”

“Bellamy, that army is here to _protect_ us.”

Lincoln, still holding a knife to Gillmer’s throat, mutters, “We can’t let you start a war.”

Pike glares at him, “We’re already at war.”

Bellamy’s jaw sets, and you can see the muscles clench as he grinds out, “You can’t stop this.”

Seconds after he says it, the alarms in the camp start blaring, “All Arkadia security personnel, report to the main gate. All Arkadia security personnel, report to the main gate now.”

Octavia comes running up and stands beside you and LIncoln, looking at Bellamy in disgust. “What’s wrong with you?”

The rest of the guards, accompanied by Kane and your mother, arrive and target the small group. Pike yells, “Farm Station, guns on the ground. On the ground!”

Pike drops his weapon and the others follow suit, as Kane urges Lincoln to release Gillmer. He does so reluctantly, shoving him away, as your mother descends on Pike on a wave of fury. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“What you didn’t have the guts to.”

“Guards, take them to lockup now.” She turns and yells to the gathering crowd, “Everybody back to your quarters. It’s over.”

“Nothing is over!” Pike fights against the guards at his back. “We are surrounded by warriors who want us dead!”

“That’s enough.”

“No, it isn’t. Not even close. Why don’t you show us all what you let the Grounders do to you yesterday? Come on, Kane. I think that the people who are about to vote for you have a right to know.”

Kane pulls up his sleeve, revealing the mark of the coalition, signaling Skaikru’s status as one of the clans. “It’s the mark of the Commander’s Coalition. It means we are the 13th clan. It means we are in this fight together.”

“No. It’s what farmers used to do to their livestock.”

Hannah adds, “Right before the slaughterhouse!”

Gillmer yells, “Sir, you should be on the ballot tomorrow!”

“That’s enough. Take him away.”

The guards pull Pike away, and as they lead the others away, you watch Bellamy, whose face is blank and unreadable. He doesn’t look your way once as the guards at his back start to push him forward, but as they do, he starts to chant. “Pike! Pike!”

The rest of the prisoners join the chant, accompanied by a few people in the dispersing crowd, and you, Lincoln, Octavia, Kane, and your mother all exchange horrified looks, watching as they go. 

-

You’re up all night, pacing in the Chancellor’s office as everyone discusses the possibility that Pike might be the next round of leadership. You don’t contribute to the arguments or discussions, your pace steady as you move back and forth across the office space, thinking of Bellamy. Your boyfriend, who broke the law. Your boyfriend, who broke the law to arm a rogue group. A rogue group hellbent on murder. 

You can’t make sense of it, can’t understand the thought process that led him to that point. You haven’t made sense of it by the time Lincoln and Octavia leave, promising to reconvene in the morning. You haven’t made sense of it by the time your mother falls asleep on the couch, slumped over on Kane. When the sun rises, signaling election day, you still don’t understand. Your confusion continues through your vote, Kane’s name written on a slip of paper, dropped into the ballot box. 

By noon, the votes have been counted, recounted, and checked again. The Chancellor has been chosen, and Kane is the first to find you. You’re sitting outside, carving a fourth tally mark into the handle of your knife, signalling the death of the Azgeda assassin, when he stops in front of you, pulling you to your feet. He leads you to a hidden corridor without a word, and you follow, noticing the serious expression on his face. He checks to make sure you’re alone three times before he turns to you. “Pike won the election.”

The news hits you like a bus, knocking the breath out of you and leaving you disoriented. “What are we going to do? We can’t let him lead. He’ll ruin everything we’ve worked for the last three months.”

“I know, but the people chose. They want Pike. It’s out of our hands now.”

“Kane…” You trail off, disagreeing, but he lifts a hand to quiet you. “There’s nothing we can do from the outside, but if we had someone on the inside, someone passing along information, we could change things. Sabotage them.”

You shake your head. “Bellamy is lost to us, Kane. I’ve been trying to understand it, but he has some strange new loyalty to Pike. He agrees with him, trusts him. No way he’ll turn on him.”

“I don’t mean Bellamy.”

The realization hits, and you almost laugh. “ _Me?_ ”

“Pike won’t trust me or Abby, and he certainly won’t trust Lincoln and Octavia. But you…”

“I openly opposed him last night. I doubt he forgot that.”

“No, but he understands protecting his people, however misguided his attempts.”

You consider this, and Kane’s request for you to spy, a decision that will put you at odds with the love of your life. A decision that could ruin your relationship, end it, if he ever found out. But it’s also the only way to save Bellamy from himself, and from Pike. You look up at Kane with a sigh, “I’ll do it.”

“Good. I’m going to tell Pike right now. You should be there to greet Bellamy.”

You nod and follow him out of the hiding spot. He leads you over to the prison, grabbing guards along the way. The walk towards the cells feels dangerous, your anxiety growing as the reality of what you agreed to starts to hit you. But you push all of those feelings away, locking them in a box deep in your mind, because they are too dangerous for you now. The anxiety, the disbelief, the disagreements with Pike’s beliefs, they paint targets on your back. 

Kane opens the door to the cell and steps inside, and you stand just outside, watching from the other side. You and Bellamy lock eyes, and you can’t read the expression on his face, something that’s only started once Pike came into the picture. You quickly conclude that it’s not something you like. Kane holds out the Chancellor pin to Pike. “Congratulations, Mr. Chancellor.”

Pike takes it as Kane adds, “The vote wasn’t close. Our people are now your responsibility, Charles. I hope you take that seriously.”

“Thank you, Marcus. I certainly intend to.” He attaches the pin to his shirt, before turning to look at his fellow prisoners. “For my first official action as Chancellor, I pardon myself and the others. For my second official action, I reject the brand that made us the 13th clan. For my third, let’s finish what we started.”

Kane steps aside as everyone exits the room, following Pike out the door and to the armory. Bellamy is the last one to leave, and Kane leaves the room to give you privacy. He stands in front of you, silent, before whispering, “Less than two days ago, I thought you were dead. You all went radio silent, and when we got to Mount Weather, Raven and Sinclair were sitting beside you, keeping pressure on your wounds. They were surrounded by ripped pieces of clothing, soaked through with blood, and I thought there was no way that you were alive.”

He surprises you by reaching out, intertwining his fingers with yours. “The whole ride back to Arkadia, I was sure that you were going to die. Your mom stopped the bleeding the best she could before we left, but you were so weak and your breathing was so shallow. When we got back and they finally got you stabilized, I swore to myself that I’d never let death that close to you again.”

“Bellamy…”

You trail off, unsure what to say, but he continues, “Months ago, I promised that I would keep you safe, and I’ve failed. You have four stab wounds right now that I could have prevented, all of them from Grounders. From people who’ve been trying to kill us since we landed. That army is a threat to us, a threat to _you_. I won’t let them hurt you anymore, and I won’t let them hurt our people.”

Though you understand his reasoning, his fear now ruling his decisions and causing him to believe in Pike, you don’t agree. But as a spy, you let him think you do. “I didn’t understand it last night, but then something you said helped me to. You have always done what’s best for us and our people. I’ve been skeptical of Pike, which made me lose sight of that. But I understand now. Pike is what’s best for us and our people. I just wish you had talked to me before you armed them, we could have avoided the whole misunderstanding.”

Relief floods his features. “I was so worried you wouldn’t understand. After we take care of the army, I’ll talk to Pike about your guard position, let him know you’re on our side. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, Pike said we had a small window, and I didn’t want to be the reason we missed it.”

You nod, and he leans down to kiss you. When he pulls away, he glances down the hall, where Gillmer now stands, waving him over. “I have to go, but we’ll talk when I get back.”

“Be safe.”

He nods and gives you one last kiss before running down the hallway, joining Gillmer, leaving you with a sick feeling in your stomach and the weight of the world on your shoulders.

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if sub rosa moves to three posts a week, which schedule would you be more interested in? keep in mind, I post in my timezone, which is CDT, the same timezone as the city Chicago, Illinois, USA. please comment on this chapter and let me know!
> 
> monday, wednesday, friday  
> wednesday, friday, sunday


	34. xxxiv. hakeldama (3.05)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: blood, violence, fighting, smut!, death, language. 
> 
> Summary: Bellamy continues to surprise you, in the worst way, in his continued support for Pike, and you work hard to keep your loyalties a secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to everyone who voted on which 3 days you’d like to see me upload! we won’t be moving to three updates quite yet, but I’m hoping we’ll be there soon!

You find Kane as soon as Bellamy leaves and pass on the news about him believing you. 

“Good. Now you just have to get Pike on your side.”

“No pressure.”

He reaches out and puts a comforting hand on your shoulder. “You’re not alone in this. Octavia and Lincoln are on our side, Miller and Harper, me, your mother. You’re taking the most risk, but we’re all with you, supporting you.”

You nod. “I’ll get it done. Bellamy wants to set up a meeting between me and Pike when they get back.”

“Okay. Good.”

The conversation is cut short as your mother comes running up to you in the small space you’re hiding and talking in. “They’re back.”

Kane leaves with her, both of them sticking together and keeping a united front. You wait long enough for there to be no suspicion that you were with them and you follow, moving to stand opposite of them as the gate is pulled open. 

Bellamy leads the pack, face blank of any emotion, but his jaw is set and you can see the tension there. The others file back into camp behind him with Pike in the back. As Bellamy gets closer, Octavia comes running up to him. “Bellamy, are you okay?”

He barely glances her way. “I’m fine.”

“What happened out there?”

He doesn’t answer her, his eyes searching the crowd for you, and you can tell the moment he sees you, because some of the tension leaves his body. He heads straight for you, and as he gets closer, you can see that he’s covered in blood. It’s splattered across his face and clothes, matted into his hair, and you try not to think about whose it is or how it got on him. 

When he reaches you, he leans down and presses a kiss to your lips, long and slow, seeking comfort. When he pulls away you can see a troubled look in his eye, but you don’t push him on it, worried that it’ll only push him away. He stands beside you as Pike steps up onto some equipment and turns to address the crowd, “Everybody, listen up. Less than 24 hours ago you elected me your Chancellor. Every action I’ve taken since and every action I will take will be to achieve one sacred goal. The creation of a self-sustaining, prosperous, and safe Arkadia.”

The crowd around you starts to cheer, and you can see Octavia from the corner of your eye, looking disgusted. You resist the urge to seek out your mom and Kane’s reactions. 

“This morning on a muddy field,” Bellamy surprises you by reaching out and intertwining his fingers with yours, holding your hand tight as Pike continues, “Our people paid tribute to those who have been taken from us by sending a message to the Grounders. This land is ours now!”

Everyone loudly cheers around you, and you turn and glance at Bellamy. He gives you a tight smile, and you smile in return, despite not agreeing with the celebration. 

“Resist, and you will be met by force. Fight, and you will be greeted by death. Today is a new beginning. Mark it down, remember it, just like the Grounders will remember it!”

You have to fight to keep the disgust from your face, not wanting to give yourself away. And though you feel guilt for the deaths of those in Mount Weather, you know that this is not the way to honor them. Up ahead, Pike jumps down from his stage amidst more cheering from your people, waving the group that accompanied him over. Bellamy releases your hand and whispers, “Be right back.”

You nod and watch him as he joins Pike and the others, nodding along to whatever Pike tells them before dismissing them. He heads back towards you. “I’m gonna get cleaned up, and then I have a meeting with Pike and the others. Stay with me?”

You look up at him, at the tension holding his jaw tight, and the horrified look in his eyes. You smile, genuinely meaning it, no longer playing a game. “Of course.”

He grabs your hand and leads you through the crowd, maneuvering through it, heading towards your shared quarters. As he leads you past Kane and your mom, Kane watches you both, listening as she whispers something in his ear. You’re careful to not let your gaze linger on them for too long, careful to avoid any suspicion of where your loyalties lie. 

Bellamy is silent the whole way back to your place, and stays that way even as the door closes and leaves the two of you alone. He drops your hand and walks into your small, personal bathroom, no bigger than a closet, and turns the water in the shower on. You watch him closely as he strips quickly, dropping his bloodied clothes and kicking them to the side, out of sight. As he turns away from you and steps into the shower, you can see the sag in his shoulders, weighed down by his burdens. He steps into the shower and leans forward, pressing his palms into the wall and dropping his head, letting the water flow over him. 

The sight in front of you hurts your heart, Bellmay clearly struggling with the decisions made out on the battlefield, leaving him so closed off that he feels unable to talk to you about it. Temporarily, the spying is put on hold, the playing of two sides is stopped, because right now, Bellamy needs you, even if he won’t say it. 

You quickly undress and walk towards the shower, pulling open the small door and stepping in behind him. Bellamy senses your presence but stays frozen in place, and you watch as the blood runs off his body and swirls around your feet. The shower is barely big enough for the two of you, but you press close to him, offering him comfort as you wrap your arms around his waist from behind and lay your head on his back. 

You don’t move when you hear a quiet sob break free from his chest, and his broken whisper of, “We went too far. They killed everyone, even the wounded. I tried to stop them.”

You press a kiss to his back and he shifts, turning in your arms to face you. You reach your hands up and wipe away his tears before pulling him to you for a kiss. He accepts it happily, welcoming the distraction from what he’s done and what he’s witnessed, letting out a soft sigh into your mouth. 

His hands start to roam, up your sides, down to your backside, back up again to your chest, and they stop when they reach your breasts, teasing you. You deepen the kiss, dipping your tongue into his mouth, taking control. He relinquished it, letting you take the lead as you let your hands wander from his face, down his chest, and to his dick. 

He lets out a quiet moan as you wrap your hands around him, moving your hands slowly, the water aiding your movements. You pull your mouth from his and kiss down his jaw and to his neck, pausing to suck at the sensitive skin there, leaving a mark in your wake. Your hands never stop moving as your mouth continues its path down his chest and over his stomach, before finally, you drop to your knees. 

Bellamy watches as you lean forward, taking his dick into your mouth as deep as you can. You keep your eyes on his face, watching as he gets lost in the sensation and closes his eyes with a moan. You bob your head back and forth, watching as his face contorts with bliss, and soft sounds of pleasure slip past his lips. You feel desire burn though you as you watch him, the power of leaving him an incoherent mess driving you wild. You can feel him nearing his orgasm; the muscles of his thighs tighten beneath your hands and his breath starts to come faster. Just as he reaches the peak of his pleasure, he pushes you away and pulls you to your feet, mumbling, “Not yet.”

He crashes his mouth to yours, both of you fighting for control again, and reaches behind him, fumbling as he turns off the water and backs out of the shower. As soon as the cool air of the room hits your skin, your body erupts in goosebumps, and you feel yourself subconsciously press closer to him. Bellamy leads you both to the bed, both of you still dripping water, before falling back onto it, taking you with him. 

As you sit above him, straddling him, he pulls back to whisper, “Ready?”

“Yes.”

He holds himself with one hand, and places his other hand on your hip, guiding you onto him with a mutual moan of pleasure. You reach down and kiss him again, rocking your hips slowly at first, and then faster, relishing in the feel of him inside you. As your pace quickens, Bellamy reaches his hand between your bodies, seeking out your small bundle of nerves. As soon as his fingers brush over it, you tense up, the added sensation pushing you towards your climax faster and faster. His pace quickens to match yours, both of you moving together in sync, before you finally reach the edge of your pleasure and fall into it.

You hear Bellamy moan your name as he comes, the syllables long and drawn out as he loses himself in you. It takes you longer than normal to come down, and when you do, you roll off him and fall to his side, still struggling to catch your breath. Bellamy turns and looks at you, a smile stretched across his face, all of his earlier tension now gone. He leans in and gives you a soft kiss. “I love you.”

“I love you more than the stars.”

You see uncertainty pass over his features, making him tense again, as he asks, “Promise?”

“Promise. No matter what.”

He sags with relief, before leaning in to kiss you again. 

“Bellamy Blake, please report to the Chancellor’s office.”

You both pull away with a groan, and he sits up, glaring at the speaker on the wall. “Guess I should go.”

He stands and pulls on a pair of pants and a clean brown shirt, ignoring his clothes in the corner. As he’s lacing up his boots, you realize something you didn’t notice before. “Where’s your guard jacket?”

He avoids your gaze, focusing only on his shoes. “Oh, uh. I gave it back to Kane after we got you back.”

“Why?”

“Because I failed to protect you and the 35 people that died in Mount Weather.”

You grab the sheet and wrap it around you, the rest of it dragging across the floor as you cross the room to drop to your knees in front of him. “None of that was your fault, Bellamy.”

“Yes, it was. I trusted Echo, a Grounder, when they’ve proved time and time again that they can’t be trusted!”

You can hear the anger in his voice, and you start to worry about pushing him too hard. Pushing him away from you, closer to Pike, is the last thing you want to do right now. You reach out and grab his hands, pulling them away from his shoes, and he lifts his gaze to yours. “Don’t let the weight of the world break you when I’m _right_ _here_ , ready to share it with you.”

His gaze softens. “I know. I’m sorry.”

He leans forward to kiss you. “I have to go. But you should get dressed too. I think Pike wants to talk to you after.”

“I’ll see you then.”

He kisses your forehead and stands, heading out the door and to his meeting without another word. You stand and dress quickly, before grabbing his bloodied clothes and cleaning them, erasing the stain of the massacre that Bellamy aided. _There will be time to talk about it later, and he’ll realize that it was wrong._

But for now, you hide the evidence, and you decide that you won’t push.

-

You’re heading out the door when the speakers spark to life again, announcing your name, Kane’s, and Lincoln’s, and then, “Please report to the Chancellor’s office.”

You arrive at the same time they do, and you move to one side of the hall while they move to the other, all of you saying nothing, too close to the enemy to risk betraying your loyalties.

You aren’t there long before Pike’s council comes filing out of the room, leaving only Pike and Bellamy behind. You slide closer to the open door, trying to hear their conversation, only able to catch bits and pieces. 

“…too far.”

“…but we don’t leave survivors… risk them coming back to kill…think about the lives we saved today, like your girlfriend and sister, not the ones that were lost.”

You hear Bellamy’s quiet agreement, before Pike yells, “Griffin!”

You glance at Kane, who gives you a reassuring nod, before turning and stepping into the doorway. “Sir?”

“Close the door, let’s chat.”

You close the door behind you as you step inside, coming to a stop across from Pike, who stands with his arms crossed, expression stern. Bellamy is to your left, behind Pike, watching. Your brows almost lift in surprise when you see his guard jacket back on, but you manage to hide your shock. Your own guard jacket is draped over your arm, your uncertainty preventing you from wearing it. Pike glances down at it and then back up to you. “Bellamy tells me you have an interest in keeping your guard position.”

“Yes, sir.”

“You opposed us the first time we went for the army. What changed?”

The question is one you anticipated, but it still makes you nervous, because your answer will determine whether or not Pike trusts you. “I serve on the guard to protect my people. Last night, when you went after the army with stolen guns and a group of only 10 people, I thought you were making things worse. I thought you were starting a fight you couldn’t finish, one that would make its way back to Arkadia. I lived through that once, I didn’t want to do it again.”

You glance over at Bellamy, then back at Pike. “Someone that I love reminded me that they have always done what’s best for us, and then they put their faith, their trust, in you. Which means you had a plan, and a damn good one if it got Bellamy involved. I know he helped you because he can see that you’re what’s best for our people, which is the only thing I’ve ever cared about. Everything I’ve done has been for them. We chose you for a reason, and I know it’s because you can keep us, our people, safe.”

“We? You didn’t vote for Kane?”

“Kane took the brand for the coalition of a Commander that left me and my friends to die in Mount Weather. Lexa doesn’t care about us or our people. She only cares that we made her look weak when we defeated the Mountain, the Grounder’s enemy for the last 50 years. Kane won’t do the hard things, but based off what I’ve heard, you will.”

“I’ve heard the same thing about you. Shumway, Mount Weather, the assassin a few days ago. You don’t back down when things get tough.” You think about what he said to you at the memorial, _strong girl_ , and you realize now that it was said in admiration. Pike takes a deep breath, and turns to study the maps laid out beside him. “You speak their language. I heard you at the trading post.”

It’s not a question, so you say nothing. You glance over at Bellamy, who nods his head, urging you to confirm, and you think of the dangers of Pike having someone that knows Trigedasleng. The weight of your role weighs on you, heavy, but it’s your role, your duty, and you’ll make sure it’s done. “Yes, sir. No better advantage than being able to understand your enemy, especially when they think you can’t.”

“Good.” He points to a map, waving you over to look, and Bellamy crosses the room to stand across from you. “We want to expand Arkadia, 15 kilometers every way. Bellamy says there’s a village here.”

You glance at Bellamy, watching the muscle in his jaw twitch, and you get an idea of where the conversation is heading. “We want to take it. Kick the Grounders out, kill anyone who gets in the way. We could use someone who speaks the language. Translate anything they say to us or each other, help squash any rebellion that attempts to take hold there. Would that be a problem?”

You swallow your rising anger at Pike and his audacity. He hides behind a mask of protecting his people, but all he cares about is power and conquering anyone who gets in his way. But he’s not the only one who can wear a mask. You keep your anger hidden, tucked away along with your disgust, and nod in agreement. “No problem at all.”

“Good.” He smiles and gestures down to your guard jacket. “That’s yours. Welcome to the team.”

He reaches out to shake your hand, and you give him a smile as you shake, trying to convey your happiness. “Thank you, sir. I won’t let you down.”

“I’m sure you won’t. You two are dismissed. Send in the other two as you leave.”

“Of course.”

Bellamy turns and heads towards the door, and you follow, locking eyes with Kane as soon as Bellamy swings it open. You give him the smallest of nods, barely perceptible, but you aren’t sure if he sees it because his expression never changes. 

“He’s ready for you.”

Lincoln steps up in front of Bellamy, blocking his exit. “What the hell happened out there?”

“We did what we had to do.”

Bellamy brushes past Lincoln, but Kane grabs his arm, stopping him. “Wake up. You attacked an army that was here to help us. You murdered innocent people. Is that who you are now? You thought you couldn’t live with yourself after Mount Weather? Well, you just started a war that’ll kill us all.”

You stand there watching the two, unsure what to say. Bellamy glares at Kane, “You need to wake up. And don’t tell me the difference between Azgeda and Trikru. Trikru killed 37 of my friends before you even touched the ground. We didn’t start anything. They did.”

You feel Lincoln tense beside you, and he shifts on his feet, clenching and unclenching his fists. You whisper his name, a warning, “Lincoln.”

But he ignores you, stepping past you to get in Bellamy’s face. “They?”

“You know what I meant.”

“I used to.”

Lincoln brushes past Bellamy and walks into Pike’s office, finished with the conversation. You watch the muscle in Bellamy’s jaw clench and then release before he starts to turn away. You move to follow, but Kane reaches out for you, grabbing your arm to stop you, making sure he gives you the same treatment he gave Bellamy. “He’s leading you down a dangerous path. If you truly love him, you’ll make him see that.”

You pull your arm from Kane’s grip, the words hurting you despite the fact that he doesn’t mean them. You glare at him, “I wonder if someone gave you the same warning before you sent us down here to die.”

His face falls slightly, and you know that your words hurt him. You have to resist the urge to apologize, and keep playing your part, looking angry. Bellamy, tired of the conversation, mutters, “Let’s go.”

He stalks away, leaving you to run after him to catch up. He heads straight outside and into the bright afternoon sun, stopping right outside the building and letting out a huff of frustration. And then in a move that surprises you, he turns and punches the wall of the building, letting out a frustrated grunt as he releases his anger. He punches the wall again and again until you reach out and stop him, grabbing his arm and exclaiming, “Bellamy!”

You hold his hand in yours, peering down at his bloody knuckles, the wall splitting them easily. “We need to get this cleaned up.”

He nods, allowing you to lead him to medical, his hand cradled in yours, blood running from his knuckles and onto your hand. You lead him straight inside and point him towards the first bed you see, motioning for him to sit. He complies, and you walk over to the wall of supplies, picking out everything you need. Your mom walks over, grabbing things for the Grounder patients that her and Jackson are busy caring for, and she glances back at Bellamy, sitting on the bed and holding his bloody hand. She whispers, “What happened?”

“Not important. I’m gonna bandage him up and then we’ll be out of your hair.”

You don’t give her time to respond, turning away and heading back towards Bellamy, dropping the supplies onto the bed. You busy yourself with cleaning the wounds, applying antiseptic and wrapping them in gauze, before tying a cloth layer over the entire wrapping, holding everything in place. You place his hand gingerly in his lap and whisper, “All done.”

“Thank you.”

You nod, and just as you both stand and get ready to leave, Pike walks into the room with Gillmer and a handful of guards. As soon as he sees the two of you, he nods and comes to stand beside you. “Good, you’re here.”

He turns and glances at Gillmer and the guards. “Round ‘em up.”

You watch in horror as the guards start to pull the Grounder patients from their beds and to their feet, rounding them up in a small group and restraining them. You don’t know what to do other than hide your horror, and you spare a glance at Bellamy, who is watching everything with a blank expression. Your mother runs up to Pike, incredulous. “What are you doing? These are sick people, you can’t just throw them out into the cold.”

“We’re not. They’re being interned.”

You turn towards Pike with surprise, as your mom chokes out, “ _What?_ ”

Pike doesn’t get a chance to answer, because Lincoln storms into the room, barreling towards him. You catch his eye as he gets closer, and you shake your head, warning him to drop it, but he ignores you and walks up to Pike, glaring. “ _We_ asked them to come here.”

Pike shrugs. “We can’t spare the supplies.”

One of the guards to your left lifts a barely conscious Grounder into a sitting position, and Lincoln tries to step over and help her. “Denae.”

Gillmer steps up in his way, a smug expression on his face, and you have to resist every instinct in your body that’s telling you to punch him. Instead, you watch Lincoln, who is trying very hard to keep calm. “She’s too sick to move.”

The guard has pulled Denae off the bed and onto her feet, but she slumps over, too weak to stand. Gillmer glances back at her before turning back to Lincoln. “Looks like she’s moving just fine to me.”

The two men are in each other’s faces, inches apart, and you walk over to them, worried about the tension. “Gillmer, back off. Just let him help.”

Neither of them move until Denae hits the ground. As Lincoln reaches for her, Gillmer pulls out his gun and swings it towards Lincoln. But Lincoln deflects it easily, knocking the gun out of his hand and then punching Gillmer in the face, knocking him to the ground. You think that’s gonna be it until Lincoln bends down and grabs Gillmer by the collar, holding him in place and delivering punch after punch. As much as you love watching Gillmer get his ass beat, you worry what that means for Lincoln, so you run towards him, yelling, “Lincoln! Stop!”

Bellamy runs forward too and he reaches them first, yelling at Lincoln to stop as he tries to pull him off, but Lincoln throws back an elbow and knocks Bellamy to the ground. You run forward and grab Lincoln’s arm, stopping the next punch, and he turns to you in shock, trying to shake you off. Your mother calls your name, and you glance over at her, following her pointed finger to Pike, who is now holding a gun to Denae’s head. You lock eyes with Lincoln, and nod in Pike’s direction. “Look.”

Lincoln slumps as soon as he sees the gun, the fight now gone from his body. You let go of him as Pike directs the others. “He goes with them. Take him.”

The guards advance on him and cuff him quickly, and Lincoln throws a glare at Bellamy as they tug him away. He throws one your way as well, and though you know that he knows you’re a spy, it still hurts to see. The guards start to drag the prisoners out, and Pike nods at you and Bellamy both. “Make sure they get there without incident.”

You both follow the guards through the hallways, as they lead the Grounders to the prison without incident. As they are being ushered inside of the cell, you hear the sound of footsteps running down the hall towards you, and a second later Octavia pops up from around the corner. “Lincoln!”

She tries to run past you and Bellamy and towards Lincoln, but you both reach out an arm to stop her. Lincoln turns around and mutters, “I’m okay, don’t fight this.”

Bellamy whispers, “He’s right.”

“Lincoln! What the hell is going on?”

She turns to look between you and Bellamy as he explains, “We’re interning the Grounders. Lincoln’s here because of a disturbance in sick bay.”

Octavia spins towards Bellamy, suspicious. “What’s happening to you?”

“Octavia-” 

She cuts him off, voice rising, “I saw what you and Pike did to Lexa’s army. Bellamy, you killed _everyone_!”

The words hit you like a punch to the gut, and you can see that they affect Bellamy too, because he scolds her, “Keep your voice down.”

“What’s wrong? You’re not proud of massacring an army that was here to help us?”

“We’re not doing this here.”

She nods. “Good, then let’s go, because I’m not even close to done.”

Bellamy turns and starts to lead her away, and you hesitate, wondering if you should stay or go when Octavia turns to you and motions for you to follow. You do, but keep your distance, giving the siblings space to argue. “You need to be careful, O. If you keep this up, I won’t be able to protect you.”

“Thanks for the warning.” She comes to a stop near a closed door, glaring. 

Bellamy spins towards her, “I’m serious. Look at yourself. It’s time to stop playing Grounder before you get yourself hurt.”

“I’m not playing anything. This is who I am. You’re my brother, I shouldn’t have to tell you that.” With one last glare, she pushes the door beside her open, revealing your twin standing inside. 

Your face splits into a grin and you push past the siblings and run inside, straight into Clarke’s open arms. You both pull each other into a tight hug, and she buries her head into the crook of your neck, whispering, _“Loufa.”_

 _Spy._ You let out a quiet sigh of relief, your secret loyalties known by your twin, but whispered quiet enough that Bellamy can’t hear. She pulls away to look you over. Her eyes land on the bandages on your arm and shoulder and her smile drops. “Your leg?”

“Stitches are ready to come out, I just need to find the time to see mom.”

“Good.” You hear the door slam behind you as Octavia closes you and Bellamy in with Clarke, and you suddenly remember the danger she’s in by being here. “What are you doing here?”

She steps away from you, directing her gaze over to Bellmay. “We need to talk.”

“Oh, you’ve decided that. The mighty Wanheda, who chose the Grounders over her own people, who turned her back on us when we came to rescue you. Now you want to talk.”

The anger in his voice is palpable, his glare directed only at her. You remember what you heard from the others about the summit, how Clarke decided to stay in Polis to represent Skaikru. A decision that hurt you a little bit, but one that you didn’t take personally. _Apparently you can’t say the same for Bellamy._ You stand in the middle of them, watching as they argue. “I came here to tell you that the Ice Nation has paid a price. Justice has been served for the attack on Mount Weather. I came here to tell you it’s over.”

He scoffs, “There it is again. Why do you get to decide it’s over?”

“We did our part.”

“ _We?_ ”

“Lexa and I. The Ice Queen is dead. The problem was solved and then you let Pike _ruin_ everything.”

You cringe, knowing that the mention of Lexa and Bellamy’s loyalty to Pike will only make things worse. He crosses the room, coming to stand closer, his arms crossed tight and his jaw set. “Why are you here, Clarke?”

“Arkadia needs to make things right or Lexa and the 12 clans will wipe us out.” She glances over at you, sharing the message. 

“Let her try.”

“Please tell me that going to war is not what you want!”

Bellamy looks at her in disbelief. “We’ve been at war since we landed! At least Pike understands that.”

“Pike is the problem! This isn’t who you are.”

The sentiment brings up a memory, back in the dropship before the adults came down. Before Mount Weather. Back when everyone thought torturing a Grounder, torturing Lincoln, would solve your problems. 

“You’re wrong. This is who I’ve always been. And I let you and Octavia and Kane convince me that we could trust these people, when they have shown over and over who they are. And I won’t let anyone else die for that mistake.” He glances over at you. “I won’t lose anyone else.”

She turns to look at you. “Please. I need you, both of you. We don’t have much time.”

“Enough, Clarke!” You look over at Bellamy as his voice grows louder with his anger. “You are not in charge here, and that’s a good thing because people die when you’re in charge.”

You stare at Bellamy in shock, the words cruel and unnecessary. “Bellamy-”

He turns to you, cutting you off. “No! She was willing to let a bomb drop on my sister. Then she made a deal with Lexa, who left us in Mount Weather to die, and forced us to kill everyone who helped us. People who trusted us!”

Clarke opens her mouth to respond, but nothing escapes other than a choked, broken sound. Bellamy turns away, his anger now peaked, and he scrubs a hand over his face, thinking. You turn to Clarke, who plops down into a chair, the sins of her past back and weighing on her. Clarke whispers, “I’m sorry.”

Bellamy squares his shoulders and turns around, and Clarke locks eyes with you. “I’m sorry for leaving. I knew I could, because they had both of you.”

You nod, dropping down beside her, accepting her apology instantly. Bellamy drops to his knees beside you, looking upset, and for a second, you start to think that Clarke did the impossible: turned Bellamy away from Pike. But then the moment is broken by the sound of Bellamy clicking a pair of handcuffs onto her wrist and then onto the leg of the table beside her. 

He immediately stands and you and Clarke both turn to Bellamy in shock, brows furrowing as you rise to your feet. “Wait, what are you doing?”

He reaches out and grabs your hand, pulling you to the door, his voice dropping to a low whisper. “I know she’s your sister and you want to keep her safe, which is why we need to bring her to Pike. If we explain everything, he’ll let her go. She’ll be able to stay here in camp.”

You glance back at Clarke, her head dropped in defeat as she cries. You can tell that Bellamy genuinely believes what he’s telling you, but you don’t. You see Pike for what he is, which is why you know that Clarke is not safe here. She’s too close to Lexa, is too willing to make peace deals with the Grounders, and Pike will never trust her. He’ll lock her up. You rack your brain for ideas, before making a split second decision. “Can I at least bring my mother here to see her before we take her to Pike? You know how she is, and she’ll be furious if she finds out that I knew Clarke was here and didn’t immediately go get her.”

You can see him considering the idea, eyes searching your face for any sign of deceit. But he finds none, and he nods. “Okay. But they get five minutes, that’s it.”

“I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere without me.”

You slip out of the door, jogging down the hall, searching for Octavia. She’s waiting around the corner, trying to keep the hallway clear, and she turns when she hears your approach. “Well? How did it go?”

“Exactly how I expected. Bellamy wants to bring Clarke to Pike.”

“We can’t let that happen. She’s our best shot at peace. Lexa listens to her.”

“I know.”

She thinks for a minute. “You need to find Kane. Tell him to meet me at the hidden passage. I’ll get Clarke there.”

“What about Bellamy?”

“I’ll take care of that too.”

“Okay.”

You turn and take off running, racking your brain for where Kane could be. You think of the hidden corridors and secret corners, the public spaces, the private ones, growing anxious at the number of possibilities. But then you remember your mother’s face when the guards dragged the sick prisoners from med bay, and you just know he’s with her, comforting her. 

You head straight there, careful to keep your pace quick, but not so quick it raises suspicions. As you walk through the hallways you rip the bandages from your arm and stuff them into your pocket. You round the corner, passing two guards as you do, before stepping into med bay. Your mom and Kane are talking in the corner, heads bent together, and they both look up in surprise when they see you. 

You glance around, eyes falling on a fellow guard who is sprawled out on one of the mattresses, groaning. You nod as you walk past, heading straight to your mother, and you hold up your exposed stitches. “I was wondering if you could replace my bandages? I took the other one’s off because they got dirty.”

She catches the look in your eye and Kane does too, so they nod. “Of course.”

As she pulls out her med bag and starts to replace your bandages, you speak to them quickly and quietly. “Clarke’s here. Octavia snuck her in. Bellamy wants to take her to Pike.”

Both of their eyes widen in alarm, and you continue, “Octavia says she’ll get her out, but you both need to meet her at the hidden passage. She said you know where it is, Kane.”

He nods and whispers, “Follow me in five minutes.”

And then he steps back and collides with one of the medical carts, knocking tools to the ground. The guard sits up, looking around at the loud sound, and your mother glares at Kane. “Marcus, I can’t focus with you here!”

“Sorry.” He reaches down to clean up, knocking over more things in the process and your mother shoos him away. “Get out! I’ll clean it up myself.”

He turns and leaves, looking apologetic, and your mother goes back to fixing your bandages. You ask, “Are the stitches in my leg ready to come out?”

“Yes. I’ll get my tools and we can go ahead and remove them.” She turns and looks at the scattered tools and lets out a sigh. “And of course Marcus knocked over all the sterile tools. I think I have some extras in the storage room, I’ll be right back.”

“Okay.”

And then you watch her leave, leaving you alone with the guard. He turns and vomits into a bucket and your nose scrunches up in disgust. “Gross.”

You stand, and glance his way as he wipes his mouth on his sleeve. “Tell my mom I’ll be back later.”

He waves you off, barely listening as he pukes again. You walk out of the room and head straight for the room Clarke is locked in, forming an excuse on why you’re showing up empty handed as you do. When you reach the room, the door is wide open and the room is empty, but you can hear the sound of Clarke protesting nearby. 

You take off running, following the sound of her voice. “Bellamy, you don’t have to do this.”

“Believe it or not, I am doing this for your own good.”

You can hear a cry of pain and then a thud as a body hits the ground, and you push yourself faster as you hear Bellamy protest, “You can’t just _hit_ a guard.”

“I just did. Let her go.”

“I can’t do that.”

You hear sound in the hallway behind you, growing closer, and you let out a sigh of relief as you come around the corner and find Octavia, Bellamy, and Clarke. Gillmer is on the ground near Clarke’s feet, out cold, and you resist the urge to smile. _Asshole_.

“What’s going on?”

Everyone turns to look at you, and Bellamy opens his mouth to respond. As he does, Clarke quickly reaches down and grabs Gillmer’s shock baton, pulling it from his belt and turning it on, before swinging it towards Bellamy and hitting him in the stomach. You yell Clarke’s name, all of you watching as Bellamy lets out a gasp of pain and hits the ground, unconscious. Clarke reaches down and yanks the keys from Bellamy’s belt, as the sound of the approaching guards comes closer. Octavia looks at her, her voice anxious. “Hurry up.”

They start to walk away, but turn back when they realize you’re not following them. Octavia motions you forward, “Come on, let’s go!”

You shake your head, looking down and Bellamy and then down the hall, towards the voices. “I can’t. You need someone on the inside. I can’t risk leaving now.”

Clarke runs towards you, pulling you into her arms, unable to protest because she knows you’re right. She whispers, “May we meet again, la lune.”

“May we meet again, shining star.”

And then she pulls away. She moves closer to Octavia, and you reach down and grab the shock baton, gripping it tight in your grasp as you look to Octavia. “May we meet again.”

You don’t wait for her response before you activate the baton and press it to your leg, dropping it with a gasp of pain and falling to the ground beside Bellamy. As you struggle for your breath, you watch Clarke and Octavia run off. Less than a minute later the guards reach you, bending down to check you, Bellamy, and Gillmer for a pulse. When they see you’re awake, they ask, “What happened?”

You play your part and gasp out, “Security breach.”

You point down a hallway, the wrong one, and add. “That way.”

Most of the guards run off, a few staying behind to care for you, Bellamy, and Gillmer. It takes two guards a piece to carry Bellamy and Gillmer to med bay, but since you can stand, only one assists you, helping to guide you and holding you up when you stumble. As they’re getting you into the room, the speaker crackles to life. “Security breach. Lockdown commencing.”

They get you all into beds and run out to support the other guards, leaving you all alone with the puking guard, who is now sound asleep. A few minutes later, your mother runs in, heading straight to you. “Are you okay?”

“Took a shock baton to the leg. I’m fine.”

She leans down, checking your head for any injuries from your fall, close enough for her to whisper, “They’re out.”

Relief floods through you as she pulls away. “Your head looks fine. Let me check on the others, and then we can get those stitches out.”

“Finally.”

-

Pike comes in to check on you, Bellamy, and Gillmer later. They’re both unconscious still, so Pike gets your statement before leaving you to recover, asking for updates as soon as the two men are awake. 

Bellamy wakes up first, sitting up quickly, looking around in surprise. Your mother runs over, pushing him back down. “You hit your head when you fell, sustained a mild concussion.”

He groans, gripping his head and she checks him over. “I’ll get you something for the pain.”

You come to stand at his bedside, and he asks, “What happened?”

“Clarke hit you with the shock baton, and when I tried to stop her she shocked me too.”

He looks up at you in alarm. “Are you okay? Did she hurt you?”

“Nope. No new injuries or stitches.“

“Good.” He tries to sit up again, before the pain stops him. “Where are they now?”

“Gone. Snuck out of the camp somehow.” You lean down and press a kiss to his forehead. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

“Yeah.”

“Pike made me swear I’d come get him as soon as you woke up, but I’ll be right back.”

“Okay.”

As you turn and head towards the door, your mother stops you, pressing something into your palm. “Wait, don’t forget your pain meds.”

“Thanks.”

You close your fist around the bottle, and walk out the door. As soon as you’re in the empty hall, away from prying eyes, you open your fist, revealing a bottle of antibiotics with a small slip of paper that simply reads, “Denae.”

You stuff the paper into your pocket and conceal the bottle in your grip again, heading towards the Chancellor’s office, taking the route that will take you past the prison. When you get close to it, you see three guards you don’t know and Miller, who locks eyes with you as soon as you see him. He gives you a small nod, letting you know he’s on your side, and you step closer to the prison cell, contouring your face into a smug smirk. “Something familiar about this scene, huh Miller?”

He lets out a laugh, “Yeah, if I remember correctly, this one doesn’t like to be chained up.”

The other guards around you laugh, and you get even closer to the cell, moving over to the small slot in the door that can be used to give the prisoners food. Miller is standing closest to it and he steps away slightly, giving you space as Lincoln comes closer to the door, glaring at you. You slide open the slot as you taunt him, “Caged up like an animal, right where you belong.”

You slide the bottle through the slot, and whisper, “For Denae.”

He leans close to the bars, whispering so low that no one else can hear him, “Octavia?”

“Safe. With Clarke.”

He nods and you slip back into spy mode, “That silent warrior shit doesn’t work anymore. We know you speak English now.”

Lincoln smacks the door of the cell, and you barely manage to suppress your jump of surprise. You scoff, turn to the guard on your left. “Keep an eye on that one. Don’t be afraid to rough him up if he gets out of line.”

The guard smirks and you walk away, moving with a haughty confidence. You turn around the corner, walking through one of the emptier hallways, stopping to let out a shaky exhale. The sight of your friend, locked up and treated like an animal, it makes you sick to your stomach. You take a deep breath, trying to calm yourself and the rage you feel for Pike, and Gillmer, and every asshole who supports them. 

Your stomach sinks when you remember that Bellamy is one of those assholes. And though he seems haunted already, you can’t ignore what he’s already done under Pike, what he’s been complicit in.

You take in a shaky breath, and hope for Bellamy’s sake, your sake, and the sake of your relationship that he’s just lost, following a Chancellor that told him exactly what he needed to hear when he needed to hear it. If he’s lost, he can find his way back. You can _help_ him back. 

You take another deep breath, before you shake your head and clear your thoughts. With your mask in place again, you continue down the hall, heading straight into the Lion’s Den. 

-


	35. xxxv. bitter harvest (3.06)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: violence, fighting, character death, language. 
> 
> Summary: Pike sets his sights on a Grounder village, much to your dismay, and plans to take it over. Octavia, however, has other plans. Someone makes you an offer you weren’t expecting, and you watch one of the 100 die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi no new episode today which is sad :( so please enjoy this sub rosa update instead! also, I think we will be moving to three posts a week NEXT WEEK so stay tuned!!!

You roll over in bed, reaching out for Bellamy, surprised to find nothing. 

You open your eyes and look around, gaze falling onto a note on the pillow beside you.

_Went to talk to Pike about Clarke and Octavia.  
_ _Meet us at the Chancellor’s office when you wake up.  
_ _-Bell_

You sigh and dress quickly, mentally preparing yourself for another day of spying. You head straight to the Chancellor’s office, thinking about the breakfast that will have to wait, sure that the two men are already waiting for you. Sure enough, as soon as you appear in the doorway, Pike smiles. “Miss Griffin! Nice of you to finally join us.”

“The first sleep after getting hit with the shock baton is always the hardest.”

He ignores the quip, the allusion to your criminal background, and ushers you inside instead, closing the door behind you. He turns to face you and Bellamy, expression stern. “We need to talk about your sisters.”

“Griffin.” He watches you carefully. “Is Clarke a threat to us?”

You consider this, thinking hard about how much to say and how much to hide. You settle on the truth. “If you’re asking if she’ll sneak back into camp, I suspect not. She knows you’ll be looking for her and she won’t risk it.”

“Not even for you? Your mother?”

“I made it pretty clear to Clarke before she shocked me whose side I was on. Besides, she left us pretty easily after Mount Weather, so this isn’t new. She’ll stay away.”

“Good.” He turns to Bellamy, expression turning hard. “Mr. Blake, your sister, however, is a different story, isn’t she?”

You see the muscle in Bellamy’s jaw twitch, the subject of Octavia always a touchy one. He grinds out, “Yes, sir.”

“Her Grounder boyfriend is locked up, and I’m told the woman we spared, Indra, trained Octavia in the Grounder ways.”

“Yes, sir.”

“She has something to fight for. A reason worth coming back.”

“Yes, sir.”

“She’s your sister, family, and we protect our own. I promise you that if she comes back to this camp, she will understand her place in it, but she’ll be safe with us. Understood?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good.” He moves to the door, opening it, motioning for you both to leave. “Dismissed.”

-

_Four days after Clarke and Octavia’s escape_

Kane checks the halls near his room twice before leading you to his door and ushering you inside. As soon as you’re safe from prying eyes, he turns to you with a smile. “Octavia just radioed. Lexa decided that blood must not have blood. They’ll send riders today to deliver the message to Pike.”

You let out an audible sigh of relief, whispering, “Clarke did it.”

As soon as the words come out, a realization hits you like a ton of bricks. _Clarke did it._ Clarke convinced Lexa, “blood must have blood” Lexa, to let the _massacre_ of her army slide. And you don’t need to go over the reasons on how she managed it, because you think about the soft way she says Lexa’s name, even when she’s angry, the rapport she must have built with her while in Polis, and you have your answer. Because you know Clarke and you know when she’s acting differently, even if you’ve only seen her once in the last 3 months. Clarke Griffin is in love, and, apparently, Heda Lexa feels the same.

Kane pulls you out of your thoughts, distracting you from the revelation. “We can’t let our guard down yet, because Pike is still in power, and he still hates the Grounders. We’re safe, for now, but the second Pike violates this peace offering, we’ll be in danger again.”

“Then we better make sure he keeps the peace.”

“Easier said than done.”

You let out a scoff, “You’re telling me.”

-

_One week after Clarke and Octavia’s escape_

You pour over the maps in front of you, checking over the borders that Pike has drawn to represent the New Arkadia. You shake your head, scrubbing a hand over your face, wondering how you’re going to talk him out of this when you hear a knock at the door. Not expecting anyone, you glance towards it in confusion, standing and crossing the room to pull open the door, revealing Nate. “Miller. What are you doing here?”

“I just have a question about the guard schedule.”

“Uh, okay.”

You step aside, making room for him to enter your room. He turns and checks the hallways both ways, before waving someone towards you. Kane comes quickly, sliding into the room behind Nate, both of them turning to face you. “Any news?”

You shake your head. “I’ve got a meeting with Pike and the others today about the village, but I still don’t think we’ll be able to talk him out of it. He seems dead set on kicking them out.”

Kane nods. “Octavia radioed. Gillmer, Hannah, and a few guards are out getting soil and water samples nearby, and they almost killed a kid when he stumbled upon them. Luckily, she was able to save him.”

“Weird. Wonder if it’s connected?”

“That’s what we want to find out.” He pulls out a small black object, holding it out to you. You take it, flipping it over in your hand, and you realize it’s a listening device. You look up at Kane in surprise, “Where did you get this?”

“Not important. Can you get it in Pike’s office? Somewhere out of sight.”

You give him a skeptical look. “I don’t know. His security is tight.”

“I can get you in.” You glance over at Miller, and you shake your head with a smirk. _Of course he can._ “You said it yourself, he’s expecting you in his office today. It won’t be weird if he catches you.”

You look between the two of them, and then back down to the listening device. “Okay, fine.”

They both nod, and Miller looks at you. “If we’re doing this, we need to do it now. Pike’s on the other side of the camp, checking the armory with Bellamy. We have a small window.”

You grab your guard jacket, heading towards the door. “Then let’s go.”

They both follow you out of your room and towards the Chancellor’s office. Kane is careful to keep his distance from the two of you, but you and Miller walk side by side, keeping up a light conversation, nothing suspicious about two guards together. When you reach the hallway and find it empty, Kane jogs up to you and Miller, walking beside you. “You step aside in case someone answers.”

You turn to Kane, “You should _both_ step aside since I’m the only one that was asked to be here.”

Miller rolls his eyes, “I told you, no one’s home.”

Kane and Miller each step on either side of the door, and you knock, waiting to hear a response. You hear nothing, other than Miller’s quiet laugh, and Kane turns to him in confusion. “What?”

“Bet you didn’t think we’d be breaking the law together when you arrested me on the Ark, huh?”

Kane pushes past you to grab him by the vest. “This isn’t a game, Nate. If we don’t find out what Pike’s up to, more people will die.”

“Then let’s not get caught.”

Miller types in the keycode and opens the door, and as you push it wider, someone down the hall says, “Chancellor Pike, good to see you.”

You all exchange a worried look, and Kane presses the bug into your hand. “You put this somewhere smart, out of sight. I’ll buy you guys some time.”

He turns and leaves quickly, and you slip inside the room and crack the door, while Miller stands guard just outside. You look around the office, considering the best place to put the bug. You quickly decide against the meeting table, because although it’s the closest to the heart of conversations, it’s the most likely place it will be discovered. Your eyes scan over the file cabinets, the couch, the bookshelf, rejecting them all. They finally land on Pike’s desk, and you walk over to it, looking it over, deciding that the bottom of the desk is hidden enough to do the trick. 

You get down on your hands and knees, and stick it to the bottom, making sure to flip it on before you stand. You walk around the desk, checking it from every angle, making sure it can’t be seen, before you slip out the door again. Miller glances at you and you nod, which he returns before walking off down the hall. You can hear Kane’s voice down the hall. “Public opinion is a funny thing, Charles.”

“My job is to keep us safe, not to be liked.” Pike’s voice grows closer, so you step to the side of the door, standing and acting casual, waiting. 

As Pike and Bellamy come around the corner, Pike greets you. “Glad you could join us.”

You nod as he steps up to the door, typing in his code and motioning for you and Bellamy to come inside. Bellamy squeezes your hand in greeting as he passes, his face blank and unreadable. Pike leaves the door open behind him, waiting for the others to show up, keeping up a light conversation with Bellamy. You only half participate, worried he’ll find the bug before it even gets used, but he never sees it. Instead, he calls the others inside as they all show up. 

They all file inside the office, coming to stand around the table, and you’re surprised to see Monty and Monroe among them. Bellamy stands to your left, and Bryan on your right. Monroe is on Bryan’s other side, while Hannah, Pike, and Monty stand across from you. Pike’s gaze bounces over each of you. “Okay, let’s get this meeting started. Welcome Farm Station’s own Monty Green, and factory girl, Zoe Monroe, as we begin our next crucial phase: expansion and salvation. And this will lead the way.”

He holds up a vial of dirt, and you remember your conversation with Kane and Miller earlier about Octavia’s discovery. Monroe eyes it with confusion. “Dirt?”

“Soil. Fertile, arable soil. Vastly more rich than anything we’ve found since landing. We’ll clear the trees and plant within the month.”

Hannah smiles at everyone around the table. You know she’s Monty’s mom, but you can’t help but dislike her. “We start with soybeans and corn. They grow the fastest.”

Monty, who has been taking this all in quietly, wanders over to the map behind the table. You turn and watch as he eyes it with suspicion, pointing out the Grounder village. “Is this where we’re going?”

“That’s right.”

“There’s a village here.” He turns, eyes finding yours and Bellamy’s. “What about the people who live here?”

Bellamy turns away from Monty and gazes at Pike. “That’s sector four. We talked about this, the people there are not a threat.”

Pike sighs, “We _need_ that land. With the loss of Mount Weather’s resources, Arkadia will be starving in less than a year.”

Bellamy’s gaze drops as he digests this new information, before he mutters, “With all due respect sir, you still haven’t answered Monty’s question.”

“You know the answer. Every field must be cleared of stones before it’s tilled.”

You glance at Bellamy from the corner of your eye, that haunted look now back in his eye. Monty, who’s now standing behind you, shifts uncomfortably at Pike’s plan. Hannah watches her son and says, “We were spotted by a child, so they’ll be expecting us. But they lost their fighters when we took out the army, so we don’t expect resistance.”

“They’re Grounders. They’ll resist.”

Bellamy shakes his head, “Even if they don’t, the Commander’s message was clear. Blood must not have blood. That doesn’t mean we can start taking-”

You hide your surprise at Bellamy’s resistance to the plan, and his willingness to voice that with Pike. You start to wonder if maybe he isn’t so lost after all. Pike cuts him off mid sentence. “What would you prefer: die fighting for your home or starve to death? Will you do what needs to be done for your people to survive or not?”

Bellamy glances over at you, his eyes landing on the locations of your hidden wounds, before he turns back to Pike, jaw set. “We’ll do what needs to be done.”

-

Pike explains the teams, who is expected to do what, and then he dismisses you.

Bellamy is silent as he leads the group to the rover, meeting up with Gillmer and a few of the guards along the way. You sneak a few glances at him as you walk by his side, watching the muscle in his jaw clench and unclench as he thinks. You can tell he’s lost in his head, in his thoughts, as the conversation ebbs and flows around him, and you wish he would just talk to you, the way he used to. 

Joining Pike made him silent, and you hate it. Hate the wedge Pike drove between you two, whether Bellamy noticed or not.

Once you reach the rover, Bellamy pulls himself back to the present, leading the others and directing them on what to load up and what stays behind. He leaves you at a table with Hannah, loading bullets into magazines, and you hope she can’t feel the annoyance that her presence brings you. 

Bellamy comes over to collect the weapons you’ve finished, grabbing the magazine and the gun off the table and loading it, as Kane wanders over. You only glance at him for a second, avoiding his eye as he focuses on Bellamy. “That’s a lot of firepower.”

Bellamy barely glances his way. “Let’s hope we don’t need it.”

“What’s the mission?”

He pauses, giving Kane a serious look. “Planning for our future.”

“You know, that looks a lot like our past.”

“We are building a life here.” He turns and looks at you, and you can’t tell if he’s trying to convince Kane, or himself. He turns back to Kane. “Not trying to make peace with people who only understand war.”

Hannah nods. “Damn right.”

Your annoyance threatens to break free, but you close your eyes, take a deep breath, and remind yourself to stay calm. No one seems to notice, because Bellamy calls out, “Let’s move out.”

Everyone makes a beeline for the truck, but Kane grabs your arm on the way. “Can you stop it?”

“What? Me vs the rest of the group? Not a chance.” You watch his face fall. “Did Octavia not get them out in time?”

“She’s gone radio silent.”

“Shit.”

Bellamy calls your name, followed by, “Everything okay?”

You turn and look at him, concern written on his features as he takes in Kane’s grip on your arm. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

You look back to Kane. “I’ll do what I can, save who I can.”

“Don’t expose yourself. We still need you.”

“Will do.” And then you raise your voice slightly in case anyone is trying to listen, before you yank your arm free. “Go float yourself, Kane!”

He plays his part well, looking stunned, and you jog over to the truck, taking the hand that Bellamy extends to you, helping to pull you inside. You plop down beside him with a frustrated huff, and his voice drops to a whisper as the truck starts up and pulls away, “What was that about?”

“Nothing. Just another Kane lecture about choosing the right side.”

He hums in acknowledgement, having received his fair share of those lectures. “He’ll understand soon. We don’t want to do this, kick out these Grounders, but we’re building a life for ourselves, a future.”

“I know.” You place a quick peck on his cheek, before leaning back and sitting in silence for the rest of the ride.

The rover comes to a stop in the village sometime after dark, the moon your only light as you all jump from the vehicle in formation, splitting off into two groups. You follow right behind Bellamy, all of you scanning the edge of the village for signs of movement, surprised to find none. The silence is deafening as you scan the empty village, and Monroe’s shaky voice reaches you from somewhere nearby, “I don’t hear anything. Maybe no one’s home.”

In front of you, Bellamy stops, eyes trained on the village as he yells, “Hello? Anyone here?”

When no one answers, he turns to look at you, his eyes asking a silent question, and you understand before he even opens his mouth to voice it. “Maybe they only know Trigedasleng?”

You understand what he’s asking, and turn to the village, projecting your voice. _“Osir gada imfou kom Chansla Paik kom Skaikru. Osir gaf chich yu wocha op.”_

 _We have a message from Chancellor Pike of the Sky People. We need to talk to your chieftain._ You hear Gillmer scoff as soon as you finish speaking, and you resist the urge to roll your eyes. You all wait and listen again, hoping for an answer, but hearing nothing. 

“Maybe they saw our lights and left,” Hannah muses. 

Bellamy waves you all forward, and your two formations continue towards the village, one on each side. As you move deeper and deeper into the village, you come across no one, the living space seemingly abandoned. Rain starts to fall from above, running down your face and clothes, chilling you to the bone, but you ignore it as you stop at one of the fire pits in the middle of the camp, eyeing it. Logs are held together at the top with a rope, which is dripping with a bright yellow goo. Curious, you reach out to touch it, stopping when you hear a horse whinny in the distance. Bellamy yells, “Contact. Two o’clock.”

You take off running behind him, watching his back as you run towards the sound. As you come to a stop near the edge of the village, Hannah and Monty right behind you, you hear Octavia’s voice yelling down to you, “Bellamy, get them out of there! It’s a trap!”

Before he can say a word, you hear someone in the distance yell, “Fire!”

Seconds later, flaming arrows rain down from the ridge towards you, and you yell out, “Incoming! Take cover!”

Bellamy wraps his arms around you and you both duck, watching as all of the arrows miss your group and land on the fire pits lined up in the middle of the camp. They light quickly, a small fireball bursting from each one, and Octavia’s voice yells down to you once again, “The smoke is poison!”

You and Bellamy exchange a worried glance before he yells to the others, “Fall back, fall back! Stay away from the smoke! Get back to the rover!”

As you all start to run back towards the rover, avoiding the smoke, you hear Monroe let out a pained cry, screaming your name, then Monty’s, then Bellamy’s. Monty turns immediately, heading back towards her, and you turn and follow him. Bellamy yells your name, voice panicked, and you feel him reach out for you, but you slip from his grasp. You follow Monty into the smoke, both of you yelling Monroe’s name, coughing as the smoke enters your lungs. 

You can still hear Bellamy yelling your name from the other side of the smoke, held back by the others as you move deeper and deeper into the toxic cloud. You hold your breath, trying to avoid breathing as much as you can, the smoke irritating your lungs each time it enters your body. Finally, you and Monty find Monroe, laid out near one of the fires. You both reach down and grab her, throwing her arms around your shoulders and dragging her out of the smoke and into fresh air. 

As soon as you’re out of the toxic haze, you take in a long breath, your lungs still burning with irritation, but feeling better with fresher air. Bellamy runs forward and grabs Monroe’s legs as she starts to collapse, helping you and Monty carry her far away from the smoke and onto a patch of grass near the rover. You put her down gently, before dropping to your knees at her side, looking her over. 

Her breaths come out as tight wheezes, the air struggling through her lungs the best it can. You can do nothing but watch her hopelessly, unsure how to treat lung issues without a tank of oxygen to help. Her wheezes turn to gasps as she struggles to breathe, and you glance over at Bellamy, his expression distraught. Behind you, Bryan mutters, “How the hell did they know?”

Monroe’s gasps grow louder and quicker until they stop completely, and she grows still. Bellamy’s voice is panicked as he gazes down at her, “Monroe? Monroe!”

You reach up and check for a pulse, head dropping to your chest when you find none. You look up at Bellamy, tears in your eyes as you shake your head. His head drops, tears filling his eyes, and Hannah turns to Bellamy, tone accusatory. “Your sister did this!”

Unable to contain it any longer, your annoyance from earlier boils over and you snap, “Shut up, Hannah! Just shut the hell up for _once_!”

No one says anything, now frozen in place as they look down at Monroe’s dead body, and you can see the haunted look in Bellamy’s eyes, the weight of the world dropping onto his shoulders again, and you know that someone has to be strong, take charge.

You turn to Bryan, wiping your tears away as you do. “Find me something for Monroe. A tarp, a blanket, anything. And some rope.”

He nods, before turning away. You look over at Monty, Hannah, and Gillmer. “Get up to that ridge, and tell me what you see.”

They stand frozen, looking at you, and you yell, “Now!”

They jump in surprise but do what you say, running off to search the ridge. You look up at the two guards left. “They have a well at the edge of camp. Put out those fires.”

As they turn to leave, you look back at Bellamy, still frozen in place, staring down at Monroe. You reach out for him, grabbing his hand, and he looks up in surprise, like he forgot you were even there. “She’s only here because of me.”

You think of Roma, speared to a tree, and of Bellamy turning to you, telling you the same thing then. You shake your head. “Monroe was here because she wanted to do better, be better. She believed in building a better life.”

You reach up, put a hand on his cheek, and he leans into it. “We can’t let Monroe’s death, or those that died before her, be in vain. It has to stop, Bellamy. The killing has to stop.”

You know you’re toeing a dangerous line, letting your true feelings get this close. Feelings that are in direct opposition to Pike and what he seems to stand for. But Bellamy’s conflict is palpable, his disagreement with Pike and his methods growing everyday. So you say enough to get into his head, but not expose yourself. “Do you understand what I’m saying? Peace. We need to work for peace.”

He nods his head, mulling over your words, and you pull away from him when you hear someone approaching. You turn and see Bryan, holding up a blanket and some rope. “This is all I could find.”

“This is perfect, thank you.” You look around, surveying the two groups. “Can you go check the ridge with the others?”

“Yeah.”

“Thanks.”

He leaves you and Bellamy alone again, and you lay out the blanket. Bellamy stands and helps you move Monroe’s body on top of it, both of you pulling the blanket over her body and tucking it underneath her. As you pull it over her face, you whisper, “May we meet again.”

You hear Bellamy echo the words before he helps you secure the sheet with the rope, the way the Grounder’s taught you after Finn massacred the village, and once you’re done, you both silently carry her body back to the rover and set it inside. As you finish, the radio at Bellamy’s side crackles to life with Hannah’s voice. “The Grounders are gone now, there’s no one up here. We’re coming back down.”

“Copy that.”

You and Bellamy lean against the truck, waiting for the others to return. The two guards that you put on firefighting duty return first, letting you know the fires are out, before the second group arrives a few minutes later. Everyone is silent, defeated, and Bellamy takes one look at them before muttering, “Let’s go home.”

-

Hannah runs to Pike as soon as you’re back and tells him everything, and he calls you and Bellamy in for a meeting before you’ve even finished unpacking the rover.

You both walk to the office together, silent, neither of you looking forward to the impending lecture. You knock once you arrive, and Pike opens the door and ushers you both inside. He leans against the table, watching you both, and Bellamy shifts on his feet, uncomfortable. You glance over at him from the corner of your eye, and you can see him working his jaw, trying to keep his emotions at bay. Pike’s gaze bounces between you. “How are you two holding up?”

“Fine.”

“I’ve been better.”

He turns to Bellamy, focusing on his response. “Yeah, we all have.” 

He takes in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “We need to talk about your sister. One of our people died today because of her. Not to mention, the ash poisoned the soil, making the land useless.”

“The Grounders did that. Octavia tried to warn us.”

“Yes, after she warned them. Someone in this camp is giving her information. I need to know who.”

Bellamy gives him a knowing look. “We all know who.”

You feel your stomach drop, worried they’re onto you, and Pike states, “Kane.”

Despite not being your name, the answer doesn’t leave you feeling better. Pike looks between you and Bellamy again. “We have no proof. You two need to find me some.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Bellamy, you’re dismissed.”

Bellamy looks at Pike in surprise, and you feel anxiety prickle across your skin. _This is it. He knows the truth and he’s going to take you down. Alone._

Pike looks over at Bellamy, who is still beside you, hesitant, and he nods at your boyfriend, letting him know he heard right. Bellamy gives you a worried look and you give him a small smile, letting him know you’ll be okay. _You hope._

He turns and leaves, closing the door behind him, and you glance at Pike, watching him watch you. You’re sure that he’s going to give you an earful for snapping at Hannah, or he’s going to expose you for being a two faced spy, but he surprises you by saying, “Hannah says you showed true leadership out there.”

Caught off guard, you shrug and offer, “Not really. Just offered my assistance to Bellamy when he needed it.”

“That’s not what she told me.” You shrug again, not sure what to say, and he pushes on, “Are you interested in leadership, Miss Griffin?”

“Not really. Being the leader was always Clarke’s thing. I’m more than happy to follow, and offer my support when needed.”

He hums. “I’m looking to form a team. One that will go out and search for more villages like this one, with rich soil and a good water source. You’re strong, you know how to fight, and you speak the language. You’d be a good fit. A good leader.”

The offer surprises you, which you forget to hide. “Sir, I’m not sure-”

He cuts you off, “Just think about it. You wouldn’t need to decide right now.”

“Thank you, Chancellor.”

He nods. “We’ll meet in the morning, discuss next steps. Let Bellamy know.”

“Yes, sir.”

“You’re dismissed.”

With that, you turn and walk out the door, eager to search for Kane.

-


	36. xxxvi. thirteen (3.07)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: vague mention of stitches removal (does this need to be a warning? is there a more general term I can use for this? medical attention mention?), mentions of death, a v intense chess discussion. 
> 
> Summary: you and Bellamy share a moment, and at night, you are plagued by dreams.

When you push open the door to leave Pike’s office, Bellamy is standing there, looking worried, and you realize that Kane will need to wait a few minutes.

You put a smile on your face, ready to reassure him. “Don’t look so freaked out, I’m fine.”

“What happened? What did he say?”

You reach out for his hand, and thread his fingers through yours. “Tell ya what. I’ll tell you over a romantic dinner, set for two.”

“What?”

“We haven’t had a night to ourselves in weeks. Let’s grab some food from the mess hall, get a blanket, and have a meal under the stars. Just the two of us.”

His brows furrow, trying to figure out your change in tone, before his face slowly breaks into a smile. “Okay.”

“Good. You get the food, I’ll get the blanket. Meet me in that clearing, the one past the west wall.”

He leans down and kisses you. “See you there.”

As soon as he turns and walks the opposite direction from you, heading towards the mess hall, you make a beeline for your mother’s room, prepared to pass a message to Kane. You knock once you reach the door, but you don’t wait for her to answer. Instead, you push it open and slip inside, turning to find your mother sitting at the small table in her room. Your brows lift in surprise when you see she’s not alone. 

“Mom. Kane. Good, you’re both here.”

“What are you doing here?”

You grab her medical bag on your way to the table, pulling a chair out in front of her. “It’s time for my stitches to come out.”

You turn to Kane, giving him a serious look. “Because I have a message for you.”

“What is it?”

“Pike knows about you. Or, suspects anyways. He has me and Bellamy looking for proof that you’re the traitor in the camp.”

He lets out a rush of air, and your mom stops removing your stitches for a minute to place a comforting hand on his arm. He puts his hand on top of hers, thinking, and your eyes fall to it, watching the interaction in confusion. Kane pulls his hand away when he sees you staring, clearing his throat as he says, “Then we can’t meet anymore. It’s too dangerous.”

“How will I pass information along?”

“You won’t. Not unless it’s big news. We hear most of the conversations from the bug in Pike’s office anyways, and I trust you to make decisions on what’s important enough for us to know.”

Your mother motions for you to pull down the neck of your shirt, revealing the stitches on your shoulder, the ones from your arm now removed. You comply, turning to glance at Kane as you add, “You should know that Pike asked me to lead a team.”

“What kind of team?”

“Scouting, mostly. The Grounders at the village tonight ruined the soil, making it useless. Pike is determined to find land, better land than we have, to farm on. He said I’d be a good leader for the team because I know how to fight and I can speak the language.”

“What’d you tell him?”

Your mom tugs your shirt back up, lifting it at the bottom to check the cut on your side, tools ready to remove the stitches. You glance at her working hands, then back to Kane. “I said I wasn’t sure, because leadership isn’t my thing. But he told me I didn’t need to decide right now, I could take a few days to think about it.”

“You should accept.”

“What? Why? So I can help Pike find more Grounders to slaughter so he can take their land?”

“No, because if you’re in the lead, you’re in control. You can keep things peaceful, prevent the killing. You can sabotage the soil samples, make him think that every village you find is not worth taking.”

“Okay. I’ll let him know in the morning.”

Kane nods, and then asks, “Did you see Octavia?”

“Heard her mostly. Why?”

“She’s still radio silent. We haven’t heard from her all day, but I thought it was just because she was busy with the village. I thought she would have radioed by now.”

“I’m sure she’s fine.”

“Yeah.”

Your mom drops her tools back into her bag, tugging your shirt down. “All healed. Try not to get anymore, will you?”

You smile at her. “I’ll try.”

You stand, glancing between your mother and Kane, just now realizing how close together their chairs are sitting. You tuck the information away for later, and nod towards the door. “Bellamy’s waiting on me, so I should go.”

“This will probably be our last meeting for a while, so stay safe.”

“You too.”

You glance between the pair one last time, before shaking your head and slipping out the door. On your way back to Bellamy you grab a blanket and a candle from your room, as well as Bellamy’s copy of _The Iliad_ , recently abandoned due to your busy schedules. You tuck the book into your waistband before running across camp and slipping through one of the loose panels in the fence, heading towards the clearing. Bellamy stands when he sees you approaching, and he pretends to tap an invisible watch on his wrist. “What took you so long?”

You lift your shirt, revealing your Mount Weather injury. “Ran into mom on the way, and she wouldn’t let me leave until she took out my stitches. But look, all healed!”

He smiles, feeding off your energy, and helps you spread the blanket onto the ground and light the candle. He lays out the food, pushing all of the good stuff towards you, before giving you a look, brows raised. “What did Pike talk to you about?”

“Wow. Straight down to business.” You pop a berry into your mouth, grateful he grabbed some, before matching his serious demeanor. “He offered me a team. A chance at leadership.”

“Doing what?”

“Looking for more farmable land, since the Grounders ruined the soil in the village.”

“Octavia and Kane ruined the soil in the village.”

You give him a confused look. “The Grounders are the ones that set the trap, and fired the arrows.”

“But Kane warned Octavia, and she warned the Grounders. That warning is the only reason they knew to set a trap.”

You shake your head, not understanding how Bellamy was blaming the Grounders less than an hour ago, but is now blaming Kane. “I guess. But putting that blame on Kane would be like putting the blame of Monroe’s death on him.”

“It is.”

“What?”

“It’s Kane’s fault that Monroe is dead.” 

You see the muscle in his jaw clench, and for the second time tonight you start to enter dangerous territory, despite knowing that you shouldn’t. “I understand that Kane warning Octavia and Octavia warning the Grounders put us in danger tonight, but that doesn’t mean that Kane is responsible for Monroe’s death. He couldn’t have known the Grounders we’re going to set a trap.”

“Why are you defending him?”

The suspicion on his face worries you, and you know you’ve pushed too far. You shake your head, letting out a short, disbelieving laugh. “I’m not. I just mean that maybe Kane was doing what he thought was right. Same as us. Same as the Grounders. I’ve always believed in that, Bellamy, you know that.”

He’s quiet, taking in your words, and you see his suspicion melt away. After a minute, he turns to you, eyes searching your face. “Do you still believe in what we’re doing with Pike?”

You hide your surprise at the question, your eyes now searching his face for any sign of doubt. In you, in Pike, in the cause. But you find nothing, his face unreadable again, and you worry. You’ve already gone too far tonight, exposed too much of your true thoughts, whether he realizes it or not, so you nod your head. “Of course I do. Do you?”

“You know I do.”

You turn away from him, pushing the food away, your appetite now lost. Your gaze lifts to the stars, searching for the familiar shapes of the constellations. Bellamy shifts beside you, moving closer, his gaze following yours to the sky. He whispers, “You should take the position.”

You turn to him. “You think so?”

“Pike’s right to trust you. You’re a good leader. You don’t back down when things get hard. We need that, to fight the Grounders and secure our future.”

You nod. “I’ll tell him in the morning, when we go to our meeting with him.”

You’re both silent again, and he reaches out for your hand. You let him take it, giving him a small smile as you push down all the feelings brewing inside of you. Bellamy’s unreadable expressions are wearing you down, making your spying harder than necessary, his trust in Pike sometimes wavering, sometimes strong. His conflict is a good sign though, a sign that he’s not lost to you forever. A sign that maybe things can be good again, you can be on the same side again. 

You reach out and pull the book from your waistband, plopping it down into his lap. “You haven’t read to me in a while.”

“We’ve been busy.”

“We aren’t busy now.”

He smiles, and opens the book to the last place he left off, before he begins, “Furious, Hector makes for Achilles, who beckons him: come close and die the sooner! Hector says: Don’t try to scare me like a child. Yes, I’m a lesser warrior than you. But these things lie in the lap of the gods.”

You hum, and whisper, “I like that. Read it again.”

He smiles down at you, pulling you closer as he whispers, “These things lie in the lap of the gods.”

“Do you believe that? That there are some things out of our control, left to the gods to decide?”

“I don’t know. I want to believe that we have the power to change anything, affect any outcome. But maybe the gods just want us to think that.”

“Yeah. Maybe.”

-

After your picnic and an update on the Trojan War, you and Bellamy head back to your room, both of you ready for bed. Bellamy falls asleep long before you do, his ability to sleep through anything never failing, the stress of recent events keeping you up later than normal. When you finally get to sleep, it’s fitful, restless, and you’re plagued by dreams. 

-

_The chessboard lies in front of you, your white pieces hopelessly spread across the board. You glance up at your dad, who sits across from you, watching you carefully, before your eyes move back to the board, trying to work out how to save your King. Your eyes land on the last spot you can move him, the last free space left on the board, and you slide your King into position._

_You look back at your dad, watching as his expression slowly morphs into a grin, and you know you’ve lost before he even moves his Queen. “Checkmate.”_

_You huff, “How did you even do that? I had you, until you backed me into a corner.”_

_“You thought you had me.”_

_You look up at him, confused. “What?”_

_He rearranges the pieces, moving them back to the last place you had him. He points to the bishop you captured, turning the game to your favor. “That’s a decoy. This whole move is a trap, the Lasker trap. The decoy took your attention away from the other pieces. When you captured it, it tricked you into a false sense of security, thinking you had the advantage, leaving you to ignore the intentions of this other pawn, which I used to force your King to a poisoned square.”_

_“A poisoned square. One that I’d never move my King to because it leaves you with the advantage.”_

_“Exactly. You’d never move it there, because once it’s there, it’s checkmate.”_

_“So by offering up the unprotected pawn, the decoy, you distracted me from the other pawn, which just moved closer and closer to my side of the board.”_

_“And by using other pieces to continually check your King, I was able to get my pawn to the other side and promote it. Once promoted, I used it and the other pieces to lead you to the poisoned square, forcing your hand so it’s the only place left for your King to go.”_

_You let out a short laugh, disbelieving. “I should’ve known I couldn’t beat you. You’re unbeatable.”_

_He starts to put the pieces of the game back in its box, shaking his head. “That’s not true. Pike beat me last week when we played, using the Lasker trap.”_

_You fight back a smile, “So the move that Pike used to beat you, is the same one that you used just now to beat me?”_

_“I had to test it for myself.”_

_“You’re the worst, dad.”_

_He clutches his chest, pretending to be hurt. “I’m just teaching you valuable life skills, kiddo.”_

_“Yeah, right. Like chess can teach me anything about life.”_

_“Life is just one long game of chess. Each move has consequences, good or bad, just like our choices do. Sometimes the game is in your favor, sometimes it’s not. But the unpredictability is the beauty of it, because things can change in an instant, for better or for worse, and you never know who will win the game. “_

_“Well if my opponent is half as good as you are in the game of life, then I’m screwed.”_

_He smiles, pausing to look at you. “You’re better at chess than you realize, la lune.”_

_Your mother calls to him from the other room, and he glances that way before standing and pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “Don’t underestimate your strength.”_

_-_


	37. xxxvii. terms and conditions (3.08)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: blood, death, violence, nausea, fighting, guards doing the most, Pike being an asshole, headbutting bitches that deserve it (and breaking their nose, so like, descriptions of that). 
> 
> Summary: tensions in Arkadia reach a head, and chaos ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TODAY WE BEGIN THREE DAY A WEEK UPDATES!!! the new schedule is MWF, so be looking out for the next update on Friday! also i said this in a post at like 5 a.m. but I really just want to thank all of you for the love and support you’ve given to me and sub rosa! it means the absolute world to me!!!

You and Bellamy are at Pike’s office bright and early the next morning, ready to discuss what to do next. But before you can even lift your hand to knock, the door swings open, revealing Pike. “Good, you’re both here. Hannah called and asked us to meet her at the lookout tower.”

You both nod, following him as he leads you through the camp and to the tower, climbing the ladder quickly, you and Bellamy right behind him. As you all step onto the platform, Pike comes to a stop beside Hannah, who is standing in the tower, looking worried. “Hannah?”

“Sir, we lost contact with one of our recon teams. Three teams departed Arkadia at 0800 on routine patrol. Each of them reported Grounder contact less than a mile outside of camp.” She points at three spots on the map, and you all step closer to get a better look. “As per your orders, two teams retreated and made it safely back inside the walls.”

“The third?”

“Was forced to engage. I believe they were attempting to secure a defensive position when-” She cuts herself off, taking a deep breath. “They ceased transmissions.”

You and Bellamy exchange a look, before you turn to look out at the land surrounding camp. Pike muses, “The Grounders are close.”

“Gathering from the North and West. It appears they’re establishing a blockade. There’s no way through it.”

Pike shakes his head. “Something’s changed.”

You think about Lexa’s message, and what Bellamy said to Pike before sending you to the Grounder village. _Blood must not have blood, but that doesn’t mean we can start taking over villages._ You shake your head, wondering how you’re going to sneak away and update Kane, when the guard tasked with watching the perimeter turns to your group. “Sir? You need to see this.”

Two Grounders break through the trees, riding towards the camp on horseback. Pike asks, “What do they want?”

Bellamy looks at them, and then to you. “They brought a message. We’ve seen this before.”

You glance at Pike. “Finn. Before the alliance.”

Bellamy doesn’t wait another second, he turns and descends the ladder quickly, making a beeline for the gate, and you and Pike hurry after him. The guards pull the gate open, revealing the two men on horseback, now right outside the wall. Bellamy demands, “Talk.”

“We seek the one you call Pike.”

“Why?”

“An army has fallen. Blood soaking the earth where he took their lives, one by one. Life was taken. We demand life in return.”

Pike walks closer to the two men, now outside the walls beside you and Bellamy. “My life? What are your terms?”

Bellamy starts to argue, “Sir-”

Pike cuts him off with a wave of his hand, and the Grounder says, “Come with us, and we walk away.”

“Walk away? From what?”

“By order of the Commander, you have been surrounded by an army of the twelve clans. In every direction, warriors wait to kill anyone who attempts to cross the blockade. To greet them, as we greeted those we caught outside your walls today.”

He reaches behind him and pulls out a sack, throwing it to the ground at your feet, blood soaked guard armor spilling out. You feel a wave of nausea as you look at it, and you can hear murmuring in the crowd behind you. Bellamy tenses up beside you. 

“We left the bodies for the animals.”

Bellamy grinds out, “That’s enough.”

Pike reaches out, grabbing Bellamy’s arm. “Let’s go.”

“They won’t leave. I have seen _this_ before.”

The Grounder raises his voice, loud enough that the crowd behind you can hear him. “The men who wore those uniforms took a long time to die.”

Pike mutters, “Fall back. That’s an order.”

Pike steps backwards, towards the gate, and you start to follow, hesitating in place when you see that Bellamy isn’t doing the same. The Grounder yells, “If you do not give up your leader, you will all take a long time to die.”

You reach out for Bellamy, grabbing his arm, but he shrugs you off. “Bellamy!”

The Grounder turns his attention to him. “Choose the side that’s best for your people.”

“I do that every day.” Before you can stop him, he pulls out his gun, and shoots the two Grounders quickly, one after the next. You watch in shock as they slump, and Bellamy mutters, “So far, nothing has changed my mind.” 

He turns and stalks back into camp, and you step inside behind him, exchanging a look with Pike, who seems shocked that Bellamy took a page out of his Murder the Grounders Book. You let out a quiet sigh, aware that Monroe’s death is affecting him more than he’d like to admit. Her death has done nothing more than push Bellamy closer to Pike, a move that scares you more than you’d like to admit. Just when you start to think he’s coming around, something happens that sends him right back to Pike. 

You turn and look towards Bellamy’s retreating figure, watching as he disappears from sight, heading in the direction of Pike’s office. Pike motions for you to follow. “Guess we’ll have that meeting now.”

He grabs Hannah and Monty on the way back to his office, and when you reach it, Bellamy is standing at the door already. Pike lets you all inside, and Bellamy heads over to the map, waiting for everyone to come inside. When you do, Bellamy points at the ridge around camp. “I radioed the lookouts on the way over here, and they confirm another three encampments just over that ridge.”

“Well, they’re not hiding from us. That’s for sure.” Pike turns to Hannah. “How many days can we keep our population fed without being able to send out hunting parties?”

“Food and water stores were already at less than sixty percent. Now it’s maybe a week before we go critical? Two, if we start rationing immediately.”

“Immediately it is.”

Hannah nods, then eyes the line on the map that Bellamy is drawing, indicating the blockade. “What about breaking the blockade?”

You scoff at her, “We don’t have the manpower or the bullets to fight all twelve clans.” 

Pike adds, “And after Bellamy’s theatrics this morning, they’ll expect that anyways. Regardless, we can’t engage the Grounders until we’ve got our own people under control, and that starts with Kane.”

He turns and looks between you and Bellamy. “I need you to suspend access to the prisoners. No contact with anyone in camp. For all we know, they’ve been providing intel on Grounder villages to Kane.”

“Yes, sir.”

He points to Monty. “And I want you to take over coordination of camp surveillance. We’ll need new security protocols at all camp entrances.”

Pike offers Monty a radio, which he takes, and he offers his first suggestion. “Maybe, uh, changing critical passwords every twelve hours.”

“Good. Coordinate with your mom, but keep the circle tight.” Pike turns to look at all of you, one by one. “Then there’s the matter of camp-wide surveillance.”

“You want us to spy on our people?”

He turns to Monty and nods. “We can’t do what’s needed to defend this camp, if every order I give is leaked before it can be executed. It’s an old saying, but it’s true. The walls have ears.”

You resist the urge to look at the bug underneath his desk. _You have no idea._ “We can’t afford any more assumptions about who’s a friend and who isn’t, not your oldest acquaintance. Not your husband, wife, or lover. We’re fighting two wars now, and the more dangerous one is here, inside this camp. We can’t prove it yet, but Kane and his accomplices passed information to Octavia. I know none of you signed up to investigate your neighbors, but Monroe died because the traitors in this camp sold them out to the Grounders. Whoever did that will be hunted down and exposed for what they did to their own, for what they did to us. Now you get whatever resources, whatever personnel you need to make that happen.”

He looks at each of you, waiting for each nod that you understand, and you feel sick to your stomach as you think of what this means for Kane, what this means for you. _A traitor and a spy. Add that to your growling list of nicknames._

“Dismissed.”

Everyone turns to leave, but you linger, wanting to talk to Pike alone. Bellamy nods at you when you glance at him, encouraging your decision, before he closes the door behind him, leaving you with Pike.

He glances at you, expectant. “What can I do for you, Miss Griffin?”

“I wanted to talk to you about the offer you made me the other day. I’ve made up my mind.”

“And?”

“And I’d be honored to lead a team.”

He smiles, already reaching for things on his desk. “Good. That’s what I like to hear.”

He grabs a few rolled up maps, and stacks of paper, holding them out to you, which you take. “This is all the data we had from the last village, along with a few guesses on the next few villages to test. You’ll need to run your plan and who you choose for your team by me first before we send you out there. But if everything looks right, we can start looking in the next few days.”

“What about the blockade?”

“Don’t worry about the blockade. We’ll figure it out. In the meantime, you have a lot of work ahead of you, you might want to get started.”

You nod. “Thank you, sir.”

You turn and slip out the door, nearly running into Bellamy, who is just outside, waiting. “So? How’d it go?”

You hold up the stacks of paper. “You’re looking at the newest team leader.”

He smiles at you, the first genuine one you’ve seen in a while. “I’m proud of you.”

“Really?“ The words, paired with his smile, make butterflies break free in your stomach, reminding you of the boy you fell in love with. But the butterflies turn to lead when you remember what you signed up to lead and who you agreed to do it for.

“Of course.” Bellamy leans down to kiss you, slow and sweet, and you can almost convince yourself that everything is okay, that you’re not a spy hidden in the ranks of a facist Chancellor. _Almost._

He pulls away, and you both look at each other for a minute before you hold up your stacks of work. “Pike wants me to get started right away, so I should probably go do that.”

Bellamy nods, “I’m gonna get started on the campwide surveillance, come up with a few ideas with Monty, so we can run them by Pike later.”

“Okay. I think I’m gonna work outside, enjoy the sun a little.”

“If you sit under the ring, you get the best view of the camp _and_ you’re in the best spot for the sun.”

“Thanks for the tip.”

You start to walk away, but he calls out to you, “I’ll come find you later, and update you on everything!”

You turn towards him, now walking backwards, a smile on your face. “Only if you bring a snack with you!”

He laughs and you smile back at him, before turning and heading outside, towards the ring, like Bellamy suggested. You work there for a while, pouring over the maps and data, trying to figure out how you can do this job, and still save the Grounder’s lives. 

You take a break around noon, standing and stretching, before you decide to take a walk around the perimeter of the camp to stretch your legs and take your mind off things. You roll up your maps and papers, tucking them into your back pocket as you head towards the wall, and start to walk along it. You people watch as you go, smiling at the kids playing soccer and the friends talking together underneath the afternoon sun.

As you reach the back part of camp, the crowds thin out, this part of Arkadia not as popular to spend time in, and as you start to get lost in your head, you’re surprised to hear hushed whispers coming from nearby. You slow as you hear them approach you, and something inside of you, an instinct, tells you to duck between two buildings, and use the darkness to hide you. The whispers grow closer, and though you can’t make out what they’re saying, you know it’s important from the tone they’re using. 

Seconds later, Pike, Hannah, and Bellamy walk past your hiding spot, unaware of your presence. They’re all pressed tightly together, still whispering, and every few seconds one of them looks around, suspicious. You know something is up as soon as you see them, and you wait a few seconds before slipping from your spot and following them at a distance. They walk from the back of the camp to the front, stopping their discussion as soon as they reach a populated area, all of them pulling apart slightly to blend with the crowd. 

Their suspicious glances continue though, and don’t stop as they duck inside, walking quickly down the halls, heading straight for the Chancellor’s office. You follow them until you’re sure that’s where they’re going, and then you turn and run the opposite direction, making a beeline for the hidden alcove that Kane uses to hide the radio connected to the listening device. As you reach the alcove, you slow down, not wanting to raise any suspicions, and you look around a few times before you slip through the plastic curtain and into the space on the other side. 

Kane, Harper, and Miller are all standing there, turned towards you, looking surprised. As you move closer to them, Kane whispers, “What’re you doing here?”

You ignore him, instead turning to Harper, who sits with the radio and headphones in her hand. You hold your hand out for it. “Give me the radio.”

She passes it to you, looking confused, and you turn the radio on, checking to make sure it’s on the right station before you unplug the headphones so the others can hear. “Results of this morning’s mission inventory were sobering. In no way do we currently have the ammo for an extended series of firefights. Not even close.”

You hear Bellamy’s voice ask, “So what’s Plan B?”

“Our lookouts say the largest Grounder encampment is in this valley. So, we deploy an assault team in Rover One, and we do as much damage as we can with automatic weapons.”

You and Kane exchange a worried look, another Grounder slaughter on your hands. Hannah’s voice crackles through, “They’ll just fall back and make a run for reinforcements.”

“I’m counting on that. The only way there and back is over this ridge. We can bottleneck their warriors and pick them off.”

Bellamy asks, “We got the firepower for that?”

“We won’t need it. We have a dozen concussive anti personnel devices in our armory. I’ve already got a weapons man rigging them with a remote trigger. We load the APDs into the rover, and mine the field before we attack. After we strike, we lure their reinforcements onto the ridge. And once we have enough Grounders in the killing box-”

Bellamy finishes for him, “We detonate. It’ll buy us some time, but-”

Pike concludes, “Time’s what we need. We move at dawn.”

You lower the radio, their conversation now finished, while you and Kane share a look. “All right. We need to disable that rover. If they take it out, it doesn’t matter how many Grounders they kill. Ten times that number will descend on Arkadia, and no one’ll survive.”

You shake your head, holding up a hand to stop him, a nagging feeling sitting heavy in your chest. “Wait. Something’s not right.”

“Of course something’s not right. Pike’s talking about starting a war.”

You cut your eyes at Miller, and he rolls his back at you. “Pike sent ten people to kill an army of 300. He had a plan, a good one. One that consisted of taking no prisoners or wounded. He was worried about retaliation.”

You turn and look at Kane. “But this plan? This is stupid. It’ll take most of the ammo we have left, and all of the APD’s, which is one of the best weapons in our arsenal. It’ll leave us defenseless against another attack or any retaliation.”

“Maybe Pike isn’t expecting another attack. I talked to him earlier, and tried to get him to give himself up, but he refused. He said the best way to handle things was to crush the Grounders so badly, they never move against us again. Maybe this is his plan to crush them.”

You shake your head, ignoring Kane’s words. “No, you don’t get it. Pike is smarter than that. I hate to admit it, but he is.”

Something about the plan pulls at a memory, something locked deep inside your brain. You let out a huff, trying to chase the lead, but lose it. “Mine the field, the only way out, then attack from the front using everything we’ve got. The Grounders retreat, into the killing box, then boom, take them out.”

You rack your brain, repeating the plan quietly to yourself again and again, and Miller, Kane, and Harper watch on in confusion. And then the memory hits you like a train, and you almost laugh at your stupidity. “It’s a Lasker trap, of course!”

“A what?”

Three confused faces watch as you roll your eyes. “It’s a chess move. Offer an unprotected pawn, which your opponent takes, thinking it gives them the advantage. But the unprotected pawn is a decoy, a trap. It distracts your opponent from the real threat, which you put into place while they’re focused on the other pieces on the board. Then you force them into the poisoned square, the disadvantageous position, and take out their King.”

Harper tries to make sense of your ramblings. “So, the attack is set up as a Lasker trap? So what?”

You shake your head. “No, no, no. The attack is the unprotected pawn. It doesn’t make enough sense on its own to be legitimate, which is why I think it’s a decoy meant to distract us. If we take the bait and sabotage the attack, he has us. We’re done.”

Kane looks at you in alarm. “So he knows we’re listening?”

“He must have found the bug. Monty is head of security now, I’m sure the first thing he did was sweep the office.”

“So what do we do?”

Miller glances at Harper, answering her question.“We do nothing, right? If what she says is right, and we sabotage the rover to stop the attack, then they’ll know we’re listening.”

“And we’ll be stuck in camp, behind a blockade, with a facist leader still in charge.”

You look at Kane, getting an idea. “What if we do fall for it?”

“What?”

“You said you tried talking to Pike to turn him over, despite knowing what they’ll do to him.”

He squirms a little, and you know he’s thinking of Gustus, and the cut from every hand in the village, finished off by Lexa. “Yes, but if it’s what’s best for-”

You cut him off, “You don’t have to explain why. I get it. But Pike won’t give himself up to the Grounders, even if they guaranteed it would end things. He likes the power too much. Which is why we have to turn him in ourselves, set a decoy of our own.”

“I still don’t understand.”

“At any given time, Pike is surrounded by a handful of guards and strong supporters, like Hannah, Gillmer, and Bellamy. If you want minimal casualties, on both sides, then you need to get him alone. Best way to do that is a big distraction.”

And finally, Kane catches onto your line of thinking. “The prisoners.”

“No one can visit them, and it’s too risky to send one of us over there because Pike thinks they’re giving you information, so they’re gonna be watching anyone who gets close. But if someone gets locked up…”

Kane finishes, “They can deliver a message.”

“Start a riot, security goes on high alert, Pike is now alone. Shocklash him, deliver him to the Grounders, no more blockade.”

“I’ll talk to Sinclair, get him involved. We do this today. Our people shouldn’t have to suffer anymore than they already have.” He looks at you, “Stick by Bellamy’s side today, make sure he’s suspicious about the rover.”

“I want to be there when you deliver Pike.”

“Meet me at the rover at sundown. We’ll take care of the rest.”

You nod, passing Harper the radio. “I have to get back, Bellamy’s supposed to meet me soon.”

“Be safe.”

“See you tonight.”

You slip out from the hidden alcove and heab back to the arch, jogging quickly though the halls to reach it before anyone realizes that you’re gone. As you step out into the sun, and move back to your spot, you see that Bellamy is already there, waiting, hands on his hips, eyes searching for you. You slow your approach, telling yourself to be casual, and smile as you near him. “Did you bring my snack?”

He turns towards you, eyes narrowed in suspicion as he answers, “No. Where have you been?”

“Looking for you actually. I need help picking the guards for my team. You know a lot of them better than I do, and I don’t want to take anyone that you and Monty might need for security.”

He loosens up, “Oh. I can help you with that, but it has to be later. We have more important things to do now.”

“What’s going on?”

“Not here.”

He grabs your arm, leading you through the camp and inside, down a few hallways, until he pulls open a door, revealing a small room with a row of lockers along the wall, and a large radio set up on the wall opposite of you. He closes the door, and turns to you with a serious look. “Pike found a bug in his office.”

You feel the satisfaction of being right, and the relief from already warning Kane, which makes it easy for you to feign surprise. “What? Where?”

“Underneath his desk.”

“So Kane’s been listening all along.”

He nods, “Looks like it. But Pike has a plan. We pretended to plan an attack, and we talked about it openly in front of the bug. We’re gonna watch Kane, and the others that we suspect, and see if they try to sabotage the attack. If they do, we have our proof.”

“I’m a little hurt you conspired without me, but I’ll let it slide since this might solve the Kane problem once and for all.”

“There wasn’t enough time. I wanted to come get you, but Pike’s eager to get this handled.”

Something about his explanation is too similar to the one he gave you weeks ago when they tried to attack the army. You get a sneaking suspicion that these aren’t Bellamy’s words, but Pike’s, fed to Bellamy to create a sense of urgency so that he won’t have enough time to contemplate what Pike is asking of him. “I get it.”

“Good.”

He walks towards the radio, pulling out a chair, and motioning for you to sit. You do and he pulls out the other chair, plopping into it, before reaching forward and turning on the radio. “Monty, come in.”

“I’m here.”

“Anything yet?”

“Not yet. He’s just sitting outside and reading.”

“Let us know if anything changes.”

“Copy that.”

He leans back and you look at him, “What now?”

“Now, we wait.”

-

It takes a few hours before you hear from Monty again, and you and Bellamy spend the time talking about the details of Pike’s fake plan to capture the traitors. You pretend to act impressed and surprised, despite knowing all of it already. When you finally hear from Monty, he sounds excited. “Bellamy, you were right. I’ve got eyes on Kane.”

Bellamy turns to you, keeping eye contact as he lifts the radio and asks, “Anything suspicious?”

“Yeah, he’s got something going. And I think Sinclair’s part of it.”

“Copy that. We’ll stay on Sinclair.”

As time passes, you feel your nerves building, becoming more aware of how much hinges on Sinclair getting arrested in time. You turn to Bellamy, prepared to make him suspicious. “You said the plan hinges on the rover, right?”

He nods, so you continue, “Well Sinclair’s an engineer, what if he’s going to sabotage it? He’d know exactly what to do.”

You see the realization pass over his face and he lifts the radio again. “Monty, what’s Sinclair doing now?”

“Heading into the hangar bay.”

“The one with rover one?”

“Yes.”

“He’s going to sabotage it! We’re heading that way.”

You and Bellamy run out of the room, heading towards the rover. As you hurry there, Bellamy grabs a handful of guards, and when you’re just outside the room, he turns to them. “Go inside, act casual. On my command, we’ll take Sinclair in.”

The guards all walk inside and spread out in the room, some talking to other guards inside, some just standing there. You and Bellamy walk inside, going straight for the rover, and as you come around the corner, you can see a pair of feet just underneath the vehicle. 

Bellamy nudges you, motioning across the room, where Kane sits, reading a book. You give Bellamy a nod, playing along, before turning to the rover and asking, “Sinclair, what are you up to?”

He slides out from underneath the vehicle and looks up at you and Bellamy. “Raven said the solenoid’s acting up, so I thought I’d swap it out.”

Bellamy gives him a doubtful look. “You got a work order for that?”

Sinclair stands, nodding, “Sure… I think it’s on my desk.”

He stands there for a second, looking between you two, before he abruptly takes off running, trying to escape. Bellamy nods towards him, commanding the guards, “Go.”

They descend on him quickly, cornering him until two of them can take him down and cuff him. You and Bellamy walk towards Sinclair, and Bellamy keeps his eyes locked on the man. “There is no work order and there is nothing wrong with the rover, though if you had another ten minutes, I’m sure there would be.”

You sense movement and you glance up, meeting Kane’s eyes, who gives you the smallest of nods. He stands and slips out of the room, as Bellamy charges Sinclar. “You’re under arrest. Charge is treason.”

Bellamy walks out of the room, and the guards follow, dragging Sinclair with them. He leads your group through the Ark, towards an abandoned room used for small meetings, and motions to the guards to take Sinclair inside. He looks at you, expression unreadable, “You should go get Pike, I’ll see if I can get anything out of him in the meantime.”

“Be right back.”

You turn and walk towards the Chancellor’s office, confident that you won’t miss anything, because Sinclair won’t say a word. When you reach the office, the door is open and Pike is inside, pouring over maps in front of him. You knock and he looks up, waving you inside. “Ready to tell me about your team?”

“Yes, but that’s not why I’m here.”

“Later then. Why are you here?”

“We arrested Sinclair.”

Pike stands, already reaching for his jacket so he can follow you. As he steps towards you, you add, “Bellamy took him to a room to question him, but we caught him trying to sabotage the rover.”

“I should have known Sinclair would be with Kane.”

He follows you from the room as you lead him back to Bellamy and the others, and when you step inside, you see that Hannah is now there, standing near Sinclair. Bellamy is leaned against the wall by the door, arms crossed, and Pike walks right to him. “Anything?”

“Not a word.”

Pike walks over to Sinclair, and you and Bellamy follow him, stopping to stand at his right, while Hannah comes around to his left. Pike reaches into his pocket and pulls out the bug from his office, placing it on the table in front of Sinclair. “Perhaps you’d like to talk about that.”

He leans forward, inspecting it closely, before leaning back again. He shrugs, “Never seen it before.”

“Really? I thought you engineers like to take credit for your work.” He turns to Bellamy, holding out his hand. “Give me your gun.”

You and Bellamy exchange a look, both thinking the same thing. He’s about to shoot Sinclair. You shake your head slightly, urging him not to. Whether it exposes you as a spy or not, you don’t care, because you’re not about to watch Pike kill Sinclair for something he didn’t even do.

But Bellamy pulls out his gun anyway and passes it to Pike. You drop your hand to the knife that stays strapped to your thigh, ready to grab it if Pike aims the gun at Sinclair. Instead, he turns it around, using the end of it to smash the listening device into pieces. You let out a quiet sigh of relief, moving your hand away from your weapon, trying to fall into a relaxed stance again. 

You feel Bellamy sag with relief, before turning to Pike. “He’ll talk eventually, let’s put him in lock up.”

Hannah steps forward, glaring. “He’s a traitor. On the Ark-”

You turn towards her, looking at her in shock, trying to figure out if she’s suggesting what you think she is. Pike confirms it when he finishes, “We would have floated him. But we’re not on the Ark. Lock him up.”

The guards pull Sinclair to his feet and drag him from the room, straight to the prisoners. Straight to Lincoln. You feel relief flow through you when you realize that the plan is on track. Pike turns to you and Bellamy, “See if you can get me more. I want Kane. I want this handled.”

You and Bellamy reply in unison, “Yes, sir.”

You turn and leave first, eager to get away from Hannah, who seems a little too excited at the prospect of killing her own people, treason or not. Bellamy is right behind you, jogging to catch up. You decide to push the boundaries with him for a second day in a row, too bothered to stop yourself. “Was Hannah serious in there? Float him? Are we really going to kill our own people?”

Bellamy gives you a confused look, brows pulling together. “Of course not. You heard Pike, we’re not on the Ark anymore.”

You nod, but say nothing, still unconvinced. You sense that Bellamy is about to say something up, when a guard comes around the corner up ahead, smiling when he sees you. “Kane’s looking for the two of you. He’s by the bar.”

“Thanks.”

You glance at Bellamy before you continue down the hall, muttering, “Wonder what this is about?”

“Not sure. But maybe he’ll turn himself in.”

You nod, “Yeah, maybe.”

As you walk into the room, your eyes immediately find Kane, standing in the place you last saw him in. He’s staring at the unsabotaged rover, expression blank, and he doesn’t turn when you stop beside him. Bellamy turns to him, shaking his head. “It wasn’t much of a plan, sabotaging the rover. Keeping an eye on Sinclair was an easy call.”

Kane turns to him, shocked. “Was it? Spying on your friend, that was easy?”

“People here in camp are losing focus. There’s a threat outside these walls-”

Kane cuts him off, “The threat’s inside the walls! Can’t you see that? Pike’s turning us against each other.”

“He’s the Chancellor. Have you forgotten that?”

“No. No, I haven’t.”

“Then do the right thing.”

“That’s the problem. No matter how I look at it, I am.”

“Really? Because the way I see it, Monroe died because of you.”

You shake your head when he says it, still disagreeing, watching as the two men go back and forth.

“And now Pike’s locked up Sinclair. You don’t think he’ll be the next to die?”

Bellamy gives Kane the same confused face he gave you, genuinely convinced that killing his own people isn’t something Pike would do. “Of course not.”

“Think about where this ends. Half the camp behind bars while the other half starves. People won’t stand for it. They’ll turn against Pike. But by then it’ll be too late.”

“Pike has a plan.”

Kane shakes his head, “Pike’s always got a plan, and it’s always the same one. Take the fight to the Grounders. That’s what got Monroe killed.”

Bellamy sneers, “You’re crossing a line, Kane.”

“No. No, I crossed it. I asked you here because I hoped you’d both join me. It’s still not too late to choose the right side.”

Bellamy sets his jaw, the muscle in it clenching, giving away his feelings even though the rest of his face is blank. “That’s exactly what we came here to tell you.”

Kane shakes his head, turning on you. “You think Mount Weather affected you? The guilt from pulling the lever, the despair you felt when you couldn’t stop the assassin. That’ll be nothing compared to the guilt and despair you’ll feel after you help Pike lock up and kill your own people. You think you’re doing what’s best for us, but you’re killing us. All of us.”

The words hit you hard, the truth in them a little too powerful. But that truth is the same reason you agreed to be a spy in the first place, and it’s the same reason you’ve stayed on Kane’s side the entire time. Still, Bellamy doesn’t know that, and he doesn’t know that you’ve been a traitor to the cause from day one, so he steps between you and Kane in your defense. “You don’t get to say stuff like that to her. She helped keep us alive when you were the one that sent us down here. She runs straight into danger if it means keeping our people safe. She’s made the hard decisions for our people when you couldn’t, something that you don’t seem to understand.”

“Don’t I? Why do you think I’m trying so hard to get through to you? I’m trying to keep you from making the same mistakes I did! Floating our people, your mother and her father among them, sending all 100 of you down here, the Culling, those were all hard decisions that I made for our people, and I hate that I made every one of them.”

Bellamy lets out a harsh laugh, disbelieving, before he turns and abruptly walks away. You watch him leave, unsure what to do. Kane whispers, “It’s almost time. If he won’t help us, you have to find a way to get away.”

You jog after Bellamy, catching up with him quickly as he stalks down the hall, pissed. You reach out and grab him, pulling him to a stop. “Bellamy, wait.”

He spins, letting out a scoff. “Can you believe him?”

“What if he has a point?”

“What?”

“Hannah says we have enough food stores for two weeks, and that’s with rationing. How exactly are we going to get through a blockade, especially one that’s being enforced by 12 different clans? We’ll starve.”

“Pike said he’s working on it.”

“Is he? Because to me, it looks like he’s working on locking up our own people.”

“They’re breaking the law! Going against our Chancellor.”

“Funny, I’m pretty sure we did the same thing on more than one occasion.”

“That’s different.”

“How?”

“Because we were doing it for our people.”

“Right.” You shake your head, tired of arguing. “I’m gonna go get some air.”

You see Bellamy’s face fall, aware that you’re starting to slip away. Little does he realize these are the very things you’ve wanted to say for weeks, but couldn’t. You hate arguing with him, but it’s the only thing that will give you enough time to steal a shock baton and meet up with Kane. It’s the only thing that will give you enough time to fix this. 

His voice is soft, almost pleading. “We’ll be in that room I took you to earlier, the one with the radio? Bryan is gonna meet us there, said he had some news about the security of the camp. You should meet us there.”

“Okay.”

You turn away from him, mind already distracted from the fight, and now on your next task: Pike. But before you make it down the hall, Bellamy calls your name. You turn to look back at him and he whispers, “I love you.”

You feel your heart constrict, and you try to ignore the hurt expression on his face. Maybe you’d never agree on Pike, and Bellamy would always believe in what he was doing for him. Which is exactly why you needed to deliver Pike to the Grounders, and save him from himself. “I love you more than the stars.”

You see relief on his face when you say it back, and you have to force yourself to turn away and continue on your earlier path, instead of running back to him and trying to fix things. Because you know that getting rid of Pike is the best way to do that.

As soon as Bellamy can no longer see you, you run through the halls, tearing through the building and out into the evening air. You check for the position of the sun, realizing that it’s nearly time, and you run to the armory and slip inside to grab a shock baton. You attach it to your belt and head back towards Kane, stepping inside just in time. “Pike is almost here, hide behind the rover.”

You do as he says, stepping into the shadow of the rover and peeking through the windows to watch as Pike comes inside the room with a handful of guards that spread out and block the exits. He comes to a stop right in front of Kane. “Marcus. I hope you’re ready to negotiate the terms and conditions of your surrender.”

Kane ignores the jab, and starts, “On the Ark, you taught your students about the promise of our future. About the responsibility our descendants would bear when they finally set foot on the ground.”

“We didn’t start this war. But you can be damn sure I intend to finish it.”

“What happened to you, Charles?”

Pike gives Kane an incredulous look. “You committed treason! You acted against your own people! Don’t stand there and try and take the high road with me, it’s demeaning.”

“I did nothing wrong.”

“Nothing that I can prove yet. Sinclair will give you up, it’s only a matter of time. It’s over, Marcus.”

“Is it?”

Right on time, the alarm sounds, ringing loud in the space, repeating, “All available guards to lock up.”

Pike looks at Kane in surprise, turning to yell to the guards, “Go!”

You watch as they all run from the room, leaving Pike alone. You pull out the shock baton, holding it by your side as you creep around the rover towards the two men. “I don’t suppose you know anything about this?”

“As a matter of fact, I do.” 

Kane nods and you light up the baton, the sound loud enough that Pike turns to face you. He starts to lunge towards you but you press the baton into his side, holding it there as he cries out in pain and drops to his knees. He looks up at you, surprised to see you, and before Kane knocks him out, he mutters, “You left us no choice.”

As soon as he hits the ground, you pull open the back of the rover, and Kane helps you load Pike inside. He zip ties him to a pole in the back, as Harper’s voice comes through the radio at Kane’s side. “It worked. We’re clear. The guards have their hands full.”

You check the ties as Kane grabs his radio and asks, “Is the gate open?”

“Waiting on you. Cargo locked and loaded?”

You look at Kane and nod, and as you close the back, he answers, “Affirmative. On the move.”

You run to the driver’s side and Kane takes the passenger’s seat, both of you sliding inside as quickly as possible. You start the rover and fly out of the building, cutting across the camp in the shortest path possible, even if it means you aren’t following the roads. As you reach the final stretch of road that leads to the gate, feet left between you and the outside of the walls, a row of guards jumps into your path, right in front of the gate. Kane yells, “Stop!”

You’re about to run them over, acceptable losses, when you realize the guard right in front of you is none other than Bellamy. You slam on the brakes, stopping feet from him, both of you staring at each other as he points his gun at you. You can see the surprise on his face, but you ignore it and yell, “Get the hell out of the way, Bellamy!”

But he doesn’t move, just stands staring at you. You watch a look pass over his face, one you can’t identify, and he starts to lower his gun, but it’s too late. The guards have caught up now and they yank the doors open, pulling you and Kane from the seats and slamming you into the side of the vehicle. You push back against them, pissed at their aggression, pissed that you failed.

They press into you harder, pinning you against the vehicle, leaving you no room to move. You turn and lock eyes with Bellamy, your gaze never leaving his as they pull your knife from your holster and drop it onto the hood beside the shock baton. They start to cuff your hands together and you fight them, until you feel more guards join the mix and hold you in place.

As soon as they have you restrained, they pull you away from the vehicle and lead you back towards the building. As you pass the back of the rover, Pike stands and watches, now free from his restraints. He smirks, “Should’ve killed me yourself.”

His smirk and his amusement at your failure make your blood boil, and weeks of anger, hidden deep so it wouldn’t betray you, bursts free. You let out a scream of rage and run towards him, slipping out of the two guards’ grip as they reach for you. Even with your hands cuffed behind your back, you want nothing more than to hit him, so you put your head down and run towards him, hitting Pike in the stomach with your shoulder, knocking you both to the ground.

Somewhere nearby you can hear Kane and Bellamy yelling at you to stop, but you ignore them, only focusing on your rage. You scramble to your feet and pull your leg back to kick Pike, but before you can, you are tossed to the ground by one of the guards. With your arms behind your back, you can’t catch yourself, and you hit the ground hard, rolling along it. The guards descend on you and when you try to fight them off, they fight back, hitting every inch of you that they can reach. All you can do is curl in on yourself and try to protect your middle. 

You hear Bellamy yelling, seconds before the guards all stop. Two of them yank you to your feet as Bellamy moves into your line of sight, concern written in the lines of his face. “Are you okay?”

You turn and spit blood, the metallic taste thick in your mouth. “Fantastic.”

Before he can check on you further, you are pulled away, dragged through the camp as you continue to fight back, kicking and dragging your feet, giving the guards a hard time the entire way to the interrogation room. When you reach it, you can see that Knae is already inside, and the guards pull you to a stop at the door, each standing beside you and making sure you don’t go anywhere. 

Pike, Bellamy, and Hannah walk by a few minutes later, none of them looking your way, but you can see that Bellamy is struggling with this, his expression distressed, his shoulders sagging with the weight of the world. 

You don’t know how long you wait outside, unable to hear anything going on in the room, but when the doors finally open and Kane is led out, his head is held high, but you can see the sag of his shoulders, like a weight is bearing down on him. He turns as he is led past you, and whispers, “Don’t fight it.”

And something about the defeat in his voice makes you sick. His guards yank him away, muttering, “Quiet.”

You are led inside, and your eyes scan the room, looking for Bellamy. He is standing near Pike, but half hidden in the shadows of the room, and you can see the shock on his face. You feel fear build inside of you at the uncertainty of your fate, but you set your jaw and lift your head high, letting your anger carry you.

You are shoved down into the seat, and the room is so silent it’s deafening, as Pike just stands there, looking at you. For the first time, you can see emotions on his face, something other than the blank, unreadable expression he normally wears. You still can’t tell what it is, but it seems like two emotions are warring for dominance. Finally, he steps forward, pressing his palms into the table, one of the emotions now victorious. “How did you know? How did you know the plan was a trap?”

You realize that he looks bothered, bothered at the idea that you outsmarted him, even if you did fail. He adds, “You weren’t in the room when we laid it out, and Bellamy says you were by his side all day, and that there’s no way you could have told Kane after he told you.”

“You’re not the only person who played chess with my dad.”

He lets out a short laugh. “Of course. The one time I beat Jake was with a Lasker Trap. I should have known he would teach you.” 

You say nothing, your eyes looking back to find Bellamy’s, whose gaze is locked on his feet. “What would your father say about you now?”

Your gaze snaps towards Pike, the cooled anger boiling to life again. “My father got floated for doing what was best for his people! He knew what it would cost him, and still he did it.”

You give him a look of disgust. “Though I do wonder, what would he think of you? A man whose only interest is feeding his own ego and saving his own skin.”

“Everything I have done has been for the people in this camp!” His voice echoes in the room, and you see Bellamy jump slightly at the volume. 

“If that was true then you would have walked out of camp this morning with those riders and ended this blockade.”

“Like when you gave up that boy Finn?”

“Finn gave himself up to save his people. He knew that his death would give us peace with the Grounders.”

“Until their Commander left you in Mount Weather.”

“You still don’t get it. Lexa made a deal to save her people, and broke our alliance, but she still upheld our treaty for peace. Everyone of us inside Mount Weather could have died, but the people left behind in Arkadia would have been safe from the Grounders. We _had_ peace for months before you came along! You ruined everything, and you manipulated Bellamy to do it. Used his pain to blind him to anything other than revenge, and then used his influence to get yourself elected. You think you’re better than the Grounders, but you’re not. You’re worse.”

“Enough.” He glares at you, clearly bothered by your words, and you lean back in your chair, as he continues, “The terms of martial law and of the Exodus Charter give me both latitude and ultimate authority in determining your punishment. Miss Griffin, for the crimes of treason, kidnapping, and attempted murder, I hereby sentence you to _death_.”

You hear ringing in your ears as soon as he says the words death, but you’re careful to keep your head high and your expression blank. Bellamy steps forward now, into the light, his expression one of anguish as he tries to argue, “Sir.”

Pike holds up a hand, stopping him, before glancing at the guards behind you. “Take her.”

You look towards Bellamy, and he meets your gaze for the first time since you entered the room. Any anger you had for him dissipates, now nothing more than disappointment. Because despite everything, you know that Pike used him, and even if Bellamy never realizes that, you tried. You tried to tell him, you tried to save him. As the guards pull you to your feet, you whisper, “How will you carry this, Atlas?”

You see his face fall, and he lifts a hand to hide the tears that start to fall from his eyes. You allow yourself to be led from the room, through the halls and straight to lock up. Kane, Lincoln, and Sinclair stand as they see you coming, watching your approach. You are pulled to a stop outside the door as the guards work to release your restraints, and Gillmer stands at the door, smirking at you. “I always knew we couldn’t trust you. Being a traitor runs in your blood.”

You don’t think, don’t process what you’re doing as you pull your head back and slam it forward, smashing it into Gillmer’s nose. He immediately pulls an arm back and punches you, fist smashing into your eye, pain exploding in your vision. You hear Kane and Lincoln yelling in protest, but their cries go ignored as the guards pull the door open and shove you inside, the force of it knocking you to the ground. You turn and look as Gillmer glares at you, clutching his nose as blood rushes between his fingers, and you return his earlier smirk with one of your own, “Need a bandaid?”

He launches towards the door, ready to pull it open and drag you out, but the other guards pull him back, yelling, “Let it go, Gillmer!”

He shrugs them off and storms away, and you watch on in amusement, letting the moment distract you from the fact that in less than 24 hours, you’re going to be executed.

-


	38. xxxviii. stealing fire (3.09)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: mentions of injuries, sadness, v sad character death (yes that one), mentions of reaper drugs/drugging people, angst. 
> 
> Summary: today is the day, your execution has arrived. goodbyes are said, tears are shed, the end is here.

You sit on one of the benches in lock up, trying to forget the last time you were in here. Coincidentally, you are now sitting beside the very man who locked you up for attacking Murphy. 

You let your eyes roam over the room, trying to form an escape. You count the guards, and keep up with the shift changes, which seem to be more frequent than usual. You recite every protocol you know, the original ones and the new ones established by Pike, looking for something, anything, you can use to save yours and Kane’s lives. 

But nothing comes to you, and you let out a sigh of frustration. Kane glances at you from his place beside you, lifting his head from his hands to do so. His eyes fall on your face, and you see them lock in on your injuries before he lifts a hand and tips your chin to get a better look at your eye. “I told you not to fight.”

You pull your chin out of his grasp, and roll your eyes. “You should know by now that I’m not one to go quietly.”

He smiles, thinking of the times he’s witnessed your spitfire attitude, and he sighs, “There’s so much fire in you Griffin girls. I imagine your dad had his hands full.”

You smile, thinking of him, the level headed man who always knew how to calm the storms. “He did, but he held strong.”

He says nothing, just lets his gaze fall on each prisoner in lock up, before landing on Lincoln and staying there. You both watch as he helps teach Denae how to help the others, and he must sense your gaze, because he smiles at them, kneels down to tell them something, and then comes to settle on the bench beside you. Kane glances around you to meet his eyes. “You inspire them.”

Lincoln shrugs, always bashful with compliments, before you see his determination set in. “I’m not gonna let you give up.”

They smile at each other but Kane doesn’t reply. You have a split second to realize you don’t like Kane’s silence because it scares you, leaves you feeling unsettled, and then someone announces, “Chancellor on deck.”

You turn and see Pike come around the corner, Bellamy right at his side, expression so dejected that it puts you on edge. You and Kane exchange a look, both of you coming to the realization at the same time, and your stomach drops, realizing that this is it, you’re out of time. “I thought we had more time.”

You and Kane stand, and you think about how you’re going to go out: quietly or with a fight, and you know the answer before you even ask yourself the question. If you’re about to die, you’re raising hell until the end. 

Pike comes to a stop on the other side of the door, and he glances at you and Kane. “I’m not here for you two.”

You feel relief, but it only lasts for a fraction of a second, because Pike turns to address the others. “Each of you is guilty of the same crimes as Kane, and as such, you will share the same fate. Death.”

You turn and look at Lincoln, who is looking at the Grounders, most of them still in bad shape. Lincoln turns to Pike, shaking his head. “My people are innocent, they know nothing. Don’t let them suffer for my crimes. _Please_.”

Bellamy breaks his silence to mutter, “Sir. Lincoln’s right. All the others did was run through an open door. Same thing we would do if we were in there.”

You’re surprised to hear Blemmay defending Grounders, and you hope your death sentence is enough to change his mind on Pike. Pike steps closer to the door, looking at the Grounders as he makes his decision. “I believe that’s true. Kane, Griffin, Lincoln, Sinclair, as the leaders of this coup, you will pay for your crimes with your lives. Execution is set for dawn.”

The words hit you just as hard the second time, maybe worse, because now you have a time. Dawn. Pike turns and leaves, but Bellamy lingers, stepping closer to the door and whispering, “The guards that hit you have all been punished.”

You move as close as you can to him, shaking your head. “A black eye and a split lip won’t matter if I’m dead.”

You see his jaw clench as you whisper the last word, and you can tell from his expression that he’s holding back tears. You lift your hand and press your fingers through the small holes in the door, and he reaches up to touch you, possibly for the last time. He avoids your gaze, staring at your hands as you whisper, “These things lie in the lap of the gods.”

His eyes snap up and lock with yours, and you see a flash of something in his eyes. Anger? Determination? Annoyance? It’s so fast that you don’t know for sure. All you know is that seconds later, he turns away from you and strides out of the room.

-

Waiting for your death on the ground was nothing like waiting for your death in the Skybox.

Maybe it’s the fact that it’s only a few hours away, maybe it’s because you have a lot more fight in you now then you did back then. On the Ark, with your dad floated and your relationship with Clarke and your mother almost nonexistent, you didn’t fear death. In fact, you almost welcomed it. But down here, you’re losing so much more: your family, friendships, the love of your life, the life that you built. 

And it’s hard not to agonize over that.

You spend hours agonizing, until a group of guards comes to the door, yelling at you and Kane to stand against the wall. You try not to tremble in fear, wondering how dawn came so quickly. As they secure your hands and feet in cuffs, one of the guards feels you trembling, despite you trying to hide it. He leans forward and whispers, “It’s not time. Not yet.”

You glance at him over your shoulder in surprise, and you see now that it’s Miller’s dad. He gives you a small smile, and you feel yourself sag in relief because for now, you still have time. 

Still, you don’t know why they’re cuffing just you and Kane, leading you down the halls one after the next, and any attempt to ask the guards is answered with a sharp push to your back and nothing else. Finally, they stop at a door near the end of an empty hallway, and it slides open. They push you inside, then Kane, and someone mutters, “You can thank Chancellor Pike for this. You’ve got 5 minutes.”

Your eyes land on your mother, her lip trembling as soon as she sees you. You run to her the best you can with cuffed feet, and she wraps her arms around you, holding you tight. You can hear her crying as she holds you close, and you feel yourself long for the days when you were just a kid. The invisible twin who never saw the rest of the Ark, who didn’t know anyone besides her family, who was happy. The tears well up in your eyes, spilling over your cheeks as your mom finally pulls away, lifting her hands to each side of your face, checking you over. “Are you alright?”

You try to smile at her through your tears. “I’m fine.”

You feel Kane approach from behind, and she glances over your shoulder at him, speaking to you both. “I won’t let this happen to you.”

You feel yourself shaking your head, and Kane voices the thoughts in your mind. “Abby, listen. Anyone caught helping us will be condemned to death, too.”

“Then I won’t get caught.”

He reaches out for her hand, holding it tight. “Look. I’m begging you, just don’t…don’t do it. Our people need someone here to show them a way out of the dark.”

You see her lip tremble again and her tears begin to fall as she looks between you and Kane. “I can’t do this again.”

And something about the way she says it, paired with one of her hands lifting to his face to caress his cheek, leaves you remembering the night you found Kane in your mother’s room, chairs pushed close together. The way she always seems to relax around him, even when she’s stressed. The way she seeks him out for advice, holds his opinion in high regard. You smile, shaking your head, shocked you hadn’t realized before. 

Your mother is in love.

The idea sends a heavy wave through your chest, an unfamiliar mixture of happiness and sorrow. No one could ever replace your dad, but you were happy that of all the people she could fall in love with, it was Kane. Sorrow breaks open your chest when you realize that none of it matters, not anymore. Because in a few hours, she was going to lose you and the man she loved, all over again. 

You hear the door slide open behind you, a gruff, “time’s up” grunted your way. You feel one of the guards grab your arm and pull you backwards, and your mom tries to hold back a sob, but it presses past her lips as she steps forward and pulls you into a hug, one last time. She whispers, “I love you, la lune.”

It chokes you up, and you’re barely able to whisper back, “I love you, mom.”

The guard pulls you back, out of her grip and turns you toward the door, already marching you down the corridor and back to the cell before you can even react. You don’t fight them, you just allow them to take off your restraints and push you inside, Kane right behind you.

You wait for the guards to leave, other than the ones posted on the door, and then you collapse onto the ground, a sob breaking free from your chest. You feel strong arms wrap around you, and you don’t even look up to see who it is. You just collapse into them and cry, letting all of your emotions from the last few weeks, few months, few years, be free. 

You cry for a long time, until you tire yourself out, and your sobs start to soften to nothing more than a sniffle. You realize you’re still in someone’s arms and you look up to see Lincoln looking down at you, offering you a small smile. You feel embarrassed, your full breakdown on display for everyone and you sit up. He looks at you, expression serious, and whispers, _“Ge smak daun, gyon op nodotaim.”_

“Thank you, Lincoln.”

He reaches out and squeezes your hand. “You don’t have to thank me.”

You sit side by side in silence for a few minutes, letting each other’s presence offer comfort, before Denae calls to him from the other side of the room. He glances over at her, and then at you, and you give him a reassuring smile. “Go, I’m fine.”

He walks over to her, helping her check on the other Grounders, and you look around the room, at the others. Sinclair and Kane are leaned against the wall opposite you, and Kane has his sleeve pulled up, looking at the symbol of the Commander’s Coalition burned into his arm. You stand and walk over to him, sliding down the wall beside him as he traces the symbol, over and over. 

You don’t say anything to each other; he doesn’t mention your breakdown and you don’t mention the fact that he’s in love with your mom, because both of you already know. The important things don’t need to be said, because you just know.

Lincoln finishes with the others and comes and sits on your other side, looking down at the symbol on Kane’s arm. “It could’ve worked.”

Kane looks at Lincoln, and then back to the symbol again. “Death can be an act of unity too.”

He looks at Sinclair, then Lincoln, then you, telling all of you, “We don’t break. We don’t show fear. The people will remember.”

You all nod in agreement, just as the door slides open and someone announces, “Chancellor on deck. It’s time.”

Everyone stands as they open the door, the guards pointing guns at everyone to keep them from making a move. You look around for Bellamy, disappointed when you don’t see him in the crowd of guards. You feel a split second of fear as you realize that this is really it, you’re on your way to die, but then you remember Kane’s words, and you push the fear down until you can’t feel it anymore. The guards separate all of you and make you lean against the wall so they can restrain you again, just like earlier. As you feel the cuffs tighten against your skin, you close your eyes and make a silent plea to your father and the universe. _Keep me strong, don’t let me break._

The guards grab you and start to lead you from the room, single file. Pike is in front, leading the group, followed by Sinclair, Lincoln, you, then Kane. You recite constellations in your head to keep you distracted from the reality you’re facing, and as you’re working your way through the list, you hear Pike say, “Make way.”

“Yes, sir, Mr. Chancellor.”

Your head snaps up at the sound of the voice, and you look up and lock eyes with Harper, whose gaze never leaves yours as the guards lead you around the next corner. You feel a wave of hope at the idea of being saved, but you squish it down, not wanting to get too excited. As the hall widens around you, you hear the radio at Pike’s side crackle to life with Hannah’s voice. “Sir, you were right. Octavia Blake is here, and she’s not alone.”

You all keep your expressions neutral, not wanting to react, and Pike turns and demands, “On their knees!”

The guards all push the back of your legs, forcing you to your knees beside each other, guns now trained at the back of your head. Pike lifts the radio. “Can you confirm a location?”

“Negative, sir.”

Bryan glances over at Pike, sounding worried. “Sir, we can assume her friends have already told her where we’re taking them. We shouldn’t go any further till we know the route’s secure.”

He motions to a door on his left. “Put them in there. Let’s go! Move!”

They all pull you to your feet and push you towards the door, shoving you inside. They slam it closed behind you, and you can hear Pike’s voice, now muffled, yell, “I want two men on the door. Anyone comes out of there, shoot to kill. Anyone entering this corridor, one warning, then shoot to kill. Everyone else on me.”

The hallway outside goes quiet, and you all exchange a glance, wondering what the plan is. But you don’t have to wonder for long before a scraping sound to your left gets your attention. Lincoln hears it too, and he steps closer to you, both of you lifting your bound fists, ready to fight. A panel on the floor lifts, and just as you and Lincoln are about to attack, you freeze, when a familiar head of dark hair pokes through the hole, grinning at you. You whisper, “Octavia?”

She puts a finger to her lips and nods, before you and Lincoln help pull her out of the hole. She pulls Lincoln’s face to her and kisses him, smiling as she pulls away. And then she walks to the door, knocks softly three times, and waits. You hear a scuffle and then a thud before the door is pushed open, revealing Bryan’s smiling face, the other guard on the ground behind him, unconscious. 

Bryan passes Octavia his and the other guard’s guns, before pulling the door closed to a crack. Then Octavia points to the hatch and whispers, “Get in.”

You crawl in first, followed by Sinclair, Lincoln, Kane, and Octavia. She slides the hatch into place above your heads, hiding you all from view, leaving you to wait. It’s uncomfortable hidden beneath the floors, hot and stuffy, all of you pushed too close together, but luckily you don’t have to wait for long. You hear the thundering of footsteps come your way, and Pike’s angry voice. “Check them and call Medical. Damn! We did what they wanted us to do. That won’t happen again.”

Less than a minute later, the thudding footsteps retreat down the hall. Octavia waits a couple more minutes before lifting the hatch and sliding the guns out first, before helping you all out of the hiding spot and into the room. She pulls a key from her pocket and starts to free all of you from your restraints, just as Miller and your mother show up to check on the guards. Octavia pulls you into a hug once she gets you free, which you happily return. As she pulls away, the radio at her side crackles to life. “OKS, come in.”

Octavia pulls out her radio and makes a face, looking at it in confusion and you ask, “What is it?”

“This wasn’t the plan. We use their frequency so they could hear us.” She lifts the radio and replies, “Go ahead.”

“Stay where you are. Repeat, stay where you are. The exit is not clear.”

You both exchange a look, and she mutters, “How many guards?”

“Too many. I said, stay put.”

The radio goes silent, and you all exchange a look, stuck inside this room until the coast is clear. Less than a minute passes before Monty’s voice comes over the radio, panicked and quick. “Calling all guards. The prisoners are headed for the main gate. The prisoners are headed for the main gate!”

Octavia lets out a long breath, “That was Monty.”

“Guess he’s with us after all.”

“Let’s go.”

You turn and look at Octavia, “Wait, where are we going?”

“A cave nearby. Bellamy’s there waiting with Indra.”

“Why isn’t he here?”

Her face hardens, and you realize now that her brother’s actions weighed on her more than you previously realized. “I don’t trust him.”

You don’t have long to analyze anything, _why he’s alone with Indra, when did Octavia stop trusting Bellamy, when did Bellamy decide to save you_ , because your mother reminds you all of your current situation. “We have to move.”

Octavia turns and runs out first, and you all follow, sneaking through the building as quickly and as quietly as you can. She leads you straight to the hidden corridor, where Harper is waiting. Lincoln and Octavia stand guard at the door, as the rest of you form an assembly line and pass gear to each other. Then Harper steps into the hidden exit, followed by Bryan, Miller, and Sinclair. Kane motions for your mother to go next, but she shakes her head. You both turn to her in shock, and she looks between the two of you. “I’m not going. They need someone to show them the way out of the dark. Besides, I-”

Before she can finish her sentence, Kane surprises you both by grabbing her and pulling her into a kiss, leaving you to watch on in shock. When they pull away, Kane whispers, “May we meet again.”

“We will.”

She turns to you, suddenly remembering that you’re there, and you see her cheeks go pink with embarrassment. You pull her in for a hug, whispering, “I approve.”

She smiles as she releases you, and reaches up to touch the moon that hangs around your neck. “Be safe, little moon.”

“You too.”

She quickly turns away from you and Kane both, before she can change her mind, and slips out of the corridor. Octavia and Lincoln take that as their cue to leave, and they come over to you, preparing to get into the corridor next. But before they can, Pike’s voice comes through Octavia’s radio. “I have a message for the traitors in this camp. There will be an execution today. Either turn yourselves in, or the other Grounder prisoners will die in your place.”

You all turn and look at Lincoln as Pike says it, all of you thinking the same thing. Octavia pushes him towards the exit, whispering, “Let’s go.”

He turns and pushes past her, heading towards the hallway, back toward the guards. “I can’t let them die because of me.”

“Lincoln, please. We’re almost out.”

Kane grabs his arm, trying to lead him back to the exit. “I know what you’re feeling, but they’re searching the station. We need to go now.”

Lincoln nods, looking at Kane, Octavia, and you. “You should.”

“Fine. I’m going with you.” She steps closer to him, looking up at him. _“Oso throu daun ogeda.”_

 _We fight together._ Lincoln smiles at her, lifting a hand to caress her cheek. “I love you.”

He leans down to kiss her, you and Kane watching on awkwardly, and as you do, you see Lincoln’s hand drop to Octavia’s side, reaching for the vial of extra Reaper drugs that they used on the guards. You don’t know what to do as you watch him pull the vial out and push it into Octavia’s neck, doing the same thing to her that Bellamy did to you. As she realizes, you hear her horrified whisper, “No.”

She passes out right after, and Lincoln catches her easily, passing her to Kane. You step towards Lincoln, looking at him in confusion. “What are you doing?”

“Same thing you’d do for your people.”

You give him a serious look, _“ **Yu** laik ai kru.”_

 _ **You** are my people._ He smiles at you, but it’s sad, and the sight of it hurts your heart. “Just get her out of here. _Please_.”

You stand looking at him, feeling conflicted, voice pleading, “Lincoln…”

You don’t know what to say, how to stop him from leaving. He pulls you in for a hug, quick and tight, and when he pulls away, he whispers, “A warrior with a heart.”

And the words are enough to stop any further protest you were about to voice, because you understand why he’s doing it. You understand, because you’d do the same thing for your people in a heartbeat. You feel yourself choke up with tears, a heavy weight pressing onto your chest, and you choke out, “May we meet again.”

“May we meet again.”

Lincoln turns to look at Kane. “Keep her safe.”

Kane nods, and answers, _“Ste yuj.”_

 _Stay strong_. Lincoln nods and backs away, eyes locked on Octavia for as long as he can, before he turns and quickly slips back into the hallways. Kane steps into the exit first, Octavia still in his arms, and you step in behind him, closing the door shut. You move through the exit as quickly as you can, coming out on the other side of the walls of Arkaida. 

You help Kane get Octavia onto Helios, and as you take his lead you hear Miller ask, “Where’s Lincoln?”

You shake your head, unable to voice the words, but he seems to understand because he nods and turns to lead the group through the woods, heading towards the cave Octavia mentioned earlier. As you move through the woods parallel to the camp, leading Helios, Octavia starts to wake up. She tumbles off of Helios, stumbling as she looks through the trees, towards Arkadia. You pass Harper the lead and run after her, and Kane runs after you. Octavia stops at a break in the trees, and you follow her gaze to two figures standing near the gates of the camp.

You realize that it’s Pike and Lincoln, facing each other, and though you can’t hear what they’re saying, you can imagine. Lincoln drops to his knees, and you feel a lurch in your stomach, aware of what’s coming. You see tears rolling down Octavia’s face as she watches the love of her life prepare for his execution, and the sky seems to feel the sadness too, because you hear a low rumble of thunder before rain starts to fall. 

You reach out for Octavia, wrapping an arm around her as you feel tears start to choke you up. You watch as Lincoln’s gaze lifts to the sky, and Pike comes to stand at Lincoln’s side. His hand drops down, pulling his pistol from his holster, before his arm lifts slowly, aiming for Lincoln’s head. Pike seems to freeze, and for a minute you think he’s going to change his mind and spare Lincoln’s life.

But then the shot rings out.

Lincoln falls to the ground.

And Octavia falls apart.

-


	39. xxxix. fallen (3.10)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: language, bleeding, fighting, death, violence, general angst. 
> 
> Summary: Bellamy learns the news of Lincoln’s fate, and Octavia lashes out. from Arkadia, Monty calls and asks for help, sending you on a rescue mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi just a heads up that TOMORROW IS MY BIRTHDAY, so I probably wont be that active!!!

Octavia’s cries for Lincoln quickly turn to anger. 

You can see it set in her face, feel it rolling off of her in thick tidal waves, and you know that no matter Octavia does, she’ll get revenge for Lincoln. 

She turns away and walks back to Helios, the mood of the group somber as she takes his lead from Harper and starts to walk to the cave. There’s nothing the rest of you can do except follow, everyone quiet as the rain soaks you to the bone and hides your tears. You feel your heart crack open at the thought of Lincoln being gone, forever, sacrificed to keep his people safe. Nothing you do will bring him, or his quiet wisdom, or his intense sparring sessions, or his kind comfort, back. Lincoln is dead, by Pike’s hand, and you were almost dead too. The same way you want to honor Gina with your life, you want to do the same for Lincoln. All he ever wanted was peace, and a life with Octavia. He’ll never get the latter, but maybe the rest of you can achieve peace in his name, his memory.

At some point, Miller pulls ahead again, and Octavia drops back to walk with you. You know there’s nothing you can say to ease her pain, so you reach out and grab her hand, letting her know that you’re there for her. You walk the rest of the way to the cave hand in hand, but she drops it when you get there so she can tie up Helios.

You follow the others inside, Ocatvia beside you still, and as you come around the corner you see Bellamy. You let out a little gasp at the sight of him, chained up to the wall, unable to go anywhere. He looks relieved when he sees you and Octavia both alive and well, but he catches on to the mood of the group quickly. You see his eyes bounce over everyone one after the next, before he realizes who’s missing. “Where’s Lincoln?”

Octavia turns away from him, pulling her sword, Lincoln’s sword, off her back and setting it on the ground at her feet. You see her fighting back tears as she answers, “Pike put a bullet in his brain.”

“O…” He trails off, begging her to look at him, but she ignores him and pulls her wet jacket off, dropping it on top of the sword. “O, I’m so sorry.”

You can see the change again, can practically feel Octavia pushing her heartbreak down and pulling out her anger instead. It’s lighting fast, but it’s written all over her face, and you have half a second to register the change before she spins around quickly and punches Bellamy across the face. Everyone in the cave shifts slightly, towards Octavia and Bellamy, you included, all eyes on the siblings, waiting to see if you need to intervene. 

The force of Octavia’s punch knocks Bellamy’s head to the side, and he looks up at her in shock, before she punches him again, once with her right fist and then with her left. You step forward, grabbing her arm. “Octavia, stop.”

She turns and pushes you down, blinded by anything but anger, and Kane steps closer to the pair of you. “Octavia, that’s enough.”

Bellamy looks over at him, blood already starting to mark his skin. “Kane, stay out of this.”

Octavia stands panting, watching her brother, before she continues her assault, hitting him wherever she can reach: his arms, stomach, face. You can hear her sobs in between the sounds of the punches, and everyone turns away from the scene, unable to watch. You stay frozen on the ground, still watching, unsure what to do. Miller is the only one still watching alongside you, and as soon as Octavia knocks Bellamy to the ground, he closes the space between them and grabs her arm, pulling her away. “Okay, stop. That’s enough.”

She turns and punches him in the chest, knocking him back, into Bryan’s arms. You scramble to your feet as Bellamy pants, “Miller, back off.”

He pulls himself to his feet, blood all over his face, and as she punches him again you walk towards them, unable to watch anymore. She knocks him to the ground as you reach her, and you wrap your arms around her, pinning her arms to her sides. She struggles for a second, tears falling down her face, before she finally goes slack in your arms. She stares down at Bellamy, her face a storm of emotions, and he looks up at her from her spot on the ground. “You’re dead to me.”

You see his face fall, her words devastating him more than her fists ever could. Octavia shrugs you off and storms out of the cave, and everyone stands frozen for a minute, unsure what to do. Bellamy pulls himself into a sitting position, tucking his knees to his chest, and avoids everyone’s gaze as he processes Octavia’s words. You look at Kane and nod in the direction Octavia ran off in, and he nods, standing to follow her. You move to one of the packs and grab a first aid kit, before walking to Bellamy and plopping down in front of him. He glances up just enough to know that it’s you, before dropping his head again. You reach out, tip his chin up so his gaze meets yours, and eye his face.

He’s covered in blood, but you can’t tell where it’s coming from, though you suspect it’s from a few places. You reach for the first aid kit and start to wipe away the blood, wordlessly cleaning him up as his eyes roam over your face. As you’re applying antiseptic to his wounds, he whispers, “What happened?”

You glance back, making sure Octavia isn’t nearby, and answer, “Pike said there was going to be an execution today, and if we didn’t turn ourselves in, it’d be the prisoners.”

You see that unreadable expression settle on Bellamy’s face again, and you hate it, how closed off it makes you feel, but you say nothing. He’s quiet as you clean him up, clearly lost in his thoughts, and you struggle with whether to say something to him, or leave him in his head. Ultimately, you keep quiet, deciding to let him process things on his own, for now. When you finish, you stand, turning to leave, but he reaches out to grab your hand, stopping you. “Lexa’s dead. Indra left to meet the new commander.”

You feel the breath leave your lungs as he says it, thinking about Clarke, and the loss of someone special to her. You realize now that you were so focused on Lincoln’s death and Octavia’s reaction that you didn’t even notice Indra’s absence. You nod, thanking him for the information, before returning the first aid kit to the pack and joining the others, passing along the information.

-

Kane returns with Octavia less than an hour later, and they find you all sitting around the fire, talking quietly about nothing. No one wants to address the elephant in the room, or the traitor in the cave, so the conversation is kept to light topics. 

When Kane and Octavia return, they join the circle, and you all fall into silence, turning to look at Kane. “We need to talk about next steps.”

Bryan is the first to speak up. “I say we run two men patrols around the clock, starting now.”

“We’ll do that but we should be safe here. The Grounder blockade’s too close for Pike to risk looking for us.”

“Yeah, but are we safe from the blockade?”

“As long as we stay on this side of the line, we should be.”

You give Kane a serious look. “None of that will matter if we give Pike to the Grounders.”

Miller agrees, “We take him out, we can go home.”

Kane nods, already on the same page. “That’s right. We become the thirteenth clan again. Those were the terms.”

Sinclair shrugs, “Lexa’s terms. If what Bellamy said is true and she’s dead, how do we know the next commander will honor them?”

“One problem at a time.”

“The only thing that matters now is killing Pike.” Octavia’s voice is flat when she says it, her mind focused only on Pike’s death as she sharpens her sword. 

“Octavia’s right. So how do we do it?”

Before anyone can offer up any ideas, a radio to your left crackles to life with Monty’s voice. “Bellamy, come in. It’s Monty, I’m in trouble. Please say you still have your radio.”

You pick up the radio, looking at it, and Sinclair puts a hand over yours. “If we respond and Pike’s listening-”

Bellamy cuts him off, “Go to channel seven. ‘Please say you still have your radio.’ That’s seven words after the word trouble. It’s code, go to seven.”

You turn and look at him, scanning his face for any signs of deceit, but you find none. You turn back to Kane, who nods, and you change the channel before passing the radio to him. “Monty, it’s Kane. What’s wrong?”

“Pike knows that I helped you get out.”

You can hear a sigh of defeat pass through the circle, before Kane asks, “Can you get to the dropship?”

“I think so.”

“Good, go there, I’ll bring you in. Stay off the radio. Over and out.”

Harper turns to Kane, looking worried. “Hold on, what if it’s a trap and Pike’s waiting?”

“That’s why I’m going alone.”

Octavia glares and stands when Kane does, “Like hell you are.”

You stand as she says it, adding, “You’ve lost it if you think I’m not going with you.”

Kane looks between the two of you, sighing. “If it is a trap, I’m not marching our entire insurgency into it, so you two and you two alone are coming with me.”

Octavia nods to Bellamy, still chained to the wall, silent since the tip about the radio. “He’s coming too. We’ll need a hostage to trade for Monty.”

Kane looks at Bellamy, thinking it over, before agreeing. “That’s a good plan. He stays chained, and gag him.”

You turn to Kane is shock, protesting at the same time as Miller. “Kane-”

“Sir, with all due respect-”

Kane cuts you both off, snapping, “He’s the enemy. Do what I said.”

“You were the enemy once too. So were we.” You give him a long look, before glancing over at Miller, the only other one on your side, and when he drops his head, you sigh, conceding. “Fine.”

You walk over to one of the packs, pulling out one of the strips of fabric for bandages, before moving back to Bellamy. Miller comes over with the keys to the chain, detaching it from the wall, but keeping it on Bellamy’s hands, and Bellamy stays still the entire time, letting you both work. Miller passes you the keys before he steps back, and you shove them into your pocket. And then you lift the gag to his mouth, whispering, “I’m sorry.”

He lets you slip it between his teeth, and you pull it around to the back of his head, securing it in place. You turn and look at Kane, who grabs one of the rifles, and Octavia, who is busy strapping her sword on her back. You lead Bellamy to the entrance of the cave, waiting for the others, and when they finally appear, Kane tries to pass you the rifle. “In case he acts out.”

You roll your eyes and push it away. “I’m not going to shoot Bellamy. If he runs, he runs.”

He sighs and pulls the strap over his chest, taking it himself, before he nods to the entrance. “Lead the way.”

You turn and grab Bellamy’s arm, leading him out of the cave, Kane and Octavia right behind you. They both have their weapons out, ready to attack if necessary, and you have to resist the urge to say something. Because despite Bellamy being on Pike’s side, he’s not the enemy. Not really. An asshole maybe, blinded by his pain, but not the enemy.

The walk to the dropship doesn’t take long, and before you know it, you can see the remains of the gate up ahead. Kane and Octavia press closer to you, Kane now turning his gun towards Bellamy’s back. You stop just inside the walls, and Kane yells out, “Monty?”

You all wait, listening for a response, eyes searching the camp for a sign of life, but you hear nothing, see nothing. Kane whispers, “We got here first.”

He pushes on Bellamy’s back, urging him forward again, but he only manages to take three steps before Octavia lifts her sword to Bellamy’s throat and mutters, “No we didn’t.”

You turn to her in surprise, “Octavia, what are you doing?”

She doesn’t answer you, just keeps her eyes on the dropship door as she yells, “Get outside! Now!”

Monty slips out the door, slowly, hands raised, followed by the barrel of a gun. You glare as Pike comes into view, his weapon trained on the back of Monty’s head, who apologizes. “He followed me. I’m sorry.”

“Let him go, Pike!”

“I can’t do that.” He says something into his radio, quiet enough that you can’t hear, and a second later a bullet whizzes towards you, lodging into the dirt by your feet. You all jump in surprise, turning to look at the closeness of the impact, as Pike adds, “It’s over. Put down your weapons.”

Octavia whispers, “Shoot him.”

“Monty’s in the shot.”

“Come on, Marcus. I promised Monty’s mother that I’d bring him home alive. Don’t make me a liar.”

You turn and look at Kane, waiting for his instructions, and he lowers his gun as he steps away from Bellamy. You step away too, lifting your hands in surrender, and Octavia protests, “No, don’t.”

Kane pulls his gun off and drops it at his feet, lifting his hands in surrender. Pike glares at Octavia, who still has her sword to her brother’s neck. “Now you.”

She pulls Bellamy closer, wrapping her arm around his neck to get a better angle. You and Kane both protest, but she ignores you. Pike lifts his radio again, and you can see Bellamy tense, both of you guessing what the next command is. Bellamy ducks under Octavia’s arm, twisting it back painfully, forcing her to drop her sword. Pike whistles, and hidden guards move into the camp, making a beeline for all of you. They pull out cuffs to restrain you, while another holds a gun to your head. Bellamy pulls his gag from his mouth as Pike walks towards him, looking him over. “You don’t look so good.”

“I’m fine.”

“You’ve got about five seconds to make me believe you’re still with me.”

Bellamy deadpans, “All the others are in a cave not far from here.”

You yell out his name, angry that he would sell out the others, just like that. No hesitation at all. He turns to look at you, a flash of something passing over his face, but you can’t tell what. Octavia turns towards Bellamy, just as angry as you are, screaming, “You son of a bitch!”

She runs towards him, ready to attack, and Gillmer pulls out his shock baton and zaps her with it, the force of it taking her to the ground. You try to move towards her, to go check on her, but the guard in front of you steps closer, pressing the gun to your forehead. You look up at him, glaring, lifting your chin in defiance, daring him to pull the trigger. 

“Give me the coordinates.”

You Glance over at Bellamy, gun still pressed to your head, and he shakes his head. “I don’t have the coordinates. But I can take you there.”

“Good.” He turns to the other guards. “Gag them.”

The guard in front of you steps away to get a gag, but Gillmer beats him to it, coming to stand in front of you, holding the gag up with a smirk. “Not much of a fighter now, are you?”

You look up at him, eyes landing on his nose, set differently from before, a cut across the bridge of it. You smirk in return, looking up to meet his eyes. “Nice nose. Little crooked now though.”

His smirk drops into a glare and he punches you in the stomach, the force of it sending all the air from your lungs in a whoosh. You double over, letting out a pained groan, and he leans down to whisper in your ear, “Don’t you worry, soon you’ll be just like your friend Lincoln. Dead.”

The words send a wave of rage through you, angered that he’d even say Lincoln’s name, and you try to leap at him, yelling as you do. But the guard at your back expects the move and wraps his arms around you, holding you back as you kick and thrash, trying to get to Gillmer, who stands in front of you, smirking again. Bellamy walks over to him, holding out his hand for the gag. “I’ll do it.”

“No, I can-”

His voice is firm when he cuts him off. “I’ve got it.”

Gillmer slaps the gag into Bellamy’s palm, turning to stalk off, and you calm your fighting enough to let Bellamy approach you. He reaches into your pocket and pulls out the keys to his cuffs, quickly freeing himself before he steps toward you, gag lifted, voice scolding. “Stop fighting.”

“I’m nothing but fight.”

He sighs and holds the gag right in front of your mouth, waiting for you to comply the way he did, and you look down at the gag and back to him before opening your mouth just enough. He slips it between your teeth before reaching back to secure it behind your head. His mouth is right at your ear, and he whispers, “I’m sorry.”

He pulls away, stepping back and turning to nod at Pike, letting him know he’s ready, leaving you to wonder what shitty thing he’s apologizing for, because the list is getting long.

-

You all trudge through the woods back towards the cave, hands cuffed and mouths gagged. Bellmay leads the way, Pike at his side, and you and Octavia follow closely behind them. Her gaze never leaves the back of Pike’s head, staring daggers at him. _If looks could kill and all that._

Kane is behind you, and Monty behind him, and the guards are all dotted between you, sticking close. Gillmer is behind you, and you can feel the weight of his gaze on your back, leaving you feeling uneasy. As Pike walks beside Bellamy, you can hear their conversation drift back towards you. “You sure about the route? We’re getting close to the blockade line.”

“That’s why Kane set up out here. He didn’t think we’d risk it.”

We. You feel a wave of nausea roll over you. “Well, he was wrong.”

Bellamy glances back at you and Octavia, and his voice drops slightly, but you can still make out his question. “What’s gonna happen to my sister? I know she has to answer for her crimes but-”

You glance at Octavia, watching her glare shift from Pike to her brother. “Tell you what, I’ll make you the same promise I made Monty’s mother. Immunity for all past actions, but if she screws up again…”

“Oh, she won’t. I’ll make sure of it. My sister, my responsibility.”

Octavia’s glare deepens, and you can practically feel the scoff she’s trying to hold back. Bellamy glances back again, eyes focusing on you, before turning to Pike. “What about…those that were sentenced to death?”

“I told you, crimes against our leadership can’t be tolerated. Miss Griffin and Kane will die for their crimes. We need to set an example.”

You tense up, turning back to glance at Kane, who seems to understand the conversation being had at the front. Though you expected nothing less from Pike, hearing that your execution will resume as soon as you’re back at camp is not a comforting thing. You turn your gaze back to the front, eyeing the tension in Bellamy’s shoulders, something you’re sure wasn’t there a few minutes ago. 

You watch as he turns off the path to the cave, and starts to walk down a hill, towards the blockade line. Your brows furrow, confused, because this new path takes you away from the cave, not towards it. Pike realizes the closeness of the blockade line, and holds up a closed fist to stop his people. “Hold on.”

“The cave’s just on the other side.”

You want to turn and look at Kane, to see if he realizes what’s going on, but you don’t want to risk exposing Bellamy’s intentions. Instead, when Pike gives the order to continue walking, you keep your eyes on the treeline, looking for the Grounders, but saying nothing. 

When you reach the bottom of the hill, a horn echoes through the air, signaling their arrival. “The blockade! Anybody got eyes?”

The guards all spread out, turning in circles, looking for the Grounders that are no doubt hidden in the trees. When they see nothing, Pike yells, “Back to higher ground!”

You glance at Bellamy to judge his reaction, looking over just in time for him to pull Pike’s pistol from his thigh holster and point it at the man. “Drop your weapon!”

“What the hell are you doing?”

Bellamy’s command is so forceful it makes your brows lift in surprise. “Drop your weapon!”

To your right, you see Gillmer turning towards Bellamy, lining up his gun, and you channel all of your force into your hands and hit him in the stomach. While he’s still caught off guard by the move, you hit him hard in the head, splitting your knuckles, knocking him out the way Lincoln showed you. You pull your gag from your mouth and turn to look at Bellamy. 

“We bring you Chancellor Pike of the Sky People!” Bellamy turns to look at his sister, who is still taking everything in. “O, translate.”

She slides her gag from her mouth, and yells, _“Osir lid yo in Chansla Paik kom Skaikru!”_

Pike glares at Bellamy. “You’ve killed us all!”

Bellamy ignores him and tells Octavia, “Take him and lift this blockade.”

_“Teik em in, ban disha treibloka we!”_

All of the guards that are still standing in between your group are shot down, killed with arrows. As they hit the ground, Grounders come towards you from all sides, dropping from the trees, materializing from the bushes, slipping from their camouflage hiding. Octavia leans down and pulls a knife from her boot, one they clearly forgot to take from her when they took your weapons, and she turns towards Pike. 

You realize what she’s going to do and you step towards her, but Kane beats you there, pulling the gag from his mouth to say, “Hey, hey, no. The Grounders are gonna need him alive. They didn’t get justice for Finn, so we won’t get away with that again.”

Pike, who must have been listening, turns to Bellamy, ready to take his gun. “In that case-”

He is cut off by an arrow flying towards him and lodging into his shoulder, knocking him to the ground, and one of the Grounders descends on him and knocks him out. Four men walk to Pike and each of them grabs one of his limbs, as Kane tries to follow. “Where are you taking him?”

“To the new commander.”

“May I join you?” He pulls up his sleeve, revealing the mark of the coalition. “We’re the thirteenth clan.”

“Don’t slow us down.”

You step up to Kane and grab his arm to stop him. “Are you sure? We know nothing about the new commander.”

“I’m sure. Go home, tell our people what happened here. Tell Abby…” He trails off, trying to find the right words to say, before shaking his head and giving you a small smile. “I’ll look out for Clarke.”

You nod, and he surprises you by stepping forward and pulling you into a hug. It’s quick, almost like he’s embarrassed he even did it, so you smile at him when he pulls away, letting him know you didn’t mind. “May we meet again.”

“May we meet again.” He turns to follow the Grounders, but as he passes Bellamy, he stops. “Did you do this for them? Or because it was the right thing to do?”

“You’re welcome.”

As Bellamy tries to walk away, Kane grabs his arm to stop him. “It matters. Until you see that, you’ll still be lost.”

You see Bellamy’s jaw clench, before Kane lets him go and turns to leave with the Grounders. Monty is standing nearby, staring down at the dead guards, and Bellamy stops at his side. “My mom turned me in.”

Bellamy glances over at Octavia, and then you. “You’re family. You’ll work it out.”

Before anyone can say anything else, you hear a groan from the body near your feet, and look down to see Gillmer waking up. Octavia closes the space between them and lifts the knife from earlier and plunges it into his chest. He groans, struggling to breathe for a second before his head lulls to the side, and he takes his last breath. Octavia looks up from his dead body, and you follow her vision over to Bellamy as she mutters, _“Jus drein jus daun.”_

 _Blood must have blood._ It takes you a second to remember that beyond Gillmer’s usual asshole behavior, he was one of the main guards that threatened Lincoln, and he was the guard that threw a rock at Lincoln at the memorial. You look down at his dead body, and feel no sorrow, glad that he’s gone. 

Octavia wipes the blood from the blade on Gillmer’s shirt, before holding it out to you. “I believe this is yours.”

You finally realize that it’s your Grounder knife, the one the guards took from you when they arrested you. “Thanks, I was wondering if I’d get it back.”

She kneels down and starts stripping the guards for gear, and you grab the holster from Gillmer’s thigh for your knife. As you strap it on, you glance at her. “Wait, how’d you get it?”

“It was on Bellamy when I searched him.”

You hum, but say nothing else, just kneel down to help Octavia take anything useful off the guards. Later, after you distribute the gear between you, Bellamy, Monty, and Octavia, you’re walking back towards the cave, ready to tell the others what happened. Bellamy comes up to walk with you as you lead the way, and you walk side by side in silence for a while, before you finally ask, “Did you only do this for us? Because Kane’s right, if you still agree with everything Pike did and you’d do it all over again, you’re still lost.”

“I didn’t agree with everything he did. I didn’t want to kill the wounded when we went to that army, I saved Indra’s life, I protested the attack on the Grounder village, I spoke up for you and Kane after your sentencing. I came to Octavia to save your life.”

He whispers the last sentence, and you’re reminded of his conflict, and all the times you’ve seen him struggle with the leadership he chose to endorse. You know you should be angry, hold a grudge like Octavia and make him earn your forgiveness, but you don’t have it in you. Not with him, and not after nearly getting executed in the last 24 hours. 

“It’s behind us now. Now, we start over. We’ll fix things in Arkadia and fix our relationship with the Grounders. We can work for peace, real, lasting peace. Build a life and a future that isn’t full of fighting and killing.”

You reach out for his hand, and as you make contact, he pulls away. You look over at him in confusion, and you can see that he’s wound tight, ready to pop. He whispers, “What if I’m nothing but fight? Nothing more than that?”

You shake your head, surprised at the way he twisted your earlier words. “You’re more than that, Bellamy. You always have been. You’re kind, and smart, and strong, and you’d do anything for your people.”And then you see it, the guilt weighing down on him for everything he’s done, the belief that he’s worth nothing more than the fight to survive. “You deserve more than fighting to survive. You deserve peace, too. Happiness. A future.”

“You’re wrong.” He snaps it at you, so fiercely that you feel yourself pull away from him on instinct. He notices right away and his face falls, before he walks away from you in a hurry, dropping back to trail behind the group. 

You glance back at him and then back to the path, nearly at the cave now, and you know there’s nothing you can do at this point. Others will forgive him, some quickly, some slowly, but none of it will matter until he forgives himself. Until then, you can stay by his side, offer your support, and hope he sees that.

-


	40. xl. nevermore (3.11)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: bleeding, violence, mentions of past assault, Alie!Raven (i.e. she says v mean things to everyone). 
> 
> Summary: you are introduced to Alie!Raven as you all race against the clock to save Raven from Alie before she finds you.

Chaos erupts in the cave as soon as your group returns. 

You’re the first to step inside, and Sinclair heads straight for you, asking about Kane and what happened with Pike. You quickly fill him in, noting his lack of excitement about being the new unofficial leader of your miniature rebellion. You make a joke about him leading a rebel group made up entirely of delinquents, and he seems even less excited after that. 

Things seem calm for a while, small discussions on what to do now that Pike is gone, how best to return and bring Arkadia back to order, all while the sun slowly sets in the sky. The moon rises, bringing darkness with her, and the radio crackles to life with a voice no one is expecting. 

“Sinclair, do you copy? Kane? Griffin? Monty? Anyone?”

You pick up the radio, staring down at it in shock, looking over at the others. They look just as surprised as you, and Miller asks, “Is that?”

Monty grabs the radio from your hand, stating, “Jasper.”

He lifts the radio and asks, “Jasper, is that you? What’s going on?”

“Arkadia isn’t safe. Alie has taken over and chipped everyone, and they’ve gone crazy. I have Raven and Clarke with me, but Raven’s chipped. She said she knew how to fry it, before Alie took full control.”

You ignore everything else he says, focusing only on one thing: Clarke. You grab the radio back from Monty, frantic. “Clarke’s with you? How? Is she okay?”

“The Commander of Death is fine.” You wince, knowing how much she hates the nickname. “But if you don’t tell me where you are, we won’t be fine for long.”

You pass the radio to Sinclair. “Tell them where we are, give them landmarks they can use in the dark.”

He nods and complies, lifting the radio to give them detailed instructions on how to get here. You turn to the others, “We don’t know what we’re dealing with here, but we need to be ready. Miller, you handle security, take Bryan and Harper with you. Coordinate with each other, find the best spots to keep watch from.”

He nods, already grabbing a gun and passing it to the others. Yo look at Monty and Sinclair, who is now off the radio. “We’re gonna need both of you to figure out how to get Raven back. We can’t go anywhere or do anything until we know what she knows.”

When they nod, you glance at Octavia, who sits near the fire, sharpening her sword, silent this entire time. Bellamy lingers nearby, eyes on her, just as silent. You debate giving them a task to do, something to keep them apart and prevent them from fighting, but you never get the chance because Octavia abruptly stands up and walks to her bag. She quickly shoves things inside of it, pulling on her jacket, while Bellamy runs after her, protesting, “O, wait! You can’t just leave.”

“Watch me.”

You step closer to her, reaching out for her. “You heard what Jasper said on the radio, Arkadia isn’t safe.”

She glances at you, shaking her head. “What Jasper said sounds insane.”

She grabs her bag, tuning to glare at her brother. “Pike’s gone, and Grounders burn their dead.”

 _Your mind flashes to Lincoln, on his knees, Pike’s gun lifting slowly. The echo of the shot ringing out, his body falling, and Octavia’s broken cries._ You feel tears prick at your eyes, and you blink them away, shaking your head to dislodge the thoughts. 

“I know that. And then what? Where are you gonna go?”

Her voice rises, growing angrier. “You don’t get to ask me that!”

“O, what do I have to do to prove I am on your side?”

“Bring Lincoln back,” she deadpans. “Turning Pike in doesn’t make you one of the good guys, Bellamy! You did that to save us, not because you thought what Pike was doing to the Grounders was wrong.”

She steps towards the entrance, ready to leave, before spinning around and adding, “You were hurting and you lashed out, because that’s what you do. There are consequences, Bell. People get hurt. People die. _Your_ people. Monroe. Lincoln.”

They stand staring at each other, both looking equally as hurt and distraught as the other. But Bellamy doesn’t get a chance to explain himself further, because you see headlights bounce off the rock at the entrance of the cave. “They’re here!”

You jog to the entrance of the cave and out into the cool night air, heading straight for the rover. You hear the others right behind you, jogging to catch up. Clarke steps out of the rover first, and as soon as she sees you she comes barreling towards you. She collides with you, nearly knocking you both backwards as she wraps her arms around you in a hug. 

You hug her back, relieved to be together again. You pull away first, getting a good look at her as Jasper yells at the others to come help him. As you lock eyes with your twin, you see the heavy weight pressing down on her shoulders, and the small tremble of her lip that would go unnoticed by anyone else. You pull her in for a hug again, and she lets out a quiet sob, her voice cracking on her words, “I loved her.”

You whisper, “I know.”

She goes quiet, and you know she’s tucking her emotions away before she pulls away and gives you a sad smile. You nod towards the entrance of the cave, where the others are walking in. “We have work to do.”

As soon as Clarke steps into the cave, she steps back into leadership mode. She spots Raven on the ground, surrounded by everyone, and she says, “Clear some space.”

Everyone steps back a little, letting her through, and she drops down to her knees to inspect her. Sinclair looks over at Jasper, confused. “What the hell happened to her?”

“I told you on the radio, Raven is not Raven anymore. None of them are. Jaha’s been chipping everyone.”

Clarke finishes looking her over, and then turns to look at you. “Jasper’s right. I’ve seen it with my own eyes.”

Jasper yells, “I don’t need your help, alright!”

Bellamy steps towards him, putting a comforting hand on his arm. “Just take it easy, and explain.”

“Jaha is using the chips to control everyone. You swallow it and it changes you. You forget who you are, and then you see this thing, Alie. Only, she’s not really there. She made Raven slit her own wrists.” You look at Jasper in horror, gaze dropping down to Raven to eye the bandages on her arm. “She was trying to get it out of her head. I was trying to help her but-”

He cuts himself off, looking down at Raven, helpless. You give him a sympathetic look. “Okay then, let’s help her now. Did she say how?”

“She was working on building something. She needed one of our old wristbands, but Jaha destroyed all of them.”

“Wait a second.” You all turn to look at Clarke, who pulls a small container from her jacket. She slides the lid open, and holds up a small silicone chip. “Does it look like this?”

“Not exactly.”

You turn to get a closer look at it, eyeing the small clear rectangle, when Raven jumps up suddenly and bolts from the cave. She punches Jasper on her way out the door, knocking him out of her way, as Clarke yells, “Don’t let her get away!”

You all run after her, watching as Miller and Harper reach her first, holding her back as she spins around, trying to figure out where she is. “It’s just woods. I can’t see anything!”

You and Bellamy reach her, both of you helping to restrain her, and she punches Harper, knocking her away. She fights and yells the entire time you try to hold her back, and Jasper comes over to help. “If Raven finds out where we are, so will Alie. She’ll come for her.”

He holds up a Reaper stick, just like the one Bellamy used on you, and Lincoln used on Octavia, and you glance at him from the corner of your eye as you both hold her still enough for Jasper to use it. You feel yourself wanting to protest, knowing how much you hated it being used on you, but you know that you can’t let Alie find you. You and Bellamy hold Raven up, keeping her from falling over, when Clarke suddenly mutters, “We have to go.”

Bellamy looks at her in confusion. “Why? Alie doesn’t know where we are.”

“Because I know where we can get a wristband.”

And that’s all it takes to send you all into action.

-

As soon as Clarke mentions Niylah’s trading post, Monty offers to drive. 

You all pack up quickly, and squeeze into the back, minus Miller, Harper, and Bryan, who stay behind to guard the cave. The ride to the trading post is silent, no one quite knowing what to say, the awkward energy palpable in the small space. You sit in between Octavia and Bellamy, keeping them separated, but they glance at each other every few minutes, looking angry or annoyed. When Monty finally pulls the rover up to Niylah’s, you feel a rush of relief, ready to move from the middle of the fighting siblings. 

The lights from the rover hit the front of the trading post, and there Niylah stands, sword out, looking pissed. You all stare out the front, unmoving, wondering who’s going to be the unlucky peacemaker. Unsurprisingly, Clarke’s the first to volunteer. “I’ll talk to her.”

You nod, resigning yourself to backup. “I’ll go with you.”

Bellamy nods from beside you. “Me too.”

As soon as you’re close enough to hear her, she yells, “Skaikru is not welcome here, Wanheda.”

“Niylah, what’s wrong?”

You hear Sinclair yell from the rover, “She’s waking up, hurry! We have to get her inside!”

You all turn and look towards the rover, watching as Sinclair pulls Raven from the back. Clarke turns back to Niylah and quickly asks, “Is your father here?”

“My father’s dead. Part of an army, killed by your people while trying to protect you.”

You glance at Bellamy from the corner of your eye, watching as he deflates a little, a look of regret on his face. 

“Niylah, please.”

“I said no.”

Bellamy’s demeanor instantly changes, and his voice grows hard as he lifts his gun to her. “We don’t have time for this. Move!”

Niylah looks at Clarke in shock, before Bellamy yells again, “Move!”

She steps back, making way for Sinclair to carry Raven in. Clarke takes the lead, pointing them to a bedroom in the back of the trading post, and you stand with Bellamy, who keeps his gun trained on Niylah. Once everyone is inside, and hidden behind the curtain, you push Bellamy’s gun down, away from Niylah. He opens his mouth to protest, and you shake your head. “She’s complying, Bellamy.”

He nods and lowers his weapon, and you all stand there watching each other, listening to the chaos in the other room. Raven is now fully awake, screaming and yelling in a possessed voice, trying to figure out where she is and how she can escape. You can hear the others yelling commands to each other, trying to tie her down, and after a minute of struggling, they seem to have success, because Clarke, Monty, and Sinclair step from the room and into the trading post with you. 

Monty and Sinclair stand in the corner, discussing how to save Raven, and Clarke comes over to you, glancing between you and Niylah. “I’ve got this.”

You nod and start to step away, Bellamy right behind you. You move far enough away to give them space, but Bellamy pulls you to a stop close by, in case anything happens. You stand in front of him, eyes scanning his face, noting the tension in his jaw, and you whisper, “Are you okay?”

“Fine.”

His arms are crossed, pulled tight across his chest, and you can tell he’s anything but fine. His gaze is locked on a spot on the wall above your head, unmoving. “I don’t like what Pike did to you, Bellamy. Before he showed up, we used to talk about everything. I could always tell what you were feeling, because you wear your heart on your sleeve. But ever since Pike came into the picture, you’ve been so closed off from me. I can’t read you anymore.”

His eyes drop down to meet yours, and you see him soften slightly. “I should have never let Pike lock you up. I shouldn’t have stood by and done nothing while he sentenced you to death.”

“But you did do something. You went to Octavia, and she got us out.”

“Not everyone.”

You feel the sadness settle over you again, Lincoln’s death easily forgotten in the chaos of the night. “You’re right. But Lincoln chose to stay to save his people. Octavia tried to stop him, Kane tried to stop him, I tried to stop him, but we couldn’t. It’s something he needed to do, and you being there wouldn’t have changed that.”

His gaze drops to his feet. “But maybe if I turned away from Pike sooner, I could have saved him.”

“Maybe. Or maybe Pike still would have found a reason to lock Lincoln up and kill all the Grounders in camp. It’s not like he was their biggest fan.” You reach out and tip his chin up, urging him to look at you. “Point is, the blame isn’t yours alone. Pike knew what he was doing, and he manipulated you when you were hurt and upset. This is his guilt to carry, his burden. Not yours.”

“But I still did it.”

“And you’ll have to live with it. But don’t drown yourself in the decisions he made, Bellamy. Don’t give him that power over you. Do better than before, and try to make up for your mistakes. Just don’t let yourself drown in them.”

He nods, but says nothing because Clarke walks up, effectively ending any further conversation. When you both turn towards her, she holds up the wristband. “Let’s go talk to Sinclair and Monty. You both follow her to a small room off the main trading post, hidden in an alcove, complete with a small table for you to use. Sinclair and Monty are already inside, along with Octavia, while Jasper stays in the other room with Raven. Clarke sets the wristband onto the table and asks, “So, how do we do this?”

Sinclair watches Monty pick up the wrsitand and look it over. “We think Raven wanted to use this wristband to generate an EMP. Which is freakishly brilliant.”

Your brows furrow in confusion, and you glance at Bellamy, finding him equally as lost. You turn to Sinclair. “Okay, and that means…?”

“A targeted electromagnetic pulse could destroy the chip’s circuitry. We could use this to send an EMP along Raven’s own nervous system. We just need to reverse the polarity, wire for external input, and attach a battery.”

Clarke shakes her head, “But what would that do to her?”

“Well, EMPs don’t affect our bodies. But, I don’t know the mechanics of how this chip integrates with her brain.”

The words weigh on you all heavily, knowing how much Raven values her brain. Knowing how many times her brilliant mind has saved your lives. Bellamy glances between Monty and Sinclair, and then looks over to you and Clarke. “This was Raven’s plan. She wouldn’t do it if it would destroy her brain.”

Octavia breaks her silence, “Depends how bad she wanted it out.”

Sinclair ignores her, and shakes his head. “Regardless, without an electromagnet, this is just talk.”

You nod, “Okay, where do we get one?”

“The Ark. Every station had a pulse inductive thruster for maneuvering.”

Bellamy shakes his head, instantly disagreeing. “Arkadia’s out of the question. It’s too dangerous, you heard them.”

“We use the dropship.” You all turn to Monty, surprised at the suggestion. “It has PI thrusters just like the Ark.”

“That’s good. Okay. I’ll go salvage the magnet.”

Monty stops Sinclair in his place, “Uh, no. You should stay with Raven and figure out how this thing works. I’ll take the rover and be back by the time you finish the device.”

Octavia steps up. “I’ll go with you.”

They leave quickly, aware there is no time to waste when Alie is just waiting for one of you to slip up so she can find out where you are and what you’re up to. Before any of you can even say goodbye to the pair, Jasper yells from the other room, panicked, “Guys! Guys!”

You all run inside the room, and your eyes fall on Raven, who has dislocated her shoulder just to reach the knots around her wrists with her teeth. Her struggles have reopened the wounds on her wrists, and blood drips down her arms as she struggles to chew through the rope. “We have to stop her!”

You and Jasper run to the arms she’s trying to free, and pin it in place, preventing her from moving. Bellamy runs behind the bed to pin her other arm from the back, while Clarke searches for better restraints. You eye the blood running down her arms, only getting worse as she struggles against all of you, and you yell to Clarke. “Hurry up, she’s gonna bleed to death!”

Jasper gets closer to Raven’s face, trying to get her attention. “Alie, look at me!”

Raven turns his way, still struggling, as Clarke arrives again with bandages and restraints. Jasper continues, “Why are you doing this to her? Let her go!”

Her face goes blank, her anger at being restrained temporarily forgotten as she answers Jasper in a voice devoid of any emotion or warmth. “I’ll let her go when you give me what I want. The technology that Clarke carries, it belongs to me.”

Raven turns to look at Clarke, who sneers. “If you let Raven die, you’ll never get it.”

Raven’s head abruptly turns to gaze at the end of the bed, and you follow her gaze, but see nothing there. She stares steadily at the spot, listening, before her body drops, and she goes slack, the fight now gone from her body. Clarke uses the stillness to tell Bellamy, “Untie her wrist. Hold her steady.”

You and Jasper keep Raven restrained on your side as Bellamy frees her arm, allowing Clarke to pop her shoulder back in place. She hands you and Bellamy each a second set of ropes, which you both use to restrain her tighter than before. Bellamy glances over at you, and then to Clarke. “She’s never gonna stop trying to get away. We can’t let her hurt herself again. Someone has to stay with her.”

Clarke nods, glancing at all of you. “I’ll be the first watch. We’ll take turns.”

Jasper explodes with anger, “You don’t give the orders, Clarke!”

Raven turns to Clarke with a smirk. “Guess he doesn’t forgive you for murdering his girlfriend.”

You and Bellamy exchange a look, and you nod to Jasper. He catches your hint and steps away from Raven, nodding to the door. “Jasper, let’s take a break.”

The two men leave the room, and you and Clarke exchange a look before she takes a shaky breath, and nods at you to join her on the other side of the bed. You work in tandem, removing Raven’s old bandages, checking the stitches, and rebandaging her wounds. As you’re finishing up the second wrist, Clarke hands you the old wrappings and asks, “Can you ask Niylah if she has something for Raven to eat? We need to keep her strength up.”

“Yeah, be right back.”

You discard the bandages as you leave the room, before heading for Niylah who is sitting behind the bar, drinking alone. “Hey.”

She looks up at you, brows lifting in acknowledgment. “Do you have something we can give Raven to eat? She’s weak from blood loss.”

She sits staring at you, and for a second you think she’s going to ignore you or tell you to go float yourself, but then she stands from her chair and heads over to a row of shelves. You hear footsteps behind you, and you turn to see Bellamy approaching, who stops to stand beside you. “Food for Raven?”

“Yeah.”

“Good call.”

You wait as Niylah gathers a few things, dried meat, some in season berries, nuts, and she passes them to you without saying a word. “Thank you.”

She nods once, resuming her place at the bar, and Bellamy turns and motions for you to go first. You start walking back to the room, Raven’s voice growing louder as you reach the back. “You always want to save everyone, but what you don’t realize is you’re the one we need saving from. Wells is dead because you couldn’t see Charlotte was a basket case. Finn is dead because you broke his heart and then slid a knife into it. Hell, I bet you got Lexa killed, too.”

You turn and glance at Bellamy, both of you exchanging a worried look as you quicken your pace and hear Clarke yell, “I said shut up!”

“You can hide behind the selfless martyr act, but we see you for who you really are. Poison to anyone who gets close.”

You hear a struggle and then Clarke’s cry of pain, and you and Bellamy burst through the curtain and into the room to see Clarke standing in front of Raven, blood dripping down her arm. Raven gives Clarke a sinister smile, blood all around her mouth from biting Clarke. You turn and practically throw the food onto a nearby table, closing the space between you and your twin as Clarke yells, “You’re done Alie, you hear me? We’re gonna fry you!”

You start to pull her back but she resists, and Bellamy steps in to help you drag her from the room and into the next room, away from Raven. You and Bellamy release her when she stops struggling, and you lift her arm to check the wound on it. Luckily, it’s not deep, and you grab Clarke’s med kit and start cleaning the wound silently, saying nothing about what you heard. Bellamy stands nearby, making sure she’s not going to run back into the room. 

As you wrap the bandage around her arm, she mutters, “I let her get to me.”

You look up at her, holding back a snort. “You don’t say.”

Bellamy steps up to you, nodding towards the bar. “Take a break. I’ll let her beat me up for a while.”

“I’ll go with you.” He nods and starts towards the room, but you give your twin a hard look. “Are you okay?”

“No. But I’ll deal with it.”

“Clarke-”

She cuts you off, reaching out to squeeze your arm. “Don’t leave Bellamy alone in there for too long. I’m fine.”

You sigh, looking between her and the door, before finally deciding to follow Bellamy into the room. When you step inside, he’s already sitting at a small table, and you plop down into the chair across from him. 

Raven is silent for a while, alternating between sitting in silence and dozing, and she even allows you to feed her some of the food at one point. Jasper eventually joins you and Bellamy, and you all sit in silence for an hour or so before something changes. Raven pulls herself up straighter, and the movement pulls your eyes over to her, surprised to find her already staring at the three of you.

“Look at your united front.” She turns to look at Jasper, ignoring you and Bellamy. “Tell me, why do you give Bellamy and the forgotten twin a pass for murdering your girlfriend? What was her name?”

Jasper glares at her, shaking his head. “Don’t talk about Maya.”

Bellamy glances at him. “You don’t have to listen to this.”

Raven pushes on, using Bellamy’s comment to her advantage. “Let’s protect Jasper. Jasper is so sensitive, Jasper’s lost someone. Everyone cater to his feelings. We’ve all lost someone, you don’t see us falling apart. You don’t see us getting wasted, being useless.”

He smirks at her. “You took a pill to take your pain away. You gave up your memories.”

She ignores the jab. “But then, why should we expect anything more? You used to get high off people’s medicine. Being a selfish loser was your only move.”

“Stop.”

“That’s all we see when we look at you. A coward, a waste of breath. Why do you even bother living? You’re weak, pathetic. You can’t save me, you can’t even save yourself. And you couldn’t even save what’s her name.”

He stands from his chair, walking towards her, bellowing, “You know her name!”

You and Bellamy stand from your seats, and Bellamy reaches him first, holding him back. “Jasper, think. It’s not Raven talking, and you’re giving her what she wants. Go.”

Jasper pulls himself from Bellamy’s grip and glares at Raven the entire time he walks from the room. You and Bellamy exchange a look before settling back into your seats, both of you a little more tense than before. 

“And then there were two.” She looks between the two of you, trying to decide who to target next, before her gaze lands on Bellamy. “Bellamy. We’ve had our fun together, haven’t we?”

You and Bellamy both tense, remembering when they slept together, before either of you had admitted your feelings for each other. “It’s okay, we don’t have to talk about it. But I do have one question: does it bother you that you don’t get any credit for the genocide at Mount Weather? Clarke gets to be the Commander of Death, but you murdered all those people, too. Then again…you didn’t get any credit for the Culling on the Ark, either. How many people suffocated when you threw away my radio? At least Clarke was saving her own people, you were just saving your own ass. Of course, that’s nothing…compared to killing your own mom.”

You see him tense further, and you reach across the table for his hand, whispering, “Don’t listen to her.”

Raven pushes on, “You just had to take little sister to her first dance. You might as well have just shoved Aurora out the airlock yourself. Do you think she’d be proud of you now? Of the kind of leader you’ve become? Or would she see the truth, like the rest of us do? That you’re a follower. Always desperate to follow orders, so willing to follow Pike down his Grounder Killing path.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I mean, you picked up a gun and slaughtered an army that was sent to protect us. That had nothing to do with almost losing this one to the mountain, did it?” She smirks, tipping her head in your direction. “Because a Grounder’s a Grounder, right?”

You keep your eyes on him, and the muscle in his jaw that keeps clenching and unclenching. Despite the fact that he’s struggling with her words, he stands strong, and doesn’t rise to her bait. Unfortunately, Raven’s taunts have brought Niylah into the room, the confession of Bellamy’s role in the massacre now public. 

“My father.”

You and Bellamy stand, and he lifts his hands in surrender, “Niylah.”

“You killed him!” She slaps him across the face, hard, his head snapping to the side. Clarke runs up to her, grabbing her. “Niylah, you can’t be in here.”

You shake your head, and turn to Clarke. “Get her out of here!”

Clarke pulls Niylah from the room, and Bellamy turns and grabs his jacket, pulling it on. You reach out, grabbing his arm to stop him. “Bellamy-”

He snatches his arm free, pulling away from you. “I’m fine.”

You watch as he storms from the room, leaving you and Raven alone. Knowing she can’t be left unsupervised, you plop down into your chair and let out a heavy sigh. _Time to be the punching bag._

“Just you and me now, huh?” You ignore her, averting your gaze as she continues, “How does it feel to no longer be the invisible twin? Of course, that’s just because you’re the forgotten twin now. They didn’t know about you before, but now they do, and you’re still second best. Clarke is everyone’s favorite: your friends, your parents, hell, even your own boyfriend follows her orders without a second guess. No one follows you like that.”

You set your jaw, trying to block out her words, hating that she’s bringing out your deepest fears. “Your mom’s in here with me. She told me you were stupid and got caught, and your dad had to sacrifice himself to save you. His blood is on your hands.”

“That was his choice, it’s not my fault.”

She doesn’t acknowledge your words. “Of course, you have a lot of blood on your hands too, just like your shining star of a sister. You helped Bellamy discard the radio, you pulled the lever in Mount Weather. You left Gina to burn in the Mountain.”

You close your eyes, take in a shaky breath and let it out again, knowing that Gina wouldn’t blame you for her death. Still, it’s hard to keep the guilt at bay. “Then you let all those people die in Mount Weather because you didn’t get the codes in time. The _one_ job Gina asked you to do. You _slit_ Shumway’s throat. You played the part of the spy to save Bellamy, but how many people got to die in his place? The army he slaughtered? Monroe? Lincoln? You could have saved them, if you were better. Clarke could have saved them.”

You feel a heavy weight press down on your chest, tears pricking your eyes as you think of those lost while you spied for Pike. Deaths you _could_ have prevented, because you had the information to do it. “You know, Clarke may be poison, but you’re the curse.”

Your eyes snap up to meet hers, surprised to hear the words from her. She laughs, coming to a realization. “Twin angels of Death and Destruction: Azazel and Azrael. You, Azazel, bring the destruction and corruption with your curse, and Clarke, our very own Azrael, brings the death to end them all. You make them weak, she wipes them out. What a pair.”

You shift in your chair, uncomfortable, and she smirks at the movement, realizing that she’s getting to you. “Although, it’s interesting that your curse backfired onto yourself, and brought Shumway into the picture.”

You stand from your chair, so fast that it tips over and hits the ground, not wanting to hear his name or relive a single second of the trauma he brought you. You make a beeline for the curtain, pushing it open and coming face to face with Jasper, who actually gives you a look of pity. You realize that he must have been listening the entire time, and you feel annoyance that he was privy to your mental torture. “You’re up.”

You push him into the room, and then head for the door, walking past Clarke, who watches you with concern. Suddenly everyone’s pity and soft looks makes you angrier than it should, and you storm out into the night air. You stalk right past Bellamy, who is still calming himself down from his confrontation with Niylah, and you head straight for a break in the trees, seeking out the moon. 

You feel relief as soon as your eyes land on it, some of your worries already melting away, but you can’t stop repeating Raven’s comparison in your head. _Azrael and Azazel, Azrael and Azazel, Azrael and Azazel._

You hear someone approach from behind, but you don’t move, you just keep your eyes on the moon and your mind on Raven’s words. Bellamy comes to a stop beside you, his gaze lifting to the stars. You whisper, “Still wanna get lost in the stars?”

“Sometimes.”

“Me too.”

You stand in silence for a few more minutes until you hear the rover pull up, and you and Bellamy turn and watch Monty and Octavia step out of the vehicle. Monty storms straight inside, and Octavia lags behind, walking slower. Something about Monty’s demeanor has you and Bellamy jogging to his sister, looking at the door in concern. “What happened?”

“His mom was chipped, showed up at the dropship.” You see the mud and blood on her face, and you get a sinking feeling in your stomach before she even voices the rest. “He killed her to save my life.”

She follows the path Monty took back inside, leaving you and Bellamy to look at each other in shock before following her. Everyone is already in the back and gathered around Raven, ready to shock her, when you arrive. You and Bellamy stand at the end of the bed as Sinclair turns to Clarke. “All we have to do is connect her and activate the electromagnet.”

Monty goes to her arm and works on freeing her wrist so they can attach the bracelet to it, but something in her demeanor changes. She struggles for a second, then freezes, looking at something no one else can see, before she starts banging her head onto the frame of the bed, so hard it shakes. “She’s trying to kill herself. Raven stop!”

You, Belllamy, and Octavia all run towards her, trying to hold her head in place and preventing her from causing any more damage, but she still struggles against you. Behind you, Clarke yells, “Stop and I’ll give you this.”

You all turn and look at Clarke, who’s holding up the same small chip from before, the second version of Alie’s program. You haven’t had the chance to ask Clarke how she got it, but none of that matters now, because Raven freezes in place. As soon as you realize she’s distracted, you reach out and grab the bracelet from Sinclair’s hand and snap it around the wrist that Bellamy’s holding in place. She gets angry as soon as she hears it click. “No, you lied! You lied!”

But when she sees Sinclair ready the EMP, she switches to begging. “No, please, don’t. The EMP will give me brain damage! You know it will. Please, don’t do this!”

Sinclair freezes and Octavia looks over at him. “Don’t listen to her.”

“Please! You know it will! Sinclair, stop!”

He wraps the wires around her arm and then glances at you. “We’ve only got one shot at this. The EMP will fry the wristband too.”

Raven starts to struggle again, realizing this is her last chance, and you, Bellamy, and Octavia struggle to hold her still. You yell, “Do it! Do it!”

“Got it, go!”

Monty throws the switch, and you all hear a small spark and fizzle, but nothing else happens. Octavia looks between Monty and Sinclair. “What’s happening?”

“Nothing. We need more power. The battery’s not strong enough.”

Clarke snaps, “Well, then get one that is!”

Monty yells, “The rover!”

You yell to Jasper, who is standing nearby. “Jasper, grab her!”

Bellamy yells at Sinclair to do the same, taking his place, and you and Bellamy follow Monty through the trading post and out to the rover. You grab a flashlight on the way out the door, and turn it on as Monty and Bellamy pry open the hood of the vehicle. You hold the light so they can see, and as they’re working to disconnect the battery, you hear a strange sound. You look up in the sky, trying to find the source, and your heart skips a beat when you see a red light blinking in the sky above your heads. “Drone!”

“She’s here.”

You turn and push the flashlight into Bellamy’s hand, pulling his pistol from his thigh holster as you do, aiming at the flying machine. You take a breath, and as you let it out slowly, you squeeze the trigger. The bullet hits with a satisfying ping, and the drone spins out of control until it lands on the ground. 

“I got it!” 

Monty pulls out the battery and runs back inside, with you and Bellamy right behind him. They quickly set up the machine, and you and Bellamy take over for Sinclair and hold your struggling friend in place. This time when they throw the switch, Raven lets out a cry of pain, before going quiet and falling limp. Clarke presses a finger to her neck, checking for a pulse, and she sighs when she finds one. “She’s alive.”

She gets closer to her face, calling her name. “Raven? Come on Raven, hey. Come on Raven, wake up. Wake up!”

You shake her shoulder, hoping it will help, but no matter how much you call her name and move her, she doesn’t move. Clarke freezes, and you think she’s about to give up, when she whispers, “Both AIs were made by the same person, and I’ve seen an AI get removed before.”

She turns to you, “Help me get her on her side!”

You do as she says as she grabs her medkit and pulls out a scalpel. She lifts it, hovering over Raven’s neck, but Sinclair grabs her arms to stop her. “Woah, woah, woah.”

She puts a comforting hand on top of his. “It’s okay.”

She pushes all of Raven’s hair off her neck, before making an incision along the base of her skull. And then she grabs a cloth and holds it beneath the incision and waits. Nothing happens for five agonizingly long seconds, until a thick silver goo starts to run out of the cut, along with Raven’s blood. You look at it in disgust. “What is that?”

Sinclair eyes in in curiosity. “It must be whatever’s left of the chip.”

As soon as the last bit slides out of her neck, Raven shifts and starts to cough. She lifts a hand to her head, clutching it and muttering, “Ow.”

You all laugh in relief and Octavia jokes, “Never thought I’d be so happy to see someone in pain.”

You all stand looking down at your friend, relieved that she made it, but Bellamy reminds you all of the pressing reality of your situation. “Alie knows we’re here, we gotta move.”

The words send you all into action, stitching up Raven and getting her new clothes from Niylah, putting the battery back in the rover, packing up all your things. Everyone is a flurry of movement, moving as fast as they can to get packed up and away from danger. 

As you and Bellamy are piling up the gear outside, waiting for Monty to back the rover in closer, he passes you a bag, and you notice the blood dripping down his arm from his knuckles. You drop the bag and grab his hand, pulling it to you to inspect it in the light of the torch nearby. You think of the sag in his shoulder when you walked past him earlier, something that didn’t register then because you were too wrapped up in your own reaction to Raven. You reach into your pocket and pull out one of the extra bandages you have, and wrap his hand, giving him a small smile. “I’m gonna need the people I love to stop getting hurt tonight. I’m running out of bandages.”

He looks up at you in surprise, before his face settles into a look of regret. “What do you do when you realize…you might not be the good guy?”

You think of Lincoln and Monroe. The attack on the army that you didn’t stop. Gina, the people in Mount Weather, _both times_. Acceptable losses in the war to keep yourselves alive. “Maybe there are no good guys. We’re all doing what we have to, to survive. Maybe for now, that has to be enough.”

He nods, and you look up as the rover backs up to a stop nearby. You both load everything in the back, and then help Sinclair get Raven into the rover. As you’re getting her situated, Clarke comes over to her, musing, “There’s one thing I don’t understand. Why did Alie want you to kill yourself?”

“Because I know why she wants the second AI.”

You all look towards her in surprise. “Why?”

“It’s the only thing that can stop her.”

“Then let’s stop her.” Octavia turns to look at Monty, giving him a knowing look. “We survive together.”

You smile at her. _“Ogeda.”_

Everyone nods, agreeing, before piling into the back of the rover, while Monty moves to the front. He turns, looking back at Clarke. “Where to?”

She looks around at everyone, thinking, before locking eyes with him. “Home.”

-


	41. xli. demons (3.12)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: violence, mentions of blood, fighting, death, description of a gross death, near death experiences, language. 
> 
> Summary: a return to Arkadia results in an unexpected reunion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> VERY IMPORTANT NOTE!!!! for those of you not in the US or in the Southern US, we are currently facing a hurricane down here. this has the potential (and likelihood) of knocking out our power. this means that I am unsure about the other updates for this week! I don’t know if I’ll have access to power or internet, and I will likely be focused on other things. because of this, considered the other two updates for this week temporarily delayed. if things change and I can post, I will, but I just want you to all be aware!

Sometime during the night, when everyone else is asleep, Monty nearly drives off the road. You and Bellamy are the only two awake to witness it, both of you too wired to sleep. _Though it’s not like you usually slept well anyways._

You force him to stop and climb into the back with the others, while Bellamy slides into the driver’s seat. You get into the passenger seat beside him, looking back over your passengers and making sure everyone is okay before you nod at him to continue. 

The ride through Azgeda territory, back towards Arkadia, is more peaceful than any of your previous trips, despite your tension with Bellamy. You glance over at him, noting that he’s rigid in the driver’s seat, grip tight on the wheel, jaw tense with stress. You can tell he’s playing Raven’s words over and over in his mind, reminding him of the guilt he was already carrying. He senses you looking at him, and he turns to look at you quickly before looking back at the road. He takes in a breath like he’s about to say something, and you look away, out the window, scared that he might change his mind. “When you first told me you were cursed, I thought you were being dramatic. I didn’t understand how someone could blame themselves for every bad thing in their life, whether they were responsible for it or not. And then I started to do the same thing.”

He pauses for a long minute, looking out at the road in front of him with an intense expression. “Seeing Shumway with you that night in the woods, and then me failing to protect you, it hit me that I had failed you. And then you got stabbed looking for Clarke, and you nearly died in Mount Weather because I made you stay, it hit me again that I failed you, and I swore I wouldn’t let that happen again. And along came Pike. I was hurt and afraid to lose you, and Octavia, and I let him convince me that the Grounders were the problem. But like Octavia said, that’s no excuse, because people got hurt. The army, Niylah’s dad, Indra, Monroe, Lincoln, Octavia…”

He turns to look at you, and you meet his gaze. He softens a little, some of his stress melting away. “You. The two people I swore to protect no matter what, and all I did was hurt them both.”

“You were doing what you thought was best for us.”

“I was wrong.”

You shake your head. “But that doesn’t change your intention, Bellamy. You and Pike are not the same, you know that, don’t you?”

He doesn’t say anything, just glances your way, then back to the road, the muscle in his jaw shifting, and you realize he doesn’t see a difference. “Pike is brutal and manipulative and power hungry, and he only has one goal in life, which is to kill Grounders. He thinks they’re heartless savages that need to be broken and put down, but you know that none of that is true. We have always had a complicated relationship with the Grounders, and I won’t blame you for lashing out from fear. But I know you and I know your heart, and I know that you don’t genuinely believe that all Grounders are monsters.”

“We’re all just doing what we need to do to survive, right? Us and the Grounders alike.”

You almost smile, remembering the conversation in the woods, the one he’s quoting back to you now. A conversation that feels so long ago, back before Mount Weather, and Pike, and an AI hell bent on taking over the world. You nod, still believing in your words. “Yeah. Doesn’t mean anyone is right or wrong or good or bad for it. It just means we’re trying.”

He’s quiet, absorbing the conversation. Some of the tension has left his body, his posture relaxing slightly, and that brings you relief. Bellamy’s guilt won’t disappear overnight, the same way he can’t earn his forgiveness from the others overnight, but this feels like a step in the right direction. 

-

When the sun rises high enough in the sky, and the others have woken up, Bellamy parks the rover in a field to let it charge. As him and Monty adjust the solar panels, getting them right, the rest of you spread out in the grass, passing around rations and chatting about nothing. Bellamy plops down beside you when they finish, and you pass him the package of nuts in your hands, which he takes with a quiet thank you.

Raven sits sandwiched between Clarke, who is checking over her wounds, and Sinclair, who refuses to let her out of his sight. Octavia is on your other side, quiet, watching the others, and Jasper and Monty sit across from you, side by side. Before Clarke settles back into the grass, she pulls out a small container, and slides the lid far enough back to check on the small chip inside. Satisfied that it’s in place, she pushes the lid closed again, and tucks it into her pocket, looking up and finding your eyes, which are watching her closely. You nod to her pocket. “How did you get it?”

“It’s the Flame. Each Commander gets it during the Ascension ceremony, and after death, it is removed for the next Commander. Lexa always talked about how her spirit would choose the next Commander and how she would never truly die, but I just thought she was talking about reincarnation. I didn’t know it would be an AI.” She takes in a shaky breath, steadying herself. “I was there when Lexa died, so I saw Titus remove it. When Ontari became the new Commander, he knew she couldn’t have it, so he gave it to me, and told me to find Luna.”

Bellamy looks at her in confusion. “Why couldn’t Ontari have it?”

“She murdered all the novitiates in their sleep so she could be the last one standing.”

“Holy shit.”

Raven shakes her head. “If the Grounder’s don’t know that it’s an AI, how do they know what to do with it?”

Clarke reaches into her jacket, and pulls out a small notebook. “Because Becca left them instructions.”

Raven’s eyes light up, already reaching for it. “May I?”

Clarke passes her the notebook, and Raven opens it eagerly, already absorbed in Becca’s words. Clarke fills the rest of you in on everything that happened in Polis while the rest of you were in Arkadia dealing with Pike, and it’s almost hard to believe everything she’s telling you: a coup against Lexa, Lexa’s fight against King Roan, the murder of the Ice Queen. Finding the army, stopping Lexa from retaliation, Emerson being gifted to Clarke, Octavia arriving, Murphy arriving, Lexa’s death. And despite the dark subject matter, you can almost pretend that you’re all just a normal group of friends, laying out in the sun, catching each other up on your lives. You can almost forget that your people need to be saved. Again. 

But Octavia is the first to remind you, and after checking on the rover and seeing the battery full, you know it’s time to go, so you all pile into the rover again, this time with you behind the wheel and Bellamy beside you, ready to make the last bit of the trip home. 

-

You’re close to Arkadia when Raven finally looks up from Becca’s notebook, her voice full of awe. “Becca’s journal is amazing. At 26, she found a pathway to access the human mind. That same year, she had to lock up Alie because her answer for what was wrong with the world was ‘too many people’. She was 27 when it launched the bombs.”

You glance over at Bellamy, who is half turned in his seat, listening. Clarke asks, “What did she write about the Flame?”

“Alie 2.0. She saw it as a way to atone for her sins. She designed it to not just access a human mind, but to merge with one. It could never wipe us out because it would be one of us. She would put it in herself first, altered her genes so her body wouldn’t reject the implant.”

Clarke hums. “Bekka Pramheda, the first Commander. The gene therapy made her blood black, didn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

Octavia glances at Clarke in surprise. “How did you know that?”

“Nightblood, that’s where it came from. Somehow, it became hereditary. Luna has it, which is why we have to find her, because if she can access Alie 2…”

“She can tell us how to stop Alie 1,” you finish for her.

Bellamy turns back to the front, and when he sees where you are, he tells the others, “Eyes sharp, weapons hot. We’re almost home.”

You grab the radio, ready to warn the others. “Miller, come in.”

You receive no response, so you try again. “Harper, you there? Your ride’s two minutes out.”

You are met with silence, and the heavy feeling of panic washes through you. You exchange a worried glance with Bellamy as Jasper muses, “Good start.”

When you reach the edge of the woods, Bellamy puts a hand on your arm. “Stop here.”

You stop the rover as he turns and looks at the others. “Monty, you take the wheel, Raven you’re up front with him. Jasper, you’re in the turret, and the rest of us are outside the rover, walking alongside it. I want eyes on all sides.”

No one argues, grabbing up their weapons and taking up their positions before Bellamy motions for Monty to drive the rover into camp, slowly. As you get closer, you can see that the gate is wide open, which Clarke also notices. “We left two days ago, why haven’t they fixed the gate?”

“Maybe because there’s no one here to fix it.”

As the rover rolls through the gate and into Arkadia, you are met with nothing but silence. No guards, no kids, no Pike, no Grounders, nothing. You feel a heavy pit in your stomach as you turn to Bellamy. “It’s like a ghost town.”

Bellamy lifts his radio and asks, “Miller, where the hell are you?”

When he receives no answer, he turns to you, shaking his head. “I don’t like this.”

“I don’t either.”

Jasper looks around, then glances down at Bellamy. “Maybe they got chipped.”

“If they got chipped, they’d be waiting at the gate.”

“Maybe they saw the open gate, went in for Lincoln’s book.”

Octavia glares up at him. “Maybe you should stop saying ‘maybe’.”

“If they’re chipped, then Alie already knows we’re coming.”

Monty stops the rover on a small patch, allowing all of you to look around for any sign of something. Octavia walks over to your side of the rover, and she freezes in place beside you, causing you to look at her in alarm. You follow her gaze to the ground, finding a dark red stain in the mud. _Blood. Lincoln’s blood._

You swallow a wave of emotion, the sadness that threatens to rise to the surface, and Octavia never looks away from the spot as she snaps, “Let’s get his book and get the hell out of here.”

“That’s a plan I can support.”

Octavia runs back to the other side, and Clarke and Bellamy step up on either side of you, looking down at the blood stain. You whisper, “Lincoln.”

You can feel Bellamy tense up beside you, and he looks at the stain for a long second before he bangs on the back of the rover, signaling for Monty to keep moving. You all progress through the camp slowly, finding nothing as you maneuver the rover towards the hangar bay. Monty stops the vehicle inside before closing the door to the hangar bay quickly, leaving you all in partial darkness, the only light coming from the rover. 

You all walk through the hangar bay slowly, in a tight group, weapons drawn, looking at the scene before you. Half eaten plates of food, card games abandoned mid play, projects left incomplete. Clarke looks around in confusion. “It’s like they just got up and walked away.”

Bellamy looks at the others. “We’re in and out. Pack as much gear as you can into the rover.”

“I’ll get the map.”

Jasper nods towards Octavia’s already retreating figure. “I’ll uh…go with her. Probably shouldn’t be alone.”

Raven gets out of the rover, and joins your group. “What’s the rush? They won’t be coming back.”

You turn to her, unconvinced. “How do you know?”

“Alie’s mission is to chip everyone. It wouldn’t make sense to return to a place she’s already taken.”

Sinclair shrugs, “Might make sense if there was someone in that place, i.e. you, who could tell us stuff like that.”

“Good point. Let’s load gear.”

You turn to Bellamy, “Armory?”

“I’ll go with you.”

You nod and open the hangar bay door just enough for you to both slip through, not wanting to walk through the dark halls of Arkadia. You head across the camp to the armory, grunting in annoyance when you try to open the door but find it locked. Bellamy steps towards you, motioning for you to move away, “Step back.”

You do as he says and watch as he kicks the door in, and motions for you to go in first. You lift your weapon and step inside, looking around for anyone hiding in the shadows, but when you find nothing, you holster it and head straight for the rifles. Bellamy follows behind and you both pull open the doors, finding almost every weapon left behind. As you start digging through the containers beneath the rifles, you almost laugh with relief when you find case after case overflowing with bullets. Bellamy smiles at you, feeling the same excitement as he lifts his radio. “Everyone finish what you’re doing and meet us in the armory.”

Clarke is the first to answer. “Why? What’s going on?”

“You’ll see when you get here. We just got lucky.”

“On our way.”

You turn to Bellamy, and nod towards the guns. “We’re gonna need bags to carry all this. I’m gonna go grab some.”

“I’ll go with you.”

You shake your head, waving him off. “No, don’t worry about it, I’ll be fine. Just stay here and wait for the others, I’ll only be gone for a minute.”

“Radio if you need me.”

“I will.”

You walk out of the armory and head to the room where they keep most of the extra inventory, sure that they have bags laying around in there. When you reach the small room and step inside, you feel the hairs on the back of your neck stand, though you don’t know why. You look around in worry, searching the room for any sign of danger. You swear you see a shadow shift, and you reach for your gun, but before you can grab it, you’re knocked to the side. 

You turn around in surprise and open your mouth to scream when you come face to face with a Grounder in a skull mask. They swing an arm around to punch you, the hit landing on your cheekbone, the same one left bruised by Gillmer, and your scream dies in your throat. Your survival instincts kick in, and you scramble to your feet, away from the Grounder. You reach for your gun, pulling it from your holster, but as you lift it towards them, they knock the gun out of your hand, sending it flying across the room. 

You hear it slide across the ground and you use the distraction to close the space between you and the Grounder, swinging an elbow towards them, hitting them in the stomach. You hear the air leave their body in a whoosh, and they double over, grunting in pain, and you grab their head and pull it down towards your rising knee. You hear a crack as your knee makes contact with their face, and they pull away in pain, the move effectively removing their mask. You look up at the Grounder, surprised to see that it isn’t a Grounder at all, but Emerson from Mount Weather.

“Of course you’d be the last Mountain Man.”

You drop the mask at your feet as he clutches his nose, blood rushing between his fingers. He shifts the bone, setting it back in place with a pop, before smirking at you. “You’re so much like your sister.”

For the first time in your life, the compliment chills you to the bone, because the information is not something that he should know. His smirk grows wider at the sign of your shock. “Imagine my surprise when I find out the great Wanheda has a weakness. A twin. Echo wasn’t good for much, but she was good for that.”

You stand staring at him, trying to figure out what to do: _run? Fight? Warn the others?_ You decide the the last option is the best, and you grab the radio from your belt with lightning speed, scrambling backwards as you rush out, “Bellamy, help-”

The rest of your plea is cut off when Emerson comes running at you full speed, crashing his body into yours, knocking you backwards and knocking the wind out of you. As you lay gasping for breath, Emerson gets to his feet and pulls you to yours, before spinning you around and wrapping his arm around your neck, trying to knock you out. You feel your feet lift off the ground and panic sets in as spots dance at the edge of your vision, unconsciousness on its way. The last thing you hear before the world goes dark, is Bellamy frantically calling your name over the radio, sounding worried.

-

The first thing you notice when you wake up is a growing ache in your shoulders. You pull your eyes open, and they land on your hands, tied to the wall above your head. A gag is pulled tight in your mouth, and you feel your anger grow. Someone to your right is trying to call your name, but it comes out muffled, and when you turn their way, you see Octavia, also chained to the wall, and also gagged. To your left you see Jasper and Raven, both chained up and sitting. Behind you, on the opposite wall is Miller, chained up like you and Octavia, and Monty, Harper, and Bryan are all chained like Jasper and Raven. 

You feel relief flow through you when you don’t see Clarke or Bellamy amongst you, but that relief is short lived. Emerson steps into the room, and for the first time, you realize you’re all chained up in an air lock. He walks over to you and pulls the knife from the holster on your thigh, before grabbing your hair and pulling your head back. You hear the others try to yell through their gags, but it’s nothing more than a symphony of muffled cries. Emerson uses the hand in your hair to turn your head to the door of the airlock, and seconds later Clarke steps into view, hands raised in surrender. You try to yell at her through your gag, urging her to turn around and run, save herself, but none of that comes out. Her eyes fall on you, face etched in worry before she moves her gaze over to Emerson. “I held up my part of the deal. Your turn, let my friends go.”

He lifts the knife to your throat, pressing the blade into your skin slightly. “Tell Bellamy to show himself first.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

You can see Emerson nod his head once, annoyed, and he abruptly turns and punches Octavia in the stomach. She doubles over with a cry of pain, and a second later, Bellamy appears from around the corner, gun raised, yelling, “No!”

“Okay now, take out the clip and throw it down the hall. Put the gun on the ground and get inside.”

You and Octavia both protest the best you can, yelling at him to turn around and run. When Bellamy takes too long to do as Emerson says, he steps away from you and grabs Octavia, yanking her head back and dragging your knife across the skin of her chest, cutting her. The sight of her blood is enough to send Bellamy into action. “Okay, okay! Just stop!”

He pulls out the clip and tosses it down the hall, before tossing the gun down the other. He slowly reaches down and discards his knife and radio the same way, before walking towards the airlock with his hands raised. Emerson nods to a third pair of cuffs on the wall, beside you. “Those are yours.”

Bellamy locks himself in place, and Emerson pushes Octavia away from him, stepping back. He pulls out a gun and lifts it, pointing it at your twin, “Get on your knees, Clarke.”

You start to struggle, trying to slip yourself from your cuffs. Beside you, Octavia is also trying to escape, using her feet to push off the wall and create tension on the cuffs. Both of you struggle to no avail, as Clarke sinks to her knees. Emerson yells, “Put your hands behind your head.”

She does as she is told, and he keeps the gun trained on her as he steps out of the airlock and presses a button, sealing the door closed. You feel your panic start to rise as he closes the space between himself and Clarke, and she starts to beg, voice sounding muffled through the thick doors. “No, you can do anything you want with me. Just let them go!”

He grabs her by the hair and pulls her to her feet, before he pushes her towards the door, pressing her face into the glass and forcing her to watch you. He lifts the gun to her head and wraps an arm around her throat, cutting off her airway, and you struggle harder, trying to free yourself. 

“You murdered 381 people. You took the lives of my children, my brother, my friends. Did you really think that I would be happy with just one life in return, hmm?”

He loosens his hold slightly and Clarke struggles to breath as he pulls her back towards the control panel for the airlock. He presses a button and a red light starts to flash in the small space, the voice on the P.A. system announcing, “Airlock 5. Oxygen venting.”

Dread lands heavy on your stomach as you realize what he’s doing, killing all of you, and forcing Clarke to watch. He presses her up against the door again, giving her a front row seat, but you struggle to pay attention as the oxygen gets sucked from the room. Every one of you immediately starts to struggle for breath, and you pull hard against your cuffs, your fight or flight instinct kicking in. You can feel the metal biting into your wrists, breaking skin, blood already blooming there. You feel the burn in your lungs start grow, the lack of oxygen getting worse, making you feel heavy and useless. 

The fight starts to leave you, and your body sags, all of your weight supported by the cuffs around your wrists. Bellamy and Octavia are in the same state, struggling to breathe, and you hear Octavia let out a desperate cry for Bellamy. You turn towards him, but he’s already looking your way, gaze flitting between his sister and you. You glance over at Clarke, watching as she struggles against Emerson, sobbing, before your gaze moves back to Bellamy again. Your body grows heavier with each passing second, until your legs can no longer support you, and you hang there, watching Bellamy. 

His eyelids flutter close, the fight leaving his body, and yours do the same, the energy leaving your body at an alarming rate. You try to ignore the burn in your lungs as your body gasps for air, taking what oxygen it can as the rest is sucked out. You feel yourself start to lose consciousness, and you know it’s just a matter of time before you take your last breath. You feel regret that your relationship with Bellamy is still rocky, and that’s how it’ll end, with Bellamy full of guilt and acting distant. Just as the darkness starts to take over, leading you towards death, you suck in a deep breath of air, rich with so much oxygen it makes you dizzy. 

You don’t question it, you just sag against your restraints and pull in deep gasps of air, letting your senses return to you slowly. You feel hands brush over yours, and your cuffs are unlocked, releasing you. Someone catches you as your weak knees fail to support you, and lower you to the ground. You open your eyes and see Clarke in front of you, blood spread over her cheekbone, smiling in relief. You smile back and she pulls you in for a hug, bone crushingly tight, but you don’t care. She pulls away and Bellamy is there next, pressing kisses onto your face and your hair as he checks you over. 

Everyone stays in the airlock for a while, gathering oxygen and strength, before someone mutters, “Can we please get the hell out of our almost coffin?”

There’s a collective sound of agreement as everyone pulls themselves to their feet and trudges out of the airlock. Bellamy helps Octavia and Clarke helps you, and as you walk by Emerson’s body, you pull out of her grip and kneel down beside him. He looks terrible, blood dripping from nearly every orifice, and you ask, “What happened?”

“The Flame. If you take the Flame without Nightblood, the Flame takes your life.”

“Intense.” You shake your head, and start to dig through his pockets. 

“What are you doing?”

You glance at your twin, before returning to your search. “Getting what belongs to me.”

You feel your hand close around the familiar handle, and you pull your knife from his jacket with a smile, before returning it to its rightful place in your thigh holster. Then you stand and follow the others back to the hanger bay, away from near death.

-

The drama of the night continues upon your return to the hangar bay, where you discover Sinclair’s body. Clarke bandages everyone’s wounds as Bellamy takes charge and directs half of the group to construct a funeral pyre in the center of camp, and the other half to go to the armory and start loading weapons so you’re ready for anything. You follow Bellamy and some of the others to the armory, but halfway through you notice him slip away. You sneak after him, watching as he slips out of camp, beyond the walls. You follow, keeping your distance, doing your best to stay quiet, but it’s not long before Bellamy turns around and finds you in the shadows. “You’re not nearly as quiet as you think you are.”

“Damn.” You shrug and step out of the shadows, opting to walk at his side. You don’t bother to ask where you’re going, his demeanor clearly closed off and not open to conversation. You walk for a few minutes into the woods before Bellamy stops, and points at a strip of white fabric reflecting in the moonlight. As you walk closer to it, you realize it’s a body, and you have a sneaking suspicion of whose as you drop to your knees and pull back the fabric around the head. 

Your eyes fall on Lincoln and your tears instantly start falling, mourning the loss of your friend, properly, for the first time since you witnessed his death. Bellamy lets you cry for a few minutes, kneeling beside you with an arm wrapped around you, until he whispers, “Grounders burn their dead.”

You understand what he means and you stand and step back, allowing him to lift Lincoln in his arms. You walk by his side as he carries him back to camp, and as you walk through the front gates, your eyes seek out Octavia. She’s kneeling with her back to you, loading up ammo, and Monty puts a hand on her shoulder to get her attention. Everyone turns your way as Bellamy carries Lincoln into camp, laying him down softly at Octavia’s feet. 

She shifts over to Lincoln, pulling the fabric away from his face to see him one last time. A brokenhearted sob breaks free from her, and she starts to cry over her dead lover. There’s nothing the rest of you can do, other than watch on in sorrow, allowing her the chance to mourn. When her cries die down, she presses a kiss to Lincoln’s head and then steps back, allowing Bellamy to lift Lincoln and carry him over to the pyre, where Sinclair’s body is already waiting. 

Bellamy puts Lincoln down on the other end, and the rest of you spread out around the pyre. You ready the torch and light it, passing it to Octavia. She waits, allowing Raven to say her goodbyes to Sinclair, and when she steps back, Octavia moves forward, lighting the pyre and stating, _“Yu gonplei ste odon.”_

 _Your fight is over._ She steps away from the pyre as the fire spreads and the rest of you repeat the words as you watch the bodies catch fire. You reach for her hand and she lets you take it, accepting the comfort you offer. You stand there watching for a while, all of you lost in your own heads, quietly mourning the loss of Lincoln and Sinclair. It’s hard for you to accept the fact that Lincoln is really gone. He’s not just away looking for someone, or playing diplomat in a nearby village, he’s dead, lost to the rest of you forever, killed by a fascist asshole. You’ll never get to see him put Bellamy on his ass during a sparring session again, he’ll never finish teaching Trigedasleng. He’ll never offer you comfort when you’re hurting, or joke about how overprotective Octavia and Bellamy are. His body is in front of you, alongside Sinclair’s, overtaken by flames, as tradition states.

You can feel Octavia tense beside you, tucking away her sadness before she breaks the silence. “It’s time to go. I’ll get the map.” 

She abruptly turns and walks away, and when you and Bellamy lock eyes across the fire, you can see the concern in them. You give him a reassuring smile, your way of saying she’ll be okay, though you’re not sure if you believe it yourself. You feel a drop of water land on your forehead, and you look up just as more start to fall, the sky mourning Lincoln and Sinclair with you. 

-

Everyone heads back to the armory, grabbing the discarded weapons and ammo and taking them back to the rover, loading everything as quickly as you can. Once everything is packed up, you all gather around the rover, and Bellamy looks at Raven, who looks like she’s going nowhere. “Hey, we’re leaving. Why aren’t you ready?”

“We’re not going with you.”

Clarke starts to protest, “Raven-”

“I can barely walk and my shoulder’s killing me, but my brain is all kinds of awesome.”

Monty looks at her with admiration. “She remembered that Alie downloaded herself into the Ark mainframe. If it’s still there, we can find a back door.”

“I’m guessing once you connect Alie 2 to Luna, we’ll need to find Alie 1 to take her down.”

Bellamy turns to Miller and gives him a serious look. “Miller.”

Miller motions between himself and Bryan. “We’ll keep them safe.”

Harper smirks and points to them. “I’ll keep them safe.”

Bellamy turns to Jasper. “How about you? It’s gonna be dangerous.”

“You know me well. I’m in.”

He already knows he doesn’t have to ask you, Octavia, or Clarke, because you were always in, no matter what. Everyone says their goodbyes, hugging and waving to each other as one group prepares to leave, and the other stays behind. Once the goodbyes are said and a chorus of “may we meet agains” has been exchanged, Bellamy walk to the drivers side and gets in. You take the passenger seat while Clarke, Octavia, and Jasper all get in the back.

As soon as everyone’s inside, you turn to look at them. “Ready to save our people?”

“Let’s do this thing.”

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> VERY IMPORTANT NOTE!!!! for those of you not in the US or in the Southern US, we are currently facing a hurricane down here. this has the potential (and likelihood) of knocking out our power. this means that I am unsure about the other updates for this week! I don’t know if I’ll have access to power or internet, and I will likely be focused on other things. because of this, considered the other two updates for this week temporarily delayed. if things change and I can post, I will, but I just want you to all be aware!


	42. xlii. join or die (3.13)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: a lil angst, a lil drugging for safe passage. 
> 
> Summary: the search for Luna begins, and you and Bellamy share a moment.

Bellamy maneuvers the rover through the woods as fast he dares, adjusting course every now and then according to the map in Octavia’s hands. 

This ride is one of the quiet ones, everyone tense with the idea that you might fail to find Luna, and fail to save your people. You turn and glance back at Clarke, who is sitting behind Bellamy, next to Jasper, turning the Flame over and over between her fingers. You can’t tell what she’s thinking, but you’re sure it’s about Lexa, her expression sad and worried. 

Octavia spends much of the ride looking out of the small window on the back door, making sure Bellamy is following her directions. Bellamy sits wrapped up in quiet intensity, eyes locked only on the road around you. Jasper keeps checking the map and worrying over the distance, a fact that he reminds you of now. “It’s been an hour since we passed the airplane wreckage. Seeing as we’re using a map without any distances, it could be days before we reach the village.”

Bellamy’s gaze never leaves the road as he offers, “At least we know we’re going in the right direction.”

“We’re running out of daylight. We should stop in the sun and recharge the battery.”

You glance out the window at the rain that has been falling since the funeral last night, the clouds blocking any light from the sun. You mutter, “What sun?”

Clarke backs you up. “We keep going until it dies.”

Octavia turns away from the back, glancing at Clarke and correcting her. “We keep going until we get to Luna.”

Jasper gazes down at the map again, before looking over at Octavia. “What do you think she’s gonna say when we show up asking to put an AI in her head?”

“Lincoln said she helps those that are in trouble. She’ll help us too.”

Bellamy abruptly slams on the breaks, trying to avoid a fallen tree in your path, and the rover slides along the wet ground for a second before lurching to a stop. The move jostles all of you inside, and you brace yourself against the door the best you can, trying to prevent your head from slamming into the dashboard of the vehicle. 

You all gaze out the windshield at the tree, and Jasper mumbles, “You think she can help us find a better map?”

“We’ll backtrack. Find somewhere where the trees aren’t so-”

Bellamy is cut off by the sound of the back door opening, and you all turn just in time to see Octavia jump from the back, grabbing her pack and heading into the trees. You glance over at him and sigh, “Guess we’re going on foot.”

You all bail out after her, grabbing your things, the rain chilling you to the bone as soon as you step out into it. Octavia takes off running and Clarke takes off behind her, the rest of you struggling to catch up until they abruptly stop and Octavia yells, “You hear that?”

You all freeze in place, listening hard over the sound of the rain, and as soon as you hear it, Clarke turns back to meet your gaze. You both answer, “Water.”

Octavia takes off again with Clarke right behind her, and their excitement reaches you, pushing you into movement. You follow behind them, ignoring Bellamy’s cry at your retreating figures, “Eyes sharp, they could be hostile.”

Octavia reaches the top of the hill, and turns to offer you and Clarke a hand as she yells back to her brother, “They’re not hostile. Put the guns down!”

You all follow her as she leads you to a rushing river, the water churning harshly within it. She runs alongside the river, until it takes you to the edge of the forest, the woods opening up on a small shoreline and a large body of water. Octavia stops at the edge of the woods, eyes scanning the surroundings for any sign of the village. “Where’s the village?”

But there’s nothing there, other than a small circle of stacked rocks, and water that stretches far beyond what your eyes can see. Octavia pulls out Lincoln’s notebook, checking the map, and you all crowd around her to see. She lifts her fingers to a drawing near the lower right hand corner of the notebook, the sketch matching the stacked rocks nearby on the shore. She whispers, “No, it can’t be.”

She runs over to the rocks, following the line of the shore, and you all follow, stopping when you reach the center of the circle. 

“It isn’t a village. It’s just a bunch of rocks.”

Clarke whispers, “She’s gone.”

Jasper looks between you, confused. “What do we do now?”

None of you say anything, just as unsure as the person next to you. Your eyes fall on Bellamy, but his gaze is locked on something behind you. You turn and look, seeing that Octavia has now wandered to the edge of the shore. She drops to her knees, looks up at the sky, and lets out a long, drawn out cry of frustration. You all watch her, feeling the same way.

-

Octavia returns back to the group shortly, giving out instructions on what you need for a fire. She sends you and Bellamy out for firewood, which Clarke stacks, and her and Jasper work on starting the actual fire. As you and Bellamy return with two armfuls of wood and set them down beside Clarke, you watch Octavia get a spark on her kindling. She carefully transfers it over to Clarke’s wood pile, and blows on the sparks until they grow into a flame. You look down at her, impressed, and Clarke nods in satisfaction. “Good. Okay, it’ll be dark soon. We need to talk about what we’re gonna do.”

Octavia is the first to answer. “We wait until first light, then we split up and search the shore in both directions.”

“I agree. Lincoln wouldn’t have put this spot on the map unless it was important.” Bellamy reaches down to grab Lincoln’s notebook to look over the map, but as his fingers close around it, Octavia knocks it out of his hand and snaps, “Don’t touch that!”

You and Bellamy exchange a look before he kneels beside Octavia, whispering, “Come on, O. How long?”

“I don’t know, I can’t even look at you. Because every time I do, I see Pike putting that gun to Lincoln’s head. I hear the gunshot. I see him fall.”

You feel the heavy weight of grief as the memory flashes through your head, but you quickly shake it away as Bellamy counters, “I didn’t kill Lincoln.”

“No, but he is dead because of you!”

Bellamy stands, and you can tell he’s upset, his body immediately tense. You all look away from the feuding siblings, trying to pretend you can’t hear every word they’re exchanging. “I came to you, but you didn’t take my help. If you had just trusted me I’d-”

Bellamy cuts himself off when Octavia breaks a stick and turns away from him, letting him know that she’s no longer interested in the conversation. He turns and walks off sadly, and you stand to follow him, but you pause in your tracks when the fire flashes green. You turn to look at it, Octavia and Clarke doing the same, before you all turn to look at Jasper. “What did you just do?”

“Nothing.” He shrugs, then lifts a small branch. “I just threw these in the fire.”

You see a look of recognition pass over Octavia’s face before she frantically grabs the notebook, and you ask, “What is it?”

She pulls the notebook open to the map, and pulls out a small plant pressed between the pages. She looks at it for a second, before tossing it into the fire, making it glow green again. You all exchange an excited look and laugh, mostly in shock, as Octavia mutters, “Signal fire. He was trying to tell us that this is how we contact Luna.”

Jasper stands from his spot, “I’ll get more.”

You glance over at Bellamy, who is now further down the shoreline, looking out at the water, before looking back to your twin. You nod his way and she nods in return, before jogging off behind Jasper, “I’ll help!”

You trudge along the shoreline towards your boyfriend, your boots sinking into the wet sand slightly, making you stumble at times. He doesn’t look up as you approach, just looks out at the water and the darkening sky above it.

You come to a stop beside him, following his gaze to the rapidly setting sun, aided by the cover of the rain clouds. You stand in silence for a long while, until he whispers, “I’ve lost her.”

If you there were any more space between you, you wouldn’t have heard the words. You turn towards him, already shaking your head. “Give her time, Bellamy. There may be blood on your hands, but it’s not Lincoln’s.”

He turns to look at you now, and you can see tears glinting in his eyes. “Some of it is.”

“You didn’t want that to happen, and you tried to stop it.” You glance back at the fire, seeking out Octavia, who is still throwing branches into the fire, before turning back to him. “Octavia will forgive you eventually. The question is, will you forgive yourself?”

“Forgiveness is hard for us.”

You reach out for him, remembering the night that Dax tried to kill him. “If you need forgiveness to forgive yourself, I’ll give that to you. You’re forgiven, Bellamy, for everything. And if I have to tell you this everyday until you forgive yourself and stop feeling guilty, then I will. Because you’ve made mistakes, but that’s not who you are. We’ve all done terrible things for the people that we love, but those things don’t define us.”

He nods, and the tears finally spill over and fall down his cheeks. He surprises you by pulling you into a hug, one of the first instances of affection he’s allowed himself since you found him chained up in the cave. As his face is buried into the crook of your neck, he whispers, “Tell me about the stars.”

The request sends a rush of emotion running through you, the words unsaid in the last few weeks, despite the chaos that has been warring in Bellamy’s mind. As you pull away to tell him, you sense movement to your left, in the water, and you turn to glance that way. Bellamy does the same, and both of you share a look of alarm at the sight of people coming out of the water, weapons trained on you. Bellamy reaches for his gun and you reach for your knife, but neither of your hands make it to your weapons because you are both pulled to the ground by unseen forces behind you. 

They bind and gag you both, before pulling you to your feet and leading you over to the others. A small group runs ahead into the clearing, lifting their weapons towards Octavia, Clarke, and Jasper, and they all scramble to their feet as Octavia lifts her hands in surrender and yells, “No, no, it’s okay.”

You and Bellamy are pushed into the clearing and knocked down to your knees, and Clarke looks over at you in panic. You nod your head, letting her know you’re okay, just as one of the Grounders steps closer to Octavia. _“Chon yu bilaik? Hakom yu don flag raun?”_

 _Who are you?_ You’re able to translate his first question, but not his second. Luckily, Octavia’s answer gives you a good idea of what he was asking. _“Ai laik Okteivia kom Skaikru en ai gaf gouthru klir.”_

 _I am Octavia of the Sky People, and I seek safe passage._ That’s when you realize, he must be asking why you signaled. As soon as the Grounder realizes you’re Skaikru, he switches to English. “Skaikru, bringers of death. Why should we give you safe passage?”

“Lincoln. He sent us.”

Even in death, his name holds power, because the man freezes in place before turning to the two Grounders behind you and Bellamy. _“Ban emo gaga we, en lus ‘mo meika au.”_

You don’t need to translate the words, because they immediately free your hands and pull you both to your feet. You both pull your gags from your mouths, and Bellamy turns to Octavia, quickly whispering, “What’s going on?”

“I don’t know.”

The man reaches into his jacket and pulls out a small pouch full of vials. He passes one to each of you, the cloudy yellow liquid swirling within the bottle as Clarke asks, “What is that?”

“Safe passage.”

Jasper gives the man an inquisitive look. “What does it do?”

He says nothing, just passes the bottle to Jasper, who takes it. Octavia uncaps the bottle and immediately pours it down her throat as Bellamy protests, “Octavia, wait!”

“I trust Lincoln.”

The Grounder looks at the rest of you. “If only she drinks, only she goes.”

Jasper glances over at the rest of you. “See you on the other side.”

And then he swallows the contents of his bottle. Clarke comes to stand at your side, all of you looking between each other when Ocatvia suddenly drops to the ground, out cold. Jasper mutters, “Oh crap.” And then he is the next to fall. 

You, Bellamy, and Clarke all look between each other and your two fallen friends as the Grounder watches you. “Last chance.”

The warning is enough to put you in gear, and you look between your lover and your twin. “Together?”

You uncap your bottle and they follow suit, both whispering, “Together.”

You all swallow the liquid, and you wince slightly as the bitter liquid washes over your tongue and down your throat. You lower yourself to the ground, tugging the other two down with you, all of you staring at each other, waiting to slip under. Clarke is the first to fall back, her eyelids fluttering before she hits the ground. You turn and look at Bellamy, your vision closing in around you, watching as his eyelids flutter too. You both fall back at the same time, reaching out for each other as the world grows black.

-

You wake up feeling warm. 

Your eyelids feel heavy as you pry them open, and you realize the warmth is from being pressed between Clarke and Bellamy’s sleeping bodies. They wake up at the same time, and you can hear Jasper and Octavia stirring nearby. 

Your head feels heavy as you look around, trying to gather your bearings, unable to tell anything other than the fact you’re in some sort of rusty metal box, and sunlight is streaming in through various holes around you. You pull yourself to a sitting position, watching as the others do the same, and Bellamy rasps, “Where the hell are we?”

Octavia reaches back, looking for her weapon. “My sword’s gone.”

Your eyes fall on the empty holster on your thigh, and you mutter, “My knife is too.”

Clarke digs in her jacket, pulling out the box for the Flame, sliding the lid back to ensure that it’s still there. You see her sag with relief, so you know it’s still in place, and she tucks it back inside her jacket. Octavia starts to pound on the walls, panicking, and a second later, a door at the end of the box swings open, letting in a flood of bright sunlight. 

You all have to lift your hands to shield your eyes, watching as a backlit figure walks inside the space, towards you. As she gets closer and you can get a good look at her, her curly hair and smooth skin, fabric billowing around her from the soft breeze that accompanies her, Octavia simply states, “Luna.”

Luna looks between all of you, before her eyes stop on Octavia. “Where’s Lincoln?”

“Lincoln’s dead.”

Clarke adds, “Lincoln said that you would help us.”

Her head cocks to the side. “Did he?”

“Luna, you’re the last of your kind. The last nightblood.”

A faraway look passes over her face. “So Lexa is dead as well.”

“Her spirit has chosen you to become the next Commander. Titus entrusted me with the Flame to give to you.”

Luna answers Clarke slowly, as if she’s speaking to a child. “Then he should have told you that I left my conclave, swearing to never kill again.”

“You don’t have to kill. To lead is your birthright, how you lead is your choice.” 

She reaches into her jacket, pulling out the container for the Flame. She slides the lid back, revealing it to Luna. “I recognize the sacred symbol, but what is that?”

Clarke pulls the Flame out of its container, holding it in her hand, trying to pass it to Luna. “This is the Flame. It holds the spirits of the Commanders. Of Lexa. Will you take it and become the next Commander?”

“No.” She closes Clarke’s fingers over the Flame, before turning and leaving the box, walking out into the bright sunshine. 

You all exchange a worried look before running after her, yelling, “Wait!”

As you step out into the sun, you have to blink against it a few times, allowing your eyes to adjust. When they do, you finally see why the sun is so bright. Because it is reflected off the water around you, the ocean, stretching out on all sides of you. You spin in place, looking out at the horizon, searching for land, but finding nothing other than bright blue waves. 

You see the others at your side, doing the same, all of you in awe of your surroundings. You glance back at the box that was holding you prisoner, recognising it as a symbol from the past: a shipping container. Upon further inspection of the structure all around you, you realize where you are. You turn to the others, voice full of awe, as you tell them, “It’s an oil rig. Luna’s clan lives on an oil rig.”

-


	43. xliii. red sky at morning (3.14)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: violence, fighting, death, angst, blood, drugging for safe passage. 
> 
> Summary: things don’t go according to plan on Luna’s rig, and everything you’ve been running from finally catches up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello lil moons, good news! I have now written and edited s6, which means we only have s7 left to fix write! also, I have a few things in the works so stay tuned for a few future announcements! okay, ily all and I hope you’re well!

Luna disappears from the top of the rig before any of you can even catch her. 

Instead, you’re all led into the rig and into a large room, where people are sitting around, eating, talking, listening to someone telling a story. One of Luna’s people tells you to wait here, and then they leave you alone, the five of you all staring at each other in confusion, wondering what to do next.

Jasper quickly decides that he no longer cares, and he leans back in his seat, listening to the story being told by the girl at the front of the room. Octavia sits motionless, and you start to worry that she’s in shock, not expecting that the Luna that Lincoln had told her about would turn you all away. You, Clarke, and Bellamy look around the room constantly, head turning towards the door every time you hear it open, searching for the woman who denied you. 

You’re the first to spot her, Bellamy and Clarke looking the other way, and you reach out to touch each of them, getting their attention. “She’s here.”

“Maybe she changed her mind,” Bellamy mumbles as he stands, and you and Clarke do the same, following him across the room and stopping in front of Luna.

Clarke opens her mouth to say something, but Luna beats her to the punch. “The boats return at nightfall. Then, you leave.” She pauses, and then adds, “ _Forever_.”

Clarke tries again, “Luna, let us explain.”

“I said no.”

“No, you need to hear this.” Bellamy tries to reach out and grab her to stop her as she tries to walk away, but the man at her side reaches out for him and stops him. Still, she pauses, allowing Bellamy to continue, “There is something out there that is going to destroy us all.”

“Whatever it is, it can’t reach us here.”

She brushes right past you, heading over to sit beside Octavia. You all stand there, dumbfounded, sure that you could convince her if you were given a second chance. Jasper gets up and leaves the two women, and you see Luna pass Lincoln’s journal to Octavia, before you turn away with a frustrated huff. 

After a brief conversation, Luna stands and leaves Octavia, before walking over to a couch against the wall with the man from earlier. They both lay back onto it, instantly cuddling, and you turn away, feeling like you shouldn’t be watching. Bellamy leads you and Clarke back over to his sister, and you all sit around a small fire in silence, much like before. Bellamy and Octavia seem much more resigned to Luna’s denial, while you and Clarke continue to radiate anger and frustration. 

Bellamy breaks the silence first, glancing over at Jasper and then back to your group with a smile. “Jasper’s actually smiling.”

None of you say anything, and beside you, Clarke turns to glare at Luna. Bellamy shakes his head and sighs, “Hey, Temper Twins, let it go.”

You look up at him with a glare, and you’re sure Clarke is doing the same. You shake your head at him. “We can’t just leave.”

Octavia mumbles, “It’s not like we have much of a choice.”

Clarke turns to look at her, backing you up. “Maybe we do.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about putting the Flame into her head without asking.”

You turn to Clarke in shock, instantly shaking your head, “Wait, that’s not what I meant.”

Octavia gives Clarke a look of indignation before adding, “This isn’t like Emerson, he was trying to kill us!”

“You think I don’t know that?”

Bellamy gives Clarke a serious look. “Clarke, we don’t have to do this. We can fight, we can go back to Arkadia. We can arm up.”

“Fight who? It’s an army of our own people. I don’t like this any more than you do. But if Raven’s right and the code in this thing can stop Alie…” She trails off, and sighs, “Give me a better idea.”

Someone nearby calls Luna, and she exits the room. Clarke’s eyes follow her movements until she’s gone, and then she turns towards you, her eyes pleading. You run through the options in your head. _How to stop an army of chipped people who want you dead? Can’t shoot them, because they’re chipped. And they’re your people. Too many chips to fry with EMPs. Plus, no more bracelets. And that leaves…?_ You sigh, knowing that she’s right, and there’s no other way. You turn to look at Bellamy, and his eyes search your face, trying to decipher what you’ve decided. As soon as he figures out you’re with Clarke, his face morphs into one of resignation, and he turns to your twin. “We’ll stay here. It’s the only way they’ll leave you alone with her.”

Octavia mutters, “Even Alie gives people a choice.”

Bellamy shrugs, “We gave Luna a choice. She said no.”

Clarke nods at you and Bellamy in thanks, before getting up and leaving the room, following Luna’s path out the door. The three of you wait for her to return, your eyes occasionally falling on Jasper, sitting in the corner, talking to the girl that was telling the story. You smile as you watch them, his face split in a grin, the first one you’ve seen on his face in months.

You don’t have enough time to contemplate what that means for him, because Clarke is back almost as quickly as she left, and based on the pissed off energy radiating off of her, she failed. She plops down beside you, and you all turn towards her with expectant looks. She doesn’t offer much in her explanation, just a grumble of, “She took the Flame and said I’d get it back when we leave tonight. So that’s it.”

You and Bellamy exchange a look, before your eyes land on one of the couches along the wall. Realizing there’s nothing to do now except wait, you turn to the others, “If we’re stuck here until nightfall, I’m catching up on some sleep at least.”

You don’t wait for them to answer, you just stand and head straight for the comfiest looking one, and stretch out on it. The stress and lack of sleep from the last few days finally catches up with you, and you close your eyes, falling asleep in seconds. 

-

_Your mom stands in front of you, a small, clear chip in her outstretched hand. You peer down at the blue logo, the infinity symbol, before looking back up and meeting her gaze. She smiles, tilting her head to the side. “The City of Light is so wonderful, you’re going to love it. All you have to do is take the chip.”_

_You shake your head, and try to pull away, but realize that you can’t. Panic washes over you as you realize that you’re restrained, chained to the wall behind you. But you don’t want her or Alie to see your fear, so you lift your chin, defiant, and tell her, “I won’t do it. Nothing you say will make me do it.”_

_She smiles again, and turns to look at an empty space on her left. “I told you she’d resist. Bring him in.”_

_You feel dread drop in your stomach at the thought of who she’s talking about, but she doesn’t leave you waiting for long. The doors behind her swing open, and Bellamy is dragged in, bloodied and bruised, barely hanging onto consciousness. But he perks up as soon as he sees you, and you both try to run to each other, you pulling on the chains at your back, as he pulls against the guards holding him tight. He is brought to your mother’s side before they push him down to his knees and chain him to the bolts in the floor. Your eyes are locked on each other, and you miss your mother’s movements until she kneels down beside Bellamy, into your line of sight._

_You glance over at her and almost immediately glance away, until an alarm goes off in your brain, triggered by the glint of metal in the light. You swing your eyes back towards her, and you see that she’s holding up a knife, your knife, a serene expression on her face. “Last chance to take the chip before I turn to other methods of persuasion.”_

_You don’t need to ask what she means, and you turn to Bellamy with a look of panic. He shakes his head, hard. “Don’t do it. No matter what, don’t take the chip.”_

_Your mother uses the knife to rip open his shirt, and you feel your lip quiver. He gives you a reassuring look. “I’ll be okay. Just promise me you won’t take the chip.”_

_Your mother lifts the knife to his chest, resting the blade against his skin, and tears spring to your eyes. You shake your head, and Bellamy pleads, “Promise me!”_

_You whisper, “I promise.”_

_As soon as the words leave your mouth, your mother drags the blade across his skin. You can see him clenching his teeth together, trying to hold back his cry of pain, but it eventually bursts free, tearing right through your heart. You watch a line of blood run down his chest as your mother asks, “Will you comply?”_

_Your voice shakes, thick with emotion, but you keep your promise. “No.”_

_She lifts the knife again and drags it across his stomach, as Bellamy screams in pain. A sob breaks free from you, and the tears track down your face._

_“Will you take the chip?”_

_“No.”_

_The process repeats: your mother cuts the love of your life and asks you to take the chip, but you keep your promise to Bellamy and deny her, every single time. You don’t know how long she’s been doing this when she drops the knife, the serene expression slipping from her face a fraction of an inch. She turns to the unseen figure, “This isn’t working.”_

_You ignore her one sided conversation, whispering Bellamy’s name, begging him to look up at you. His head dropped to his chest a few cuts ago, most of his skin stained with blood, nearly every inch of him covered in a cut. He weakly lifts his head and smiles at you, and it feels like a punch to the gut, the way he’s still trying to reassure you, despite how weak he is. “Bellamy, you can’t take much more of this.”_

_He lifts his head, keeping it up. “Yes, I can.”_

_“If I take the chip, they’ll leave you alone. You’ll be safe.”_

_“No, I won’t. Because they’ll just use you against me like they did to your mom with Raven. And I’ll break. You’re so much **stronger** than I am, that’s one of the reasons why I love you.”_

_The tears rush to your eyes again, a new wave of emotion taking you over. You don’t get the opportunity to say anything else, because your mom is back, along with her calm demeanor._

_And a gun._

_You feel your stomach drop as soon as you see it, and you see the flash of fear on Bellamy’s face, one he quickly hides. She lifts the gun to his temple, and turns to you. “Take the chip, or he dies.”_

_You start to sob, “Mom, please. Stop, just stop! This isn’t you!”_

_She starts to countdown, “Three seconds.”_

_“Mom, stop! What would dad say? You can’t do this!”_

_“Three.”_

_You turn to look at Bellamy, panicking, but he shakes his head, mouthing, “You promised.”_

_“Two.”_

_You watch a single tear run down his face and you start to cry harder, begging. “Leave Bellamy out of this, please don’t do this!”_

_“One.”_

_Bellamy looks at you, his eyes full of love, and he mouths, “I love you more than the stars.”_

_You have a split second to process the words before a shot rings out, too loud in the small space, and Bellamy’s body hits the ground a second later. It takes a moment for you to process, your head stuffed full of cotton, your thoughts slow to connect, but as soon as you do, a gut wrenching scream tears from your chest and you lurch towards him, trying to reach him, despite the fact that you are still chained up. The chains pull at your body uncomfortably hard, but you don’t notice, don’t care, as you drop to your knees and sob, staring down at Bellamy’s lifeless eyes._

_You start to scream at your mother, yelling anything that comes to mind. “I’ll never forgive you for this, do you hear me? And I’ll never give you what you want! We’re gonna shut you down, Alie! Are you listening to me, you evil bitch, you’re done! You’ll never win!”_

_Your mother turns away from you, still just as calm, waving at the guards by the door. “Get rid of him.”_

_They nod and start to walk towards him, and as they reach his body, she adds, “Oh. And bring me Clarke.”_

_You grow still, before the anger rips through you, and you jump towards your mother, filled with white hot rage, the intensity of it-_

forcing you awake with a start. 

You sit up with a gasp, looking around you, trying to gather your bearings. You almost cry with relief when you realize you’re still on Luna’s rig, and every part of that hellish nightmare was just a dream. You feel a hand touch yours, and you jump in surprise, turning to your left, and realizing that Bellamy is on the couch beside you. Judging by the sweat marks on his pants, he let you use him as a pillow. “Bad dream?”

You nod, still on edge, and he seems to sense that, because he gives you a soft smile. “You’re safe. I was here the whole time.”

You feel heat rush to your face, now embarrassed that you sweated all over him. And that he witnessed your panic. He reaches up and brushes a finger over your cheek, and the bruise on your face from Emerson, and you close your eyes, leaning into the touch. The first bit of quiet intimacy you’ve shared in a while.

He pulls away abruptly, and you open your eyes quickly, gaze lifting to his face. You can see the guilt written all over it, and it sends a wave of sadness through you. You reach for him, hands caressing each of his cheeks as you force him to meet your eyes. They lock with yours and you whisper, “I need you to love me.”

His eyes widen in surprise, and then switch to confusion before he mumbles, “I do.”

You know he does, but he still doesn’t get it, not yet. He still doesn’t realize that his guilt is holding him back from being with you fully, because he’s gotten in his head and told himself that he’s a monster, and he doesn’t deserve this, or you. But you know that he’s not quite there yet, and that’s okay, so you lean towards him, resting your forehead against his. He closes his eyes, relishing in the nearness of you, and you think of all the love you have for him, and how wonderful you think he is, hoping that he can sense it. 

Someone clears their throat beside you and you pull back and turn to see Clarke, looking guilty for interrupting. “It’s time to go.”

You and Bellamy nod, silently standing and following her. You meet Octavia at the door, who’s already standing and waiting with your Grounder guide. When you reach them, he turns and leads your group outside, taking you through the oil rig and back up to the shipping container you started in. You look up at the sky as you walk, marveling in the brightness of the moon and stars out here over the ocean. 

You’re pulled back to the earth by the sound of the container doors being opened. You watch as the man who brought you here steps out, and Luna materializes out of the darkness to tell him, “Sorry, Cap, we gotta take them back.”

Someone hands her a bag, and she tosses it inside of the container before turning to you. “Your gear. You get your weapons once you land.”

You look around, realizing that you’re missing someone. “Where’s Jasper?”

Octavia nods back towards the room you came from. “Saying goodbye to his new friend.” 

Everyone looks that way, exchanging a look, trying to decide who’s gonna go after him. When you realize that no one is moving, you sigh. “Okay, fine, I’ll go get him. But don’t leave without me.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

You head back towards the rig as you hear one of the men grunt to the others, “Inside.”

You turn and glance at them, watching as they step inside, before you turn back and start to walk towards the inside of the rig. You head straight for the room you just left, and stand in the doorway, searching every face, looking for Jasper. You roll your eyes when you don’t see him, and turn to the first person you see, a woman, with kind eyes and a warm smile. “Have you seen my friend? He has short hair, kinda tall and lanky?”

The woman gives you a knowing look. “He’s with Shay. They’re down below, with the storage. Taking the long way.”

You’re surprised at the amount of detail, but smile at her in thanks. “Thank you. _Mochof_.”

She smiles at your use of Trigedasleng, before you turn and jog off again, following her directions. You take the nearest staircase to the next level down, and step inside the room, pausing to listen. You smile when you hear voices, Jasper’s among them, and you start to walk that way. You come around the corner, coming face to face with them, and you yell his name, “Jasper!”

He looks up at you, and then his gaze focuses on something behind you as someone yells, “Shay, run before-”

They’re cut off by the sound of a loud thud, and you quickly turn around and see the man that guards Luna, Derrick, slumped in a Grounder’s arms. You glance at the other Grounder and see Luna thrown over his shoulder, and you start to back up quickly, away from the chipped men, and back towards Jasper and Shay. One of the men looks at you suspiciously, and you turn and run towards them, yelling, “She’s here, Jasper!”

He quickly turns to Shay, frantically pushing her towards the exit. “Go, tell your people to not take the chip.”

She hesitates, and he yells, “Run now! Go!”

You reach him just as she turns to run, but she freezes in place when an arrow lands in her back, and she hits the ground with a scream of pain. Jasper yells out in anger, and you turn to look at the chipped men, realizing that the Captain is lifting his crossbow again, aiming at Jasper. “Jasper, run!”

You dive towards him, pushing him out of the way as the arrow flies towards him, and he hits the ground beside you. A scream tears free from your chest as the arrow sinks into your shoulder from behind, the head of it coming out the other side. You look down at the arrowhead sticking out of you as you drop to your knees, the pain making you dizzy. You hear Jasper jump up and punch the Captain, but he’s unfazed and punches Jasper back, the force of it immediately knocking him unconscious. 

You hear them coming towards you and you fall to your side, eyelids closing, hoping that they’ll fall for your deception. The footsteps come to a stop right beside you, and someone nudges you with their shoe, turning you over to get a good look at you. The movement causes you to roll over onto your shoulder, pushing the arrow deeper into your skin, and you have to work hard to fight back the scream of pain that threatens to tear from you. You keep your face neutral and your breathing even, waiting for a long second until you hear someone say, “We’ll come back for them. We need to get Luna tied up before she wakes.”

You hear the footsteps retreat and you lie there for an agonizingly long minute, waiting until you can no longer hear them before you peek an eye open. You’re relieved to find no one there so you sit up, groaning in pain as you do. You spare a look at your shoulder and the arrow sticking out of it, before you hear a soft gurgle from in front of you. You scramble to your feet, realizing that Shay is still alive, before running over to check on her. You drop to your knees beside her, sinking into a pool of blood, and you have a horrifying realization that the arrow must have hit an artery because she’s bleeding out fast. 

She lets out a whimper of pain, and you look down at her, meeting her eyes. You whisper, “Shhh, it’s gonna be okay, you’re gonna be okay.”

Her hand shakes as she reaches for yours, and as you look into her eyes, you recognize them as the same eyes from the woman who told you where to find her. A pang of sadness pulls at your chest, and she gasps out, “Jasper says you’re from the sky, what’s it like?”

“It’s beautiful.” She coughs, hacking up blood, and you know the end is near. “If you think the stars are incredible from down here, you should see them from the sky. And the Earth? It’s the prettiest thing you’ve ever seen. So much blue, the ocean, covering the planet, kissing everything it touches.”

She smiles, coughing again, and you can hear the breath rattling in her lungs. She whimpers a little, caught up in the pain, and you try to hide your distress. She looks up at you, her eyes falling on the moon around your neck. “I thought nothing was prettier than the view from space, until I came down here. There’s so much color here. On the Ark, everything is gray, muted. But down here, everything is so _bright_ and colorful. And the sounds, they’re like nothing I could ever imagine. My entire life I heard the quiet hum of the machines that powered the Ark, but on Earth, you can have complete silence or a cacophony of sounds. The sound of water rushing through the rivers, and the birds singing to each other every morning. The laughter and amazement of 100 teenagers and one fake guard stepping foot onto the ground for the first time in a century.”

You trail off, listening as her breathing struggles for a second, and then just stops. You lift a finger to her neck and feel nothing, and you drop your head, mourning for this girl that you barely knew. _“Yu gonplei ste odon.”_

You start to stand, deciding what to do next, when you hear the sound of footsteps coming back for you. You scramble back towards your earlier position, laying down on your side. Your eyes fall to the arrowhead sticking out of your shoulder, and you get a split second idea, one that you know you won’t like. Still, you grit your teeth and reach up, snapping off the end of the arrow, holding back a cry of pain as you do. You slip the sharp object into your sleeve and close your eyes, right as the footsteps come around the corner. You hear them stop near Shay, checking for any sign of life, and when they realize she’s dead, they come to you. 

They stick their hand under your nose, checking for your steady breathing, before they reach beneath you and lift you, slinging you over their shoulder. They start walking and you open your eyes, watching carefully to see where they take you. They move lower and lower, deeper into the rig, until the sound of machine hum grows louder, reminding you of the Ark. And then they turn down a hallway, taking you to a single door that sits on the end. Beyond it, you can hear Luna pleading for someone to stop, and you know this is the right place. 

You take a deep breath, and slide the arrowhead from your sleeve, gripping it tight in your hand. In one swift movement, you plunge it into the man’s neck. His reaction is immediate, and he drops you before he falls to his knees, dying quickly. Knowing you have no time to waste, you take off running, following the stairs to the top of the rig, and back out into the open air. You head straight for the container, looking around for other people as you do, relieved that no one is here. You unlock it the best you can with one arm, the pain in your shoulder making it impossible to use both. As soon as you swing the door open, Bellamy, Octavia, and Clarke all rush towards you. Clarke spots the arrow in your shoulder first, muttering, “Ohmygod.”

She pulls you towards her so she can get a better look, and you see the worry on Bellamy’s face, but you wave them both off. “I’m fine, but if you want to get to Luna before Alie does, then we need to go.”

You start to run off, but Clarke grabs your arm to stop you. “Wait.”

Before you can ask why, she reaches up and breaks off the end of the arrow, making it shorter. You let out a yelp of pain, and turn to her with a glare. She gives you an apologetic look. “No time to take it out, but at least this way you won’t hit it on anything.”

You shake your head before turning to run off again, this time with the trio on your heels. You run through the rig as fast as you can, practically flying down the stairs to reach P level again. You don’t stop until you reach the door at the end of the hall, past the man you killed earlier, and you rush in without hesitation, despite Bellamy yelling at you to be careful. 

When you come into the room, you’re shocked at the scene in front of you. Jasper is tied up in the corner, and he seems okay, but there’s a girl, a child, crying near him. Luna is on the ground, clutching the dying body of the man she loves. Around her are the other chipped men, all dead and unmoving. You and Bellamy run to check on the child, cowering in the corner, while Octavia goes to Jasper. Clarke moves to Luna and Derrick, reaching them just as he takes his final breath. Luna’s reaction is instant, and she lets out a heartbreaking cry, clutching him close to her, and there’s nothing that any of you can do but watch as she mourns.

-

As soon as Luna realizes the rest of you are there, her tears stop. Just like when Octavia locked her emotions away after Lincoln’s death, Luna does the same, putting away her sorrow in favor of anger. She agrees to take the Flame and fight Alie, but only after she gives a funeral for those that were lost.

As Luna informs her people of what happened and what her plans are, Clarke comes up to you with a knife in hand. “They have no medical supplies here, and I left everything I had in the rover. We’ll have to do it the old fashioned way.”

You grimace, but nod. “Great, sounds fun.”

She leads you outside, to where Bellamy is waiting with a torch, eyeing Clarke with suspicion. “Are you sure about this?”

“It’s what we did with Lincoln, and he healed fine.” She passes the knife to Bellamy, “Heat the blade in the fire.”

He does as she asks, before looking at you. “I have to pull the arrow out before I can take off your jacket to cauterize the wound. Are you ready?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“No.”

You nod, “Then sure.”

You look at Bellamy, meeting his eyes as Clarke puts one hand on your shoulder, and one on the end of the arrow. With no warning, she pulls it out, and you groan in pain. She helps you out of your jacket, tugging your shirt down at the neckline to inspect the wound. “Okay, it looks good. No signs of poison.”

Bellamy passes her the knife and you give him a wary look. He reaches out for your hand, pulling you closer to him, and you lean against him as Clarke lifts the knife. “One…two…”

You grimace, waiting for three, but it never comes. Instead, you are met with the white hot flash of the knife as it touches your skin and closes your wound. You let out a cry of pain, the sound muffled by Bellamy’s shoulder as you press closer to him. Clarke gives you a second to recover, reheating the blade again, before turning you around to look at the exit wound. After nodding in satisfaction, she holds up the knife again. You turn away, not wanting to watch, and Bellamy holds you close. This time she presses the knife to the wound with no countdown, getting it over as quickly as possible. You let out another cry of pain, along with a string of curses, and Clarke looks over her work before tearing off a strip of her shirt and wrapping your shoulder the best she can. 

She smiles at you, nodding towards the door. “All done. Now let’s go join the others.”

Bellamy puts out the torch and you follow her inside, all three of you handed cups full of an unknown liquid as you join Octavia and Jasper. You all nod in thanks, searching for Luna, watching as she prepares for the ceremony. Your eyes watch the people too, uneasy at the thought that Alie could still be lurking in someone nearby. Bellamy voices the same concern. “Any one of them could be chipped and we’d never know.”

Clarke nods. “If they are, they’ll make their move before we put the Flame in Luna. Stay sharp.”

Luna comes from the other side of the room, stopping in front of Clarke. “The ceremony is about to begin.”

She starts to turn away, but Clarke reaches out for her, stopping her. “Luna, wait. I’m so sorry, but now you see that we’re facing an enemy that will do anything to win. She won’t stop until she has everyone.”

“People I love died today. Needlessly, at my hand.” She lifts her hand, the one not occupied by a cup, revealing the Flame. She looks down at it as she finishes, “I can’t let that happen again.”

She turns away, to face the others, lifting the Flame high for them to see. Everyone in the room stands. “As we prepare to give our brothers and sister to the sea, we honor their lives.”

She lowers the Flame and lifts her cup, _“Kom woda ‘so gyon op, gon woda 'so kom daun.”_

As the room repeats the phrase, Octavia translates, “From water we are born, to water we return.”

Everyone lifts their cup and takes a drink, and your group follows suit, honoring their tradition. Luna turns back to you as she finishes, and Clarke steps right into business. “If we’re gonna do this, we have to hurry. Alie will send reinforcements, and we have to find someplace private to perform the Ascension.”

“You believe that to defeat an enemy who will stop at nothing, you must stop at nothing. How is that different from 'blood must have blood’?”

You all freeze, realizing that she doesn’t seem to be on the same page with the rest of you. Octavia protests, “Wait a second, Luna. You can’t just-”

She cuts herself off when she falls unconscious, sinking to the floor. You turn to Bellamy, worried, just in time to see him sink the ground. Jasper is next, and Clarke turns back to look at you, her cup falling from her hands in shock. You watch the glass fall, and you fall with it, going unconscious before it even hits the ground. 

-

You wake up to the feel of fingers brushing over your face, pushing your hair back. 

You open your eyes and see Bellamy looking down at you, concerned. You sit up, clutching your head, wishing the heavy feeling would dissipate quickly, the thick cloud too difficult to think through. Bellamy continues to watch you and you meet his eye, and smile, trying to reassure him. “That was not how I was expecting that to go.”

You hear a groan from your right, followed by, “Me either.”

You look over and meet Clarke’s eyes, as she sits up, gathering her bearings. She looks down at the container in her hand, sliding the lid back and sighing in relief when the Flame is tucked neatly inside. You find your knife near your boot, and Bellamy and Clarke find their guns beside them. You all stand, just as Octavia rolls over, picking up Lincoln’s notebook and sword. Jasper is the last to pull himself to his feet, following the rest of you as you wander to the shore, staring out at the water. 

The clouds are hanging low today, blocking any view of the ocean beyond, but you already know that even if the sky was clear, you’d never spot the oil rig. As you all look out at the water, contemplating the events of the last 24 hours, Bellamy voices the thought running through all of your minds. “Now what?”

-


	44. xliv. perverse instantiation, pt 1 (3.15)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: injuries, violence, fighting, language, mentions of nausea, a hanging (canon), mentions of blood. 
> 
> Summary: your group heads back to Arkadia to regroup and plans are made to take down Alie, without the help of Luna.

The collective agreement is to head back to Arkadia, where you can regroup, talk to your friends, and figure out what to do next.

You sleep for most of the ride, the drug that Luna’s clan gave you making you drowsy, but sometime in the afternoon, Bellamy wakes you up. “We have to charge the rover. You should get out and stretch your legs, and let Clarke check your shoulder.”

You nod and follow the others out into Azgeda territory, and you stop beside the rover to stretch your body and shake the heaviness from your bones. Jasper passes around some rations from his pack, and you happily accept the small bag of dried fruit that he offers you. Everyone eats and sits in silence, the failure of Luna’s rig leaving most of you grumpy. 

Clarke eventually comes over to you, her face blank, jaw clenched, and you know she’s still upset, more so than everyone else. But she puts aside her anger and asks, “How’s your shoulder?”

You pull off your jacket and tug down the neckline of your shirt so she can peek beneath the bandage. “It’s fine. No pain.”

You wince as she pokes the skin around the cauterized wound, and she gives you a look that says, “Really?”

You give her the same look in return. “I mean, yeah, it hurts when you poke it, but it’s not that bad.”

She gives a little satisfied sound as she rewraps it and helps you back into your jacket. She takes a peek at the wounds on your wrist, from the cuffs Emerson put you in, removing the bandages completely when she sees that the only thing left behind are bruises. Bellamy checks the rover and yells, “Rover’s almost charged. We need to pack up, we’ll be home soon.”

Clarke steps away from you slightly, her worry for you now replaced by her earlier frustration. “Then what? Run away?

“We’re not running away, Clarke. We need to regroup with the others and find another way to defeat-”

She cuts him off, “There is no other way! We need to find a Nightblood. We need to unlock the Flame. It’s the only way to stop Alie.”

Jasper looks up from his perch on the hood of the rover and snorts. “What do you expect us to do, Clarke? Walk into random villages asking for their Nightbloods?”

“If that’s what it takes.”

You give her a sharp look, and start, “Clarke-”

But Octavia cuts you off. “No, Clarke. If Alie can find us on Luna’s rig, then she can find us anywhere. I won’t help you destroy another innocent Grounder village.”

“If we don’t find a Nightblood, there won’t be any Grounder villages. Or a home for us to go back to.”

Bellamy glares at her, “That’s all the more reason we go there and make sure our friends are okay.”

She looks at Bellamy, and then Octavia, then Jasper, seeing their disagreement with her. Then she turns to you, eyes almost pleading, but you shake your head, keeping the united front. She nods once, looking betrayed, before pushing past you and walking into the woods. You turn and look after her, watching as she disappears into the trees. You look at Bellamy and sigh, “She’ll be fine. Just let her cool off.”

You turn and start helping the others pack up the rover, moving quickly and silently. As you’re lifting one of the bags of guns, you hear a grunt and you freeze, turning towards the woods, searching for the source of the sound. You see nothing, but the hairs on your neck are lifted, and you grab a gun and take off towards the forest. Bellamy calls your name, confused, but you ignore him and slip into the trees quietly. You pick your way through the woods, ears perking up at the sound of talking nearby. As you move that way, the voices grow loud enough for you to make out their conversation. “I need to find a Nightblood to put that in.”

“I already have a Nightblood to put it in.”

You step around a fallen log, glancing towards the man walking away from Clarke, immediately recognizing him as the guy that stabbed you in the leg when you found Clarke. 

“Roan, please just stop!”

“Because of you, Ontari never ascended. So, no, I won’t stop. Not until the Ice Nation has its Commander.”

You see them coming towards you, and you step around the tree, gun raised, head cocked to the side. “You were saying?”

Roan lifts his hands in surrender, and you glance at Clarke. “You okay?”

“Yeah.”

You nod towards the rover, “Let’s go.”

“He’s coming with us.”

You give her a crazy look, and a voice behind you exclaims, “Like hell he is.”

You turn and see Bellamy walking your way, gun pointed at Roan, the latter turning to Clarke in disbelief. “Why would I do that?”

“Because we both want the same thing, to put the Flame in Ontari.”

Bellamy protests, “How do you know he’s not chipped?”

“If he were, do you think he would’ve saved me?”

Bellamy muses, “Still, we need to be sure.”

You turn and look at Bellamy, and he nods towards Roan. Catching onto his line of thinking, you turn back to the man, aim for his shoulder, and pull the trigger. He lets out a cry of pain, and Bellamy steps forwards and hits him with his gun, knocking him out. The two of you share a look, teamwork coming through, and you shrug, “Now we’re sure.”

Clarke rolls her eyes at both of you. “Great, but now you both get to carry him.”

She turns and walks back towards the rover before either of you can protest, and you look down at Roan, groaning. You grab his feet and Bellamy grabs his arms, and the two of you half walk, half shuffle back to the rover, the King’s body in between you. When you reach the rover, Jasper and Octavia seem unsurprised to see the man between you, and they help you pull him into the back.

Clarke binds and gags him and bandages his arm before giving Bellamy the go ahead, and you all jump into the rover and continue back to Arkadia. Roan wakes up along the way but gives no trouble, just sits silently between Octavia and Clarke, eyeing everyone. You reach Arkadia well after dark, and you radio ahead for Miller to get the hangar doors open so Bellamy can drive the rover right in. As soon as the rover is parked inside, your friends all materialize out of the surroundings, heading straight for the vehicle. You and Bellamy head to the back to escort Roan out, and the others gather around the exiting crowd.

“We were getting worried. Where’s Luna?”

Octavia barely glances at Raven. “Luna said no.”

You and Bellamy help Roan from the back, leading him around the side of the rover, into the view of all the others. Everyone’s eyes fall onto him, and Raven is the first to voice their collective question. “Who the hell is this?”

Bryan practically spits with disgust, “He’s Ice Nation.”

“King of the Ice Nation actually.” Clarke looks between the others, and adds, “And he’s our way into Polis.”

Bellamy nods towards the door, voice dripping with sarcasm, “This way, Your Highness.”

You turn and look at Miller and Bryan. “You two, follow us. We’ll take him to lockup.”

They nod and fall into step behind you as Bellamy leads you through the halls and towards lockup. You shudder as you step inside, remembering the last time you were in here, minutes away from your execution. You glance at Bellamy and see that he’s tense, his mind thinking the same thing. You reach out and put a comforting hand on his shoulder, and he gives you a tight smile before opening the door and pushing Roan inside. He closes it behind him, and turns to the dating guards. “Keep an eye on him, we’ll be back to talk to him soon.”

They nod and each of them take up a post on either side of the captive king, as Bellamy nods at your shoulder. “Let’s get you some proper first aid while we’re here.”

You roll your eyes. “I’m fine.”

He gives you a serious look, one of the no nonsense ones that lets you know this is not up for debate, so you sigh, and let him lead you over to medbay. You’re unable to hide your look of surprise as you step inside the room, everything in chaos, a sign that Alie really has taken your mother over. You glance around at the mess, the tools scattered along the floor, a chair with restraints still attached to it sitting in the middle of the room, beside two pools of dried blood. You think of Raven and her wrists, used by Alie, and shudder. “She really is capable of anything.”

Bellamy turns to look at you, his eyes following yours to the blood, before he reaches out and pulls you away from it wordlessly. He leads you to one of the other beds and motions for you to sit while he turns to grab a few supplies. You shrug out of your jacket as he returns with a medkit, and he spreads out the contents of the bag beside you. He pauses, his eyes landing on your still clothed shoulder.

“Is it okay if I?” He reaches up, hands hovering near the neckline of your shirt, the rest of the question a silent one. 

You nod and smile. “Of course.”

He pulls your shirt down just enough to reach the bandage, which he unwraps slowly, careful not to move or jostle you too much. You can’t help but smile at his gentle nature. He cleans the burn just as gently, and when his head is bent out of view, busy cleaning the wound on your back, he mutters, “You said something yesterday that I’ve been wondering about.”

“Yeah?”

“You told me that you need me to love you. But I do, and I thought I showed you that.”

You soften at the anxious tone of his voice. “I know you do, Bellamy, and normally you do show me. But your guilt has gotten into your head. You keep pulling away from me and stepping back from my affection because you think you don’t deserve it.”

He lifts his head in surprise, “How did you know that?”

You have to resist the urge to laugh. Not at him, but at the idea that he thinks you don’t know him as well as you do, and you say as much. “Because I know you, Bellamy. When we went to that bunker looking for supplies, you tried to run because you thought you were a monster that kept ruining Octavia’s life. You have this idea of yourself in your head that’s not true.”

You lift your hand to caress his cheek, “I just wish you’d see the Bellamy that I see. The leader that rules with his heart and would do anything to protect those that he loves, especially his sister. The guy that snuck into Mount Weather with the world’s worst plan just to save his people. The very same guy that pulled the lever to save them after we were left with no other choice. You’ve prepared us for war against the Grounders when there was no one here to protect us. You sacrificed yourself to save me and Jasper when Murphy locked us up. You’ve gone all over the place to help me find and save my twin. You’ve saved my life, and our people’s lives, more times that I can count. And I’ll say it as many times as I need to, but you are not a monster. You made a mistake, and bad things came of it, but that does not make you a bad person. The Universe has dealt you a cruel hand, Bellamy, and sometimes it’s hard to play the cards right.”

He gives you a loving look before he leans forward, pulling you into a kiss. The gesture surprises you at first, his recent intimacy only happening during times of extreme stress or near death, but you welcome the surprise with a happy sigh. He pulls away after a moment, both of you instantly trying to catch your breath, dizzy from lack of oxygen and happiness, and he smiles at you. It’s one of those dazzling, one of a kind, enjoy it while you can smiles, and it warms your body from the top of your head down to your toes. He whispers, “I love you.”

And something about the way he says it is enough to let you know that things are going to get better. He may not be 100%, and he may always struggle with his guilt, but he’s healing and he’s coming back to you, tired of being lost. You smile back at him, trying to match his energy and whisper, “I love you more than the stars.”

-

Clarke comes to find you and Bellamy a few minutes after your soft moment, and she leads you both from the medbay straight back to lockup to talk to Roan, who has managed to get out of his restraints and take off his gag. The first thing Clarke does after stepping inside is turn to you with an expectant look, her eyes flashing back to glance at Roan’s bandages. You know what she’s waiting for so you sigh and look at the king. “Sorry about your arm.”

He gestures to your now healed leg. “Makes us even.”

With your apology out of the way, Clarke launches into leadership mode. “Like it or not, we need each other.”

“Cut to the chase, Clarke. You said we wanted the same thing. I want an Ice Nation Commander.”

“And I can give you one,” She lifts up the box with the Flame. “With this.”

“And why would you do that, when you know she’s vowed to wipe you out?”

“We don’t have a choice. This isn’t just our war. The enemy we’re up against is after everyone, including the Ice Nation. The only way to stop her is to get the information off the Flame. And the only way to do that is to put it in Ontari’s head.”

Roan sneers, “The Ice Nation isn’t afraid.”

You step closer to him, sneering back. “You should be. Alie doesn’t care what clan you’re from. She controls people, and she’ll take over the Ice Nation, just like she took over our people.”

Clarke adds, “It already has Ontari.”

“I’m listening.”

“We need to disconnect her before she gets the Flame, or we’ll be giving Alie exactly what she wants. To do that, we have to abduct her from the center of a city filled with thousands of people, whose minds are linked. All of them thinking as one. Whatever one sees, they all see. Whatever one hears, they all hear.”

Roan nods, “I get it. So when do we leave?”

-

With Roan’s agreement and the plan in place, everyone is on the move again. 

Most of you are in the hanger bay, loading up the rover with nearly everything from the armory, preparing for a war. The energy in the room is tense and charged, everyone realizing that some of you might not make it back from Polis, or that things can go terribly wrong and you never save your people. Despite that worry, everyone does the task that Bellamy delegated to them, working together quickly to get the rover ready to go. 

You bring the last bag from the armory over to Miller to load up, and he checks the contents inside, pulling out the small metal canisters. Bellamy looks over at him, eyeing the canister in his hand. Miller nods and shoves it back in the bag, explaining, “Knockout gas. Mount Weather’s finest. As soon as they bring Ontari out, we put them to sleep.”

Bellamy claps him on the shoulder and turns to look at you. You mutter, “At least something good came out of Mount Weather.”

He smirks in agreement as Raven walks over to the two of you, handing you a device. “Because she’s chipped, you’ll have to EMP her like you did me, before you give her the Flame.”

You shake your head in confusion, looking down at the device. “I thought that Jaha destroyed all the wristbands.”

She smirks at you, “So did he, then I came home. There’s only enough usable parts to rebuild one, so use it wisely. Made a few improvements, too.”

You turn and put the device in one of the backpacks, tucking a few med kits around it to cushion it and keep it safe. Then you put the backpack in the middle of the other bags, pinning it to the wall to keep it from sliding around in the back. With the last bag packed, you turn back to the others. Everyone watches each other quietly, no one wanting to possibly say goodbye for the last time. Octavia steps into the room with Roan at her side, and is oblivious to the tension,or just doesn’t care, because she looks around at all of you in confusion. “What are we waiting for?”

They walk towards the rover as the rest of you hug the others, whispering a quiet assortment of “may we meet agains”, “goodbyes”, and “good lucks”. Jasper is the last one to hug you, and as he does he whispers, “Sure you don’t want to stay here? They could use the protection.”

You pull away, and let out a short laugh. “If I stay here, who will protect Bellamy and Clarke?”

He laughs too, nodding, “That’s true. Be safe.”

“You too.”

You turn and head to the rover, pulling yourself into the passenger seat beside Bellamy. You look around at the small group in the back, Octavia, Clarke, Miller, Bryan, and Roan, before glancing at those you’re leaving behind: Monty, Jasper, Harper, and Raven. And then you turn back to Bellamy, give him a smile, and nod. “Let’s go save our people.”

-

The ride to the city limits of Polis is short, and you spend much of it looking out at the window at the stars and moon, knowing that once the rover stops, you’ll spend the rest of the journey in the tunnel system. Before you know it, Clarke is leaning forward, between you and Bellamy, pointing to a small clearing. “There it is. Stop here.”

Bellamy parks the rover between a dense spot of bushes and trees, trying to keep it from view, but he leaves the lights on as you all grab the gear. Clarke bails out of the back and jogs towards a break in the trees and you run out after her, following her gaze to a tall tower in the distance, with smoke billowing out of the top. You eye it in disbelief, your first view of the Grounder capital, and you mutter, “Wow.”

Clarke turns to you, smiling. “Wait until you see the rest of it. I never imagined we’d come to the ground and find a place like this. Dad’s stories never prepared us for it.”

Bellamy and Roan walk up behind the two of you, and you both turn to face them. Roan glances back at the tower in the distance, before looking at Clarke with a nod. “Alright, this is where we split up. The entrance to the tunnel is right over there.”

Bellamy gives him an annoyed look, “We know where it is.”

You cut him a look, telling him to be nice, and he shrugs in response. Roan is unbothered by Bellamy’s attitude though, and he just watches Clarke. “I’m gonna need the Flame. Look, this only works if they send Ontari out to get it. If they don’t see it, they won’t do that. Not much of a trap without the bait.”

She glances at you, and you can see her hesitation, so you reach your hand out for hers and nod, letting her know that it’s the right thing to do. She takes in a shaky breath, steeling herself for her departure from Lexa, her short lived love. She reaches into her jacket and pulls out the container, holding it out to him. “Fine.”

When his hand closes around the other end, she doesn’t let go. His eyes lock with hers, confused, and she adds, “But I’m coming with you.”

You and Bellamy immediately protest, but yours is louder, “Clarke, no way! That wasn’t the plan.”

She lets go of the Flame, and turns to look at the two of you. “It is now. I’m not letting that out of my sight, and I’m the only one who knows the passphrase. So you can tell them that without me, Ontari can’t ascend.”

Roan nods in agreement. “You’ll need to look like my prisoner.”

“Okay.”

You turn to her, a look of bewilderment on your face. “Wait a second.”

Bellamy glances at Roan, as he reaches out for you and Clarke, pulling you both to the side. “Give us a minute.”

Roan steps away, giving the three of you some space, before Bellamy gives Clarke the same bewildered look that you’re giving her. “Come on, Clarke. You’re really willing to trust that guy with your life?”

“No.” Her response is immediate, matter of fact. Then she shrugs. “But both of you will be covering us the entire time. And I trust you.”

She turns to you, her eyes pleading with you to understand. And because she’s your sister, your twin, you do. As much as you hate the plan, the separation from each other, the distance between you that’ll make it harder to save her if things go wrong, you understand, and you agree. “Fine.”

When you relent, Bellamy relents, sighing as he looks between the two of you. “The second I don’t like something or things seem wrong, we bail out.”

She gives him a reassuring smile, “Of course.”

She turns away and heads to the rover, and you follow. She passes her weapons to you, leaving herself defenseless. You reach into your backpack and pull some of the cloth strips from a medkit, handing them to her. “For your gag and restraints.”

“Thanks.”

You strap a thigh holster on your leg that doesn’t hold your knife and slide Clarke’s pistol into the holster. Then you grab the backpack with the EMP and a rifle and pull them both on, pausing to make sure you’re locked and loaded. Once you’re ready, you turn and look at the others, who are all waiting, ready to go. Clarke pulls you into a tight hug and whispers, “May we meet again, la lune.”

“May we meet again, shining star.” When she releases you, you give her a smile that you hope is reassuring. “Don’t worry, we’ll have your back.”

“You always do.”

You start to follow the others in the direction of the tunnels, but you pause in front of Roan, giving him a serious look. “If anything happens to Clarke, I will burn Azgeda to the ground.”

He gives you a surprised look, and you can tell that he knows you mean it. “I’ll keep her safe.”

You nod and then jog after the others, trying to catch up. Bellamy is waiting at the entrance of the tunnels for you, and he gestures to the entrance when you reach him. “Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

As soon as you step into the tunnels, a chill runs through you, and you’re not sure if it’s from the chill of the space, or the impending sense of doom. Bellamy hands you a flashlight and you follow him through the darkness as he takes the lead and guides your group through the passageways. 

It takes the rest of the night and into the next morning to reach your vantage point, though you can’t tell until you’re in position and see the light streaming through the small windows. Bellamy stops in front of them and turns to the rest of you, “Alright, this is it. Get those grates open.”

You all quickly unscrew the grates to give you better access to the outside world, quietly setting them aside. You peer out the window in front of you, looking for any sign of Clarke, but finding none. In fact, there is no sign of anyone. When Clarke described Polis to you in the past, she always said that it was busy, full of people. But now, it lays barren in front of you, eerily quiet. Bellamy pulls you out of your thoughts as he says, “Let’s get ready.”

You pull your backpack off and set it in a secure corner, away from any danger, and you check your gun to make sure it’s loaded. You also grab a few additional magazines, ready for any type of trouble. You and Bellamy both step into position beside each other, resting your guns on the ledge of the window, sliding them out into the open. As you both stand there, peering out into the streets, you overhear Bryan and Miller talking behind you. Bryan’s voice is soft and concerned as he asks, “Are we ever gonna be done fighting?”

“Hell yes. We’re gonna build a house on a lake. You’re gonna plant corn.”

Bryan adds, “And raise chickens.”

“Yeah. And grow old.”

You and Bellamy exchange a look, and you know he wants the same thing for the both of you. You reach out and give his hand a quick squeeze, letting him know you’re with him, before you turn back to the window. You let out a surprised sound at the sight of Clarke in front of you, bound and gagged, held in place beside Roan. “Hey, 11 o’clock!”

The others get into position at their respective windows, and Octavia comes to stand on your other side. She passes you a gas canister, which you set on the ledge beside you, within reach. You nod at her in thanks as Bellamy reminds you, “Roan will signal when he sees Ontari. We wait until she’s standing in front of them and then we launch the gas.”

Bryan tosses Miller a gas mask, which he passes down the line, until it ends up with Bellamy. More gas masks follow until you all have one. “They’re gonna be holding their breath, so we’ve gotta move fast.”

As you peer out the window again, you see that a few people are outside now, kneeling in a small patch of land nearby. Their eyes are all closed and they’re sitting so still, you start to wonder if any of them are even alive. Bellamy glances over at them, and then down the line at the rest of you. “Anyone who gets in our way, we use non-lethal force. These people are not the enemy, they’re being controlled. The only thing we’re here to kill is Alie. Is that clear?”

There’s a chorus of “clears” whispered, indicating that you all understand. Bellamy nods to you, giving you the signal, and you peer through your scope, looking for Clarke again. When you see her, you click the light on your rifle, on and off, signaling to her. You can tell she sees it because she tugs on her restraints enough to get Roan’s attention, and when he looks her way, she gives him a barely perceptible nod. You turn off your light and whisper, “Here we go.”

You watch as Roan pulls the Flame from his pocket and holds it up. He starts to yell, but from your place in the tunnels, it’s hard to make out. “I am Roan, King of Azgeda, and I have what the Commander seeks.”

All around him, the people that were kneeling start to stand and turn towards them. _Guess they’re not dead_. Roan adds, “I don’t like what I’m sensing. So, if she wants it, she can come to me!”

You all watch with bated breath, waiting to see what’s going to happen. And much to your surprise, Jaha emerges from the shadows. You whisper, “It’s Jaha!”

Octavia shifts beside you, trying to peer out the window. “What the hell is he doing here?”

Miller glances your way, “You see Ontari?”

“No. Hold.”

You can see Roan and Jaha talking to each other, but since neither of them are yelling like Roan was moments ago, it’s impossible to make out what they’re saying. All you can do is read their body language, and you can tell that both Roan and Clarke are on edge, distrustful of the situation. Bellamy mutters, “Something’s wrong.”

Something that Jaha says puts Clarke further on edge, and she turns to you with a look of alarm. Something about the look she gives you, and the uneasy feeling about the whole situation tugs at a memory from Arkadia. You whisper, “They could use the protection.”

Bellamy turns to you, confused. “What?”

“When Jasper hugged me, he asked if I was sure I didn’t want to stay behind because ‘they could use the protection’. He said they, not we.”

Octavia takes in a sharp breath, and then looks your way. “Jasper was in the room with Luna and the others, but they barely touched him. He said they tried and he didn’t break, but-”

You turn to Bellamy in alarm, “It’s a trap!”

Bellamy turns to Miller and Bryan, yelling, “Do it. Do it now!”

Bryan turns to the window, and just as he is going to send in the gas canisters, he is yanked backwards. Someone yells, “On your knees! Drop your weapon!”

The rest of you are grabbed from behind, and you instantly fight back. Your gun is pulled from your grip, but you swing your elbow back and make contact with the man reaching for you. He doubles over, a natural instinct, and you hear someone yell, “Blake, against the wall. Turn around!”

When the man reaches for you again, you pull out your knife and plunge it into his shoulder, using the non lethal force that Bellamy reminded you of. The man doesn’t react, because there’s no pain in the City of Light. Still, you pull the knife back out and turn to run when someone yells, “Griffin! Drop it, or he dies!”

You freeze in place, and turn slowly, coming face to face with a guard who has Bellamy in his arms and a gun pressed to his temple. You instantly drop your knife, the fight now gone from you, and two men grab you harshly from behind and shove you up against the walls, restraining you. You hear a gunshot outside, and your blood runs cold, thinking of Clarke. You turn and try to look at Bellamy, panicking, but the guards at your back have such a tight grip on you, you can’t move. 

Once they have you tied up, they pull you away from the wall and half lead, half drag you out of the little alcove and into the main hallway of the tunnel. Each of you are forced to your knees in rows. Octavia and Bryan in the front, then Miller and Bellamy, and you alone in the back. The guards surround you on all sides, armed, and you watch them closely, trying to form an escape. As you do, one of Pike’s men looks you all over. “Who’s gonna talk to us first?”

Everyone of you is silent and unmoving, not wanting to be the first one chosen. The guard takes his time teasing which one of you he’s going to pick, until finally, he settles on Miller. They pull him to his feet, and Bryan starts to protest, “Leave him alone!”

The guard nearest to Bryan uses his gun to hit Bryan across the face, effectively silencing him. The rest of you freeze in shock, and Miller turns to his boyfriend the best he can. “Don’t say anything. No matter what.”

Bryan weakly nods and Miller is forced to his knees again. The guard smiles and tilts his head to the side. “We mostly have everything we need, except Jasper is struggling a little with the others.” 

You see Bellamy freeze in front of you, confirming your earlier suspicions. You berate yourself for not catching it earlier. The guard continues, “So, how are you planning to access code that’s no longer on Earth?” 

Miller says nothing, partially because Raven never told any of you her plan, but partially because he’s not one to give up secrets to the enemy. His silence is met with a slap across the face, the sound echoing through the small cave, and you see Bryan struggling to keep himself cool. It’s enough to make you decide to take one for the team. “Hey, do you do everything that Alie tells you to do? What if she told you to walk off the top of the tower, would you do it?”

The man glares at you, and then nods to the guard at your back. He leans down and whispers, “Alie says you took an arrow to the shoulder.”

You stiffen a little, knowing where this is going. “Could it be right…” He presses a finger into each wound, pushing against the healing skin, and you let out a scream of pain. “Here?”

Bellamy turns towards you, upset, and the man releases you. You glance at the other guard, standing too close to Miller, and decide to push them harder. Before you do, you glance at Bellamy and mouth, “Don’t.”

He gives a sharp shake of his head, repeating the word back to you. “We’re gonna wipe the code on your precious computer program, and delete her from existence. What are you gonna do then? Without Pike or Alie, who will you follow?”

The guard puts a boot on Miller’s chest and pushes him backwards before stalking over to you, angry. The guard at your back grabs your shoulder, holding you in place, so the other guard can punch you in the stomach. You feel the breath leave your body in a rush, and you fight back the nausea rolling through you. You gasp out, “That the best you got?”

You rear your head back and collide with the man at your back, your skull making contact with his nose. He doesn’t react, other than stumbling back from the force of the hit, and the other guard swings a kick at you with so much force, it knocks you flat on your back. You cough against the force that was pushed against your chest, struggling to catch your breath, as the guard descends on you to continue his assault. He pulls his leg back to kick you again, but he freezes in place, his gaze lifting off into the distance. And then he looks out to the others. “Let’s go. She wants the twin.”

Two guards pull you to your feet, and you start to fight against them. Both Blake siblings stand, yelling, “Where are you taking her?”

“Stop! Leave her alone!”

They are both met with a rifle hit to the gut, and you turn to look at them the best you can, reassuring them. “Hey, I’m gonna be okay, just find a way out of here!” 

They only take you a few steps down the hallway when a voice yells from the darkness, “You know, if I were you, I’d hit the deck.”

Your head tilts to the side, recognizing the voice instantly. The guards at your side lift their flashlights, lighting up the man you suspected you heard. “Murphy.”

And then your brain processes his words, and you yell to the others, “Everyone hit the ground!”

You pull yourself out of your guards grip, clumsily, hitting your shoulder on the ground when you land, and you let out a groan. One that is muffled by the eruption of gunfire echoing in the space. When it stops, you look up in surprise, as Murphy moves closer to you and pulls you to your feet. “Fancy meeting you here.”

“I’ve never been this happy to see a cockroach before.” He gives you a mock offended look, and you smile at him. “Thank you, Murphy.”

He nods, looking uncomfortable, before stepping away to go help the others. Suddenly, the help he has materializes out of the darkness. Your eyes land on Indra first, who yells, “More will come, we have to hurry.”

And then they land on the one person you never expected to see again. Pike. He walks towards you, pulling out his knife, and you scramble backwards, putting space between you. He lifts his hands in surrender as Bellamy appears at your side, allowing Pike to cut off his restraints. He takes the knife from the man and frees your hands, all the while, your glare never leaves Pike. He looks between you and asks, “You okay?”

You balk, “Oh, _now_ you care?”

Bellamy puts a comforting hand on your arm, and whispers, “Hey, it’s okay.”

You turn to him, incredulous. “No, it’s not. We may be fighting a different enemy, but don’t you think for a second that I’ve forgotten what he’s done. All that guilt that you’ve been carrying for everything you’ve done the last few weeks? That’s because of him. That’s the same man that locked me up and was minutes away from killing me before the others saved us.”

Octavia materializes at your side, just as angry to see Pike still alive. Indra seems to sense the impending fight, because she moves over to her former second. “The only way we get out of here is together.”

Octavia turns her glare from Pike to Indra. “He killed Lincoln. Put him on his knees. Shot him in the head.”

The news seems to be new to Indra, because she looks over at Pike in shock. Bellamy can tell this is a losing battle, and attempts to stifle the fire of anger that’s starting to rise. “Indra’s right, we need every fighter we can get.”

You open your mouth to protest, but Murphy cuts you off. “You guys missed the part where it’s time to go?”

The words distract you from Pike long enough to turn towards Murphy and shake your head. “We’re not leaving.”

“We just saved your lives. Why do I think I’m gonna regret that?”

Bellamy glances at you, then back to Murphy. “Clarke’s in trouble.”

“Clarke’s always in trouble.

You lean down and pull the gun off of the man at your feet, and then stand to tell them, “They took her and the Flame to the tower. It’s a safe bet Ontari’s there, too. Everything we need to stop Alie is in the same place.”

Octavia remembers the mission, and gives you a serious look. “If we go up that tower, we won’t be able to fight our way out again.”

Bellamy glances at her, “If we stop Alie, we won’t have to.”

Murphy turns to look at Pike, who nods his agreement, and he sighs, “Up the tower, great. You know, after this, doing the right thing can kiss my ass.”

Bellamy turns and starts to run off, back where you were earlier, and you start to follow, until you see Miller, leaning against Bryan, bleeding from his nose. You stop in front of him. “Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah, thanks to you.” He eyes the blood dotting the shirt around your shoulder. “Are you okay?”

You wave him off, “It’s nothing.”

You turn and follow the path Bellamy took, stopping in the alcove to grab the backpack with the EMP and your abandoned knife. You pull the pack on and slide the knife in place, before catching up with the others. When you reach them, Bellamy is reminding everyone of the non-lethal force rule, waiting for you to catch up. Once he locks eyes with you, he starts to move again, and you run through the tunnels quietly for a few minutes, the sound of creaking gradually growing louder. Bellamy stops at a corner and puts an arm out to stop the rest of you. You peer around the corner with him, spotting two Grounder guards at the end of the hall, standing next to a large wheel that controls the elevator. 

Bellamy gives the signal and you all start to sneak down the hall towards the guards, spread out in two lines, so they can’t escape you. As you start to get close, the guards still oblivious to your presence, two shots ring out and the guards hit the ground, grunting as they do. You spin around and see Pike, his gun still lifted, and Bellamy yells, “Hey! I told you, that is not how we’re doing this.”

“They were in our way.”

You give him an incredulous look. “These people are not our enemy. They’re being controlled by Alie and we can save them.”

Miller glances down the halls, on edge. “There’s gonna be a lot more of these people if we don’t move. Let’s do this.”

Indra looks over at the wheel. “I’ll bring it down.”

Bellamy turns to look at the others, explaining the plan. “Once we’re up, you blow the elevator and then climb. Destroy the ladder behind us.”

“On it.”

You, Bellamy, Octavia, and Murphy head towards the elevator, waiting for it to come down. As it does, Murphy eyes the closed doors. “You do realize we don’t have a way down, right?”

Indra glances at him, unconcerned. “A problem for another day.” 

“Let’s go, our ride’s here.” You, Bellamy, and Murphy step inside, but Octavia stands outside of it, looking in on all of you. Bellamy turns to look at her. “Coming, O?”

“If anything goes wrong down here, they’ll need my help. We got this.” 

You see her subtle glance at Pike, and you know that she doesn’t want to let him out of her sight. You reach out and pull her into a hug, whispering in her ear so softly that no one else can hear, “The second he stops being useful, kill him.”

She gives you a small nod and you step away, back into the elevator, watching as Octavia slides the doors closed. A second later the elevator lurches, rising slowly, and you all stand in a line, silent, until Murphy asks, “You both get that we’re screwed, right? Alie already knows that we’re coming.”

“This plan will work.” You can’t tell if Bellamy is trying to convince Murphy, or himself. Then a thought hits him, and Bellamy turns to look at Murphy. “Why are you here?”

“I’m just trying to survive.” When Bellamy gives him an unconvinced look, Murphy glances over at you, and then back to your boyfriend. “You’re not the only one here doing something for someone you care about.”

Bellamy looks over at you, and you suddenly feel the weight of his survival on your head. The only reason he’s here is because of you, which means anything that happens to him while he is here is because of you too. You feel the weight of the curse on you again, reminded of Raven’s words: _Azazel, bringing destruction and corruption with your curse._

You don’t get time to dwell on it further, because the elevator lurches and then suddenly stops. You all exchange a worried look, and Murphy mutters, “Well, that’s not good.”

The elevator is only stopped for a couple of seconds before you all start to hear banging from the other side. “They’re coming in.”

You and Bellamy run to the doors, and you try to hold them closed, but the Grounders on the other side are stronger and have a better grip, and they start to pry the door open. Bellamy turns to Murphy and yells, “Murphy, get that baton ready.”

You hear the shock baton crackle to life and the doors open wider. You yell, “Shock him, Murphy!”

Murphy squeezes in between you and shocks the first Grounder and he falls away. The second Grounder squeezes inside and grabs you, instantly dragging you towards the door. You scream, “Bellamy!”

You’re halfway inside the elevator and halfway out when Murphy hits him when the shock baton and the man drops you. Bellamy pulls you backwards, back inside the elevator, before rushing back to the doors and kicking the first Grounder away. Him and Murphy struggle to close the doors and they have it mostly closed when they force their way back in again. Murphy and Bellamy fight them off again, and as the doors start to close, a third man appears and dives through the crack in the door, just as the elevator starts to move again. 

The man lands on Murphy and starts to choke him, and you dive towards him, knocking him away. He turns and starts to punch you in the face until he’s pulled off of you by Bellamy. The man starts fighting with Bellamy, and as soon as he gets the upper hand, Murphy jumps in. This continues for a few seconds, each of you taking over and passing the man around until he grows tired of it and turns and delivers a strong kick to Murphy’s chest, sending him flying towards the opposite wall. Then he turns and pulls the shock baton from Bellamy’s grip and shocks him, and you dive at him again, knocking him away. 

The man turns to you and his hand instantly finds your neck and he squeezes and lifts you easily, pinning you against the wall and holding you in place. Your feet kick frantically, trying to find something to stand on, choking as the man holds you still. You glance at Bellamy, but he’s still doubled over, hazy from the shock, and you look away, trying to focus all of your energy on staying alive. You hear Murphy yell, “Bellamy, shoot him! He’s killing her, shoot him!”

Your eyes close, the spots dancing along your vision, and you try to focus on the last bit of oxygen left in your body. Just when you think you can take it anymore, a shot rings out and you fall to the ground, landing on all fours. You take in a desperate breath of air, gasping, and you feel Bellamy put a hand on your shoulder as he kneels beside you. “Are you okay?”

You nod, still trying to catch your breath, before you look at him, and see the sadness in his eyes. You know how badly he wanted to keep things non-lethal, and you reach up and put a hand over his own, comforting him. “Thank you.”

He nods, and helps you to your feet, and you glance at the door, uneasy. “Bellamy, they’re gonna storm in here as soon as we reach the top. We’ll never make it to the throne room.”

You all glance around, trying to figure out how you can make it out, when Bellamy looks up at the ceiling and lets out an excited sound. You look up and feel a rush of relief at the small vent in the ceiling, and he turns to Murphy. “Help me.”

Bellamy gives Murphy a knee to stand on and Murphy pushes the panel out of the way, and peeks up into the ceiling. “There’s room for all of us!”

He pulls himself up and leans down for your hand. You step onto Bellamy’s knee and take his hand, before grabbing onto the top with your other hand. You groan in pain when your weight pulls on your shoulder, but you try to ignore it as you pull yourself up with Murphy’s help. You both slide back as Bellamy jumps, his hands grabbing at the edge, and he pulls himself up easily, sliding into place behind you. Murphy puts the vent cover back on, and Bellamy turns to you. “Turn around.”

You do as he says and he unzips your backpack, pulling out a can of Mount Weather’s finest gas. You smile back at him as he pulls out three gas masks, passing one to each of you. You each pull them on, ride the last little bit to the top, before the elevator lurches, signaling your arrival. You all wait, still and silent, with the gas can in Bellamy’s hand and the edge of the vent in Murphy’s. You listen as the doors are pried open, and someone steps inside, asking, “Where’d they go?”

Bellamy nods at Murphy, who pulls back the vent, and Bellamy pulls the tab on the can and drops it, red smoke quickly filling the space. You hear the man cough and hit the ground, and seconds later you hear the thud of a second man following suit. Murphy pulls the vent back the rest of the way, and he drops down into the elevator, followed by you and Bellamy. You hit the ground, weapon raised, ready to shoot, but everyone nearby is on the ground, knocked out from the gas. 

Murphy leads the way since he’s the most familiar with the layout, and you and Bellamy follow, your guns still up. “Throne room’s this way.”

You follow him down the hall, passing the knocked out bodies of the other guards, and when you reach the end of the hallway, in front of the throne room door, you pull your masks off and breathe in the clean air. This time, Bellamy leads the way, and he kicks the door open. Your eyes immediately fall on Clarke, who is chained to a pole, restrained, and she yells to Bellamy, “Bellamy, stop him!”

And as soon as Bellamy runs off, Clarke screams your name, and a single word. “Mom!”

You follow her gaze over to your right, where your mother is hanging from a noose, struggling for breath. “Oh my god.”

You run over to her, and you hear Murphy right behind you. A shot rings out behind you, but you ignore it, and as soon as you reach her, you grab her legs, pulling the tension of her weight off the noose. “Murphy, my knife!”

You shift towards him, so he can see the knife on your thigh, and he pulls it from the holster. He finds the box your mother used to stand on and puts it upright, climbing onto it quickly and cutting her down. As soon as she’s cut free, she falls towards you, taking you both down, but you recover quickly and roll her over, loosening the noose. You press a finger to her neck, checking for her heartbeat, as Clarke frantically calls, “Is she alive? Is she breathing?”

You feel the slow, but steady thump of your mom’s heartbeat beneath your fingers, and you let out a sigh of relief, turning to look at your twin. “She’s okay.”

She sags with relief before directing Bellamy, “Jaha has the Flame. Get it.”

Bellamy mostly freed her from her restraints, and she finishes the job, running towards Ontari. “We can’t let Ontari die. We have to stop the bleeding.”

She calls your name, and you look over your mother one last time, checking on her. Murphy mutters, “Go, I’ll keep an eye on her.”

“Thank you.”

You run over to your twin, pulling one of the med kits from your bag as you do. You hand it to her as she touches Ontari’s neck. “Her pulse is weak.”

Bellamy mutters, “At least she’s alive.”

Clarke hands you a bandage, “Here, hold this to the wound.”

You press the cloth to the wound on the back of her head, black blood soaking through it instantly. “Clarke, she’s losing a lot of blood.”

Clarke digs around in the medkit and pulls out a small flashlight, before prying open Onatri’s eyelid and shining the light in her eyes. “Her pupils are unresponsive.”

Bellamy looks at her in alarm, “What? What does that mean?”

“She’s brain dead. She can’t give us the kill code. It’s over.”

You all sag in disbelief, leaning away from Ontari’s dead body. You drop the cloth, looking down at the dark blood as it runs over your hands and down your arms, a terrible realization coming over you. “We’re trapped here.”

-

_To be continued…._


	45. xlv. perverse instantiation, pt 2 (3.16)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: mentions of wounds, fighting, blood, language, choking, angst, death. 
> 
> Summary: The Battle of the City Light begins, with Clarke leading the charge, while the rest of you battle an army of chipped people and keep her safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE FINAL PART OF THE SEASON THREE FINALE IS HERE! IF YOU WANT SEASON FOUR PLEASE LET ME KNOW! IT HELPS ME A LOT TO BE ABLE TO GAUGE INTEREST TO SEE IF WE SHOULD CONTINUE!

Reality sets in quickly, and within moments, Octavia and the others come bursting in. Bellamy immediately leads them all away, taking Jaha and the other guards with them, leaving you and Clarke alone. She looks up at you. “Do you still have the EMP?”

“Yes.”

“If Ontari’s brain is dead, it’s useless on her. We can use it on mom instead.”

You hold her head and help Clarke carry your mother towards the throne, so she can get better light from the windows. You take your backpack off and pull out the EMP, passing it to her as she lays your mom’s head in her lap. You sit beside her as she takes the device and connects it to your mother, flipping a switch to activate the EMP. Your mother wakes up, crying out in pain, before passing out again. The new device that Raven made automatically sucks the liquefied chip out of her head, so neither of you have to worry about that. As soon as the chip is out, Clarke smooths back your mom’s hair and whispers, “Mom? Can you hear me?”

She doesn’t move, and Clarke starts to tear up. You shift closer as she says, “I know you’re in there. Come back to us, we need you.“

Her eyelids flutter open, and you and Clarke let out matching laughs of relief. Clarke whispers, “Hi. You’re okay, you’re okay.”

You both help your mother sit up, and as soon as she does, her eyes land on the cut marks on Clarke’s chest. You don’t have to ask, because you already gathered that Alie used your mother to torture Clarke, the same way she used Raven to torture your mother. But your mother bursts into tears as soon as she sees the wounds, and she rasps out, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

Her voice breaks as she repeats, “I’m so sorry." 

Her head drops, her crying growing harder, and Clarke reaches out to lift her head again, gently scolding, “Hey, stop. It wasn’t you.”

She mutters, “No, no, no, no, no.”

Clarke grows insistent, “No, it wasn’t you.”

And as her cries start to die down, she adds, “Mom. I need your help.”

Before Clarke can tell her why, the doors to the throne room burst open, and Bellamy, Murphy, and Pike come running in. As soon as Bellamy sees your mom awake and nearby, he lifts his gun, but you and Clarke put your arms up to shield her. “Wait, no!”

“I used the EMP. She’s back.“

Murphy turns to look at Ontari, still bleeding out on the floor nearby. "Well, what about Ontari? I thought you said we had one shot with that thing.”

“I told you, Ontari is no longer an option for the Flame. She’s brain dead.” She turns to Bellamy. “Is the floor secure?“

"For now. Jaha and the guards are tied up in a bedroom.”

Pike adds, “We took out the elevator and the ladder as we climbed. The stairs are collapsed. No one’s following us.”

“Good. Then we have time.”

You pause, then look her way. “Wait, time for what?”

“An Ascension Ceremony.”

Murphy gives her a look of bewilderment. “Ascension? You just said Ontari wasn’t an option. Besides, she’s still chipped, and we no longer have an EMP.”

“We’re not putting the Flame in Ontari’s head. We’re putting it in mine.”

You and Bellamy both give her matching looks of disbelief, and you shake your head. “What? Clarke, that thing killed Emerson in seconds, liquified his brain.“

"Emerson wasn’t connected to a Nightblood.”

Pike steps closer, asking, “Transfusion?”

“Not exactly.”

And you think of the only other place on the Earth that connected people and filtered their blood through another person. “Connected like Mount Weather.”

Clarke nods, confirming your guess, before turning to look at you mom. “Everything we need is in your medkit.”

She abruptly stands up, already shaking her head. “No, it’s too dangerous, and there are too many variables.“

"But no options.”

Your mom doesn’t get the chance to counter the argument, because Octavia runs into the room, slightly panicked. “Whatever you’re doing, you’d better do it fast.”

Bellamy turns to look at his sister. “Why? What happened?”

“They’re climbing.”

As soon as she says the words, you all turn and run outside, stepping out onto the balcony and looking over the edge to see Grounders and Sky People alike scaling the building to reach you. And as if it just further proves her point, Clarke turns back to your mom. “I have to do this.“

"Okay. I’ll help you.”

Your mom turns and disappears inside, and Clarke turns to you and Bellamy, wanting your approval too. You sigh, already knowing your answer, but you turn to look at Bellamy. He thinks it over, considering the options, or lack thereof, before nodding at her. “We’ll buy you time.”

She squeezes your hand in thanks, and turns to follow your mom back into the throne room. Bellamy turns to look at the others. “Gather all the lamp oil you can, and grease every entry point on this floor. It might not stop them forever, but maybe we can slow them down.”

They nod and run off, leaving you and Bellamy alone. You glance down at the rising line of people, climbing their way up to you, before locking eyes with Bellamy. “Are you ready for this?”

“As long as I have you by my side, I’m ready for anything.”

You smile and pull him into a kiss, letting him know that you feel the same way. When you pull away, you nod towards the door. “Let’s go save the world.”

You both walk back into the throne room, before grabbing one of the jugs of lamp oil and running from the room. You manage to grease the windows and floors of three rooms, and Bellamy picks up where you left off and greases the other three rooms on your hall. You go and check the other rooms, surveying the work of the others, pleased to find that all of the rooms are protected, save for one: The Commander’s Chambers. 

Miller walks out of the room beside the Commander’s room and up to you, Bryan’s arm wrapped around his shoulders, carrying his weight. He nods to the still ungreased room, “We had enough lamp oil for every room except that one.”

You watch as Bryan limps along and your eyes drift down to his leg, where blood is dripping from a sloppily tied bandage. You ignore the room, and look between them with concern, “What happened?”

“We got ambushed trying to get you guys to the top. Bryan took a bullet to the leg.”

You glance back towards the direction of the throne room. “We should try to bandage it better. We might not have time to fix you up just yet, but we can at least slow the bleeding.”

They nod, and you lead the three men back to the throne room, making a beeline for your backpack and grabbing one of the medkits. You pass Clarke, who is sitting on the throne, getting hooked up to Ontari by your mother, and she gives you a weak smile. You smile in return before turning back to Miller, motioning for him to put Bryan down on one of the steps. As you’re bandaging his leg and cleaning the wound the best you can, Pike comes in from the balcony. 

“Balcony’s greased. No one’s getting in through here.”

Bellamy nods at him. “Good. We had enough lamp oil to cover every window and floor except in the Commander’s chambers.“

"Then that’s where the fighting starts. We’ll dig in there.”

He immediately heads that way, and as soon as you finish fixing Bryan’s bandages, he’s reaching out for Nate. “I want to help Pike.”

Miller helps him to his feet, and you give him a serious look. “Try to keep him off that leg. He’s gonna give himself an infection if he keeps this up.”

Miller nods and mutters, “I’ll try.” 

They leave the room, following Pike, and Octavia turns to join them. You watch as Bellamy turns to watch her, calling, “O.”

She turns to face him, and he gives her a concerned look. “Be careful.”

She nods, and then glances at you, meeting your eyes before turning back and heading out the door. You stand and move closer to your twin as your mother announces, “We’re all set.“

She turns to look at Clarke, who has a look of worry on her face. You think of the watch on your wrist, and you quickly pull it off and attach it to her wrist. She looks down at it then back up to you, and you whisper, “For strength.”

She nods, and you can see some of her worry melt away as your mom asks, "Are you ready?”

“Yeah.”

She flips the switch on the tubing connected to Clarke’s arm, and you all watch as Clarke’s blood flows through the tubing and into Ontari. And then she walks over to Ontari and flips the switch on her tubing, releasing Ontari’s blood. Clarke lets out a shaky breath as the dark Nightblood flows through the tube and towards her arm, and she is tense with anxiety as she watches the blood flow into her body. Bellamy senses her unease and jokes, “Try doing that hanging upside down.“

She smiles a little, before turning to your mother who is hovering nearby, looking just as anxious. "This will work.”

“And if it doesn’t?”

Murphy walks over to your small group, answering your mother’s question. “If it doesn’t work then she dies. If she doesn’t try, then she dies with the rest of us when the climbers get here.”

He reaches for Clarke’s hand, where the Flame is clutched tight in her grip, but your mother stops him. He turns to her and says, “If we’re gonna do this, I’m going to need the Flame.”

“Mom, please. He knows what he’s doing. You have to let me go.”

She releases Murphy, who takes the Flame from Clarke’s grip, and then he comes to stand behind her. “Lean forward.”

She does as he says, but you see her hand anxiously reaching out for you. You take it, giving her a reassuring squeeze, and you reach out for Bellamy, who takes your hand to reassure you, the three of you forming a small chain of comfort.

“You ready?”

Clarke nods a little, glances at the watch on her wrist, and then tells him, “Do it.”

Murphy lifts the Flame and mutters, “Ascende superius.”

You watch as the Flame activates, growing a bunch of tiny tendrils that slither and move. Murphy moves the Flame closer to Clarke’s neck and the tendrils reach out for her, latching onto her. The Flame buries itself in her neck and Clarke squeezes your hand as she lets out a cry of pain. A second later, her head lulls to the side, unconscious. You look between your mother and Murphy, panicked. “Is she okay?”

Your mom reaches up and checks her pulse. “Her heart’s racing. Get that thing out of her head!“

You look at Murphy and he shakes his head. Your mom spins towards him and yells, “I said, get that thing out of her head!”

Murphy straightens up, walking behind Clarke again, and as he reaches for her, she wakes up as if nothing happened at all. “No, no, not yet.“

"Are you in any pain?”

“No, I’m okay.” She turns to look at you and Bellamy. “I know how to stop Alie. I have to take the chip.“

You and Bellamy both look at her in confusion and ask, “What?”

“I have to go into the City of Light and find the kill switch.”

Your mom turns Clarke’s head back towards her, forcing her to look at her. “Clarke, listen to me, Alie wants the Flame. If you take the chip, you’re giving it to her. The second someone sees you, Alie is going to know you’re there, and she’ll kill you. If your mind dies, you die.“

Clarke shakes her head. "The Flame will protect me. I don’t know how I know…I just know.”

You and Bellamy exchange a look, both of you confused by the situation, but trusting of Clarke. You nod at him and he walks away, quickly grabbing a chip from one of the discarded bags of chips on the table nearby. He comes back to your side, and holds the chip out to her. “We believe you.“

Your mom, however, still has her doubts. "Do you even know what you’re looking for?”

“I’ll know when I find it.”

Knowing that there’s nothing else that she can say to stop her, she leans forward and kisses Clarke, whispering, “May we meet again.“

Clarke is confident when she answers, "We will.”

She turns towards you and Bellamy, taking the chip from his outstretched hand, and you smile at her. “We’ll keep you safe, shining star.”

“I know you will. You always do.”

And then she lifts the chip to her mouth and swallows it, leaning back into the chair and closing her eyes, looking eerily serene. She reminds you of the people that were kneeling outside a few hours ago, and you realize now they must have been in the City of Light. You feel a pang of envy, because they really do seem at peace, but you’re quick to remind yourself of the shit Alie has put you and your friends through just to get people to join her.

As soon as you realize Clarke is going to be out for a while, you turn to Bellamy. “We should check on the others, see if anyone’s made it up yet.”

He nods and you turn to look at your mom. “Call if you need us.”

“I will.”

You and Bellamy turn to leave the room, both of you walking down the hall side by side as you head to the Commander’s chambers nearby. As you’re walking down a straight stretch of hallway, Miller and Bryan come around the corner at the end, Miller practically carrying Bryan. You can instantly tell that his wound is infected, because he is covered in sweat, his skin pale. You’re about to scold them, but then you have a rushing realization of what it means if Miller and Bryan are here with you. Octavia and Pike are alone. 

You look at Bellamy and he comes to the same conclusion, giving the two men an incredulous look. “You left her with Pike?“

Miller nods and you and Bellamy exchange a look, knowing that’s not a good sign. Because even though you want Pike dead, you told her to wait until he is no longer useful. Right now, given the low numbers on your side, he’s still useful. You and Bellamy rush past the couple and towards the chambers without another word, coming around the corner and into the doorway to see Pike on the ground between two men, getting his ass kicked. Octavia is a few feet away, just watching. Bellamy yells at his sister as soon as he sees her, “O! What are you doing?”

She turns around in surprise, and Bellamy runs into the room, towards the small group. Octavia reaches out for him as he nears them, desperately crying, “Bellamy, no!“

But he pulls himself from her grip and lifts his gun, shooting one of the men immediately. He falls to the ground and Bellamy turns to shoot the other, only managing to catch him in the leg. It doesn’t matter though, because it gives Pike the upper hand, and he reaches out and twists the man’s head, breaking his neck. 

Bellamy reaches him and pulls him to his feet. “Can you stand?”

“She cut me!”

Bellamy looks at his sister in shock, but your eyes are glued to the window, watching as more heads pop into view. “Bellamy, we’ve got company!”

He turns towards the window and sees the rush of people, before yelling out, “Come on, we gotta go!

Pike yells, “We can’t give up the room!”

You back up towards the door, as they run your way, and you yell back, “We already have!”

You watch a few Grounders drop into the room, and just as Octavia and Bellamy swing the doors closed, you spot Kane, pulling himself over the windowsill. You feel your stomach lurch, but you have no time to process him being chipped, because Bellamy starts tipping over furniture nearby, sliding it towards the door. “Help me!”

You help him push the dresser closer, barricading the door, and as Pike and Octavia add a bookcase to the mix, Pike tells her, “I told you. You need to get yourself under control if we’re gonna survive this.“

You turn and lean up against the bookcase, glaring at Pike as he does the same. “Shut up, Pike.”

Octavia and Bellamy lean against the barricade between you and him, and Octavia bangs her head against the wood a few times, frustrated. Bellamy whispers, “O, listen to me, I know how you feel. I let the need for revenge put me on the wrong side. I don’t want that for you.”

You can see her fighting back tears, and a sudden lurch at the door lets you know that the chipped army has arrived and they’re ready to take the door down. They hit the door in a steady beat, one after the next, all of you lurching each time. She tucks away her sadness and tells him, “You keep it closed. We’ll get more for the barricade.“

She reaches out for your hand and pulls you away, and as she does, you can hear Pike talking to Bellamy. “It wasn’t the wrong side. If the Grounder army was still there when Lexa died, they would’ve attacked and you know it.”

Octavia continues to pull you down the hall, and Bellamy’s response gets quieter and quieter as you move further away, but you’re able to catch most of it. “I wanted to see things like you. I needed that, to believe that they were bad and we were good. I don’t know what I believe anymore, I just know that I have to live with what I’ve done.”

You smile, proud of the progress he’s made, and allow Octavia to pull you into the first room she sees, looking around for the biggest pieces of furniture. She spots a table nearby and heads straight for it, and you grab the other end. As you’re both taking it back down the hall, she avoids your eyes, knowing that she acted prematurely against Pike. You scold her anyways, “I said after he stopped being useful, Octavia. I know you’re mad, that you hate working with him, but having him around right now is one more body between us and the chipped army. We can sacrifice him before we have to give any of ourselves up.”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. Just, please, wait until this is finished. He tried to kill me, and I want him dead just as much as you do. But right now, Clarke is more important than anything else. We have to keep her safe.”

She nods, just as you come around the corner, passing the table to the others. By now, Miller has returned from dropping off Bryan, and he’s leaning against the barrier, helping Bellamy and Pike. You tell them, “There’s more furniture in other rooms. One or two people stay on the door, the rest of us bring back more furniture.”

Everyone agrees and starts to rotate, leaving one person holding the barricade while the others run off. During your rotation at the door, Bryan comes limping down the hall, and you start to give him a scolding look, but a particularly hard crash hits the barricade, and you lurch forwards, losing your footing. He rushes forward and scrambles to hold everything back and you pull yourself to your feet and lean against it with him. You nod, “Thanks.”

When everyone returns with more furniture, tossing it against the growing barricade, Bryan shouts, “This isn’t gonna hold for long!”

To prove his point, another large bang hits the door, and you both shift forwards, until the others run forwards and lean against it with you. Miller looks over at Bellamy, “Sounds like there’s a lot of ‘em! Maybe it’s time to go to guns.“

Pike comes around the corner, holding up a handful of shock batons. "We’ve got something better than guns.”

He runs over to you and Bellamy, whispering his plan. “The hallway around the corner drops down, making it perfect to hold water. We wait for them to stand in the water, and then we drop the shock batons in. There’s not enough electricity in them to kill them, just knock them out.”

You nod, “We’ll get it set up, hold the barricade.”

He takes your place at the door, and Bellamy runs after you as you run to the hall in question. You stop and look around, trying to find a water source, and Bellamy puts a hand on your shoulder, urging you to turn around. He points to an old rusty pipe, half hanging out of the wall. He hands you his rifle and you use the butt end of it to hit the pipe over and over until it bursts, spilling water all over the floor. You step back as it rushes over your shoes, soaking your socks, and you and Bellamy watch the water flow out of the wall until it stops, nothing left inside. 

Bellamy climbs the stairs and runs into one of the rooms, grabbing a bunch of crates and tossing them to you one by one, for all of you to stand on. You place them strategically around the exit to the hall, back towards the throne room, before you each give a satisfied nod and run back to the others. As soon as you see them, you turn to look at Miller. “You and Bryan go first, stop just on the other side of the hallway.”

They nod and quickly move that way, leaving you, Pike, Bellamy, and Octavia behind. After waiting a minute, you turn to Pike and Bellamy. “Someone needs to be the bait to stop them in the hall.”

“I will.”

You all turn to look at Octavia, and you nod, accepting her volunteer. You look back at Pike and Bellamy. “You two go next, me and Octavia will be the last two.”

They run off, following Bryan and Miller’s path, and you and Octavia lean against the door, keeping the increasing strength of the group at bay for as long as possible. “Get as many of them as you can into the water before you call out to us. There are boxes on our end of the hallway for you to jump on so you won’t get shocked.”

“Okay.”

You wait a minute longer before looking over at her. “Ready?”

She waits for the next hit to bang against the door, and based off the rhythmic flow of the banging, you know you only have a few seconds to get away from the barricade, down the hall, and into position. As soon as you lurch forward she mutters, “Let’s go.”

You both tear away from the door and run down the hall, round the corner into the waterlogged hall. She pushes you ahead, knowing you need to get to the other side, and you splash through the water quickly, reaching Bellamy and Miller as they wait for you. Bellamy hands you two shock batons, before grabbing two more, and Miller takes the last two, all of you clustering together at the end of the hall, just out of view. Octavia comes to a stop in the water, right beside a crate, and Bellamy motions to each of you, telling you which crate to aim for so that none of you end up on the same one.

You only have to wait a second before you hear the crash of the barricade hitting the ground the next hall over, and seconds later you see a charge of chipped people enter the space, Kane at the lead. Octavia lifts her hands in surrender as soon as she sees them. “Wait, Kane. I give up, I’ll take the chip.“

Kane steps towards her, entering the water, and the others step in behind him. "Good, no one else has to die, ever. Maybe you can convince your mentor of that.”

Octavia tenses up, dropping her arms to her side. “Indra’s alive?”

He nods, walking even closer to her, allowing the rest of the group to follow him into the water. “Yes. On the cross, suffering needlessly.”

As soon as she sees the last man step into the water, she yells, “NOW!" 

You, Miller, and Bellamy jump into action, lighting up the shock batons at the same time as you come around the corner. You see Octavia jump onto her box, to safety, and you head straight for the box on the right side, the one Bellamy pointed you towards. He runs to the one beside you, and Miller takes the one on the left. As you all jump onto your crates, avoiding the water, you toss the shock batons into the water, watching as they fall straight into your plan. You see realization cross Kane’s features just as the batons make contact with the water, and there is a loud collective groan as they shake with shock, before dropping to the ground, unconscious. The shock batons automatically shut off after contact with the water, making it safe for the rest of you, and you jump down as Pike comes around the corner. "Hurry up. Let’s get their weapons.”

You all run towards the group, stripping them of every weapon you can find: guns, knives, pipes, tools, leaving them with nothing other than their fists. As soon as they’re disarmed, you head straight to the throne room, dumping the weapons into a corner, out of everyone’s reach. As you walk back to the middle of the room, you realize the scene in front of you, Clarke and Ontari, is different from before. Clarke now has Nightblood around her nose, obvious that something has gone wrong. Ontari’s chest is cracked open, and Murphy stands there, manually pumping her heart. 

You turn to look at your mother, concerned, but she gives you a reassuring smile. “Ontari was crashing, and Clarke wasn’t getting enough Nightblood. But with Murphy pumping her heart, there’s no need to worry.”

You glance at Bellamy as he closes the throne room doors. “Actually, there is. We bought you as much time as we could, but the chipped army is going to be here soon.”

Bellamy and the others barricade the door with as much furniture as they can find in the room, piling it high and deep, hoping to slow down the group that is now on the other side, banging against the doors. You all come to a stop in the middle of the room, spreading out, and Bellamy yells, “This is it! We need to keep Clarke safe, give her time. They’re unarmed and they won’t feel pain, and they won’t stop until they’re out cold.“

Miller tosses him a lead pipe, and answers, “Copy that. Go for the knockout.”

Bryan passes you the leg of a chair, made up of thick wood, and you nod in thanks. Bellamy comes to a stop slightly in front of you and Octavia, protective, and Pike stand on his left. Miller and Bryan are to your right, guarding Murphy, and your mother stands in front of Clarke, gun cocked, ready to shoot anyone who gets past the rest of you. There is nothing for the rest of you to do now, but wait as the chipped army gets the doors open, inch by inch, pushing through the barrier. As soon as it’s open, chaos reigns supreme.

Two men run straight for you and Bellamy, and you each take on one. You hit the man in front of you in the stomach, and he instantly doubles over, giving you the opening to hit him in the head with the chair leg, knocking him out. As soon as he hits the ground, another man takes his place, this one from Arkadia. He swings a punch towards you, but you duck beneath it, using your low advantage to swipe at his feet and knock him on his back. You stand and kick him, hard enough to knock him out, before the next group descends upon you. One man and one woman, both Grounders, head straight for you. The woman swings first, and as you’re dodging her, the man hits you across the face. You taste blood in your mouth, and you run your tongue over your bottom lip, discovering that the hit split it open. You swing at him with the chair leg, hitting him across the face, before turning and kicking the woman, your boot connecting with her chest and sending her backwards. The man lets out a cry of rage before running at you, but he never reaches you, because he falls to the ground, knocked out by Bellamy. 

You look up at him and smile, before turning back to the entrance, watching Kane stroll in. You and Bellamy both run towards him, and he hits Bellamy first, knocking him onto his back. You run forward, swinging the chair leg towards him, but he lifts an arm to block it, knocking the weapon from your hand. Before you can react, you are pulled backwards, a strong pair of arms locking around you, and you kick and scream as a chipped Grounder turns and tosses you on the ground. You look over and see Bellamy and Kane fighting, matching blow for blow, and you look back to the Grounder in the nick of time to see his shoe hurtling towards your face. You roll away, just in time, before rolling back over and swiping at his legs with your hands, tripping him. The force of the fall cracks his head against the floor, knocking him unconscious. 

You turn back towards Bellamy, who is now pinned beneath Kane, getting punched over and over. You run at them with a cry of anger, knocking Kane off of Bellamy, sending you both flying. When you finally roll to a stop, Kane is already up and descending upon you, his hands instantly finding your throat and squeezing. You try to keep yourself from panicking, wanting to preserve your air. He loosens his grip slightly when a shot rings out, someone killed at your mother’s hand, but the relief doesn’t last long. You look around, searching for Bellamy, eyes finding him as he runs towards Kane. Your expression must give him away, because Kane reaches down and pulls the knife from the holster at your thigh, plunging it into Bellamy’s side.

You let out a cry of anguish as you watch him look down at the knife in shock, blood instantly blooming from beneath his jacket, dripping onto the floor below. You reach up and smack Kane across the face, while using your weight to throw him off. You crawl towards Bellamy, reaching out for him, and your hands touch just as a hand closes around your ankle. Bellamy looks at you and whispers, “I love you, _blainen natshana._ ”

 _Radiant moon._ Your eyes well up with tears at the Trigedasleng nickname, but you have little time to process it before you are yanked backwards by the ankle, towards Kane. He reaches up and begins to choke you again, and you look over at Bellamy, watching as a chipped Grounder gets on top of him and starts to choke him. He turns towards you, reaching out for you, and you reach out for him, your fingers separated my inches. Still, your eyes never leave each other as the air is squeezed from both of you. You watch as Bellamy’s face turns pink, then purple, his body struggling for oxygen. You’re sure that you must look the same, black spots now dancing at the edge of your vision, your body starting to twitch as you fight for air.

And just when you think it’s over, you’re done, Kane releases you. You take in a deep gasp of air, drinking in the oxygen for the second time in the least few hours, relieved that you’ve been spared from death by choking once again. You hear a collective cry of pain as the chipped army returns from the City of Light, feeling their injuries for the first time. But you ignore it, looking at Kane, who has rolled off you, sitting frozen in shock. His hands hover in the air between you, unsure whether he wants to reach out to you and comfort you or shrink away, ashamed that he almost killed you. 

You reach out and grab his hand, muttering, “It wasn’t you, Kane. It wasn’t you.”

You’re not sure he’s processing your words, as he stays frozen in place, but you get distracted by someone dropping to their knees beside you. You turn and look, coming face to face with Bellamy, and you scramble towards him, pulling him into a hug. He pulls away just enough to kiss you, strong and fierce, and you can feel tears rolling down his face, pressing into yours. You pull away, smiling, mostly in disbelief. “Blainen natshana, huh? Who taught you Trigedasleng?”

“Same person who taught you: Lincoln.” You feel a rush of sadness, but he smiles at the memory. “He was teaching me a few things, before…everything. I wanted to surprise you.”

Your smile grows wider, “Your timing is impeccable.”

“Shut up.” He lets out a little laugh, and pulls you in for another kiss, making you forget everything from the last 24 for a few seconds, until you pull away, remembering your twin. 

“Clarke!” You jump to your feet, and Bellamy follows suit. You look around the room for a second, and both of you see Octavia on the other side of the room, standing, looking fine. Bellamy nods at her, happy to see her alive, and she nods in return, before the two of you jog over to Clarke. You pass your mom on the way to the throne, and she squeezes your hand as she passes, but she only has eyes for Kane, who is still where you left him, crying softly. 

As soon as you reach Clarke, you pull her into a hug, and she hugs you back, squeezing you tight. You pull away and help her stand, and she looks out at the room, nodding. “Alie’s gone.”

You follow her gaze, watching the various reunions. And though they’re sad and so many of the others are feeling pain, you feel relief that everything is fixed. You smile, “We figured.”

You turn back to you twin, but are surprised to find her face solemn. Bellamy notices too, and he remarks, “You’re not acting like someone who just saved the world.“

She turns and looks between you both. "Because we didn’t. Not yet.”

Neither of you get to question her further, because you suddenly hear a grunt of exertion, followed by a soft groan of pain. All three of you abruptly turn towards the noise, and find Octavia standing in front of Pike, her sword stuck in his side. She pushes against the blade until the sword moves all the way through him, and out the other side. She pulls the blade out and he sways on his feet before falling backwards, dead before he hits the ground. She stares at him for a second, confirming that he’s gone, before she turns and glances at you, confirming that it’s done. Then, without a word, she walks out of the room, leaving everyone else staring after her in shock, Bellamy among them.

-


	46. xlvi. echoes (4.01)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: mentions of blood, wounds, dead bodies, stitches, fighting, violence. 
> 
> Summary: picking up immediately where the season 3 finale left off, you, Bellamy, and the rest of your people find yourselves stuck in Polis following the aftermath of Alie’s destruction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY SEASON 4 PREMIERE!!!! lots of good things coming your way this season, (in my opinion), and i’m so excited to share this with you guys!

_February 24th, 2150; Polis_

Clarke tries to distract Bellamy from Octavia’s killing of Pike by telling you both about Alie’s purpose in creating the City of Light: to save humanity from a wave of nuclear radiation, heading your way in six months. You quickly process her news before turning to Bellamy, more worried about him. You’re not even sure he heard her, his expression still shocked, but as soon as he recovers, he starts to head from the room, practically dragging you behind him. “We have to find her.”

You allow him to lead you towards the Commander’s chambers, and Clarke follows the two of you, determined to stay close. You see her hesitate when she reaches the door of the bedroom, her eyes falling towards the bed, and you pull yourself free from Bellamy’s grip so you can turn to face her. “What’s wrong?”

“This is where…” She trails off, eyes still locked on the bed. Her voice is practically a whisper when she adds, “I saw her in the City of Light.”

You reach out and pull her into a hug just as her tears start to fall, and you feel your heart break for your twin. “There’s nothing I can say to fix this for you, but I wish there was.”

You pull away, and push her hair from her face, before giving her a small smile. “I just know she’d be _so_ proud of you, Clarke, and I wish she could be here to see you now.”

Bellamy, who appeared at your side while you and Clarke were hugging, puts a comforting hand on her shoulder. “She’ll always be with you.”

Clarke nods, and wipes away her tears, giving you both a watery smile. She composes herself, putting her emotions away for later, before nodding towards the window, “Let’s go find Octavia.”

Bellamy leads the way to the window, and you all look out, watching as Octavia makes the drop at the bottom and runs into the crowd. You’re all hesitant to take this path to the bottom, but with the elevator sabotaged and the ladder blown up, you know this is the only way. Bellamy steps up to the window, taking the lead. “I’ll go first, just follow my path.”

He steps through the window and shimmies his way down to the siding on the building that provides a patchwork of ladders you can use to get down. You and Clarke watch him go down a few feet before you mutter, “Guess I’ll go next.”

You carefully go through the window and follow Bellamy’s path, using the same places to put your hands and feet. You see Clarke come though the window a minute later and follow you down, and slowly, but surely, all three of you make your way to the ground. When you reach the last 6 feet, the siding stops and opens up to a ledge. Bellamy reaches it first, and then steadies you and Clarke as you step onto it, before he turns and jumps the last few feet to the ground. He looks up at you, waving for you to follow, and you take a breath before jumping down after him. You land on your feet, but the force of your landing sends a shock through you and you almost fall over. Luckily, Bellamy is there, keeping you upright, before turning to help Clarke stick her landing. Once all three of you are at the bottom, you look up at the tower, to the top floor that you just came from, and you feel nothing but shock. 

You were so focused on following Bellamy’s path down, that you never once spared a look to the ground below you. Only now do you realize that if you had fallen, you’d be dead as soon as you hit the ground. But you don’t have enough time to contemplate that, because Bellamy steps away and looks out into the crowd, searching for his sister. His face is set with worry, and you reach out to put a comforting hand on his arm. “She’ll be okay, she can take care of herself.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about.”

Clarke catches his meaning first, and shakes her head. “She won’t be charged. Everyone will say that Pike had it coming.”

“Maybe we all do.” Bellamy pauses and looks out into the crowd, and you follow his line of sight. For the first time, you get a good look at the chaos around you. Dead bodies litter the street, some people bloodied and killed, while some bodies are in pristine condition, yet still comatose. The sound of crying and wailing comes from every corner of the street, while other people are groaning in pain, trying to tend to their injuries. 

Clarke, who is also surveying the scene, mutters, “How do we tell these people that the world is ending, after everything they’ve been through?”

You think of the chaos that kind of announcement would cause, and you give her a serious look. “We can’t.”

Bellamy nods, backing you up. “We keep it to ourselves until we know what we’re dealing with, and how to stop it.

She looks at both of you in surprise. “You’re both afraid of how people will react.”

“Yes.”

You glance over at the woman holding a small child, sobbing over his lifeless body, before looking back to her, your voice soft, “We gave them back their pain. Let’s not add to that by telling them they’re gonna die in six months.”

She nods, indicating that she understands, and once you’re all on the same page, Bellamy says, “Good. Once everyone’s down, we go home and we get to work. We didn’t survive this long just to let a little radiation take us out.”

You hear a loud scream nearby, and Clarke immediately runs in the direction of it, stopping in front of a woman who is kneeling beside a man. He’s slumped over, unresponsive, and there are no signs of blood on him. Bellamy looks down at him in confusion, “He didn’t fall.”

Clarke looks back at the two of you with a look of horror. “He chased me in the City of Light, Lexa killed him.”

And suddenly, the comatose bodies make sense. Your mother told Clarke before she took the chip that dying in the City of Light killed you out here too, just not in the way you’d expect. The woman freezes, and it’s obvious she heard Clarke’s revelation because she stands and spits, “Wanheda.”

You, Clarke, and Bellamy move closer together, growing tense as she yells, _“Yu dula dison daun!”_

You turn to Bellamy and mutter, “She’s saying that we did this.”

All around you, those that were in mourning or nursing their wounds start to stand and close in around you, looking incredibly pissed off. As they grow closer and closer, they start to chant, “Wanheda! Wanheda! Wanheda!”

Clarke grabs your hand and starts to pull you away, through an opening in the crowd, and you reach out and grab Bellamy, pulling him along with you. Once you’re free of the larger group, Clarke hastily makes her way through the crowd, trying to get away from the Grounders, as all around you, they mutter her nickname. As you break into a larger clearing in the city, your mother and Kane approach you, looking worried. Clarke stops in front of them both, and you and Bellamy stop beside her. “Good, you’re down. We have to go, the rover’s in the north woods.”

Your mom looks at her in shock, “What about the wounded?”

Bellamy answers for her, “The Grounders don’t want our help. Our people we treat at Arkadia.”

Before anyone can argue further, the radio at Bellamy’s side comes to life with the sound of Raven’s voice, “Hello? Bellamy, please. Come in.”

You reach for it first, beating him to it, your mind drifting to Jasper being chipped as you ask, “Raven, are you okay?”

You, Clarke, and Bellamy step away from the adults slightly, giving you some privacy to talk. “Yeah, yeah. We’re all in one piece.”

You sigh in relief, and hand the radio to Bellamy, who looks like he has something to say. “That’s good, there’s something we need you to look into.”

Raven shuts him down quickly, “First, tell me how my friends are. Did everyone make it? Clarke?”

Clarke takes the radio from Bellamy, and reassures her, “I’m here, thanks to you. Raven, did Alie ever tell you why she created the City of Light?

“No. Why?”

As Clarke lifts the radio to answer, someone nearby yells, _“Haihefa, en’s kiken! Osir gaf fisa in!”_

 _The king, he’s alive! We need a healer!_ You and Clarke translate it at the same time, but Bellamy just looks between you in confusion. Clarke nods her head in the king’s direction, “Go, take mom, I’ll meet you there!”

You turn and yell to your mother and Kane, “They need a doctor!”

They immediately start moving towards you as you run in the direction of the man’s voice, leading you to a pair of Grounders that are laying Roan onto the ground, face down. You reach him first, and gently roll him over as your mother kneels beside you, and you whisper “Roan?”

You glance at your mother, and mutter, “He got shot trying to help Clarke.”

She checks his pulse, and turns to look at you in alarm, “He’s not dead, but he’s close.”

She searches his body for the bullet wound, finding it on his chest. She shifts him slightly to check his back, which is free of any blood. “No exit wound. We need to get the bullet out quickly.”

You nod, ready to assist her until Clarke shows up, but you freeze in place when a sword is placed against your throat. “Get away from our King.”

You put your hands up in surrender as your mom protests, “Wait, no, please.”

You glance over and see Echo glaring at you, and she grabs your arm to pull you to your feet, her sword still at your neck. You mutter, “I saved your life in Mount Weather, and then you left me to die at the hands of an Azgeda assassin in the very same mountain. Now this?”

She presses the sword into your neck, and you feel it bite into your skin. You wince and watch as Skaikru guards start to run towards you, guns drawn and pointed at Echo. Kane holds your mother back as he says, “You’re making a mistake, we’re part of the Coalition.”

“I can save him, but you have to let me.”

Echo looks at your mother. “We have our own healer.”

She turns to the men at Roan’s side and snaps, _“Lid haihefa-de gon bangeda seintaim kom ostof kom oso stedaun. Dula’m op nau!”_

You hear Kane translating for your mother, “Take the king to the embassy with the rest of our dead. Do it now.”

You all watch as Roan is taken away, and in the distance, you can hear Bellamy yell, “Echo!”

You glance at your approaching boyfriend and twin, both of them pissed and stalking this way, and you mutter, “Here we go.”

When Echo sees them, she presses closer to you, the sword nicking your skin again, and you lock eyes with Bellamy and warn, “Bellamy, don’t.”

Kane grabs him as he tries to get to you, and your mom grabs Clarke, holding them back as they both yell, “Let her go, Echo! Let her go!”

Echo puts her head beside yours, pressing you both close together, and she snaps, “Back off, Bellamy.”

Clarke is the first to stop fighting, and you watch her take a breath to calm herself before reasoning with Echo, “Your King is my friend. Let us help him, and let her go.”

“I saw you in the City of Light, I know you destroyed it. Thank you for that.”

She abruptly lowers her sword and pushes you hard, sending you stumbling towards Bellamy, who catches you easily. Once you’re in his arms, he tips your head back so he can get a good look at the two small cuts on your neck, and his face sets into a glare. You reach out for his hand and whisper, “I’m fine.”

But no further conversation is had because Echo starts to yell, “Look around you. Skaikru did this to us. Because of them, Ontari, your rightful Commander, is dead! This imposter stole her Flame.”

Kane steps forward, yelling back, “No! Wanheda saved us, all of us. Grounder and Skaikru.”

“There would’ve been nothing to save us from if not for you.”

You marvel at the pure anger radiating off of Kane, his protective side coming out as he levels a glare at Echo. “Azgeda has no authority here.”

“We do now.” She starts to yell again, so those around you can hear her. “In the name of King Roan, as rightful caretakers of the throne of the Commanders, Polis is now under Azgeda rule!”

Immediately, two Grounders walk up, a man and a woman, and you recognize them as the man and woman you fought in the throne room while you were trying to protect Clarke. The woman immediately challenges Echo. “Like hell it is. Where’s your war chief, girl?”

“Our war chief is dead, Ambassador. As a member of the Queen’s guard, command of the army has fallen to me until the king awakens.”

“ _If_ he awakens.” You watch as she turns to yell at those gathered around. “Until a new Commander can ascend, Polis is to be ruled by ambassadors of the Coalition. If Azgeda wants it, they must take it by force.”

Echo’s response is immediate. She steps forward, swinging her sword out, cutting the Ambassador’s neck with a single sword stroke. You all watch in shock as blood rapidly pours from the wound, and the woman falls to the ground, dead in seconds. 

Echo quips, “Consider it taken.” Then she commands, “No Skaikru leaves this city. _Gon Azgeda!”_

 _For Ice Nation!_ And with one last glare directed at your group, she turns and walks away, following the path they took Roan in. You and Bellamy exchange a look of shock, and when you turn to look at the rest of the group, you see that they all feel the same. Bellamy whispers in your ear, “Looks like saving the world will have to wait.”

Kane turns to the guards that gathered around when Echo threatened you, and he quietly orders, “Gather every one of our people that you can find and bring them to the temple. We’ll be waiting for you there.”

“Yes, sir.”

They turn and immediately run off, and as Kane turns back to the rest of you, he accidentally hits Bellamy in the side. Bellamy lets out a sharp gasp of pain, and you turn to look at him in shock. “What?”

He unzips his jacket and pulls it to the side, revealing his shirt, stained with blood. You look up at him in alarm before looking back down at his side, watching as he pulls his shirt up to reveal a cut in his side. The sight of it makes Bellamy unsteady on his feet, and he sways, the pain coming back to him now that he’s aware of its presence, easily forgotten in the aftermath of the City of Light. You reach out for him, steadying him, and Kane does the same, looking over just in time to catch sight of the wound. You see his face fall, and it takes a second for you to remember why. _Kane above you, choking you, plunging a knife into Bellamy’s side to stop him from saving you._

Kane pulls Bellamy’s arm around him and says, “Let’s get you to the temple and get you stitched up.”

“I’m fine. I need to find Octavia.”

You glare at him. “You’re not. We’ll find Octavia after.”

He opens his mouth to say something, and you cut him off, “Don’t argue.”

Surprisingly, he snaps his mouth shut again, allowing himself to be led to the temple and set onto a chair. There are people already collected inside, some of them injured, and when you turn to your mother to ask her to stitch up Bellamy, her eyes are locked on a woman in the corner, bleeding heavily from her head. She turns to glance at you, looking torn, and you grimace, “Stitches aren’t my forte.”

“As long as you get the wound closed, the look of it doesn’t matter.”

You sigh, then nod. “Go, I’ll take care of Bellamy.”

She smiles and hands you a medkit. “You’ll be fine.”

As she walks away, you turn to look for Clarke, ready to make a last ditch plea to her, but she’s already kneeled beside a child, cleaning their wounds. You turn and go back to Bellamy, kit in hand, and his brows lift as you approach. “I saw those stitches you did on Myles after Grounders shot him with an arrow. I’m not sure I want stitches from you.”

You glare at him and he looks serious for a long minute before he smiles, and motions for you to come closer. “I’m kidding. Crooked stitches are better than bleeding out.”

You roll your eyes and drop down beside him, and he lifts his shirt to reveal the wound. You look it over carefully, checking for infection, and when you find none, you quickly clean around the wound so you can get a better idea of the size of it. Fortunately, after further inspection, it’s only an inch or so long, and won’t require much stitching. “Lucky for you, my knife is much smaller than the arrowheads that hit Myles, so your crooked scar will be much smaller than his were.”

He pretends to look disappointed, “Aw, bummer.”

You ignore him as you get started on the stitches, putting him back together again, and Bellamy distracts himself from the pain by asking, “Remember when fighting Grounders was the only thing to worry about?”

You snort, still stitching and add, “Yeah, and now we have had to deal with Grounders, facist leaders, an AI hellbent on wiping us out, and now,” You finish the last stitch, looking at it in satisfaction before meeting his eyes, “Nuclear radiation.”

You quickly bandage his wound before giving him the all clear. “We can go find Octavia now.”

Bellamy stands and you follow suit, putting the medkit down and following him as he heads towards the door, but just as you reach it, your mom calls out to you. You turn and see her and Clarke bent over one person, working together to doctor them, and your mom motions over at the group to her left that are still awaiting medical attention. Faced with the same dilemma your mom just faced, you turn to look at Bellamy, feeling conflicted. He smiles at you, presses a kiss into your hair and whispers, “Go, give the people the crooked stitches they deserve.”

You laugh and lightly punch his arm. “Shut up.”

He starts to turn away, but you grab his arm and spin him back towards you, tugging him down for a kiss. It’s quick, but it conveys all the things you want to tell him every time you’re forced to separate. When you pull back, you whisper, “Be safe.”

“I will.”

And then he turns and walks out the door.

-

You spend the next hour or so providing medical attention to those that come to the temple. As soon as they’re cleared to go, they are led to the secret entrance of the tunnel system that is hidden within the temple. Everyone travels in small groups, keeping each other safe, but as time passes, fewer and fewer people come to the temple. Eventually your mother and Kane stay by the tunnel entrance, leaving you to gain some first aid practice. You and Clarke alternate first aid duties as people come in, until the last injured person comes through some time later. As you’re finishing bandaging the cut on their leg, Major Costa comes in and heads straight for Kane. “Sir, that’s everyone we could find. I’ve stationed ten guards at the temple door. Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?”

“You lead them home, Major.”

They shake hands, and Major Costa helps your injured patient out the door as they disappear into the tunnels. You glance over at Kane, watching as your mother inspects his wounds and they talk quietly. He lifts a hand to her cheek, caressing it, and you smile. Someone comes to a stop beside you, and you look over and see Clarke, who is also watching your mother. She smiles and asks, “How long has this been going on?”

“I only noticed after Pike took power, but I think it’s recent.”

She hums, but says nothing else, as Indra, Octavia, and Bellamy run into the temple. You smile when you see him, and he comes to a stop beside you as the rest of you gather around. Indra hugs Kane quickly before she looks between all of you, “When you destroyed the City of Light, there were a thousand Azgeda warriors inside the City of Polis.”

Octavia mutters, “Good timing.”

“The only way to remove them is by force.”

Octavia muses, “Then let’s remove them.”

Your mom turns to look at her in shock. “Slow down. You’re talking about a war.”

“Yes, Rockline, Floukru, and Broadleaf will join Trikru without question. We’ll still be short.”

Your mom turns to Kane, seeking his support. “This is madness. We should be leaving with the others, while we still have time.”

“They know where we live. If we run, they’ll follow.” Kane turns to look at Indra. “There are eight other clans, how do we get them to join us?”

“I can do it, but I’ll need the Flame.”

Clarke’s response is immediate. “No.”

Bellamy shifts beside you, turning to look at her. “Clarke, the clans will follow whoever has the Flame.”

“Azgeda won’t.”

Octavia shrugs, “Then we fight. That’s the point.”

You think of war, six months before the end of the world, and your stomach drops. You can tell that Clarke is on your mother’s side, against the war, and you find yourself agreeing with the stupidity of it. “No, it’s not. The point is, there’s no time for a fight.”

Clarke agrees and adds, “We have to save Roan.”

“Save him? They won’t let us near him.”

Your mother is the first one to read between the lines of yours and Clarke’s disagreement with the others, because if there’s anything she knows, it’s her twins. “Wait a second. What don’t we know?”

You, Clarke, and Bellamy exchange a look. And though you don’t think the masses should know about the end of the world, this group should. You nod, letting Clarke know you agree with telling them, and Bellamy nods too. Clarke turns back to the others. “The reason Alie created the City of Light.”

“Why?”

“Nuclear reactors inside power planets that survived the bombs are melting down. Radiation levels are already rising. If we can’t figure out a way to fix it, all of us will be dead in six months.”

Indra processes the news, but quickly moves on. “Even if that’s true, that’s six months away. There are a thousand Ice Nation warriors on the street who want to kill us today.”

Clarke shakes her head. “They won’t kill us.”

“How could you possibly know that?”

She turns to Octavia and answers, “Because we’re gonna surrender.”

-

As Clarke unveils her plan to the rest of you, Jaha ends up coming to the temple, asking what’s going on. Clarke seizes the opportunity and incorporates him into the plan, which will put all of you in separate locations. Your mom, Octavia, and Clarke will sneak into the embassy so they can try to save Roan. Jaha will be delivering Ontari’s body, which is actually Octavia in disguise, to the Ice Nation, while Kane and Indra watch on. You and Bellamy agree to take up a position in a watchtower nearby, with guns, so you can keep an eye on everything from above and take out anyone who tries to make a move against your people.

That’s where you find yourself now, gun propped out of a window, watching the scene down below. Bellamy is at the window beside you, quietly watching as Jaha walks across the courtyard, carrying Octavia’s body, wrapped in a cloth. He disappears into the room where they’re keeping Roan, and you only have to wait a few minutes before Indra and Kane step into the courtyard with the 10 Skaikru guards, offering up your surrender. 

A messenger runs into the embassy, following Jaha’s path, and moments later Echo comes out of the building, into your line of sight, with Jaha and a handful of Ice Nation guards. Jaha is bloodier than before, and limping, which Bellamy remarks on. “Looks like Jaha took a beating.”

You hum, “Considering he brought Alie into all of our lives, can’t say I blame them.”

Echo grabs Jaha and mutters something to him, before shoving him away, towards Kane and the others. He limps his way over there, passing along the message, and Kane surprises you by glancing up at the window, towards you and Bellamy. He looks away just as quickly, before retreating back into the corridor. You and Bellamy exchange a look, and a second later Kane’s voice comes through the radio at Bellamy’s side. You both move closer together to listen. “Echo says she’ll only talk to the two of you. We have to buy time for Abby and Clarke to save Roan, so we’re going to make Echo wait as long as we can before calling you down.”

“Copy that.”

Bellamy clips his radio back to his side, before pulling a crate over to the window so he can sit and watch at the same time. You do the same as he muses, “Nothing to do now except wait.”

You plop down onto the crate, and turn to look his way. “And practice Trigedasleng.”

“What?”

“I know a little Trig and you know none. It’s a tactical advantage to understand the language of your enemies and allies. You should learn.”

He turns towards you a little, his face serious for a long minute before he breaks into a grin. _“Ridiyo. O yu na tel ai hashta skaifaya steda.”_

 _True. Or you can tell me about me about the stars instead._ You look at him in total shock, not expecting to hear an entire Trigedasleng sentence come out of his mouth and he laughs at your expression. “What?”

“Why have I been translating for you if you know Trig?”

“Because I don’t know Trig. Lincoln only taught me a few sentences. That was one of them.” You cut your eyes at him, suspicious, and he raises his hands in surrender. “I swear. That’s about all I know.”

“Then let’s change that.”

-

You and Bellamy pass the time practicing Trigedasleng, and he picks it up quickly as you watch the afternoon turn to evening and then night. Long after the sun has set and the moon has risen, you finally get a second radio call from Kane. “She’s getting antsy now. We need you two down here.”

“Copy that, we’ll be there in five.”

You and Bellamy sneak from the room, down the stairs and across the courtyard until you appear at the corridor, approaching the group from the back. Bellamy lets out a low whistle as you approach, signaling to everyone that no one should turn around and attack, and Kane turns when he hears it. As soon as the two of you arrive, Indra turns and shakes her head, hating this plan. “She’s Ice Nation, she can’t be trusted.”

Before you can agree with her point, someone mutters from behind you, “Never a dull moment, huh?”

You, Kane, and Bellamy turn and see Murphy approaching, and he comes to a stop right behind you. Indra mutters, “Pay attention.”

You turn your attention back to her, as she briefs you and the guards in your small group. “She’s part of the royal guard, spies. That’s why she’s not marked. Very dangerous, very loyal.”

Bellamy shakes his head, and glances over at you. “Not to the people who saved her life.”

Kane steps closer, his voice dropping low, warning him. “Bellamy, I know how you feel about her, but you can’t lose control. You offer them technology, guns, whatever it takes to keep her talking. Is that clear?”

Bellamy nods, but Indra objects. “I didn’t agree to give them guns.”

Murphy lets out a snort and offers, “Well, that’s probably because you’re not an idiot.”

“It won’t get that far. Our objective is to buy time for Abby to save the King.” Kane turns, and says the next part to Murphy. “And if you wanna help, grab a weapon, stand a post.”

Bellamy unshoulders his rifle, and holds it out to him. “Take mine.”

Murphy takes it with a nod of thanks, and you hand your rifle off to Kane, knowing it’ll look better if you’re unarmed. You remember the knife strapped to your thigh and you quickly take the strap off and adjust it, making it long enough to strap around your waist and hide under your clothes. When you finish, you look up and see Bellamy watching you, and you shrug. “Just in case.”

He nods, supporting the decision, before leading you out of the corridor and into the middle of the courtyard to meet Echo. She walks to meet you halfway as she sees you approaching, and you all stop six feet apart from each other, keeping your space. Echo looks you both over, appraising you, before her eyes land on Bellamy. “Before you say anything, remember, I saved your life by taking you out of Mount Weather.”

She pauses, glancing at you before looking back to Bellamy. “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you to bring her. But I was following orders, Bellamy.”

“I wish it was that easy.”

“We do what we do for our people. You slaughter us, we slaughter you. That all went away in the City of Light, but it’s back now, so here we are. What are the terms of your surrender?”

Bellamy sets his jaw, and grinds out, “We recognize Ice Nation rule, and you honor Lexa’s Coalition, including the 13th clan.”

“No.”

You and Bellamy share a look, and he shakes his head slightly before offering, “We’ll give you guns and show you how to use them.”

Echo glances behind you, to where Indra stands with Kane. “Trikru accepts this?”

“They’re not happy about it.”

“Not much they can do now, though, without an army.”

Bellamy’s reaction, though subtle, is immediate. You watch as his jaw clenches and he looks away from Echo, working hard to keep his composure. But Echo, smart as she is, notices immediately. “You were there. Then you know why everyone hates Skaikru, and why we can never accept your terms.”

You snap, “The alternative is war. Is that what you want?”

“No one wants war. Lay down your guns, and we’ll let your children live. I’ll give you time to decide.” 

She starts to turn away, but Bellamy, knowing your mission to keep her talking, reaches out and grabs her arm to stop her. “We weren’t done talking.”

She turns and hits him away, faster than your brain can process. Then she knocks him to the ground, and pulls the knife from his holster, pressing it to his throat. You start to launch yourself towards her, but Echo snaps her head up towards you, and presses the knife into Bellamy’s skin, cutting him slightly. “Move any closer, and I’ll kill him.”

You freeze in place, lifting your hands in surrender, and one of the Azgeda guards comes up behind you and turns you around to face your people, before hitting the back of your legs and knocking you to your knees. Bellamy opens his mouth to protest, but it dies in his throat when the guard lifts his sword to your neck. Once Echo has you both restrained, she yells to Kane, “Guns on the ground, or they die.”

Kane and Indra are frozen in place, quietly having a conversation, and you know Indra is protesting the order. But Kane’s eyes find yours, and you see the fear in them, the weight of yours and Bellamy’s fate on his shoulders, and he turns to the Skaikru guards and yells, “Guns on the ground, now.”

Echo smiles down at Bellamy, expression smug, and you have to fight the urge to lash out. As all of you are restrained and led towards the embassy, you hope and pray that your mother was successful and that they got out of there before being spotted. Instead, your hope is squashed as soon as you come around the corner and are pushed inside the room behind Echo, because your mom, Clarke, and Octavia are all kneeling on the ground, surrounded by men. 

Echo turns and puts her sword to your throat, and you roll your eyes, annoyed to find yourself in this position again. She misses your reaction though, because her eyes are trained to the table at the back of the room, Roan’s body laid across it. _“Emo don’s trana slip Haihefa daun! Chek em au!”_

You’re still translating the words in your head, not quite fluent in Trigedasleng, when Clarke protests, “No, we weren’t trying to kill him, we were trying to save him!”

Echo steps away from you and stalks over to your twin, staring down at her in anger. You watch her lift her sword, and you immediately start to fight the men holding you back, as you yell, “Echo! Leave her alone!”

You watch as her sword starts to come down, straight towards your twin, and you scream and fight harder. Through your yelling, you hear someone mutter, “Wait.”

The authority that one word has stills the room, and everyone turns and watches as Roan sits up from the bed with a cough. He looks over at Clarke, who immediately begs, “Roan, help us. Tell them we’re friends.”

He stands and coughs again, ignoring Clarke to ask, “Where is Ontari?”

Echo, ever obedient, answers, “Dead, sire, killed by them.”

“We couldn’t save her, but we did what we came here to do.” He looks at Clarke, who is insistent. “Now I need you to honor your promise to protect my people.”

Roan quips, “Yeah, that was before your people shot me and killed my Commander.”

The words are enough to piss Octavia off, and despite the sword at her back, she snaps, “We just saved your damn life.”

Behind you, Bellamy shifts, anxious, wanting to protect her, but the words go unpunished as Echo pushes past everyone to get to Roan, and when she stops at his side, her voice drops to a whisper, quiet, but still loud enough to be heard. “Roan, your people are hungry for you to lead them. Do so now, as your mother would have. Kill Wanheda. Take her power, and rule over everything.”

You look at Clarke, worried these are the last moments you’ll get to see her. Instead, Roan yells to the guards, _“Teik emo we.”_

 _Take them away._ The guards comply and drag you all down to the prison, and they search each of you for weapons quickly, before chaining you up around the room. In their search, they miss your knife, and you have to work to keep the smile from your face. Instead, you give the guards a blank look as they chain you up, in between Bellamy and Kane. Octavia and Indra are chained across from you, and your mom and Clarke are at the far end of the room, chained to the floor. The rest of the guards are placed in the remaining empty spaces. 

The mood of the room is silent, everyone feeling dejected and angry, but you spend your time trying to quietly concoct a plan to get yourself out of the mess you’re all in. You don’t know how long they leave you down there, but the windows on the wall gradually start to lighten as the sun starts to rise, indicating that at least a few hours have passed. As you’re thinking and planning, you hear Grounders coming down the hall, towards you again. They step into the cell, yelling, “Wanheda, on your feet!”

You look over at your twin in alarm as she scrambles to her feet and the Grounder guards descend on her. Her voice shakes when she asks, “Where’s the king?”

Echo is the last to step in the room, watching as they remove Clarke’s chain, only to restrain her again. You watch in horror as they pull a bag over Clarke’s head and start to lead her away, and you turn to Echo, full of rage. “Echo, bring her back here! If anything happens to her, I’ll kill you myself! Do you hear me, Echo?”

You can hear your mom and Bellamy also yelling at the Ice Nation spy, but she ignores all of you, turning away and following Clarke out of the cell and away from your group. The mood turns tense after watching Clarke get dragged away, and your planning shifts into overdrive as you try to recall how many guards you’ve seen, the path they took in and out of the cell and the room, the exits you saw on the way, how quickly you can take them all out with only a knife.

Your plan, however, never sees the light of day, because Clarke returns sometime later, unguarded, unrestrained, and holding a set of keys. “Clarke! What happened?”

She walks over to you, answering your question as she frees you from your chains. “I told Roan about Praimfaya, and promised I’d find a plan to save all of our people.”

The chains drop from your hands, your wrists now free, and as she passes you a key, she mutters, “I also had to give him the Flame.”

You reach out to her, sympathetic, knowing how hard that was on her. “Clarke-”

But she waves you off, smiling to hide the tears that have started to glitter in her eyes. “It was the only way to save us. It’s what Lexa would have wanted.”

She turns and walks over to your mom, unlocking her chains, and you can hear your mom quietly comforting your crying twin. You turn to Bellamy and free him first, before you and Clarke go around the room and release everyone. As soon as you’re done, she takes the key back from you and leads you all from the room, passing the keys to an Ice Nation guard along the way. She leads you right from the embassy and into the sunshine, to a large crowd of Grounders gathered in the center of Polis. 

They’re all facing a stage, which is surrounded by Ice Nation guards, and Roan and Echo stand on the stage, preparing to address the crowd. Despite the bullet wound now hidden beneath his clothes, Roan looks strong, powerful. A crown made of bones encircles his head, and his hand rests lightly on his sword as he speaks loud enough for the gathered crowd to hear him. “I know you’ve all come here for an execution, but no one else will die here today. The City of Light has fallen, and there is no Commander left to rule us. Until another Nightblood ascends, I - King Roan of Azgeda, eldest son of Nia, Grandson of Theo- am Caretaker of the throne and keeper of the Flame.”

He holds the Flame up so the crowd can see it, and murmurs instantly erupt through the crowd. Near the back, behind you, someone yells, _“Kaina bandragen dison bilaik?”_

Unable to translate the whole sentence, you turn to Kane, who stands beside you, and ask, _“Bandragen?”_

“Blasphemy.”

You nod, finally understanding. _What blasphemy is this?_ Roan yells back to the dissenter, _“Nou bandragen. Reinseden!”_

Not recognizing the second word, you again turn to Kane, who immediately understands why. “Order.”

Roan finishes the rest of his speech in English. “Until another ascends, Azgeda honors and will defend the Coalition of the last true Commander, Lexa Kom Trikru, including the 13th clan. Let it be known that an attack against Skaikru is an attack against us all.”

Again, the crowd murmurs, displeased with the news, but now unable to do anything about it. Roan disappears from the stage soon after that, and the crowd disperses, before Clarke gathers your small group and nods towards the front gates. “Roan is going to send us off with something to protect us from those who aren’t in Polis and haven’t heard the news. He said to wait by the gates.”

You all nod and follow her there, where someone from Ice Nation meets you and returns your weapons to you. A few minutes later, you see Echo walking towards you, and you and Bellamy walk towards her to meet her. She holds out a leather parcel and says, “From your king.”

She flips the leather back, revealing an amulet imprinted with the Azgeda seal and a second seal that you don’t recognize. “With this, you’ll be safe in any of our lands.”

She folds the leather back up and hands it to Bellamy, as you watch her in annoyance. She glances at you before her eyes land on Bellamy, lingering on him a little too long for your liking. “You think we’ll ever be able to trust each other again?”

“Doubt it,” you answer for him, a sarcastic smile on your face. Her face falls, but you think about the scars on your body from the Azgeda assassin, and any empathy you would normally feel is forgotten. 

She steps away from you and Bellamy, looking back at the rest of your group. “Welcome back to the Coalition.”

She steps away, leaving your group alone, and you and Bellamy turn and walk back to the others. “Time to go.”

There’s an awkward silence as everyone watches each other, wondering who is going where, and Kane smiles and motions to himself and your mom. “We’ll do our best to keep the king on his throne.”

And with the decision made for them to stay behind in Polis, you, Bellamy, and Clarke share a look, knowing that you’re going together. She speaks for the three of you, “We’ll find a way to beat the radiation.”

Bellamy glances at Octavia, who makes no move to leave her spot, cementing the fact that she’s staying in Polis with Indra. Bellamy nods, accepting that, and Clarke looks up at the darkening sky. “It’s getting dark, let’s do this.”

Your mom reaches forward and pulls Clarke into a hug, and you step over to Octavia to hug her. As you do, you whisper in her ear, “I didn’t get the chance to say it before, but Pike got what he deserved. Thank you for giving us justice.”

She nods once, and pulls away, before her and Bellamy exchange a look. You step away, towards your mom, giving them space. Your mom hugs you tight, and tells you, “Keep Clarke safe.”

“I will. May we meet again.”

“May we meet again.”

As you step away from her, you catch the tail end of what Kane is telling Bellamy. “You do better today than you did yesterday. Before you know it, you’ll deserve to survive.”

“I hope so.”

They move away from each other, and he turns to look at you, his eyes falling to your neck. Finger shaped bruises wrap their way around your neck, indicating Alie made him do, and you see a flash of guilt pass over his face. You reach out for him, pulling him into a hug, and he hesitates at first before hugging you back. You look at him when you pull away, and smile. “The advice you just gave Bellamy? It applies to you too. Forgive yourself, Kane, because I already have.”

He nods, squeezing your arm, before allowing you to turn and join Bellamy and Clarke. With one last look back at your group, you all turn and head towards the exit, following Jaha and the six guards that are accompanying you on your journey home. The other four stay behind to protect your mom, Kane, and Octavia. 

As they lead you through the streets of Polis, towards the front gate, Bellamy looks over at you and Clarke. “Okay princesses, what now?”

You think of the first time he referred to you and Clarke as princesses, right after the dropship landed and he dragged Wells out into the woods to take his wristband. You smile as you remember the nickname came on the heels of a threat, one you didn’t take seriously, not even when he flashed his gun. It’s hard to believe how far the two of you have come just in the last few months, and though the journey has been hard at some points, you’re thankful for it. When you look at Bellamy, you can tell he’s remembering the same memory, marveling at the evolution of your relationship. You reach out for his hand, intertwining your fingers, and give him a resolute nod. “Now, we survive.”

-


	47. xlvii. heavy lies the crown (4.02)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: smut, mentions of blood, explosions, nausea, stitches removal, people held captive, fighting, death.
> 
> Summary: a trip to Farm Station, deep in Azgeda territory, does not go according to plan.

_March 5th, 2150; Arkadia_

Because the other group of Arkadian citizens took the rover when they fled Polis, your group has to walk home. It takes two days, with a few stops in between, to make it back, and as soon as you do, your trio is faced with the task of rebuilding Arkadia after Alie’s takeover. Days are spent getting life back to normal, repairing what was damaged, and ensuring things are flowing smoothly again. The last two days, however, are focused on trying to solve the death wave problem.

You have six months to figure out how to save not only your people, but the Grounders too. The brainstorming has failed at every turn, each idea you propose being rejected as not viable or not large enough to save your people. Which is where you find yourself now, with Monty, Raven, Clarke, and Bellamy, trying to figure out how to save the human race. 

Monty and Raven are leaned up against a table, thinking, as Monty pours over notes in his hands. You and Clarke are near the window, watching the thunderstorm outside rage on, and Bellamy is pacing the room, before he stops and stares at the board of notes in front of him. “We've been at this for two days. There must be something we're not thinking of. What if we could reach the nearest nuclear reactor?”

You turn to face him at the suggestion, away from the window, as Raven instantly rejects his suggestion. “I told you, the meltdown started months ago. There's no magic button to turn them off. Today this isn't black rain, but it will be soon. That's why we have to focus on riding out the radiation, finding someplace safe and big enough to hold all 500 of us.”

Clarke spins around at the suggestion that the plan only has to save Skaikru, and sighs, “This isn't just about saving us. I made a promise to Roan, it's about saving everyone.”

A look of exasperation flashes across Raven’s face when she retorts, “That's why we need to tell everyone. Crowdsource it. If there's another Mount Weather out there, the Grounders will know about it.”

You snort, “After Pike _and_ Alie, you think they're gonna tell us? Just like that?”

Bellamy adds, “If you tell everybody they're going to die, the Coalition is over, Roan falls, and the Grounders will be at our gate.”

“Then just tell our people. We need more minds on this problem. On the Ark, people volunteered for the Culling because they were told the truth and given a choice.” Raven pauses, before turning to look at both you and Clarke. “A choice your dad died for.”

You feel a flash of anger at the mention of your father, weaponized and used against you and Clarke as if you could ever forget the sacrifice he made for you and his people. You’re about to snap back at her, but Clarke beats you to it, “You think we’ve forgotten that?”

Bellamy holds up his hands, trying to calm the tension. “Okay, we'll tell everybody the truth as soon as we have a viable solution. Without one, it'll start a panic.”

“You don't know that.”

Monty scares all of you by suddenly yelling out, “That's it!”

The four of you turn towards him, confused, and you ask, “What are you talking about?”

“Think. Alpha Station survived for 97 years in space, through elevated radiation levels and extreme temperature fluctuations. Sound familiar? All we have to do is patch up the ship.”

You all look between each other, the brilliance of the idea not lost on any of you. Monty stands beside you, looking at the ship, his voice full of awe when he says, “We're _standing_ in our viable solution.”

You, Bellamy, and Clarke look to Raven, the main member of the group to reject ideas, and when she doesn't, a smile passes over all of your faces. She smiles along with you, before turning to pick up a notepad, instantly creating a list. “In order for this to work, we’ll need to…”

-

It’s late before all of you break apart, each of you given your respective lists on what you’re responsible for. You and Bellamy are walking hand in hand through the camp towards your room, the rain now stopped. You glance down at the paper in your hand, yours and Bellamy’s responsibility written across the page in all caps: HYDRO GENERATOR. Below it, in smaller print, underlined three times, is Farm Station. You shake your head and stuff the list into your pocket, and Bellamy watches the motion, as he says, “We’ll talk to Miller and Bryan tomorrow. Since Monty is going with us, he agreed to talk to Harper. All we have to do is go into Ice Nation territory, get the hydro generator back, and bring it home. No problem.”

You think of Pike’s stories about the Ice Nation, the brutal torture that Farm Station endured from the moment they landed. The Ice Nation assassin that blew up Mount Weather, the man who nearly slit Jasper’s throat, the Queen that vowed to destroy your people, Echo. And you look to Bellamy, at his optimism of the situation, and you snort. “Yeah, no problem at all.”

He ignores the quip, choosing instead to lead you the last little bit from the hall into your shared room, closing the door behind him with a smile. You look at him, pulling a face at his wide grin. “What?”

He lifts the edge of his shirt, revealing the stitches in his side, his smile growing wider. “You promised you’d take them out today.”

You smile back at him, unable to resist his energy, and go to grab the medkit from your pack. “You’re right, I did. Go sit on the bed.”

By the time you’ve turned around, he’s already slipped out of his jacket and taken off his shirt. Your eyes linger a little too long at his bare chest, which does not go unnoticed by him. “Enjoying the view, princess?”

You roll your eyes, catching onto his reference, before kneeling down beside him. “The exact opposite actually.”

“That wasn't true then and it’s not true now.”

You laugh a little, already distracted by the stitches removal process, and mutter, “Maybe. Maybe not.”

He falls quiet, saying nothing in return, allowing you to work in silence. It only takes a few minutes to remove his stitches, and when you finish, you lean back and admire your work. “There, good as new.”

“Except for the crooked scar.”

You look up at him, mouth dropping open in mock offense, “It is _not_ crooked!”

“It is. I like it though!”

You playfully punch him in the shoulder, before turning to grab your medkit so you can return it to your pack. Bellamy has another idea though, because he grabs your wrist and spins you around, back towards him, rising to his feet so he can plant a kiss on your lips. It’s soft and sweet, full of love and affection, and you smile into the kiss. Bellamy feels your grin against your lips, and pulls back to look at you, smiling at your smile. “What?”

“Nothing. I’m just...happy. Happy to be alive, happy to be with you, happy that things are good between us.”

“Things are _great_ between us.”

“Yeah?”

His grin widens. “Yeah.”

He pulls you in for another kiss, this one more passionate than before, and you feel his hands move to your sides. You lift your hands to his chest, running them down his muscles, reveling in the way they push and pull beneath your fingers as he tugs your shirt over your head. You have to break the kiss for him to get your shirt all the way off, but as soon as it’s cleared your lips, you reconnect. His tongue swipes across your lips, asking for entry, and you open your mouth to allow him in. As your tongues move against each other, he reaches for your pants, undoing them and pushing them, and your underwear, down your legs as far as he can reach. 

You wriggle out of them, as he shimmies out of his, and as soon as you’re both naked, he falls back onto the bed, taking you with him. You giggle as he takes you down, both of you bouncing against the mattress a couple of times, but once you still, he rolls the two of you over until you're beneath him. He kisses you hard before his lips press to your jaw, then your neck, then your chest. You close your eyes as his lips roam over your skin, sending jolts of pleasure through you and straight to your core. His lips press lower and lower, over your stomach, to your hips, down to your thighs. 

You expect the next kiss to be lower, down near your knee, but your eyes fly open when you feel him press a kiss to the apex of your thighs. He looks up at you, hovered between your legs, expression concerned. “Is this okay?”

“Yeah, I’ve just never…”

You trail off, embarrassed to say it, but he smiles at you. “You’ll like this, I promise. And if you don’t, just tell me to stop, and I will. Okay?”

“Okay.”

He smiles, and waits for you to relax a little before he dips his tongue between your folds. You buck at the contact, hips instinctively following him as he moves away slightly to watch your reaction. When you don’t tell him to stop, he repeats the motion, each stroke of his tongue growing more and more exploratory. Every swipe over your clit leaves you shifting closer to him, wanting more contact, more of him, _more_. He senses this and slides a finger inside of you as he licks you, and you moan at the sensation. His movements continue, as he adds a second, and then a third finger, all the while his tongue is moving all over you, building the fire inside of you. 

You feel the fire burn as it spreads through you, taking you higher and higher, and he increases his pace to match your needs. You are moaning his name as he brings you closer to the edge, in between quieter pleads for him to keep going and not stop for anything. He complies, and seconds later you feel yourself reach your peak, before you fall over the edge, moaning out his name. You don't process anything during your orgasm, nothing other than the waves of pleasure that rush through you.

When you open our eyes, finally coming down from your high, still trying to catch your breath, you see Bellamy smiling at you. You give him a dopey smile in return, but when you think of how you must look to him, you feel embarrassment creep up on you. Your smile drops a little and you turn away from him, but he reaches up and turns your face back to him. “Hey, no, don't do that.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don't be sorry either. You're beautiful, and I love watching you come undone. Don't let your pretty little head convince you otherwise.”

You smile at him, before you nod, and he crawls up your body to press a kiss to your lips. When he pulls away, you whisper, “I want you, Bellamy. All of you.”

He shudders slightly before he nods, and lines himself up at your entrance. As soon as you let him know you're ready, he plunges into you, both of you moaning at the contact. He leans down and reconnects your lips, and you get lost in him, wrapped up in Bellamy and all that he is. He makes you come a second time before he lets himself finish, and it takes a while for him to roll off of you and lay by your side. When he does, you lay side by side, turning towards each other, mapping out each other's features. 

As your eyes trace the freckles that dot the bridge of his nose, he whispers, _“Ai hod yu in, blainen natshana.”_

Your face splits into a grin, and you answer, “And I love you more than the stars, Bellamy Blake.”

-

The bliss from the night before is shattered as soon as your eyes open to the world, and your brain reminds you of everything going on. Namely, a nuclear death wave on its way to kill you all, and your planned field trip into the territory of a clan that hates your people.

Bellamy’s mood, however, seems un-dampened by the day’s schedule, still riding the high from the night before, and you can't help but smile. You lay in bed and watch as he dresses, a small smile on his face, oblivious to the fact that you’re now awake. You file away the image for later, when you can fully appreciate the fact that he’s healing, and doing much better than before. As you watch him settle into the chair and lace up his boots, you hum, “Good morning, sunshine.”

He looks up with a start, but his smile widens when he sees you, wrapped up in the sheets, peering out at him. “Good morning, radiant moon. I was just about to wake you. Bryan and Miller agreed to meet us in half an hour.”

You sit up and stretch, shaking the sleep from your bones. “And reality returns. I’ll be ready in a few minutes.”

He nods, pointing towards the door. “I’m going to radio Kane and update him on the plan, meet me at Bryan and Miller’s when you’re ready.”

“Roger that.”

He pulls on his jacket before crossing the room and planting a kiss into your hair. “See you in a few.”

You hum in response, watching as he steps out of the room before you stand and lazily get dressed and ready for the day. 

A few minutes later, after you’ve gotten ready and put yourself in the right headspace, you head over to the agreed upon room, prepared to break the news to them. Bellamy is already waiting when you arrive, and once he sees you, he turns and knocks on the door. Nate answers within seconds, ushering the two of you inside, and Bellamy wastes no time explaining the situation to them, including what the plans are to fix it, ending his message with, “Raven says we can get it sealed up in a month. The Ark is our Ark.”

Miller nods then muses, “I get it. Okay, so, freeze dried meat until we can grow our own food. we’ve got oxygen scrubbers, but how do we get enough water for 500 people?”

You and Bellamy share a look before you break the news. “We don't. That's why we're heading to Farm Station.”

His displeasure is instantaneous, “Why the hell would we do that? It's in the damn Ice Nation.”

Bryan sits up from his place in bed, where he was resting his leg, and starts to stand. “You just said it. We need a hydro generator, and Farm Station has one for the crops.”

Bellamy glances at the injured man. “You think you can get us there?”

Miller reacts in the way that you expect, the same way Bellamy would react if the roles were reversed and they were asking you to do this. “No way. Find us another machine.”

“There are no others, and without it, we won't last a year inside this ship. Let alone five.”

Miller concedes, “Fine, I'm in. But Bryan stays here, his leg is still healing.”

Bryan, however, has other plans. He reaches for his shirt that is slung over the back of his chair, tugging it over his head before he turns to face you and Bellamy. “I'm in, too.”

“Good. We roll in an hour.”

They nod in acknowledgement and you turn and leave the room, Bellamy right behind you. As the door closes behind you, you can hear the two men instantly start to argue, and guilt washes over you. You glance at Bellamy, who looks equally guilty, before he mutters, “He’s the only one that’s been there. We can’t do it without him.”

“I know.”

-

An hour later, you, Bellamy, Miller, Bryan, Monty, and Harper are loading up the truck you’re using for the mission. Normally you would take the rover, but the hydro generator is large, and the rover won't be big enough to carry it. You toss a backpack of supplies to Miller, who puts them in the back of the truck before he climbs in himself. Bellamy comes around from the front of the truck to the back, meeting you there, just as Clarke walks into the room. He tells you both, “Battery's full. If we're lucky, we won't have to stop to recharge.”

Clarke nods and pulls a leather package out of her jacket, handing it to you. “Even luckier if Roan's seal will work like it's supposed to. If you get into trouble, just show this.”

You nod, “Got it.”

You tuck the seal into the pocket in your jacket, as Bellamy yells to the others, “Load up!”

Everyone makes their way to the back of the truck, climbing inside, and you and Bellamy look back to your twin. You motion towards the truck. “You could still come with us.”

“No, I can't. Arkadia is just plan B, it doesn't help the Grounders. I'm not stopping until we have a solution that saves everyone.”

You nod, understanding, and Bellamy mutters, “We save who we can save today.”

She gives him a small smile, before you pull her into a hug. She hugs you back, giving you a squeeze, before pulling away with a smile. Her and Bellamy nod at each other in goodbye, before you both head to your respective sides of the truck and climb inside. You glance back at your passengers, checking on them, and Monty gives you a thumbs up, letting you know they're ready. You relay the message to Bellamy. “They’re good to go. Take us to the Ice Nation.”

He starts the truck and pulls out of the hangar bay, maneuvering the large vehicle out of the camp and onto the open roads. The ride doesn't take long, and you pass the time by keeping up conversation with Bellamy, sticking to lighter subjects to distract you from the mission at hand. Before you know it, Bellamy is slowing the truck to a stop, putting into park, and all of you slide out as Bellamy yells, “This is as close as we can get. From here, we go on foot.”

You’re stopped near a cliffside, and you all walk towards the edge to get eyes on Farm Station. It looms in the distance, though it is well hidden by the layers of snow that now cover the surface, blending into the surrounding terrain. Some of the panels were blown off through reentry and landing, but the station itself is almost completely intact. Something about it gives you a chill though, and you shiver as you look at the abandoned station. Miller kneels down beside you, pulling out his binoculars to get a better look, and a second later he mutters, “Guys, we’ve got a problem. The barn isn't empty.”

You turn to him in surprise, before you go to your knees beside him, lifting your rifle to peer through the scope. The others do the same, and as you all look towards Farm Sttation, you confirm Miller’s claims. All around the entrance there are people milling about, mostly camouflaged, but still visible. Bryan, who is kneeling on the other side of Nate, is pissed as he looks down at his former home. “They moved in. If it's the same guys who attacked us, with our guns, we could take them.”

Bellamy glances his way, but shakes his head. “I'm sure we could, but we didn't come here to fight.”

“They _butchered_ us. Killed kids, our friends, our families.”

Monty, who is down on the other end, beside Bryan, glances his way. “I don't like it anymore than you do, but Bellamy's right. We need that machine.”

You all turn to look back at the station, but Harper’s voice interrupts you, quiet and scared. “Guys?”

You turn towards her, your eyes instantly landing on the arrow pressed into Harper’s neck, and you abruptly stand and swing your gun that way. All around you, the boys do the same, until you see the group of Grounders emerge from the trees. No less than 20 people run your way, and Bellamy lowers his gun before ordering the rest of you to fo the same. “Weapons down. Now.”

You immediately set your gun on the ground at your feet, and so does Harper, Monty, and Miller. Bryan, however, still has his gun lifted and pointed at anyone who tries to step closer. Bellamy urges, “Bryan, now.”

Finally, Bryan lowers his weapon, and you all lift your hands in surrender. An Ice Nation warrior walks to your end, stopping between you and Bellamy, and you slowly grab Roan’s seal from your jacket, pulling back the leather to show it to her. _“Haihefa Roun kom Azgeda don sen osir.”_

 _King Roan of Ice Nation sent us._ She takes the metal seal from you, inspecting it, before turning and looking at those gathered around. You relax a little, thinking the seal actually worked, before she spins towards you abruptly, hitting you across the face with the seal. The force of it knocks you to the ground, and pain explodes along your cheekbone, putting stars into your vision. You hear the others start to move towards you until they are ordered to stop, and the woman turns and yells, _“Ban emo shuda we en tsa shoun emo of gon Wormana!”_

 _Take their weapons and let’s introduce them to the General!_ You are rolled over and pulled to your feet, and you blink against the pain that throbs along your cheekbone. Beside you, Bellamy is desperately repeating your name, and when you look his way, his face is set in concern. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Just wishing that had gone better.”

One of the Grounders stops in front of you and pulls your hands forward, tying them together, and all down the line they do the same to the others. You are grabbed first, and Bellamy is pulled behind you, before the others fall in place down the line, all of you being led through the trees, down the mountain, and into Farm Station. 

They stripped you of weapons before the journey, and the woman who hit you with the seal smiled when she yanked your knife from your holster, pocketing it for herself. For some reason, that annoys you more than the hit across the face, but you don't get the opportunity to ask yourself why that is, because you are led inside one of the side hallways in the station and kicked to the ground, onto your knees. Bellamy is shoved down beside you, and in front of you, a man, the General, holds the seal in his hands, lifting it towards you. “Where did you get this?”

Bellamy speaks up first, deciding to risk himself for any potential hits, instead of you. “King Roan. Skaikru and Azgeda are allies, he sent us to get a part of the ship, a machine.”

The woman who hit you and stole your knife is standing at the General’s side, and she sneers, _“_ **_Haihefa_ ** _Roun nou don komba raun Azgeda hashta thri yiron. Banau Hainofa-de nou laik ai Haihefa.”_

 **_King_ ** _Roan hasn't returned to Ice Nation in three years. The banished prince is not my king._ She practically spits the word king, and you glance at Bellamy, feeling nervous. If she doesn’t recognize Roan as the King, then his seal means nothing, does nothing to secure your survival. The walls of Farm Station might be the last thing you ever get to see. And as if proving that point, the General pulls your knife from the woman’s pocket, and starts to walk towards Bellamy. You both start to protest, “Wait, we’re just here for the-”

“-we'd come to take this place back, there would be a lot more of us and you know that.”

He turns to look at the woman, and mutters, _“Tsa jos dula'm klin, Dakiva.”_

 _Let’s just get this over with, Dakiva._ He closes the space between himself and Bellamy, yanking your boyfriend to his feet, and you freeze in fear, unable to process the thought of him dying right in front of you. Instead, the man cuts Bellamy’s restraints free, before yelling to the other people, _“Breik emo au!”_

They all listen to his command and cut you free, releasing all of you, as the woman, Dakiva, sneers at your group. As you are yanked to your feet, the General asks, “Where is this machine for the King?”

Bellamy turns to look at Monty, who has the tablet with the map on it. Monty pulls it from his jacket and passses it over to Bellamy, who shows it to the General, pointing at the screen. “It should be here.”

The man nods, already walking away. “I know where that is. Follow me.”

As you are led through Farm Station, Bellamy in the lead and you right behind him, the hairs on the back of your neck lift, and a heavy feeling sits in your stomach. At first, you can't figure out why, until you hear the familiar noise that was ever present during your whole life on the Ark: machine hum. As soon as you hear it, you realize the lights are on and the station is clearly working, and you start to wonder how that’s possible when every Grounder you’ve ever met has looked at technology as if it's magic. Monty expresses the same sentiment to Harper, “Ever meet a Grounder who could power up a spaceship?”

Dakiva snaps, “No talking.”

None of you have to wonder about it for long though, because you’re led to a door at the end of the hall. The General pauses in front of it, thinking over his decision one last time before he nods to the man beside the door. You watch as he twists the wheel and pushes it open, leading you into the room for the hydro generator. The room, however, is not empty. From one end of the room to the next are people, held captive and forced to run Farm Station. They all look up at you as your group enters the room, freezing in place as soon as you realize what you’re looking at. 

To your right, a kid stands chained in place, staring up at Harper, and Harper makes a move towards her until Bellamy reaches out to hold her back. Monty searches the room for the generator, eyes landing to the top of a set of stairs. “Up there, the generator.”

The General motions towards the stairs, and Bellamy takes the lead, leaving you to fall into place behind him. As you start to ascend the stairs, you hear Bryan gasp, “Riley?”

You pause in place and turn to look at Bryan, who is walking towards a man about your age nearby. He mutters, “We thought you were dead.”

He reaches out for Riley, but the General pushes him away forcefully, separating them. “Only the machine. The rest is ours.”

A wave of nausea rolls through your stomach at the thought of “the rest”, because they’re people. Your people. Skaikru. Farm Station. And though you may not know them personally, based off their looks, they’ve been through hell here. They’re filthy, covered in dirt and grease, their hair tangled and matted. Some of them even have dried blood, likely from wounds that never received medical care, and the thought makes you sick. Because despite the things you’ve been through in the last few months, it wasn't _this_. 

Bellamy quietly urges the rest of you to focus. “We have to get the machine, let’s go.”

He continues up the stairs, and all of you take your place around the machine, holding it in place as Monty works to disconnect it from the rest of the station. The arguing starts immediately, with Bryan beginning, “We can't just leave them.”

Harper whispers back, “We're in the Coalition now, so we ask the King to free them. It's our best bet.”

“Not if it means leaving Riley.”

Bellamy mutters, “Harper's right, we try diplomacy first. If that doesn't work, we come with reinforcements for them. After we take home the machine, right?”

Bryan seems unsatisfied with this response, but nods. You look around as Monty works, noticing that the girl from before, that Harper was reaching for, is now coming this way, a container of water in her hand. She steps in between you and Bellamy to get by, and you both step back a little, giving her space. But as she slips between you, she drops something near your feet. You look at Bellamay in confusion, before stepping on it, hiding it from anyone who may be looking. He glances around quickly before giving you a nod, letting you know it’s safe to grab it. You bend down and quickly pick it up, unfolding the rough cloth to reveal a note that reads: _moving us tomorrow, help!_

You tip the note towards Bellamy slightly, so he can see, before you stuff it into your pocket, out of view. You whisper to the others, “They're moving them.”

Bryan responds, “It's now or never.”

You look at Bellamy, who is watching Bryan. “Are there any other exits in here?”

“No, this is completely sealed. We came down from space in here because it's the most secure room in the ship.”

Monty explains, “It's designed that way in case the hydrazine blew.”

You and Bellamy look to each other, eyes going wide, thinking of the same thing. A hydrazine bomb on a bridge, fueled by the crashed dropship that you thought your mother was in. You whisper, “I am become death.”

Harper catches this exchange, and the look on both of your faces, and she questions, “What?”

Bellamy looks away from you, then to the hydro generator. “We have a bomb.”

Miller, who has been silent this entire time, gives him a sharp look. “Wait a second, the end of the world is coming, and you want to destroy the one thing that will keep our people alive?”

His boyfriend bites back, “Yeah, not all of our people. What about Riley?”

“I vote that we take it home.”

Bryan glares at Miller, “No. Blow it up.”

Harper looks between the two men, then over to you and Bellamy. “I'm with Bryan. I know what's like to be locked up and afraid. You didn't leave us in Mount Weather, we shouldn't leave them here.”

You look the machine over, before you turn to Monty. “Can we build another machine?”

“No way! The tech’s too advanced.”

Bellamy expands on your question. “We have six months, we have Raven. Are you telling me she can't figure out another way to make water?”

“Yes.” He pauses his work for the first time, and locks eyes with Bellamy. “Look, I know you want to make up for the things you've done, believe me, we all do, but we need to think of the big picture: 25 people instead of 500. We're talking about the human race, Bellamy. We need to get this machine back to Arkadia, it's the only way.”

Harper looks at him, her voice cracking as she realizes her and Monty are on opposite sides. “It's two and two, your call, Bellamy. What's it gonna be?”

You can see the conflict written all over his face, and he turns to look at you, eyes searching for your decision. You glance at the other two couples, all of them struggling with the decision to choose against their partner, before you look back to Bellamy. You already struggled with being on opposite sides when he followed Pike, and you decide that you don't want to go through that again. So you give him a small smile, and reach out and squeeze his hand. “I’ll support whatever you decide.”

He nods, before turning back to the others and whispering, “We blow it up.”

Those who voted to save the machine, Monty and Miller, flash a look of annoyance towards Bellamy, but they accept the decision nonetheless. Bellamy explains, “We get the bomb into the hallway and we set it off, before riding it out inside this room. That’ll take out most of the guards nearby, and then we fight anyone else who comes our way, before we free everyone. Clear?”

A quiet chorus of “clear” answers him. As soon as the generator is free, Monty, Harper, Bellamy, and Miller each take a corner. You lead the group and Bryan trails it, and you avoid the eyes of the captive people as you walk from the room, all of them looking heartbroken and disappointed. Even though you know you’re coming back for them, their expressions tear you apart inside and make you want to turn around instantly. 

The Ice Nation guards close the door behind you, sealing the room off from the rest of the station. Guards surround you on all sides as you move through the hallway, and you eye Dakiva as she walks beside you. Suddenly, you hear a lurching sound behind you and Harper snaps, “Watch it, Miller.”

“Wait, wait, wait, Just set it down.” You turn and watch as they carefully lower the generator to the ground, and Monty leans down to fiddle with the controls. It takes a second for him to get it right, but as soon as you hear a quiet beeping sound, he yells, “Now!”

On command, you all turn to the guard nearest to you and fight them off. You swing towards Dakiva and punch her across the face, the force sending her backwards, but she recovers quickly. She runs at you and pushes you into the wall, and you can hear the beep of the machine speed up as it nears the end of its timer. You hear Bellamy call your name, frantic, and you reach into Dakiva’s pocket and pull out your knife, before plunging it into her shoulder. She lets out a scream of pain and you pull the knife out before kicking her away from you, giving you enough space to run past her and into the room, just as your friends frantically close the door. Less than a second later, the explosion cuts through the ship, taking out everyone on the other side of the door. 

You all turn around just in time to see the General cutting through the crowd of captives, pushing his way towards your group, an axe in hand. He swings at Miller first, who jumps backwards, barely missed by the blade. Bellamy bum rushes the General and shoves him into a table nearby, before the man turns around and punches Bellamy. You run over and elbow him in the side as Miller rushes forward and punches him in the face. He and Bellamy each grab one of his arms and lift him off the ground, before slamming him to the floor. They take turns punching the man, until Bryan runs forward, pushing his boyfriend away. “Nate, this isn't your kill! This is Monty's kill!”

Everyone freezes and looks towards Bryan, Monty included. “What are you talking about?”

“This is the man that murdered your father.”

You turn and look at Monty, watching as a look of disgust and anger sets into his face. He leans down and grabs the man’s axe, stepping towards him, and staring down at him. Bellamy, who is still holding the man in place, sees the war of emotions in his eyes, one he is all too familiar with, and whispers, “You don't have to do this.”

“Yeah, I do.”

Monty lifts the axe and starts to swing, but instead of it coming down onto the man that killed his father, he swings to the chained up locks wrapped around the pole to his left. He hits them repeatedly until the chain breaks and drops to the floor, freeing the prisoners. As soon as they're free, they rush towards the General, barreling down on him and beating him to death. He cries out in pain at first, but soon his cries go silent, and the crowd starts to step away, the deed now done.

Less than an hour later, everyone is loaded up in the truck, ready for the trip home, back to Arkadia. You and Bellamy close the hatch in the back, locking it closed, looking at your passengers for a long moment before heading into your respective seats. As Bellamy gets the truck started and in motion, he reaches over to you, grabbing your hand, intertwining your fingers, the weight of his decision weighing on him. Because although he saved the 25 prisoners of Farm Station today, he potentially condemned the rest of you to death. You squeeze his hand and whisper, “I stand by what I said. I support your decision, and I think you made the right call.”

That seems to ease some of his tension, though not all of it, and the rest of the drive is spent in silence, each of you lost in your own thoughts. As soon as you arrive back at Arkadia, you and Bellamy jump out of the truck and immediately start helping the Farm Station survivors out, while Harper and Monty work to figure out who needs to go where. As you're unloading everyone, Clarke comes outside to greet you, but before she can, her eyes land on Riley. “Riley?”

He turns and looks at her, his face lighting up. “Clarke.”

They hug quickly, and she mutters, “I can't believe you’re alive.”

He turns to look at you and Bellamy, nodding in appreciation, before answering, “I am now.”

Bellamy turns to Harper and instructs, “Get Riley and the others to medbay.”

She nods and motions for him and the others to follow her, and Clarke walks over to the two of you, as Raven comes around from the front of the truck, looking into the back in confusion. “Where is it?”

“We didn't get the machine.”

Clarke looks between the two of you, trying to figure out what happened. “It didn't survive the landing?”

You shake your head, “No, it did.”

Bellamy looks at the retreating survivors, before looking back between Raven and Clarke. “I had a choice: bring the machine home or use it to save them.”

Raven throws up her hands, instantly upset. “Oh, we are so screwed.”

“We have time, but I am not sacrificing any more innocent lives.”

Clarke shakes her head, “You just did.”

You watch the muscle in his jaw twitch before he defends his decision. “I made the call, and I'll live with it.”

Raven snaps, “Yeah, you're not the only one who has to live with your call, _as usual_.”

The comment sends you over the edge, and you turn to her, glare on your face, and snap back. “Enough, Raven. You love to judge everyone else’s decisions because you think your hands aren't dirty, but they are. We made the decision to save their lives, and if you have a problem with it, then we can discuss it at length later. But it’s done. The decision was made, and the generator is gone. We can’t go back and change that.”

Her mouth snaps shut, not expecting your rant, and Clarke tries to change the subject by asking, “Okay, how many of us will the ship sustain without a hydro generator?”

“No more than a hundred.” The significance of that number, now coming back to haunt you. Before, a group of adults decided which 100 teenagers would be sent to the ground, teenage guinea pigs in a science experiment. Now, a small group of delinquents will decide which 100 people will get locked inside of Alpha Station to ride out Nuclear Apocalypse 2.0.

Clarke sighs, and then tells Raven, “Call for a general meeting.”

Raven turns and leaves, and minutes later the meeting is called. Clarke stands on a small stage, addressing the crowd in front of her, sharing all the information you have about the end of the world. She ends her speech with, “So now you know the truth. I know you're afraid, I know you're angry, but when I shut down Alie I knew there was to way for us to get through this together.”

She pauses, then glances to where you, Raven, and Bellamy stand, watching her speech. “Alpha Station is that way. Every single one of us will survive on this ship.”

The three of you share a look, knowing that only 100 people can survive in Alpha Station, but Clarke continues her lie. “It won't be easy. Raven needs volunteers if we're gonna get it ready in time. It'll be a lot of work, but now you understand why we need to do it. If we stick together, I give you my word, we won't just survive. We'll _thrive_.”

When she finishes her speech, she steps off the platform, walking over to where the rest of you stand. As soon as she is within earshot, Raven mutters, “Nice speech.”

“Sometimes hope is more important than truth.”

Raven sneers, “You dad would be so proud.”

Clarke motions to the gathering crowd of volunteers, awaiting instructions, and she snaps, “You wanted workers. You got them.”

Raven shakes her head before walking off, leading the volunteers to the hangar bay to give them instructions. You, Bellamy, and Clarke watch them leave, and you can see the distress in Clarke’s face from lying to everyone about the reality of the situation. You reach out and place a comforting hand on her arm, repeating Bellamy's earlier words. “We save who we can save today.”

-


	48. xlviii. the four horsemen (4.03)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: mentions of puking (and puking up blood), lesions, dead bodies.
> 
> Summary: an unexpected arrival to Arkadia leaves everyone on edge, and Jaha sets out on another quest for redemption, you and Bellamy in tow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg hi v sorry for the later upload today! my power went out this morning and I only got two hours of sleep but I have a weird amount of energy so I did a lot of chores today and just now remembered that I owed you guys a chapter! so hello hi here it is, v sorry, i love u, happy friday!!!

_March 13th, 2150; Arkadia_

It’s been a week since the events at Farm Station, and the camp has been a frenzy of activity everyday since. Raven got her volunteers, most of the camp at that, but even still, it’s not enough. There’s so much to do to guarantee that Alpha Station is ready to ride out the death wave in six months, and even with nearly everyone working on preparations, you’ll be cutting it close. _Very close._ Still, the work keeps you busy and keeps your mind off of things, giving you less time to worry about the end of the world.

Right now, you, Bellamy, and Clarke are wheeling rations into the new storage room, packing them in and getting it organized. Raven is already in the room when you wheel the cart inside, welding the cracks in the panels of the ceiling, and she pauses her work when she hears the three of you entering, already in a conversation. Bellamy glances over at you and Clarke as he stacks rations onto the shelves across from you. “Two meals a day for people working as hard as ours, we won’t make any friends.”

Clarke shrugs as she hands you packages to stack onto the shelves, “Well, if there’s one thing our people understand, it’s rationing.”

You nod your head in agreement, thinking of the scraps of meals that you lived off of, snuck to you by your family, and though you’re not eager to return to that, you know that you can handle it if it comes down to it. You think of the rationing plans once the doors are closed, and you add to Clarke’s point, “Anyways, once the doors are closed, it’ll be one meal a day for the next five years.

Raven turns to face the three of you, shaking her head. “Try one meal every other day. Hunting parties are coming back with less and less.”

She climbs down from her ladder, stopping in front of Clarke. “Thanks to your friend Niylah, we’re preserving more meat than ever. But it’s still not enough. Without a way to make water, growing our own protein like we did on the Ark is not an option.” 

She glances between you and Bellamy before finishing, “Remember that when we’re starving.”

Bellamy quips back, “I won’t be starving because I won’t be inside.”

You and Clarke counter at the same time, “Yes, you will.”

Raven looks towards Clarke, hopeful. “Does that mean you made the list?”

Clarke visibly sags, the weight of the list too much for her to think about. Ever since Raven’s projection that only 100 people can survive in Alpha Station without the hydro generator, she’s been urging Clarke to make a list of which 100 people that would include, in case things got bad quickly. Clarke, of course, immediately rejected the idea, but as acting Chancellor, the responsibility falls on her shoulders. She tried to pawn it off on your mother when she returned from Polis a few days ago, but your mom shut her down quickly, letting both of you know that her being both a doctor and the Chancellor was too hard the first time and she wouldn’t be doing it again. 

Which left the responsibility of the list firmly on Clarke’s shoulders. You offered to help her when she finally decides to work on it, and the only thing you asked in return for helping her shoulder the burden is that she put Bellamy on the list. You don’t care if she leaves you off, as long as he is safe instead. She seemed open to the idea, but has yet to approach you for help, meaning the list is still unwritten. 

“No. What about drinking water?”

Raven gives Clarke a scolding look. “Clarke, don’t change the subject. We need to know who’s gonna be on the inside of these doors when the radiation comes.”

Clarke shrugs, “We don’t need to know _now_.”

Before Raven can argue further, the P.A. system crackles to life with a message. “We need some medical help at the front gate. Looks like we got some sick people here.”

All of you immediately run off without another word, moving through the camp quickly, pushing through the gathering crowd to reach the front gate. As you get closer, you see four guards pointing their weapons at a group outside the walls, yelling, “Do not come any closer.”

A voice from the other side begs, “Please, they need Skaikru medicine.”

Something about it is familiar to you, and as the group comes into view, you realize why. It’s Nyko, holding a young girl in his arms. You turn and relay the message to Clarke and Bellamy before pushing past the guards, trying to approach the group, but Miller grabs your arm as you try to walk past. “What if it’s a Grounder attack like they did with Murphy?”

“Then I’ll get sick again.” You pull your arm from his grip, and approach Nyko. “Nyko, What happened to them?”

He drops to his knees, tired, and those around him do the same. “The sickness. We lost more than 40 on the way.”

You close the space between you, kneeling at his side to check on the girl in his arms. She’s covered in lesions, stretching from her face, and down her arms, and she’s pale. As you get a closer look at her, you realize that she’s the young girl from Luna’s Rig, the one that was in the room when Alie was torturing Luna. You turn to tell Bellamy and Clarke, who have now moved closer to you, but Bellamy’s eyes are locked on a coughing woman beside you. He looks at her in disbelief. “Luna?”

Your head snaps in that direction, eyes falling on the Nightblood, who is covered in the same lesions, and looks just as pale as the girl. She weakly pleads, “Please don’t turn us away because of what I did to you.”

Just then, your mother starts to cut through the crowd, yelling at those gathered near the gate, “Out of my way, please let me through!”

She runs over to you, covering her mouth at first, until she gets a good look at the group and lowers the cloth. She drops to her knees, looking the young girl over, and you whisper, “Mom, what is this?”

“Fever, lesions, vomiting. It’s ARS.”

Bellamy asks, “What’s ARS?”

“Acute radiation sickness.” She turns her focus to Luna. “When did the symptoms start?”

“Not sure. Right before the fish started dying.”

Your stomach drops, a heavy pit forming. You will admit that you don’t know much about nuclear death waves and how they affect the planet, but you remember Raven mentioning that things like this would happen right before the appearance of Praimfaya. You turn and look at Bellamy, Raven, and Clarke in shock, all of them wearing matching expressions. “The fish are dying?”

Nyko nods. “Floating on the sea to the horizon in every direction.”

Your mom turns and tells those of you nearby, “It’s not contagious, let’s get them to medbay.”

Her and Nyko help the small girl, while Luna assists the woman at her side. Raven helps one of the other group members, and you shift over to a woman on the ground, laid out, still, eyes closed. You reach out, checking her pulse, dropping your head when you feel nothing. Clarke and Bellamy kneel on either side of you, looking towards you expectantly, and you shake your head, letting them know she’d dead. Clarke’s voice is horrified when she whispers, “It’s already here.”

You and Bellamy grab the woman, you taking her arms, and Bellamy her legs, deciding to lead her into medbay, in case your mother wants to look over her before burying her. When you get inside of the makeshift hospital, your mom and Jacskson are running all around, checking as many people as they can. As soon as Clarke steps into the room, she joins them, and you and Bellamy lay the woman’s body onto one of the available beds, before turning and looking around the room. 

Most of the beds are now occupied with sick patients. Some of them are sleeping or too weak to move, some are groaning in pain, or coughing, and some of them are puking up blood. Luna happens to be one of those people, her head hung over a bucket, expelling black blood from her body. You and Bellamy exchange a look, and you grab a cup and fill it with water before walking over to her, Bellamy right behind you. She looks over at you as you approach, and whispers, “You think I deserve this for refusing the Flame?”

You open your mouth to answer, but Bellamy beats you to it, his voice soft. “No one deserves to suffer. Besides, this would’ve happened anyway.”

She nods, accepting the answer, relieved that neither of you are angry. You hand her the cup of water and she accepts it with a nod of thanks, taking a sip before setting the glass down on the table beside her. Unfortunately, her body rejects the small amount of water and she starts to throw up again. You step closer to her, pushing her hair back and over her shoulders, holding it away from her face as she vomits. Beside you, Bellamy grabs a rag and passes it to you, which you use to wipe the sweat from her forehead before offering it to her to wipe her mouth. 

Luna takes in a shaky breath, and mutters a very weak, “Thank you.”

Clarke walks over to join you, stopping beside Bellamy, and Luna looks up at her. “This is all that’s left of my people. Can you save them?”

You look around the room, less than 10 people lying in beds around you, a stark contrast for all of the people you saw on her rig. You feel a rush of sadness for her, and Clarke reassures her, “We’ll do everything we can, you have my word.”

She weakly nods, before lowering herself onto the bed, laying on her side, and closing her eyes. You all take that as your cue to leave her to rest, and as you start to step away, Bellamy’s radio crackles to life. “Bellamy.”

He lifts the radio and answers, “Yeah?”

“Bring the twins and meet me in the hangar bay.”

“Copy that.”

You all head straight there, and as you step into the room, Raven has all the computers powered on and put to work. Each screen displays a different chart, map, or list of information, and you all gather around as she points to a screen with a map of your area pulled up. “So, Luna’s rig is here, and if the fish in these waters are dying, well, basically, we’re screwed.”

You shake your head. “I don’t understand. Alie said we had six months.”

“We don’t.”

Clarke sighs and then asks, “Well, then how long do we have?”

“It’s hard to say. Radiation is dispersed by jet stream and carried by ocean currents, so it’s not an exact science, but the leading indicators are small species die-offs: fish, insects. Based on the new data, I’d say we have…two months of survivability…probably less.”

You all exchange looks of panic, knowing exactly what that two month time frame means. You won’t be ready. Bellamy shakes his head. “The Ark won’t be ready.”

“It’ll be close. If we triple the man hours and work around the clock, we should be able to achieve a hard seal before the black rain comes. We just have to decide who gets to live here.”

Clarke sighs, and shakes her head. “Raven, we’re not talking about the list again.”

“Clarke, we are running out of time. We have to make a plan for the day we close the doors, drill for it, make sure only the survivors have guns, agree on protocols for dealing with the people who are pissed off they’re not chosen. You asked me to be in charge of rationing, and I am doing it, but choosing who gets to live or die is your specialty.”

The words hurt her, and Clarke closes her eyes, trying to hide her hurt. As she opens them again and starts to reply, an engine fires up nearby, causing all of you to look around in confusion. “No one’s scheduled to take the rover.”

You all run over to the rover, which is parked just outside the doors of the hangar bay, and when you get there, you see Jaha in the driver’s seat. You roll your eyes at the sight, the former Chancellor always a thorn in your side, and Bellamy pulls open the door. “Out of the vehicle.”

“I need to make a run.”

Raven steps closer to the door, glaring. “All supply runs go through me, and shouldn’t you be working on the patch to sector 5?”

He turns the vehicle off and climbs out, looking between the four of you with a calm expression. “A patch for a ship that can only save a hundred people?”

You all exchange a look of shock, knowing that you never passed that information to him. “Why are you surprised? I am an engineer, we have no way to generate water. The harder number is 400. Can you really sentence 400 more of our own people to death?”

Clarke bites back, “We don’t have a choice.”

“What if you do? What if I told you there might be a fallout shelter less than a day’s drive from here, a fallout shelter built to sustain thousands?”

You shake your head, thinking of the two days of options that all of you ran through with Monty. “We’ve been through the Chancellor’s files. All the bunkers you considered for us were listed as compromised or unviable, and now Mount Weather is, too.”

“Those were government bunkers.”

He pulls out a tablet, passing it over to Clarke. Pulled up on the screen is an article, entitled: “Is the apocalypse nigh? Inside the cult of the Second Dawn.”

You all look at him in disbelief. “A doomsday cult?”

“That’s right, the Second Dawn.”

Clarke looks up at him, sounding hopeful. “They built a bunker?”

“Their whole theology was based on riding out the end of the world.”

Raven shakes her head, “And why didn’t you consider it?”

“We couldn’t prove it existed.”

“You found it, didn’t you?”

“We can’t be sure unless we check it out.”

Clarke looks over at you, and you can see that she’s considering the offer, and you shrug, letting her know that it’s up to her. She glances over at Raven, who is already starting to argue. “No. No way. We need that rover for hauling pieces of a 3-ton patch we’re build-”

Clarke cuts him off, “Yeah, but if he’s right we don’t need a patch.”

Raven glances over at Jaha, and then over to the three of you. “Can I talk to you guys for a second?”

She takes a few steps away, creating distance between all of you and Jaha, and as soon as you’re out of earshot, she turns to you and Bellamy. “Can you please remind Clarke what happened the last time Jaha went looking for salvation?”

Bellamy shakes his head, not opposed to the idea either. “Raven, if that bunker is real, we can save a lot more than 100 people.”

“If it’s not, we’ve lost another day.”

Clarke sighs, glances over at the rover, then down to the various groups of people repairing the ship, before turning back to Raven. “What if they go? I’ll stay and make the list, and find you more volunteers to cover the loss of the rover.”

Raven considers this, before breaking down and sighing. “Oh, do what you want. I’ve got a ship to seal.”

She turns and heads inside, leaving the three of you behind. Clarke hands you the tablet, and squeezes your arm. “Bring me back good news. _Please_.”

You smile and nod, before glancing at Bellamy. “We gonna do this?”

He pretends to think for a second before smiling back, “I’ll drive.”

You all head back to the rover, and you point to the back, telling Jaha, “Get in.”

Jaha climbs inside, and as soon as he closes the door, Bellamy takes off towards the gates. Jaha already programmed the location into the GPS before you found him, so Bellamy starts to follow the course, as Jaha pulls up a video on the tablet and hands it to you. On the bottom of the screen is a flag that reads: Bill Cadogan, founder of the Second Dawn. 

Cadogan stands on a stage, in front of a large group of people, preaching, “The end is coming. Hear me as I say it this time. The end is coming, and it’s coming soon.”

Jaha mutters, “He gave this speech two weeks before the bombs.”

“The world is dark and getting darker all the time. Everything we once trusted has turned on us: government, religion. Even technology has become a weapon in their hands, used to poison our minds. I know you’re in pain. I know you’re afraid, but it doesn’t have to be like this. There is a way out of the darkness. I can show it to you, you can be saved. Join me, join us, and together when the horsemen come, from the ashes, we will rise.”

You pull a face, handing the tablet back to Jaha, feeling doubtful of his “proof”. “In the two years before the bombs, Cadogan sold off most of the Second Dawn’s real estate holdings, generating tens of millions of dollars, but there was one thing he didn’t sell.”

He hands the tablet back to you, the first chapter of a book pulled up on the screen. At the bottom, there’s a picture of a house, rustic and hidden in the woods. “I found this in his autobiography, it’s his childhood home. His father built a bunker there to save his family. I think Cadogan used the church’s money to expand it.”

You turn the tablet towards Bellamy, so he can get a glimpse of the house, and he muses, “He grew up there. Maybe he kept it for sentimental value.”

“His father beat him almost daily in that house. He hated living there.”

You turn and look at him, confused. “Why keep it if you’re liquidating everything else?”

“Because that bunker is there. I can feel it.”

Bellamy snorts, “Guy sounds like a religious fanatic to me.”

“Maybe. Or maybe he was just a leader willing to do whatever it took to save his people.”

And though you feel doubtful of that, because you know Jaha would describe his own obsessive pursuit for the City of Light the very same way, the line effectively ends the conversation. You hand the tablet back to Jaha, and he spends the rest of the ride continuing his research on Cadogan. You and Bellamy pass the time with quiet conversations, as usual, watching as the sun sets and the darkness blankets the woods around you, until he finally pulls the rover to a stop and announces, “We’re here.”

You all exit the vehicle quickly, and Jaha passes both of you a flashlight before he checks the map in his hand and starts to walk down the small hill in front of you. You and Bellamy switch on your lights and follow, stepping around fallen branches and uneven terrain until you come to the bottom of the hill, and Jaha puts his map away with a smile. “This is it.”

You look at the break in the trees, the ground empty of the house that once stood there, long decimated by Praimfaya and the elements. As you gaze at the mountain in the distance, Bellamy mutters, “If anyone’s entitled to a lucky break, we are.”

You turn and look at him, giving him a small smile, which he returns. Jaha’s grin widens as his previous excitement grows, “You hear that? No insects.”

You and Bellamy exchange a worried look, no longer sharing in his excitement. Raven’s earlier warning floats through your head on a loop. _The leading indicator is small species die offs, insects, fish._ Jaha sees the look you and Bellamy share. “What?”

You turn and look at him, your voice serious. “Luna said the fish were dying.”

Bellamy shifts beside you, thinking of the implications. “What are the things that eat the fish and bugs gonna eat now?”

You turn and smirk at him, trying to lighten the mood. “What happened to us deserving a lucky break?”

You don’t wait for his answer. Instead, you start walking deeper into the woods, towards the direction the house was previously in, and you only turn back to ask, “So what are we looking for?”

“The bunker would have been at the lowest point.”

“Anything structural.” You search the ground around you, trying to follow the slight slope of the ground to find the lowest point. As you do, you miss the rock in your path, and you stumble slightly, but manage to catch yourself before you fall. Bellamy must have seen the whole thing because he adds, “Be careful.”

You move further away from the two men, but stay within earshot because none of you have radios. Because of this, you hear Jaha’s comment to Bellamy. “She’s lucky to have you. Leadership is a lonely pursuit, but you…you keep her centered.”

“You got it backwards.” You smile at Bellamy’s response, but continue to follow the slope of the ground, not wanting them to know that you can hear them. 

“You’re still blaming yourself for killing that army. You made mistakes, it’s true, but your intentions were pure. Every choice you made, you made to save your people. Even shooting me, twice. As long as that’s the truth, you don’t need redemption.”

And though you tend to disagree with Jaha on, well, pretty much everything, you agree with his words to Bellamy, because it’s the same message you’ve been telling him for the last couple of weeks. You want to linger to hear Bellamy’s answer, but you spot a glint of metal in the distance, further down the hill. You feel yourself get excited but you force yourself to move slowly, so you won’t miss anything, sweeping your light back and forth, trying to catch sight of it again. Finally, when you get further down the hill, your light catches on it again. A sheet of metal, serving as a wall to the set of stairs right in front of you. You yell, “Over here!”

Bellamy and Jaha come quickly, and Bellamy smiles when he sees the stairs that descend into the ground, and into the darkness. “Stay behind me.”

He starts down the stairs first, and you fall into line behind him, keeping close to him as he sweeps spider webs and overgrown plants out of the way. When you get to the bottom of the stairs, you see a metal door in the distance, sealed tight, and Bellamy picks his way toward it. He abruptly stops halfway there, kneeling down near the wall, sweeping cobwebs off a skeleton propped up there. You’re reminded of the trip you and Bellamy took to the bunker, the one you found the guns in, and you smile a little at the memory as Bellamy pulls a medallion from between the bony fingers and flips it over. 

You peer over his shoulder, recognizing the symbol on the coin as the one from Cadogan’s speech and autobiography, and Bellamy reads, “From the ashes, we will rise.”

You look at him in surprise, the quote the same one from Cadogan’s speech, and you feel a wave of excitement. Bellamy hands the coin to Jaha, who flips it over and inspects it. “The 11th seal. Their faith was based on 12 seals. Followers could level up by unlocking them one at a time. Only those who reached level 12 could achieve salvation.”

You muse, “Maybe that’s why they didn’t let him in.”

You turn and start walking towards the door again, and Jaha gets excited and jogs over to it, reaching it first. He grins when he sees it and breathes out, “I was right.”

He starts to run his fingers along the seal, looking for a doorknob, and you have a sickening realization. “What if they’re still in here?”

Bellamy looks at you in surprise, and steps up to the door, knocking on it loudly and yelling, “Hey! Is anyone there?”

You wait with bated breath to hear something, anything, but you are met with nothing more than silence. You shake your head, wondering how the three of you are going to get it open. “There’s no locks, no handles.”

“That’s because it was designed to be opened from inside.”

Bellamy counters, “Or from the outside by somebody with a rover.”

You and Bellamy smirk at each other before running up the stairs and up towards the rover. Bellamy pulls the vehicle to the edge of the cliff, before jumping out and unraveling the tow cable, the two of you carrying it back down the hill and securing it between the metal of the door and the concrete of the wall the best you can. Jaha goes to stand outside to give you directions, while you stand beside the rover to pass those directions to Bellamy. Once he’s inside the rover, Jaha yells, “Go for it!”

You give Bellamy the go ahead, and he revs the engine a few times, unsuccessfully. Then he hits the gas a little harder, and you can hear the tow cable pull taut, letting out a metallic ring, before a loud crash rings out, and the cable drops to the ground, now slack. You turn towards Bellamy and yell, “What happened?”

“Let’s go find out.” 

He hops out of the vehicle and the two of you head back down and meet Jaha, who leads you back down the stairs, towards the bunker door. He gets a look at it first, and turns and announces, “It worked!”

You all scramble down the stairs faster, stepping around the door and into the dark doorway. Your flashlights don’t light up enough of the space to see anything, so Bellamy hands you his light before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a flare. When he activates it, it casts a red glow in the room, but the light reaches much further, almost to the opposite end. And the sight in front of the three of you…it’s grim. 

From one end of the room to the other are hundreds of dead bodies, skeletons, dead for nearly a century. Water drips into the room, filling up the floor with a few inches of murky water, and bugs and rats scurry around the space. You all look at the bunker in horror, realizing what this means, and you whisper, “It wasn’t sealed.”

Bellamy shakes his head, disappointed. “The radiation would have killed them in days. This won’t save anyone.” 

You all stare at the bunker for a few moments longer, disbelieving, before you glance at Jaha and then Bellamy. “We should get back.”

“Yeah.”

The three of you head back to the rover, utterly defeated, completely silent. The ride back to Arkadia is the same, none of you saying a word, and when you arrive back home, the camp is still busy, working around the clock like Raven suggested. When you park the rover in the hangar bay, Raven materializes out of the darkness, and only has to take one look at your dejected expressions to know the bunker wasn’t viable. The only thing she says in response is, “Chancellor’s office.”

You and Bellamy head there, and walk in to find Clarke, sitting at the desk, a book opened in front of her. The pages are blank, save for the numbers 1 through 100, lined up and down the page. Her eyes lift to you, excited when she hears you enter, but you shake your head, too disappointed to do or say anything else. She deflates, and turns her sights back to the list, now more important than ever.

You and Bellamy help her through most of it, but at some point the two of you fall asleep on the couch, a mess of limbs, exhausted from the day’s events. You’re not sure how much time has passed when you’re pulled out of sleep by the sound of sniffling nearby. You blink, and rub your eyes, trying to push the sleep away before you look around the room for the source of the noise. You find it in Clarke, still at the desk, looking away from the list in disgust as she quietly cries. You untangle yourself from Bellamy, and walk over to her, peering down at the list when you reach her side. She has it almost finished, 99 spots filled, one remaining. You scan the list quickly, reading through the names the three of you agreed on, as well as the ones Clarke added as you slept. When you get to spot 98, you see your name, and after that, in spot 99, Bellamy’s name. But as you scan the list again, checking to make sure, you realize that you don’t see her name. You whisper, “If i’m on that list, you’re on that list.”

She whispers, “I can’t.”

You give her a hard look. “Write it down, or I will.”

She shakes her head and starts to cry harder, so you take the pen from her hand and scrawl her name into the 100th spot, completing the list. And then you drop the pen onto the table, and kneel down beside her, putting a comforting arm on her shoulder. You see the weight on her shoulders, bearing down on her, all too familiar to you because of your relationship with Bellamy. _The two people you love most, always weighed down by the world._ “You don’t have to do any of this alone. We’re stronger together, just like Castor and Pollux.”

The tears still fall from her face, but she gives you a ghost of a smile, comforted by the strength you offer her. You both grow quiet when you hear the sound of someone stirring from behind you. When you glance back, Bellamy is pulling himself up from the couch, and he walks over to you and your twin, peering down at the finished list. You see a wave of emotion pass over him at the realization that he’s on it, and he gives Clarke a grateful look before asking, “What now?”

You stand, and look between the two of them. “Now we put it away and hope we never have to use it.”

Clarke tears the list from the book, folding it in half and tucking it into a cubby on the desk. She looks between you and Bellamy as she stands. “I’m going to go check on Luna and the others, if you want to go with me.”

“Of course.”

You all pull on your jackets and walk through the busy camp, into medbay, which is eerily silent. All around you on the cots that once held living people, are dead bodies, covered up with blankets, hiding their faces. Raven, your mom, Jackson, and Nyko are all sprawled out in different chairs around the room, fast asleep. But as you step deeper into the room, you realize the room isn’t silent at all. Someone is whispering the Floukru prayer, sitting in a chair beside one of the dead bodies. _“Kom woda ‘so gyon op, gon woda 'so kom daun.”_

When they finish the prayer, and turn around, they are shrouded by the darkness of the room, their face hidden from view. Clarke gets a look at them first, because she asks, “Luna?”

Slowly, Luna steps into the light, and when she does, the three of you let out matching gasps of surprise. Luna, who looked deathly ill before, appears to be much better. She’s less pale than when she arrived, and most of the lesions across her face and skin are healed and gone. Luna stands there looking at the three of you, before your mom, awoken by your gasps, pushes past the three of you and puts a hand on Luna’s forehead. “Your fever’s down.”

Raven wakes up and comes to stand beside Clarke, looking at the Nightblood in shock. “Impossible. We didn’t treat her.”

Clarke looks at your mom, shaking her head in confusion. “How?”

“Her body’s rejecting the radiation on its own.” She turns away from Clarke, and back to Luna. “I’d like to run some tests.”

Luna nods her consent, before Jackson finally awakes, walking over to see what the gathered crowd is marveling at. He stops in front of Luna, looking her over in awe, before turning and looking at your mom. “What did you do?”

“Nothing. There’s only one variable. There’s one thing that separates Luna from the others.”

She turns to look at you and Clarke, both of you getting it right away. Clarke shakes her head in disbelief. “Nightblood.”

You look at Bellamy, a small smile of shock on your face as you whisper, “From the ashes, we will rise.”

-


	49. xlix. a lie guarded (4.04)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: dead people, fighting, violence, snitches get stitches, blood, mentions of nausea. 
> 
> Summary: you and Bellamy take a small hunting party out in the hopes you can find more food for rations, and you run into an unwelcome group while out in the woods.

_March 18th, 2150; Azgeda territory_

With the discovery of Luna’s Nightblood metabolizing radiation, Jaha’s failure with the bunker is quickly forgotten. He atones for his sins by drawing your mother an extensive map of Becca’s Island when she expresses interest going there, and soon she sets out with a small group in tow: herself, Raven, Jackson, Miller, Luna, Nyko, Murphy, and his girlfriend, Emori. Clarke desperately tries to join their mission, but with Kane in Polis and your mother leaving, Arkadia needs a doctor and a Chancellor, both roles that she is able to fill.

You and Bellamy keep yourselves busy with the list of tasks left behind by Raven, but it’s only when Clarke comes complaining to you and Bellamy about the failure of the hunting groups do you and Bellamy get the chance to leave Arkadia for a few hours and bring back meat for the rations. You leave early in the morning with Bellamy and a few other guards, the same time your mother leaves with her group, both of you traveling in different directions, working to achieve different goals. 

When you reach the woods of Azgeda territory, you and Bellamy divide your small hunting party into three teams of two, spreading each group out in the hopes it will increase your chances of finding something, anything, to kill for meat. You and Bellamy are currently crouched in a line of bushes, mud smeared on your faces, camouflaged from view of anything that might be walking by, completely still and completely silent. As you’re sitting there, waiting, you hear a branch crack nearby, and you and Bellamy exchange excited glances, before peering out into the woods. Your hand tightens around the handle of your knife and you see Bellamy instinctively grip the handle of his axe, both of you lying in wait for the animal to come closer. 

Instead of an animal though, you are met with the sound of a scream.

You turn to Bellamy with a look of alarm, both of you recognizing it as one of your own, before jumping out of the bushes and running towards the source of the sound. As you do, you break into a clearing, and there you find three members of your hunting party, sprawled in the grass, throats slashed. You look up and see the fourth, Stephens, on his knees, hands lifted in surrender, shaking with fear. In front of him is someone from Azgeda, dressed in their signature furs and fleece, white war paint covering their face, holding a sword to Stephens throat. As they pull their arm back to kill him, Bellamy reacts, pulling back his arm and sending his axe flying, where it lodges itself into the Azgeda man’s chest. He drops his sword and staggers backwards, and Stephens turns around in alarm, which quickly turns to relief as soon as he sees you and Bellamy. But his relief is short lived, because his eyes lift to something behind you, looking scared again. You turn around just in time to see a large Azgeda man swinging his fist towards you, calling out, _“Wanlida!”_

You don’t have time to contemplate the unknown Trigedasleng word, because his fist makes contact with your face. Because you turned at the last second, the hit lands in an awkward spot, underneath your left eye, and you feel his large fist smash your cheekbone and part of your nose. The hit knocks you to the ground, and you’re sure Bellamy is experiencing the same thing, because you hear a groan of pain from beside you. You try to shake the pain from your face, but realize the movement is accelerating the blood dripping from your nose, mixing with the mud streaked over your skin. The man who hit you slides his arms underneath yours and drags your body over near Stephens, dropping you down beside him. 

You start to struggle to your feet, but a knife at your throat lowers you down to your knees. Beside you, Bellamy whispers, “Don’t move.”

You comply, and a second later a figure comes to stand in front of the three of you, appraising you. Their face is covered, absent of any war paint, and as they look you over, they gesture to the people near you and Bellamy. _“Ai gaf emo in kiken!”_

 _Keep them alive._ The voice is familiar to you, and your head cocks to the side slightly, despite the knife at your throat, trying to pinpoint where you’ve heard it. But then the figure points at Stephens and commands, _“Frag em op.”_

 _Kill him._ You and Bellamy react immediately, not wanting to lose anymore men, and you yell, “Wait, don’t kill him!”

“What do you want from us?”

As soon as Stephens hears that they want him dead, he looks at you in alarm, before starting to beg your captors, “Please, don’t kill me! I’ll tell you anything, do anything, just let me live!”

The figure in front of him motions for the guard behind him to stop, before they tug down their face mask, revealing their identity.

“Echo,” you deadpan. _Because of course it is._ Bellamy yells, “Echo, what the hell are you doing?”

She pays you neither of you any mind, however, because she drops down in front of Stephens and muses, “You’ll tell me anything?”

“Yes, anything!”

You protest, “Stephens, shut up!”

“Why are you rebuilding your ship?”

You think of the danger of Echo knowing about Alpha Station, especially when it will barely hold 100 of your people, let alone the entire Ice Nation. You turn to Stephens and warn, “Don’t say a word.”

He glances at you, and then at the knife in Echo’s hand, before blurting out, “It’s a shelter from the radiation. It’ll keep Skaikru safe.”

You and Bellamy both yell, “Stephens!”

Echo cuts her eyes towards the two of you and snaps, “Shut them up!”

And that’s all you hear before feeling a sharp pain on your head, and the world goes black.

-

Your senses come back to you slowly, and the first thing you notice is the rhythmic rise and fall of your body. Then it’s the gag in your mouth, the wind on your face, moving your hair, the restraints on your wrists, and the feel of arms around you. Then comes the horrifying realization that you’re on a horse, bound, gagged, and unable to get off.

Your eyes fly open, and you turn to look at who’s sitting behind you, angered to see that it’s Echo, her gaze locked on the road in front of her. You start to shift, hoping that maybe you can push her off the horse and take off, but then you feel a prick of pain at your side as she warns, “I wouldn’t.”

You look down and see your knife pressed into your side, nipping at your skin, and you realize now that it was knocked from your hand when you got knocked over the first time. You let out a huff of frustration and grow still, turning to look at the road as the horse starts to slow. Only now do you realize you are at the gates of Polis, and you’re being led inside like the enemy. Echo pulls the horse to a stop before dismounting and pulling you down, and when your feet hit the ground, you’re relieved to see Bellamy getting off a horse nearby. Stephens is also still alive, likely because of the secrets he sold, and the three of you are being pushed inside of Polis roughly by the group of guards with Echo. 

She leads all of you straight to the embassy, before pulling you to a stop outside of the main embassy doors, motioning for all of you to wait quietly. Inside, you can hear two voices going back and forth, and after listening for a moment, you conclude that it’s Kane and Roan. You can’t make out enough of their words to figure out what they’re arguing about, but it doesn’t matter, because seconds later Roan’s voice rings out loud and clear. “Enough! Echo.”

Echo grabs your arm again and shoves you inside, followed by Stephens, then Bellamy. As you expected, Roan is inside the room, sitting on his throne, while Kane is looking towards all of you in shock, muttering your names as each of you enter. Echo pushes you to your knees, and Bellamy and Stephens are forced to do the same, one on either side of you. You look at Bellamy and find that his eyes are already on you, looking worried. You try to let him know you’re okay with a smile, but the gag restricts most of the movement from your mouth. 

Kane closes the space between the three of you, pulling your gaze away from Bellamy and towards him as he reaches out and tips your chin up towards him, the concern in his expression instantly deepening. “Are you okay?”

Only now, when he asks the question, do you realize why the two men seem to look so worried about you, as mud and blood are caked and spread across your face. You nod at Kane, letting him know it looks worse than it is, and he accepts the answer before he turns to Roan and snaps, “What is this?”

Roan rises from his throne and walks towards the three of you. “Echo saw your people rebuilding your ship. She captured these three, among others, hunting in my woods.”

The stoic king motions to Stephens, who still looks just as scared as he did earlier. “This one says it’s a shelter from the radiation.”

You peer at Stephens’ face, the fear mapped across it, and you see that he’s younger than you originally would have guessed, too young to be dealing with the harshness of the ground. Though, maybe you all are. Less than 6 months ago, 100 of you were dropped onto this ticking time bomb of a planet, with little to no supplies, onto a patch of land that was already claimed by someone else. And now, here you are, bound and gagged at the feet of a king. 

“It’s a backup plan, nothing more.”

“He said that, too, just before he told us that you have a Nightblood. It’s a good thing the Flame’s been destroyed, or I’d be worried you’re planning an Ascension.”

Kane shakes his head, and looks at Roan, insistent. “You have to trust me. We discovered that Nightblood helps metabolize radiation. We’re investigating ways to create it for everyone, turn everyone into Nightbloods so we can all survive.”

“Blasphemy. Nothing they tell us is true.”

“This is. It’s not blasphemy, it’s science. If Nightblood can save lives, we should use it.”

Roan pauses and seems to consider this for a second, before nodding his head at Echo. You turn her way, wondering what the signal meant, and watch as Echo pulls your knife out of her waistband and slits Stephen’s throat, sending blood flying. Stephens drops to the ground and Kane rushes to him, crying out, “No! No!”

You just stare down at his dead body, the look of fear still frozen on his face, forever immortalized that way. Something about it makes you sick in a way that the other dead members of the hunting party didn’t, and you have to work to swallow a wave of nausea. 

Echo slides your knife back onto her waistband and mutters, “Warriors don’t reveal their secrets.”

Roan looks between the three of you that remain alive, _for now_ , and says, “Truth is the first casualty of war. If your motives were pure, you would’ve shared your plan with me. Our alliance is broken.”

Azgeda warriors file into the room, and pause, waiting for Roan’s command. _“Skaikru en Trikru bilaik baga.”_

 _Skaikru and Trikru are the enemy._ You, Kane, and Bellamy all exchange worried looks, as some of the guards come to stand at yours and Bellamy’s backs. _“Hashta emo, Amin?”_

 _What about them, sire?_ You all wait with bated breath, waiting for Roan to decide your fate. _“Kepon. Hon Indra en Okteivia daun. Teik enes au.”_

 _Hostages. Find Indra and Octavia. Kill everyone else._ With you and Bellamy still gagged, Kane is the only one who can verbally cry out to Roan and plead for him to change his mind. “No! Listen to me. No!”

But his pleas fall on unlistening ears as you and Bellamy are pulled up off the ground from behind, and Kane is lifted and dragged after you. You and Belllamy fight against the people restraining you, but resistance is futile because you are outnumbered and overpowered easily. You are all led to the cell they held you the last time you were in Polis, and this time Bellamy is chained to the metal bars at the back of the cell, you are chained against one wall, and Kane is chained against the other. 

Your gag is cut free from your mouth as soon as you are chained up, and one of the guards disappears and reappears with a rag and a bucket of water. His eyes are kind as he whispers, “Clean yourself up. Him too.”

You nod, watching as he leaves the room, the three of you now alone again. You crouch down and dip the rag into the water and use it to scrub the mud from your face, careful to avoid the sore part near your cheek and nose. Once you get the mud cleaned up, you carefully clean the blood and remaining mud from the injured part of your face, making sure to be gentle to the still tender skin. Once you’re cleaned up, you scoot over to Bellamy, who moves as close to you as he can. Luckily, despite the distance of the anchor points for your chains, you’re able to get close enough to him to get the mud cleaned off his face, which reveals a cut of his own along his right cheekbone. You clean it carefully, and when you finish, you drape the rag over the edge of the bucket and push it away, before leaning back against the wall and accepting your fate. 

The three of you are locked up for hours, and you watch as the sunlight from the small window turns to moonlight, barely illuminating the space. At some point, the kind eyed guard comes in and lights the torches around the room, giving the three of you some light, not that any of you need it. You all spend much of the time lost in your own thoughts or dozing, not even bothering to discuss an escape plan, aware that the odds are too sacked against you as long as you’re locked up in Azgeda run Polis.

Bellamy eventually breaks the silence of the room to mutter, “Doesn’t matter what we do. We always end up here, on the brink of war.”

Kane, ever the optimist, immediately disagrees. “Abby’s on the island. She’ll find a cure, I know she will. We _will_ get through this.”

He says the last sentence to both of you, making sure you both look at him as he says it, understanding that he means, and truly believes, in the words he’s saying. The conversation effectively ends when the door to the cell is opened, and Roan steps inside, followed closely by Echo. “On your feet.”

You all stand, doing as she says, and Kane looks to Roan in confusion. “What are you doing?”

“We’re bringing you home. Your ship is shelter from Praimfaya, so I intend to take it.” Roan turns to a few of the guards who linger nearby. “Get them ready to march.”

And as he starts to turn away, Echo still at his side, Bellamy yells, “Octavia will get there first. She’ll warn them you’re coming, you’ll lose.”

Roan and Echo exchange a look, and dread washes over you, not liking the expression that they share. Roan nods to Echo, who turns to face you again, and reaches into her jacket to pull something out and drop it at Bellamy’s feet. As the metal clangs against the stone floor, you realize that it is Octavia’s sword, the one from Lincoln that she never let out of her sight, and it is broken into two pieces, ruined. 

You feel your lip quiver slightly, brain already catching onto the events that are playing out, and you turn and look at Bellamy, who is staring down at the sword in horror. Roan watches him for a second before saying, “She wouldn’t be taken alive.”

Bellamy’s expression falls, morphing into one of pure anguish, and he shakes his head, not wanting to accept the words as he mutters, “No. No. No.”

“I am sorry.” Bellamy turns away from all of you, grasping onto the bars behind him for support.

Echo adds, “It was a good death.”

Bellamy drops to his knees, letting out the most gut wrenching, heartbreaking cry of pain you’ve ever heard. Watching him fall apart is worse than watching Raven cry over Finn or Octavia cry over Lincoln, because you’re watching Bellamy react to losing the last piece of family he has left in the world. His anguished sobs tear through you, making you want to break down, and when you glance at Kane, you can see that he is crying too. But then you look at Echo, who is watching the scene in front of her, and though she does seem to have some remorse, you don’t care. You’re tired of the Azgeda spy who kills anyone that gets in her way, whose loyalties change when it’s most convenient for her, who follows the bidding of a foolish King that thinks he can take a ship full of tech with no idea how to run it.

So instead of sadness, you latch onto anger.

“You’ll die for this, Echo.” She turns to look at you and shock, and you jump towards her, held back only by the chains that are attached to the wall. “I mean it, you useless, terrible spy. You have no honor! You followed a Queen that asked you to betray the very people that saved your life and you didn’t hesitate! Now you follow a King that struggles to keep power, because everyone can see that he’s not meant to lead!”

You receive a slap across the face for the last insult, delivered by the heavy hand of one of the guards, blood instantly blooming into your mouth. You spit in the guards face, “Truth hurts doesn’t it?”

The man lurches towards you again, but Roan yells out in a tired voice. “Enough! Bring the prisoners.”

And then he turns to leave the room, done with the drama in the cell. Echo lingers for a second, watching Bellamy, and as she turns away, you continue hurling insults at her, “You’re done Echo! You hear me? I’ll kill you myself!”

She leaves the room stiffly, your words clearly affecting her. You don’t have time to enjoy the victory because a bag is harshly pulled over your head, cutting off your sight, and chains are connected to your hands and feet before they remove you from the chains that connect you to the wall. You can hear the clanking of two other sets of chains as you are shoved from the room, along with Bellamy’s quiet sobs. You stumble out of the room, eyesight impaired, as one guard mutters, _“Moron, Skaikru wan op.”_

_Tomorrow, Skairkru dies._

-


	50. l. the tinder box (4.05)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: bruising, fighting, violence, explosions/fire, near death. 
> 
> Summary: tensions with the Ice Nation come to a head as Clarke desperately tries to stop a war.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY CHAPTER 50!!!! HALFWAY, WOW!!! to those of you who have been with this series from the beginning, thank you! to those of you who just recently jumped onto this wild ride, thank you! to those of you who may be reading this in the future, thank you! thank you to all of the love, support, comments, messages, and interaction. i love you all so much and I can’t believe we’ve made it this far!

_March 19th, 2150; somewhere near Arkadia_

You don’t know how long you’ve been walking for, but based on the growing pain in your legs and the soreness in your feet, it’s been a long time. You can’t see anything through the sack over your face, but you are able to see the light filtering through the spaces in the fabric. Based on the fact that you started marching in early evening the night before and it’s now light outside, you can guess that you’ve put in about 18 straight hours of walking, no stops in between to camp or rest. 

You know that Kane and Bellamy are nearby, because you can hear the chains on their hands and wrists jingling as they move. Every few hours one of you tentatively whispers the other two’s names, despite the fact that every time you do, the guards around you smack all of you in punishment. You’re sure that a bruise is steadily growing on your left arm, but the pain is worth it for the reassurance that you’re not alone. 

You’re thinking about calling out to the two men again, since it’s your turn in the rotation, when Echo’s voice rings out loud and clear around you. _“Hod op!”_

 _Halt!_ You are pulled to a stop by your guard, and you feel tension run through your body at the thought that this is it, you’ve arrived at Arkadia. But before you can contemplate that any further, a familiar voice yells, “We need to talk.”

You smile underneath your disguise, and breathe out, “Clarke.”

You hear Bellamy mutter, “What? Clarke?”

You’re unable to answer him because you receive a harsh hit to your shoulder, deepening your already bruised arm, but Roan confirms your suspicions when he yells, _“Reinja! Lok Wanheda in!”_

 _Archers! Target Wanheda!_ Your breath stutters in your throat, and you can hear movement all around you as the archers take position, but the sound of death doesn’t follow, and no cry of victory over Wanheda is called. You hear movement again, this time accompanied by a murmur of anxiety, and you suspect that Clarke had a trick up her sleeve that the Ice Nation wasn’t expecting. Echo is next to announce their play, _“Lid honon-de in!_

 _Bring in the prisoners!_ You are grabbed by your guard and led forward a few steps until you are pushed down to your knees. You hear Bellamy and Kane pushed down beside you. Then the bag is yanked off your head, flooding your vision with bright sunlight. You blink against it, trying to readjust your eyes to the light, the world suddenly coming back into view. As it does, you see that you aren’t at Arkadia, not yet anyways. You’re in the stone ravine on the way to camp, about 20 miles out. You feel your guard at your back, sword held out towards you, waiting for the command to rid you of your head. The thought makes you uneasy. 

“Your move, Wanheda.” Clarke stands a few hundred feet away, looking at the three of you in shock, and you can see emotion threatening to overtake her. But then she remembers where she’s at and who’s watching, and she composes herself. “Ten minutes, that’s all I ask.”

She turns and walks away without an answer, knowing that the Ice King will follow. And he does, dismounting from his horse with grace, despite Echo’s protests. “Wait, where’s she going? What if it’s a trap?”

“It is a trap. We’re already in it.” When he turns back to answer her, you can see green dots spotted along his chest, signaling the use of rifle scopes on the precipes up above. You smile a little, happy to have the support. He turns and walks away, following Clarke into the woods, and one by one the green dots drop away from him. save for one, which lingers on the King a full minute longer than the others, before it also drops away. As soon as Roan is out of sight, Echo takes up command. “The king is clear. Archers, the first gunshot you hear, loose your arrows. Infantry, on my command, scatter and climb. Kill until there’s no one left.”

Beside you, Kane scoffs. “This is insane, they knew you were coming. We have thousands of rounds, you’ll be the ones with no one left.”

As soon as Kane mentions Skaikru having the element of surprise, a hopeful look passes over Bellamy’s face. You peer at him, trying to make sense of it, until you remember his words from last night. _Octavia will warn them you’re coming, you’ll lose._ You feel hope rush through you at the thought of your best friend, your second sister, still alive, despite Echo’s best efforts. Kane sees the expression on both yours and Bellamy’s faces, and he looks between you in confusion. “What?”

“They thought they had the element of surprise, but we did.” Bellamy’s voice is low, but hopeful. “Someone warned them.”

“You think it was Octavia?”

“She’s alive.”

A smile passes over Kane’s face at the thought, and for a while, though still captive, the three of you sit in the middle of an Azgeda army, hopeful that maybe all hope isn’t lost. Of course, in typical “chaos of the Earth” fashion, it doesn’t last long. The guard behind Kane suddenly yells out, “Look out, Skaikru!”

You all look up in alarm as a figure makes its way towards you, hands lifted in surrender, and only when they get closer do you realize that it’s Monty. “I’m unarmed. I need to talk to whoever’s in charge.”

One of the guards runs over and grabs him, tossing him to the ground near the three of you. As Monty pulls himself up, Bellamy grabs his arm, holding him in place, and whispers, “Is Octavia alive?”

Monty nods, and relief rushes through all of you. A smile breaks free on Bellamy’s face, but he quickly hides it when Echo slides off her horse and walks over to your group. “Speak.”

Monty’s arms are still lifted in surrender as he watches the spy, “One of our people has moved out of formation. I’ve reason to believe he’s going to the cave to try to kill your king.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

You turn and snap, “Why do you think he’s telling you this? He’s trying to stop a massacre.”

Kane looks at Monty, his expression serious. “Who is it?”

“Riley.”

You and Bellamy exchange a look, remembering the condition you found Riley and the others in, the captivity and torture they had endured, at the hands of the Ice Nation, no less. Bellamy turns his focus back to Monty. “Riley? He shouldn’t even be here.”

“That seems to be the consensus.”

Echo turns and motions to two soldiers nearby, _“Yu en yu, ogeda kom ai. Tsa bants.”_

 _You and you, with me. Let’s go._ Kane immediately starts to protest, “Wait! If our snipers see archers on the move, they’ll open fire.”

“I will not allow my king to be assassinated.”

Bellamy argues, “He doesn’t have to be. I know Riley, let me come with you. I can stop him.”

You look towards him in alarm, shaking your head. “Bellamy-”

Echo cuts you off as she stands glaring at your boyfriend, “Do you think me a fool, Bellamy?”

“You’ll be a dead fool if you step out of this kill box without me. Use Monty’s radio and let Kane tell them we’re working together to find Riley, and they’ll let us pass.”

She thinks about this for a second before nodding at Monty to pass his radio to Kane. He complies, and Kane immediately switches into Chancellor mode, voice serious. “This is Chancellor Kane.”

On the other end, Miller’s father answers, “Sir, are you all right?”

“Listen to me, Bellamy’s working with one of theirs to find Riley. You let them through, understood?”

“Copy that.”

Echo turns to Bellamy’s guard. “Take off his chain.”

His guard complies, leaving the reatriants on his wrists, but freeing his legs. And then, she surprises everyone by turning to you. “I want this one too.”

Bellamy and Kane both start to protest. “Echo, that wasn’t part of-”

“…really not necessary to-”

But she shuts them both up by lifting her sword to your neck. “Her twin is in the cave with the king, and Bellamy is in love with her. If Riley isn’t stopped, she dies first.”

Panic grips your heart as you wonder if it’s even possible to stop Riley in a vendetta for revenge as large as this one. Despite Roan having no involvement in his imprisonment, Riley seems to think the king’s death is the only retribution. It’s hard to stop ideas like that. Just ask Pike. Your guard frees your feet but leaves your hands chained together, same as Bellamy, and Echo motions to Monty. “And put the chain on this one. If I’m not back before the sun goes past the trees, kill the hostages.”

Bellamy holds his bound hands out to Echo, indicating that she should free him completely, but she ignores him and shoves him forward before grabbing you and pushing you behind him. As you follow the path that Roan and Clarke took, Bellamy muses, “So much for building trust.”

He leads your trio through the woods, straight into the setting sun, towards the cave to stop Riley, and all the while, Echo keeps her sword at your back. One wrong move and she’s ready to end you, without hesitation. As Bellamy leads you down the path, he motions to a nearby ridge. “That ridge gives the best sight line to the cave, that’s where we’ll find him.”

“Are you really willing to kill your own man to save my king?”

Bellamy stops in place, and turns to face her, rolling his eyes as he does. “Don’t you get sick of it? Sides; my man, your king. Praimfaya doesn’t give a damn about what clan you’re from.”

Echo ignores the jab, and focuses only on the impending doom of the human race. “I’m glad you’ll get a chance to say goodbye to your sister before it comes…unless we all die here today.”

A flash of surprise passes over Bellamy’s face, but you aren’t surprised to hear the words from her. Despite all of your disdain for the spy, she’s smart. Smart enough to know that if Skaikru had the advantage, Octavia had to have survived, as impossible as it seems. Bellamy’s jaw tightens at the mention of his sister, from her almost killer, and he turns and starts walking again before he quips, “If you had killed her, these chains would be around your neck.”

“It’s like Queen Nia used to say: war makes murderers of us all.”

The words leave you and Bellamy in silence, both of you considering the truth to them. _Has war made you a murderer?_ You get a flash of a memory, five notches carved into the handle of your knife, and that’s just from the kills you used the knife with. That doesn’t include Atom, any of the people from Mount Weather, or the various Grounders, guards, and people you killed along the way, just to save yourself. It also doesn’t include anyone you killed indirectly, a death caused because you had a hand in it in some way, whether you meant to or not. _Gina. The Farm Station survivors in Mount Weather. Pike. Monroe. Lincoln. Your father. Stephens._ You have the horrifying realization that the idea you’ve always tried to fight, the thing you never wanted to become, has happened. You’re a killer. A monster in some people’s eyes, maybe a savior in the eyes of others. But the fact still remains that you’re a killer. It’s not an idea you’ve thought extensively about, because the truth of it makes you sick to your stomach. Never did you ever imagine that the little girl who used to listen to stories about space and constellations, who longed to see the world on the other side of her door, would grow up to become someone who took a life and rarely thought of it again. 

Bellamy pulls you out of your thoughts when he turns to look at you and Echo. “We should be close, follow my lead. If he fires that gun, we’ll be at war.”

“Whatever you say.”

You spot Riley first, sprawled out on a large boulder up ahead, gun resting in front of him, aimed towards the cave. You point and tell Bellamy, “There!”

Bellamy takes off running towards him, calling his name as he does, before coming to a stop at Riley’s side. “Riley, stop. You don’t want to do this.”

“Get out of here, Bellamy.”

As soon as the words leave Riley’s mouth, Echo grabs your arm and pulls you closer to her, lifting your knife to your throat. You make a small sound of surprise, and it’s enough for Bellamy to turn his attention towards you, eyes widening in alarm at you so close to death again. “Echo, Echo, wait. If you kill her, Riley will shoot.”

He turns back to Riley, begging to keep the peace. “Riley, listen to me. Pulling that trigger won’t end anything. The three of us will be executed, along with Kane and Monty, and our side will open fire. It’ll be a bloodbath.”

Riley makes no move to end his revenge, his finger still resolutely resting on the trigger. “You’re a prisoner. You’re just saying what they want you to say. I know all about that.”

Echo’s hold on you had started to loosen, but Riley’s continued refusal to stand down pisses her off, and has her tugging you close again. “I’m done with this.”

Your knife bites at the skin of your throat, and dread washes over you. You look towards Bellamy, whose gaze is still on Riley and you whisper, “Bellamy, I love-”

He cuts you off, turning to face you with a teary eyed glare, his voice firm. “No, this is not how this ends.”

Bellamy is in pure distress when he drops to his knees beside Riley, nearly on the verge of tears as he makes one last plea. “Riley, I am begging you. I know how you feel about them, and I know what they did to you, but your life was saved for a reason, and this isn’t it. Trust me when I tell you, if this turns into a massacre, it will never get out of your head. War made me a murderer, don’t let it happen to you.”

Your heart breaks at the words, and you feel a rush of sadness at the thought that the last words you’ll hear from Bellamy are words of regret for the things that he’s done. Riley shakes with the conflict of his decision, warring between the idea of pulling the trigger or letting it go, and you feel Echo tense behind you. You aren’t sure why at first, but as you look around, your eyes land on Clarke and Roan, now exiting the cave. Echo’s hand wraps tighter around the knife, and you have the distinct feeling that this is your end. A tear rolls down your cheek as you look back to Bellamy again, his gaze frantically flitting between you and Riley, before finally, miraculously, Riley drops the weapon with a sob, burying his face in his hands.

Echo drops the knife from your throat, and you scramble away from her, towards Bellamy, hugging him the best you can with the chains around your wrists. Tears of relief fall down your face as you realize that somehow, you escaped death once again. You feel a wash of anxiety when you think that eventually, one day, that won’t be the case. 

At that moment, Roan and Clarke come around the corner, and as soon as she sees you, she runs towards you in alarm. “La lune, are you okay?”

You turn towards her, hastily wiping away your tears, allowing her to hug you. She pulls away to inspect you, eyes falling to the small cut on your neck from your knife, and her eyes jump back up to you in alarm. Knowing her, she catalogued you the second Roan revealed you as one of the hostages, and she’s smart enough to know this cut is fresh. She whispers, “What did they do? Are you okay?”

You smile at her the best you can, still upset from near death. “I’m fine. We all are, because no one died today.”

Roan eyes your group suspiciously, looking from a sobbing Riley, to your upset form, and then to Echo and Bellamy. “So, what did we miss?”

“Nothing, sire.”

Belamy looks over at Clarke, trying to decipher her body language. “I take it we’re not at war?”

“Not today.”

“And the ship?”

Clarke looks at you, then over to Bellamy. “If we can’t crack Nightblood, we’ll share Arkadia. Find a way for us to survive together.”

Her answer is immediately followed up with a loud explosion. You all exchange looks of alarm before looking for the source, seeing a plume of smoke drifting into the air from somewhere nearby. Clarke’s voice is horrified when she whispers, “It came from Arkadia.”

The words send you all into action, and you take off running back towards the army. As soon as you arrive, Roan is yelling out orders to his people. “Azgeda, hold here. Free the hostages. Echo, you’re with me, we’re following them back.”

“Yes, my king.”

One of the guards quickly loosens your chains, and you shake them off, before Kane runs over to all of you. “What was that? What happened?”

“We don’t know.” Clarke grabs her radio. “Arkadia, come in. Arkadia, do you copy? What’s going on there?”

The answer is met with the sound of chaos in the back, screaming and crying echoing all around. “Fire! Alpha Station is on fire!”

Every single one of you exchanges a distressed look, and Clarke switches the radio back to the channel she was using for the guards involved in this mission. “Everyone Back to the rover, now! Arkadia is on fire!”

You turn to her, wheels of your mind already spinning as you contemplate the news. “How far to the rover?”

“Not far, but we only have space for two more. We rode out here almost at full capacity.”

You turn to Kane and Bellamy, “You two shoud go.”

They both start to protest, but you shake your head. “Kane, you’re the Chancellor, your people need you. Bellamy, you have to go find Octavia.”

They know they can’t argue with your words, and Clarke offers, “I’ll stay behind.”

“No, you’re a better doctor than I am. They’ll need you.”

Roan must have caught the tail end of your conversation, because he rides up beside your group on his horse. “She can ride with me.”

You turn to look at him, “Are you sure?”

He holds out his arm, extending it to you so he can help you up, “We’re allies.”

And though you’re still annoyed at his flip flopping attitude, his constantly changing alliances, you know there’s no time to argue. If you want to get back to Arkadia, this is the way to do that. You turn and look at Bellamy, who gives a little shake of his head, but you shrug. You turn back to Roan, and take his outstretched hand, which he uses to swing you up and over onto the back of his horse. Clarke nods at Roan, “We’ll see you there.”

Roan nods once in return before nudging his horse into movement, and you have half a second to wrap your arms around his waist before he urges the horse faster, sending you flying through the woods and the trees. It takes some time to ride back, and at some point the rover catches up with you, though they never overtake you. They stick close, allowing Roan to lead the pack towards Arkadia, and the bright flames that are dancing against the dark sky in the distance.

When you reach Arkadia, Roan pulls his horse to a stop and Clarke stops the rover nearby. Bellamy is out of the vehicle and at your side before you can even dismount, and he helps pull you off the horse before you can even thank Roan. Clarke joins you as all three of you run into the camp, and straight into chaos. All around you people are screaming and crying, looking for loved ones lost during the explosion, searching for someone to administer medical aid. You pause at the entrance, Alpha Station looming in front of you, pieces of it falling down in large flaming chunks. 

“I need to find my sister.”

Clarke points towards one of the flame free sides of the ship. “She was in medbay.”

All three of you take off running towards the entrance, searching for any sign of Octavia. Finally, exiting from one of the few safe places left, she is led out of the ship by a man you don’t recognize, and Niylah. You point towards them, grabbing Bellamy’s arm to get his attention. “There!”

He runs towards her, frantic, yelling, “O! O!”

When he reaches her, he scoops her off her feet and turns and carries her away from the growing flames. Clarke grabs Niylah and leads her away, and you eye the unknown man for a second before turning and following Bellamy to safety. When you reach them, he’s kneeling on the ground, Octavia still in his arms, her arms wrapped around his neck as she cries into his chest. You drop at her side, reaching out for her arm, and she flinches away from you, not realizing that it’s you. You move into her line of sight, reaching for her hand. “It’s okay, it’s just me.”

She wraps her hand around yours, connecting you, before rasping out, “It was Ilian. I tried to stop him.”

She turns the best she can to look at the unknown man, Ilian, who is silhouetted against the destruction that he caused. Octavia coughs hard, trying to clear the smoke from her lungs, and you nod at her. “You’re okay now. Don’t say anything, just breathe.”

She nods, burrowing closer to Bellamy just as Clarke runs over to you. You turn and tell her, “She’s okay, for now.”

Clarke opens her mouth to say something, but whatever it was dies in her throat, because a series of explosions rings out, sending flaming debris everywhere. The loud blasts staccato the air, and all of you turn your faces away as more debris rains down with each burst. Clarke reaches out for your hand, and you instantly take it, drawing comfort from your twin. You glance at Bellamy, worry etched into his features, and you know that your expression is the same. 

Your faces all lift to the burning station as it falls apart around you; Octavia in her brother’s arms, her hand wrapped tightly around yours, you in the middle, grip held tight by your own sibling. All four of you, your family, helpless as you watch the ruin of your home, and the destruction of your safe place from Praimfaya. 

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also yes I know this is a day late, this post just disappeared in my drafts??? and I wasn’t able to reupload until today. ch 51 will go up on saturday and then we’ll resume regular posting next week!


	51. li. we will rise (4.06)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: angst, language, fighting, death, violence, sad goodbyes, blood and a v bloody death. 
> 
> Summary: an important trip to deliver the last few barrels of hydrazine to becca’s island is met with some unexpected challenges.

_March 20th, 2150; Arkadia (what’s left of it)_

It’s late, or early, depending on how you look at it, when Kane pulls you, Bellamy, Clarke, and Monty into the Chancellor’s office for a quick update. “Most of the fire is out, and we’ve salvaged what we can. Monty, I need you to run diagnostics and do a damage check on all of Alpha Station, report back to me in the morning.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Griffin girls and Bellamy, I need the three of you to get some rest, because when daylight breaks, I’m sending the three of you out.”

“To do what?”

“Abby radioed. They discovered that Becca went to space to make Nightblood, because the lack of gravity helps everything to bind properly. Becca has a rocket in the lab, and they need all of the hydrazine we have to get that rocket into the air and back down again with the Nightblood solution. I need the three of you to deliver that hydrazine.”

All three of you nod in agreement, and he gives a single resolute nod. “Good. Now get some rest, I’ll see you in a few hours.”

“See you then.”

The three of you leave the office in a quiet group, silently walking back towards your rooms. Luckily, your room and Clarke’s are among the ones spared by the fire, though others weren’t so lucky. You feel guilt at the thought of walking back to your room and sleeping in your bed while others can’t, but the soreness in your legs and feet prevents you from thinking about it much further. When you reach the junction in the hall that takes you your separate ways, Clarke pulls you into a hug and whispers, “I’m glad you’re okay.”

“Me too.”

She smiles at you both before turning and heading down the hall towards her room, and Bellamy reaches out for your hand and intertwines your fingers before leading you back to your shared quarters. The smell of smoke lingers in the air, despite sustaining no damage, reminding you of the blow you all received. You trudge into the room, exhausted, and as soon as Bellamy closes the door behind you, the weight of the world comes crashing down on you. Your near death experience, the realization that you’re a killer, the loss of Alpha Station’s safety from the death wave, it all weighs down on you, and you drop to your knees. 

The tears are falling from your face before your knees even make contact with the ground, and Bellamy is at your side in a flash. He doesn’t say anything as a sob breaks free from your chest, he just pulls you into his arms and rubs comforting circles onto your back as he hums Clair de lune. 

You stay like that for a long time, wrapped in each other’s arms on the floor of your home, crying for everything that happened today, yesterday, the week before, while on the ground, up in space. You cry until you’re utterly exhausted, slumped over in Bellamy’s grip, ready to fall asleep right then and there. But Bellamy, ever caring, doesn’t allow that. He carries you over to the bed and sits you on the edge, before kneeling down in front of you to rid you of your boots. He tosses them to the side, before walking to your storage area and grabbing one of his spare shirts. He comes back to you and pulls off your jacket and then your shirt, before tugging his shirt down and over your head, wrapping you in his comforting scent. Then he gently eases you backwards and shimmies your pants down your legs, leaving you in peak comfort. 

He quickly undresses down to his underwear before sliding into the bed beside you, tucking both of you under the blanket until you’re wrapped inside a cocoon of comfort. He turns until he’s facing you, his mouth lifting at the corners as he takes you in. Despite your swollen eyes and tear stained face, despite the quiet sniffles that slip from you, he whispers, “You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. That’s probably the first thing I ever noticed about you.”

Your nose scrunches, disbelieving, “Really?”

“Really. That and your strength. When I saw you in the hallway with Shumway that day, I could tell you were scared, but you didn’t let that stop you. You took your fear and turned it into strength, and used it as a weapon against him.”

You feel yourself melt a little, and he reaches up and pushes back the hair around your face. “I’ll always be in awe of the anger you possess. I don’t know how so much anger can exist in one person, but even when it was directed at me, I was always in awe of the electric energy that seems to reside within you. And despite having all that anger, you’re one of the kindest people I have ever known. It would be so easy for you to let your anger rule you until you are nothing but sharp edges and harsh words, but you don’t. You manage to see the good in everyone, even when they’re trying to kill you.”

You shake your head. “Not with Pike.”

“That’s because he threatened your family, and that’s an entirely different story. You’re loyal and fiercely protective over the ones you love. I pity anyone who threatens your family, because I know their outcome isn’t favorable. Your kindness sometimes allows you to forgive others more than they may deserve, but that ends when it comes to your family.”

“ _You’re_ my family.”

He softens at the words, something unfamiliar to him in the last few years, as his family was torn apart. “And you’re mine.”

You smile at him, and he leans forward slightly, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead before pulling away to look at you again. “My blainen natshana, my protective spitfire, my love, my forever.”

“I love you, Bellamy Blake.”

“I love you more than the stars, in this lifetime, and in the next.”

“Forever.”

Both of you smile at each other, everything okay for a little while. Because for now, you can ignore the impending doom and the desolation of your home, everything blocked out by the strength of Bellamy’s love. You fall asleep smiling at each other, basking in that warmth, at peace and full of love.

-

_Clarke looks at you, a mischievous look on her face, “Put it on.”_

_You eye the long sleeve top and gray overall dress, the same clothes she wears to school everyday. The clothes you’ve never been allowed to wear, because you’re not supposed to exist. You stare at your twin, at the missing tooth in the front of her smile, identical to the missing tooth in your own grin. The second Clarke saw the gap in your grin, she messed with her tooth everyday until it was loose enough to pull out, refusing to look any less identical than you do right now. Neither of you know it yet, but as you grow older, you’ll become less and less identical. Enough similarities remain that some people know, right off the bat, and some people only guess because they’ve heard the stories. But right now, in your youth, in the time before anything seems serious, you look like copies of each other. Any differences you have right now are so subtle, no one could tell the difference._

_Which is exactly why Clarke is holding her school clothes out to you. “Just one day, la lune! You’ll get to see the Ark and meet Wells. It’s field trip day today, and we’re going on a tour of the ship, so no one will be paying any attention to you.”_

_“But then you’ll miss out on the field trip.”_

_“I’ve seen everything already, but you haven’t. You deserve to see the Ark.”_

_You eye the clothes again, before taking them from her grip. She gives you a triumphant smile as you dress quickly, and she changes into your clothes as soon as you’re out of them. Then she helps you braid your hair before turning you around to look at the small mirror you share. “I look just like you.”_

_Clarke laughs, loud and bright, her joy always so infectious. “Of course you do, we’re **twins**.”_

_You give her an annoyed look. “I know, but mom and dad can still tell us apart. Maybe this will actually fool them.”_

_“Stop worrying, this is foolproof.”_

_You start to counter her argument, but your mom bursts into the room, waving her hand towards you frantically. “Clarke, why aren’t you out here, honey? We’re going to be late.”_

_“Sorry mom.”_

_You walk towards her, waiting for her to notice that you’re not Clarke, but she never does. She takes your hand when you reach her, and leads you straight through the living room and to the front door. Once you’re out in the hall, her hand doesn’t drop yours, and you relish in this small moment with your mother. Something so common for Clarke, because this is a walk they take together everyday, but so rare for you. You turn and look at every surrounding as you walk by, but you stop when your mom tugs on your hand and asks, “What’s wrong with you today?”_

_You don’t get to answer, because a man turns the corner and starts walking down the hall, and your mom stiffens at the sight of him. She freezes in place when he stops in front of her. “Abby.”_

_“Marcus. Heading to the meeting?”_

_“Yes. Are you?”_

_She motions towards you. “I have to drop Clarke off first, and then I’ll be right there. If I’m a little late, start without me.”_

_“I’ll pass the message along.” The man, Marcus, turns his attention to you. “Clarke, I heard there’s a field trip today, a tour of the Ark and its jobs?”_

_“Yes, sir.”_

_“I’m sure you’re looking forward to seeing the Medical Facility, since Abby here says you want to be a doctor.”_

_“I don’t want to be a doctor.” You pull a face and add, “Besides, I want to see the library.”_

_Marcus gives you a weird look, and you feel your mother turn towards you sharply, and only then do you realize your mistake. Clarke **does** want to be a doctor like your mom, and right now, you’re supposed to be Clarke. Your mother gives Marcus a polite smile. “I’ll see you at the meeting.”_

_She pulls you around him, practically dragging you down the hall, until she reaches an abandoned corridor. And then she drops to her knees in front of you, reaching out and tugging the chain from under your shirt, exposing the small moon charm that hangs there. She whispers your name in disbelief, and she is livid as she looks at you. “What are you doing?”_

_“Clarke said I should get to see the Ark. I just wanted to explore, that’s all.”_

_Someone walks down the hall, past you and your mother, and your mom eyes them warily before standing and leading you straight back home. As soon as the door is closed behind her, she storms to the bedroom and grabs your twin, pulling up the sleeve on her wrist and exposing her star bracelet. Clarke’s face falls, knowing that you’re both caught, further confirming your mother’s suspicions. She leads you both to the couch and points at it angrily, before whisper yelling, “What were the two of you thinking? Do you know how **dangerous** it is for the two of you to switch places? We have talked about this before, if anyone finds out that you’re twins, our family will be punished. They will kill me, they will kill your dad, and they lock the two of you up, separating you.”_

_Your lip starts to quiver, upset that your mother is yelling at you, but horrified at the thought that you would be separated from your twin. Clarke experiences the same horror, because she tugs you into her arms, and starts to cry. “No, no, no, they can’t take her from me!”_

_Your mom looks at Clarke in surprise, as she rarely has emotional outbursts, and she starts to soften, realizing she may have been too hard on the two of you. As you cling onto Clarke and she clings to you, your mother drops down in front of you, and puts a hand on each of your cheeks. “I know that it’s difficult that one of you gets to leave and the other can’t. Me and your father try to keep things as even as we can with you two, but one of you will always be the twin that gets to go outside and meet people, and one of you will always be the invisible twin.”_

_She turns to look at Clarke. “Clarke, I know that you always want to fix things, and make your sister’s life better, but there are some things she won’t get to experience, and there are some things you can’t fix.”_

_She turns her gaze towards you. “I’m so sorry that you don’t get to experience the world the same way that Clarke does. Maybe your father can figure something out and take you on a tour of the ship. Until then, the two of you need to be there for each other. Share your hardships, and give each other strength when you’re having a hard time, because you’re stronger together.”_

_“I’m sorry, mommy.”_

_“Yeah, I’m sorry too.”_

_“I know you are. Now, go switch clothes. Clarke, I want you at that door in two minutes. Don’t make me come get you this time.”_

-

It’s still early when you wake, the light of the morning barely kissing the horizon, and Bellamy is already awake when you pull your eyes open to the hungry world. You both get ready in quiet contentment, tossing things into your packs and dressing in an easy silence, your words from last night still hanging in the air. When both of you are ready and standing by the door, Bellamy turns to look at you. “If you’re not up for today, I can take the hydrazine by myself.”

You shake your head and press a quick kiss to his lips. “No need, I’m okay.”

He nods before leading you out the door and straight to the Chancellor’s office. You and Bellamy get there before Roan does, but Monty and Kane are already there and waiting when you arrive. As soon as you step in the door, Kane motions the two of you over, his voice dropping to a whisper. “The hydrazine is being loaded now, but before you leave, you need to hear this. Roan sent most of his army back to Polis to keep the peace now that the secret of Praimfaya is out, but on the way there, many have deserted the army and taken to burning Trikru villages to the ground. Your journey today will take you right through some of those territories, and it’ll likely be dangerous.”

You and Bellamy exchange a worried look, but the conversation is stopped from going any further when Roan steps into the room. You nod at each other in greeting, and everyone gathers around the table covered in maps, notes, and schematics, and Kane nods at Monty to begin. “Clarke said to get started without her since I already passed along this update. Sectors, 3, 4, and 5 sustained the worst damage. We lost the server room, all of our processors and life support systems, and half of our living quarters. Now, backup power will keep the lights on at night in the rooms that survived, but we’ll have no heat or running water. And no way to restore it or reseal the ship before the radiation gets here.”

You shake your head, the extent of the destruction hitting you hard, despite the things you’ve had to endure on the Ark, both when it was in the sky and on the ground. You stare at the map of Alpha Station, and the big blocks of red that now cover most of the map, signaling their damage. “Is there any good news?”

Kane sighs, looking up from the same map you’re staring at. “Well, no one died.”

Clarke walks into the room just then, smiling at you in greeting before stopping beside Kane. “Forget the Ark, it was never gonna save us all anyway. We need to focus our resources on the Nightblood solution. Is the fuel loaded?”

Bellamy gives her a serious look. “It’s in process, but, Clarke, it isn’t gonna be an easy ride.”

“What don’t I know?”

You all turn to Roan, knowing that the danger stems from Ice Nation, and he sighs, “With the secret of Praimfaya out, I sent Echo and my army back to Polis to keep the peace.”

“That’s good. We need peace to distribute the cure.”

“More than half of them deserted on the way. With the end coming, they want to be home. I don’t blame them.”

Bellamy quips, “Do you blame them for burning Trikru villages as they go?”

Roan gives him a sarcastic smile. “That’s funny, coming from _you_.”

“Enough.” Kane looks between the two men, letting them know this is not the time. “We know the woods are a war zone. And after the attack on Ilian this morning, I can’t spare many of the guards to protect you.”

Roan shrugs, “My security detail can protect us.”

“Thank you, that’s very generous.”

“We are all in this together now.” Roan looks you all over once, before he turns to leave, signaling the end of the meeting. Kane glances between you and Clarke, and asks, “Can I talk to you two?”

You both nod, and you turn your gaze to Bellamy, who smiles and presses a kiss to your forehead. “I’m gonna check on Octavia before we go. I’ll meet you at the truck.”

You nod, and as soon as he clears the room, with Monty right behind him, Kane turns to look between you. “I’m going with you.”

You and Clarke are already disagreeing before he even gets all the words out, both of you shaking your heads to let him know this isn’t the right idea. “You can’t.”

“I’m the Chancellor.”

“That’s why you can’t.” You push the map of Alpha Station, mostly covered in red now, towards him, reminding him. “After everything that happened this morning, our people need you here, now more than ever. I know you’re worried about our mother.”

“She’s going into space…in a 100 year old rocket. Do you have any idea how many things could go wrong?”

Clarke takes over, more knowledgeable about the discussions from Becca’s Island. “Raven says the rocket’s intact. She’d like a little more fuel, but as long as we get her what we’ve got, she said she’ll get them both back down safely. Look, we have to try.”

You reach out and squeeze his arm. “I’ll send her your love.”

He smiles at you, nodding in thanks. “Yes, please do that. And I’ll make sure there’s something left to save…when all of you get home.”

He reaches out and hugs Clarke, who seems surprised by the gesture at first, but eventually hugs him back, finding comfort in him. You watch them with a smile, and he reaches out for you once he pulls away from her. You hug him back just as fiercely as he hugs you, your connection to Kane much deeper than Clarke’s, considering the few near death experiences you’ve both shared. He pulls back and looks at both of you in admiration. “I know your father would be so proud of you both.”

You both smile at him, the mention of your dad making you a little teary eyed. He smiles back, before remembering the time sensitive journey ahead of you, and he motions towards the door. “Go. Radio when you make it.”

“Will do.”

You follow Clarke out the door as she leads you to the mini caravan set up for your journey. She glances at you as you walk that way, before turning to look back in the direction of the Chancellor’s office. “Do you think Kane is good for her? Mom, I mean.”

“I think so.” You think of all the comfort he offered her in the chaos of Pike’s Arkadia. “He’s come a long way since landing down here a few months ago. He’s definitely not the man he was on the Ark.”

“I can definitely agree with that.” She nods to someone in the distance, and you follow her gaze to the Ice Nation King. You still feel a little anger at him for taking you hostage, but it’s overshadowed by the importance of your trip today. Clarke nods towards the vehicles. “We’re going to lead the way in the Rover. You and your men will ride in back with the fuel.”

One of Roan’s men, who is lingering nearby, overhears this and immediately protests. “The King of Azgeda follows no one.”

Roan turns to the man, pacifying him. “It’s all right, Seiku. Best we stay out of sight for now.”

He heeds the king’s words and steps away slightly, but his gaze is locked on you and Clarke, eyes hard and angry. You get the distinct feeling that you wouldn’t want to cross him in a fight. Before he turns his gaze away from you, he growls, “Wanheda and Wanlida.”

You turn and look at him in confusion, the second time you’ve heard that name, and it takes you a second to realize that it’s a nickname, and it’s been given to you. Based on the tone he said it in, you don’t think it’s a compliment. You turn to Roan, brows lifting, asking him to translate, but the moment is ended by Bellamy’s approach. “It’s time to go.”

You look at him, the tension in his jaw and shoulders, the hurt expression on his face, and you gather his goodbye to Octavia didn’t go well. He doesn’t give you time to question him because he continues his stormy walk to the rover, and he is quickly replaced by Monty, who is now jumping out of the truck loaded with the fuel, and headed your way. 

“All set?”

He nods, “Locked and loaded. I do, however, feel the need to reiterate: you’re about to drive the last 10 barrels of hydrazine known to man, a cargo which Raven needs every last drop of, through hostile territory, packed with warring clans, over uneven roads, where one serious bump could cause an explosion that would not only kill all of you, but would wipe out mankind’s only remaining chance for survival.”

You glare at him. “Comforting.”

Roan muses, “What could possibly go wrong?”

You and Clarke exchange quick goodbyes with Monty before helping to load Roan and his men into the back of the truck with the hydrazine. Before you turn away, Roan grabs your arm and mutters, “Wait.”

You look at him, and he reaches into his jacket, pulling out a knife, situated inside a thigh holster. You smile at it, forgetting that it was in Echo’s possession last, and Roan hands it to you. “Echo said this belongs to you.”

“It does, thank you.”

He nods at you and then releases his hold on your arm before stepping away from you, deeper into the truck. You nod at Clarke and the two of you head to the rover, where she jumps into the back and you jump into the passenger seat. Bellamy turns to you, expression expectant. “Ready?”

“Good to go.”

He starts the rover and directs it towards the camp’s exit, pulling away from your home and leading you towards possible salvation. As he maneuvers through the woods, you watch him closely, not missing the way his hands keep fidgeting on the wheel. Your voice drops low, trying to keep the conversation as private as possible. “Is it Octavia?”

“Keep your eyes on the trees.”

You ignore the attitude in his voice, knowing it’s not meant for you. “She hasn’t forgiven you, has she?”

His jaw clenches, answering the question for you, and you glance back at Clarke, remembering the tense relationship you had with your twin when you landed on the ground. “Relationships don’t fix themselves overnight. It’ll take time.”

“We don’t have much of that left now, do we?” You shrug, knowing he’s right, but also knowing he can’t force Octavia’s forgiveness. You open your mouth to share that with him, but the thought dies out as the rover turns the corner, revealing a group of Trikru members standing in the middle of the path. Bellamy lifts the radio to contact the truck of fuel behind you. “We got a situation, looks like a Trikru checkpoint. Stay alert, show no weapons. Keep your passengers on ice.”

“Copy.”

Clarke leans forward, between you and Bellamy, peering out the windshield at the group. “Wait, it’s not a checkpoint. They have wounded.”

And before either of you can say anything to her, she turns and jumps out of the back of the truck, leaving you and Bellamy staring after her, dumbfounded. You turn and meet each other’s eyes, and he gives you an exasperated look. You nod in return, waving him off. “I know, I know. I’ll go get her.”

You hop out of the rover after her, while Bellamy updates the other vehicle, and you jog to catch up with your twin. As the two of you approach, a man turns and looks your way, running over to the two of you, looking pleased to see you both. “Wanheda. Wanlida.”

 _Same nickname. Said with a lot less hatred though._ Clarke nods to the group. “What happened here?”

“Azgeda burned our village to the ground. My father caught an ax with his leg, and we can’t stop the bleeding.”

The man motions towards the bleeding man on the ground, and as you and Clarke walk that way, you hear the door of the rover close, indicating that Bellamy is out of the vehicle and heading your way. Clarke bends down and inspects the wound, and you feel a hand at the small of your back, Bellamy, letting you know he’s right behind you. It only takes a second for Clarke to realize that the femoral artery has been cut, and there’s nothing she can do to save him. She turns to look at you, expression grave, but then you see her eyes widen slightly at something behind you. 

You turn and follow her gaze to a young Trikru boy, standing beside the fuel truck, looking up at the drivers. Clarke abruptly turns and looks at the man who greeted you. “I’m sorry, there’s nothing we can do.”

Bellamy motions towards the Trikru men still spread out along the road, blocking your exit. “Think maybe you can clear the road?”

“Everyone, move!” The man follows you as you all hurry back to the rover, eager to get away from them before they realize their enemy is in the back of your second truck. “If you’re headed to Polis, we could use a ride.”

Clarke scrambles into the back, shutting the door behind her, and you slide into the passenger seat quickly. Bellamy, however, is reaching for the door handle when he replies, “We’re not headed to Polis.”

“Broadleaf and Plains Riders are moving against Azgeda, we want in.”

Bellamy ignores him, yelling to the kid who has now inched dangerously close to the back of the fuel truck. “Hey, kid, get away from there!”

The boy puts his hands up in surrender, taking a step backwards as he does, his eyes now falling on Roan and his men in the back of the truck. He immediately takes off running, screaming as he does, “Azgeda! Azgeda!”

“No!” Bellamy yanks the door open and scrambles inside, yelling, “Damn it!”

He puts the car in drive and takes off without a second thought, pushing his way through the people who have tried to gather in the road again. Arrows whiz past your vehicle as you make a hasty getaway, and there’s nothing any of you can do but hope that the hydrazine is safe as you barrel through the woods as fast as you can. 

Bellamy pushes the rover as fast as he can, trying to put as much distance that he can between you and the Trikru warriors. All of you sit in tense silence, the stress of the situation failing to dissipate, even as you reach the edge of the woods. The trees abruptly end and open up into a small, sandy shoreline, a quick moving river flowing in front of you. You and Bellamy exchange a look, knowing it shouldn’t be there, before Bellamy radios, “Looks like we got another problem.”

Bellamy stops the vehicle before you all hop out, standing on the river’s edge and watching the water move downstream. Clarke shakes her head. “Murphy didn’t say anything about a river.”

“What else could go wrong?”

The sound of approaching footsteps in the sand alert you to Roan’s presence before his voice does. “Ice melt. I’ll find us a place to cross upstream.”

He starts to walk away, but Clarke calls out to him. “Wait, take the Rover. You’ll cover more ground, and it’ll be safer.”

Bellamy looks over at Roan, and then to Clarke, in disbelief. “With him?”

“We have to get across the river. The rest of us will stay here and guard the fuel.”

Bellamy’s eyes fall to you, and you give him a sassy smile. “You guys could use the bonding time. I’ll stay here, keep everyone out of trouble.”

He looks hesitant, and makes no move towards the rover. You step forward and kiss him, before pushing him away, towards the vehicle. “I”ll be fine. There’s a radio in the truck, I’ll call if we need help.”

He nods, but still seems unconvinced that he should leave you behind. Despite that, he gets inside, and calls out to you through the open window, “We won’t be long. Eyes sharp.”

You and Clarke step away from the rover, moving to its other slide to be closer to the fuel truck. From this side, you’re able to see Roan as he moves towards the passenger seat, and when he reaches for the door handle, Seiku calls out to him. _“Ai haihefa, osir beda goch yu op.”_

 _My king, we should go with you._ Roan shakes his head, turning his full attention to the man. _“Non bilaik mou meija kom disha shimon, teik em klir. Emo sentaim.”_

 _Nothing is more important than this cargo, keep it safe. Them too._ He says the last words with his eyes locked on you and Clarke, and Seiku nods, accepting the order. And then Roan pulls open the door and slides into the seat beside Bellamy, yanking the door closed again just as the rover starts to drive off. You watch the vehicle until it disappears from your sight, hoping that the two men find a place to cross and they find it fast. 

The two guards Kane sent with you spread out, weapons drawn, facing the trees and keeping an eye out for any sign of the Trikru warriors. Clarke walks over to the truck, keeping close to the cargo, while two of Roan’s guards linger nearby, whispering back and forth in Trigedasleng. You linger a few steps away from the truck, closer to the water, watching the river as it rushes nearby, and Roan’s third guard, Seiku, hovers nearby. You can feel his eyes on you, watching you, and feeling brave, you turn to face him. “Wanlida; what does it mean?”

A look flashes across his face, but it happens so fast you’re unable to pinpoint what it means. He eyes you for a long time, and you start to turn away, thinking he’s not going to answer, when he replies, “Wanlida, the Bringer of Death.”

“That’s what people call me?”

“Yes. Wanheda commands death, giving the final blow. But you, you bring her to us, to the villages, to the mountain. You lead death straight to us, and she does the rest.”

 _Azrael and Azazel, twins of death and destruction. Cursed, bringing death wherever you follow. Because wherever you are, Clarke is never far behind._ The nickname conflicts you, as you’re sure it conflicts others. Some say Wanheda with awe in their voices, some fear, some anger. You imagine that the same conflict remains when they talk about you. The thought of being a killer, a monster, comes back to you again, reminding you of who you’ve become since landing on the ground. Wanlida, the bringer of death. Your thoughts are suddenly interrupted by the sounds of conflict that reach your ears from nearby. Seiku’s too, because both of you turn to face the noise, just in time to watch the two Azgeda guards kill the two Skaikru guards. 

Seiku grabs you without warning, and you think he is about to kill you and add your body to the growing pile. Instead, he drags you over to the truck, pushing you down by its side, beside Clarke, who is looking at both of you in alarm. “What’s going on?”

“Quiet. I’ll handle this. When I tell you to run, run.”

You and Clarke both nod, acknowledging his command, watching as he faces the two men and yells, _“Chit yu dula? Haihefa biyo na shil shimon.”_

 _What are you doing? The king said to protect the cargo._ You can’t see which of the men is responding, but he answers in English, making sure you all get the message. “We are. That’s why we’re taking the cargo. If nothing is more important than this, then our people deserve it.”

“No, the king wants us to protect it, so he can save everyone.”

“The king has been blinded by his loyalties to Skaikru, despite the lies they tell. Now stand aside Seiku, and give us the girls.”

“No.” He pulls out his sword, and stands at the ready. “If you want them, you’ll have to kill me.”

You hear a short laugh, and then the sound of all three men coming together, clashing in a chaos of sound. As soon as Seiku starts to fight them, he turns and yells, “Run, now!”

You stand and start to take off, but Clarke lingers, eyeing the fuel. You turn and wave her towards you, “Clarke, come on!”

“But the fuel!”

“The fuel won’t matter if we’re dead and unable to deliver it! Let’s go!”

You grab her wrist and pull her after you, and she relents and allows you to lead her towards the river. Your plan is to cross the water and duck into the trees that start along the other side, keeping you and Clarke hidden until you have back up or a better plan. You’re closing the distance between you and the river’s edge when you hear the sound of footsteps behind you. When you turn, you see one of the men running after you, trying to catch up. Seiku knocks the man he is still fighting away from him, and turns to pursue the man after you. Unfortunately, the man in pursuit reaches you first and tackles Clarke to the ground. You fall with her, your hands still connected, but you roll over and recover quickly when you realize that he’s pulling out a knife to stab Clarke. 

You jump up and knock the weapon out of his hand, sending it flying, and he turns and hits you hard, knocking you away from the two of them. You scramble back to your feet and run at the man, tackling him to the ground, forcing him away from Clarke. As you do, Seiku reaches the three of you, and pulls the man off of you before he can harm you, knocking him out quickly. Seiku pulls you to your feet, and you nod in thanks, before he motions to Clarke. “You should check on her.”

Clarke is sprawled out on the ground, panting hard, trying to catch her breath after being choked. As you start to move towards her, she screams, “Look out!”

You turn, watching as the other guard looses an arrow, now heading straight towards you, and for some reason, you freeze in place. You hear Clarke scream your name in a panic, and your brain tries telling your feet to move, but instead, your feet stay resolutely in place, determined to let your body catch this arrow. Except, the arrow never reaches you. Seiku sees all of this happening, and he runs towards you, wrapping his arms around you just as the arrow lands in his back. He grunts, and starts to sway on his feet, and you stumble, trying to keep him upright. But amongst all the commotion, you don’t realize that the guard Seiku knocked out wasn’t knocked out at all. He rises from his place, closes the space between you, and pulls Seiku’s head back, slitting his throat while Seiku’s arms are still around you, trying to protect you. You scream as blood spills from his neck, some of it hitting you, and he becomes dead weight on your arms, causing you to fall backwards and crash onto the sand below. He dies seconds later, the blood leaving his body at a rapid pace, and you feel emotion rise in your chest for this man that tried to save you and keep you safe, despite the curse around you. _Bringer of Death. And here he is, now dead in your arms._

Your mourning for the loyal Azgeda guard is short lived though, because you hear Clarke let out a cry of pain, before she hits the ground beside you. You scream her name in horror and pull yourself from beneath Seiku, scrambling over to her and checking her pulse as fear practically chokes you. You let out a sound of relief when you feel the strong thud of her heart beneath your fingertips, and once you get the confirmation that she’s still alive, you look up and around for the two guards. They’re close, weapons trained on Clarke, and you have only a few seconds to decide your plan before you execute it. 

You pull your knife from your holster and stand, holding the weapon to your throat. “That vehicle will not move unless one of us drives it. Clarke’s gonna be out for at least a few hours, thanks to you, and I suspect Roan and Bellamy will be back here before she even wakes. Any chance you have to get the fuel away from here, rides on me. But if you kill Clarke, I will slit my own throat, leaving both of you without a driver, and with an angry king to deal with.”

The two men share a look, both of them eyeing the knife gripped tight in your hand, sure that you’ll do it if they threaten Clarke. _Because you will._ “Fine. Wanheda gets tied up, but she goes with us. First, we wrap up Seiku.”

You nod in agreement, following one of the men to the truck while the other watches over Clarke. You get one of the tarps out of the vehicle, Mount Weather’s finest, and hand it to the guard that lingers close to you. He motions for you to follow him back towards the body and you do, helping him wrap Seiku in the tarp while the other guard binds and gags your twin. The guard starts to drag him closer to the water, placing him just on the water’s edge, slightly hidden behind a large fallen tree. When he turns his back to head towards the truck, you stab your knife into the ground beside Seiku’s head, a message for Bellamy that you’re still alive, before whispering, _“Yu gonplei ste odon.”_

Then you turn and head back towards the truck, sliding into the driver’s seat as one of the men climbs into the back with the fuel, and the other lifts Clarke into the passenger seat before squeezing himself into the middle. He pulls the cords from the radio, ceasing any potential communication with Bellamy, as you start the truck and pull away from the river, following the directions that he grunts out periodically. You drive for a little while, hoping that Bellamy and Roan will find you soon, since you haven’t gone too far from your original location. As you’re driving in an open field, surrounded by trees on either side, you suddenly catch a glimpse of something moving closer to you in the side view mirror. As you do a double take and look again, you realize that it’s the rover, and Bellamy has finally caught up. You hold back your sigh of relief and the smile that threatens to break free, not wanting to give him away. Instead, you slowly ease your foot off of the gas and let the vehicle start to slow down, so Bellamy can catch up. The guard in between you notices the slowing vehicle, and he looks out the back and sees the approaching rover, before yelling to the other guard, “Stop them!”

Then he spins around, pulls out a knife, and holds it to Clarke’s throat, slamming his foot down on top of yours and yelling, “Keep going!”

There’s nothing you can do but drive, and watch the rover get closer and closer to your vehicle. As Bellamy pulls up beside you, you glance at him, and his eyes are locked on you, looking worried. His eyes fall to the blood all over you, and you don’t have enough time to tell him it’s not yours, because the guard at your side moves the knife from Clarke over to you, pressing it against our neck as he glares at your boyfriend. Bellamy yells, “Give me a clean shot!”

He doesn’t wait for your answer, he just pushes the rover to its highest speed, quickly moving past your vehicle and pulling away from you. He puts as much space as he can in between you, before he abruptly yanks the wheel of the rover and stops the vehicle in your path, his driver’s side door now facing you. He flings the door open and you can see the flash of his gun in the light of the sun as he aims right towards you. The guard beside you grabs the wheel, trying to yank it from your hands and maneuver the vehicle out of Bellamy’s path, and you struggle against him, not giving up. But the space between your vehicle and Bellamy’s is rapidly closing, and you know that if you hit him, he’ll be dead on impact, before the crash knocks out the hydrazine and wipes out the rest of you. 

You swing your elbow towards the man, knocking him away from you, giving Bellamy the space to shoot him without hitting you. A second later, the glass on the windshield breaks, and the guard lets out a cry of pain before slumping over. You look at his dead body in shock, before turning back to the front, watching as you’re about to slam into the rover. You slam both of your feet onto the brakes, hoping it’s enough, and Bellamy pulls himself back into the rover as you come sliding towards him. Somehow, the vehicle stops just short of crashing, saving all of you, and you lock eyes with Bellamy through the glass, both of you smiling at each other in shocked relief.

-

Despite a few hours of the journey still ahead of you, you all wait around until Clarke wakes up, and you know she’s okay. She’s a little banged up, a little bruised, but she passes all of the concussion tests that you give her, and repeatedly insists that she’s fine. Bellamy anxiously scans your body, looking for injuries, despite your insistence that the blood on your clothing does not belong to you. You pass along to Roan that Seiku was loyal until the end, defending the cargo, and you and Clarke, just like he asked. Roan thanks you for the message, and you catch the first glimpse of emotion from the king when he turns away, looking sad, but he quickly tucks it away when he catches you watching. 

Clarke insists on driving the fuel, and Bellamy insists that you ride in the rover, not wanting you out of his sight again, so Roan agrees to ride with Clarke, splitting the party evenly into two vehicles. When you slide inside the rover, Bellamy hands you your knife, now back to its rightful owner for the second time in less than 24 hours, and you give him a grateful smile. The rest of the ride passes quickly, which you’re thankful for, and a few hours before sunset, Bellamy guides the rover from the trees, out onto a beach. “We’re here.”

In the distance, you can the approaching boat, your ride to Becca’s Island, this terrible trip nearly finished. Bellamy parks the rover and you both hop out, stepping onto the shoreline and watching the boat as it slowly moves closer. Bellamy reaches out for your hand, and then takes a deep breath, seemingly coming to a decision. “I’m gonna take the Rover back to camp.”

You turn to look at him, at this deviation from the plan, and though you don’t want to be separated from him, you know exactly why he wants to do this. “Octavia?”

“It’s pathetic, right? She hates me but I keep coming back for more.”

You squeeze his hand, offering him comfort. “She’s your sister, she’s blood. She’ll come around and see how special you are.”

He nods, and you turn and look at him, both of you locking eyes. “But that’s exactly why I have to stay with Clarke. I’m worried about the hit to her head that I was too slow to stop, and admittedly, I’m worried about my mom going to space in a century old rocket to create Nightblood. I need to be there for them. Both of them.”

“I understand.”

You start to say your goodbyes to each other, but you’re interrupted by Clarke yelling, “We’ve got a problem.”

You both run over to the truck, meeting Clarke and Roan there, and the king is in the back, beside one of the barrels of hydrazine. He slides it to the end, turning it around, revealing an arrow sticking out of the bottom. “Trikru arrow.”

Roan kicks the barrel off the back, and you all watch in horror as it tumbles to the ground, bouncing twice, knocking the lid off. Not a single drop of liquid spills, indicating that it has long been drained, and there’s nothing any of you can do except stare at the empty barrel in disappointment. 

Clarke is the first to break the silence, muttering, “I’ll go radio the others.”

You, Roan, and Bellamy work in silence to unload the barrels, checking the rest of them one by one, making sure they’re intact. Jackson and Miller arrive on the boat a few minutes later, and after you relay the news to them, you load the rest of the hydrazine on board, before Clarke and Roan board the ship behind them. You and Bellamy linger on shore, not wanting to say goodbye, yet knowing that you have to. He pulls you in for a passionate kiss, long and slow, dripping with love and adoration, saying everything you need to say. 

“I love you, blainen natshana.”

“I love you more than the stars.” He gives you a sad look, and you lift a hand to his cheek, resting it there. “I’ll see you in a few days. We’ll figure this out, get Nightblood made, and we’ll be home before you know it.”

He nods, tears shining in his eyes, bringing tears to your own eyes. He repeats his words from the night before back to you, bringing a watery smile to your face. “In this lifetime, and in the next.”

You whisper back, “Forever.”

He kisses you one last time, and hugs you tight, before pulling away and helping you onto the boat. You stand at the back, eyes locked on him the entire time, watching him as the boat pulls away. Your eyes never leave each other, both of you waving and watching, only stopping long after he’s disappeared from your sight. You remain at the back of the boat, watching the sun sink lower in the sky, until it kisses the horizon, the sky erupting in a beautiful painting of colors. And as the moon eventually takes her place, rising into the sky as a guiding light, you watch it, drawing comfort from the crescent shaped beauty. And somewhere, sitting along a sandy shoreline, Bellamy Blake sits, watching the same moon in the sky as the love of his life. 

-


	52. lii. gimme shelter (4.07)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: a few mentions of blood, fighting, violence, reference to past assualt/Shumway, angst, mentions of death. 
> 
> Summary: you arrive on Becca’s Island, and reunions are had, exploring is done. as you and Clarke wind down from your long journey, a break in occurs, creating chaos within the mansion.

_March 20th, 2150; Becca’s Island_

As soon as the boat reaches the shoreline, Roan volunteers to stay behind with Miller and unload the fuel, so that Jackson can lead you to your mother. You and Clarke agree with the plan, looking forward to seeing her for the first time in a few days. Though, with the events of the last few days, it has felt more like lifetimes. Jackson leads you from the shoreline through a densely wooded path, keeping up light conversation the entire time, before ushering the two of you into a lab unlike anything you could ever have imagined. “This is Becca’s main research lab, but there are 5 other levels.”

You look around in awe, at the dozens of screens and computers, all types of equipment, chemicals, tubes, and beakers, all brightly lit and situated at the bottom of a flight of stairs. As Jackson leads you to the railing alongside the stairs, giving you a view of everything, your mouth drops open in shock, and Clarke whispers, “Incredible.”

The word carries through the room, reaching a figure who is standing at one of the computer screens, staring at whatever is displayed there. They turn around at the sound of Clarke’s voice, your mother, grinning up at both of you. You and Clarke smile back, and Clarke leads the way down the stairs. Your mom pulls both of you into a hug as soon as you’re close enough. Up above, Jackson makes an excuse about checking on Luna, giving the three of you the privacy to catch up. 

When she pulls away from you, her eyes fall to your shirt first, still covered in Seiku’s blood. You got most of his blood off you with the water from the ocean, but it has stained your shirt, ruining it beyond repair. Her eyes widen in alarm, and you can see her already searching for wounds, but you shake your head. “It’s not mine. It was Seiku’s, one of Roan’s guards who saved both of our lives.”

She sags in relief, before looking between the two of you, a small smile on her face. “Then I’m grateful to him.”

She looks around, realizing that no one else has followed, before asking, “Speaking of, where is Roan?”

“Unloading the fuel with the others.” Clarke looks at your mom, her expression dropping as the weight of the day’s events start to weigh on her. “We just needed to see our mom.”

Your mom pulls you both in for another hug, offering you the kind of comfort that could only ever come from someone who raised you. You smile, drawing in the comfort, until your eyes fall on the screen behind her, the one she was staring at when you came in. It’s a scan of a brain, and you pull away, booking at it in confusion. “What is that?”

Your mom glances back at it, her face falling. “A scan of Raven’s brain. She’s been having seizures, and she just had another one right after she heard the news about the fuel.”

The news tugs at something in your brain, taking you back to Niylah’s trading post in the middle of a war with an AI. Sinclair stop, the EMP will give me brain damage! You feel a wave of nausea knowing that you contributed to this. In a misguided attempt to save her, you ruined your friend’s brain, the thing she values the most. Clarke pulls you out of your head when she points at a gray spot on the brain scan, “Is that-”

Your mom cuts her off, “An ischemic stroke.”

Clarke looks slightly hopeful, “Well, that means it can heal, right?”

“Yes, as long as she takes it easy, she’ll recover.”

A realization hits you like a freight train. _You used the EMP on your mom too._ You look at her, eyeing her closely, “How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine.”

She smiles and then walks away, but you and Clarke aren’t so easily convinced. “When was the last time you slept?”

She doesn’t look at Clarke when she answers her question, just peers into a microscope at a sample pressed between the plates. “Oh, I’ll sleep soon enough, one way or another.”

“What is that?”

“It’s bone marrow. Luna’s. A theory that Jackson and I agreed should remain untested.”

You shake your head, not understanding. “What theory?”

“We can’t create Nightblood unless we go to space, but Luna can. Theoretically, we can inject ourselves with her bone marrow.”

 _Just like Mount Weather._ You shudder, thinking of the mountain from hell, but no one seems to notice, too wrapped up in the theory. “Then we become Nightbloods. Will it work?”

“I think so.”

Your confusion persists, “Then why’d you take it off the table?”

“Because the only way to know if it works is to test it, and that would mean…”

Clarke answers her first, understanding instantly. “Exposing someone to radiation.”

You think that’s the end of the conversation, but then Clarke adds, “Can we do that here?”

“Yes. Becca was trying to find a cure for cancer using this radiation chamber.” Your mom nods her head at the well lit chamber behind her. “But, we would have to expose a human being to enough radiation that would implode every single cell in their body. That’s what’s coming for us.”

Clarke nods her head, understanding, but you shake yours, not liking this discussion. Your twin argues, “I know that, but we have no choice.”

Your mom shakes her head, “No, we have to make a choice.”

You nod your head, this time understanding the choice before Clarke does. “Which is: Who do we test?”

The conversation is cut short by Jackson calling out, “Emori, hey.”

You all turn as if you’ve been caught doing something bad, looking up to the landing of the stairs to see Emori, Murphy’s girlfriend, looking down at you. “I’m heading up to the house. Does anyone want anything while I’m up there?”

“No, we’re fine, thanks.” But then your mom glances at you and Clarke and calls out, “Emori, hold on.”

She looks at both of you with a smile. “You should both go with her.”

You’re in no position to argue, exhausted from the day, and eager to get out of your bloody shirt. Clarke however, disagrees. “No, we just got here. I want to be here with you and help.”

“There is nothing for you to help me with right now. It’ll be 5 hours before the samples are even ready to be tested.” Clarke sighs, knowing she can’t argue with that news. “Go, take a shower, and we’ll figure this out when you get back.”

She nods and you take her hand, practically dragging her up the stairs, eager to get inside and take a shower. Emori stands at the top, waiting for you, and as she leads you towards the door, Jackson calls out, “I’ll lower the drones.”

Emori guides you through the dark woods easily, the path familiar to her, making casual conversation as she goes. “Raven says the black rain will be here soon.”

Clarke swings her flashlight off the path, towards your guide. “Raven’s right. I used to love the rain, now it terrifies me.”

“I would have thought nothing terrified you.”

You and Clarke exchange a look, and Clarke asks, “Did I say something wrong?”

“No. I just…hate this island, that’s all.”

You nod your head, understanding instantly what that’s like, considering your hatred for Mount Weather. Clarke, who has maintained more radio calls with your mother, continues the conversation. “Murphy said you used to work here. Is that right?”

“Something like that.”

“Scavenging tech for Alie?” Emori turns and gives Clarke a look, who instantly apologizes. “I’m sorry, too many questions.”

“Ignore me.” Emori’s gaze softens as she looks back at the two of you. “I’m just upset that our mission here has failed. Hopefully your mother will come up with another way, always so willing to do anything to save her people. Skaikru’s lucky to have her.”

Clarke shakes her head. “We’re not just doing this for Skaikru.”

Emori holds out an arm, stopping you from walking any further as you reach the edge of the treeline. She lifts her radio, “We’re at the treeline, coming in.”

“Copy that, drones down. You’re good to go.”

She leads you through the trees and into a large lawn that stretches out in front of the largest house that you’ve ever seen in your entire life. Not that you’ve seen many houses, but it seems larger than any picture of houses that you’ve looked at before. The lawn eventually reaches a patio, with a large pool, connected to a hot tub. You look at it in awe, marveling at the stone detailing around the edge. The patio is well let, surrounded by neatly trimmed hedges and marble stairs that lead up towards the back door. The back door itself is glass, along with the whole back window, allowing you a peek into the house. Emori slides the door open, letting the sound of loud music out of the house and to you. You step into a living room, surrounded by white furniture, which opens up right into the large kitchen. Inside the kitchen itself, Murphy dances from one counter to the next, cooking up something to eat. 

You and Clarke exchange amused expressions, and you smile a little, not used to this side of everyone’s favorite cockroach. As you get closer, you joke, “You can cook?”

He hums in acknowledgment of your joke, nodding his head as he peers down at a cookbook laid out in front of him. Clarke adopts the same amused tone when she quips, “You can read?”

He looks up from the book, turning to smile at both of you. “Yeah, I know what you’re thinking, Disaster Twins. Why are all the good ones taken, right?”

You snort and Clarke scoffs, both of you rolling your eyes at him, and Emori looks at her boyfriend in adoration. “A good _randzi_ is rare. John would be celebrated by any clan.”

It takes you a second to remember that randzi means cook, but when you do, you roll your eyes all over again. “Yeah, he’s a real catch.”

Murphy pulls a spoon out and dips it into the dish, holding it out towards you, hand cupped underneath, looking expectant. You eye it warily, a little distrustful, but the smell wafting towards you is good enough to make you want to take a bite. You lean down and take a tentative bite, chewing slowly, waiting for the taste of poison, only to be pleasantly surprised by the explosion of flavors on your tongue. You look at him in awe, “Oh, my God.”

Murphy smiles in an “aha” sort of way, pleased to have gotten that reaction out of you. He turns and tosses the spoon into the sink, and sweeps Emori into his arms, leaning down slightly so she can whisper in his ear. You and Clarke exchange an awkward look, feeling like you’re intruding, before she mutters, “We’re gonna go get cleaned up.”

“Yeah, let me show you where to go.” Murphy starts to step away from Emori to lead you there, but she cuts him off, pointing you in the right direction. “Upstairs. Down the hall.”

“Thanks.”

Clarke leads the way around the corner, down the hall to the massive staircase. You and Clarke move through the house with your mouths slightly dropped in awe, and you wish with your entire being that Bellamy was here to experience this with you. When you reach the top of the stairs, Clarke picks two rooms side by side, and you both look at each other for a minute before stepping into your respective rooms. When you flip on the light switch, it automatically activates the stone fireplace lined along the wall, making the room warmer in seconds. You welcome it, allowing it to chase away the chill that always seems to be settled within you. 

In the middle of the room are two armchairs, a table between them, and you drop your pack onto the nearest chair before proceeding deeper into the room. Along the wall on your left are mirrors, and upon closer inspection you realize they have handles, indicating that they’re hiding something. You tug on the handles and reveal a huge closet, clothes stretching from either end, stuffed full. When you close the door, smiling in awe, you come face to face with your reflection, and you’re shocked by what you see. 

You didn’t clean Seiku’s blood off you nearly as well as you think you did, and mud and blood are streaked from your forehead down onto the skin that eventually disappears beneath your clothes. You’re sure that if you were standing here naked, the grime would cover you from head to foot. There’s a variety of things caked into your hair, making you look wild and untamed. Blood covers almost every inch of your shirt that isn’t hidden beneath your jacket, and you can now see why everyone was looking at you in alarm. There’s a small nick on your neck, situated just above the chain of your necklace, from Echo threatening you, along with a bruise on your cheek from the man that helped her take you captive. 

You turn away from the mirror, no longer wanting to see yourself, ignoring the rest of the room as you make a beeline for the bathroom connected to the bedroom. As soon as you’re inside, you stand and stare at the shower in shock, the shower itself nearly as big as the entire room you share with Bellamy, and you get another wave of regret that he’s not here to see this. You dig around in the cabinets, looking for a towel, and as you do, you discover something rare and precious: bath products. Soap in the Ark is made from mostly recycled materials, and doesn’t have a particularly nice smell. It doesn’t stink by any means, but it also doesn’t smell like…you hold up the bottle in your hand, peering at the label on the body wash, before reading out loud, “Tropical sunset delight.”

The shampoo and conditioner you find are both labeled coconut hazelnut dream, and the lotion is called creamy vanilla surprise. You smile as you hoard all the products, bringing them into the shower with you, along with a brush. It takes a second for you to figure out the controls of the shower, as it’s entirely technology based, but as soon as you do, hot water shoots out from at least four different locations. You turn the water as hot as it can go, the water at Arkadia never anything better than lukewarm. You take your time, using several handfuls of the body wash and several techniques to scrub your skin until it is practically raw. Once you’re sure all the mud and blood is gone, you get started on your hair. It takes a while for you to work out the knots and debris tangled within your strands, but you finally do, marveling at the soft feel of it as you wash the conditioner out. 

After your shower, you dry off and moisturize, before pulling on your pants and grabbing the rest of your clothes and boots. You fold your shirt and socks and stuff them into your pack, before grabbing a couple of shirts you can layer and wear as your new shirt. You also find a sock drawer, overflowing with options, and you pick one pair to wear daily, along with a thick pair you can wear on cold nights. Then you turn, surveying the room again, eyes landing on the bed in the middle of the room. You walk over to it and press a tentative hand into the mattress, marveling at the plush softness that envelops you. 

You smile and climb into the bed, fully intending to sleep for at least a few hours. But as soon as you’re in bed and comfortable, you are annoyed to find that you just can’t sleep. You toss and turn for a few minutes, trying to figure out why sleep evades you, when you suddenly make the connection. You’re alone. You’ve shared a bed with Bellamy the last few months, and sleeping alone is now so foreign to you that you’re struggling to do it without him by your side. With a sigh you pull yourself out of the bed and into the hall, heading straight for Clarke’s room. She looks up at you right as you lift your hand to knock, already motioning you inside before you can even ask to come in. 

She’s already in the bed, also freshly showered, but appearing to struggle with sleep, the same as you. You both sense the restlessness in each other, and she pats the bed, motioning for you to crawl in beside her. You do, turning to face her as soon as you’re comfortable, smiling at the pretty face of your twin. She smiles back at you, and you both lay in silence for a minute or two, until Clarke whispers, “Do you think I’m a good leader?”

You think of the memory you dreamed about last night, and you ask, “Do you remember when you convinced me to take your place so that I could see the Ark?”

“Yeah, and you only lasted three minutes before mom caught on?”

You mock glare at her, but confirm, “Yes.”

You pause for a minute, letting her relive the memory, before you add, “I’ve been following you my entire life. You’re a natural born leader, inherited from both of our parents, making you a hybrid, amplified leader. You’re strong, and you care about others, which I’ve known since you were willing to give up a field trip just so I could see the Ark.”

“But you’re my twin.”

“Pulling a lever to save our people. _Three_ times. Continuously sacrificing yourself to save others, making the hard decisions when others don’t want to, but also continuing to stay in touch with your empathetic side. You’re a great leader, Clarke.”

She sighs and nods, accepting the compliments with thanks, and you start to read the undertone in her statement. As you watch your twin, her mind running though a million things at once, you realize that the real question is: _when can someone else lead in my place?_ Clarke has led all of you from the moment she landed on the ground, but realistically, she was leading even before that, back when the two of you were kids. She led groups in school, tried to lead with your dad when he wanted to go public with the news of the dying Ark, led the delinquents the second you landed on the ground. She led Camp Jaha as the adults fought over who was in charge, and led an army of Grounders with Lexa. She led behind the scenes while Pike thought he was in charge, led the mission to find Luna, and the mission to kill Alie and the City of Light. She led Arkadia while your mom and Kane stayed behind, and the more you think of it, the more you think that her only break may have been the three months she spent on her own. But even then, she was burdened by the consequences of leadership. 

Clarke Griffin, Wanheda, your starry twin, is _tired_. Exhausted. It’s written in the lines of her face, the sag of her shoulders, the bags under her eyes. And though you know you’ll never be able to stop her from being a leader, you vow to take more of the burden off her shoulders from here on out. 

Clarke yawns, confirming your suspicions, and you smile at her. “Get some sleep.”

She nods, and closes her eyes, and you watch her for a second as the stress starts to melt off of her, second by second. Satisfied that she’s actually going to sleep, you close your eyes and follow suit, only for your eyes to fly open at the sound of clattering down the hall. The sound wakes Clarke too, both of you exchanging an annoyed look before getting out of bed. On the way to the door, your twin grabs her pistol from her pack, and you glare at her. “Where was that when Roan’s guards tried to kill us?”

She shrugs, looking a little apologetic. “In my pack. In the rover.”

You give her an annoyed look, before following her down the hall as she creeps towards the sound. As it grows louder, she calls out, “Murphy? Murphy, is that you?”

The sound grows louder as you approach a door at the end of the hall, and you put your hand on Clarke’s shoulder, letting her know you’re still with her, as you follow her into the room. She flips on the light, revealing blinds on the other end of the room, that seem to move everytime the wind blows. You and Clarke move closer, and when you lift the blinds up, you see a hole in the window, red blood smeared around the edges, indicating someone smashed their way through and let themselves in. You hear a small sound behind you, and you and Clarke spin quickly, her gun lifted and ready to shoot.

Murphy stands in the doorway, and at the sight of the weapon, he lifts his hands in surrender, “Hey, hey, hey, hey, take it easy! Look, we need to talk.”

Clarke shushes him, “Quiet. There’s someone here.”

He looks at both of you in alarm, and Clarke opens her mouth to relay a plan, but she is cut off by the sound of Emori yelling from downstairs, “John! John! John!”

Murphy rushes out of the room first, and you and Clarke scramble behind him, following him closely as he practically flies down the stairs and around the corner into the kitchen. There a man stands, trying to plunge a kitchen knife into Emori’s neck, who is using every bit of strength she has to keep him from killing her. Murphy grabs the nearest weapon he can find, a cutting board, and whacks the man across the face, knocking him away from his girlfriend. Emori scrambles backwards on the floor towards you, and Clarke reaches out for her, “Are you okay? Can you stand?”

But Emori ignores the question, her eyes focused only on Murphy as he goes to deliver a killing blow, “Wait! He’s mine.”

Emori tries to run at the man and attack him, but Murphy holds her back, despite her struggles. “Get off of me! If we don’t kill him now, he will kill us.”

You give her a confused look. “You know him?”

Emori practically spits out the name, “Baylis.”

The name must mean something to Murphy, or he must know Emori’s story, because he stills, no longer holding her back as much as he was before. The man on the ground, Baylis, looks at Emori with a sneer. “She’s lying, you don’t know me.”

Emori tries to leap at the man again, and Murphy does his best to hold her back as she yells, “You said you’d kill me! Well, guess what, _planhaka_ , I’m gonna kill you.”

Baylis tries to stand, but Clarke lifts her gun towards him. “Hey, hey, hey, don’t move.”

“Just let me go. I’ll leave the food, and you never have to see me again.”

You turn to Emori, “Is he alone?”

“Not usually. Where are the others?” 

Murphy releases her, allowing her to walk closer to the man, glaring down at him as he replies, “I don’t know who the hell you think-”

She cuts him off with a swift kick to the head, knocking him out, and as his body hits the ground, she continues to kick him. Clarke, growing anxious, yells out, “Emori!”

She spins around, blood dripping from a cut on her head, running into her mouth and covering her teeth. She gives your twin a bloody sneer. “You don’t know what he did to me.”

“No, and you can tell me about it, but please, Emori, if he’s not alone, we need to know now.” Clarke turns to Murphy, passing him her gun, “Here, Murphy, take my gun. Now tie him up.”

She looks at you, silently asking if you’ll stay with Murphy and the prisoner, and you nod in agreement. Her eyes move back to the injured woman, “There’s a medicine cabinet upstairs, can I fix this?”

Emori hesitates, looking back at the knocked out man on the floor, but Clarke reassures her, “They won’t let him go anywhere. Will you?”

Murphy shakes his head as he walks by them, moving to the appliances to yank out their cords for binds. “Not a chance, we’re gonna have some fun.”

“Fine, tie him up. But when he’s done talking, the kill is mine.”

Murphy tosses you one of the cords, and you help him tie the man’s hands and feet together, restraining him. And then Murphy drags over a chair, and the two of you lift the man’s unconscious body into it before using more cords to secure him to the chair. Once you’re done, you move away from the man, hopping up onto the counter to watch from there. Murphy circles him like a hawk, waiting for him to wake up, and finally Baylis groans, indicating that he’s coming to. It takes him a few seconds to gather his bearings and remember where he is, but as soon as he does, he starts to wiggle in the chair, trying to loosen his restraints. He does that for a few minutes, unsuccessfully, and when he realizes your bonds are too strong, he resorts to begging. “I only came here for the food, things I can trade. I scavenge so my family can eat. _Please_.”

Murphy laughs, not buying it. “That’s it, find the right angle. I’ll help you out. I love someone who was beaten and tortured by a man who thought he could control her.” 

Your eyes widen, understanding that he means Emori. You feel a rush of hatred for the man and what he did to her, reminding you of what Shumway did to you.

“I’m not that man. You can torture me all you want, and that won’t change the fact-”

He is once again cut off by a blow from Emori, who has appeared seemingly out of nowhere, now cleaned and stitched up. “For my brother.”

She hits him again, “For me!”

She lifts her hand again ready for another blow, but Clarke yells out, “Wait.”

Emori spins towards her, looking absolutely livid. “What?”

“You’ll kill him.”

“That’s the idea.”

Murphy steps up in defense of his girlfriend. “Why don’t you stay out of it and let her have this, Clarke?”

Clarke turns to look at you, her expression serious, before she turns back to Emori. “What if his death could save us all?”

Emori freezes, immediately looking confused. “What do you mean?”

“Without a way to go to space to make Nightblood, there’s a chance we could make it out of Luna’s bone marrow. But the only way we’d know if it worked, is if we exposed him to the same amount of radiation that the death wave will bring. If he lives, and we know it worked, you can still have the final kill.”

“And if it fails?”

“He’ll die from radiation.”

Emori seems to consider this, looking to Murphy for guidance, who gives her a slight nod. Emori turns back to Clarke, giving her stamp of approval. “Looks like you got yourself a test subject.”

-

With Emori’s agreement to Clarke’s suggestion, she radioes over to the lab and shares the message. A few minutes later, Miller and Roan come to the house for Baylis, knocking him out to make the transport easier. You all follow them back to the lab, watching on as your mother starts to prepare him for experimentation. When she sees Baylis brought in, you see a flash of opposition cross her face, before she seems to quickly tuck it away in favor of a more neutral expression. When she sees you walk in, she nods towards the glass office on the second floor. “Kane is on the radio and he’s asking for you.”

Your brows pull together, wondering why, but you don’t ask, just head up the stairs and into the office, plopping down at the desk and reaching for the radio. “Kane, do you read me?”

Kane’s voice comes through a second later, sounding tired. “I read you.”

“My mom said you asked for me?”

“The black rain’s here, and it’s worse than we thought. It burns on contact…it kills.” You hear him sigh, before continuing, “We were outside when it started, had teams outside the wall scavenging for supplies. Some got stuck, straight out in the open, no cover, no help. Two of them, Mark and his son Peter, asked to be rescued. Bellamy went after them in a broken suit, tried to get to them, but failed. The rover got stuck, and with the bad suit, he has no way to get the rover free again. He’s taking it pretty hard, and I tried to help, but I think I just made things worse. I was hoping you’d talk to him, make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid.”

“Of course. What channel?”

“Four.”

“Copy that. Switching over.”

You fiddle with the radio, switching it to channel four, before asking, “Bellamy? Are you there, can you hear me?”

His voice comes through a second later, whispering your name, his tone a cross between relief and sadness. “Did Kane call you? Because I’m fine.”

But you can hear the emotion in his voice as he tries to convince you, unsuccessfully, that he’s fine. You push past his insistence and ask, “What happened, Bellamy?”

The radio clicks on, and you hear the sound of the rain hitting the roof of the rover, followed by the rumble of thunder. And underneath all that, you hear a quiet sob, choked and broken. “Do you remember Peter? He was part of the 100.”

“I think you were closer to him than I was, but yes I remember him.”

“Him and his dad got caught in the black rain. It’s coming down pretty hard, and it burns the second it touches your skin. They went for shelter the best they could, but it wasn’t much. I grabbed a suit and tried to get to them, but the suit was damaged in the fire, cracked in a million different places. It was useless. Then the rover got stuck along the way, and without the suit, I won’t survive the trip outside to get it unstuck.”

He takes in a shaky breath, and you know the next part is going to be hard to hear. “When I radioed Mark to tell him I couldn’t make it, he lost it. Reminding me that I promised I’d come save them, and now I’m going back on that and killing them both. He stayed on the radio for a long time, and I could…”

Another sob breaks free from his chest, and tears spring to your eyes, hating how broken he sounds. You wish you were there with him, wrapping your arms around him, comforting him the way he comforted you. “I could hear them dying. The radio must have cut out after that, or he was too weak to press the button, because it’s been silent ever since.”

“Bellamy, I know you’re hurting, but this isn’t your fault.”

“Mark’s right. I made them a promise and I went back on that. It’s my fault they’re dead, because I failed to save them.”

“You didn’t know the black rain was coming. You can’t control the suit being broken or the rover getting stuck. This is _not your fault_.”

“Octavia left, did Kane tell you that?”

“No, he didn’t.”

He sighs, and you can hear another rumble of thunder in the background. “She was gone before I even made it back. My sister, my responsibility, and I failed to protect her too. I always fail. I’ve failed you, my sister, our people. I can’t save anyone.”

“Do you know how many times you’ve saved my life? And what about all of the delinquents you saved before the Ark came down? What about our friends in Mount Weather? Clarke in Polis? You protected her so she could shut down the City of Light, which saved all of us from Alie. She couldn’t have done that without your protection.”

He’s quiet, considering your words, and you add, “I know that every life we fail to save hurts us more than some of the lives we’ve taken. You’ve made mistakes, Bellamy, but this isn’t one of them. You did everything you could to save Mark and Peter, and sometimes that’s all we can do, because these things lie in the lap of the gods. We can be prepared for every outcome, every scenario, and still fail. Learn from this, save who you can save today, but don’t let this tear you apart. I still need you, and so does Octavia, Kane, our people. This fight isn’t over yet.”

You can tell he takes your words to heart, as his sobs finally start to quiet. He’s silent for a few moments before he whispers, “I wish you were here with me.”

“I wish I was too.”

“Tell me about the stars, _please_.”

His voice breaks on the last word, and you think of which constellation to share with him today. “There’s a constellation in the sky called Lyra, the lyre. The lyre belonged to Orpheus, who played music so beautiful that the animals would listen, and people would stop whatever they were doing just to hear him play. He played most of these songs for his wife, Eurydice, whom he loved very much. One day, Eurydice died suddenly, and it broke Orpheus’ heart. He was determined to win her back from Hades, unable to live life without his love, and he set out on a journey to the Underworld. On his way down, he played his harp, and when he reached Hades he found that the god greatly enjoyed his music. Orpheus stopped playing, and Hades asked him to continue. Orpheus agreed on the condition that when he stopped playing for good, his wife would be returned to him. Hades accepted this condition, and Orpheus began to play again. When he was done, Hades informed Orpheus that he too had a condition, which is that Orpheus must leave the Underworld playing his harp, and he must trust that Hades has honored their agreement. Orpheus is not to turn around or look back to see if Eurydice is following. If he doubted and looked back, Eurydice would be taken back to the Underworld. Orpheus agreed to the conditions and played his music as he left, pleased that he could hear Eurydice’s footsteps behind him the entire time. Until Hades tried to test the young lover. He guided their return to the surface through a pine grove, which silenced Eurydice’s footsteps. Orpheus endured the quiet as long as he could, until he no longer believed his wife was with him, and turned to look back, just in time to see her fade away. Orpheus returned to the surface alone and brokenhearted, and when he eventually died, Zeus put his lyre in the sky to commemorate their love.”

“I would go to the underworld to save you.”

You smile, knowing that he means it. Bellamy has already proven to you time and time again that he’s willing to go through hell just to save you. Your answer to him serves as a double meaning, one you hope he’ll take to heart. “Just as long as you don’t look back.”

-


	53. liii. god complex (4.08)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: blood mentions, death by radiation, sketchy doctor experimentation, violence, anxiety, nausea. 
> 
> Summary: with the death wave rapidly approaching, the question on everyone’s mind is: how far are you willing to go to save the human race?

_March 21st, 2150; Becca’s Lab_

Your radio call with Bellamy leaves you in a good mood for a few hours, but that it quickly vanishes with the arrival of the black rain and the questionable experimentation on Baylis. During your call with Bellamy, your mom gave Baylis a dose of Nightblood, and you all wait around a few hours to make sure it has time to integrate with his system. Once it does, everyone is called to the lab to watch the testing that may save the human race, as horrifying as it may be.

Which is where you are now, standing beside Clarke near the radiation tube. Everyone else is scattered around the lab but also watching closely. Baylis is strapped inside, hooked up to monitors, tubes and wires connected to his body in various locations. Jackson checks over Baylis one last time as your mom monitors the screens in front of her. “Vital signs are strong. Jackson, seal the chamber.”

Jackson seals the chamber, his face blank of any emotion. “He’s ready.”

“Yeah, but are we?” You look over at Raven as she asks, her body rigid. Luna is near her, looking similarly upset. The air in the room is tense, nearly everyone opposed to what you’re about to do. Some of you can forgive the questionable tactics if it means saving your people, and the human race, but some of you can’t. You’re conflicted, because as awful as Baylis seems to be, sticking someone into a tube and pumping radiation inside is an awful way to potentially die. 

Emori, who seems okay with the decision, given what he did to her and her brother remind you all, “The guy’s a monster.”

Clarke, tired of the arguing, looks around the room at each of you. “We’ve been over this. None of us wants to do this, but the death wave will be here in 10 days. Luna’s stem cells grafted successfully, and Baylis is making Nightblood on his own. This really is our only hope.”

Murphy backs up both Clarke and Emori. “We really still talking about this? Black rain is already here, and 18 people died in it yesterday at Arkadia. If Nightblood can let us walk around in it, I, for one, want to know about that.”

There’s another moment of hesitation, before your mom speaks up. “Okay. Jackson, proceed.”

“Copy that.” He reaches for the controls for the chamber, slowly spinning a dial. “Initiating…500 REM.”

All of you watch Baylis closely, and other than the changing lights in the chamber, his eyes are still closed, blissfully unaware of the radiation around him. Jackson moves the dial again, increasing the radiation. “850. This is where we’d see symptoms in a non-Nightblood.”

You and Clarke move closer to the chamber, getting a better look, searching for any signs of redness or lesions as your mother calls out, “Blood pressure is 100 over 50. Body temp is 98.7. Resting comfortably.”

And still, Baylis is unmoving, appearing exactly the same as when he was put inside the chamber. You tell your mom, “No visible effects.”

Jackson turns the dial again, increasing it even higher. “1,000 REM….1,500.”

“All good here.”

“2,000 REM, the level of the black rain.”

Clarke smiles from her place beside you, “Still nothing, it’s working.”

You see Roan on the other side of the chamber also smiling, as Jackson increases the radiation once more. “2,500.”

The reaction is instantaneous. The machine in front of your mother starts to beep loudly, signaling a spike in Baylis’ heartbeat. And as you and Clarke watch the man, red spots start to appear on his body, burns caused by the radiation. They spread over him quickly, some of them turning to lesions and Clarke yells, “Turn it off!”

But it’s too late. Baylis wakes from whatever medication your mother was giving him, screaming out in pain, “It stings! It stings!”

Your mom rushes towards the chamber, ready to pull it open, “Get him out of there!” But Jackson grabs her and holds her back, “Wait! It’s not safe yet!”

As you wait for the radiation to get sucked out of the chamber, you all watch in horror as Baylis continues to scream. His screams turn to coughing up blood, thick and black, all over the glass around him, until he grows still, head slumped to the side. The computer behind you flatlines, indicating that Baylis is dead, killed by radiation, and soon, so will the rest of you. 

Your mother’s voice is a horrified whisper as she stares at the dead man in the chamber. “What have I done?”

-

It takes a few more minutes for the chamber to clear up, but as soon as it does, your mother pulls it open, and her and Jackson transfer Baylis from the chamber onto a gurney. She takes a final blood sample from him before covering his body, ready to bury him as soon as the black rain stops. You stare at the blood soaked chamber in front of you, and the sight of it makes you sick, reminding you what you’ve done in order to survive. _Another death that you could have prevented, another kill that you had a hand in. Maybe you deserve the Wanlida title, maybe you deserve to be called a monster._ You walk off in search of some rags and cleaner, and when you return, Raven has a video feed pulled up for the death wave heading your way. Though it’s still 10 days out, it gets closer and closer with every passing second, reminding all of you of your impending deaths, especially now that Nightblood has failed. 

You head straight back to the chamber and start to clean the blood from it, and seconds later someone appears at your side, jumping in to help. You look over and see Luna, who still looks bothered by the whole situation, but you nod at her in appreciation. You sit side by side and clean the chambers, as Jackson, your mom, and Clarke all pour over the blood analysis from Baylis. “Abby, take a look at this.”

Luna turns to you, a stone bracelet in her hand, found at the end of the chamber. “The stones of his ancestors.”

She hands them to you and you look them over, as Clarke questions what’s on the screen behind her. “What is it?”

“Sodium polyethanol sulfonate. It’s an additive used to prevent clotting. Looks like the radiation broke it down and caused a chain reaction.”

You pass the stones back to Luna, your attention now on the conversation behind you, not sure you like where this is going. Clarke looks between Jackson and your mother. “What happens if we remove it?”

“We could save everyone.”

Out of the corner of your eyes, you see the others perk up and come closer, listening in on the conversation between the medical staff. Murphy is the first to butt in. “You could? So, you’re saying this can still work.”

“Not without testing.”

Raven turns towards your mother, angry and incredulous. “The last guy just died, screaming in agony, and you wanna try it again?”

Clarke turns towards her, already in defense of your mother, and this experimentation. “Give us a better idea, Raven. _Please_.”

Murphy shrugs and gestures to the exit of the lab, “So what? We just go out there, hunt for someone else?”

Miller, whose head was down, leaning against the metal stairs listening to the chaos, lifts his head. “No one’s going anywhere in this storm.”

“Then we wait for it to pass.”

Roan looks over at Murphy, refuting his argument. “When it does, there may not be anyone else to hunt for.”

“Hunting for someone else to kill.” Luna scoffs, looking everyone over. “What’s the matter with you people? Even Baylis honored the dead, he wore the stones of his Rock Line ancestors. Who will honor him?”

Rock Line? You turn to her, looking confused. “Wait, Baylis was Sangedakru.”

Emori steps forward, speaking for the first time. “He was, he was also a thief. He probably stole those stones.”

Roan, now also suspicious, looks at Emori as if he doesn’t believe a word she’s saying. “A thief who didn’t bear the mark of Sangedakru.”

Clarke looks over at you, and you can see the wheels turning in her head, before she reaches a conclusion, and turns to Emori. “That wasn’t Baylis, was it?”

“Come on Clarke, that’s crazy. Of course-”

She cuts Murphy off, “Who did we just kill?”

You all turn to look at the couple in shock, waiting for their answer. Instead, Emori takes off running, grabbing an IV pole and lifting it over her head, intending to smash the radiation chamber. Roan grabs her and lifts a knife to her throat, and she yells, “John, take out the machine!”

Murphy immediately tries to smash the machine, but Miller is faster than he is and pulls out his gun, pointing it at Murphy. “Don’t do anything stupid, Murphy.”

Roan looks between the couple and muses, “Looks like we know who’s next.”

You look at him in shock, and Clarke walks off to get two sets of flexicuffs for the couple. A few minutes later, they open the doors to the rocket and handcuff them to the stairs that lead up to the rocket door, securing them in place, while the rest of you watch on in horror. As everyone walks out of the room and the doors are closed behind you, Murphy yells, “Now you’re gonna lock us up!? She was just trying to save her own life. We’re not gonna touch your stupid machine, all right? Please, Clarke! You can’t do this to us! You can’t let them do this to us!”

As the doors securely slide shut, Raven walks over to your mother and Clarke, who are standing nearby, looking at blood samples. “Please tell me you’re not actually considering putting Emori in that chamber.”

Clarke, at the very least, does look conflicted as she turns to your mom. “Mom, I don’t know what else to do.”

Roan answers before she can reassure your twin, giving her a serious look. “There is nothing else to do. We all know it.”

“Abby, there has to be something that doesn’t make us murderers.”

Your mom looks at Raven, who refuses to back down and allow this to go on. “Jackson and I examined every possibility, and the only thing that we know for sure, is that if we do nothing, we die.”

She lets her words sink in, and then she glances over at Luna, who is nearby, leaning against a table. As you follow her eyes over to the Nightblood, you get your first good look at her in a while. There are large, dark rings around her eyes, indicating how tired she is and how much blood has been taken from her. She’s leaning against the table because her hip, the site of the bone marrow, is hurting, leaving her in pain. Her skin is pale, and she looks terrible, clearly unable to handle much more of this. Your mom, however, doesn’t seem to notice. “Jackson, prep Luna for the next extraction.”

“No.” Everyone turns to Luna in shock, not expecting the words from her. “You’ve taken enough.”

“Luna, it’s okay, we’ll sedate you.”

“I said no. I won’t allow my blood to kill any more innocent people.”

Without her blood, the human race will die, killing much more innocent people in the process. But something about this situation, about torturing Emori and potentially killing her just because she lied to save herself, seems worse than condemning the human race to extinction. The moral dilemma is not lost on you, you can see how complicated the situation is, but despite barely knowing Emori, you still don’t want to watch her die. 

“My blood is a curse. It will, however, keep you from following me into the rain.”

Luna starts to head towards the stairs, dragging her injured leg behind her. Roan steps into her path, right at the base of the stairs, radiating power and authority. “We can’t let you leave.”

Clarke echoes his sentiment, as she watches Luna with pleading eyes. “We need you, Luna.”

Luna ignores both of them, heading towards the stairs again, but Roan stops her again. “You’re wounded, and I don’t wanna fight you.”

“You have no choice. Remember?”

She spins and lands a kick on his chest with her good leg, sending Roan flying into a cart of medical supplies behind him. The kick hurts Luna just as much as it hurts Roan, her body struggling to hold up her weight. Roan pulls himself to his feet and stalks towards her, swinging a kick to her back that knocks her onto the ground with a loud cry of pain. He grabs her in a chokehold, putting pressure on her neck until she falls unconscious, as you all watch on in shock. Once she’s knocked out, Roan lifts her into his arms and lays her onto one of the beds nearby, looking at your mom as if to say, “Here you go.”

You and Raven, the only two besides Murphy and Emori who seem to despise this, share a look with each other, equal parts shock and horror. She turns to your mom, her voice a horrified whisper, “So you’re gonna strap her down and take her bone marrow? Welcome to Mount Weather.”

You feel a roll of nausea, a flash of memories coming at you. _Hiding in the vent system, watching Dr. Tsing drill into one of the delinquents as he clings to his last thread of life. Bellamy hanging upside down, unwillingly healing one of the men that killed your people. Fox, bloodied and bruised, dumped into a minecart like trash, dead. Your mom strapped down, drilled into while you, Bellamy, and Clarke are faced with an impossible decision._

You shake your head, unable to stand this room for another second. Emotion pricks at your eyes and anxiety washes over you, feeling panicky at the thought of standing in this room and watching someone else die just so the rest of you can live. A decision you’ve been faced with before, but something about this is so much different. Your feet carry you out of the room, up the stairs, and to the office. You don’t realize what you’re doing until your hand is reaching for the radio, already switching the channel to 4, the one you and Bellamy agreed to talk on. “Bellamy, do you read me?”

You wait for an answer, but you’re met with silence. Emotion rises in you again, choking you, making your voice sound thick. “Bellamy, please tell me you’re there, I need to talk to you.”

You’re met with a long moment of silence, and you put your head down in your hands, ready to cry your eyes out. Just as the tears start to fall, Bellamy’s voice comes through the radio, sounding worried, “My natshana, are you okay?”

“No.”

A sob breaks free from you, and you let the button go, not wanting Bellamy to hear you cry. “Are you hurt? What’s wrong?”

Tears spill down your cheeks, the emotion tight in your throat, leaving you unable to speak. You sit listening to the sound of his voice, tears falling down your face as he worries. “Talk to me, _please_.”

“We killed someone today when we tried to test Nightblood. Bellamy, it was awful. He was coughing up blood, burns and lesions appearing all over his body as he screamed in pain. He died in complete agony, and the test didn’t even work. We failed. But now…”

You trail off, thinking of watching Emori die in the same way. Then Murphy, if that doesn’t work. _And once they’re dead, who’s next? Who will death bring to the table next, Wanlida?_

“But now what?”

“Now they think they know what went wrong, and they want to test it again.”

“On another Grounder?”

“Something like that. Emori, one of us. It’s complicated because she lied to us, and I think people are using that as a reason to justify this being okay, but Bellamy I can’t do that. I can’t rationalize in my head that she deserves to die just because she was trying to save her life in the first place. If this is the price of survival, it’s too high, too much. And maybe we don’t deserve it.”

He’s quiet, taking everything in, before he whispers, “Do you remember what I told you when Pike offered you that leadership position?”

“That he was right to trust me, because I don’t back down when things get hard.”

“That’s right. And I always thought that I did what was right for our people, but sometimes what I thought was right, wasn’t. But you, you have always done what’s right for us. Even when things are hard, you don’t back down. You make the tough decisions, the right decisions, because others can’t. It sounds like this is one of those decisions.”

You think on his words, mull them over, a plan already forming in your mind. A smile spreads on your face, because Bellamy always knows exactly what to say to you. “Thank you, Bellamy.”

You hear a knock on the glass, and you look up, meeting Clarke’s eyes. She pushes the door open and tips her head down to the lab. “We’re about to start.”

“Okay.” You lift the radio, “Bellamy, I have to go.”

You hear a door slam in the background when he answers, “Looks like I do too.”

“Wait, where are you?”

He sighs, “I’ll explain later. Radio as soon as you can, same channel.”

“Copy that. I love you.”

“I love you more than the stars.”

You smile and set the radio down, pushing the chair back and standing, looking up at your twin as you do. The conflict of this decision seems to be wearing on her just as heavily, the sag in her shoulders worse that normal, a frown permanently etched onto her face. You hate to do it, but you know you need to feed into her conflict, make her doubt the plan, because if you can turn Clarke onto your side, most of the others will follow suit. You walk towards the door, squeezing her arm as you walk past, whispering, “What would dad think about all this?”

You don’t wait for her response, you just keep walking towards the stairs, shuffling down them and coming to stand at the bottom. Clarke joins you a second later, and you can see the conflict in her still, growing deeper with every passing second. Still, she presses the button to the door for the rocket and walks into the room, Miller and Roan right at her side. “It’s time.”

Murphy looks at her in a panic, “Guys, just wait, okay? Hear me out.”

Clarke nods, trying to convince him, and herself. “It’ll work this time.”

Tears spring up in Emori’s eyes, and her voice is thick with tears as she insists, “Then how about we just go with that and forget the test?”

Clarke turns to Miller and nods, and the man steps forward and injects Emori with a sedative, knocking her out instantly. Murphy starts to fight, yelling with rage and emotion, “Miller! Miller, I swear to God, I’ll kill y-”

Roan cuts him off by putting a knife to his throat, but he ignores it as his threats turn to begging, watching as Miller takes his love away. “Miller, please. Just look at me, man. You don’t need to do this!”

“I wish that were true.”

Miller backs out of the room with Emori over his shoulder, and Roan steps away from Murphy to follow him, leaving you, Clarke, and Murphy alone. He turns on Clarke, pissed. “You don’t have to do this! Who the hell do you think you are, huh?”

Her jaw is clenched tight, Murphy only aiding in her conflict. “I’m trying to save us.”

“Save us? Ah, right. Wanheda, savior of us all! But maybe you’re forgetting the last time you saved us, I was saving you!”

“I’m not forgetting.”

He tries to throw his hands up in frustration, and you get a look at the blood running over them, covering the bruises that are starting to bloom on his wrists from his struggles with the cuffs. “You haven’t forgotten? Then, please, you don’t need to do this. Don’t do it.”

Hearing Murphy beg is foreign to you, and only aids in the nausea already starting to roll through you again. You glance back and see Emori laid out in a bed, awaiting her injections. Murphy switches to anger, his emotions high and running all over the place. “You know, it’s too bad that you weren’t a real Nightblood, because then you could have been Commander. Imagine how many people you could’ve killed then. Tell me something, after you murder Emori, am I next?”

Clarke says nothing, just turns her head away from him, and you start to think that maybe he is next. Murphy may be a scumbag cockroach, but even he has his redeeming qualities, and you’re not eager to see him killed. He continues his emotional campaign with desperation, the sound of it absolutely breaking your heart. “I’m begging you, please. I love her! Don’t do this!”

Clarke’s jaw shifts, trying to keep her emotions in check. “Emori will be fine.”

She turns away, already heading towards the door, walking past you on the way. The movement must have reminded Murphy of your presence because he yells at her retreating figure, “Look at me! If Emori dies…your twin dies!”

Clarke stills in place for a fraction of a second, and you look at Murphy, knowing he means it. But then she continues out the door, and Murphy turns to you, voice low and pleading. “You have to help her, I love her! I love her the way you love Bellamy, please! You can’t let them kill her!”

You close the space between you, voice low and quiet. “I won’t.”

And then you turn and walk out of the room, the door closing behind you. Once you step back into the lab, your eyes start cataloguing things, forming a plan. Miller and Roan are by the stairs, Raven is hovering nearby. Jackson is near the computers, your mom and Clarke are near Emori’s sleeping form. There’s a table beside her, a tray on its surface, two vials of Nightblood on the tray. 

When you reach them, and everyone is accounted for, your mom reaches for the Nightblood vial, ready to inject Emori. But as soon as it’s in her hand, moving towards the patient’s arm, she freezes, unable to do it. Clarke leans towards her and whispers, “Mom, we have to do this.”

“I can’t.”

She turns and puts the vial back on the tray, stepping away and turning her back to Emori, unable to look at her. Clarke walks over her to comfort her, and you eye the Nightblood vials, forgotten on the tray. You glance at Jackson, who’s not paying attention, and Roan and Miller are behind you, unable to see around you. You grab the vial, hold it in your hand, and start to move towards your arm when a hand lands over your own, stopping you. You look up in surprise, meeting Clarke’s eyes, who lifts her other hand, revealing the other vial of Nightblood. She whispers, “Stronger together.”

You nod your head, and at the same time, you push the vials of Nightblood into your arm, injecting yourselves instead of Emori. Jackson says both of your names in shock, the only one to witness what you’ve done, and your mom turns around, eyes landing on the needles coming out of your arm in horror. She rushes towards both of you, but it’s too late. Each vial of Nightblood is empty, now injected into the Griffin Twins, starting the process of becoming Nightbloods.

The black blood traces a path through your veins, and you watch it track its way up your arm until it disappears beneath your sleeve. Your mother starts to cry, horrified, and the weight of what you and Clarke just did starts to hit you. _It’s either you or your twin going in that chamber, and odds are high that whoever it is won’t come out again._ Still, you try to use humor to diffuse the situation, locking eyes with your twin as you ask, “Aren’t twins usually the best test subjects anyways?”

-

Everyone waits around for two hours before Jackson motions each of you to a bed, ready to check to see if your blood has changed. He moves over to you first, drawing a vial of blood from your arm, and you watch in fascination as black liquid fills up the vial. He does the same to Clarke, and her blood is the same, no longer red like it used to be. You both look at each other and whisper, “It worked.”

Jackson puts both of your vials onto the lab table behind him, before standing in front of you again. “It’s been two hours, how do you feel?”

“Good.”

“Ready.”

You and Clarke stand, walking over to the chamber, but your mom stops in front of your path, blocking you. “I won’t let either of you do it.”

Clarke puts a comforting hand on her arm. “We trust you, it’ll work.”

“Besides, you were willing to use it on Emori. Now you have to be willing to use it on us.” You turn to Jackson, nodding your head at him. “Turn it on.”

“Jackson, don’t!” Your mom looks between you, looking terrified. “If either of you go in there, you’ll die. I saw it.”

You shake your head, not understanding. “What are you talking about?”

“I saw it.”

Raven questions, “Like I saw the rocket?”

Your mom nods, but you shake your head, still not understanding what she means. Clarke is growing equally frustrated and confused, and she starts to walk towards the chamber again, reaching out for your hand to take you with her. “We’re wasting time.”

As soon as your mom sees you on the move again, she freaks out. She pushes past both of you and grabs an IV pole, the same one Emori tried to use earlier, and she starts to smash the radiation chamber. You all yell at her to stop, every single one of you now collectively on the same page, but she doesn’t. She smashes the glass and swings at the cables, severing them. She hits over and over until the machine is broken beyond repair, ignoring all of you yelling at her to stop. She drops the pole once she’s finished, sliding down to the floor, starting to cry. 

Clarke goes over to her to comfort her, pulling your mom into her arms as she cries into Clarke’s chest. You watch on, shaking your head, more angry than anything. You turn away from the group, and head upstairs again, straight for the office. Bellamy is already calling out to you when you arrive, the sound of loud music pulsing and beating in the background. You run and grab the radio, joking as you answer, “Did you get lost at a rock concert?”

He gives you a sarcastic laugh in return, “Ha ha, no. Jasper is having an end of the world celebration party. He dragged me to the forest for jobi nuts earlier, which is where I was when you called.”

“Did he hear everything?”

“No, he was asleep in the back until I stopped the vehicle. Then he just woke up and hopped out without a word.”

“Oh.” You pause, and then joke, “Are you drinking jobi nut tea now?”

“No, never again. Though, Bree did try to get me to come dance with her.”

“Huh. Interesting.” 

You feel a flash of jealousy, which Bellamy seems to sense, because he laughs, “Put your knife away, spitfire. I told her there’s only one girl in the world that I want to dance with and she’s currently stuck on an island so I’d have to decline.”

“Good.”

“Don’t think you can distract me from your earlier dilemma with your jealousy though. What happened? Is Emori alive?”

“Emori’s alive because we never tested her.”

“So you spoke up and stopped them? I knew you’d do the right thing.”

“Not exactly.”

You hear suspicion creep into his voice. “What do you mean, ‘not exactly’?”

“I mean, I injected myself with the Nightblood before they could give it to Emori and Clarke used the other vial on herself so they couldn’t use that one either. But then mom got upset and said she saw a vision of us dying and she refused to let us run the tests so she smashed the radiation chamber and now there’s nothing left to do now.”

You say the words in a rush, the sentences coming out like one long word, and Bellamy calls out, “Woah, woah, woah, back up. You did _what_?”

“Injected myself with Nightblood.” You can hear him take in a sharp breath, and you feel a lecture coming, so you cut him off, “But you told me to do the right thing and do the hard thing, so I did!”

“That is not what I meant, and you know it.”

You can hear the scolding tone in his voice, and it makes you roll your eyes a little, his protective nature a little too protective at times. Not that you’d tell him that, because even at times like this, you appreciate it. “I know, but it doesn’t matter anyways. Mom smashed the chamber so there’s no way to test it. It looks like the radiation really is going to kill us all, and we just have to accept it.”

Bellamy holds the button on his radio down to answer, but at the same time, the other radio in the Chancellor’s office comes to life, Kane’s voice frantically calling through. “Arkadia, come in, Arkadia do you copy?”

Bellamy keeps the button held down so you can faintly hear him answer, “Kane? It’s Bellamy, is everything okay? Harper told me you went to Polis.”

“We found it, Bellamy. We found the Second Dawn bunker.”

The air leaves your body in a rush, as you stare at the radio in shock. A smile comes over your face, and you laugh in disbelief, repeating the cult’s motto, “From the ashes, we will rise.”

-


	54. liv. DNR (4.09)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fighting, violence, death, language, self harm (kind of? not really? but wanna include this just in case, you can message me if u need more details), blood.

_March 25th, 2150; just outside of Polis_

After the discovery of the bunker, things quickly become chaotic as planning for the survival of the human race picks up again. Meetings are held around the radio, discussing what tech and materials from Becca’s lab need to be brought to the bunker, what materials need to come from Arkadia, and how to get nearly 400 Arkadians from Alpha Station to Polis in a timely manner. Kane decides to stay behind in Polis with the bunker, while Jaha and Monty go back to Arkadia to prepare the others to leave. On the Island, Raven, Murphy, and Emori stay behind to pack up everything you can’t take on the first trip, while the rest of you head to Polis with the rover and the truck, taking as much stuff as you can in one trip. 

Miller drives the truck, seated alongside Jackson, while your mom, Roan, and Clarke sit in the back amongst the tech and supplies. Luna hitches a ride from the island in the boat, but parts ways with all of you as soon as you reach the other side. You drive the rover by yourself, talking to Bellamy over the radio most of the way, both of you excited to see each other soon. Once he arrives in Polis with the rest of your people, you’ll finally be reunited after five long days apart.

As the truck pulls to a stop in front of you, you stop the rover, watching as Jackson and Miller immediately jump out of the front and head towards Kane, who is standing near the entrance to the tunnels. The open back of the truck allows you to peer in, and Clarke and Roan start to stand, but your mother must say something to her, because Clarke lingers as Roan jumps out of the back and follows the others over to Kane. Your mom says something to Clarke, and her reaction is instant, her face pulling into a frown. Her eyes flash to you, and you reach for the door handle, sensing that something is wrong, before your mom’s words upset Clarke even further and she turns back towards her with a look of shock. 

Clarke jumps up and heads for the back of the truck, holding her hand up at you and telling you to stay put as she jumps out of the vehicle and jogs after Roan. Your mom scrambles out of the vehicle and follows her, trying to catch up, as you open the door to the rover slowly, sliding out of the vehicle as quietly as you can. You leave the door open in case you need to make a quick escape, and you creep towards the front of the truck, using the large vehicle as cover as you peer around it and look at the scene unfolding in front of you. 

Roan stands halfway between your mom and Clarke, and halfway between the rest of the group, his sword drawn. Trikru guards come stalking out of the trees, heading towards the Ice King, as Roan holds out his sword and yells, “What is this?”

Kane yells back, “There doesn’t have to be any violence.”

Before the Trikru warriors even make it halfway to Roan, they are all hit with arrows that fly from the trees around them, killing them. Seconds later Azgeda warriors appear from the darkness, making a beeline for everyone in your group. Your eyes fall to Clarke, panicked, and she must sense your presence because she turns around and locks eyes with you, shaking her head once, and mouthing, “Run!”

Conflicted on what to do, but without a gun to help you, you watch as all your people are pulled to the ground and restrained. You watch on, working on a plan in your head when someone asks, “Where is Wanlida?”

Your breath stops in your throat and you don’t wait for an answer before you take off running back towards the rover, thankful you left the door open and the vehicle running. You hop inside and immediately put it into reverse, as arrows whiz past, aimed for you, and your tires slide in the snow as you sharply turn the rover away from danger. You can hear more arrows dinging and bouncing off the back doors, but you’re able to outdrive them easily, speeding away from them with reckless abandon. 

Your hands are tight on the wheel as you speed towards Arkadia, checking the mirrors every few minutes, waiting to see any sign of Ice Nation warriors on your tail. Instead, you find nothing, giving you enough relief to frantically call Bellamy. “Bellamy, come in, do you copy?”

Static answers you, leaving you alone, and you frantically repeat, “Bellamy, come in! Do you read me?”

You glance at the radio in your hand in frustration, waiting for his response. “Arkadia, this is rover one, do you read me? We are in danger, someone answer me, damn it!”

But still, you hear nothing but silence. You slam down the radio in frustration, and turn your eyes back to the road, keeping your quick pace and hoping that everyone is safe as you head towards back up. It’s not long before the familiar roads around Arkadia come into view, and soon, so do the front gates. The guards let you in as you approach, recognizing you through the glass, and you park the rover just inside the gates before jumping out and yelling to the guard closest to you, “Give me your radio!”

He pulls his radio off his belt and tosses it to you, and you nod at him in thanks as you run through the camp, heading towards the Chancellor’s office, speaking into the radio. “Bellamy, do you read me?”

Bellamy’s voice comes through instantly, muttering your name in confusion. “How are you on this channel? This is for the short range walkies.”

“Meet me in the chancellor’s office.”

“Wait, are you here?”

You push past a crowd of people heading towards the hangar bay, bags in their arms, already beginning the packing up process. “Yes, I’ll explain when I see you.”

“Copy that.”

You run the rest of the way to the office, happy to see that Bellam is already inside, waiting for you. You close the door behind you as you step inside, and Bellamy turns towards the source of the sound, his face splitting into a grin when he sees you. You both run towards each other, the danger that the others are in temporarily forgotten as Bellamy lifts you in his arms and spins you once. He sets you down and kisses you, long and slow, until you’re dizzy and breathless from the spin and his lips. He pulls away, his eyes bright with love for you, and whispers, “You smell good.”

You grin at him, thinking of the bottles of soap in your backpack, snuck off the island so you could share it with him. “I found soap. Good soap, not the recycled Ark soap we’re used to.”

He starts to open his mouth to respond when the radio behind him comes to life with Clarke’s voice. “Come in, Arkadia. Bellamy? La lune? Do you copy?”

You run over to the radio, the earlier danger coming back to you in a rush. “Clarke, I’m here, are you okay? What about the others?”

“We’re okay, for now. Indra was with Kane when they found the bunker, and he promised to share it with Trikru if they stood guard over it. Azgeda and Trikru are refusing to live in the bunker together, and they’re on the brink of war. I’m holding things down the best I can here, and we’re supposed to meet with Indra soon to see if we can all work something out, but tensions are high. You need to get back here as soon as you can.”

You turn to Bellamy. “When are we scheduled to leave here?”

“First light.”

You run calculations in your head, figuring it’s a few hours until then, and hop back on to talk to Clarke. “We’re scheduled to leave in a few hours, but it’s nearly a day’s walk from here to Polis, especially with the entirety of our people with us. Me and Bellamy can try to come ahead if you need us to, I have the rover.”

“No, our people are important. You both need to help Jaha get them here safely. Just get here when you can, and be prepared for a war zone. I’ll keep my radio on me, even through it’ll only work when you start to get closer. Just check in every hour as you walk this way, until we figure out the range on these things. I’ll keep you updated then.”

“Copy that. I’ll keep someone in here on the Chancellor’s office radio, call us here if anything big happens and you need us.”

“Copy. See you soon.”

“Be safe.”

You put the radio down, and Bellamy turns to you, looking shocked and confused. “What was that all about?”

“Roan was ambushed at the meetup point by Trikru, and then Trikru was ambushed by Ice Nation, who also took our people hostage. I managed to get out of there before they got me. I tried to radio on the way to warn you, but I couldn’t get a hold of you.”

“I was packing up the armory with the others, I’m sorry.”

“Luckily, everyone is okay for now.”

“In that case,” he motions towards the door. “We should pack our bags. I already took care of everything else, except our room.”

You step towards the door, tuning to look back at him as you pull it open. “Niylah agreed to get Clarke’s stuff, we just need to get mom’s things too. My pack is in the rover.”

Bellamy nods and follows you that way, letting you take the lead back to the rover to grab your bag. You grab the guard from earlier and put him on radio duty before you and Bellamy head to your mom’s room to pack her things first. There’s not much she asked you for, just the few clothes she owns, and a few pictures she has that Clarke drew her, which you carefully pack in a file folder so they won’t get ruined. You and Bellamy head to your shared room next, making quick work of the few belongings you have as you update him on the luxuries of Becca’s Island. Once you finish, the two of you plop down on the bed beside each other, taking a quick break before you go find Jaha and update him on everything. 

As you sit side by side, Bellamy looks at you, watching you closely. “So you’re a Nightblood now.”

He doesn’t say it like a question, but you respond like he does. “Yes. Although Clarke says we should be careful about admitting that around the Grounders. Blasphemy and all that.”

Bellamy hums, and you look at him, trying to read his expression. It takes you a second to realize it’s curiosity. “You want to see?”

“What? Oh, no, that’s okay.” But you’re already pulling your knife from its holster as he answers, and before he can object, you cut a small line on the palm of your hand, watching as black blood rises to the surface and pools into your palm. “Woah.”

You smile at him and his fascination. “I know right? Bummer that it’s untested, it would have been kind of cool to turn everyone into Nightbloods.”

Bellamy rips a strip of fabric from the sheet on the bed, wrapping it around your hand and tying it in place as he muses, “Guess I’ll have to add that to the list of things that set you apart from everyone else.”

You smile and bump him with your shoulder. “Oh, stop it.”

You stand and offer him your non-injured hand, which he takes, and you pull him to his feet. Both of you grab your packs and head towards the door, stopping one last time at the exit to look over the space you shared together. You smile at it, thinking of all the wonderful memories you have here, before whispering into the empty room, “May we meet again.”

Bellamy reaches for your hand and squeezes it. “Onto bigger and better things.”

He leads you from the room and you walk down the hall together, hand in hand, searching for Jaha. You finally come across someone who tells you that he’s outside the hangar bay door with a group of guards, dealing with “unruly kids”. The phrase makes you look at Bellamy in confusion, and he shakes his head. “Jasper.”

You both make it to the hangar bay just in time to see one of the guards pounding on the closed doors, while Jaha and a group of guards watch on. On the other side, inside the locked room, Jasper turns up the music and turns away from your group, happy and drunk, and completely uncaring. The guard pounds again, and when that’s unsuccessful, he tries to pry the doors open, with no luck. He turns to Jaha with a glare. “It’s jammed, same as the others. But this is the door to blow.”

Jaha looks at the guard, considering the plan. “How many gas canisters do we have?”

You and Bellamy both turn to look at them, not quite believing what you’re hearing. “You can’t be serious.”

Monty materializes from the crowd, coming to stand on your other side. “In Mount Weather, we beat the gas by using water. Jasper will be ready for that.”

Bellamy looks between Monty and Jaha, holding his hands up. “Just slow down, let me talk to them.”

“Bellamy, we have over 400 people ready to march.”

You and Bellamy ignore Jaha and head closer to the door, knocking on the glass. Jasper turns and sees you, his face lighting up a little at the sight of you, and he turns the music down slightly before walking over and pressing his hand to the glass of the door. Written on his hands are three letters that make your stomach drop. The guard behind you reads out, “DNR? What does that mean?”

You turn to look at Bellamy, saying the words to him, but making sure you’re loud enough that the others can hear. “Do not resuscitate.”

The words make Bellamy panic a little, quickly turning to press the button for the speaker on the other side. “Jasper, open the door.” 

“We’re not coming out.”

Monty sees Harper walk into view, his girlfriend and his best friend both behind that door, and he walks over to the intercom, pushing Bellamy aside. “Are you really willing to die when there’s a way to live? Are they?”

“That’s just it. We don’t think it’s a way to live.”

Monty looks at them, in disbelief that they’re choosing this, and Jaha turns to the guard. “We’re wasting time, set the charge. You can go to guns. Do not fire unless fired upon. Is that clear?”

You and Bellamy spin around, both of you protesting Jaha’s orders, “No, just wait!”

You press the button, looking Jasper straight in the eye. “Jasper, people will get hurt. I know you care about that.”

The guard steps on your other side, sticking the charges on the door as Jasper looks back at the others, worried. “If you don’t want anyone to get hurt, don’t open the door.”

Jasper turns away and Harper follows, and they turn the music up again, drowning out anything else. You and Bellamy look at each other, lost at what to do, when the guard announces, “We’re all set. We should clear the hall.”

Jaaha walks over to the intercom, and announces, “Mr. Jordan, I will not leave children here to die.” 

You turn towards him, a flash of anger passing through you as you give him an incredulous look. “You sent them down to die! All of us were expendable to you then. The only difference now is that they have a choice, and so do you.”

Monty looks at you, not understanding. “What are you talking about?”

Bellamy, though, he understands what you’re trying to say. Because as much as it breaks your heart to leave your friends, your delinquents, your family behind, this is the choice that they made. Bellamy meets your eyes, then glances at the partying teenagers, and then locks eyes with Monty. “This is what they want.”

“They’re wasted, they don’t know what they want.”

Jaha considers this, long and hard, and you see him peering into the room at the teenagers. You see a flash of something pass over his face, and though you aren’t sure what it is, you get the distinct feeling that he looks like he’s seen a ghost. You briefly wonder if he’s thinking about Wells, which brings a pang of sadness to your heart, but you don’t get to think about it for long before the former Chancellor speaks up, his words surprising you. “Stand down, get ready to move out.”

“Yes, sir.”

Monty shakes his head, trying to stop Jaha. “What? No, you can’t!”

“I’m sorry, son, but they’re right. We can’t save them if they don’t want to be saved.”

The guards follow Jaha as he leaves, leaving you, Monty, and Bellamy as the last ones in the hall. You and Bellamy peer in the door again, watching your partying friends, and Monty scolds you both. “If Octavia was in there, would you let her stay?”

“If Octavia was in there…at least I’d get to say goodbye.”

He turns to you, his last ditch effort. “And if it was Clarke?”

“It would break my heart to lose her, but you can’t force people to do what you want. Especially this. Forcing their hand in this will only build resentment.”

You reach out and squeeze his arm, apologetic that you couldn’t offer him anything more than that. Before you turn and walk away, you look at him. “We can leave the rover behind for them, in case they change their minds.”

Monty nods, “I’ll go unload it then, before I meet up with the rest of the group.”

You and Bellamy nod before you walk past him, maneuvering through the halls until you meet up with Jaha again. “I’ll lead them, you two bring up the rear and make sure no one else gets lost or left behind.”

“Will do.”

And then the exodus begins.

Jaha announces to those waiting that it’s time to go, and you and Bellamy stand in the hallways, waving people in the right direction for the next few minutes, periodically announcing important information. “Remember, right now it’s raining, but it’s not black rain. It can turn at any moment, so keep the person with your assigned chem tent in sight at all times!”

The last few stragglers come into view, and you nod at Niylah as she walks past. You and Bellamy start to follow the group towards the door, but you both stop and turn around when you hear footsteps behind you. Jasper and Harper walk down the hall towards you, and you both start to walk closer to them, while Bellamy says, “Not too late to change your mind.”

“Yes, it is. You can still stay, you know.”

Bellamy shrugs, “I’m not a quitter.”

Jasper smiles, “Thanks for understanding.”

Harper looks around, searching for her boyfriend. “Where’s Monty?”

You smile at her, “Unloading the rover. We’re leaving it behind for you, by the way.”

Bellamy gives her a sad look, “He didn’t say good-bye?”

She shakes her head, then whispers, “Take care of him for us, will you?”

“You know we will.”

She reaches out and hugs you, while Jasper and Bellamy hug, and then you switch, pulling Jasper in for a tight hug, your throat choking up with tears. “Thank you for the laughter, Jasper.”

He pulls back and smiles down at you, whispering, “Don’t forget to laugh after I’m gone.”

You nod, and you and Bellamy step back, instantly reaching for each other’s hands as you crave each other’s comfort. Bellamy looks between the pair and gives them a small smile, “May we meet again.”

“We won’t.”

Bellamy counters, “Whatever the hell you want.”

You both give them watery smiles, trying to fight back your tears as you take one last look at your friends, before you turn and walk out the door, into the rain and onto the path of salvation.

-

You spend the first hour of the walk crying, your tears hidden from the others by the rain. Bellamy, however, is not so easily fooled. He comforts you the entire time, careful not to alert the others to your sadness. Each hour after that is increasingly less eventful than the one before it. You mark the start of each hour with an attempted radio call to Clarke, and it takes a while before you finally get through to her, but when you do, the only words she offers you are, “We’re safe, but things are worse than we thought. I’ll explain when you get here.”

The words leave you puzzled and eager to find out what she means, but it’s another few hours of walking before you find out. It takes a whole day of walking, and when you finally arrive, it’s late, well past midnight. Still, you get your people situated before you and Bellamy are led to a bedroom in the tower of Polis, on one of the lower floors. You throw your stuff down immediately, and follow the Ice Nation guard down the hall to Clarke’s room, who lets you in as soon as she sees you. “Let’s go to the balcony to talk. It’s more private there.”

You nod your heads, following her to the balcony, and as soon as she’s sure you’re alone, she launches into an explanation of everything that happened since you left her nearly two days ago. The almost war between Trikru and Azgeda, Clarke’s attempt to stop the war by trying to become the next commander, Roan stopping her would be Ascension and proposing a Final Conclave, the winner takes a bunker. The news that Raven, now dying, has chosen to stay behind on the Island so she can take one last spacewalk and die in peace. That news saddens you, and you hate that you didn’t get to say goodbye to her. The last few days are full of loss, and you aren’t sure how much more you can take. 

Clarke looks out at the dark city as she continues her explanation. “The entire city is the battlefield. No time limit, no guns. One warrior from each clan fights until only one remains.”

Bellamy looks at her, his jaw clenching, not pleased with this idea. “And the winner’s clan takes the bunker, just like that?”

She nods, letting him know those are the rules, but he shakes his head. “Without guns, and without anyone trained in Grounder combat, there’s no way we can win.”

“We fight or we die.”

You all peer out at the silent city, wondering what you’re going to do, when the sound of hoofbeats clap on the stone ground. You all look towards it, watching a familiar horse ride down the street towards the tower. She stops just below Clarke’s balcony, the answer to the problem you were debating less than a minute ago. Octavia Blake, trained in Grounder combat, full of bloodthirsty rage, looks down at the Flamekeepers that surround her. “I’m here for the war.”

And just like that, Skaikru has a champion.

-


	55. lv. die all, die merrily (4.10)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: I mean, the title says it all, people die, there is fighting and violence. also some light smut, a lil touch of kidnapping, and some language to finish it all up.
> 
> Summary: the final conclave begins, and 13 clans fight for the ultimate prize: surviving the apocalypse.

_March 27th, 2150; Polis_

You wake to the sounds of yelling outside. 

Your eyes pull open slowly, blinking against the bright light of the sun that streams into the room from the balcony. You roll over, coming face to face with Bellamy, who is looking down at you and smiling. You give him a sleepy smile in return. “How long have you been up?”

He glances towards the balcony, before his eyes fall on you again. “An hour or so. Sounds like they’re prepping for the conclave.”

You hum in agreement. “Didn’t Clarke say it starts tomorrow? I’m sure there’s a lot to be done and not much time to do it in.”

“Does that mean we have to help too?”

You laugh at the grimace on his face, clearly not excited about this prospect. “Probably.”

He sighs and starts to stand from the bed, but you grab his hand and pull him back down towards you. He looks at you in surprise as you give him a mischievous look, pulling him down even closer, until his face is inches from yours. “We can have some fun first though, don’t you think?”

He catches onto your line of thinking easily, and he gives you a look full of fire and passion. He answers your question with a searing kiss, your previous separation making you savor the kiss more than you usually do. His hands come to land on either side of your face, holding you in place as he kisses you like his life depends on it. Like he’s a drowning man and you’re a tank of oxygen sent to save him. His hands slide from your face, down to your body, sliding all over you, the feeling of his skin on yours electric. 

He pulls you closer to his body, tugging until you move to straddle him, the fur blanket sliding off of you as you do. You run your hands down his already naked chest, his shirt on you, your favorite thing to sleep in, and he smiles up at you. You tug the shirt off and toss it to the side, and his eyes roam your body with appreciation, taking you in. You have to resist the urge to cover up, knowing how much he likes to look at you, but still, you whisper, “You’re staring.”

“I’m admiring. I’m drawing a detailed image of you in my brain for later, and I want to make sure I don’t miss anything.”

His fingers trace over a few of your scars, the one on your shoulder from the arrow, the one on your leg from Roan, and the one on your side from the assassin, and you can see his eyes mapping their location on your body. You copy the motion with him, carefully tracing the scar on his side, the one you stitched up. He glances down at it, the small, jagged little scar, shaped like an uneven lightning bolt. “It _is_ crooked. Sorry about that.”

“Don’t be, I like it. It reminds me of you.”

“It looks like lightning. The perfect scar for my stormy boyfriend.”

He gives you a peculiar look. “You think I’m stormy?”

You lean down and kiss him, chasing away the insecurity that seems to creep up. “Not in a bad way. Storms are powerful, forces to be reckoned with. Sometimes they rage and crackle, but they cleanse too, and help the Earth grow.”

He smiles up at you, his face softening and his earlier insecurity now gone. “And you are radiant. Breathtaking. Beautiful.”

He kisses you in between each compliment, lingering on the last one, making it long and slow. You open your mouth, granting his tongue access, and they dance and move together in a perfect symphony. As he kisses you, you both slide out of any remaining undergarments, both of you naked and warm against each other. The usual vulnerability, and fear, that comes with being naked around another person is lost on you, because Bellamy is careful to radiate nothing but love and adoration, wanting you to feel safe and secure. 

He breaks the kiss to watch you as you sink onto him, both of you moaning with pleasure. He rolls you both, situating your body beneath his, his arms supporting his weight next to your head, caging you between them. Your eyes lock as you move together, finding your rhythm, and his other hand slips between your bodies to bring you closer to the edge. You fall first, eyes squeezed shut and head thrown back in pleasure, and the sight of you sends Bellamy over right after.

He kisses you again as you come down from your high, the kiss lazy and sloppy, both of you feeling like jelly as your pleasure rolls through you. Bellamy eventually rolls off you, laying down at your side, turning to watch you. You turn to face him, smiling up at his freckled face and messy curls, “Tell me about the gods.”

He smiles, always ready to oblige, before launching into his story. “Persephone, better known as the goddess of the dead and Underworld, wasn’t always known that way…”

-

_March 28th, 2150; Polis_

Bellamy’s hand is held tight in your own, slick with sweat from nerves as he leads you down the hall, towards Octavia’s room. The tradition of the Final Conclave has now begun, and in mere minutes, Octavia will walk onto the stage in front of everyone, and accept the sigil of her clan, your clan, and fight until the death for Skaikru. 

When Bellamy reaches the door, he turns and looks at you, nervous, and you nod your head, reassuring him. He lifts his hand and knocks, and Octavia looks his way, quickly looking away again when she realizes who it is. “You here to give me a pep talk?”

He drops your hand and steps into the room, settling onto the couch beside her. You linger in the doorway, here for emotional support more than anything, watching Bellamy make his last attempt to save his sister. “You don’t have to do this. We can find someone else to fight. “

“If I die, I die. At least I go down fighting.”

“O-”

She cuts him off immediately, shutting down his argument. “Don’t. This is my decision, Bell. I know what the odds are, I don’t need you pointing them out.”

You hear footsteps from down the hall, and you peek behind you, watching as your twin approaches you. Her face is set in a grim expression, not optimistic at all, and as soon as she looks up and meets your eyes, she calls out, “It’s time.”

You nod, turning to pass the message along to Octavia, but she must have heard because she is already standing and walking your way. You get a good look at her make up as she approaches, the dark war paint painted over each of her eyes in the shape of an upside down “L”. You realize immediately what her inspiration is, and as she stops in front of you, you whisper, “Lincoln’s tattoo.”

She nods once, confirming your suspicion, and you see a quick pass of nerves cross her features. You reach out and squeeze her shoulder, offering her comfort. “He’s always with you, especially now, and I know he’s proud of you.”

She gives you a small smile before walking past you and out the door, walking down the long hallway to the stage. You and Bellamy follow her path until you meet up with Clarke, who leads you out a side door and into the crowd, just in time to watch Gaia, Indra’s daughter, announce, “Octavia kom Skaikru, step forward.”

Octavia steps up onto the stage and ducks her head, allowing Gaia to attach a necklace around her neck. “Accept the sigil of your clan and fight with honor as their champion.”

She walks across the stage and comes to a stop beside Roan, and you and Bellamy exchange a look as Gaia begins her final speech. “Soon will begin the Final Conclave, a battle to the death within the walls of Polis. These warriors will fight until only one remains. When that warrior collects all of the sigils from the fallen and delivers them to me, they will be declared the victor. This final champion alone will tell us which clan is meant to survive in the crypt of Bekka Pramheda, and which clans are meant to perish in Praimfaya. _Osir koma op daun bilaik slip daun kom bleirona, ba mafta op Won bilaik hef em op mou beda._ ”

Kane translates for you and Bellamy, able to understand the words faster than both of you can. “We honor those who fall by the sword, but follow the One who wields it best.”

Somewhere behind you in the crowd, someone yells, _“Daun bilaik ai!”_

 _That would be me._ You all turn and watch in shock as Luna stalks through the crowd, shoving people out of her way to get to the front, and you can sense trouble brewing as soon as you see her face. “Shit.”

Bellamy looks at you, not understanding what you mean, not aware of just how bad things got for Luna on Becca’s Island. She stalks onto the stage and comes to a stop in front of Gaia. “I’m Luna kom Floukru, and I’m the last of my clan.”

“We know who you are…The Natblida who ran from her conclave.”

“I’m not running from this one.”

Gaia turns and grabs the last necklace from the bowl, turning to face the angry Nightblood. “Accept this sigil, Luna kom Floukru. But with your clan gone, who will you fight for?”

“I fight for no one. I fight for death.” She snatches the necklace from Gaia’s hands and turns and holds it up for the crowd. “When I win, _no one_ will be saved.”

Her words immediately send a wave of murmurs through the crowd, and Gaia quickly solves the problem by dispersing the crowd and sending the warriors down into the weapons room to arm up and prepare for the battle. You, Kane, Bellamy, Clarke, and Jaha all cluster in a circle, quietly discussing Luna’s arrival when Gaia comes over to your group, voice full of authority. “Skaikru! Three advisors to the worgeda. The rest of you, report to your designated safe zone. Now.”

Kane gestures to you and Bellamy, “Come on. We have to get her ready.”

Jaha reaches out and grabs Kane’s arm, stopping him from leaving. “This conversation isn’t over. The death wave will be here within three days, and here we are, risking the fate of our people on a blood sport?”

Clarke corrects him, “The fate of all people, You heard Luna.”

“She’s just one of 13.”

You wince, remembering when you walked in a room to save Luna from at least 6 men, only to find that she had already saved herself. And that was _after_ being repeatedly tortured. “You’re wrong. She’s a Nightblood novitiate, which means she trained in combat exactly like this.”

Bellamy looks at you, misunderstanding you. “You want us to cheat?”

“No.” You look at him, shaking your head. “I only mean that Luna is the walking definition of killer warrior, and that scares me.”

Kane adds, “Besides, you know the rules. If we break them, we lose, and if we lose, we die.”

“The rules are not the problem, Marcus. The game is. Even if we stop Luna, even if Octavia finds a way to win, does anyone truly believe that the Grounders will accept Skaikru as the lone survivors?”

“Yes. The conclave is sacred, they’ll honor the winner. Like it or not, we’re all Grounders now.” The words tug at a memory, Bellamy standing in the middle of a circle of delinquents, convincing all of you to fight the Grounders coming your way. But Kane pulls you from that memory when he looks at Jaha, and says, “You get our people to the safe zone, we’ll have Octavia ready for the fight. The rest is up to her.”

You and Clarke nod at each other, knowing you’ll see each other again soon, after the Conclave. Either as the sole clan to survive Praimfaya, or as one of 13 clans left outside to perish. Bellamy walks close to you as you follow Kane into the weapons area, leading you over to Octavia. As you walk towards her, you eye the competition, taking notes on their weapons, their fighting, anything you can gather that might help her. Kane seems to have the same idea because as soon as he stops in front of her and you and Bellamy stop beside him, he starts, “All right, listen to me. The Blue Cliff Warrior, she has two corvo blades. I just saw her practicing. She’s left handed, you go for her weak hand.”

“Okay.”

You add to his point, “Plains Rider and the warrior from Shallow Valley, they’re strong, but slow. You can avoid them, not to mention the black rain, which could fall at any moment, so stay close to cover.”

Beside you, Bellamy fidgets in place, turning and looking away, which does not go unnoticed by you or Octavia. She snaps, “What, Bellamy? If you’ve got something to say, just say it.”

“You don’t need any of this. When the starting horn blows, just stay out of sight and let the others thin out the competition.”

“You want me to hide?”

“You don’t need to go up against the strongest warrior from every clan.”

“I came here to fight.”

Bellamy bends down a little, matching their heights, his voice almost pleading, “You were the girl under the floor. Use that, just like Mom taught us.” 

Kane nods, “Bellamy’s right. You don’t have to kill all 12 warriors.”

“I just have to kill the last one.”

All of you exchange a nod, now on the same page in terms of strategy. Behind you, one of the Flamekeeper scouts announces, “Ambassadors and advisors, to the tower. Champions, to your flags.”

Kane and Octavia hug, quick and fierce, before she turns to Bellamy. They hover near each other, unsure whether they should hug, and eventually Octavia settles on, “May we meet again.”

“Damn right we will.”

Bellamy’s voice is sad, and he looks like he wants to hug her, but he’s so worried about upsetting her before the battle that he doesn’t. He just turns and starts to walk away, leaving you and Octavia alone. You don’t hesitate to hug her, reaching out and grabbing her, squeezing her tight and passing along as much love and strength as you can through the hug. She hugs you back tight, almost desperate, and when you pull away, both of you have tears in your eyes, aware this might be your last goodbye. You smile through your tears, “You were my first friend on the ground, and the first person to see me as someone other than the Invisible Twin. Now you’re my people, my family, my sister. I am so incredibly proud of you.”

She smiles at you and you see her fighting back her tears, not wanting anyone to see her crying. She squeezes your arm and whispers, “I love you. Bellamy too.”

You nod, already aware, because you knew the siblings couldn’t stay upset with each other long. Lincoln’s death left a mark on their relationship, but that doesn’t mean their relationship was irreparable. You start to answer when one of the Flamekeepers grabs your arms and pulls you away, pushing you towards the door to the tower. You turn and wave one last goodbye to Octavia, eyes watching the small girl melt into the crowd of warriors who have been fighting longer than she’s been alive. You meet Bellamy at the elevator, and his face is fallen, completely upset. You slip your hand in his and he looks over at you in surprise, so lost in his own head that he didn’t even hear your approach. “What did she say?”

“She said she loves you.”

Surprise takes over his expression, then regret, and he immediately drops your hands and turns away, “I have to tell her I love her.”

But the Flamekeeper who pushed you out of the room blocks his path, pushing him back towards the elevator, not allowing him to leave. You can tell Bellamy wants to fight it and fight him, but you reach out and grab his hand again, pulling him towards the now waiting elevator. “She’s going to win, Bellamy. You can tell her afterwards.”

He nods and you ride the elevator to the top, meeting up with Kane in the throne room, just as the horn sounds, signaling the beginning of the conclave. You can hear the sounds of fighting immediately, and the tensions inside the room are high as you hear the clang of swords and the thud of fallen bodies. Minutes later, Gaia comes into the room and announces, “The first two champions have fallen.”

Everyone turns towards her, absolutely terrified that she will say the name of the warrior from their clan, and you, Kane, and Bellamy are no exception. 

_“Gael kom Ingranronakru, yu gonplei ste odon.”_

One of the Flamekeepers walks over to the candle that represents the Plains Riders and puts the flame out, ending their battle for the bunker. You all watch the Flamekeeper turn away from the snuffed candle and walk towards the next one, and your heart drops as every step he takes brings him closer and closer to the Skaikru candle. Bellamy whispers, “Please don’t be her.”

Luckily, but still heartbreaking, the Flamekeeper stops just shy, in front of the Trikru candle, as Gaia announces, _“Fio kom Trikru, yu gonplei ste odon.”_

Relieved, you turn to Bellamy. “Octavia’s still out there.”

Bellamy’s eyes turn towards you, full of tears, his expression breaking your heart. “I couldn’t tell her I loved her, even with the world ending.”

You squeeze his hand, still held tight in yours. “Trust me, Bellamy, she knows.”

He nods and his eyes drop to the floor, lost in his head again, and you and Kane share a look. With nothing else to do now, except wait, you and Bellamy head out to the balcony with your binoculars, watching the fights alongside Gaia. Kane comes out onto the balcony as you watch the Blue Cliff warrior kill the Sangedakru warrior, and Bellamy lets out a small gasp at the sight of the death. When you turn to look at him in confusion, he nods towards Kane, and you follow him as he leads you over to the Chancellor. Bellamy’s voice is low when he mutters, “We just saw the Blue Cliff warrior kill the Sangedakru warrior with a bow.”

“So?”

Bellamy looks at you, and you remember your pre fight conversation with Octavia. You tell Kane, “So, we saw her before the fight. She didn’t have a bow, she had two swords.”

“Yeah, the corvo blades.” He shrugs, not understanding your worry. “Well, she could have picked up a bow off the battlefield.”

You and Bellamy exchange a look, both of you aware that someone you know is exceptionally good with a bow, and exceptionally good at betrayal. You both step back inside the room, scanning for the Azgeda spy, shaking your head when you don’t see her. Kane comes up beside you, looking between you in confusion. “What is it?”

“Echo’s gone.”

As soon as the words leave your mouth, Bellamy stalks out of the room, looking like a man on a mission, and you and Kane look at each other in panic before running after him. “Bellamy, wait!”

He spins around to face the two of you, annoyed at the interruption. “My sister is down there. Echo is cheating, and I’m gonna stop her.”

Kane shakes his head, “Let one of Gaia’s scouts find her, and then Ice Nation will be punished.”

“They’ll never catch her. Echo’s a spy, this is what she does.”

He tries to walk away again but you grab his arm to stop him. “Listen to me, Bellamy, I’m with you. But running out there in broad daylight is not the way to fix this.”

“So, you think I should just stay here and do nothing?”

You shake your head, and Kane vocalizes a plan you were already starting to form in your head. “No. You wait until dark so you don’t get caught. And then the two of you get her out of the fight and get back here without being seen. Clear?”

“Clear.”

-

The wait until nightfall is agonizingly long, and all you can do is hope that Octavia makes it until then, safely away from Echo’s arrows. When darkness finally blankets the city, only five lit candles remain. Floukru, Azgeda, Podakru, Louwoda Kliron, and Skaikru. 

Bellamy leads you through the streets of Polis, heading towards the building Echo is hiding in, careful to keep the both of you hidden from the view of any warriors or Flamekeepers. You’re close to the building when Bellamy abruptly stops and pulls you back behind a wall, disguised in the shadows. You know it’s too dangerous to ask why, but you don’t need to, because a second later the Shallow Valley warrior comes into view. He seems to see something in the distance that you can’t see, because you watch him brace himself before a scream breaks free from the unseen force, and Luna comes running into view. She kills him quickly, easily, and just like that, five lit candles becomes four. 

Luna stalks out of view again, and as soon as Bellamy is sure it’s clear, he takes off running again, leading you the last few steps to the building. The two of you creep up the stairs slowly, remembering that Echo is up high, and when you reach the door to her hiding spot, Bellamy gives you two hand signals: push the door open and then immediately get down. You nod your head, letting him you know you understand, and then he counts you down from three. As soon as he puts his last finger down, you swing the door open as quickly and quietly as you can, before you immediately duck, Echo’s arrow landing in the door right above your head.

Bellamy runs forward and tackles her to the ground, and the two of them fight back and forth until he gets the upper hand, wrapping his hands around her neck and choking her. She is seconds away from death when you feel a knife to your throat and you freeze in place, voice frantic when you call out, “Bellamy.”

He turns and his face drops when he sees you, his hands instantly releasing Echo’s throat, allowing her to breathe. He steps away from her and the person at your back shoves you towards Bellamy, who catches you with ease, and when you turn around you really aren’t surprised to see Roan standing there, sword pointed at you and Bellamy as he glares at you. “I should’ve known you three couldn’t stay away. I heard you all the way down the street, you’re lucky I wasn’t a scout.”

Bellamy nods towards the Ice Nation spy. “We came to stop her.”

“Explain yourself.”

“I was only trying to help save our people.”

Roan sneers at her, “I am not my mother. I’m not willing to cast aside honor for power.”

“No one has to know.”

“You misunderstand. I will not allow your dishonor to give Luna an advantage, and you will not shame our clan ever again. You are Azgeda no more.”

Shock takes over Echo’s face, and you have to resist the urge to smirk at her. “Sire, wait.”

“You’re banished, Echo, and when I win this conclave, make no mistake, there will be no place for you inside that bunker. Now get out of my sight, and off this battlefield without being seen, or know that you are the cause of the death of our people.”

She swallows hard, fighting back tears, before turning and leaving the room, sneaking out and off the battlefield, despite having nowhere else to go. Once you and Bellamy are alone with Roan, the sword comes back towards the two of you again, everything about the king threatening. “I take it by your presence here that your sister’s still alive.”

“That’s right.”

“If I call for a scout, she’ll be executed right now.” He lowers the sword, leaving enough room for you to eventually pass. “But what fun would that be? You really think she can win, don’t you?”

Bellamy smiles, looking proud. “I wouldn’t count her out if I were you. She’s survived harder things than this.”

“Before she dies, I’ll tell her she’s lucky to have you as a brother.”

“I got a better idea. After she guts you and before _you_ die, you tell her I was the lucky one.”

Roan smirks at him and you feel Bellamy’s hand slip into your own, letting you know it’s time to go. You step away first, pulling Bellamy behind you, both of you keeping your eyes on the Ice Nation King until you’re out of the room and back on the street. You begin the careful retreat back to the tower, taking a different path than before, just in case. It takes longer this way, but this path is darker, and easier to stay hidden in, and after a few minutes, you’re just outside the tower again. You and Bellamy look at each other and smile a little, relieved to have made it back without getting caught, but that relief is short lived. 

Just as the two of you start towards the door of the tower, two people jump out of the shadows, each one of them grabbing each of you, holding a rag over your mouth. The substance smells awful, and you know without a doubt that you shouldn’t be smelling it, but you don’t have much time to process that. You and Bellamy look at each other, both of your eyes wide in panic when you see the other in danger, and you fight against your captives. But by then, it’s too late. The chemical has kicked in and you feel unconsciousness seize you rapidly, pulling you under at an alarmingly fast rate.

-

The first thing you notice when you wake is the heaviness in your head. 

It feels like someone popped open your skull, stuffed it full of rocks, and closed it up again. You try to pry your eyes open, but they feel heavy, weighed down by anchors. You groan and try again, prying them open with all your strength, closing them back again when they are met with a bright light. But then you hear someone next to you groan, and a hand brushes against yours, familiar and warm.

 _Bellamy_.

This time when you get your eyes open, you turn his way, both of you looking at each other in shock before you confirm that each other is real. You reach towards each other, silently checking the other out, making sure you’re okay. And as soon as you realize you are, you both turn and look around the room, realizing you must be in the bunker. Your eyes land on Clarke, standing at the desk in the room near Jaha, both of them looking towards you. You look between them, at the clench of Clarke’s jaw, the extra weight on her shoulders, and your stomach sinks. “What the hell did you do?”

Jaha is the one to answer, sounding unashamed of what he has to say. “If only one clan could survive, it might as well be ours.”

Bellamy turns to your twin, not believing what he’s hearing. “Clarke, you agreed to this?”

“It was her idea.”

You and Bellamy share an incredulous look, before you turn it on Clarke, in disbelief of what she’s done. She sets her jaw, trying to convince herself, and the two of you, of what she’s done. “We did what we had to do.”

-


	56. lvi. the other side (4.11)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: language, fighting, shock batons, violence.
> 
> Summary: clarke makes a decision that you (and bellamy) don’t agree with, leaving you locked up and at odds with your twin.

_March 29th, 2150; the Second Dawn Bunker_

You and Bellamy stare at your twin in shock, not understanding why she thought this was a good plan. You can sense Bellamy’s rising anger, and when you realize that your twin left not only Kane but possibly Octavia on the surface, you feel a flash of anger along with him. Your boyfriend’s voice steadily starts to rise as he turns on Clarke. “How could you do this? There were only 4 warriors left, and Octavia was one of them! She might have won.”

Clarke comes around the desk, getting closer to you and Bellamy, trying to calm him down. “Bellamy, you’re right, she had a chance. But Luna was in the final 4 as well, which means there is an even better chance of _nobody_ getting into this bunker, of nobody surviving the end of the human race. Can you understand that?”

“Yeah, I can understand that you did what you think you had to do, like always. But you can’t expect me to stay down here not knowing what happened to my sister.”

Jaha looks up from the plans he’s been studying, shaking his head in frustration. “We’re not opening that door, son!”

You turn on Jaha, his words spiking your anger, and snap, “You know what? We must have missed the election that made you Chancellor again.”

He cuts his eyes at you, but whatever flimsy remark he was preparing to send your way is cut off by your mom entering the office, looking around in confusion. “I was setting up the infirmary, and I heard people in the corridor. Is it over? Did we win?”

You turn to your mom. “We don’t know. Because your golden child made a monumentally stupid decision.”

Her eyes narrow, not understanding the quip, but knowing that you only use the golden child insult when you’re really pissed. She seems to do a quick scan of the room again before she asks, “Where’s Marcus?”

“He was in the tower. We sent some people for him, Bellamy, and Octavia.” Jaha tries his best to look upset, but he doesn’t play the part well. Your mom looks at you, starting to understand, before turning her glare onto Jaha. “These two were the only ones we could get in time. I’m sorry.”

“Give me your radio, Marcus has his.”

“The walkies are no good down here.” 

Clarke walks around to the desk and hits a button, revealing a secret panel that starts to lift slowly. Nestled inside are a few computer screens, displaying the outside radiation levels, and a radio. Jaha turns to her in surprise and scolds, “Clarke.”

“I’m letting them say goodbye.”

You and Bellamy come around the desk towards the radio, and your mom starts to follow, only to be cut off by Jaha standing in her path. “I understand your need to know, but I promise you there is nothing but more pain on the other side of that radio. The radiation levels have become critical, so people outside are already feeling the effects. Once they realize that we took this bunker, it’ll be chaos, and if we open that door, we let that chaos inside.”

Your mom snaps, “I understand. Now, get the hell out of my way.”

She pushes her way past him and comes to stand on your other side as Bellamy fiddles with the adjustment on the hidden radio. “The walkies are set to 21.5 megahertz.”

You hear static as he reaches the right level, and a second later, Octavia’s voice comes through. “Can anyone hear me? Over. This is Octavia, can anyone hear me, damn it?”

Bellamy grabs the radio, a smile on his face, both of you exchanging a look, knowing what it means to hear her voice. Beside you, your mom looks equally as shocked as Bellamy answers his sister’s plea. “O, it’s me. You ok?”

“I’m alive, I won. Bell, what the hell did you do?”

“It wasn’t me, but I’ll fix it.”

“Listen to me, when I won, I decided to share the bunker with everyone. A hundred from each clan. Kane is out there buying us time, helping them select their people, and Gaia somehow convinced the scouts to lock down the temple. But if anybody finds out that Skaikru stole the bunker, we’re all dead.”

You see fear creep up on Bellamy’s face, and then determination, not willing to let anything happen to his little sister. “Copy that, we’re on our way.”

As the words leave his mouth, the door to the office opens, and Jaha waves a group of guards inside, Miller at the forefront. Jaha leads them towards you, pointing at Bellamy. “Turn off the radio.”

You glare at him, “Didn’t you hear her? We can save them!”

Bellamy lifts the radio and mutters, “O, I’m gonna need some time.”

“Wait, what? Bellamy, they don’t have t-”

Jaha yanks the radio from his hand, cutting her off, and you, your mom, and Bellamy all turn to look at him in shock. Bellamy snaps, “Did you hear her? The Grounders are listening to her now, but they won’t be for much longer. I am opening that door.”

“I’m sorry, but right now, our people are safe. We cannot risk that.”

“To stop me, you’re gonna have to kill me.”

Jaha nods at the guards, and they start to move closer, positioned in three places in the room, ready to catch any of you if you run. You turn to Clarke, giving her an incredulous look. “Clarke. Octavia won. Do the right thing and open the doors.”

She says nothing, just clenches her jaw and looks away, and you turn towards Bellamy, both of you sharing a knowing look. As if you’re both hearing the same silent countdown in your heads, you turn and each take off in different directions around the desk. You hear Bellamy knock one of the guards to the ground as you slip by your mom and Clarke, only for Jaha to step into your path. He dives at you and you side step him, his arms missing you by inches. You immediately swing your elbow around and smash it into his face, satisfaction running through you when you make contact. The pain knocks him off guard for a second and you shove him hard, knocking him to the ground, before turning towards the door again. 

Miller and the other guard have Bellamy held in between them, and Bellamy struggles and manages to knock the other guard away. He slips from Miller’s grasp and starts to run, only for Miller to pull out his shock baton and light it up, holding it to your boyfriend’s back until he gasps with pain and hits the ground. You let out a yell of rage and run straight at Miller, knocking him into the wall behind him, the shock baton falling out of his hand. He swings a punch at you as soon as he recovers, hitting you in the face, and you bring your knee up and land a hit on his stomach. He doubles over in pain and you start to swing your arm around to punch him when someone catches it from behind. 

You turn and see the first guard, the one Bellamy pushed to the ground, holding your fist, and you spin out of his grip and turn to face him. He moves quickly and swings his hand towards you, palm connecting with your face in a loud slap. The force of it snaps your head to the side and makes you bite your lip, and you turn back to him in shock, spitting out the blood that gathers in your mouth. The black blood hits the ground at his feet and he looks at it in shock just as you swing a kick towards him and knock him away. 

The other guard reaches you then and grabs your arm, holding you back from another attack. You start to wiggle free from his grasp when a shock baton makes contact with your side, sending electricity pulsing through your body as you gasp with pain, going slack in the guards arms. He releases you and lets you hit the ground, landing beside Bellamy, your eyes falling on his unconscious figure as you see the darkness rushing towards you, pulling you under.

-

You wake up to the sound of Bellamy’s frustrated yelling, echoing out in whatever space you’re in. 

You pull your eyes open, your vision landing on your boyfriend first, standing close to you, his hands zip tied to a chain that’s bolted to the floor. With a sickening realization, you see that you’re secured in the same way, cuffed to a chain, locked away in some sort of electrical room. You lift your hands, staring at the chain, and shake your head in disgust, dropping your hands again, rattling the chain in the process. Bellamy must hear the sound because he turns towards you, relief flooding his features as soon as he sees you. He runs over to you, dropping to his knees in front of you, his hands lifting to your cheeks the best they can, skimming over your already forming bruise, courtesy of Miller. “Are you okay?”

You nod your head, and his eyes check you over, confirming your words. He whispers, “Good. I have a plan. We need to get your mom down here. Someone is outside guarding us, I heard them talking a minute ago. I think if I raise enough hell and hurt myself, they’ll send your mom down to fix me up.”

You look at his wrists, already red and starting to get bloody, and you grimace, not wanting to watch him hurt himself. But you also know it’s the best way to get her down here, because she’s the only person that is likely to help the two of you and get you out of this. So you nod, lean forward and press a kiss to his lips, and whisper, “Do it for Octavia.”

He stands and starts to yell again, “Get us out of here! Help me! Let us go!”

He turns and bangs on the metal pipes nearby, and then he pounds on the walls, before starting up again. “No! Let us go! Get us out!”

It takes a few minutes of him repeating this cycle of yelling, pounding, and banging before finally the door opens and someone steps inside. You’re not sure who you’re expecting to walk around the corner towards you, but it certainly isn’t Murphy. 

“Bellamy, what the hell are you doing? You’re just hurting yourself!”

You stand, watching Murphy look between the two of you warily, and Bellamy starts to beg. “Murphy. Untie us, please.”

“I can’t do that. Look, I’m sorry about your sister, but-”

Bellamy cuts him off, “You let us go!”

“I can’t, okay? We can’t open that hatch, so stop doing this to yourself before I call medical and knock your ass out.”

He starts to walk away and Bellamy gives you a desperate look, breaking your heart. You make a last ditch effort and call out to Murphy, “Murphy, please! I didn’t let Emori die, don’t let Octavia die! Let us go and we can save her!”

His face is full of regret when he turns to look back at you and Bellamy. “This is only gonna be for a few days.”

Bellamy yells, “She’ll be dead in a few days!”

“Yeah, I’m sorry.”

And though he actually looks sorry, he turns and walks out of the room, leaving you and Bellamy to yell after him, both of you tugging on your restraints now. You feel the flexicuffs bite into your skin, but you don’t care, your mind too focused on trying to make an escape and save Octavia, and Kane, and the rest of the human race. Because you won’t allow yourself to be the monster that war created. Even if it means the end of you, you know opening the door to save the others is the right thing to do, and there’s no way you’re going down without a fight.

-

Time passes differently when you’re locked up in a bunker, reminding you of the time you spent locked up on the Ark, and of the time you spent awiting your execution in Arkadia. You and Bellamy take turns yelling and making as much noise as possible, hoping Murphy will eventually call your mother down to knock you out, giving you the opportunity to convince her to help you. 

It takes a few hours, but that opportunity eventually comes, and your mother steps inside, looking between you and Bellamy in shock. His wrists are much worse than yours, red and raw, dripping blood in his wake. Yours are bruised, covered in a splatter of black blood, the color still shocking and unfamiliar to you. Your mom walks to you first but you shake your head. “Bellamy first.”

She nods and kneels down between the two of you, pulling out her medkit to start on cleaning Bellamy up. He whispers, “It’s about time. We didn’t do this to our wrists for fun.”

“You want me to help you open the door.”

She doesn’t say it like a question, but you answer as if she did. “Yes. Mom, I saw your face when Octavia answered on the radio, and I know how you feel about Kane. He’s still out there, trying to keep the peace. If the Grounders find out what Jaha and Clarke did, Kane will pay the price, and it won’t be merciful.”

“You don’t think I know that?”

Bellamy whispers, “Do better today than we did yesterday. That’s what he told me. That’s how we deserve to survive.”

She looks between the two of you, considering your words, trying to decide what she wants to do. You can tell the second she makes the decision, because she relaxes a little, resigned to whatever happens now. “How do we do it?”

You look around the room, calculating everything, before you decide, “Let Bellamy go first, and he can hide. You call for help, Murphy comes inside, we knock him out. Then you lead us out of here, since we don’t know the way, and we get the door open. Sound like a plan?”

Bellamy agrees instantly, “Yes.”

Your mom considers again, before she nods. “But I want to clean both of you up first.”

“Fine.”

She bandages both of you as quickly as possible, before she uses the scissors in her medical kit to cut off Bellamy’s cuffs and free him. Then she drops them onto the flimsy mattress they set up for you and Bellamy to sleep on, along with the discarded bloody rags, and she motions for Bellamy to hide. You scramble into the corner, mostly out of sight, before your mom calls out, “John? I need you! Come quick!”

Murphy runs inside the room, running right past Bellamy, who is hidden in the darkness, and he stares down at the scene in front of him, seemingly looking like Bellamy has escaped. “Shit.”

The word barely leaves his mouth before Bellamy runs towards him and wraps his arm around his neck, squeezing just enough to knock him out. Murphy struggles against him, and pulls out the shock baton, but Bellamy quickly knocks it out of his hand before squeezing again. Within seconds Murphy loses consciousness, and Bellamy lays him out onto the bed, as your mom drops down and checks him over. 

“He’ll be fine.“ She seems convinced by Bellamy’s reassurance, and she passes him the medical scissors so he can help free you as she suddenly remembers, “He’s not our problem. The airlock control is in the main office, so is Jaha. You have a plan for that, too?”

Bellamy nods, “Yeah, open the damn door or die trying.”

You stand, now free from your bonds, and follow your mom as she leads you out the door. You sneak through the service tunnels, avoiding the main hallways as much as you can, until she finally leads you to a door and motions for you to stop. She whispers, “You two stay here, I’ll open the door when I’ve taken care of Jaha.”

She starts to walk away, but you grab her arm to stop her. “Wait, how are you going to do that?”

She holds up a little container of drugs, one of the ones from Becca’s lab. You have no idea what’s inside, but it must work like the Reaper sticks and knock people unconscious, because she seems confident that it will be enough. You nod, understanding, and she turns and runs off, leaving you and Bellamy alone. The two of you wait in the darkness of the hall, pressed together, buzzing with adrenaline, waiting for the next stage of the plan. You can tell when it begins because a muffled conversation is being held on the other side of the door, too quiet for either of you to hear. After a minute though, you realize the office must be on the other side, and it must be your mom talking to Jaha, though you have no idea what about.

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter, because a few minutes later the door swings open and she stands there, waving to the two of you inside. She runs over to the computer at the desk, and looks down at the controls. “Let’s do this.”

She plops down into the chair and you glance on the other side, seeing Jaha’s unconscious body sprawled out on the floor. Your mom reads a manual spread out on the desk, and then looks up at you and Bellamy. “It takes two people to open the doors, one from above and one from here. Get into position.”

You and Bellamy nod and run out of the office, making a beeline for the door at the top of the ramp. Bellamy tugs on it, still locked, and you and Bellamy exchange an anxious look. As you wait for the door to the airlock room to open, you hear footsteps running towards you, and you turn and get a glimpse of blonde hair just as the door beeps. You turn back and push Bellamy inside, following him to the set of stairs that leads to the hatch to the surface. Bellamy’s hand is reaching for the lever when a voice yells out, “Bellamy, stop!”

You hear the sound of a gun cocking and you both turn and see Clarke standing near the open door, her gun pointed towards Bellamy. He starts to argue with her, ignoring the gun in her hand, “We don’t have time for this. The radiation is getting worse, and people are dying up there.”

He starts to reach for the door again but she turns and shoots the door, forcing the two of you to duck and cover your heads. You step up the stairs more, positioning your body in front of Bellamy’s before you turn towards your twin, stunned that you’ve even found yourself in this position. “Clarke, what are you doing?”

“What I have to, like always. Now, get away from the door.”

“No.” You set your jaw, unwilling to back down. “This isn’t like shutting the dropship door, or pulling the lever in Mount Weather and the City of Light. We knew what we were stopping then, but now we know nothing.”

“We know that if that door stays shut, the human race survives.”

You shrug, “You’re gonna have to make it a kill shot then. Go ahead and put a bullet in your twin, because that’s the only way you’re gonna stop me.”

Her hand shakes slightly as she aims the pistol at you, contemplating her next move, and you decide to push her further. You remember the words she threw in your face when you helped Bellamy get rid of Raven’s radio, and you decide to weaponize them now and use them against her. “What would dad say?”

Her hand shakes harder as she wrestles with her decision, and she starts to cry, tears falling down her face. She ducks her head and lowers the weapon, unable to go through with it, unable to kill her other half. You turn and glance at Bellamy, still standing behind you. “Get it open.”

He scrambles to the top of the stairs and opens the hatch, all while you keep an eye on Clarke, unsure if she’ll change her mind. But she never does, she just stands frozen in place and cries, and for once in your life, you make no move to comfort her. Once Bellamy disappears on the surface, you turn and follow him up, stepping into the temple just as Bellamy and Octavia collide in a hug. You smile at the sight of the reunited Blake siblings, all of their earlier anger and disagreements gone, replaced with nothing more than relief and love for each other. You walk closer to them and hear Bellamy whisper, “I love you so much.”

Your smile grows wider, and her eyes find yours over his shoulder, smiling at you in return. The moment ends when Indra calls out, “Octavia, they’re here.”

They pull apart and Octavia walks forward, stopping at Indra’s side as the Flamekeepers lead in the ambassadors from each clan. They all stop just inside the door, looking towards her, and Octavia stands taller as she addresses them. _“Oso laik won kru. En dison laik oso hou.”_

 _We are one clan. And this is our home._ She turns, and starts to walk back towards you, until she abruptly grabs Indra’s sword and points it at someone you didn’t notice before. 

Echo. 

You were so focused on the Blake sibling reunion that you didn’t even see her standing there. Probably for the best, because you feel a flash of anger as soon as you see her. Octavia holds her sword to Echo’s neck. “Everyone except you.” 

“We had a deal. You said-”

Octavia cuts her off, voice low and angry. “I said your people would live. I didn’t say anything about you. You can tell them we stole the bunker if you want, but the door’s open now, so…”

She trails off, not needing to say anymore, and Indra steps closer to her. “Be thankful knowing your banishment will be short.”

Echo lifts a brow, knowing there’s nothing she can say to reverse this decision, and she mutters, “Praimfaya awaits.”

You all watch her turn and slip out of the room, disappearing from view, no longer your problem. Octavia, your family, Skairipa, the victor of Skaikru, turns back to her people, motioning towards the bunker door, _“Monin hou.”_

 _Welcome home._ You smile at her, looking over her smudged make up and the blood splattered all over her face, so far from the girl hidden under the floor. And though you never knew her then, you know her now, and you’re proud. Proud of the strength she’s gained, the confidence she has, the leadership she’s now taking on. When you look over at Bellamy, you can tell he’s thinking the same thing, both of you watching on as she leads the ambassadors towards the entrance to their new home.

-

As expected, chaos begins as soon as the clans enter the bunker.

The 100 survivors from each clan, minus Skaikru, have all gathered in the atrium of the bunker, awaiting instructions. All of you scramble to figure out the best way to get Skaikru from their beds and narrowed down to 100, so you can move all of the Grounders into their spots. Amidst the chaos of the planning, Raven radioes to let all of you know she’s still alive, and no longer going through with her spacewalking plans. She reversed her brain problems and seizures, and now awaits pick up to be brought back to the bunker to live with the rest of you. 

But the plans of her rescue get put on the back burner in favor of the plans in the bunker. Which is where you all stand now, in the office, standing around a map, trying to figure things out. You, your mom, Kane, Octavia, and Indra are listening to Kane’s thoughts, while Clarke stands nearby, half listening, half avoiding everyone, and Jaha stands at the door, looking out at the Grounders. He ignores everything Kane is saying, and turns around, pissed, glaring at the man he left outside to die. “You call this justice?”

Octavia’s response to him is cool and calm, unbothered by Jaha’s anger. “I call this making things right, thanks to my brother.”

Jaha turns his glare to Clarke. “You let this happen.”

The words visibly affect her, and she glances over at you, looking upset. You look away, not wanting to meet her eye, still pissed that she pointed a gun at you and Bellamy. Jaha continues, “How many of us have to die?”

Indra’s anger is less contained than Octavia’s, as evidenced by her response. “You’re lucky it’s not all of you.”

“Lucky?”

“We have 100 spots. The other clans have all chosen their survivors. We have to do the same.”

Jaha looks at Kane in shock, dissatisfied with his response. “100. We have over 4 times that.”

You roll your eyes at him. “A pain that I’m sure the other clans feel too.”

Jaha turns his anger back on Clarke. “Is this what you wanted?”

She shakes her head. “No one wanted this.”

“Want’s got nothing to do with this!” Octavia’s calm anger finally explodes, tired of listening to Jaha’s whining. _Not that you blame her._ She turns to look at him, laying down the law. “Skaikru gets 100 beds, same as everybody else. Bellamy and his girl get one of them, the rest are up to you.”

She walks towards the door, tired of this meeting and this conversation. As she reaches it, she turns back to deliver one final message. “The death wave comes in 24 hours. You’ve got 12 to decide.”

And with that she walks out of the room, leaving the rest of you to watch her leave and handle the chaos left behind from her decision.

-


	57. lvii. the chosen (4.12)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: violence, hitting people with vehicles, fighting, death, coughing up blood, language.
> 
> Summary: with praimfaya less than 24 hours away, the countdown is officially on. in the meantime, a rescue team is assembled to retrieve one of youw own, and things don’t go according to plan.

_March 30th, 2150; the Second Dawn Bunker; 24 hours until Praimfaya_

Ultimately, the decision on how to get the Arkadians out of the bunker is made. 

Since nearly all of your people are sleeping, everyone agrees that it’s best to use some of the warriors from the Grounder clans to gather everyone in the atrium. Then the Grounders will close the doors and lock Skaikru out of the bunker until the 100 survivors are chosen.

Of course, the process doesn’t go as smoothly as you’d all hoped. 

Instead, over 400 people are dragged from their beds, confused, and forced into the hallways, creating a thick stampede of people being funneled into the atrium. You, Bellamy, Clarke, and Jaha watch the chaos, as your mother and Kane stay inside the office, talking to Raven on the radio. It’s a tight squeeze getting everyone inside of the space, but eventually it’s done, and the Grounders close the doors behind them. This creates a collective cry of dissent, and throughout the crowd you can hear people yelling and questioning what’s happening. 

Jaha is still visibly upset, and he turns to you and Bellamy, trying to make you both feel guilty. “Three out of four of these people are going to die tonight. You still think you made the right choice?”

“Yes. Regardless of what you think, this isn’t just about our people, Jaha, it’s about the survival of the human race. You and Clarke say that’s what you care about, but your actions tell me otherwise.” You find no joy or comfort in being responsible for the deaths in this room, but that doesn’t matter. All 13 clans agreed to hold a Final Conclave for the bunker, winner takes all. Except when Octavia won, she chose to share the bunker. As the victor, you all have to honor her wishes. Besides, when this all began, Clarke wanted to save everyone, not just Skaikru. She may have lost sight of that, but you haven’t. This may not save every person from every clan, but it gives the remaining 12 clans the chance to survive the death wave, and maybe your role in enforcing this decision will ease the death you have brought into the Grounder’s lives.

Bellamy nods towards the door to the office, and you follow him inside, Jaha and Clarke behind you. You and Bellamy come to a stop on the other side of the desk from your mom and Kane, and Clarke lingers near the door, aware that you want your space from her. Jaha steps into the room, getting close to the other adults, turning his sights on Kane. “Our people are scared, Marcus. We need to tell them something.”

“We just spoke with Raven. When she gets here, we’ll have all our essential personnel.”

Clarke speaks up from her place near the door. “How many spots does that leave us with?”

“Including the essential personnel and the places that we’re holding for the children under 16,” your mom pauses, looking between all of you, conveying the gravity of the situation. “That leaves us with 80.”

Jaha looks between all of you in disbelief. “I can’t believe we’re talking about sending 364 of our own people to their deaths.” 

Kane levels a look at the former Chancellor. “Look, I don’t like it any more than you do.”

“Then let’s fight this.”

“No. Any sort of resistance will cost us all our lives. Our best course of action is to hold a lottery for the remaining spots.”

Jaha shakes his head. “It’s not going to work, Marcus.”

“It was your idea.”

“That was for the chance to survive.”

Your mom turns to Jaha, giving him a confused look. “And how is this any different?”

“Until 20 minutes ago, our people believed they were safe. They let down their guard, they picked their bunks, they unpacked their bags, they imagined their futures. You try to rip that from them now, and, believe me, they will fight.”

You turn on him, growing angrier with each passing second. “And whose fault is that, Jaha? Oh, that’s right, it’s yours.”

Bellamy puts a comforting hand on your arm, and you turn to look at him. He gives you a small shake of his head, letting you know it’s not worth it to waste time arguing with Jaha, and you sigh. When he’s sure you’re letting it go, he turns to Kane and your mom. “Someone still needs to get Raven, I’d like to volunteer.”

You nod your head, “Me too.”

From behind you, Clarke reminds you of her presence for the first time in a few minutes. “And I’ll join the two of you.”

As soon as your mom sees that both of you want to go, she shakes her head. “No. Someone else can go with him.”

You roll your eyes, not believing in the vision she’s so convinced is going to come true. “Mom, Raven needs our help and I know the way to the island. I’m going.”

Clarke’s agreement is quieter, her voice sounding slightly broken. “I need to do this.”

Kane steps closer to you and Bellamy, but his gaze bounces between all three of you. “Well, you be safe. There’ll be a place for all three of you when you get back.”

You nod, and start to walk away, as your mom calls after you, “I’ll meet you in the airlock.”

All three of you head to the airlock, stopping beside the wall of suits, looking for which one will fit you the best. Clarke keeps to herself, and once her suit is chosen, she goes to pull it on in the corner, leaving you and Bellamy to pull on your suits on the other side of the room. When your mom walks in, your pack is in her hand, and she passes it to you. You peek inside, most of your belongings now emptied out, only a few small items stuck inside. “That’s all we can spare you for your trip. The radiation levels will be too high when you get back, so you’ll have to leave your pack outside when you return.”

You nod and she hands you your knife and thigh strap, taken from you when they locked you up the day before. “The only weapon we can spare too.”

“Thank you.”

You start to pull the strap of the knife to the outside of your suit and she nods. She passes you and Bellamy watches with a countdown on them, along with the radiation levels, before she then walks over to Clarke. As you pull the countdown on and secure it to your wrist, she explains to all three of you. “At these radiation levels, any amount of exposure is harmful. Keep the suit sealed at all times. You have 23 hours until the death wave hits. On a good day, it takes 10 hours to get to the island and 10 hours to get back. That doesn’t leave you much room for error.”

Clarke nods, “Mom, we know, okay? We’ll be careful.”

She motions for you to walk over to her, and you do, coming to stand beside your twin. She lifts a hand to each of your faces and whispers, “I love you, my stars and my moon. Don’t ever forget that.”

“This isn’t goodbye. Mom, I know what you saw in that vision, but we’re Nightbloods now.”

She seems unconvinced, but she doesn’t press any further, she just pulls each of you into a hug and whispers, “Take care of each other.”

You nod, and she turns to look at Bellamy. “Take care of my girls.”

“Yes, ma'am.”

Behind you, the door opens, and Murphy and Emori step inside, looking at your gathered group. “You got room for two more?”

Bellamy is clearly still angry at Murphy for not releasing the two of you when you were locked up because he snaps, “Murphy, what are you doing here?”

“We heard you were going after Raven, we just want to help.”

Emori adds, “I’ve been to that island dozens of times. No one knows the water better than me.”

You walk over to Bellamy, nodding at him, letting him know you should take her. You’re confident that between you and Clarke you can get back to Becca’s Island with no problems, but it doesn’t hurt to have Emori’s guidance as well. He sighs and then nods, relenting. 

“Maybe it’ll help our chances if we bring home the chosen ones.” 

Your mom looks at him, answering his quip with the reality of the situation. “There’s a lottery. I’ll make sure that your name is in it.”

“And Emori?”

“I’ll do the best I can.” Your mom hugs Clarke one last time, then hugs you, before she turns and leaves the room. You help get Murphy and Emori suited up, and once you’re all ready, you grab your pack and follow Bellamy out of the bunker, your small group in tow. Once on the surface, Clarke nods towards the tunnel entrance. “This way.”

Clarke takes the lead and Emori follows her first, Murphy right behind her. Bellamy grabs his arm as he tries to walk off and pulls him to a stop. “What are you really up to, Murphy?”

“You killed us when you opened that door. You know that, right? Did you think our people are gonna waste a spot on Emori, on me? We were safe, and you screwed us. You want to know what we’re up to? It’s called surviving. There’s a bunker on that island, you’re our ride. That’s it.”

You shake your head, “That bunker’s not stocked, Murphy. You won’t last 5 months, let alone 5 years in there.” 

“No, we probably won’t. At least we’ll survive the death wave.” He starts to step away, and then turns to look back at the two of you. “We can’t all be essential personnel, or have a sister who’s queen of the Grounders.”

He stalks off, following the rest of your group, and you and Belllamy exchange a look. You can see the guilt weighing on him, the deaths of all those that will be cast out weighing on his conscience. You reach out and squeeze his hand the best you can with the thick gloves, giving him a small smile. “We did the right thing, Bellamy. It might not feel like it, but we did.”

He nods, and then starts to follow the others. “C’mon. We don’t want to get left behind.”

-

When you reach the large truck that once held hydrazine intended for a space mission, Emori and Murphy jump into the back and get themselves comfortable. You, Bellamy, and Clarke sit in the front, with Bellamy behind the wheel, you in the middle, and Clarke in the passenger seat. The sky outside is more golden than usual, looking more like sunset than the middle of the day, and that’s what you focus on as Bellamy drives you towards the island. You try to keep your mind off the awkward tension in the vehicle, and the anger that you feel for Clarke, but eventually, it’s all you can think about. You turn towards her, deciding to take a page from Bellamy’s book, and question her motives. “Why did you come on this mission, Clarke?”

“Raven’s my friend.”

You snort, “Yesterday, you were fine leaving your friend out to die, Octavia and Kane too.”

Her jaw clenches and she turns towards you, glaring. “I wasn’t fine with it, and you know that. I never meant to hurt you.”

“Aiming a gun at me and the love of my life is a strange way of showing it.”

“I didn’t pull the trigger.”

You let out a short laugh, not quite sure what she’s trying to imply. “Is that supposed to make it okay?”

“Nothing is okay. Whatever choice I make, somebody always dies.”

You can hear the guilt in her voice, and you know that she means it. And though you’re still annoyed at her, you can’t help but offer comfort to your twin, your other half. “Well, not shooting us, that was the right choice.”

She turns to look at you, hearing the lighter tone in your voice, catching onto your dissipating anger. She smiles at you, and you feel Bellamy turn towards the two of you, watching the exchange, before you see movement out of the corner of your eye. You look back towards the windshield, out in front of the vehicle, and see a man jumping into your path, and you yell, “Look out!”

Bellamy turns the wheel and tries to avoid him, but the vehicle hits him anyways, before sliding along on the snowy road, out of control. Bellamy yells, “Hold on!”

He tries to hit the brakes to slow you down, and it helps a little to decrease your momentum before the vehicle crashes into a tree, lurching all of you forwards. All three of you are panting, nerves running high, and Bellamy turns to you, completely worried. “Are you okay?”

“Yes.”

He glances over your shoulder. “Clarke?”

“I’m okay.”

You look out the front, staring at the blood splattered on the hood and windshield, and you feel a wave of nausea. “He just jumped right out in front of us. It’s like he wanted to die.”

Bellamy squeezes your hand, and starts to reach for the door handle. “Stay here. I’m gonna check the damage.”

He gets the door open and as soon as he does, he is yanked out of the truck and pulled to the ground. “Bellamy!” 

You have a flash of a memory, stuck in a rover in Azgeda territory, looking for Clarke, and you can only hope this Grounder is alone. But a second later you confirm that he isn’t, because a second Grounder runs at Clarke’s door, and both of you scramble towards the open one, trying to get out and get away. You can hear Murphy yelling as your feet hit the snow, and you know this must be a small group attacking you for whatever reason. 

The man that pulled Bellamy out is pinning him down, and your boyfriend struggles against him, unable to fight as well in the clunky radiation suit. You run at him and knock him off Bellamy, both of you flying to the ground, and rolling away. You hear Clarke yell and then a thud, and you know someone’s got her. You turn and scramble to your feet and see that there are at least 6 Grounders surrounding you, fighting everyone in your group. They manage to pull Murphy and Emori from the back and they’re struggling nearby, but you don’t have time to help them because the man that you knocked off Bellamy is now running towards you. 

He swings a punch at you as he approaches and you dodge it before punching back, the impact softened by your gloves. He’s able to recover from the blow much faster than usual. The man grabs you and pushes you backwards into a tree, and you feel your feet lift off the ground as he tries to choke you. You panic, your feet flailing, and the man drops you when he’s suddenly knocked away by Bellamy. You don’t have time to thank him because two more men are now approaching the two of you and you yell out, “Bellamy!”

He turns just in time as one of the men reaches him, and you start to fight the other, your punches and kicks feeling clunkier than normal. The man you’re fighting manages to get you on the ground and starts to choke you, this one more successful than the other man’s attempts, and nearby you hear Emori scream, “They want our suits!”

You feel the air stutter in your throat, and panic sets in again, not wanting to die from radiation exposure or choking. You fumble around for a weapon, until you remember the knife strapped to the outside of your thigh, forgotten in the initial chaos of the fight. It’s harder to grab with your thick gloves, but you manage to get a good grip on it as you pull it out from your holster and plunge it into his neck. You pull the knife out just as fast, and the man falls to the side, holding his neck, and you scramble to your feet again. You see an arrow whiz past you, and you think it’s about to hit you, but instead it lands in someone behind you. You turn and see another Grounder, inches from you, now falling to the ground, dead. You run over to Bellamy, pulling the man he’s fighting away, before stabbing the Grounder twice in the chest, killing him. Bellamy doubles over, trying to catch his breath, and you turn around again, looking for others to kill. Instead, they are all dead, arrows sticking out of their backs, no longer a threat to you and your group. Clarke runs over to you and Bellamy, checking you over, and you mutter, “We’re okay.”

She nods and you shove your knife back in its holster as you all turn to look at your savior, watching in shock as they lower their bow and tug down the scarf covering their face. As soon as you see the Ice Nation spy, you feel a flare of anger, and you ask, “Echo, what are you doing here?”

“I know about your bunker on the island. I just saved your lives, I’m hoping you will return the favor.”

You turn to look at Bellamy, both of you shaking your head, not wanting to save her, but she’s right. She did just save all of your lives, whether you like it or not. Bellamy turns to look at the truck, wrecked beyond repair. “Unless we can get another ride, no one’s making it to that island.”

You all think for a minute, trying to figure out your plans, when an idea hits you. “Monty. We left the rover at Arkadia.”

Bellamy nods, “You’re right. I’ll try to radio him.”

He jumps into the truck and grabs his radio, and you turn to look at Echo again, now seeing the patches of red that are starting to appear on her cheeks. You move closer to her, reaching up to tip back her hood, and she backs away. You give her a scolding look. “If I was going to kill you, I would have done it already.”

She grows still and you reach up again, pushing her hood back to reveal more of her face, small patches of radiation exposure darkening her porcelain skin. You turn back to Clarke. “She’s already getting sick.”

“We have an extra suit in the back. I’ll go get it.”

When she returns with the suit, you and Clarke help her to get into it, securing it and making sure it’s put on correctly to keep her from getting any worse. You say as much as you help her pull the helmet on. “This suit will prevent you from getting worse. It’s the best we can do right now.”

She nods, fidgeting in it, and Clarke adds, “You’ll get used to it.”

Once she’s suited up, you nod at her, now realizing that you just helped to further save someone who has tried to kill you and the people you love multiple times. But maybe stuff like that doesn’t matter at the end of the world, especially when you’re now stuck in the woods, too far from both Polis and the Island to walk and make it to safety. 

You go over to the door of the truck and stand with Bellamy as he calls Monty on the walkie talkie, sending out a message for help every few minutes. He calls for hours, the sun slowly setting in the sky and leaving all of you in darkness, guided by nothing other than the lights in the helmets of your suits. Finally, just as you’re starting to give up hope, Monty’s voice comes through the radio. “Bellamy, come in. Do you read me?”

“Yes, Monty, I read you. Where are you?”

You all gather around in a small circle, listening in on the radio call as Monty answers, “Two clicks outside Polis. Almost there.”

You all sigh, knowing that anything you ask at this point will put Monty at risk too. Monty must sense that something is wrong because he comes back on the radio. “Everything okay?”

Bellamy looks at you, silently asking if you should endanger him too, and you think on it for a second. Six of you abandoned in the woods, Raven still stuck on the Island, nuclear death wave on its way in less than 24 hours. And maybe it’s wrong to endanger Monty to save you, but maybe there are no other choices to be made. You nod and he lifts the radio. “Not exactly. Look Monty, I hate to ask you this, but we broke down on the way to the island to get Raven. We need you to come reel us in.”

Monty’s reaction is delayed, leaving all of you sitting on pins and needles, anxious for his answer. “We’re on our way. Tell us exactly where you are.”

Bellamy lifts the radio to answer, but pauses when Emori starts violently coughing, forcing all of you to look her way. When you do, you catch the tinge of red inside her helmet, and you run over to her just as Murphy rushes to her side. You look her over, eyes falling on a red patch on her cheek, similar to the ones covering Echo’s face, and you look over at Clarke, who is walking your way. “She’s been exposed.”

Murphy starts to panic, looking between you and his girlfriend. “How’s that possible? She’s wearing a suit!”

You check her over, trying to find a point of exposure, your heart dropping when you see a tear in the fabric near her helmet. “The seal of her helmet’s torn.”

Emori turns to look at you in a panic. “Can you fix it?”

You turn to your twin, “Clarke, go get my pack! Mom might have included something to help.”

She nods and turns to the back of the truck, grabbing your pack and digging through it frantically as she walks back towards you. “There’s nothing here! Just a first aid kit, but no tape or anything to help!”

“Shit.”

Murphy snaps, “We give her the extra suit, then.”

“We don’t have another suit.” 

“Yes, we do!” Murphy yells the words at Bellamy, not happy with his answer, before he turns his sights on Echo. “Take it off now.”

She glares at him, “I saved your life.”

“What were you gonna do if we didn’t get attacked, huh? I mean, you guys seriously think she was following us out of the kindness of her own heart? No. She was gonna attack us the second that we stopped.” He dives at Echo, ready to attack and tear the suit off her the same way the Grounders tried to do to all of you. “Give me the suit!”

Bellamy jumps in between them, defending Echo, and Clarke yells, “You cut that suit, and it saves no one.”

He turns to look at Clarke, then at Emori, who is starting to look worse with every passing second. “I’m not letting her die.”

You think of Murphy’s panic over Emori’s near death experience in the lab, the fear that he would lose the only family he has left. Your promise to him then was that you wouldn’t let them kill her, and you kept that promise by injecting yourself with Nightblood instead. You make the decision before you even realize there’s a decision to be made, and you tug off your helmet, telling him, “Neither am I.”

Bellamy runs towards you, now looking just as panicked as Murphy did, trying to push the helmet back onto your head. “What are you doing? Put your helmet on!”

“I’m making the tough decisions, Bell. I have Nightblood.”

“Untested Nightblood!” He pushes your helmet back towards you, completely uncaring that this could save Emori, unwilling to risk your life to do it.

“We’re testing it now.” 

He gives you an exasperated look and turns to Clarke, looking to her for support. She starts to say something, but you shake your head. “It’s the right thing to do.”

Her mouth snaps shut, and Bellamy sighs, watching you closely. You turn to Murphy. “Take off her helmet.”

Murphy pulls off Emori’s helmet and switches it with yours as fast as he can, securing it on her head, keeping her safe again. They both turn to look at you, thankful, and you nod at them. The cool night air feels good on your face, cooling you down from the humidity inside your helmet, and though it’s possibly killing you slowly, you’re not sure how much you care. Bellamy is still staring at you in shock, unsure what to say, when Monty calls over the radio again. “Bellamy, you there? Come in.”

“Yeah, we’re here. Head northeast from Polis, and, Monty,” He looks your way, watching your body pull in the poisonous air, worry etching deeper into the lines of his face. “Drive fast.”

As soon as Bellamy puts the radio down he ushers you over to the truck, muttering something about getting you inside and away from the radiation filled air the best he can. You don’t bother to argue, knowing it won’t help. You just allow him to usher you inside the vehicle and guide you into the driver’s seat. There you sit, for hours, waiting for Monty’s arrival, the timer on your wrists counting down minute by minute, hour by hour, until eventually, there’s not enough time to make it to the Island and back. Clarke walks over to where you and Bellamy are when that happens, lifting her wrist, showing off the less than 12 hours that remain. “We have to talk about it.”

Bellamy looks back at you, and then over to her. “We missed the window, continue on to the island, we won’t make it back.”

You nod towards Murphy and Emori, sitting together in the snow. “What about them? Do we just save ourselves? Because if we go back to Polis, there likely isn’t a spot for them in that bunker.”

Clarke turns to look at you, watching you carefully, looking for any signs of radiation poisoning. Bellamy does the same, his worry still present, and Clarke glances over at him. “If Nightblood works, we need to get her to Polis. Them, too. We pull in as many people as we can before the death wave hits. If our mom can make us all Nightbloods, we only need to stay down there until it passes. We can still save everyone.”

You deadpan, “Just not Raven.”

The conversation ends when the rover pulls up, finally arriving to take you to your next destination. Monty and Harper jump out, and you wait to see Jasper, hoping that he changed his mind too. But he never appears, and you don’t get the chance to contemplate what that means, because Monty makes a beeline for you, Bellamy, and Clarke. “We got here as fast as we could.”

It takes a second for him to register the lack of helmet on your head, but as soon as he does, he’s reaching out for you, trying to pull you to the rover. “You’re exposed. Come on, let’s get you into the rover.”

You wave him off, “No, Monty. I’m fine.”

Harper turns back towards the rover and yells, “I’ll grab the extra helmet.”

You watch her leave, and Murphy suddenly walks past, half carrying, half guiding Emori to the back of the rover. “Guys, come on. Planet ain’t getting any less irradiated.”

Echo starts to stumble past, following the couple, and Bellamy reaches out for her, catching her as she nearly falls. You feel a tinge of jealousy as she wraps her arm around him, but the moment is interrupted by Harper running back towards you. “The helmets don’t match, I brought the whole suit.”

Monty takes the case from her hands, and nods over to Echo. “I got this, help the others into the Rover.”

You’re thankful for him breaking apart Echo and Bellamy, as irrational as it is, and you open your mouth to say something to him, surprised when a cough pulls to the surface instead. You cough hard, eyes widening in alarm when you feel liquid move up your throat, and you cough and spit into the snow, looking at the black liquid staining the bright landscape. You look up at Bellamy in alarm, and you see him panic a little, reaching out towards you. Clarke appears on your other side, grabbing your hand in comfort, and Monty holds the suit out towards you. “You need to put on the suit. It was for Jasper, at least now it’ll do some good. Jasper would want you to. If we’re still gonna make it to the island, we better-”

Bellamy cuts him off, “We’re not going to the island.”

You turn to look at him, already making the decision in your head. “Yes, we are.”

He turns to look at you, surprised, ready to argue. “Natshana…”

“Nightblood doesn’t work.”

His worry deepens, and he looks at you like he’s ready to convince you, and himself, of something. “We don’t know that yet. Luna got sick before she got better.”

You shake your head, “Even if you’re right, they won’t let us all into the bunker if I’m still sick. It took days for Luna’s resistance to kick in, and by that time, the death wave will already be here, and all our friends will be dead. Are you okay with that?”

His expression softens, “You know I’m not. But, unless I am missing something, there is no other way for all of us to survive.”

Clarke, always one step ahead of the rest of you, asks, “What if there is?”

You all turn to look at her, not understanding. “What are you talking about?”

“Space.”

As soon as she says it, you’re all in agreement, and you take off towards the rover, jumping inside, the time crunch ever present. You explain the plan to the others along the way, and they seem more than okay with it, given the unlikely fact any of them would be allowed in the bunker. 

It doesn’t take long before you reach the boat, and ride it over to the island, struggling slightly from the clunky suits. As promised, Emori leads all of you through the woods, in the dark, straight to the lab without any problems, any hesitations, any missteps. You all file inside, one by one, stopping on the platform at the top of the stairs, looking down at a solitary figure in the middle of the lab. Her back is to you, staring at the Praimfaya countdown on the large screens in front of her. When she hears movement behind her, she turns around, looking up at all of you in shock. 

You all pull your helmets off in unison, looking down at Raven, as she shakes her head and starts to question, “What are you doing here?”

You smile at her, “We’re not leaving you behind.”

Bellamy leads the way down the stairs, with you right behind him, followed by Clarke, then the others. When he reaches the bottom, he hugs her, but she barely hugs him back, still in shock. He steps away, and you hug her next, stepping back as she asks, “But there’s no time to get back.”

You smirk at her, “We’re not going back.” 

She looks at you, still confused, and Clarke finishes for you. “We’re going up.”

Her confusion turns to shock, and Murphy jokes, “Oh, don’t look so surprised. It was all your crazy idea to begin with.” 

“Space?” The rest of your group makes it down the stairs, spreading out slightly as she looks between all of you. “Uh, we don’t have enough fuel to get down.”

Harper shrugs, “Sounds like a 5 year problem to me.” 

“You’re talking about the ring.”

Bellamy glances over at the rocket, before turning back to your genius friend. “Seems like a shame to let a good rocket go to waste.”

“How do we live?”

Clarke, already prepared for the question, launches into the same speech she gave the rest of you in the rover. “They left a water reclamator there, and we know that Go-Sci has an algae farm. We just get those two things up and running, and we have food and water.”

“Algae salads and recycled urine, Sign me up.”

Emori flashes a look at her boyfriend. “Better than dying.”

“Yeah, you say that now.” 

“All right, slow down.” Raven waves her hand at them, stopping their banter. “Breathing’s important, too. What’s the plan for oxygen?”

Monty takes over for this one. “Based on what Murphy says about the lighthouse bunker, I’m guessing, make that praying, there’s an oxygenator there. We take it with us, you hook it up. Bob’s your uncle.”

Raven stares at him, brain still running through the plan, poking holes in it. “You’re an engineer, Monty. You do know there’s about a thousand things that could go wrong with that plan, right?”

“Yes, and every one of them kills us. Of course, staying here will kill us, too, so…”

He trails off, not sure what else to say to convince her to join you. Because you all know that without Raven, you’ll never get the rocket off the ground, let alone survive in space. Bellamy turns to her, almost pleading. “Raven, we need you to get us off the ground before the death wave hits. What do you say? Can you do it?” 

“What do I say?” She turns to look at the countdown for Praimfaya again, and then over to the rocket. You all wait with bated breath, unsure of her response, until she turns around with a smirk. “I say that the death wave can kiss my ass.”

Clarke smiles and then announces, “Good, it’s settled, then. We’re going back to the Ark.”

Words you’d never thought you’d hear in your lifetime, but words you’re thankful for, regardless. Maybe this time, things will be better. Maybe this time, everything will work out.

-


	58. lviii. praimfaya (4.13)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: angst, mentions of radiation sickness/poisoning, injuries, stitching up wounds.
> 
> Summary: the end is near, praimfaya approaches. a last minute plan to go to space leaves your small group scrambling to get ready in time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT’S HERE THE FINALE IS HERE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK BC IT HELPS ME A LOT TO DETERMINE IF THERE IS INTEREST IN SUB ROSA CONTINUING!!! OKAY I LOVE YOU LITTLE MOONS!!!

_March 21st, 2150; Becca’s Lab; less than 2 hours until Praimfaya_

The planning that goes into sending 9 people into space is a lot more intense than you expected. You spend the next couple of hours trying to figure everything out, get the rocket modified, and informing those in the bunker of your plans. Right now, you are in the office with Bellamy, sitting near the radio, talking to Octavia. He just told her everything, down to the smallest of your plans, letting her know exactly what challenges you’re facing, and she seems surprised that you’re even doing this. “Five years. Can you really survive up there?”

“Raven says we can. As soon as it’s safe, we’ll find a way back down. We will meet again.”

“I’ll be waiting…” She pauses, giving the moment a dramatic effect before finishing, “Under the floor.”

“You’re not that little girl anymore.” He sits back, waiting for her response, met with nothing but silence. He glances at you and then over to the radio, his brotherly instincts kicking in. “What is it, O?”

“I’m not sure I’m up for this, Bell. They look at me like I know what I’m doing, just because I won a fight.”

“They look at you like that because you saved them, but it won’t last. Now you have to lead.”

“How? I’m not a leader. It should be you or one of the twins or-”

He cuts her off, nipping the insecurity in the bud. “O, stop. None of us could’ve done what you did, and it wasn’t just winning a fight. You gave people hope when there was none. You’re Prometheus, stealing fire from the gods and giving it back to the human race.”

You smile at your history nerd, proud of his metaphor, and Octavia jokes, “Prometheus got chained to a rock so that eagles could eat his liver.”

“Thanks for ruining my metaphor, O.”

You and Bellamy laugh, and you can hear Octavia laughing on the other end before she gets serious again. “I love you, big brother. Guess it takes the end of the world for me to say it.”

He drops his head, and you can see him fighting back tears, after weeks of desperately wanting to hear the words from his little sister. “I love you, too.”

He lets go of the button, and a static that wasn’t there before comes through, growing louder and quieter every few seconds. Bellamy looks at the radio in confusion, and then fear, as he questions, “O? Hey, O, are you there?”

When she doesn’t answer, he fiddles with the dials, and you stand from your chair nearby and come to settle beside him on the couch, placing your hand on his thigh as he repeats, “Are you there, O?”

When nothing comes through, he drops his head again, the tears threatening to fall, before he pushes them away and whispers, “May we meet again.”

You echo, “May we meet again.”

The door to the office opens and Clarke steps inside, looking happy, blissfully unaware that the radio cut out before you could talk to your mom. She smiles at you, “Hey, do they have her?”

“The radio’s dead, we won’t get to say goodbye to mom.”

Her face falls at your words and you stand and walk over to her, pulling her into a hug as she starts to cry. You comfort her, feeling your own wash of sadness, and you feel Bellamy place his hand on your shoulder, allowing you to draw strength from him. The moment doesn’t last for long though, because Murphy yells from down in the lab, “Twins of Terror, Bellamy, get down here!”

You all run out of the office and down the stairs into the lab, stopping beside the others to watch the giant screens in front of you. One of Becca’s drones is situated outside of Polis, filming the tower, and in the background you can see Praimfaya approaching, the large, fiery death wave barreling towards the tower. You reach out and grab Bellamy’s and Clarke’s hands, all three of you connected as you watch the death wave cover the tower, before it knocks out the drone itself, ending the signal. 

Your stomach drops as the transmission ends, aware that now, all 9 of you are well and truly alone, with no help or assistance coming from your friends and family. Raven stares at the blank screen, her voice a horrified whisper. “It’s 210 miles from Polis to the island. According to what was our last drone, the wave is accelerating.”

This new challenge hits her, making her think, and she starts to whisper a list of things that need to be done for this mission to be successful. “If we’re not off the ground at least 20 minutes before it hits, the electromagnetic charge in the pyroclastic cloud will shut down the rocket’s avionics, meaning it won’t fly. That gives us 90 minutes to run a 6 hour preflight check, retrieve the oxygen generator from the lighthouse, turn a cockpit designed for two into one that can carry 9, and load the cargo hold with enough food to keep us from starving in space while we wait for algae to bloom.”

Murphy quips, “I thought you said it was gonna be hard.”

“That’s not the hard part. Becca designed her rocket to dock with Polaris, not the Ark. That means I have to pilot it into the hangar bay on the ring.”

Harper looks towards Raven, shaking her head in confusion. “What’s so hard about that?”

“That’s not the hard part, either.”

Clarke starts to grow exasperated and she looks over at Raven. “What is the hard part, Raven?”

“Assuming we blast off in time, CO2 scrubbers on a two person rocket won’t support 9 of us.”

You shrug, “So, we use supplemental oxygen.”

Monty informs you, and the group, what makes that a challenge. “Our tanks only hold an hour of air.”

“Correct. We’ll have one hour to get into orbit, land in the hangar bay, and fire up the life support system using an oxygen generator built to supply a lighthouse bachelor pad.”

Murphy looks over at Raven and deadpans, “You suck at talking people into things. You know that, right?”

“Anyone here still need to be talked into this?” Bellamy looks around at everyone, waiting for each of you to shake your head no before he looks at Raven. “Good. Now we know the many ways we might die today, why don’t you tell us what we have to do to live?”

Raven turns to the monitor and pulls up a 90 minute timer for all of you to keep an eye on, before she starts to hand out assignments. “Monty and Murphy, I need the two of you to go to the lighthouse bunker and get the oxygen generator.”

She hands them the tools they’ll need and the two boys nod and quickly begin their journey. Raven turns to Harper, Emori, and Echo. “I need you three to help me get the rocket ready, run the preflight check, and pack up the food.”

They nod, awaiting further instruction, before she turns and looks over at you, Bellamy, and Clarke. “I need you to go over the plans again, thoroughly, and make sure all the calculations are correct. Otherwise, this is all for nothing. Everything is up top on the next level of the lab.”

She points you to where you need to go, and all three of you immediately head there and start to comb over the plans, schematics, and data laid out before you, ensuring everything seems correct. You’ve run through it at least three times before Bellamy gets distracted, and walks away from the table, looking out over the lab, over to where the others are preparing the rocket. You look over at him, watching him, as Clarke begins again. “So, let’s go over this again. I figure two months until the algae farm produces enough food to feed us. If we ration the MREs, we should get there.”

She looks over at you and Bellamy, realizing you’re not listening, and she sighs. “I’m going to take a break. Be back in a few.”

You nod and watch as she heads towards the stairs into the main part of the lab, and you walk over to where Bellamy is standing at the railing, nervously tapping his fingers. When he sees you approach, he smiles, and shakes his head in disbelief. “Grounders in space, it’s an oxymoron.”

“It was the only choice.” You smile and shrug, “Only choice, also an oxymoron, by the way.”

He turns towards you, eyes anxiously scanning over you, the way he seems to do every hour since you coughed up blood in the snow. He runs his hand over the top of your head, to the sweat gathered there, and pulls a face. “So is cold sweat. I’m still holding out hope for that Nightblood solution.”

“Seems like there was never any solution. I guess Alie was right about that.”

“Hey, Our fight isn’t over, not yet.”

You shrug again, thinking of your mom’s vision that she seems so convinced of. Clarke seems to feel the same way, because every mention of it leaves her worried. “My mom had a vision of me and Clarke dying, apparently just like the one Raven had that told her there was a rocket here.” 

“It is not the same thing.”

“Maybe not. But they were both EMP’d.”

“Abby will be fine, Raven told her how to stop it.”

You shake your head, Bellamy still not understanding. Maybe you’ve evaded Death too many times before and this really is it. If it is, not many people get the chance to say goodbye to the love of their life, and you’re starting to feel like you should take this rare opportunity and remind him how you feel. “That’s not what I’m talking about. If anything happens to me-”

He immediately cuts you off, not wanting to hear this conversation. “Nothing is happening to you.”

He tries to walk away, deflecting, distracting, motioning towards the charts on the table. “Come on, let’s run these water numbers again.”

You reach out and grab his hand, your voice and expression pleading. “Please, Bellamy, I need you to hear this.”

You wait and he nods, letting you know he’ll give you this one goodbye. You take a deep breath and begin, “You and I have been through a lot together. The moment I met you in the halls of the Ark, I thought you were an asshole. That didn’t change once we got to the ground, but somehow, someway, I found myself hating you less and less with each passing day. I never would have thought that the guy that threatened me my first day on the ground would turn out to be the love of my life, but I’m so glad you are. I’m so thankful for every second that I’ve gotten to spend with you. I have loved seeing you grow from a selfish asshole into a caring leader, always willing to do anything to save his people. I trust you, I trust your heart, I trust your decisions. The only thing I ask, is that you watch your emotions, check on how you feel. Sometimes your heart rules you, my stormy love, and you make rash decisions based on how you feel. Step back, evaluate everything, and do what’s best for everyone. That’s how we’ll survive, that’s how we’ll deserve to survive.”

Tears well up in his eyes as you talk to him, eventually spilling down his cheeks as you say what might be your last goodbye. He pulls you towards him, into a kiss, pushing his feelings into it. You feel his wet tears graze your cheeks as he reminds you of his love for you, making sure you never forget that you have his heart and that he’s better for it. When he pulls away, you realize that you’re now crying too, suddenly faced with the idea that you don’t want to die, you don’t want to be without him. But sometimes, these things lie in the lap of the gods, and you can’t control it. If Death is coming for the Bringer of Death, then so be it. 

Unfortunately, a soft moment can never stay a soft moment on the ground, because chaos always strikes at some point. This moment is no exception, as a giant zapping sound comes from inside the rocket, followed by Raven’s loud cry of anger. You and Bellamy turn to look at the rocket in alarm before you run down the stairs, meeting up with Clarke at the bottom before you run over to the rocket and peek inside, looking down at Raven who is waving smoke away from her head. “Raven, what is it?”

“Oh, there isn’t enough time. We’re pushing too hard.”

Bellamy shakes his head, giving her a concerned look. “What’s happening?”

She ignores him and calls out, “Computer, systems check.”

“Launch system…optimal. Navigation system…optimal. Life support system…assessing damage.”

Raven waves off the worry she sees crossing your faces. “It’s okay, we’re using supplemental, anyway.”

“All life support systems are offline.”

She nods, holding a finger up at the three of you. “Just wait, two more.”

“Landing system…optimal. Communication system…assessing damage.” She drops her head, looking slightly worried as she awaits the verdict. “All communication systems are offline.”

“Recommend repair options for communication system.”

Harper looks her way, not understanding your pilot’s worry. “Who cares? There’s no one to talk to, anyway.”

“Quiet.”

“Damage is beyond repair. Total system replacement required.”

Raven sits frozen in place, staring off into the distance, and Bellamy looks at her, concerned. “Talk to us, Raven.”

“We’re not going anywhere.” She looks over at the fried panel, before she storms out of the rocket, yelling at the computer as she leaves, “Computer, terminate launch sequence.”

You, Bellamy, and Clarke exchange a worried look before you all hurry after her, and Harper, Emori, and Echo join you as you come to a stop around Raven. She’s staring down at a tablet in her hand, and you try to get her attention. “Raven, explain.”

“It’s simple, there’s no power in the ring. Two minutes ago, I thought it wasn’t a problem because I could activate it remotely.”

Clarke nods her head, starting to understand. “Over the rocket’s comms system.”

Bellamy shrugs, and tries to offer a solution, “So we turn the power on from the inside. “

“We can’t get inside, that’s the point. Without power, we can’t even open the hangar door.”

Clarke steps closer to her, trying to diffuse the situation. “Raven, think. You’ve solved bigger problems than this before.”

“Oh, yeah, not in 53 minutes.”

“Raven-”

She cuts her off, plopping down onto the stairs to the rocket with defeat. “It’s over, Clarke! You know, maybe if I still had Alie’s code eating away at my brain, I could figure it out. I’m not smart enough myself.”

Clarke turns around, looking lost at what to say, and you all turn to Bellamy, knowing he’s the best at pep talks. He accepts the role and sits down beside Raven, his voice soft. “Raven, you can do this. How many times have you saved our asses before you ever even heard of Alie?”

“Too many to count.”

“You’re damn right. We don’t need Alie on the Ark, we need you.” Something about his words stop her falling tears, and she stares at him, clearly working through something in her head. “What?”

She jumps up very suddenly, pacing around your small group. “Alie was on the Ark, Alie was on the Ark! I was right there, so close to the kill switch, but she got away by transmitting herself to the ring.”

Emori nods, remembering. “Using the pod in the temple.”

“Yes! If she can do it, so can we.”

You look at her, not sure how she expects to get to the pod in the temple. “Raven, we’ll never make it back to Polis on time, and the radios are dead.”

“We have something better than radios: the satellite tower.” She turns and points to Echo, Emori, and Harper. “You three, back in the cockpit, finish those restraints.”

They immediately follow her directions and climb back into the rocket, and she turns to you, Clarke, and Bellamy. “You three, helmets on. You’re with me.”

She starts to walk away, but she remembers there’s one last thing to do first. “Computer, resume launch sequence!”

“Resuming launch sequence.”

She grabs her helmet and the three of you grab yours, following her out of the lab and to the surface, her tablet still in hand, and she stops outside in the snow, pointing to the tower in the distance. “The tower’s less than a mile away. All you have to do is plug this into the junction box at the base of the tower. Sat-Star-One is the name of the dish.”

She hands the tablet to Clarke, and you repeat back, “Sat-Star-One.”

“Everything is set. Once the tablet is connected, the dish will align itself with the Ark. The graphic will flash green, and that’s how you know it’s locked on. When it says ‘send’, you hit send, and the power up signal will turn on the lights, and that’s it. Are there any questions?”

She finishes her instruction with a smile, leaving the three of you a little unsettled given the gravity of the situation. “Yeah, why are you smiling?”

“Because without comms, even with the power on, we still can’t open the hangar bay door from inside the rocket.”

Bellamy shakes his head, his helmet shifting slightly from the movement. “Wait. How is that a good thing?”

Clarke connects the dots first. “She gets to take her space walk.”

Movement behind Raven pulls all of your eyes in that direction, watching as an orange suited figure climbs over the snow and runs towards you, struggling with a large machine part in their hands. You all run towards them, recognizing Murphy, who puts the machine down at your feet as you look around for the other man he was with. “Murphy, where’s Monty?”

Murphy glances up at Bellamy, struggling to catch his breath. “He’s in trouble, he had to expose his hands. He passed out. If we go back now, we can get to him.”

Bellamy looks over at you, expression worried and Murphy quips, “You can be impressed with me later, we gotta go.”

Raven picks up on the indecision in the group, turning to tell Bellamy, “Aligning the dish is a two person job at best, the twins can handle it. Harper will help me with the generator. Go!”

They start to run off, the ticking countdown making all of you too anxious and too eager. You call out to Bellamy before he gets too far, “Bellamy-”

He spins around, practically buzzing with nervous energy. “If this is one of those moments where you tell me to stop and think-”

You cut him off, “No, I was just gonna say, hurry. And that I love you.”

The words never fail to soften him, and ease some of his anxiety. “I love you more than the stars. See you in a few.”

You nod and he turns and runs into the woods, following Murphy, and you watch them until they’re out of sight as Raven hands Clarke a pack. “Monty’s pack, everything’s inside. It’s gonna take you a good 10 minutes to get back from the tower and down to the cockpit. You have to leave that tower with 10 minutes on the clock or you’ll both be left behind.”

Clarke tries to hide the anxiety in her voice, but fails as she checks her timer and sees 25 minutes on the countdown. “Ten minutes, we got this.”

You give Raven one last look, “Any last advice?”

“Yeah, run fast.”

And that’s all she has to say to push you and Clarke into gear. The two of you take off running towards the tower, ignoring the struggle of running in the snow in clunky suits. You can feel your earlier radiation poisoning wanting to slow you down, but you ignore it, determined to make it there and back in time. Your path takes you to the top of a small hill, the tower just at the bottom of it, and you lift your timer to check the time. “Eleven minutes.”

You and Clarke exchange a worried look before you scramble down the small hill to the panel of the tower, and you pull it open while Clarke grabs the tablet from the pack. You scan the names, looking for the right one, excited when you see it. “Sat-Star-One!”

You point to the right outlet and she plugs the cord in, both of you looking towards the tablet with excitement. But your excitement turns to frustration when the computer beeps, “Dish not aligned. Dish not aligned.”

“What did we do wrong?!”

“I don’t know, radio for help!”

Clarke grabs the radio from the pack and frantically calls out, “Raven, please say that you can hear me. Something went wrong. We did everything you said, but it wouldn’t-” Something on the door of the panel catches her eye and she reads outloud, “Manual operation? You’ve got to be kidding me.”

You both look up the tower, to the very top, where the dish is situated, before you exchange a look, knowing what you have to do. When you check the time on your countdown, it’s ten minutes on the dot. If both of you want to survive, you have to leave now. But if you leave now, you’ll all die in space, unable to get in the Ark. Clarke pushes the radio into your hand and starts to unplug the tablet, “Get back to the rocket, I’ll meet you there.”

“No, I’m not leaving you!”

“If you don’t, you’ll die!”

You grab her hand, holding her in place. “Mom’s vision had both of us dying. If this is it, then this is it. No avoiding it now. Stronger together.”

“Stronger together.” She repeats it back to you, accepting this, before she moves over to the ladder and starts to climb. Before you follow her, you lift the radio. “Bellamy…if you can hear me, don’t wait. I love you, so so much.”

You run over to the ladder and start to climb up behind your twin, watching as you climb higher and higher. Each rung that brings you higher into the sky brings you a better glimpse of the approaching death wave, growing more terrifying the higher you get. Each time your arms move to pull you higher, you get a glimpse of the countdown, and when you’re halfway up, you whisper, _“Oso gonplei ste odon.”_

 _Our fight is over._ Finally, the two of you reach the top, just as the timer on your wrist starts to beep, signaling that you’re out of time. Less than a minute later, you hear a sound tearing through the air, followed closely by the rocket, launching into the sky. You and Clarke both watch it, left behind, and you feel emotion start to grab you and choke you. Clarke reaches out and squeezes your hand, reminding you, “They’re not safe yet. Not until we get the power on.”

You nod and turn towards the control panel, watching as Clarke plugs in the tablet again, the computer repeating, “Dish not aligned. Dish not aligned.”

Clarke smacks the side of the panel, growing frustrated, “Come on, turn!”

She looks up at the dish, and you catch onto her line of thinking, already reaching towards the ladder that will take you up to the satellite. “Tell me where to go, Clarke!”

You climb up to the dish and start to pull it towards you, the satellite pointing into the sky. You hear it make a clicking sound, and you look down at Clarke, who calls out, “Good, now push it forward!”

You do as she says, pushing the satellite forward, pointing it towards the ground, until you hear another click. You look down for more direction, and she yells, “Pull it back again!”

You pull it back again, using all of your strength to get it as far back as possible, until you hear the third and final click. When you look down at Clarke, she screams, “Yes! Dish aligned!”

You lower yourself back down to her, just as she hits the send button. The two of you watch the green bar load, the message taking an agonizingly long time to send, until finally it goes through, a small little message popping up in the corner. “Sent!”

Both of you hug the best you can given the suits still on your body, pulling away when you realize the growing roar of something fast approaching. You look out towards the sky again, the death wave now horrifyingly close, and the two of you exchange a terrified look before Clarke yells, “Go, go, go!”

The two of you scramble down the ladder faster than you thought was humanly possible, running and stumbling through the snow, trying to escape Praimfaya, which seems to stay right at your backs. As you near the lab, the death wave roaring right behind you, Clarke stumbles and falls, the distinct sound of breaking glass heard as she hits the ground. You reach out for her and grab her, and at the same time she tries to jump to her feet, causing the two of you to collide in an awkward way, the broken glass of her helmet tearing into the left suit of your arm. You let out a cry of pain, the glass cutting into your skin, before both of you clamp a hand over your exposed areas and take off running again, nearly at the door to the lab. 

The death wave seems to overtake you both as you reach the door, and Clarke pulls it open, stumbling inside. You run in after her, pulling the door closed, both of you slipping and sliding inside on wet, snowy shoes. Clarke stumbles to the table you were running numbers at less than two hours earlier, and she tugs off her helmet, instantly coughing up blood. Her face is covered in lesions, red and angry, and she stumbles once, before falling to the ground, unconscious. You run over to her and try to lift her, but the movement tugs on your arm, forcing you to cry out in pain. You check and make sure Clarke’s still breathing before you do anything else, and once you’re sure she’s still alive, you pull yourself from your suit, screaming as the suit takes some of your skin with it. 

The cut on your arm definitely needs stitches, black blood dripping from the wound and running over the lesions on your arm, and you fumble around for a first aid kit, already feeling weak and sick. You sob with pain the entire time you stitch up your arm, doing the best you can as the stitches tug and pull on the fragile skin. Finally, once the wound is closed, the last bit of your energy spent, you lay back on the ground beside Clarke, lightheaded from radiation, blood loss, and pain. And as unconsciousness creeps up on you slowly, reaching out to drag you under, you look up at the ceiling, imagining the sky above, the Ark floating across it. Just as the darkness starts to take you, you whisper, “In this lifetime, and in the next.”

Somewhere in the sky, swimming amongst the stars, Bellamy Blake stands in the viewing window of the Ark, staring down at the Earth below, covered in a toxic death wave. Tears fall down his face, thinking of the love of his life, swallowed whole by radiation, and he chokes out, “Forever.”

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay come yell at me in the comments, what do you think??!


	59. lix. eden (5.01)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: mentions of blood, vomit, injuries, anxiety, mentions of lesions/radiation, angst, language, allusions to suicide/suicidal thoughts, violence, injury, fighting, death.
> 
> Summary: Praimfaya has passed, leaving you and Clarke separated from everyone you love. Six years pass, and in that time, your life changes in ways you never expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIRST OF ALL, THANK YOU FOR ALL OF THE LOVE ON THE S4 FINALE (AND IN GENERAL!!!) I LOVE ALL OF YOU MORE THAN THE STARS! SECOND OF ALL, YOU ALL VOTED FOR TWO UPDATES THIS WEEK DESPITE THE LENGTH OF THIS ONE! SO ASSUMING ALL IS WELL AFTER THIS HURRICANE, YOU SHOULD STILL HAVE A FRIDAY UPDATE! THAT IS ASSUMING I HAVE POWER AND WIFI OF COURSE! OKAY THAT IS ALL HAPPY SEASON FIIIIIVEEEE!!!!

_12 hours after Praimfaya_

You jump awake with a gasp. 

You don’t know why, but panic is pulsing through you, making your heart pound and your breath come out in quick gasps. You look around, trying to figure out what’s going on, eyes raking over the scene in front of you. Nightblood is spread out on the floor around you, a throbbing pain in your left arm. You turn to look at the source of the pain, confused, until your eyes land on the sloppily stitched wound and see the lesions all along your skin. 

You turn your head and vomit. 

Slowly, the pieces fall together, and you remember everything. _Raven, stuck on the island, taking off your helmet to save Emori, deciding to go to space. You and Clarke running to the tower to turn on the lights on the Ark, the rocket launching without you, Bellamy leaving you behind. Praimfaya quickly approaching, nearly swallowing you and Clarke whole. Clarke falling and smashing her helmet, cutting open your arm, Clarke coughing up blood._ The flood of memories increases your panic, and you turn your head, looking for Clarke, her body still in the same exact place you left her in. 

You crawl over to her and check her breathing and heartbeat, relieved that she’s still alive, but that relief doesn’t last for long. Although you and Clarke were both exposed to the radiation in the air outside, Clarke’s exposure is clearly much worse. Every inch of her exposed skin is covered in spots and lesions, looking painfully cracked and irritated. Though you have no idea how to care for her, you know that you have to. You pull off your radiation suit, and toss it to the side, before you clumsily get Clarke out of hers the best you can. Once you’re both free, you look around, trying to find a place to put her. Luckily, the two of you never made it down the stairs of the lab before you passed out, meaning you’re on the same level as the office. 

You hook your arms under hers and drag her to the room and onto one of the couches. You make sure to turn her on her side in case she pukes or coughs up blood, and you put a trash can nearby in case she needs it. Then you head out into the lab in search of anything you can find to help you. You scour Becca’s computer and files for any tips on how to help Clarke, and after an hour or two, you manage to find a few resources to help you. None of them take into account Nightblood, and you know that your mom didn’t do much to help Luna, but at the very least, you have a few tips to help your twin, especially if things get worse. 

Knowing now that the best thing for her is rest, you leave her be and clean up the mess the two of you made in the lab. The act of scrubbing Nightblood off the floors and table keeps your mind off the reality of the situation, a fact that you’re grateful for. But as soon as you’re done, your memories come rushing back, and you start to panic again, until a single thought comes rushing back to you. 

The radio.

You run back up the stairs and into the office, before heading straight to the radio and turning it on. Kane usually kept the channels and frequencies that you used the same as the ones used on the Ark, so you start scanning each one, experimentally calling out, “Bellamy, it’s me, can you hear me?”

You do this for an hour, unsuccessfully scanning each channel and searching for a response. You repeat the same process as you attempt to talk to the bunker, but you’re met with no response from them either. Right now, you and Clarke are well and truly alone. Wanlida and Wanheda, Azazel and Azrael, shining star and la lune, you and Clarke, the Griffin Twins. 

Left behind by your friends, your family, the people you love. 

No one left but each other.

Survival begins.

-

_24 hours after Praimfaya_

You wake from your nap with a start, your subconscious still on edge about Clarke and her condition.

You get up from the couch you’re sprawled out on and walk over to check on Clarke, watching the steady rise and fall of her chest, letting you know she’s still okay. You consider trying to fall asleep again, but it only takes a second for you to remember the anxiety pulsing through you, and you know sleep will only evade you now. Instead, you wander back into the lab, looking for something to do, your feet taking you past the doors that used to hide the rocket. You stare at the closed doors, thinking of the rocket, which now floats in space, without you, and something compels you to push the button and open the doors. 

They slide open, revealing a large empty space, the hole left behind as empty as the hole in your heart, and you start to turn and walk out of the space when something catches your eye in the corner of the room.

A pack. 

Your pack.

You run over to it and grab it, relieved that something of yours has been left behind. You unzip the main part and look inside, seeing that the pictures you had are gone, left in the bunker with your mother. Your clothes are gone too, along with your fancy soap, but your pack, the bag that has gone nearly everywhere with you in the last few months, is here with you, and for now, that’s enough. 

You turn the pack upside down and dump the contents of the bag on the floor, cataloging everything you have with you, in case anything might be helpful later. _First aid kit, flare, a few rations, a flashlight, a single radio._

You sigh, disappointed to find nothing particularly useful, and you grab the pack and pull it towards you, prepared to toss everything back inside, but something about the pack makes your brows pull together in confusion. It’s heavier than it should be now that it’s empty. You start to unzip the few pouches on the pack, pulling them open to reveal absolutely nothing, until you reach the very last pouch. You unzip the front pocket, pulling it open, your eyes landing on a book that you definitely did not put in your bag. _Yellow cover, blue binding. The Iliad._

 _Bellamy_.

You smile and reach for the familiar book, abandoned since the race to beat Praimfaya began, only half finished. You open the cover, flipping past the first few pages, when the scrawl of someone’s handwriting catches your eye. You flip back a few pages, tears welling up in your eyes when you see his handwriting on the first page of the book, before the title page. A note, addressed to you, though you’re unsure when. As you start to read, tears well up in your eyes.

_My radiant moon,_

_I’m writing this letter to you to tell you that I love you._

_Right now, you’re asleep beside me, unbothered by the chaos of life that awaits us outside our door. When you sleep, you have a tendency to pull me closer to you, always reaching out for me anytime I shift or leave the bed. I don’t think you even know that you do it, but each time you do, I’m hit with the strength of your love. I’ve never had someone love me like this before._

_But, I feel the same for you. Looking down at you now, I want nothing more than to love and protect you for the rest of my life. I promise to always do that._

_I don’t know when you’ll find this, maybe tomorrow, maybe next week, maybe when we’re old and gray, surrounded by our kids and grandkids, watching our family gather together and spread the love that we share._

_All I know is that you are my love and my heart, and I am a better man because of you. I’m going to spend the rest of my life proving that to you. I know that I’ve made mistakes, and that at times I don’t deserve the love that you give me, and when I feel that way, I’m going to work to earn it._

_For now, though, I have to go. The love of my life is reaching out for me, trying to pull me closer. I love you more than the stars, my radiant moon. You light up my life in ways I didn’t even know were possible._

_Forever yours,_

_Bellamy_

If you weren’t already kneeling, the note would have made you collapse. Instead, reading Bellamy’s words hits you like a freight train, reminding you of your grief, reminding you of your loss. _Five years._ You’ll have to spend the next five years without him, left with nothing more than this note and your memories. The tears that have been steadily building in you since reading the first word now fall, loud, grief stricken sobs breaking free from your chest, nearly choking you with their force. 

And there you stay, on your knees on the floor of Becca’s lab, crying for everything you’ve lost.

-

_36 hours after Praimfaya_

You sit in the office of the lab, watching over Clarke, willing her to wake up. Fear and anxiety pulse through you, so powerful you feel sick, absolutely terrified at the thought that you’ll have to do this alone, without your twin by your side. The more you stare at her though, the more anxious you feel, and you finally stand and turn away from her, unable to take the anxiety for another second. 

Your feet carry you over to the desk where most of your things now lie, including your pack, _The Iliad,_ and your knife. You pick the knife up and turn it over in your hand, looking over the tallymarks you’ve etched into the handle. Five marks in total, one for each life you have taken with this blade. The first Grounder during the Battle of the Dropship, the second Grounder that attacked Bellamy and nearly killed him, _Shumway_. You feel a roll of nausea when you think of Shumway, a kill so different from the others. But you push the thought away, knowing this is a dangerous path to walk down. Instead, you run your finger over the fourth tally, the one for the Azgeda assassin that nearly took your life in Mount Weather, leaving the fifth and final mark for Dakiva, the Ice Nation warrior who was a little too eager to kill you and your friends. 

You start to put the knife back down when you realize the chaos of Praimfaya nearly made you forget the two lives you took right before coming to Becca’s Island. You dig through the desk drawer until you find something sharp enough to etch into the wooden handle, and you add the last two tally marks, bringing the total to seven. You take a deep breath as you finish, thinking of all 7 kills, along with the countless others you’ve had a hand in. It’s hard not to think of them now when there is nothing but silence all around you, the chaos of the Earth calm for the first time since you’ve landed. You know you had a reason for every life you took, but you know the enemies that you’ve fought also had a reason when they killed your friends. Trikru killed off the delinquents because you landed in their territory and accidentally burned down a village with the flares you fired into space. The Mountain Men killed your friends for their bone marrow because they believed it was their birthright to walk the Earth, the same way your people were taught that it was their birthright to eventually return to the ground. Pike killed every Grounder he encountered because he thought they were a threat to your people. Alie, as calculating as she was, took lives for the greater good, in an attempt to save the human race from Praimfaya. 

Every life you took was to save your people, your friends, your family, _yourself_. Does that make it okay? Echo said that war makes murderers of you all, and there’s no denying that you’re a killer. When it comes down to you and your people against an enemy, you will kill the enemy without a second thought, no hesitation. _You are Wanlida, the Bringer of Death, but what does that truly say about you? Are you evil? Are you a monster?_

You shake your head, clearing your thoughts. Between Clarke’s condition and the downtime, your head is practically spinning with thoughts, flying around like a chaotic tornado, destroying everything in its path. You drop the knife onto the desk and walk back over to the couch, laying back on it and closing your eyes, hoping that, for once, you can fall asleep quickly and get out of your head. 

-

_48 hours after Praimfaya_

“Bellamy, can you hear me?” You sit staring at the radio, wishing for Bellamy’s voice to come through, answering you, but you hear nothing other than the steady thud of your heart in your ears. You flip to the next channel, and press the button to try again. “This would be so much easier if I could just hear your voice. Bellamy, please answer me.”

You wait, heart dropping when you’re met with the sound of silence once again. You move on to the next channel, eyes glancing to the bandage on your arm, a line of lesions peeking out from beneath it. “It’s been 2 days since Praimfaya, can anyone hear me?”

“The Ark is on channel two.”

Your eyes lift at the sound of the other voice, falling to the couch where your twin lays, watching as she weakly pulls herself up. You rush over to her, tears flooding your eyes, relief taking over every inch of your body. As soon as you reach her, you pull her into a hug, holding her tight. “I was worried you wouldn’t make it, and that I’d have to do this all alone.”

She smiles at you as you pull back. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

She winces from the pain that smiling brings her, and your eyes scan her face, checking over her radiation damage. “How are you feeling?”

“Terrible.” She looks around the room, eyes falling on the other couch, the one you’ve been sleeping on. “Did you say it’s been two days since Praimfaya?”

“Yes. You’ve been unconscious since we got back inside the lab.” You stand and grab part of the MRE you were eating earlier. “Here, eat.”

She takes the granola bar, breaking off a few small pieces before trying to hand the rest back to you. “We should ration what we have left, we don’t know how long it’ll last.”

“Yes we do. I already counted everything up while you were out. We have enough rations to last us for at least two months, and there’s enough for us to eat a little more right now. We need the strength.”

She nods and takes the full bar, eating it slowly as she thinks. “We need to figure out what we’re going to do.”

“We will. After you eat and rest.”

She accepts the command and eats the rest of just eating and talking. You stand from the couch, giving her the space to stretch out again. She closes her eyes, and before she drifts completely into sleep, she reminds you, “The Ark is channel two, the bunker is on channel five.”

“Thank you, Clarke.”

“I hope you hear from him.”

“Me too.”

-

_14 days after Praimfaya_

“We should go to the bunker.”

“What?” You look up from the list of supplies you’re checking over, and Clarke looks up from the rations she’s carefully stacking and arranging. “We can’t stay in the lab forever, we’re going to run out of food. We should go to the bunker.”

You look at her, the healing lesions on her face, and then down at the healing injury on your arm, still surrounded by some small spots. “What about the radiation levels?”

“We can survive the radiation as Nightbloods, but everything is still too high right now. If we step outside, we’ll live, but we’ll be miserable the entire way to Polis. But that gives us time to prepare and pack.”

You consider this, unsure why the thought hadn’t come to you before. Maybe it was the grief that overshadowed everything you did most days, maybe it was your intense focus on survival, but the thought of living in the bunker hadn’t really crossed your mind. But when Clarke mentions it and lays out a formative plan, you find yourself nodding in agreement, excited at the prospect of not being completely alone. “Okay. Let’s do it..”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

-

_30 days after Praimfaya_

“Hey Bell. It’s been 30 days since Praimfaya wiped everything out. Me and Clarke have been planning our escape from Becca’s lab. In less than two weeks, we’re going to make the trip from the Island to Polis. It’s going to be hard, because we have no idea what we’ll be facing on the surface. The death wave took out any drones we had, leaving us blind to what’s happening up there. We’re hoping the rover survived, it’ll make the trip much easier. Still, I’m excited at the thought of being in the bunker, reuniting with my mom, Kane, and Octavia. I think things will be easier down there, especially since we’ll all have each other. Anyways, I wish I was going to the bunker to live with you. Better yet, I wish I was in space with you, swimming amongst the stars. I haven’t seen the sky in a month, and I’m starting to get restless down here. I guess if I get restless in the bunker, I can just climb up and explore the surface. The benefits of Nightblood.”

You hear Clarke calling you from down in the lab, and you yell back, “Coming!”

You lift the radio again, smiling sadly at it. “That’s Clarke, I have to go. I miss you, Bellamy. It feels like I’m missing half of my heart without you here. I hope you’re staying sane up there, and I hope you know how much I love you.”

-

42 days after Praimfaya

You turn to look back at Clarke, an excited grin on your face. “I see light, Clarke! I think we’re almost to the surface!”

“Keep going!”

You turn your gaze back to the large slab of concrete above you, feeling around for a place to grab onto. You brace yourself against the rubble below you, Clarke’s hands held onto your ankles, holding you still and in place, and then you push, shoving the concrete with all the strength you have. It takes a few pushes to get it completely loose, but when you finally do, it rolls away, sending bright light flowing into the dark space. You laugh in disbelief, and you can hear Clarke doing the same behind you before you climb the last few feet to the surface. You turn and help Clarke up, grabbing her hand and guiding her through the space, before both of you turn and look out at the landscape around you. 

Your earlier relief quickly fades, shocked at the sight in front of you. Everything your eye can see is sand; dry, barren, dead land. There are no trees, the water on the edge of the island is gone. The mansion and the lighthouse bunker are leveled, nothing more than memories now. You and Clarke exchange a look, sick with the thought of how much walking you’ll have to do across this desert landscape. Clarke turns and pulls two packs out of the hole, passing you yours, before pulling the map from hers. She unfolds it, holding it up so you can see, both of you warily eyeing the long distance from the island to the bunker. “210 miles to Polis.”

Though you expected the water to be gone, your brain struggles to make the connection that this is the same land you crossed in a boat not long ago. Still, you joke to ease the worry. “At least we don’t have to swim.”

Clarke folds up the map, putting it back in her pack, before she pulls it on and turns to you. “We’ve got this.”

You nod, agreeing, before you climb your way down from the pile of rubble that was once the lab, and begin the long journey to Polis. 

-

You and Clarke walk across the barren seabed for what feels like days, but is likely only a few hours. The sun beats down on you both, mercilessly hot, and the air is so dry and stagnant that it sucks all the moisture from your body, making you miserable. A slight breeze blows over you occasionally, but it only brings sand your way, doing little to cool you off. You and Clarke barely speak, preserving your energy for the walk ahead, before eventually, you hear Clarke make a small sound of excitement. You look over at her, but her vision is locked on something in the distance, and you turn your head that way, following her gaze over to a small pile of rocks. You smile, remembering the same rocks as the ones that once sat on the shore, marking the place where the boat on the island was frequently stopped at. 

You and Clarke immediately take off running, dropping to your knees in the middle of the pile of rocks, frantically digging the sand away with your bare hands. After only seconds of digging, you exclaim, “There’s something here!”

Clarke pulls the small shovel she found in the lab from her pack, digging large chunks of sand out of the way until you see a small bit of metal. You help her dig even deeper, exposing the metal more and more, until finally, you recognize the gun that sits on the front of the rover. You and Clarke exchange laughs of disbelief, before you turn and pull off your packs, ready to begin the process of digging the rover out of the sand. 

It takes a few hours, the sun gradually setting in the process, cooling the earth around you slightly. But for once, you don’t care about the heat, your mind and body too focused on getting the rover out. Once it’s free, Clarke pulls open the door and you stand beside her as she experimentally turns the keys, still left behind in the ignition. The rover stutters for half a second, and your stomach drops, thinking that it’s not going to work, until a second later the engine roars to life. You and Clarke laugh in joyous disbelief once again, turning and hugging each other tight over this small victory.

When she releases you, you run and grab both of your packs, tossing them in the back as you jump into the passenger seat, closing the door behind you. Clarke slides in behind the wheel, pulling away from the dried seabed, pointing the rover in the direction of Polis, your soon to be home. As Clarke drives through the barren landscape, you hear an odd rumble behind you, and you turn and glance out the window at an approaching storm cloud, crackling with electricity, ominously dark. Clarke pushes the rover faster, trying to outrun it as you watch the terrifying storm grow closer. “What if we got caught in that without the rover?”

“I’m not sure we’d survive.”

You shudder at the thought, thankful that the two of you found the vehicle and that it works. Clarke continues on towards Polis, and you keep an eye on the storm for a while, until eventually, you outrun it, safe from its destruction. 

At some point on the way to Polis, you doze off, catching a few hours of sleep as the sun sets and the moon rises into the sky. Clarke wakes you up a few hours later, and the two of you trade off, leaving you behind the wheel to drive as she gets a chance to rest. As Clarke sleeps peacefully beside you, you grab the radio in the rover and set it to channel two, lifting the receiver to ask, “My love, can you hear me?”

You’re not surprised to hear nothing in return, but disappointment still sits heavy on you as you sigh and push on, committed to your routine at this point. “It’s been 43 days since Praimfaya. Clarke and I left Becca’s Island yesterday, and everything looks terrible. You wouldn’t believe how much sand there is now, everything living now dead and gone at this point. It took us a few hours of walking, but luckily we ended up finding the rover, and by some miracle, it still works. We’re nearly to Polis now, I think we’ll make it in a few hours. I’ll let you know when we make it in the bunker, and I’ll make sure to give Octavia your love. I know she’ll be sad you aren’t with me.”

You put the radio down and whisper to yourself, “Kind of like how I’m sad you aren’t with me.”

You feel tears well up in your eyes and fall down your cheeks, your grief over being separated just as painful as the first day. You put the radio back down, too upset to continue your message, and you nearly jump out of your skin when you feel a hand come down and rest on your thigh. You turn to look at Clarke in surprise, her eyes full of pity, and you quickly wipe the tears from your face. “I thought you were asleep.”

“My twin senses were tingling.”

You force a smile to your face, locking your eyes on the road ahead of you. “I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine. I know what it’s like to lose someone.”

“I didn’t lose him, not really. I shouldn’t be this upset.”

Clarke’s voice is soft, comforting, when she answers you. “La lune, you’re allowed to be as upset as you feel. We can all see how much you and Bellamy love each other, and even though he’s still alive, the two of you have to spend the next five years apart. That’s hard to do, and you’re allowed to be upset over it.”

You feel tears fall down your cheeks again, finally voicing the one thought that’s been circling your brain since this all began. “He probably thinks we’re dead, Clarke. I’m scared that he feels guilty, or responsible, and I just wish I could talk to him one time to let him know we made it.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. If I could fix the radios and get your message to him, _I would_ , no matter what it took.”

“I know.” You wipe away your tears again, giving her a more genuine smile this time. “I’m just glad I’ve had you throughout this experience.”

“Me too.”

You spend the rest of the drive in silence, both of you going over the events of the last 40 something days in your own heads. When you finally pull into Polis the sun is now up, lighting up the streets and guiding your way to the tower. Most of the buildings are still standing, small and low enough that Praimfaya ran through them but didn’t level them. But you know that the tower has fallen, because you didn’t get a single glimpse of it as you approached the Grounder capital. When you approach a large pile of fallen rubble, Clarke mumbles, “Stop here.”

You do as she says, turning off the rover and following your twin out of the vehicle as she runs to the rubble. She climbs up it carefully, standing on top of the pile to get a better look at the scene in front of her. You can see her face fall as she stares out, and as soon as you stand beside her, you can see why. The tower is 90% destroyed, only the first five stories remaining. The rubble you now stand on is part of the fallen building, knocked down easily by Praimfaya. “The bunker is underneath all of this?”

Clarke nods, her expression grim, before turning away. “C’mon, we have to find a way in.”

You follow her past the fallen stories until you reach the remaining part of the building that’s still standing. Rubble blocks the way, meaning your entrance to the bunker is blocked. Clarke immediately starts moving blocks of concrete from the path, turning and carrying them away in silence. You follow suit, both of you working together to move the larger pieces, gradually chipping away at the concrete that blocks the door to your future home. The debris you clear forms a sort of tunnel to the door, shielding you from the sun briefly as you work to haul away the stone obstructions. Periodically, the building seems to shift and rumble, leaving you with an uneasy feeling, and you and Clarke both freeze in place, hoping that the concrete above you stays in place. 

You both stop halfway through the day to bandage your hands, the continuous lifting of the rough stone leaving your hands raw and bleeding, and you spend that time splitting one of the last rations you have on hand. It barely leaves you satisfied, hunger still gnawing at you, but you push past it, using the feeling to motivate you to work harder to reach the door. You and Clarke continue working until it gets too dark to see the rubble, and only then do you both crawl into the back of the rover and fall asleep almost immediately, exhausted from the day.

-

You wake to the feeling of someone shaking you, Clarke’s sleepy voice calling your name and urging you awake. “I think we can reach the door today if we work hard.”

You blink the sleep from your eyes and sit up, groaning at the soreness in your muscles, already weary at the thought of lifting stones for another day. _But if you get it done today, you could be in a real bed tonight._ The thought gets you up and moving, following Clarke back into the tunnel to continue moving rubble away from the door. You start to get close by midday, blocked by a few large pieces that you and your twin struggle to move. No matter how hard you try, neither of you can shift the stone out of the way, leaving both of you frustrated, tired, and sore. Clarke starts to bang on the rubble with a large rock, screaming and yelling, hoping something will come of it. “We’re here! We’re here! Mom!”

She falls backwards onto her butt, all of her energy leaving her at once, and the movement shifts a rock behind her. Both of you stare at it in fear, waiting for a collapse that never comes. Clarke’s expression, however, morphs into one of shock, her eyes locked on something you can’t see from where you’re standing. You step closer as she pulls on something, eventually freeing a large, gnarled piece of wood. As you look at the source of the wood, tied together with similar looking pieces and a few spears, you realize that it was the throne. Lexa’s throne.

Clarke stares at the wood in her hand in sadness, tears welling up in her eyes. You think of her words from earlier, when you were in the rover. _I know what it’s like to lose someone._ You reach out and place a comforting hand on her arm, opening your mouth to say something when you hear a low rumble. Something about it lifts the hairs on the back of your neck, and your senses quickly shift into overdrive. You realize you can feel slight shaking, and nearby a small stone drops from up above, alerting you to a larger problem seconds before it hits. 

You wrap your hand around Clarke’s arm and pull her towards the entrance, both of you running through the tunnel as the rumbling behind you grows louder. You dive out of the entrance just in time, you and Clarke rolling over the stone debris at the entrance just as the tunnel collapses behind you, sending out a large plume of dust and smoke. You both scramble backwards, away from the falling hazard, watching in horror as all the work you put in is destroyed, burying the bunker door even worse than before.

You stare at the rubble in silence, both of you already aware of the reality at hand: no amount of digging will get you to the bunker door. You and Clarke are officially stuck on the outside, while your mom and the others are stuck on the inside. Without more help for the rubble, the two of you will never get that door open on your own. 

Eventually the two of you trudge back to the rover, her taking the passenger seat, you taking the driver’s seat, still shocked into silence over what just happened. Neither of you say a word as you turn the rover on and start to drive, pulling away from the bunker, the tower, and Polis, taking you back out into the barren landscape. Clarke doesn’t ask where you’re going, and for a long time, you aren’t sure where you’re driving to either, until the landscape, though desolate, starts to become more familiar. Within minutes, you stop the rover, you and Clarke both looking out the windshield at your former home. _What’s left of it anyways._

You hop out, walking past the mostly destroyed sign, welcoming visitors to all that remains of Arkadia, home of the Sky People. It’s mostly a field of debris at this point, the walls knocked down and most of the ring of Alpha Station destroyed, leaving next to nothing behind. You and Clarke scavenge through what’s left, grabbing anything that might be useful to you later. As you wander through the field of debris, you stumble upon an ammo box, locked tight with a small padlock. You pry on the lid, trying to get it open, only to fail miserably. You shrug and grab it, adding it to your growing pile of items to sort through later.

After the sun sets, you and Clarke sit in the back of the rover, sharing your last ration and the last few sips of water from the canteen. Neither of you talk about it, not wanting to address the obvious fact that soon, without food or water, and unable to get into the bunker, you’ll both die. Instead, Clarke pushes the locked box towards you and hands you a hammer. “Open it.”

You bust the lock, before popping open the lid and reaching inside. Your hands close around a small ipod, and when you flip it over, you can see a label on the back, a name printed on it, letting everyone know who this belonged to. 

Maya.

You pass it to Clarke, both of you aware that the last person to have Maya’s ipod was Jasper. You reach into the box again and grab the next item inside, a large pair of goggles, formerly worn daily by Jasper when all of you first landed in the dropship. As you stare at the goggles, Clarke pulls something else out of the box, the last item inside. It’s a piece of paper, folded in half once, Monty’s name written on the front in Jasper’s handwriting. Clarke starts to open it, but you put your hand over hers, stopping her. Knowing how Jasper spent his last few days, you can imagine it’s a goodbye letter meant for his best friend. Something the two of you shouldn’t be reading. 

She seems to understand this, her eyes falling to the note again, and the reality of the situation hits both her and you at the same time. Jasper is gone, dead before Praimfaya even arrived. Tears start to well up in your eyes and your twin’s eyes, everything hitting you all at once. Most of your friends are in space, without you. Your mom and the rest of your people are in a bunker in the ground, unreachable, while the two of you are here, on the surface, alone. No food, no water, no home, no people, nothing left. You and Clarke start to cry, loud, shoulder shaking sobs, overcome with grief and loss. You hold each other in your arms, the last two people on earth, left behind by everyone you love to tough out a world destroyed by Praimfaya.

-

You wake early, before Clarke does, and you grab the radio, along with a satellite dish she found yesterday while scavenging. You step out into the early morning and set everything up on the hood of the rover before climbing up beside it, setting the radio to channel two, your eyes lifting to the sky. “Hey, Bell.”

You release the button and wait, fully aware that no one will answer, but you do it anyways. After a minute with no response, you sigh and continue, “Bad news, Clarke and I didn’t make it into the bunker. Everything collapsed around us, burying the door even deeper. The hard truth is, we could dig for years and never reach that door. I really let myself believe we’d live down there and everything would be okay. Instead, we’re stuck on the surface of a desolate planet, now without food and water. If we don’t find some soon, I don’t think we’re gonna-”

You cut yourself off, unable to say the words, unable to voice your fear. That all the bullshit you’ve gone through in the last few weeks was for nothing. Instead you shake your head, clear out your dark thoughts, and look around at your former home. “We came to Arkadia looking for supplies, but all we found were ghosts. Looking around at it now, it’s like we were never here. You’d never know over 400 people lived here and called this place home. Settled down, got comfortable, made a life. And now, only 100 of them remain, stuffed into a bunker in the ground as the rest were left outside to die.”

You stop yourself again, unsurprised to find yourself veering back into the darker categories. The truth of your situation is heavy, reminding you that you and Clarke won’t survive long without water. “I doubt you can hear me on this piece of crap radio, but in case this is the last time I get to do this, I just want to say…please don’t feel bad about leaving us here. You did what you had to do, Bellamy, and I’m proud of you.”

You hear the door to the rover creak open, and a moment later Clarke hops out of the back, and walks over to you, peering up at you. “You ready to go?”

You nod and she heads to the driver’s side. You lift the radio, eyes on the sky, and smile. “I love you more than the stars, Bellamy Blake. I’ll talk to you soon.”

You cut the radio off and grab it and the satellite, placing them both in the back carefully before jumping into the front beside Clarke. She looks over at you with a smile, “Where to?”

“Wherever the road takes us.”

She nods and peers out at Arkadia one last time before turning on the rover and pulling away, taking you away from your former home.

-

Clarke decides to lead the two of you deeper into Trikru territory, deeper into the former forest, in the hopes that somehow, somewhere, a food and water source survived. You hook up Maya’s ipod and turn on some music as you roll down the windows and let yourself enjoy the ride, neither of you wanting to think about what will happen if you find nothing. At some point, the sandy landscape gives way to charred terrain, giving you both a little hope that maybe you’ll find something soon. Eventually the flat land turns into hills, covered in charred trees, and you and Clarke exchange a look because, for once, the landscape hasn’t been leveled. 

You both continue the ride in silence, listening to Maya’s music, watching as Clarke weaves through the trees along the carved out path. You ride for most of the day until she checks the gauges on the dash and sighs. “We’re nearly out of power.”

The path she’s been driving on is slowly taking you higher, and you muse, “Maybe there will be a good place to stop near the top.”

She nods, continuing higher, and sure enough, the path levels out to a little clearing, situated along the edge of a cliff. Clarke parks the rover in the clearing, right underneath the sun, and you both hop out and walk near the cliff’s edge, looking out at the landscape below. Just like everything else, it’s barren and useless. Still, the two of you remain there for a while, in companionable silence, until you nod towards the rover. “We should get some rest while it charges, that way we can keep driving once it gets late.”

“Good idea.”

Both of you head back to the rover and get into the back, stretching out the best you can in the small space and laying down to sleep. Clarke is out in minutes, the dream world taking her easily, but as you expected, you’re not as lucky. Instead, you lay in the back, staring at the roof of the rover, trying to imagine what Bellamy is doing right now. Maybe he’s learning Trigedasleng from Emori, or maybe Echo is teaching him how to fight. Maybe he’s eating a small MRE ration and sitting at one of the viewing windows, staring down at the Earth, thinking about you. As your thoughts start to wander even more, a low rumble in the distance pulls you right out of your head and into the present. Your brows pull together, listening, hoping, and seconds later another low rumble echoes in the sky. 

_Thunder._

You sit up, shaking Clarke awake as you do, “Clarke, get up.”

She sits up suddenly, hand reaching for her knife, prepared for any threat. “What is it?”

“Nothing like that.” You swing open the door and jump outside, reaching back in to grab your twin and tug her out behind you. As you both stand outside near the rover, you hear another roll of thunder, and Clarke looks at you with a smile. It only takes another minute for the storm to roll in, pelting you both with cool rain, and you smile and look up at the sky, sending your thanks to the Universe. “Thank you.”

Clarke grabs the canteens from inside the rover, along with a few pieces of your scavenged materials, and the two of you rig up a trough to drain into the canteens. As soon as there’s a mouthful of water inside the bottles, you each grab them and drink it greedily, desperately thirsty considering you’ve been rationing your water too. You and Clarke stay out in the rain, filling up whatever you can with water, accepting each drip of the life source with appreciation. By the time the rain has stopped, you’re both soaked to the bone, but you’re too happy to care. Most of your water containers are filled to the top, and you and Clarke are safe from dehydration, at least for a little while. 

-

Not long after the rain storm, you take over driving, continuing down the winding path in search of supplies. The windows are down and the music is on, a driving routine starting to be established, and you are chatting with your twin about all the things you wish you could eat this very moment. For some reason, talking about food while you’re starving is actually helpful, both of you describing your favorite things in detail, distracting yourselves from the hunger that gnaws at your insides. As Clarke is telling you about the best Ark apple pie that she’s ever had, something hits your windshield with a light thud. Your eyes cut over to it, landing on a large bug, and without knowing why, you slam on the brakes. 

You and Clarke exit the rover and stand near the bug, both of you staring at it and then at each other, wondering if you dare to do it. You scoop the bug off the glass, handing half of it to Clarke, and you both watch each other for a long second before she whispers, “We haven’t eaten in days. We have to do this.”

You nod, looking at the bug with a grimace. “Stronger together.”

And then you both drop the bug into your mouths, chewing and swallowing quickly before the taste can reach your tastebuds. It’s as disgusting as you expect it to be, but you can easily convince yourself that you don’t care considering the hunger that grips you. Clarke notices a few more bugs along the grille of the rover, and the two of you share them, scoping them off the vehicle and eating them quickly, hoping that your body keeps them down long enough to digest them and give you strength. As the two of you stand there eating, you hear a rumble of thunder and you look towards it, your eyes falling on a fast approaching cloud, charged and electric, heading right towards you. It’s just like the one you saw in the dead zone, thick and dry, full of sand, crackling with danger. You and Clarke both scramble into the rover and roll up the windows just as the cloud overtakes you, shaking the rover with it’s ferocity. 

You look over at Clarke, about to make a joke about the bugs and the sand, until you see the look of horror on her face. “What? What is it?”

“The solar panels.”

That’s all she has to say to get both of you moving again, grabbing scarves to wrap around your faces before she hands you Jasper’s goggles, and you pull them on. Both of you hop out again, and you are instantly met with a lungful of sand as you breathe in, drying out your mouth and throat. You cough against it, trying to ignore the sand that bites at the exposed parts of your body as you pull off the closest solar panel, but the heavy winds yank it straight from your hands, sending it flying away from you. You abandon the mission and get back inside, surprised to find Clarke already in the passenger seat, flushing out her eyes. She hears you close the door and mutters, “Too much sand, nearly blinded me.”

You cough again, trying to clear the sand from your throat. “The wind blew the panel right out of my hands.”

She looks up at you, water dripping down her face, pissed. “Damn it!”

You pull off the scarf and the goggles and toss them into the back, before settling into the seat, just as annoyed. “Nothing we can do now except wait for it to pass. We can’t see a thing right now, we’ll just have to hope for the best.”

-

And hope you do. 

It’s only an hour or so before the sandstorm moves past you, leaving behind an eerie calm in its wake, but each passing minute feels like an hour as you wait to assess the damage. As soon as it’s clear, you try to crank the rover, sighing when the engine won’t turn over. Clarke mutters, “Try again.”

You try a few more times, each attempt unsuccessful, before you step out of the rover and look at the panels. Each solar panel you appraise is broken and cracked, half hanging off the rover, clearly beyond repair. You and Clarke let out a huff of frustration before heading to the back of the rover and grabbing your packs, pulling out the map to mark the location of the rover. Clarke traces the rover point to Alie’s Solar Fields, both of you aware that there are plenty of solar panels there to replace the ones on the rover. Your twin looks over at you, gauging your reaction, and you nod in agreement with the unspoken plan, knowing the vehicle is the best thing you’ve got. She folds the map back up and stuffs it into her pack before the two of you head off in the direction of the fields, hopeful and determined.

-

You have no idea how long you’ve been walking, but the sand that stretches around you seems endless. Each time you reach a new peak, a new hill, you think: this is it, the solar field is right on the other side. But then you peer out at the landscape and see nothing but empty sand and disappointment. The sun is merciless in the dead zone, beating down on you and Clarke, leaving you hot, tired, and dehydrated. You’re sparing with your water, unsure how long it’ll be before you can get more, but the canteen hangs from your pack taunting you, sloshing around the last few drops of water gifted to you by the sky.

Slowly, your walking turns to trudging, and then turns to a slow drag, both of you so exhausted that your steps are heavy and barely lift from the sand. Clarke is the first to fall, and you drop your pack and move towards her, pulling off her pack and scarf, trying to get airflow to her face. Her skin is dry and cracking, her lips are peeling, and she is weak, barely holding on. You grab your canteen from your pack and pull your twin into your lap, pouring the last few drops of water that you have into her mouth and down her throat. She swallows greedily, and whispers, “More.”

You feel tears well up in your eyes, but nothing falls, too dehydrated to cry. “That’s all I have, Clarke.”

You grab her canteen and check inside, hers just as empty as yours, and you dig through both of your backpacks looking for anything to give her, your heart breaking when you find nothing. Clarke’s breathing deepens, and you’re sure she passed out, leaving you alone to sit in the sand and watch over her, hoping nothing happens. You must doze off or pass out, because you wake up on the sand, a throbbing pain in your hand. When you look that way, you see a bird pecking at you, and you shift away, letting out a surprised scream. 

Clarke shifts in your lap, scared awake by the sound, and both of you stare at the bird until she suddenly scrambles towards it. “Take us to your home!”

The bird takes flight and you and Clarke turn after it, watching it disappear over a large sand dune. You scramble up the dune, still feeling weak, but your adrenaline carries you the best it can, your body buzzing at the prospect of what you’ll find when you reach the top. You and Clarke make it at the same time, staring out into a sandy, barren landscape, much like the one you were already in. No sign of food or water, just a long stretch of disappointment and crushed hope. You turn towards Clarke to check on her but you lose your balance on the small hill, and you fall and tumble your way back to the bottom, taking a beating as you do. When you roll over and pull yourself to your knees, you let out a broken scream, tired of all the bullshit you and Clarke have dealt with since Praimfaya. 

Clarke makes it down the hill and drops to her knees in front of you, and you can feel yourself giving up as you look at her, tears welling up in your eyes again. “I’m done, Clarke, I can’t do this anymore. We’ve lost our friends, our parents. I lost Bellamy. And I just…can’t keep doing this, I can’t keep fighting.”

You’re fully prepared to hear her argue and fight you on your words, but she surprises you by slumping a little, just as defeated, and pulling her gun out of the holster at her thigh. She holds it in her hands, looking it over, before glancing up at you. “If we do it, we do it together.”

You pull your knife out, the only weapon you have, the Grounder knife that’s been with you since almost the beginning. The same knife that has taken countless lives by your hand, and now, it’s going to take yours. You lift the knife to your throat as Clarke lifts the gun to her temple, both of you watching each other as you do. Azrael and Azazel, Wanheda and Wanlida, the twins, are done. You have given up, exhausted by your life and existence, unable to handle anymore curveballs from the Universe. 

Your mind flashes to Bellamy and you see Clarke’s finger drop to the trigger. You grip the handle of the knife tighter, pressing it into your skin a little as you reminisce on all the good things in your life one last time. Your father, your mother, your twin, and Bellamy Blake, keeper of your heart, love of your life. You close your eyes and whisper, _“Oso gonplei ste odon.”_

And just as you’re about to move the knife, you hear a bird screech above you.

Your eyes fly open and immediately search the skies, the bird from before now circling overhead. Clarke sees it too because she puts her hand over yours and pulls the knife away from your neck as she lowers her gun. “It’s not over. Not yet.”

Both of you scramble to your feet and follow the bird, which circles once and then flies in a new direction, one you haven’t explored yet. You and Clarke run through the sand as fast as you can, trying to keep up. This time when you crest the surface of the hill, you are met with lush, green trees as far as the eye can see. It’s a stark contrast from the sand at your backs, but it’s a welcome sight. You and Clarke let out laughs of relief, turning to hug each other as tears spring to your eyes, this time for a completely different reason. Because now, you have hope.

Clarke pulls away and looks at the bird, a vulture, which has landed on a tree nearby. “Thank you.”

And then she follows her thanks by lifting her gun and shooting it, securing your dinner for the night. As she goes to get the bird, you run back and grab your packs, stumbling back up the hill just in time to meet her. Clarke takes her pack and pulls it on before using some string to tie the bird to the strap, securing it at her side. You head down the hill, towards the lush, green forest, practically running towards it with excitement. As soon as you make it into the woods, Clarke finds a place to camp, and turns to you. “See if you can find some water.”

You drop your pack, grab the canteens, and run off, careful to keep Clarke in view as you search for water. It doesn’t take you long to find a small creek, and you come back with two full canteens, welcomed by the sight of the vulture, spit roasted over a fire. Clarke takes her canteen from you with thanks, drinking the liquid down with appreciation. And soon, the two of you are nestled between a pair of trees, chowing down on vulture meat and water. It’s the best you’ve felt in weeks, surrounded by trees, and water, and food, and hope, and you send a silent thank you to the Universe for providing for you once more. 

Later that night, Clarke falls asleep and you pull out your radio and satellite dish, setting yourself up on a small boulder in a clearing that gives you a good view of the moon and stars. You smile up at them, tracing constellations as you flip on the radio. “Hey Bellamy, it’s been 49 days since Praimfaya, and I thought today was going to be it for me. Things got…bad today. Dark. It’s hard to see the light when the people that bring it to you are gone. Being separated from everyone except Clarke, it’s hard. Even still, I’m thankful to have her, because I could never do this alone. I have good news though; we found food, and water, and _life_. Green trees and grass, bugs, animals. Maybe I can build a life here, and when you come down, we can enjoy it together. A peaceful life, with no more fighting, no more war, no more killing. Animals don’t feel guilty when they kill. They just do it, because it’s kill, or be killed. In a way, I think that’s what we’ve been doing since we got down here, kill or be killed. The Grounders, the Mountain Men, Alie, they all threatened us in some way or another so we threatened them back. But maybe, to them, we threatened first and then they threatened back. We all had our reasons. At the end of the day, I guess it doesn’t matter anymore, because there’s no one left to kill now. Wanlida, the bringer of Death, is done. The question is, who am I now?”

You lower the radio, still looking at the stars, when you see a streak of light fly overhead, so fast you almost miss it. 

A shooting star.

You lift the radio again, smiling as you do. “Did you send that to me? Even if you didn’t, I get one wish, and I’m using it on you. I wish you’ll come back to me, Bellamy. I wish I could see you, hug you, _kiss you_. If you come back, everything will be okay again, everything will be _right_. I’ll be counting down the days, my love.”

-

When you wake the next day, you and Clarke set out to explore, looking for a better place to make a permanent camp. You follow the stream for a while, hoping it will lead you to something better, and the small rush of water doesn’t disappoint. Within a few hours you find a body of water, a waterfall rushing into it. You and Clarke grin when you see it, before you both take off running towards it, dropping your things along the bank. You strip down to your undergarments and jump in, relishing the feel of the cool water on your dry skin. 

You and Clarke swim for hours, letting the water refresh you and clean you, pushing the nightmare of the desert out of your mind. Eventually you pull yourselves up onto the rocks and let the sun dry you, both of you sitting and basking in the warm glow from the sun, nowhere near as harsh as the desert when it filters through the trees. Eventually you both get dressed and head out again, following a few trails in search of something better, and it’s not long before you stumble upon it.

As you come around the bend of the trail, you see a sign up ahead, wooden and sturdy, printed with the words, “Welcome to the town of Shenandoah.”

Over the writing is a familiar symbol, three arrows moving through a perfect circle, and Clarke brushes her fingers over it and whispers, “ _Louwoda Kliron Kru._ ”

“Shadow Valley clan.“

You and Clarke exchange a look before walking past the sign, following the path as it opens up into a small village. The first thought you have is that it’s beautiful. Bright and colorful, with ribbons hanging from the trees and decorations scattered throughout. There are small buildings in the village, mostly little forts and picnic tables with awnings, but in the center is a small church, somehow still standing. As you get closer to the building, you can see a young boy on the porch out front, face bloody, clearly dead from the radiation. 

You walk past the boy and slowly push open the door, worried about what you’ll find, and as soon as you do, you’re hit with an awful smell, one that you’re sure is the scent of decomposing bodies. You gag, instantly covering your nose and mouth with your hand, muffling the smell, and you see Clarke do the same, clearly trying to block it out. When you step inside, your suspicions are confirmed, as maybe 50 people are gathered inside, all dead. You look at Clarke, noting the sadness in her eyes, and you whisper, “Grounders burn their dead.”

She nods, already pulling off her pack, and the two of you spend the next few hours clearing the bodies from the village, stripping them of most their clothes and shoes, knowing the resources will be helpful for those in the bunker when they get out. At nightfall, you burn the bodies in the center of the village, watching the flames take the people of Shallow Valley away, reducing them to ash. “Yu gonplei ste odon.”

That night you both sleep in the grass, most of the buildings still too fragrant to sleep in. For the next few days, you and Clarke fix up the village, cleaning it and washing the clothes, searching for food and deciding where to set up camp. Eventually you decide on the building at the center, the church, neither of you wanting to sleep too far from each other at night. And each night you call Bellamy before you fall asleep, recounting the events of the day to him.

One day when you’re hanging up the next batch of clothes to dry, Clarke comes back from a hunt, bursting with excitement, running over to show you a bundle of berries carried in her shirt, bright and beautiful. The two of you wolf them down before making plans to pick more as soon as you can.

-

Clarke wakes you up early, eager to spend the morning picking berries, and the trip turns out to be a successful one. You come back with about six bowls of berries, with plenty still left in the field for later. Clarke spreads the bowls out on the table, along with her sketchpad and your radio, before she points to the chairs. “We’ve been working hard. Today, we feast.”

The two of you eat berry after berry, and Clarke uses some to paint in her sketchpad, crafting your likeness out of berry juice. You sit across from her, watching, before you finally pick up the radio and flip it on. “Hey, Bell.”

You wait for an answer as usual, but of course, none comes. Still, the disappointment can’t reach you today, easily overshadowed by the excitement of the last few days. “The village is coming along great, I can’t wait until you can see it. Clarke and I are pretty much finished now. We’ve cleaned all the other buildings and they’re ready to be filled with our friends and family. Right now, Clarke and I are sharing a place, but once you get here, we’ll move into a little house of our own. I think I have the perfect one in mind. I found it three days ago when I was checking for supplies, and I’m thinking whoever lived there liked the sky as much as I do. There’s a hole cut into the ceiling, replaced by a thin piece of plastic, sealed tight against the elements. The house sits in a small space between a few trees, and the view to the sky is unobstructed. During the day, the sun tracks over the building, keeping it bright and airy. At night, you can see the moon and count the stars. It’s perfect for us.”

You pop a few berries into your mouth, and glance over at Clarke’s drawing. She looks up at you, smiling, and you smile back, happier than you’ve been in a while. “It’s been 58 days, which means that by now, Monty should have the algae farm producing. How bad does it suck? No offense, Monty. We found berries, a whole field of them. They’re not very sweet, but they’re still delicious, some of the best I’ve ever tasted. They’re beautiful, too. Clarke’s using them to-”

You cut yourself off when you see movement from the corner of your eye, and when you look that way, you see a small child in the field nearby, staring at you and Clarke. You freeze, and Clarke looks up at you, sensing the change, and you whisper, “Someone’s here.”

She turns, and the movement must spook the kid because they turn and take off, tearing through the woods. You and Clarke stand, already running after them, yelling, “Wait, stop, it’s okay!”

Clarke leads the way, following the path the child takes, weaving through the woods and away from the camp. She yells after her in English, but the kid never slows down or stops, so you call out to Clarke, “Try Trigedasleng!”

Clarke switches languages and yells out to the elusive child, _“Beja! Osir jos gaf in chich yu op!”_

 _Please! We just want to talk to you!_ You follow Clarke down a small hill and then through a path, jogging deeper into the woods until your twin suddenly freezes in place. You stop behind her, catching a glimpse of the small child, who is half hidden in the bushes, watching you both. Clarke lifts her hands in surrender and you follow suit as she drops her voice into a comforting tone. _“Yu laik Natblida, sha?”_

 _You’re a Nightblood, right?_ The child slips from the bushes and moves into the clearing, and as you watch her, you realize now that they’re a girl. It’s hard to tell from the mud caked on her face and her wild, unruly hair, but now that she’s standing still and watching the two of you, you’re able to get a better look. Clarke takes her stillness as an invitation to move closer, her hands still lifted in surrender. She takes a few steps, and you start to give her a whispered warning when chaos erupts. “Clarke-”

The rest of your warning is cut off by Clarke’s pained scream, and you have a second to register her foot caught in a bear trap before the wild little girl runs at you, a knife in her hand, screaming, _“Slip daun, Fleimkepa!”_

 _Die, Flamekeeper!_ Though she’s small, she catches you off guard, your focus locked onto your screaming twin, and the girl manages to knock you to the ground and scramble on top of you, bringing the knife down towards you. You lift your hands to shield your face, just in time too, because her blade catches your left forearm, right over your freshly healed Praimfaya injury, and you let out a scream. She stares at the blade, now covered in your Nightblood, and she backs away from you and whispers, “Natblida.”

She turns and runs off before you can say or do anything else, but you don’t have time to process the interaction because Clarke is still screaming from beside you. You scramble over to her and try to pry open the trap, but it’s too strong, and she gasps out, “Find a branch for leverage!”

You jog off in search of something sturdy enough to pry open the trap, nearly jumping with excitement when you find a branch nearby. You run back to Clarke and wiggle it into the trap before using it to pry it open all the way, freeing her foot. As soon as she’s free, you drop the stick and grab her, putting her arm around you to help half carry, half support her back to camp. She’s fighting back tears the entire time, grunting with each step that sends a shockwave through her leg. You finally reach the village and you make a beeline for the church you’ve been living in, and you lean her against the bar as she points across the room to her pack. “My medkit is over there!”

You run over and grab it as she pulls herself up onto the bar, tugging her pants up to inspect the wound. She gets woozy as soon as she gets a look, something you’ve never seen her do with a wound before, but considering how bad it is, you can’t blame her. The trap cut her deep, and if you don’t work fast, she’ll easily run the risk of bleeding out. You pull out her medkit and grab a tourniquet, quickly tying it off before grabbing the supplies for the stitches and threading the needle. You hover over the injury, looking up at your twin, nearly shaking with pain. “Do we have anything for the pain?”

“No, but if you don’t stitch this, I won’t make it.”

You sigh and look down at the cut. “Here we go.”

You press the needle through her skin and start stitching the wounds, and Clarke holds back her cries of pain as long as she can manage before eventually passing out. You finish stitching the wound and bandage it before removing the tourniquet, and then you pull up your sleeve to check on your own arm. The cut is deep enough to need a few stitches so you patch up yourself, taking a second to admire the slight improvement you’ve had in the stitches department. Once you finish, you pull up a chair and decide to sit and watch over Clarke, not sure if the girl is going to come back and attack again.

Luckily, the night is uneventful, and you manage to catch a few hours of sleep before Clarke wakes you up, already limping her way to her pack and sketchpad before your eyes are fully open. “We’re going to the river.”

You give her a look, wondering if she’s lost her mind. “With the child from hell still out there and roaming around?”

She gives you a scolding look. “She’s scared.”

You point to her injured leg and your stitched up arm. “Yeah, that makes two of us.”

But she gives you another look, the “I’m the older twin by two minutes look”, and you know she’s not going to let this go until you give in. So you sigh and roll your eyes before you help her down to the river, both of you approaching quietly when you see the small girl standing in the water, spearing fish like a pro. You’re impressed, and so is Clarke, because she calls out, _“Yu na tich ai op hashta daun?”_

 _Can you teach me that?_ The girl spins around, surprised to see you, before she takes off running again, her fish and spear in hand. You and Clarke call after her, trying to convince her you’re not a threat, but she disappears into the trees, leaving you alone. Clarke plops down onto one of the boulders near the water’s edge and tugs off her sock and boot before dipping her injured ankle into the water, cleaning her wound. You eventually strip to your undergarments and take a swim, wading around in the cool water and forcing the girl from your mind before you climb up onto the boulders beside Clarke to dry off. She sits in the sun beside you, sketching a picture of the girl, and when you eventually stand to pull your clothes on, you catch a glimpse of the wild child. You whisper to Clarke as you lace up your boots, “She’s here, hiding in the trees.”

Clarke nods once, not wanting to alert her that you both know she’s there, before she places a rock onto the picture and holds her hand out to you, asking for your help. You pull her to her feet and you both make your way back to camp slowly, hoping that eventually the girl will come around. 

Luckily, she does, and by nightfall she’s back at your camp, a fish in hand, offering it to you as a show of peace. You accept it with thanks, and Clarke gestures between the two of you, introducing you both. The girl hesitates for a moment, watching you both closely before she gives you the smallest of smiles. 

_“Ai tagon Madi.”_

_My name is Madi._ You and Clarke exchange a smile, and just like that, a new family is created.

-

_6 years later_

You turn and hang the wet clothes you just washed up on the line, a slight breeze rolling over you and cooling you off. You smile at the feel of it, always thankful to be reminded of the joys of living out in the open, in this small valley of green that you all call home. You turn when you hear a sound behind you, smiling at your approaching twin, three fish in her hand. “Nice catch.”

“Thanks.” She starts to say something else, but stops when you both hear the sound of the rover approaching, signaling another arrival. Madi jumps out of the front and runs over to the two of you, face split into a grin, her hand wrapped tight around something you can’t see. She’s older than the first time you met her, her face clean from mud, her hair better kept now that Clarke is involved. It’s braided to the side, most of it kept out of her face as she has fun and gets into trouble everyday. 

“Hey, wash up. It’s time for supper.” You walk over to Clarke as Madi draws closer, holding out her hand to show you a few berries, completely ignoring what Clarke just said. “Look, the berries are ripe.”

Clarke nods, “That’s nice. Come on, I caught, you cook.”

“Clarke, you promised. Last season, there weren’t enough, but this year, they’re everywhere.” You know instantly what she’s talking about. Inspired by Clarke’s first few months as Wanheda where she wandered the Earth with bright red, berry dyed hair, Madi wants berry dyed streaks in her own dark hair. “Please? I’ll cook for a week and clean up.”

Clarke, always eager to get out of the cooking, looks down at her with a smirk. “Two weeks.”

Madi’s face instantly splits into a grin, “Deal. Come on, I’ll drive.”

Madi takes off running towards the rover and Clarke walks behind her, pausing when you don’t follow. She turns to look at you, sensing your hesitation about crashing the seemingly mother daughter excursion, and she asks, “Coming?”

You don’t get the chance to answer, because Madi pops her head out of the rover and yells, “Come on, _Ani_ and Clarke, it’ll be dark soon!”

You smile at the nickname, always happy to hear Madi refer to you as her aunt, reinforcing the idea that you’re just as much of a family member to her as Clarke is. Sometimes doubt and insecurity creep in, because Clarke and Madi bonded so fast, quickly forming a mother daughter style relationship without even trying. Your relationship with Madi formed quickly afterwards, but it was never the same one that she had with Clarke, leaving you more on the sidelines at times. In the last few years she has taken to calling you her aunt, a role you happily accepted, as it allows you to be the fun one while Clarke has to be the adult. You can’t count how many times you and Madi have gotten into trouble and Clarke has had to come along and scold the two of you.

You and Clarke run to the rover and hop inside, and the three of you spend the next few hours picking berries before heading back to the camp. Madi prepares the dinner while you and Clarke get the berries ready, and then the three of you quickly eat before settling down in front of the fire and forming a little chain of people. You sit at the back, dying red streaks into Clarke’s short blonde hair, while Clarke sits in the middle, working on Madi’s hair, and Madi sits at the front, skimming through Clarke’s sketchbook. She pauses on a sketch of Octavia at the Final Conclave, warpaint sketched onto her skin, and Madi tries to look back at Clarke in bewilderment. _“Ha yu na vout in em nou na win au?”_

 _How could you not think she would win?_ You translate the words easily, Trigedasleng now a second nature to you given how much practice you got with it while raising Madi and teaching her English. Still, Clarke scolds her when she uses the language, clearly more comfortable with it times than she is with English. “English, Madi.”

“I’m just saying, Skairipa’s a beast. Of course she’d win the Conclave.”

You finish with Clarke’s hair and slide onto the log nearby, putting you in a better position to see the sketchpad in Madi’s lap. She now has it flipped to a picture of the rocket, flying into the sky, leaving you and Clarke behind. You stare at it sadly, feeling a sharp pang in your heart from the loss of Bellamy, still separated from him after all this time. Clarke finishes up on Madi’s hair, and the young girl turns to glance between you both. “I’m sorry they left without you.”

Clarke glances down at the picture, and gives Madi a smile. “Well, I’m not. Because if I was with them, I never would have met you.”

Madi grins at her before settling her head into Clarke’s lap, and Clarke leans back against your legs, all three of you connected as you look up at the sky, tracing the stars. Madi touches the necklace around her neck, a silver sun hanging from a chain, and the gesture causes you to touch the moon hanging around your own neck, checking that it’s still there. As you think of the moon and of Bellamy hiding out amongst the stars, you muse, “Do you think they’ll come back?”

Madi is the first to answer, always eager to spread light and positivity, the perfect embodiment of the sun. “Definitely. Bellamy will do anything to get back to you.”

You smile down at her, grateful for her words, and she smiles back, before you both turn your eyes back to the sky. You’re thankful for your little family and the life you’ve built here, but it’s hard not to miss him, and to want him here with you. Instead, you have to remain on the ground longing for him, wishing that he would have taken you into the stars with him. 

-

You and Clarke are up early the next morning, and she starts packing up the rover before the sun even rises. “I want to go to the cliff’s edge, see if we can find more things to dry and save for winter.”

You nod, already reaching for your radio and satellite, “I’ll go with you, there’s a lot better chance they’ll hear me if I’m up there.”

“I’ll go wake Madi then.”

“She’s not gonna be happy about that.”

Clarke shrugs, already walking over to the sleeping girl. “She can sleep in the rover.”

You grab your pack and strap on your knife before heading to put your things in the rover, smiling at Madi as she grumbles at Clarke. An hour later the three of you are on the edge of the cliff, and Clarke wanders off almost immediately, the sole walkie talkie in her hand. You drag the radio and the satellite to the edge of the cliff before settling into the grass, leaving Madi in the back of the rover to continue sleeping. You flip the radio on, and look up at the sky as you begin, “Bellamy, I don’t know if you can hear me, but it’s been 2,199 days since Praimfaya. I don’t know why I still do this everyday. Maybe it’s my way of staying sane, not forgetting who I am…”

You trail off, still not sure who you are. You used to be Wanlida, Bringer of Death, someone who killed without thought or hesitation. Now, you’ve haven’t killed anyone in 6 years. So are you still the Bringer of Death, are you still a killer? Does 6 years of changed behavior erase the sins of your past? You shake your head, still unsure, but you amend your statement nonetheless. “Who I was.”

You sigh and look around at the green that stretches out from the valley. Your eyes find the sky again, wishing you could see the Ark, wishing you could see Bellamy. “It’s been safe for you to come down for over a year now. Why haven’t you? The bunker’s gone silent, too. We tried digging them out for a while, but there was too much rubble. We haven’t made contact with them, either.”

You shake away the sadness that comes every time you think of the bunker, of your mother, Kane, Octavia, the others, all buried beneath the Earth, unable to get out. “Anyway, I still have hope…tell Raven to aim for the one spot of green, and you’ll find us. The rest of the planet, from what we’ve seen, basically sucks, so-”

You cut yourself off when you hear a sonic boom, and your eyes scan the sky until you see a small ship enter the atmosphere. You stand, looking at it in shock, a grin splitting your face, “Nevermind. I see you.”

Excitement takes over every cell of your body, leaving you practically buzzing, and you flip over to the station for the walkie just in time to hear Clarke say, “What was that? I’m coming back!”

“It’s a ship!”

“A ship?”

“Yes!”

You can hear her running back towards you, her voice coming out in between pants, “Bellamy?”

“I think so!”

You run back to the rover and shake Madi awake, and she rolls over with a groan. “No lessons today.”

“We have visitors.”

She sits up in a flash, ears perking up at the sound of the approaching ship. She clambers out of the back and to the cliff’s edge as you put the radio in the back, and a second later you hear Madi yell back, “I thought you said the ship was small.”

Something about her question lifts the hairs on the back of your neck, and alarm bells go off in your head. You run over to her as you hear Clarke approach from behind, and Clarke kneels down beside you, holding up her rifle to peer through the scope. “It’s not them.”

You turn towards her in alarm, “What?”

She passes you the rifle so you can get a look, but Madi, who heard none of your exchange, starts to jump up and down, calling out to the approaching transport, “We’re here, we’re here!”

Clarke pulls her down, shushing her. “Stop, get down! I want you to back up the rover. Get it out of sight and load the guns.”

You peer through the scope of the rifle, reading the writing on the side. _Gagarin Prisoner transport._ Your stomach sinks, suddenly understanding Clarke’s fear. You look over at your twin, and she nods her head back towards the now hidden rover, her jaw set. “We have to go figure this out.”

You follow her back to the vehicle, jumping in the back as she jumps into the driver’s seat. Madi sits in the passenger seat, looking between the two of you in fear as you check the weapons in the back, making sure they’re loaded, and Clarke flies through the woods, driving as fast as she can. “Who are they? Why are you both so scared?”

Clarke glances at her and then back at the road ahead. “I will not let anything happen to you. Do you understand?”

“Well, maybe they’re friendly.” You think about all the possibly friendly people you’ve met since being on the ground, and anxiety runs through you. _The Grounders, the Mountain Men, Pike._ Clarke must be thinking the same thing, because she deadpans, “Maybe. But until we figure this out, I want you to hide in your secret spot.”

“No! Clarke-”

Clarke cuts her off immediately, clearly in a no nonsense mood. “This is not up for discussion, Madi. The Flamekeeper scouts never found you there. Neither will they. Promise me you’ll stay in the hole.”

“What about you and _ani_?”

“We’ll be back as soon as we can.”

She pulls up at the edge of the village, before turning in her seat to face Madi. You hand Clarke a pistol, one from your small armory, and Clarke passes it to Madi. “If you shoot, they will hear you.”

“I’ll make sure it’s my only choice.”

Clarke nods and then motions Madi towards the door. “Go.”

Madi complies, jumping out of the rover and running off towards her hiding spot. You climb into the passenger seat, glancing over at your twin, catching the look of fear on her face as she watches Madi run off. You put your hand on her knee. “She’ll be okay.”

She nods, tucking away her emotions before she pulls away again, turning the rover back in the direction of the transport, moving fast. She gets the two of you to a lookout spot just in time, both of you peering through the scopes of your rifles to watch the doors of the transport open, and a person in a radiation suit walking down the ramp, checking to make sure it’s safe. Once they confirm it is, they pull off their helmet, revealing a woman. She takes a deep breath of air before calling back to the transport. Seconds later people come filing out of the ship, all carrying guns, all looking terrifyingly menacing. You and Clarke pull back to exchange a worried look before peering through the scope again, continuing your watch. 

Their weapons are different from yours, larger, more mechanical, and possibly more destructive. You and Clarke watch as the prisoners split into groups and start to check the land nearby, and eventually she leads you back to the rover in silence. She takes you to the cave where she and Roan discussed splitting the Ark, the same place Echo nearly slit your throat, and the two of you prep in silence for what may be another war. The person you thought you buried, the killer, the monster, rises to the surface again, prepared to defend your family and the life you’ve made. Clarke sketches their weapons from memory, both of you discussing and trying to figure out what they are and what they do, while you count bullets and inventory what you have in terms of weaponry. The numbers are grim, especially when they’re compared to the numbers of the prisoners and their weapons, but you don’t let yourself focus on that. Instead, you try to remember what it’s like to take a life, wondering if you’re even still capable of doing it. You turn to Clarke, about to ask her the same question you’re mulling over, when you hear a gunshot ring out nearby. You and Clarke exchange a look, instantly knowing that it means Madi’s in trouble. Clarke grabs her rifle and you grab your pistol and both of you take off running back to the village, moving through the woods as fast as you can. 

As you get closer, you get a glimpse of Madi through the trees, on the ground at the feet of two prisoners. One of them is holding a gun at her, and Clarke drops to her knees to take aim with her rifle. You whisper, “I’m gonna get closer.”

She nods in acknowledgement and you take off running again, careful to keep out of Clarke’s line of sight. As you come over the edge of the hill, you hear Clarke’s gun go off, hitting the man near Madi in the shoulder. He falls away from her, dropping the gun, and you dive over the hill and head for the other man who’s standing and watching. You knock the two of you to the ground, both of you rolling away from Madi, and you recover faster than he does, scrambling to your feet. You swing a punch at him but he catches it before rising to his full height, towering over you. You twist out of his grip and he swings his gun at you, hitting you in the ribs, knocking you down. He starts to turn the weapon towards you but Clarke appears seconds later and swings her rifle at him, hitting him in the back of the head. He falls to the ground just as you see the other prisoner start to rise to his feet again. 

You jump up and run over to him, swinging a punch his way, landing a hit on his jaw. You follow it up with a hit to his adam’s apple, and he grabs his neck, choking a little. You look around for your pistol, knocked out of your hands earlier, and the prisoner recovers faster than you expected, reaching out to wrap his hands around your neck. He lifts you off the ground, your feet flailing, and you swing out and kick him between the legs. He drops you as he falls to his knees, groaning in pain, and you quickly pull your knife from your holster and slit his throat without a second thought. Blood pours from the wound and he clutches at it before falling to the ground, dead. 

You turn around and locate your pistol, grabbing it and looking towards Clarke, who is standing over the other prisoner. “Clarke, catch!”

She catches it with ease, turning it on the man, but Madi, who has been silent the entire time, calls out, “Wait! He tried to help me, I think he might be a good guy.”

Clarke glances over at Madi, and at the dead prisoner near your feet before setting her jaw and turning back to the man. “There are no good guys.”

And then without a second thought, she pulls the trigger, killing him. After 6 years of no death, no fighting, no killing, everything changes in an instant. The person you thought you left behind returns as soon as your family is threatened, and the same thing happens to Clarke. Instead of being welcomed to Earth by two twins and a child, the prisoners in your home are welcomed by Wanheda and Wanlida, the twins of death and destruction.

Just like that, the old you is back.

-


	60. lx. red queen (5.02)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: fighting, violence, angst.
> 
> Summary: You and Clarke adjust to your new life with your new family.

You and Clarke quickly agree that you should both teach Madi English. Though you both feel pretty comfortable with Trigedasleng, most of your friends and family don’t know it as well, and you want Madi to be able to communicate with them when you all eventually reunite. When you propose the idea to Madi, she seems eager to learn the language of the warriors. Most of your day is now spent watching Madi point to various objects as you and Clarke teach her the word in English.

One day after spending most of the morning teaching her, Madi drags you and Clarke down to the river, excitedly promising to teach the two of you something in return. Which is where you find yourself now, ankle deep in the water, the sun warming your back. Madi stands in the river between you and Clarke, a spear in her hand, eyes scanning the water around you. You and Clarke watch her closely, trying to take mental notes on her stance, her grip on the spear, her concentration, hoping to learn to catch fish the same way she does. 

Madi spies an approaching fish, and she lunges, spearing it easily, holding it up for you and Clarke to admire. But neither of your eyes are locked on the fish, instead, they are locked on the chain around her neck, which wiggled free during her movements. There hangs a silver chain, a familiar small silver sun hanging from it, swinging around as Madi looks between you and Clarke in confusion. Clarke reaches out for it, trying to get a better look, but Madi scrambles away, still slightly distrustful of you both. She approaches Madi again, much slower this time, letting the young girl know she’s not a threat. Clarke eyes the necklace, checking it over, before whispering in shock. “It’s definitely mom’s. Where did you get this?”

Madi shakes her head at Clarke, not understanding, still working on speaking full sentences in English. You pull your own chain from beneath your shirt, showing her the silver moon, before pointing to the one around her neck. She looks down at it, starting to understand, and she whispers, _“Maunon.”_

 _Mountain Men._ You look at Clarke, realization already hitting you. “The Mountain Men. You were wearing mom’s necklace when they took you.”

A memory comes rushing back to her, one you hadn’t heard before. “Lincoln told me they leave things everywhere when they disposed of it, but he said they usually stuck to the same few areas, and sometimes you could find some good stuff amongst the pile of discarded things.”

You shake your head in shock, staring at the necklace, the last one in the set from your father, now around the neck of the last child on Earth. You let out a short laugh of disbelief, “What are the odds?”

“It’s like it’s fate. We were supposed to find her.”

You point to the charm and Madi says, _“Deimeika.”_

You respond in English, “Sun.”

“Sun?” You nod, letting her know her pronunciation is correct, and she repeats, “Sun.”

You smile at Madi and she smiles back at you. “Our very own dazzling sun.”

Clarke pulls up her sleeve, revealing the single star charm from your father, and a second charm, a cluster of stars, handcrafted by Finn. When she shows it to Madi, the young girl says, _“Skaifaya.”_

“Stars.” Madi repeats the word back to you, and when you both nod in approval, you kneel beside her, holding out your moon necklace, completing the trio. _“Natshana.”_

“Moon.” 

When Madi repeats the last word, you feel a strange rush of emotion, overcome by an overwhelming surge of love and adoration for your new found family. This next generation of women, the new trio of the sun, the moon, and the stars, who somehow found each other at the end of the world. You wish your dad was here to see it, to witness the legacy that he created and passed on to you and Clarke. You look at your family, a smile stretching across your face, and you whisper Clarke’s earlier words. “It’s fate.”

-

You drive the rover back towards Shallow Valley, home, nearly back from your multi day trip alone. You and Clarke agreed that the earlier trip to retrieve solar panels from Alie’s field needed to be done, both of you aware of how valuable the rover is to your survival. You volunteer to go alone, and Clarke stays behind with Madi, a back up plan established in case you don’t show up within four days of leaving. You also take your radio and the satellite dish, and Clarke keeps the one walkie talkie with her. Most of the trip takes you out of range of the walkie, but it gives you both an extra layer of assurance that you can reach out if something happens. 

The trip, though, was uneventful. Boring, slightly lonely, but uneventful. Clarke and Madi made sure you had enough food and water for your trek through the desert, and the journey was a lot less awful than the last time you took it. You were able to easily retrieve the panels and attach them to a sled that Clarke rigged up for you, allowing you to safely drag the panels behind you instead of needing to carry them all the way back to the rover. 

When you finally reached the vehicle, it was exactly where you left it, untouched, unbothered. You replaced the panels and put the extra panels in the back before hopping inside and beginning the drive back to your home. You spend most of the drive back talking on the radio to Bellamy, a habit that has stuck with you, even now. And though he never answers, it brings you comfort to talk to him, updating him on everything that has happened on the ground since he left. 

You’re pulled from your thoughts when you see the sign to the village, and you drive the last few feet into the village, parking in the center. Clarke and Madi must hear you approach, because they come running out of the house, grins on their faces. Madi tears across the field and jumps into your arms, squeezing you in a hug. She whispers into your hair, “I was afraid you weren’t coming back.”

You pull away to look at her. “I wouldn’t leave the two of you.”

“Good.”

You smile at your twin over Madi’s head and she smiles in return, happy to see you. You turn to the rover and sit Madi in the driver’s seat, her legs just shy of reaching the pedals. You marvel at her height, the few inches she’s grown since you and Clarke found her nearly two years ago. “You’ll be reaching the pedals in no time.”

“And then you’ll teach me?”

You turn to look at Clarke, leaving the decision ultimately up to her, knowing she’s more of Madi’s parental figure than you are. Clarke can’t help but smile at Madi’s excitement. “Yes, then we’ll teach you.”

“Until then…” You motion for her to move over and she does, and you jump into the vehicle and pull her onto your lap. “I’ll push the pedals and you steer.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really.” You look at Clarke, reaching over to hold up Maya’s ipod. “Where to?.”

Clarke jogs over to the passenger seat and pulls herself inside, turning to look at you and Madi as you turn the rover on. “Wherever the road takes us.”

-

You sit at one of the tables in the middle of the village, slowly patching a hole in one of Madi’s shirts. The sun shines down on you through the trees, keeping you warm, but not uncomfortable, and all around you are the sounds of life in the woods. Bees buzzing, birds chirping, animals scurrying through the bushes. The sounds bring a smile to your face, reminding you of a time when you and Clarke stepped out of a lab, greeted by nothing but death.

As you start to reminisce, you see a flash of movement nearby, and you look up just in time to see Madi slinking your way. You can tell by the way she’s moving that she’s planning something, and you put the shirt down on the table, watching her in amusement as she gets closer. She stops behind one of the smaller houses and looks towards you, motioning for you to join her. You suppress your laughter as you walk over to join her, ducking behind a house, out of view. 

“I want to prank Clarke.” She holds up a container of something black and liquidy. “With this.”

You dip your finger into the bowl and taste the liquid, lips puckering when you realize she picked some blackberries from the field, barely ripe, very tart. You smile and nod. “What do you have in mind?”

“Put it on my head and pretend I got hurt.”

You immediately shake your head. “If Clarke sees you bloody and thinks you’re dead, but then she finds out it’s a prank, she’ll definitely kill us both.”

“Fine, then we’ll put it on your head and pretend you got hurt.”

You smile. “Sounds like a plan.”

She leads you over to the clearing, out of view from the church, and directs you on how to lay. Once you’re positioned, she starts smearing and dripping the berry mixture onto your head, and you watch her as she works, face pulled into one of intense concentration. When she finishes, a grin spreads across her face, pleased with her work. “There. Now I’ll go get Clarke and tell her you got hurt, and you just lie very still.”

“Will do, boss.”

She stands and waits for you to close your eyes, so you do, rolling your head slightly to the side for dramatic effect. You hear her feet running away from you, followed by the sound of her retreating voice. “Clarke, Clarke, come quick, ani got hurt!”

You hear Clarke clamber out of the house, and you know exactly when she sees you because her footsteps quicken as she questions Madi. “What happened to her?”

“I don’t know, she said she was going to check the traps and I went to clean the rover like you told me to. When I got back, I just found her here like this.”

You hear Clarke drop down beside you, and her fingers lift to your face, gingerly tipping your head to look for a wound. “Madi get me a cloth, I need to wipe some of this blood away.”

Madi runs off and you hear her return seconds later, musing, “Maybe something in the trap attacked her.”

“The traps are only big enough for squirrels and rabbits, they’d be too small to attack her.”

You have to work hard to hold back laughter as you imagine a squirrel and a rabbit cornering you and beating you up. As Clarke grabs the cloth from Madi, she must see something wrong because she mutters, “What’s all over your hands?”

You peek an eye open, Clarke turned away from you, staring down at Madi’s berry stained hands. Madi pulls her hand away, trying to keep the prank going, but Clarke grabs her wrist and stops her, peering at her finger to get a better look. The expression on her face is one of utter bewilderment, and you can’t help the giggle that breaks free from your mouth, amused by the expression on your twin’s face. Clarke’s head whips towards you in shock, her face scrunching into annoyance when she sees you lying in the grass, laughing at her. Beside you, Madi is also giggling, pleased with the prank she played. Clarke glares at you both, “That’s not funny! I thought you were hurt!”

You sit up and run a finger through the berries on your head, licking the mixture off your finger to prove to Clarke it’s benign. “Just a few blackberries.”

Clarke rolls her eyes and stands, already over the two of you. “Just for that, you both have dinner and clean up duty for the next three days.”

You both start to protest, but she holds up her hand to stop you, adopting her very serious mom tone. “Nope, no complaints. You’ve had your fun, now get back to work.”

Madi turns and heads towards the rover, already obeying and returning to her earlier chores, and Clarke turns to you as she walks away, giving you a smile. You smile back, fighting back a giggle at how well she plays the parent, and Clarke hands you the cloth so you can clean up. “You’re trouble.”

You shake your head, wiping the berries from your face. “She’s trouble, and she drags me into it.”

Clarke snorts, “Yeah, I bet.”

The two of you exchange a serious look, staring hard at each other, but you both break quickly, falling into a fit of laughter. As her laughter dies down, she motions back towards the house, “I have to finish up inside.”

“Yeah, I was fixing Madi’s shirt.”

Clarke starts to walk away, heading back to the house, but she turns around and calls back, “Can’t wait to see what you have planned for dinner.”

Your mouth drops, sure that she was joking earlier with the punishment. “I thought you were kidding!”

“Nope! Do the crime, you do the time!”

You laugh and shake your head, calling back, “Fine, but I’m making all the foods you hate!”

“Can’t wait!”

-

You peer down at the scar on your arm, given to you by Madi, now completely healed. The scar crosses over part of the scar you got from Clarke’s helmet during Praimfaya, making an X on your skin. You shake your head, your body quickly becoming a roadmap of scars from the various wounds you’ve received since landing on the ground. You’re about to seek out your other scars, prepared to reminisce, when you hear Clarke call your name outside. 

You stand and look around the house you plan to share with Bellamy in the future, smiling at it before you exit, closing the door behind you. You walk towards the center of the village, towards Clarke, and as soon as she sees you approaching, she holds up a dead rabbit. “It’s your turn to cook.”

You groan, staring at the rabbit in your hand. “I hate prepping rabbit, it’s such a pain.”

“I know.”

You roll your eyes, “So you killed a rabbit on purpose then? Just to torture me?”

“No, it’s just the luck of the draw that Madi found a rabbit in the traps today.”

“Right.” You start to reach out to grab the rabbit before you get an idea. “What if we sparred instead?”

“What?”

“We spar, the loser cooks dinner.”

Clarke cocks her head to the side, considering this. “And cleans up?”

“Yes.”

She puts the rabbit down, already stepping into a clearing nearby. “Deal.”

The two of you stand in the clearing, circling each other slowly, fists raised. Clarke goes on the offense, making the first move and stepping towards you, swinging a punch your way. You duck beneath it, her fist missing you, but you don’t expect the follow up punch from her other hand, which lands on your face. You pull back in surprise and Clarke grins at you, predatory, a whole different person when she fights. You lunge at her and grab her by the shoulders, holding her in place as you ram your knee into her stomach. She doubles over in pain, slipping out of your grip, and recovers fast enough to swing her arm around and land a hit to your ribs. You jump up and elbow her, catching her in the shoulder, and she grabs your arm as you try to pull away, spinning you around.

She wraps her arm around your neck, putting you in a chokehold, squeezing just enough to get you to tap out. But you’re determined not to give up that easily, and you swing your elbow back and deliver a sharp hit to the side of her face. Her grip loosens and as soon as you’re free you jump away slightly, lifting your fists in a defensive position again. Clarke swings a kick towards you and knocks you off your feet, flat on your back, before she pounces on you. You roll her over easily, giving yourself the advantage, but she uses her feet to push you off her. You both jump up again and stand to face each other, before you run at each other at the same time, swinging your fists and dodging each other in a flurry of movement. Just as you start to get the upper hand, you hear a voice call out, frantic, “Stop! Stop it!”

You and Clarke jump apart, turning to look at Madi, her face pulled into a frown, tears in her eyes. “What are you doing?”

Clarke’s mom mode kicks in and she walks over to Madi, dropping to her knees in front of her. “We’re just playing around.”

“So you’re not fighting?”

You walk closer to her. “Just play fighting.”

“Oh.” You see the distress leave her face, quickly turning into one of interest. “Can you teach me?”

Clarke’s disapproval is immediate, “No.”

“But Clarke-”

“I said no.”

You look at Clarke in confusion. “She should know how to fight. More of us probably would have made it when we landed if we knew how to defend ourselves.”

She turns and gives you a sharp look. “No, I don’t want that for her. Besides, we don’t have to worry about things like that anymore. Octavia united the clans. When they get out of the bunker, everything will be fine.”

“Clarke the clans were united under Lexa and still fought.”

“We’ll keep her safe.” She stands, already walking back towards the rabbit, ending the conversation. “No more fighting.”

You watch your twin leave, and you shake your head in disagreement, but think that’s it, the conversation is over. Madi surprises you the next day by finding you down at the river, sitting on a rock, enjoying the sun before you catch a few fish. “I want you to train me.”

You look towards her in shock, already laughing at the request. “No way. Clarke will kill me.”

“Ani, I need to know how to fight. If we’re attacked I won’t know anything beyond the few things my birth parents taught me for when the Flamekeepers came.”

You sigh, knowing that you agree. Madi’s odds for survival, both now and in the future, are highest if she knows how to defend herself. And though you see Clarke’s reasoning and understand her fear, you still don’t think that’s enough to keep Madi in the dark. War and death ended all of your childhoods as soon as you landed on the ground, something you all desperately tried to get the adults in your lives to understand. It was hard for them to accept that the kids they sent to the ground were no longer kids, but as soon as you started getting picked off, all of your childhoods ended. You understand that Clarke doesn’t want that for Madi, but you hated how defenseless you were before you learned how to fight, use a sword, shoot a gun, and you know you don’t want that for Madi. “If we do this, Clarke can’t know.”

Madi turns towards you in surprise, fully expecting that you were going to say no. “Really?”

“Really. We’ll train every few days in the berry meadow. Clarke never goes out there, and it’ll be safe for us there.”

“Thank you, ani.” She hugs you tight before standing. “I have to get back before Clarke realizes I left, but we can start tomorrow at noon.”

You nod. “I’ll see you there.”

“In the berry meadow, at noon.”

You nod in confirmation and repeat, “The berry meadow. Noon.”

She smiles and runs off and you smile after her, her joy contagious. _The dazzling sun, so bright and warm._

The next day you meet her at the meadow, and every few days after that, teaching her to spar and fight, how to use a sword, and all the basics of guns without actually shooting one. Things go well for a few months, as Madi gets better and better, all without Clarke suspecting a thing. Of course, that doesn’t last forever, and Clarke eventually figures everything out. She’s mad at you at first, utterly livid, and she yells at you for at least twenty minutes about how you disobeyed her wishes and went behind her back to do it. But at the end of her speech, she surprises you by saying, “If we’re going to do this, we train her harder and better than anyone ever trained us. We push her until she breaks and then we keep going. We train her until she’s strong. Unstoppable.”

You immediately agree, relieved that Clarke was only mad for a little while. You stand, about to pass the good news to Madi, but Clarke stops you at the door, her voice cold as ice. “Promise me you’ll never go against my wishes for Madi again.”

“I promise.”

You try to leave again, but she stops you. “I’m serious, la lune. If you go against my wishes again, I won’t be as forgiving.”

You nod, mildly concerned with how serious she is, agreeing to it nonetheless. “I understand.”

She finally lets you leave and deliver the news to Madi, who is beyond excited to be trained by both of you. 

And you do exactly what Clarke wanted, pushing Madi past her limits, exposing to every possible scenario you can imagine, preparing her for absolutely anything that would come her way. 

Unfortunately, none of you could have predicted what would happen two years later. None of you were ready for the mystery ship to enter the sky and land in the valley, your valley, your home.

-

You sit in the small house you’ve prepared for you and Bellamy, looking at the stars through the window in the ceiling, lifting the radio to your lips to continue telling him the events of the day. “It’s been 1,923 since Praimfaya. Just over 5 years. I spend most days with my eyes turned towards the sky, looking for you, waiting for you to come back. It’s been three months since it was safe for you to return and everyday that passes without you here is worse than the one before. I got through the five years without you because I knew that when day 1,825 rolled around, I’d get to see you again. Instead, I spend every day waiting for you, disappointed when you don’t come.”

You feel tears well up in your eyes, and you reach for the book that lays on the bed near you, brought with you each time you come into this house to talk to him. You flip the cover open and look down at the note, the tears falling down your face as you read through his words, now memorized at this point. “I’m reaching out for you, Bellamy. I need you to come home, because I don’t want to do this without you anymore. Madi and Clarke have each other, and I know I have them too, but _I need you_. Just, please come back to me.”

You drop the radio and cry harder, quiet sobs slipping from you as you feel the pain that has never stopped. Just as fresh and painful as it was in the beginning, now mixed with the hope you’ve started to lose when he didn’t show up three months ago. You choke back another sob, but you freeze in place when you hear a sound nearby, somewhere inside of the small house. Your voice wavers when you call out, “Hello?”

You stare at the doorway to the bedroom, waiting, and seconds later a small figure appears in the doorway, looking sheepish and worried. “Hi ani.”

You try to smile at her, quickly wiping away the tears from your face, not wanting her to see you cry. “Hey, Madi. what are you doing here?”

“What’s wrong?”

You shake your head. “Nothing.”

Unconvinced, she steps into the room, plopping down onto the bed beside you, putting her arm around you to comfort you. The gesture chokes you up and she whispers, “Are you talking to Bellamy?”

“Yes.”

“And he doesn’t answer?”

“No.”

“Do you think he can hear you?”

“I don’t know.”

“Clarke told me that you’ve called him everyday since Praimfaya.” You look down at her in surprise, unaware that she knew. Your radio calls to Bellamy aren’t necessarily a secret, but you always have them by yourself, and you usually do them late at night, while Madi and Clarke sleep. You don’t know why; maybe it’s for the privacy, maybe because you’re worried they’ll judge you for talking to a man who hasn’t answered once in five years. Whatever the reason, it hasn’t come up since Madi joined your family, and you always assumed she didn’t know. “If he could hear you, I think he’d answer you.”

“Maybe. A lot of things change in five years.” It hurts your heart to say it, but the reality of it is true. If Bellamy thinks you’re dead, he’s probably mourned you and moved on. The thought tears you up inside, but there’s nothing you can do about it down here.

“Clarke’s told me how much he loves you.”

You watch her closely, an earnest, sincere expression on her face. “When did she tell you that? Because I don’t remember any of her stories saying anything other than ‘Bellamy and ani are dating’.”

“I used to see you sneaking out here by yourself every night and I asked her what you were doing. She told me that you call Bellamy every night and talk to him, because he is your soulmate and you both love each other very much. She said Bellamy loved you as soon as he got to the ground, and he used to be mean to you to hide it. She also told me that you loved him as soon as you met him, you just didn’t realize it at first.”

You laugh a little. “Clarke said a lot, huh?”

“Please don’t be upset with her. She only told me because I wouldn’t stop asking, and she told me not to ask you about it because your heart is still healing, and talking about it hurts you.” She looks up at you, face etched with concern. “I’ve been worried about you. You’ve been so sad lately.”

You’re silent, wondering if you should let Madi into this part of your life, into the hidden parts of your heart where your love for Bellamy lives. But then you look at her, at the worry in her face, the sincerity of her comfort, and you decide this hidden side of you shouldn’t be hidden anymore. Because Clarke and Madi are your family. They love you, unconditionally, and would never judge you for calling Bellamy. “I just miss him, Madi. They were supposed to come back a few months ago, and I’m worried that they’ll never come back.”

“I know Skairipa is going to get the bunker open, and I know Bellamy is going to get everyone back down again. He’s coming back for you, I just know it.”

You wrap your arm around her and drop your cheek onto her head, drawing in the comfort she’s offering you. “Thank you, Madi.”

The two of you sit on the bed side by side for a while, spending most of the time reminiscing on your relationship with Bellamy, Madi now able to ask the questions she’s always wondered about. And when you finally fall asleep that night, you have a sense of peace you’ve lacked for a while, brought to you by a little girl who shines on everything around her like the sun.

-

As soon as both prisoners are dead, Clarke turns to you and tosses you your gun. You holster it and your knife as she runs over to Madi, checking on her. Once she’s sure she’s okay, Wanheda takes the lead. “We need to draw them away from here.”

“How?”

She thinks hard for a second, running through her options, before her face lights up. “Madi, do you still have that trap in that clearing across from the west ridgeline?”

“Yes.”

Clarke looks at you. “If you get a prisoner to that clearing and into the trap, the others will go looking for him. We can wait them out at the ridgeline with our rifles, and pick them off as they come.”

You nod. “You two go ahead and go that way, I’ll take care of the rest and meet you there in a few.”

“Be safe.”

“You too.”

Madi looks like she wants to protest, but Clarke pulls her away before she can. You watch them leave, making sure they disappear from your sight before you take a deep breath and creep towards the village. You scale one of the trees on the perimeter, watching as the woman from before, the leader of the prisoners, sends them out in groups to search for you, Clarke, and Madi. You watch the groups peel off one by one, searching for the best one to trap, smiling when you see a group of two head into the woods, towards the direction of your trap. 

You slink down the tree and sneak up behind the two men, both of them walking a considerable distance apart, making things easier for you. You eye them both, deciding which to kill now and which to lead into the trap, finally deciding the tall blonde will be better to trap, and the shorter brunette man will be easier to kill. You watch the blonde man pull ahead, leaving the brunette behind, half searching, half trudging through the woods, looking annoyed. 

You sneak up behind the brunette man, pulling out your knife as you approach, and when you’re close enough to reach him, you jump onto his back, slam your left hand onto his mouth to quiet his scream, and plunge your knife into his neck with your right hand, killing him before he even realizes you’re on him. Then you jump off him, letting him slide to the ground. You sneak back into the trees, hidden from view, before you intentionally snap a branch, alerting the blonde to your presence. He turns around, looking around him frantically, his eyes eventually landing on the body of his dead partner. He runs over to him, checking him over, and you sneak ahead of the man, putting some distance between you, pointing yourself in the direction of the trap. 

As soon as you see the man reach for his radio to call for help, you call out, “I wouldn’t.”

He looks up at you in surprise, aiming his gun your way, and you take off running before he can take a shot, bobbing and weaving through the woods as the man runs after you, trying to kill you. He follows you, completely unaware of the trap you’re leading him into, and as soon as you break free from the trees and into the clearing, you jump over the tripwire, hidden perfectly by Madi. The blonde man, however, does not follow suit, and seconds later you hear the trap trigger and the man cry out in pain. You turn around, looking at the metal spikes that have impaled him, and you get a flash of a memory, _Diggs, impaled by spikes on a search for Octavia._ You ignore the memory and run over to the man, disarming him quickly and tossing his gun away, so he can’t reach it. He looks at you, face contorted in pain, and begs, “Please, help me.”

“You threatened my family. There’s no help for you now.”

And then you turn and run off, weaving through the woods again, working your way up the ridge towards Clarke. As expected, the man cries out for help not long after you disappear into the trees, the cries following you your entire way up the ridge. A funny feeling passes over you on your way up, and you realize that the memory of Diggs is still pulling at you, begging to be remembered. You pause in shock when you realize why. _Now, you’re the Grounder. You killed a man stealthily in the woods after hiding in the trees, you lead the second into a trap, and now you’re going to watch from afar, just like Lincoln did._ It’s a surreal realization, one that leaves you feeling strange, but you don’t have time to wonder why, not now. 

Instead, you take the last few steps out of the woods and onto the ridge, sneaking your way over to Clarke and Madi to take your place beside them, both of them looking your way as you set up your rifle. “And so it begins.”

-


	61. lxi. sleeping giants (5.03)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: violence, bleeding, injuries, explosions, torture.
> 
> Summary: You, Clarke, and Madi finally get the chance to confront your enemies, and you quickly learn that you’re up against more than you bargained for.

You, Clarke, and Madi are crouched low along the ridgeline, and you and Clarke each have your rifles propped up on the large rocks in front of you, focused on the man you trapped in the clearing. He’s still crying out in pain, and you can see the blood on his clothes, bright red against his tan jumpsuit. Madi has watched on in silence since you arrived, but she finally breaks now, looking over at you and Clarke, clearly upset. “This isn’t right.”

Clarke looks away from her scope to look at Madi, sympathetic. “Madi, I know, but this is our home, _your_ home.”

“And they want to take it from us.”

Clarke nods, “That’s right.”

She’s quiet for a second before she asks, “But he doesn’t have to suffer. We can kill him now, right?”

Clarke’s expression hardens, her jaw sets, and she turns back to her weapon, peering down at the man again. “Not yet.”

You follow suit, the conversation seemingly over, watching as the man screams out again. Suddenly, there’s movement in the trees around the clearing, and seconds later prisoners start to creep out towards the man, led by the woman you saw earlier. She motions for the group to stop and watch, but a few of the men around her ignore her, walking past her and right into the kill zone you and Clarke established. You whisper, “I’ve got left.”

“I’ve got right.”

You and Clarke each fire off a shot, one immediately after the next, killing the two closest men. Everyone else in the group drops down, looking around for you, and you and Clarke reload before peering through the scope again. Unfortunately, you set your sights on the group just in time to see one of the men stand up, a large weapon in his hand, pointed right at you. You and Clarke see it at the same time, letting out a soft gasp, unable to do anything else before the blast hits the ridgeline in front of you. 

The blast knocks all three of you away, and you hear Madi let out a scream before your body lands on the ground with a hard thud. You groan in pain, a high pitched ringing in your ears, and you hear Clarke’s muffled voice calling your name through the haze in your head. You look up, meeting her eyes, and she grabs your hand, pulling you to your feet. “We have to run!”

You nod your head, crouching low and following her and Madi from the ridgeline and into the trees. It takes a few seconds for your senses to return to you and the cotton in your head to clear, but when it finally does, you feel a rush of anxiety, aware of the danger the three of you now face. Your anxiety only grows when you realize Clarke is gasping, quietly fighting back pain. You pull her to a stop, and Madi whispers, “We can make it to the north cave, come on!”

You ignore her and search Clarke over, pulling her hand away from her ribs and staring down at the black blood covering her hand. “You’re hurt.”

A look of fear passes over Clarke’s face and she turns to Madi, “We have to hide you.”

She looks around until she finds a cut out in a tree nearby, and she starts to urge Madi towards it. “You need to get in here.”

“Not without you.”

You glare at Clarke, blood still dripping from beneath her shirt. “Clarke, you can’t go on like this.”

“I have to keep Madi safe!”

You grab her shoulders, forcing her to look at you, “But who will keep you safe?”

You push both of them towards the hole, just large enough to hide Clarke and Madi. “You both need to hide, I’ll lead them away.”

“But-”

“Clarke there’s no time to argue about this! Get in here, stay hidden.” They both climb into the hole, looking up at you in fear, both reluctant to let you go. You smile down at them and Clarke whispers, “I love you.”

“I love you both.” You pass Madi your knife, wrapping her fingers around it. “Stay safe.”

And then you grab trees and branches from nearby, covering them both up, tucking them out of sight. You turn and run off, leading them away from your family, making sure to be loud enough that they follow you instead. You can hear the prisoners in the woods behind you, yelling updates to each other every time they catch a glimpse of you, and it only pushes you faster, trying to put as much distance as you can between you and the prisoners at your back. Unfortunately, you don’t expect them to shoot at you, and you hear the sound of gunshot pop through the air seconds before a bullet tears through your left shoulder. You let out a cry of pain, the injury surprising you and knocking you off your feet. You stumble and roll down a small hill, groaning as you reach the bottom. You hear footsteps approaching from behind you, and you start to jump to your feet when you feel a boot press down into your back, pinning you in place. 

You try to fight against them until you feel a hand press into the bullethole, making you scream out in pain, choked and broken. You hear a radio to your left, the voice of a woman coming through. “McCreary, we heard gunfire, report. I said report, McCreary.”

“Relax, Colonel. I told you we’d get her, and we did.” Someone grabs your hair, using it to tug your head up and back, and you sneer at the man who drops onto his knees in front of you. He reaches up to stroke a finger down your face, and you rear back and spit at him, watching the blob land in his beard near his mouth. He smacks you across the face, hard, snapping your head to the side, the movement tugging at your hair, and you bite back your sound of pain, not wanting to give him the satisfaction. He lifts his radio again and adds, “She’s a feisty one. Pretty, too.”

“Good work. Bring her to me, we’ve got a lot to talk about.” 

You are yanked to your feet by the man, McCreary, and he holds you tight by the shirt around your neck, limiting your movement. He half drags, half pushes you the whole way back to the village, and you try to keep an eye on your surroundings as you move, looking for any sight of Madi or Clarke. You’re relieved when you don’t see them in the village, still out there, still free, but your relief is short lived when you are shoved into the center of the village, surrounded by prisoners on all sides. The woman from before calls out, “Let me see her face.”

Your head is again yanked back by your hair, and you hold back a grunt of pain as your eyes land on the woman in front of you. You’re surprised to see that she’s young. Definitely older than you, but also younger than your mother, her face relatively smooth of any lines or signs of aging. Her hair is pulled back into a low ponytail, giving you a small view of the jagged scar that runs across the front of her neck. You shudder at the sight of it, not sure you want to know how she got it and survived, and you move your eyes from her to the man at her side. He’s younger than her, closer in age to you, and he’s handsome. His eyes seem kinder than the others, and he’s dressed differently, his clothes all black instead of tan. He looks at you suspiciously, before his eyes fall on McCreary behind you. “You only caught one?”

“We only saw one.” McCreary lets go of your hair, pushing your head down and into the grass. You pull yourself to your knees and then look up at the people surrounding you, watching as the handsome guy whispers, “I highly doubt she was alone.”

“How many others in the woods?”

You look up at the woman, mind running through what to do, until you remember Lincoln. Silent, steady, warrior with a heart, who didn’t say a word the entire time he was in your camp. None of you even knew he spoke English until Octavia told you later. You quietly decide to say nothing, hide your reactions, and you make your face blank and set your jaw as you look up at them, silent. The woman looks at McCreary, who smacks you across the face for a second time, the skin on your right cheek throbbing in pain. He drops down in front of you, and grinds out, “Answer the question.”

You stare up at him, still silent, and he lifts his arm and grabs your head before raising his fist, ready to punch you. You flinch a little, waiting for the blow, but the woman stops him in his tracks. “Not yet. First we pray.”

McCreary pulls you to your feet and drags you to the church, as the woman yells to the other prisoners, “Secure the perimeter. Her people will come for her, be ready!”

You are led straight inside of your home, and your lip curls up in disgust when you see that the prisoners have already made themselves at home. McCreary grabs a chair and tosses you into it, before snatching up a bit of rope and securing you in place. When he finishes, he stares at you for a long second, and you glare back, not letting him intimidate you. He glares back at you, before rising to his full height and punching you across the face. You grunt in pain, his hit landing in the same place as his last two, and you’re sure a bruise is already forming along your right cheek and eye.

The handsome man from before runs over and grabs McCreary before he can hit you again, yelling, “Hey, hey, stop! We need her.”

They both grab each other, McCreary hands reaching for the man’s neck, and the woman runs over to break up the spat. “Hey! Enough!”

“He’s not one of us. We lose four men, and he doesn’t even care.”

The woman glares at McCreary, snapping back, “He is one of us. None of us is here without Shaw.”

Shaw. The handsome man is Shaw, the man all too eager to hit you is McCreary. Shaw is different from the others, evident by McCreary’s “not one of us” comments, but you still aren’t sure how he’s different. You tuck all of the information away for later, in case you need it. The two men release each other as McCreary counters, “None of us is here without me, either. You remember that.”

The woman glares at him, grabbing him by the front of his uniform, her voice low and threatening. “We all have a role to play, and we’re all upset about the loss of our men. Take a team and sweep the woods for her friends.”

She releases him and he stares at her for a long second, before he nods and walks away, bumping Shaw on the way out. Shaw turns to glare at him, but makes no move towards him, and the woman walks closer to you, eyes scanning you. You see her gaze drop to the floor, onto a puddle of black blood near your feet, dripping from the bullethole in your shoulder. She turns to Shaw, pointing at the puddle. “You see this?”

He walks over to your chair and runs his finger through your blood, rubbing it between his fingers as he peers down at it. “Blood alteration like they had on the Eligius III. Two suns, no sunscreen needed.”

 _Two suns? Eligius III?_ Though the comment confuses you, you are careful to keep your expression blank, adding the information to the list of things that might be useful to you later.

“Must be how they survived down here.” The woman lifts her radio and mutters, “Bring me a med kit. Over.”

The request sends some hope, some relief through you, because captors rarely bandage up their prisoners if they’re just going to kill them in the end. For now, your survival seems likely, meaning you’re still useful to them. Something you can work with. The woman pulls up a chair across from you, sitting down into it, threading her fingers together. “We got off on the wrong foot, you and I. We had no idea that there was anyone alive down here. How could we have? We were just trying to get back home. Imagine our surprise when we found that there was no home to get back to, and then your people started killing mine. Surely you can understand why I’m upset, just like you were upset when we took your village. I don’t blame you. When a fascist government tried to take my home, I wanted blood, too. And I got it. Nobody else has to die today, just tell me what I need to know, and we can come up with an arrangement that works for all of us. Sound like a plan?”

You sift through the information she’s given you, filing parts of it away for later, careful to keep your expression neutral and unreadable. Shaw, convinced by your show, muses, “Maybe she doesn’t speak English.”

The woman doesn’t get to answer, because the door to your home suddenly bursts open, and a large man drags someone inside. “Colonel Diyoza, we found this one lurking in the woods outside.”

Your stomach drops as your eyes land on a head full of blonde hair, streaked with red, and she looks up and meets your eyes, looking worried. You see her eyes scan your face, landing on the forming bruise, before she takes notice of the blood dripping from your shoulder onto the ground. You see her worry deepen, but you send her a silent message with your eyes, letting her know you’re okay. You scan her body for additional injuries, relieved to find none as the woman, Diyoza, stands from the chair she was sitting in and slides it next to you, motioning towards it. “Tie her up next to the other one.”

As soon as Clarke is pushed down into the chair beside you, you turn her way and whisper, _“No gonasleng. Weron deimeka?”_

 _No English. Where’s the sun?_ She nods, understanding your command and your question. _“Klir. Kamp daun oso sontam honen graun.”_

 _Safe. Near our summer hunting grounds._ You nod before you look away, Clarke now tied up beside you. When you do, your eyes land on Shaw and Diyoza, who clearly heard your whispered conversation. Shaw turns to Diyoza, “So, no English then.”

The radio at Diyoza’s side crackles to life with McCreary’s voice, updating everyone on their search. You see Clarke perk up from the corner of your eye, and Diyoza must see it too, because she smirks as she pulls up another chair. “They speak English, they just want us to think they don’t so we’ll speak freely and reveal something they can use against us.”

The radio crackles with another update, Clarke clearly listening in, and you resist the urge to shake your head, wondering how someone so careful is now so obvious, her mama bear instincts overriding her warrior instincts. “Every time the patrol checks in this one looks at this. She’s tracking our movements, that’s all she cares about.”

Clarke freezes, not meaning to give either of you up, and Diyoza looks over to you, seeing if you’re going to change your mind and answer any of her earlier inquiries. When you make no move to, she leans back in her chair, appraising you both. “You don’t want to talk, that’s fine, don’t talk. But we’ll see how you feel when we find whoever it is you’re protecting.”

She lifts her radio, her eyes never leaving Clarke as she delivers the news. “Change of plans, ladies and gentlemen. No more prisoners, shoot to kill.”

Your blood runs cold, and you and Clarke share a look, but she manages to keep her cool, though you know she’s eager to kill everyone in this room and get back to Madi. Diyoza stands, watching you both, waiting for you to react, and when you don’t she sighs and puts the radio down on the table beside her. She grabs the medkit and walks over to you, but you shake your head, nodding over at Clarke. Her brows pull together but she moves to your twin instead, finding the injury they gave her when they blasted the three of you on the ridgeline. As she works, she calls out, “Shaw, they’re both bleeding, gimme a hand.”

She passes some supplies to Shaw before he walks over to you, searching your body for an injury. He finally finds the bullethole in your shoulder, and when he checks the front of your body, he sighs when he doesn’t see an exit wound. “The bullet is still in your shoulder, I’m going to have to free one of your hands so I can get your jacket off to get a better look. Are you going to behave?”

You stare at him, trying to decide what to do, before ultimately you give him a single nod, knowing that Clarke already alerted them about your ability to understand, and that bleeding out as a prisoner is not how you want to go out. Shaw frees your left hand and then helps you shrug out of the arm of your jacket before he tugs down the neck of your shirt to get a better look. As he does, you feel his finger pass over the jagged scar on your shoulder, the one Clarke gave you when she cauterized your arrow wound on Luna’s rig. His face pops back into view again, giving you a strange look before he reaches for a pair of surgical pliers. “This is going to hurt.”

You give him no reaction and he takes that as a sign to continue, digging the pliers into the hole in your shoulder, searching for the bullet. Your jaw clenches, biting back a scream of pain, trying to keep up your show of strength. He digs around for an agonizingly long second before you feel the pliers slide out of the wound. A second later he grabs your hand and drops the bullet into it, glinting in the light beneath your black blood. He grabs a suture kit and stitches you up, your mind distracted from the pain as you roll the bullet around in your hand. Shaw finishes quickly, bandages your wound, and helps you back into your jacket before he restrains your hand again and steps away from you. You tuck the bullet into your pocket, a reminder to you on what you’re dealing with here. Diyoza finishes up on Clarke, both of you now bandaged, and the two of them walk away from you and your twin, leaving you to contemplate the mess you’re in.

Hours pass, and slowly day turns to night as your captivity continues. The sporadic updates from McCreary leave you and Clarke with hope, no mention of them finding Madi, leaving at least one of you safe. Sometime after dark, Shaw grabs a canteen and offers Clarke and then you a sip of water, before he settles into the seat across from you, his voice soft and pleading. “Come on, what harm can come from telling me your name?”

He watches you, waiting for you to answer, but when you don’t he leans back in his chair with a sigh. “Well, believe it or not, this is the best conversation I’ve had in over a hundred years. I was an altar boy in a church just like this. Saginaw, about two hours outside Detroit. On my Harley, I’d make it in one. God, I miss that bike…more than I miss most of the people.”

He opens his mouth to say something else, but McCreary’s voice comes through the radio, sounding excited. “Someone just ran out of that cave. Harris, Falk, watch your six. Fast little thing, we can cut her off at the lake. Go west. Wait, scratch that. She’s turning North, I got a shot.”

You and Clarke exchange a look of fear, and she immediately breaks her silence. “No! She’s just a child.”

Diyoza turns to face her, surprised. “She speaks.”

“Please.”

She stalks towards Clarke, her voice hard. “How many others are in the woods?”

“None. It’s just the three of us. I am begging you, tell him not to shoot!”

“Fire at will.”

Clarke looks over at you, terrified at the thought of losing Madi, her daughter, her family, and you look at Diyoza. “I know where they are, over near our summer hunting grounds. She’s leading them into a trap. If they don’t stop right now, those men will die.”

Diyoza looks at you, unconvinced, but Shaw turns to her, looking sincere. “I believe her.”

You silently thank the kind hearted man as Clarke backs you up, “It’s the truth. If you let her go, we’ll tell you everything.”

Diyoza stares at you both, considering this offer, before she lifts the radio again. “All units: stand down. Falk, if McCreary disobeys, shoot him in the leg. Harris, if Falk disobeys, shoot him in the head. There may be traps near your position. Check it out and report back, over.”

It only takes a minute for them to come back on the radio, sounding shocked. “Son of a bitch, another bear trap. Almost stepped right in it.”

“Report to base camp. Over and out.”

Clarke looks up at the woman, eyes glassy with unshed tears. “Thank you.”

“Thank you for telling the truth. As long as you keep doing that, your friend in the woods will stay alive, and so will the two of you. Do we understand each other?”

You and Clarke both answer, “Yes.”

“Good, then let’s begin. Start with how the world ended.”

You and Clarke share a knowing look, before you lean back in your chair, your voice serious, “Which time?”

“There was more than one?”

“Two, actually.”

“Start from the beginning.”

Clarke takes over, beginning the history lesson, as McCreary and a few others step inside your home, listening in. “On the Ark, they taught us that the war started as a Chinese first strike, but they were wrong. It was started by an AI called Alie. Her intention was to reduce the popu-”

She’s cut off by someone’s voice coming in over the radio. “Colonel, we have five more hostiles. At least one is armed, are we still playing nice?”

Everyone in the room cuts a glare over at you and Clarke, but the two of you share a look, utterly and completely bewildered. _There’s no way._ Diyoza grabs her radio, “Stand by.” 

She points to the others in the room. “Find out where they are and reinforce their position. Not you, McCreary.”

She comes to stand in front of you and Clarke, absolutely fuming. “What did I tell you would happen if you lied to me?”

“We didn’t-”

“Everyone else is locked-”

Diyoza cuts you both off, hitting Clarke across the face, and then you. You bite back a yell of pain, sure that your cheek is bruised at this point. “Take them outside. Use the collar.”

Your eyes widen in alarm, not liking the sound of that, and the reactions of the two men around you only increase your worry. McCreary grins, already walking towards you. “I thought you’d never ask.”

Shaw stands from his seat, looking worried. “Colonel…they’re cooperating.”

“Which is why they’ll live. Their friends, on the other hand…” She lifts the radio, finally deciding on her plans. “Four of ours are dead. It’s time to even the score.”

McCreary snaps a thick collar around your neck as another prisoner puts one on Clarke, and you are both pulled to your feet and dragged to the door, fighting the entire time. McCreary tosses you down the stairs, and you roll, hitting your shoulder on the way down. You hold back your scream, letting out a quiet groan of pain as Clarke is tossed down beside you. You pull yourself to your knees, your hands desperately clutching at the collar, and McCreary comes down the stairs and stops in front of you, two remotes in his hand. He tsks, “I wouldn’t do that if I was you, you might burn your fingers.”

You pull your fingers away just in time, because seconds later a pulse of electricity moves from the collar, through your body. Little sounds of pain slip past your lips as you convulse, the shock worse than anything you’ve ever felt from the batons, and you can hear Clarke somewhere nearby, making similar sounds of pain. All around you prisoners start to cheer, gathering in a circle to watch, and you start to crawl away, hoping that you can outrun the pain that radiates through your body. Clarke groans out, “Please, we weren’t lying!”

“Hit them again.”

He hits you both again, both of you crying out in pain as the shock electrifies every cell in your body, tearing you apart, piece by piece. When the pain finally stops, you convulse for a second, your body trying to shake the pain off, and McCreary drops down in front of you, grinning. You weakly mutter, “We don’t know who that was.”

“I guess you made your point.”

You’re grateful for Shaw, still trying to defend you and your twin, but Diyoza is less impressed. “You might be right. But just in case, hit them again.”

He electrifies you again, your whole body shaking from the force of it, and you can feel yourself growing weaker as the pulse moves through you. The pain stops abruptly, but it takes a second for your senses to return, and when you do, you realize you and Clarke are side by side, sitting in the path of a bright light. Diyoza yells, “Hold, and fire on my command.”

You and Clarke crawl towards each other, staring at the rover in front of you, as Clarke whispers, “Madi, no.”

Diyoza yells, “Come out with your hands high!”

You hear the rover door open and close, and you peer towards it, blinded by the bright lights. A figure approaches slowly, much taller than Madi, and your stomach drops, not sure what you’re seeing. Before their face comes into view, you hear their voice, washing over you and leaving you shocked. “I’m unarmed. Just want to talk.”

He comes closer, stepping into the path of the light, his face now coming into view. 

_Bellamy._

Tears instantly spring to your eyes, falling down your cheeks at the sight of him. He’s older, but he looks good, really good, facial hair now covering the lower half of his face. His hair is still long, curls bouncing around his face. You have to resist every cell in your body, screaming at you to run to him and jump in his arms. Instead, you pull yourself to your knees, your eyes locked on him, watching as he looks at all the prisoners pointing a gun his way. 

“Talk. Give me one good reason not to kill you where you stand.”

Bellamy’s voice is full of leadership as he looks at Diyoza, “How about I give you 283? That’s how many of your people are gonna die if you and I can’t make a deal.”

He holds up a cup in his hand, and it must mean something to Diyoza because she freezes in place, an unreadable expression passing over her face. She nods, and Bellamy holds up a hand, signaling for the rover to back up and drive away. You hear Clarke sigh beside you, relieved that Madi is still safe. Diyoza glances back at you and your twin, before turning her focus on Bellamy. “283 lives for two. They must be pretty important to you.”

For the first time, Bellamy’s eyes finally find yours, surprised to see you on the ground, clearly in pain. Clarke is now on her knees beside you, looking at Bellamy in shock, and you see a look of pain pass over Bellamy’s face as he looks you over, taking in your appearance. He answers Diyoza, his eyes locked solely on you. “They are.”

You feel a rush of tears fall down your face again, fully crying as you look at the love of your life, back on Earth, standing in front of you. You can feel your muscles tense, wanting to run to him, but the collar shifts on your neck, reminding you of its presence, so you don’t. You just sit there, eyes locked on Bellamy, his eyes locked on yours, reminding you of all the love, memories, and history that the two of you share. 

Diyoza turns to Shaw, her expression serious. “Assemble a team and head back to the transport, check on our people.”

Shaw starts to walk away, but Diyoza grabs him. “Take the girls with you. Anything goes wrong, kill them both.”

Shaw nods once, and McCreary pulls you to your feet while someone else grabs Clarke. They start to pull you away, away from Bellamy, and any self restraint you held onto goes out the window, threatened with the thought of never seeing Bellamy again. You start to fight, pulling against McCreary’s hold on you, wiggling in his grip. You call out for Bellamy, finally getting yourself free from your captor, and you take off towards him, Bellamy’s arms already opening, ready to grab you in a hug. You smile, overcome with relief, but you never make it to him. Halfway across the space someone activates your collar, sending electricity pulsing through you, more powerful than before. You hit the ground, convulsing and twitching, your body focused on nothing other than the shockwaves that pulse through you. You think you’re screaming, but it’s hard to tell. It’s hard to think of anything other than the electricity that invades your body and destroys you.

You’re relieved when the pain finally stops, but your body is exhausted, unable to handle the last hit of electricity, and you feel yourself start to slip into unconsciousness. You hear Shaw yelling at someone, and Bellamy saying your name, and you try to fight the darkness that engulfs you, wanting to get back to him, but it’s too strong. It grabs your body, wrapping you up, before the darkness takes the plunge, bringing you with it. 

-


	62. lxii. pandora's box (5.04)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: mentions of injuries, torture, violence and explosions, anxiety.
> 
> Summary: Diyoza and the Eligius prisoners agree to help you open the bunker, but none of you are prepared for the danger you let out.

You pull your eyes open with a groan, staring at a gray wall in front of you.

Your brows pull together in confusion, trying to remember where you are. Your jacket is off and tucked beneath your head, a cool breeze floating over your skin. You feel a throbbing pain in your left shoulder, and you reach up to touch it, fingers brushing over a bandage. You remember the bullet, and someone, a guy, stitching you up. You close your eyes tight and try to remember, forcing your brain to push through the cotton packed inside of your head, making everything feel fuzzy. 

_Handsome guy, young, all black outfit…Shaw. Shaw took your bullet out and patched you up. After Clarke showed up._ You sit up abruptly, remembering that your twin was with you, and look around, searching for her. But whatever room you’re in, she’s not in there with you, and you lower yourself back down, too drained of energy to continue sitting up. _Okay, Clarke showed up, and then the prisoners thought you were lying and then…the collar._ Your fingers reach up and brush over your neck, relieved to find that the shock collar is gone, no longer locked around your neck. 

Your neck, however, still feels tender, the memory of the collar bruised into your skin. You start to think again, things becoming clearer, falling into place. You were being tortured outside but that all stopped when something happened. _Bright lights, Clarke sitting up nervously. The rover. Madi showed up with the rover._ You feel a rush of shock at the memory, and you know you’re missing something. A big piece of the puzzle, just out of reach. _Taller, older, a man. Rush of affection, Bellamy?_

You shake your head, knowing that can’t be right. Bellamy is stuck in space, away from you, and you’re stuck on the ground, away from him. Still, you start to swear you see him in the flashes of your memory, and you can’t shake the feeling that he was there. Your thoughts are abruptly interrupted by the beep of the door behind you, and you freeze in place, terrified of who is going to walk inside your room. You hear a pair of feet shuffle away, and you turn, hesitant, shocked to see Bellamy standing in the doorway of the room you’re in. You stare at him in surprise, watching as he runs over to you and sits down beside you, helping you to pull your body upright into a sitting position. 

Your eyes rake over him in shock, taking him in, and his familiar scent floats towards you, flipping a switch in your brain. Tears instantly rise to your eyes, and you jump towards him, pulling him into a hug. The two of you cling to each other desperately, holding tight, afraid to let go, and you finally let yourself believe that he’s actually here with you. You whisper, “You’re really here.”

He pulls away to look at you, expression heartbroken, tears also in his eyes. The two of you stare at each other, crying, the emotion of the moment almost too much to handle. His eyes land on the bruise on your cheek, and then to the bruise on your neck, before landing to the corner of the bandage that covers your shoulder. His expression drops and he tugs you forward, pressing your foreheads together, his hand resting on the back of your neck lightly. You revel in his presence as you cry, too overwhelmed to say or do anything else. The moment ends when you hear the shuffling of feet by the door, and when you look up you see Clarke standing there, relief all over her face. 

She walks over to you and pulls you into a hug, both of you thankful to still be alive, before she releases you and hugs Bellamy, just as shocked to see him as you are. As soon as she pulls away, she whispers, “Madi?”

“She’s safe. She’s in the woods with the others. Diyoza won’t look for them as long as we’re in control.”

You look at him, your heart bursting with joy. “You’re all still alive? Murphy, Monty, Raven?”

“Echo and Emori.” He nods, looking between you both, trying to convey his appreciation. “The two of you saved us all.”

“And now you’re home.” You smile at him, still in shock, and he smiles back. Clarke looks back towards the open door, and looks at him in confusion. “Wait, why’d she release us?”

“We made a deal. She agreed to open the bunker.” You and Clarke look at him in happy surprise, shocked to hear the words you never thought you’d get to hear. Bellamy looks between the two of you as he grabs his radio. “Raven and Murphy are up on their main ship, waiting to hear from us. We used their fuel to get down, but as we were loading it up, we stumbled upon the rest of their prisoners, sealed up in cryo chambers.”

“So the sleeping prisoners are our leverage?”

“Yes. If Diyoza backs out on her word, we call Raven and they pull the plug, killing them all.” He holds the radio up, showing it to you both. “It’s time to check in, if you guys want to join in?”

“Yes!”

“Of course!”

“Raven, can you hear me? Come in.” 

“Tell me everyone’s okay.” You and Clarke share a smile at the sound of her voice, her words reminding you of the radio call you all shared after Clarke destroyed the City of Light. 

“Everyone’s okay. We reached a deal with the people from that ship, and, by the way, the Laser-comm’s an open line, so they can hear every word we say.”

Your grin widens at the sound of the next voice, comforted by the jokes of the cockroach. “Nice to meet you. We’re not bad people, we-”

Bellamy cuts Murphy off, practically rolling his eyes. “Raven, keep him away from the radio.”

“Copy that.”

“Anyway, they know the rules, but just to be safe, Colonel Diyoza, here they are again. If anyone tries to get around your security, you pull the plug. If anyone does anything that wasn’t agreed upon, you pull the plug, and if you don’t hear from me every hour on the hour, you pull the plug.”

“Is that all?”

Bellamy looks over at the two of you, smiling. “No, that’s not all. Some people here want to say hello.”

He hands the radio to you, and you press the button with a smile. “Raven, Murphy, it’s really good to hear your voices.”

Clarke adds, “We weren’t sure we’d ever get to hear them again.”

Raven’s voice sounds shocked when she answers, and you can only imagine the expression on her face. “The twins? I don’t believe it.”

“Jeez, and they call me the cockroach.”

You, Bellamy, and Clarke all laugh at Murphy’s quip, and you feel a pang in your chest, finally getting some semblance of normalcy that you’ve longed for in the last 6 years. Clarke answers, “You guys just be careful up there, okay? We’ll talk more once this is all over.”

You add, “We want to hear everything!”

“Okay, but first,” Raven’s voice is shaky, and you can tell she’s crying. “Thank you for saving our lives.”

“We miss you both.”

Bellamy puts a hand on your shoulder and whispers, “We’ve got to go.”

You and Clarke nod, and you pass the radio back to him. “Raven, stay safe. We’ll talk soon.”

“Yeah, every hour on the hour.”

As soon as they sign off, Bellamy reaches out for you and Clarke both, taking your hands and leading you out into the hall, towards a row of seats situated along the wall. “We’re scheduled to take off as soon as the check in is complete. They’re going to use the transport to remove the rubble, and they’ll use their mining equipment to blast a hole into the ceiling.”

You and Clarke nod, allowing him to lead you both to the seats, all three of you strapping in. Almost as soon as you’re secure, the transport takes off, lifting into the sky and flying towards Polis. You, Clarke, and Bellamy sit in silence for most of the trip, too much to say with not enough time, but eventually he asks about the time you spent trying to dig the bunker out, and you and Clarke pass along the story. As you tell the story, the prisoners use the weapons and the transport to clear the way to the door, before landing the ship and coming to get you. Diyoza, along with McCreary, leads you out and to the door, setting up a rig to lower all of you down into the bunker through the hole they have now blasted into the ceiling over the atrium of the bunker. Bellamy volunteers to go first, eager to see Octavia, and he stands patiently as they harness him up.

He turns to look at you as they prepare to lower him down, and you see a look of fear pass over his face. You smile, reach out, and grab his hand. “I’ll be right behind you.”

He nods, and they lower him down, already hooking you up to the second harness, making sure Bellamy is out of the way as they start to lower you. As you descend from the bright sky above into the bunker below, you’re shocked at how different the bunker looks from the last time you were in it over 6 years ago. The atrium is dark, lit mostly by torches, and a fence now surrounds the walkway. You see a chair as you’re lowered inside, and it reminds you of a throne, solitary and commanding. As you near the last few feet to the ground, you see weapons attached to the fence around the atrium, and you swear you see blood staining the floor around you. When your feet finally touch the ground, you see Bellamy nearby, held tight in an embrace with Octavia, who also looks entirely different from the girl you left behind. 

Her hair is shorter, her clothes a lot more reminiscent of those worn by Grounder royalty and Commanders. She has red war paint stretching from her eyes to her hairline, making her whole forehead a blood red color. As soon as she sees you touch down beside Bellamy, she pulls away and steps over to you, pulling you into a hug. You smile despite your shock at the changes, genuinely happy to see her. When she pulls away, you can see that she’s smiling too. “I’ve missed you, sister.”

Her smile widens, “And I’ve missed you.”

She looks away as someone else is lowered behind you, and you look up to see Clarke on her way down. Bellamy walks over and helps you out of the harness, tugging on it to let them know they can pull it back up again. It retreats and Clarke finally makes it to the ground, disconnecting from the lead and tugging on it before walking over to greet Octavia. They don’t hug, they just grip each other’s arms in the way of the warriors, before you all look up at the current descending figures. Diyoza and McCreary are lowered into the space, looking around at everything in shock, and Octavia looks at them with a glare. “Who are they?”

Diyoza turns to her with a serious look. “We’re here to rescue you.”

“Why are you armed?”

Octavia walks towards the woman, and Bellamy reaches out for her, holding her back. “O, it’s okay. We have an understanding.”

Clarke steps forward, looking between Octavia and Indra, who has now joined your small group. “Before we get to that, where’s our mom?”

“I’ll take them to their mother.”

Clarke nods at Indra in thanks, both of them already walking away, and you turn to look at Bellamy, not wanting to leave him behind. But he gives you the same reassuring smile that you gave him a few minutes ago, and he whispers, “Go, I’ll come find you.”

You nod and turn and jog off after Indra and Clarke, catching up with them quickly as they lead you through the bunker and to a door down an abandoned hallway. Indra unlocks it before stepping inside, motioning for you and Clarke to wait. You stand at the open door with Clarke, both of you hearing your mom’s voice from inside. “Is it over?”

“He’s alive…for now.”

You and Clarke exchange a look, unsure who she’s talking about, but you don’t get time to ask, because Indra motions for you to come in. You and Clarke walk inside together, greeting your mother at the same time. “Hi, Mom.”

She turns towards you both, her jaw dropped in shock, not sure she’s actually seeing you. You and Clarke kneel in front of her, and she lifts a hand to each of your faces, confirming that you’re real, before she pulls you both in for a hug. “My girls. How? When did you-”

Indra cuts her off, “We should move, now.”

You and Clarke pull away, and Clarke smiles at your mother, tears in her eyes. For the first time, you get a good look at her, and worry crosses your features instantly. Your mom looks exhausted, dark bags hanging low from her eyes, and her skin is pale and clammy. You glance at Clarke, and you can see the same worry on her face, but she ignores it and whispers, “Everything’s gonna be okay, but first, we have to get you out of here.”

All three of you stand, and your mom turns to Indra. “What happens to Marcus?”

You look at her, brows pulling together in confusion as you remember the “he” she was asking about moments ago. “Kane? What’s wrong? What happened?”

“He was arrested for something he didn’t do, and sent into the fighting pits.”

You and Clarke exchange a confused expression, before you turn to look between your mom and Indra. “ _Fighting_ pits? What the hell are you-”

“There’s no time to explain now.” Indra’s words cut you off, before she turns to your mom. “I’ll get him to the ground. After that, it’s up to you.”

Indra turns and walks from the room, leading the three of you back towards the atrium. Your mom stops her so she can grab her medical bag, and you turn and look back towards the exit, eager to reunite with Bellamy. Clarke squeezes your hand and smiles at you. “Go be with him. We’ll be there in a few minutes.”

You squeeze her hand and smile back at her. “Thank you.”

You jog back to the atrium, the sound of chanting growing louder as you get closer. You’re just outside the doors when you make out the words, _“Kom folau, oso na gyon op.”_

 _From the ashes, we will rise._ You smile at the words as you step into the room, eyes lifting to see Octavia rising through the air, up towards the ground. You make your way over to Bellamy, noting the worry on his face, but it fades as soon as he sees you moving closer. He smiles at you, motioning for you to step up and be the next one to the surface. You stand there as he hooks you up in the harness, in disbelief that the two of you are standing this close, breathing the same air, smiling at each other. As soon as he has you hooked up, McCreary hooks Bellamy up, and both of you are lifted from the bunker, followed by the same chant as before. 

You, Bellamy, and Octavia spend the next few minutes greeting everyone that is brought to the surface, including Clarke and Indra, your mother staying behind to wait with Kane. After a while, Miller is brought up, and he grins at you and Bellamy, both of you grinning back at him. “Thank you.”

Bellamy pulls him onto a hug, “It’s good to see you.”

When Bellamy pulls away, he sees a gun at Nate’s side and his face falls into one of disappointment. Nate’s expression falls a little, clearly not eager to disappoint Bellamy, and Bellamy turns and walks over to Octavia, his voice lecturing. “The deal was no weapons.”

You hug Miller before helping him out of the harness, swinging it to the nearby prisoner to get it ready for the next person. You hear Octavia retort, “Not my deal.”

“I need to talk to you in private. Give me a second, then follow me.”

Bellamy turns and glances at you before he walks away, climbing down the rubble and heading into one of the nearby abandoned buildings. Octavia waits before following, and as soon as she climbs down, out of earshot, Indra radioes your mother. “Okay, bring him up.”

As soon as she gets confirmation that they’re on their way, Indra motions for you and Clarke to follow her down the rubble and onto the ground below. She steps slightly out of view just in case Octavia returns, and you all wait in silence for Kane’s arrival. It takes a few minutes, but you finally see him on the surface, shielding his eyes from the bright sun with his cuffed hands. The prisoners unhook him and then Kane climbs down the rubble, looking for the three of you. As soon as his eyes land on you and Clarke, his whole face lights up, splitting into a grin. You smile back at him, happy to see the father figure, and he reaches Clarke first. She hugs him tight, smiling, before stepping back and allowing you to hug him. You give him a squeeze, letting your hug say all the things you don’t have time to say, before you pull away and look at him. He looks good, better than a lot of the people you’ve seen in the bunker. He does looks tired and there’s a small cut on his head, but his hair is longer and he otherwise looks healthy. 

Indra presses something into his hands, muttering, “Wait for night. If you get caught, I won’t be able to help you.”

She turns and immediately walks away, and as soon as she does, Kane opens his hand, revealing the keys to his handcuffs. He tucks them into his pocket as your mom walks over, now free from the bunker, and she hugs you and Clarke again as soon as she sees you. You look towards the building that Octavia and Bellamy walked into, watching as Bellamy comes out, and you pull away from your mom quickly, “Octavia’s coming, you two need to hide.”

Clarke grabs your mom’s hand and looks towards you, “I know where to take them. Keep an eye on Octavia.”

“Will do.”

The three of them run off, and Octavia and Bellamy join you a minute later, and the three of you resume your assistance in the bunker exodus. You do this for a few hours, until the sun sets and darkness blankets the destroyed city, the flame from torches the only thing lighting up the streets. As you’re helping a couple out of the bunker, you hear a blast come from nearby, and Bellamy turns to look at you in shock. “What the hell was that?”

You think of the explosion on the ridgeline, the sound you heard then the exact same as the one you heard just now. You give him a worried look as you turn and move towards the source, “I know what that was, and it’s not good.”

Bellamy and Octavia follow you as you run through the streets towards an old fountain, Diyoza’s voice growing louder as you get closer. “Sorry about your pretty fountain, but that was only half power. I know most of you are armed. If anyone moves for a weapon, you’ll see what full power does to human flesh. It’s not pretty.”

As soon as you and Bellamy get eyes on her, he starts to yell, “Hey! Hey, what the hell are you doing? One call from me-”

“Make your call.”

You all come to a stop across from Diyoza, you in the middle, Bellamy to your left, Octavia to your right. Bellamy looks worried as he pulls his radio from his pocket. “Raven, come in. You read me?”

Your stomach drops in fear as Raven’s voice never comes through, and Diyoza smirks at you. “The deal’s off, but nobody has to get hurt.”

Clarke comes running up just then, and Diyoza turns to look at her. “Where’s your mother?”

Octavia steps closer to Diyoza, face set into a glare. “She’s our doctor, you can’t have her.”

McCreary turns his weapon on Clarke, and you feel fear grip you tight at the thought of what that gun can do, especially since you’re all standing so close. “She asked you a question, where is the doctor?”

A different prisoner turns his weapon on Octavia, and her people start to move closer, hands moving towards their weapons at the sight of the threat to their leader. Diyoza yells at her prisoners to stop, and Octavia yells to her people, “No! Hold.”

Everyone stands staring at each other in a tense showdown, just as a voice yells out from around the corner, “I’m right here! Don’t shoot, we’ll come without a fight.”

Your mom and Kane walk into view, hands lifted in surrender, coming to a stop near Clarke. As soon as Octavia sees Kane, she spits out, “I bet _you_ will, traitor.”

Diyoza looks at your mother in surprise. “We?”

“The two of us. Those are my terms.”

Diyoza smirks, looking between you and Clarke. “I see where your daughters get it from. Take them both.”

You and Clarke turn to your mom in shock, just as two prisoners step forward to grab her and Kane. “Mom, what are you doing?”

“I love you both.”

“Wait, mom-”

They are led away before either of you can finish another word, and Diyoza looks over your group, voice rising to be heard. “Okay then, here are my terms. The valley is ours. Any attempt to get there will be met by overwhelming force. As long as you stay here, we won’t have a problem. Is that a problem?”

“What about Raven and Murphy?”

She looks at your boyfriend, nodding once. “For now, insurance.” She starts to back away, yelling to the prisoners nearby. “Let’s go, on me.”

Everyone moves except for one man, the prisoner whose weapon is trained on Octavia. Diyoza yells, “Szybunka, that’s an order!”

The man stays frozen for a moment before he finally starts to back away, and you glance at Octavia, watching a smirk pass over her face. Szybunka must see it too, because he lets out a frustrated yell and turns the weapon towards her, firing. You barely have enough time to process what’s happening, but you see someone from the bunker dive towards Octavia just as Bellamy tugs on your hand, trying to pull you away from the blast. Unfortunately the blast hits someone, blowing them to pieces, and the rest of you are sent flying by the force of the explosion. 

You and Bellamy are sent to the side, catching the outskirts of the blast, and Octavia goes flying backwards, shielded from the brunt of the damage, but taking most of the blast. You can hear the sound of Diyoza yelling to the prisoners, but you can’t make out the words over the ringing in your ears. Everything feels muffled and wrong, and it takes a few seconds for your senses to return, and when they do, you almost wish they hadn’t. Your shoulder is on fire, smashed from the way you landed, and you’re sure you ripped open a few stitches. Your head is throbbing, and you start to worry that you cracked it on the concrete when you feel a warm hand slide beneath your neck and another wrap around your body, pulling you closer.

You pull open your eyes, Bellamy’s face swimming in your vision, and you watch his mouth move, though you can’t quite make out what he’s saying. It takes a few more seconds for the ringing to quiet down, a chorus of groans and screams alerting you to the pain of others, and finally Bellamy’s voice cuts through the noise, “Natshana, can you hear me? Are you okay?”

You nod weakly, trying to gather yourself. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

You sit up, groaning as you do, reaching over to touch your shoulder. When you pull your hand away, you see black blood on your fingers, and Bellamy must see it too because he reaches around to your shoulder and peels back your bandage. You’re sure it must look pretty bad because Bellamy pulls you to your feet, eyes frantically looking around. “We need to find Clarke.”

Alarms go off in your brain at the mention of her name, and you start to worry until your eyes fall on her nearby, already tending to someone’s wounds, looking fine. You sigh in relief, and Bellamy supports your weight as he tries to lead you there, pausing in place when Indra and Octavia appear in front of you. You’re relieved to see that she’s alive, blood splattered all over the side of her face, though you aren’t sure if it’s hers. She’s leaning most of her weight on Indra, clearly hurting, but she’s alive, and that’s enough for now. Octavia, however, seems to think otherwise, because she’s pissed. Face pulled into a glare, directed at her brother. “I trusted you. This is your fault.”

You hear Miller yell from somewhere behind you, “Blodreina, what do we do now?”

Octavia sets her jaw, already walking away from her brother. “Now we go to war.”

You look up at Bellamy, watching as anxiety passes over his face, suddenly right back to where you were before Praimfaya came. Six years spent in three different locations, in space, on the ground, in the bunker, and you end up back at war for the last survivable spot on the planet. You remember Bellamy’s words to you and Kane when the three of you were locked up by Roan before Praimfaya, and you whisper, “We always end up here.”

The words don’t alleviate Bellamy’s anxiety, and when you glance over to Clarke, you can see that she’s thinking the same thing that you are. _Maybe none of you are as good as you think you are. Maybe you’re all just killers, and that’s all you’ll ever be. Maybe you will always be at war, one way or another, unable to live at peace._

**_Maybe you’re the problem._ **

-


	63. lxiii. shifting sands (5.05)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: creepy parasitic worms, blood, anxiety, scary sandstorms.
> 
> Summary: When you and Clarke find out about a scouting group on its way to Shallow Valley, you do everything in your power to join them.

You spend all night helping Bellamy and Clarke tend to the wounded from the blast. Sometime after sunrise, early in the morning, someone comes to Bellamy, asking for help with moving the rubble from the fountain. You start to go with him, but Clarke holds you back, motioning towards a ledge for you to sit on. “I need to look at your shoulder.”

You look towards Bellamy and he nods, giving you a small smile before following the man, leaving you with your twin and Jackson. Clarke cleans up your wound, working quickly to restitch the few that were ruined, and Jackson finishes checking on a patient before he comes to watch her work. “Could’ve used you in the bunker, Clarke.”

“You had our mother.” You and Clarke look over at Jackson when he says nothing, and when you do, you see him looking away from the two of you, averting his eyes. You give Clarke a confused look, and she shrugs before asking, “Why was she afraid? Why was Kane arrested? Please help us to understand what happened down there.”

Jackson starts to step away, avoiding eye contact, and Clarke rebandages your shoulder quickly so she can follow him. Her plans are stopped as Miller walks into the alcove the three of you are in, and pulls Jackson into a hug. Jackson whispers, “Be safe, okay?”

You spot the pack on Miller’s back and you and Clarke exchange another look as you both take note of it. The two men exchange a kiss before Miller pulls away and walks right past you, eyes never glancing your way. You and Clarke call out to him, following him as he ignores you and heads towards the exit of Polis, “Miller! Miller, wait!”

Bellamy is nearby when he hears you and Clarke yelling at Miller’s retreating figure, and he stops clearing rubble to stand in the man’s path, blocking his exit. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down. Where are you going?”

“Wish I could tell you, Bellamy.”

A hurt look passes over Bellamy’s face. “Octavia told you not to?”

The pieces start to fall together, the secrecy, the war for the valley, and you turn to your twin. “They’re going to Shallow Valley ahead of the army.”

The words are enough to put you both in movement, making your way towards the building that Octavia is using as a headquarters. Madi is in the valley with the rest of Spacekru, and nobody knows the area better than you and Clarke do. That’s enough to get you both eager to be on the scouting team. Miller runs after the two of you, the roles now reversed, grabbing each of you to pull you to a stop. “You can’t just do whatever the hell you want here!”

Clarke glares at him, “I’m guessing you’re moving ahead of the army, to scout forward terrain. Which route are you taking?”

When Miller says nothing, you shrug and add, “It’s sandstorm season. The wind moves in a predictable path. We’ve made the trip dozens of times, you need our help.”

He hesitates and then releases you both, allowing you to continue your path to the headquarters. You can hear Octavia’a voice as you grow closer, talking to the others inside. “They don’t know we’re coming, so all three Northern passes will be wide open. But the village will be fortified. Where’s the water source?”

You hear Indra question, “Why? What are you thinking?”

Clarke looks at you with worry, knowing the dangers of Octavia poisoning the last water source in the last valley on Earth. She bursts through the door first, you right behind her, Bellamy and Miller behind you. Clarke deadpans, “My question exactly.”

A woman you don’t recognize, tattoos running down her forehead, glares at Miller. “Miller, your orders were to go-”

He cuts her off quickly, sounding annoyed. “I know my orders. I think we should listen to what the twins have to say.”

Octavia looks at him in surprise, but she turns towards you nonetheless, brows lifted, waiting for you to respond. “You can’t take the sea route.”

Indra looks at Clarke in confusion, not understanding her dissent. “Why? You said the sea is gone. Is it passable or not?”

“Yes, maybe. But you have to understand-”

Octavia starts walking towards the door, already done with the conversation. “Maybe’s good enough for me. Let’s move out.”

Bellamy steps into her path to stop her, and suddenly every guard in the room has their weapons raised, trained on him. You see a look of confusion, mingled with fear, pass over his face, before Octavia orders, “Stand down.”

Their weapons lower, and Bellamy pleads, “Please, O, just hear us out.”

You smile at her, hoping her anger doesn’t extend to you, hoping that you can get through to her. “Octavia, we’re all on the same team. No one wants to get to that valley more than us, because it’s our _home_. But this way is too risky.”

“Risky how?”

Octavia grabs your hand and pulls you over to the map, “Show me.”

You look at the path she has traced onto the map, instantly aware of the dangers associated with it. “You chose the shortest route, which makes sense, but the dry seabed is hit by almost constant sandstorms.”

“We have the tents from the Second Dawn. Sand won’t be a problem.”

“It’s not just sand.” They all look at you, at a loss for what you mean, so you clarify, “Some of the sand crystallized in Praimfaya. I’m talking shards of glass like razor blades. Your tents will be torn to shreds, and so will you.”

The tattooed woman listens to what you have to say, and then immediately disagrees with you. “Blodreina is right. Besides, we can only carry rations for 7 days, the sea route will take 6. The next shortest path adds 50 miles. That’s two days, if we’re lucky.”

“How do we know there won’t be sandstorms on the longer routes?”

You open your mouth to respond to Indra, but snap it closed again when Octavia’s voice cuts through the room. “Enough. We’re doing this. The hydrofarm is barely feeding us now, so if this is the last living valley on Earth, then it should be ours.” 

Bellamy counters, “Diyoza thinks the same thing.”

“And so we fight.” She turns and walks from the room without another word, the other guards following behind her. Only Indra lingers, giving Bellamy a serious look. “Your sister needs you, Bellamy. I’m glad you’re here for her.”

Bellamy doesn’t say anything, and Indra moves towards the door, motioning to the right of it. “There are packs with the rations here by the door.”

And then she walks out the door, following the path of the others, already yelling orders as soon as she is outside. You, Bellamy, and Clarke stand there in silence, looking between each other, and Bellamy mutters, “Am I crazy or were they gonna kill me for getting in her way?”

“Looked that way to me.”

Clarke looks outside, shaking her head. “What are we gonna do?”

“Raven and Murphy are in trouble, so I have to go with them.” You nod, already in agreement with him, and he turns to grab the packs, pulling his on and holding the other two out to you and your twin. “Six day hike through sandstorm country, with gladiator cults. What could go wrong?”

You let out a snort of laughter, and grab your pack. As soon as it’s pulled on, you motion towards the door, “After you.”

The three of you walk out of the headquarters and fall in line at the back of the army, marching towards the place you’ve called home for the last six years, which is on its way to becoming a war zone.

-

The energy surrounding your reunion is strange and charged, given the tense circumstances under which it occurred. Because of that, you, Bellamy, and Clarke spend most of the hike in silence, only sticking to topics related to the bunker. Bellamy lets you know what he found out about the fighting pits from Octavia, how many people survived, and the level of dedication he’s seen from Wonkru. You and Clarke let him know the very little information you have about Kane, along with the worry you both have for the condition you found your mother in. 

Before you know it, night falls, and Octavia orders everyone to set up camp, which is where you find yourself now, sitting around a campfire with Bellamy and Clarke, all of you watching Octavia at the campfire nearby. She is sitting in a circle of followers, holding up a ration, while those around her do the same. “We honor those who died, so we might live. _Omon gon oson._ ”

Everyone repeats the words back to her, and then they break off a piece of their rations and chew, before passing it to the person to their right, repeating the process all over again. Clarke picks at the granola bar in her lap, uninterested in it, and you try to offer her a piece of the cookie in your hands. But she shakes her head and glances at the group again, repeating their words in English. “‘All of me for all of us.’ It’s kind of beautiful.”

Bellamy looks at her in confusion. “How so?”

“They lost 400 people, that’s a third of everyone in that bunker. They had no idea if they’d ever get out. Yet look at them: strong, unified. I can see why our mom was terrified, but you gotta admit, it’s impressive.”

You nod, agreeing, but Bellamy seems less impressed with them, and more impressed with the two of you. “So is surviving alone. How’d you do it?”

“We weren’t alone.” You smile at Clarke and then turn back to Bellamy. “We had Madi and each other. A small family, but one that worked.”

Clarke stands, handing you her rations, “I’m tired, you can have the rest of my rations.”

You see the look in her eye and you smile, knowing this is just an excuse to give you some alone time with Bellamy. Still, you’re thankful for it, and her, and you squeeze her hand before she turns away and leaves the two of you alone. You hand half of Clarke’s rations to him, the two of you sharing, before you look up at the sky, the stars stretching all around you in the vast desert. You smile as you think of the valley, and the home you started to build there. “I can’t wait until we get to the valley. It took a lot of work, but me, Clarke, and Madi spent the last few years preparing it for those in the bunker and for all of you. Of course, we didn’t expect prisoners to come down from space too, but it doesn’t matter. As soon as we figure out a way to live in the valley, I have something to show you, a house. Built for two.”

You turn your smiling face towards him, and you can tell he’s been watching you in awe, a smile on his own face. As the two of you sit staring at each other, you realize that in the chaos of your reunion, the two of you never sealed the moment with a kiss. But you start to think that maybe that’s because the Universe wanted your first kiss after six years to be perfect, and nothing is more perfect than a kiss underneath the stars. You close your eyes and start to lean in, but just as you do, you hear someone let out a blood curdling scream. 

Your eyes fly open in alarm, immediately looking around for the source of the sound, seeing nothing at first. You and Bellamy both stand, looking out into the darkness, finally seeing a light bouncing in the distance and you hear Indra yell, “It’s the scouts!”

“Miller, what is it?”

“Medic! We need help! It’s Obika!”

You see Clarke’s head poke out of the tent, and you yell to her, “Get the medkit!”

She disappears from view and you and Bellamy run over to meet Miller, who has stopped at the edge of camp and put a man, Obika, on the ground. Obika is screaming and thrashing, clearly in pain, and Clarke cuts through the crowd, medkit in hand. “Out of my way! I can help.”

The woman with the tattoos on her face, whom you have since learned is named Cooper, puts an arm out to stop your twin. “Not you.”

You turn to look at Octavia, giving her a serious look, as Obika falls silent and still. “Octavia.”

“Let her in.”

Cooper complies and lowers her arm, and Clarke drops to the man’s side and puts a finger to his neck, checking for a pulse. “He’s alive, but his heart’s racing.”

“What the hell happened out there?”

Miller’s answer to his queen comes in pants, clearly panicked. “We separated to cover more ground. Then I hear him screaming out that they’re everywhere, but when I get to him, there’s nothing. It’s just more screaming and-”

Clarke pulls up Obika’s shirt and you all see something shift beneath his skin, making you all jump back and away from him in horror. “There’s something inside of him.”

Clarke looks up at Octavia with a serious look, “We need to get him inside a tent.”

Octavia nods and Miller and Bellamy grab the man, quickly carrying him to one of the nearby tents. You and Clarke follow, along with Octavia, Indra, and Cooper. As soon as you get Obika inside and stretched out on a table, Clarke mutters, “Help me get his jacket off.”

You and Clarke free him from his jacket and shirt as she glances over at Nate. “Miller, tell us exactly what happened.”

“Nothing happened. We stopped to eat, then we separated again. Next thing I knew, he was screaming.” 

“Your rations, show me.”

Cooper cuts eyes at your twin for even daring to ask. “Nothing’s wrong with our rations.”

“He was eating when it happened.”

But Octavia ends the debate quickly, “Cooper’s right. If it was the rations, Miller would have it, too. They share everything.”

Clarke sighs, “Well, it got in him somehow.”

Bellamy looks down at Obika and mutters, “Wait.”

You all look towards him as he presses a hand to Obika’s leg, coating his palm in fresh blood. Bellamy tugs up his pant leg to reveal a hole in his skin, red and bloody. “Look.”

You get a horrifying realization, one that makes your skin crawl as soon as you think about it. “It came from the sand.”

Clarke looks at you in alarm, before turning to Octavia. “We have to go back.”

“What? No.”

Clarke argues, “Octavia, he told Miller that they were everywhere.”

“Yes, but Miller just said he saw nothing.”

Cooper offers, “Everywhere could mean everywhere inside him. I agree with Blodreina.”

You see Indra cut her eyes at the woman, and you get a feeling that some tension lies between Cooper and most of the others. You’re more inclined to trust Indra’s judgement, so as soon as she deadpans her reaction, you know you’re on her side. “What a surprise.”

Octavia turns and heads towards the exit, ending the conversation in a way that seems common for her now. “We march on at first light.”

Miller turns to look at her, his expression one of shock and disgust. “And Obika?”

“If he’s not better by then…I’ll end his pain myself.”

The words take you back to the days after landing in the dropship, when Jasper caught a spear to the chest and moaned in pain for days. You think of Bellamy, arrogant and obnoxious, making a similar threat about the boy with the goggles. When you glance at him, you can instantly tell he’s thinking the same thing, though he doesn’t seem pleased that his sister is taking after him in this regard. Everyone else files out of the tent, leaving you, Clarke, and Bellamy alone with Obika. Clarke gets started on bandaging the injured man’s leg, while Bellamy collapses into one of the cots with a sigh, looking troubled. You sit beside him and put a comforting hand on his thigh, and he glances over at you, giving you a small smile. He rests his hand on top of yours, and Clarke watches you both before musing, “Octavia’s not the only one who’s changed you know. You could’ve killed those prisoners in cryo, but you didn’t. Diyoza would have killed us both if not for you, and Madi would be alone. _You_ got that bunker open.”

Her words don’t seem to bring him the comfort she thought they would, because he just stares at the wall of the tent, clearly lost in his head. “Who knew it would turn out to be Pandora’s box?”

You whisper, “She’s right, Bellamy. You didn’t let the storm within you make the decision. You evaluated everything and made the decision best for everyone. I’m proud of you.” 

He smiles at you, remembering the last conversation the two of you had before he went into space and left you behind, but the words don’t hurt him like they would have when he was in space. Now, sitting beside you, they bring him comfort. The moment, however, is cut short by someone yelling, “Something’s coming!”

Bellamy looks at you, brows pulling together in confusion, and he mutters, “What the hell?”

You all head for the entrance of the tent, running out to join the gathering crowd. You push your way to the front, and as soon as you do, your stomach drops in fear. Dark, thick clouds are now moving your way, lighting up with lightning every couple of seconds. You and Clarke both whisper in horror, “Sandstorm.”

Bellamy’s eyes don’t leave the approaching clouds as he mutters,“It’s blocking the way back.”

Indra asks, “Can we outrun it?”

Clarke nods, still watching the clouds. “As long as it keeps moving laterally from East to West, we shouldn’t have to, but if the wind shifts-”

Octavia cuts her off, “The wind hasn’t met Wonkru. Now there’s no choice, we keep moving.”

She tries to walk away, but Bellamy steps into her path, blocking her exit. “Keep moving? Thanks to you, we’re stuck between razor blade winds and burrowing, parasitic bugs.”

“Thanks to you, we’re at war, Bellamy.”

“Only if you insist on fighting it.”

“Fight or die, that’s all there is. You don’t understand, I get it. Because you’re not one of us.”

“Is Obika one of you? Hm? Because you’re about to end his life like he means nothing. I understand that.”

You can see the crowd around you drawing closer, and Cooper tries to lunge at him, only to be held back by Indra. You give her a look of thanks as a man steps close to Bellamy and snaps, “Show some respect.”

You reach out and grab Bellamy’s hand, not liking the sudden tension and anger in the crowd around you. Your voice is a quiet warning when you mutter, “Bellamy.”

Octavia cocks her head to the side, appraising her brother. “Easy. I’d stop if I were you.”

The Blake siblings stare each other down, playing an unspoken game of chicken, waiting to see who will back down first. None of you ever get to find out though, because Obika suddenly starts screaming from the tent you left him in. 

“He’s awake!” You all run back to the tent, watching Obika thrash and scream for help. Clarke yells, “Hold him down!”

All of you grab onto him in different places, trying to hold him still, watching in horror as the skin of his stomach wiggles with movement. You all stare on in quiet horror as the movement intensifies, and then his skin bursts open, sending worms everywhere. You all jump away, trying to avoid the worms, and Bellamy yells, “Everyone out! Now! Go!” 

All of you run from the tent as fast as you can, and Octavia collapses on the ground just outside of it yelling, “Indra! Burn it down! Kill them all!”

Indra grabs a torch and tosses it inside, zipping up the tent to let them burn. Just then, Octavia lets out a scream of pain, and you see movement in her forearm, looking just like a worm. You call out to your twin, voice worried. “Clarke!”

She comes running over and as soon as she sees the movement she points to her tent, “Get her inside!”

They carry her inside, and Octavia weakly mutters, “I can’t feel my legs.”

“It must be venom.” Clarke points at the table and starts yelling out instructions, “Put her arm on the table. We can’t let it get into her torso. I need you to make a tourniquet out of whatever you can find. And get me a med kit!”

Everyone starts running around grabbing her the things she needs. You help hold Octavia in place as Miller grabs a tourniquet and Bellamy comforts his sister. Cooper stands nearby, hovering, anxious, entirely unhelpful, “There were dozens of those worms. They must lay their eggs-”

Knowing now is not the time, you snap out, “Thank you! Go!”

She runs from the tent and Clarke ties off Octavia’s arm, slowing her blood flow. 

“Will that stop it?”

Clarke shakes her head, making sure the tourniquet is tight enough. “It’s not for the worm. It’s for the blood. I need a knife now!”

Indra grabs a knife and hands it to her, before she comes up behind Octavia and helps you hold her in place. “Whatever you’re going to do, do it!”

“This is gonna hurt.”

Clarke cuts into Octavia’s arm, and Octavia gasps in pain. Clarke digs into the girl’s arm, grabbing the worm, and you all watch on with bated breath. Bellamy looks anxious as he watches on, “Clarke, you’re gonna lose it.”

“Like hell I am! I got it!”

Just then, the radio at Bellamy’s side that has stayed silent since Diyoza flew away, suddenly comes to life with Monty’s voice. “Please, if you can hear me, this is an emergency.”

Bellamy looks at your twin, wondering what to do, and she nods, “I got this, take it.”

“Monty, it’s me. Something tells me we got your emergency beat.”

Monty’s voice comes through quickly, trying to give all of you as much information as he can, as fast as he can. “I doubt that. The prisoners have an eye in the sky on the mothership, and a missile system on their transport ship. They’re on the way to you right now, you have to move. Hide somewhere. Take cover.”

You all look at each other in horror, wondering how you’re going to survive this. Bellamy says as much to Monty, “Hide from an eye in the sky? How are we supposed to do that?”

“Murphy says we have a friend inside. If he’s right, the eye won’t be watching. You have a window, but you have to move now.”

Clarke finally gets the worm from Octavia’s arm, and Miller stands waiting with a jar, which they stuff the worm inside of. As you all tend to Octavia, Indra grunts, “Where do we find cover from missiles in the middle of a wasteland?”

“If they see us retreat, they’ll stand down.”

Octavia, despite being weak from the venom, disagrees instantly. “You still don’t understand. Wonkru does _not_ retreat.”

“You do if you want to live.”

“Now is not the time for a debate. Even if we did retreat, the path home puts us in the middle of a sandstorm.”

“Those ruins are not our home.” Octavia stands, wobbly on her feet, glaring at her brother. “That valley is, and we’re taking it back.”

“Octavia, easy. The venom’s still in your system.” She ignores you, and mutters to her brother, “Get ready to understand.”

You all watch her walk out of the tent, and you stare at each other in shock, no clue of what her plans are. None of you have to wonder for long, because within seconds, someone runs into the tent to grab you, Bellamy, and Clarke, and you’re led outside to stand beside Octavia. Someone hands each of you your packs, and then Octavia yells, “Into the storm!”

“Wait, what?”

“Octavia, the storm will kill us! Clarke and I nearly-” She cuts you off with a wave of her hand. “Enough. This is the only choice.”

She leads the entire group into the storm in record time, and as soon as you step within it, you feel a shard of glass graze the skin of your arm. You wince, and then start to object, knowing none of you will survive this for long, but you barely have your mouth open to speak before you are shoved to the ground beside Bellamy, Clarke, and Octavia, and Wonkru gathers around all of you, forming a solid wall of bodies. And there you remain as Wonkru shifts around you, Indra calling out continuously, “Hold! Hold! Hold!”

It amazes you, Wonkru’s dedication to their Red Queen, and you spend much of the time beneath the wall of people wondering how she managed to achieve the undying loyalty of her people like this. You’re grateful for the loyalty, because it saves your life and the lives of the people you love, but it scares you, the lengths they’re willing to go for her. Because as soon as any of you get on her bad side, there are hundreds of people just waiting for her orders to take you out. A fact you’ve already seen in play the few times Bellamy has challenged his little sister and her rule. 

And you just know, this can’t last forever. You’re sure that soon, one of you will upset Octavia in a major way, and soon, one of you will have to face the major consequences. 

-

When the sandstorm passes, the sun is already up, previously blocked out by the thick clouds of the storm. You and Clarke immediately check on those that are wounded, which is pretty much…everyone. You help the ones that you can, and offer comfort to those you can’t, letting Miller know each time someone has died. You and Clarke are checking over Indra, who is laying in the sand near Octavia, blood dripping out of her mouth, her breathing ragged, when Octavia asks, “What’s wrong with her? Is it a worm?”

“I don’t think so. I’m guessing there’s glass in her lungs. We gotta get her back to Polis.”

Miller walks up, giving an update to his leader. “Blodreina, there’s 11 dead. Twelve including Obika.”

“Take their weapons and their armor. Leave the bodies.” She turns to Cooper, who is lingering nearby. “Sound the retreat.”

Cooper seems shocked to hear the words, but she complies, running off to inform the others. Clarke stands and walks over to Octavia, checking over her arm. “Damage to the muscle should be minimal, but, we’ll know more in a few days.”

Octavia looks up at her, nodding her head. “Thank you for saving my life.” 

Bellamy’s voice floats towards you, approaching you from behind, directed towards his sister. “You saved ours. You were right, Wonkru is strong. Just like their leader.”

Octavia pulls herself up, getting closer to Bellamy, their faces nearly touching, and she whispers, “I’m glad you’re alive, big brother.”

They hug each other, putting their feelings into it, and you smile at the siblings, glad to see that things seem okay. But then Octavia surprises you by pulling away slightly, resting her forehead against Bellamy’s. When she starts to speak, her voice is low and threatening, and you know she means every word she says. “But if you ever speak out against Wonkru again, then you are an enemy of Wonkru. And you are _my_ enemy.”

You and Clarke exchange a look, worried at the implication of her words, reigniting your earlier fear that one of you will eventually go too far in Octavia’s eyes. Bellamy just stares at his sister like he doesn’t know who she is. She pulls away and lowers herself into the sand, just as someone begins to yell in the distance about an incoming sound. You listen out for it, hearing the low whine, and you look to the sky, thinking it’s a drone. Clarke does too, both of you worried, muscles tense as you try to decide what you’ll do when the drone comes into view. But then a second later you see the rover drive around the corner of a sand dune, into view, and the two of you smile at each other, knowing what that means. It slides to a stop and you see Wonkru pointing guns at the vehicle until the driver’s side door swings open and Madi jumps out. 

She looks around for you and Clarke, and as soon as she sees you, her face lights up and she starts to run your way. You and Clarke run towards her, equally happy to see her, and Madi and Clarke collide in a hug first. Clarke spins her around, laughing with happiness, and they release each other so that you can hug Madi. She jumps into your arms and you hold her tight, beyond happy that she’s alive, okay, _safe_. 

As you put Madi down, you see the others jump out of the rover, looking at the scene in front of them. Monty and Harper offer Octavia a tentative wave, as the Red Queen watches the group closely. Echo is the last to jump out of the back and she looks around, searching for someone, taking off running as soon as she sees them. You look around, following her line of sight, watching as Bellamy runs right towards her. They collide in a hug, and a second later you watch their lips meet in a kiss, your world suddenly turned upside down. You feel Clarke grab your hand, centering you, and you feel tears well up in your eyes as you watch the Azgeda spy from Mount Weather kiss the love of your life. You feel your knees start to go weak and your stomach drops, and Clarke whispers, “You’re okay, you’re okay, you’re okay.”

You take a deep breath, listening to her voice hum Clair de lune, trying to center you and keep you calm. You blink away the tears, vision becoming more clear, and when you do, you see that Echo and Bellamy are now staring at you, looking worried. And in an instant, you feel your heart harden, not wanting to give either of them the satisfaction of seeing you hurt. You swallow back your tears, push them down low and deep, buried in the dark, before you turn your attention back to Madi, smiling down at her. She’s looking up at you, worried, and you know she has an idea of what’s going on, always one step ahead of everyone else. And as you, Clarke, and Madi enjoy your reunion, excited about each other’s safety, Madi pulls out your knife and hands it to you. “I kept it safe.”

You take it from her, nodding in thanks. “Thank you, little sun.”

You attach the holster to your thigh, the knife back in its rightful place as you try to ignore the eyes still watching your every move. You focus on this action, taking your time, trying to distract yourself from the thoughts circling through your head on a loop. _Why didn’t he say anything? Warn you? Why did he let you find out like_ ** _this_** _? How soon did they get together? Right after your “death’? Did he at least mourn you? You spent six years missing him, calling him on the radio, preparing a house for the two of you to share, and in that time, he moved on. Fell in love with someone else. Forgot about you._

Your brain comes to one heartbreaking realization, one that makes you want to break down as soon as you think it.

_Bellamy Blake doesn’t love you anymore._

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright how we feeling? 😂


	64. lxiv. exit wounds (5.06)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: angst (we sad, my friends), injuries, blood.
> 
> Summary: heartbroken, you try to navigate your life and an impending war, all while trying to keep it together.

As soon as Octavia announces the retreat, you offer to take Indra and a few of the other badly injured people back to Polis in the rover to see Jackson. Octavia gives you her blessing, especially when she sees you warily eyeing Echo and Bellamy. You know you have her sympathy, your dislike for Echo just as strong as Octavia’s. Clarke and Madi offer to ride with you, to keep you company, but you deny them, wanting to spend the time alone. 

After the last few people are loaded into the back of the rover, you head towards the driver’s side door, ready to drive off. As you reach for the handle, you hear someone call your name, and the voice makes your stomach sink, aware of exactly who is calling out to you. You hesitate, trying to decide if you want to turn and face Bellamy right now, but the very thought of doing so brings tears to your eyes and you decide against it. Instead you pull yourself into the rover and drive off, ignoring him as you drive the vehicle past him. Only once he’s behind you do you spare a glance in the rearview mirror, watching as he looks at the retreating rover with heartbreak.

You scoff, annoyed that he’s upset when it’s you that should be hurt by him and his actions. It’s bad enough that he decided to date Echo knowing all the terrible things that she’s done, but the fact that he didn’t even tell you feels much worse. You’ve been on the ground with him for days, and while it’s definitely been stressful and chaotic, you wish that he had tried harder to tell you, warn you. Instead, you had to find out when you saw them kiss. A reunion kiss that was meant for you, _not her_.

You feel tears rise to your eyes, squeezing your throat, making it hard to breath, and you pull over for a second, unable to see past the emotion. You sit and cry, hard, ignoring the fact that there are at least 10 people in the back of the rover, waiting for you to get them back to Polis. You nearly jump out of your skin when you feel a hand come down on your shoulder, and when you turn to look, you see Indra looking at you, expression regretful, her voice sounding weak as she says, “I know what he means to you, Wanlida, but a warrior does not mourn those she has lost until the war is won.”

You nod your head and wipe your fallen tears away, knowing that she’s right. Your family and your home are in trouble, along with the people in the rover with you. Right now, it’s more important that you get them to Polis. And so, you start the rover back up and continue to Polis, keeping yourself busy to keep your mind off of everything. As soon as you arrive, you help unload the injured and take them into the bunker, before assisting Jackson as he helps doctor those in need. The rest of the group makes it back in a few hours, the return hike much shorter than the initial journey, and one of the Wonkru members from the desert lets you know that Octavia and Clarke are looking for you in the main office. You thank them for passing along the message before you head that way, curious on what this is about.

As soon as you get there, you enter and see Clarke checking on Octavia’s worm wound, making sure it’s healing well. Octavia glances at you as you come to stand beside Madi, who is watching intently, and the Wonkru leader doesn’t hesitate in giving you a serious look. “My brother will come to his senses.”

Your gaze drops to your shoes, not wanting to talk about this, not now, and you can feel everyone’s gaze on you as you compose yourself, lift your head, and hum, “Maybe.”

Everyone seems to sense how uncomfortable you are, because the topic quickly changes, and Octavia’s gaze falls on Madi, who is watching Clarke clean the queen’s wounds in awe. Clarke glances at her and smiles before muttering, “Madi’s a big fan. She’s heard every story about the girl under the floor who saved the human race.”

Octavia turns her gaze towards Madi, nodding at her with respect. “Now what’s your story? You survived six years of radiation? What’s your secret?”

“Synthetic nightblood, like us.” Clarke starts to bandage Octavia’s wound, the lie rolling off her tongue easily. “We took her to Becca’s lab and shared our bone marrow to keep her alive.”

“You’re lucky the twins found you.”

Madi nods, opening her mouth to say something, when the door to the office swings open and Cooper steps inside. “Ready to move?”

Clarke finishes up the bandage and answers for Octavia, “She needs another day’s rest.”

“She needs to be with her people.”

Octavia seems to agree, because she stands, allowing Cooper to hand her her armor. “I’m done licking my wounds. Let’s go remind the others what we promised them.”

As she starts to step towards the door, Octavia turns your way. “My banishment of Echo still stands. I’m going to deliver the news now, I’d like for you to be there.”

You glance at Clarke, who nods, and though you aren’t ready to confront this, you think that maybe it’ll be easier with Octavia at your side. So you nod, and Octavia smiles quickly before settling her expression into a more serious one. She motions for you to follow her and you do, taking the journey out of the bunker and back up to the surface, into the streets of Polis. The clouds hang low above the streets, dropping a cool rain onto the people that are gathered below, and you’re thankful for it. _Maybe it’ll hide your tears if you cry._

Octavia pulls you to her side, the two of you walking together as equals, while Cooper hangs back slightly. As you move down the street, some people turn away, some stop to whisper, and you realize now how much tension hangs in the air over the people of Wonkru. Octavia senses it too, because she turns to Cooper, voice sounding accusatory, “You said they needed to see me, but they can barely look at me. What aren’t you telling me?”

“Word has spread about our defeat in the wasteland. Diyoza’s firepower has crippled us. The soil here is dead, I don’t care how much it rains, it won’t be arable for years. And, as you know, the hydrofarm can barely produce enough-”

Octavia cuts her off, sounding upset, “Stop it. We have faced worse odds than this.”

“Yes, but now we know the warning signs of rebellion. I once betrayed you when you were vulnerable, when Wonkru was living in fear.” 

Your brows pull together, curious about the history between the Red Queen and her loyal servant. However, you don’t get the chance to ask, because a familiar voice calls out from behind you. “Octavia.”

You and Octavia turn, coming face to face with Echo and Bellamy. You were afraid that the sight of them would upset you, but now, as you stand in front of them, all you feel is anger. Ferocious, white hot anger, pulsing through your blood. If you could, you’d take the knife on your thigh and plunge it into Echo’s heart, letting her feel the hurt that she’s caused you. Echo avoids your eyes, but Bellamy doesn’t, his gaze searching your face for any sign of what you’re feeling. He must sense the anger, because he seems taken aback, not expecting the fire that moves through you. You remember what he said to you before he left, _I’ll always be in awe of your anger,_ and you wonder if he still feels that way now, when so much of it is directed at him. 

You watch him shake his head a little, trying to clear his thoughts, before he looks at his sister, “Glad to see you back on your feet. Echo tried to get in to see you, but they wouldn’t let-”

“What is she doing here?”

You are surprised by how meek Echo sounds when she responds, reminding you nothing of the bloodthirsty spy you knew six years ago. “I just wanted to thank you for saving my people.”

“They’re not your people.” The anger in Octavia’s voice is palpable, and you find yourself thankful that she’s not going to back down from this. “Azgeda is a memory. There is only Wonkru, and there is no place in it for you.”

Bellamy immediately cuts in, his face fallen. “I know you two have history, but Echo is on our side. She proved herself dozens of times on the ring.”

“This isn’t the ring.” Octavia turns slightly, raising her voice to be heard by those around you. “Wonkru, I banished this murderer from the bunker six years ago. My judgement still stands!”

“O.”

She turns back to her brother, stepping closer to deliver her last message with a threatening whisper. “She has 24 hours. If she’s still here by then, she fights in the arena.”

She turns, holding out her hand to you, and you glance at Bellamy, watching as he shakes his head, disapproving of the situation. The act makes you defiant, and you want him angry, just like he’s made you, so you smile and take Octavia’s hand, allowing her to whisk you away from the couple. Bellamy, never one to give up without a fight, jogs after the two of you, calling out to you both. “Octavia! Octavia, stop. It was six years ago, you just can’t cast her out! She won’t survive! Natshana, please! Just let me explain!”

Octavia ignores her brother, fully intent on staying true to her word, but you spin around at the mention of your nickname, pulling Octavia to a stop beside you. You can’t believe he has the nerve to use a nickname he gave you when the two of you were still together, and your expression pulls into one of anger and hurt as you snap, “Don’t call me that!”

His expression pulls into one of hurt, and he opens his mouth to say something, but he is cut off by a warning call from a nearby horn. You turn and lock eyes with the Wonkru leader, both of you looking worried, before you hear a sonic boom, the same one you heard when Diyoza’s ship landed the first time. You look up, eyes finding the small ship in the sky, and as it flies closer, everyone starts to panic. There’s a stampede heading in your direction as everyone runs to the bunker and to safety, and Octavia starts to back away until she sees that her brother isn’t following. “Bellamy, get in the bunker.”

“Not without Echo.”

He gives you one last look before he turns and runs off, not even giving you a chance to stop him as he leaves in search of his girlfriend. You feel a pang in your heart knowing that it’s her he’s worrying about, and not you. You stand there frozen, watching him leave, and Octavia does the same, in disbelief that he chose the spy over the two of you. Cooper grabs Octavia’s arm, getting her attention, “Blodreina, look!”

You both follow her pointed finger to the sky, watching as giant metal crates fall from the ship, before it turns and flies away, no bomb dropped. The metal crates fall to the ground slowly, aided by parachutes, before they hit the ground and the sides pop open. You watch in surprise as a bunch of apples roll out, and as you step forward to get a closer look, you see it’s stuffed with all kinds of fruits and vegetables from the valley. You jump in surprise when you hear Diyoza’s voice, coming from a speaker attached to the top of the crates. “People of Wonkru, this is Colonel Diyoza offering you a chance for peace. I know you’ve all suffered, I know you’re hungry, and so many of you are weary of Octavia’s rule, but now you have a choice. Abandon your weapons, leave Wonkru behind, and join us in Shallow Valley. We have plenty of food and shelter for those seeking a better life. When our ship returns tonight, head for the wastelands. Anyone waiting for us outside the ruins will be rescued. But come unarmed. If Octavia attacks our ship, we will retaliate against your city with lethal force. We’re watching everything, always.”

Octavia grabs a weapon from one of the men nearby and swings it towards the speaker, knocking the antenna off the top and ending the transmission. But somewhere nearby, one of the other crates finishes the message for all of you to hear. “There is a place in the valley for all of us, so please choose wisely.”

Octavia turns to Cooper, voice low, and eerily calm. “Get everyone into the bunker. _Now._ ”

Cooper does as she’s told and gathers everyone that still lingers outside to send them back into the bunker. Miller, who has just come out of the bunker to see what the commotion is, stops at Octavia’s side, expression blank. “What are your orders, Blodreina?”

“Burn it. Burn it all, until there’s nothing left.”

You look at her in shock, not pleased to see perfectly good food go to waste, but Miller immediately does as she says and gathers the guards, directing all of them to set the food supply on fire. You stand and watch one of them burn until nothing remains but ashes, lost in your thoughts, not realizing that everyone has left you behind without another word. Everyone, that is, except for Bellamy. 

You don’t notice him at first, too lost in your own head, but gradually you become aware of the hairs on the back of your neck lifting, standing at attention underneath someone’s gaze. You turn around quickly, hand reaching for your knife, but you drop it when you realize it’s him. Your face falls, not pleased to see him, or be near him, reminding you of the first few weeks that you knew him. You see a look of hurt pass his features at your expression, and he walks closer to you, coming to a stop at your side. “I thought you were dead.”

Your jaw clenches with anger, and you harden your heart, refusing to let his broken whisper sway your feelings. Instead, you latch onto your lingering anger, turning and directing it towards him. “I know. But that’s not why I’m upset. It hurts me to see you with Echo, but the worst part is that you didn’t tell me, Bellamy. You knew how I felt about you, how much I loved you, and you knew how excited I was to have you back on Earth. And still, not once did you tell me that you moved on with someone else.”

Bellamy’s expression sinks, and he whispers, “Loved?”

“What?”

“You said loved, past tense.”

You tense up, not even realizing you said it, and one check of your emotions lets you know that it isn’t true. You love him, of course you do, but it would be _so_ much easier if you didn’t. Coping with this would be much easier if you felt nothing towards him, if you hadn’t spent the last 6 years dreaming of the life you wanted to build with him as soon as you saw him. But you ignore his hurt, and your own, and let your anger crackle like electricity around you. “Do you love her?”

He freezes, caught off guard by the question, before his expression goes neutral. You can tell he’s trying to hide something, his feelings for Echo probably, and it tells you everything you need to know. He looks like he wants to say something else, but he’s cut off by your twin, who stands near the base of the rubble and calls your name. When you look towards her, she motions back towards the bunker. “There’s a meeting we need to crash.”

You nod, letting her know you heard her, before turning back to Bellamy. You decide to leave him with one last painful remark, hoping it hurts him, just like this hurts you. “Guess you found someone else to tell you about the stars.”

You wait just long enough to see his face fall before you turn and walk towards your sister, sorrow flooding through you quickly, cooling the fire within you. You hate hurting Bellamy, even now, but losing your other half is something that would break even the strongest of people. You briefly wonder if you have a second to shed a few tears before the meeting, before Clarke quickly destroys those plans by calling out to your former lover, “You too, Bellamy! You need to be there.”

You glare at your twin, and she gives you a sympathetic look as you reach her, her voice soft when she whispers, “You know I wouldn’t invite him unless I had to. But it’s his sister, and he needs to be there.”

You just nod, not trusting your voice, as the two of you wait for him to catch up before heading back into the bunker and towards the main office. Monty and Harper are already there and waiting when the three of you arrive, clearly all on the same page, while you and Bellamy are in the dark. Clarke pushes inside with no hesitation, unfazed by the angry glares that are turning in your direction. 

“This is a private meeting.”

Octavia waves off Miller’s dissent, “It’s fine.”

“We all have people in that valley that need our help.”

“If you’re talking about your mother, I am not interested in rescuing traitors. I’m trying to prevent more of them.”

Bellamy stares at his sister in disbelief, his voice rising as he lectures her, “Your people are hungry and you’re worrying about defectors? We should stop wasting time looking for enemies in Polis, and we should start trying to find a way back into that valley!”

“Last time I checked, Diyoza can see our every move.”

Harper speaks up from her place in the back of the group, motioning towards her boyfriend. “That’s where Monty comes in.”

“Laser-comm.” He holds up a radio, showing it to Octavia. “It’s dialed right into their mother ship. All I need is a relay tower on the ground that we build out of scrap, and a computer. I should be able to blind the eye from right here.”

“Good plan. Once it’s down, we can attack.”

“Miller, set Monty up. Cooper, shoot anyone who tries to defect. We’re done here.” She brushes past all of you, heading towards the door. “Time to train.”

Everyone disperses, and you, Clarke, and Bellamy step outside, watching Octavia disappear into the bunker. Bellamy mutters, “That is not my sister.”

You don’t answer, still content on ignoring him, but Clarke doesn’t say anything either. You glance her way and see that she is staring off into the distance, and you follow her gaze to see why. Madi is talking with Gaia, both of them smiling. Clarke glances over at you, worried, and you nod. “Go get her. I think I’m gonna stop by for a training session.”

Clarke barely looks your way as she answers, “Let me know if you find out anything.”

You both walk down the ramp together, towards the talking pair, but you immediately continue past them, giving Madi’s shoulder an affectionate squeeze as you move past. She grins at you as you continue by and you smile back at her before following the path that Octavia took into the bunker, leaving Bellamy and any thoughts about him behind without a word. You can tell you’re on the right track, because you hear the sounds of fighting growing louder as you draw closer. Finally, you come upon an open door at the end of a hallway, where Octavia now fights Cooper, easily beating the woman. “I told you not to go easy.”

Cooper steps away, looking apologetic, and you call out, “Got time for one more?”

Octavia looks to where you stand in the doorway, face breaking into a grin. “Cooper, give her your sword.”

You accept the weapon as she hands it to you, brushing past you and out the door, muttering, “Your funeral.”

You step into the room and onto the training room floor, you and Octavia circling each other with predatory grins on your faces. Octavia is the first to make a move, lunging towards you and swinging her sword around, but you lift your sword and block the blow, listening to the sound of metal clanging as it echoes in the room. You reach out and push her hand down and away, spinning your body, bringing your sword with it, and nearly hitting her before she blocks you at the last second. As she does, she looks at you, studying you, before asking, “What do you think about Echo?”

Just the mention of her name sends fire flowing through you, boiling your anger up and over, and you answer her question with an aggressive series of attacks that she barely manages to block. On the last one, as the two of you stand staring each other down, you mutter, “You already know the answer to that.”

“She nearly killed you in Mount Weather.”

You pull back, and lift the shirt on your right side, revealing one of the few scars you received on that fateful trip to the Mountain. You counter her point with, “And she nearly killed you on that cliff.”

You remember the fear and rage you had at the announcement of Octavia’s death, and she must feel the same way about her near death experience, because she answers you with a similarly aggressive response, lunging at you with an onslaught of attacks. You manage to block each one, but on the last one, she uses your focus on the blocking to kick you backwards, knocking you on your back. You feel the air rush out of your lungs in one fell swoop, and you groan as the impact hits the bulletwound on your shoulder, improving day by day, but not able to withstand this kind of trauma. Octavia stands over you, looking down at you, and she mutters, “And now she’s taken Bellamy from you.”

You stare up at her, wondering what angle she’s playing, or if she just wants to hurt you for no reason. But then she extends her hand to you, which you eye warily before taking it. She pulls you to your feet, both of you now standing close, and she whispers, “Her 24 hours is ticking by, but Bellamy seems intent on going with her. What will you do then?”

“I don’t know. Bellamy has my heart, but if Echo has his, then I won’t stand in their way.”

Her head tips to the side and she tsks, giving you a disapproving look. “That’s not the Invisible Twin that I know. The girl I know fights for what belongs to her.”

“I’d do anything for Bellamy, you know that Octavia. That includes letting him be happy with someone else, no matter what it costs me. I only ever wanted him happy.” As soon as you say it, you know you mean it. Because despite the hurt, the anger, and the pain it will cause you, you will do anything to see Bellamy happy, to see him smile. Even if that means watching him love Echo.

You hear someone clear their throat near the door, and you turn towards them, your eyes falling on Bellamy. You’re not sure how much of the conversation he heard, but it’s clear he caught some of it because he’s watching you with an intense look. Although you just told Octavia you just want to see him happy, that doesn’t mean you’re over your hurt just like that. You nod at Octavia, “Thanks for the training.”

She nods back at you, and you head towards the door, extending Cooper’s sword out to Bellamy. You think of Octavia’s words to you, and start to wonder if it was just her way of riling you up so you’d give her a good fight. It’s hard to know for sure, but you decide to warn Bellamy just the same. “She won’t hold back. Neither should you.”

Your fingers brush as he takes the sword from you, electricity going up both of your arms. You lock eyes, and he looks like he wants to say something to you, until you cut your eyes at him, warning him not to. He nods, accepting your anger for now, and without another word, you brush past him and out the door, walking away from the love of your life in search of the only family you have left. 

-

You find Madi and Clarke in the tent she set up in the streets of Polis, none of you wanting to spend any more time in the bunker than necessary. After a quick dinner, you mumble something about feeling tired and you curl up in your sleeping bag, intent on crying yourself to sleep after your emotionally taxing day. 

You’re not asleep for very long when you’re woken up by the soft sounds of a conversation being held in the tent. You open your eyes slowly, your back to the people talking, listening in on the conversation. 

“It was hard for a while, really hard, but we survived, thanks to Octavia.”

It takes you a second, but you realize it’s Niylah’s voice, quiet in the confines of the tent. You hear Clarke’s sarcastic reply follow, “You mean, Blodreina?”

“How do you explain the sun to someone who’s never seen it?”

Clarke seems to hesitate for a second, and you’re sure the comment on the sun has her gaze swinging over to Madi. You brush your fingers over your own necklace, reassured by the silver moon that hangs around your neck before you hear Clarke ask, “And what about the Flame?”

“What about it? The time of the Commanders is over.”

“Does Gaia still have it?”

“They say you made her into a Natblida. Is that true?”

“Yeah.”

“I can still tell when you’re lying.” You tense up at Niylah’s response, knowing that Madi being a true Nightblood, not a created one like you and Clarke, puts her in danger. Niylah may say that the time of the Commanders is over, but you know that not everyone believes that. There are people that would kneel to Madi, without hesitation, and given all you’ve seen from Octavia, that is not a situation you are eager to have her in.

You jump when you hear a clang of metal outside, followed by the sounds of Niylah and Clarke slipping from the tent. You rise from your bed and grab your knife, stepping out of the tent just in time to see a hooded figure standing in front of the door, holding a rag over a blonde person’s mouth. Your stomach drops, thinking it’s Clarke and you immediately hold a knife to their throat, close enough now that you can see the person in the hooded figure’s arms is not Clarke. They freeze and lower Niylah’s unconscious body to the ground. Clarke, who is standing nearby, gets a look at the hooded figure’s face first and whispers, “Gaia? What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“Protecting the true last Natblida, as my order has always done.”

You look at Clarke, silently asking her what she wants you to do, and she nods, letting you know it’s okay for now. You lower the knife but keep it close, and Gaia grabs Niylah’s body and starts to drag her away before whispering, “Come on, you two.”

You and Clarke follow her into an abandoned building, closing the door behind you as you spin towards Gaia and look at her in confusion. “Whose side are you on? What are you, Fleimkepa or Wonkru?”

“Blodreina saved my life, but that doesn’t mean I can forget my faith.”

She unrolls a leather satchel and you and Clarke watch on, trying to figure out what she’s doing. She reaches for a bottle of liquid, and Clarke puts the pieces together first, reaching out and putting her hand on Gaia’s arm to stop her. “You are out of your mind if you think I’m gonna let you kill my friend.”

“Niylah is not your friend. You’re Wonkru or you’re the enemy, that’s what she believes. If you want to protect Madi, this is the only way.”

“Madi is not a threat to Octavia, she’s a child.”

Gaia turns on her, looking at her in earnest. “Yes, a Nightblood child who appeared two days after we rose from the ashes. That’s no coincidence, Clarke. Octavia’s not going to see it that way, and neither do I.”

Clarke quickly pulls out her knife and reaches out to grab Gaia, holding the weapon to her throat before either of you realize what she’s doing. “Listen to me, if you think you can force the Flame on Madi-”

Gaia cuts her off, “I would _never_ do that. And I’m not the one you should be afraid of.”

Niylah starts to stir from her place on the table, effectively ending the conversation. Clarke releases Gaia, and nods towards the door. “Go, before she sees you.” 

Gaia turns and steps towards the door, and your twin turns to you. “Get back to Madi, start packing our things. When that transport comes, all three of us are going to be on it.”

You nod your head and slip out the door, jogging back to your tent and grabbing each of your packs, stuffing the most important things inside of them. Clarke drops into the tent a second later, silently passing things to you and helping you to grab what the three of you need. She hands you her sketchpad, the one she turned into a book of pictures for Madi, who must have been flipping through it earlier, because it’s open to a picture of Bellamy. Your stomach drops and you’re sure your face does too, because Clarke whispers, “We should tell them, just so they won’t worry.”

“Yeah.”

You put the sketchpad in her pack, and she starts to rise, but you put your hand on your arm to stop her. “I’ll do it.”

“Are you sure?”

You feel tears well up in your eyes, but you force them down and whisper, “It might be the last time I see him. I want to say goodbye.”

She nods, honoring your wishes, and she pulls you into a hug before you go. “It’s going to be okay, la lune. I promise.”

A few of your tears spill down your cheeks, triggered by the comfort your twin gives you, and you pull away, wiping them from your face. “Get Madi ready, I’ll be back soon.”

You turn and head out of the tent, moving through the dark streets of Polis to the second camp area set up just around the corner. You’re thankful that the couple chose to camp out over here, because it means you’re less likely to run into them or see them together. Now, however, you know you’re walking right into the lion’s den, preparing to do something that will just break your heart even further. You don’t know what’s worse: Bellamy going to space without the chance for you to say goodbye, or you leaving to go to Shallow Valley and getting to say goodbye, but knowing that Bellamy will always be _just_ out of reach for you. 

When you get to Bellamy and Echo’s tent, you step close to the door, opening your mouth to call out to them, not wanting a repeat of the time you walked in on Bellamy and Raven. But just as you start to announce your presence, you hear Echo’s stressed voice float towards you, through the tent. “Bellamy, I just can’t okay? You may not see it, but everyone else can, me included. You still love her, and she still loves you. _I know_ that you love me, but not the way you love her. And that’s okay, I understand, the heart wants what it wants. But I deserve more than that. I deserve to be loved by someone who can love me fully and completely.”

You freeze in place, goosebumps erupting along your skin as you start to realize that they’re talking about you. Bellamy’s voice sounds distressed when he retorts, “Echo, I do love you fully and completely.”

“Not the way you think you do. Things changed the second Madi saved us from those prisoners and told us the twins were still alive and in trouble.” You feel tears well up in your eyes as you stand silently outside of the tent, waiting with bated breath. “I didn’t want to accept it at first, but the past couple of days away from you really opened my eyes. You two belong together. And maybe if she had died in Praimfaya, things could be different for us down here on Earth, but maybe our love was always meant to stay up on the ring. Maybe it wasn’t made to last beyond that.”

Your heart breaks at the realization that if what Echo is saying is true, Bellamy still loves you. And here you stand, outside of his tent, preparing to announce your departure to Shallow Valley, leaving him, and the possibility of love, behind. But you know that Madi’s life is at risk here, and Octavia and Wonkru are too unstable to handle the threat of a real Nightblood child, so you know what you have to do. You step back from the tent a little and call out, “Bellamy, Echo, are you guys in here?”

You hear movement from inside the tent, and a second later Bellamy steps out, followed by Echo. They stand a few feet apart, looking uncomfortable, and you notice the pack on her back. “Are you defecting?”

“Not exactly.” You look at her in confusion, but she nods her head towards Bellamy. “He can explain, I have people I need to find.”

You nod, and the former couple stands and looks at each other awkwardly before exchanging a quick hug. They avoid eye contact the entire time and pull away quickly before Echo nods at you in goodbye and disappears into the crowd. You hear the rumble of the approaching transport ship, and you and Bellamy both look towards the sky, watching as it draws closer. You turn to Bellamy, about to begin your goodbyes when you hear Clarke call your name. You turn in her direction, watching as she tells Madi to stay put before she jogs over to the two of you. The first thing she takes note of is Echo’s absence, and she looks at Bellamy. “Where’s Echo? Is she defecting?”

“Not exactly.” He nods for both of you to follow him as he starts to step away. “Come on, I’ll explain in the bunker.”

You shake your head, already denying his request. “Bellamy, we’re leaving too.”

“What?”

A look of hurt passes over his face, and you resist the urge to reach out to him, to comfort him, kiss him, knowing that right now, things aren’t right. Instead you mutter, “It’s not safe for us here.”

“No, you don’t understand. Echo’s defecting so we can take down the eye, and once it’s down-”

Clarke cuts him off, disinterested in hearing their plan. “No, _you_ don’t understand. Diyoza is the least of our concerns. Your sister is dangerous, and Madi's…”

She turns to glance back in Madi’s direction, about to expand on the danger she’s in, but when she looks that way, her eyes widen in alarm. You turn around, finding that the place Madi was standing in is now empty, the young Nightblood now missing. Clarke grabs your hand and starts to pull you away, “We have to find her.”

You glance back at Bellamy and find that he is already following you, eyes scanning the area around him for any sign of Madi. You feel a pang in your heart, melting at the fact that he’s searching for Madi even though he doesn’t have to, even though he barely knows her. But he’s searching because he knows that she’s important to you and Clarke, and you again have to resist the urge to sweep him up in your arms. 

Clarke pulls you down the street, all three of you looking for Madi and calling out to her. “Madi!”

“Madi, where are you?”

Suddenly, the transport flies right overhead, lowering to the ground nearby, and you turn to Clarke in alarm. “We’re out of time.”

The three of you stand there, looking at each other, trying to think on what to do, when a shot rings out nearby. All of your expressions morph into confusion as you hear another shot and a distant cry of pain, before Clarke whispers in horror, “They’re shooting at the defectors.”

The three of you take off again, following the steady sound of the gunshots that ring out every few seconds, until finally you see the barrel of a gun sticking out a window, bullets firing from it. You get Clarke and Bellamy’s attention and point up to it, “There!”

“On me.” You and Clarke nod and he pulls out his pistol. Clarke does the same, pushing you behind her so she can protect you. You silently curse yourself for leaving your gun in your pack, never very good at carrying it around with you. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter, because Bellamy leads your trio up the stairs and kicks open the door, him and Clarke pointing their weapons at Cooper, who stands looking at you without an ounce of shame. “Cooper, what the hell is wrong with you? Octavia said to let them go.”

Her head cocks to the side, as if she doesn’t understand his question. “Who do you think gave me the order?”

“Where is she?”

“In her office, waiting to hear that it’s done.”

As soon as she says it, Cooper pushes past all of you, exiting the room with a blank stare on her face. You, Bellamy, and Clarke all turn and run from the building, heading straight to the bunker to talk to Octavia. But as soon as you climb through the door and down the stairs, Clarke gets a glimpse of a familiar looking figure standing in the atrium with the Red Queen. She immediately takes off running towards her, yelling, “Madi? Madi!”

All three of you try to push through the door and run down to them, but you’re held back by a set of guards near the door. Clarke looks down at the pair, in complete distress, and yells, “Octavia, get away from her!”

Madi looks your way, trying to comfort her. “Clarke, it’s okay, I came to her.” Madi turns back to Octavia, who lifts the knife in her hand and slices open her palm. As she reaches out for Madi, she commands, “Let them pass.”

Clarke immediately takes off running towards them, and you and Bellamy jog after her, hearing Octavia’s voice float up to you as you get closer. _“Nau oso tai so op kom won jus. Yo laik Wonkru.”_

 _Now we bind ourselves in one blood. You are Wonkru._ As soon as you reach the atrium where they both stand, you see that Madi and Octavia’s hands are clasped together, blood dripping from their joined palms. Clarke snaps, “What the hell are you doing?”

“It’s okay. She knows everything.”

You and Clarke exchange a worried look before looking at Octavia, who returns her knife to her belt and nods at the two of you. “I understand why you lied, you were just trying to protect her. But Madi no longer needs your protection, she has mine.”

She turns her gaze away from you and back to Madi, reaching her bloody hand up to grip Madi’s chin and hold her gaze with her own. “I know what it’s like to be the girl under the floor. You don’t have to be afraid anymore, your training begins tomorrow.”

And then she drops her hand, leaving a red and black blood streak behind on Madi’s cheek, smiling at you and Clarke before she turns and leaves the atrium, heading up to the office. Bellamy shifts from his place behind you before following her, and you can hear the muffled sounds of them arguing before they even get the door closed. You ignore it for now, turning to look at Madi and Clarke, who looks between you both with worry. “I know you’re both mad, but I told her I didn’t want to be Commander. I did it to keep you safe, because Diyoza would kill you both if we went back to the valley.”

Clarke pulls bandages from her pocket for Madi’s hand, and gives her a serious look. “It’s _our_ job to keep you safe. And you just made it a whole lot harder.”

Madi looks upset, and Clarke steps away, trying to calm herself down. You drop to your knees in front of the young Nightblood and wipe the blood from her face as she whispers, “I was just trying to help, ani.”

You smile at her, nodding, trying to show that you aren’t upset with her. “I know, little sun. Everything is going to be okay.”

You hear a door slam behind you as soon as the words leave your mouth, and you turn and find Bellamy standing outside of the office, fuming. He meets your gaze, looking upset, and you realize now that you aren’t sure you believe your words to Madi. A ship full of prisoners has taken over your home, the love of your life just got dumped by someone else, and the youngest member of your family is now in trouble because of the color of her blood. You take a deep breath and send a silent prayer to the Universe asking for a lucky break, just this once. 

You hope against hope that it listens. 

-


	65. lxv. acceptable losses (5.07)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: mentions of anxiety, nausea, creepy parasitic worms, death.
> 
> Summary: Preparations for the war against the Eligius prisoners continues, and you and Monty make a horrifying discovery in the process.

You sit behind Madi, braiding her hair for the day, while Clarke fills up a canteen from the nearest water source. She returns just as you finish up the last braid, and you pat Madi on the shoulder, letting her know you’re finished. She shoots to her feet, beyond excited for a day of training, but Clarke stops her as she tries to make a dash out the door. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey. Canteen.”

Madi gives her an annoyed look, and you hold back a bite of laughter when you recognize it as the same annoyed look that Clarke gives others. _Like mother, like daughter._ “I’m pretty sure they’re gonna have water there.”

“Take it anyway.”

“Clarke, I’m not a baby anymore.”

Clarke puts her hands on Madi’s shoulders, holding her in place, giving her a serious look. “I know, which is why people are more likely to notice how special you are. That’s why you’re gonna suck today. You’re not gonna stand out in any way. No one can think that you’d make a good Commander, not Gaia and especially not Octavia.”

“Clarke, I understand.”

“Once Echo gets that camera in the sky down, we all get to go home to Shallow Valley.”

“Great. Maybe when we fight the war there, I won’t have to suck.“ Clarke gives her a scolding look, but Madi ignores it and presses a kiss to her cheek before pressing one to yours and slipping out of the tent. You look at your twin, who lets out a loud, exaggerated sigh, and you burst into laughter at the interaction. “She’s so much like you.”

Clarke glares at you, “She gets the sass from you though.”

“Me?” You throw the blanket beside you at her, laughing in indignation. “I’ve never been sassy a day in my life.”

“Yeah, right.” Clarke laughs along with you, but you can still see the worry on her face. You reach out for her and squeeze her shoulder in reassurance. “She’s gonna be okay.”

“And what about you? Now that Echo and Bellamy are broken up, are you going to tell him you still love him?”

You think back to the long conversation you had with Clarke last night, after the drama died down and Madi went to sleep, and how good it felt to talk about everything you’re feeling with your other half. She understood all of your conflicting feelings, and reassured you that it was normal to be unsure of how you feel. The whole time she talked with you, her fingers played with the cluster of stars that hang around her wrist, and you’re positive that she was speaking to you from her experience with Finn. Still, the last thing you decided before going to sleep, is that you’d let Bellamy come to you. “No. If what Echo said is true, Bellamy seems to be pretty confused about how he’s feeling. I don’t want to show up and confess my love, just to confuse him further. I’ll wait for him to come to me when he’s ready.”

“You might be waiting a long time.”

“Maybe. But Bellamy is worth the wait.”

Clarke smiles at you, and you can tell that she’s relieved you’re no longer completely heartbroken. Being a twin means sharing the pain whether you mean to or not, and you know it hurt her to see you upset. ****But now things are seeming better because you have hope. If what Echo said was true, Bellamy still loves you. And it might take him a while to remember, to get over his feelings for Echo, but you have hope that he will, and that he’ll come back to you. Because you and Bellamy belong together, that much you’re sure of. One day he’ll remember that you’re his love, his radiant moon, and the two of you will fall back together, the way you used to be. So even though you’re still broken up, you’re starting to feel less broken.

Clarke changes the subject by reaching into her pack and pulling out two items, handing them to you. You take them, looking down at Jasper’s goggles and his note to Monty, and she whispers, “I thought you might want to give it to him.”

“Yeah, I would. Thank you.”

You stand and she stands with you, “I’m gonna keep an eye on Madi, and I’ll swing by to ask Bellamy about the eye so you don’t have to.”

“Thanks.”

You two leave the tent together and head towards the bunker, splitting off as she heads towards the tech room and you walk towards the sleeping quarters. On your way there, you see Harper walking towards you, and you call out to her. “Harper, hey!”

You both hug in greeting, the first time you’ve really had the chance to since reuniting a few days ago. Everything has happened so fast since then, and it’s hard to believe it hasn’t been that long since their descent from space. “I was just looking for Monty, do you know where he is?”

You hold up the goggles and the note, and you see the flash of sadness in her eyes before she points you down a separate hallway. “Knowing Monty, I’m sure he’s with the plants in the hydroponic farm.”

“Thanks.”

You both exchange goodbyes before you follow the halls to the farm, and you push the doors open to see Monty standing amongst the dying plants. He glances your way as you get closer, and you smile at him. “Harper told me I might find you down here.”

“I miss my algae farm. I thought being around all this might help.”

“Does it?”

“Most of the crops are neglected, and the equipment needs repair. I give it 3 weeks until this place is as dead as the wasteland.”

He walks closer to you, and you let his words wash over you, your anxiety instantly rising. You hope that Echo can get the eye down and the rest of you can get into Shallow Valley soon, otherwise, you’re all in danger. Monty glances down at the belongings in your hands, and you follow his gaze before looking up and locking eyes with him. “We’ve been meaning to give this to you.”

He takes the note and peers down at it, his voice soft. “Jasper’s handwriting.”

“We found it at Arkadia, not long after Praimfaya. Clarke nearly read it a couple of times, but I made sure she didn’t.”

He nods, and you can tell he’s about to say something to you, but the doors at the end of the hall open and the lights flick on. You turn and peer through the dying crops towards the intruder, seeing Cooper wheel in a body just as you hear her say, “Guard the door. I’ll just be a minute.”

Something about the interaction makes the hairs on the back of your neck lift, and you decide to trust your gut instinct, turning to face Monty in alarm. You push him backwards lightly, urging him to duck between the maze of crops, and he does so without question. Cooper pushes the gurney past the two of you, and you tense up, worried she’ll see you, but she walks right up to a door on the other side of the room. She types in a code, pushes the door open, and nudges the body inside before turning and walking out. You and Monty melt into the shadows as she walks on by, oblivious to your presence, turning the lights off on the way out and closing the doors to the farm behind her.

As soon as you and Monty are the only two people left in the room, you both head over to the door to check it out. Monty tugs on the handle but the door doesn’t budge, clearly locked, and Monty looks around for tools before his eyes settle on some pruning shears nearby. You watch in confusion as he grabs them, and you mutter, “Monty, you can’t pick a lock with pruning shears.”

“Ye of little faith.” He uses the shear to pry off a magnet that holds the tools in place, and then he sets the shears down and heads back to the door, moving the magnet over the door handle. “The keypad energizes the solenoid, pulls the coil and pin back. A magnet can do the same thing.”

A second later the lock clicks and he pushes the door open as you smile at him. “Monty, I love your genius brain.”

But your excitement dies out quickly as you step into the lab, Monty right behind you. You see the body that Cooper just brought in, along with test tubes and other lab related items. None of that concerns you though. What concerns you is the large tent in the back of the room, white and zipped up, secured from the outside world. Monty whispers, “Biocontainment lab? What the hell is that for?”

“Let’s find out.” You walk forward and unzip the tent to the lab, stepping inside as Monty protests, “I don’t like this.”

You ignore him and walk up to the large glass container a few feet from you, the contents inside hidden behind a large sheet. You pull the sheet back slightly and reveal a young woman, dead, and you feel the hairs on your arm lift, your subconscious already aware that you’re not gonna like whatever is going on here. You take a deep breath and pull the sheet the rest of the way off, the woman’s stomach now in view. You feel a wave of nausea roll through you and your skin crawls as you peer down at it, crawling with the sandworms from the desert. You gasp out, “Oh, my God!”

“I thought you all said no one else was bitten.”

“They weren’t. I don’t-” You look at the worms in confusion, not understanding, until the pieces slowly slide into place. _Octavia has already proven she’ll stop at nothing to win Shallow Valley._ “They’re breeding them.”

You and Monty exchange a worried look and you step over to the second glass container, pulling the sheet back to reveal a young man, still and unmoving. There are no worms bursting from his stomach, but it only takes a second for you to see one slither beneath his skin, making you shiver. Monty looks at the controls of the glass tank and mutters, “The cold must slow them down. If Octavia can deliver these worms in a defector-”

He cuts himself off when the man inside takes in a deep breath and his eyes fly open in alarm. “He’s alive.”

The man opens his mouth again, and you think he’s about to gulp more air when he suddenly starts to cough, worms spilling from his mouth. You and Monty exchange another look and you mutter, “We have to tell Bellamy and Clarke.”

He nods in agreement and the two of you toss the sheets back over the tanks, step out of the tent, and zip it closed behind you. You sneak out the door, making sure it locks behind you, before the two of you head towards the tech room, knowing that’s the last place they were both in. However, when you arrive, Harper lets you both know that they went to the mess hall to sneak a few extra rations out for her and Madi. You and Monty turn and leave Harper without another word, and Monty guides you through the bunker to the mess hall, your eyes searching the room for your twin and your former lover. You find them both sitting a table across from each other, talking quietly, and you rush over to them, feeling panicked from seeing the worms.

Following your instincts, you sit down beside Bellamy, your brain forgetting that you’re no longer together, but by the time you realize, it’s too late. Monty takes the one next to Clarke, and they both look up at the two of you in surprise, sensing the anxious energy around you. “What is it?”

You and Monty explain everything that you saw, including the worms and the live test subject, and as soon as you finish, Bellamy shakes his head. “My sister would never approve of human testing. I don’t care how crazy it’s become down here.”

Clarke muses, “Desperation has a way of making the unimaginable a necessity.”

“Still, if she weaponizes those things and sends them into the valley, then Echo, Raven, Murphy, Kane, your mom-”

Monty cuts him off, “Not just them, all of us. Unleashing an invasive species on the last arable land on Earth is a monumentally bad idea.”

Bellamy sighs, scrubbing a hand over his face in frustration before whispering, “Even if Octavia does know, she won’t listen to me. We need help.”

You all follow his gaze to the other side of the room, where Indra sits at a table eating with a few others. You all nod, agreeing with him, and Bellamy stands as Clarke urges, “Be diplomatic.”

“Yeah.” He immediately heads over to Indra, and the three of you watch him until Monty mutters, “He was there when Pike shot her and killed 300 of her people.”

Clarke and Monty both turn their gazes towards you, knowing you’re the best equipped at keeping the conversation calm, and you reluctantly nod, already accepting the role of peacekeeper. “I’ll go with him.”

You come up behind Bellamy as he reaches Indra’s side, hands tucked into his pocket, looking nervous. His voice is low as he asks, “Can I talk to you? _Privately_?”

Indra doesn’t address him, and nobody at the table moves, so you cut your eyes to them. “Hey, we need to talk to Indra. _Ban au.”_

 _Get out._ You say the last part in Trigedasleng, hoping it will get them moving, but instead they look up at you in shock and get more comfortable in their seats. You glare, but no one moves until Indra nods her head, sending them away. As you move past Bellamy to take the seat across from Indra, he whispers, “Real diplomatic.”

You roll your eyes at him but say nothing as you settle into your seat, Bellamy at your side. He leans close, voice low and quiet as he asks, “Indra, would Cooper do something without my sister’s approval?

“Only if she got mine first, but since I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, it’s hard to say.”

You look around you, making sure no one’s listening before you inform her, “She brought back the worms.”

Bellamy adds, “She’s breeding them, experimenting on defectors. One of them is still alive.”

“Why would she do that?”

“Our guess is, she’s trying to find a way to keep them dormant long enough to deliver them in the next defection.”

“Good plan.” She pushes her tray away, and starts to stand. “Show me.”

You follow her from the room, motioning for Clarke to follow. She catches up as you get down the hall, and Indra types in the code for the room, holding the door open for the rest of you. You walk past her and unzip the biocontainment lab, pulling back the sheets from both glass tanks, showing Bellamy, Clarke, and Indra what you and Monty discovered. Matching looks of horror pass over each of their faces, and you see Indra recover first, setting her jaw. She walks over to the still living man, puts her arms into the gloves attached to the tank, and clamps her hand over his mouth and nose, smothering him. He only fights for a minute before dying, and Indra whispers, “ _Yu gonplei ste odon, Tarik kom Louwoda Kliron Kru.”_

 _Your fight is over, Tarik from Shallow Valley Clan._ As soon as the words leave her mouth, the keypad on the door starts to beep and Indra turns to face the approaching party, muttering, “Let’s get this over with.”

The door swings open and Cooper and Octavia step inside, looking towards your group in surprise. You, Bellamy, and Clarke stand slightly behind Indra, watching the approaching pair as Octavia seems unsurprised by the contents inside the room. This seems to shock Indra because she states, “You knew about this.”

“Of course I knew about this, it was my idea. We’re up against an army with superior firepower and every geographic advantage. This is how we overcome that.”

Clarke snaps, “What happens when your secret weapon destroys the valley you’re fighting for?”

“I ran some tests.” You all look towards Cooper, waiting for her counterargument. “The worms can’t survive in a green environment for more than a few days, long enough to kill everyone they come in contact with before we get there.”

You shake your head in disbelief, and find that Bellamy feels the same, because he questions, “Are we really having this conversation? Our friends are there, people we love.”

“Acceptable losses.” Your brows shoot up, surprised to hear the words come out of Octavia’s mouth. “Cooper, check on the worms.”

Cooper brushes past all of you to step inside the lab as Octavia turns her anger on the three of you. “Come on, big brother. How many innocent lives have you sacrificed? What about you, Wanheda, Wanlida? This is no different. You were just trying to save your people, so am I.”

You hear Cooper exclaim, “You killed him.”

Indra deadpans, “No, you did.”

Octavia looks towards the two women in confusion, not understanding the argument. “Cooper?”

“One of the defectors survived.”

You see an uneasy look pass over Octavia’s face, and Bellamy comments, “Looks like we found something that’s not acceptable.”

“Blodreina, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but the results were remarkable. The worms reproduced 3 times faster in a live body, and we need quantity as well as control. I found that-”

You can see that Cooper’s words are swaying the queen, and you cut Cooper off, trying to stop this in its tracks. “Octavia, you don’t want to do this.”

“Spare me the hypocrisy. Miller told me about the man that you irradiated in Becca’s lab.” She turns back to Cooper, interested. “And just how long did your test subject survive?”

“Long enough for a defector to board their ship and fly to the valley.”

You glance at Bellamy and Clarke, both of them looking equally as distressed at this news, and Bellamy starts to beg his sister to end this. “Octavia, please, don’t do this.”

“I don’t want anything to happen to your friends, Bellamy, not even Echo.” He freezes at the name, and judging by Octavia’s obliviousness, you realize she must not know that they broke up the night before. “But this is war. Once we control the eye in the sky, we send the worms. Cooper, choose one of the elite guards to deliver it. It’s time for Wonkru to go home.”

She turns and walks out of the room, ending the conversation in the way she’s grown accustomed to, leaving the rest of you standing around, looking at each other in shock. Cooper and Indra disperse next, before you look between Bellamy and Clarke and nod towards the exit. “We should probably tell Monty and Harper.”

They nod, and all of you head straight to the tech room where the couple are waiting, both of them monitoring the eye in the sky. The three of you catch them up quickly before working on a plan to save those you love before the worms make it to the valley. Once the plan is in place, Bellamy looks at each of you one by one before repeating, “Okay, let’s go over this again. As soon as Echo and Raven get the eye down, we take the rover. We drive across the wasteland, and we break out our people before Wonkru attacks with the worms.”

As you think through the plan, and the hundred different ways it can go wrong, you decide to voice your concerns on the first issue that comes to mind. “Octavia will expect us to do something like that, she’ll post sentries.”

“That’s too bad for the sentries.”

His jaw is set, and you see a flash of the man that he was under Pike’s rule, and you don’t like it. It took so long for Bellamy to come back from that, so much healing that had to happen, and you don’t want him, or those around him, to have to go through that again. You’re about to argue his point when Monty speaks up first, shaking the letter that you gave him earlier. “This was supposed to be Jasper’s suicide note after we pulled him out of the City of Light. He was gonna put a gun in his mouth and pull the trigger.”

Clarke mutters, “Monty, now’s not the time.”

“Now is the perfect time.” He opens the letter, and begins to read, “'Monty, I know you’re an optimist. You think better days are ahead, but that’s not true. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. There’s only the tunnel, another enemy to fight, another war. I’ve come to the conclusion that we’re the problem, human beings, all of us.”

Your brows lift in surprise, Jasper’s note from the past voicing the very same concern you had a few days ago. You don’t want to believe that humans are the problem, that all of the war, and violence, and killing is just who you are. But sometimes, it’s hard to look at all the destruction that’s been left in your wake and not think that. Maybe the Earth would be better without all of you, but maybe the mess of human nature is what makes everything worth living. Clarke once told you that Lincoln had something similar to her: if death has no cost, then life has no worth. Maybe the death and destruction reminds all of you of the beauty of life. Without the bad stuff, maybe you wouldn’t realize how truly lucky all of you are. You’re alive, on the Universe’s prettiest planet, and you have each other. You have love and friendship and family. Maybe the fear of losing those things is what makes you keep going. Isn’t that why you’ve done the things you’ve done? To save Clarke or Bellamy or your people?

And maybe you shouldn’t need the terrible things to see the beauty in life. Maybe one day you can break the cycle, retire Wanlida and your Grounder knife for good. But right now, this war seems inevitable, determined to be fought by most of the people on both sides.

“The cycle can’t be broken as long as we’re here. That’s why I won’t be here. That’s why-” Monty cuts himself off, fighting back a wave of emotion, and Harper steps closer to him, comforting him. “Monty, it’s okay.”

“Jasper was smarter than all of us. It doesn’t matter what we do, coming back to the ground, opening the bunker, all we’ve done is made things worse. If a war is the only way to have the last survivable land on Earth, then maybe we don’t deserve it.”

He turns and walks out of the room, leaving you all to watch him leave. You can see the tears in Harper’s eyes, the sorrow that she’s holding back before she nods once in goodbye and follows him out the door. You, Bellamy, and Clarke all stare at each other, unsure what to do now, before you eventually plop down into the chair in front of the computer screen. Clarke takes a seat at the table across from you, dropping her head into her hands and closing her eyes, and Bellamy starts to pace behind you, moving back and forth across the room. The three of you stay like that for a while, until you see movement on the computer screen from the corner of your eye. You move your gaze to the lower left section of the screen, watching as code starts to move across it, and you call out, “Something’s happening!”

Clarke and Bellamy run over to you, and you watch as the screen suddenly changes to an aerial view over Polis. You stare at the screen in disbelief and mutter, “We’re in, Echo did it.”

Bellamy turns and starts to walk away, but Clarke calls out to him to stop him. “Wait, Bellamy. As soon as we tell her, she marches to war and unleashes those worms.”

“That’s why we’ve got to get there first. We take the rover, we get our people out, then we worry about stopping the war, okay?” You and Clarke exchange a look, having a silent conversation, and you can see the second she agrees with his plan. You nod at her, and she nods at you, and Bellamy, who catches the exchange, heads to the door again, “Good. I’ll get Monty and Harper, you two get Madi. We leave tonight.”

The three of you head out the door and split off, you and Clarke moving through the bunker in search of Madi. You know she’s supposed to be training, so you check the room you trained with Octavia in, finding it empty. But as you stand at the door and start to think of where to look next, the sound of sword fighting reaches your ears. You and Clarke lock eyes, figuring that’s where you need to be, and your ears eventually lead you to the atrium. As you step into the scene, you see all of the Wonkru novitiates sitting in a group, watching two of their own fight each other with wooden swords. Octavia, Cooper, and Gaia stand at the top, watching, and you see Octavia’s eyes fall on you and Clarke as you enter the room.

You and Clarke see Madi in the group, and she glances at you before watching the fight in front of her end, one of the boys now victorious. The loser stands and heads back to his seat, while the winner keeps his place in the center, waiting for the next contender. Gaia calls out, “Jonas, you’re next.”

“Wait.” You all look towards Octavia, wondering what she’s doing, and you feel a rush of anxiety when you see Octavia’s eyes are still locked on you and Clarke. You get a rush of fear, suddenly aware that the two of you, along with Bellamy, openly defied her wishes earlier. “Madi, you’re up. Fight.”

Madi looks at you and Clarke in alarm, and you see anxiety pass over Gaia’s features as she tries to argue, “Blodreina, she’s not ready.”

But one look from Octavia, and Gaia backs down, looking towards you and your twin apologetically. You can feel the tension rolling off Clarke in waves, but she keeps her expression neutral as Madi grabs her practice sword and moves to stand across from the previous victor. “Be the last.”

Madi holds her sword, doing her best to look uncomfortable with it, though you know she’s actively fighting against the knowledge she gained from you and Clarke training her. The previous victor lunges first, sending a flurry of moves towards Madi that leave her defending herself and able to do nothing else. He manages to catch her off guard and knocks her onto the ground, and you can hear some of the novitiates snicker as she pulls herself to her feet. You see her grip on her sword change, and your stomach sinks, already knowing where this is going. Madi glances towards you and Clarke, and you see your twin give an imperceptible shake of her head, also aware of the shift in Madi’s attitude.

But Madi ignores you both and lunges at the boy, assaulting him with a barrage of moves that leaves him breathless and looking at Madi in shock. You glance at Octavia and see her step towards the fence that wraps around the atrium, intrigued, before the boy gets upset and dives towards Madi, wanting to prove that he’s better. Unfortunately for him, Madi spent years training with you and Clarke and she beats him easily, knocking him to the ground and preparing to swing her sword down towards him when Gaia calls out, “Enough!”

Madi offers the boy a hand up as you and Clarke stand watching, unsure what to do, but Octavia is the first to break the silence. “Gaia, fit her for armor and get her a real sword.”

She descends from her place at the top and follows the ramp down and into the atrium, coming to stand across from your niece. “Madi, we’re about to fight a war on your land, for your land, and I could really use a second who knows the terrain when we get there. What do you say, Madi kom Wonkru?”

Octavia extends her arm out to Madi, who doesn’t hesitate and never glances your way. She just takes Octavia’s arm, the Grounder way, and Octavia smiles down at her. “All right, then. We march as soon as the eye’s down.”

Octavia turns to look at you and Clarke for the first time, her eyes solely landing on Clarke, aware that she plays the role of mother. “I need to borrow her for a strategy session. You don’t mind, do you, Clarke?”

You both know exactly what this is as soon as the words leave Octavia’s mouth: a power play. Octavia is upset that all of you have defied her from the moment the bunker was opened, and she’s now using Madi as a pawn in her game to get back at all of you, especially Clarke. But Clarke knows she can’t deny Octavia this, because it will only put Madi further at risk. So instead, you watch her swallow her emotion and shake her head. “No, it’s fine.”

She glances at you and you can see the panic in her eyes, so you smile at Madi and Octavia before turning and heading back into the bunker, walking toward the tech room again. Clarke walks beside you, and you can see her face fall as soon as she’s turned away from everyone, managing to keep her composure until you’re out of view. You see a few tears threaten to fall, and you thread your fingers through hers, whispering, “We’ll figure this out.”

Clarke switches from sadness to anger quickly, mama bear mode now activated, and she sets her jaw before muttering, “I already have.”

You don’t get the chance to ask her what she means, but you have a feeling it’s nothing good, judging by the anger in her expression. She pushes the door to the tech room open, and everyone turns to look at you, obviously missing one person. Bellamy glances at you then Clarke and asks, “Where’s Madi?”

“With your sister.”

Bellamy turns to fully face her, clearly exasperated. “Clarke, we don’t have time for this. We have to leave now. As soon as Diyoza realizes what Echo did, she’s dead. We have no choice.”

You’re behind Clarke as Bellamy lectures her, shaking your head at him, trying to tell him to shut up before he makes it worse. But if he sees you, he ignores you, pushing on and doing exactly what you thought he would: making it worse. Clarke muses, “You’re wrong. We have one.”

She walks into the room, heading towards the table and grabbing the radio that Bellamy was using to contact Diyoza’s mothership. Harper and Monty both reach out for her, trying to stop her, and Harper asks, “Wait, what are you doing?”

Clarke turns her gaze on Monty, saying exactly what he wants to hear. “Stopping the cycle.”

He pulls his hand off the radio, and Harper follows suit, allowing Clarke to lift the radio to her mouth, turning to face you. “This is Clarke Griffin. I have a question for Colonel Diyoza.”

You see Bellamy hold up his hands in confusion, silently mouthing to you, “What the hell is she doing?”

You just shake your head and shrug, because you tried to warn him, but he didn’t listen. You all look towards the radio as Diyoza’s voice comes through a second later, “Hello, Clarke. It’s been too long. What the hell do you want?”

“What would it take for you to share the valley?”

“Share it? Well, let me see. Short of an unconditional surrender, nothing.”

Monty shakes his head, “Octavia will never surrender.”

Bellamy looks at Clarke, seemingly understanding what her next words are going to be before she says them, because he turns away, bracing his hands on the table. Clarke shocks the rest of you into complete silence by retorting, “That’s why we’re gonna take her out.”

-


	66. lxvi. how we get to peace (5.08)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: creepy parasitic worms, death, angst, violence.
> 
> Summary: You, Bellamy, and Clarke all realize how far you’re willing to go to stop the war in the valley, but you’re quick to learn your decisions have consequences.

All of you are still looking at Clarke in shock, except for Bellamy who is still turned away, when Diyoza chimes in again, noticing the prolonged silence. “I don’t care how you make it happen, Clarke. Bring her to me in chains and I’ll do it for you, or she can surrender herself. But your Red Queen doesn’t seem like the type.”

Clarke responds, “Let us worry about that.”

“We have an understanding then.”

“We do.”

“Good. Call me back when it’s done and we can work out the details of your crossing. Over and out.”

As soon as the radio falls silent again, Bellamy spins to face your twin, voice hard. “No way.”

She tries to argue, but he cuts her off immediately, glaring at her now. “We are _not_ killing my sister, Clarke. I don’t care how crazy she is.”

You turn to Clarke, wanting to take her side because you’re worried about Madi too, but you don’t want to do that at Octavia’s expense. “Clarke, I want to keep Madi safe just as much as you do, but Bellamy’s right, we can’t kill Octavia. Not when there could be another way.”

Bellamy steps over to Clarke and snatches the radio from her hands, before turning and passing it to Monty. “There is another way. Run the loop. The rover’s charged, we’re getting our friends.”

And then he turns his anger back to Clarke. “That was reckless. We had a plan, you agreed.”

“That was before Octavia made Madi her second.” The words sober everyone in the room, now more aware of the danger that Madi faces by Octavia’s side. “That army marches to war as soon as they find out the eye is down. I can’t let that happen.”

Bellamy retorts, “And what if it was your twin? What if she was the one that needed to be killed to save Madi and get us into the valley, would you do it? Because I don’t think you would.”

You look at Clarke, curious on her answer, and she shakes her head and stutters, “I-I don’t know. But it’s not my sister, it’s _yours_. _Your_ sister who turned into a dictator in the last six years, _your_ sister who kills her people when they try to defect, _your_ sister who has become too power hungry to see that there are other ways to get to the valley that don’t involve a war.”

You look around at everyone, your gaze staying on Bellamy as you can see Clarke’s words start to sink in. You muse, “So, we don’t tell anyone?”

Monty counters, “They’ll know as soon as we drive away.”

“Who cares? We grab Madi, and we go.”

Clarke cuts him a look, exasperated that he still doesn’t understand. “Bellamy, she’s by her side.”

“She’s my _sister_ , Clarke.”

“I know.” And you can hear the resignation in her voice. You know that she doesn’t actually want to kill Octavia, but if killing Octavia keeps Madi alive, then you know she will choose Madi over the Wonkru leader any day. “Tell me what else to do!”

“We stop the war.”

Harper looks at her boyfriend, confused about his sudden statement. “How?”

Monty reaches into his pack and pulls out a glass jar full of green liquid, and you look at it in curiosity realizing what it is as he says, “Algae.”

Bellamy, however, does not seem curious about the algae, because he lets out an exasperated sigh and scrubs a hand over his face in frustration. “Monty-”

“Cooper already gave me permission to show what it can do! She’s meeting me this afternoon so I can take her to the-”

“That’s enough.”

Harper backs Bellamy up and adds, “The first batch put Murphy in a coma for almost a week. By the time it’s ready to eat-”

He cuts her off, shaking his head. “We’re not gonna eat it this time, we’re gonna feed it to the plants. If I can make the farm viable again, then we’ll still have a chance.”

Your brows lift, impressed, and you start to ask him a question about how confident he is in the algae when the door swings open. You all turn to it in shock, freezing like a bunch of kids that have been caught doing something they aren’t supposed to when you see Octavia standing there, her eyes locked on the screen behind Monty. “The spy did her job?”

Cooper and Miller step in alongside their queen, and Bellamy walks over to his sister, working on damage control, aware of how bad it looks that no one came to warn her. “Uh, we were just about to send for you. I told you Echo would get it done.”

You feel a flash of anger at the mention of her name, despite the fact that her and Bellamy are broken up, and you shake your head, trying to control yourself. Octavia turns to look at Monty, wanting more information. “Can the enemy still see us?”

“For now, yes. It’s technical, but-”

Cooper cuts him off, and as terrible as she appears to be, she seems to understand perfectly. “He has to run a loop to mask our troop movements. When the time comes, we need to clear the surface to reduce the risk of anyone noticing the same people moving in the same direction again and again.”

“Well done, Monty.” Octavia turns to look at Cooper and then Miller, giving her commands, “Load the worms into the rover and mobilize the army. War is here.”

And then she turns to leave all of you behind, staring at each other in shock. Any plan you had to get out fast and save your friends before the worms arrived is now foiled by Octavia knowing the eye is down. You sigh, already aware that this is going to complicate things further, likely putting Bellamy and Clarke at odds even more so than they were minutes ago. You know you’re about to be caught in the middle of them, so you rack your brain, trying to figure out how you can fix this. And then you remember Indra, shocked by Octavia and who she has become, seemingly willing to stop this war if given the choice. You turn and look between your twin and your former lover, offering up your solution. “We need to meet with Indra. If anyone can stop this before it happens, she can.”

They both nod in agreement, and Bellamy looks at Harper. “We need you to pass the message to Indra, we can’t be seen looking for her. Tell her to meet us in the building that Octavia used as a war room before we marched the first time. She’ll know where that is.”

Harper nods, and hurries out the door, and you watch her go before you mutter, “We’ll need to get there without being seen.”

Clarke nods, “I know just the way. When Jaha and I took the bunker for Skaikru, we spent a lot of time staring at the schematics for this place. There are a lot of passageways that can get you from one end to the other without seeing a single soul.”

“Then let’s go.”

Clarke leads you from the room and into a closed off hallway, taking you through the bunker and up to the exit without coming across anyone, as promised. Once on the surface, the three of you split off, taking different paths at different times to reach the building, so that no one sees all three of you heading to the same place together. All of the sneaking around reminds you of when you spied on Pike for Kane, and a pang cuts through you, somehow nostalgic for that time. You don’t know why, maybe it’s because everything felt simpler then, even when you were on the brink of war with the Grounders. Maybe it’s because things were better with you and Bellamy. Even though he was closed off and working with the enemy, the two of you were together. Now, you feel like a stranger to him. Though, the more you think about it, you kind of feel like a stranger to everyone. You saw your mother and Kane for a few minutes before they were taken away to the valley, and now you haven’t seen them since. There’s still so much they don’t know about the time you and Clarke spent on the ground without them, and there’s clearly so much you and Clarke don’t know about the years everyone spent in the bunker. 

Bellamy and the others from the ring are clearly very close. You’ve heard them all refer to each other as a family a few times since getting to the ground, but you have no idea what their time in space was like. You have no idea how they passed the time, or kept themselves sane, or when Bellamy moved on from you and fell in love with Echo. And now everything just feels so awkward. Everything is so different from the last time everyone was together six years ago. Everyone has changed so much, and there’s been so little time to get reintroduced to the new versions of each other. With a war hanging over everyone’s heads, the awkwardness persists, everyone still working to get comfortable around each other again in the few quiet moments you have been given.

You pull yourself from your thoughts when you see the building up ahead, and you step inside, seeing that you’re the last to arrive before Indra does. As you wait for your guest, the three of you all occupy the room with anxious energy. Clarke stands near the window, peeking out every few seconds. Bellamy paces back and forth across the room, and you rack your brain trying to remember if that’s a habit he’s always had, or one he picked up on the ring. You never figure it out, because Indra steps into the room, already questioning all of you before she even gets the door closed. “We’re readying for war. Do you know the risk I’m taking meeting you here?”

“Yes, thank you for coming.”

She warily eyes Bellamy, not sure she trusts the thanks before demanding, “What do you want?”

You step forward, feeling like right now, you might be the calmest person in this group. At the very least, you’re the middle man, stuck between two opposing sides, making you the most qualified to update Indra. “Clarke talked to Colonel Diyoza. She’s offering all of Wonkru safe passage to the valley, all Octavia has to do is surrender.”

“By now, you’ve realized she would never do that, so I’ll ask you again. What do you want from _me_?”

“Peace without war is still possible. Now, you’re her advisor, she’ll listen to you.”

“Why would I advise her to surrender in a war she’s likely to win? Thanks to you, we can march freely on the enemy while the worms ravage them. By the time we get to the valley, the only thing left to do will be to clean up the mess.”

Clarke counters, “And if the worms ravage the valley?”

“A risk she’s willing to take.”

You think about the conflict, about the mess all of you will have to clean up, or another war you’ll have to fight, despite not wanting to. An easy victory, sure, but a messy one. _A messy one, that relies on the worms._ You turn to Indra, trying to hide your excitement at the thought. “What if the outcome of the war wasn’t certain, if she didn’t have the worms? Would she still fight?”

“If she didn’t have the worms, both sides would take heavy losses.”

Bellamy seems to understand what you’re saying and adds, “Exactly. If all it took to save her people from that and deliver them to the promised land was surrender, would she do it?”

“I would hope so. Of course, you would never see the promised land because she would know it was you and, brother or not, throw you in the pits.”

You start to wonder if she’d really do that, throw Bellamy in the pits. And then you start to worry if she’d do that to you. To Clarke. To Madi. And the more you think about it, the more sure you are that she would. If any of you stand in her way, you’re sure she won’t hesitate to take you out. You fight against your growing anxiety as Clarke starts to formulate a plan based on your initial suggestion. “Not if she thought it was Cooper. There’s a failsafe in the processing room, I saw it when we were there. A way to kill the worms if they ever-”

Indra cuts her off, scoffing, “Folly! Cooper would never push that button, and since she’s the only one that handles the worms-”

Clarke now cuts her off, “Cooper would be dead. We’ll make it look like an accident. You would be the first responder, hit the failsafe button. No more worms.”

“No more war.” It only takes a second for her to decide before she looks between each of you, giving you her answer. “Do it. I don’t want to know how it’s done, just send for me when I’m needed. The army is preparing in the atrium. I’ll hit the button, and play the part.”

She watches you all nod in agreement before she turns and slips out the door, leaving the three of you to plan a murder you had no idea you’d be committing when you woke up this morning. 

-

The plan falls into place quickly when you remind Bellamy and Clarke about the meeting Monty mentioned he was going to have with Cooper in a few hours. From there, you all decide to take her from the meeting, into the biolab, stage the accident with a torn glove, kill her, and then notify Indra. You convince yourself not to think about the fact that you’re about to kill someone, so unused to killing people in the last 6 years. Wanlida came out of you easily when you, Clarke, and Madi were threatened by the prisoners, aware that it was you vs them. Now, you try to convince yourself that killing Cooper is the same thing. _She’s just as bad as Octavia, she’s the one that put the worms in someone still living, she’s Octavia’s right hand man. With her out of the picture, everything will fall into place._ ** _It has to._**

Which is why you now stand crouched behind a row of plants, tuning out Monty’s words to Cooper, waiting for Bellamy’s signal. He stands nearby, a rag in his hand doused with chloroform, watching Cooper inch closer and closer. You keep your eyes on him, and suddenly he turns to you and nods his head, signaling for you to stand and take a few steps, making noise as you go. The trick does what it’s supposed to, and Cooper turns towards you, calling out, “Is someone there?”

As soon as she’s turned away from him, Bellamy jumps out of the shadows and holds the rag over Cooper’s mouth, and you see her struggle and fight as Monty calls out to Bellamy, trying to get him to stop. As soon as you hear Cooper fall silent, you step from the shadows, motioning for Clarke to join you, and Bellamy throws Cooper over his shoulder and carries her over to where you stand waiting, near the door to the biolab. You look over at Monty, knowing he’s your only way into that room. “Monty, we need you to open the processing room. Please.”

“What the hell are you doing?”

Bellamy counters, “Explain later.”

“Actually, if you want me to open that door, you’ll explain now!”

Bellamy looks over at him, expression growing softer. “I know it doesn’t look like it, but this is how we stop the war.” 

“I was stopping the war!”

Clarke, who has stayed quiet through the entire exchange, snaps, “Keep your voice down! If anyone hears us-”

He cuts her off, deadpanning, “You’re killing her, aren’t you?”

The three of you exchange a look, knowing that Monty seems clearly disturbed by the plan, but you also know he deserves to know the truth since you’re asking him to be involved. So you look his way, and nod once. “Yes.”

You grab the broken magnet he used last time and hold it out to him, eyes pleading. You know it’s a lot to ask of him, the engineer never fond of killing, but there’s no other way for the three of you to get in that door. Monty sighs and then shakes his head, clearly upset that he’s making whatever decision he’s decided on. He takes the magnet from your hand and mutters, “And, of course, I help because what’s one more, right? We’re already murderers.”

As Monty works to open the door, Bellamy counters, “That’s not fair. We’re talking about taking one life to save hundreds.”

“Really?” He turns to look at Bellamy, stalling his movements. “Then let’s kill Octavia.”

Bellamy drops his gaze, and you and Clarke avoid Monty’s eyes, aware that discussion has already been had, and didn’t play out the way anyone wanted it to. Monty shakes his head again and turns back to the lock. “Didn’t think so.”

You hear the lock click and Monty pushes the door open a crack before he turns and walks away, not looking at any of you. He drops the magnet on the way out, and Bellamy calls out to him, voice pleading, but Monty never turns around, never acknowledges any of you. He just shoulders his burden and walks out the door, leaving the three of you to your dirty work. You look over at Bellamy, noting his torn expression, and you’re sure you must look the same because Clarke whispers, “We’re doing the right thing.”

Bellamy glances at her before heading towards the open door. “If you say it enough, maybe I’ll believe you.”

You follow him into the room, and Clarke walks in last, closing the door behind her. You jog ahead of Bellamy and unzip the biolab, pushing the flaps open so he can step inside and set her on the ground. Clarke hands you one of the radiation suits near the door, the one Cooper uses to protect herself when handling the worms, and you and Bellamy dress her in it as Clarke searches for worms to use. She finds something as you pull out your knife and cut a hole in between the fingers on Cooper’s glove, and Clarke drags over a large locked box labeled: “Adults. 2 days old.”

She swings open the glass cage that once held a live body and she sets the box on the edge, unlocking it and holding it in place. As soon as she sees you and Bellamy are finished, she says, “You two go stand outside. I’ll knock the box over and run over to you, and you close the lab up behind me.”

“Clarke, are you sure?”

“Yes, now go.”

You and Bellamy stand outside and hold the flaps closed, and Clarke makes sure you’re in position before she counts, “3…2…1…go!”

As the words leave her mouth she lets go of the box, leaving it to teeter precariously on the edge. She takes off running towards you and Bellamy and you pull open the flaps so she can run outside before you and Bellamy quickly bring them back together and zip them closed. As the zipper reaches the floor, the movement of the worms becomes too much and the box shifts to the right, into the open air, falling off the ledge and tumbling to the ground. You shiver as you watch them scramble out of the box, seeking the warmth of a human body, and it isn’t long before they find Cooper and get into her suit. You see her body jerk as they burrow into her skin, but still she doesn’t wake.

It takes a few minutes of waiting and watching before Cooper wakes with a start, slowly trying to piece together what happened to her. But as she turns, she sees the open box of worms and watches as a few scurry past, and she pulls herself to her feet as fast as she can, catching a glimpse of her torn glove in the process. She turns, clearly ready to head for the door, but her eyes fall on the three of you instead. She’s clearly fighting back tears as she yells, “You’ll all die for this.”

Seconds after she says it, she lurches forward, falling onto her knees, groaning out in pain. She tugs off her helmet and struggles to get the suit unzipped, crying out in pain as she does. You watch in horror, aware of exactly what’s happening as she tugs up her shirt to reveal her bare torso. You see multiple worms slither beneath her skin and you shiver as she cries out in pain and screams, “Please make it stop!”

You turn away, no longer able to look, subconsciously ducking your head towards Bellamy’s chest, using him to shield your eyes. It takes a second for you to realize what you’ve done, and you start to pull away, feeling awkward, but he surprises you by wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you closer. Clarke turns to look at the two of you, and though you can’t see it, she fights to hide the smile that threatens to break onto her face. Instead, reminded of Cooper’s presence by another scream of pain, she mutters, “Let’s go, it’ll work. Octavia will have to surrender.”

She turns and leaves, and Bellamy hesitates for a moment before he turns you both, putting his hand on your lower back to guide you forward. The three of you head out into the farm, pulling the door closed, making sure it locks behind you. Clarke grabs Monty’s discarded magnet on her way out and turns to you. “You signal Indra, we’ll meet in our tent. Bellamy and I will take different routes and meet you there.”

You nod and the three of you split off, and you start on the path that will take you through the atrium. The sound of war preparations grows louder as you get closer, punctuated by shouts, the clang of weapons, and the thud of last minute sparring. As you step into the atrium and follow the ramp up to the exit, you casually seek out Indra, careful to not draw attention to yourself. When you finally find her, you see that her eyes are already on you, and you nod your head, so small that no one can tell. She gives you the smallest of nods back before she turns her gaze back to her troops and begins to give commands, leaving you to slip out of the bunker and into the cool night air.

You look up at the stars as you follow the streets to your tent, in no rush to have the post mission discussion which will likely include a recap of the murder you just comitted with your twin and Bellamy. You trace a few constellations as you scan the sky, disappointment rising in you when you reach the tent faster than you expected. Bellamy and Clarke are already inside when you arrive, Clarke sitting on the bed and anxiously wringing her hands as she waits for you, while Bellamy paces in the space, his new normal. They look at you expectantly as you come in, and you nod, letting them know it’s done, before you plop down onto the bed beside Clarke.

The three of you remain in silence for a long time, no one eager to discuss what you just did, and you’re grateful for that. You’re relieved that Bellamy and Clarke seem just as distressed as you do at what you’ve done, though you know the three of you had no other choice. Clarke is finally the first one to break the silence, and she lifts her gaze to Bellamy, looking remorseful. “You’re a good brother, Bellamy. I’m sorry that I thought I could-”

He finishes for her, “Kill my sister? The truth is, if she was anybody else, I would’ve beat you to it.”

You smile at them, glad the two most important people to you are now burying the hatchet, and you shake your head at Bellamy’s words. “I don’t think that’s true. Maybe the old Bellamy would have, but I saw your face in there, and I know this version of you wouldn’t.”

Suddenly, Octavia bursts into the tent, and you have a split second to wonder how much she’s heard before she points at Clarke and demands, “Take her.”

People file into the tent, one guard pointing a gun at Clarke, and the two of you scramble to your feet in shock. Bellamy instinctively steps closer, as Miller walks into the room and sets his glare onto your sister. “You’re under arrest for the murder of Kara Cooper.”

You look at him, and then Octavia in complete shock, as Bellamy exclaims, “What? This is insane!

“Is it?” Octavia cocks her head to the side as she appraises the three of you, “We weren’t taking the worms. The eggs are already loaded in the rover, so what was Cooper doing there?”

The three of you exchange a shocked look, as Miller grabs Clarke’s arms and pulls them behind her back to cuff her. Octavia keeps her eyes solely on Bellamy. “Careful, big brother, or I’ll think you helped her, and we don’t have enough prisoners to settle this in the arena.”

You look at Clarke, growing worried and she shakes her head, warning you to stay silent. You start to comply until you hear Octavia muse, “Oh, well. I guess we’ll have to settle for an execution.”

She turns and heads out of the tent, and your eyes go wide as you look at your twin, not sure you’re even processing the words. Miller grabs Clarke and starts to pull her away, and you look at him, begging, “Miller, let her go! This is crazy, she didn’t do anything!”

But Miller keeps pulling her away as Clarke fights back, dragging her feet. You lunge at them, trying to reach them and pull your twin back to you, only to be held back by Bellamy. You fight against him as you yell out to his sister, “Octavia, get back here! Octavia!”

Clarke calls your name through your yelling, locking eyes with you. “Keep Madi safe, promise me!”

You feel tears well up in your eyes, but you nod. “I promise!”

She relents, allowing Miller to take her away, relieved that even if she dies, Madi will be safe. You, however, do not relent, continuing to kick and scream and call out to Octavia, Miller, and Clarke long after they’ve gone. Bellamy holds you the entire time, letting you tire yourself out until you’re a mess of tears, sobbing over the loss of your twin. Once you switch to crying, he lowers himself onto the bed, holding you in his arms as you cry until you have nothing left. No tears, no energy, just an empty feeling. 

You fall silent, staring at the wall, too upset to do anything, and Bellamy starts to quietly hum Clair de lune, tears spilling from your eyes again as he comforts you. You don’t know how long the two of you stay like that, but it feels like forever, and through your heartbreak you’re comforted by the fact that at least right now, he’s here for you. He may not love you anymore, but he’s not running to abandon you, and maybe that’s enough. 

Eventually, he lays you out in the bed, tugging off your boots and getting you comfortable, pulling the blanket up to your chin. And then he stands, turning to walk away and leave you alone. Panicked, you reach out for him, grabbing his wrist and stopping him, and through your raspy throat you ask, “Where are you going?”

He doesn’t look at you, his gaze firmly fixed on the wall, and you start to worry that you scared him away. He mutters, “To make things right.”

Before you can ask what that means, he pulls your fingers from his arm and turns away from you, disappearing from the tent and leaving you alone. You feel tears threaten to fall again, despite feeling cried out, now completely abandoned. Your twin is gone, and your former lover is gone now too. You close your eyes, trying to clear your mind, praying to the Universe that sleep takes you quickly. 

And for once, the Universe feels pity on you and grants your request, sending you into a deep sleep before you can even finish your prayer. 

-


	67. lxvii. sic semper tyrannis (5.09)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: fighting, angst.
> 
> Summary: With Octavia sick and showing no signs of waking up, Indra takes over Wonkru, planning to surrender to get all of you into the valley without a war. Unfortunately, things don’t go according to plan.

You blink awake slowly, your body fighting the exhaustion that still consumes you. 

Bright light filters through the tent, illuminating a small body curled up beside you on the bed. You smile down at Madi, who must have shown up at some point during the night after she finished her responsibilities with Octavia. Your eyes trace her face, so peaceful as she sleeps, and you get a pang of sadness when you realize you’ll have to tell her about Clarke when she wakes up. If she hasn’t already picked up on Clarke’s absence, it won’t take long for her to realize. 

You freeze when you hear a creak behind you, and you pull your knife from the holster on your thigh, left on after your stressful night, turning to look towards the door and face your intruder. Instead, you’re met with the sight of Bellamy, sitting in a chair near the door, watching you. As soon as he sees that you’re awake, he gives you a small smile and whispers, “Hey.”

“Hey.” You untangle yourself from your blanket, careful to not disturb Madi, and slide out of the bed, walking towards him. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to make sure you were okay after last night.”

“Not really. And as soon as Madi wakes up, I’ll have to tell her, which will only make this worse.”

“Maybe not.”

You cock your head to the side and your brows pull together, confused. “What aren’t you telling me?”

He glances over at Madi, stands from his chair and peeks outside before walking back over to you and pulling you to the furthest corner in the tent from your sleeping niece. His voice drops low, barely a whisper and he says, “I slipped Octavia some of Monty’s algae.”

Your jaw drops as you look at him, your brain running through the meaning, picking up on a piece of trivia you’ve gathered in the last few days. “Like the algae that put Murphy in a coma?”

“Yes. I poisoned my sister.”

“Oh, Bell.” You can see the anguish in his face, and it breaks your heart. Without even thinking about what you’re doing, you pull him to you, wrapping your arms around him and holding him tight. He immediately responds and hugs you back and you whisper, “She’ll be okay. I’m sure Jackson can keep her alive easily, especially with tech from the bunker.”

The two of you pull apart, and he nods. “I hope so. But with Octavia unable to lead, Indra can take over the army, and she can accept Diyoza’s terms.”

“Murphy was out for a week right? By the time she’s awake, we’ll be in the valley, living peacefully.” He nods, and your mind flashes to your twin. “What about Clarke? Can we let her out?”

“Not until Wonkru surrenders. It’ll just raise suspicions about her before then.”

You sigh, knowing he’s right, but you find relief in the fact that at least she’s safe for now, while Octavia rests in her coma. “Can we see her? Madi will want to.”

Suddenly, a quiet voice retorts, “Madi will want to what?”

You look over at your niece, sitting up and staring at you, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. You glance at Bellamy, and he whispers, “I’ll be outside.”

You nod and watch him step out of the tent, before you walk over to Madi and sit down on the bed beside her. “Madi, I don’t know how to tell you this, but Clarke’s in trouble.”

You see anxiety cross her features immediately, and she sits up straighter. “What do you mean? Is it Diyoza? Did she come for her? Are you in trouble too?”

You shake your head, reaching out to take her hand, hoping it’ll comfort her. “No, it’s nothing like that. And I’m not in trouble. But Clarke has been arrested for killing Cooper.”

Madi watches you, carefully looking for the truth in your expression as she asks, “Did she do it?”

You sigh, not knowing if you should tell her or not, exposing your dazzling little sun to the atrocities of war that you and Clarke have committed. Despite her youth, you know Madi is smart, and she’ll figure it out eventually, one way or another. Better to hear the truth from you than a lie from someone else. “Yes, but I helped her.”

You decide to leave Bellamy out of it, just in case Madi slips up and says something to someone. Though, knowing her and her loyalty, you’re sure she never will. Still, it doesn’t hurt to be careful. “I want to see her.”

You look at her in confusion, not understanding how she just blew past your admission without asking a single question about it. “Wait, that’s it? You’re not gonna ask why?”

“I don’t need to. I know you, ani, and I know Clarke. If you killed Cooper, I know you had a good reason. Now, can we go see her?”

“Get dressed and let me fix your hair and then we will.”

“But I-”

You cut her off, assuming the mom mode now that Clarke is gone. “No buts. If you show up looking like a mess, I’ll be the one in trouble.”

You stand and head towards the entrance, “The faster you move, the sooner you get to see her.”

You hear her jump into action as you step out of the tent, and you and Bellamy wait patiently as Madi gets ready in record time. She steps out as soon as she’s dressed and you undo her braids from the night before, quickly adding back two on either side of her head to keep her hair out of her face, but you leave the rest of her hair down for the day, just as eager to go see Clarke. Once you’re ready, Bellamy leads you to the bunker, signaling Indra as you pass her on the way in. 

She meets up with the three of you once you’re deeper into the building, the path you’re taking pulling at a memory, and as you start to reach the door where a guard stands, you realize Clarke is in the same room she locked you and Bellamy in before Praimfaya. _Ironic._ Indra greets the guard, clearly loyal to her, before pushing the door open and motioning for the three of you to go inside. You nudge Madi forward and she steps inside, followed by you then Bellamy, and Madi instantly runs over to Clarke and pulls her into a hug. You smile at the scene in front of you, despite the circumstances, watching as Clarke also smiles, beyond happy to see Madi again. 

She looks up at you, over Madi’s shoulder, and mutters, “Thank you for letting me say goodbye.”

You shake your head and glance at Bellamy, quietly asking if you can warn her, and he nods, so you turn back to her as she pulls away from Madi. “Clarke, this isn’t goodbye. Octavia’s sick, they say she might not wake up.”

Indra walks over to Madi and grabs her, starting to pull her away as she tells Clarke, “We can’t risk the child being seen here. She’ll be safe now, and so will you.”

Clarke nods and Indra pounds on the door, the guard from before opening it. As Indra leads Madi out, she turns to you, Bellamy, and Clarke, “Be quick.”

You all nod in acknowledgement as she disappears, closing the door behind her, and as soon as Madi’s gone, Clarke turns to you. “What did you do?”

“Not me. Bellamy.” She looks to Bellamy, who avoids her gaze and mutters, “Monty’s algae.”

“Oh, my God.”

He lets the gravity of the situation land before he adds, “As head of the army, Indra can accept Diyoza’s terms for peace. By the time Octavia wakes up, we’ll be in the valley.”

You reach out and grab Clarke’s hand. “Once Wonkru surrenders, I’ll come and get you out. Then we’ll head back to Shallow Valley together: you, me, Madi, and Bellamy.”

She smiles, pulling you into a hug, whispering in your ear, “Together.”

You hear a quiet knock on the door, letting you know your time is up, and you squeeze Clarke before you pull away. “We’ll be back soon.”

She nods and you and Bellamy head for the door, knocking to let them know you’re ready to come out. As soon as you’re in the hall, you see that Indra stands waiting along with the guard, but Madi is gone. “Where’s Madi?”

“Safe.” She doesn’t give you time to ask for more details, because she turns and walks away, expecting the two of you to follow. You and Bellamy glance at her and then each other before he tips his head in her direction, asking what you think. You shrug and start to walk after her, and he follows, both of you jogging to catch up. As soon as Indra sees you by her side, she mutters, “Good, time to see Octavia. Then, we gather Wonkru.”

You follow her through the bunker as she leads you to Octavia’s room, motioning for the guard to push open the door as she approaches. He complies, and all three of you step inside, your eyes instantly falling to Octavia, sprawled out on a very large bed, hooked up to a variety of machines. Niylah is on one side of her, Jackson on the other, and Miller lingers nearby, watching them. They all turn towards you as you step inside, the door closing behind you as Indra asks, “How is she?”

“Her systems are shutting down.” You stare at Octavia, looking small and weak in the large bed, her breathing slow and shallow as she lies completely still. Niylah turns from Octavia, setting her eyes on Bellamy, a glare on her face. “You were there. Tell us everything that happened. Did she take anything, drink anything?”

Bellamy shakes his head, paying his part of the clueless brother. “It’s like I told Miller, she was eating one of your rations. Why?”

“Because she might have been poisoned. That’s why.”

You all turn to look at her in shock, not expecting her implication of Bellamy’s involvement, but then you remember Gaia’s words to Clarke when Gaia wanted to kill Niylah. _She is not your friend._ Just like her daughter, Indra opposes Niylah and commands, “Niylah, that’s enough. She’s his sister.”

“We were sharing it the Wonkru way. I ate it too, and I’m fine.”

You can feel the tension in the room rising, and you rack your brain for a way to change the subject and diffuse it. Thinking of Octavia’s earlier injury from the worms, you look at Jackson, expression curious. “Have you considered that the worm toxin might still be in her blood?”

“It’s possible, making this a secondary reaction to the substance she was exposed to, but a week ago…” Jackson trails off, and his boyfriend mutters, “English, Jackson.”

He clarifies, “Dialysis won’t work. Nothing will. We need to prepare for succession.”

Everyone turns to look at Octavia with sadness before moving their gazes to Indra, knowing she’s next in line. Indra accepts the responsibility with a nod. “I’ll inform Wonkru. If there’s any change in her condition, I want to be the first to know.”

She turns and heads for the door, telling Miller on her way out, “Gather the first battalion and the delegates.”

And then she’s gone. You, Bellamy, and Miller all follow, leaving Niylah and Jackson alone with Octavia. Miller branches off to gather the appropriate people, and not long later, he meets up with you again, nodding to Indra. “They’re gathered in the atrium, waiting on your command.”

Indra gathers her guard, Miller included, leaving you and Bellamy hidden in the back. She makes her way to the atrium, throwing the doors open with an air of command that only Indra could possess. She steps into the center of the crowd, and you and Bellamy linger near the edge, your eyes searching the crowd for Madi. You see her standing with Gaia, and the two of you lock eyes but make no move towards each other, aware that now is not the time. Instead, you watch as the room falls silent and Indra steps into position, turning slowly to meet everyone’s gaze. “The whispers are true. Our beloved Blodreina has fallen ill.”

You feel Bellamy tense up beside you and you glance over at him, making sure he’s okay. You can see the guilt weighing on his shoulders, your world weary Atlas back just a few days after landing on the ground, and your heart hurts for him. But he keeps his composure and his face blank as Indra continues, “These may be her final hours. I trained Octavia as my second, and I love her as I love my own child. I advised her and led her army with pride. It was her desire that if she should ever fall, I step forward to lead you. Blodreina wanted what we all want: to live a better life in Shallow Valley, and we will, but not through war, not when there’s a better way. For the last six years, we have lost hundreds of our people, and we can’t afford to lose anymore. I will negotiate for Wonkru to enter the valley peacefully, so that no more shall suffer.”

You and Bellamy watch the crowd, relieved to see that most people seem to be nodding along with Indra’s words, open to the idea of surrender. That is, however, until Miller yells, “You’re not in command here! Not even over the first battalion. Blodreina gave that honor to me!”

Someone yells out, “So you expect us to follow you? He’s Skaikru!”

“There is no Skaikru! You know that, Brell.”

You and Bellamy exchange a look, growing uneasy by this shift in the conversation. The woman who spoke up a second ago, Brell, reminds everyone, “In the absence of the Commander, the clan delegates should reassemble and choose the next leader.”

A man nearby yells, “Blasphemy! Miller’s right, there are no more clans. There is only Wonkru and enemies of Wonkru.”

Brell and the man stand off, staring at each other, before they start to fight, inciting those around them to join in. Your eyes search the crowd, looking for Madi again, uneasy with her closeness to the angry mob. Just as you spot her and start to head her way, Bellamy grabs your arm and Miller sends two bullets into the air, freezing everyone in place. You glance back at Bellamy and he shakes his head slightly, subtle, reminding you of the danger in this room. You settle next to him again, still anxious and on edge, redirecting your attention to Miller, who yells, “Now, I’m not asking you to follow me, I’m asking you to follow Octavia. Yesterday she ordered us to march on the valley, so we march for Blodreina!”

The response is immediate, and swords and guns are lifted into the air, along with the loud chants of, “Gon Blodreina! Gon Blodreina! Gon Blodreina!”

You and Bellamy share a look as Indra walks over to the two of you, and you both turn your gazes to her, muttering her name, a quiet warning, “Indra…”

She shakes her head at you both. “I can’t stop this war, but there’s someone who can.” She turns her gaze to Madi, who stands watching you, and Indra whispers, “We need a real Commander.”

You can see Bellamy considering it, and you turn to him and whisper, “Absolutely not!”

He looks down at you, and you nod towards the door. “Can we talk in private?”

He nods and Indra allows the two of you to leave the atrium, the steady chant of the delegates growing softer and softer as you lead him to the training room that you both fought Octavia in. You make sure there’s no one inside before stopping into the room and turning to him. “I know we’re a family of Nightbloods, but we are not putting the Flame in Madi. I can do it, Clarke can do it, whoever. But it can’t be Madi.”

“A Commander will unite the clans. It’s the exact reason that Clarke tried to ascend before Praimfaya.”

“I know that, Bellamy. Which is why I’ll do it.”

He opens his mouth to fight you on it, but a small voice near the door beats him to it. “No.”

You and Bellamy turn to see Madi, clearly listening in on the conversation, and you shake your head, already knowing where this is going. Madi steps inside, coming to stop beside you and Bellamy, demanding attention. “Clarke said everyone got angry when they realized that your mom made you both Nightbloods. If either of you take the Flame, they’ll kill you.”

You shrug, “Maybe, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take to save her, _and you_.”

“I’ll do it.”

“Madi, no. Are you listening to me? Clarke would kill me, bring me back from the dead and then kill me again, just to get her point across.”

“Are you listening to me?” You look at her in shock, her voice raised and angry, something she rarely does. “If you take the Flame and they kill you, who will take it next?”

“Clarke.”

“Wrong. They already know that Clarke isn’t a real Nightblood, so they won’t give it to her. Which means, at the end of the day, I’ll be the one that ends up taking the Flame anyways.” You sigh, looking down at her, your brave, dazzling sun, and you know she’s right. Madi takes your hand, driving her point home. “This is the only way to save Clarke and your friends.”

Bellamy, who has been silent through your entire exchange, whispers, “She’s right. If they’re willing to go to war for my sister, then they’ll kill yours, because that’s what Octavia wanted. Miller was there, he heard her mention an execution.”

You look between them, shaking your head at this bad idea, but you know they’re both right. Your hands are tied, and you’ve been given one choice. _The only choice._ “Fine. But we have to tell her first, she deserves to know.”

When they both agree, you look down at Madi. “Go find Gaia, tell her the plan. We’ll meet you in the house where she took Niylah. She’ll know where that is.”

She nods and runs off, and you turn to Bellamy. “Let me do the talking, okay? I don’t want you to make this worse.”

“Okay.”

The two of you leave the training room and grab Indra on your way down to the boiler room where they’re keeping Clarke. You inform Indra of the plan on your way down, and she seems pleased that you finally agreed. When you reach the room, you take a deep breath before walking inside, steeling yourself for the battle to come. And then you step inside, face your sister, and tell her the truth. As expected, she completely shuts you down, the exact same way you shut Bellamy down at first. “Absolutely not.”

Bellamy ignores, or forgets, your earlier message about letting you do the talking, and emphatically tries to convince her of your side. “Clarke, you _know_ what a Commander means to the Grounders. Years ago, you tried to force the Flame on Luna. You were willing to put it in your own head to prevent a war over this bunker. How is this any different?”

You glare at Bellamy, knowing that was exactly the wrong thing for him to say, because despite those being her actions years ago, things have changed, she’s changed, and Madi is her kid. Clarke cuts back,“Madi’s a _child,_ that’s how! I don’t care how many of these people still believe in the Flame, they believe in Blodreina more.”

You can sense Bellamy about to argue again, and you hold your arm out to him, letting him know he should stop, and you keep your gaze locked on your twin. “Madi will be protected. Bellamy, Gaia, and I-”

She cuts you off before you can explain further, “The answer’s no. Now unchain me so we can get the hell out of here before we all get executed for treason.”

You look at Bellamy, conflicted, and he shakes his head and glances between you both. “Echo, Raven, Murphy, and Emori are my family. Your mom is in that valley. So is Kane. I’m sorry, this is happening.” 

And then he reaches out and takes your hand before you can be swayed by Clarke. Clarke turns desperate as soon as she realizes you’re leaving, and she calls out to you the entire time, her words breaking your heart. “Don’t do this, la lune!”

Bellamy knocks on the door, letting the guard know you’re both ready to leave, and Clarke continues to yell at your backs, “You said that you’d protect her! You said you’d keep her safe! La lune, wait!”

And as much as it hurts you to hear her tug against the chains, desperate to reach you, calling out to you, you close the door behind you, pausing to lean against it and take in a shaky breath. You close your eyes, trying to block out your twin’s cries, and you hear Bellamy ask, “You okay?”

You take in another deep breath, pushing your emotions out of sight before you open your eyes and look at him. “No, but there’s no other choice. This is how we save her, and our friends, and the valley.”

You glance to Indra, who stands listening, making sure you’re still going through with it. When she sees that you are, she nods. “I’ll go check on Octavia. You two do what needs to be done.”

You all break off, taking separate paths, slinking through the bunker to avoid all suspicion that you’re planning something. You and Bellamy eventually meet up and reconvene in the streets since he doesn’t know the final meeting point, and you lead him through the dark streets, unsurprised to find Madi and Gaia already waiting. As soon as you step inside the room, Madi runs over to you, hugging you, and you feel tears well up in your eyes, not sure if you can put her through this. You drop down to her level and whisper, “You don’t have to do this, I can still do it for you.”

“ _No_ , it has to be me.”

You think of the pressure, the burden that she’s about to shoulder, and you add, “I don’t want to put this on you.”

“You aren’t. I’m choosing to do this.” And then she glances between you and Bellamy, who stands behind you. “Are you both sure about this? When I do this, she’ll never forgive you.”

You glance at Bellamy and then to Madi, thinking of what Clarke said to you the day she discovered that you had been training Madi behind her back. _If you go against my wishes for her again, I won’t be as forgiving._ And you know it’s likely Clarke won’t forgive you. She might hate you forever for allowing Madi to do this, but at least she’ll be _alive_. “I’m sure.”

Bellamy echoes, “Me too.”

Madi turns to Gaia. “I’m ready.”

Gaia ushers Madi over to a table that she’s already prepared for the Ascension, and then she begins the process of making Madi the Commander. You and Bellamy stand back, out of the way, and the only time you get close is to hold Madi’s hand as Gaia puts the Flame in her neck. Madi kneels on the ground in front of Gaia, sweeping her hair to the side, out of the way, and she squeezes your other hand in a flash of fear as Gaia steps closer to her. You whisper, _“Nou fir raun, strik deimeka.”_

 _Don’t be afraid, little sun._ She looks at you and nods, lowering her head for Gaia. You glance up at the young Flamekeeper and nod, and she lifts the Flame and whispers, “Ascende superius.”

You watch the tiny, tech based legs slither from the Flame, seeking out a mind, and Gaia lowers the device towards Madi’s neck, who groans as the first few wires pierce her skin. When the Flame starts to dig in, she lets out a scream, which ends up muffled by the sound of the Ascension horn coming from outside. You ignore it, too focused on Madi, whose eyes roll into the back of her head seconds before she passes out. You catch her, turning her over to look at her face, waiting for her to wake up. But instead of it happening instantly like it did with Clarke, Madi’s eyes remain closed, and you look up at Gaia in alarm. “Clarke woke up right away. Why isn’t she waking up?”

“Patience. The Flame affects every Commander differently.” Gaia kneels beside you and starts to strap something around Madi’s neck. “This collar will protect the Flame.”

As soon as she gets the collar around Madi’s neck, you glance at Bellamy. “Help me.”

He understands immediately, and helps you to lift Madi and carry her over to the table, laying her out on it. You smooth her hair away from her face and whisper, “Madi, come back to us.”

As you’re peering down at her, you hear a sound at the door, and before you can even question it, Miller yells out, “Back away from the child right now!”

You, Bellamy, and Gaia all turn towards the door in shock, watching as Miller files into the room, followed by ten other guards. The last person to walk in shocks you though. Clarke steps into the room, looking pissed, searching the room for Madi. Her eyes eventually land on her on the table behind you, and you look at Clarke in surprise, unsure how she got out, just as she walks over to you. She stops right in front of you, glaring, before she catches you off guard and slaps you across the face. You grunt at the contact, cheek instantly stinging, before your hand lifts to cover your injured skin, your mouth dropped open in shock. You turn to look at your twin, and she mutters, so quiet only you can hear, “I told you I wouldn’t be as forgiving if you crossed me again and I meant it. You’re dead to me.”

You hear the roar of blood in your ears as your brain processes the words, and you swear your world starts to tumble as she walks away from you, announcing to the others, “I need to get it out.”

You can barely hear Gaia over the chaos in your head, your brain still trying to understand what Clarke said to you. _You’re dead to me. You’re dead to me. You’re dead to me. You’re dead to me._ You aren’t surprised to see Octavia walk into the room, despite the fact she was on the brink of death the last time you saw her. It seems to you the Universe is hellbent on playing a cruel joke on you, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. Octavia sends Clarke and Madi out of the room, to the rover to escape, and you can only watch them leave in shock, wondering if this is the last glimpse you’ll ever get of them. 

You hear Octavia yell out, “Arrest the traitors!”

Seconds later Miller clicks handcuffs over your wrists, taking your knife and holster from your thigh, and you don’t fight him. For the first time in your life, you go quietly, resigned to your fate as they drag you from the room and to a cell, awaiting certain death. 

-


	68. lxviii. the warriors will (5.10)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: mentions of suicidal thoughts and Shumway, fighting, violence, injuries, language, mentions of blood.
> 
> Summary: Your worst nightmare becomes your current reality; you and Bellamy are put into the fighting pits together, alongside Indra and Gaia. Who will be the last?

You forgot how excruciating it is to wait for death, but your current confinement is quick to remind you.

It’s strange how each time is worse than the last. When you were in the Skybox, locked up in solitary, abused by Shumway, you rarely feared death. At times, you almost looked forward to it, and the idea that you’d finally be free of the abuse and pain was enough to make you wish your 18th birthday would come sooner. But then you’d remember Clarke and your mom, and despite your strained relationship with them both, you didn’t want to leave them behind. When Pike arrested you with Kane, Lincoln, and Sinclair, that longing for death never came. You were terrified of the idea that you’d lose Clarke, Bellamy, Octavia, your friends, your life. Suddenly you had all these things that were _yours_. People that loved you, people you loved, threatened by Pike and his tyrannous rule, the dictator of Skaikru all too eager to take that away from you. But then you were saved and that fear passed, and you thought you were done with waiting to die.

Until Octavia’s tyrannous rule over Wonkru brought all that fear rushing back to you. Just like before, you have even more to lose than the last time you faced this wait. Now you have a niece, bright as the sun, who has brought you joy and comfort through some of the hardest years you’ve had to live through. Madi was always there to remind you of Bellamy and his love for you, giving you the strength to go on and keep fighting, even when you didn’t want to. And though you aren’t sure if you have Bellamy’s love anymore, you’ll never get the chance to know for sure. You’ll die while having a broken relationship with Bellamy, and you’ll die having a broken relationship with your twin. You just wish you had a chance to explain everything to her before she was whisked away, but it’s too late now. Now, as you await death, is not the time for regrets. Instead, you know you should reminisce on the good times you’ve had, the high points in your life, but you’re not sure you have the strength in your heart to do it. Remembering all you had and all you could have will just hurt you more than anything, reminding you that moments like that will never happen to you again.

You pull your eyes open and stare at the gray ceiling, shifting your eyes over to the symbol of Wonkru that hangs on the wall, printed onto a red strip of fabric. The more you stare at it, the more you realize it’s heavily inspired by Lincoln. The handle of the sword symbol is made up of the tattoos that went down the back of Lincoln’s head. The same tattoos, you finally realize, that were adorned on Cooper’s face. The tattoos from his chest that Octavia used for her war paint during the Final Conclave, make up the blade of the sword. You feel a rush of sadness as you remember Lincoln and his death, his legacy still so evident even years after he was killed. It hangs like a ghost over everything Octavia is, everything she does, though you suspect that recently she must have forgotten. Something tells you that peacekeeping Lincoln, so determined to unite Skaikru and Grounders that he died for his cause, would not be a fan of the fighting pits. 

You start to wonder what Lincoln thought of in his last moments. _Was his imprisonment as excruciating as yours is panning out to be? Was it worse once he was left behind by the rest of you? Was he scared to die? What did it feel like? Did it hurt?_ The more you start to think about it, the more you resent going out this way, likely bleeding out on the floor of a bunker in some slow and painful way. If you had to choose, you’d choose a death that was calm, painless, and hopefully one you never saw coming. Something about _knowing_ this is the end, reminds you of all the things you left unsaid, all the things you never got to do.

You are suddenly pulled out of your spiral of thoughts by the sound of a door scraping open, letting you know you have a visitor. You don’t move from your place, sure it’s no one interesting, and you just keep your gaze locked on the ceiling as you spread out on the bench in the room the best you can. 

“It’s funny, Bellamy was in the exact same position you’re in when I went to see him.”

Your head snaps to the side, surprised to see Octavia stepping into the room, and you sit up, fighting the flash of anger that threatens to rise from the arrival of your friend, _your sister_. You say nothing to her, not sure you can bite your tongue and keep your comments to yourself. You just turn towards the door to the room, making space for her to settle on the bench opposite of you, careful to keep her distance. You’re sure she knows how pissed you are, but you don’t know if that’s why she stays away. “I just came to tell you, the four of you will be fighting in the arena later today.”

“I figured.”

“This is not what I wanted.” You turn to her, giving her a look that lets her know you aren’t buying her bullshit, but the expression on her face is sincere, almost pleading. “I didn’t want you to fight, any of you. But half of my army is refusing to march, too interested in following a child Commander than me. This is the only way we get to the valley.”

You scoff and look away from her again. “Wrong. We had a way to get to the valley, and no one had to die. All you had to do was surrender.”

“This war is inevitable. If you think we could live peacefully with those-”

You cut her off, your voice rising, “We won’t ever know if we could live peacefully with them, now will we? Because you are so addicted to the power you hold that you refuse to see the options all around you! Everything doesn’t have to be a fight, Octavia!”

“Yes, it does! Down here it does! We have _fought_ for our lives, our survival, from the _moment_ we landed on the ground. That didn’t change when we got locked in this bunker 6 years ago. Nothing about living in this damned bunker was easy!”

She chokes up on the last word, and despite yourself, you feel a wave of sympathy for her. You turn to her, eyes searching her face, seeing all the ghosts that haunt her. Your voice is low, much lower than before when you ask, “What happened down here, Octavia?”

“The Dark Year happened.”

“What is that? What does that mean?”

She stands suddenly, turning away from you. “I don’t want to talk to you about the Dark Year, that’s not why I’m here.”

“You already told me why you’re here. So if that’s all…”

You trail off, hoping she gets the point, understands the silent ‘piss off’ that you don’t say. But she doesn’t. She turns to look at you, her expression serious. “Do you love my brother?”

You balk at her, “You know I do.”

“Enough to save his life?”

“Yes.”

“Even if it costs you your own?” 

You think of sneaking into Mount Weather, and spying on Pike, and watching a rocket blast into the sky as a death wave comes barreling towards you. Without hesitation, you reply, “Yes.”

“I tried to help him and tell him how to beat Gaia and Indra, but he wouldn’t listen. He’s refusing to fight. Despite everything he’s done, including poisoning me, I don’t want him to die. If you fight and take out Indra and Gaia, you’ll save his life.”

“And what about me? You asked if I’d give my life up to save him.”

She sighs, looking upset, her voice quieter. “I can’t save you both. Wonkru needs to be scared, or they won’t march. Normally when someone refuses to fight, I step in for an execution. Stage a protest alongside Bellamy, and when I come down, attack me. I’ll make your death quick, painless, and Bellamy will survive because of your sacrifice. The people want a show, and you can give them one.”

You think of Clarke and Madi, safe, together, probably in the valley by now. With your mom, and Kane, and your friends. All in some sort of danger, but a danger that will end as soon as the war is won. Bellamy, however, is in a different kind of danger, more immediate, more absolute, because there can only be one victor. Most of your family is safe, except for him. Bellamy needs you, and you have never abandoned him before. You aren’t about to start now. You nod, letting Octavia know you’re open to the idea and she mutters, “Good. Indra has a weakness, her shoulder never fully healed from the bullet Pike put in her. If you and Bellamy can get the swords, you can make her wield the hammer. It’s too heavy to use with one arm. Gaia will go for the staff, but knowing Indra, she’ll make sure her daughter is out of the way first before she turns to attack either of you. Once you take care of Indra, then you can worry about Gaia. After that, it’s just you and Bellamy. Make your protest, and I’ll execute you.”

She holds out her arm to you, the Grounder way, the warrior way. “Do we have a deal?”

But before you take it, you look her in her eyes, tip up your jaw, and square your shoulders. “I will only save Bellamy if you swear Madi and Clarke will be okay. You will not harm them, and you will give them your protection.”

You see Octavia’s jaw clench, hating the idea, but you know you have her backed into a corner. This is the only way she can save her brother, through your sacrifice, and she won’t risk that. “Fine.”

You sag with relief and clasp your arm onto hers, sealing your deal. As she releases you, she motions towards the door. “I’ll allow you to see him one last time before the arena. Say your goodbyes, but say them quickly.”

You smile at her, genuinely happy she’s offering you this chance. “Thank you, Octavia.”

She nods and heads towards the door, informing the guard of the plans. He motions for you to follow him down the dark hallway, towards another room a few doors down. Before he unlocks the door, he glances at you. “You have three minutes.”

“Okay.”

As soon as he sees that you understand, he unlocks the door and swings it open, and you scurry inside quickly, not wanting to waste time. He hammers the point home when he grunts, “Three minutes, that’s it.”

Bellamy is sitting on the bench, his hands clasped in front of him, head bowed, but he looks up when he hears the commotion by the door. When he sees you, he whispers your name, shocked and confused, and you quickly close the space between the two of you. You drop to your knees in front of him, grabbing his face in your hands and forcing him to stop talking and look at you. “Bell, listen, we don’t have a lot of time.”

His eyes lock on yours, and once you have his full attention, you continue, “Clarke and Madi are safe and together, my mom has Kane, our friends have each other. All of the people I love are safe and accounted for, except for _you_. I can’t have that.”

He opens his mouth to say something, but you shake your head, not quite done. “Octavia told me you won’t fight, which is why I’m going to fight for you. She told me how to take out Gaia and Indra, leaving just the two of us.”

“I won’t kill you.”

You shake your head, tears welling up in your eyes as you realize you’re having this conversation, probably your last conversation, and it’s all about death. _Your death._ “I’m not asking you to. Octavia has a plan, one that will get her into the ring with the two of us. All you need to know, is that she’ll take care of it so that you don’t have to.”

You see tears well up in his eyes as he realizes what you’re saying. That you’re going to die, whether he participates or not, and his sister will make sure of it. “I won’t watch you die in that arena either. I already lost you once, _I won’t lose you again._ ”

His words hit you in the chest, tearing your heart wide open. You thumb away the tears that fall down his cheeks as you give him a watery smile. “You have to, Bellamy. One of us has to die, and it should be me. This is the last thing I have to do before the end, just let me do it. Let me save you.”

He starts to protest, but he’s cut off by the guard opening the door. “Time’s up!”

You see panic flash in Bellamy’s eyes, and his hands quickly lift to your face and pull you forward, crashing his lips to yours. You feel your tears mix with his as they run down your face, and you savor the last kiss you’ll ever get from the man you love. It says everything that’s been left unsaid, everything you need to know before you die. Bellamy Blake still loves you, and he doesn’t want to lose you. And right now, on the brink of your death, that’s enough to get you through. That’s enough to make you fight.

The guard pulls you back and to your feet roughly, grunting out, “I _said_ **time is up.** ”

Each word feels like a punch to your heart, but there is nothing else you can do now. You allow the guard to take you from the room and lead you down the hall, just outside the door to the atrium. Gaia and Indra are already there, talking quietly, but they stop as soon as they hear you approach. You glance over at them, and they look at you, all of you sharing one collective thought: in a few minutes, at least one of you will be dead. If you play your part right, all three of you will be.

The gate behind you squeaks open and Bellamy is led up to your group. He looks distressed, now trying to figure out a way to save you both, and he whispers loud enough for all of you to hear, “What if none of us fight?”

“It’s been tried. You get executed.”

“Good, means she’ll have to do it herself. We can overpower her, all four of us.”

Indra turns to look at him like he’s crazy. “With hundreds of her supporters in that room? Guns in their hands? We’ll be dead before we can even lift a finger towards her.”

And before any of you can say anything else, the guard near the door calls out, “Line up!”

You all fall into line, Gaia in the lead, followed by Indra, then you, with Bellamy at the rear. As soon as you’re ready, the door is beeped open and you all file inside, taking your place inside the arena. You hear the gate close behind you and lock, and fear constricts your stomach until you remind yourself what you’re fighting for. _Clarke and Madi’s safety. Bellamy’s survival._

You scan the fence, clocking the location of the weapons. The staff is near Gaia, the swords are on the side near you and Bellamy, making your retrieval much easier. The hammer is up ahead. _Good._ If you can scoot around Bellamy, you can make a mad dash for the swords and make it before everyone else. You are eventually pulled out of your head when Octavia stands from her throne at the top, and when you lift your gaze to her, you can see blood streaked onto her face, her expression hard. “We gather here today to remind ourselves what happens to the enemies of Wonkru. It doesn’t matter who you are. If you choose sides against us, if you divide us, if you defy us, then you are not us.”

“Before we give these traitors a second chance to be called…” She trails off and glances around at those gathered before her, her eyes moving down the line, starting with Bellamy. “Brother, sister, or Seda, we pay tribute to those who have died so that we might live.”

She dips her head and closes her eyes. _“Omon gon oson.”_

The room repeats the prayer and then she lifts her head again, gaze locking on yours. You feel the muscle in your legs tense, an early warning things are about to start, and then she mutters, “Be the last.”

As soon as she says the words, everything else melts away. You no longer see or hear the people watching you, and your thoughts are focused only on one thing: survive until it’s time to die. You take off running towards the swords, past Bellamy who stays frozen in place. You can hear Gaia and Indra fighting behind you, but you ignore it, grabbing both swords off the wall so the others can’t get them. When you turn around, Bellamy is still frozen, and Gaia is knocked out in the corner, just like Octavia predicted. You and Indra lock eyes, not wanting to kill each other, but aware that both of you are fighting to save someone else, and you run towards each other, letting out loud cries of anger as you do. 

You swing one of the swords towards her and she knocks it out of your hand easily, getting you down to one. You toss the sword from your left hand to your right as you circle her, before she lunges again, fueled by aggression. This time your sword clangs against her staff, stopped in its tracks, and she spins in place to attack you from the other side. You spin at the same time, blocking her blow again, drawing on every bit of training you’ve received over the years from your various sources. You and Indra match blow for blow for a few beats before she catches you off guard and slices your left shoulder, just below your mostly healed gunshot wound. You are so deep in survivor mode that you don’t even register the pain before you spin and slice her in the abdomen. 

The pain makes her even more aggressive, reminding her that Gaia’s life is at stake, and she uses the wood handle to spin the staff towards you and hit you across the face. The force of the blow sends you flying to the ground, and you bite back a groan of pain, spitting blood from your mouth as you try to ignore the sting of the hit. You hear someone in the crowd call your name, warning you to watch out, and you turn just in time to see Indra bringing the staff down towards you, inches from stabbing you in the chest. You don’t have enough time to raise your sword so you roll away, out of the weapons path, turning to see her preparing to attack once more. Instead, as her staff swings towards you, it is stopped in its place by a sword. You follow the sword up to the arm and then to the face of the person holding it, meeting Bellamy’s eyes as he looks at you with worry. 

And then Indra begins her attack on him, both of them matching blow for blow before Bellamy cuts her arm, and she retaliates by cutting his shoulder, the same arm and the same place she cut you. You scramble to your feet and run over to the fighting pair, and you and Bellamy begin a two front assault on Indra, who works hard not to be easily overpowered by you both. Somehow she manages to cut Bellamy in the calf, and as you look at him in worry, she uses the distraction to kick you in the stomach, knocking you onto your back. You cough, all the air pushed out of your lungs forcefully, and you hear Bellamy and Indra fighting again before she knocks him on the ground too. You scramble towards her and grab her leg, tugging hard to knock her off balance, and she falls to the ground with a cry of pain. 

She turns and punches you in the face, and pain explodes behind your eye as stars dance in your vision. Gaia, who has finally woken up, runs over to her mother. You think she’s going to comfort her or attack you, but you’re surprised when she grabs the spear from her mother’s hand and steps away. She grunts out, _“Keryon kom Heda: shoun ai meika op.”_

 _Spirit of the Commanders: guide my hand._ You have a split second to figure out what’s happening before she turns and aims her spear at Octavia. Everything after that happens in slow motion. You see realization pass over Bellamy’s face, and he jumps up as Gaia starts to throw the spear. He leaps at her and knocks her to the ground, but the weapon is already free of her fingers, flying towards Octavia. It lodges itself into the chair, inches from her head. 

Everyone in the room freezes and turns to look at the Red Queen, curious to see what she’s going to do. You rise to your feet, along with Bellamy, Gaia, and Indra, all 4 of you waiting for what’s next. She surprises you by throwing the spear back into the arena, where it clatters near your feet, and she snaps, “I said, _be the last._ ”

All 4 of you stare at each other for a long second before scrambling towards weapons. You and Bellamy grab the swords, Gaia grabs the spear, and Indra pries the hammer off the wall, holding it with both hands. You all turn and face each other, crouched and ready to attack, when the door that leads to the rest of the bunker is pried open, and someone yells out, “Stop!”

You turn and see Monty stepping into the arena, carrying something covered in his hands, Harper on his heels. Bellamy yells, “Monty, get out of here!”

Octavia yells, “Guards, take him away!”

Harper turns and shoves a scrap of metal into the handle of the door, blocking anyone else from coming in, as Monty starts to talk to everyone gathered in the arena. “Octavia told you we have to march, that we have to fight for the one place left where we can survive, but she knows that’s not true.” 

Octavia, sounding scared, yells down at him, “Monty, you do not belong in here!”

Monty ignores her and continues, tugging the blanket off the object in his arms, revealing a plant with multiple blooms on it. “The hydrofarm is working again! Soon, it’ll be processing enough food to feed all of us here. Using the same techniques, we can grow crops in the wasteland. Ask Octavia, she’s seen it with her own eyes.”

The room starts to mutter, growing restless and angry, and Monty directs his last sentence to Octavia. “Go to war if you want to, but at least tell them that they have a choice.”

Brell asks Octavia, “Is this true?”

But you can barely focus on anything going on around you, in disbelief that you are seemingly being saved by a vase of blooms now held up in Monty’s hands. Octavia stands in front of her throne, glaring down at Monty, when suddenly someone in the crowd yells, _“Nou Blodreina nowe!”_

 _Blodreina no more!_ There is a moment of hesitation before the crowd steadily starts to gather steam, yelling the chant over and over, encouraging a coup against their queen. The people start to tear away the gates around the arena, jumping down onto the floor with the rest of you, and you move your gaze from them to Octavia. You can see Miller saying something to her, pointing his gun at the rioting people, until Octavia puts her hand on his gun, lowering it, before she starts to walk away, towards the office. 

You and Bellamy share looks of disbelief, laughing, shocked that you’re both alive, before you turn your praise and attention to the man that saved you. You pull Monty into a hug, laughing, “Monty Green, you saved us! I could kiss you!”

He looks embarrassed to hear you say it, but you never get to hear his reaction because you are spun around by someone’s hands on your waist. You look up and see Bellamy grinning down at you, and he jokes, “How about you kiss me instead?”

You smile and retort, “It’d be my pleasure.”

He pulls you in for a kiss, your lips touching, zapping with electricity. Both of you stand in the middle of the arena, surrounded by a coup of protesters, kissing each other, in happy disbelief that you’re both alive. When you pull away, you both have matching goofy grins on your faces, high on love and _life_. You sense someone coming closer to the two of you, and you look over to meet Indra’s eyes, who extends her arm out to you. “Both of you fought well.”

The compliment makes you glow, meaning a lot coming from the skilled warrior, and you grip her arm in thanks. When you release her, Bellamy does the same, answering, “You, too.”

Your eyes find Gaia, both of you nodding at each other, before you look back to Bellamy, who is now praising Monty. “You did it.”

Monty, however, has his gaze firmly locked on the chair that was once occupied by Octavia, and his voice is worried when he questions, “Where’d she go?”

You nod towards the office door, “I saw her walking over there.”

Bellamy looks worried and starts to head that way, and all of you follow him, busting into the office and finding it empty. You look around, confused, before you remember the door that your mother brought you and Bellamy to when she went to take care of Jaha. You run over to it and tug on it, but it doesn’t budge, jammed from the other side. You look over at Bellamy in alarm, and he catches on fast. “We have to find her.”

Monty looks around, not understanding. “Why? She didn’t shoot us, right? That’s gotta mean something.”

But Indra disagrees, something you take seriously knowing her closeness to Octavia. “It means she lost the battle, not the war. We should split up, but be careful. There are people here that would give their lives to save Blodreina.”

You all nod, about to do just that, when a sharp, piercing alarm starts to ring out in the room, echoing through the rest of the bunker. You all look around in confusion and Harper yells over the noise, “What’s that?”

Gaia’s voice is one of quiet realization. “The fire alarm.”

You all look at each other with dread, and Monty says the one thing you’re all collectively thinking, his voice completely horrified. “The hydrofarm.”

He sets his blooms down on the table and heads for the door, Harper right behind him. The rest of you follow, tearing through the bunker as fast as you can, bursting into the room that opens up into the hydrofarm. When you do, you are instantly met with a wave of heat barreling towards you. A bright orange light flickers nearby, and as you all get closer, you can see why. The hydrofarm is up in flames, every last inch of it. Fire consumes every plant, every chance of life any of you had in this bunker, and Octavia stands in front of it, face devoid of any emotion. You all stare at her in horror, and Monty exclaims, “What did you do?”

Indra catches on first, her voice low. “Took away the choice.”

Octavia looks at each of you, looking slightly deranged as she stands silhouetted by the flames of her destruction. “You still have one: stay here and die, or march with me and live.”

And then she takes one last look at all of you and brushes past, leaving you to watch your last chance of peace go up in flames. 

-

All of Wonkru stands gathered outside the walls of the bunker, waiting for Octavia to arrive and give her commands. 

You and Bellamy sit with Harper and Monty, both of them very distraught over the loss of the hydrofarm. You’re finishing up the bandaging of Bellamy’s arena wounds, all of them very shallow, luckily. You checked on your bulletwound earlier, the stitches ready to come out, and Bellamy helped you remove them before bandaging up your new cut. Your shoulder wound isn’t bad, not too deep at all, though you can’t say the same for the nasty looking black eye already forming around your right eye. You’re thankful your eye isn’t swollen shut, impeding your vision, mostly just looking worse than it actually is.

You finish securing Bellamy’s leg bandage and you whisper, “All done.”

“Thank you, natshana.”

You smile at the nickname, unheard to you for so long, before pulling him in for a kiss, only to be interrupted by someone clearing their throat behind you. You pull away from Bellamy and turn towards the sound, Miller now standing in front of you, holding out your knife and holster. “Blodreina wanted you to have this back.”

“Thanks.”

You take the holster from him, securing it to your thigh as Octavia finally exits the bunker, the crowd parting around her. She heads towards a pile of packs, snatching one off the top, before she walks away, already starting her march. Miller walks away from the rest of you and stands up on the cart holding the packs, yelling, “We got rations here for everyone, six days worth. That’s enough to make it to the valley. Move out!”

Everyone begins to move, and Bellamy walks over to grab two packs as Indra walks up to you, holding out her arm. You grasp it, and she nods. “A warrior’s death awaits.”

You nod, jaw clenched, not enthused at the thought, and she releases you before turning and following Gaia out of Polis. The crowd around you starts to thin, and Bellamy makes his way back over to you, holding a pack out to Harper. “Ready?”

She nods and takes it, before he holds the second one out to Monty. Monty, however, makes no move towards the pack, still devastated by the loss of the hydrofarm and the thought that he has to march to a war he doesn’t want to fight. Bellamy switches the pack to his other hand and offers his hand to Monty instead. “Come on, the rest of our family’s waiting.”

Monty looks up at him, their gazes locked, before he finally reaches out and grabs Bellamy’s hand. Bellamy pulls him to his feet and hands him the pack, and you turn and grab his pack from the ground beside you. He takes it with a nod of thanks before you finally grab yours, salvaged with a few forgotten things from your tent, and then you turn and follow Bellamy, the two of you the last people marching out of Polis, heading straight into a war, finally going _home_. 

-


	69. lxix. the dark year (5.11)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: allusions to suicidal thoughts from previous chapter (5.01), mentions of death, language, anxiety.
> 
> Summary: The march to Shallow Valley begins…

The march is as boring as you expect it to be. 

At some point guns are passed around and you end up with a rifle slung over your shoulder, one more thing you’re forced to carry in your trek through the desert. It reminds you of leaving Becca’s lab after Praimfaya and searching for the rover, a story that you ultimately end up telling Bellamy about. And once you get started with one story of your time on Earth without him, he’s eager to hear more. You tell him about going to Polis and then Arkadia, nearly dying until a rainstorm came through and gave you and Clarke water, the sandstorm that destroyed the rover. You tell him about the journey to get more panels, when you and Clarke almost ended it all, and he senses your hesitation when you get to that part, not sure if you should tell him everything. But he reaches out and grabs your hand, threading your fingers together, reminding you that you’re always safe and home with Bellamy. So you tell him just how bad things got, how close to the end you truly were, until the Universe sent a miracle from the sky, a bird that led you to Shallow Valley. 

His favorite stories are the ones you tell him about Madi. How she nearly killed you and Clarke both when you first met her, how she taught you both how to fish, and the two of you taught her English. Learning to drive the rover, and fight, living as a mini family in the valley, waiting for the rest of your family to return. The only thing you don’t tell him about are the radio calls. You aren’t sure why, maybe it’s embarrassment, maybe you’re worried he’ll think it was obsessive, you don’t know. All you know is that he must not have heard a single one, because he never mentions them, and you’re sure he would have if he had heard them. Instead, you skip over all of the calls and focus on the good moments instead, the happy things, not sure you’re quite ready enough to tell him just how desperately you missed him. 

At some point near the end of the first day, Bellamy’s radio comes to life with the sound of Echo’s voice, broken up and speaking Trig. _“Belomi, hola. Yu sen ai in?”_

 _Bellamy, come in. Do you read me?_ You and Bellamy exchange a look, before he steps out of the marching group and off to the side, with you, Monty, and Harper right behind him. He lifts the radio and says, “Echo-”

You reach out and put your hand over his own, lowering the radio for a second. “Wait, Bellamy, do you normally speak Trig like this? Or is there a reason?”

As soon as you say it, you see a look pass over his face, letting you know they don’t normally communicate in Trigedasleng. Your warning reminds all of you of something you need to be careful not to forget: the enemy can hear you every time you use this radio. Bellamy lifts the radio again and you pull your hand away, and this time he answers in Trigedasleng. _“Hakom Trig? Chit’s skechi?”_

 _Why are we speaking Trig? What’s wrong?_ He releases the button and you all stare at the radio in tense silence, waiting for her answer. _“Emo get in bilaik yo’s komba raun. Yo don drop nishiv of.”_

 _They know you’re coming. You’ve lost the element of surprise._ The answer hits you like a blow to the gut, making you sick. Without the element of surprise, this war is a massacre. You can see that Harper and Monty don’t look as shocked as you and Bellamy do, and you realize now their Trig must be limited, so you translate, “They know we’re coming.”

Their reaction is immediate, the same as yours, and then Monty looks at you and asks, “Clarke?”

The question hits you like a second blow, more powerful than the last. The thought hadn’t even crossed your mind, but your twin was the only other person that knew about the eye in the sky that could have snitched. You shake your head, anger flaring within you at the danger she has just put all of you in, and you grind out, “It had to be.”

Echo must start to worry about the silence from your end of the radio because she comes back on to say, _“Belomi, yo gaf bak yo klin. Osir don hon daun ‘mo mavrik, den yo’s klir, komonou. Ba yo nou na komba hir nowe.”_

 _Bellamy, you have to go back. We have their pilot, so you’re safe for now. But you can’t come here._ You and Bellamy watch each other as she speaks, both of you translating the words at the same time. It’s weird to see him so proficient in Trigedasleng considering the few words he knew before he went to space, but when you think about it, teaching Madi English made you fluent in Trig too. Both of you are so different from the people you left behind, past versions of you now burned away by Praimfaya, but somehow your comfort with Bellamy hasn’t changed. There’s so many new things you have to learn about him now, but there’s no doubt in your mind that he has your heart and you have his. 

Bellamy lifts the radio, shaking his head, though Echo can’t see it. _“Nou na kom au. Chilja: osir nou na bak op, en osir nou na hod op. Kom fai sintaim osir kamp ouder. Yo gada daun in na lok osir op klir trei. Pas daun, nou mori noumou.”_

 _Not possible. It’s a long story, but we can’t go back and we can’t stop. We’re five days out. You have that long to find us a safe way in. After that we run out of rations._ You can see the devastation on Bellamy’s face at this new dilemma you’ve all somehow found yourself in. Echo’s voice comes through the radio one last time before falling silent, “We’re on it. Be safe, over and out.”

You can hear the worry in her voice, and a wave of anxiety washes over you, wondering if that worry is born from affection. But Bellamy being Bellamy, must sense your thoughts, and he reaches out and puts his hand on your cheek, whispering, “I love _you_ , my radiant moon.”

“And I love you more than the stars.”

He smiles at you, one of those bright ones, and you realize this is the first time you’ve said those words to him since he came down to Earth. His smile is infectious, and it makes you smile, both of you temporarily forgetting your impending peril until Monty clears his throat and mutters, “The eye.”

The smiles drop from both of your faces, suddenly brought back to the present, and you shake your head. “Uh, right. We should probably tell Indra.”

“And Octavia.” You nod at Bellamy, agreeing, as he passes the radio to Monty. “Keep an ear out for our friends, in case they call again.”

“Will do.”

And with that, you all rejoin the army, and you and Bellamy march off in search of Indra. It doesn’t take long for you to find her, exactly where you last saw her: marching with Gaia and the other faithful. As soon as she sees the two of you approaching and catches the expression on your faces, she steps away from everyone, giving the three of you some privacy. You and Bellamy let her know what’s going on quickly, and a look of alarm passes over her face before she quickly regains her composure and nods towards the front of the army. “We need to inform Octavia.”

The three of you quicken your pace and make it to the front, only to be stopped by Miller. “What do you want?”

You can sense the anger radiating off of Indra and Bellamy in waves, so you walk slightly ahead of them, shifting Miller’s focus to you. “We need to talk to Octavia.”

He looks at you, skeptical, and you give him a pleading look. “It’s important, Miller. You know we wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t.”

You know he recognizes the truth in your statement, because he motions to a pair of guards walking nearby. “Disarm and follow me.”

You glance at Bellamy and he nods, agreeing to the terms, so you hand the guy to your right your rifle and knife before following Miller. Bellamy and Indra both follow you, and Miller announces your arrival to Octavia before stepping back slightly, but he sticks close enough to keep an eye on all of you. Indra is the first to speak, “You’re marching us into a massacre.”

Octavia doesn’t turn to look at any of you, her eyes firmly locked on the horizon ahead. “We’ll see.”

“Echo radioed. The enemy knows you’re coming.” She bristles slightly, and you can tell the news is affecting her even though she tries to pretend otherwise. “We don’t need to worry about the missiles, but they’re moving their weapons into position.”

Indra adds, “It’s safe to assume that since there’s only three realistic ways into the valley, that all three will be heavily defended.”

Bellamy, who has stayed silent as you and Indra do most of the talking, finally quips, “Echo’s scouting now, looking for the best way in. But since we can’t go back because you burned the farm, and since we can’t stop because we’ll starve, we thought we should let you know that you’ve killed your people.”

You look at Bellamy in shock, not expecting to hear the words come out of his mouth. You’re pissed at Octavia too, but you’re not eager to cross her again, your near death experience still too fresh in your memory. You grab his hand and whisper his name as a warning, “Bellamy.”

But he ignores you and snaps at his sister, “Enjoy your walk.”

He drops back and you glance at him and then to Indra, silently apologizing before you drop back and follow him. You get your weapons back and secure them to you before jogging after Bellamy and catching up to him near the back, but you can tell from the expression on his face that he doesn’t want to talk. So instead, you slip your hand into his and stay by his side, allowing him his anger for now. 

-

Eventually night falls and the marching stops, giving all of you a temporary reprieve from the long journey, at least until morning. 

You and Bellamy set up your tent and then build a fire, and Monty and Harper set up their tent nearby before joining you around the warmth of the fire. All of you sit and eat your rations in silence before the other couple bids you both goodnight, leaving you and Bellamy alone. You finish up the last of your rations, just enough to keep you full for a few hours, before you pull out your Grounder knife, looking over the notches on the handle. By your count, it’s now missing a few, and as you start to wonder what you can use to add the next few lines, Bellamy’s hand reaches out to you, his own knife in his grip. You look up at him, taking the knife with a nod of thanks, unaware that anyone knows that you actually keep up with your knife kills. You might be embarrassed if it was anyone other than Bellamy, but judging by the look on his face, he seems to understand. You don’t count the kills like trophies, the way others might, you count the kills to remind you of what you’ve done. At this point, it’s hard to know how many people you’ve killed with guns, explosions, or levers that bring radiation. But this knife reminds you of the personal ones, the lives that you took in close proximity to another person, close enough to see the life drain from them. It’s a way to remind you of your humanity, a way to remind you that each of these kills affected you in some way, the same way the forgotten kills affect you, whether you realize it or not. 

You add two tallies for the two Eligius prisoners you killed, before you pause and consider Cooper. You didn’t use this knife to kill her the way you usually would, but you did use it to cut a hole in her glove, sealing her fate before she even woke up. To you, it’s enough for you to know her death should stay on your mind. You shouldn’t sweep it under the rug as another casualty of war. You need to remember how willing you were to kill her if it meant it could save everyone else, which ultimately didn’t happen. Cooper is dead and Wonkru is still marching on the valley, worms be damned. 

As you add a third tally for Cooper, bringing your knife kills up to ten, you glance over at Bellamy, his gaze turned away from you. You take note of his clenched jaw and angry expression. “We have to talk about it eventually, Bellamy.”

“No, we don’t.”

“Both of our sisters betrayed us.”

“Your sister betrayed us, probably to save Madi. And though it puts us in a shitty position, I can forgive her for that.” Bellamy turns to look at you, pulling in a deep breath. “ _My_ sister put us in the fighting pits together, after she forced you into making a deal that would save my life but end yours. She did that _knowing_ how I feel about you.”

“Only after my sister ratted us out and left us there. If we’re keeping count, Clarke has betrayed us twice. And you’re right, both betrayals were probably to keep Madi safe, but at what expense to everyone else? To me? To you? I love Madi, she is my niece, my family, and I’d do anything to keep her safe. But sometimes Clarke’s decisions are reckless when it comes to Madi’s safety. She listens to the storm within her, just like you used to do, and doesn’t stop to consider every angle, every possibility. I’m not letting her off the hook that easy.”

Bellamy is quiet for a while, both of you thinking of your sister related drama, and when he finally speaks, his anger has cooled, though not completely, and his voice is soft. “I just can’t forgive Octavia for nearly taking you from me. Not after I just got you back.”

The words melt you, your anger towards your sister forgotten as you reach out to comfort Bellamy. You pull him in for a kiss, understanding his fear of losing you, because you lived with it for six years when you lost him. When you pull away, you rest your foreheads together, keeping your eyes closed as you sit and enjoy the fact that you can even do this. Because Bellamy is back, and he loves you, and you’re _alive_ , despite Octavia’s best efforts. You whisper, “You’re gonna have a hard time getting rid of me now. I don’t want to let you out of my sight, I’m so afraid of losing you again.”

He pulls away so he can look at you, his expression sad. “I have the same fear. It was so hard being on the Ring without you. It felt like a ghost was hanging around with me at every moment. I was searching for you everywhere, always disappointed when you weren’t there.”

You feel tears well up in your eyes, and you kiss him again, hoping it helps. This time when you pull away, he wraps you up into his arms and turns his face to the sky. You follow his gaze, both of you tracing constellations, and for the first time in six years, he asks, “Tell me about the stars?”

You look at him, feeling a rush of affection as you do, your voice cracking with emotion when you whisper back, “Of course.”

-

The second day of marching is just as awful as the first, though it’s now punctuated with an air of anxiety as you all march one day closer to your massacre.

The second night, all of you retire early, too tired to sit around and talk, but you wake up a few hours later, wide awake for some reason. You glance over at Bellamy, smiling down at his sleeping form, so peaceful as the worries of the world don’t reach him in his dreams. Not wanting to disturb him, you quietly crawl out of the tent, taking the radio with you, just in case someone calls. 

As you sit outside and look at the stars, you nearly jump out of your skin when the radio comes to life. _“Belomi, hola.”_

 _Bellamy, come in._ You pick up the radio and answer, _“Nou Belomi, en’s ai. Wanlida.”_

 _Not Bellamy, it’s me. Wanlida._ You add your Grounder nickname at the end, not sure if she recognizes your voice. She immediately answers, _“Osir don strat.”_

 _We have a plan._ You smile at the radio in your hand, feeling a rush of gratitude to your friends on the other side. _“Tel ai op.”_

 _Tell me._ Echo immediately relays the plan to you in Trigedasleng, and at times, you start to think about how weird it is to be carrying on a conversation with your boyfriend’s ex. And though you get flashes of jealousy when you think about them together, you start to marvel at how talking to her now isn’t that bad. Though maybe it’s because you have something to talk about, and it has nothing to do with Bellamy. Still, as soon as you get the plan from Echo, you both exchange goodbyes and you run back to your tent to tell your boyfriend the good news. As soon as he knows, you both go to Indra next, as usual, and tell her the plan. Once she knows, you look at Bellamy, both of you aware of what you have to do next, and he nods, looking reluctant. 

You both walk to Octavia’s tent, and the closer you get, the louder her voice grows. You can tell she’s having a strategy meeting with her advisors, one that does not include an encouraging plan. “We’re gonna take heavy fire, but as long as we stay together, we can still do this. Does everybody understand?”

You and Bellamy are both stopped at the door by the guards, and Bellamy demands, “We need to see her now.”

Octavia’s voice comes from inside the tent, granting you both permission. “Let them in!”

As soon as you step inside, you scan the room, looking at the advisors, before your eyes fall to the map on the table in front of Octavia. “You don’t need that.”

“The spy found us a way in?”

“Yes.” Bellamy turns to look at the advisors gathered around. “Everybody out.”

They stand frozen in place until Octavia dismisses them, and then they all exit quickly, leaving the three of you alone. Bellamy walks closer to his sister, and you hang back, sensing that he has something he wants to say to her. “Before I tell you this, we need to set some things straight.”

“I’m listening.”

“This war that you’re so anxious for is about to be fought on the last survivable land on Earth. That is monumentally stupid. But it’s here, and in four days, when we march on that valley, we are gonna fight this the right way.”

“Does the right way end up with us winning?”

Bellamy shakes his head, annoyed that winning is all she cares about. “It ends with us accepting the other side’s surrender. Once they lay down their arms, we share the valley with them. No executions. No fighting pits. _Real peace._ ”

“I accept your terms. Now, tell me how to win this war.”

Bellamy steps away, already done with the conversation. “Indra has the details.”

She calls out to his retreating figure, “Bellamy…this is how it was meant to be. You and me. Fighting side by side.”

Bellamy stops beside you, both of you now standing near the exit of the tent, and he reaches out for your hand before turning to face Octavia. “I’m not fighting for you. I’m fighting for la lune, who you were willing to kill a few days ago. I’m fighting to get back the rest of my family, and I’m fighting so that we can finally build a future here.”

You see a look of hurt pass over Octavia’s face as she realizes he doesn’t consider her part of his family, but if he sees it, he ignores it. He just turns back to you and walks out of the tent, guiding you along after him.

-

The next three days of marching are almost continuous, as Octavia decides against stopping to camp 3 nights in a row. Instead, you stop for an hour or so twice a day before continuing the march to the valley. Finally, on day 6, you arrive at the final camping spot, just outside of the valley. You all pitch your tents during the day and spend most of it resting, because as soon as the next day dawns, the war begins. 

You and Bellamy crawl out of your tent sometime after nightfall, finally rested after so many days of marching, and you both sit around a small fire and talk, keeping yourselves distracted from your nerves, the way you used to before he went to space without you. Monty comes over as you chat, sitting down on your other side, splitting his rations into three. “Last of the rations.”

You and Bellamy accept his offer with a nod of thanks, and as you all savor the last bit of food you have, Monty turns to look between you and Bellamy. “Look, if you want us with you at the front-”

Bellamy cuts him off, seeing the reluctance on his face, aware of Monty’s dislike of killing. He shakes his head and motions between himself and you. “No, we got this.”

You nod, adding, “You stay. They’re leaving the tents here, and once the fight is over tomorrow, you can come and join us.”

Bellamy looks up at the stars, and then over to Monty. “I told Octavia we’re taking 80 acres, on the Eastern edge of the valley. Grow something other than algae, okay?”

They look at each other for a long second before they break into smiles, and you grin at the interaction, glad to see them both happy, even if it’s just for a few minutes. Eventually, Monty leaves to go find Harper, and you and Bellamy watch the stars before he suddenly asks, “The last time we were in the desert marching to war, you said something that I never got to ask about.”

You glance away from the sky, and over to him. “What’s that?”

“You said you have a house in the valley, built for two. Did you mean for us?”

“No, I was definitely getting it ready so I could share it with some other guy.” Bellamy laughs, remembering when he asked you to move in with him, and you laugh too. “Yes, for us, if you want it. It’s the perfect size for us, slightly larger than the room we had at Arkadia. It’s got a kitchen and a bathroom, but the best part is the bedroom.”

He gives you a suggestive look. “Oh yeah? Why’s that?”

You laugh and playfully hit his arm. “Not for _that_ reason. It has a window on the roof that opens up to the sky. During the day it lets warm sunshine in, and at night you can see the stars.”

He smiles down at you, tugging you closer to him, whispering against your lips, “It does sound perfect for us.”

He pulls you in for a kiss and you let yourself get lost in the kiss, reminding you of how wonderful it is to be wrapped up in his arms. As the two of you start to pull away, someone clears their throat, and you jump apart, slightly embarrassed. You look up to see Indra looking down at the two of you, and you swear she’s hiding a smile as she nods towards Octavia’s tent. “Last strategy meeting, and they want you both there.”

You stand and follow her to the tent, the last three to arrive, gathering around the table that features the new map, drawn for your plan. Octavia looks at Bellamy, nodding at him to begin. “At dawn, our group in the woods will open fire on pillbox one, in position A here. At the first sign of attack, McCreary’s forces at point B and C will converge to reinforce A, thinking that’s where we’re coming through.”

Octavia muses, “Leaving the other two doors wide open.”

Bellamy glances at you, and you finish the plan, pointing down at the map. “We’ll come through here, point C. Now, if we time it right and we move fast, there won’t be any resistance.”

Indra mutters, “Once we’re in the woods, we take the village.”

Miller finishes, “Once we’re in the woods, we _win_.”

All of you look up and around at each other, making sure everyone understands, and Brell is the first to nod. “Okay, I’ll tell my people.”

Miller turns on her, growling, “Your people?”

Indra breaks up the argument and snaps, “Save it for the enemy. Spread the word, we go at first light.”

Everyone starts to dissipate, and Octavia turns her attention to you and Bellamy. “Tell Echo I said well done.”

“You can tell her yourself in two hours.” Bellamy grabs your hand and leads you from the tent, eager to end any conversation with his sister. The two of you head back outside and over to your fire, deciding to spend your last few hours before the war together, enjoying each other’s company. Though your victory seems imminent, you never know what will happen in war. The tides can change at any second, and you could lose, people could die. Which is why you and Bellamy stay huddled together, making sure each of you know just how much you love each other. 

_Just in case._

-


	70. lxx. damocles, pt 1 (5.12)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: death, fighting, injuries, it’s a war, baby. language, McCreary is an asshole, mentions of blood.
> 
> Summary: The war begins, but the victory that seemed within grasp at nightfall disappears as the new day dawns.

Just before dawn, the march begins.

You and Bellamy march at the front near Octavia, there to ensure that everything goes according to plan. No one says a word as you move from the desert into the rocky ravine that leads to the edge of the valley. Everyone is silent, in their own heads, working up the nerve to keep going and not run away from the war that grows closer with every step you take.

The sun is up in the sky by the time you reach a vantage point for the pillboxes, but it’s hidden behind clouds that sag with rain, waiting to fall. You and Bellamy crouch behind a rock, Octavia at your back, and peer through your scopes to the entrance into the valley, gaze landing on two small buildings on either side, buzzing with prisoners. Bellamy confirms the information is correct, and turns to pass it to Octavia. “Two pillboxes, just like Echo said.”

Not even a second later, you can hear the distant sound of gunfire, and you add, “That’s our signal.”

You and Bellamy watch the prisoners evacuate the two pillboxes and head into the woods, towards the first entrance to reinforce their position. “It’s working, they’re moving out.”

As soon as Octavia has confirmation that everything is going according to plan, she turns to face Wonkru, pulling out her sword and lifting it into the air. Everyone acknowledges the signal and begins to march towards the valley, Octavia in the lead. You and Bellamy jump back into the group, just behind the Red Queen, and he reaches out to squeeze your hand in reassurance before the fight begins. You look over at him and smile, hoping you look less worried than you feel, and Bellamy gives you a strained smile in return. As you draw closer, Indra comes up behind you, looking between you and Bellamy, “You both did your best to stop this. In the end, if we have to fight, it’s better to win.”

You both nod, and you get distracted when you see a young boy run past you to catch up with Octavia. You realize it’s Ethan, the boy that Madi beat in the arena, and you watch Octavia turn to him to say something. And just as soon as the words leave her mouth, everything goes to shit.

Looking back, you would have realized that everything was too quiet, gunshot no longer firing in the distance from the first position. You would have realized the hairs on the back of your neck and arms were raised, warning you before the danger struck. But in the moment, you notice none of that. Your focus is turned on Ethan and Octavia, and then seconds later, you watch as Ethan falls to the ground, a gunshot wound in the middle of his forehead. You instantly turn to look at Bellamy, and he’s already looking at you in alarm, grabbing your arm and leading you over to Octavia. He grabs her arm and pulls her behind a rock for cover, tugging you down beside her. “We should be covered.”

Octavia doesn’t stay in place for long, but you barely register her turn and grab a gun from behind you. Instead, your focus is on the pillboxes nearby, and sending your bullets into them, hoping you’re taking some of the prisoners out. As you shoot, a high pitched whine pierces the air, and your stomach flips, immediately recognizing the sound as one of the big guns. Seconds later, your fears are confirmed when a blast hits the ground somewhere behind you, punctuated by screams of pain as it hits a group of people.

You hear Brell yell out, “Retreat! Back to the bunker!”

Octavia, however, immediately yells after her, “No! Advance! It’s the only way!”

Bellamy grabs your arm again, and then his sister’s, pulling you both away from the danger. You move willingly, eager to survive the day and not die in a senseless war, but Octavia drags her feet, fighting her brother and slowing all three of you down. “O, it’s the only way! We go back, and we find another-”

Bellamy never finishes his sentence, because all three of you get thrown through the air. One of the prisoners fires a blast cannon a few feet from the three of you, sending out a shockwave that sends all of you flying. The force of it knocks the air from your lungs, and just as you start to breathe again, you hit the ground hard, losing all the air in your body in one large rush. Your head cracks painfully against the ground, and you feel a sharp stab in your right shoulder. The pain floods your senses, making everything feel fuzzy, and seconds later, you pass out, everything fading to black.

-

_Bellamy hangs on a post opposite of you, tied up the same way Finn was when he was going to be killed. You can see a collar around his neck, the skin beneath it dark and bruised, and blood drips from multiple places on his body; his face, his arms, his stomach. You can hear him struggling to breathe, and you think at least one of his ribs is broken, though you’re sure it’s more. And as you watch him, calling out to him, you see McCreary walk up beside him, giving you a sinister smile. “This is your fault, you know. You wished him down here on that shooting star, and the Universe listened. Lucky for me though, because I get to have a little fun with him.”_

_He flips the switch for Bellamy’s collar, and you watch as the man you love screams and shakes with pain. Tears stream down your face as you scream and tug on your restraints, “Stop it, you asshole, just stop! I’ll do anything you want me to, just stop!”_

_McCreary’s head cocks to the side, interested, and he turns off the collar. He walks over to you, to the pole you are tied to, and whispers, “Interesting. You know, they told me what the savages call you: Wanlida. They say it means Bringer of Death, and I guess I just want to test that theory.”_

_You feel dread wash over you, and he holds up a knife, your knife, right in front of your face. “Kill him.”_

_You balk, trying to back away from him despite the restraints around you. “No! Why would I even consider that?”_

_McCreary smiles, and holds up the controls for the shock collar in his other hand. “Because either you kill him, or I do. Death by your hand, or death by mine. But I know which will hurt more.”_

_You look at Bellamy in alarm, and his head lifts weakly towards you, eyes begging. “Please. Just like Atom. Please.”_

_You shake your head, and Bellamy keeps begging, tears streaming down his face, as McCreary watches. “You’ve never seen a shock collar on the highest setting before, have you? Well, neither have I, because the guards were banned from ever using it after they killed one of the prisoners on the first mission by cooking him alive. They said it was pretty gory, and that he felt every second of pain until the end.”_

_You glance back towards Bellamy, starting to shake and cry, and he nods his head, trying to get you to do it. “Please, natshana.”_

_His begging breaks your heart, and though every muscle in your body is telling you that it doesn’t want to do this, your mind and your heart have mercy on your love, and you find yourself nodding your head at McCreary. “I’ll do it.”_

_His face splits into the biggest grin, and he cuts you loose with your knife, before holding it up with a serious expression. “If you try anything, you watch him die, slowly and painfully, before I pass you around this camp. When these prisoners are through with you, you’ll be begging for death, but I’ll never give it to you.”_

_You nod weakly, believing every word he says, and he presses the knife into your hand and steps out of your way. You pull yourself over to Bellamy, your body groaning with the movement, clearly just as injured as Bellamy is, before you finally come to a stop in front of your love. He’s weak, barely hanging onto life, and he uses what strength he has left to lift his head and look at you. “My radiant moon. It’s okay, it’s just like Atom. Just like Atom.”_

_Tears fall down your face as you look at him, lifting the knife to hover near his neck. “I love you, Bellamy Blake.”_

_“And I love you more than the stars. In this lifetime, and in the next.”_

_You whisper back, “Forever.”_

_And then you start to hum Clair de lune, tears falling down your face, nearly blinding you. You press the knife into his neck, and he winces for a second before blood starts to pour out of the wound, draining the life from his body. It rushes over your fingers and coats your hand, and you sob as you watch the love of your life take his last breath, dead by your hand. You drop to your knees, crying hard, and you feel someone snatch the knife from your hand before you’re restrained again, tied up at the feet of your lover. McCreary drops to his knees in front of you, smiling like a lunatic, and he mutters, “I didn’t think you’d ACTUALLY do it. Rather unfortunate for you, because I never had any intention of killing him.”_

_You freeze in place, your brain struggling to process the words. “What?”_

_“I wasn’t going to kill him. I just wanted to see if you actually bring death wherever you go.” He laughs out loud, clearly enjoying this. “Looks like you do.”_

_You lunge towards him, intending to rip his throat out with your teeth, but you’re stopped before you make it close enough, knocked back with a sharp blow to your head. The force of it knocks you to the ground, your head pounding, the angle you’re in giving you the perfect view of Bellamy, sagging against his restraints, dead. The last thing you hear before the gunshot is the echo of words in your head, bouncing around, torturing you._ **_Wanlida, Bringer of Death. Cursed. Threat to everyone she loves, including Bellamy Blake, who now lays dead._ **

_-_

You wake with a start, the movement shifting the injuries on your body, and you groan in pain, starting to reach up to touch your head. But before your hand moves an inch, a hand clamps down on your wrist, and Bellamy mutters, “Don’t move.”

You force your body to pull your eyes open, coming face to face with Bellamy, relieved that he’s alive and okay, and the nightmare in your head isn’t real. Both of you are lying a few inches from each other, and you can see Octavia on the other side of him, watching you. “Bellamy, my head-”

You try to reach up again, but he cuts you off and holds you still. “Don’t move! They’re shooting anyone that moves. I have watched 15 people die in the last few hours. The second you move, you die.”

You whisper, “I understand.”

He releases your wrist, and he looks at your head the best he can without moving a muscle. “The bleeding’s stopped for now. In a few hours, when the sun goes down, we’ll move. Until then, we stay still as we can. We’ll check your injuries then.”

You nod your head and reach your hand out for his slowly, both of you side by side in the sand, holding hands. You stay like that for hours, through rainfall and gunfire, watching as people try to surrender and get shot down. You, Bellamy, and Octavia stay silent and frozen in place, watching as the sun sets and the stars rise up, the only light coming from the moonless sky. A spotlight passes over the gorge every few seconds, searching for movement, and after enough time has passed, Bellamy whispers to you and Octavia, “Okay, it’s dark enough. Next time the light passes, we go.”

You watch the light get closer to you before it passes over each of your bodies, and as soon as it clears you, Bellamy whispers, “Okay, now!”

You all use your hands to push yourselves up, and you nearly cry out in pain at the tension that puts on your shoulder. But you don’t have time to investigate, you just bite back your pain and run forward, following Bellamy and Octavia. The light starts to draw closer again and Bellamy whispers, “Get down!”

You all drop to the ground quickly, the ground shoving something deeper into your shoulder, and you bite down on your lip so hard it draws blood, trying anything to stay silent. After a second Bellamy whispers, “We’re clear, come on!”

Octavia starts to run the wrong way, towards a rifle, and Bellamy turns to her in shock. “O, what are you doing?”

She drops behind a rock, propping up the weapon and aiming towards the pillboxes. “We’ll never make it past those lights. Grab a rifle, there’s one right there.”

“No! As soon as you pull that trigger, we’re dead. Come on.”

Bellamy starts to drag her away, back on your original path, but as you move, someone reaches out and grabs your ankle. You call out to Bellamy, “Wait!”

The hand is sticking out from beneath a pile of bodies and you start to shove the bodies to the side, off of the person, as Bellamy and Octavia run over and help you. When you finally reach the hand, you see Indra looking up at you. “Indra!”

“Gaia’s hit. It’s bad.”

You crouch beside Indra, following her arm to where it is clasping onto Gaia’s leg in an attempt to slow the bleeding. Octavia whispers, “Are you hit, too?”

“No.”

“We have to get Gaia to Jackson. Come on, Indra.”

Octavia pulls Indra away from Gaia, revealing the bulletwound on her daughter’s thigh, and you immediately clamp your hand down onto the wound to slow the bleeding. Indra fights against Octavia, trying to reach out to her daughter again. “No, we can’t move her. Wonkru will come back for us.”

You look at Bellamy and mutter, “We need to stop the bleeding.”

“Not here, we need cover.” He points over to a large wall of rocks nearby, making sure you all see it. “They won’t see us behind those rocks.”

Just then, the light starts to draw close, and you all drop down, playing dead, until it passes over you. As soon as it’s gone, you help Bellamy sling Gaia over his shoulder, and you mutter, “Now! Run!”

You all take off towards the rock wall, dropping down behind its cover with a sigh of relief. Bellamy lays Gaia out again, and Indra holds her daughter in her arms as you kneel down and take a look at Gaia’s wound. It’s likely been bleeding for hours, a fact that starts to worry you, and you look around for a way to stop the bleeding as Bellamy whispers, “Even if we stop the bleeding, we’ll never make it carrying her.”

“Save yourselves. I’m not leaving my daughter.”

You almost smile when you see the belt around your boyfriend’s waist, and you reach out towards him, grabbing at the belt, and he looks at you in shock for a second before realizing what you’re doing. He pulls it off and hands it to you as Octavia backs up Indra, “Indra’s right, they’ll come back for us.”

Gaia’s eyes are closed and her voice is weak as she retorts, “Why are you doing this? A week ago, you threw us all in the pit.”

You pull the belt around Gaia’s thigh, above the wound, and yank it tight, hoping the makeshift tourniquet will work. Bellamy helps you secure it in place as Octavia stares down at the injured Flamekeeper. “A week ago, you were a traitor. Next week, you may be again. Right now, you’re Wonkru.”

Bellamy, who is not buying it, quips, “She thinks when Wonkru comes back, you’ll tell the followers of the Flame to follow her back through this gorge.”

You look up at him, brows furrowed together, realizing you must have missed a conversation when you were knocked out earlier. He shakes his head, and you know he’ll explain later. Octavia mutters, “If they don’t, everybody dies.”

With Gaia patched up the best you can right now, you all lean back and give her some space. As you do, Bellamy turns to you, reaching up to touch your head. “No fresh blood, which is good.”

“When we were getting up, I felt a pain in my shoulder.”

You shift a little, trying to find some light, and when you do, you see something sticking out of your shoulder. You can’t tell what it is, but whatever it is, it’s stopping the bleeding, only a little bit of blood leaking through when you put too much strain on it. Bellamy whispers, “It’s okay for now, but we have to get out of here or none of us are gonna make it.”

Gaia must hear this, because she weakly whispers, _“Nomon…”_

 _Mother…_ Indra looks down at her weak daughter. _“Ai kamp hir, ai goufa.”_

 _I’m here my child._ Gaia fights to keep her eyes open, getting worse with each passing second. _“Yu souda klir ai of.”_

 _You have to let me go._ You can see Indra fight back a wave of emotion, the first time you’ve ever seen the strong warrior on the verge of tears. The sight of it brings tears to your eyes, and Bellamy reaches out to grab your hand. When you look over at him, you can see him fighting back tears too. _“No. Wonkru na komba raun gon yumi. ‘Mo na throu daun. Jos ste gonen kom liwa mou, en–”_

 _No. Wonkru will come for us. They will fight. Just hold on a little longer-_ Gaia cuts her off and counters, _“‘Mo nou na komba hir. Wonkru ste shada… Ai gonplei ste odon.”_

 _They won’t come. Wonkru is broken. My fight is over._ You see her eyelids flutter closed and you look at Bellamy in alarm before crawling over to Gaia’s side, nudging her arm. “Hey, no. What about Madi? What kind of Flamekeeper leaves a 12 year old Commander to fend for herself? Keep fighting, if not for you, then for her.”

Gaia nods a little but her eyes stay closed, and you keep your eyes locked on her chest, relieved to see the steady rise and fall of her breathing. Octavia steps closer to all of you, looking at Gaia, reflecting on her words. “ _Wonkru ste shada._ I broke it.”

Her voice is broken, just like her people, and Indra’s reaction is immediate. She takes her eyes off her daughter for the first time since you found her, and fixes her gaze on Octavia. “Yes, you did.”

Octavia turns away, upset, peering over the ridge just as someone starts to stand. “There’s someone alive out there!”

Bellamy pulls her back down just as the person is killed, the gunshot echoing in the space of the gorge. “Get down! They’ll see you.”

“What do you care if I die? Isn’t that what you want?”

Bellamy’s voice shakes with emotion when he whispers, “Yes.”

You look at the siblings as they turn away from each other, both of them fighting back tears for different reasons. But you don’t have time to help them, because Indra reaches out to grab your arm. “Her heartbeat is slowing, we need to go now. I’ll give them a target. The next time they open fire, we run.”

You look at Bellamy, and he nods. “I’ll carry Gaia.”

Gaia, still clinging to life, grabs her mother. “No, you’re not dying for me.”

Octavia turns to face all of you, nodding in agreement with Gaia. “She’s right. I may never be able to fix what I broke, but I can save you. I’m the one they want most of all. When they open fire, run like hell.”

Tears well up in your eyes as Octavia stands, moving to walk past all of you, into sight, and Bellamy grabs her and pulls her down. They both stare at each other, tears in their eyes, unable to say all the things that have been left unsaid. Octavia looks at him, lifting a hand to his cheek, and says, “My brother….”

She turns to you, putting her other hand on your face, tears in her eyes. “My sister…my responsibility.”

And then she drops her hand and steps away before either of you can argue or stop her. She runs straight into the middle of the gorge, aims her gun at the pillboxes, and starts shooting. As she does, she yells, “You are Wonkru, or you are the enemy of Wonkru! Choose!”

Bellamy grabs Gaia and starts to run, and Indra sticks close by his side. You bring up the rear of the group, grabbing a rifle on your way, protecting your backside. You all run until you hear Octavia’s gun click, now out of bullets, and you stop to watch in horror as she drops her weapon and falls to her knees, the spotlight now illuminating her. She holds out her hands, welcoming death, but it never comes.

Salvation comes instead. 

The rover comes barreling through the ravine towards you, the machine gun on the front firing rounds at the pillboxes, saving all of you. It comes to a stop right beside Octavia, and you watch her run towards the vehicle. You, Indra, Bellamy, and Gaia all backtrack and run towards the rover, with you and Indra pushing Bellamy ahead, making sure he and Gaia make it first. As you get closer, Emori yells from the turret, “Hurry up! We’re not staying!”

Murphy jumps out of the vehicle with one of the sonic cannons in his hand, trying to shoot the pillboxes, but it fails. You pull your focus away as you reach the vehicle and help Bellamy to load Gaia up inside. Then Bellamy climbs inside and pulls Indra in, followed by you, then Octavia. You step into the vehicle, looking to the driver’s seat to see who came to your rescue, unsurprised to see your niece in the seat, turned around and grinning at you. You get to her the best you can in the small space, giving her an awkward hug around the seat and muttering in amazement, “My dazzling little sun.”

She hugs you back tight, only pulling away when Emori ducks back into the vehicle and yells, “The cannon is gonna blow! Get us out of here!”

Madi pulls away as you hear the door to the rover close, everyone safely tucked inside, and she immediately takes off, putting distance between you and the weapon. It explodes a few seconds later, the blast so large it shakes the rover, and you fall into the seat beside Bellamy awkwardly, the rover shaking and moving as Madi makes quick work on getting you out of the gorge. You look around at the occupants of the vehicle; Madi, Murphy, Emori, Indra, Gaia, Octavia, Bellamy, and _Echo_. You feel a cloud of awkwardness as the two of you make eye contact, but there’s no time to worry about that now. Now, as you barrel back into the desert, back towards your camp, every single person in the rover is thinking about one thing: _how to win the war._

_-_


	71. lxxi. damocles, pt 2 (5.13)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: descriptions of blood, injuries, and killing. death, angst, and sad things. it’s still a war, my friends. language.
> 
> Summary: Everything comes to a head for a final time as the War for Shallow Valley finally ends, one side coming out victorious once and for all…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BELIEVE IT OR NOT, THE END OF S5 IS HERE!!! PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS THINK, BECAUSE I LOVE TO HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS!!!

Halfway back to the base camp, Gaia grows even weaker.

Luckily for her, there’s a medkit in the rover, courtesy of Clarke, and you’re able to stitch her up at the very least. You refuse to look at your shoulder until you can sit down with some light, hoping whatever is lodged there isn’t actually making things worse. Everyone else in the rover has minor wounds, but you check them and clean them anyways, keeping yourself busy as you are taken from the frontline of an unwinnable war. 

As soon as Madi pulls up to the edge of camp, you’re surrounded by guns. But given Gaia’s condition, no one cares. Instead, you jump out and swing the door open, and Murphy and Bellamy lift Gaia and run from the rover as you yell, “Little help, little help, we’ve got wounded!”

You can hear Harper yelling in the distance for people to stand down, preventing all of you from catching another bullet, as Bellamy and Murphy pass off Gaia to those who came to help. You’re about to jog after them to tell Jackson what first aid she’s received in the last few hours, but you hear the front doors of the rover open and Echo and Madi jump out. Madi comes running towards you, and you catch her in a hug, squeezing tight and ignoring the pain in your shoulder, relieved that she’s okay. You pull away to look at her, checking her over, and whisper, “Did she take out the Flame?”

“She threatened to, but no. I’m still the Commander.”

“That’s why you’re here?” Madi nods, and you look at her in disbelief. “Then where’s Clarke? There’s no way she let you come alone.”

“I’m not alone, she sent me to be with you.”

“But she said-”

“Clarke says a lot of things when she’s upset, but she didn’t mean them. She regretted leaving you the second we drove out of Polis, but she was so worried about me that she wouldn’t turn back. She’s not here now because she’s trying to make sure McCreary doesn’t send missiles into our people.”

You nod and as you’re about to ask another question, you realize that all around you, people are whispering. Madi hears it too, because she starts to look around, noticing that a large group has gathered around you, and they’re all staring at your niece. You can see Madi freeze in fear, and you grab her hand and squeeze it as she whispers, “What do I do?”

“Honestly, I don’t know, but I’ll be with you the whole time.”

She nods, and you both turn to face Bellamy and Echo, who are walking towards both of you. Before any of you can say anything, Octavia starts to cut through the crowd, and someone yells, “Blodreina is coming! Protect your Commander!”

All around you guns rise in Madi’s defense, and you pull her behind you as you grab your knife from your holster, ready to protect her. Octavia may be your sister, but Madi is your niece, your little sun, and you won’t allow Octavia to hurt her. Bellamy and Echo stand side by side in front of you, blocking Octavia’s path to you, both of them protecting you and Madi. Octavia finally comes to a stop in front of her brother, sword in hand. “Out of my way.”

Bellamy stares his sister down. “O, she saved us.”

From behind you, Madi calls out, “Let her pass!”

You turn and start to argue, but Echo beats you to it, “Heda, that is not a good-”

Madi cuts her off before she can finish. “I said, let her pass.”

You look down at Madi in worry, but she squeezes your hand in reassurance, nodding at you that she’s okay. So you drop her hand and step slightly to the side. As soon as Echo and Bellamy see you move, they do too, allowing Octavia access to the Commander. Madi and Octavia stare at each other for a long moment, and your hand tenses around the handle of your knife, ready to protect Madi no matter what. But then, Octavia surprises all of you by stabbing her sword into the sand, and dropping to her knees in front of Madi. Madi looks over at you in surprise, and you smile at her before dropping to your knees, bowing to the Commander.

All around you, guns are lowered and people sink to the ground, paying their respects to the one true Commander, all of you ready for her to lead you into victory and take you home.

-

As soon as everyone is in agreement to follow Madi, the next phase of the war begins.

You, Bellamy, and Echo put your awkwardness aside and work to help Madi with the army. Miller steps up and fills her in on Wonkru’s surviving numbers and who is situated where, and within a few hours, plans are in place and everyone goes off to get everything ready. You, Bellamy, and Madi go to the medial tent so that Madi can be with her Flamekeeper, while you decide to finally address the object in your shoulder. Jackson sees you staring at it as soon as you step in the tent, and walks over and offers to help you, which you graciously accept. With a little bit of light and the proper medical supplies, Jackson removes the object from your shoulder, and stares at it in horror as soon as it’s free. You’re blinking against the pain, missing Jackson’s expression, but Bellamy alerts you to it when he worriedly asks, “What? What is it?”

“It’s a piece of bone.”

Your eyes fly open. “Bone? From me?”

“I don’t think so. You have full mobility of your arm, so I don’t think you broke anything. I’d have to feel around to be sure, since we don’t have any machines here.”

You nod, “Do it.”

It hurts like hell, but he pokes and prods every inch of your arm from your collarbone to the ends of your fingers, finding nothing cracked or broken. Which gives you the sickening realization that the bone is someone else’s, lodged into your shoulder. When you think back to the explosion, you can remember a group of people nearby, who took the brunt of the force from the explosion, and you’re almost sure it came from one of them. Though it doesn’t make you feel any better to know that. Still, there is nothing you can do about it now. Jackson stitches you up and sends you on your way, but you end up falling asleep in the medical tent, keeping an eye on Madi. 

When you wake, she’s still there, though Bellamy is now gone, likely double checking any preparations that you weren’t awake to check on. Sure that he has it handled, you pull up a chair beside Madi and sit with her and Gaia until Bellamy and Indra come into the medical tent sometime later, looking for you both. Bellamy comes to a stop beside you, and Indra walks to Gaia’s other side, both looking your way. Bellamy whispers, “It’s time, Madi. Everyone will follow you, but you have to lead them.”

Madi acknowledges his words and looks at you in fear. “I don’t want to lead them into a massacre.”

Indra tries to reassure her by saying, “We have the numbers, Heda. As long as we press forward, we’ll make it through.”

You reach out for her hand and whisper, “We’ll be right beside you.”

“I’m not worried about myself. There has to be a better way than rushing back into those guns.”

“If there is, we would’ve thought of it.”

You give her a look, unsure what to say, not nearly as good at reassuring her as Clarke is. But it turns out your help isn’t needed, because Gaia whispers, “Ask the Commanders.”

You all look at Gaia in shock, given that these are the first words she’s spoken in hours. Madi asks, “How, Seda? They only talk to me in my dreams and show me what they want me to see.”

Gaia lifts her hand and rests it on Madi’s cheek. “Close your eyes.”

Beside you, Bellamy shifts and mutters, “Gaia, we don’t have time-”

But you look at him and shake your head. “We’ll make time. Everyone can wait.”

He nods and Gaia continues, “Breathe. In and out. Let this world peel away. And repeat after me: _mens mea fiat mens tua._ ”

 _My mind is your mind._ Madi repeats the phrase, lurching slightly in place as the Commanders begin speaking to her. You can see her eyes moving rapidly beneath her closed lids, until she pulls them open abruptly, and turns to you. “I have a plan.”

Gaia reaches into her pocket and grabs something, holding it out to Madi as she whispers, “Of course you do.”

As soon as Madi takes it, you realize it’s the Heda headpiece, the same one that Lexa used to wear before her death. Madi puts it on her head and then turns to look at the rest of you. “Gather the delegates.”

You do as she says, meeting with her in the makeshift war room as she explains the plan to all of you. A small team will go ahead of the army, you included, and take out the sonic cannons, making it easier for the rest of Wonkru to get into the gorge. Then the plan moves back to the original plan; everyone will come together and surround the village, diverging upon it from all sides and forcing the prisoners to surrender. As soon as the delegates understand the plan, they assimilate into their groups, passing along the information and getting their warpaint ready. Everyone has a line of black in the middle of their foreheads, reminiscent of the line of Nightblood drawn on Commanders during their Ascension, reminding everyone they’re part of the Commander’s Army now. 

As you put your warpaint on, you turn to look at Madi. “Are you sure you want me on that team to take out the cannons? I can stay with you instead.”

“I’m sure. You’re one of the best shooters we have and everything hinges on you taking those cannons out.”

You nod, understanding her reasoning, before you pull her into a hug. “I’m so proud of you, little sun.”

“Thank you for everything, ani.” You nod and smile, pulling away to look at her. And then you stand and nod at her, “It’s time for you to take us home.”

-

Emori drives the rover through the gorge as Murphy rides shotgun. You and Bellamy are in the back, rifles in hands, riding your way into the heart of danger. Murphy peeks out the windshield and looks up to the sky, muttering, “I don’t see any missiles. Thank you, Clarke.”

Bellamy gives you a serious look and then nods once. “Now it’s our turn.”

You nod in return, as ready as you’ll ever be, waiting as Emori gets you closer and closer to the cannons. And as if you cross an invisible barrier, the gunshot begins, hammering the rover from all sides, pinging off the armor and leaving all of you inside unscathed. Murphy turns to look at you and Bellamy, “Someone explain to me why I’m not shooting this gatling gun.”

“This is Madi’s plan, we have to draw out the cannons.”

He looks at you like you’re crazy. “By giving them a big target? Yeah, that’s a great plan.”

You think of what Monty said to you before magically picking a lock with a magnet and you pass that onto to Murphy. “Ye of little faith.”

Nearly as soon as the words leave your mouth, the rover lurches and slides, and then abruptly comes to a stop. Murphy turns to you with a raised eyebrow. “You were saying?”

“What’s wrong? We’re not close enough. Why are we stopping?”

“They got the engine. Damn it!” Emori climbs from the driver’s seat into the back beside Bellamy, calling out, “John, get away from the windshield!”

Murphy looks out the window and turns to look between you and Bellamy. “Big gun! Go! Now! Be heroes.”

You and Bellamy look at each other, nodding that you’re ready, and you have enough time to take one deep breath before he kicks open the door and you both peek out. You turn your attention to the cannon in the right pillbox, the one currently being charged to blast you all to pieces, and Bellamy swings out to take a shot before immediately ducking back inside the rover again. “I don’t have a shot!”

You peek from your side, peering down your rifle scope to the cannon, very few bullets coming your way and you call back, “I do!”

You take a breath to control your heart rate, pulling air in through your nose and out through your mouth as you aim. On the second breath you squeeze the trigger, sending your bullet right into the mouth of the cannon, causing an instant explosion. You duck back behind the rover, smiling at Bellamy, and he gives you a look of pride before yelling to Murphy, “I need to get closer!” 

“Go, I’ll cover you!”

Murphy climbs back into the front, preparing to shoot the gun on the rover, and you can hear Emori worry and try to stop him. But he pushes on and starts to shoot, laying down covering fire for you and Bellamy to cross the gorge to a stack of rocks nearby. He looks at you and you yell over the sound of the gunfire, “I’ll be right behind you!”

He takes off running and you follow close on his heels, both of you dropping down behind the stack of rocks and taking cover. Bellamy props his gun up, aiming at the second cannon, and you joke, “If you miss, I’ll never let you live it down.”

Bellamy turns to you with a smirk that leaves you feeling breathless. “I won’t miss.”

And then he turns back to his rifle, aims, takes a breath, and shoots. His bullet follows the same journey yours did, flying into the mouth of the cannon and blowing it up instantly. You and Bellamy turn to each other, laughing with relief, the hardest part of the plan finished. You both turn and peer through your scopes, watching as the prisoners run away, retreating into the village, as the sound of Wonkru grows closer. You can hear them yelling as they run towards you, a stampede of angry warriors, and you and Bellamy stand and watch them come around the corner. You jump into the group, running beside Madi and Octavia, the four of you leading the charge into the woods, surrounding the village.

Everyone splits off into their respective groups, surrounding from all sides, and you and Bellamy stick close to Madi as she leads the main group straight through the front door. A low cloud of smoke and fog hangs around, concealing all of you from the prisoners until you burst through it, heading straight into the village. The prisoners are all cowered in the center, holding up weapons, and as soon as they come into view, Bellamy yells, “Weapons down! Put your weapons down now!”

All the prisoners begin to toss their weapons and drop to their knees, lifting their hands in surrender, and you feel a wave of relief that this is all over, until Madi yells, _“Teik emo au!”_

 _Kill them all!_ You look at Bellamy in shock and he yells, “Halt! Hold your fire.”

At the same time, you step in front of Madi, blocking her view of the prisoners, but she peers around you to glare at them. “They surrendered, Madi, it’s over.”

“They killed hundreds of our people in that gorge.”

You shake your head at her, her eyes never leaving the people behind you. “This can’t be what the Flame is telling you to do!”

“I don’t need the Flame to tell me what to do with a bunch of criminals who invaded _our_ home!”

“We’ve been here before, Madi.” Finally, her gaze shifts to you, and you can see her start to soften almost immediately, remembering the stories you and Clarke used to tell her. _Though, they aren’t stories, they’re your history. Your life story._ “We were the criminals, the 100. We landed in someone else’s home, and we went to war. You can execute them because they’re the enemy or you can break the cycle. You can be better than them, you can be better than _us_. The choice is yours, Heda.”

Madi looks at you, about to answer, until sirens start to echo throughout the valley. All of you look around in confusion, and you turn towards the prisoners, aware that they’re the ones that set up the warning system. “What is that?”

A man near the front answers, “The evac signal! It means conditions are unsafe, we’re supposed to bug out!”

Raven’s voice comes through the speakers a second later, “Everyone, listen up. Life as we know it is about to end, _again_. Get your asses to the transport ship now for immediate evacuation, you have nine minutes!”

You turn to look at Madi, still waiting for her decision, and she nods. You pass along her message and yell, “Everyone, evacuate now! Eligius, leave your weapons behind! Wonkru, follow Eligius to the transport now!”

Everyone immediately jumps into action, and you grab Octavia, who is standing nearby. “Take a team and go door to door, make sure no one gets left behind.”

She grabs a few people and takes off running, and you turn to Madi, about to tell her that you’re ready to follow her to the ship. As your gaze swings towards her, it lands on your house, the one you planned to share with Bellamy, and you suddenly remember that you left something inside, something as important to you as the necklace around your neck and the people beside you. You turn to Madi and smile at her. “It’s time to lead your people. Take Bellamy with you, I’ll be right behind you.”

Both Bellamy and Madi look at you in alarm, instantly arguing, “Ani, no-”

“…not leaving you behind-”

You cut them both off, looking at Madi first. “Your people need you, Madi. You’re their Commander, you need to go.”

And then you turn to Bellamy, “I’ll be right behind you, I promise. Just take Madi, make sure she makes it to the ship.”

You can see him open his mouth to argue again, and you cut him off, voice begging, “ _Please_.”

And finally, he nods. He presses a kiss to your lips and turns to Madi, “Come on, Heda.”

Their gazes linger on you for a moment before they turn and run out of the village, pulling ahead to lead the others to the transport ship. As soon as you’re sure they’re going to make it, you turn and head towards the small house, hand reaching out to push the door open when shouting from the church makes you pause and listen, sure that you’re hearing Octavia’s voice battling with your mother’s. Your brows pull together and you turn away from your door, running deeper into the village and straight into the church. When you burst inside, you see your mother and Octavia facing off, standing only a few feet apart, glaring at each other.

Your mom has blood streaked all over her face, and when you get a look at the scene behind her, you can see why. Someone is stretched out onto the operating table, surrounded by blood. You can see large red stains covering their shirt, the table, the floor around them. Only when you get closer do you realize you know the person on the table. 

Kane.

Your stomach drops, and you run past the arguing pair straight to his side. “Mom, what the hell happened?”

“Vinson happened.”

You see her motion to a body in the corner, and your stomach flips when you glance down at it. She cooked him alive using the shock collar at his neck, eerily similar to the nightmare you had after getting knocked out yesterday. You turn away from the body and look back to Kane, fear and sadness gripping your chest when you realize just how bad he is. He’s clearly lost a lot of blood, and it’s not hard to see why. There is a collection of stab wounds on his abdomen, freshly stitched, along with a stitched wound on the side of his neck. You turn to your mother, trying to calculate if there’s enough time to carry him to the transport, when you hear the P.A. system outside announce, “Six minutes to impact.”

You run the numbers in your head, and decide that Kane is worth the risk. You look between Octavia and your mother and start giving them instructions. “Mom, get him ready to move. You can save his life on the transport ship. Octavia, find a stretcher, you’re going to help carry him back. I’ll grab a few prisoners to help you both.”

They both look at you in shock for a second, and you feel a rush of anxiety, thinking of the ticking clock, before you yell, “Now!”

They both jump into action, and you run out of the church and into the village, grabbing two prisoners and leading them back with you. By the time you arrive, the two women have gotten Kane on the stretcher and ready to go, and you motion for the men to carry him. They lift him up and head towards the door, your mom following closely as she carries an IV bag at Kane’s side, and you squeeze her shoulder as she walks past. “I’ll be right behind you.”

“Wait!” The men stop, and your mom turns to look at you in a panic. “You’re not coming with us?”

“Not yet, I have something I need to do first, now go!” She looks like she wants to argue, but then Kane groans in pain, reminding her of the danger he’s in, and she tells the men to keep moving, leaving you behind. Octavia lingers, and you shake your head and point at their retreating figures. “I need you to make sure they make it back, I’m not sure I trust the prisoners yet.”

Octavia nods, and surprises you by pulling you into a quick hug, whispering in your ear, “Run fast, sister.”

You nod, thankful that she understands and is not going to argue with you, and she gives you a brief smile before running out the door and following your mother. The system outside announces, “Five minutes to impact.”

The words push you into motion again, aware that it’s a two to three minute run to the transport ship from here. You run out of the church and back towards your home, pushing open the door and moving through the house to the bedroom, smiling when you see _The Iliad_ laying on the bed waiting for you. You reach out and grab it, turning and preparing to head out the door again when you see a prisoner looming in the doorway to the bedroom, staring at you. You look at him in confusion and point towards the door, “Didn’t you hear the evac signal? We have to go!”

You walk towards him, intending to push past him and get out the door, but he grabs you by the hair and yanks you back, tossing you onto the ground. You drop your book upon impact, looking up at the man in shock. He starts to lumber towards you, and you reach for your rifle, secured around your chest by a strap, but just as you get it up, ready to shoot, he reaches out and grabs it, yanking it hard from your grasp, breaking the clasp that connects the gun to the strap. He tosses the gun into the other room, and you jump up and try to run past him, but he grabs the strap that is still hanging around your torso and pulls, forcing you back towards him. He slides the strap up until it hangs around your neck, and you feel a brief wave of panic before he pulls it taut, choking the life out of you quickly. You claw at the strap, trying to free yourself, struggling to breathe as you gasp out, “We aren’t enemies anymore!”

“Wrong.” He pulls the strap tighter, stars erupting at the edge of your vision. “You and I are enemies. You killed my brother. You left him to die in your savage trap and his wounds were too severe to survive. I had to end his suffering myself.”

You remember the blonde man in the trap, and you do feel a flash of remorse for getting him killed, until your survival instinct takes over, reminding you how close to death you truly are. You pull your knife from your holster and quickly plunge it into his side, and the man cries out in pain before tossing you to the ground, your head hitting the floor as you land again. You can feel your head wound from earlier reopen, warm, black blood dripping down your face, and the man looks down at you, laughing as he pulls your knife from his side and tosses it into the other room, alongside your rifle. You eye the doorway, trying to figure out if you can make it to your gun before he can reach you, but the P.A. system outside calls out, letting you know you have four minutes left. You think of the time it will take you to make it back to the transport ship, and you take a chance and start running to the door, hoping you make it to one of your weapons. 

As you make it through the doorway, the man reaches out for you, grabbing you briefly before losing his grip, but the movement is enough to knock you off balance. You fall to the ground hard, teeth clacking together, but you ignore the pain in your body, scrambling towards your weapons. Just as your hand closes around your knife, you feel a blade plunge into your calf, and you let out a cry of pain. He uses the knife in your leg to drag you closer to him, the weapon cutting down your calf painfully, and you scream in pain as you’re dragged backwards. His hand clamps down onto your ankle and he yanks you back towards him, flipping you over quickly before reaching his hands up to your neck. This time you don’t wait for the stars of unconsciousness to get close to you. You lift the knife that’s still in your grip and you plunge it into the man’s chest, pushing it into him as hard and deep as you can. 

His eyes go wide and he releases you instantly, blood rapidly spreading across his chest, letting you know you hit his heart. He’s dead within seconds, and you divert your attention away from him and to the injury on your leg. It’s deep and gushing blood, and you desperately need stitches, but the P.A. system lets you know you have three minutes until impact, so you waste no time thinking about your odds of survival. You use your knife to cut a strip of fabric from the dead prisoner’s pants, and you use the rifle strap to secure it tightly over the wound, hoping it’s enough to get you to the ship. Then you run into the bedroom and grab your book, determined not to leave it behind at this point, before hobbling out of the room and past the dead man. You look down at him for a second before you kick him with your good leg, screaming with rage as you do, pissed at the position he has just put you in.

At the last second you grab the knife he cut you with and tuck it into your pocket, and then without another thought you head out the door of your house, running as fast as you can and as hard as you can towards the transport ship. You count the seconds in your head, trying to keep track of your dwindling time, ignoring the blood that drips down your face and tries to fall in your eyes. You ignore the pain radiating from multiple places on your body, and you ignore the exhaustion that threatens to creep up and take you out. You just focus on counting, letting your anxiety push you faster than you thought possible, guiding you back towards the transport ship, to your love, your twin, and your family. 

As you get closer to the edge of the woods, you hear a sonic boom, and you look up at the sky, anxiety growing exponentially. You start praying to the Universe, the gods, the stars, your father, anyone that will listen to you. “Just let me make it, god damn it! Get me back on that ship with my family, and I’ll make things right. I’ll do better, be better! I’ll forgive Clarke, and Octavia, and anyone who’s wronged me! I’ll leave Wanlida behind, just please get me to that ship!”

The Universe answers your prayer with a flash of light, and you look up to see the end of the world drawing closer as it streaks across the sky. You start to think that maybe the Universe is laughing at your expense, playing a cruel joke, when you suddenly burst through the trees and see the transport ship looming into view. Bellamy and Clarke are both standing at the edge of the ramp, eyes searching the horizon for you, and you scream their names at the top of your lungs as you run towards them, letting your adrenaline carry you closer. They run to you, panic and worry all over their faces, as you look exponentially worse than the last time either of them saw you. But with the end of the world flying towards you, neither of them question it. They each hook and arm around you and take off running, practically dragging you up the ramp and into the ship. 

Clarke releases you to turn and close the door to the ship, and your body finally collapses, no energy left within you. You feel Bellamy catch you and lower you down beside Murphy, who looks just as awful as you do, both of you glancing at each other as you groan in pain. You feel unconsciousness rush towards you, just as you hear the roar of the thrusters as the ship prepares to leave. Suddenly, you’re back on a satellite tower, staring at a death wave that’s set to destroy you in seconds, watching a rocket fly into the sky. Except this time, instead of being left on the ground, you fly with them.

-

You wake up a few hours after passing out, stitched up and lying in a hospital bed on the Eligius IV mothership. Bellamy and Clarke are both at your side, and all of you start to cry as soon as you wake up. You hug them both, thankful for their survival, and you and Clarke exchange a myriad of whispered apologies as you cry and hold each other. The Universe got you on the transport ship, so as promised, you make your amends, all of your anger gone as soon as you hug. Clarke eventually leaves you and Bellamy alone, and he gives you a scolding look as he holds up a book in his hand. “You went back for this?”

You feel a little embarrassed now as you look at the book in his hands, the cover now streaked with some of your black blood, aware of how insane it must seem to risk death for a book. But it’s important to you, as important as the moon around your neck, which you brush your fingers across as you answer, “Yes. But that book helped get me through the last 6 years without you. It was the only thing I had from you, and I couldn’t leave it behind.”

His expression softens, remembering the note that he wrote to you in the cover. When he wrote it, he had no way of knowing what was coming, no way of knowing the importance it would have to you. He can recognize that now, though you know that he’ll never truly understand why you’d risk death for it. Because for Bellamy, he would much rather have you _alive_ and without the book, then dead with the book. And considering the state that you returned to him in, you know he’s more than a little pissed. If you hadn’t come across that prisoner and got back with plenty of time, you don’t think he’d really mind. Still, you are here and you’re mostly okay. And if he still thinks it was a stupid thing to do, he doesn’t argue with it, too thankful that you’re here with him and alive. 

You smile at him, patting the bed beside you, urging him to climb in with you. Unlike the last time, he complies immediately, squeezing into the bed beside you, listening to the story of how you nearly died in Shallow Valley. You pull the prisoner’s knife from your pocket, getting a good look at it for the first time. It’s small and silver, nicer than your Grounder knife, clearly from the days before the first Praimfaya. At the end of the handle is a skull, angry and grinning, and fire is etched into the handle, wrapping up towards the blade. You add it to your collection of ‘confiscated knives that nearly got you killed’, hoping that this is the last knife you’ll ever add to the collection, growing tired of all your near death experiences. 

At some point you fall asleep again, exhausted, and when you wake, Bellamy is gone, your twin now at your side. She smiles at you and you sit up and smile back. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

You remember Murphy bleeding out beside you as you passed out, and you ask, “How’s Murphy?”

“Jackson got both bullets. He’ll be okay, cockroaches are hard to kill.” You smile and she adds, “And Gaia’s gonna keep her leg.”

“Good.” Your mind flashes to the father figure you found clinging to life in the church, fear squeezing your chest. “What about Kane?”

“They put him in a drug induced coma. I’m not sure why, but Jackson says there’s not enough of the drug to keep him that way for long. It doesn’t look good.”

“What if he didn’t need the drug?” She looks at you in confusion as you remember the cryosleep pods Bellamy told you about earlier. “I don’t know much about cryosleep, but at least it would keep him alive, right?”

“That’s brilliant, I’ll tell mom.” Her eyes lift to the door briefly before she looks back to you. “We’re about to decide the fate of the human race. _Again_. You should be there.”

You nod, already pulling yourself out of your bed, and Clarke helps you, handing you a crutch as you get to your feet. Normally you’d hate to use it, but the pain in your calf screams at you each time you shift your weight to your right leg. The two of you head down the hall, past the groups of prisoners and Wonkru that lay sleeping, exhausted from the events of the last few days. Clarke grabs your free hand, turning to look at you as she apologizes again. “I’m sorry, la lune, for everything.”

“I’m sorry too, shining star.”

She smiles at you, tears in her eyes, and you’re reminded of the strength of the bond you share. You may make mistakes, you may hurt each other, and fight, but at the end of the day, you’re sisters, _twins_ , and Clarke will always be your other half. You know she feels the same way about you, because she squeezes your hand, conveying the silent message, and you both exchange a smile as she leads you through the ship to the bridge, preparing to decide the fate of the human race once again.

-

When you and Clarke get there, everyone else is already in the room. Harper, Monty, Bellamy, Madi, Raven, Shaw, Echo, Emori, and Murphy. 

They all turn to you as you enter, and you see Bellamy smile at your conjoined hands, glad that one of you has reconciled with their sibling. He walks over to you and keeps close, ready to offer you assistance if you need it. Both you and Clarke look at the large window in the room, opened up to see Earth, the explosion taking over the planet and scorching it to nothing. Sadness grips your heart as you think of the home that’s lost to you, the valley, wiped from the planet. Your house with the window to the sky destroyed. 

You and Clarke settle beside Bellamy, and you shift most of your weight to your crutch as Shaw pushes a button to close the window, hiding the destroyed Earth from view. Bellamy turns to address the room, his hand resting on the small of your back, reminding you of his support. “Like our ancestors on the Ark, we’re the last of the human race.”

You add, “Our ancestors were wrong. We’re not.”

Bellamy nods and lays out the situation for everyone. “412 people on this ship. Thanks to Madi, we saved who could be saved. Now it’s our job to keep them alive. How do we do that?”

“Algae?”

Murphy instantly balks at Raven’s suggestion, “Oh, float me now.”

You can’t help but agree, dreading the idea of living off algae for however long it takes. Shaw seems to be on the same page, because he looks to Bellamy and points to the control center in front of him. “Can I?”

Bellamy nods, and Shaw begins, “From what we know about the half life of hythylodium, it’ll be at least 10 years before that valley comes back. This ship does have a small water recycler and a few weeks’ worth of rations, but that’s it. Cryo is the only option. There are 500 pods, which is more than enough for what we need.”

Raven instantly agrees, placing her hand on Shaw’s shoulder. You eye them, noting their closeness, smiling as you realize there must be something between them. “I agree with Shaw. The tech is amazing. We go to sleep, we don’t age, we wake the next morning, It’s 10 years later. And Bob’s your uncle.”

Monty laughs, “I thought you hated that phrase.”

“It’s growing on me.”

You turn to Madi, the leader of your group, and shrug. “It’s up to you, Madi.”

She looks at you, then Clarke, who nods her agreement with the plan. Madi thinks for a long minute, considering her answer before she decides, “Okay, I guess it’s time for bed.”

-

With the decision made, the mass bedtime begins. 

You send the prisoners back to cryo first, all of their pods already programmed and ready for them. Next, it takes a while, but you work on Wonkru, programming the pods for each person and then putting them to sleep. Before you know it, you’re down to a handful of people, everyone saying their goodnights to their loved ones before getting put to bed. Clarke stands next to Madi’s pod, and you stand on the other side, looking down at your niece. She’s dressed down in her Eligius clothes, all of you are, and her hair is out of her signature braids, flowing long and sweeping across her back. You pull Madi into a hug, leaning back to smile at her. “You’re a good Heda, little sun. I’ll see you on the other side.”

“I love you, ani.”

“I love you too.” 

And then you look at Clarke, nodding at her, stepping away to give her a moment with Madi. You work on preparing your pod, situated between Bellamy and Clarke’s, leaning against the outstretched bed to keep the weight off your injured leg. You glance to your left, where Bellamy stands near Octavia’s pod, saying his goodnights to her. You program your name into your pod before checking the cubby beside your bed, double checking that your belongings are still inside. Your clothes and shoes, two knives, and one yellow book with blue binding. You smile at everything and close the cubby door, as Bellamy closes the pod on Octavia and Clarke closes the pod on Madi. You turn to face your twin first as she walks over to you. Both of you hug, and when you pull away you whisper, “I love you, Clarke.”

“And I love you.” You feel worry creep into you, wondering if this will actually work. Clarke senses this and smiles, “It’ll feel like no time at all. There’s nothing to worry about.”

You nod and she glances over your shoulder, eyes landing on someone, and you’re sure it’s Bellamy. She smiles at you and steps away, giving you two space, just as Bellamy wraps his arms around you from behind, tucking his chin into the crook of your neck. “I hope we dream.”

“If we do, I’ll dream of you.”

Bellamy spins you in his arms, careful of your injuries, until you’re facing him, a goofy smile on his face. “Really?”

“Really.”

He pulls you in for a kiss, soft and sweet, and your body lights up at his touch. Everything about Bellamy makes you feel alive, his love for you making you feel immortal, swimming amongst the stars, spreading light in your wake. Bellamy pulls away and looks down at you, and you can see a flash of worry pass over his face, similar to the one you just had, and you reach up to put your hand on his cheek. “We’ll be okay.”

“Will you still be here when I wake up?”

You nod, smiling at him as you remember the fear you both share. A fear that you likely didn’t help when you almost didn’t make it to the transport ship in time. “Of course I will.”

“I love you.”

“I love you more than the stars.”

He smiles at you, the words making him feel light, as if he’s weightless, carried by your love for him. “In this lifetime and in the next.”

You finish, “Forever.”

The two of you look at each other, mapping your features, memorizing every line and freckle of his face as he memorizes yours. And only when you’re finished, when you feel like you could draw Bellamy from memory, do the two of you pull apart and head to your cryo chambers. Clarke sets the controls for you, vowing to be the last one awake, and you smile at her before turning to look at Bellamy, both of your eyes locked on each other as you are pulled inside the chamber and the glass closes down on you. The last thing you see before you fall into a deep sleep, are Bellamy’s eyes on you, and a grin across his face, lulling you into a sense of security before you slip under.

-

Your first breath out of cryo feels like the best one you’ve ever taken. 

You blink your eyes open, your gaze falling on a figure beside you. 

Clarke.

She stands at our side, smiling down at you, and you sit up, looking around. “Why are we the only ones awake?”

“We aren’t, there’s one more.”

You look at her in confusion, and she points to Bellamy’s pod as it slides out and opens. You hop out of your pod and hobble over to him, still injured, and you smile down at him, your face the first thing he sees when he wakes. He immediately smiles back at you, stretching as he sits up, and kisses you softly, careful of your lingering injuries, frozen in time by cryo. When he pulls away, you watch his eyes move from you to Clarke, his expression pulling into one of contusion. “Why is it just us?”

A voice from behind answers, “That’s the way Mom and Dad wanted it.”

The three of you turn to look towards the voice in shock, eyes landing on a boy about your age. You don’t recognize him, which is strange, because he looks familiar. “Can I just say, wow. I mean, I can’t tell you how good it is to finally meet you. Weird but good. Great, actually.”

The three of you walk towards the boy, and Bellamy asks, “Who are you?

“My name. Right. I didn’t tell you my name. Sorry. I’ve never met anyone before, so, I clearly suck at it.” You all give him a strange look, not understanding his rambling, and he finally says, “I’m Jordan, Monty and Harper’s son.”

The information hits you like a train, and you exchange a look with Bellamy and Clarke, the realization hitting you first. “They didn’t go to sleep.”

Jordan confirms, “They talked about their time on the ring a lot. Too much, actually. How happy they were there. I guess they wanted to get back to that. Get dressed and come to the bridge. Dad left explicit instructions, wake the trio first, play them the message.”

He starts to walk away, but Clarke calls out, “Hey, wait. How long were we asleep?”

“125 years.”

You all exchange a shocked look, none of you expecting that to be his answer. As soon as he turns to leave the room, the three of you head to the drawers that hold your belongings and change obscenely fast, none of you even bothering to change in different rooms for some semblance of privacy. Once you’re dressed, you all practically run to the bridge, Bellamy and Clarke helping you along, all of you eager to find out what the hell is going on. As soon as Jordan sees the three of you and knows you’re ready, he walks over to a control panel and presses play, and a video pops up on the screen in front of you.

There sits Monty, looking the same as when you saw him last. “Hey, guys, it’s been about a year since you all went to bed. Not much to report, really. My algae farm is awesome, no surprise there. I’m able to monitor conditions on the ground using the ship’s geologic equipment, so, I’ll know when it’s safe for us to go back down. Gets a little lonely sometimes without the rest of you, but the peace and quiet is what-”

He gets cut off by Harper stepping into frame, scantily dressed, “Monty, I’ve been waiting.”

“Harper, wait. I’m in the middle of-”

She cuts him off, leaning in to kiss his neck. “You promised me. We have another 40 staterooms that-”

She turns and finally notices that Monty is recording a message, and she dives off screen, laughing, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Monty looks embarrassed as he shrugs, “Uh…not a lot to do in space.”

And then he ends the transmission as Jordan quips, “I so didn’t need to see that.”

The next transmission begins with Monty blocking the camera, but when he steps back, you can see Harper, clearly pregnant, a huge grin on her face. Monty comes to stand beside her and put his arm around her. “Hey, again. Today’s the two year anniversary of the long nap, and Harper’s been eating a little too much algae.”

“Hilarious.” She turns her adoring gaze away from Monty to address the three of you with a smile. “Hey, guys, um, surprise. We picked a name today. Boy or girl: Jordan.”

You feel emotion reach up and grab your chest, sitting heavy, as you think of the boy with the goggles, a smile always on his face. You glance at Bellamy, and you can see the emotion on his face too, and one look at Clarke confirms that all three of you are affected by the news. On screen, Monty continues, “I think Jasper would like that. Anyway, still no sign the ground is coming back. I wouldn’t expect it this soon, so, I’m not worried. We’ll check back in next time there’s news.”

The screen cuts out for just a second, and the next time it comes back on, a baby is held up to the camera, held in his grinning dad’s arms. The three of you glance at Jordan as Monty announces, “Meet Jordan Jasper Green.”

He cuddles his son close and smiles down at him before looking at the camera. “That’s all for now. Harper’s resting. We’re both good, though. He’ll be eight when you meet him, I can’t wait to see your faces.”

At the announcement of Jordan’s age when you’re supposed to meet him, all of you look towards him again, clearly much older than 8. Sensing this, he turns to look at you and nods. “Things didn’t go as planned.”

The next transmission begins, and Monty is back on the screen, looking older, this time alone. “Happy wake up day, 10 years. And since you’re watching this sometime in the future, you know now that…that I didn’t wake you up. That’s because there’s still nothing down there. I’m working on the problem. I’ve told Harper it’s to be expected, but, well, that’s a lie. This is gonna take a while. Jordan is doing great, though. He’s a happy kid. I took a page from Clarke and la lune’s parenting book. He knows all about you guys. Believe it or not, Murphy’s his favorite.”

You laugh a little, and Jordan defends himself, “It was a rebellious phase.”

You all turn your attention back to Monty, who finishes, “Anyway, It’s gonna be a while. I’ll let you know if things change.”

The next transmission begins with Monty and Harper both on screen. They’re much older now, Monty’s hair long and going gray, Harper’s hair is shorter and turning the same light color. Monty’s arms are around her, and they’re both looking into the camera, heartbroken. “Hey, guys. It’s been a long time since we recorded one of these. We just put Jordan in cryo. He’s a good boy.”

Harper glances at Monty. “Smart like his father.”

Monty counters, “And kind like his mom.” He takes a deep breath and continues, “We chose this life, he didn’t. If you’re watching this, kiddo, we love you so much. Did you follow my instructions?”

Jordan nods, tears welling up in his eyes, as his dad says, “Assuming he did. Hey you three. We wanted him to wake you first so we could talk. Earth…isn’t coming back. You’ve been asleep for over 28 years and it’s as dead as the day we left. I’m working on a plan B, though. If you’re awake, that means I found it. I’ll see you again when I do.”

Monty reaches for the camera, about to turn it off, but Harper stops him. “Wait, not yet.” And then she looks right into the camera, right at you, Bellamy, and Clarke. “Take care of our boy.”

You all nod, despite the fact they can’t see you, but the heartbreak of the transmissions only gets worse. The next time Monty appears on screen, all of his hair is white, and he’s much older than before. His appearance is a shock, and you see Bellamy and Clarke both look at your friend in surprise. “Jordan…your mother died today. She was pretty sick the last few years. Clarke, you were right, her dad’s genetic condition finally got her.”

At this point, all three of you are crying, tears falling down your faces as you mourn the loss of Harper. You see Clarke shift beside you, and you reach out to take her hand, knowing she finds no comfort in being right about Harper’s condition. On screen, Monty continues, “We had a good life. Sometimes…I know she wanted to be with you guys. Maybe I did too, but if we did that, I wouldn’t be able to show you this. Son.”

Jordan takes the direction, hitting a button to slide open the viewing screen, Earth coming into view. The sun lights it up from the left, and as you all stare down at it, the swirls of blue and green, Monty continues in the background. “It took me 30 years, but I finally cracked the Eligius III mission file. Turns out it wasn’t a mining mission. After sucking the Earth dry of oil, they went looking for another planet to tap.”

Just then, the planet rotates, and a second sun appears, revealing to you that what you’re looking at isn’t Earth at all. Your jaw drops in shock, and you remember something Shaw said when he first saw the color of your blood in Shallow Valley. “Two suns, no sunscreen needed.”

Bellamy and Clarke look at you in confusion, but they don’t get to ask what you’re talking about because Monty’s message continues. “I set the coordinates a week ago. If I’m right, you should get there in 75 years. I’m tempted to put myself in cryo to see it, but without Harper…”

He trails off, heartbroken at the loss of his love. “Anyway, it’s in the Goldilocks Zone of a binary star system. But that’s all I know. Eligius III never radioed back or, if they did, it was after apocalypse one, so, no one heard it. Can you see it? Is it beautiful?” 

All three of you nod, looking down at the lush planet, and you feel a pang of heartbreak that he isn’t here to see it. “It is in my dreams. I hope we do better there. I hope Jasper was wrong and we aren’t the problem. I hope your lives there will be as happy as mine has been. Be the good guys. May we meet again.”

And as he says the words, tears fall down your face again. You, Bellamy, and Clarke all whisper back, “May we meet again.”

Bellamy wraps his arm around you and you wrap yours around Clarke, sandwiched between the two most important people in your life, staring down at a planet that isn’t Earth. You drop your head onto Bellamy’s chest, and Clarke wraps her arms around you, the three of you linked as you watch the planet rotate, a rush of hope surging through all of you. 

A new planet, a new place to start over, a new life, a new future. 

A place to do better. 

_Home_. 

-

_END BOOK ONE_


	72. lxxii. sanctum (6.01)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: mentions of past injuries, angst, sadness, death, anxiety, language, bugs (I know some people get the creepy crawlies), violence.
> 
> Summary: Monty has given all of you hope after charting your course to a new planet: Sanctum. You and a small group of friends head to the surface to explore the new planet you plan to call home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY SEASON 6 PREMIERE! I CAN’T BELIEVE WE ARE IN THE LAST TWO SEASONS NOW, WE ARE NEARING THE END AND I THINK I MIGHT CRY!!!!! p.s. sorry for the late upload today, I was getting a christmas tree with my family!!!

Jordan gives you, Bellamy, and Clarke a few minutes to process everything you’ve just learned before informing you of the last of Monty’s instructions: tell your friends.

You wake a small group of people, those who were present at the meeting 125 years ago, including Spacekru, Shaw, and your mother. You tried to wake Octavia too, but Bellamy stopped you, telling you to wait for now. Though you disagree with him, you respect his decision and keep her asleep. Everyone gets a brief rundown of what’s happened since they were last awake, and then you play the videos for them too, revealing planet Alpha the same way it was revealed to you. As Monty’s last lines play and the video ends, there are no dry eyes in the room from anyone that knew Monty and Harper. Everyone is crying as they peer down at the planet Monty found for the rest of you to survive on. 

Bellamy takes in the group’s silence, and softly says, “I know this is a lot to process. Take an hour and meet in the mess, we need to game this out.”

Clarke looks over everyone, reminding them of Monty’s sacrifice. “Guys, we survived. Monty made sure of it.”

“Now we get our humanity back.”

Your mother’s words send Raven reeling, though you don’t know why. She turns on her, pissed, and snaps, “Some of us never lost it.”

Then she storms out of the room, leaving Shaw to run out after her. You turn to look at Clarke, confused, and she mutters, “There’s a lot I need to tell you.”

“Then tell me.”

“Not here.” She nods towards the door, motioning for you and Bellamy to follow her. “Someplace more private.”

Clarke takes you and Bellamy to one of the many abandoned staterooms and proceeds to catch the two of you up on everything she learned while in Shallow Valley with the Eligius prisoners and your mother. She finally lets you both know about the Dark Year and the cannibalism in the bunker, which shocks you and Bellamy both. She also tells you about your mother’s addiction to pain pills, and her overdose that nearly killed her, and you realize now that all the times you thought she looked incredibly exhausted were because she was going through withdrawals. When she finishes updating you both, you and Bellamy sit in shock for a few minutes before she leaves to check on Madi, leaving the two of you alone to come to terms with everything you’ve learned.

You and Bellamy sit in the stateroom a while longer talking before you head back to the bridge to read over the files Monty gathered on Eligius III. As you read, you and Bellamy discuss a bare bones plan, one that can be expanded on as you talk to the rest of your friends. Once you have an idea of what to do next, you walk down to the mess hall to meet up with the others. Echo, Murphy, and Emori are already there when you arrive, sitting at a table and drinking algae from bowls that Jordan is passing around. He brings you and Bellamy both a bowl, which you eye warily before setting it down in front of you, not eager to taste it just yet. Bellamy takes a few sips, unbothered by the years of algae he had on the ring, and you watch him with amusement, nose scrunched up in disgust. He feels your gaze on him and he turns to you, trying to hide a smirk. “What?”

You peer into your bowl, staring at the bright green liquid, before looking back to him. “You’re eating that stuff?”

“It’s what we ate for six years on the ring, it’s not that bad. Besides, you should eat, you’ll need your strength.”

You think of the variety of foods you ate in Shallow Valley and sigh, knowing this isn’t and will never be as good as the food from the valley, but you know Bellamy is right and you need your strength. You slide the bowl towards you and lift it, musing, “It’s no harvest of fresh berries, but-”

You never get to finish your sentence, because the table around you erupts in a series of laughs and groans. Murphy tosses his napkin at you and you laugh, looking around at all of them in confusion. “What?”

“We don’t want to hear about everything we missed out on in the valley.”

You cringe a little, not realizing how your comments must have seemed to them. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”

Bellamy puts his bowl down and reaches out to put his hand on your arm. You meet his gaze and see that his eyes are still bright with amusement. “They’re just messing with you, don’t listen to them.”

Murphy adds, “And I thought you were the twin that knew how to joke. Guess six years without someone as witty as me around will make anyone lose their sense of humor.”

You roll your eyes and laugh, tossing his napkin back to him. “Shut up, Murphy.”

He cocks his head to the side, looking at you closely. “Or is your humor missing because of the whole ‘Bellamy’s ex girlfriend is sitting beside you’ thing?”

You and Bellamy both cut your eyes at him, deadpanning at the same time, “Shut up, Murphy.”

The moment is broken when you hear someone else walk in, and your eyes move to the door and land on your mother. She looks more stressed than the last time you saw her a few minutes ago, and you realize she must have gone to see Kane. She takes the bowl that Jordan offers her and goes to sit at the table behind you, alone. You turn to look at her, and Bellamy follows your gaze as he whispers, “You should talk to her.”

“I wouldn’t know what to say.”

“I don’t think that matters. Just being there for her would help.”

“Maybe. But my mother and I have never had a relationship like that before. That’s more of Clarke’s territory.”

He doesn’t answer, unsure what to say, so he reaches out for your hand, threading your fingers together. Clarke walks into the room next, gladly accepting her bowl of algae from Jordan, and her eyes find yours as she starts to cross the room. You smile at her as she stops near your table, asking, “How’s our little sun?”

“Good. Still sleeping.”

“Good.”

Clarke nods and starts to walk away, heading towards your mom, but Bellamy calls out to her, stopping her again. “Hey, did you see Raven or Shaw on your way back?”

Emori quips, “You know, the people you handed over to our enemy to be tortured.”

“Now, for Clarke, we call that a Tuesday.”

You cut your eyes at the couple sitting across from you and snap, “Enough.”

To your surprise, Echo does the same, giving them a scolding look as she lectures, “Easy, she did the right thing in the end.”

You look at her in confusion, not expecting her to speak up in Clarke’s defense, and she meets your gaze, the air between you growing awkward again. Still, you nod your thanks, as Clarke answers Bellamy’s question and ignores the others. “No, I haven’t seen them.”

She continues past your table and joins your mother, and you can hear the two of them quietly talking as soon as she sits down. You feel a soft pang of jealousy, your relationship with your mom never as good as her relationship with Clarke, only made worse by the six years you spent apart from her. At times, it was easy to forget that you, Madi, and Clarke weren’t actually the last three people alive. It was easy to forget there were hundreds of people locked up in a bunker nearly a hundred miles away. You spent so long with so few people, that moments of socialization like this feel foreign to you. You’re sitting at a table of people you know and like, yet they feel like strangers to you. In a lot of ways, they are. The reunions you’ve had since they landed have been tense and stressful, carried out in the middle of a war. There’s been no time to catch up like this, to sit at a table together and just eat and talk. And now that you’re doing it, it feels _weird_. 

Luckily, Jordan ends the weirdness by coming back into the room with a jar of algae, handing it to your mother on a tray. “First culture algae, like Bellamy used on Octavia. The first generation induces coma, and my dad was hoping you could use it to save Kane.”

Your mom takes it, a smile spreading across her face for the first time in a long time. “Thank you.”

She stands from the table, already ready to get back to Kane, turning to tell Clarke, “Take Jackson to the ground, I’ll wake up Niylah to assist me.”

Clarke barely has enough time to nod before your mom rushes out of the room, just in time for Raven and Shaw to come walking in. “What did we miss?”

“Nothing.” Bellamy looks down at their conjoined hands, and the equally large smiles on their faces and muses, “It’s about time.”

You nudge him with your elbow and he turns to smirk at you before standing, motioning for everyone to gather at one table. You and Bellamy stand side by side, facing them, and Clarke comes to stand on your other side, the three of you presenting a united front. You turn to Bellamy, nodding at him to begin. “Okay, everyone, listen up. Here’s what we know: Eligius III was a colonizing mission. According to the file, the mothership went to 5 planets that met necessary conditions for life, dropping mission teams on each one. Monty picked planet Alpha for us because it’s the closest, and probably the most like Earth.”

“Probably?”

Shaw turns to glance back at Murphy, answering his question before anyone else. “We have to assume they couldn’t know for sure until they got here. We can scan the atmosphere from the bridge.”

“Actually, we can’t.” You all turn to look at Jordan, waiting for him to clarify. “None of the equipment we used to monitor Earth is working. I’m guessing it’s interference from the ionosphere.”

You look them all over and clarify, “Bottom line is, we won’t know if it’s survivable until we get down there.”

“Sounds familiar.”

You turn and smile at Clarke, thinking of your first trip to the ground, now so long ago. Raven pulls you from your thoughts when she asks, “What about radio signals? Anything from the ground that says the mission team survived?”

Bellamy shakes his head, “No radio signals.”

“Likely also the ionosphere. There is an ultra high frequency ping on radar, faint but-”

Shaw cuts him off, “A rescue beacon. We used them on Eligius IV to-”

And then Emori cuts him off, sounding excited. “Great. If there’s a beacon, that means someone’s down there, right?”

“Not necessarily. They’re solar, so-” Raven finishes the sentence for Shaw, giving a resolute nod. “So they can last forever. How long ago did Eligius III get here?”

All of you look to Jordan again, knowing he’s the most well versed on the files from his father. “Hard to tell since they never radioed back, but the best estimate is 200 years, give or take.”

“That’s a long time to wait for a rescue.”

Your gaze moves from Murphy to Echo, the only member of the group who has stayed silent the entire time. She just shrugs beneath your gaze, clearly up for anything. “I trust Monty.”

Bellamy looks at you and you nod, so he turns back to the group. “Great, then it’s settled. We land at a distance, give us time to acclimate. We’ll wait for them to come to us.”

Clarke breaks her silence for the first time in a few minutes, looking over at you and Bellamy. “Let’s talk about guns. If we have them, we’ll use them.”

Bellamy tenses beside you, and you’re sure he’s thinking of Monty’s ‘do better’ mantra. You’re also sure he’s running through a million memories of nearly being killed by Grounders as soon as you landed on Earth, because he counters, “We’re taking guns.”

At your sister’s disapproving look, he adds, “We’re also taking non lethals. Eligius IV had gas grenades and shock batons to control the criminals. We won’t shoot first this time.”

“In that case, Clarke should stay here.”

You turn your glare on Raven, angry to hear the quip directed at your twin. You know that Clarke’s betrayal nearly got Raven and Shaw killed, and that they both had to endure torture at the hands of McCreary because of her. And though you feel sympathetic to them both, aware of how sadistic McCreary was, you think all the little quips and comments from Spacekru are becoming a little much. Yes, Clarke messed up and made terrible decisions, ones that hurt everyone, you included, but so have the rest of you at some point or another. Besides, you made a promise to the Universe that you’d do better and stop holding grudges if you got to the ship alive, so that’s what you’re going to do. It seems your version of ‘do better’ is the only one that includes forgiveness for mistakes. 

Still though, you find a small amount of satisfaction watching Raven’s face fall at Bellamy’s response to her quip. “Raven, you’re the one that’s staying here.”

“ _What_? Like hell I am.”

“We can’t take both our pilots, and since we’ll be flying blind until we’re below the ionosphere, it has to be Shaw.” Raven seems to understand his reasoning, but she still looks pissed to be the one left behind. Bellamy adds, “That’s not all. Jordan, you’re staying, too.”

“Me? Why?”

This time you answer, turning your sympathetic gaze towards him. “I know it’s hard, but your parents asked us to keep you safe. We have no idea what’s waiting for us down there.”

Echo muses, “Which is why we should take our best fighters.”

Bellamy immediately turns to look at his former lover, catching onto the real meaning of her statement. “My sister is the last person I trust not to shoot first, so she stays on ice with everyone else until we know what we’re dealing with.”

“And if it’s too late by then?”

Bellamy grows tense, and you watch him take a deep breath before relenting. “Fine. I’ll wake up Miller.”

Echo nods, satisfied with his answer, and you just look between the two of them, still uncomfortable with their interactions. Though, it’s something you’ll have to get used to, because everyone that lived on the ring together seems to stick close to each other, meaning Echo isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Bellamy looks over everyone, waiting for any more questions or comments, but when none come, he nods his head. “Good. Say your goodbyes, head to the transport ship.”

Everyone disperses from the room, prepping for the trip down to the ground. You and Bellamy go to the cubby to get your belongings, including _the Iliad_ , which you stuff into your pack. You also wake Miller up while you’re there, and catch him and Jackson up on everything. Your mom gives you a few medkits, along with pain meds for your leg if you need it, though you’re getting around pretty well despite the gash down the back of your calf. Then you and Bellamy go to the armory and grab weapons. You holster your Grounder knife to your thigh, and you manage to find another holster small enough to fit the skull knife you swiped from the Eligius prisoner after he nearly killed you. You attach the small knife and holster around your left calf, tugging your pants down over it, now secured as a hidden weapon. Bellamy gives you a few gas canisters for your pack, along with a pistol, which you also pack into your bag. Everyone else comes to the armory at some point to arm up, and you and Bellamy pass out weapons until everyone is ready to go. 

With everyone packed up, you head towards the transport ship, preparing to say your last goodbyes before you take another ship down to another planet that might not be survivable. You, Bellamy, and Clarke are the last three to arrive, walking into the hallway just as Jackson and your mom are hugging goodbye. You all wait your turn nearby, and Miller wanders over, eyes locked on Bellamy. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Thanks for taking me, that must have been hard for you.”

Bellamy shakes his head. “Not really. We go back, Miller. I trust you.”

“Even after I threw you both into the pit?”

Bellamy glances over at you, and you give him a small smile, encouraging his forgiveness. He turns back to Miller and nods. “My sister did that, not you. We’re good, okay?”

Miller nods, a small smile on his face, and he waits for Jackson to step away from your mother before he follows him into the transport ship. Once your mom is free, she turns to you and Clarke, both of you stepping forward to say your goodbyes, and Bellamy hangs back and waits for you to finish. As soon as you step up to your mom, you whisper, “I’m sorry we couldn’t be there for you in the bunker. Maybe if we were-”

She seems to sense where your words are heading, because a sad smile crosses her features as she lifts her hand to caress your cheek. “It’s not your fault, la lune.”

She lifts her other hand to Clarke’s cheek and adds, “I wish both of my girls could have been with me, but I’m glad neither of you had to go through what we did in the bunker.”

She glances to the door of the transport, tears welling up in her eyes. “God, I hate sending you both to the ground.”

Clarke answers, “Look, mom, if anything happens to me-”

“It won’t.”

“If it does-”

Your mom nods, instantly understanding. “I’ll take care of Madi.”

She pulls you both towards her, hugging you tight as you prepare to be separated from each other once again. When you pull away, you smile at her. “Go save Kane.”

She looks between you and Clarke, smiling at you both. “Go save us all.”

You nod and start to walk away together, towards the ship where Bellamy stands, still waiting. Your mom watches you both as you get closer to him, and you see his eyes land on her as she calls out to him, “Take care of my girls.”

“Yes ma’am, _always_.”

You smile at him and he motions for you and Clarke to step inside before him, leaving him to be the last one onto the ship. He closes the door behind him and all of you make your way to your seats, strapping yourself in between Clarke and Bellamy, nerves coiling through your body and making you jittery. Once Shaw is sure everyone is secured, he takes off, guiding the ship closer and closer to the planet as Raven calls out to him on the radio. “How are those instruments, Shaw?”

“Instruments are for amateurs.”

She starts to answer but her voice comes through staticky, impossible to hear. You look at Bellamy, growing anxious, and he smiles at you, trying to reassure you. Shaw moves the ship through the atmosphere, the clouds making it impossible for you to see anything out of the windows, the whole ship shaking from the resistance. You reach out for Bellamy, getting more nervous with each passing second, and he grabs your hand, squeezing once to let you know everything’s okay. You close your eyes and work to control your breathing as Shaw calls out, “We’re below the ionosphere and I still don’t have any instruments. There must be something else, hang on.”

“Is there anything I can do?”

“Yeah, pray.” Shaw’s response to Emori does nothing to quell your nerves, and you squeeze Bellamy’s hand hard, keeping your eyes shut tight, not sure you want to see your possible impending death. Your other hand grips the straps that secure you to your seat, and you try to keep your focus on your breathing and not the horrifying shaking that is moving the ship around. But just as you’re sure that you’re all about to die, you hear Shaw call out, “Boys and girls, meet planet Alpha.”

You pull your eyes open, gaze falling onto a set of mountain ranges, covered with lush green foliage. The sun is shining bright, lighting up the landscape, reminding you of the valley. You turn to glance at Clarke, her face a look of awe and sadness, and when she meets your gaze, you know she’s thinking of your destroyed home too. Both of you turn back to the front as Shaw finds a place to land, and once he gets the ship on the ground, all of you unbuckle your seatbelts and stand quickly, eager to get outside and explore the new planet. 

Before you know it, all of you stand at the door to leave, waiting for it to lower and become the ramp that will take all of you outside. You grab both Clarke and Bellamy’s hands, prepared to die with them if the door opens to an unsurvivable planet. As it lowers, Jackson stands behind you, repeating a phrase like a mantra, “Please be breathable. Please be breathable.”

The door hits the ground, and everyone takes a few tentative breaths, looking around at each other in excitement. Jackson announces, “Breathable air, check.”

Emori checks the radiation scanner in her hand, nodding with satisfaction. “Radiation levels are good, too. Eligius III didn’t need to send Nightbloods after all.”

“How about that beacon, Shaw?”

“Eight clicks due East, I think it’s on high ground. There’s a water source about halfway.”

You turn to look at Bellamy, remembering that he sent Octavia out first, allowing her to be the first person on Earth in over 100 years. You smile at him, urging him to do the same thing here. “You should go first this time.”

“No. We go together, all of us.”

You nod, looking over at Clarke, and she nods too. And then all of you step down the ramp tentatively, walking towards the lush green foliage that surrounds your parked transport ship. It looks like you’ve landed in a field of flowers, and trees line the field on either side, reminding you so much of when you landed in the dropship. You feel a pang in your heart, thinking about your first home away from the Ark, missing those first few days of freedom before the fight for survival began. As you near the end of the ramp, Miller asks, “Anyone got anything better than ‘We’re back, bitches’?”

You, Bellamy, Clarke, Miller, and Murphy all laugh, all of you the last few remaining members of the 100 _(101 including Bellamy)_ , with the exception of Octavia, who is still back on the ship. As your laughter dies down, Murphy turns serious, looking around at the beautiful landscape that surrounds you. “Monty would know what to say, he should be here.”

“He is.”

Clarke smiles, remembering his words from his final video. “He already said it: 'Do better there’. So let’s do better.”

All of you nod in agreement, but you see a sour look pass over Shaw’s face as he turns to your twin. “That’s easy to say, but talk is cheap.”

And before any of you can say anything to defend Clarke, he turns and walks off, gaze locked on the device in his hand that is tracking the emergency beacon. Clarke looks after him, her expression one of hurt, and you squeeze her hand, still held within your own. “He’ll come around, they all will.”

She nods, her expression still sad, but you can see her push that away as she fixes a smile to her face and nods after the group. “Come on, we don’t want to fall behind.”

You nod and the three of you drop hands, disconnecting, making it easier to hike after the others. Shaw leads the way and Bellamy brings up the rear, staying behind you to make sure you’re moving okay with your injured leg. Clarke keeps close to you as well, also worried about your injuries, and you know both of them are wondering if they should have left you behind to make sure you don’t make things worse. Which is exactly why you try to keep your limping to a minimum, and you hide any indication that there is a growing throb of pain in your calf, courtesy of all the movement you’ve done. You don’t want to be responsible for slowing the group down, and you don’t want anyone to regret bringing you, because this is a mission you wouldn’t miss for the world. 

After a few hours of walking, the path that you’ve been following through the woods opens up onto a beach, a large lake spread out in front of you, framed by mountains on nearly every side. As you get clear of the trees, the sky opens up too, giving you a better view of the suns in the sky, moving closer and closer to each other. Clarke sees them too, because she comments, “It looks like the suns are eclipsing.”

You look to your left, to the rest of the open sky, gaze falling on a large looking object looming nearby in space, surrounded by a ring of asteroids orbiting it. You think of everything your father has ever told you about planets and space and moons, and you let out a short laugh of disbelief. “Alpha is a moon.”

Bellamy turns to you in confusion as all of you walk closer to the water. “What?”

“We’re on a moon, not a planet.” You point to the large planet in the sky. “That’s a planet, and we’re orbiting it.”

Bellamy’s face splits into a grin, in just as much disbelief as you that you’re walking on a _moon_ , something you never could have imagined in a million years. As you all come to a stop on the shoreline, he calls out, “Looks like we found the water source. We camp here.”

Everyone starts to drop their packs, and you sigh with relief, unsure of how much more hiking you could have handled today. You briefly wonder how Murphy is doing considering the two bullet wounds he’s battling, and he seems to answer your unspoken question by dropping his pack and taking off running towards the water, whooping with excitement. You laugh as he runs into the water, despite Jackson’s protests. “Murphy. Murphy, wait! We haven’t tested it! Your wounds haven’t healed yet!”

Murphy ignores him and dives under the water, and all of you watch him disappear from view, waiting patiently for him to resurface. But a few seconds pass and his head doesn’t pop up again, making everyone start to worry. And then a few seconds becomes a minute, and you can feel the panic level rise as Emori stares out towards the water, scanning it for any sign of Murphy. “John?”

Clarke eyes the unmoving lake with fear. “Something’s wrong.”

Bellamy drops his pack, already moving to yank off his jacket and dive in after Murphy, when Murphy suddenly pops up, laughing as he looks at all of your worried expressions. “Come on in, the water’s fine!”

Emori laughs, “Oh, who knew cockroaches could swim?”

“What, you want me to teach you?”

Murphy comes out of the water, walking towards his girlfriend as she starts to back away, “No, John, no.”

But before she can protest further, he scoops her up and throws her over his shoulder, taking her back towards the water and dunking them both. You turn to Bellamy with a smile as their laughter punctuates the air, a rare moment of happiness blanketing all of you as you watch on. For the first time in years, there is no death, no war, no killing to worry about. There’s just a group of you at the edge of a lake, watching your friends have fun as you explore a moon.

-

All of you set up camp and spend the next few hours relaxing until nightfall. Jackson checks both you and Murphy over, making sure your stitches have survived the long hike. You wince as he inspects your leg, and he doesn’t miss it, though he pretends that he does. You’re thankful for that. 

Once he has given you his stamp of approval, everyone lounges around the fire, relaxing for the first time in a long time. With no war looming over your heads, you’re able to enjoy each other’s presence. Jackson and Miller are on the outer edge of the group, followed by Murphy and Emori, who are lounging side by side against a log. You and Bellamy are beside them, Bellamy leaned back into your arms, watching as you etch a new notch into your Grounder knife with your skull knife, recording the death of the Eligius prisoner that nearly killed you. Clarke sits on your other side, perched on a log, watching you and Bellamy, and Echo and Shaw are across from you, sharing a different log. You can feel Echo’s gaze on you every few minutes, but you avoid looking her way, not wanting to catch her eyes. Shaw ignores all of you, repeatedly calling Raven on the radio every few minutes, reminding you of the countless calls you made to Bellamy after Praimfaya.

You finish with your knives and slide them both back into their holsters, leaning back against your log and getting more comfortable. Bellamy sinks into your embrace, resting his arm over your knee, tracing invisible patterns there. One of your hands lifts to his hair, absentmindedly playing with his curls, while the other rests on his arm, keeping him as close to you as you possibly can. You hear Bellamy sigh a little, and you look down at him, following his gaze to Miller and Jackson, who sit comforting each other, clearly discussing the sins of their past. You watch them for a second too, before looking down at your boyfriend and whispering, “Miller helped keep Octavia alive, someday you’ll thank him for that.”

Bellamy’s gaze lifts from the couple and up to you, clearly unconvinced. “Will I?”

You glance over at your twin, who smiles when you meet her gaze. You smile back, thinking of all the times the two of you have hurt and betrayed each other, and all the times you’ve forgiven each other and grown even closer. And you know that not every set of siblings is the same, but the Blakes operate in a way similar to you and Clarke, all of you more alike than you really realize. And there was once a time when Octavia said she’d never forgive Bellamy for the role she thinks he played in Lincoln’s death, and yet, she forgave him eventually. Octavia’s transformation into Blodreina was shocking to all of you, unable to understand how she got the way she was. But knowing the truth behind the Dark Year helps you to understand Octavia a little more. Though you can’t relate to her, and you think she has done a lot of awful things, she’s not a bad person. Just like the rest of you, terrible things have been done to her, and she’s been forced to choose between the lesser of two evils, but none of that makes her bad. Choosing between death or cannibalism is enough to make anyone lose their minds a little bit. Unfortunately, you don’t think Bellamy sees it quite the same way you do, but you’re sure that eventually he’ll come around. Which is why you glance down at him with a small smile on your face and whisper back, “There’s no starting over without forgiveness, Bellamy.”

“I can’t.”

You nod, dropping the conversation for now, aware that pushing him too hard too fast is never helpful. So you plant the seeds of forgiveness in his mind, and you leave them to grow on their own. Bellamy turns his gaze from you, sinking into your arms again, glancing over at Shaw, who mutters, “One more time, Eligius IV, this is Expedition One. Raven, do you read?”

“Raven’ll get the radio fixed.” Shaw lowers the radio, face setting into a glare, which he turns on your sister, clearly not interested in any of her comfort. She sees the change, and instantly looks remorseful. “I’m sorry I turned you in, Shaw.”

“You really wanna do this now?”

Murphy calls out from your other side, sounding annoyed that his peaceful evening is about to end. “Maybe you two should speak in private.”

“No, I want you all to hear this.”

“Great.”

Clarke looks at you, and you nod, encouraging her to say her piece. “If I could, I’d go back and do things differently, but I can’t. None of us can. For some reason, Monty thought we deserved a second chance.”

“Not for nothing, but this is, like, your fifth chance.”

The insult lands the way Murphy intends it to, and Clarke snaps back, “Yours too, Murphy.”

Murphy smirks, standing up and wiping sand from his pants. “Very good, I got watch.”

As Murphy walks away, Shaw turns to look at Clarke. “You’re right. Your friend Monty gave you a second chance, but now what? Salvation comes from faith and good works, what you do, not what you say. You haven’t done anything yet.”

Clarke says nothing in return. She just nods, accepting his anger, and you’re about to offer her words of comfort when Bellamy’s hand grows still, no longer tracing patterns on your knee. You look down at him in confusion and he mutters, “Hey, listen. You hear that?”

And as you listen, you have the horrifying realization that you hear nothing. Ten minutes ago the trees were alive with the sound of insects, and it reminds you of the silence in the air before Praimfaya, when Jaha was on the hunt for the Second Dawn bunker. You ask, “What happened to all the bugs?”

Answering your question, Jackson calls out, “You guys gotta see this!”

All of you jump to your feet and jog over to him, meeting him halfway across the beach as he holds out a jar with a bug inside. The bug is scratching and clawing at the glass, trying to reach all of you, clearly pissed that he’s locked up. “Five minutes ago, this thing ate a leaf out of my hand. Now, it wants to eat me. Not only that, its entire physiology has changed from-”

Murphy cuts him off when he slaps a bug on his neck, killing it. The bug inside the jar grows more wild, more intense, and Murphy jokes, “Oh, look at that. Your pet’s pissed that I killed its brother.”

You all watch the bug closely, a chill rolling down your spine as you see it tap against the glass trying to escape. But Emori pulls all you of from your thoughts when she looks up at the sky and asks, “What the hell is that?”

You all pause, looking around as the gradual whine and buzz of bugs grows louder, and when you look towards the trees along the beach, you can see hundreds of bugs flying out over the water. Clarke whispers in horror, “Swarm.”

Echo looks at the bugs in a panic, turning to glance at the rest of you as she says, “It’s coming from the direction of the ship, we’ll never make it back.”

Bellamy’s demeanor changes quickly, catching onto your impending danger before anyone else does. “Everyone cover up, we’re heading to the beacon now!”

All of you run back to your belongings, digging through your bags to pull out scarves and jackets, pulling them tight over your body and around your face. Just as you cover up and get your bag pulled on, the swarm bursts through the trees, heading straight for all of you. Bellamy yells, “Move, move now! Cover your faces!”

You all take off running down the beach, Shaw in the lead, the tracking device in his hand. The bugs zip and bite at your skin, all of you yelping out in pain and panic as they make contact with you. As you’re tearing through the woods, you hear Emori call out for help, and Murphy stops in front of you, turning and looking in a panic. “Emori!”

“Help!”

You stop beside Murphy, looking around, trying to find the direction of Emori’s voice over the sound of the swarming bugs, swatting them away from you as they bite and sting your still bodies. Somebody runs up to you and turns, yelling, “Take the flare out of my bag!”

Once you hear his voice, you realize it’s Miller, and you reach into his bag and grab a flare, instantly lighting it and holding it up. The bugs fly away from you, Murphy, and Miller, the three of you standing together, and you hear the others turn and run back your way. Bellamy stops at your side, his brows the only thing you can see through his face cover. They’re pulled together with worry, clearly freaked out that the two of you were temporarily separated, but as he sees the flare keep the bugs at bay, he calls out to the others, “They hate the fire! The flares, light them all!”

Two more flares are pulled from packs and lit, and you hear Emori call out for Murphy once again. He takes off running toward the sound of her voice, and you follow him, keeping the flare held high so neither of you will get attacked. You hear the other two flares burning nearby, following you as you reach Emori, who is laying on the ground and shielding her face. Jackson and Murphy pull her to her feet, and you turn to look at the other flare holders, calling out to them. “Stay together, flares at 3 corners!”

They nod, Shaw taking the lead with his flare, as you and Echo take the back corners, gathering the others inside of your safe zone. All of you run through the woods in a tight knit group, following Shaw as he calls out, “Here, it’s here!”

He breaks free from the trees and into an open space, and before any of you realize what’s happening, Shaw lets out a sudden scream of pain. Your eyes land on him, surrounded by smoke, light, and electricity, all circling his body. He falls to the ground, yelling in pain, clearly stuck in something. Searching for a source, your eyes follow one of the bolts of electricity up to a tower. Beside that tower is another, then another, towers spaced out every few feet, forming some sort of invisible barrier, which Shaw is now caught in. Jackson yells to the man, who is still screaming in pain, “Shaw, get out of there!”

“It’s killing him! Get him out!”

You look to the towers again, eyes falling on a large danger sign, bright yellow with a large message printed on it. WARNING: RADIATION. You turn to look at the others, yanking your face covering down as your eyes find Bellamy’s. “It’s radiation, it won’t affect me!”

You see his expression morph into one of panic, but you take off running before he can stop you, ignoring his scared voice following you to Shaw, “No! Get back, natshana!”

You cross right through the barrier, your body feeling nothing as you hook your arms beneath Shaw’s, yelling to be heard over his screams of pain, “Hang on, Shaw! I got you!”

You drag him into the field on the other side of the barrier, his cries of pain stopping as soon as the electricity stops connecting to his body. You drop down at his side, getting a look at him from the light from one of the flares, his skin covered in lesions, red and angry, reminding you of Clarke after Praimfaya. You hear the shield crackle briefly as Clarke runs through, following your path, dropping down on Shaw’s other side and looking at him in alarm. The two of you share a worried look, knowing that much radiation was barely survivable with Clarke’s Nightblood, but your thoughts are interrupted by Bellamy calling out, “We’re running out of time here!”

Shaw looks at you, reaching out to grab your hand, “The tower.”

You look down at him, nodding. “I see it.”

“Eligius tech, the failsafe code. 47815.”

You look to Clarke, and she nods, immediately taking off running towards the tower. You tug off your pack, yanking it open and digging around until you find your medkit, hand closing around it as Clarke yells to the others, “It’s down! Run now!”

The others run inside the barrier, and you hear it go back up a second later as Clarke retypes the code, killing all the bugs as they hit the shield. You search through your medkit until you find morphine, enough to take away Shaw’s pain as he dies from the radiation. You fight the wave of emotion that threatens you, trying to stay calm for both Shaw and the others as you pull the painkiller out of your bag, reaching out for his hand so you can inject it into one of his veins. But his hand closes over yours, and you look to Shaw in shock as he gasps out, “No, don’t waste it.”

You open your mouth to protest, but he looks away from you and over to Clarke, who has just dropped down to his other side. “Earn this.” 

She nods, and you meet her eyes, both of you aware that these are likely his final words. Shaw turns back to you, squeezing your hand to get your attention, and you move your gaze back down to his, meeting his eyes. “Tell Raven she deserves happiness. She doesn’t think she does, but…she does.”

You nod, fighting back your tears as you remember Shaw’s kindness to you when the prisoners took you hostage. The only person who advocated for you, tried to keep you safe, stitched you up after you were shot. You whisper, “I will, I’ll tell her.”

And as soon as he has your confirmation that you’ll pass on his dying wish, he takes one last shaky breath, and then he goes completely still. You drop your head, trying to hide your tears, thankful when the last of the flares dies out, plunging all of you into darkness. You feel someone kneel down beside you, wrapping strong arms around you, and you know it’s Bellamy before he tugs you closer to him, tucking your crying face into his chest. You allow yourself to shed a few tears for the man you barely knew, before you dry your eyes, and look to Bellamy. “We should bury him.”

He nods, pulling a shovel from his bag, and Miller grabs one from his own, the two men digging a grave for the Eligius pilot. It takes a while to dig a hole big enough, the shovels small, only digging up small patches of dirt at a time, and dawn starts to settle in before you get him buried. As the boys work, you and Clarke make a cross out of a thick branch, remembering his story about being an altar boy in his life before Eligius, meaning he was probably still religious. You use your knife to carve his name into the wood, and once he’s buried beneath the dirt, Bellamy helps you drive the cross into the ground, marking his grave. 

Bellamy says the Traveler’s Blessing, honoring Shaw one last time before you all continue your own final journey on the ground. “In peace, may you leave this shore. In love, may you find the next. Safe passage on your travels, until our final journey to the ground. May we meet again.”

You all whisper, “May we meet again.”

You sit around the grave in silence for a few seconds longer before you start to walk away, following Bellamy and the tracker to the path that is etched out in the field around you. You all follow it in silence, you, Bellamy, and Clarke in the lead, and eventually the field gives way to an incline, the path now winding up a mountainside. As you near the top, Emori finally breaks the group’s silence. “What kind of people have a radiation fence?” 

Clarke counters, “The kind of people that want to keep something out.”

Bellamy ignores them both and announces to the others, “Beacon should be right up ahead.”

Clarke shifts closer to you, voice dropping slightly. “What are we gonna tell Raven?”

“That he died a hero.” Clarke nods, accepting your answer. Murphy, however, does not. “Look, I do hate to make this about us, but-”

Clarke cuts him off, “Then don’t. Shaw just saved your life, Murphy.”

“I’m aware. I’m also aware that we just lost our pilot. Madi’s still up there, you’re not worried you’re never gonna see her again?”

Clarke spins, turning to shove Murphy, and you and Miller reach out for her, grabbing her to hold her back. Miller glares at Murphy and mutters, “Ignore him.”

Everyone stops to watch the scene unfolding around you, and Murphy turns to Miller, a smirk on his face. You sigh, knowing shit is about to hit the fan. “Your Red Queen is still up there too, Miller. Who you gonna follow now?”

Miller grabs the front of Murphy’s jacket, and you’re about to step in and break up their fight when Bellamy calls out, “Hey! Miller! As therapeutic it is to beat up on Murphy, Emori can fly.”

“Sure. Yeah. I’ve had one successful landing in a ship I trained in for 6 years.” Emori smiles sarcastically, clearly not confident in taking over the pilot duties. “No problem.”

Echo, who has stayed silent the entire time, calls out to the rest of you, “Guys, stairs.”

You spin around, following her pointed finger, and all of you start moving again, excited at what you’ll find at the top. “Easy. We approach slow, no hostile movements.”

Everyone keeps their guns held low, trying to appear as docile as possible, and as you climb up the stairs it brings you to the edge of a large village. There are houses everywhere, a small pond in the center, and in the back, behind it all, is a large palace, looming high in the sky. You all look at it in shock, taking in the bright colors of the village, and Murphy whispers in awe, “They have a castle.”

You walk slowly into the village, looking for any sign of civilization, surprised to see it still and unmoving. You all spread out, knocking on the doors of the homes in search of people, and you aren’t apart for long before Emori turns towards you, Clarke, and Bellamy, calling out to you, “Hey!”

You all walk over to her, looking up at the small flag she’s pointing to. It’s purple in color, with two suns shining at the bottom of the flag. Within the bottom sun is the infinity logo, and Emori eyes it warily. “Alie?”

You feel a rush of fear until you remember the infinity symbol was part of Becca’s corporate logo. The very same Becca who created the Eligius tech. You shake your head at Emori, reassuring her, “Becca did the tech for Eligius.”

Bellamy deadpans, “Right. Destroy the world, and 200 years later they put you on a flag.”

You look over at him, not used to hearing the cynical tone from him. He gives you and Clarke half a smirk. “See? Hope for us yet.”

You roll your eyes, watching as he turns away and walks over to Murphy, who stands pounding on a door. “Hello? Invaders from Earth. Can we come in?”

“John, keep it down.”

“I don’t know why we’re knocking. We’ve gone door to door, and no one’s here.”

“We don’t know that yet.”

Bellamy glares towards Murphy, watching him walk from one door to the next one. “These are people’s homes, we’re not breaking in like thieves.”

“Bellamy’s right. If we want to do better here, we can’t just-”

Murphy cuts you off by swiftly kicking the next door open, the double doors flying wide and bouncing against the wall on the inside. You all turn to look at him, incredulous, and he smirks back at you, unbothered. “Well, look at that. This one’s unlocked.”

You and Bellamy share a look before you follow Murphy into the open room. Clarke steps in behind you, all of you walking over to a small, miniature altar. Hanging above it is the same flag from before, along with a picture of a smiling family. Below that is a collection of bowls, filled with various objects. You muse, “It’s some kind of shrine.”

Clarke kneels down and lifts one of the bowls, turning it towards you and Bellamy. “Blood.”

A shiver rolls down your spine, not liking the idea of blood sacrifices. Bellamy peers at the photo, getting a closer look, before he looks over at you and your twin. “Eligius III, all named Lightbourne.”

Your brows pull together, turning to look at Clarke. “They sent families?”

She nods, assuming that’s the case, and you wonder what it would have been like to leave your home planet and journey to a new one. You guess, in a way, that’s what all of you are doing now. Though, Eligius III probably chose their space exploration. All of you were forced into it. Bellamy gazes at the picture again. “Nice to be remembered.”

Clarke counters, “Or worshipped.”

You step back from the shrine, not wanting to spend anymore time in the room, an eerie feeling washing over you. “Come on, we shouldn’t be here.”

Bellamy and Clarke nod, both of them following you towards the door. As you near the exit, Murphy holds up a small device. “Hey, you want a music player?”

Bellamy cuts his eyes to the troublesome cockroach, taking the music player from his hands and returning it to the table near the door. “Behave, Murphy.”

All of you walk out of the shrine, closing the doors behind you, before Bellamy calls out to the whole group, “Split up, look for any signs someone was here.”

Everyone does as they’re told, breaking off into small groups, and you, Clarke, and Bellamy all travel together to the other side of the pond, investigating some of the buildings on the outer edge of the village. When you find nothing, Bellamy wanders over to a swing set, motioning for you to sit in the swing that hangs in front of him, and you pull off your pack and smile at him before settling into the seat. He pushes you, soft at first, your body moving back and forth slowly, until he starts to push harder, your body now swinging through the air. You close your eyes and let out a laugh, amazed at the rush of wind over your skin, making you feel like you’re flying. When you open your eyes again, Bellamy now stands in front of you where you can see him, his gaze locked on you, his smile wide and full of adoration. You smile back at him, both of you watching each other as you slowly lose speed, finally coming to a stop again. Bellamy plops into the swing beside you, and you reach out for him, both of you holding hands as you sit side by side. Your moment of serenity, however, is ruined by the sound of someone loudly singing. You and Bellamy both turn your gazes towards the source of the sound, finding Murphy standing at the top of the castle stairs, singing loudly to all of you. You look over at your boyfriend, both of you laughing as soon as you lock eyes, turning to look back at the personal concert Murphy is giving all of you.

You watch him for a few minutes, and Bellamy eventually reaches into his pocket and pulls out the radio that Shaw was carrying, deciding to test the reception from your new location. “Raven, come in. You read me?”

As expected, the radio is silent, and Bellamy sighs before putting it back into his pocket. You look around at the village, an eerie realization washing over you. “This place is too well maintained to be abandoned. Any guesses where all the people went?”

“If they’re gone, then there’s enough room here for everybody on the ship.”

You nod, turning to look around for Clarke, wanting to ask her opinion. But when you look around, your twin is gone, no longer lingering nearby. The building behind you, however, has a door swung wide open, and you turn to Bellamy. “Let’s go find Clarke.”

He nods, and you drop his hand as the two of you stand from the swings, wandering over to the open door of the building, relieved to find Clarke standing inside, a children’s book in her hand. You call out to her, “Hey.”

She looks up in surprise, not hearing either of you walk in, a smile spreading across her face. “Hey.”

You and Bellamy walk closer to her, and you realize now that the building is a small school. There are toys and books everywhere, along with easels, abandoned with art still hanging from them. Clarke closes the book in her hand and looks around at the room. “I wish Madi could have gone to school.”

Bellamy whispers, “I wish Octavia could have.”

You add, “I wish I could have.”

They both look at you, realizing that despite the fact you learned nearly everything Clarke did, you never actually got the experience of going to school like they did. You got close to going on a field trip once, until you opened your mouth and ruined the trick you and Clarke played on your mom. 

Clarke hands you the book in her hand, her eyes gazing at the radio sticking out of Bellamy’s pocket as she does. She turns her gaze to him as you peer down at the book. “Still no luck on the radio?”

“No.”

“Trust me, I know the feeling.” You don’t even realize the words have left your mouth until they do. You freeze up, then try to relax, aware that Bellamy won’t understand what that means, and that your secret is still safe. Bellamy surprises you by whispering, “I’m sorry I couldn’t respond all those years.”

You freeze again, your eyes going wide in alarm as you turn to look at him, worried about his reaction. He sees the panic on your face, along with the confusion of how he knows when you never told him, and he clarifies, “Madi told me.”

You sigh, “Of course she did.”

You see Clarke shift awkwardly beside you, and she reaches out to squeeze your hand as she mutters, “I’ll be outside if you need me.”

You nod, barely looking her way, your eyes still locked on Bellamy. When you hear the door of the school close behind Clarke, you look up at his soft expression, no sign of weirdness in his gaze. “I know it sounds crazy, but talking to you every day, even though you didn’t answer, it kept me sane. It made me feel like you were still with me.”

“It’s not crazy.” He reaches out and grabs your free hand, the one not holding the book, and he threads your fingers together. “I’m _so sorry_ I left you behind. I regretted it everyday for six years, and I still regret it now. I wish I could have been with you, or at the very least, I wish I could have answered your radio calls while we were separated. I hate that I left you on earth alone.”

“I don’t want you to regret leaving me behind, Bellamy. You did exactly what I wanted you to do and made a decision that was right for everyone. It was hard to be separated from you for so long, but I had Madi and Clarke, so I wasn’t completely alone.” You smile at him, trying to make a joke out of the situation. “Besides, most of the radio calls weren’t that interesting, just little updates about what we did that day, how I was feeling, stuff like that. Largely uneventful.”

He smiles back at you. “Still, I wish I could have heard them.”

He pulls you in for a kiss, long and slow, and you melt into his arms. The two of you have six years worth of lost kisses to make up for, and you’re more than happy to start now. Bellamy must be too, because he backs you up a little, until your butt hits the table behind you. He surprises you by pulling back and swiping the art supplies away, knocking them onto the floor, and you look up at him in shock. He meets your gaze, looking sheepish, before whispering, “Oops.”

You laugh and he pulls you in for a kiss again, tasting your laughter, smiling against your lips. His hands reach beneath your thighs, lifting you and sliding you back onto the table. Your hands go up, around his neck, and you lose your grip on the book that’s been in your hand the entire time. It hits the floor, the spine loudly smacking on the ground, and you pull away and repeat Bellamy’s earlier words. “Oops.” 

He bends down to pick it up, his eyes falling on the title, and you watch the amusement on his face turn into one of curiosity. He holds the book up and reads the title out to you, “Red sun rising?”

He flips the book open to the first page, and the two of you read the words together, something about it seeming a little more familiar than you’d like it to. You exchange a look and without a word you hop off the table, both of you heading outside. Your eyes fall on Clarke, who is standing nearby, listening to Murphy sing. “Clarke!”

She turns and looks at you and Bellamy as you approach, and when you stop by her side, Bellamy holds out the book. “Clarke, did you read this?”

“No.”

She looks between the two of you in confusion, and Bellamy flips open the book to the first page, beginning to read. “Trees and plants give us shade. We eat them every day.”

He turns the page, passing it to her as he reads, “When the stars align, and the forest wakes, it’s time to run away.” 

Clarke stares at the picture of the large red sun, her eyes lifting to the eclipsing suns in the sky, looking almost identical to the picture on the page. She flips through the next few pages, reading the words quickly before she looks over at you and Bellamy, horrified. “It’s not a nursery rhyme, it’s a _warning_.”

Before either of you can answer, Murphy stops his singing to yell out, “No! No!”

You all turn towards the palace, looking at him in confusion, finding that his gaze is firmly locked on the sky. When you follow it, you realize why. Your transport ship is lifting from the ground, before it turns and flies off quickly, leaving all of you abandoned here, without another way back up to the sky. But then the chaos isn’t finished there, because you hear a bloodthirsty cry break through all of your thoughts, and when you look back to Murphy, you see Emori leaping at him, a knife in her hand. Before you’ve even processed the image, she stabs him in the shoulder, and he falls to the ground with a cry of pain. 

You, Bellamy, and Clarke take off running towards them, though you’re the farthest from the couple, and the wound on your calf aches from the strain you’re putting on it now. Miller and Jackson are lounging nearby on the stairs, along with Echo, and Clarke yells, “Miller, stop her!”

Miller and Echo reach Emori first and avoid the knife she’s swinging, both of them managing to grab her and pull her off of her boyfriend. The three of you finally reach them, dropping down to Murphy’s side, next to Jackson as he looks him over. Emori fights against Echo and Miller, screaming out, “He’ll do it to you too! He’ll do it to you too!”

All of you look at her in confusion, not understanding what she means, as Bellamy helps Jackson put pressure on the knife wound on Murphy’s shoulder. You look over at your twin, scared, unsure what to do, and her gaze is on the book in her hands. She seems to read the words again, taking them in, before she looks up to the sky, staring at the eclipsing sun. You watch her face morph into one of horror before she looks to you, looking just as scared and unsure. And then she says the words none of you are ready to hear: “It’s in the air.”

-


	73. lxxiii. red sun rising (6.02)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: language, angst, Shumway is a dick, sadness, violence, fighting, red sun toxin madness, anxiety, language, allusions to past suicidal thoughts.
> 
> Summary: the eclipse on Sanctum affects each of you one by one, bringing out some of your worst nightmares.

With Clarke’s realization that you are all at risk for exposure, you get inside the closest building to regroup and patch Murphy up. Jackson hits Emori with a tranquilizer stick, strong enough to knock her out for a few hours and protect herself, and all of you, from her eclipse reaction. When you get inside the building, Bellamy helps Murphy over to a bed and Jackson starts to patch him up, while Echo and Miller take Emori to the other bed in the room. There on the wall beside it, you see a thick leather restraint attached to a chain, and you hold it up, showing it to Bellamy. “I guess now we know what the restraints are for.”

He nods, and motions for you to lock her up. You comply, tucking the key into your pocket once you’re finished, and Echo looks down at her knocked out friend. “How long will she be out?”

“The sedative in the tranq stick should last up to 3 hours.”

Miller changes the subject, reminding all of you that you are now stranded on a moon without a ship. “What about the mothership? They’re gonna think it’s us, how do we warn them?”

“We don’t.” Bellamy motions to the radio now clipped to his side. “Radios don’t work down here. For now, we worry about ourselves.”

He crosses the room over to Murphy, and you all follow him, gathering by his bedside as Jackson finishes up with the bandages. “Murphy, are you okay?”

Jackson answers for him, “His wounds are superficial, he’s lucky.”

“I’m lucky?” Murphy scoffs, voice rising in anger. “Sorry, is that your professional diagnosis? Because if so, you suck at being a doctor.”

You give him a disappointed look, letting him know he’s gone too far. “Murphy-”

But he cuts you off, not interested in what you have to say. “What? I’m dying to know what he thinks turned my girlfriend into the monster that just attacked me.”

Clarke, who has been silent for the last few minutes, steps forward, the book in her hand. “It’s all right here. ‘For two days, heaven is hell, and friends become foes.’ Whatever is in the air, it affects people too.”

“Why are the rest of us okay?”

You all turn to look at her, but she shakes her head, unsure. “I don’t know, but according to this, it comes from the plants.”

“It’s a children’s book.”

“Yeah, but it’s coming true.” You back your twin up, aware that this is no coincidence. And then you remember the night before, when the bugs were swarming all of you and Emori got separated from the rest of the group. “When we were running from the bugs, Emori went down in the brush. It’s probably why she lost it first.”

Echo deadpans, “First.”

It’s not a question, more of a horrifying statement, but Bellamy answers like it is. “We’re all breathing it in.”

“If it’s the air out there, then we’ll stay in here. We’re gonna ride it out.”

Murphy looks over at Miller, who is busy stuffing his jacket beneath the door, trying to prevent any more air from seeping in. “That’s a great plan, Miller. What happens when we’re trapped in here and the rest of us lose our minds?”

“Murphy’s right.” You all look to Bellamy, who clearly has a plan. “There’s more restraints in the school. I’m guessing they’re everywhere, so we need to separate.”

“I’ll stay with Emori.” You all nod at Echo, who walks over to the other restraint in the room and locks herself up, before tossing you the key. Jackson leaves her a tranq stick, in case she needs it, and the rest of you file out of the room and to the set of stairs that leads to the top of the building, above Echo and Emori. As you walk up them and step into the room, you find an apartment with two restraints inside. There you lock up both Jackson and Miller, leaving a tranq stick with each of them, before you, Murphy, Clarke, and Bellamy all head back downstairs. You pass Bellamy the keys in your pocket, which he stores alongside Jackson’s and Miller’s keys, and then he turns to Murphy, who stands near the door, gun in hand. “No one’s armed, now it’s our turn. Gun.”

Murphy reluctantly passes his gun to Bellamy, who creates a pile of weapons near the door, away from all of your restraints. Murphy and Clarke chain themselves across the room from each other, and you and Bellamy take the two restraints that are near each other, wanting to stay close. You toss everyone the tranq sticks that Jackson gave you, realizing as you do that you’re one short. You don’t say anything, hoping that you’ll be okay without it. Bellamy turns to Murphy once he sees that he’s locked up. “Toss me your key.”

Murphy does as he’s told, though you can tell he’s unhappy about it. You lock up your own wrist, and you turn to Clarke, who tosses you her key, and then you toss both keys to Bellamy. Murphy catches this whole interaction, face pulling into a scowl. “Why do you get to keep everyone’s keys?”

Bellamy locks up his own wrist, and you turn to look at Murphy. “Relax, I’m taking his key.”

Bellamy sends his key over to you, and you catch it easily, tucking it into your pocket. Bellamy looks at Murphy, voice dripping with sarcasm. “Satisfied?”

“I guess so, as long as the people who live here don’t come home after they kill everybody on the mothership.”

You glance at Clarke, watching her face drop at the thought of Madi being killed. You feel a rush of anxiety when you realize your mother is up there too, with Kane, Raven, and the rest of your people. Bellamy catches your worry and Clarke’s, and he deadpans, “Nice one, Murphy.”

“God, I hate being tied up.” Murphy locks his gaze on your twin, “Yet somehow whenever I’m with you, sooner or later, we wind up here, don’t we? I mean, first, you hanged me.”

Bellamy counters, “Well, in fairness, I did that.”

“Only after she forced your hand, and who could forget Lexa? Yeah, I was tied up that night, too. Just a disposable pawn in your game.”

You see Clarke’s expression drop even further, and you snap, “Murphy, enough.”

She whispers, “That’s not fair.”

“Neither was tying up me and Emori in Becca’s lab, but she was disposable too, right? I know you remember that one, Clarke, because you drew a little picture of it in your memory book.” You and Clarke exchange a look, both of you unaware that he’s seen her pictures. Pictures that were drawn to illustrate your entire history, the good and the bad, in the hopes that passing those memories to Madi would make her better than all of you. “Let me ask you a question. Did you draw a picture of Bellamy and your twin in the fighting pit too?”

Bellamy sees the hurt expression pass on both yours and Clarke’s faces, and he speaks up in defense of you both. “Don’t make me gag you too.”

Murphy says nothing for a wonderfully short minute, until you all hear him suck in air through his teeth, shifting uncomfortably from the pain in his shoulder. Clarke, sympathetic to his pain despite the verbal assault he’s launched on her, glances his way. “Jackson can take another look at that wound in the morning.”

“Oh, it’s not from the knife. It’s from the bullet wounds that I took from saving your twin and Bellamy from those armed psychopaths you put back in the battlefield.”

You’re about to tell Bellamy to give you your key so you can get up to gag Murphy, but Clarke snaps, finally having had enough. “What the hell do you want from me, Murphy? I’m sorry, okay? For all of it. I never meant for you to get hurt, but no matter what I do, someone always does. Is that what you want to hear, that I’m the _bad guy_? Fine, I’ll be the bad guy. When I’m in charge, people die. Isn’t that what you said?”

She turns her gaze to Bellamy, reminding him of his words to her after she snuck into Arkadia, trying to make things right after Pike ruined everything. When she sees his face fall slightly, she turns back to Murphy. “Satisfied?”

“It’s a start.”

You are all granted ten very short, very tense seconds of silence before a muffled cry of panic floats over to all of you from the floor above Echo and Emori. You all stand in place, shifting slightly, listening to one of your own as they scream. “It’s Miller.”

Bellamy yells, “Miller, what’s wrong?”

All you hear is more of Miller’s screaming, and you call out, “Jackson?”

Again, you hear nothing more than another cry of panic, and Bellamy turns to you, just as worried. “I gotta get up there now, hand me my key now.”

“Me and Clarke are going with you.”

He nods, pulling both of your keys out and you grab his. At the same time, you toss the keys, both of you catching them, and you turn and throw Clarke hers, all of you freeing yourselves at the same time. As you start to run off, Bellamy yells out to the couple, “We’re coming!” 

Murphy calls after your retreating figures, “Hey! What about me?”

But all of you ignore him, continuing out the door and to the next building over, running up the stairs quickly to Jackson and Miller. Echo must hear all of you, because she calls out, “Bellamy, what are you doing?”

“Echo, it’s okay. We’ve got this!” And then Bellamy pounds on the door, calling out, “Jackson, open the door!”

It takes a few seconds of you all anxiously waiting, all the while Miller is yelling from the inside, but finally Jackson pushes the door open, looking at all of you as you step inside. “The bugs, they’re inside him!”

You and Clarke turn to Miller, struggling to see anything as Miller writhes and moves, not keeping still. “Do you see them?”

“Miller, stop so we can help you!”

Jackson yells at your backs, “Miller and I were just talking about the terrarium and how I think the bugs are an early warning system like canaries in a coalmine. Nate opened it, and they must have gotten out.”

Bellamy turns to him, sounding unconvinced. “They’re dead everywhere else.” 

“Just unhook me so I can examine him.”

You and Clarke keep trying to look Miller over, both of you exchanging a look, seeing nothing. All the while, Miller yells, “Cut me! Gotta cut it out! I can feel it in my arms! Got to cut it out, doc!”

Jackson suddenly appears at his boyfriend’s side, trying to soothe him. “Nate, I’m here. I’m here.”

“Hurry! They’re crawling up my arm! Hurry, before they get to my torso! I can’t die like Obika!”

Jackson jogs away, looking for something, and you look between Clarke and Bellamy, suspicion rising as you take in the scene in front of you. “I don’t think this is real.”

As if proving your point, Jackson returns, a large butcher knife in his hand. You all look at him in horror, and Bellamy tries to grab him, “Jackson, no. What are you-”

“I see it!” Jackson cuts him off, pinning Miller’s arm to the wall before he plunges the knife into it. The three of you immediately react. You and Bellamy grab Jackson and pull him away, and Clarke puts her hands onto Miller’s wound, slowing the blood that is already rushing to the surface. Jackson and Miller fight all of you, and you yell out to Clarke and Bellamy, “Tranq them! Tranq them both!”

You hold Jackson in place as Bellamy pulls out his tranq stick, plunging it into the doctor’s neck, and he goes limp in your arms seconds later. Clarke uses hers on Miller, and suddenly everything goes quiet again, both men temporarily knocked out. You release Jackson, sagging with exhaustion, your energy levels still low from your injuries, your calf throbbing with the exertion you’ve put on it in the last 24 hours. You look between your twin and your boyfriend in disbelief, gasping out, “You want to tell me how two people can have the same hallucination?”

Both of them look back at you in confusion, just as unsure as you are, and you quickly patch up Miller before you run back down into the school. As soon as you get there, you make a horrifying discovery, the room now empty. “Murphy’s gone.”

“So are the guns.”

Bellamy yells, “Son of a bitch!”

You look over at him, a little shocked by his explosive anger, but you don’t have time to question it, because he turns to you and holds out his hand. “Give me your tranq stick.”

“I don’t have one.”

His face pulls into a disbelieving glare, “What? Jackson gave all of us tranq sticks, and we need yours for Murphy.”

“We were short one. I gave all of you what I had, and just hoped I’d be okay without it.”

“Damn it!” You look at Bellamy in shock, your voice soft and soothing. “Bellamy, it’s okay. We can just ask Echo for hers.”

He turns and runs out of the room quickly, and you and your twin exchange a look before you follow him out of the school and into the village. Bellamy makes a beeline for the room that Echo and Emori are locked in, and he knocks before calling out, “Echo, open up. It’s me.”

“Bellamy?”

“Echo, open up.” 

Emori, now awake, yells out, “Don’t you open that door! He’ll kill us all!”

“Echo, let me in.”

Echo’s voice is soft and confused when she calls back, “Bellamy, what are you doing here? You’re supposed to be inside.”

“Murphy’s loose, he’s taken the guns. I think he may come for Emori.”

You sense a shift in the air, and the hair on the back of your arms and neck lifts, warning you. You turn to look at Clarke, and you can see that she senses it too, because she looks towards Bellamy with worry. “Echo’s right. We should go back inside, he can’t shoot us there.”

Bellamy turns to look at the two of you and practically explodes, “No! You need to go back to the school and see if he left any weapons!”

You look at Bellamy in horror, watching him turn away from you and Clarke before pounding on the door in anger, “And you need to open this damn door!”

“Tell me why. What’s happening?”

“We used our tranqs on Miller and Jackson, and we don’t have any left. I need yours for Murphy.”

“Are Miller and Jackson okay? We heard screams.”

“Yeah, they’re fine. Just let me in!”

He pounds on the door again, his anger rising, making you more worried with each passing second. The reality of what’s happening starts to set in, and you know that Bellamy is becoming unstable, clearly starting to be affected by the eclipse. You take a risk and call out to Echo, “Echo, don’t do it!”

Bellamy turns and glares at you, and for a terrifying second, you think he’s about to stalk over to you, but he doesn’t. He turns his anger back to the door, pounding on it repeatedly as he calls out to Echo. You can hear Echo and Emori bickering inside, though you can’t make out what they’re saying over Bellamy’s yelling. “What are you waiting for, Echo? Echo, now!”

Clarke yells, “Echo, don’t listen to him! He’s losing it too!”

“Open the door!”

Echo is silent for a minute before her voice floats through the door, sad and dejected. “Bellamy, I’m sorry. I can’t.”

A second later, you hear her body hit the floor, the room now silent. You and Clarke exchange a worried look, and you step closer to Bellamy slowly, your voice soft and pleading. “Bellamy, it’s okay. The toxin is affecting you. Come with me back to the school, so we can-”

Your mouth snaps shut when he turns to you, the angriest, most hateful expression on his face that you’ve ever seen. You know it’s not real, that it’s not his fault, but it breaks your heart to see him look at you that way. You feel Clarke grab your hand, and tug you closer to her, sensing your turmoil as Bellamy starts to snap at you. “Maybe you’ve forgotten, but I spent six years without you, and I was just fine. I don’t need you or your bossy twin telling me what to do anymore!”

The sentence hits you like a slap to the face, your body freezing up as you try to comprehend his anger that is now aimed at you. He’s in your face now, and you and Clarke both start to back up, sensing the danger you’re in, suddenly scared of Bellamy for the first time in your life. His words bounce around in your head on repeat, cutting into your heart and breaking you open, and you fight hard to hold back the tears that threaten to fall. Luckily for you, you don’t have to fight for long, because bullets begin to rain down on you, Bellamy, and Clarke. All three of you split apart, taking off running in different directions, trying to get away from the path of Murphy and his guns. You can hear Bellamy yelling out for Murphy, and you’re careful to run away from both your boyfriend’s voice and the sound of the bullets, not ready to confront either of them right now. 

You run back towards the school, hoping the others aren’t going that way too, aware that everything you might need is in your pack by the swing set. You crouch low inside the building, peeking out the door to your pack, across the way and in a wide open area. _No cover._ You take a deep breath and bolt towards it, limping slightly from the pain in your calf as it flares up, too much strain already put on it for today. You ignore it and push past the pain, bending down to scoop up your bag before you take off running again, darting inside a small building near the back of the village. You move through the building until you’re in the back, away from any windows or doors, and then you pull open your pack, peering down at the contents inside. 

You almost smile with relief when you see the gas canisters, and you reach inside and pull them out, knowing they’ll come in handy. You peek into the bag again, grabbing the medkit to see if there are any tranq sticks inside, and as you unzip the bag, a voice behind you sends a shiver down your spine. _“Ai natshana.”_

 _My moon._ You spin around, grabbing your knife from your holster, looking for Bellamy. Your hand grips the handle tight, shaking, but there is no one in the room with you, just you and your anxious thoughts. You shake your head, a rush of panic running through you that you’re next, when another voice calls your name, soft and loving. You turn around, tears in your eyes, calling out to him. “Dad?”

Still, you find nothing, your dad not in the room with you. You’re about to turn back to your pack when you hear his voice again, sounding full of static and crackly. You look around, eyes falling on an old tv in the corner of the room, the screen lit up with your dad’s picture, standing in the middle of your living room on the Ark. You run over to the tv, dropping to your knees in front of it as your dad smiles at you, whispering your name. You look at him through watery eyes, your hand lifting to the screen to touch his face. “Can you hear me dad?”

“Loud and clear, kiddo.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to pass on a message.”

You look at him in confusion, shaking your head. “A message, what message?”

“If you had saved me, you would have known.”

Your heart sinks, and the scene around him changes. Suddenly, he’s in the airlock, the doors still open, the big red button in the corner blinking, waiting to send him out to space. Your lower lip trembles, about to cry, but you go completely frozen when the next voice reaches you. “Not only did you not save him, but you killed him.”

You watch in horror as Shumway steps into the screen, coming to a stop beside the flashing red button, a sinister smile on his face. “Miss me, la lune?”

“Shouldn’t you be in hell, Shumway?”

“Why stay in hell when I could be with you instead? You do, after all, belong to me.”

“I never belonged to you, you piece of shit.”

“Really?” He presses a button, closing the doors to the airlock. Your dad starts to panic, pounding on the door and calling your name, begging for you to save him. “What about now?”

“What are you doing? Stop, please stop!”

He smiles, hand hovering over the button. “Only you can stop it now.”

His hand lowers, and ice flows through your veins. The pounding on the airlock grows louder, and you look back to your father, realizing now that he’s not alone. Bellamy is inside with him, fists desperately slamming on the door, tears falling down his face. “Natshana, please! Help me! Please!”

You watch Shumway’s hand rest on the button, not enough to press it, just enough to send you into a panic. “Okay, Shumway, okay! I’m yours, alright? I’m _yours_.”

You choke up on the last word, the confession making you sick as it leaves your mouth, and Shumway laughs, completely amused. “Music to my ears.”

And to your horror, he presses the button anyways, opening the outer airlock doors, sending your father and the love of your life into space, killing them both. You let out a gut wrenching scream as you watch them die, and Shumway laughs and laughs until he says, “La lune, I thought you would have known better by now. You’re a curse, bringing death to everyone you love. Isn’t that why they call you Wanlida?”

Bellamy suddenly appears on the screen again, though he looks awful. _Broken_. Eyes hollow, dark bags neath them, skin pallid, face sunken in. “Isn’t that why they call you Azazel, the angel of destruction and corruption? Because you corrupt everything in your life, poisoning the people around you until they are shells of their former selves. _Ghosts_.”

“Bellamy, no. Please don’t say that.”

The tears start to fall down your face as your dad steps back into the picture, looking just as awful as Bellamy does. “There’s only one way to stop the curse, la lune. One way to end it all for good.”

“How?”

“Take out your knife.”

You look at him in horror, the tears steadily streaming down your face, and Bellamy adds, “How can you expect us to do better when you’re still around?”

You nod in agreement, understanding instantly that he’s right. While you still live and breath, there will be no doing better. The Bringer of Death can’t live a life of peace, it just doesn’t make sense. You take out your knife, looking down at the notches in the handle. Shumway muses, “Don’t worry, we’ll add yours when you’re gone. Right beside the tally mark you made for me.”

The thought makes you sick to your stomach, and you feel yourself want to back out, something your dad must sense. “La lune, put the knife to your throat, just like you did in the desert with Clarke.”

You nod, lifting the knife, and all three men on the screen in front of you smile. “Good. Now when you do it, make sure you go deep enough or it won’t work. On the count of three, okay?”

You nod, and Shumway counts, “One.”

You grip the handle of the knife tighter, psyching yourself up as your dad whispers, “Two.”

You start to press the knife into your neck, nearly nicking your skin as you get ready, watching Bellamy’s mouth open as he says, “Stop!”

You look at him in confusion, not understanding. _Stop?_ That is not what his mouth said when his lips moved, and just as you’re trying to figure out what’s going on, you hear someone call your name from behind you. You spin around, coming face to face with Murphy, who stands in the room across from you, a rifle in his hand, pointed straight at you. You look at him in alarm and he urges, “Put the knife down, or I put one in your leg.”

You hear your dad, Shumway, and Bellamy all calling out to you from the TV at your back, urging you to ignore the cockroach in front of you and end Wanlida, once and for all. Murphy’s grip on his gun tightens as he aims at your kneecap, the rest of your leg folded up beneath you. “Come on, don’t make me do this. If I shoot you, Bellamy will hear it.”

“Bellamy?”

He looks at you like you’re crazy, as you turn to look at the TV behind you, your eyes falling on Bellamy. Murphy glances at it too, clearly catching on to what’s happening, and he tries to reason with you, “Listen to me, you’re talking to a TV. That’s not how TV’s work at all. Besides, the damned thing is off, unplugged from the wall.”

He gestures to the wall with his gun, and you look at it, seeing the TV plug sprawled out on the ground, nowhere near the outlet. You look back to Murphy in confusion, just as Bellamy’s voice bellows from somewhere outside. “Murphy!”

Your eyes flit to the wall, imagining that you can see Bellamy on the other side. Angry Bellamy with a full beard, on the ground near you. Not in the sky on the Ark, with your father that he never met. _Because that isn’t real._ Your dad loved you, and he willingly sacrificed himself to save you. He would never want you to hurt yourself. Bellamy either. He’s the love of your life, and he’d follow you to hell to save you, this is not what he’d want you to do. And Shumway? He’s dead. Has been for over 100 years, killed by your hand to save Bellamy. He can’t hurt you anymore. You don’t belong to him, you don’t belong to anyone. 

_It’s not real._

You look to Murphy again, lowering the knife in your hand, dropping your hand down to your side. Murphy sighs, lowering his gun. “Good choice. Now, since you’re clearly only a threat to yourself and not to me, what do you say we save your boyfriend before he kills both of us?”

You nod, sliding the knife back into your holster, before Murphy lays out a plan. You distract him, Murphy gasses him, and you wait for the eclipse to pass and everything to get back to normal. Once you both agree on the plan, you pass him a gas canister that you found earlier, and you sneak out of the room, ignoring the voices in the TV that try to call out to you. Instead, you follow Bellamy’s voice, the real Bellamy’s voice, who stands near the pond in the middle of the village, calling out for Murphy. You surprise him by stepping out from between the buildings, coming to stand across from him, near the pond. “Hey Bell.”

He turns to look at you, glaring, his eyes falling to your hands, which twitch nervously near your knife. “Are you scared of me? That’s funny, because I should be scared of you, _Wanlida_.”

He says the nickname mockingly, further reminding you of why you hate it. You smile at him, trying to stay calm, slowly grabbing the knife and tossing it away from you. “I just want to talk, Bellamy. The eclipse is getting to your head, and you’re not acting like yourself. This isn’t you.”

“How would you know what’s me? I spent six years without you. You don’t know who I am!”

“You’re wrong, Bellamy. I know exactly who you are. I always have. You’re the guy who’s willing to do anything for his sister. You’re a leader to our people, who has made so many sacrifices to save us. You’re the love of my life, who has been there for me at every turn.”

“The love of your life?” He laughs, and you can tell he’s trying to bait you. “Is that why I fell in love with someone else?”

And though you know he only says the words to get a rise out of you, to bring out your rage and make you stoop to his level, you can’t ignore it. You let out a scream of anger and dive at Bellamy, intending to knock him off his feet and distract him while Murphy gasses him. “Murphy, do it! Do it now!”

Except the gas never comes. 

Instead, Bellamy rolls away from you, jumping to his feet, and you scramble to yours quickly as he stalks towards you. You lift your fists in defense of yourself, not wanting to fight Bellamy. You’ve seen him spar people and defeat them easily, you’ve seen him actually fight people and defeat them easily. He has a height advantage and size advantage on you, not to mention the fact that you’re already heavily injured from your near death experience in Shallow Valley. But eclipse Bellamy cares about none of that. Instead he lunges at you, grabbing you by the shoulders, holding you in place as he punches you so hard in the stomach that you double over with a gasp of pain. He tosses you to the ground and kicks you in the side, his boot connecting with your ribs, and you hold back a cry of pain, sure that there’s going to be a bruise there by morning. He grabs you by your jacket and pulls you to your feet again, swinging a punch at you so hard that pain immediately explodes across your eye and cheekbone. You’re sure that your healing black eye is now going to be much worse, and you hit the ground hard, landing on your back, trying to find the will to keep fighting Bellamy. 

Luckily, you don’t have to, because Murphy has finally arrived. Unfortunately for him, Bellamy sees him coming and knocks the gas can out of his hand before he can use it, punching him in rapid succession, one after the next. Murphy is still trying to recover from the hits when Bellamy grabs his knife wound and digs in, before delivering subsequent hits to the injured man’s bullet wounds, the same wounds Murphy received while trying to save him. Murphy cries out in pain, and Bellamy seizes his moment of weakness to toss him into the pond, splashing in after him to grab him and hold him beneath the water. You pull yourself to your feet, the sight of Murphy’s impending danger lighting a fire within you, and you rush towards the pair, as Bellamy grinds out, “I will keep us safe!”

You grab Bellamy when you’re close enough, trying hard to pull him off of Murphy and save him, but Bellamy turns and hits you again, knocking you back into the water with a splash. You fall into the pond, your head sinking beneath it, and you close your eyes as you sink, wondering if you should just let yourself drown. But your survival instinct kicks in, and you get a rush of adrenaline strong enough to pull you out of the water and over to Bellamy. You shove him off of Murphy, towards the pond’s edge, and you swing a punch at him so fast he never sees it coming. It’s powerful enough to knock him backwards onto the ground, and you run back to the pond and grab Murphy, dragging him out of the water as he lies in it, still and unmoving. 

You see Bellamy moving from the corner of your eye, but you don’t pay attention, too worried about Murphy’s still form. You drop him onto the ground, falling to his side and immediately starting chest compressions, hoping and praying that he coughs up the water in his lungs. You can see Bellamy stalking towards you, but he freezes in place when your twin’s voice screams out for the first time in hours, “Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!”

Bellamy turns on her with a sinister smile, and you see the two of them spar as you continue to help Murphy, sending prayers to the Universe to save his life. You almost cry in relief when they answer them, Murphy turning his head to violently cough up the water that nearly killed him. Your relief is short lived though, ending when you hear a body thud to the ground nearby. You look up in horror and realize that it’s your twin, and Bellamy stands over her, smiling at you. “Clarke!”

The scream that rips though you is absolutely heartbreaking, and you move over to her as fast as you can, dropping at her side and pressing your fingers to her neck, searching for a pulse. This time, you do cry in relief when you find one, your twin only temporarily knocked out, not dead. But you don’t get long to process this, because Bellamy grabs you and yanks you backwards until you’re flat on your back, and then he straddles you, his hands lifting up to your throat. Your eyes instantly widen in alarm, your hatred of choking to death already so powerful, but especially at the hands of the man you love. Murphy tries to help you, but Bellamy easily knocks him away, still too weak from his near death experience. He weakly yells, “Stop it, man, you’re killing her! You’re gonna kill the girl you love!”

But Bellamy doesn’t stop. If anything, his grip gets tighter, the stars of unconsciousness exploding around the edges of your vision. You reach down for your Grounder knife, panic surging through you when you remember you discarded it earlier in an effort to keep the peace. _Lot of good that’s doing you now._ Your feet start to kick as you struggle for air, sending pain through the stitches on your calf, lighting up a memory in your brain. _The skull knife._ You reach down to your uninjured calf, grabbing the knife from its holster and immediately plunging it into Bellamy’s thigh. He lets out a gut wrenching yell of pain, and you take in a dizzyingly large rush of air, filling your lungs up with oxygen again. 

You hear Murphy weakly call your name, and you turn to look at him, a gas canister held tight in his hand. You push Bellamy off of you and crawl towards him, grabbing the can from his hand just as Bellamy grabs you and flips you over, straddling you again. His hands lift to your throat just as your hands grab the pin, pulling it from the can and releasing the gas in a cloud that overtakes the three of you instantly. You get light headed as soon as you breathe it in, your head lulling to the side, and you feel Bellamy drop to the ground beside you as the gas reaches him, all of you unconscious within seconds. 

-

Your name being repeated over and over is the first thing you hear as you start to wake up.

You swim through the thick haze in your head, reaching for the surface, the voice growing louder and louder. As you break free, you realize it’s two voices, your mother’s and Clarke’s. You pull your eyes open, confused to see your mom in your vision first, well aware that she was on the mothership when you used the gas can earlier. But now her hand is caressing your cheek, feeling very real, and Clarke’s hands are cradling your head, both of them looking down at you with worry. “Mom?”

“I’m here.”

“Clarke?”

“I’m okay.”

You try to sit up, untangling yourself from Bellamy, the two of you a mess of limbs. You shift over to him, out of the grip of your mom and sister, placing your hand on his cheek. He blinks awake slowly as you hear Jordan ask, “Where are the others?”

You ignore him, helping Bellamy to sit up, and Clarke answers for you. “Locked up to protect us.”

“What happened to Shaw?”

No one says anything to Raven, but you don’t care right now, too focused on Bellamy, making sure he’s okay. He sits up, clutching his leg in pain, and he looks down at it, eyes landing on the knife wound, before turning to you with horror. Tears instantly spring to your eyes and you whisper, “I’m sorry, I had to.”

His hand lifts to your face, tilting your head to get a look at your darkening eye, before he tips your chin to get a look at the bruises that are already starting to form around your neck. You see the horror in his face deepen, and you realize now that he isn’t horrified that you stabbed him. He’s horrified that you _had_ to. Bellamy is well aware that you wouldn’t just stab him over nothing. He reaches out for you, pulling you into a hug, tucking his face into the crook of your neck to hide the tears falling down his face. When he pulls away, he rests his forehead against yours, whispering, “I’m sorry. God, I’m so sorry.”

You shake your head, tears in your eyes. “There’s nothing to be sorry for, my love.”

He pulls away, trying to get a look at you again, but his eyes land on someone else in the process, and his gaze turns hard. You turn to follow it, eyes landing on Octavia, who is watching you both closely. Bellamy asks, “What the hell is she doing here?”

And before anyone can answer, his gaze shifts to a different person. A woman, someone you don’t recognize, cuffs around her wrists. “And who is that?”

You look at her, your gaze only pulled away when you hear your mom worriedly whisper, “John, wake up. Come on now.”

You turn in alarm, remembering how weak he was before you gassed the three of you, and you see your mom and Clarke at his side, checking his pulse. “His pulse is too weak.”

Clarke tugs his shirt open, seeing something the rest of you don’t. But as she exposes his skin, you see it too, a dark color running through his veins, spider webbing across his body. “Mom, what is that?”

“I don’t know.”

She starts to look him over, trying to get a better look, when a cacophony of sounds hits your ears all at once. It’s joy and laughter and talking, and when you look up, towards the source of the sound, you realize it’s from a large group of people, heading your way. It would be an exciting sight if it wasn’t shocking, so many people walking up the stairs and into the village. The kids lead the group, running right over to all of you, and a girl stops nearby, closer than the others. She looks up at the woman you don’t know, who reassures her, “It’s okay, Rose. Don’t be afraid.”

Rose doesn’t seem afraid at all, because her gaze shifts to Clarke, meeting her eyes head on. “Are you here to take us home?”

You all exchange a weird look, not understanding what she means, before Clarke voices the thought you’re all collectively sharing. “Isn’t this your home?”

-


	74. lxxiv. the children of gabriel (6.03)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: language, fighting, violence.
> 
> Summary: in the aftermath of the eclipse, you are faced with a mission to save a few of your own.

None of you have long to process Rose’s words before Clarke anxiously says, “Uh, guys…”

You all look over to her, following her gaze to the group of approaching adults, armed guards taking the lead. You and Bellamy quickly stand and he reminds the group, “Remember, we’re in their home. Everyone keep calm.”

Clarke glances at Raven, her gun still in her hand, and whispers, “Weapons down.”

Raven puts her gun down on the ground, and all of you stand as still and non threatening as you can as you watch the guards approach. As soon as the guards with spears catch sight of you, they start to run your way, and you all lift your hands in surrender and call out, “It’s okay! We’re from Earth, we come in peace.”

The guards form a semicircle around all of you, and a woman walks over to the unknown woman that your mom and the others brought with them. She grabs the captive woman softly, looking worried. “Kaylee, where have you been? Where’s your family?”

The captive, Kaylee, turns and looks to your mom and Raven. “They killed them.”

You glance back at your mom with questioning eyes, and she nods, confirming it’s true. You turn back to the two women, catching the anger in their expressions, and you mutter, “Ah, shit.”

Almost as soon as the words leave your mouth, the Universe makes things worse and Murphy starts to seize up, gasping for air. You all spin around to look at him in alarm as your mom yells, “No, not now, not now!”

You drop down to Murphy’s other side, feeling responsible for his current predicament and his second near death experience in less than 12 hours. _Maybe if you had been fast enough, had beaten Bellamy sooner, Murphy would be okay._ You look up to the guards gathered around you and yell, “Help us, please! Our friend’s dying!”

Murphy seizes for another second then goes completely still, and when your mom checks on him, she whispers in horror, “He’s not breathing.”

She immediately starts CPR, and as she does, someone nearby calls out, “Let me pass.”

The crowd parts and a man steps into view, flanked by guards on either side. You don’t need to know anything about this place to know that he is their leader, made obvious by the power that seems to follow him as he approaches. You can tell that the others are thinking the same thing, watching the man warily as he gets closer, dressed impeccably from head to toe. As soon as he’s close enough, he turns to the guards. “Move them back.”

The guards point their spears towards all of you, pushing you back and away, leaving Murphy on the ground alone. Your mom looks at the leader with anger. “What are you doing? He’ll die!”

“You want my help or not?” At the mention of assistance, you all become compliant, moving away and giving the man the space he asked for. Bellamy walks over to you, coming to a stop beside you as the man drops to Murphy’s side and lifts up his shirt. “He’s already dead. Fortunately for him, death is not the end.”

He calls out, “Cillian!”

A man, Cillian, materializes from the crowd, coming to stop beside his leader, who whispers, “He was exposed to the seaweed during the red sun. Do it.”

Your brows come together, wondering what that means, and you exchange a look with both Clarke and Bellamy, both of them just as curious. The man kneels down beside Murphy and reaches into his bag, pulling out a snake. You all look at it in shock as the leader informs you, “We call it Kepa-She, it means hideous snake in Chinese.”

Cillian holds the snake to Murphy’s side, encouraging it to bite him, as you all watch on in horror. Clarke mutters, “Oh, my God.”

The man looks up at her, expression understanding. “Trust me, I know, but the venom degrades too quickly to deliver it in any other form.”

Miraculously, the darkness that has traveled through Murphy’s veins and spread across his body starts to retreat, moving back towards the source of the venom. You blink hard a few times, unsure if your eyes are working right, and when you look at Murphy again, you see now that he’s healed, his skin clear of the darkness. “It’s working.”

“Amazing, isn’t it? Its curative properties were discovered during one of the earliest red suns.” You all look up at the leader as he starts to project his voice, loud enough for the people around him to hear. “Poison made the demon Gabriel believe he could walk on water. The Kepa-She bit him, and the toxin from the seaweed had no effect.”

 _The demon Gabriel?_ You look between Clarke and Bellamy, all of you wearing equally disturbed expressions, weirded out by the leader’s words. But none of that matters when you hear Murphy take in a deep breath, gasping for air. You sigh in relief, watching as his chest rises and falls, full of life. “He’s breathing!”

“Well done, Cillian.” The leader nods at the man, and then he turns to the guards that still surround you. “Now lock them up.”

They instantly descend on all of you, grabbing you by your arm and pulling you away, despite Clarke’s protests. “Wait, where are you taking us? We didn’t do anything wrong!”

They drag you all to a small building and usher you inside, leaving you there without another word. You look around, quickly releasing that you’re in some sort of tavern, with a bar situated in the middle of the room and a bunch of smaller tables spread out all around. The doors open again and a few guards carry in Murphy, laying him out on one of the larger tables before leaving again. A few minutes after that they return again, bringing in Miller, Jackson, Echo, and Emori, before they lock the doors behind them, all of you now accounted for. You catch all of them up on the little information that you have, and your mother catches all of you up on what happened on the mothership. Echo walks over to you as soon as you’re caught up, pressing close to you as she pulls you in for a hug. You look at her in confusion, about to ask what she’s doing, but she whispers in your ear, “Don’t react, hug me back.”

You do as she says, wrapping your arms around her, and you feel her tuck something into the waistband of your pants. “I saw your knife on the ground on the way over and I managed to grab it. Hopefully we won’t need it, but in case you do…”

She trails off and you nod, understanding the implication. The two of you pull away, and you give her a small smile of appreciation, whispering quietly, “Thank you.”

She just nods once and then steps away, walking over to the bar that is situated in the middle of the room and joining Raven. Bellamy slides over to you, looking at Echo’s retreating figure in confusion. “What was that all about?”

“She found my knife.” The words seem to remind Bellamy of something because his face lights up before he taps his pocket. “I found your other one.”

“I stabbed you with the other one.” 

He winces, looking down at the undoctored wound. “Speaking of…”

You motion for him to sit in a chair beside Murphy, and your mom passes you a first aid kit, which you use to quickly patch up Bellamy’s thigh wound. You feel guilty the entire time you do, knowing that you did this to him, and Bellamy seems to sense your guilt because he tips your chin up towards him as you finish bandaging him up. “I’m glad you stabbed me.”

His eyes fall to the bruises dotted around your neck, clearly a result from his hands choking you out. They travel up to your darkening eye, now back in the early stages of healing, thanks to the punch he swung at you. You can see the guilt pass over his features now, the bits and pieces of the fight coming back to him slowly, and you grab his hand and squeeze it, prepared to turn your comfort onto him. “You didn’t know what you were doing.”

“But I should have.”

“I don’t think that’s how it works.”

“You fought through it, I should have too. I should have been stronger.”

You shake your head at him, rising to put your hand on either side of his face. “Stop it. I’m sure it affects everyone differently. My visions made me a danger to myself, that’s why I was able to fight it. It has nothing to do with strength.”

“Still, you’ve always been stronger than the rest of us.” You give him a look, silently telling him that doesn’t matter, not now, and he nods. You can see that he still isn’t quite convinced, letting you know this conversation will have to continue later, when you’re not surrounded by your friends and family. You drop it for now, and Bellamy does too, switching his gaze to look down at Murphy, who is still knocked out. “Why isn’t he waking up?”

“He will.”

Emori looks down at her boyfriend, whispering in shock, “I can’t believe I did this to him.”

Bellamy lays a comforting hand on her arm. “Emori, you didn’t. I did.”

They look at each other, neither of them blaming the other, both of them still unable to forgive themselves. Octavia is unaffected by all of this, watching everything from the bar with an annoyed expression, breaking her silence for the first time since she arrived. “Who cares? We need to get out of this place.”

Bellamy tenses up beside you, and you sense a fight brewing as he abruptly stands from his chair and turns on her. “What are you even doing here?”

“I came to save your ass.”

Bellamy scoffs and starts to walk towards Octavia, and you get hit by the memory of Octavia beating her brother up after Lincoln’s death. Worried that you’re about to watch something similar happen again, this time with Bellamy as the angry one, you stand and grab him, stopping him in place. “Bellamy, no. Not now, don’t do this now.”

He looks back at you, taking in your pleading expression, and he starts to calm a little in your presence. Echo adds, “If we’re gonna fight our way out, we need her.”

You cut your eyes at her, because that doesn’t really help. Bellamy proves your point by giving her an unconvinced look, clearly not willing to accept Octavia’s help, even in danger. Echo just shrugs, but Clarke, who also opposes the plan, walks over to face the former spy. “Echo, we’re not fighting them. We need them to teach us how to survive down here.”

Right on cue, the door swings open and a guard walks inside, followed by a pretty young woman and an older couple, clearly the young woman’s parents. The father smiles at you, a tray in his hand, seemingly not fearful of the invaders from Earth. “Welcome, friends. If it’s true you survived the red sun, then you need a drink.”

He reaches Clarke and Echo first, and they each take a glass, before he offers you and Bellamy one. You each take one, though you have no intention of drinking it, a little wary to drink something from strangers that have locked you up. Jordan clearly has none of your wariness, because he accepts the glass from the younger woman and downs it in one gulp. “That’s amazing. What is it?”

“We call it-” The young woman is cut off by her mother, her voice a warning. “Delilah.”

Delilah turns to her mother with a smile. “Relax, Mother. I don’t think they’ll steal your recipe.”

And then she turns back to Jordan, her expression bright. “We call it Jo Juice after Josephine Prime. Hallowed be her name.”

The other people in the room repeat, “Hallowed be her name.”

You look at Bellamy, wondering if he’s just as weirded out by the recurring cult-like responses to everything, and he gives you a skeptical look, letting you know that he is. Clarke looks at Delilah, curious to find out more about this insane place you’ve all landed in. “Uh, can I ask, and it’s probably none of our business, but what’s a Prime?”

“Sanctum was colonized by a team from Earth made up of four families: the Primes. Their blood rules us still.”

Such a short sentence but full of so much information. _Planet Alpha, which is actually a moon, is called Sanctum. The first team was made up of families, just like you guys guessed while in the shrine. And their blood rules us still? What the hell does that mean?_ You don’t get long to process the information and ask a follow up question, because the door swings open and someone announces, “Make way for the Primes.”

You all turn and watch the leader from before stride inside, this time accompanied by a new woman, one you haven’t seen yet. Kaylee is also with them, and as soon as the people of Sanctum see the leaders, they bow. The leader ignores all of that and calls out, “Which one’s the pilot?”

Kaylee points to Raven. “There, that one.”

You all look over at Raven in alarm as a couple of guards descend on her, about to grab her, and you and Bellamy are already preparing to stop them when the leader does it instead. “Stop! Did I say to take her?”

The guards apologize and step away, and Clarke steps in front of all of you, assuming her defensive position at the head of your group. “Look, if this is about what happened on the mothership, your people stole our transport and then boarded us by force. My people were just defending themselves.”

Kaylee counters instantly, “Lies. She wasn’t there, we hurt no one.”

You glare at the woman, eyeing her up and down, sure that you could take her down in seconds if you need to. You kinda hope you need to, because something about her just irks your nerves. The man seems to take in her words before looking at your twin. “What’s your name?”

Clarke shows no fear or anxiety about the situation in front of her. No worries about the fact that you look like the bad guys in this situation. You know that beneath the surface, she’s as scared as you are, but on the outside, she’s cool and calm. Something you’ve always admired about her. She answers the man without missing a beat. “Clarke Griffin. What’s yours?”

The new woman, the one you haven’t seen before snaps back, “He is Russell Lightbourne, seventh of his line, savior of Sanctum, and you will bow before using his name.”

You turn your glare on her, knowing you could take her too. You start writing a list in your head titled, ‘All the Primes in Sanctum that you want to punch’. Kaylee and this new woman are both at the top. Clarke’s calm demeanor breaks a little, her expression turning into one of disbelief as she turns to the woman, shaking her head, “I don’t think so.”

Russell looks over at her, and then back to the rest of you. “My wife Simone is a stickler for protocol, but she knows you can’t observe customs that you’re unaware of. You have questions, understandably, and we’ll get to them all, but first, we need your transport ship to be flown into Sanctum. You can land in one of the lower fields.”

Your mom stands, speaking for the first time since the Primes have entered the room. “Why? What’s out there?”

Something about the fear in her voice makes Clarke turn and give her a strange look, just as Simone deadpans, “There are worse things in this world than eclipse induced psychosis. All of them are outside the shield, and the worst of them would love to get their hands on the weapons that Kaylee says are on your ship.”

Kaylee snaps, her voice steadily rising, “Why are we asking for permission? My family is on that ship!”

You silently write a star next to her name on the metaphorical list in your head, your hand subconsciously curling into a fist as you do. Bellamy senses the minute shift in your demeanor, so tuned into you and your energy that he can tell the second your anger starts to rise. He reaches down and unrolls your fist, smoothing it down so he can hold your hand instead. You turn to him, giving him a small smile of appreciation, thankful that you have him here to ground you and remind you that you’re supposed to be doing better. Something you already forgot about in the chaos of the last 24 hours. 

Russell turns to Kaylee, delivering news she seems unaware of before this moment. “Which is why you’ll be on the team sent to retrieve them.”

Kaylee freezes, her eyes going wide with fear, and you smirk a little. _Yup, you could definitely kick her ass._ Russell pulls you out of your head when he catches her scared expression and asks, “What, now you’re afraid to leave the shield?”

“I told you, we were late for shelter when we saw that ship. Either we took it or we suffered the red sun.”

Your twin uses the conversation between the Primes to step back towards your mother, something still weighing on her mind. You and Bellamy are close enough to them that you can hear Clarke ask, “Mom, what is it?”

“Madi is on the transport ship.”

“What? You woke her?” You all turn towards Clarke, the volume of her outburst loud in the small tavern. Your mom tries to shush her, to silently warn her that the Primes don’t know about your stowaway, but Clakre ignores her and turns to address Russell. “Raven will fly the ship, but we’re going too.”

Raven mutters under her breath, “Didn’t realize you were giving the orders again, Clarke.”

You sigh, shaking your head slightly, all of this fighting within your group giving you a headache. Octavia and Bellamy, everyone with Clarke, it’s tearing apart the fragile unity you all possess, which is especially worrisome when you are locked inside a tavern and being held as prisoners on a planet you know nothing about, among people you know nothing about. Still, you know there’s no fast track for forgiveness and everyone forgives at their own pace. Your pace was just a lot faster than the others because you made a deal with the sky. 

Russell looks at Clarke, nodding, accepting her terms and conditions. “Fine. Choose your most disposable people, it’s time to go.”

Clarke starts to step forward, ready to go, but Russell holds up a hand to stop her. “You don’t strike me as disposable.”

“None of us are, but my child is out there, so I’m going to get her.”

“Please, we have things to discuss. Are you the leader of your people, or not?”

You speak up before Clarke can, “She is.”

Bellamy backs you up and adds, “She can speak for us.”

“Good, you can escort your team to the steps. The rest of you will remain here, well cared for until we can decide what to do with you.”

And with that he turns and walks out the door, taking the other Primes and guards with him. As soon as Russell is gone, Bellamy looks around at your small pool to choose from. Clarke has to stay in Sanctum, and so does your mother, so she can keep an eye on Murphy. Both of you already know that Emori isn’t going anywhere without Murphy, so she’s out too. Jordan doesn’t know how to fight, so he needs to stay, and Raven has to go because you need a pilot. Which leaves Miller, Jackson, Echo, and Octavia to decide what to do with. Bellamy looks to you, asking a silent question, which you decipher easily. _What about Echo?_ Though you know it’s going to be weird, especially after Bellamy’s comments about her during the eclipse, you also know you need her because she’s useful in a fight. Which is why you nod, letting him know you’re okay with it. He turns to them and calls out, “Raven, Echo.”

They both stand, already walking towards the door, aware that he’s choosing them, and as Echo walks past Octavia she mutters, “Octavia, let’s go.”

You can tell that Bellamy wants to argue, but he takes in a deep breath and lets it go before turning to Miller. “Miller, you stay here. Keep an eye on things.”

Miller nods, and you all know it’s an unspoken agreement that Jackson is going to stay with Miller, leaving your teams decided. With that out of the way, Clarke turns to face you and Bellamy, a glare on her face. “Can I talk to the two of you for a second?”

She starts to walk away, and as you follow, Bellamy starts to defend you both instantly. “What? You said it yourself, Clarke, we need these people. For some reason, their leader seems to like you, so let’s try and keep it that way.”

She stops, turning to look at you both, her glare melting away, aware that Bellamy’s right. But fear takes its place, an emotion she so rarely shares with others, but freely shows you and Bellamy, her twin and her best friend. You reach out and take her hand, smiling at her as you do, “My shining star, we’ll bring Madi back. I promise.”

The fear lingers a second longer, and then she gives you a tentative smile back, knowing that you mean it. And with the team chosen and everyone now in agreement, you all say your goodbyes and meet the Sanctum guards on the steps, along with the punchable Prime, Kaylee. They give you a brief rundown of how the mission ahead is supposed to go, including the fact that none of you are allowed weapons, which all of you accept without argument. All of you, except one. Octavia tries to argue, but Bellamy cuts her off before she can, letting the guards know that you’re more than happy to comply with their rules. Before you leave, one of the guards notices that both you and Bellamy are limping, with Bellamy’s limp being much worse due to his more recent injury. He gives you both walking sticks to use, which is helpful, considering how little rest you’ve had since you landed down here. It was easy to hide your pain when you first landed, but after all the things you have experienced since landing, your calf is giving you trouble now. 

You hike all the way down the side of the cliff in silence, trekking most of the way across the fields without a word too. None of you are eager to potentially divulge sensitive information around a Prime who seems likely to use it against you in a heartbeat, so you all keep your mouths shut. That is, until you reach the edge of the fields, and Octavia mutters, “Wouldn’t suck to have a weapon.”

You think of the knife in your waistband and your other knife that is still tucked into Bellamy’s pocket, all of you not completely weaponless. You can’t tell her that though, which is why Bellamy counters, “He told us, only the guards carry weapons.”

You reach out for Bellamy’s hand, and he looks over at you as you intertwine your fingers. “At least she can’t screw up an alliance if she’s with us.”

He lifts a brow and deadpans, “Wanna bet?”

You’re about to say something in return, but Kaylee turns and calls out before you get the chance. “There are things and people in these woods that want us dead. You fall behind, you will be.”

She eyes you, Bellamy, and Raven, all of you dealing with a struggle to walk in one way or another, and you glare at her, trying very hard to bite your tongue and keep the peace. Bellamy squeezes your hand, grounding you, reminding you of the unofficial mantra, and you squeeze back, letting him know you’re good. Kaylee turns and motions to one of the guards, who pulls a flare gun out of his pocket and points it to the sky, firing once. You all watch the flare go straight up and then stop when it hits the radiation shield, which is spread out over all of Sanctum like a dome. You watch the shield go down in awe, making it safe for all the non Nightbloods to pass, and you cross the barrier and step into the woods, following the guards and leaving Sanctum temporarily behind. 

You hike for a few hours, and the earlier silence continues, until you get closer to the transport ship and hear a distant call through the woods, “Death to Primes! Death to Primes!”

All the members of Sanctum freeze, forcing all of you to stop behind them, and your eyes fall to Kaylee as one of the guards grabs her. “We’re too late.”

“Like hell we are.” She tries to pull herself free from his grip but he doesn’t budge as she fights against him. “Let me go!”

“Victor, Faye, and Daniel Prime are lost. You’re the priority.” The man looks to the other guards and calls out, “Abort the mission now!”

They nod in acknowledgement, but Bellamy drops your hand and steps forward, looking at the man in confusion. “What are you talking about? Our people are out there!”

But you eye the already retreating guards, all too eager to get out of the woods without a fight. You think of Sanctum, bathed in comfort and peace, unaware of the dangerous lives all of you have lived. Thrust into war after war way too young, each one of you battle trained and ready for a fight if necessary. Which is why you turn to Bellamy, grabbing his arm to get him to look at you. “It’s okay, we don’t need them.”

You look into his eyes, and he nods, aware that he has Wanlida, Echo, and Blodreina with him. None of you want to fight if you can help it, still trying to do better, but you will fight if it saves your niece’s life, and you won’t wait for Sanctum’s permission to do it. With Bellamy’s agreement, you turn to look at the lead guard, and you yank the binoculars from around his neck, the only tool you now have. “Go, we’ll bring our family home.”

The guard nods and jogs off after the other guards, leaving you to all walk _towards_ the creepy chanting in the woods. Octavia brushes past you as she stalks ahead, muttering, “This should be fun.”

You shrug your shoulders, agreeing that it’s no doubt going to be interesting, but you don’t say so. You just follow her until you’re at the edge of the clearing, tucked into the woods near the transport ship. All of you drop into the brush and watch four people stand outside of the ship, talking quietly to each other. You can see three bodies slumped on the ramp of the ship behind them, one of them small enough to be Madi, though you can’t tell from this distance. Still, the sight makes your stomach drop so you lower the binoculars and pass them over to Bellamy. He peers through them, taking in the scene, lowering them as soon as he sees the small figure in the back. “Madi’s fine.”

You nod, not sure you believe it right now, before he turns and whispers to the other three girls, “We’ll wait for them to leave.”

Octavia looks like she wants to argue but thinks better of it, and Echo and Raven both agree instantly, settling back into the brush to wait and watch quietly. You wait for hours, watching the two suns lower across the sky, giving you the most brilliant sunset you’ve ever seen, before finally darkness covers everything, and a moon tracks across the sky, giving all for you some light. You peer through the binoculars again, watching as a woman picks up all of the guns, held together on a piece of rope. You can hear the sound of their voices from where you’re hidden, but you’re too far to make out exactly what they’re saying. Bellamy whispers, “Can you tell what they’re saying?”

“No, but one of them’s leaving, and she’s taking the guns.”

“Why would they give up their advantage? Doesn’t make sense.”

Raven mutters, “No, but it makes a fair fight.”

You lower the binoculars, and look to Bellamy as he whispers, “Okay. Once the guns are clear, we go in-”

But he never gets to finish his plan, because Octavia cuts him off and snaps, “Don’t be an idiot. I’m going for the guns.”

She stands, walking towards the edge of the trees, entering the clearing, as Bellamy whispers, “Damn it, O! Octavia, get back! Do not engage!”

But she ignores him, continuing closer to the people, walking right into some sort of warning system. A bunch of cans bang together, alerting the people in the clearing to her presence, and she looks at you and Bellamy, surprised the people got the better of her. The woman with the guns runs off, taking the weapons with her, leaving three others in the clearing. Octavia’s surprise doesn’t last long, because she turns back to the clearing almost immediately and runs straight into it, heading for the people gathered there. You’re all frozen in place, unable to do anything other than watch her take out the three men in rapid succession. But a surprise fourth person comes out of the transport ship, his gun raised and pointed at Octavia, and you feel your stomach drop, sure that you’re all about to watch her die.

You don’t though. Someone on the ramp knocks the man to the ground and grabs his gun, standing and shooting him instantly. Once she’s on her feet you can tell that it’s Diyoza, heavily pregnant and fighting like it’s nothing. She turns her weapon on Octavia and yells, “They were withdrawing. Why the hell would you attack?”

Bellamy stands from beside you, stalking out into the clearing now that it’s clear. You, Raven, and Echo follows as he snaps at his sister, “Are you out of your mind? You didn’t have to kill anyone!”

But you ignore all of that, and make a beeline to the ramp, your eyes falling on Madi, who is still lying motionless. As you move past Diyoza you ask, “Why aren’t they moving? What’s wrong with them?”

“Paralytic darts.”

You drop down to Madi’s side, into her line of sight, smiling down at her. You can see relief in her eyes, and you smooth her hair back from her face. “Hi little sun.”

Bellamy comes and kneels down beside you, reaching out to squeeze Madi’s shoulder. “You’re okay, we’re gonna go see Clarke now, okay?”

You know if she could, she’d smile at you both, and Bellamy assumes the leadership position, looking between Echo and Diyoza. “Diyoza, Echo, get the body bags.”

They both run down the ramp towards the body bags of the dead Primes, and he turns and glances at Raven, who has walked past you to check on Gaia. “Raven, they would have heard the gunshots. Get us in the air before they come back.”

She nods and jogs off, and you stand and walk over to Gaia, checking on her as Diyoza says, “They were waiting for something, kept talking about a second moon.”

“When you figure out what that means, let me know.” 

Diyoza and Echo drag the bodies inside, and as they work you scoop up Madi and carry her into the ship, setting her down in one of the seats and buckling her in. On your way back towards the ramp Diyoza and Echo pass you, team carrying Gaia, and you come around the corner just in time to see Bellamy at the top of the ramp and Octavia at the bottom, starting to walk up. But Bellamy steps into her path, stopping her in place. “Not you.”

“Oh, come on. What are you gonna do, leave me here?”

He bites back, “Yeah, for your own good and ours. Monty gave his life so we could have another chance, and I’m not gonna let you destroy that.”

Octavia gives him an incredulous look. “We saved Madi, Gaia, and Diyoza. We got the damn ship back. We lost no one. How is that a bad thing?”

“Until you can answer that yourself, you’re on your own.”

He steps back from her, and her eyes move from his face over to you, where you stand watching near the lever to the door. And though you’ve forgiven her, this isn’t your fight. Nothing you say to Bellamy will change his mind, not when he’s set his mind to something. Plus, a large part of you agrees with him. You were willing to kill the people outside the ship if you had to, but you didn’t want to. Octavia didn’t even stop to consider any other options other than kill them all. She was so determined to get the guns back that she got careless and set off an alarm, and the woman with the guns ran off anyways. But as long as Octavia jumps right to the option of killing and considers nothing else, you’re going to have a hard time making peace with the leaders and people of Sanctum. So when she looks your way, seeking your help, there is nothing for you to do but shake your head softly, mouthing to her, “I’m sorry.”

Her face falls, the rejection from both you and Bellamy hurting her, before she masks it behind anger. “Fine.”

She turns and starts to walk down the ramp, back into the clearing, yelling back as she does, “Should have died in that gorge, anyway.”

“Octavia.” She freezes, waiting for her brother’s words, though she doesn’t turn around. “My sister died a long time ago.”

You see her shoulders sag, his words hurting her further, and then Bellamy turns and walks back up the ramp, towards the lever. He lifts it, triggering the door to rise, and you reach out for him, wrapping your arms around his waist. You can see the sag of his shoulders, the burden he’s struggling to carry, and he turns in your arms to face you. There are tears in his eyes, clearly upset that it had to come to this, and he pulls you towards him, tucking you into his arms. The two of you stand like that for a while as the ship moves back towards Sanctum, until the thud of feet running down the hall catches your attention. You and Bellamy pull apart and turn, just in time to see Madi launching herself at you. You catch her in a hug, squeezing tight, her face split into a grin. “Ani!”

You set her down and she immediately lunges towards Bellamy, wrapping her arms around his waist and hugging him tight. He looks at you in surprise, not expecting the hug, and you smile as he wraps his arms around her and hugs her back. When they pull away, you look down at her, scanning over her body for any injuries. “Are you okay?”

She finally gets a look at you, face pulling into concern as she reaches up and shifts the chain of your necklace out of the way so she can look at your neck. And then her eyes fall on your black eye, worse than before, and she counters, “Are you?”

You smile at her, shaking your head at the concern she got from Clarke. “Yes, I’m fine. Now tell me what happened to you.”

She immediately launches into her story, starting with the moment Raven and Diyoza woke her up, ending with the three of you standing together in that very moment. Her story kills the rest of the trip back to Sanctum, keeping you occupied as you return back to the village. As soon as you land, you are greeted by the guards from before, who escort all of you back up the mountain and towards the tavern. Madi is practically buzzing with excitement the entire way, eager to see Clarke, and as soon as the guards push the doors to the tavern open, Madi takes off running towards your twin, calling out to her, “Clarke!”

Clarke catches her in a hug and squeezes her tight, a smile on her face, and your eyes land on a bandage wrapped around her hand. She meets your eyes, a silent thank you, and you meet hers with a ‘what the hell’, but she shakes her head, letting you know she’ll explain later. You nod and she looks back to Madi, pulling away to whisper, “Oh, I’m so glad to see you. You okay?”

You feel Bellamy tense beside you, and you look over to him, following his gaze, which has landed on Murphy, who is upright, awake, and drinking at the bar. You smile, relieved that he’s okay, and you and Bellamy walk over to him. He smiles a little as you approach, and you surprise both him and you by pulling him into a hug, overwhelmed by how much you’d miss him if he was gone. “Cockroaches really do survive anything, huh?”

He smirks, shaking his head at you, and your voice gets serious as you whisper, “But really, thank you for your help during the eclipse.”

He counters, “Thank you for pulling me out of the water.”

You glance at Bellamy, who is standing anxiously behind Murphy, and he puts his hand on the man’s shoulder, his voice a broken whisper. “I’m sorry.”

Murphy turns to look at him, placing his hand on top of Bellamy’s, shrugging off the need for an apology. “It’s not your fault, man.”

And that’s all that can be said before the doors to the tavern open again, and Russell strides inside, his wife at his side. He looks over all of you before he says, “It’s been a long day, so I’ll keep this short. Sanctum was created to be a sanctuary for the human race.”

His gaze moves over to Clarke, “After seeing you save Delilah, we’ve decided that you deserve that too.”

Clarke seems shocked by this, and you realize now that in the few short hours you were gone, you clearly missed a lot. “You changed your mind? We can stay?”

Simone answers, “For now, but no more of you. You will follow our rules and respect our traditions, and we will teach you how to survive here.”

“What my wife is trying to say is, welcome to Sanctum.”

Clarke turns to look back at you, both of you smiling at each other, before she turns to Madi and you turn to Bellamy. Both of you are wearing matching smiles of relief, and as Bellamy pulls you in for a kiss, you can hear Diyoza talking to Simone about her pregnancy. You ignore them, enjoying your kiss of peace with Bellamy, celebrating your fresh start in a new place with new people. When you pull away, the sounds of everyone’s celebrations dies down just enough for all of you to hear Madi’s words to Clarke. “You should have seen Diyoza and Octavia fighting terrorists.”

Clarke looks around in confusion, turning to look back at you and Bellamy. “Where is Octavia?”

You shake your head, letting her know you’ll tell her later, but it gets lost in Russell’s interruption. “Charmaine Diyoza?”

Diyoza’s face falls a little, but she answers honestly. “Yes.”

Russell explodes with anger, “Escort this woman past the shield right now!”

You all look at him in confusion, not understanding his sudden change in demeanor. As two guards grab Diyoza, Bellamy interjects, “Just wait. What is this?”

Diyoza turns and looks back at him, shrugging a little. “Seems my reputation precedes me.”

Russell grinds out, “You could say that. Your face is in our history books next to Hitler and Bin Laden.”

The guards start to pull Diyoza away, and your mom calls out, “Please, what about the baby?”

“If any of you would care to join her, be my guest.”

Madi shifts, clearly intending to follow Diyoza out into the woods, but Clarke grabs her to stop her, her voice a warning. “Madi.”

Diyoza turns to smirk at her, trying to reassure her. “It’s okay, kid. Stay frosty.”

And then she is dragged out of the room, followed out by Russell and Simone without another word. You all stand there in shock, watching the guards close the doors behind the exiting crowd, feeling like you have whiplash from how quickly the demeanor changed in the room. Murphy turns back to the bar, lifting his drink to his mouth as he muses, “One way or another, the devil gets his due.”

-


	75. lxxv. the face behind the glass (6.04)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: language, blood. smut, 18+ only please!
> 
> Summary: the chaos of the last few days fades away in the face of a celebration in Sanctum.

With the knowledge that you are all safe to stay in Sanctum, everyone gets assigned to a room above the tavern. Luckily they have enough rooms for you and Bellamy to share a room alone, giving you some much needed privacy. Something you get to experience for roughly one minute before there’s a soft knock on the door. 

You turn to look at your boyfriend, both of you in the middle of undressing, preparing to go to bed after the chaos of the last day has settled in, exhausting you both. But you have a pretty good idea of who’s at the door and so does Bellamy, so you both redress quickly and pull the door open, revealing your twin. Her voice is low, not wanting to wake any of the others as most of your rooms are all housed pretty close together. “Can I come in?”

You turn to look at Bellamy, who nods, just as eager to hear about what all of you missed while you were gone earlier. So you step back and usher her into the room, closing the door softly behind her as she steps inside. The three of you pile into the bed facing each other, and your gaze drops down to your twin’s bandaged hand. “What happened? Start at the beginning and don’t leave anything out.”

“As soon as you guys left, Russell invited me to dinner with him and Simone so we could discuss whether we’d be allowed to stay. Unfortunately for us, Jordan spent most of his time talking to Delilah, telling her everything about us, the good and the bad. It got back to Russell and Simone, and they decided that we couldn’t stay because we’re violent people and violence spreads like a disease.”

“That explains your shock at Russell letting us stay. So what changed his mind? We heard him mention you saving Delilah, but how did you save her?”

“As soon as I got back from the dinner and changed, I went looking for Jordan because I was pissed that he ruined everything for us. But when I went to the roof to find him, he was passed out on a cot with a paralytic dart in his neck. He managed to point out a guy running away from the tavern with a covered wheelbarrow, which we later found out had Delilah inside. I chased after him, along with a guard, but we split up so he could go inform Russell. I eventually found the guy and fought him off, but he cut my hand in the process and he freaked out as soon as he saw my Nightblood.”

“Weird.”

She shakes her head, giving you a serious look. “It gets weirder. Russell and Cillian both saw my blood too and they acted really strange about it. Russell eventually cut his finger to show me that he too is a Nightblood. He said our blood is royal. Delilah’s too, which is why they took her. I don’t know what’s going on here, but I don’t like how everyone reacted when they found out about the color of my blood, which is why you and Madi aren’t going to tell anyone you’re Nightbloods. You both need to be careful and avoid any injuries that will clue them in, because right now it feels like I have a target on my back, and I don’t want them to paint a target on yours.”

“I understand, I’ll be careful.”

She nods, relieved to hear you say it before she turns her gaze to Bellamy, who has been silent throughout this entire conversation. “What happened to Octavia?”

He sighs, his shoulders sagging as she reminds him of what he’s done to protect all of you and your fragile alliance with Sanctum. “I left her behind. As long as she’s in Sanctum, she’s a threat to the peace we’re trying to achieve.”

You see Clarke open her mouth, looking like she wants to ask more, but you can tell from Bellamy’s body language that he doesn’t want to say anything beyond that. So you reach out and place a hand on Clarke’s knee, giving her a subtle shake of your head. “We’re exhausted and in desperate need of a good night’s sleep. Can we talk more in the morning?”

She nods, smiling a little, already sliding off the bed. “Of course.”

You follow her to the door, both of you hugging before she slips out into the hall with a quiet whisper of, “Good night, lovebirds.”

You smile and watch her head for her shared room with Madi before you close the door and turn to Bellamy. He’s already stripping down again, careful to avoid the bandages on his injuries, and you follow suit, both of you slipping into the bed and beneath the covers. You sigh as you sink into the soft mattress, the most comfortable bed you’ve ever rested in, besides the one in Becca’s mansion, and Bellamy smiles as he watches you. You smile in return, lifting your hand to his cheek, caressing his face as you gaze at the sadness in his eyes. “Everything will be okay, my love.”

“What if I didn’t do the right thing? What if she can’t-”

You cut him off with a kiss, pulling away enough to whisper back. “You did do the right thing, even if it doesn’t feel like it. It’s not easy doing what you did, but you were right in saying Octavia’s dangerous. I love her like a sister, but if Russell thinks we’re violent and our violence will spread, having Octavia around won’t help that. And she’ll be fine out there. Octavia knows how to survive better than any of us. Maybe she’ll even find Diyoza and they can survive together.”

You see some of his tension melt away. Not all of it, because you know he’ll be struggling with this for a while, but enough to bring him temporary peace. He pulls you to him, wrapping you up together and entangling your limbs. “I’m sorry for what I said to you during the eclipse. It was cruel and I’ll never forgive myself for it.”

You look up at Bellamy, at the hurt he’s trying to hide from you, and you shake your head at him, your voice soft. “Hey, don’t do that. I don’t want you to live with that, Bellamy. I know you didn’t mean it, okay? The red sun toxin messed us all up.”

He nods a little, your forgiveness easing some of that guilt he feels. You see him relax a little, pressing a kiss to the top of your head as he gets ready to fall asleep. “I love you, my radiant moon.”

You whisper back, “I love you more than the stars, Bellamy Blake.”

He wraps his arms around you tighter, not wanting to let you go, and that’s how you fall asleep, tangled up in the arms of the man you love, feeling at peace for the first time in years.

-

You wake before Bellamy does, accustomed to the earlier mornings that you and Clarke held in Shallow Valley. Your eyes fall on Bellamy, still wrapped around you as he sleeps, and you watch him for a few minutes, admiring the peace that holds him as he sleeps. You eventually start to hear the hustle and bustle of sound beneath you, down in the tavern, and you carefully unravel yourself from your lover, dressing quickly and pressing a kiss to his forehead before quietly slipping out the door. You run into Madi in the hall, both of you smiling at each other before you descend the stairs together, greeted by the chaos of a busy tavern.

All around you people are milling about, some quickly, some more leisurely. Food and desserts of all kinds move through the room and out the door, headed to some unknown destination. Clarke looks up from where she stands with Jae, Delilah’s father, smiling at both of you as you and Madi walk towards her. On the way over, Madi asks, “What’s going on?”

You shrug, looking around again, “I think it’s some sort of celebration.”

Jae turns around to face the two of you as you come to a stop beside Clarke, a large tray of cookies in his hands. “What’s going on! It’s Naming Day, and you’re the guests of honor!”

He holds out the tray of cookies to both you and Madi, and Madi looks to Clarke for permission, who gives it to her with a smile and a nod. You and Madi each take a cookie, biting into it, your eyes lighting up with delight when you taste how good it is. Jae smiles at you both. “I know, a good cookie can change your life.”

Suddenly the crowd around you starts to clap and cheer, and you turn and glance to the stairs, where Delilah is now coming down, holding onto Jordan’s arm. As soon as she sees Clarke she jogs over to her, pulling her in for a quick hug. “My hero.”

Clarke shrugs off the praise, always uncomfortable by it, and changes the conversation instead. “How are you feeling?”

“I feel great.” 

“I’ll be the judge of that.” You all look towards the source of the voice, watching as Cillian joins the group, motioning for Delilah and Clarke to follow him. “This way, let’s have a look at you. You too, Clarke.”

Clarke excuses herself and they all tuck into a corner of the room to get checked over. Madi walks off in search of another cookie, and you hang out near the stairs, sticking close in case your twin needs you. A few minutes into her check up, Bellamy comes down the stairs looking healthy and well rested, and you smile at him, kissing him in greeting when he reaches the bottom of the stairs. “Good morning, sleepyhead.”

He laughs and kisses you back before whispering, “Good morning, beautiful.”

You smile in return and hold out the other half of your cookie, which he takes with a smile and quickly eats. “What’s going on?”

“Something called Naming Day. I think it’s for Delilah, but that’s about all I know.”

He hums in response and Madi walks back over to you and Bellamy, smiling at him in greeting, a half eaten cookie in her hand, all of you watching as Delilah comes bounding out from the secluded corner, excitedly running over to Jordan. Cillian comes out a minute later, taking a pastry from a nearby tray, turning to call back to Clarke, “I hope I see you later.”

Clarke watches him leave with a smile on her face, before she walks over to you, Bellamy, and Madi. Madi looks at Clarke with a smirk on her face, “He’s cute.”

Clarke smiles and scolds, “Stop.”

Suddenly more of your group walks over to join you, including Echo, Raven, and Jordan. Madi leaves to go train with Gaia, as Bellamy looks over at Clarke. “Where’s Murphy and Emori?”

“Guarding the ship with Gaia, Miller, and Jackson.”

Echo muses, “Murphy missing a chance to act like a drunken fool? Now I’m worried.”

Raven shakes her head, “He’ll be fine. Maybe the rest of us should go there, too.”

“What?” Jordan glances around at the retreating figures of the tavern, all of them heading to the opening ceremony. He turns back to Raven, clearly not okay with her suggestion. “No, I need this.” 

Clarke backs him up, “We’re guests of the Primes. If we isolate ourselves on the ship, they may take offense.”

Everyone nods, accepting her answer, as Delilah calls out to the rest of you, the last few people in the tavern. “Jordan? Guys, come on! You don’t want to miss the first confession.”

You all exchange a look and Jordan immediately heads off to be with Delilah. Raven mutters something about staying at the bar, and the rest of you follow Jordan and Delilah out of the tavern and into the crowd gathered at the base of the palace. You, Bellamy, and Clarke all stop and stand together, and Echo lingers behind the three of you, not quite sure of her place amongst your group. A horn sounds and you all lift your eyes to the top of the palace, watching as Russell strides out with Simone, both of them dressed impeccably. Kaylee follows behind them at a distance, coming to a stop nearby as Russell reaches the microphone that stands waiting. He smiles down at his people and begins, “Welcome to Naming Day. Today we observe the 4 pillars of Sanctum, and they are?”

The crowd around you answers, “Repent, Renew, Rejoice, Rebirth.”

“Correct. Rebirth. Rebirth! Today we mark the return of our beloved Priya-”

He’s cut off by the crowd murmuring, “Hallowed be her name.”

The rote responses send a chill down your spine, weirding you out just as they did the day before. Not even your temporary peace with Sanctum will change that. Above, Russell continues, “Indeed. As we bequeath her name to our equally beloved Delilah. As is tradition with every Naming Day, I will begin the process of making amends. As your leader, it’s my job to keep us safe during the red sun.”

He turns and looks at Kaylee, delivering his next words to her as you all listen. “Kaylee, I failed you in this when I realized you and your family didn’t make it to Ryker’s keep before the eclipse. I closed the door. I kept it open as long as I could until the life of everyone else was at risk. It was a decision with tragic consequences, and I know the heartbreak you feel. I know your pain. I miss Josephine every day.”

You look to Clarke, not recognizing the name, and she whispers, “His daughter. She died in a fall a few years ago.”

You nod, and look back to Russell and Kaylee. “And the fact that I’m the cause of this pain for you…”

He trails off, looking hurt, and she pulls him into a hug, signifying her acceptance of his apology. When they pull away, he turns back to the crowd with a flourish, “And now it’s your turn! Tell your neighbor that you love them, make amends for those you’ve hurt. Free yourselves.”

All around you people start to hug and apologize to those they’ve wronged. And though you think most of the traditions in Sanctum are weird and a little creepy, this is one that you can get behind. Making amends in a time when you’re all trying to do better than you did before seems like a good idea. You turn to Bellamy, looking up at him as you mutter, “I’m sorry I stabbed you during the red sun.”

“I’m sorry I choked you during the red sun.” He looks up at the bruises on your neck, and you wish they would fade quickly, taking his guilt with it. “I’m also sorry that I left you behind during Praimfaya.”

You see his face fall, still feeling the guilt that you don’t want him to feel, and you pull him into a hug, whispering, “I already told you not to be sorry for that, Bellamy. But if you need forgiveness, I’ll give that to you. You’re forgiven.”

He pulls back and smiles at you, remembering your words to him when the two of you were lying beneath a tree in the middle of the woods, back when you both hated each other. You smile back at him, both of you lighter from the forgiveness in the air, and you turn to Clarke, ready to do the same process with her. Except, when you turn, she isn’t there. She must have slipped into the crowd without you realizing. You grab Bellamy’s hand, about to walk away and go search for her, but as you step past Echo, she reaches out to stop you. You look at her, her expression pulled into one of guilt, and she whispers, “I’m sorry.”

You shake your head, confused as to why she’s apologizing to you. “For what?”

She seems unsure how to sum up what she means, so she offers you a single word instead. “Bellamy.”

You shake your head, dropping Bellamy’s hand so you can reach out to take hers. “Don’t be sorry for falling in love, Echo. Bellamy makes it easy to do. Besides, all of you thought I was dead. I’m glad he had you after Praimfaya, and I’m glad he had someone there to make him happy, so thank you.”

She looks at you in surprise, clearly not expecting you to say what you did, and then she abruptly pulls you into a hug. You realize now as you are held in her arms that this must be hard for her too. You weren’t lying when you said that Bellamy makes it easy to fall in love, and you can’t blame her for that. You can’t blame either of them for moving on when they thought you were dead on the ground. And as soon as they landed, Echo was the first to realize that Bellamy still had feelings for you. She was the one that broke things off with him, she was the one that told him he was clearly still in love with you. If anything, you really should be thanking Echo. Because she kept him happy during a time you’re sure he was incredibly upset, and she let him go as soon as you entered the picture again. That had to be hard for her to do, and it has to be hard for her to see you and Bellamy together all the time. And despite all that, she’s still been kind to you, even if things have been a bit awkward. 

Which is why, during the first confession of your first Naming Day, you hug her back, really meaning it. You make a silent decision to try and be better to Echo, because there’s no reason for you to be jealous when she interacts with Bellamy, and there’s no reason that the two of you can’t get along. When you both pull away, you can sense the change in the air around you, the forgiveness making you feel even lighter than you did before. Echo smiles at you, thankful for the amends, and you smile back before nodding back to the tavern. “If you’ll excuse me, I gotta go find my twin.”

She nods, “Of course.”

As expected, Clarke is back in the tavern when you step inside, along with a bunch of other people, all of them milling about or sitting around and drinking. Clarke is clearly trying to make amends with Raven, who still appears to be having none of it. You miss whatever was said between the two, but you know all you need to know by the way Raven storms out, stalking past you and straight out of the tavern. Clarke sighs for a second, trying to gather herself before she walks over to a table where a lantern sits, writing something on a piece of ribbon and tying it around the top. You and Bellamy watch before you walk over to her, coming to a stop nearby. 

She sees you coming and steps away from the lantern, moving closer to the two of you until all three of you are standing and looking at the object. Clarke glances away from it and over to the two of you, “Apparently, the lanterns float, taking your sins with them.”

You think of your sins, the abundantly long list you’d have to tie to the top, unsure if you’d even remember all the shit you’ve done while trying to survive. Bellamy seems to think the same, because he hums, “Hmm, if only it were that easy.”

“Maybe it is.” She turns to face both of you fully, her expression apologetic. “I wrote down leaving you both in Polis.”

You shake your head, trying to stop her. “Clarke, stop. We already went through this on the ship.”

“But I never apologized to Bellamy.”

He looks at her in surprise, clearly already past the need of apologies from Clarke, her betrayal in Polis long forgiven and forgotten. “Let’s not do this.”

She shakes her head and continues anyways. “What I did, leaving you like that…I’m so sorry, Bellamy.”

He reaches out and squeezes her shoulder, face pulling into one of understanding. “I know what it’s like to risk everything for one person, and I know Madi’s your family.”

“You’re my family too.” You smile at the words, knowing that it’s true. All of you make up one big dysfunctional family, but Clarke, Madi, your mom, Octavia, and Bellamy are your core family, the main people you want to turn to in times of need. Clarke feels the same, because if there is anyone in the world she considers her best friend besides you, it would be Bellamy. The guy that has been part of your group since all of you landed on Earth over 100 years ago. And despite the fact that you, Clarke, and Bellamy were frequently at odds in the beginning, _it was always you three._ The three leaders from the beginning. 

Clarke gives Bellamy a small smile, continuing her apology. “I lost sight of that. But I promise I will never forget it again. You’re too important to me and to my incredible la lune.”

All three of you give each other matching looks of love and forgiveness before grabbing each other in a mini group hug. It feels good for the three of you to be on the same page again, especially after the chaos of events in the days leading up to the war in Shallow Valley, and now you feel confident that the three of you will be a unit again. You, Bellamy, and Clarke against the world, leading together, the way it should be. When you pull away, Clarke looks back at the lantern and nods towards it. “Are you gonna try it?”

Bellamy shakes his head, “Too many sins, my lantern wouldn’t float.”

You give him a sad look, thinking the same thing, but you turn to your twin and mutter, “Well, I think I will.”

You turn and walk over to the lantern, grabbing a ribbon and one of the pens, trying to decide the best way to sum up your list of sins. Your brain finally lands on one word. One word heavy enough and big enough to cover the full scope of your violence. 

_Wanlida._

You scrawl it onto the ribbon and tie it around the top, below Clarke’s, and then you put the pen back on the table and walk back over to Bellamy and Clarke. “Better?”

You sigh, “It will be when I watch it float away.”

Before either of them can say something in return, the door to the tavern swings open and a ball of bright energy comes bounding inside, coming to a stop beside the three of you. You all turn to Delilah, a big smile on her face as she looks at you and Clarke. “There’s a party tonight. A big one to celebrate, right before my Naming Ceremony, and both of you need something to wear.”

You start to shake your head, already opening your mouth to protest, but Delilah doesn’t allow it. “It’s my Naming Day, so you can’t tell me no.”

You and Clarke sigh and exchange a look before relenting. “Okay.”

She lets out a sound of delight and grabs your hand then Clarke’s, starting to tug you both away before she calls out and yells to Bellamy, “She’ll meet you at the palace at sundown, don’t be late!”

The two of you share a smile before you are pulled away again and led up the stairs, straight into Delilah’s room. She heads to her closet and tugs it open, revealing a large selection of clothes, filled with dresses in various sizes. “I’ve always had the best dresses to choose from, which is why I know I’ll have something perfect for each of you.”

She reaches inside and digs around, her grin growing wider as she finds the dress she’s looking for. “Aha!”

She pulls it out and turns around to show it to you both, a long dark blue colored gown in her hands. Clarke gasps a little when she sees it, and Delilah holds it out to her. “I think this would look perfect on you.”

Clarke takes it with a smile of thanks and waits as Delilah turns back to her closet and digs around for a second dress, turning to present it to you with a smile. Your jaw drops as your eyes land on the prettiest dress you’ve ever seen. It’s long, and has an identical shape to Clarke’s, down to the neckline and fitted bodice that flares out at the bottom. The difference between them is that the one meant for you is silver and shiny, catching the light so beautifully. Delilah hands it to you as you look at it in awe. “Jordan told me that your nickname is la lune. This dress always reminded me of the moon.”

“It’s beautiful.”

Delilah smiles and heads to a small box, grabbing two items from inside. She hands a long, layered silver necklace to Clarke and she passes you a bracelet, aware that you already have a necklace of your own. The bracelet is small and silver, with a moon hanging from the center, and one silver star on either side of the moon. You smile at it, thinking that the stars represent Clarke and Bellamy, the perfect bracelet to complete your look for the night. “Thank you, Delilah.”

She grabs at you both, “You can thank me by getting dressed and having fun at my party.”

You both nod and she leaves the room so you can change, coming back in to admire you both when you’re ready. She offers you each a pair of flat dress shoes to wear, which Clarke accepts, but you opt to wear your boots, the shoes bringing a little bit of comfort to your unfamiliar look. With your shoes, jewelry, and dress on, you take a look in the mirror in Delilah’s room, gasping when you see yourself. You’re not sure if you’re ever looked this nice before. Your hair frames your face beautifully and your dress catches the light from the room, making you almost glow. The dress is bright enough to distract from the bandages that peek out from beneath it, the wounds you sustained in the fighting pits and later on during a pointless war. It’s bright enough to distract from your black eye, which has faded into a purple shade overnight, strangely complimenting your space themed look. Clarke looks just as stunning, the dark blue dress perfect for her, and with Delilah’s makeover complete, she hugs you both and leaves ahead of you, eager to get to the party to be with Jordan. 

You and Clarke walk to the palace together, hand in hand, both of you feeling nervous. Neither of you say anything, you just silently offer each other your strength as you climb the steps slowly, following the sound of the music. It grows louder as you near the right room, both of you walking down a long hallway to an open door at the end, music floating out to meet you. You and Clarke stop just inside the doorway, looking around with big smiles, taking in the different colored lights and decorations that adorn the room. There’s a large dance floor in the center of the room, people dancing on it, Delilah among them. Food and drinks are spread out on tables around the edge of the room, and as you and Clarke walk down the stairs together, someone walks towards you from one of those tables. Cillian stops in front of you and Clarke, holding out his hand, silently asking your twin to dance. She looks at you, eyes asking a silent question, and you smile and nod at her, nudging her towards him. “I’m going to go find Bellamy!”

She takes his hand with a smile, and you watch him pull her onto the dance floor before you start to look around, eyes searching for your boyfriend. You finally spot him in the back of the room, near one of the bars, a drink in his hand. You make a beeline for him, eyes on him the entire time, and you can see the moment he spots you, because his face lights up. The smile that stretches across his face makes you lightheaded, one of those ultra rare, ultra bright, ‘melt your heart’ kind of smiles. One of those smiles that you will spend the rest of your life trying to bring to his face, because it is breathtaking and wonderful, and you always want to see him full of that much joy. 

His eyes never leave you as you come to a stop in front of him, standing awkwardly as he eyes you up and down. You’re about to nervously ask him how you look, but he beats you to it, sensing your insecurity. “You look beautiful.”

He pulls you in for a kiss and then pulls away to add, “Stunning.”

And then he kisses you again, following up with, “More radiant than the moon.”

You smile at him, glowing with his adoration and compliments. “Delilah picked it out for me, because she said it reminds her of the moon.”

“It wouldn’t look half as pretty on anyone else. That dress was made for you.”

You start to blush, “Thank you, Bellamy.”

You lift the dress to show off your boots, a rugged juxtaposition to your shiny dress, but something about the look is perfect. It’s so amazingly you, your beat up shoes going strangely well with the polished dress. Bellamy laughs and shakes his head slightly, before he reaches back to the bar to grab you a drink, handing it to you with a flourish. You shift to stand beside him, both of you watching the couples on the dance floor kiss, and dance, and have fun. Your eyes land on Clarke, clearly enjoying her time with Cillian, and you smile, happy to see your twin happy. You sense a shift in the air, and you turn to look at Bellamy, finding that he’s the reason why. His earlier happiness has slipped a little, and his eyes have a faraway look, like he’s somewhere else. You put your hand on his arm, but he doesn’t look your way. “What’s wrong?”

The faraway look continues as he half jokes, half sighs, “The last time I was at a party, my sister was arrested.”

Your heart breaks for him, and you reach up to put your hand on his cheek, getting close and whispering, “Hey, come back to me, Atlas.”

He finally turns to look at you, his expression sad, and you nod towards the door. “If you wanna go, let’s go.”

He immediately shakes his head, “No, you got all dressed up and I don’t want to ruin your night.”

“Not all dressed up, remember?” He looks at you in confusion and you lift your dress again, reminding him of your shoes and he laughs as you continue, “Besides, a night with you is never ruined, no matter what we’re doing.”

He seems to think it over, and you put your drink down, reaching for his hand to drag him away, back to the safety of your room, but he pulls you back to him, stopping you. “Dance with me.”

“What?”

“Dance with me.”

You give him a skeptical look. “Bellamy, are you sure? I mean it, we can just go back to-”

He cuts you off with a kiss, pulling away to mutter, “I’m sure. I just want to dance with the love of my life in the center of the dance floor within a palace, smack dab in the middle of a moon that we didn’t know about three days ago.”

You smile, “I’ve never danced with anyone before.”

“With the right partner, it doesn’t matter. It comes natural.”

You nod at him, agreeing to his offer, and he smiles and leads you to the middle of the dance floor, wrapping you up in his arms and starting to dance. The two of you dance to song after song, getting sweatier with each passing second, but you’re too happy to care. At some point you see Clarke and Cillian leave the palace, and you smile as you watch them go, knowing Clarke deserves happiness just as much as the rest of you. You and Bellamy dance for what feels like hours, growing closer and closer, letting the music guide the movements of your body. Eventually, Bellamy pulls you in for a kiss, the two of you moving to the music as your lips move together, lighting a fire within you. 

His hands roam all over your body as you kiss, both of you trying to touch every inch of skin available to you. You sigh when Bellamy’s hands slide over the skin exposed by your dress, electricity dancing along your skin in the wake of his fingers. The kiss grows more passionate with each passing second, and it’s not long before Bellamy pulls back to whisper against your lips, “Want to get out of here?”

“More than anything.”

He smiles and takes your hand, pulling you off the dance floor and back to the tavern, both of you stopping to kiss a few times along the way. When you finally reach your room, you are practically buzzing with anticipation, so ready to be wrapped up in Bellamy’s arms again. Once the door closes behind you, Bellamy presses you up against it, kissing you hard and fast, his hands sliding around to your back and unzipping your dress. The fabric slides off of you easily, pooling around your feet, leaving you in just your underwear. Bellamy stops kissing you to admire you, his gaze faltering when he sees the bruise he gave you along your ribs. You reach out and put a hand on his cheek, pulling him out of his guilt and out of his head, and he looks at you, his voice cracking a little when he whispers, “Always so beautiful.”

You melt, his words making you even more eager to continue what you started. You pull him in for another kiss, your lips moving together in a passionate frenzy as you make quick work of his clothes, both of you pulling away just long enough to tug your boots off before connecting in a kiss again. Bellamy presses into you, trapping you between him and the door, before he trails his lips along your jaw, down your neck, and to your chest, peppering you with affection. His lips continue even lower, over your stomach, and he drops to his knees in front of you, tugging your underwear down as he sinks lower. The two of you lock eyes as his head moves between your legs, dropping his mouth onto you, the sensation forcing you to break eye contact with him and lean against the door for support. You close your eyes as Bellamy kisses and licks you, bringing you to the edge quickly, fueled by your soft moans of pleasure. Right as you reach your peak, Bellamy pulls away, forcing you to open your eyes and look down at him, groaning at the loss of contact. 

He smiles at you, before he stands and crashes your lips together again, practically devouring you, both of you desperate with want and need. He starts to walk backwards, bringing you with him, falling back onto the bed and pulling you down on top of him. He shimmies out of his underwear, both of you now completely naked, and your kisses continue as you grow more and more desperate for each other. Finally, unable to take it any longer, you break apart again and you sink onto him, both of you moaning at the sensation. You move together, riding him and chasing your high, your eyes locked on each other the entire time. You reach your climax at the same time, calling each other’s names, both of your voices hidden by the cheers of the people outside the palace. You comprehend none of it, falling into your high, letting the feeling take you over completely. 

As your senses return to you, you collapse down beside Bellamy, both of you turning to look at each other, smiling. Exhaustion weighs heavy in your bones, but you fight against the feeling, wanting to sit and watch Bellamy, saving every second of this moment to your memory. Bellamy caves to his exhaustion before you do, his eyes closing and his breathing getting deeper as he falls asleep. You watch him for a long time, thankful for this moment. Moments like this helped you get through the six years without Bellamy, and you survived with the hope you’d get back to this again. You never expected it’d happen on another moon, 100+ years away after your time on Earth, but the moment is all that you hoped it to be and more. 

Your focus on Bellamy only wavers when you again hear cheers from outside, and you crawl out of the bed, bringing the sheet with you, keeping yourself covered. You pull the other blanket up and over Bellamy, tucking him in before you head over to the window in your room, watching as the doors to the palace swing open and the Primes begin to file out of the room, Delilah bringing up the rear. The crowd cheers when they see her, and she takes a torch that Russell offers her, using it to light a larger torch, staked into the ground in front of her. The torch lighting must serve as a signal, because suddenly hundreds of lanterns start to rise slowly in the air, floating up into the sky and taking the sins of Sanctum with them. 

You think of your ribbon, tied on the lantern above Clarke’s, Wanlida scrawled out on it. You pick a lantern, one that likely isn’t even yours, and watch it lift from someone’s hands while you imagine that it’s your own. You feel lighter as it gets higher, taking the sins of Wanlida with it, until it finally hits the radiation shield over Sanctum, setting the lantern on fire and cleansing the sins of your past. It reminds you of a memory, long before Wanlida was a thing, after Finn was killed for his sins in Tondc. You remember Lexa holding a torch over the bodies of Tondc, Finn among them, and Lincoln translating for all of you as she addressed the people gathered there in Trigedasleng. You quietly whisper, “ _Raun faya, oso woda klin laudnes-de kom foutaim._ ”

You feel arms wrap around your waist from behind, making you jump in surprise, despite knowing that it’s Bellamy. He drops his chin to your shoulder, translating your words. “In fire, we cleanse the pain of the past.”

You turn to look at him, seeing only parts of his face because he’s so close to you still. “Do you remember?”

He whispers back, “I remember.”

You turn back to the window, both of you watching the last of the lanterns rise and hit the shield, disappearing forever. Once the sky is clear, Bellamy releases you, reaching for your hand. “Come back to bed.”

You turn to look at him, the smile on his face, and you relent. “Only if you’ll tell me about the gods.”

“I’d love to.”

Your face splits into a grin, and you follow him back to bed, entangling yourself with him as he passes on stories of the gods. You listen for hours, until you both fall asleep, wrapped up in the arms of your love, everything right with the world.

-


	76. lxxvi. the gospel of josephine (6.05)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: angst, anxiety, language, angst, drugging.
> 
> Summary: Something’s rotten in the state of Sanctum, and you’re hopeful you’ll soon find out what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i officially finished writing and editing sub rosa yesterday! i can’t believe we are nearing the end of this journey!

You wake up with a strong feeling of unease.

It’s strong enough to pull you out of sleep, strong enough to leave you feeling on edge for most of the morning. You don’t know why or where it came from, considering the incredible night you had the night before, but it lingers around you, making you anxious. It’s strong enough that Bellamy notices and questions you about it, looking worried because you seem worried, but you reassure him that everything is okay, despite feeling like the opposite. 

You eagerly head downstairs once you and Bellamy are ready, accounting for all of your friends and family, except for one. 

Clarke. 

That sends your nerves into overdrive, but Bellamy reminds you that she was having fun with Cillian the night before, and they left in a fury of passion, meaning she probably slept at his place. He convinces you to let it go and not worry just yet, before the two of you sit down at the bar with Murphy. He’s already drinking, despite it being pretty early in the day, and you follow suit, throwing back a shot of some awful alcohol as soon as you sit down beside him. He turns to you with an appreciative smirk. “Now that’s what I’m talking about. I like this version of you.”

You and Bellamy both answer, “Quiet, Murphy.”

He raises his hands in surrender, sliding the shot in his hand over to you, which you take with a nod of thanks and quickly throw back, the liquid burning as it moves down your throat. The boys both order something to sip on, and you sit between them, waiting for the alcohol to dull the sharp edges of your nerves. Eventually Jordan comes wandering into the bar, babbling something about Delilah being unlike herself, and when you all look at him in confusion, he takes a breath and says, “Something about Delilah seems off, so I brought her some daisies and gave them to her, reminding her that she told me daisies are her favorite flower. She took them without arguing, agreeing that those are her favorite.”

Bellamy shakes his head, still confused. You watch his curls bounce as they move, bringing you an odd sense of comfort. “So?”

“So, yesterday she told me her favorite flowers are Calla Lilies.”

Murphy smirks and looks over at you and Bellamy, “Calla Lilies are nice.”

Bellamy holds his gaze before they both start giggling, but you keep a straight face, listening to Jordan’s fears, wondering if it has something to do with your unease. “I’m serious, something happened in that reliquary. It’s like she doesn’t even know me. “

Bellamy advises, “Just play it cool, she’ll come around.”

You snort, thinking of Bellamy’s version of playing it cool with you, which involved a lot of anger and insults, leaving the two of you at odds until you were in direct danger of dying. He looks at you with a small smile, “What?”

You hide your smile and answer, “Nothing.”

Murphy adds onto Bellamy’s advice with a shrug, “Yeah, that and, like, maybe don’t get flowers for a one night stand.”

You hear the door to the tavern open and you spin around quickly, a rush of relief washing over you when you see Clarke standing at the door. You and Bellamy wave to her, and you start to relax, until you see the guard standing near the door, clearly keeping an eye on your twin. Your unease comes rushing back again, reminding you that _something_ isn’t right, though you still don’t know what. 

You see Madi jump up from her seat when she sees Clarke, running over and hugging her, speaking to her quickly before she runs off with a smile, grabbing her pack. You slide out of your seat when you see Gaia abruptly stand and step in Clarke’s way, and you start to move over to them, Bellamy following you, both of you catching the tail end of Gaia’s lecture to Clarke in Trigedasleng. _“Wof em teik em nila reya? O, em’laik, ge jok op kom fayaslais?”_

 _What if she skins her knee? Or, I don’t know, gets a paper cut?_ You gather enough to guess that they must be talking about Madi, and Clarke glances at you as you approach, looking conflicted. You come to a stop beside Gaia, looking between them before your eyes land on your twin. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, fine. Where are the others?”

Bellamy, up to date on everyone’s whereabouts, answers first, “One of the Primes is showing Raven and Emori how to build a radiation shield.” 

“Ryker?”

Bellamy nods, “Yeah, I sent Echo and Miller to watch their backs.”

Clarke turns to look at you, “And our mother?”

You sigh, “Still in the library. Jackson said he found her sleeping with her head on a book.”

Clarke nods, and then turns to Madi, who’s lingering nearby. “Speaking of books, let’s get you to school.”

You and Gaia immediately start to argue, and you step closer to your twin, whispering low enough that only she can hear. “Clarke, what the hell? You just said yesterday it was too dangerous for Madi.”

She steps back with a smile, waving off your concern. “Chill out, she’ll be fine.”

You give her a look of complete bewilderment, shocked to hear the words come out of her mouth. Even weirder, the tone of her voice sounds different, slightly higher pitched than normal. You turn to look at Bellamy, wondering if he’s catching onto her weirdness, and his brows are pulled together in confusion, but he looks more amused than anything. You, however, are not amused. You turn your gaze back to Clarke, repeating her words back to her. “ _Chill out_?”

She shakes her head, not understanding your confusion. “What?”

You stare at her open mouthed, trying to figure out what to say, but Bellamy puts his hand on your arm, stopping you. He just smiles at Clarke, clearly enjoying this new side of her. “Nothing. We both just think that happiness looks good on you. I take it you had fun with the doctor?”

“Cillian?” A look of amusement passes over her face. “Let’s just say it’ll be a while until he recovers.”

You give her another weird look, unused to hearing anything about Clarke’s sex life. The two of you are close, but that’s not something either of you have ever really discussed. Hearing about it now, even in joke form, is strange. She doesn’t seem to notice, because she starts to walk away, but you reach out and grab her arm, stopping her. “Wait, what’s up with the guard?”

“Apparently, people with blood like mine are a target. The Primes insisted.”

 _Blood like mine?_ You’re about to interrogate her further, but she pulls herself free from your grip with a smile. “Gotta go, don’t want Madi to be late!”

And then she turns and heads towards the door before you can even make a sound of protest. Madi waves goodbye to you before she slips out the door, and you just stand frozen in place, dumbfounded. You’re pulled out of your shock when Gaia starts to rush past you and Bellamy, her pack in hand. Bellamy holds out an arm to stop her. “Gaia, slow down. Madi will be fine.”

You and Gaia both turn to look at him like he’s lost it too, and Gaia instantly argues, “Fine? They gave Clarke a _bodyguard_ for being a Nightblood, and she just sends Madi to school?”

You’re interrupted by Blythe Ann, Delilah’s mother, walking over to the three of you, a tray on her hand. “Can I get you guys anything else?”

You shake your head, ready to finish your conversation with Gaia and Bellamy, but Jordan interrupts from his place beside Murphy. “Ma’am, can I ask you something?”

“Only if you call me BA.”

“What happened to Delilah last night?”

She freezes a little, and you can see her fighting back a wave of emotion as she robotically answers, “Our little girl became one with the Primes. You were there, what’s wrong?”

Bellamy tries to stop the conversation before it gets into dangerous territory and threatens your fragile peace. “Ah, nothing’s wrong.”

But Jordan answers her anyways, too determined to learn the truth, no matter what it may cost him, _or the rest of you._ “She’s acting like she doesn’t even know me, that’s what’s wrong.”

“Oh child, I miss her too. Priya’s return blesses us all.”

She chokes out the last sentence, a forced smile on her face, before she turns away from all of you. Jordan walks closer to your group, looking very confused. “Priya’s return blesses us all? What does that even mean?”

Gaia snaps back, “It means that they believe in something. That faith should be respected.”

She turns and stalks off, presumably to keep an eye on Madi, which you’re thankful for. Right now, Bellamy can sense the growing tension, and he turns to Jordan with a look of sympathy. “Jordan, we’re guests here, and we need their help. I’m sure whatever happened between you and Priya-”

Jordan cuts him off, looking annoyed. “ _Delilah_. It happened between me and Delilah. I know you think you need to protect us all because you couldn’t protect Octavia, but I can take care of myself.”

You see a look of hurt pass over Bellamy’s face at the mention of Octavia, but he doesn’t get a chance to say anything in return, because Jordan turns and stalks off, leaving the two of you in the tavern. You reach out and squeeze his hand in comfort, but then your unease washes over you, reminding you of its presence, and you shake your head, looking out the door of the tavern. “Clarke seems off.”

Bellamy gives you a doubtful look. “She seems fine. Happy, even.”

“She told me to chill out, Bellamy. When has Clarke ever said chill out? In fact, when has Clarke herself ever chilled out?”

“She probably just picked it up from the doctor.”

“After one night?” He shrugs, and you cross your arms over your chest, challenging him. “Okay, and what about what she said about the guard? ‘People with blood like mine’? Why wouldn’t she say blood like ours? Or Nightblood?”

Bellamy just shakes his head. “She probably just misspoke. I know you’re on edge today, but everything is fine, la lune.”

You give him a surprised look and whisper, “You never call me la lune.”

“Is that okay? I’ve always felt like it was a family only thing, and I didn’t wanna assume-”

You cut him off by reaching out and pulling him into a kiss, silencing all of his fears. You pull away enough to say, _“Yu laik ai seingeda.”_

 _You are my family._ His face splits into a grin and he whispers back, “And you are mine.”

“Good.” You step back a little, looking up at him. “This better not be the end of blainen natshana though. I like that nickname too.”

“It won’t be, I just like to have options.” You laugh, shaking your head at him, your earlier unease temporarily forgotten. Bellamy takes advantage of the moment and nods towards the bar. “I got access to a map earlier today, you wanna look it over?”

“Sure.”

He walks over to the bar and grabs the map, rolled up and waiting, along with Murphy, dragging him over to a little table to join the two of you as Bellamy unrolls the map for all of you to look over. It’s pretty bleak, most of the map labeled as uncharted territory, which Bellamy mentions. “200 years, this is all they mapped.”

Murphy muses, “Why leave when you’re safe, right?”

You turn to Murphy with a smirk, “Oh, come on, Murphy. Where’s your sense of adventure? We’re pioneers!”

“I don’t want to be pioneers. Pioneers find the red zone and wind up dead, or get caught in randomly occurring, psychosis inducing eclipses. You really want to go through that again?” Bellamy absentmindedly grazes the stab wound on his thigh, and your fingers ghost over the bruises on your neck. Once he’s sure neither of you want to experience that again, Murphy adds, “I’ve been asking around. Apparently, this whole thing’s built on top of cave systems. The bugs start to freak out, the party goes underground.”

Bellamy shrugs, “Right, so we find our own cave system, and Raven builds us a radiation shield. Murphy, we can’t stay here forever. And even if we could, what about the other 400 of us?”

Murphy looks ready to argue Bellamy’s point when the intercom in Sanctum fires up, announcing the start of a funeral. You all pause and listen, and as it finishes, Blythe Ann calls out to the three of you, “Rose is being offered to the woods. All of you are welcome.”

“Thank you.”

Murphy glares at Bellamy. “Don’t even think about asking me to go to that funeral. Seriously, take Jordan. It’ll get his mind off of being dumped.”

You all look around the tavern, searching for him. “Where is Jordan anyway?”

Bellamy sighs, rolling up the map as he looks towards the door. “I think I know where he is, come on.”

You start to follow Bellamy when he steps away from the table, but Murphy stays firmly rooted in place. Bellamy glances back at him, reminding him of your earlier joke. “Hey, suit yourself. But if he gets us kicked out, you’re a pioneer.”

Murphy rolls his eyes and stands, following you and Bellamy out of the tavern. You all watch as people file towards the stairs to head into the woods, and Bellamy waits until no one is looking your way before he leads you over to the palace, careful to weave between buildings and stay hidden. The three of you run up the hill to the palace, but instead of going up the stairs to the main building, you jog to the door on the bottom level, the one that leads to the reliquary. When you reach the door, the keypad is hanging off, the wires exposed. “Like father, like son.”

Bellamy pushes the door open slowly, hesitant, checking to make sure no one is waiting for all of you on the other side. Once he sees that it’s clear, he slips inside, motioning for the two of you to follow him. You step into a large room, mostly dark, save for the light that comes through a window in the center of the room, casting an eerie glow on the room full of…skeletons. You get a chill down your spine, bringing back your unease in full force as you look at the skeletons lined up in the center of the room and Murphy mutters, “You gotta be kidding me. Which part of ‘I hate dead people’ did you not understand?”

“Quiet, Murphy.” Murphy gives Bellamy a look but goes silent, but you shake your head, agreeing with Murphy. “Bellamy, I don’t like this.”

Bellamy gives you a reassuring look before he calls out into the room, “Jordan, we know you’re in here.”

Jordan steps out of the shadows, looking at the three of you, and Bellamy shakes his head. “What the hell are you doing?”

“What you would’ve done, the you before Praimfaya anyway. That was my favorite Bellamy.”

The door behind you suddenly closes, and you look towards it in shock, eyes falling on Gaia. You nod, “You too?”

“They worship Nightbloods. I’d like to understand why that is.”

Murphy quips, “I’d like to leave. There’s no way I’m getting thrown out of the one safe place on this moon because you got dumped.”

Gaia starts to wander over to the skeletons, looking at them closely, while Jordan disappears to the back wall, looking it over. You, Bellamy, and Murphy all linger near the door, not too eager to get closer to the skeletons, when the door slides open again and Clarke steps into view. Her tone is scolding as she looks you all over, “This is Sanctum’s holiest place, you shouldn’t be here.”

You give her a weird look, wondering why she gives a shit about Sanctum’s holiest place, and she must catch it because she gives you a sheepish look. “I’m sorry. I just, uh, I saw you on the steps.”

“Does that mean your bodyguard could too?”

She nods, “Good point, let’s take this outside.”

But Gaia argues from her spot nearby, “Not yet.” You look over at her, watching her run a finger over the back of one of the skulls, her expression one of awe. “The mark of the Flame? They’re all Commanders.”

You exchange a look with Bellamy before you walk over to the skeleton, seeing the infinity symbol imprinted on the back of the skull. You think of your first day in Sanctum, of the flag Emori pointed out to all of you. “That’s why the symbol was on the flag.”

Bellamy starts to walk among the skeletons, coming to a stop in the center of the room, looking around at them. “The ones in the front row must be the original Eligius team, there’s 12 of them. Oh, and they take kids.”

Clarke counters, “Familial love is a powerful motivator. People will do anything to ensure the survival of the ones they love. Now let’s ensure our survival and get the hell out of here.”

You all start to step towards her, intending to leave, until you hear the scrape of a door opening. When you follow the sound, you see Jordan standing at an open door, and you all walk over to join him, flicking on a light inside the newly exposed room. You get another chill when your eyes land on an operating room, fresh Nightblood staining a pile of gauze near the operating table in the center of the room. Murphy eyes it with unease. “Operating room attached to a crypt. Really?”

Jordan spots something and rushes inside, grabbing a pile of pink fabric, neatly folded and placed on a table. He holds it up for the rest of you to see, “She was here. This was Delilah’s, I’m sure of it! Still think I’m overreacting?”

You all step into the operating room, and Bellamy looks your way as he begins to think out loud. “Okay, let’s think this through. Becca created the Flame after apocalypse one. She obviously provided the tech to Eligius III before that. That means that-”

Gaia cuts him off, voice full of realization. “They’re not Commanders.”

You look at your boyfriend, fighting back your growing anxiety. “So what the hell are they?”

Jordan spots a computer on the other side of the room and makes a beeline for it, plopping into the chair and firing it up. “Let’s find out.”

You all gather around him as he starts to type away on the keyboard, and Murphy jokes, “Monty taught him how to hack too. That’s my kind of parenting.”

Jordan clarifies, “No hacking needed. The Eligius systems all use the same access code.”

He types in the access code, clicking on a few things until he pulls up a list of video files. You quickly scan the names of the files, pointing out one that sounds promising. “Eureka, try that.”

Jordan clicks on the file, and a bearded man appears on the screen in full view. Behind him is a second man, much older, and a young woman tied down to the operating table that stands behind you. You watch the man take a deep breath and begin, “Here we go again. Today’s subject is Brooke, Earth embryo 47. Presents with black blood; 21 Earth years old, 22 doing time in the incubator.”

You and Bellamy exchange a look as the other man encourages, “You can do this, Gabriel. Twenty five years of work, the failures. This is the one.”

Gabriel continues, “If I’m right, the reason all previous metempsychosis trials have failed is because the host’s neuroanatomy was not developed enough to support the file size of a mature human mind.”

 _File size of a mature human mind?_ You hate the sound of that, and you glance over at your twin, searching for the unease you’re sure she must feel. You’re surprised to find her expression passive, not yet concerned with the events on screen. You turn back to the screen as you hear the girl start to struggle, watching as Gabriel injects something into her arm, and she eventually grows still. You all watch in horror as Gabriel stands staring at the screens around the room, monitoring scans of the girl’s brain, muttering about different areas going dormant. Jordan’s voice is a quiet whisper when he chokes out, “Did they just kill that girl? Did we just watch someone die?”

None of you answer, too enthralled with what’s on the screen, because now the two men are holding up a small piece of hardware, reminding you so much of the Flame. “The body’s ready.”

And just like the Flame, they insert it into the back of her neck, though they don’t use any passphrases. They just cut the girls neck open and insert the tech inside before stitching her up again, and then they sit back and wait. Jordan skips through the video a little, the two men waiting for a while, playing it again as the young girl blinks awake slowly and the older man calls out, “Something’s happening, she’s waking up. Josephine, can you hear me?”

At the mention of the name, you go completely still, looking over at your twin, remembering what she told you yesterday. But still, her expression is impassive, seemingly unshocked to hear the name. When she senses you looking at her she meets your eyes, her expression turning to one of worry once you lock gazes. You mutter to the others, “Josephine was Russell’s daughter.”

You turn back to the screen as the girl lets out a blood curdling screen, and you turn back in time to watch her fall off the operating tables and scramble back into the corner. Gabriel drops in front of her, moving slowly, trying to soothe her, and he finally whispers, “I’ve spent the last 25 years trying to bring you back.”

The other man tries to get close to Josephine, but she presses herself into the glass at her back, trying to get away. Gabriel starts to soothe her, whispering, “It’s okay, it’s okay. It wasn’t his fault, it was the red sun.”

“The eclipse, I was right.”

Gabriel nods, “Yes, you were. It turns out it affects more than just insects.”

Josephine seems to think for a minute, before a realization hits her. “Our memory drives. You reverse engineered them to upload our entire minds. That’s brilliant!”

You look at Bellamy, both of you looking horrified as you start to put the pieces together. On screen, Josephine hugs both men, but you ignore it, too focused on looking at your twin, trying to gauge her reaction. But when you look her way, she just seems lost in her own head, a faraway look on her face. You reach out and take her hand, bringing her back to you as Gabriel concludes, “The key is a fully developed brain. Once the adult host’s consciousness is gone, the mind stored in the drive uploads with ease. Now, we still have loads of tests to run, but so far, Josie’s consciousness, _herself_ , appears to be whole. In other words, eureka. More soon.”

And then the video ends, leaving all of you staring at the screen, stunned. Murphy is the first to break the silence. “They’re immortal.”

Jordan counters, “They’re _murderers_. They murdered Delilah.”

Clarke shakes her head, looking at all of you. “It’s not murder if they go willingly.”

Jordan’s anger rises, his voice breaking as he yells, “Did that girl look willing to you?!”

Gaia adds, disgusted, “That’s how they made it better, easier, by manipulating people into believing they were _sacrificing_ themselves to some false gods. ‘Becoming one with the primes’ like Delilah’s mother said.”

“Well, so much for respecting their faith.” You all look at Murphy in shock, and he adds, “I mean, no offense. You let a bunch of kids fight to the death to become your God.”

“Murphy, that’s enough.” Bellamy turns to your twin, who has now dropped your hand and stepped away a little, silent. “Clarke, you’re okay with this?”

“Well, I didn’t say that. I just don’t think they pose a threat to us, that’s all.”

You turn to her incredulous, not understanding how she isn’t more bothered by this. “Clarke, they _literally_ pose a threat to you because they know you’re a Nightblood! And based on what we just saw, I’m thinking that’s the only reason they let us stay!”

Gaia starts to step away, face pulled into horror as she moves to the door. “Madi.”

You feel a wave of nausea roll over you at the thought of your Nightblood niece away from all of you, potentially in harm’s way. Gaia looks at you, “I have to get her before they find out what she is.”

You nod, letting her know you agree, and Clarke calls out, “I’ll go with you.”

As she starts to walk past you, Bellamy says, “Bring her back to the tavern so we can decide what to do.”

Clarke nods, and you watch her leave, following Gaia, before the rest of you step back into the creepy skeleton room, now understanding that these are all the bodies from the previous hosts. Jordan stands in front of the one labeled Priya, looking absolutely devastated. “These are all her.”

Bellamy looks towards him, his voice low. “Jordan, I’m sorry I doubted you.”

Jordan nods, silently accepting his apology, before Bellamy adds, “Log out of the system, we need to cover our tracks.”

Jordan heads back into the lab to hide any evidence that you were even here, and the two of you turn to Murphy, who lets out a sigh. “I hate to say it, but I agree with Clarke. This isn’t our fight.”

You give him a confused look. “You still want to stay?”

“I want to live, only these people know how to do that forever, as it turns out. That wouldn’t suck either.”

Bellamy shakes his head, pretending he isn’t hearing what he’s hearing from Murphy. “Reattach the keypad outside the tunnel. We’re right behind you.”

Murphy looks at him for a long second before he nods and steps out the door, leaving you and Bellamy alone in the center of the room. You look at each other, unease surrounding you both, your boyfriend appearing just as anxious as you are. “Right now, they only know Clarke is a Nightblood. We need to make sure they don’t find out about you and Madi. It’ll be much easier to keep Clarke safe if she’s the only one we need to protect.”

You nod, tears welling up in your eyes as you think about the danger the three of you are in, now at risk of being body snatched by a group of people you could care less about. “I’m scared, Bellamy.”

He pulls you into his arms, holding you tight against him as he whispers into your hair, “I am too, but I’ll keep you safe.”

You both pull away when you hear Jordan come out of the lab, turning off the light and closing the door behind him. You give him a serious look, “Everything taken care of?”

“No one will ever know we were here.”

“Good.” You look at the skeletons, circled around you like a small army. “Then let’s get the hell out of here.”

The three of you slip out of the door and join Murphy outside, the suns of Sanctum now set, darkness now blanketing the village. You realize now all of you must have been in there for a while, and you hope no one noticed your absence while you were gone. You, Murphy, Bellamy, and Jordan all head back to the tavern, opening the doors to find everyone has returned from the funeral held for Rose. You grab one of the larger tables, plopping down into a chair while the boys grab drinks, setting them around the table before settling into their spots. Bellamy slides into the chair beside you, both of you pressed together, seeking each other’s comfort to keep your unease at bay. Gaia, Madi, and Clarke come into the tavern a few minutes later, joining you at your table. Clarke sits at the head and Madi sits across from you, while Murphy sits across from Bellamy and Jordan and Gaia sit at the other end. 

You fill Madi in on everything you’ve learned since seeing her last, letting her know how much danger all of you are truly in. Clarke sits silently through the whole thing, allowing you and Bellamy to catch her up, and at the end of the rundown, Madi turns to Clarke, noticing her silence. “Clarke, you realize staying says we’re okay with what they’re doing.”

“Yeah, and what’s the alternative?” You all look over to Murphy, who takes a sip of his drink before continuing, “Go back to space? Sleep for another hundred years on our way to a planet even less likely to support life?”

“Build our own compound. Emori, Echo and Raven will be back in the morning. They’ll know everything we need to build a radiation shield. After that, it’s just hard work.” 

Murphy counters, “Over how many lifetimes? No, seriously, how many eclipses? How many swarms? How many terrorist attacks?”

Clarke nods, “I agree with John.”

You look at Clarke, brows pulling together. _John?_ Never in the time since meeting Murphy have any of you called him John, other than Emori and your mom. But Clarke continues speaking like she didn’t just say the weirdest thing you’ve ever heard. “I don’t like who they are either, but we need them to survive.”

You glance at Bellamy, who is watching Clarke closely, and you spare a glance at Murphy, who also picked up on the weird name drop moment. You shake your head at her, looking at Clarke like you have no idea who she is. “What the hell is wrong with you? You’re way too calm about this, Clarke.”

She opens her mouth to answer, but Jordan, who has had his eyes locked on Priya across the room, speaks before Clarke can get the chance. “They’re murderers, raising people to give up their bodies, brainwashing them into believing they’re gods.”

“He’s right. It’s a perversion of everything Bekka Pramheda believed. The Flame was about passing wisdom on to the next line, not keeping it all to yourself.”

Murphy, ever critical of the Grounder religion, counters, “Yeah, well, no offense, but Becca wasn’t a god either. She was a scientist who made herself a Nightblood in the lab the same way Abby did to Clarke.”

Out of the corner of your eye, you see Clarke freeze up a little, shocked by the words. You turn to her, about to ask what’s wrong, when Jordan suddenly bolts from the table, practically running over to Priya. You and Bellamy jump up after him as he snaps at the Prime, “I know what you did.”

You and Bellamy each grab one of Jordan’s arms, holding him back and warning, “Hey, bad idea.”

Jae looks at Jordan with concern. “Is everything okay here?”

“How can you be okay? She was your child.”

Priya seems to understand what’s happening, because she turns to face Jordan head on. “I know you miss Delilah, hallowed be her name. But she’s happy, Jordan. She wants you to know that.”

The words freeze Jordan up just enough for you and Bellamy to drag him back to the table and force him into his chair. As you reach the table, you see that one of the chairs is now empty, your group missing one person. 

Clarke. 

You look around the tavern, eyes falling on a blonde haired person slipping out of the building without another word. You turn to Bellamy, your voice low enough for just him to hear, and you whisper, “Something is wrong with Clarke, and she’s walking out of the tavern right now. We have to talk to her.”

He nods, backing you up, and the two of you jog to the exit of the building, stepping out into the cool night air, searching for Clarke. Bellamy spots her first, walking just ahead past a row of buildings, and the two of you walk quickly behind her, calling out, “Clarke!”

She turns around, stopping in place, looking at you with concern. “Everything okay?”

Something inside of you tells you to answer in Trig. You don’t know why, but you listen to the voice, answering, _“Flish em of. Osir gaf in chich yu op soulou. Kom nau.”_

 _Get rid of her. We need to talk to you alone. Now._ She looks at you for a long second, face blank, and you glance at Bellamy, finding that he is just as confused. Clarke was fluent in Trigedasleng long before the rest of you, thanks to her three months of isolation after Mount Weather, and it’s never taken her so long to translate before. But she finally does, turning to look at the guard that lingers nearby. “Give us a minute.”

The guard stands up straighter, indicating that she’s going nowhere, and Clarke sighs and motions to the building beside you. “Fine, we’ll go in here.”

You and Bellamy follow her inside, turning on her as soon as she closes the door. “Where were you going?”

“To see our mother. What’s wrong?”

You shake your head at her. “How are we on different sides of this?”

“I know how they survive seems harsh. But from what I’ve seen, these people are happy. Their world works, we destroyed ours.”

Bellamy gives her a hard look. “This isn’t about us.”

“So we can judge them but not ourselves?”

“You know I judge myself every day.” Bellamy looks over at you, his eyes telling you he’s going to test a theory as he walks closer to her, answering in Trigedasleng. _“_ You want to know the difference between us and them? _Ai sin in feis-de kom keryon ai don rip klin ona flashpa, nou ona fleta.”_

 _I see the faces of the people I’ve killed when I dream, not in the mirror._ Clarke stares at him for a long second, and then she asks, “I’m sorry. Can you repeat that last phrase? It sounds like Flashpa means flashback. So was it a dream?”

You freeze in place, the sudden roar of blood rushing in your ears the only thing you hear. You look at your twin, the pieces suddenly falling into place. The uneasy feeling you’ve had all day, the weird language, strange behavior. Bellamy connects the dots too, because he grabs Clarke and slams her into the wall of the building, pinning her in place with his arm at her neck. “Who are you?”

She surprises you by stabbing him in the neck with something, and you watch Bellamy fall to the ground, your stomach sinking with dread. You run over to him, calling out, “Bellamy!”

You drop down to Bellamy’s side, eyes catching the rise and fall of his chest, your fingers reaching up to his neck to check his pulse. You sigh in relief as it thumps steadily beneath your fingers, and your brain registers the feeling of danger seconds before you feel a prick in your neck. Clarke drops something near your feet, and you get a glimpse of it as you start to fall, some sort of Sanctum tranq stick. You hit the ground beside Bellamy, panicking when you realize that you can’t move, cant speak, can’t scream. Your body is frozen for real this time, triggered by something in the sedative, and the only thing you have control over is your eyes. You see darkness creeping up at the edge of your vision, and your eyes are wide with fear as Clarke’s face drops into your line of sight, a smile on her face as she answers Bellamy’s earlier question. “Josephine Lightbourne, nice to meet you.”

You feel a rush of crushing anguish, and if you weren’t temporarily paralyzed you’re sure that you’d fall apart, letting out a scream that would break this entire moon in half. Tears immediately flood to your eyes instead, blurring your vision as the darkness rushes closer, your mind running over one thought over and over. _Once the adult’s consciousness is gone. Josephine Lightbourne, nice to meet you. Once the adult’s consciousness is gone. Josephine Lightbourne, nice to meet you. Once the adult’s consciousness is gone. Josephine Lightbourne, nice to meet you._

The last realization you have before you get sucked into the darkness is that Clarke Griffin, your sister, your twin, your shining star, 

is dead.

_Gone forever._

-


	77. lxxvii. memento mori (6.06)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: angst, sadness, language.
> 
> Summary: With the loss of your twin hanging over your head, and you and Bellamy locked up within the palace, you begin to plan your revenge.

You feel the warmth of the sun beaming down on your face, and you wake slowly, lazily, stretching out your limbs.

That is, until you remember the events from the night before.

You bolt upright, your eyes pulling open quickly, looking around in a panic. Your gaze lands on Bellamy first, whispering your name as he crawls over to you, his voice broken and hurt. You scramble over to him, as far as you can before you feel something tug on your wrist, and you look down in alarm and see that you’re chained to the floor, just out of reach from Bellamy. Still, the two of you face each other the best you can, his expression full of concern. “Are you okay?”

“No. Are you?”

His voice is soft, “No.”

Physically, you’re both okay, but mentally… that’s a different story. You look at your boyfriend, devastated and upset, and it makes you think of Clarke, and how scared she must have been in her final moments, all alone as they wiped her mind. You feel grief grip your chest and squeeze hard, choking you, before you let out the most heartbreaking scream, one that’s been building up since you were temporarily paralyzed. Tears fall down your face fast, loud, gut wrenching sobs slipping past your lips, and there’s nothing Bellamy can do to comfort you, both of you chained too far apart. He looks at you, tears rolling down his face as he watches you cry, desperate to reach you and comfort you. He starts to tug on his restraint, wanting so badly to hold you in his arms, but it’s useless. 

You cry and sob for what feels like hours, until your eyes are puffy and tired and your throat sore from your wailing. You sit achingly still for a few moments, staring at the wall, until you remember Echo hugging you a few days ago, returning your weapon to you, the same weapon you’ve slipped into your waistband everyday since. 

“My knife.”

You reach back, patting around, disappointment rolling through you when you realize it’s gone, the weapon now taken from you. You turn to Bellamy, full of desperation when you ask, “Did they take the skull knife from you?”

He checks every pocket, every inch of fabric on his body and comes up empty, both of you weaponless and locked up, the only two people aware of Clarke’s death. Not just her death, her body snatching. Josephine Lightbourne stole your twin’s body, and one of the Primes helped her do it, likely her terrible parents. You feel your anger start to rise, the pure rage you feel from having your sister stolen from you, her body still walking around as if to taunt you, and it’s enough to make you want to burn this place to the ground. You scramble to your feet and start to tug on your chain, screaming and raging as you yell, “I’ll kill you all for this! Your precious Primes can’t save you because they’re the first to die! Do you hear me? I’m gonna kill your leaders, one by one, and then I’m burning this whole place to the fucking ground!”

You scream with rage and tug on your restraints, frustrated by your limited range of motion. From what you can see, you’re in some room, likely in the palace, most of the furniture covered up and pushed aside. But enough of it is close enough for you to reach, and you scream and grab the chair nearby, lifting it and swinging it towards the wall. Then you reach for the small vanity, a mirror still attached, and you kick it hard, knocking it backwards and destroying it. You kick and punch and destroy everything within your grasp, but still your whole body hurts with grief, the loss of your other half too much for you to handle. You collapse to the ground, sobs racking your body again, and you hear Bellamy call your name through his own crying. You look at him, and the sorrow that grips him tight, distressed about losing his best friend and watching his girl completely break down, and you try to reach him again, sliding close to him the best you can. You reach out for him, stretching your unchained arm as far as you can, and when he does the same, the two of you realize you have just enough reach to hold hands. 

And that’s how you and Bellamy remain for a long time, crying together, holding each other’s hands as tightly as you can, mourning the loss of Clarke together. 

-

At some point you fall asleep, exhausted from the emotions that continue to run you over and leave you hurting. When you eventually wake up again, you and Bellamy sit up and face each other, talking low and quiet as you decide what to do next. You’re both in agreement that the second they killed Clarke is the second they signed their names on Death’s list, because Wanlida is coming for them all, prepared to avenge her murdered sister. As the two of you are discussing how to escape and do what needs to be done, you start to hear yelling from down the hall. You both look up as the doors to your room swing open, and Murphy is tossed inside, shoved to the ground at your feet. The doors are slammed shut behind him, and you look at him in confusion, wondering why he’s here. “Murphy?”

Murphy turns around in shock, looking at you and Bellamy, saying both of your names. “You figured it out too, huh? I should have known the two of you would.”

Bellamy asks, “Who else knows?”

“Nobody yet, just us.” He’s quiet for a minute, eyes scanning your face, trying to figure out your demeanor before he mutters, “Tried to offer me a deal.”

“What deal?”

“We agree not to retaliate, they help us build our compound.”

You glare at him, your voice threatening, “And what did you say?”

Murphy looks hurt at your implication, “What do you think I said? It’s _Clarke_. She might not have been my favorite as of late, but she’s still one of ours.”

Hearing Murphy talk about Clarke in the past tense makes you tear up again, the reality of the situation suddenly front and center again. You look at Murphy, expression softening as you whisper, “She cared about you, Murphy. I know that it might not have always seemed like it, but she did. She cared about all of us, and she would never let us die here.”

“You saying we should take the deal?”

You shake your head, and Bellamy does too, answering for you. “No, you were right. We don’t need them to help us build our own compound. We kill them all, and we take theirs.”

Murphy looks from Bellamy to you, seeing if you agree, and when he sees the anger on your face he leans back and shakes his head. “Where’s Blodreina when you need her?”

Bellamy’s jaw clenches but he says nothing, and the three of you sit in silence for a while, nobody quite sure what to say. Eventually Murphy gets up and starts to pace, but you and Bellamy remain sitting on the floor, watching him. Bellamy warns, “Hey, save your energy. You’re gonna need it.”

“Yeah? For what, another war?” He stops pacing and turns to face the two of you. “Is that really what Clarke would want?”

Bellamy answers first, “I don’t know what Clarke would want, it’s too bad we can’t ask her.”

You feel a rush of anger, pissed that Murphy already seems to disagree with the fight ahead when he was seemingly on your side a few minutes ago. Your voice is hard when you snap, “I do know what Clarke would want, and she’d want us to fight for her!”

Murphy shakes his head, disagreeing. “We know she wanted to do better. Somehow I don’t think risking all of our lives for revenge is a step in the right direction.”

“Would you be saying that if it was Emori that they bodysnatched? If I let Clarke and my mother go through with their plans in Becca’s Lab, she’d be a Nightblood right now. She’d be the one at risk, and if my memory serves me correctly, you fought like hell when she was _threatened_.” You stand and stare him down, cocking your head to the side and sizing him up. “Imagine if she was _dead_.”

You see Murphy’s jaw clench, and you know you’ve hit a nerve, because he stands tall and walks closer, looking like he’s ready to fight. Bellamy stops the brewing storm with a question, his voice a quiet realization. “Why aren’t you restrained like us?”

For the first time, you realize that Murphy’s hands are cuffed together, but he isn’t chained to the floor. He has free range of the room. Beyond that, he walked into this room, while you and Bellamy were drugged and brought in here while unconscious. You feel your suspicion rise as you take in Murphy’s situation, along with his insistent argument about killing every Prime on this moon. Murphy shrugs as he glances at Bellamy, “I don’t know, maybe I seem less likely to rip their heads off.”

Bellamy stands, looking skeptical, the expression sending warning bells through you. Bellamy spent 6 years in space with Murphy, and the two men know each other very well. If Bellamy is skeptical, something is wrong. You feel your anger grow stronger as you glare at Murphy and snap, “Why are you really here, Murphy?”

“You really want to know?” You and Bellamy both nod, and Murphy steps closer to the two of you, closing the space between you. “Fine, I’m here to convince you to take the deal.”

Your anger starts to boil, growing hotter, and you’re about ready to explode as you turn to look at Bellamy, prepared to ask him if it’s okay for you to kick Murphy’s ass. Bellamy is looking at Murphy with complete and utter disgust, his voice thick with disappointment. “Why am I not surprised? What did you see when you died, Murphy?”

“Am I trying to save my own ass? Yeah, I am, but I’m also saving _both of you_ , just like I did during the red sun.” Murphy focuses his attention on Bellamy, aware that any begging with you won’t go over well. “Bellamy, if we take this deal, we get everything we want. We get to live.”

You spit back, “Not Clarke.”

He turns to look at you, expression pleading. “We can’t bring her back. We can make sure the rest of us survive, starting with the two of you. If you don’t take this deal, Josephine will kill you both.”

You scoff and Bellamy retorts, “Then let her try.”

“Oh, so that’s it, then? We start another war? We destroy another planet? Is that what you want? Is that what Monty would have wanted?”

The mention of Monty is the wrong idea, because Bellamy’s sympathy and disappointment turns to anger, explosive, boiling hot just like yours. He grabs the front of Murphy’s shirt, holding him in place, despite the restraint on his other wrist. “Listen to me, Monty would be ashamed of you.”

Bellamy shoves him away, back towards the door, and Murphy quickly masks his look of hurt. “Maybe he would be, or maybe he’d see that this is how we do better.”

Your anger finally snaps and you try to launch yourself at Murphy, fully prepared to send him to hell for his betrayal of Clarke and her memory. He flinches, despite the restraint on your wrist that tugs you back. Bellamy can sense your growing chaos, and he turns to Murphy and snaps, “Get out.”

He heeds Bellamy’s words and turns to knock on the door, pulled open a second later by a pair of guards. Before he steps out of the room, and he turns to look at you both one last time. “Don’t worry, I’ll do my best to make sure they only kill the two of you.”

You try to lunge at him again, frustrated as the restraint holds you back, and you watch him leave with a fire in your eyes, one that’s slowly burning through you, eating you alive, inch by inch. 

Your anger keeps you antsy and on edge long after that, but there’s nothing you can do but pace in one spot and plot your revenge, waiting for someone to come into the room and give you the opportunity to fight for your freedom. As you wait, the hours tick by, and the two suns track across the sky before setting for good. Before the sky turns completely dark, you’re staring out the window, thinking about how to get free from your restraint without a weapon, when you see movement in the sky. “Bellamy, look.”

He turns to the window and sees the transport ship, _your_ transport ship, lift into the sky and fly away, back towards the mothership. You and Bellamy exchange a look as you mutter, “What the hell?”

But you don’t get to harp on your confusion for long, because the door behind you swings open, and you and Bellamy both turn to see who is visiting you now. Unfortunately for you, it’s Josephine. You’re not sure you’ll ever stop being shocked at the sight of your twin, who is now no longer your twin, convinced it’ll take you a lifetime to remind yourself that she’s not in there anymore. Unfortunately for Josephine, your mind may be shocked, but your body is not, your anger still pulsing through your blood, attached to your cells like a permanent memory. You lunge at her, the chain the only thing holding you back, and she jumps backwards in surprise, holding her hands up in surrender. “I don’t want to fight, okay?”

“Yeah, well I do. Why are you here?”

“Because we’re all struggling to live with this, and I was hoping maybe we could help each other through it.” She steps towards you a little, and you feel your muscles tense up, readying for a fight. A fight that never comes, because there is movement by the door again, and all three of you turn your gaze to the door as Russell and Murphy stride into the room. Josephine glares at Murphy, and deadpans, “You went to my father?”

“I take big swings.” 

Russell looks at his daughter in shock. “What are you doing?”

“Saving us. They know you killed Clarke, and, unlike the snake behind you, they will cry over spilled milk.”

“Enough. What the hell’s the matter with you? Have you become so callous to the feelings of others that you don’t remember what it’s like to lose someone you love?” She rolls her eyes and steps out of his way, opening up space for Russell to stand between you and Bellamy. “I know you’re in pain, I know you want revenge. I would too. We had a chance to bring back our daughter, and we took it. We didn’t consider the consequences.”

Josephine rolls her eyes again, crossing her arms, “For God’s sake-”

“Be quiet.”

Murphy looks over at her, “Maybe you should just let the man speak.”

You and Bellamy both snap, “Shut up, Murphy.”

“I think you should hear him out, I think we can trust him.”

The familiar, comforting rush of anger washes over you, your voice rising as you glare at the cockroach. “You think we should trust the man that _killed my twin_?”

Russell looks at you in surprise, clearly being one of the few people that didn’t catch the resemblance between you and Clarke. Maybe he was so blinded by the color of her blood that he never stopped and actually looked at her. He only ever saw her as a host. Still, he turns a sympathetic gaze to you, looking like he’s actually sorry. “You can. Look, I can’t bring your twin back, but I can guarantee safety for the rest of your people. We’ll share everything we’ve learned about surviving on this moon.”

You scoff, turning away from him, unable to look at him. Because you don’t need his help to survive on this moon. None of you knew how to survive on Earth, but you figured it out. And once you kill all the Primes and take over Sanctum, half of the work is already done. Your people will be safe, without the help of a body snatching asshole, and you’ll have a compound of your own, connected to a tunnel system of your own for when the two suns eclipse. 

Bellamy glances to the window, and then back to Russell. “Why did our ship just take off?”

Murphy is the one to answer, “Abby’s showing them how to make Nightblood.”

You freeze, you and Bellamy locking gazes in shock. Your brain is still trying to process the thought that soon the Primes will have access to all the Nightblood they could want, making them truly immortal, when Bellamy recovers first. “I take it she doesn’t know that one of her daughters is dead. You’re gonna have to kill her too. Because between our need for revenge and Abby’s need for revenge, there’s only one way this ends.”

As Bellamy finishes his sentence, Josephine starts to move towards you, and your gaze falls on a knife gripped in her hand. Your shock wears off and your body tenses, again preparing for a fight. You watch her duck low, the knife cutting through the cable that keeps you attached to the floor, and as soon as you feel your hand go free, you launch into action. You kick Josephine’s hand, knocking the knife out of her grip, watching it slide over to Bellamy. He reaches for it as you hit Josephine in the neck, forcing her to start coughing and choking. Before anyone else can even comprehend your movements, you spin towards Russell, kicking him in the stomach and watching as he doubles over. Then you hear Bellamy call your name, and you turn his way as he tosses you the knife, which you grab from the air. You turn back towards Russell, wrapping your arm around his neck and using the other hand to hold the knife to his neck. 

You see his eyes go wide, and you turn him slightly, until the two of you are facing Bellamy, who has Josephine in his grip, the cord of restraint wrapped around her neck, just waiting for your command to kill her. Murphy yells your names above the chaos, sounding panicked, “Stop, alright? You don’t want them to kill all of us! Just think!”

“They won’t kill any of us if they’re all dead, Murphy.”

Russell struggles slightly in your grip, and you press the knife into his skin, nicking him. He winces, sucking in air through his teeth, freezing up completely, looking at his daughter with fear. “Josephine!”

Josephine looks at her dad, sounding apologetic, but you can tell she only cares about saving her own life. “I’m sorry, daddy. Violence is all they know.”

She looks away from her dad, her eyes moving to you. “If killing him is what you need, then do it, but let the violence end here…an eye for an eye.”

“Why should I let the violence end here, Josephine? It took me and Bellamy seconds to get you and your father under control. Imagine how quickly we can kill the rest of the Primes when I tell the rest of our people what you’ve done.” You look at Bellamy, and he tightens his grip on Josephine’s neck, choking her slightly, proving your point. 

Murphy yells, “Wanlida, stop!”

You freeze, the nickname making your blood run cold. “If you kill them, that’s what you become. The Bringer of Death. Is that what you want? Is that really what Clarke would want? Clarke, who did everything in her power to escape her nickname? Killing these people in her name would go against everything she tried to escape! And it would make you a murderer, no better than the Grounders, or the Mountain Men, or Pike, or McCreary. Because this isn’t a kill for survival, this is revenge, plain and simple.”

Tears well up in your eyes as you consider his words. Wanlida, the Bringer of Death. The identity you’ve tried to escape. The identity you promised the Universe you’d leave behind. The identity you sent into the sky, attached to a lantern. Wanlida is not who you want to be. You don’t want to be Azazel, or a murderer, or a monster. You just want to be the moon, bright and dazzling, _the guiding light_. Your stomach rolls over when the memory comes forward, you and Bellamy sitting in a tree, right after you thought your mother died in the exodus ship crash. Guiding lights don’t kill for revenge. Clarke never killed for revenge. _So why should you?_

You look at Bellamy, feeling the conflict warring inside of you, unsure what to do. He senses it, catching on to the panic in your expression with ease. “I’ll support whatever you decide.”

The words are enough to decide for you, and the fight leaves your body in a rush. Your grip loosens and the knife drops from your hand, clattering to the ground at your feet. You drop your arm away from Russell and he steps away from you, reaching up to touch the small amount of black blood that drips from the tiny cut you gave him. Bellamy releases Josephine, who seems to think the whole situation is a joke, smiling as she steps away from your boyfriend and passes a pair of mind drives to Murphy, repeating Murphy’s earlier words back to him. “Big swings.”

The sight of the drives makes you sick, and you suddenly understand why Murphy was so eager to get you and Bellamy to back down. Because there was something in it for him, as usual. Josephine’s smugness and Murphy’s manipulation is almost enough to make you pick the knife back up and kill them both on the spot, but you don’t have the energy to do it. You don’t have the energy to fight her or Murphy or Russell or anyone anymore. Because in doing the right thing, you let your twin’s murder go unchecked. And nothing could possibly make you feel worse than that.

-

Of course, you’re wrong about feeling worse. 

It turns out that having to pass the message along to your friends, and then tell them that you’re not going to avenge Clarke, is even worse. It’s enough to leave you exhausted, slumped over in a chair in the tavern, sitting in silence along with the others. Echo comes rushing into the room, looking around in a panic, relief washing over her face as soon as she sees you and Bellamy. But then she actually sees you, taking in the slump of your shoulders and upset expressions, and she looks worried again, running over to the two of you in a hurry. “What’s going on?”

Bellamy looks over at you, but you shake your head unable to say the words out loud again, so he stands and whispers, “Clarke’s dead.”

Echo’s expression immediately changes to match yours, clearly upset, despite not knowing Clarke well. But she knows that Clarke is one of you, and that she’s a leader, and that an attack against one of you is an attack against all of you. More importantly, Echo knows that Clarke is your _twin_. She drops beside you and pulls you into a hug, and you weakly hug her back before she pulls away, expression now one of anger. “So when do we attack?”

You feel tears well up in your eyes again, and Echo looks at you in confusion before turning to look at Bellamy. He clarifies, “We don’t. We do what Clarke would have done, we survive.”

She nods, accepting the answer, and you think that’s the end of it until you hear feet on the stairs behind you. You freeze, your heart sinking low as your eyes lock on Madi, who’s looking towards you as she walks down the stairs. “Madi, hey…We have something to tell you.”

You take a deep breath, steeling yourself, knowing that the words need to come from you. You turn to face her, taking in her terrified expression, picking up on the energy in the room. She walks over to you, and you drop down to her eye level, taking her hand in yours. “Madi, Clarke’s dead. The Primes wiped her consciousness and made her a host for Josephine.”

You see Madi’s lip quiver, tears instantly spilling from her eyes as she lunges at you, wrapping her arms around your neck and tucking her head in the space between your shoulders, crying. You hug her back, her tears triggering yours, and the two of you stand crying and holding each other, everyone’s eyes on you. You cry until you can’t take the pitying looks anymore, then you lift Madi and carry her up the stairs, into the room she shared with Clarke. You lay her in the bed, sitting on the edge of it as you look down at your heartbroken niece. You reach into your pocket, grabbing the one item you requested before agreeing to Russell’s terms. Clarke’s bracelet, two different charms hanging from it, now belonging to you. 

You take Madi’s hand and attach the bracelet around her wrist, whispering, “She’d want you to have this.”

Madi starts to cry again, looking up at you with a tear stained face. “They deserve to die for what they’ve done.”

“I know, Madi, I know. But that’s not what Clarke would have wanted. We’re going to honor her memory by doing better, not by starting another war.”

She nods, understanding though you know she wishes she didn’t. She reaches out for your hand, tugging you towards her. “Will you stay with me until I fall asleep, ani?”

“Of course, little sun.”

You lay down beside her, brushing her hair with your fingers and whispering stories of the stars to her until she falls asleep. You stay for a few minutes afterwards, making sure she’s actually lost in her dreams, before you slip out of her room and head down the stairs. Everyone looks at you as you reach the bottom, and you notice Bellamy missing, his seat now empty. Echo points towards the exit of the tavern and mutters, “Out by the pond.”

You nod in thanks and step outside, walking over to the pond, searching for Bellamy. You finally see him sitting on a bench beside the water, hunched over and crying. You watch his shoulders shake as he tries to hold back his tears, working to stay quiet, and the sight of it breaks your heart. You slide onto the bench beside him, taking his hand, and he looks over at you, startled. He hastily tries to wipe away his tears, as he asks, “How’s Madi?”

“Hurting. But she’s sleeping now.” You reach up with your free hand and wipe away some of his tears that he missed in his haste. “How are you?”

“I should be asking you that.” He sniffles, looking away with embarrassment. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t even be crying, Clarke is your twin.”

The words bring tears to your eyes again, and you almost start to marvel at the sheer amount of tears you’ve shed today. Instead, your brain focuses on the word twin, and you quietly whisper. “ _Was_. She was my twin. Now I’m not a twin anymore.”

You start to cry, the realization breaking your heart, and Bellamy pulls you into his arms, comforting you the way he wanted to comfort you when the two of you were locked up out of reach. “You’ll always be a twin, and she’ll always be with you. No matter what.”

He starts to hum Clair de lune, softly rocking you back and forth as you attempt to purge the sadness from your body. Stretched out above you, the stars in the sky shine, taunting you, reminding you of what you’ve lost. You think of Gemini, the twins Castor and Pollux, and how they were stronger together. You and Clarke were always stronger together too, unbreakable, but now you start to wonder:

_With your other half gone, how will you be strong now?_

-


	78. lxxvii. nevermind (6.07)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: language, blood, anxiety, fighting, violence, injuries.
> 
> Summary: Reeling from the loss of Clarke and your agreement to not exact revenge, you receive some welcome news.

You toss and turn all night, plagued by dreams and memories of Clarke. 

It’s not enough to be heartbroken while awake, you’re also heartbroken while asleep, unable to escape the loss of your twin. Most of the dreams are weird, a strange collection of memories gathered together and played in your mind. You dream of EMPing Raven and accidentally killing Maya in Mount Weather. You dream of Clarke leaving you and Bellamy in the fighting pits, watching Clarke mercy kill Finn, and landing on the ground for the first time, all of you watching Octavia be the first person back on Earth. You also dream of Monty and your father, and by the early dawn hours, it’s enough to drive you crazy.

You eventually give up on sleep and climb out of bed, leaving Bellamy’s sleeping form behind. As you get dressed for the day, you see Delilah’s dress draped over a chair, along with the bracelet she let you borrow, and you grab both of them and slip out of your room. As expected, both of her parents are downstairs in the tavern, preparing for the day, and only one other patron is in the room, a hooded figure tucked away in a corner, despite the early hour. Blythe Ann and Jae smile as they see you, motioning for you to come sit at the bar. “Can’t sleep?”

You shake your head and slide into the seat they motion towards, draping the dress across the seat beside it. “No, too busy being haunted by memories.”

Blythe Ann freezes, giving you a look of understanding, as Jae squeezes her shoulder in comfort. “I understand the feeling.”

“Speaking of,” you lift the dress onto the bar and set the bracelet on top of it. “These belong to Delilah, and I haven’t had the opportunity to give them back yet. I’m sorry.”

Blythe Ann shakes her head, pushing the dress back towards you. “You should keep it, Delilah would want you to.”

“I couldn’t.”

“Please, we insist.”

You start to protest again, but Jae grabs the bracelet and reaches out for your hand. You give it to him, and he attaches the bracelet around your wrist, smiling as he does. You admire it, remembering the thought you had when you first put it on, a star for Clarke and one for Bellamy, and you fight back your rising tears as you look up at him. “Thank you.”

He just nods and grabs a basket of pastries, placing one on a plate in front of you while Blythe Ann pours you something to drink. You sit at the bar and eat your breakfast, enjoying the silence of the tavern as Delilah’s parents flit about, getting ready for the influx of customers. When you reach for your glass of juice, you accidentally knock it off the bar, sending it crashing to the ground below. You jump down and pick up the pieces, gathering them together as you frantically apologize to Jae, who is coming around the bar with a rag, ready to clean up your mess. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

“No need to apologize, accidents happen.”

He smiles at you and you smile back, standing with the broken pieces of your glass in your hand. “What do you want me to do with this?”

“Here, I’ll take it.” Blythe Ann walks over, extending her hand out to you, and you drop the pieces into her hand. As one of them slides out of your palm, the jagged edge turns just enough to cut your palm, and you wince and mutter, “Shit.”

You peer down at the cut, watching as black blood starts to rise to the surface, and you feel a rush of panic as you remember the danger of anyone knowing the color of your blood. Even with your mom back in space, preparing to make Nightblood for the Primes, you’re not sure it’s safe to have just anyone knowing your secret. You squeeze your hand closed, hiding the cut from view, just as Jae asks, “Did it cut you?”

“Just a little nick, nothing major.”

He reaches out for your hand, looking concerned. “Let me take a look.”

You shake your head, pulling your hand away, forcing out a casual laugh. “Really, I’m fine. Nothing to worry about.”

He shrugs, accepting your answer, handing you the rag instead. “In case you need it.”

“Thanks.”

He nods and walks off again, back to preparing for the day, and you rip off a strip of the rag and tie it around the cut. You look around, checking to see if anyone saw, but Blythe Ann and Jae are both still working, and the customer in the corner has their head bowed, seemingly unaware of any of their surroundings. You sigh and plop back in your seat, turning back to your breakfast again. It’s not long before you hear someone else coming down the stairs, and when you turn to look, your eyes land on your boyfriend, giving you a small smile as he approaches. He plops down beside you, in the chair unused by your new dress, thanking Jae as he brings Bellamy something to eat too. Once the couple turns back around and starts to work again, Bellamy reaches out and takes your hand, eyeing the torn strip of rag with concern. You look around, eyes a warning, shaking your head to let him know that you’re fine, but this is not the place to talk about it. He nods, before settling on a different topic instead. “Did you get any sleep?”

You nod, not wanting him to worry about you. “Yeah.”

You can tell that he doesn’t believe you, but still he lets it go. “I saw Gaia in the hall. She said something is wrong with Madi.”

“What? What is it?” You turn to look at him in alarm, already preparing to stand up and go check on her, but he grabs you and stops you. 

“She’s okay, it’s nothing Gaia can’t handle. It’s Commander stuff. Apparently there’s a dark Commander, Sheidheda, and he’s vying for control. Madi banished Gaia last night, but she told me she’s going to stick around out of sight, in case we need her.”

“Great. Just what we need, a Dark Commander trying to take over my niece’s head.”

Bellamy squeezes your hand, “She’s going to be okay, we’ll keep an eye on her. Gaia will too.”

You nod but say nothing else, picking at the last little bit of food on your plate. Bellamy watches you closely, his eyes never leaving you, and he whispers, “The first time I ever heard Clarke’s name, we were still on the Ark.”

You turned to him, intrigued, and he continues, “I had just heard about you actually, The Invisible Twin.” You cringe at the nickname, and he gives you an apologetic look before continuing, “But it worried me. One of the most Privileged families on the Ark discovered to have a second, illegal child, and still you were locked up. It made me worry about Octavia and what they’d do to her. Not enough to keep me from taking her to that stupid party, but still.”

You squeeze his hand, wishing you could carry his guilt for him. He squeezes back before he adds, “Anyways, I was a cadet in my first few days of training, and they used to send us to all the things they didn’t want to do. We got a call that there was a fight near the Privileged section that needed to be broken up, so we rushed over there to break the scuffle up. Imagine our surprise when we pull a girl off of a boy, the boy’s nose gushing blood, a black eye already forming. When we question the girl on who she is, she tells us her name is Clarke Griffin. Of course, the second we heard her last name we knew who she was. Then we asked her what happened, and she said that the boy made a comment about her twin, and how she deserved to be floated for being born. So Clarke punched him and told him to apologize, and when he made another comment about how her whole family needed to be floated, she punched him again. It was the only incident report on her record, up until she got arrested with your father.”

You give Bellamy a sad smile, simultaneously happy that he shared this story with you, but sad that your sister is still gone. “You’ve never told me that before.”

“I didn’t really remember it until a few days ago.”

“Clarke has always been fiercely protective, it’s something I love about her.”

“Funny, I love the same thing about you.”

You smile a little. “Must be a twin thing.”

“Must be.”

But as the story sinks deeper, your brain processing it even further, you whisper, “It feels like I’ve given up on her.”

“You haven’t.”

“Bellamy, we’re just letting them walk free. We’re letting Josephine walk around in my twin’s body, and we’re doing _nothing_ about it.”

He shakes his head. “No, we _are_ doing something about it. We’re honoring Clarke’s legacy and we’re surviving. We’re doing better, keeping the peace, and building a compound of our own so we can live, truly live, once and for all. Everything she did, she did for her people. For you. For Madi. Building this compound and ending the cycle of violence means that all of us don’t just survive, we thrive.”

You catch the reference he makes to Clarke’s speech to Arkadia before Praimfaya, and you think of how desperately Clarke wanted everyone to live, not just survive. How she always encouraged love and friendship and the happy moments in between all the war and fighting and chaos. You look at Bellamy, knowing that he’s right. This is what Clarke would want, this is how you honor her. You nod, relenting with a sigh, “Okay, so when do we meet with Russell?”

-

You and Bellamy head to the palace to meet with Russell, Miller in tow. Everyone insists that you bring a third party, someone who wasn’t locked up for figuring out the secret of Clarke’s death, so the two of you decide on Miller, despite the fact that he’s just as much of a hothead as you and Bellamy. 

Bellamy takes the lead at the meeting, knowing you can barely stand to look at Russell, let alone talk to him, and you stand by your boyfriend’s side, jotting down notes as you listen to Russell’s plans. As the meeting is nearing its end, Bellamy looks at Russell, summing everything up in one succinct sentence, “In exchange for ignoring that you murdered Clarke…”

He trails off when he hears the door open, and you all look towards it, watching as Josephine steps inside, her hair pulled back, Clarke’s clothes gone from her body. It’s a shock to you to see her dressed the way she is, and you freeze as she comes to a stop behind Russell, eyeing all of you with curiosity. You hear Bellamy finish his earlier sentence, “You build us a compound.”

You feel Russell’s eyes shift to you, but your gaze never leaves your twin’s body, trying to convince your brain that it’s not hers anymore, someone else is inside at the controls. “What about the sister, mother, and child? Will they agree?”

Your brain registers his words and you flit your gaze over to him, annoyed by the words he used. “The _sister_ will take care of our people.” 

Bellamy reaches out and squeezes your hand before he redirects the conversation, “How long will it take to build?”

Before Russell can answer, Josephine clears her throat, waiting for his attention. He holds up his finger, “Just a moment, sweetheart.”

Your gaze moves back to Josephine, watching her tap impatiently on her arm, waiting for your meeting to finish. But the longer you watch her, the quicker you realize that the tapping on her arm is rhythmic, repeating a small pattern. You flip a page in your small notebook, waiting for the pattern to start again, and then you furiously start to write.

●— 

●—●● 

●● 

●●●— 

● 

You almost laugh in shock when you realize it’s Morse Code, and you rack your brain trying to remember the translations from the brief moment in time that Clarke learned Morse Code in school, but you struggle to remember. You get pulled from your thoughts by Bellamy putting his hand on your shoulder, and you tug the notebook close to you, hiding it from everyone as you turn to look at him. “What?”

“Russell asked if we agree.”

You barely glance at the man as you answer, “Yeah, we’re agreed.”

“I’ll order construction to begin.”

You turn and look between Bellamy and Miller, nodding towards the door, trying to hide your excitement. “Let’s go.”

They nod and follow you out, the guards at the door closing them behind you, and you jog down the hall, putting distance between you and any spying eyes. Bellamy pulls you to a stop, sensing the shift in your energy, looking at you in confusion. “What’s going on?”

“Didn’t Pike teach you Morse Code?”

Bellamy nods and Miller shrugs, “I slept through most of Earth skills.”

You shake your head at him, and focus your attention on your boyfriend. “I remember Clarke learning it too, but I can’t remember what each symbol means.”

Bellamy shakes his head, still not understanding, and you push the notebook towards him, getting excited. “Josephine was tapping out Morse code on her arm.”

He takes your pen and quickly translates, you and Miller looking over his shoulder as he does.

●— A

●—●● L

●● I

●●●— V

● E

You nearly cry with relief when you read the word, looking up at Bellamy with tears in your eyes. You can see the emotion written across his face, a mix of shock and happiness as he stares back at you, both of you overcome with emotion. Miller looks between the two of you, still not sure he understands. “What does it mean?”

You turn to him, your grin growing even wider. “It means Clarke’s alive, and we’re gonna get her back.”

-


	79. lxxix. the old man and the anomaly (6.08)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: language, anxiety, mentions of blood, fighting, violence.
> 
> Summary: You and your friends plan on how to save your twin, who is trapped in her own head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> over halfway done with s6! i can't believe it!!!

You, Bellamy, and Miller immediately head back to the tavern and gather your people. Everyone except for Murphy and Emori. With Murphy’s betrayal of all of you for immortality, none of you have been eager to be in his presence since the hurt of his betrayal is still so fresh on all of your minds. Even with your newfound realization that Clarke isn’t dead, you can’t stand the thought of seeing Murphy hanging around, knowing what he’s done, do better be damned.

You and Bellamy excitedly relay what you’ve learned to Jackson, Echo, Madi, and Jordan, catching them up on the latest development, all of them looking relieved as they hear the good news. Bellamy ends his message with a question to the others. “Question is, how do we get Josephine out?”

You sigh and shake your head, thinking of the genius mechanic all of you know and love. Despite her recent anger towards Clarke, you’re sure she’d help you get her back. “We need Raven, she’ll know what to do.”

“Raven’s not here.”

You turn to look at your niece, shocked by the angry tone in her voice. You give her a small smile and squeeze her shoulder. “We’re gonna get her back, little sun.” 

Bellamy nods, adding, “When the transport ship lands, we’ll be waiting in the field with Josephine. Once we’re all back on the mothership, Abby, Raven, and Jackson will go to work.”

“What if they don’t open the shield and let us out?”

You look to Miller, answering his question. “If they don’t, Josephine dies.”

Bellamy finishes, “That’s why they will.”

“What about Delilah?” All of you turn to look at Jordan, noting the excitement in his voice. “If Clarke’s still alive, then she could be too.”

But all of you stand frozen, averting your eyes, well aware that none of you care about saving Delilah. At least not now. Jordan’s face falls as he looks at all of you with disappointment. “You only care about Clarke.”

“That’s not true, but we worry about Clarke for now. If we start asking questions and the Primes figure out why-”

Madi cuts you off, her voice sounding dull and hollow, “They can’t figure it out if they’re dead. Once we kill the Primes, we take over Sanctum. We save Clarke here in the lab that was built for it.”

You give her a shocked look, shaking your head at her. “Is that your idea or Sheidheda’s?”

“Who cares if it works?” You open your mouth to argue, to let her know that you care and so do the others, but she barrels on, ignoring your potential interruption. “I’ve been surveilling the one named Miranda. We kill her and let them find the body. They’ll think it’s the Children of Gabriel and panic, locking themselves inside the palace, probably the Great Hall, and that’s where we’ll be waiting to take out the rest.”

Jordan is the first to protest, “We’re not killing Delilah.”

“Delilah’s already dead.”

“We don’t know that for sure.”

She looks away from him, tired of arguing with him already. You start to look at Madi, really look at her, noticing that her skin seems paler than normal and she has dark bags that are beginning to show beneath her eyes. You feel a rush of concern as you watch her assert her dominance over the rest of you. “You’re right, but what we do know is, I’m the Commander. Echo thinks it’s a good plan, don’t you, spy?”

You cut Madi a look, silently scolding her for the aggressive way she called Echo a spy. But Madi looks away from you, ignoring you, and you turn your gaze to Echo, apologetic. She nods her head, letting you know it’s okay, before she looks down at Madi. “It’s a little aggressive for the situation, but it could work if we were willing to kill all of their people along with them when they come after us for killing their gods.”

Madi sighs, seeming to change her mind about the situation, before her eyes flit to something in the corner of the room. Whatever she sees there, it isn’t good, because her expression grows cold and her voice hard as she counters, “We are.”

“No, we’re not.” Madi looks at you in shock, not understanding why you aren’t backing her up on this, and you give her a disappointed look. “Gaia would tell you the same thing if she were here, but she’s not, because you banished her.”

She drops her eyes down to her folded hands, and you nod once, the situation handled for now. Bellamy looks around at the rest of the group, “We have until the ship lands to come up with a quiet way to get Clarke on it.”

“What about Murphy and Emori?”

You feel a flash of anger and you look at Jackson, shaking your head. “For now, we tell them nothing.”

“Emori too?”

“We have to assume that she’s with him.”

You see a flash of worry cross Echo’s face, but Bellamy smiles at her, reassuring her. “Don’t worry. When it’s time to go, we’re taking them with us, even if we have to do it by force.”

She nods and then all of you duck your heads together, quietly brainstorming the best way to get Josephine out of Sanctum so you can bring Clarke back. Most of the ideas involve forcing a guard to lower the shield for you, long enough for all of you to slip outside of the shield and into the woods. You briefly toy with the idea of destroying the radiation shield somehow, but most of you aren’t sure you know enough about the tech to actually disable it or destroy it. A back up plan is established that if you can’t get the shield down, you and Madi will drag Josephine through it since you’re all Nightbloods, and you’ll head to the ship alone, without your friends and Bellamy. It’s an idea you utterly despise, but you’re aware it’s better to have a backup plan in case everything goes to shit. 

All of you plan for a few hours, coming up with the basics of what you want to do to get her out. The discussion on how to get to Josephine is a different story though, and it’s one you all agree to discuss after you take a quick break. You head to the bar, waiting to grab a snack and something to drink, when you feel someone slide up beside you. You turn just as you hear Emori say, “Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Do you happen to know if we have any Eligius shock collars laying around?”

You give her a weird look, but rack your brain anyways. “I think Clarke had one in her pack when we came down, in case we needed it.”

“Can I have it?”

“Uh, sure. Let me go get it.” You step away from the bar and walk to the stairs, taking them two at a time before ducking into Clarke and Madi’s shared room. You locate Clarke’s pack quickly, tucked away in the corner, and as you’re digging through it, you hear the door open behind you. You spin around quickly, muscles tight with fear, only to let out a big sigh of relief when your eyes land on your boyfriend, standing at the door with a questioning look. “What are you doing up here?”

You turn back to the pack and start digging again, turning back to Bellamy with a triumphant smile when you find the collar, holding it up for him to see. “Emori asked if we had one of these laying around.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t ask. Probably for the radiation shield or something.”

He sounds skeptical, “Yeah, probably.”

“What? You don’t trust her?”

“I don’t know. Her and Murphy are close, but she’s also not afraid to call him out in things. I just don’t know where she stands in all this.”

You pass him the collar, “You give it to her then, see if you can read her when you do.”

He nods and the two of you turn and head out of the room, back down the stairs and to Emori, who now stands near the door waiting. You walk over to her and Bellamy holds up the collar with a smile. “One Eligius shock collar. What do you need it for?”

She takes it and answers, “This circuitry will be useful in building our radiation shield.”

She takes a small breath, like she’s trying to steady herself, and you see her gaze dart over to the table occupied by the rest of your group. Her expression falls, something both you and Bellamy notice, because he asks, “You okay?”

She looks away from the group, plastering a smile on her face, nodding at you both. “Yeah. Thanks for this. See you.”

She says each sentence in a rush, sounding uncomfortable, and you exchange a look with your boyfriend as you watch her turn and head towards the door. She is feet away from the exit when she seems to change her mind, turning and heading back to you both, her voice coming out in a rushed whisper. “Clarke’s alive.”

Neither you or Bellamy react, though you are curious how she knows. She takes in your expressions, the lack of shock, and her voice sounds a little hurt when she adds, “You already knew. Why didn’t you tell me?”

You open your mouth to answer, but she comes to the conclusion on her own. “Oh, because I’m with John.”

“Emori, I-” She cuts Bellamy off, shaking her head. “Nevermind. What are you doing about it?”

Neither of you answer, not sure if you should trust her with the plan, and she reaches out to grab your wrist, getting frantic. “You think you have time? Guys, they’re wiping her today. That’s what this is for.”

She holds up the collar, and you feel a rush of anxiety as you look at it, thinking about how freely you just gave it to Emori, not even stopping to think about what she might use it for. You and Bellamy turn and head back to the others quickly, Emori in tow, and they all seem to sense your anxiety because Echo stands first, “I take it that it’s go time?”

“Yeah. We need a plan to get Clarke now, something other than killing them.”

You look around at the group, eyes noticing someone missing. “Where the hell’s Madi?”

Everyone looks around, unsure, and you sigh, because of course this is happening now. You turn, ready to go look for her, but Emori stops you. “I have to be back soon or they’ll come looking for me, so we need to figure out a plan first.”

You point to the collar. “What exactly is this for?”

“An EMP, like the one you used on Raven to fry the Alie chip in her head.”

“The neural mesh.” Everyone looks at you in confusion, and you turn to Bellamy, almost laughing with shock. “The neural mesh from the chip, it’s still in Clarke’s head. It must have interfered with whatever they use to wipe the host’s consciousness.”

Bellamy nods, understanding. “Which means the second they use that EMP on her, she’s gone forever.”

You turn back to Emori again, “How long until you finish the EMP?”

“An hour, maybe less.”

“If you finish the device, can we use it on the radiation shield?”

She thinks for a second, running over the mechanisms in her head. “Yes, but not for long. It’ll probably only interfere with the shield for 10 seconds or so.”

Bellamy starts to catch on to your line of thinking, the plan developing in his brain too. “And where is Josephine?”

“In Ryker’s shop with me, John, and Ryker.”

“You’re gonna go and finish the EMP. As soon as it’s done, sneak away with it.” She looks confused and you clarify, “Take it to the radiation shield. The second Josephine knows it’s missing, she’ll come after you. We’ll meet you in the fields, subdue Josephine, and we’ll take down the radiation shield so we can all sneak to the transport together.”

She nods, understanding. “Okay. I’ll stretch this out, give you as much time as I can, but you need to know this. Josephine said that with both her and Clarke sharing Clarke’s brain, they’ll die soon. It’s too much data for one brain, and Clarke’s body will die, killing Clarke, but Josephine will be backed up in her mind drive. You need to be prepared to take the drive out yourself.”

“Okay. We’ll meet you in the fields, one hour.”

“One hour.”

Emori turns and jogs off, and you turn back to the others. “We need to make this fast. Echo, I need you to find restraints we can use on Josephine, and a weapon if you can.”

You look to the men in the group, “The rest of us are going to split up and find Madi. We have one hour to get everything we need and get to the radiation shield, so move quick.”

Everyone nods and breaks off, leaving you and Bellamy as the last two in the tavern. “I think we should search the palace. Madi seemed a little too eager to get over there to kill Primes.”

Bellamy nods and the two of you start to head towards the door, slipping outside and into the village, trying to walk casually so you don’t raise any suspicions. As you weave through the streets towards the palace, you catch sight of a hooded figure passing nearby, looking just like the person from the tavern. You shake your head, wondering if you’re imagining things, until you turn another corner and see them slip by again, this time with a glint of metal flashing in their hand. You feel the hairs on your neck lift in alarm and you turn to Bellamy and whisper, “Did you see that?”

“See what?”

You shake your head, sure that your lack of sleep from the night before is starting to get to you, until you walk by an alleyway and see the hooded figure at the end of it, a knife in his hand. As you stare at it, you realize now that it’s _your_ knife, your Grounder knife, missing since you and Bellamy got knocked out by Josephine. You watch the figure slip in between two buildings, practically calling out to you, and you turn to Bellamy, trying to stay casual. “I forgot my medkit in the tavern, I should get it in case Jackson doesn’t have time to get his.”

Bellamy starts to turn, heading back with you. “I’ll go with you.”

You reach out and grab his arm, pulling him to a stop. “No!”

He gives you a weird look, shocked by your outburst, and you shake your head, trying to backtrack. “I mean, there’s not enough time. We need to find Madi before we leave. You go to the palace, and I’ll meet you there in a few minutes.”

“Are you sure?”

You lean forwards and kiss him on the lips, smiling at him. “Positive.”

“Alright.”

He smiles at you one last time before turning and jogging off, heading towards the palace in search of Madi. You turn and slip between the buildings, into the alleyway, following it until it turns a corner and deadends. There, at the end, is the hooded figure. Every muscle in your body is telling you to turn around and run, fully aware that everything about this seems sketchy and not good. But something in your brain tells you to keep going, so you walk towards the figure anyways, watching as they pull the hood back to reveal a mess of brown hair and bright green eyes. He smiles and mutters your name, and you stop walking, warning bells going off in your head. “How do you know my name?”

“Doesn’t matter.” He pulls out the knife, and now that you’re closer, you can see that it’s definitely yours. “Nice knife. Where’d you get it?”

“Earth. Now give it back to me.”

“Oh, I’ve got something better for you.” And before you can comprehend what he means, you feel a prick in your shoulder, seconds before your entire body goes numb, paralyzed, and you start to fall backwards to the ground. Mentally you brace for the impact, but instead you land in someone’s arms, and your panicked eyes look up at a second person, a woman, grinning down at you. “Didn’t know they were this dumb on Earth.”

“She’s only good for one thing.” You see the man’s face come into view, smiling down at you, before he lifts your limp arms and tears the rag from your hand, revealing your small cut from earlier, hastily patched and smeared with dry blood. “Black blood.”

The woman’s grin grows wider, “Death to Primes.”

“Death to Primes.” He looks down at you and whispers, “Can’t have you seeing where we’re going.”

And then he knocks you out, hitting you so hard that you immediately slip under.

-

You groan as your senses come back to you, your head throbbing with pain. 

You pull your eyes open and you’re greeted by darkness. You start to panic, thinking your eyes aren’t really open and you’re even more paralyzed than you initially thought. Except, your vision starts to clear, and you realize you can see a torch flickering from somewhere nearby, letting you know that the darkness you see is from your surroundings.

You turn to look around, realizing that your hands are bound in front of you, along with your feet. You stare at the ropes, eyeing the knot, before you take one quick look around, checking your surroundings. With no one nearby, you start to frantically untie the knot around your ankles, almost laughing with relief when the rope falls and your feet become free. You jump up, leaving your hands tied for now, escape the only thing on your mind. Judging by the sounds in the cave, there are people to your right, deeper in the shelter, but the left seemingly leads to freedom. You debate between sneaking out slowly and running with reckless abandon, and ultimately your fear wins out and you take off running. You run through the empty cave entrance, passing a few piles of bones as you do, but you don’t allow your brain to process the image. You just keep your focus on escaping and getting far away from here. 

Unfortunately for you, the Universe has other plans. 

You didn’t stop to consider that the cave likely has a guard at the door, let alone two. And as soon as you tear out of the cave and right past them, they jump into action behind you. You can hear them yelling and cursing at you as you fly through the trees, reminding you of the hundreds of times you ran through the woods on Earth, chased by Grounders. Except now, you’re being chased by who you’re pretty sure are the Children of Gabriel, who seem to care a little too much about your blood, but not for the same reason the Primes do. The Primes want to kill you by wiping out your consciousness so they can keep using your body. But the Children of Gabriel? They want to kill you by chopping off your head so that the Primes can never use your body. You feel a rush of anxiety when you hear the footsteps behind you growing louder, and as you glance back to get a look at the approaching team, you trip over an unseen tree root.

You stumble and crash to the ground, rolling a few times, and you let out a groan as you come to a stop, only reminded of your current situation when you hear the footsteps thundering closer. You turn and stand just as one of the guards reaches you, and he pulls out a sword and swings it down towards you, catching the rope around your wrist. You jump back and shake the ropes off of you, watching the man wildly swing the sword with little to no skill in his movements. You wait until he swings the sword at you again and you duck beneath it, using your lowered position to punch him in the stomach. He drops his weapon and clutches his midsection, and you swing your elbow at his face, hearing his nose crack as you make contact with it. He hits the ground, crying out in pain, and you have half a second to celebrate your victory before more footsteps come thundering to a halt, a lot more than the original two guards you had guessed were following you. 

You look up and make eye contact with the person leading the group, eyes landing on the brown haired man from before, the one that snatched you from Sanctum. He smiles and turns to yell at the others, “She’s mine.”

He lunges at you, yelling with rage, and you lean down and scoop up the fallen sword from the ground, lifting it just in time to meet his blade. He bears down on you, pushing all of his weight into his blade, forcing your back to arch as he pushes you down, and your wrists shake with the effort of keeping your sword held tight in your grip. You make a quick decision and reach out and grab his blade, wrapping your fist around it tightly and pushing him away from you. You feel it cutting into your skin, but you are too hyped up on adrenaline to care. The man stares at your hand in shock, watching your blood seep between your fingers and run down your arm, and you hear one of the guards yell, “Asher, what should we do?”

“Nothing! I said she’s _mine_!” As he says the word mine, he delivers a swift kick to your stomach, knocking you back and onto the ground, and you look up at him, watching his sword swing towards you again. You lift your own weapon, blocking the blow, before rolling out of the way and scrambling to your feet. Your anger pulses through you, thinking of all the things you’ve been through since landing on this moon, and you channel it into your assault, bearing down on him with a barrage of attacks. He blocks each one, except for the last hit, which allows you to knock the sword out of his hand, leaving him weaponless. 

He only looks panicked for half a second before he swings a powerful kick towards you, knocking your own sword out of your hand, both of you now down to fists. The two of you exchange a few blows, some of them landing, some of them missing, both of you rapidly running out of energy as the fight continues. Just as you start to get the upper hand, delivering a few hits that successfully land on Asher, he kicks you again, his foot now making contact with your still bruised ribs. You cry out in pain, doubling over, clutching your injured body, and Asher uses your pain as an opportunity to punch you so hard you fall to the side. You taste blood rolling around in your mouth, and you groan and roll over, spitting some of the black liquid out, your eyes landing on your fallen sword nearby. You start to crawl across the ground towards it, but Asher walks around you and kicks the sword away, far out of your grasp, before moving behind you and putting his foot in the middle of your back, pinning you in place. 

You feel tears of panic rise to your eyes, wondering how you’re going to survive this, how you’re going to get out and save your twin or see Bellamy again. Asher leans down and grabs your hair, using it to tug your head back, exposing your throat. You see a flash of metal glint in the light before you feel the cool rush of it against your skin, your Grounder knife now held at your own throat. Asher’s mouth is right by your ear, and he chuckles, “You put up a hell of a fight. Too bad Primes aren’t good for anything other than their blood.”

The sentence pulls a memory to your head, a vision of your mom in space, making Nightblood. You gasp out, “You can’t kill me!”

He tightens his grip on your hair, bringing tears to your eyes, as he bites back, “And why is that?”

“Because I have information about the Primes.”

“Asher, she’s lying! She’d say anything to save-”

“Shut up!” The woman quiets down after he angrily snaps at her, and he drops his mouth back down to your ear to ask, “What information do you have?”

“The Primes can live forever.”

He laughs, his grip on your knife tightening. “We know that already, Prime.”

“No, no, no, you don’t understand! They don’t need to wait for babies to be born with the blood to have a host. They’ll have a way to make their own!”

He freezes, dropping your head and quickly rolling you over, tugging you up by the collar of your shirt, repositioning the knifepoint at the base of your throat. “How?”

“If I tell you now, you’ll only kill me.” You glance down at the knife, and then back to his angry expression. “I’ll tell Gabriel, no one else.”

You see a muscle in his jaw twitch, and you can tell he is carefully considering the information before he quietly sighs a little and releases you, pushing you away from him. He turns to look at the others gathered around him, “Lock her up, and use the chains this time!”

He turns back to you, pointing the knife at you threateningly. “You have 24 hours. If we can’t verify what you’ve told us or get in contact with Gabriel, I’m torturing you for information before I kill you for good.”

You nod, hoping against hope that you don’t have to endure torture at the hands of the Children of Gabriel. Asher turns and stalks off, back towards the cave, while the others gathered around you quickly descend on you, grabbing you and restraining you before they drag you back to the cave. This time, they restrain you using a heavy duty chain that is connected to the wall, clamping it down over your left wrist, limiting your movement. The man whose nose you broke drops down in front of you, looking pissed, and he grabs your left hand, spreading out your fingers to look at the cut on your hand from the sword. He runs his fingers through your blood, snapping, “All of the shit I’ve been through; the crappy job and my life in Sanctum, was all because I didn’t have your precious royal blood.”

He reaches up and wipes his hand across your face, smearing your black blood, and some of his red blood, across your forehead and down your cheek. He laughs as he does it, clearly enjoying humiliating you. “Not so royal now, are you?”

“I’m not like them.”

He glares at you, “You’re all the same. Now shut up before I make you shut up.”

You snap your mouth closed and lean against the wall, too tired to put up a fight. Your adrenaline is now gone, your calf is on fire, and even some of your more healed up Earth injuries are starting to ache. He smirks at you, before rising to his feet and walking away, leaving you alone in the cave. Your mind starts to drift and wander, and you think of Bellamy, and the clock that continues to countdown, signaling Clarke’s soon to be death. You hope that Bellamy forgets about you for one second, long enough to save her before searching for you. 

You may have 24 hours before your eventual demise, but Clarke likely has less than that, making her the top priority. So you sit back and bide your time, taking notes of your surroundings, already planning your next escape, because this time, you’re not letting her go without a fight. This time, you will tear this moon apart to save her. 

This time, you will not let her go quietly.

-


	80. lxxx. what you take with you (6.09)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: mentions of blood, violence, fighting, language.
> 
> Summary: Two unexpected people join you in your captivity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NUMBER 80??!! HOW DO WE ONLY HAVE 20 LEFT???? LIKE W H A T? also this is one of my favorite chapters so I’m excited to share it with you!!!

Time passes in the cave slowly as you wait for something to happen. Anything really. But your captivity is largely uneventful after your initial escape. Most of the Children of Gabriel ignore you as they go past, moving in and out of the cave, and only once does one of them interact with you, a few hours into your captivity. She grabs your head and tugs it forward, checking for a mind drive scar, and when she finds none she informs the others and leaves you alone again. 

Sometime after dark, something finally starts to happen. 

There’s a commotion in the cave, and people rush past you and towards the door, some of them talking about new hostages as they go. You stand, moving as close to the door as you can, eyes trained on it as you await the arrival of whoever else they found. You finally see movement towards the entrance to the cave, and you watch two people being led inside, bags over their heads. You feel your heartbeat quicken, wondering if you know who they are, but you don’t have to wonder for long because the taller of the two figures mutters, “I need to see Gabriel.”

You feel a rush of relief, and worry, at the sound of your boyfriend’s voice, and you call out, “Bellamy?”

He calls your name back, and then the bag is pulled off his head, the two of you looking at each other in shock. Bellamy’s face drops when he sees the blood smeared on your face, and you shake your head a little trying to let him know that it’s nothing to worry about. You tug against your chains, trying to reach him, and he launches himself towards you, slipping from his captors grip. He rushes across the cave to you, his arms wrapping around you for half a second before he is yanked away and you’re rewarded with a hard slap. You let out a sound of pain, groaning at the familiar metallic taste washing over your tongue, and you turn and spit the blood from your mouth, before looking up with a glare, eyes landing on the person who slapped you. 

You almost roll your eyes when you realize it’s Asher, who now has black warpaint smudged around his eyes. He smiles at you, clearly enjoying his torment of you. “What? Do you have something to say?”

You let your anger get the best of you and you search your head for the nickname used in Sanctum that you’re sure will hurt him, coupled with a reminder of the insult he threw your way before knocking you out. “Yeah, how’d a Null get past the radiation shield anyways? Your red blood isn’t good for anything.”

The insult hurts him, as intended, but it earns you another smack, this time accompanied by Bellamy’s struggling cry of protest. You keep your sound of pain at bay this time and turn your glare back to the man, who smirks at you. “I slipped out the same time your boyfriend did, he was just too busy to notice.”

You look at Bellamy, who looks like he has a million things he wants to ask you, but you’re cut off by a voice muttering, “Ew, what’s that smell?”

You look over to the second hooded figure, and watch as they tug the bag off Josephine’s head. She looks around in disgust before her eyes find you, taking in your appearance, and she scoffs, “God, you look like shit.”

Josephine’s presence seems to remind Bellamy that there is more at stake here, and he looks at the man standing beside you. “Which one of you is Gabriel? We have information critical to your cause.”

Josephine laughs, “Their cause is a joke.”

“Quiet!”

But Josephine doesn’t stop, she just continues her taunting with a smirk. “Do you think that dressing up in scary costumes helps your cause? We laugh at you in Sanctum.”

“Why aren’t you laughing now?”

The same woman from the alleyway, a blonde with warpaint, pulls out a sword and points it at Josephine. She doesn’t flinch, but you can see Bellamy start to worry, and he calls out, “Just wait. They can make hosts, as many as they want.”

Asher turns to look at you in shock, Bellamy reiterating the same information you initially offered him, verifying it before your 24 hours is up. You smirk at him a little and mutter, “Told you.”

He glares at you before turning to look at Bellamy. “Details, or your rude friend dies.”

Bellamy shakes his head. “I don’t think so.”

The man pulls out your Grounder knife and holds it to your throat, giving Bellamy a sinister smile. “Something tells me we could make you talk.”

“Touch her, and I’ll tell you nothing.” You can see Bellamy fighting against his rising anxiety, trying to seem like the one in control, despite the fact that all of you are restrained and you have a knife at your throat for the second time in the last few hours. “You don’t have long before the 12 Primes are back. Gabriel gets the details, no one else.”

The man grinds out, “There were 13.” He tosses you to the ground and yells to the others, “Chain them up! If the old man doesn’t respond, you die.”

They chain Bellamy to your left and Josephine to your right, and all of you watch as one of the Children of Gabriel grabs a radio and starts to speak into it, walking out the cave as he does. “Jericho to Providence. We have a prisoner that claims Primes can now make hosts. If you’re out there…”

You don’t hear the rest, the man now out of sight, the rest of the children dispersed, the three of you now alone. You look to the entrance of the cave in confusion, thinking of the failure all of you have had with radios up to this point, a fact that you are well aware of, despite your limited time on this moon. _So how come people born and raised here don’t know the same fact?_ You look over at Bellamy, who looks equally confused, and you voice the question you’re both thinking. “Radios don’t work on this moon, how could they not know that?”

“They work in one place.”

You and Bellamy look over at Josephine, catching onto something in her tone. She leans her head back against the wall, eyes on the ceiling, looking anxious and afraid. “What is it?”

“If they’re calling Gabriel, that means he’s alive.”

Bellamy, sensing a deeper history, asks, “What’s the deal with you two?”

“What? Are we gonna be friends now?”

He lets out a soft snort of laughter, “Doubtful.”

She glances at both of you, taking you in, before she turns away again, focusing her gaze on the wall in front of her. “I’ve been in love with Gabriel for 236 years, the last 70 of which he’s been trying to kill me. You know, _relationships_.”

You and Bellamy share a look, glad that your relationship hasn’t featured any murder attempts. _Well, there was an attempt during the eclipse, but that’s not the same thing._ You look back to Josephine when you hear a strange tapping sound, your eyes falling to her finger, tapping Morse Code against the cuff. Bellamy and Josephine notice too, and she nods, “Morse code, huh? She’s crafty, I’ll give her that.”

She focuses on the Morse Code, spelling out the translation as her finger moves. “B-o-o-h-o-o. That’s harsh.”

You smile at your twin’s quip, until your brain starts to realize something. You look at Josephine with curiosity, aware that if Clarke is cracking jokes about Josephine’s love life, then she can _hear_ Josephine talking about her love life. “She can hear us?”

“It would seem so, which means the wall separating our minds is almost gone. When that happens, she’ll stroke out, I’ll download, and you can say goodbye to your genocidal twin.”

“Let me talk to her.”

She gives you a condescending look, “I’d have to give over control for that, so no.”

“But she can hear me?”

“Yes, she can hear you.” She rolls her eyes at you and the hopeful expression on your face. “For God’s sake, just say what you want to say.”

You think of all the things you want to say to Clarke, all the things you want to tell her in case you have to say goodbye, but then you realize you don’t want to say goodbye. _You can’t say goodbye._ No matter what it takes, no after what you have to do, you will save your twin’s life, the way she has saved yours and countless others on multiple occasions. Which is why you settle on, “I won’t let you die.”

You’re serious when you say it, the words a promise to the Universe that you will do what needs to be done. Josephine seems taken aback by your fervor, maybe even a little jealous, but you see her hand absentmindedly rub her wrist, the same wrist that usually holds your twin’s bracelet. You smile for a second, but then the bracelet reminds you of Madi, who is supposed to be here right now. You turn to face Bellamy, fighting back your worry. “Wait, where are the others?”

“Back in Sanctum. Josephine cut Murphy so Emori stayed behind with him, and Echo stayed behind to make sure the others are safe. We never found Madi before we had to leave, and Jackson, Miller, and Jordan were late. We didn’t have time to wait because the guards were closing in, so I grabbed Josephine and we escaped.” He moves closer to you, his chains reaching yours, thankfully, allowing the two of you to sit close. His voice drops to a whisper as he lifts his hands to caress your face, finger running across the dried up blood, brows furrowed with worry. “I didn’t want to leave you behind, but when you didn’t show up and the guards were about to grab us, I thought about what’s best for everyone and decided that saving Clarke is important.”

You smile at him, letting him know you aren’t upset that he left you behind. _Because technically you were already out of Sanctum._ “You’re right, saving Clarke is important, and it’s exactly what I wanted you to do. Clarke’s trapped in her head and her body is a ticking time bomb. I can take care of myself.”

He smiles at you, eyes falling on the blood again, its presence only further convincing him of what you’re saying. “I know you can, because you’re strong. Stronger than any of us.”

The two of you kiss, his touch light and affectionate, but you pull away when someone behind you exclaims, “Oh, barf. Get a room.”

You roll your eyes at Josephine and mutter, “Go float yourself.”

“Funny, your sister said the same thing to me when we first met.”

You ignore her and slide down to the ground, leaning against the wall, and Bellamy does the same, the three of you sitting in silence for a few hours. You see no one in those few hours, and eventually the three of you fall asleep, resting the best you can on the cold hard ground of the cave, with you and Bellamy huddled close to fight off the slight chill in the air.

You wake a few hours later, sometime after sunrise, according to the small amount of light filtering into the cave, and when you open your eyes and look at Bellamy, you find that he’s already looking at you. Despite your circumstances, despite the possibility that you, Clarke, Josephine, and Bellamy could possibly die in a few hours, you feel a rush of peace looking up at his face, and the distinct feeling that everything is right in the world. Bellamy must feel it too, because he leans in to kiss you, soft and sweet, reminding you just how much you love his morning kisses. _And his afternoon kisses, and his evening kisses, and his happy kisses, and his sad ones, his comforting ones, his passionate ones. Every kiss from Bellamy is better than the one before it, and you’re sure you could spend your entire life doing nothing but kissing him and you’d still die happy._

Bellamy pulls away and looks down at you with a smile. “To other people, you are the moon. The radiant natshana that lights up even the darkest of nights, but to me, you’re everything. The moon, the sun, the stars. You’re the air I breathe and the love in my heart. You are every leaf, every tree, every moon, planet, and galaxy in this endless Universe. You are everything to me, and you have completely captured my heart from the moment that I met you, though I tried to deny it at first.”

The two of you laugh softly as you remember the animosity that you shared in the beginning. Bellamy starts to sit up, pulling you up with him, both of you turning to face each other as you do. You can tell he has more that he wants to say to you, and though you don’t understand why you’re getting this declaration of love now, you accept it with a smile. “I have never been loved by someone the way you love me, and I know I’m incredibly lucky that I get to have this. That I get to have _you_. You have loved me at my best, and you have loved me at my very worst, and even when I am lost and struggling, still you’re there, loving me through it all. You have the biggest heart, one that is so full of love that you are so eager to give, and I love you for that. I love your strength, your vulnerability, your kindness, your beauty. I love everything about you, and I just want to give you the world. I want to protect you, and love you, and make you happy until I draw my last breath. And I’ve been waiting to tell you all of this, waiting for the perfect moment during our new life of peace, but I’m starting to worry that I won’t get that chance. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen you laying beside me, injured, looking like you’re on the brink of death, and when I couldn’t find you yesterday, I nearly lost it. So I’m going to do this while I can, while you’re in front of me, alive and okay.”

He reaches up to push your hair away from your face and you close your eyes and lean into his touch, smiling. When you open your eyes again, his hand is extended between the two of you, a small ring held out in his palm. It’s beautiful; a small round sapphire surrounded by a perimeter of tiny diamonds, all situated on a thin gold band. You look up at Bellamy in shock, his expression one of complete adoration as he whispers, “Will you marry me?”

You look between him and the ring, wondering if he’s joking, but when you meet his eyes again, you can see that he’s completely serious, and still anxiously awaiting your answer. Your face splits into a grin and you practically lunge towards him, pulling him into a hug before peppering kisses all over his face. He laughs, one of those bright pretty ones that you wish you could capture in a bottle and keep forever, and his voice is light with happiness when he says, “I’ll take that as a yes.”

You kiss him softly on the lips, pulling away just enough to whisper, against them, “Yes.”

His smile gets even wider, and he pulls you in for another hug, before leaning back and holding up the ring again. He takes your hand and slides it onto your left ring finger, both of you marveling at the perfect fit. You admire the ring, and the way it looks on your finger, and he whispers, “It was my mother’s.”

You look up at him, your eyes growing wide. “Oh, Bellamy.”

But he smiles, sadness unable to reach him in this moment. “She gave it to me before she was floated, told me to give it to the girl that captures my heart. I didn’t have it when I hopped on the dropship, but when I went back to the ring with the others, I went looking for it. I’ve had it with me everyday since I left you on Earth, carrying it with me to remind myself of the girl that captured my heart.”

You feel tears well up in your eyes, and you start to lean in for another kiss when a voice behind you stops you in your tracks. “Ugh, again? Are the two of you capable of keeping it in your pants long enough for us to get out of here?”

You and Bellamy both cut back, “Shut up, Josephine.”

She holds her hands up in mock surrender before sitting up from her sleeping position, resting her head against the cave wall again. You see a smirk pass over her features and you give her a questioning look. “What?”

“My father was a fool for letting you people stay. All that time spent building a sanctuary for the human race, and he destroys it because of the most human thing of all… _love_.” She shakes her head before she smirks again, “I mean, who can blame him? I am awesome. It’s just…”

She trails off, looking at you and Bellamy, still pressed close together. “Well, one look at the two of you, and he should have known how this would end. Guess I’m just saying all this because I know so much about both of you now.”

You nod your head, giving her a sarcastic look. “Oh, you do, huh?”

She hums in agreement, looking between you and Bellamy again. “Take the three of you, for instance. Now that’s a weird relationship, isn’t it? First, the twins hate each other when they land on Earth, and then Bellamy wants to kill both of you just to save his own ass, even though it means the genocide of your own people on the Ark. Then you two shack up, and Bellamy and Clarke become besties, all of you bonding over the actual genocide at Mount Weather.”

She lifts her hand, pretending to push a fake lever, “Together.”

You roll your eyes as she continues on, “Bellamy locks her up, she locks you both up, he leaves you and Clarke on Earth, she leaves you both to die in the fighting pits. I mean, it’s exhausting, frankly.”

You snort, “Tell me about it.”

Bellamy leans his head against the wall, turning his gaze away from her. “You’re wrong about how this ends, by the way. First, we get you back into your mind drive, and then we’ll use it for a peace deal with your father.”

“Your belief in yourself is cute. But unfortunately, putting aside about a thousand variables, chief among them Clarke’s newfound evangelical, do better-ism, making it impossible for her to accept a peace deal with those awful body snatchers, all four of us are gonna die in this cave.”

Bellamy nods, convinced that this is not where your story ends. “Yeah, okay. We’ll see.”

She turns to glare at him, “Okay, now your confidence is just pissing me off.”

Bellamy looks at her like he’s about to respond, but suddenly the energy in the room changes. Seconds later you can hear the sound of approaching voices, and all three of you stand, looking towards the entrance to the cave. Asher comes in first, leading the rest, and he points his sword at you, commanding, “Gag the prisoners.”

He yells into the cave, for the others hidden deep inside, “Everybody up! The Sanctum riders are coming!”

You and Bellamy exchange a look as a few of the guards walk over to you, ready to gag you. They head to Josephine first, grabbing her harshly to hold her still, but she fights against them, yelling, “Get away from me!”

One of the men hits her hard and she falls to the ground. When they pull her back to her feet, a small line of black blood drips from her mouth, giving her status away. You whisper, “Shit.”

Chaos erupts after that, and the blonde woman starts to yell, “She’s got the blood! She’s got the blood!”

Asher comes over and looks at Josephine, eyeing the blood dripping from her mouth. “Put her on her knees.”

You know what’s gonna happen next, because they did the same thing to you hours ago. You look at Bellamy in alarm before turning and yelling, “Leave her alone!”

They force her to her knees and lift her hair, revealing the short scar on the back of her neck. Your stomach drops as they announce to the group, “She’s a Prime! Unchain her, put her there.”

Asher motions to a flat rock nearby, and they unchain Josephine and drag her over to it, ignoring your begging, “Don’t do this, please!”

Bellamy adds, “The drive in her head, it’s Josephine!”

The name seems to make things worse, because the guard at Josephine’s back shoves her forcefully down, pressing her face into the rock. She mutters, “Not helping.”

“Think! As long as she’s alive, you have leverage over Russell!”

Asher looks at Bellamy, his expression neutral, clearly not swayed by the thought of leverage. “This is not a negotiation, it’s a war. The answer is Death to Primes!”

You and Bellamy watch in horror as he lifts his sword, fully intending to bring it down and chop off your twin’s head, killing her once and for all. You rack your brain trying to think of anything to save her, and as you watch the sword start to lower, Josephine yells out, “Wait!”

The sword freezes in midair, and she exclaims, “Gabriel loves her. Is this what he would want?”

 _Her?_ The word hits you like a freight train, and you look at the blonde on the rock with a smile, hoping that the hunch you have is correct. You watch as she turns and kicks the leg of the man holding her in place, breaking it in half. He cries out in pain and releases her, giving her just enough time to dodge the sword that comes down onto the rock, missing her head by inches. She uses Asher’s surprise to grab him and swing him towards the rock, slamming his head into it and dropping him to the ground. Then she takes his sword and kills the man that is running to meet her, leaving only the blonde woman that you first met in Sanctum. But she makes quick work of her too, slicing her throat with the sword, stepping around the fallen body to look at you and Bellamy.

You look at her with a smile of realization, recognizing your twin anywhere. “Clarke?”

She smiles at you, “La lune.”

She bends down and grabs a set of keys as Bellamy looks at her in shock, “She gave you control?”

“It was either that or get her head cut off.”

She runs towards you, fumbling with the ring of keys, trying to find the one that fits your restraints. Deeper in the cave, the other Children of Gabriel have been alerted to your attempts at freedom, and you all look towards the sound of the approaching voices, watching shadows as they bounce off the wall, running closer. “I heard something! This way.”

You close your hands over Clarke’s, stilling her movements, “We don’t have time, you have to run!”

“No!” She shakes her head hard, her expression pulling into one of desperation. “I’m not leaving you.”

“You have to! We’re running out of time. Go find Gabriel, we’ll come find you.”

She looks like she wants to argue, but the approaching voices continue to grow louder, and she knows you’re right. She slips the keys into your hand, before wrapping one hand around yours and reaching out to wrap one hand around Bellamy’s. “Congratulations. I love you both.”

You smile at her briefly, the expression dropping when the voices are right around the corner, “Go! Now!”

She nods and gives you one last look before turning and running away, straight out of the cave and into the woods. Seconds later a group of people runs past you, heading outside as Asher yells at them, “It’s Josephine Prime. Kill her before she gets to the rise. Do not let them get her back to Sanctum! Go!”

They all file out of the cave, leaving their injured leader behind, and you turn to Bellamy, who is looking at you with worry. “What now?”

“Now,” you open your palm, letting the handcuff keys hang down into view, giving him a mischievous grin as you do, “We get the hell out of here.”

He grins back at you, ready to raise hell with his _fiance_ , ready to escape this cave and make things right.

Ready to show the Primes, and the Children of Gabriel, that they picked the wrong group of people to mess with.

-


	81. lxxxi. matryoshka (6.10)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: violence, death, fighting, angst, language, anxiety.
> 
> Summary: The race to save Clarke is on as the time she has left begins to rapidly run out.

You quickly uncuff your wrist and then Bellamy’s, keeping your eyes on the injured leader as you do.

As soon as you’re both free, you and Bellamy exchange a look, and he nods, letting you know to attack together. You motion for him to hold the leader still and you’ll take care of the rest, and he nods in understanding before he starts to sneak up behind Asher. You come from the side, moving just as quietly, and when the two of you are within a couple of feet from him, you lunge at the same time. Bellamy reaches out and grabs him around the neck, holding him in place as the man looks around with a panic, quietly struggling. You come and stand in front of him, dropping to your knees and reaching out to grab the knife attached to his side. He has a split second to realize what you’re doing, and his eyes go wide with panic as he begs, “No, please, don’t!”

You push the knife into his chest anyways, straight to his heart, killing him quickly as you mutter, “You put up a hell of a fight, but now, _yu gonplei ste odon_.”

You watch the life drain from his body quickly, and once he’s no longer a threat to you, you search his pockets for anything useful. Surprisingly, the only other thing you find is your other knife. You shake your head and give the smaller knife to Bellamy, in case he needs it, and you take the Grounder knife and slide it into your waistband. You can hear the sound of the motorcycles that the Sanctum guards use outside, and you look to Bellamy, getting an idea. “Do you remember when I went after Clarke when that Azgeda army was crossing?”

You see his face light up, catching on. “You wanna disguise ourselves as Sanctum guards.”

“We’ll need to kill them quietly so they don’t alert the other guards, any ideas?”

“You play bait and I’ll capture? Breaking their necks will be the quickest and quietest way to do it.”

You nod in agreement, trying to ignore the war within you, a battle raging between wanting to do better, and wanting to save Clarke. A battle between wanting to retire Wanlida, to stop killing, and to do better versus the need to kill to save your twin’s life. Ultimately, you think of your promise to Clarke, and the Universe, that you’d do anything to save her, and you resign yourself to the fact that, at least for now, Wanlida is here to stay. You and Bellamy slip out of the cave, keeping an eye out for Sanctum guards and the Children of Gabriel. As you’re running through the woods, you hear the staccato of bullets puncturing the air, and you and Bellamy exchange a look before turning towards them, sure that the Sanctum guards are the only ones that could have guns.

As you get closer to the sound, you pass a trio of motorcycles on the ground, along with Josephine’s guard, Jade. Everything about the scene screams Clarke, and you can see a line of tire tracks driving away from the scene, indicating that there was a fourth bike before Clarke stole it. You kneel down beside Jade, checking her pulse, looking to Bellamy who is gazing down at you expectantly. “Still breathing, and we should probably keep it that way. It’d be much easier to pass as a guard that isn’t the one leading the cavalry.”

He seems to agree, and the two of you sneak back into the woods again, looking out for the guards who must be close by. It’s not long before you find one of them walking around a small clearing, and Bellamy motions for you to be the bait so he can sneak up behind them. You take off running parallel to the clearing, right past the guards view, and you hear them turn towards you before they call out, “Hey! Stop!”

You freeze in place and they yell, “Turn around, hands where I can see them!”

You lift your hands, turning slowly, your eyes passing over Bellamy as he creeps towards the guard. The guard keeps their gun pointed at you, their hand shaking slightly, and your gaze locks on the movement, brows pulling together. “Have you ever used a gun before?”

“Shut up!“ They take a step towards you, preparing to take you down, but Bellamy reaches them first, swiftly breaking their neck and allowing them to drop to the ground. You and Bellamy descend on them and quickly strip them of their clothing, and Bellamy changes into the uniform and grabs the helmet and gun before the two of you walk off in search of a second guard. You find one quickly, and you and Bellamy set up another bait situation, this time with you pretending to be held captive by him, and you repeat the process, luring the guard in, killing them, and then stripping them of their clothes and weapon. Once you are dressed and ready to go, you and Bellamy both pull your helmets on and head back to the bikes, just in time to see the other guards gathered there. 

Luckily for you and Bellamy, you don’t have to pretend to know how to ride the motorcycles, because the group is two bikes short, so you each hop on the back with another person as Jade turns and yells, “We follow her tracks!”

You all tear through the woods on the bikes quickly, making short time of Clarke’s head start, and the tracks in the dirt end eventually, a crashed bike at the end of them. You all come to a stop and Jade turns to look back at all of you, her helmet still missing because Clarke took her helmet with her. “Keep your helmets on and your guns ready, these are the enemy’s woods.”

All of you nod and dismount, following her as she jogs over to the bike and places a hand of the metal. “The engine’s still warm, she can’t be far.”

Jade leads the way through the woods, all of you spreading out to search for Clarke. After a few minutes of searching, one of the other guards calls out, “Over here, I found something!”

You tense up, growing worried as all run over to her, eyes landing on a hatch, hidden beneath a wall of leaves. Your mind flashes to the map of Sanctum that Bellamy showed you and Murphy, remembering the small buildings drawn on the paper, marking the research posts in the area. You think Bellamy is remembering them too, because his hand is hovering near his gun, prepared to take out everyone if Clarke is inside. Your hand does the same, hovering near your weapon, but the need to use it never comes. The hatch is pulled open and it’s empty, nothing inside but dust, vines, and old books. Jade turns to look at all of you, a fire lit within her. “Look for more outposts!”

Everyone splits apart and begins to search, and you and Bellamy keep enough distance to look like you’re playing along, but you stay close enough that you can help each other if necessary. Because you both have vague memories of the location of the research hatches, you and Bellamy find them first, peeking inside and searching for Clarke before you call out to the others to take a look. You search for hours, until the suns set in the sky, and even then, you keep searching. You find a few more hatches as the hours pass, all of them empty, and you start to wonder how you and Bellamy are going to get out of this situation if you can’t find Clarke soon. Luckily for you, the Universe offers you a gift.

One of the other guards yells, “Hey! Over here, I found another hatch.”

You all rush towards him, pulling the hatch open with another wave of disappointment, this one just as empty as the others. But as he closes the door back and you all start to split up again, a voice floats through the woods, heading straight for you. “Help! I’m here!”

You turn towards Bellamy, both of you recognizing the voice, and you take off running towards it, the other guards following closely behind you. All of you pull out your weapons as you draw closer, your eyes landing on Clarke, flanked by two people. One is a man that you don’t know, the other, much to your surprise, is Octavia. Luckily, with your helmets still on your heads, you and Bellamy are able to hide your shock of seeing the other Blake, though you can sense it rolling off of him in waves. You all come to a stop in front of the trio, weapons pointed their way, and Jade yells, “On your knees! Octavia, drop your weapon!”

The other two guards rush towards Octavia, and one of them grabs her while the other points their weapon at her. You and Bellamy aim at the unknown man, but you’re both closely watching Octavia, who drops her sword and holds her hands up in surrender. The man looks to Jade, his expression pleading, “Listen to me, she needs medical attention. If I don’t operate soon, she’ll die.”

Fear washes over you, as you peer at your twin, afraid that you won’t have enough time, and you’ll soon lose her forever. The guard holding Octavia turns to the man and snaps, “Take your hands off her, cog.”

You pull a face beneath your helmet, the unoriginal nickname almost making you laugh, but all of your amusement washes away when Clarke opens her mouth. “Okay, enough talk. Kill the girl, take Gabriel prisoner, and get me home.”

The sentence hits your hard, the Josephine tone of voice back. And if that wasn’t enough to clue you in, the fact that she referred to Octavia as ‘the girl’ and the man as Gabriel is enough to convince you. _Gabriel?_ Your mind starts running a million miles a minute as you all turn to look at the man, clearly not the old man that Josephine warned you about. 

“Gabriel?” Everyone starts moving at once, and Jade makes a beeline for Josephine, pulling her out of Gabriel’s grip and starting to walk away with her. The other two guards split apart, one of them coming to stand behind Gabriel and one of them pointing their gun at Octavia, and Bellamy nudges you slightly, letting you know that now is the time to act. The two of you work in tandem, and he takes the guard on the left and you take the one on the right. One of them starts to yell, “For the glory and grace-”

But her words are cut off by you sending a bullet into her chest as Bellamy takes out the man threatening Gabriel, both of the guards falling to the ground. You both turn on Jade, leveling your weapons on her, and she releases Josephine and slowly removes her gun, tossing it away. You and Bellamy tug your helmets off, and Octavia whispers both of your names in shock, not expecting either of you to be the ones to save her. Josephine rolls her eyes, muttering, “Because of course it is.”

Octavia rushes towards her brother, wrapping her arms around him, laughing with shock and relief, and he awkwardly pats her back with his free hand, still struggling with his feelings towards his sister. You turn away from the exchange to glance at Gabriel, who is watching all of you in confusion. “Take her.”

He nods, walking to his former lover that is trapped in your twin’s body, and he wraps his arms around her. As he does, she collapses a little, her voice sounding small and scared, “I can’t feel my legs.”

Gabriel looks to you and Bellamy, as he scoops her up into his arms, already backing away, “We have to hurry, come on.”

“Right behind you!” You swing your gaze back towards Jade, who watches Josephine leave with a look of anger. Your anger, however, is stronger, and you sneer at her, “Go back to Sanctum. You tell Russell that if he hurts any of our people, he’ll never see his daughter again.”

She looks at you, still angry, still deciding if she can take you, before moving her gaze to the place she last saw Josephine. Bellamy looks at her, just as angry, and pulls her out of her head by yelling, “Go!”

She turns and runs off, and you watch her until she disappears into the trees, leaving you alone with the Blake siblings. As soon as it’s clear, you turn to Octavia with a smile. “Now what the hell are you doing here?”

“I should be asking you the same thing.” She smiles back at you, happy to have a warm welcome from one of you, and the two of you briefly hug before you pull away and nod to Gabriel’s retreating figure. “C’mon, let’s go save my dying twin.”

The Blake’s both nod and jog off, and you follow Octavia back to the camp, since she obviously knows where it is. As you run up on the camp, you see a large sculpture made of radios, some of them repeating lines over and over, all of them playing over each other, and suddenly Josephine’s comment in the cave makes a lot more sense. For one, there’s not enough time to worry about that, because your concern is for your twin. 

When you get inside the tent, you see that Josephine is already laying out on a surgical chair, hooked up to a variety of monitors, a brain monitor chief among them. You and Bellamy quickly strip off the top layer of your Sanctum uniforms, leaving you in matching black long sleeve shirts and matching black pants. All three of you settle around Josephine, her body shaking as she nears the end, before you shift your gaze to the monitor that Gabriel reaches up to point at. “Two wavelengths, one brain.”

He looks away from the machine and down to Josephine, his expression curious. “You mind telling me how Clarke’s consciousness survived?”

“There’s a neural mesh in her head.” You and Bellamy exchange a look, your theory correct. “Her mind latched onto it during the procedure. It’s pretty cool, huh?”

You look down at Josephine anxiously, ready to save your twin inside. “What can we do?”

Gabriel looks at you, turning to grab a few tools, “Once I remove her drive, I’ll need you to quickly bandage the wound before I restart her heart.”

You give him a surprised look, the worry creeping up in your voice. “You’re _stopping_ her heart?”

“Death causes her mind to back up onto the drive. I take it out, then start her heart.”

“And then we get Clarke back?”

Gabriel nods, and you feel a touch of relief that soon this will be over, soon Clarke will be saved. Josephine shifts in the seat and turns to look over at you and Bellamy with something akin to admiration. “She was right to depend on the two of you. Believe it or not, we’re actually friends.”

You snort, “We’ll see about that if you ever meet in the real world.”

“Real world?”

Gabriel freezes, and you all look at him in confusion as Bellamy nods and clarifies, “Yeah. After we use her mind drive to bargain for peace.”

Octavia speaks up for the first time, clearly noticing something in his tense stance. “What’s wrong?”

He doesn’t answer, but Josephine answers for him. “He knows that means I’ll be resurrected again, and he’s not sure if he can let them take another innocent life.”

Gabriel walks back over to her side, a syringe now held in his hand. As he starts to slowly lower it to her arm, reminding you of the time you spent in Becca’s lab, Josephine reaches out and grabs his arm, stopping him. “Aye, there’s the rub. For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come? But I guess that was okay for you, huh, old man?”

Gabriel’s face gets hard with hidden emotions and haunted memories. “No. It wasn’t.”

“You know that there’s another way. If you let me keep this body, nobody else has to die.”

“For you to keep that body, someone _does_ have to die. Clarke. Now, no more talking.” You glare at Josephine, the option not an option at all, because Josephine keeping Clarke’s body means that Clarke will be gone to you forever. You shift your gaze up to Gabriel, “Do it.”

Josephine locks her eyes on her lover, making one last ditch effort to keep Clarke’s body. “I know that I’ve done bad things. I don’t remember them all, but I do know that you hate me for it.”

Gabriel’s voice is soft and full of love, and in any other situation, you’d feel bad for the doomed couple. “I could never hate you.”

“I know it. We can still be together, my love. We can take out the drives just like you wanted.” Bellamy and Octavia both turn away from them, annoyance apparent in both of their expressions, but you keep your eyes locked on them, hand hovering near your knife, prepared to intervene if you have to. “We can grow old together.”

Tears well up in Gabriel’s eyes, clearly feeling the impact of Josephine’s words. “I’ve loved you for centuries.”

She smiles and nods, thinking that he’s coming around, but he surprises all of you by answering, “We had our time, I have to let you go now.”

And before she can object, he injects her with the liquid from the syringe. You watch her expression morph into shock before it drops, and her eyes slowly flutter closed until you hear the heart rate monitor flatline, letting all of you know that Clarke’s heart is no longer beating. Gabriel leans down and whispers, “La muerte es la vida.”

You don’t have time to ask him for the meaning of the words, because he immediately pulls away and gathers his tools, coming back to Clarke’s side to finish the process. “Help me turn her over.”

You and Bellamy reach out and help lift Clarke, and you hold her hair out of the way as Gabriel quickly removes the mind drive from her head. He hands you a wad of cotton squares to hold against the wound, before he turns away with the mind drive, saying, “Cover the wound, we need to restart her heart.”

You press the cotton squares to the incision on the back of her neck before you roll her back over with Bellamy’s assistance. Gabriel prepares a new syringe, this one much larger than the last, and then he quickly pushes it into Clarke’s chest and empties the syringe of fluid into her body. You all watch Clarke with bated breath, her revival supposed to be instant, but she lays completely still, eyes still closed. The flatline warning on the machine continues beeping, and you feel anxiety prickle across your skin as you look at Gabriel in alarm. “Why isn’t she waking up?”

Gabriel turns to the screen monitoring the wavelengths in her head, and two lines are still etched across it, both Josephine and Clarke still inside Clarke’s mind. Meaning that Josephine isn’t in the drive, she’s in Clarke’s head. Meaning that the battle for Clarke’s body isn’t over yet, and Josephine is still inside, vying for control. You look at Gabriel in alarm, wondering what he’s going to do, how he’s going to save Clarke, but he just gives you a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry, but her brain can no longer support two minds.”

You feel anger rise up, “What are you talking about?”

Octavia does too, because she looks to the screen and then glares at Gabriel. “Do something! They’re both still in there.”

“Latent neural activity continues for a short time after death, but once the head stops working with the heart, it’s over. The two organs are stronger together, and without them working together, it’s over, okay?”

Your eyes go wide as you process his words, one phrase sticking out to you the entire time. _Stronger together._ You look at Bellamy, whispering the words to him, “Stronger together.”

And then you nudge him out of the way so you can start CPR, pressing on Clarke’s chest in a steady rhythm, before lowering yourself to her mouth and filling her lungs with air. You repeat the process, pushing down on her chest, tears springing to your eyes with each passing second as you realize you’re getting closer and closer to her eventual death with the passing of time. You hear Octavia call your name, but you cut her off, voice rising with desperation. “No! I’m not losing her again!”

You ignore the others around you, continuing your desperate CPR, talking to Clarke the entire time you move, “Come on! Clarke, I need you. Madi needs you. Mom needs you. Now wake up! I should have fought harder for you, Clarke. I should have burned Sanctum to the ground and killed everyone that got in my way, but I’m fighting for you now, god damn it!”

Octavia puts her hand on your arm, trying to stop you. “La lune, she’s gone.”

“No, she’s not!” You turn to Bellamy, tears falling down your face now, giving your fiance a heartbroken look, the reality of your loss starting again. For the second time in the last few days, you are faced with the possibility that your twin is gone, and you’re not sure your heart can take it again. You aren’t sure you can face that heartbreak again. You stare at Bellamy, your voice a broken whisper, “She can’t be gone.”

He sees the heartbreak on your face, knows the pain you went through days ago when you thought she was dead, and remembers the pain he felt too. He stands at your side, turning to face your twin, his approach just as desperate as yours. He brings his fist down onto Clarke’s chest in hard, heavy beats, trying to forcefully restart her heart. “Wake up, Clarke! We’re not letting you go. You’re a fighter, now get up and fight!”

You see his desperation reaching a peak, his voice starting to crack with heartbreak, and he hits her one last time, one solid blow to her chest as he practically yells, “Get up and fight!”

Clarke takes in a loud, wheezing breath, her eyes flying open to look around in a panic. You feel a rush of relief as you lower yourself to her, helping her sit up as you whisper, “You’re okay, shining star, just breathe.”

Behind her, the heart rate monitor consistently beeps, confirming that the organ in her chest is steadily beating, and she looks at you with a confused expression. You meet her eyes, looking into the face of the girl that has been your other half since birth, and you whisper, “Clarke?”

She nods slightly, before jumping towards you slightly, wrapping her arms tightly around you. You start to cry, big, fat tears of relief rolling down your face, and Clarke tucks her head into the crook of your neck, whispering, “Stronger together.”

Your tears start to flow harder, reminding you how much of your strength truly comes from your twin, and how broken you felt living in a world temporarily without her. But all of that is over now. Because now, your twin is held tight in your arms, her left hand reaching out to take Bellamy’s hand, squeezing it in thanks. Octavia watches your trio with a smile, relief evident on her features. Only one person in the room is mourning, and that’s Gabriel, his eyes locked solely on the brainwave monitor beside him, only one wavelength on display. 

Josephine is gone, dead to the world, dead to history, and Clarke Griffin is back and better than ever. 

-


	82. lxxxii. ashes to ashes (6.11)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: anxiety, blood, injuries, language.
> 
> Summary: With Clarke’s life saved, your focus now shifts to how you can save the rest of your people.

Clarke falls asleep pretty soon after coming back to life, and you watch her anxiously for a few hours, fighting off your own exhaustion because you’re scared that you’re going to lose her again. Eventually Bellamy offers to keep an eye on her while you sleep for a few hours, and you gladly accept, though you don’t sleep as well as you hoped. You toss and turn for a while, before finally giving up in the early dawn hours, Bellamy and Gabriel the only two in the tent that are awake. Clarke is still resting peacefully on her cot, chest steadily rising and falling, and Octavia is curled up in the corner, sleeping soundly.

You can see Bellamy battling his own fight with sleep, so you urge him to catch up too while you keep an eye on Clarke until she wakes up again. You and Gabriel sit in silence for a long time, with most of your focus on your sleeping family around you, but eventually you decide to break the silence with him. You get up from your shared sleeping area with Bellamy and cross the tent to the other side, sliding down beside Gabriel, both of you exchanging a quick look. His eyes seem to land on the dried blood that is still smeared across your face, and he stands quickly, moving around the tent quietly before he returns a few seconds later with a damp rag. You whisper, “Thanks.”

He nods and settles down beside you again, as you wipe the dried blood from your face. You open your left palm, caked with dried blood as well, and you use the rag to clean it up, inspecting the various cuts across your palm and fingers. Gabriel watches you closely, turning to grab something from a nearby shelf, and once you have your wounds cleaned the best you can, he reaches out for your hand. “May I?”

You nod and offer him your hand, and he turns it over, checking over the wounds before he reaches into the first aid kit that he grabbed. He starts to clean and bandage your hand, quietly asking, “What happened?”

“I was fighting to survive.”

He hums in acknowledgement, but says nothing else, and you sit in silence for a minute until you think of the phrase he said yesterday, the words he whispered to Josephine as she died. You turn to him with a look of curiosity. “‘La muerte es la vida’, what does it mean?”

He turns to you, giving you a long look, and you start to think he’s not going to tell you. But then he takes a deep breath, closes the notebook in his lap, and pushes it aside. “It means ‘death is life’ in Spanish.”

You nod, starting to understand, and he lets go of your hand, now bandaged up and on its way to healing. You check over his work before meeting his eyes again, “I heard a group of your people chanting it when we went looking for our transport ship. Was it your idea?”

“Yes and no.” You give him a questioning look, asking for clarification, and he looks away from you, a faraway expression crossing over his features. “It’s from a poem by Gabriel Alvarez de Toledo, the Royal Librarian of King Felipe V of Spain. It’s about how the soul is buried within the human body, and it only becomes free when the body that it’s chained to dies. As long as the body lives, the soul dies, and when the body dies, the soul lives. The entire meaning is what I stood for, what I sought to deliver when I broke away from the rest of the Primes. Without death, life has no meaning. The immortality of the Primes, and the manipulation of our own people into believing that we’re all gods, was too much for me to handle.”

His words tug at a memory within you, reminding you of Lincoln’s words, passed to Clarke before Finn’s death. “You know, we had a friend on Earth, and he said something similar. ‘If death has no cost, life has no worth’. I’ve nearly died a hundred times, and I’ve watched those I love nearly die a thousand times, so I guess it’s not something I’ve thought a lot about.”

“Almost losing Clarke, it changed you, didn’t it?”

You look at him, nodding, remembering your grief in the days immediately after her death. “She’s my twin. Thinking I lost her was like losing part of myself. My motivations changed after that, and so did the things I cared about. Suddenly, the thing that struck me the most is that I wished I had more time. More quiet moments with her, more moments with just the two of us. I wish I had told her how much I love her and how much she means to me. But because you saved her, I get that chance.”

“I’m not the only one that saved her.” He looks at you, and then he also looks to Bellamy, the one who ultimately delivered the life returning blow. You look over at your fiance, the love of your life, and smile at his sleeping form, and the way his hair is sprawled out across the pillow. You feel Gabriel shift, his eyes moving to you, and he whispers, “I know that look.”

You lift your hand, showing off the ring Bellamy slipped on your finger the day before, peeking out between the bandages Gabriel secured on your palm. “We’re gonna get married. I don’t know when, or how, or what’s involved in a wedding, I just know we’re going to.”

You hear Gabriel sigh a little, and you look over at him, taking note of the heartbroken expression on his face. Your voice is softer when you speak this time, “You know, I get why Josephine did it. I get why she brought you back, though I don’t quite agree with her methods, and I also understand why you were upset when she brought you back. I understand why you left and tried to stop the Primes from coming back.”

Gabriel whispers, “La muerte es la vida.”

You look at him, trying to wrap your head around the fact that he’s over 200 years old, and came from an Earth that was entirely different from the Earth you landed on. And then you start to wonder, _are human beings the problem? Was Jasper right?_ “Gabriel?”

He turns to look at you, waiting for whatever you want to say. “Does time help you to do better, be better? 200 years is a lot of time to learn from past mistakes, did it help?”

“No.” The answer is definitive, one he truly believes in. “From what I’ve seen, time only made most of the Primes worse, not better.”

It dashes your hope a little, and he seems to sense that, because he reaches out and puts a hand on your knee. “But it’s not that way with everyone. Time is what matters when doing better. The Primes are immortal, or believe that they always will be, so they think they have nothing but time to become better people. Self improvement can wait another day, another year, another century. For the rest of us, those that know we’re going to die, lack of time is what motivates us to change. We know that we’re not promised forever, so we work on ourselves constantly.”

You nod, taking in his words, really considering what he’s saying. You still have hope that all of you can do better than you did before, and though Russell and the other Primes have been working hard to change that, you really believe you can change. You really believe that one day, you won’t need Wanlida anymore. You thought she was gone once you were accepted into Sanctum, but Russell changed all of that when he tried to steal your twin from you.

But maybe all of you have been going about this the wrong way. You’re all so accustomed to the life of war, and death, and violence, and completely changing overnight and trying to forget all that is impossible. Yet, that’s what you’ve all tried to do. You left Earth one day, slept for 125 years, and when you woke up again, you tried to be completely different people. Maybe doing better, for now, means choosing a less violent path instead of the violent one. Maybe it means only killing those who are a threat to you, not wiping out everyone in your way. Maybe it means learning from the mistakes in your past and not repeating them. 

Your thoughts move around in your head like waves crashing against the shore, washing over you repeatedly, wondering how to be the best version of yourself that you can be. You and Gabriel sit in mutual silence for a while, only moving when Octavia wakes and goes to sit outside for a while. You give Gabriel a smile as you stand and follow her, moving out of the tent and plopping down onto the grass beside her. She smiles at you, genuinely happy to see you, and you return her smile with one of your own. “We have a lot to catch up on.”

Octavia shakes her head a little, “I know, but right now, there’s only one thing I care about.” 

She reaches for your bandgaed hand, and the sapphire ring that peeks from beneath the white gauze. She turns to you, inquisitive, her expression serious. “Is this my mom’s ring?”

Her expression scares you a little, because she seems upset, and you start to worry until you realize that this ring might be the last thing the Blake siblings have from Aurora, and maybe Octavia wants it for herself. You nod and immediately reach for the ring, intending to give it to her. “Yeah. Bellamy proposed to me in the cave, but listen, this ring belongs to one of you, not-”

Octavia laughs softly, stopping your hand, a huge grin splitting her face. “La lune, this ring belongs to you. It always has. Mom told Bellamy to give it to someone that captured his heart, and that’s always been you. It’s a family heirloom, but you _are_ our family.”

You smile at her, reaching over to pull her into a fierce hug. She hugs you back, and when she pulls away, there’s a smile on her face. “I can’t wait for you to officially be my sister.”

“Me either.”

The two of you sit together in silence, just enjoying each other’s company, ignoring all of the shit you’ve been through since you last saw each other. It’s not long before Gabriel comes out of the tent and asks you if you want to help him gather food for breakfast, and you agree, eager to stretch your limbs and explore a little. By the time you both return, Bellamy is awake and waiting for you. “Good morning, sleepyhead.”

“Good morning, beautiful.” He plants a soft kiss on your lips, and for a second, you can pretend you’re somewhere nice, like back in Shallow Valley. You can pretend you aren’t in a tent in the middle of the woods on a moon that has caused you nothing but trouble since you landed. When you pull away, you offer him the food you and Gabriel gathered, and he takes it with a smile of thanks, the two of you sitting and enjoying it together in companionable silence. 

As you’re eating, Clarke starts to shift on her cot, clearly dreaming, before she jumps up suddenly, wide awake. She looks around frantically, eyes searching for you as you sit just outside of her line of vision, and you jump up and immediately head over to her, dropping by her side with a smile. “You’re okay, you’re still here.”

“Thanks to you.”

You shake your head and add, “Not just me. Bellamy and Gabriel and Octavia too.”

“How long have I been asleep?”

“Only a few hours.” She nods, and as you look down at your twin sister, you get hit with an overwhelming rush of guilt. “Clarke, I’m so sorry. I knew you were a target and I didn’t protect you. I didn’t fight hard enough for you after we found out they killed you. I should have done _more_.”

She sits up now, coming face to face with you, her expression serious. “La lune, you saved me.”

You feel tears spring to your eyes, aware that the words are her way of saying you have nothing to be sorry for. Her words are forgiveness. You smile at her and she smiles back, and you hear the sound of movement behind you before Bellamy walks up and drops down beside you, his voice low as he asks, “Question is, how do we save everyone that we left behind?”

“If you didn’t leave them behind, I’d be dead. They all would, Madi, Raven, our mom. Josephine would’ve made sure of it.” She locks her gaze on Bellamy, focusing her reassurance on him, “Your plan was good.”

“My plan was to use Josephine’s mind drive to bargain for peace, and now there’s no mind on the drive.”

She looks between you both, “We don’t need the mind drive, we’ve got me.”

You and Bellamy both start to protest immediately, but yours win out over his. “Clarke-”

“No, no way.”

She locks eyes with you, trying to get you to understand why she wants to do this. “If we don’t give Russell his daughter back-”

You cut her off, not even open to hearing her reasons for wanting to waltz back into Sanctum as Josephine. “Clarke, as soon as he realizes you’re not her, which will be the second he checks the drive, you’re dead.”

From behind all of you, Gabriel calls out, “So let’s put it back in.”

This time when you and Bellamy both voice your protest, your fiance is louder, speaking up to get his point across to Gabriel. “That’s not happening. We appreciate what you did for us, but these are our people. We’ll take it from here.” 

Clarke shakes her head, “This isn’t just about our people, Bellamy.”

“Well, it is for me.”

She looks at you, eyes pleading, and as much as you want to be on her side, you don’t want to be on her side for a plan that puts her right back in the lion’s den. A plan that makes it hard for you to protect her, meaning you could lose her again. That’s not something you’re willing to risk so soon after getting her back. So you meet her eyes, shaking your head, your tone final. “No, we just got you back. I’m not risking your life again.”

She looks like she wants to argue further, but Octavia steps back into the tent for the first time all morning, interrupting the conversation. She sees you, Bellamy, and Clarke sitting in an aura of tension, and she looks around at all of you awkwardly as she asks, “Good, everyone’s awake. So what’s the plan?”

You stand first, facing the your future sister. “Without Josephine’s mind drive, we have no plan. Which means it’s back to the drawing board.”

You wander over to the table in Gabriel’s tent, the one with a collection of maps and charts and sheets of information sprawled across it. You start to immediately pour over the documents, and Bellamy and Clarke eventually wander over to do the same, all of you trying to figure out a plan that gets all of your people out of Sanctum alive. Gabriel and Octavia are the last to join you and begin to brainstorm, and all of you stand around the plans in silence until Clarke looks up at Gabriel in confusion. “You’re a Nightblood. You could walk through the shield at any time and lower it. Why haven’t you?”

Octavia answers for him, “Because he doesn’t want to kill the people inside. He wants to save them, and they’ll die to protect the Primes.”

Bellamy cuts back, “Then they die. I’m not letting our people get executed because theirs are delusional.”

You cut a look at Bellamy, your voice a low warning, “Bellamy.”

You know he’s angry and worried, and you get it, because you’re angry and worried too. But that doesn’t mean he should take that out on the people of Sanctum. They may seem delusional to all of you, but the Primes spent 200 years indoctrinating their people into thinking that they’re gods. That’s not the believer’s fault, it’s the Primes fault.

Gabriel ignores Bellamy’s quip, and turns to Clarke to answer her question. “I don’t have the code. I couldn’t lower the shield if I tried.”

“What about Ryker?” All of you shift your gaze to Bellamy, listening to his questioning for Gabriel. “He built it, and he helped you escape. Go to him, you lower the shield, we do the rest.”

“Ryker won’t help us. He left my cell door open to stop Simone from burning me at the stake, but he wouldn’t help me stop the resurrections.”

A look of horror passes over all of your faces as he casually mentions the fate he nearly suffered, and you whisper, “They were gonna burn you?”

“That’s what you do to demons.” You shake your head, not understanding how his distaste for being resurrected was enough to have him labeled as a demon. “I destroyed the embryos. We landed with a thousand, genetically engineered with what you call Nightblood to protect against solar radiation.”

Clarke mutters, “That’s why hosts are so rare, why Josephine started oblation.”

“Oblation?”

“Null babies, which are those born without the Nightblood gene, are left out in the woods to die. Josephine convinced people it would be a sacrifice to the Primes, but really she just didn’t want the nulls to weaken the bloodline further.”

You look at your twin with horror, realizing that the woman that tried to steal her body was insane. And then you turn to Gabriel, realizing he was in love with a woman who left babies outside to die, all because she wanted another Nightblood host to brainwash and bodysnatch. “Oh my god.”

Gabriel cringes a little, clearly just as upset by the idea. “I didn’t think she would take it that far.”

“So your nonviolent revolution made things worse.”

You all glance at Bellamy, who seems to have no remorse for Gabriel and the things he’s been through. You cut him a look, trying to figure out what’s gotten into him that’s made him so angry with Gabriel, who despite everything, has been nothing but helpful to all of you. Octavia turns to her brother. “Bellamy, he doesn’t want to kill his own people.”

“Why not? You did.”

You turn to look at Bellamy, shaking your lead a little, voice slightly incredulous, “Bellamy!”

He glances at you, shaking his head, clearly not in the mood. “No. I don’t need a lecture on moral relativity from the Queen of Cannibals.”

Octavia gives Bellamy a shocked look, before motioning to the door of the tent. “Can I talk to you outside?”

“No.” She seems surprised by his answer. “You know what? For once, O, you’re not my biggest problem.”

“Please?”

She flashes you a pleading look before turning and heading out of the tent and back into the woods, and you put your hand on Bellamy’s arm, trying to channel some calming energy to him. “You have to face her sometime. Go, we’ll keep thinking.”

You can tell he doesn’t want to go, but he does anyways, nodding at you before stepping around the table, heading for the door. Before he can get there, Gabriel stops him by stepping into his path. “Your sister’s special.”

“Well, that’s one word for it.”

“I’m serious, Bellamy. She went into the Anomaly and came back. No one’s ever done that before.”

You give Gabriel a confused look, “The Anomaly?”

“That sound you hear.” He pauses so you can all listen, suddenly aware of a continuous buzzing sound that hasn’t stopped from the moment you arrived at the camp. Underneath it all, you can hear the static and quiet transmissions from the radios, no one outside to listen for their messages. “It’s the great mystery of Sanctum.”

Gabriel turns away from you, and back to Bellamy. “Look, she didn’t remember anything, so I gave her red sun toxin to help her see. She chose to look inward instead.”

“Red sun toxin? But there was no eclipse.”

Gabriel answers your twin, motioning to the air all around him. “The toxin’s everywhere; in every leaf, in every tree, the soil, the rocks. Over time, we found other ways to harness its power.”

“You weaponized it, didn’t you?”

“Simone did as part of her adjustment protocol. My research was focused on an antitoxin. The discovery that intravenous use produced a waking dream was a happy accident.”

As the information washes over all of you, you hear a strange sound outside, followed by Octavia’s slightly concerned voice. “Uh, Gabriel, your friends are here.”

All of you exchange a worried look and Bellamy immediately heads to the exit of the tent, worried about his sister, despite their strained relationship. You jog out after him, stepping outside just as Bellamy pulls his gun out, pointing it to the scene in front of him. Your eyes shift to the perimeter of the camp, where a large group of the Children of Gabriel stand, a collection of weapons pointed at Octavia, Bellamy, and now you. Octavia calls out, “Don’t shoot! We’re on the same side.”

She glances over her shoulder at her brother and mutters, “Bellamy, gun down.”

He sets his gun on the ground, and the two of you lift your hands in surrender as the leader of this particular faction quips, “Same side, huh? They were with Josephine in the cave.”

You hear the tent move behind you, and they all shift their weapons towards the entrance, growing tense as soon as they see who it is. You don’t even need to turn around to know that it’s your twin, and the group confirms it a second later when they yell, “Hey! It’s her! Josephine Prime!”

You and Bellamy shift in front of Clarke, blocking them from shooting at her, as you both yell, “No, no, no! It’s not her!”

Octavia calls out towards the tent, “Gabriel, we could use a little help.” 

There is a moment of tense silence as everyone awaits Gabriel’s exit, and seconds later he slips out of the tent. One of the people in the front of the opposing group lowers their weapon and takes off their mask, staring at Gabriel in confusion. “Xavier? Xavier, brother, get out of the way.”

Gabriel stops in front of you, Clarke, and Bellamy, serving as a shield between the three of you and the weapons trained on you. “Layla, it’s okay.”

Beside the unmasked woman, a man takes off his mask, the same man you identified as the leader of this group. Gabriel turns to him, voice calm. “Nelson, put the weapon down. All of you, weapons down. That’s an order.”

“You don’t give orders. Where’s the old man?” Nelson steps forward, challenging Gabriel, and when Gabriel doesn’t answer, he turns to look at the unmasked woman, Layla. “Layla, search the tent.”

Layla starts to step away from the group, towards the tent, but Gabriel stops her. “The old man is dead. So is Xavier.”

They seem to sense the double meaning of his words, because Layla looks shocked, and Nelson looks pissed. He walks towards Gabriel, voice shaking. “On your knees.”

Gabriel does as he’s told and sinks to his knees, his hands half held up in surrender, and Nelson walks closer to Gabriel, hesitant, afraid of what he might see. His expression drops a little when he sees the scar on the back of Gabriel’s neck, but he hides his disappointment behind a neutral expression. “Gabriel.”

Layla, however, does not handle it as well. As soon as the name leaves Nelson’s mouth, her face twists into anger and she stalks towards Gabriel, swinging the butt end of her gun towards him, hitting him across the face. “Traitor!”

Nelson grabs Layla and pulls her back, and she fights against him the entire time, trying to reach Gabriel to hit him again. He yells at the others in the group, “Get them inside the tent, now!”

They comply, pulling Octavia to her feet and pushing her forward, and each of them train a gun on you, motioning for you to walk inside the tent ahead of them. Gabriel leads the way, stepping inside and dropping to his knees first, and you and Clarke drop behind him, and the Blake siblings drop behind the two of you. A second later, the tent flap parts, and Nelson and Layla step inside, ignoring everyone and focusing solely on Gabriel. “Explain.”

“I didn’t want this. I loved Xavier like a son, you know that.”

Layla snaps, “Don’t say his name.”

Nelson glances back at her, “Layla, if you can’t handle this, maybe you should wait outside.”

“I’m fine, I need to hear this.”

They all turn back to Gabriel, waiting for him to continue his explanation. “Eduardo brought me back without my consent.”

“Eduardo’s been dead for years, killed by Sanctum guards around the time the old man disappeared.”

“It wasn’t the Sanctum guards.”

They all look at Gabriel in shock, trying to comprehend the level of his betrayal. Layla chokes out, “Ten years? He’s been lying to us for years, letting me call him brother?”

“He’s still our leader.”

“No, he’s a traitor and a Prime! He could’ve told us the truth, but instead, he let us think we were abandoned. Now, give me back the gun and let me end this once and for all.”

Nelson pulls out the gun and holds it out to Layla, and Bellamy senses the shift in the changing tides, aware that all of you are seconds away from death. “Wait, if this is what you really want, at least wait until he delivers the bomb.”

You turn to look at him, brows pulled together in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

Layla snaps at you, “Shut up!”

Bellamy gives you a look, one that is begging you to trust him, so you nod, letting him know you’re with him, whatever his plan may be. “I’m talking about weaponized red sun toxin. Gabriel’s a Nightblood, he can walk it right through the shield and deploy it. Once it’s in the air, he finds our friend Raven. She’ll bring the shield down for the rest of us, and we use the chaos of the evacuation to rescue our people. You kill the Primes. That’s how this ends.”

Nelson nods, “It’s a good plan.”

“Come on! You trust them just like that?” Layla looks at him in complete disbelief, but Nelson shakes his head, pulling out his sword. “No, but I will…”

He trails off, holding the sword out to Gabriel, motioning towards Clarke. “When he kills Josephine Prime!”

Your stomach drops, hard and fast, a wave of nausea rolling over you as you realize the danger that Josephine brought onto Clarke still isn’t over. Despite the lack of mind drive in her head, she’s still got a target on her back. You look between Nelson and Layla, voice loud and cracked with desperation. “She’s not a Prime!”

Clarke shakes her head, sounding much calmer, despite her inner fear. “I’m not Josephine.”

“It’s true, Josephine’s gone. I took the mind drive out myself.”

Layla snaps, “He’s protecting her! How much more proof that he’s a traitor do we need?”

You remember your Grounder knife, still tucked within the waistband of your pants, unchecked by the captors in the room. You lower your hands, prepared to grab the knife and end this. Because if they kill Clarke, if they murder your twin, any desire to do better is done. You don’t care. You will not let her death go unavenged a second time. You will kill everyone in this room before they even know what’s happening, and you won’t feel an ounce of grief for them. 

You feel Bellamy’s eyes on you, and from the corner of your eye, you catch the subtle shake of his head that he gives you. But you ignore it, your eyes locked on Nelson, who has now moved to stand in front of Clarke. He holds the sword to her throat, and you feel your hand skim the waistband of your pants. Just as you’re about to strike, Gabriel yells, “If you kill her yourself, I won’t build you the bomb.”

The two men stare at each other for a long moment, and you don’t move your hand until you see Nelson lower the sword, done with his threats against Clarke. Gabriel nods. “Good. First, we gather the toxin. There’s a cave on the way to the Anomaly.”

Layla glares at him, motioning between him and Clarke. “You’re not going anywhere. Neither is your long lost friend.”

“We can do it.” You all turn to look at Octavia, who is pointing at herself and then Bellamy. “Just tell us what to look for.”

Gabriel starts to stand, and a room full of weapons turns towards him, ready to wipe him out. He motions to the table behind him, where his notebook and pencil lay waiting. “I just need to sketch it out for them.”

Nelson motions for everyone to lower their weapons, and you all follow Gabriel to the table, leaning around to watch him as he works. He sketches out a rough map and a picture of a mushroom, sliding it over it to the siblings. “It’s not far from here, and it’s a cave full of bioluminescent mushrooms. They have some of the highest concentration of the toxin, so you’ll need the antitoxin.”

As Gabriel goes to grab the antidote, Bellamy shifts closer to you, keeping his voice low enough that only you can hear. “Are you coming with us?”

You glance around, noting the tension that still hangs in the room, the Children of Gabriel all still clutching their weapons. You turn back to Bellamy, keeping your voice just as quiet. “I want to stay here with Clarke. I don’t trust them not to hurt her.”

He nods, and you can see the disappointment on his face, likely because he wants you to go with him and Octavia to ease the awkward tension between the two of them. But he also understands that someone does need to keep an eye on Clarke, because she is still in danger. Gabriel brings back the antitoxin and gives it to the siblings, both of them ensuring they don’t hallucinate on their way to retrieve the toxin, and then Bellamy gives you a quick kiss goodbye before he follows his sister out of the tent and into the waning afternoon. 

The other Children of Gabriel, Nelson included, leave the tent too, spreading out around the camp, in case any of you try to leave or in case the Sanctum guards find you. The only person that stays behind is Layla, ordered to by Nelson, so she can keep an eye on you, Gabriel, and Clarke. Gabriel flits about the cave, gathering supplies, and you and Clarke help when he asks for assistance, but mostly the two of you just stand back and let him work. As he moves, he speaks out loud, mostly to himself but also to the two of you. “A device like this was one of the reasons I left. I wouldn’t build Russell his bomb, and here I am building one for you.”

He laughs a little to himself as he twists a strand of wires together. “Nevermind me, I’m rambling. Your friends should be at the cave by now. You know, it’s too bad they took an antitoxin, because that is one sibling relationship that could use a good guided hallucination.”

You nod in agreement, about to offer him a brief backstory on the damaged sibling relationship, but Layla creeps out from the shadows, fixing her glare on Gabriel’s back. “Yeah, be a shame if one of them was murdered before they worked it out.”

At first, you think the sentence is a threat, a reference to the fact that Bellamy and Octavia are about to be killed. You tense up, running through the ways to save them in your head, but that all goes away when you see the look on Layla’s face. You remember her words to Gabriel when she first saw him; _Xavier, brother, step aside._ At first you thought it was just a term of affection, the way you call Octavia your sister, despite having no blood relation, but you see now that Xavier, the man that became Gabriel’s host, was Layla’s brother.

Gabriel turns around to face her, looking just as heartbroken at the loss of the young man. “Layla, I’m-”

She cuts him off with a sneer, “Don’t you dare apologize.”

He nods, respecting her wishes, stepping away from the bomb slightly so she can get a better look at it. “This bomb. If the Primes have one, then why haven’t they used it on us?”

“I don’t know. Probably because turning us into raging killers isn’t in their best interest.”

“Then what’s it for?”

“Josephine and Simone were intrigued by a pattern in the visions of those who survived being caught out in the eclipse. Despite my best efforts to stop them, they started leaving test subjects outside to study it.” You shake your head, continuously reminded of how truly awful the Primes are, despite Russell’s insistence that the rest of you are bad people and they are not. “Now, not surprisingly, believers in the divinity of the Primes invariably reported seeing us as gods or as angels. What interested the Lightbournes more was that the aggression response of the faithful was almost always aimed at the less devout.”

The realization hits you first, and your voice is a little breathy with shock. “Believers killing nonbelievers.”

Gabriel nods in confirmation, and you share a look with your twin, her face pulled together with worry. She mutters, “Josephine was right, this is Mount Weather all over again.”

You think of the Mountain from Hell, where you nearly lost your life on multiple occasions. You think of the people you killed there, the death you witnessed, and the lever that left a mountain full of innocent people dead at your hand. You shudder as Clarke continues, “That bomb won’t just cause chaos, it’ll cause a massacre. There has to be a better way than using a massacre as a distraction to get the shield down.”

You remember the emotional toll that Mount Weather had on all of you; you, Clarke, and Bellamy, and you aren’t eager to relive the sins of the past in a new way. But before you can question Clarke further on what she’s thinking, Gabriel turns to face the two of you. “Look, if you’re worried about your people, they’ll be fine. We put in wall restraints to fend for themselves as soon as the early warning system is triggered and evacuation begins.”

“I told you, I’m not just worried about-” She cuts herself off, a look of realization passing over her face, and she whispers, “The early warning system. The insects are affected by the toxin first, that’s why they’re in tanks all over Sanctum.”

Gabriel nods, plopping down into a chair to continue his work on the bomb, barely looking her way. “I’m aware, it was my idea. What’s your point?”

You and Clarke stand at the table stretched out in front of him, and Layla heads for the door, uninterested in the rest of this conversation. Clarke continues, “We use less of the toxin, enough to affect the bugs, but not the people. Just enough to trigger the evacuation. Can you do that?”

“Yes.” He stops what he’s doing to meet her eyes, trying to convey the weight of his next sentence. “But without the chaos, I won’t have time to take the shield down. Your people will still be prisoners, and the Primes will still be Primes. We will kill some bugs, though.”

“So, we take down the shield first.”

You know exactly where this is going, and you turn to look at her, ready to object, while Gabriel still looks at her in confusion. “First, as in before the evacuation, while everyone’s still at home?”

“Clarke, no.”

She turns to you, insistent. “I can do it, la lune. This is how we can do better and not kill everyone.”

“No, this is-”

Gabriel cuts you off, looking between the two of you with bewilderment, completely lost. “What are you two talking about?”

You and Clarke answer at the same time, “Josephine.”

Realization passes over his face, and Clarke reaches out to take your hand, tugging on it to get you to look at her. “I know Josephine. I know how to _be_ Josephine. I spent enough time with her in my head to fool Russell. And this is how we honor Monty.”

You shake your head, tears welling up in your eyes at the thought of losing her again. But she gives you a small smile and squeezes your hand. “I know you’re scared and worried that you’re going to lose me again, but you won’t. I have to do this to save Madi and Mom and our friends.”

You consider the options: mass murdering the people of Sanctum though they are guilty of nothing, or letting your sister walk right back into the lion’s den without you. And at the end of the day, you know she’s right. You know that Wanlida isn’t who you want to be, and though she’s going to stick around for a while, small steps in the right direction are the way to retire her for good. _Learning from your past mistakes is how you retire her for good._ You give your twin a look, sighing as you do. “Fine. But the second things start to go south, I want you out of there. Deal?”

“Deal.” With the two of you in agreement, Clarke turns to face Gabriel. “Think you can get your Children to let me go with you?”

“It’s doubtful, they’re not gonna like it.” He turns to look at you, gaze serious. “Neither is Bellamy.”

“I’ll handle Bellamy. You just worry about getting this right.”

He nods and starts to change the machine up, working to adapt it to this new plan, and you and Clarke hang around, watching, helping, waiting for the Blake siblings to return. It’s a couple of hours later when they come back, the suns now set and the sky outside covered in darkness, and as soon as they come in and hand over their bags of toxic mushrooms, Gabriel takes it over to a tank with gloves, _just like the one inside the bunker that held the worms,_ and places the toxin inside. As he slides his arms into the gloves and starts to get the toxin ready for the device, he explains the new plan to the Blake siblings, informing them both that he is no longer building a bomb. 

Octavia absorbs the information quietly, but Bellamy looks at Gabriel, incredulous. “What do you mean, you’re not building a bomb?”

“Releasing it in the water will cause it to aerosolize at a lower concentration. We’ll trigger an evacuation without inducing a mass psychosis.”

Clarke adds, “In other words, no innocent people die.”

Octavia looks over at Gabriel, curious. “How long until they realize there’s no eclipse and turn around?”

“Not long enough. We’ll need to be inside before it starts, which means-”

Bellamy cuts Clarke off, finishing her sentence for her as he realizes where the plan is going. “Which means the shield needs to be down before it starts.”

“Can you do that without a distraction?”

Bellamy, still ahead of the plan, deadpans, “It wouldn’t be him.”

Clarke’s voice is soft and pleading, begging Bellamy to understand, “Bellamy, it’s the only way.”

“What is?”

Clarke shifts her gaze to Octavia, answering her question. “I go as Josephine.”

“It’s not the only way, because we’ll use the bomb as planned. Risking your life when we don’t have to is just-”

You cut him off, finishing his sentence, “Is how we do better.”

He turns to you, a look of disbelief etched into his face. “You’re okay with this?”

“Not really, but we don’t have much of a choice. I don’t want to take innocent lives, do you?”

His expression softens, his voice dropping to a whisper, “You know I don’t.”

“Which is why we let Clarke go as Josephine.”

You can see him starting to come around, and he shifts his attention to Clarke, his earlier anger and disbelief already disappearing, now replaced with concern. “Clarke, if you fail, if Russell figures out that his daughter is dead, then all our people are dead too.”

“So I won’t fail.”

He gives her a look, but Octavia speaks up in defense of Clarke, adding her agreement. “Bellamy, if we can spare innocent lives, we should.”

You look over at Octavia, a changed woman, and smile at her, proud that she finally sees the error in her actions as Blodreina. But none of you get the chance to continue the conversation further, because a distant hum reaches your ears, steadily growing louder as the Children of Gabriel outside start to yell, “Hey, what’s that?”

“Sanctum riders!”

Everyone in the tent exchanges a worried look, and you rush to the exit, stepping outside and watching as the light of the motorcycles bounces across the terrain, growing closer. Nelson turns as soon as he sees all of you standing outside, and he yells, “Get them back inside! I want them tied up and gagged with the Primes!”

Two men usher you all back inside, and Layla steps into the tent a second later, gun in hand. She motions for all of you to move apart, “Spread out, and don’t resist. I have orders to kill you if you do.”

You all spread apart, keeping still as they force a gag into your mouth and secure it at the back of your head. They push you down to the ground and tie up your wrists and feet, before moving around the room and doing the same with the others. You and Bellamy are tied up close to each other, both of you leaning against the same table, and Clarke is tied up across from you. Octavia is off to your left, near the edge of the tent, and Gabriel is to Bellamy’s right, leaning against the furniture. Once all of you are secured, Layla stands in the middle of all of you, shifting her gaze from one person to the next, waiting for you to make a move so she can shoot you. The two guards leave to join the others, and you’re only tied up for a few minutes before the sounds of gunshots ring out from outside. 

Layla heads to the entrance of the tent, poking her head outside to watch the fight, and as you all sit waiting, you hear a strange scratching sound from the back of the tent. You turn that way, eyes watching as a blade sticks through the material of the tent, dragging down to the bottom, creating a slit in the fabric. You all tense up, unsure who’s about to come inside, surprised when it’s Murphy’s head that pokes through. He steps inside, followed by Jade, a gun in her hand. Murphy steps into the middle of the tent, while Jade sneaks around the back, ducked behind the debris and mess, and once she’s in position, Murphy calls out to Layla, “Hey there.”

Layla spins around quickly, instantly lifting her gun and aiming it at Murphy, but Jade sneaks up behind her a second later and hits her with her rifle, knocking Layla out. Jade grabs Layla’s dropped weapon as she walks past, moving carefully before dropping down in front of Clarke. “Josephine?”

You see Clarke’s eyes shift to you, and you nod your head a fraction of an inch, letting her know she should go through with it. Despite the alarm and fear that you feel, despite the worry that none of you planned for Clarke to get taken from you this quickly, before a solid plan was even decided, you know this is the right move. Clarke looks back to Jade, the exchange unnoticed, and nods. Jade puts the guns down and pulls the gag out of Clarke’s mouth, who perfectly captures Josephine’s tone of voice. “Well done, Jade.”

As Jade pulls out a knife to cut through the restraints wrapped around Clarke’s wrists and ankles, your twin shifts her gaze to Murphy, smirking, “You just can’t pick a side, can you, John?”

“The only reason I’m doing this is because Emori dies if I don’t.” Murphy turns to look at Bellamy, voice dropping a little. “The others are in trouble too. I promise I’ll do what I can for them.”

Clarke stands and Jade follows suit, looking between Clarke and Murphy. “Give us two seconds to make sure it’s clear, then follow.”

Just then, Layla starts to shift, and Jade lifts her gun, prepared to kill her. But Clarke puts her hand on the barrel, pushing the gun down to lower it, her tone commanding. “No, this one’s mine.”

Clarke grabs the discarded pistol from the table and aims it at Layla, glancing over her shoulder to look at Jade. “Go, make sure it’s clear.”

Jade nods and immediately turns to slip out of the tent, but Murphy stays put, his eyes locked on Clarke suspiciously. His gaze flits over to you, and yu do your best to look upset, playing the part that Clarke is gone. “Is she really gone this time?”

“Yes. Boohoo.” Clarke smirks at him, taunting, and you can see a flash of anger cross his features. He gives you an apologetic look, and you fight against your restraints a little until Clarke reminds him of the danger they’re in, waving the gun slightly. “Now, as soon as I pull this trigger, your little decoy trick will fail. You better run.”

Murphy nods once, and then turns and heads out of the tent, following Jade’s earlier path. As soon as Clarke sees that it’s clear, and both Jade and Murphy are gone, she swings the gun away from Layla, aiming at the ground, before she fires once, pretending to kill the girl. And then she turns and runs towards you, dropping down in front of you and tugging the gag out of your mouth. 

“I can do this, la lune.”

You nod, knowing she can, believing in your other half. “Get that shield down, we’ll bring the cavalry.”

“Stronger together.”

She lifts her hand to brush a finger across the moon hanging around your neck, before her hand touches her wrist, her bracelet gone, now left with Madi. But you don’t have time to tell her that, because she has to leave _now_ , so you just whisper back, “Stronger together.”

And with one last sad smile, she turns and slips out of the tent behind the others, leaving to begin her new con as fake Josephine. Layla watches her retreat in shock, surprised that Clarke let her live, her survival making her realize one very important thing. She turns to you, the pieces finally clicking together. “She isn’t Josephine.”

“No, she’s not.” You hold out your tied wrists, urging her to free you. “Now let’s ready the cavalry.”

-


	83. lxxxiii. adjustment protocol (6.12)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: language, violence, fighting, death.
> 
> Summary: The plan to save your friends begins, but nothing goes according to plan.

As soon as Layla frees all of you and Nelson returns with the remaining Children of Gabriel, Gabriel finishes the device that he intends to deploy in the pond. He explains the plan to everyone, making sure you all understand what’s going on. Nelson arms all of you, giving Bellamy and Gabriel a rifle, you a pistol, and Octavia a sword. You also make a new thigh holster for your knife, and Bellamy rigs one up for his small skull knife that you gifted him, and all of you change into some of the Children of Gabriel clothes so you’ll blend in better. Within a couple of hours, you are all ready to go and begin your ambush on Sanctum.

You trek through the woods towards Sanctum mostly in silence, with you, Bellamy, and Octavia in the lead. Something about the trip reminds you of searching for Clarke after the Battle of the Dropship, before Finn lost his mind. You hope that this moment is different though, and doesn’t end with the slaughter of innocent people in a village, though you guess that only time will tell. 

Before you know it, you can hear the quiet hum of the radiation shield up ahead, all of you disappointed to see that the shield is still up and running. You come to a stop right at the edge of the woods, staring at the shield, and behind you, Layla asks, “What do we do now?”

You turn and face her, but your gaze looks over all of them. “Now we wait. Clarke will get it down.”

They all nod, and you turn and stare back at the shield, thinking about how easy it would be for you to walk right through, find your twin, and keep her safe. You step away from the others, into the light bouncing off the planet that Sanctum orbits, listening to the buzz of the shield that quietly taunts you. You hear Gabriel tell everyone to get down and stay out of sight, but you stand frozen in place, the muscles in your legs twitching with the desire to follow your impulse and run into Sanctum. You almost jump out of your skin when you feel a hand clamp down on your shoulder, and you glance over to see Bellamy looking at you, worry etched into his face. “I should be in there helping her.”

On your other side, a hand slides into your own, and you turn to see Octavia looking at you, her hand squeezing yours in comfort. “They know what you look like, and you being there would just give Clarke away.”

Bellamy grabs your other hand, the two Blake siblings keeping you anchored, bringing you back to the side of reason. “Besides, that’s not the plan.”

Your voice is quiet, so low that the siblings both lean closer to hear you over the sound of the shield. “We left them.”

“And that’s why they’re still alive.”

You turn to Octavia, shaking your head. “You don’t know that. You heard Murphy, they’re all in trouble.”

“They’ll be okay.”

Beside you, Bellamy speaks up, sounding just as haunted by the thought that everyone you love is on the other side of that shield and in harm’s way. “Everybody always thinks that. The truth is, you’re fine until you’re not.”

“Murphy said he’d help.”

You and Bellamy both turn to Octavia, giving her matching skeptical looks, both of you thinking of all the ways Murphy has ‘helped’, but only made things worse. “Real comforting.”

“Have some faith.” She smiles and gives your hand a squeeze before dropping it and stepping back, slinking into the bushes to join the others. You look at Bellamy, his eyes already on you, and he smiles, “That look is gone from your face.”

“What look?”

“The ‘I’m about to take off running and do something really stupid’ look.”

You roll your eyes, “It’s gone. For now.”

He smiles at your vague threat before he backs away, towards the bushes, pulling you back with him. You follow, the two of you sinking into the brush with the other Children of Gabriel, hiding out and waiting for the shield to go down.

-

It turns out that the idea you all seem to have about the shield going down in a couple of hours was wrong. 

Instead, you all watch the suns rise in the sky and hang overhead, beating down on all of you as you hide in the bushes. You watch at least two guard changes, dozing slightly between them, nothing new happening for a while. It’s only in late afternoon when something changes. 

You all sit up a little straighter when you hear the sound of an approaching motorcycle, signaling a third guard change, and you watch closely as the guard hops off the bike and tugs off his helmet to speak to the other guard. “Sector D is all clear. You’re free to head back to Sanctum with the Primes.”

“I thought I was gonna miss the namings.”

Tension washes over all of you in the group, and you’re almost surprised the guards can’t feel the shift in the air, given your close proximity to them. You glance at Bellamy, both of you silently repeating the most alarming part of that sentence in your head. _Namings_. The guard passes another piece of information to the other before he hops on his own bike and drives off, and Nelson’s voice is horrified when he whispers, “Naming Day?” 

Layla bites back, “They said ‘namings’. Plural.”

Before any of you can get in another word, Gabriel stands from his place behind Octavia, stepping out of the bushes, ignoring her concerned whisper of his name. “Gabriel?”

Gabriel heads straight for the shield and passes through it, crying out in pain and dropping to the ground twitching, pretending that the shield is actually causing him damage. The guard mutters something under his breath that you can’t hear, and then he walks closer to Gabriel, gun slightly raised. As soon as he’s close enough, Gabriel swings a leg out and knocks the man on his back, and you and the Blake siblings all rise, looking at him in shock. “Gabriel, what the hell are you doing?”

You can see the guard’s eyes go wide with shock as he looks up at the feared man. “Gabriel?”

But Gabriel ignores him and glares at him, “You said ‘namings’. How many? Who’s coming back?”

“I don’t know. All of them, I think.”

Gabriel kicks the man in the face, breaking his nose and knocking him out, and you all run to the edge of the shield, yelling out to him, “Gabriel!”

He starts to pull off his jacket, tossing it to the side as he gives all of you a slightly apologetic look. “I can’t have Russell murder more innocent people.”

“I know it’s hard but we have to stick to the plan!” Bellamy’s voice rises the longer Gabriel ignores him, trying to get through to him. “Clarke will get the shield down and we use the toxin as a distraction to save our people.”

“Yeah, well, I have a new plan: use our distraction to stop Naming Day.” He tugs the guard’s jacket off and pulls it on, looking at all of you. “Look, I’m sorry, but unlike you, I can’t sacrifice the few to save the many.”

He turns and starts to walk towards the bike tucked in between the crops, and this time you don’t hesitate to run through the shield, heading straight for him. Unfortunately, you don’t make it to him in time, and he jumps on the bike and leaves you standing in a cloud of dust, looking at his retreating figure as you yell, “Gabriel! Gabriel, come back!”

You stand frozen and watch until he disappears from sight, and then you still stand unmoving, trying to figure out how Gabriel’s change of plans affects the rest of you, how it affects Clarke. You hear Bellamy start to call out to you after a few minutes, but you still don’t turn around, trying to decide if you should just take off running towards Sanctum. Bellamy must sense your impulse to run again, because his voice gets increasingly more worried the longer you ignore him. “La lune, get back on this side of the shield! Please come back over here. We’ll figure this out, okay? Clarke will still get the shield down, and we’ll come in then, just come back.”

You shift a little, the muscles in your legs twitching again, and Bellamy yells, “Natshana! If you leave, I’m coming after you! I’m not a Nightblood, and you saw what happened to Shaw.”

You freeze, the movement in your legs stopping, your desire to keep Bellamy safe stronger than your desire to run. You turn slowly and walk back towards Bellamy and the others, your fiance’s face overcome with relief. He is standing as close to the shield as he can without getting harmed, and as soon as you pass through it, he pulls you into his arms, holding you tight, clearly worried you were about to go where he couldn’t follow. You feel a rush of guilt and you hug him back, whispering, “I’m sorry. I just don’t want to lose Clarke again.”

He pulls away and nods at you, smoothing back your hair and whispering, “You won’t. But we have no way to contact Clarke and tell her that things have changed. So for now, we do things the way we planned, and hope it all works out in the end.”

You nod and all of you sink back down into the bushes again, despite the fact that the guard you were hiding from is now knocked out, courtesy of Gabriel. Still, you wait, the hours passing slowly, the suns getting lower in the sky and the darkness spreading across Sanctum. You get antsier with each passing hour, and you make a silent plan in your head that once the planet in the sky reaches a certain position, you’re running and leaving the others behind.

Miraculously though, as your deadline rapidly approaches, the hum of the shields stops, and you see all of the towers of the shield dim from their light blue color before going completely dark, the shield now down and ready to be crossed. You turn to Bellamy with a smile and he smiles back. “Told you she’d get it down.”

“Pretty sure _I_ was the one that told _you_.”

The Children of Gabriel all stare at the downed shield in shock, and then Nelson abruptly stands and lifts his weapon into the air before yelling, “Death to Primes!”

Everyone stands and lifts their weapons too, repeating, “Death to Primes!”

They take off running, and you, Bellamy, and Octavia all share a look before you jump up and follow, blending in with the crowd as you run towards Sanctum. As you grow closer, the chanting stops, everyone aware that stealth is the way to go, and you creep up the hill as quickly as you can, bent low in the hopes that no one will see you coming. As you round the last corner and the stairs come into view, you see a group of people standing there, Clarke at the front, alive and still in one piece. 

You jog over and the two of you share a hug, and when you pull away, your gaze shifts to the people beside her. On one side, Gaia and Miller stand, smiles on their faces, and Miller nods in greeting. You nod back before turning to Clarke’s other side, eyes landing on Echo, grinning at you, clearly happy to see you alive and well. The two of you exchange a hug, pulling away so she can hug Bellamy too, and as they separate, Clarke looks all of you over. “Look, I hate to cut the moment short, but Russell told the people that it was a false alarm. They’re not evacuating, we have no distraction.”

Echo adds, “The rest of our friends are still in trouble, and we don’t have the people to fight our way through.”

“We’re not here to fight. We’re here to liberate.”

Layla chimes in from beside you, “Bellamy’s right, and the only weapon we need for that is truth.”

“They won’t believe us just because we tell them the truth.”

You look to Echo, evident from the expression on her face that a plan is forming. “What are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking Ryker helped us start this, his mother will finish it.”

She motions to the hooded figure between Clarke and Gaia, the one that you’re just now noticing. Clarke reaches into her pocket and pulls out a mind drive, holding it out to you. “They think I’m Josephine, so it can’t be me. Everyone is gathered just outside of the palace.”

“This is Ryker?” Clarke nods her head in confirmation, and you take the drive from her before turning to the others. “I’ll take Priya into the crowd and tell them the truth. She backs it up, and we go from there. The rest of you will sneak up into Sanctum and stay hidden until we see how this is going to go.”

Everyone nods, understanding their place, and Bellamy grabs your hand. “I’m going with you.”

You smile at him, hoping he was going to say that, not sure that you want to handle Priya on your own. “Okay, everyone move into position.”

They all break apart and head into Sanctum, Clarke giving you a lingering look as she goes, and you give her a reassuring smile in return. Once you and Bellamy are the only two left with Priya, you pull the hood off her head. “Did you get all that?”

She hesitates, and you hold up the mind drive for her to see. “You tell the people the truth, or Ryker dies forever. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

“Good, let’s go.”

You and Bellamy each grab one of her arms, guiding her up the stairs of Sanctum as she tries to fight against the two of you, and once you reach the top of the stairs, you’re quickly noticed. One of the guards near the base of the stairs yells, “We’ve got movement on the far stairs!”

You see her lift her gun to peer through the scope, and the second she sees a Prime held between you and Bellamy she yells, “Priya Prime! Don’t shoot!”

The crowd turns towards you, and you and Bellamy each lift the hand not held onto Priya in surrender as you shout to the gathered crowd, “The power is out, the shield is down, but we are not here to fight. We have something to tell you that will be hard to hear, but it’s the truth. The Primes told you that we’re your enemy, but they lied!”

The crowd starts to murmur and your turn to look at Bellamy, aware that he is always the best with speeches. He adds, “They lied about everything! They’re not gods, they don’t become one with their hosts. They _kill_ them. They steal your bodies so they can live forever.”

The murmuring grows louder, the truth of the gods they worship shocking everyone. You nudge Priya, flashing the mind drive in your hand, “Tell them.”

She hesitates for a second, her eyes locked on the drive, and then she takes a breath to steady herself before backing you up. “It’s true! We’re not divine. We survive because we have technology, but we need your bodies to do it. Delilah’s not one with me. She’s dead, killed so that I could return. It’s all a lie.”

The crowd’s murmurs turn to yelling as their anger starts to grow, but you ignore it and hand Priya the mind drive, her part now done. Before the crowd can get unruly though, Russell walks out of the palace and up to the microphone, a small contraption in his hand. “I am disappointed in you, Priya. I’m disappointed in _all of you_. According to our adjustment protocol…”

As soon as you hear the words, you remember Gabriel’s story to you and Clarke, and you look at Bellamy with panic, your voice quiet. “Believers killing non believers.”

“What?”

You don’t get to answer him, because Russell’s voice rises to be heard above everything, “Non believers must be purified!”

He twists the device and throws it into the crowd, and you and Bellamy instantly duck as it goes off with a flash, a cloud of green toxin quickly shooting out into the middle of the crowd. The people erupt into screams of pain and paranoia, and you turn to Bellamy and say, “Red sun toxin, we need to get to the others.”

He nods and you form a human chain with him and Priya, Bellamy in the lead, you in the middle, and Priya in the back. Bellamy guides you and tugs you through the crowd that is already resorting to chaos, and in the midst of the scuffle, Priya’s grip is pulled from your own. You look back in alarm, catching only one glimpse of her before the crowd surrounds her, and there’s nothing you can do but watch her disappear. The crowd is already growing violent, and you and Bellamy are both still susceptible to the toxin until you get your dose of the antitoxin. Going back into the crowd while you’re undosed is not an ideal plan. 

You finally reach the others and Layla tosses you each an antitoxin, which you inhale quickly, thankful that you’re safe for now. All of you stand watching the growing chaos, the people already fighting and resorting to violence, and Layla turns to you with a concerned look. “Where the hell is Priya?”

“The crowd got between us.” You start to walk back towards it, ready to search for her now, but at least three sets of arms grab you and pull you back. “No, you can’t.”

“But-”

“No.“ Clarke’s voice is firm, letting you know this is not negotiable, and you nod, letting her know you understand. Bellamy, Clarke, and Layla all drop their arms, satisfied that you’re staying put, and as you turn back to watch the crowd, you hear Miller shout, “Jax?”

You turn to him, his eyes locked on something in the distance. “Jax!”

You follow his gaze, watching as guards file Madi, Raven, and Jackson into the palace and out of sight. Clarke watches on in horror, her eyes welling up with tears, and Miller tries to run towards his boyfriend, prepared to risk his own life to save his boyfriend’s life. But Octavia stops him, holding him back, voice desperate. “You can’t!”

He rips himself from her grip, looking at her with disgust. “I do not take orders from you anymore!”

Octavia looks at her brother for help, and he immediately jumps in, blocking Miller’s path. “Miller, she’s right. You’ll never make it past the guards.”

Clarke deadpans, “No, but I can.”

You turn to look at her, her gaze already locked on you, waiting for your approval, and this is something you know you have to give her. Madi’s life is at stake, and Clarke is the only person that can get in that room, no questions asked. You nod, letting her know you agree, and Gaia steps up beside her. “I’m going with you.”

“Gaia-” She cuts Clarke’s protest off, “They’ll think I’m Josephine’s guard. It’s Madi, I’m going.”

Clarke nods, before turning to Miller. “Miller, stay here and protect the others.”

He looks at her, hesitant, clearly wanting to tag along with them, and your twin senses his turmoil and reassures him, “We’ll get Jackson back, trust me.”

He nods, and Clarke is about to ask all of you what you’re going to do, when Octavia’s shaky voice floats over to you. “Uh, guys? We’ve got a problem.”

When you turn to face her, you see that part of the crowd has now shifted, their gazes turning on you. They stalk over to you slowly, the glint of murder in their eyes, and you turn to your twin in alarm, pushing her away from you slightly, “Go!”

“Murderers! Kill the invaders!”

You try to ignore the approaching group and their bone chilling chants as Clarke grabs your hand, “What will you do?”

You shake your head, “Still working on that part, but there’s not enough time! Just go!”

She hesitates for another half second before she turns and runs off, Gaia with her, and Miller lifts his gun and points it at the approaching crowd that is closing in on all of you quickly. Bellamy pushes down the barrel of his gun, getting him to lower it. “Miller, weapons down. We don’t want to kill them, okay?”

Miller lowers his gun, as you all draw closer together, facing in different directions so you can watch each other from all sides. As the angry crowd seems to grow even angrier, Layla watches them in alarm, “Well, they want to kill us.”

You turn to Bellamy, glancing at him quickly so you can also keep an eye on the crowd. “If we start fighting, it will turn into a bloodbath!”

“We need to take cover and wait it out.”

Over his shoulder, Echo seems to get an idea, and she calls out, “Follow me!”

None of you hesitate to follow her when she runs off, aware that you don’t have many options at this point. She leads you to a building that looks like a shipping container, one that locks from the inside, and you all file inside and pull the doors closed behind you, swinging the bar down to lock it. You back away from the door as the crowd starts to bang on it, trying to shrink away from the source of the chaos, but the banging starts up on all sides, sending a chill down your spine. Your entire group huddles in the center of the room, standing as close as you can, watching the door shake and move with the force of the people outside. But there’s nothing any of you can do, no way you can stop it, your only option now to sit back and hope for the best. Hope that you aren’t just a bleeding fish in a circle of angry sharks or a rabbit caught in a trap, stalked by a hungry bear. 

You just have to hope that all of you aren’t about to become martyrs in someone else’s religion.

-


	84. lxxxiv. the blood of sanctum (6.13)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: anxiety, angst, violence, fighting, language, blood.
> 
> Summary: All the tension in Sanctum comes to a head, as the believers target the non believers, thanks to the red sun toxin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it is 2:30 in the morning so technically it is friday! merry christmas to those that celebrate!!! ALSO IT’S THE SEASON 6 FINALE WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL! HOW DO WE ONLY HAVE ONE SEASON LEFT?! I LITERALLY CAN’T BELIEVE IT! also pls pls pls tell me what you think about this chapter down below! okay, ily!!

The banging goes on for what feels like hours, though you’re sure it’s significantly less than that.

Still, all of you stay huddled together in the center of the locked building, looking around at the structure, unease heavy in the air as you see the walls shake from the pounding. Bellamy raises his voice to be heard over the noise, “How much longer will this last?”

You warily eye the shaking walls and counter, “It’ll last longer than these walls will!”

Nelson shifts beside you and then yells out, “Okay! We move together, firing all directions. Once we get to the stairs, we haul ass to the woods.”

You and Bellamy both turn to him in alarm, instantly arguing, “No way!”

“We’re not leaving our people!”

Nelson sighs, but he nods, agreeing to stay with you. The pounding at the doors grows increasingly louder, almost deafening, and the doors shake hard, clearly on the verge of coming down. Bellamy reaches out and squeezes your hand as he says, “Here they come! Knock them out, we tie them up. If we take out enough, eventually they’ll stop.”

All of you stand ready, prepared for the fight ahead, but the fight ahead never comes. Instead, everything goes dead silent, alarmingly quiet, the shouting now silenced, the banging on the walls finished. You look around in confusion, until the hairs on your arm start to lift, warning you of an impending danger. Behind you, Echo asks, “Is it over?”

You shake your head, sure that something back is about to happen, but you don’t expect to see a gas can drop down from the top of the building, slipped through the cracks of the ventilation gate above you. The gas spreads quickly, you and Bellamy coughing as it hits you two first, and the effects on your body are instant. You feel exhausted, your body heavy, your eyes drowsy, and your limbs turn to jello, giving out beneath you. You collapse to the ground, darkness rapidly closing in around you until it is all you see, all you know, and you fall tumbling into it.

-

The first thing that comes back to you is the sound around you, the quiet murmur of voices wrapping around you before floating away. Your brain is still too groggy to process who is talking or what they’re saying, but you don’t care, because the next thing you notice is the gag pulled tight around your head. Your skin is covered in a thin layer of sweat, your body still processing the gas used on you, and you pull your eyes open slowly, blinking against the dim light. 

The world comes into focus quickly, your mind processing the sight in front of you, and you realize you’re in the tavern, sprawled out on the floor, your hands bound in front of you. You sit up, your eyes roaming across the people spread all around inside the room, and you look around frantically for the others. You’re sandwiched between Layla and Bellamy, both of them okay, and Miller is on Layla’s other side. Nelson, Octavia, and Echo are in the row behind you, everyone gagged and restrained the same way, everyone else awake. 

A woman in a white robe, adorned with Becca’s symbol, glances at you as you look around, a serene expression on her face. “Good, you’re all awake. Let’s begin.”

She turns and pulls a knife off the table behind her, and a man comes to stand on her other side, a cup in his hand. She drops down in front of Layla, pulling down the gag, and the man holds the cup near Layla’s mouth as she asks, “Do you or do you not believe in the divinity of the Primes?”

Layla bites back, “You don’t need a potion to find out my truth, _witch_. Primes are not gods, they are liars and murderers.”

The woman shakes her head with disappointment before slitting Layla’s throat without hesitation, killing her. You watch in horror as her body falls, and everyone in your group yells out, the sound muffled from the gags in your mouths. You turn to Bellamy, eyes wide with panic, and he looks back at you, equally worried. Your eyes drop to the knife holster at your side, praying your weapon will be there when you look, but your heart sinks in disappointment when you see that you are unarmed. You hear movement beside you and you watch as the woman drops in front of Miller, kneeling down in front of him and pulling the gag from his mouth. He instantly starts to beg, “You don’t have to do this, we’re not your enemy.”

“No, you’re a disease, and this is the cure.” The cup is brought down and held in front of Miller’s mouth. “Your blood or the blood of Sanctum.”

Miller looks over at you and Bellamy, panicked, and knowing that the only way to live is to drink whatever is in the cup, you both nod, telling him to comply. He reluctantly takes a sip from the cup, and as the woman walks back to the next row, she whispers, “Good.”

She comes to a stop in front of Octavia, repeating the same process she did with Layla and Miller, but before she can ask her question, the door to the tavern swings open, and the people in the room start to kneel and whisper, “Blessed is Daniel. Blessed is Kaylee.”

You turn and watch as Emori and Murphy stride into the room, dressed to the nines, both of them looking incredible. Their hair is done, their make up is too, and they are wearing some of Sanctum’s finest clothes. They split apart, Murphy continuing down the natural aisle that the people have created, while Emori walks around the back of the group, towards you and Bellamy. Murphy glances over all of you and asks, “What is the meaning of this?”

The woman in front of Octavia looks up at them with a smile, “Blessed is Daniel. Blessed is Kaylee. Blessed are the Primes.”

Your brows pull together in confusion. _Primes?_ You know Josephine bribed Murphy into helping her by offering him and Emori immortality, but you didn’t think they’d be wiped and replaced by someone named Daniel or Kaylee. Kaylee looks down at the woman, exuding confidence. “Rise and explain yourself.”

She stands and quietly explains, “We are purifying Sanctum, Holiness, as so ordered by Russell Prime, hallowed be his name.”

The others in the room repeat, “Hallowed be his name.”

But Daniel cuts off their reverence, his voice loud and angry, “Russell is not here!”

Kaylee stops in front of Bellamy, her finger lifting to his chin, and you shift slightly, ready to fight for him if you need to. Daniel continues, “He abandoned you! We did not.”

Kaylee tilts Bellamy’s head to the side, towards Daniel, and as you follow the movement, your eyes land on him as he winks, letting you know he’s on your side. _Letting you know they aren’t Daniel and Kaylee, they’re still Murphy and Emori._ Despite your anger at Murphy throughout the chaos of Josephine’s rise and fall to power, you’re relieved that he’s here now, and you’re relieved that he’s really _him_. 

“Adjustments are for our flock. Why are the Earth people here?“ Emori looks at the woman, shaking her head, “You know what? Nevermind. We shall decide what to do with them.”

She looks over at Murphy, suggesting, “Let’s take them to the palace.”

He nods his approval, and she turns to the guards that are lingering nearby, snapping her fingers and motioning to all of you, “Help them to their feet.”

The guards descend on all of you, pulling you to your feet, but when they go for Nelson, the woman snaps, “Not him. The Child of Gabriel stays.”

You step towards Nelson, having no intentions of leaving him behind, but Bellamy reaches out and grabs your arm, pulling you back. You look at him in shock, trying to silently communicate that you have to save Nelson too, but he just shakes his head, pushing you in front of him until you fall in line with the others. You’re following Murphy and Emori out the door when they are suddenly stopped by a man, who pulls Murphy into an embrace, and pulls back just enough to press a passionate kiss to his lips. Murphy stands stiff, leaning away from the kiss, until the man pulls away and looks at him with heartbreak. You can’t hear what Murphy says, but he pats the man on the shoulder before heading out the door again.

You all follow in an obedient line, and the second you’re outside and the tavern door is closed behind you, all of you pull the gags out of your mouths, ridding yourselves of the uncomfortable sensation. You fall out of line and walk in a small group instead, right behind your Prime friends, and you think of Clarke, running towards the palace the last time you saw her. “Where’s Clarke? And the others?”

Emori mutters back, “Space. There’s only Jordan here now, he’s our next stop. 

“Just keep your eyes down and move calmly.” Murphy looks around at the smaller crowd that is still lingering outside the palace. “These people are still whacked out of their minds.”

From behind you, Miller weakly mutters, “Guys…”

You turn around just in time to see his legs start to give out beneath him, but you and Bellamy reach out and grab him, holding him steady. “It’s the toxin.”

Emori motions towards the palace looming behind her, “We just have to get him to the palace. Gabriel’s waiting, he’ll know what to do.”

You nod and Murphy comes up beside you, taking your place to help support Miller back to the palace alongside Bellamy. As you turn back around, you see that the crowd has started to gather again, stalking towards all of you, looking pissed. “The Earth people! It’s their fault Russell left us! Kill them!”

You scream at the others, “Run! Get to the palace!”

Everyone takes off running, and you run ahead of Murphy, Bellamy, and Miller, clearing a path to make sure they aren’t stopped by anyone in the crowd. You punch a few people to keep them back, hoping it’s enough to give you a head start to the palace, and the crowd grows angrier and more chaotic with each passing second. As you reach the bottom of the stairs, you hear someone cry out behind you, and you turn and see Octavia at the top of the hill, locked in someone’s arms. You nudge Bellamy and Murphy ahead, onto the stairs, and Bellamy looks at you in alarm until you yell, “Go! We’ll catch up!”

They start half running, half dragging Miller up the stairs, and you quickly close the distance between you and Octavia. She sees you coming and tilts her head to the side, giving you an opening to punch the man in the face, knocking him back and away from her. You grab her hand and pull her after you, both of you tearing across the field and up the stairs. You’re the last two to reach the landing, and Gabriel frantically ushers you inside before closing the doors and locking them behind you. You and Octavia lean against them, catching your breath, but you both jump in shock when the crowd finally reaches the doors and starts to pound on them angrily.

Emori motions for you to all follow her down the hall, out of sight, and Gabriel starts to cut the restraints from your wrists quickly, pausing when he reaches you. “I saw Clarke. She was okay when they left, they still think she’s Josephine. Madi is with them too.”

“Thank you.” 

He cuts your restraints, his eyes searching yours, and he looks like he has something else to say before he softly shakes his head and changes his mind. Instead he settles on, “My people?”

“Most of them are in the tavern still with Nelson, they wouldn’t let us take them. Layla is dead, she refused to accept the Primes as divine.”

His expression drops, and you squeeze his hand in apology. He gives you half a smile, nodding once before motioning down the hall, “C’mon, Jordan has to be around here somewhere.”

You check a few empty rooms, full of nothing but dusty furniture and forgotten memories, until you reach a room at the end of one of the long halls, the quiet murmur of a voice on the other side. Gabriel passes Emori his knife, and she slides it between the door, flipping the lock up, before shoving the doors wide open. Her eyes search the room quickly, falling on a figure sitting cross legged on a bed nearby, and she yells, “He’s here!”

You all file into the room, and Murphy and Gabriel help Miller over to the other bed as you and Bellamy rush over to Jordan. His eyes are open, but his gaze is faraway, his expression blank. “Jordan, we’re here. You’re safe.”

He says nothing, does nothing, seemingly unaware of your presence at all. Bellamy waves his hand in front of the young man’s face. “Jordan?”

Gabriel finishes with Miller and comes to a stop beside Bellamy. “He’s in too deep to respond.”

“Adjustment protocol?”

He nods in confirmation, and your eyes drop from his blank expression to the arms resting on his knees, palms up, blood dripping from a series of cuts on the top of his arms. A cup sits nearby, blood spread around the rim, a deep red liquid sitting inside the glass. “The blood of Sanctum is real blood?”

Gabriel answers, “Only partially. Simone predicted that the bloodletting would deepen the religious experience, but the psychoactive component is pure red sun toxin.”

You and Bellamy share a weirded out look, and as you set the cup back on the tray, you hear someone yell out as they run past you, “Help!”

You turn in time to see a man in white heading towards the door, but Octavia, who is standing nearby, hits him hard as he tries to run past, knocking him out. You give her an impressed look and she smiles in return, the exchange feeling so much like one you’d have when you were part of 100 delinquents on Earth, the memories nearly forgotten from all the changes you’ve both endured since. Gabriel looks down at the man, and mutters, “Looks like we found the adjuster.”

“I don’t understand. We told them the truth, why are they still doing this?”

Octavia turns to her brother, the first one to answer his question, “If they accept the truth, their lives mean nothing. It’s why I burnt the farm.” 

The confession is impactful, a realization of who she was sliding into place, her motives making more sense to you now than they did then. Bellamy accepts the confession with a meaningful look to his sister, before she mutters, “Help me tie him up.”

As the two siblings tie the adjuster up, Gabriel digs around in his bag, thinking out loud as he does. “We can use that to save the people in the tavern. Cognitive dissonance. They’ll believe anything if it reinforces what they want to be true, even that you’re still Daniel Lee.”

He finally finds what he’s looking for, the doser for the red sun antitoxin, and he takes a huff of it before holding it out to Murphy, who looks at it in confusion. “Antitoxin again? Why?”

“The blood of Sanctum is more potent than what was in Russell’s bomb. You take me in as a prisoner, then once we’re inside the tavern-”

Murphy cuts him off, immediately shaking his head. “What? No, no, no, slow down. No way am I drinking that stuff.”

“They’re killing nonbelievers. My friend who you left behind is one of them.”

Murphy walks closer to Gabriel, stopping when they’re a few feet apart. “Look, I am sorry, but we stayed to save our friends, and we did that. We’re all here. If I could help our people in space, I would, but this isn’t our fight.”

Everyone else in the room is silent, seemingly on Murphy’s side, no one eager at all to join Gabriel’s cause. But you think of the fact that Gabriel saved your twin, and killed the love of his life in the process, despite barely knowing you. Nelson agreed to march by your side to take down Sanctum, and he agreed to stay to help your friends when you were all locked inside that building. And Layla…Layla’s gone now, but she deserves more than to be locked in a room with a bunch of believers who have looked down on her her entire life, just because her blood is red. You step forward, Gabriel’s eyes shifting to you, and you meet his gaze. “This _is_ our fight. It was never about just our people, it’s about Gabriel’s too. I’m going.”

You walk over and stand beside Gabriel, looking at your fiance with an expectant look, well aware of his desire to do better. You see worry flash over his features, and you know he doesn’t want you to risk yourself, but before he can agree or disagree, Octavia speaks up. “I’m going too.”

Bellamy looks at her in shock, both his sister and his fiance heading back into the madness, and you see his expression change into one of resignation, well aware that he’s going too. He smiles a little at Octavia, repeating her words from a tent in the middle of the desert while all of you were on the brink of war. “Side by side. Like it was meant to be.”

She smiles at him, and he stands, holding out his hand to her, the gesture meaning much more than just a hand up. It’s a peace offering, and apology, an agreement to forgive each other and start to heal. You smile at them both, happy to see that you were right all along, and that they would be okay. She takes his hand and he pulls her to her feet, both of them walking over to you, and as they do, one more voice pipes up, “I guess it’s time to do better.”

You all turn to face Echo, accepting her as part of the team too, and the group finishes up with Emori, who steps in front of Gabriel. “Kaylee Prime at your service.”

“Emori-”

She cuts off her boyfriend, turning to face him with a smile, “John, it’s okay. Someone needs to stay behind and look after Miller and Jordan.”

“Excuse me, sorry.” You all turn to look at Gabriel, a sheepish expression on his face. “Kaylee was against the adjustment protocol, it’s why they believed it when you took them all away. It has to be Daniel.”

Gabriel again offers the antitoxin to Murphy, who stares at it and then Emori before sighing. “Fine, but if I die, you’re bringing me back.”

Gabriel counters with a smile, “No, I’m not.”

“At least lie to me.”

Murphy and Emori exchange a kiss before he inhales the antitoxin, and you all follow Gabriel out of the room, hearing Emori close the doors behind you. Gabriel gathers all of you in the hall, his voice a hushed whisper in case anyone is listening in, “Murphy takes me as a prisoner to the tavern, and we’ll both take part in the adjustment. We’ll get control of the inside, and you four will take control of the outside, making sure no one else gets inside. Got it?”

You all nod, letting him know you do, and he mutters, “Good. There’s a tunnel that will lead you outside, and you can use it to stay out of sight. Murphy and I will go out the front door.”

With everyone in agreement, you break apart, Murphy and Gabriel heading for the palace doors, and the rest of you entering the tunnel that Gabriel points out. You find it easily and slip inside, running through the dark passageway until you reach a door that spits you outside, on the side of the palace. Echo motions for all of you to follow her, whispering something about how she knows a spot, and you stick to the darkness of the shadows as you move through Sanctum, careful to keep away from curious eyes. 

Echo leads you to a building with a ladder to the top, all of you ascending and getting into position just in time to see Murphy walk up to the doors of the tavern with a knife held to Gabriel’s throat. He yells, “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the main event of the evening, an adjustment for the demon Gabriel himself!” 

The guard at the tavern door knocks, and the door swings open, revealing the adjuster woman from before. Murphy asks, “Got room for one more?”

The woman glares at Gabriel before bowing slightly to Murphy, stepping aside for him to come inside. “Right this way, Holiness.”

They all disappear into the tavern, the doors swinging firmly shit behind them, and Echo stares at the building, her voice quietly reminding all of you, “As soon as someone else knocks on that door, they’ll know we took the tavern. Gabriel and Murphy control the inside, we make sure no one else gets inside. If that happens, it’ll be on 30 on 4.”

Octavia turns to Echo with a smirk, seemingly burying a lot of her hatchets today. “I like our chances.”

The four of you watch for a few minutes, giving Murphy and Gabriel time to take control, but as you do, the woman adjuster from before comes running out of the tavern, pulling a lock down on the door as she does, locking everyone inside from the outside. She turns to the gathered crowd and yells, “We purify Sanctum through fire! Get the fuel! Soak it down! Together, we send the demon and his false prophet to hell!”

All four of you exchange a look of alarm before you run to the ladder, scrambling down it as fast as you can, not a single plan in mind. All you know is that you can’t let them burn the tavern down with Murphy and Gabriel inside. You push through the crowd, stopping a few feet from the woman, a torch now firmly held in her hand. You feel Bellamy, Echo, and Octavia all settle around you, giving you the confidence to glare at the woman. “Leave the torch and back away.”

She doesn’t move, her glare now set on you, and Octavia shifts from beside you and adds, “Those are your people in there, help us save them.”

“That’s what we’re doing.” Her grin sends a chill down your spine, and you can tell she wholeheartedly believes what she’s saying. “Their sacrifice will be a blessing to us all.”

She turns back towards the tavern, prepared to burn it down, and you reach out and grab her shoulder, “Can’t let you do that.”

She spins around, swinging the torch towards you, and you dodge it before knocking it out of her hand and into the dirt, away from the fuel. The move sets everything else into motion, and the other believers around the 4 of you start to attack. You can hear your friends fighting back, keeping them away from the fire. The woman tries to swing a punch towards you, but you’re able to grab her fist and stop it, almost shocked at how awful her fighting skills are. You twist her arm and she lets out a cry of pain, and you punch her with your free hand, hard enough that it knocks her out. 

You turn around and prepare for the next fight, a large man lumbering towards you, his expression angry. You run at him, ducking beneath his punch, swinging out a punch of your own as you stay low, hitting him between the legs. He lets out a yelp and you swipe his feet from beneath him, giving him one solid kick to the head, knocking him out too. As you turn to fight the next man, Octavia points to someone in the corner of your vision, “I got these guys! Go for the torches! Keep them away from the tavern!”

You turn and see the earlier torch still burning on the ground, and you run over and swipe it up, dunking it in a nearby barrel of water, extinguishing the flame. Before you can search for another torch, someone grabs you from behind, wrapping their arms around you and pinning your own arms at your side. You kick and flail, but it doesn’t help, so you lean your head forwards before swinging it back, hearing the person’s nose crack as your skull makes contact with it. They drop you from their arms, and you turn and watch a man grab at his nose, moaning in pain, blood gushing between his fingers. You deliver a solid kick to his chest, knocking him back, keeping him away from you. 

You hear Bellamy call out your name, and you look up as he holds up a torch, a few people in between the two of you, blocking his way. “Catch!”

He throws the torch towards you, the handle staying level as it flies through the air, and you catch it and put it out in one swift movement, another torch extinguished. You take out three more people on your way to Bellamy, before the both of you fight side by side, taking out the believers with ease. You see Echo extinguish two more torches, and as you look around for other torches to take out, you hear a voice yell, “For the glory and the grace of the Primes!”

You spin towards the source of the voice, the woman adjuster from earlier, who now stands near the tavern, dumping fuel over her head. You watch in horror, too stunned to do anything else, and she quickly grabs the nearest torch and holds it to her skirt, her body instantly erupting in flames. She starts to run towards the tavern, intending to use herself as the match to burn it all down, but Octavia, who is closest to her, runs at her, knocking her to the ground and away from the building. 

Your muscles unfreeze as you watch Octavia stumble and roll, her jacket on fire, and you and Bellamy take off running towards her as she pulls her jacket off and puts out the fire. As you pass Echo, Bellamy mutters, “Echo, check on the others.”

She nods, and you continue to Octavia, coming to a stop in front of her, anxiously looking her over for any injuries. “Are you okay?”

She nods, and the two siblings exchange a quick hug as the doors to the tavern open. You all turn and watch Murphy and Gabriel stride out of the building, looking at the collection of knocked out bodies that lay scattered around the area. Murphy looks back at Gabriel with a smirk. “Show offs.”

All of you start to walk towards each other, and Bellamy motions to the surrounding hills. “I counted at least a dozen runners. Watch all sides of the tavern in case they come back.”

Beside Octavia, a man starts to get up, clearly ready to attack again, so she spins around and kicks him in the face, knocking him out for a second time. When she does, her back, which has been covered up until this point, is now on display, a swirl of symbols tattooed onto her skin. A tattoo that clearly none of you recognize, because you all just stare in shock. Gabriel mutters, “When did you get that?”

She turns back around, taking in your shocked expressions, trying to peek over her shoulder at her back. “What? What is it?”

Gabriel closes the space between them, his hand closing on her shoulder “May I?”

She nods, and he turns her around, brushing her hair out of the way to get a better look at the tattoo. There’s a small smile on his face, one that indicates he knows more than he’s letting on, and Bellamy sees it too because he asks, “Have you seen that before?”

“The tattoo? No. But I’ve been studying it for 150 years. We call it the Anomaly Stone, you must have gotten it on the other side.” His hand slides down her shoulder to her forearm, turning her so she looks at him. “Still think you were gone for only a few seconds?”

Echo whispers, “It’s beautiful, but what does it mean?”

“Good question.”

Octavia looks up at him, meeting Gabriel’s eyes, her voice a quiet whisper of realization, “It means I have to go back.”

-

The next few hours are slow and full of anxiety as you wait and hope that Clarke and your friends are able to stop the other Primes and save everyone on the Eligius mothership. But as you wait, you take out any other believers that wake up or try to return and cause trouble, though most of them just wake up, already weaning out of their toxin induced state. 

Gabriel checks on them the best he can, making sure they’re okay, and in between patients, he sketches Octavia’s tattoo with a smile on his face. Murphy heads back to the palace to check on Emori, Miller, and Jordan, and the rest of you hang out near the tavern, making sure it stays safe. At some point you wander into the tavern alone, in search of your Grounder knife, the object meaning more to you than you care to admit. It’s different from the moon necklace you always wear, and _the Iliad_ with the note from Bellamy scribbled on the first page, but it’s still a memento, a reminder of who you are. _At least for now._ It is Wanlida’s knife, the knife of a killer, but maybe one day, it will become just a knife again. Nothing more, nothing less. 

As you search around the room, stepping around the toxin stunned people that fell victim to the adjustment protocol, you let out a huff of frustration, no sign of your knife anywhere.

“Are you looking for this?”

You jump, startled, and turn around to see Gabriel walking towards you, your knife held up in his hand. You smile, taking it as he offers it to you. “Yes, thank you.”

The two of you stand there, awkward for a minute, until your gaze falls on the spot that Layla once sat in, her blood stain still on the concrete. Her body is now outside, covered with a sheet, awaiting a proper burial, and Nelson is with her, still recovering from his adjustment. Gabriel follows your gaze and you see his face change before he whispers, “There’s something I have to tell you.”

Something about the tone of his voice makes you look towards him, his expression one of regret. It makes your stomach drop and anxiety prickle along your skin, hyperaware that his expression is not a good sign. “What? What is it?”

“Your mother…” You feel your knees start to shake, like your body knows what’s coming before you do. “Russell used her as a host for Simone. Your mother is dead.”

And just like that, your knees give out. Gabriel catches you before you hit the floor, and you see his mouth moving, saying something to you, but your brain doesn’t process anything. All you hear is the roaring of blood in your ears, muffling everything else. Your vision blurs, blinded by tears, and you swear you hear a wailing sound, something akin to heartbreak, and it takes you a while to realize it’s coming from you. At some point, Bellamy runs into the room, attracted by your sounds of grief, no doubt, and Gabriel must explain the situation to him before you are passed over to him, scooped up in your fiance’s arms and carried up the stairs and into your shared bedroom. 

Bellamy lays you gently in the bed, before he crawls in beside you and pulls you into his arms, and you cry as he hums Clair de lune to you, his hands rubbing comforting circles over your back. He understands your pain, because you are now in the same position he is. You are an _orphan. Your mother is gone, your father is gone, both of them dead before you could say goodbye. And now, you and Clarke are the last of the Griffin line, besides Madi, left in this world without a mom or a dad to help you. And just like Sanctum, you once had two suns in your life, your mom and Madi. Except now, with your mother gone, one of your suns has burned out, taking some of the light of the world with her._

The loss is devastating, punctuated by the fact that though your relationship was no longer rocky like it was in the beginning, you had grown distant from your mother. You spent six years apart from her, a time in which she went through things you could never understand, a time in which she developed a drug habit to cope with her pain. And after everything, the bunker, the war for Shallow Valley, discovering a new planet; you barely saw her on Sanctum, your mother too focused in her quest to save Kane. A quest that now will no longer be carried out by her. Your heart hurts at the thought that you didn’t get to tell her goodbye, or that you loved her, so many words left unsaid. All you can hope for now, is that she’s at peace, scattered amongst the stars with your father, both of them reunited again.

-

You end up falling asleep for a while, and you wake up to Gabriel and Bellamy quietly talking near the entrance to your room. You sit up, wiping your eyes, staring at the two men, and Gabriel looks at you before muttering, “We leave when the others return, if you change your mind.”

Bellamy nods and closes the door behind him, coming to sit on the bed beside you, giving you a sad smile. “How are you feeling?”

You ignore him and counter, “What was that about?”

“What?”

“Gabriel said ‘if you change your mind, we leave when the others return’. What is he talking about?”

Bellamy sighs, “Gabriel and Octavia are heading back to his camp to investigate the connection between the Anomaly Stone and the tattoo on Octavia’s back. Echo already volunteered to go, but he invited us to go with him too. I told him we were going to stay here.”

“I want to go.”

“What?”

Bellamy looks at you in confusion and you repeat, “I want to go.”

“You just found out about your mom.”

“Which is why I want to go. It’s too much right now, too much to process. And being here, in Sanctum, where I almost lost Clarke and I _did_ lose my mother…I can’t take it. I want to get away, even if it’s just for a few days. I want to distract myself with the complexities of whatever the hell this Anomaly Stone is. I just want to _go_.”

He nods, understanding, before whispering, “I’ll tell Gabriel we changed our mind." 

He starts to stand and leave, but you realize there’s still part of your question he didn’t answer. You reach out and grab his hand, stopping him. "Wait, he said ‘when the others get back’." 

"Oh.” Bellamy smiles at you, “The transport ship was seen landing in the field a few minutes ago, so Clarke and the others should be here soon.“

You jump into action as soon as the words leave his mouth, off the bed and to the door before he even realizes. You tug him behind you, down the stairs and into the tavern, and then out the door and across Sanctum, towards the palace. You look around, no reunions currently being held, meaning they must not be back yet, but you do spot Gabriel and walk over to him. He and Bellamy talk, and Bellamy tells him the two of you are going with him, but you don’t pay them any attention, your eyes firmly locked on the stairs that lead into Sanctum. Finally, just when you start to think you should go search for them yourself, you see heads start to crest over the hill, walking up the stairs to level ground.

You take off running before anyone can stop you, your eyes locked on Clarke and Madi, who are at the front, hands locked, looking around for you. When you are halfway to them, Madi spots you and breaks her hold on Clarke’s hand before she starts running towards you, the two of you colliding in a hug. You laugh as the two of you squeeze each other tight, relieved and full of joy to be reunited. Clarke comes running up a second later, and you let go of Madi to greet her, tears rising in both of your eyes as soon as you lock gazes. Clarke tucks her head into the crook of your shoulder, her familiar place, a bracelet on her wrist twinkling as she lifts her arm to wrap around you. You almost smile, the stars now returned to their rightful place, until you remember why both of you are crying. _Your mom is dead._ Clarke pulls away to look at you, her voice quiet, cracked with grief when she whispers, "I had to kill her, it wasn’t her anymore.”

“I know.”

“She was floated.” She doesn’t say the second part of her sentence, though you hear it in your heart. _Just like dad_. Tears spill down your faces, and she adds, “I tried to do better. I did, and then I lost mom. Tell me it was worth it.”

You grab her hand, squeezing tight, both of your bracelets shaking from the movement. “It was. We did. We did better. I have to believe that matters.”

She nods, and you see her gaze shift to someone over your shoulder, seconds before he walks up beside you. Clarke and Bellamy exchange a hug, and he whispers his condolences to her, offering her the comfort that only a best friend can. You watch them, and Madi slips her hand into yours, as all around you reunions are occurring. Jackson and Miller stand nearby kissing, Raven is squeezed in between a Murphy and Emori group hug, Indra and Gaia are standing side by side. Reunions are held amongst the dead and dying, the people of Sanctum still suffering in pain, the chaos of the night before not forgotten. A chaos that you are eager to leave behind, your grief tied to it, both of them twisted together into a painful little present.

-

You brief Clarke on the Anomaly Stone mission and invite her to come along, and though she understands your need for escape, _because it was an escape she previously went on,_ she tells you that she wants to stay behind this time, and make sure that Sanctum starts to pick up the pieces from the night before. 

Wonkru is now awake, along with the Eligius prisoners, and she promises that all of you will come back to a village working together in harmony, all three groups united. Before you leave, Clarke takes out all the stitches from your Earth injuries, save for the ones on your calf, which still needs more time to heal. The rest of your Earth injuries though, along with Bellamy’s, have started to fade, forming scars that tell the stories of all the pain you’ve endured. You and Bellamy briefly admire your matching scars, etched into your left shoulders, before an antsy Gabriel interrupts you, eager to leave Sanctum behind.

You, Bellamy, Octavia, Gabriel, and Echo all head back to Gabriel’s camp together, exchanging stories of what all of you have missed. Octavia tells your group about being left behind, finding Diyoza, eventually finding Gabriel, and then losing Diyoza to the Anomaly, herself coming out okay. You tell Octavia what she missed in Sanctum after her banishment, including your kidnapping by the Children of Gabriel. Bellamy takes over and tells all of you about the confrontation with Josephine and how he got her outside the shield before they too were taken by the Children of Gabriel. Echo tells all of you what you missed after that, including Madi succumbing to Sheidheda’s influence and stabbing Jordan, nearly watching everyone burn at the stake until they agreed to harvest bone marrow from Madi, your mom turning herself into Nightblood to save Madi, and eventually your mom becoming Simone’s next host. She also tells you that while you were gone, they all found out that Kane died. He survived his procedure into a new host, but he floated his new body, along with the Nightblood Serum, just so the Primes couldn’t have it.

You and the Blake siblings take the information hard, all of you having regarded Kane as a father figure at one point or another. But you are the first one to package your grief for Kane into an arrow and send it flying back to Sanctum to join the rest of your grief that you are steadily trying to outrun. Before you know it, you make it back to Gabriel’s camp, and he leads you all inside of the tent, motioning for you to gather around as he pulls the rubber panels that make up the floor away, tossing them to the side, revealing an old hatch. “I have to tell you I’m very excited about this. I’ve been studying those symbols since we found the stone, we built the camp here because of it.”

He lifts the hatch, revealing a short ladder into the ground, and he climbs down inside. All of you file down the ladder after him, standing at the base of it, staring at the object hidden from the world beneath this camp. It’s a large ball, made of metal, designed in the same swirl on Octavia’s back. The entire thing is covered in different symbols, and somehow, the ball is floating, supported by nothing. All four of you stare it in shock, not believing what you’re seeing, and Gabriel just smiles at you, glad you’re just as enamored as he is. Octavia whispers, “The tattoo.”

Gabriel walks towards the stone, Octavia right behind him, as he says, “It’s thousands of years old. We have no idea who made it or what generates the magnetic field that holds it up, but we’re pretty sure it’s what sucks in all the radio signals.”

You peer at the stone, all of the symbols one color. But the tattoo on Octavia’s back has black symbols intermixed with red ones, and you whisper your realization, “Some of the symbols on her back are red, it’s a code.”

“Very good. We’re about to find out what it’s for.” Gabriel holds his hand out to Octavia, “May I see the drawing, please?”

She pulls the drawing of the tattoo from her pocket, passing it to him, and he unfolds it, searching the stone for each of the red symbols, and then touching them with two fingers, the symbol humming beneath his touch. As he works, Bellamy asks, “What happens if you’re right?”

“I filled 100 notebooks with possible answers to that question.” He comes to a stop in front of the last signal, now standing beside Octavia. He turns to her, a small smile on his face. “The last symbol in the series is called an octonion. Advanced mathematics way above my head, but I don’t think it’s a coincidence you share a name. Please, it should be you.”

He gestures to the symbol, and she hesitates for a second before touching it, the symbol humming beneath Octavia’s touch. With the last symbol entered, you all stand waiting, staring at the stone in search of what’s going to happen next. Except, nothing happens, the moment stretching on for too long, and Gabriel’s face falls as he looks down at the sketched out tattoo again. “No, no, no, no, no. It can’t be right, we must have got something wrong.”

As he turns to look at Octavia, a low rumble starts to shake the ground above, a sound not unnoticed by your fiance. He holds up his hand to Gabriel, gesturing for him to stop talking. “Quiet.”

All of you stand perfectly still, the rumbling growing increasingly louder, a strange green glow coming from the ground above the hatch. Gabriel looks up with a smile, the paper in his hand slipping from his grip, floating to the ground. “Oh, my God. I knew it.”

He bolts past all of you and heads up the ladder incredibly fast, and all of you scurry after him, trying to keep up. When you get into the tent, it is flapping and shaking like you’re in the middle of a windstorm, and a bright green light surrounds everything, casting an eerie glow. The sound is almost deafening, and you yell to be heard above it, “What the hell is this?”

Octavia just ominously whispers, “She’s here.”

You look at her, taking note of the shocked expression on her face, very different from the confused expression on your own. She starts to walk forward slowly, and you hear a high pitched whine from the mouth of the tent, seconds before a figure starts to step inside. It’s a girl, not much older than you are, her hair done up in two buns. She has symbols like the ones tattooed on Octavia back, except hers are on her face, etched across her cheeks and forehead. Octavia laughs when she sees the girl, a sound of happy shock, and she says, “Hope.”

You all look at Octavia, wondering what the hell is going on, and the girl, Hope, answers, “I couldn’t get out of it, he has my mother. I’m so sorry, Octavia.”

They embrace, pulling each other into a hug, one that seems stiff and awkward, and Bellamy watches on, his anxiety growing. He yells, “Octavia, what’s happening?”

Octavia leans up and whispers something in the girl’s ear, the words lost to all of you over the roar of whatever is happening around you, and as soon as she finishes talking, they pull apart. Hope steps backwards, a knife in her hand, the tip coated in blood, and Echo yells, “Knife!”

The pieces fall together, and you and Bellamy look at O, who starts to fall backwards, clutching her side. Bellamy catches her, his voice worried as he mutters, “O.”

Echo runs over to Hope and restrains her, along with Gabriel, as Bellamy holds his sister in his arms, you right at their side. You reach out to Octavia, pulling her layers aside to get a look at the wound, and as you do, you hear another high pitch whine, seconds before a bright green cloud slides into the tent, washing over Octavia and then pulling away. As the green glow subsides, you and Bellamy stare at his now empty arms, his sister carried off by the bright beam of light. You look up at each other, sharing a look of disbelief, trying to confirm that you both saw the impossible. He looks back down at his shaking hands, her blood covering one of them, evidence that Octavia _was_ here, and then he turns and heads for the exit of the tent looking for her. You follow him outside, Hope collapsing as you walk past, but you ignore her, following your fiance out into the woods, the bright green light subsiding, returning back to where it came from. 

The woods outside are empty, devoid of any sign of Octavia, no blood, no clothing, no _nothing_ left behind as proof that she was out here. Bellamy spins in place, tears falling down his cheeks, his voice breaking with worried desperation as he yells, “Octavia! Octavia! Octavia!”

And there’s nothing for you to do but watch as the love of your life falls apart, finally understanding the grief you felt when you lost Clarke.

Dropping to his knees, Bellamy starts to cry, a broken man now without the only blood family that he had left.

The last of the Blake line, 

frantically falling apart,

 _alone_.

-


	85. lxxxv. from the ashes (7.01)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: angst, fighting, mentions of anxiety, explosions, death, shooting, violence, blood.
> 
> Summary: after the Anomaly disappears, bringing Octavia with it, an unexpected force attacks, taking your fiance with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT’S THE START OF THE FINAL SEASON! i literally can’t believe that we’re here already. I have had the most fun taking this journey with all of you, so thank you for joining me! i don’t wanna get too sappy for now, so i’ll save it for the end, but remember to trust me this season! alright, that’s all for now, enjoy!!!

Octavia’s sudden disappearance sends you into a panic, well aware that you can’t stomach the thought of losing another person in your life so soon after losing your mother and Kane. But the only thing you can focus on in this moment is the sound of Bellamy falling apart, and it breaks your heart into a million pieces to hear him so broken. You close the space between the two of you and place your hand over his, and he lifts his face to meet your eyes, tears still spilling down his cheeks. You whisper, “We’ll find her, Bellamy, I promise. We’ll get the others and we’ll go after her.”

He nods, and he opens his mouth to respond, but whatever he’s about to say never leaves his mouth. Both of you are suddenly thrown forward by some unseen force, pushed so hard that you fly several feet before crashing to the ground. You land with a groan, pulling yourself to your knees slowly until you hear the sound of something being dragged away behind you. You spin around in a panic, your eyes falling on Bellamy, who is being carried off by some invisible being. You scramble to your feet and yell at his retreating figure, “Bellamy!”

You start to run after him, your eyes locked on your fiance, focused only on getting him back, but you barely make it ten steps before you are thrown to the ground again. You land hard on your back, sliding a few feet before coming to a stop. You jump to your feet and look around you carefully, trying to see what’s attacking you, but your eyes find nothing. So you shift towards the tent and call out, “Echo! Gabriel! Get out here!”

Echo comes out of the tent first, her eyes finding you quickly, taking in your disheveled appearance before noticing that you’re alone. “Where’s Bellamy?”

She starts to jog towards you before you can answer, and you call out, “Wait, there’s something-”

You don’t get to finish your sentence because you are knocked to the ground again, thrown haphazardly to the side. You hear Echo call your name before she too is knocked away, and both of you sit up and look at each other in alarm. “What the hell was that?”

You shake your head, frantic, “I don’t know, but I don’t see Bellamy anymore. We have to get to him!”

She nods and you both jump to your feet at the same time, only to be knocked away once again. As the two of you lay groaning in pain, Gabriel comes tearing out of the tent, calling your names, and you turn to him and yell, “We’re not alone, get back inside!”

Echo adds, “Watch the girl!”

He stands looking between the two of you in surprise, a bag in his hand, before he shakes his head. “She’s already gone. Come on, we can still catch her.”

He runs towards you and makes it about halfway before he too is shoved away, flying through the air before he crashes to the ground. You jump up and run over to him, dropping by his side to check on him. He looks at you with shock before coughing out, “Something else came through.”

“Welcome to the party.”

He ignores the quip as you reach out and pull him to his feet, and Echo comes running over seconds later. With the three of you gathered together, he looks around in confusion, suddenly realizing that someone is missing. “Where’s Bellamy?”

You look towards the place you saw him last, pointing the direction out to Gabriel and Echo. “It took him towards the Anomaly.”

“No, no, no, no.” Gabriel looks at you in a panic, reaching out and grabbing the bag he dropped when he was knocked down. “Time’s not behaving, we have to get to him first.”

You nod, turning to look at Echo as she reaches down and grabs the gun that was knocked out of Gabriel’s hands. “Echo, you can’t shoot what you can’t see.” 

“I’m opening up a path. Follow me!”

She lifts the gun and starts to shoot in front of her, carving a path through the woods and away from the invisible force that is terrorizing all of you. You and Gabriel run after her, allowing her to take the lead, all three of you tearing through the woods in search of Bellamy. You’ve only been running for a few minutes when Gabriel abruptly stops in front of you, looking around frantically. Something about the look on his face makes you pause, and you look around with him, muttering, “What is it?”

Echo realizes the two of you aren’t behind her and she turns around and runs back, looking between the two of you in annoyance. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Making sure we’re not being followed.”

Echo turns to look at him, her eyes widening with fear, “Followed by what?”

He shakes his head, unsure, and you ask, “Have you ever seen anything like that?”

“No.”

And as soon as the word leaves his mouth, a twig breaks nearby. All three of you hear it, and Gabriel reaches up and pulls off his bag, prepared to try and battle the invisible creatures. Echo lifts her gun and you lift your fists, armed only with them and your Grounder knife at this point, one gun between the three of you to share. But instead of being hit by another invisible being, you’re hit by a very visible enemy, the girl that Octavia called Hope. She knocks you to the ground, out of the way, and Echo turns towards you, her gun lifted. Hope manages to hit Echo before she can take aim at her, so when Echo accidentally pulls the trigger, a single bullet flies out of the gun and lodges into the dirt next to you. You jump in surprise, anxiety rising as you see how close the bullet came to lodging itself in your thigh, missing you by mere inches. 

You look up when you hear Gabriel yell, “Hope, no, stop!”

Echo and Hope are sparring, spinning in circles as they move, until Hope gets the upper hand on Echo and wrenches the spy’s hand behind her back until it makes her cry out in pain. Their backs are to you, so Hope doesn’t see you jump to your feet and run towards them as she mutters, “I don’t want to hurt you.”

You pull your Grounder knife out of its place on your thigh, lifting the blade to her throat as you quip, “Funny, I was just about to say the same to you.”

Hope releases Echo and lifts her hands in surrender, and you look over at the Azgeda warrior. “Are you okay?”

When she nods, you release Hope, stepping away, the three of you staring at each other, all standing in defensive positions. Gabriel tries to ease the tension by stepping in the center of your small circle and directing his gaze to the newcomer. “Who are you? Where’s Octavia, and why are they taking Bellamy to the Anomaly?”

“Bellamy’s gone?”

Gabriel gets excited at the sound of concern in her voice when he mentions your fiance. “You know him? You remember?”

“No, you called to him from the tent. This was in my arm.” She holds up a small piece of paper, passing it to Gabriel, and you walk over to him to peer at the note. On one side there is a message, written in all caps, and you read outloud, “Trust Bellamy.” 

You look up at Hope, a silent question on your face, but she just shakes her head. “I don’t remember putting it there, but I think I must have.”

Gabriel flips the paper over, a separate note on the backside. It’s a small code, similar to the tattoo on Octavia’s back, except this one is unique because there are different symbols highlighted red, signaling a code. You and Gabriel exchange a look before you shift your gaze to Hope again. “What’s it for?”

“I don’t know.”

Echo, who has been silent up until now, snaps, “Stop lying!”

Gabriel turns to her, trying to calm her down. “Easy. Octavia lost her memory too, must be a result of moving through the Anomaly.”

“What’s the Anomaly?”

You glance at Hope and shrug, “You tell us. _Or_ you could tell us why you stabbed Octavia and why she disappeared right after?”

Echo snaps, “You said Octavia’s name right before you stabbed her. You remembered then, and you remember now.”

Gabriel shakes his head, giving the two of you a look, telling you both to cool it. “The Anomaly was on top of us then. Then she lost her memory when it receded…taking Octavia with it.”

You shake your head, still not understanding all of this. “Why just her? Why the memory loss? What took Bellamy?”

Gabriel looks just as confused as you, shaking his head at all of your questions, but underneath it all, is a look of appreciation. Clearly, on some level, he’s enjoying this whole mess. _You can’t say the same for you._ “None of this makes any sense, but, my god, it’s incredible. 

You sigh and turn to look at Echo. “We need to get to Bellamy.”

She nods, just as eager to find him and save him, despite their relationship being over. Still, you know that Bellamy is like family to her, everyone that was on the ring in space closer than most. Which is why she takes your fear seriously, and why she turns to Hope and asks, “How fast can you run?”

“I don’t know, let’s find out.”

Hope takes off running, and Echo grabs her fallen gun before she follows. You slide your knife back into your holster and run after the two girls, and Gabriel grabs his discarded bag before bringing up the rear of the group. You run for a while, the two suns of Sanctum setting, leaving all of you in the pale darkness of early dusk, though it seems much darker than that due to the thick canopy of trees that stretch overhead. Gabriel is the first one to stop the group again, calling out, “Wait, wait, wait.”

You turn to look at him just as he kneels down and digs around in his bag pulling out some red sun antitoxin. “Too much toxin in the air. I am not in the mood to see my ghost right now, are you?” 

You shake your head, thinking of the red sun eclipse that nearly made you cut your own throat, and Gabriel tosses the antitoxin to you first. You take a huff of it before tossing it back to him, and he has barely taken his own dose before all of you are torn apart by an explosion hitting a tree nearby. All four of you jump in surprise and scramble over to a pile of fallen trees, ducking behind them and hoping the cover is enough. Gabriel half jokes, “Ray guns. Cool.”

You cut a glare at him, but he just shrugs before another blast comes flying towards you, missing you by a lot. Echo glances over at you, her brows pulling together in confusion. “That was a bad shot, even from far away.”

You nod in agreement, and to your utter bewilderment, Echo stands from her place behind the fallen tree and steps into the open pathway where the last blast landed. You call out to her, “Echo! Echo, what are you doing?”

“Testing a theory.”

Gabriel balks, “A theory? If you’re wrong-”

Hope must catch onto whatever idea Echo has had, because she quickly cuts Gabriel off. “She’s not wrong.”

The next blast lands feet in front of Echo, but it still misses. And considering the fact that she was standing in the middle of the previous explosion zone, it could have easily killed her. The signals in your brain start to go off and you whisper, “It’s not trying to kill us.”

Echo turns back to your group and Gabriel muses, “We’re not playing by the same rules. Echo, look around you.”

All of you look to where he’s pointing, watching as the red sun toxin in the forest floats closely beside Echo’s body. “The particulate matter moves in response to motion. If they come close enough-”

You finish for him, “We’ll have a target.”

Echo nods, understanding, looking at all of you before muttering, “To set the trap, we have to open up a lead. Follow me.”

She backtracks a little, leading all of you in the direction you originally came from, before she takes a sharp left and runs parallel for a bit, and then she does a 180 and takes all off you back towards the original explosion site. As you get closer, you all start to slow down, being careful to move quietly, avoiding any sticks or debris that might give you away. Once you’re close enough to see your original hiding spot, you all duck down behind a new stack of trees, hiding from whatever tried to attack you previously. 

And then there’s nothing for you to do but wait.

You only have to wait a few minutes before the invisible force starts to sneak their way over to your original hiding spot, unaware that all of you have long since abandoned it. After a few minutes you can hear their approaching footsteps in the forest nearby. “Listen.”

Everyone strains their ears to hear what you do, picking up on the sound of the approaching target. Echo steadies the gun in her hand on the tree in front of her and whispers, “Here it comes. No one move, or it won’t come close enough.”

And no sooner have the words left her mouth does Echo suddenly move, turning and lowering the gun to the ground, looking around with fear. Gabriel quietly quips, “You _just_ said don’t move.”

But Echo ignores him, turning to look behind her, her eyes falling on something the rest of you can’t see. You freeze up, wondering if you know what’s going on with her seconds before Echo whispers, “Roan?”

You look at her in alarm, well aware that Roan has been dead for over 100 years at this point, killed by Luna in the Final Conclave. You put your hand on her shoulder and turn her attention to you. “Echo, it’s not real. You didn’t use the antitoxin, so whatever you’re seeing is just in your head.”

Her hallucination must say something that hits a nerve, because Echo snaps, “Shut up.” 

You and Gabriel exchange a concerned look, suddenly aware that you two are the only ones that took the antitoxin before the blast interrupted. Echo turns back to the front, getting back on task, lifting her gun back to its previous position. But as soon as she does, she whispers, “Now he’s in my shot.”

Her voice is just a little too loud for your liking and you counter, “Echo, you have to be quiet.”

Gabriel adds, “It’s close.”

You turn your head to peer over the fallen logs that you’re using for cover, watching as the matter from the toxin perfectly outlines an approaching figure. But as Echo stands staring at it, she still doesn’t shoot it, and behind you, Hope lets out a quiet little sob. You spin around in shock, her eyes locked on something in the distance, her legs rising so she can stand, but you reach out and grab her before she exposes all of you, tugging her back down and muttering, “Hope, it’s just in your mind.”

Gabriel sounds panicked when he whispers, “Echo, they’re right there. Take the shot, now. _Pull the trigger._ ”

And as you hold down Hope’s struggling form, trying to keep her from getting up and following whatever ghost she sees, you glance over your shoulder to see that the invisible figure is nearly within touching distance at this point. If Echo doesn’t shoot in the next three seconds, all four of you might actually end up dead. Finally, Echo’s voice slips out, sounding broken and afraid, “I’m sorry.”

And then she takes the shot.

Each body that she hits becomes instantly visible, ruining whatever technology they have that keeps them unseen, and after a few shots, four bodies drop to the ground. Gabriel is the first to jump over your barrier and head towards them, his curiosity getting the better of him, and you call out to his retreating figure, “Gabriel, wait, there could be more!”

You jump over the barrier and run after him, Echo and Hope right behind the two of you, and Gabriel reaches down towards the helmet that is pulled tight over one of the bodies. You reach out and grab his shoulder to stop him. “We have to go _now_.”

He turns and looks up at you, his expression pleading. “I just want to look. We need to know what we’re dealing with.”

You sigh and nod your head, and he turns back to the body, pulling the helmet off and revealing a man. You don’t know what you were expecting, some sort of alien species you guess, but it definitely wasn’t a man. “He’s just a man. Same tattoos as yours.”

He says the last part to Hope, glancing at the tattoos all along her cheekbones. And as you stand staring down at the dead man, a sound in the distance triggers alarm bells in your head. Without even being aware of what you’re doing, you grab the knife from your holster and look up, your eyes landing on one of the figures nearby, rising from his back and lifting his arm towards Hope. You’re sure that whatever he’s about to do is not good, and you flip the knife in your hand before throwing it towards him. The knife lodges itself in his chest and he drops backwards, blood already blooming across his clothes, and you’re suddenly very thankful that your training with Madi included knife throwing.

As the man lets out one last groan before death, you glance over at Gabriel, who is looking at you in surprise. You quip, “My point exactly. Can we go now?”

His eyes widen before he nods and stands, and you cross the space to the recently deceased man, pulling your knife from his chest, wiping the blood from the blade and sliding it back into your holster. As you turn to look back at your ragtag group, Gabriel calls out, “Listen.”

All of you freeze and listen, your ears picking up nothing. You look at Gabriel in confusion, “What is it?”

“The Anomaly.” You suddenly realize that the fact you hear nothing is the issue, because the Anomaly is a constant sound out here, and as you’ve moved closer to it the last few hours, it’s only gotten louder. _Except for now._ Gabriel explains, “It’s quieter. _They’re shutting it down._ ”

You look at him in alarm, your window to save Bellamy now closing. Hope asks, “What does that mean?” 

“It means they can control it.”

“What if it means they’re taking Bellamy through and they don’t want us to follow?”

All of you exchange a look, and like an unspoken agreement, you take off running again. You continue towards the Anomaly, moving faster than you thought was possible with your still healing calf wound, but you don’t even feel it in this moment. In this moment, all you can think about is losing the love of your life forever. You’ve already lost Kane, your mom, and now Octavia. You can’t stomach the thought of losing him too. You know you’re getting closer because the green glow of the Anomaly starts to shine brighter, until suddenly you burst through the treeline and you’re staring right at it. All of you stop to stare at The Anomaly in awe, taking it in. It’s mostly bright green, though there is a swirl of other green hues mixed in there, and it’s spinning around in a tight circle.

You take off running towards it again, eager to reach Bellamy, ignoring the fact that Gabriel is calling your name behind you. You push closer to the green glow, your voice broken and desperate as you call out, “Bellamy! Bellamy, can you hear me? Bell!”

Your cries get swallowed by the Anomaly, sucked up and away with all the other radio signals, unheard by anyone other than your small group. And just as you start to close the space between you and the bright light, a hand grabs your arm and tugs you back, stopping you. You spin and face Gabriel, a glare on your face. “What are you doing? We have to get to Bellamy, it’s closing!”

He yells back, “We go through together! If we’re even seconds apart, we could be separated by months. Okay?”

He reaches a hand out to you, offering for you to take it. You stare at it for a second before accepting, wrapping your hand around his. You turn to your right, where Echo stands, and you take her hand, and Hope takes Gabriel’s other hand, all four of you forming a human chain. You look at each of them, yelling to be heard over the roar of the Anomaly, “Are you ready?”

They all nod and you nod back. You turn to face the Anomaly, and all of you walk towards it together, slowly, in step, making sure you all reach it at the same time. The Anomaly looms over you, blocking everything behind it, everything around it, until it’s all you see, all you feel. You swear you can feel it pulsing through you before you even touch the green glow, wrapping itself around you and calling you towards it. And as all four of you step inside at the same time, you see a flash of green, hear a roaring in your ears, and then…

 _Nothing_.

-


	86. lxxxvi. the garden (7.02)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: mentions of anxiety, mentions of killing, fighting, dead bodies/skeletons, nausea, language, angst.
> 
> Summary: your arrival to a new planet is exciting, though that excitement is short lived as you come face to face with a new threat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NEW YEAR MY LOVES! i‘m looking forward to sharing the rest of sub rosa with all of you this year, and I’m looking forward to my new stuff too! here’s to having a better year than the one before!

You don’t know what you expect when you walk through the Anomaly, but it’s definitely not water.

You open your eyes and look around, realizing that you are underwater in some sort of fresh body of water. You tilt your head up, towards the surface, watching as three other bodies swim their way up. You are the last to break free from the water, gasping as you take in a deep breath of air. The second you feel like you can breathe again, you start to look around you, your eyes falling on a mountain range that frames most of the lake. The shore of the lake is covered with a rocky beach, and a dense looking forest stretches behind it. Above you, arching across the sky, are a set of rings, adorning the planet like intergalactic jewelry. 

You look around you in awe, letting out a shocked little laugh as Hope announces, “Welcome to Skyring.”

Echo quips, “Creative.”

“I named it when I was three. What do you expect?”

You look at Hope in shock, her mind easily recalling a memory from when she was young. Your eyes shift over to Gabriel, the two of you smiling a little as he mutters, “She remembers.”

But you don’t get to savor the moment for long, because Hope is already frantically swimming to the shore, leaving you, Gabriel, and Echo behind. The three of you swim behind her to catch up, running the last few feet when your feet finally touch the ground beneath you. As Echo emerges from the water, she glances down at her side, now empty, before turning back to you and Gabriel. “My gun, I lost it coming through.”

“Let’s hope you don’t need it.”

Gabriel pats his bag, making sure it’s still hanging at his side, and you glance down to your now emerged thigh, confirming that your Grounder knife is still firmly held in its place. You look up again when you hear the sound of someone running away, and you catch a glimpse of Hope disappearing through the trees, leaving the rest of you behind. You, Gabriel, and Echo take off running after her as you yell, “Hope, slow down! Where are you going?”

You follow her along a path through the trees, until you emerge into a little clearing. In the center of the clearing is a house, made of wood and slightly dilapidated, but still standing and waiting for someone to step inside. Surrounding the house are a few plots of land where a neat garden used to stand, though now it appears mostly overgrown. All of you stop to stare at the house before turning to Hope, and Echo is the first to break the silence. “What is this place?”

You take in the look on Hope’s face, the lack of fear upon finding a house in the middle of the planet she’s clearly lived on before. You start to connect the dots, nodding as you understand. “Did you live here?”

Hope smiles at you and nods. “Octavia said you were smart.”

The compliment brings a smile to your face, though you don’t get to enjoy it for long before she takes off running towards the house again, pushing the door open and immediately disappearing from view. The rest of you exchange a look and follow her into the house, standing just inside the doorway as she frantically tips over furniture and checks inside of things, clearly looking for something. “Where is it?”

“Hope, what are you doing?” She ignores all of you, and Gabriel reaches out for something on the table beside him. You don’t realize what it is until he holds it up, revealing a creepy, homemade doll. “Interesting taste in toys.”

Hope looks up, takes one quick glance at the doll and counters, “That’s not mine.”

The three of you again exchange a look, all of you confused on how this is her house but this is not her doll. “Is this your house, or isn’t it?”

Hope continues searching the room as she answers Echo’s question, “I was with you on Sanctum for, what, a day? Given the time differential, I haven’t been here for hundreds of years.”

“It’s incredible.”

You can sense Echo’s growing frustration finally reaching a tipping point before she snaps, “Enough! We need answers, starting with where the hell is Bellamy?”

Hope glances at her before she picks up a basket and tips it over, shaking out the contents. “Once they got here, they used the bridge to take him to Bardo.”

“Bardo?”

“They?” 

“Bridge?”

“Yes, the next stop. _They_ are the disciples, the guys that were chasing us in the woods. The bridge is what you call the Anomaly.“ Now Hope is the one growing frustrated, flailing her arms as she talks mostly to herself. “Anders said if I tagged Octavia, they would let my mother live.”

Gabriel tries to process the information as fast as he can before asking, “And Anders is?”

“Head of the disciples.” She grabs a small vase off of the fireplace and reaches inside to pull something out. She holds it up, a strange looking key, glancing between all three of you before she adds, “Now, I’m gonna go to Bardo and make sure he kept his word.”

Hope tries to walk away, but Echo reaches out to grab her arm, pulling her to a stop. “Hey! You traded Diyoza’s life for Octavia’s?”

“No, I wasn’t trying to kill her! I told you, it was a locator tag. I didn’t have a choice.” Echo gives her an unconvinced look and you step closer to the pair, unsure if another fight is about to break out. You still don’t know how you feel about Hope, and you’re still anxious about not being wherever Bellamy is, but you’re also aware that Hope seems to have a lot more information than the three of you do, and you need her. Hope’s eyes fall to you, trying to convince you of her words. “She understood. My mother, my responsibility.”

You recognize the words as the same ones Bellamy would use when talking about Octavia, the same words his mother said to him after his sister was born. Which is why you nod at Hope in understanding, letting her know that you get it. You see a look of relief pass over her features, but Gabriel interrupts the moment with another question. “You said the bridge is the Anomaly, a bridge between worlds. Is there a way to control it here too?”

“Yes.” Hope motions to the space beneath Echo’s feet. “She’s standing on it.”

Echo steps aside and Hope kneels down and uses the weird key she found to unlock the hatch. She throws the door open and quickly descends the ladder, the path to the Anomaly Stone on Skyring similar to the one you had to take on Sanctum. You’re the first to follow Hope into the dark space, which she quickly remedies by lighting a torch and then another. You take the second torch from its place on the wall and follow Hope to the stone, as Echo and Gabriel scramble down the ladder after you. Hope glances back at you and says, “I used to play down here as a kid. Little did I know it was a bridge to the stars.”

You use the torch to look around the space, the walls covered in hand drawn symbols taken from the stone. And in the middle of all of those symbols are two letters, carved into the stone wall, surrounded by the hand drawn sequences. Gabriel runs his fingers over them and reads out, “C.B.”

He turns to look at you with curiosity, but you just shrug, unsure of what the letters mean, and not really in the headspace to care. Because now, as you stand in front of the Anomaly Stone, you just want to get back to Bellamy. You turn to Hope with a questioning look. “So how do we get to Bardo?”

“Trust Bellamy.”

She reaches into her pocket to pull out the scrap of paper from earlier, a code printed on one side and a message on the other. “A friend on the inside gave it to me.”

Hope looks down at the paper, already reaching out for the stone, prepared to type in the code. But you watch as her hand and her face drop, and she frantically flips the paper over to check the back. “No, no, no. The code, it’s washed away.”

You look at her with horror, and she holds up the small piece of paper to prove her point. You snatch it from her hands, flipping it over and staring at it closely, praying that you can catch some faint hint of the code that was previously printed onto this tiny scrap of paper. But just like Hope said, it’s blank, the code washed away, and all of your hope with it. Your voice is a broken, horrified sound when you whisper, “We’re not going anywhere.”

You pass the torch and the paper to Gabriel as he’s the closest person to you, and then you run over to the ladder and quickly climb up, ignoring the trio behind you frantically calling your name. You make it to the top and turn towards the door, unsure of what you’re even planning on doing, but as you start to pass through the doorway, someone grabs your hand and pulls you to a stop. You spin around and come face to face with Echo, who is looking at you with concern. “Where are you going?”

“I don’t know. To Bardo. I have to get to him, Echo. I have to save Bellamy.”

“I know, but this isn’t the way to do it.”

You glare at her and snap, “Where was that eager attitude that you had five minutes ago? I thought you’d be on my side!”

“I am! But whatever reckless thing you’re thinking about doing to save Bellamy, it’s not going to help. It’s just going to make things worse.”

Gabriel, who must have gotten up the ladder without you hearing him, calls out to the two of you from the other side of the room. “Hey, I think I can read this.”

You look up at him in surprise, your eyes falling on the paper in his hand, and you pull yourself free from Echo’s grasp to cross the room and stand by his side. He looks up at you with a small smile, “Once it dries, I’ll use the charcoal to bring out the indentations in the paper.”

You nod, and he motions for you to sit in the chair across from him. You oblige, plopping down into the seat as he turns his gaze to Hope. “Tell me about the code.”

“I already told you, it operates the bridge.”

“Right. Like the one on Octavia’s back.”

Hope shakes her head, “No, that was for me.”

You all look at her in confusion, and she clarifies, “From what I gather, every mind has its own unique code. They call it a, um, a biometric-”

Gabriel finishes for her, “Signature.” He lets out a breathy laugh, and mutters under his breath, “A consciousness code, of course.”

Hope nods and continues, “When you put mine in on Sanctum, you pulled me over. Then I tagged Octavia with a tracker and sent her to the other side.”

“Did you know they were taking Bellamy too?”

Hope turns to you, shaking her head hard. “No, of course not. Octavia loves him. I made a deal to save my mother. The plan was for me to jump back in, rescue her and Aunty O, and kill anyone who got in my way.”

“Well, we’ll just adapt your plan then. We still save your mom and Octavia, but we’ll grab Bellamy too. And anyone that gets in our way, we kill them.” Hope and Echo both nod in agreement with your plan, but Gabriel, who has been fidgeting with the paper in his hand, tosses it onto the table with a huff of frustration. “We’d have to get there for that, and we are not going anywhere. Not with this anyway.”

You sit up from your seat so fast that you knock the chair backwards, letting out a frustrated groan and yelling, “Damn it! We have to get off of this freaking planet!”

You turn and stalk towards the fireplace, putting your hands on the hearth and leaning against it to center yourself. But as you do, the hairs on your arm lift, letting you know that something is off. It takes a second for you to figure out what, but you finally realize that there is warmth beneath your hands, coming from the fireplace. You turn to the others with a wide eyed look. “It’s warm.”

“What?” Echo crosses the room towards you and grabs a fire poker from beside the fireplace, using it to shift the coals around. When she does, some of them start to glow red hot, alerting all of you that the flames only recently died. Echo mutters to the others, “There’s someone here.”

You look around and call out, your voice hopeful, “Bellamy?”

“He’s not here.” You ignore Hope’s voice and head to the door to the connecting room, hoping that when you push the fabric aside, you’ll see the smiling face of your fiance. Unfortunately for you, when you move the blanket that separates the bedroom from the room you’re in, you’re met with a man running at you and screaming, “Get out of my house! 

He knees you in the stomach when he comes running out, and you grunt in pain from the blow. But you recover quickly when you see a knife being swung towards you, which you duck away from at the last second. The man seems caught off guard by your movement, and as his arm flies past you, you grab it, twisting his arm until he stands frozen in place. You wrench the knife free from his grasp and hold it up towards his neck, and as you turn to get a look at the others, your eyes land on the man’s arm. In the space on his wrist there is a timer, counting down from what appears to be five years. Your brows pull together as you look at it, trying to make sense of it, but you’re pulled from your thoughts when the man turns to the creepy doll from earlier and mutters, “Hope, I’m sorry. I’ll come back for you!”

He knocks your grip off of him and takes off running out the front door, leaving you, Gabriel, Echo, and Hope to exchange matching looks of bewilderment. “What the actual hell?”

Hope looks over at the doll and mutters, “He called the doll Hope.”

You shake your head, trying to process the events of the last minute, and add, “The numbers on his arm were counting down.” 

“It’s how long he’s a prisoner here. _Five years._ ” Hope pauses, looking between all of you as she adds, “That’s how long I expect us to stay.”

You don’t have time to process or disagree with her words before she’s jogging past all of you and heading out the door. You exchange another look with Gabriel and Echo, the three of you seemingly on the same page about staying here for five years. _Meaning, none of you are even a little bit okay with that._ You all run after her, jogging out of the house and catching up with her at the edge of the garden. Gabriel is the first to ask one of the many questions running through your heads. “You said prisoners. You don’t mean this is a prison?”

“I did mean. Skyring is the place where they send people to atone for their sins.” She pauses near one of the plots, looking over it for a long minute. “This garden is one of his. We have to start planting soon if we want to harvest before winter.”

She walks off again, and you stare at her retreating figure, trying to convince yourself that she can’t be serious about the four of you staying here for five years. There’s no way in hell you’re okay with that. You run after Hope again, calling out to her back, “Slow down! What the hell are you talking about?”

Hope glances over her shoulder at you as she stalks through the woods. “From the looks of our new friend, he’s surviving on jellies alone. Eating like that, he won’t make it five years, and we need him to.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s our way to Bardo. When the timer on his arm hits zero, the disciples come for him.”

“Right, and you think they’ll take us too?” Gabriel scrubs a hand over his face after asking his question, thinking, and the motion reminds you of Bellamy. You feel a rush of anxiety as you try to process your current situation, but your anxiety only deepens when you start to think about whatever situation Bellamy may be in right now. _Being tortured, killed, interrogated. Wanted for bone marrow or information or god knows what._

Hope brings you back to the present when she answers, “Of course not. We kill them, take their suits, jump to Bardo.”

You grab Hope’s arm, pulling her to a stop, in disbelief that she is yet again reiterating a five year time frame. You shake your head, that disbelief written all over your face. “You have to be out of your mind if you think I’m waiting five years.”

“Funny, Octavia said that too.”

She turns and walks away before you can say anything, and you turn to look between Gabriel and Echo, silently asking them to back you up. Gabriel just puts a hand on your shoulder and squeezes before continuing forward, and you turn to look at Echo, who reaches out for your hand and whispers, “We’ll figure this out.”

You nod, unable to say or do much else, allowing Echo to drag you ahead, catching back up with the others. When Echo gets close to them again, her eyes find the sky, tracing the rings that arch over the planet. “Not bad for a prison.”

You shake your head, thinking of the lack of anyone or anything on this planet, reminding you a lot of your time in solitary during your own imprisonment in the Skybox. Reminding you of your near death experience in an arena in what feels like eons ago. “I’d be willing to bet that the real prison is the isolation, like solitary.”

Gabriel nods in agreement and adds to your statement, “Depending on the time dilation relative to Bardo, you could serve a twenty year sentence here in a weekend. It’s efficient.”

Echo changes the subject, watching Hope closely. “I take it you’ve dealt with these prisoners before.”

“One, yes.”

“Dangerous?”

“It depends. Everyone on Bardo is raised to be a disciple. Every single one of them is a warrior, not like the flower children who worshiped you.” She turns and glares at Gabriel, and you almost laugh, thinking that flower children is the perfect name for the people of Sanctum. Almost every person from Sanctum that you had the pleasure of fighting was terrible at it, and the only ones who were any good at it were the Children of Gabriel. Even they were defeatable though. _Unless they were in a group._ You shake your head, clearing your thoughts and bringing yourself back to the present as Hope continues, “Fortunately, they send people here who aren’t pulling their own weight, not devout enough, not strong enough. If everything I’ve heard about you two is true, we can take him.”

She stops suddenly, bending down to inspect a small broken twig and an indentation in the dirt. She glances at the three of you over her shoulder. “All right, be quiet. We’re close.”

Echo, unable to quell her curiosity, asks, “Who taught you how to track?”

“The girl you stabbed and kicked over a cliff.” Hope ends her statement with a withering glare directed at Echo, and you’re suddenly glad that looks can’t kill, otherwise your group of four would suddenly be three. Echo rolls her eyes when Hope turns back around and counters, “It’s a little more complicated than that.”

You and Echo exchange a look, because Octavia and Echo’s complicated history is very similar to yours and Echo’s complicated history. And despite all of the near death experiences, boyfriend stealing, and clan loyalty, the two of you are now walking hand in hand on a planet that is magically connected to a different planet that you landed on a week ago after a 125 year journey through space. Gabriel seems to sense this moment between you and Echo, because he glances between you before looking back at Hope. “Sounds like a good story.”

Hope quips, “You just heard it. The spy stabbed her ex boyfriend’s sister and kicked her over a cliff.” 

None of you say anything, falling into an awkward silence as she continues to lead all of you through the woods in search of the mysterious man. Finally, you break through a line of trees into a clearing, and your eyes fall on none other than…an army of skeletons. You nearly groan at the sight, the image reminding you a little too much of the body snatching Primes on Sanctum that nearly stole your sister from you. You and Echo break apart and you hand her the knife that the man nearly stabbed you with earlier, arming her as you reach for your own knife. As you walk up on the circle of skeletons, you are suddenly hit by the smell of rotten, decaying flesh, and this time you do groan out loud, but so do the others. Echo looks over the clearing in bewilderment, “What is this?”

“I have no idea. Looks like he dug up the dead so he could have company.” You eye the skeletons, some of them sitting up around a chessboard, and you feel a roll of nausea as you focus on breathing through your mouth and not your nose, in an attempt to ignore the smell. Hope suddenly rushes across the clearing, dropping in front of one of the skeletons, her voice sounding teary and broken when she whispers, “Dev.”

The man from before suddenly rushes across the clearing, towards Hope, and she scrambles away as he yells, “Leave us alone! I didn’t invite them here, I swear it.”

Gabriel whispers, “Isolation madness.”

The man grasps onto his skeleton friend, continuing his mutterings, “Broke into our house. I tried to save Hope. I tried, but I couldn’t. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Hope steps a little closer to him, kneeling down and softening her voice as she tries to console him. “Hey, I’m Hope. I grew up here.”

Gabriel, who has been standing very still to your right, seems to see something, because he starts to step away from you, his voice breaking through the soft conversation between the man and Hope. “Wait.”

It’s loud enough to spook the man away, and you all watch him jump over a tree and run off again, disappearing into the woods. Hope turns around, a glare on her face, directing her annoyance at Gabriel. “Damn it, I told you we need him!”

“Maybe we don’t.” Gabriel kneels down beside a skeleton, and you and Echo draw closer as he brushes a finger across the name patch on the skeleton’s body. It’s half degraded, eroded over time, but the first three letters remain. “C-O-L.”

Echo glances at you, and then to Gabriel. “Colonel? Military?”

He shakes his head, reaching into his pocket for a small knife as he does. “Colin, last name Benson. C.B. It was on the wall near the stone.”

He glances at you, aware that you were present when he read the letters out earlier. And then he unfolds his pocket knife and moves towards the skeleton, reaching out for the skull. He uses one hand to hold it steady, and one hand to pry away whatever disgusting gunk is on the skull, quickly revealing something you weren’t ever sure you’d see again. 

“A mind drive?” You look between the drive held proudly in Gabriel’s hand, and his face, confusion written across your own features. “How?”

“Eligius III was here. We’re on planet Beta.”

Gabriel pauses long enough for his words to have an impact on all of you and then he takes off running back towards the cabin. You, Hope, and Echo follow behind him in confusion, calling out to him as he moves, but his mind is only focused on one thing, and that does not involve briefing the three of you. So you all just have to watch him in confusion as he crashes into the cabin and heads for his bag, digging around for a second before pulling out a tablet, and only then does he start to explain. “Everyone on the Eligius mission got one of these. Becca Franko designed the memory drives to be a data retrieval system so the mothership crew could determine what happened if they returned to find a mission team dead. You know, like an airplane black box.”

The three of you shake your heads, none of you familiar with the concept of an airplane black box. But Gabriel ignores it and barrels on, “Russell and I reverse engineered their tech to hold an entire mind.”

You process his words before pointing down at the tablet in his hand. “Wait, that’ll play his memories?”

“Yeah.” Gabriel tugs a different mind drive from the tablet, glancing at you as he does. You’re already well aware of what sociopath previously existed on that tiny piece of hardware. “Josephine?”

“I needed to make sure she was really gone.” He slides the new mind drive into the spot on the tablet, powering it on, the screen fuzzy and staticky. You look at it with worry, and Gabriel must sense your growing anxiety. “Just wait. It’s repairing corrupted data.”

“So what are the odds that Eligius III randomly chose two planets connected by Anomaly Stones?”

Gabriel shrugs, “Long. I’d say it suggests that the people on Bardo descend from Eligius as well, and if I’m right, it could mean that the species that created the stones thousands, perhaps millions of years ago, were looking for a new home too. I mean, think about it, right? No need for spaceships or cryo or mind drives. You could explore an entire universe.”

Your mind starts to wander at the possibilities of the stones. You’re gonna get Bellamy back, and then the two of you can explore the stars like real space explorers. You can travel the Universe without worrying about the time it takes to normally do something like that. You can discover new planets together and experience _everything_ that the Universe has to offer. You’re starting to think that’s the most exciting idea you’ve ever had. Hope breaks your reverence though, and brings your crushing reality right back to the forefront of your mind. “Not to point out the obvious, but if your friend here figured out how to operate the stone, he’d have used it to leave. He wouldn’t be here playing chess with the dead.”

“No, no, no. Colin was a quantum physicist, a Fields Medal winner. If anyone could figure out how to-” He’s cut off by a video suddenly beginning to play on the screen. A woman, dressed in a lab coat, her dark hair swept to the side, leans over someone sitting in a chair. “Dr. Benson, blink if you can hear me. Dr. Benson.”

Gabriel lets out a surprised laugh, “Becca? God, I had a crush on her.”

“Wait, that’s Becca?” Gabriel nods, and you look at the woman again, finally able to put a face to the woman that created Nightblood and the Flame. The woman who accidentally caused the end of the world, who later became the first Commander. Despite living in her mansion and her lab for a while, there were never any pictures or magazines with her face lying around. You never really knew what she looked like. Clarke told you that Becca and Alie looked the same, which she knew because she saw them both in the City of Light, but since you never took a chip and saw Alie, you never really knew what that was like. Still, it’s weird to see Becca now, in this video, before she causes the end of the world and before she becomes the center of religion to the Grounders. 

On the screen, Becca continues talking to Colin. “The procedure was a success. The implant will start collecting your memory now. If you die out there, my face will be the first that the follow up team sees. I envy you, you are going on the greatest adventure in the history of history. Lightbourne, the pompous ass, thinks that Alpha is the one. He’s afraid that Beta’s too far from the black hole relative to the others, but if you ask me, time dilation is sexy as hell. You’ll get to the future faster.”

Gabriel mutters, “The black hole, of course. That’s why time is so accelerated here.”

Echo, eager to get to the memories that get all of you out of here counters, “Can you fast forward?”

“Quiet.”

Echo rolls her eyes and turns to face you. “This is gonna take a while.”

You nod, your mind drifting back to the man who tried to kill you not long ago. “And I’m sure that guy out there is eager to come home. I’ll take first watch.”

Echo nods in agreement, and you head for the door and step outside, wandering through the garden path and stopping just at the edge of the garden, leaning up against one of the structures and looking out into the trees beyond. You sit out there for a few hours, watching the woods and waiting for any sign of the madman, but you never see him. Towards the end of your watch you start to get bored, and your eyes wander from the woods and over to the garden at your back. You lean down to smell the flowers that are behind you, the patch of purple flowers reminding you of Shallow Valley and you get a pang of longing for your home and your twin and for Bellamy. All you can do is pray to the Universe that Gabriel figures out the code and gets all of you off of Skyring and onto Bardo.

As your eyes roam over the flowers near you, they fall to a bottle, sticking out of the dirt. Curious, you pull it free, shaking it slightly and listening as something shifts around inside. You pull the lid off and turn it over, a rolled up piece of paper sliding out and into your hand. When you unroll it, your eyes fall on a letter, the handwriting both familiar and unfamiliar, and as you start to read, tears tug at your eyes. 

_Bell,_

_I hope against hope that this letter reaches you. I need you to know that you were right. There was a darkness in me, but Diyoza helped me past that darkness. It’s behind me now. I need you to know that I finally understand all you did to protect me, watch over me, love me. I wish I could see your face and hug you… and tell you that I get it now. I wish I could thank you. By the time you get this, if you get this, I’ll probably be an old lady or dead. I want you to know I was happy. I have Hope. Diyoza’s a pain in the ass, but I love her like I love you. Please don’t worry about me. You deserve to be happy, big brother._

_Always yours, Octavia._

You hear the door to the cabin open from somewhere behind you, but you are too absorbed in Octavia’s lost words to her brother. Words that indicate that she was here much longer than you realized. Words that indicate that she had started to heal before reality caught up to her again. As you start to lower the letter, Hope’s voice angrily calls out, “Where did you get that?”

You motion to the dirt beside you, confused by the anger in her voice. “I found it here.”

She snatches it from your hand and snaps, “That was not meant for you.”

She walks past you, the letter still gripped tight in her hand, and her feet carry her until she’s just at the edge of the forest. You watch her in confusion at first, not understanding the anger behind her outburst, until suddenly you realize that Hope’s shoulders are shaking slightly because she’s crying. You stand from your place near the garden and walk towards her, and when she hears you approach, you watch her angrily swipe away her tears before she starts to speak to you, her back still facing you. “I remember when she threw this into the bridge, we still thought Sanctum was on the other side. It must have been how they knew we were here.”

She starts to cry harder, relieving the trauma of her past, and you reach out for her arm, trying to turn her to face you. “Hey, come here.”

She shakes you off, resisting the comfort you’re trying to offer her, but you try again, aware that she needs this. You only know a fraction of what Hope has gone through, but you know that more than anything, she needs a friend, and she needs a hug. You put your hand on her shoulders, trying to turn her towards you, and she resists you at first. Until suddenly, she spins around in your arms, jumping towards you and wrapping you up in her arms. She hugs you tight, confirming what you knew all along, that she needed a hug. You hug her back just as tightly, letting her know that you’re here for her as you whisper, “We’ll get them all back together, whatever it takes. Gabriel will get us the code, and then we’ll get them back.”

She nods, and the two of you stand huddled together as she cries in your arms. You hum Clair de lune, comforting her the way that your dad used to comfort you, the way that Bellamy comforted you, and eventually she starts to quiet in your arms. When the two of you pull away, you move to sit at the edge of the garden again, this time side by side, watching the trees in mutual silence. Hope is the first to speak up, her voice low and ashamed. “You must think I’m so weak.”

You shake your head hard, giving her a serious look. “No, the opposite actually.”

A second voice from behind you pipes up, scaring you and Hope both, your heart jumping with fear. “We’ve seen your moves, and with teachers like Diyoza and Octavia, I wouldn’t want to face you in battle.”

You turn around and look at Echo, glaring at the quiet spy who easily snuck up on you both. “You scared the hell out of me.”

She gives you a small smile and plops down beside you. You’re not sure how much she saw of you comforting Hope, but she doesn’t comment on the girl’s tear stained features, and you’re sure Hope is grateful for that. She glance at Echo, responding to her initial quip. “They didn’t teach me to fight, my mom wouldn’t allow it. A prisoner came here a few months after they left, Dev. He taught me.”

You think back to Hope’s earlier broken cry when you found the army of skeletons. “The body.”

“Yeah.”

You’re about to ask a follow up question on what happened, but you never get the chance, because you’re cut off by an excited yell from inside the cabin. You, Hope, and Echo all turn to look at the small building, watching as Gabriel comes running from the cabin, practically bouncing with excitement. “He did it! I need something to write with, charcoal, a pen, anything!”

You all jump up and follow him back towards Hope’s former home, excited to write down the code that’ll take all of you to Bardo so you can save your families. Except, as you step inside the cabin, Gabriel holds out a hand to the three of you, forcing you to stop, his eyes locked on something in the corner of the room. You freeze, already worried based on Gabriel’s body language alone, but when your eyes finally find what he’s looking at, your anxiety spikes even further. The mystery mad man stands in the corner of the cabin, the tablet held in his hand. _Your one way ticket off of Skyring held in his hands_ , and he’s turning it over, end over end, looking at it closely. 

“What is this?”

Gabriel holds up his hands in surrender, trying to appear as non threatening as possible. “It’s okay, no one’s gonna hurt you. That’s a memory viewer, okay? My friend was here, and he entered a code and opened the bridge. We need to rewind it, so that we can get the code and open the bridge ourselves. You can go home.”

The man is shaking, his voice raspy from lack of use, and he starts to get panicky. “Too soon. I must serve my time!”

You feel the hairs on your arm lift, and you know that something bad is about to happen unless you can stop it. You meet the eyes of the man, careful to keep your voice soft and soothing, “Okay. If you want to stay, you can stay. Just give us back-”

And before you can finish your sentence, he cuts you off, his voice loud and upset. “No! I serve the master, I am his shield and his sword! For all mankind!”

And before any of you can say anything else or do anything else, he lifts the tablet above his head. Your eyes fly to it, watching the events unfold like they’re in slow motion. As soon as the tablet is high enough, he brings his arms down, putting some force behind his throw, and you are left frozen in place, watching the tablet fall from his hand and clatter to the ground below. You hear someone scream as it hits the ground, shattering into pieces, and later on, when you play through the moment in your mind, you’ll realize that it was you screaming. But in the moment you don’t notice, because all you feel is heartbreak and despair. You sink to your knees, staring at the shattered pieces in front of you, well aware of what this means. Without the memory viewer, _without the code_ , all four of you really are trapped here on Skyring for the next five years.

There will be no rescue missions, no saving of anyone, because you’re stuck.

You’re stuck until the crazed man in front of you is allowed to go home.

You’re stuck until you can kill the men that come for him.

You’re stuck, separated from Bellamy.

_And in that moment, you swear you feel something inside of you snap._

-


	87. lxxxvii. false gods (7.03)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: violence, fighting, angst, mentions of drowning, blood, language.
> 
> Summary: with your ticket off of Skyring destroyed, desperation sinks in…

As you kneel, staring at the shattered pieces of the memory viewer, you hear Gabriel gasp, “Do you realize what you’ve done?”

The man’s raspy voice answers, “I couldn’t let you leave! For all mankind! You don’t understand!”

And in that moment, you swear you see red. You feel nothing other than the anger that pulses through you, white hot. It heats your blood until you’re sure you’re boiling, a volcano just ready to explode. And the man’s insistence that _you_ don’t understand when it’s clearly _him_ that doesn’t understand? It’s enough to make you erupt. 

You rise to your feet and cross the room lightning fast, before anyone can even process your movements. You catch the prisoner off guard, which makes it easier for your first punch to land. And the second. And the third. You feel your knuckles split when they make contact with his cheekbone, but you keep punching, your black blood mixing with his red blood. You don’t stop swinging when you hear the others yelling your name and begging for you to stop, and you don’t stop when someone grabs your arm and tries to hold it still. You just shake them off and swing again, but your fist doesn’t land this time, because someone suddenly wraps their arms around you and lifts you off the ground, carrying you backwards, creating space between you and the madman. 

You see Hope and Echo staring at you as you are carried backwards, and you know that Gabriel is the one restraining you. You kick and flail and scream, trying to wiggle free and reach the prisoner again, prepared to keep punching him until there is no anger left and the fire in your body cools. But Gabriel just holds you tighter, and Hope yells to be heard over your screaming, “Stop! He can’t help us off this planet if he’s dead!”

“Help us?” The words practically leave your mouth as a growl as your anger turns feral. You still your movements long enough to direct a glare Hope’s way. This time, you’re sure she is the one thankful that looks can’t kill, because yours are nothing short of murderous in this moment. Your voice steadily rises as you yell, “He just destroyed our one way off this planet! Does he look like he can help us?”

Everyone turns to glance at him, the prisoner’s face a mix of red blood and black blood, his breathing slightly labored. And you know that at any other moment, the regret and shame would start to kick in now. But in this moment, Wanlida is in control, and she doesn’t care that he’s injured. She just wants him gone. 

You start to fight and try to free yourself from Gabriel’s arms again, and your movements must spook the man, because he takes off running out the back door, disappearing into the trees. Frustrated with Gabriel’s iron grip, you lean forward then send your head back, headbutting him. Your skull makes contact with his brow bone, and Gabriel lets out a grunt of pain before dropping you straight onto your butt. You don’t even take a second to check on him before scrambling to your feet and running out the front door, ignoring the calls of your friends behind you. This time, you’re not searching for the prisoner, because your feet are taking you in the opposite direction. You’re not even sure of where you’re going until you break free from the treeline and your eyes land on the lake in front of you, a faint green glow beneath the water’s surface. 

You can hear Gabriel, Echo, and Hope calling your name and clambering through the woods after you, and without another moment of hesitation, you take off running again, closing the short distance between you and the waters edge. You slosh through the first few feet, and then you take a deep breath and dive under, opening your eyes to look around you. The green glow of the Anomaly is straight ahead, and you begin your frantic swim towards it, each stroke of your arms and kick of your legs taking you deeper and deeper into the lake. 

You swim until your legs feel tired and your arms are sore, and still the Anomaly seems no closer than when you first jumped into the water. You redirect yourself and start swimming straight down, fighting through the fatigue so you can get to Bardo. As you swim, you think only of Bellamy and Clarke, using them as your motivation to get off of Skyring, because five years here, means five years _without them_. You’ve already spent six years without Bellamy when everyone left you and Clarke behind, and that was agonizingly long enough. You hated it then, and you don’t want to do it again now. The only time you spent without Clarke was when you were locked up in the Skybox, and then the few months she left after Mount Weather, and all of these moments only serve to remind you how important it is for you to get back to her. Because the two of you need each other. You’re the twins, the Griffin Girls, the moon and the stars, Wanheda and Wanlida, Castor and Pollux, Azrael and Azazel. You need each other more than anything, because you’re stronger together, and she probably doesn’t even know you’re missing right now. You need to get back to her before she realizes you’re gone, before she has to experience the heartbreak of losing her twin right after losing your mother. You can’t do that to her. You _won’t_ do that to her. 

Which is why you keep swimming. 

Your ears start to pop as you get deeper, the pressure squeezing your body. Your lungs start to ache and burn, the oxygen rapidly running out, and you turn to glance back at the surface of the lake. At this point, you’ve made more progress than you realize. You’re deep down, down below in the dark part of the lake, the only light now coming from the Anomaly. If you turn around now, you might not even make it back up for air. 

Which is why you keep swimming, your body moving towards the green glow.

The loss of oxygen starts to become painful, the dull ache now akin to a fiery burn, your lungs feeling like they’ve shriveled up and died without the air they need. But the Anomaly is so close now, and you swear you can just reach out and touch it, if you only swim a 

few

more

feet.

But those few feet turn into a few meters, and those meters turn to miles, and suddenly you realize that your vision is starting to blur. Everything is getting fuzzy around you, and it’s not because of the water. There is no oxygen left in your lungs, and your body starts to twitch, unable to process life or movement without the precious substance. Your vision starts to go black, beginning at the edges and then moving towards you slowly, and you reach your hands up to your necklace, clutching the moon charm in your grip, and letting the finger of your right hand rest on the ring on your left. You let your eyes close, accepting the death that approaches you, dying with the knowledge that you really tried everything you could to get back to Clarke and Bellamy. You swam until there was nothing left for you but the bright green pulse of the Anomaly below you. 

You feel a sense of peace wash over you as the darkness rushes in, the last few inches filling your vision until it is all you know. It stretches out in front of you, endless like the sky, and you know your time has come.

-

You feel someone collapse on top of you, waking you from the darkness. 

You groan, your mind and body only asleep for a few hours before whatever rude awakening has just occurred. The body wiggles, trying to get your attention, and you pry your eyes open with another groan, your eyes landing on someone stretched across your lower half.

Bellamy Blake is laying across your legs, a huge smile on his face.

You grab your blanket and tug it up and over your face, closing your eyes again and inviting the darkness of sleep back to you. But Bellamy has different plans, because he stands from the bed and yanks the blanket off of you, exposing you to the cold air in your room. Your eyes fly open and you glare at your boyfriend, who stands holding the blanket with a mischievous grin. “Bellamy, give it back. Lincoln kicked my ass in training this morning, and then Kane kicked my ass in guard training this afternoon. I’m tired, I want to sleep.”

“No. No sleep.” 

You roll your eyes before closing them, turning away from him and curling into a ball in an attempt to keep yourself warm. But Bellamy grabs your ankles and tugs, pulling you towards the edge of the bed, and you let out a shriek of surprise. “Bellamy, what the hell are you doing?”

He smiles down at you, completely unbothered by your grumpy attitude. “It’s what _we’re_ doing.”

“ ** _We’re_** _supposed_ to be sleeping.”

“No, _we’re_ going _swimming_.”

You give him a confused look. “I don’t know how to swim.”

“I know, that’s why I’m going to teach you!”

Your confusion only deepens. “Now? In the middle of the night?”

“It’s the only time we both have free these days. Besides, you never know when it’ll come in handy.”

You stare up at your boyfriend’s eager face, noting the clear excitement he has over this prospect, and you know you’d do anything to see his joy continue, especially these days. With Clarke gone and the burden of Mount Weather weighing heavily on both of you, you can’t resist the desire to see him happy. Which is why you hide your smile and groan back, “Fine, let’s go swimming.”

Bellamy’s smile grows wider and he scoops you out of bed, setting you on the ground before handing you your clothes. You dress quickly and the two of you slip from your shared room and out of the camp without any issues, heading down to the lake that borders your home. There’s talks to extend the fence around the camp to one day include this lake, but for now, it sits just outside, bordered by the home of the sky people.

When you and Bellamy get to the water’s edge, he quickly strips until he’s left in nothing but his underwear, and without hesitation he dives into the lake headfirst, his body arching through the air in a way that seems so beautiful to you. His head pops back up a second later, his curls clinging to his skin and the big grin still on his face. “Your turn.”

“Yeah, right.”

He laughs, light and happy, and you think about how you rarely hear that laugh these days. _Just another thing the Mountain took._ Bellamy senses the dark cloud you’ve invited to hang over you, always so eager to appear at the thought of Mount Weather, and he shakes his head and calls out, “None of that. Take your clothes off!”

You laugh and quip, “This is just an elaborate ruse to get me naked, isn’t it?”

“Maybe.” He draws the word out, before the two of you start to laugh, the happiness chasing away the darkness of Mount Weather, at least for a little while. You strip quickly until you’re left in your undergarments, and then you stand just at the edge of the lake, looking at Bellamy with skepticism. “Now what?”

He swims towards you, walking the last few feet and coming to stop in front of you. He holds out his hand, his voice soft and serious. “Do you trust me?”

“With my life.” Your tone is just as serious, and he knows you mean it. You take his hand and he walks backwards towards the water again, leading you into the lake until the water reaches your waist. You feel your anxiety spike a little with each step you take into the water, but you meant it when you told Bellamy you trust him with your life. You know he won’t let you drown. So when he leans down to scoop you up in his arms, you let out a little laugh and let him. The two of you lock eyes, and his voice is still soft, trying not to break the serenity of the moment. “Lie back. I’m not going to let go of you.”

You nod and lean backwards until the back of your head is in the water, your hair fanning out around you. Bellamy holds you in place as your body bobs along the surface of the water, and after a moment you realize that you’re floating. You turn slightly to lock eyes with your boyfriend again, a wide smile on your face, and he’s looking at you with awe and adoration. You feel your face heat up beneath his gaze, and you try to break the seriousness of the moment by asking, “Wait, I’ve been with you almost every day since we landed. When the hell did you learn how to swim?”

Bellamy lets out a laugh, short and light, before shaking his head a little, amusement lighting up his face. “Believe it or not, I learned on the Ark.”

“You learned how to swim on a spaceship in the middle of the sky?”

He can hear the disbelief in your voice, and he nods. “I taught myself how to swim in our bathtub.”

Laughter takes over your body as you picture Bellamy teaching himself how to swim in less than a foot of water in his bathtub, the mental image making you wish you could have seen the real moment with your own two eyes. For now, you just have to let your imagination run wild, allowing the laughter to roll through you, nearly taking you under the water. Bellamy’s arms keep you on top of the water as he watches you laugh, your amusement bringing a smile to his face. When your laughter turns into soft giggles, he gives you a fake serious look. “I need you to focus, Miss Griffin. You have to master floating before you can learn to swim.”

You give him a similar serious look, using it to hide your smile. “My apologies, Mr. Blake. I’m ready to try again.”

You lean back again, letting yourself be weightless as your body rises in the water, supported by Bellamy’s arms. After a quiet moment, he whispers, “Good. I’m going to let go now, but I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right at your side.”

He must sense the flash of fear that has washed over you, because he adds, “Just look up at the sky and focus on the moon. Don’t think about it, just let your body do the work.”

You let yours eyes search the sky until you find the moon, a pretty crescent shape, shining her pretty light down on you. You focus on her as Bellamy slips his arms from beneath you, but as promised, his body stays close to your own, his warmth still finding you in the cool lake. Your eyes stay locked on the sky, the darkness of the night the only thing you can see. From one edge of your vision to the other, there is nothing but stars and the moon. As your body floats on the surface of the water, your ears underwater, muffling the sound of the night, it’s easy to think that you’re swimming in the sky. Floating with the stars, weaving between them, part of the sky, the way you always dreamed you would be.

-

Your eyes fly open and you take a sputtering breath, before you turn to the side and cough, water spewing from your mouth and onto the dirt beside you. You cough and wheeze for a few moments, until you’re sure the water has left your lungs, and then you collapse back onto the dirt again, your eyes landing on the open sky. Stretched above you, arching across the sky like a halo, is a set of rings.

Your mind is already starting to question your whereabouts, your suspicions confirmed when Gabriel’s worried face leans into your view, a cut running through his eyebrow, already scabbing with black blood. You grimace a little, remembering the headbutt that gave him the injury, and he must notice, because he shrugs, “Can’t even feel it.”

Echo’s face appears on your other side, looking down at you with concern. “Do you know where you are?”

“Skyring.”

A third voice chimes in, “Do you know what happened?”

You try to sit up, struggling a little until Echo and Gabriel pull you into a sitting position. “Yeah, a bunch of people from a different planet stole my fiance, and we got stranded here after a crazed man that talks to dead people smashed our one way ticket out of here.”

“And you nearly drowned.”

Your teeth chatter slightly, your hair clinging to your face as you level a glare at Hope. “Yes, and I nearly drowned.”

“That was stupid. Octavia was here for ten years, six of which she spent trying to reach the pretty light at the bottom of the lake. She never drowned herself though.”

Your glare deepens, your embarrassment starting to set in. Hope pulls herself to her feet, glancing at the others. “Come on, we have a lot of work to do if we’re going to spend five years here.”

Gabriel and Echo hesitate, both of them looking at you with worry, but you shrug them off. “I’m fine.”

Gabriel levels a look at you. “Hope’s right, you nearly died. You should take it easy for the rest of the day.”

You nod, too exhausted to fight him on it. With your agreement in place, he holds a hand out to you, and he and Echo pull you to your feet, helping you walk back to the cabin. Gabriel leaves you at the edge of the garden with Echo, disappearing into the house briefly before returning with a blanket. He drapes it over your shoulders, your teeth chattering harder than you realized. He leaves to help Hope, and Echo stays with you for a while, clearly worried about leaving you on our own. You can tell she isn’t sure what to say, obviously unfamiliar with the type of desperation that leaves you willing to make stupid decisions that might get you killed. But after a while, she can tell you’re craving some time to yourself, so she too leaves, though she makes sure to linger close, in case you decide to bolt again. 

But you don’t move. You stay solidly rooted in place, unmoving for a while, your thoughts practically eating you alive. You are stuck on Skyring, truly _stuck_ , all of your options spent. The only way off is when the crazy man gets to leave. But until then, you’re stuck here. The thoughts that you had while swimming to the Anomaly come flying back to you. Five years on Skying means five years with no Bellamy and no Clarke. They likely won’t even notice you’re gone. They won’t feel the passage of time without you, but you will. You will feel each passing second that you spend separated from the two most important people in your life. The thought is agonizing. 

Also agonizing is the thought that you nearly drowned trying to reach them both, almost leaving them alone in the world without you. And you know now that if you want to save them, you need to be smarter. No more hasty decisions that result in near death experiences. You need to be calculating and calm. No more emotional choices. No more thinking with your heart. Your head is the one making the rules now.

You were the one that dove into the water, but Wanlida was the one that was dragged out, still and unbreathing. And when Gabriel brought you back to life, it was Wanlida that opened her eyes. She’s here with you now, hanging in the background, leaving you feeling cold and icy and empty. She’s ready to take over, ready to make the decisions for you. She knows that your heart will always rule you, but Wanlida? She’s ruled by her head. She doesn’t feel pain or loss or sadness. She calculates and decides, bringing death to all who stand in her way.

That’s why you sit at the edge of the group, ignoring the light banter of the others behind you, your Grounder knife now in hand. You grab a discarded garden tool that lays nearby, and use it to add notches to the list of your kills. One line for Asher, who nearly killed you and nearly killed your twin. One line for the disciple that almost shot Hope on your way to the Anomaly. Your total count now up to 13, and that’s just kills from this knife. 

When you start to add up all the kills Wanlida has helped you make, the number grows larger than you can stand, and you stop, pretending it’s because you lost count. But really it’s because you’re starting to wonder if you can really do better when Wanlida lives inside you. You can’t get rid of her now, because you need her to save Bellamy. You need her strength and willingness to kill, but who will you be if you accept that help? Can you come back from that? Can you come back from _her_?

-

_As soon as Clarke gets back from school, she makes a beeline past you, heading straight for the bathroom you share. When she runs past, you don’t miss the tears that streak down your twin’s face, or the sob she tries to stifle. But by the time you make it to the bathroom door, it’s locked with you one one side and Clarke on the other. You knock tentatively, your voice soft. “Clarke? What’s wrong?”_

_She doesn’t answer, but you can hear her quiet sobs from the other side of the door, and your anxiety grows, wanting to know what happened. “Let me in, shining star. Talk to me.”_

_Her crying softens for a minute, but you can’t hear anything else from inside the bathroom, and your fear spikes until you hear the click of the lock receding. You twist the knob and tentatively push the door open, your twin somehow back on the other side of the bathroom, tucked in the corner, her knees pulled to her chest, her face hidden from view. You still don’t know what happened, but you get the sense that Clarke doesn’t want to talk about it, at least not yet. So you do the only thing you can think to make her feel better, and you start to draw up a bath._

_You know you shouldn’t. The Ark has water allotments, even the Privileged, though they tend to be more lax with your group. But your twin is upset and she doesn’t want to talk about it, and it’s the only thing you can think to do. So you run some quick math in your head, and you think you can make up for the loss of water if you skip your next few showers. You never see anyone besides your family anyways, so it’s not like it really matters._

_You fill the tub as much as you can before it makes you anxious, hoping it’s hot enough to do the trick. Warm water is never a promise on the Ark, it’s more like a surprise. Sometimes the heaters work, sometimes they don’t. Today is one of those days where thankfully, they seem to work really well. With the water warm enough, you walk over to your sister and drop down in front of her. “Get in the tub, I’ll be over in a second.”_

_She looks up at you, her face puffy and tear stained, before she weakly nods and moves over to the tub, quickly undressing with her back to you. You turn away and walk over to the sink and drop to your knees, reaching for a loose panel near the floor, prying it off and moving it aside. There, tucked away in a hidden spot, is the last of your special soap._

_It was something your dad managed to get for you, though you have no idea how, because you didn’t even think they made soap like this on the Ark. Most Ark soap is practical, made out of whatever they have on hand, pressed into lumpy bars that don’t smell great, but don’t necessarily stink either. They just smell like..Ark soap. There’s no other way to describe it._

_But this soap? This soap is special. It’s smooth, and unlike the gray green blob of Ark soap, it’s pale blue. It smells like vanilla, and your father etched a moon onto the top before gifting it to you for your 13th birthday. Your parents both said 13th birthdays are a big deal, which is why Clarke got her nicest art set yet. You don’t have any specific hobbies like Clarke does, and your dad said he wasn’t sure what to get you until he discovered the soap, and once he saw it, he knew it was perfect. You have treasured this bar of soap, using it as sparingly as possible over the last year and a half, because you rarely have access to nice things. You rarely have access to anything. Still, this is important. Clarke is upset, and this soap is magic, you’re sure of it. It has always cheered you up on bad days._

_You take the soap back over to the tub, grabbing a small cup along the way, and you glance at Clarke, who is now situated in the warm water. You sit on the edge of the tub and use the cup to gently pour water over her hair, wetting it well. Then you grab the last of your soap and rub it between your hands, creating a lather, which you transfer onto Clarke’s head. You massage the soap into her hair, making sure to cover every strand, using every last bit of soap that you have. As soon as Clarke gets a whiff of the smell, she whispers, “Your special soap.”_

_Her voice is raspy from crying, but you ignore it and nod, before you realize that she can’t see you. You whisper back, “You need it more than I do.”_

_She’s quiet for a minute and you start to rinse the soap from her hair carefully before she breaks her silence. “Do you remember Katie?”_

_“The girl that you like?”_

_Clarke nods weakly, and you continue rinsing before she continues talking. “I told her I liked her today.”_

_You suspect the response wasn’t a good one, but you know Clarke is waiting for you to say something, so you ask, “What did she say?”_

_“She said I was a selfish, privileged snob and she would never like someone like me.” Clarke starts to cry again, the tears falling down her face and landing in the bathtub beneath her. “I just don’t understand what happened. Two days ago she was holding my hand during lunch, and today she’s calling me a snob.”_

_You squeeze Clarke’s shoulder in comfort. “She doesn’t know what she’s missing, Clarke. You’re the least selfish person I know, and you’re not a privileged snob. I don’t know what happened or why she’s acting this way, but you’re the best person I know. You’re a shining star, bright and brilliant, and one day Katie will realize that she’s missing out, but it’ll be too late.”_

_Clarke nods, her crying already starting to slow down, your words bringing her comfort. She glances at you over her shoulder, meeting your eyes for the first time since she got home. “Thank you, la lune.”_

_“I’ll always be here for you, Clarke. I’d do anything for you, no matter what.”_

_She smiles a little, her voice sounding stronger when she mutters, “Stronger together.”_

_You smile back and repeat, “Stronger together.”_

_-_


	88. lxxxviii. hesperides (7.04)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: injuries, mentions of blood, angst, anxiety, language, fighting.
> 
> Summary: five years on Skyring. five years until you can get off this planet and save Bellamy. it goes about the way you expect it to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a pretty long chapter but it's one of my favorites, so I hope you guys will like it too! please let me know what you think of it!

_5 years until Absolution Day_

You’re the first to wake up, the others still fast asleep.

There are two rooms in the cabin; one was Hope’s, and one was a room that Octavia and Diyoza shared. There was a lot of discussion the night before on who would take what room, but by that point you were exhausted, your near death experience draining the energy from you. So you ignored the others and trudged into the room on the left, plopping into one of the beds and falling asleep almost immediately. 

Now that you’re awake and the early morning sun is filtering through the window, you see that Gabriel has taken the other bed in the room. He’s fast asleep, his feet hanging off of the too small bed, though he doesn’t seem to notice. You quietly slip from your bed and tug on your shoes, peeking into the other room before you leave the cabin. Hope is curled up in her childhood bed, and Echo is asleep on the floor, a pile of folded clothes and blankets beneath her in an attempt to make her more comfortable.

You let the curtain fall closed before sliding out the front door of the cabin, letting your feet carry you to whenever they want to go. Unsurprisingly, they take you to the lake, your eyes finding the soft glow of the Anomaly beneath the water, calling out to you in a taunting way. But your body reminds you of the last time you answered the Anomaly’s call, your lungs burning slightly as you breathe in the cool morning air. You shake your head and drop your gaze, your eyes passing over your hand as you do. 

Your knuckles are split, scabbed over with dark blood, framed by bruises. You flex your hand, the movement pulling on the wound, the pain yet another reminder of what you have to face here. You blow out a breath of frustration, not wanting to go down that road. Every thought of the five years you will have to spend on this planet, it makes you desperate. You’re practically ready to crawl out of your skin when you hear the words _five years_ , and the reminder is not one that you want to think about. 

Luckily for you, a distraction arrives. 

A twig breaks behind you, and you spin, your hand already reaching for your knife, but you drop it when your eyes fall on Gabriel. He holds up his hands in surrender, closing the last few feet between the two of you before he comes to a stop at your side. You turn away from him, your eyes roaming out to the lake and seeking the glow of the Anomaly again, which must make Gabriel uneasy, because he asks, “You’re not gonna drown yourself again, are you?”

“No.” You glance up at him, his eyes already on you, searching your face for any sign of turmoil. But all he finds is a serene coldness that worries him even more. Your gaze lands on his left brow, and the wound that runs through it. “Sorry about your eye.”

“Don’t be sorry.” He reaches up and touches the scab, his voice light with amusement. “In fact, I should be thanking you.”

You give him a confused look and he adds, “Chicks dig scars.”

Any other time, the joke would have made you laugh. But any other time, Wanlida is stored away in her box in the back of your mind. Today she is standing front and center, and Wanlida doesn’t laugh at jokes. She’s here to remind you that she has a plan, more important things for you two to worry about, and this isn’t one of them. You give Gabriel a look, and mutter, “Echo needs a bed, and we need food.”

And without waiting for a response, you turn and head back towards the cabin, ready to work on your plan. 

-

You’re the first to start gardening, aware that the four of you need food to survive, and getting the garden fixed up is a nice place to start. Gabriel comes back to the cabin a few minutes after you leave him, picking up a hoe and beginning to dig up the dead plants beside you. You both work in silence for a while, the sun continuing to rise, and Hope and Echo join the two of you not long after. 

Hope immediately picks up a trowel and gets to work on digging out some of the more stubborn weeds, but Echo stands at the edge of the garden, her eyes locked on the sky, clearly in turmoil over your situation. “Five years.”

The words make you shudder, bringing the reality of your situation back to the forefront of your mind, and you feel yourself start to spiral down the road of anxiety until Wanlida grabs you, shaking her head at you, her expression hard. You bury your feelings away like she wants you to, returning your focus to the garden, hacking away at the dead plants with a renewed fervor. You feel the others glance at you for a moment before they look away, gaze locking on Echo. “Thinking about it makes it worse.”

Gabriel adds, “She’s right, give us a hand.”

“Playing in the dirt won’t make time pass faster.” You can feel Echo’s eyes on you as she says it, but you ignore her, your eyes solely focused on the ground, your mouth shut tight with silence. 

“Maybe not, but it will give our friend out there something to long for, seeing the four of us working together as a team. Trust me, he’ll want that.”

You pause for a moment, gazing out towards the woods at the mention of the crazed man, anger instantly rising to the surface when you remember what he’s done. Echo shifts in place, drawing your eyes away from the woods and over to her, and she gives you a serious look. “We should hunt him down.”

You want to hunt him down, and maybe remind him of what he’s putting you through, but you know it won’t do any good. You need him alive so that the disciples will come for him, so that you can kill them all and jump through to save Bellamy. Which is why you shake your head at Echo and turn your gaze back to the ground, continuing your gardening and ignoring everyone. 

“Is that how you make friends in The Ice Nation?”

You can see Echo shift and finally grab a hoe, beginning to hack at the plant closest to her. “Just Ice Nation. There’s no ‘the’.”

“There’s clearly no gardening either.” Gabriel points to the plant she’s destroying that is heavy with visible fruit. “That one’s still alive.”

You pick up a medium sized rock that is in your way, moving it and setting aside as you partially listen to the ongoing conversation. “Raspberries?”

“Paint berries. Eat them, and they make you sick.”

Gabriel lifts your discarded boulder and studies it, pointing to a smudge of red that lingers on the surface. “Is that what you used on this? Is H for Hope?”

“No, Hesperides.”

The name hits you hard, sending your mind back to a memory of Bellamy, who once sat and told you the story of the three garden maidens. Now, Hope is passing the story on to Gabriel and Echo, after learning it from Octavia, who learned it from Bellamy. _Because everything goes back to Bellamy in the end._ It’s enough to send you spiraling again, and this time you can’t stop your incoming panic. You drop your garden hoe and take off running, ignoring the voices that are calling out to you, worried that you’re about to take another deep dive into the lake. 

But you’re not running towards the lake this time, you’re just running _away_ , trying to outrun your thoughts and this cabin and this stupid planet. You tear through the woods, branches slapping at your face as tears spill down your cheeks, running until the terrain is unfamiliar and you have no idea where you are. And then you fall to the ground, your knees digging into the dirt, and you cry. You cry hard, allowing yourself to mourn for your mother, who is gone forever. You allow yourself to mourn for Kane, the man that was becoming a father figure to you, taken from you just like your birth father was. You cry for Monty and Harper, realizing now that you never really processed their absence. You find yourself crying for all of the people you’ve lost, all of those taken from you, your mind finally processing their deaths. 

You cry until you’re sure there are no tears left in your body, and then you cry some more. You cry for Clarke and Octavia and Bellamy. Your twin, stuck on another planet, unaware that you’re even missing. Processing your mother’s death alone, trying to fix Sanctum alone. _You should have never left her._ Octavia, stabbed by Hope and sent back to Bardo, to endure who knows what at the hands of who knows who. And Bellamy, your stormy fiance, the love of your life, taken from you before you could stop them. You failed to save him, and now you have no idea what he’s going through. They could be torturing him right now, all because you didn’t save him. 

You collapse into the dirt, your cheek pressing into the cool ground, your heavy sobs turning to light sniffles. Even after you’ve stopped crying, you don’t move. You just stay firmly planted in the soil, wishing you were back on Earth and the only thing you had to worry about was your damaged relationship with Clarke and Bellamy’s douchebag antics. Back before you knew about Grounders or Praimfaya or the Primes or the Anomaly. Back when things were simpler. 

You eventually fall asleep, and when you wake up the next morning, you’re in your bed, Gabriel awake in the bed beside you. He’s watching you closely, clearly worried, but you don’t say anything. You don’t know how you got back to the cabin or who put you in your bed, but you pretend nothing is wrong. You slide out from beneath your blanket, pull on your shoes, and head to the garden to pick up where you left off. Hope, Echo, and Gabriel join you a few minutes later, and none of you talk about it. None of you talk about your breakdown or the situation you’re facing. 

For the first time since getting stuck here, you’re all completely silent.

-

_4 years, 11 months, 24 days until Absolution Day_

You sit in the doorway of the cabin, staring out at the setting sun. The sky is an explosion of color, reds, pinks, purples, decorated with the familiar rings of the planet, and it’s a sight to see. You watch the colors shift and change as you eat your dinner, some jellyfish based meal prepared by Hope. It isn’t great, but it’s not bad either, and it’s easy to distract yourself from the taste if you focus on the sky.

You can hear the others inside talking and laughing, but you ignore them, more focused on your solitude. For the last few days you have been the first to wake up and get to work, always on the outskirts of the group as you do what you need to and nothing else. You let the loneliness sit heavily on your shoulders, reminding you of what’s at stake if you can’t save Bellamy at the end of this five year journey. It motivates you to stay focused and work on your training, which you do everyday by yourself. The others don’t seem to notice, or be taking it as seriously as you are, though you guess you can’t blame them. They just don’t understand what’s at stake if you fail. 

You get pulled from the thoughts in your head when someone settles down next to you, squeezing into the doorway at your side. You glance over and see Echo, who is watching you closely, her brows pulled together with concern when she asks, “Are you okay?”

“Fine.” You shrug a little, hoping it gets the message across, but Echo seems unconvinced. You haven’t had a breakdown since you ran off into the woods, but you think the others are more worried by your silence than your disappearing acts. She sighs a little and looks out at the sky, a faraway look coming over her face. “I know what it’s like to lose yourself to the cause. To get so caught up in your clan and your queen and your mission that you lose yourself.”

“I’m fine, Echo. Honestly.”

She ignores you, her mind clearly somewhere else. “I’ve never even told Bellamy this, but my name isn’t Echo.”

You look at her in confusion, and she glances at you quickly before looking away again. “My real name is Ash. I was just a kid when Azgeda warriors took my father’s land. They killed him for resisting. My mother hid with me in the cellar as they attacked our village, and they decided the best way to get us out was to start a fire so we’d be forced to come out or die. The fire ended up killing my mother, but I survived. Queen Nia took me in, and that’s where I met Echo. We were trained to be ruthless, but we became best friends in the process. Echo was training to be a spy in Sangedakru, and the day before she was supposed to leave, queen Nia came to visit. She told Echo to kill me to prove her loyalty, but in the end, I killed Echo to save my own life. Sangedakru was expecting a girl named Echo, so that’s who I became.”

You look at Echo, or Ash, in shock, unsure what to say. All you can manage is a soft whisper of, “I’m sorry.”

She shakes her head hard and turns to look at you. “I didn’t tell you that so you’d feel sorry for me, I told you that so you wouldn’t end up like me. This cold persona that doesn’t interact with her friends and only focuses on the mission, it’s not who you are. I know you’re worried about Bellamy and you want to save him, but this isn’t the way to do that. Closing yourself off from who you are, it only hurts you in the end. _Trust me._ ”

You say nothing, sitting in silence and absorbing her words, and she nods once before starting to stand. Before she heads back into the cabin with Hope and Gabriel, she adds, “Besides, this is not the la lune that Bellamy fell in love with. He loves you for so many reasons, but he fell in love with your _heart_.”

The words hit you hard, and you feel tears start to prick your eyes. You turn away from Echo, angry that she’s struck a nerve within you, and you hear her walk away, clearly satisfied that she’s managed to pull some emotion from you for the first time in days. She leaves you in the doorway, alone with your thoughts, which are the only things you can’t escape.

-

_4 years, 11 months, 1 day until Absolution Day_

You sit at the edge of the lake, waiting, watching. Your net is in the water, surrounded by jellyfish, a few of them slowly making their way inside. As you work on catching dinner, you hear someone come up behind you, but you don’t turn around, too focused on snagging the jellyfish. You tug on the rope, pulling the net up and out of the water, smiling a little when you see a few jellyfish trapped inside. A voice comes from your left, light with amusement. “I haven’t seen you smile in weeks.”

The smile immediately drops from your face, and you look up and meet Hope’s eyes. She senses the change in your demeanor and she pushes past it, holding a bucket out to you, so you can drop the jellyfish inside. You take it, transferring the animals to the bucket, before setting it on the ground between the two of you and casting your net back out into the water. Hope wanders closer, the two of you settling side by side in the sand as you look out at the lake and the mountains beyond. You can see Hope glancing at you from the corner of your eye, but you keep your gaze straight ahead, waiting for whatever lecture is soon heading your way. “I grew up on stories about you. The others, too, but Octavia loved to tell stories about the Invisible Twin.”

Despite the passage of time, you still grimace at the nickname. If Hope notices, she pretends not to. “Growing up and only knowing your family, confined to stay in one place and never meet anyone new? That was my life. I never thought I’d meet anyone else as long as I lived. And then the disciples took my mother and Octavia, and not long after, Dev showed up.”

You pick up a rock from its place near your feet, tossing it into the water, your eyes looking anywhere but at Hope. “I get it. I played aloof with Dev too, pretended that all I cared about was getting off Skyring and saving my family. But there’s only so long you can lie to yourself before the truth comes out. I craved human connection: love, friendship, and eventually I caved. I never stopped thinking about my family, and in the end I made it to Bardo. You’re allowed to miss him, but stop letting this consume you. You’re torturing yourself because you think you deserve the loneliness for not saving him, but that’s not true. You didn’t know the disciples were there, you didn’t know they were going to take him, and it’s not your fault that you couldn’t stop them.”

You twist the ring around your finger, pausing to look at the sapphire in the middle. Hope watches the movement before she continues, “We’re going to get them back. That’s what you told me, and that’s what I believe. But this isn’t the way to do it.”

The words are eerily similar to Echo’s speech a few weeks ago, and you get a sinking feeling when you realize they must all be talking about you and how to get you back “on their side”. Because they still don’t get it. Becoming Wanlida is how you save Bellamy. You can’t do it without her. Getting lost in your emotions muddies things. It makes it hard to think and do the right thing, and that’s not something you have time for. You need to focus on Bellamy and getting him back, and then you need to get back to Clarke and the others. There isn’t any room for error this time. There is only one way off Skyring, and the mad man in the woods is your ticket out of here. You’re not convinced he’s going to help the four of you, so you need to focus on Wanlida’s plan: ambush the man, kill the disciples, and get Bellamy back.

Hope can tell she’s not getting through to you, and ultimately she gives up. She sighs, and grabs the handle of the bucket as she stands. “Dinner will be ready at sundown.”

You nod, letting her know you heard her, and then she leaves you alone, your mind running through Wanlida’s escape plan on a loop, committing every move, every action, to memory.

-

_4 years, 10 months, 28 days until Absolution Day_

You lie on your back, your gaze locked on the ceiling of your room, the sliver of the moon casting very little light inside. 

It’s late, later than normal for you, your inability to sleep returning the last few nights. You suspect it has something to do with the increasing anxiety you’ve felt lately, though you aren’t sure. You do know that you’re annoyed though, finally getting used to sleeping through the night. Now it seems like you’re back on the “sleep like shit” train, and you’ve decided that you want off.

Your brain has been using the extra hours to torture you with your thoughts and fears, making you wonder if all of this is even worth it. If you can even pull it off. It’s been nearly two months, and there’s still no sign of the prisoner. You know he’s out there, because he can’t go far, but none of you have actually seen him. Echo, Hope, and Gabriel are convinced that you need him to get to Bardo, but your skepticism on whether he’ll actually help you just continues to increase with each passing day. 

That doesn’t necessarily matter to you, because you have a back up plan, and you train for it daily, without the others. They have no idea what you’re up to, or that you plan to ditch them if you have to. You’re sure they’d fight you if they knew, which is why you keep quiet. Still, the last few nights have been torturous, and you’re starting to wonder if you could even pull Wanlida’s plan off on your own. 

You accept the mental torture because Hope was right, you do feel like you deserve it. Except, you _know_ that you deserve it. You failed to save Bellamy, you failed to get off Skyring, and now you’re stuck here for 5 years. It’s only been 50 days since you drowned, and you have felt all 50 days. You feel each passing second without Bellamy, the passing time agonizingly slow. 

You shift in the bed, uncomfortable, the anxiety and the fear making you sticky with sweat. You’re nearing the edge of giving up on sleep entirely and getting out of bed when a voice whispers, “Are you awake?”

You glance at Gabriel’s bed from the side of your eyes, but you don’t turn away from the ceiling when you whisper back, “Yeah.”

Normally, you wouldn’t have said anything. You don’t know what you did, because it’s not something Wanlida would approve of. Still, you said it and Gabriel heard it, because he’s shifting in his bed, turning so that he can face you. You still don’t turn towards him, not even when he asks, “What do you love about Bellamy?”

“What?”

“What made you fall in love with your fiance?”

Despite Wanlida’s glare, you answer, “His heart.”

You hear Gabriel shift again, getting comfortable, and you open your mouth to answer again. Wanlida is angry, not wanting to indulge in whatever this is, but you ignore her. Tonight, you need this. _Just tonight._ “Bellamy cares about other people more than himself. It’s kind of a fault of his, because it gets him into a lot of trouble, but I also admire him for that. He’ll do anything for the people he loves, and he’ll push all his fears aside to do it.”

Gabriel doesn’t say anything, but it’s like he’s turned on a faucet. Once you get started talking about Bellamy, you have a hard time stopping. “Despite his confidence, he can be shy too. I like seeing him like that, it’s sweet. And he gets these smiles, these special ones, just for me. I wish I could take a picture of them and save them forever.”

You feel yourself starting to choke up a little, but you swallow the lump in your throat and try to push the emotion aside. “Bellamy always knows what to say. A big inspirational speech or just comforting me on a bad day, he always has the right words.”

You turn slightly, unsure if Gabriel is even awake at this point, but he is, and he’s still listening to you, a smile on his face. You give him the smallest of smiles before glancing away again, your hand lifting to find the moon necklace around your neck. You hold it in your hand as you add, “I’ve always loved space and the sky. I love that it’s _bigger_ than us. All the bad stuff we go through, it doesn’t mean anything in the end, because space, the Universe, it’s all larger than humans and our experience. But Bellamy has always made me feel like more. He makes me feel more important than the moon or the sky or the Universe. It’s like I transcend all that when I’m with him. I’m important when I’m with him.”

This time the tears do start to fall, your body unable to hold them back any longer. You let them come, not even attempting to wipe them away as you roll over to face Gabriel, the two of you locking eyes across the room. “I have to get him back, Gabriel. _I have to._ ”

“Hey, you will. _We_ will. We’re going to save everyone; Bellamy, Octavia, and Diyoza, and then we’re going to go home. This isn’t forever.”

Before you can answer, the curtain that serves as a door to your room is pushed to the side, and a tall, slender figure stands in the doorway, looking between you and Gabriel. “Got room for one more sad insomniac?”

You smile a little and pull your blankets back, inviting Echo to squeeze into the bed with you. She crosses the room and climbs in beside you, settling underneath the covers with a sigh. You know she can see your tears, still clinging to your face and your lashes, but she pretends she doesn’t, which you’re grateful for. Gabriel whispers, “Echo, how did you two meet?”

Echo tells Gabriel the story of your meeting within Mount Weather, giving you time to dry your tears. As Echo finishes the story, the curtain shifts again, Hope’s figure now standing in the door. She looks over the room, at the three of you gathered there, and her voice is small when she whispers, “I didn’t wanna be alone.”

This time Gabriel shifts to the side, inviting Hope to slide in beside him. Suddenly your lonely, anxious night has turned into a slumber party. Gabriel takes on the role of asking questions, all of you learning more about Hope’s childhood and Echo’s time in Azgeda and your life on the Ark, until you turn the questions around on him. He tells you about his childhood and growing up on Earth before Praimfaya, which fascinates you and Echo. He talks about Eligius III and space travel and mind drives and Josephine. He talks a lot about Josephine. 

But you can’t fault him on it, because you talk a lot about Bellamy that night, maybe more than you’ve ever talked about him before. But it’s cathartic and therapeutic and leaves you with a sense of peace for the first time since drowning. The four of you talk well into the early morning hours, slowly falling asleep one by one, until you’re the last one awake. And this time, as you stare at the ceiling, now lit by the early morning sun, there is no anxiety, no crushing thoughts, no fears. There’s peace and understanding. Wanlida is no longer at the forefront of your mind, now lingering somewhere in the middle. It’s already easier for you to ignore her coldness and aloofness, and you realize that for the first time in weeks, you feel lighter, warmer, Wanlida weighing on you like a cold burden each day.

Though she’s still around, and you know that stuffing her back into her box won’t be easy. But now you also know that your friends are right. Wanlida is not the way to save Bellamy. Wanlida is an identity you have always fought against, a nickname that you never wanted to embrace, yet here you’ve been, acting like she is who you are now. But Wanlida is not who you are.

You are la lune, Bellamy’s blainen natshana, Clarke Griffin’s twin. You’re an aunt, a daughter, a sister, a friend. You are a warrior with a heart. And that heart may rule you, but _that_ ’s who you are. 

-

_4 years, 10 months, 22 days until Absolution Day_

You kneel near the edge of the garden, looking over the tomatoes, and pulling the ones that are ripe enough to eat. You set each ripe one into the basket at your feet, pausing when you’ve got them all, wiping some sweat from your brow. You glance over at Echo, who reaches out to touch the yellow roses that are opening, leaning down to take in their scent. As she does, she calls out towards the open window, “The Hercules roses are opening.”

From inside the cabin, Hope’s voice quips, “It’s Herc-a-lees. Don’t pick them!”

Echo quickly releases the flower and the two of you share a look, smirking at Hope’s reaction. Echo rolls her eyes a little before walking towards you, motioning to the full basket at your feet. “You want me to take them in?”

You nod, reaching down to grab the basket and hand it to her. “Yeah. I’m gonna drop some powdered jellyfish on the vegetables, and then I’ll be right behind you.”

Echo nods before turning and walking inside, closing the cabin door behind her. You reach for the small burlap sack nearby, full of powdered jellyfish, and you start to generously sprinkle it on the vegetable plot near the front edge of the garden. As you work, you mutter, “Here you go, some powdered jellyfish. Trust me, it’s better than Monty’s algae. I’m glad I only had to eat that stuff once, I don’t know how Bellamy and the others did it.”

You shake your head a little, rolling your eyes at yourself. “Yes, I’m talking to the plants. Makes them taste bet-”

You cut yourself off when you hear a rustling sound behind you, spinning quickly and reaching for your knife with your free hand as you move, and old habit that you’ve yet to break. As you turn, you’re surprised to find the madman from the woods standing behind you, staring at you. He jumps back a little when he sees your hand reaching for your weapon, but you quickly lift your hands in surrender, letting him know you’re not a threat to him. He still seems wary of you, which you can’t blame him for, considering you beat him up the last time you saw him, but he doesn’t run off this time. He holds up a small container, his eyes finding your own before quickly darting away. “I found these. Uh, pumpkin seeds. Hope likes pumpkin.”

You stare at him for a second, stunned into silence. You haven’t seen this man in nearly three months, yet here he stands in front of you, offering you pumpkin seeds for your garden. You finally remember how to speak, motioning to an empty patch of dirt on one of the plots of the garden. “Um…go for it.”

He looks around you, towards the cabin. “Is she here?”

“She is. Plant the seeds, and I’ll go get her.” You motion to the empty patch again, his eyes following your movement. “Right there’s fine.”

He nods, and you back away from him slowly, afraid that moving too fast will spook him. You watch him move closer to the garden, shaking seeds into a few already dug holes, and you turn and head towards the cabin, quickly slipping inside. Echo and Hope look up as you step inside, Hope’s mouth opening to say something, but you cut her off before she can get out a word. “He’s here.”

“What?”

“The prisoner is here! He asked for Hope.”

Hope stands from her chair and jogs over to the door, you and Echo following, and as Hope pushes the door open quickly, the three of you step outside just in time to see Gabriel standing near the edge of the garden, holding his hands up in surrender, yelling after the man who is now running off. “No, it’s okay, it’s okay! I’m not gonna hurt you! No, wait!”

Hope throws her hands up in frustration as she glares at him. “Almost three months of playing happy family to lure him in, and you blew it.” 

The three of you walk out of the house towards Gabriel, but Echo motions to the tomatoes, their structure now broken and toppled over. “Screw that, look at the tomatoes.”

You look at it, sure that you can repair the damage. “I’ll fix it.”

Gabriel gives her a sassy look, before picking up his buckets, passing one to Hope as he moves. “See, she’ll fix it. Besides, he’ll be back, he’s on the hook now. We just need to reel him in.”

Hope nods to the table that you and Gabriel built a few weeks ago, back when you were still silent and aloof. “Let’s eat lunch outside again so he can see us.”

Echo shakes her head, looking between your group before settling her eyes on Hope. “I’ve got a better idea. We bait the hook…with you.”

“What?”

Echo glances at you, confirming, “He asked for Hope right?”

You nod, and she continues, “And he has that creepy doll he named after you. He clearly cares about you, despite not knowing you. Maybe the best way to reel him in is to put Hope in danger.”

Intrigued, you shift your gaze to Echo. “What do you have in mind?”

“Hope pretends to drown while swimming to the Anomaly, and hopefully he’ll come save her. We’ll be watching nearby, and we’ll come running once he’s got you.”

All of you share a look, thinking the plan over, and Gabriel nods. “It could work.”

Hope nods, “I’m in.”

Everyone looks over at you, your mind stuck on the memory of you trying to swim to the Anomaly to save Bellamy. It’s not hard to think of it now, despite this situation being completely different. _Because it’s not real._ You shake your head, clearing your thoughts, looking up and realizing that everyone is staring at you, waiting for your answer. You shake away the uneasiness that has settled over you because of the memory, before nodding at the others. “Let’s do it.”

All of you quietly head down towards the lake, with you, Echo, and Gabriel stopping just out of view, sinking into the brush and trees. Hope sloshes into the water before quickly swimming out near the Anomaly, and once she’s in position, she starts to splash and scream, “Help! Somebody, help! Help me!”

You only have to wait for a minute or two before you hear the man running towards the water, yelling back, his voice sounding desperate, “Hope! Hold on! I’m coming!”

You start to feel guilty about tricking him as you watch him pull off his jacket and dive into the water after Hope, but you know that you need his help if you want to get off Skyring and navigate Bardo to save Bellamy. The three of you wait until the pair get closer to the shore, and then you come running out of the trees, looking at Hope with worry. “Hope, are you okay?”

Hope coughs, pretending to spit out some water, before turning and looking at the prisoner with appreciation. “I am now, thanks to you.”

Gabriel stares at Hope in disbelief. “What the hell were you doing?”

You almost glare at Gabriel for his wooden acting, sure that the man is going to see right through it, but luckily he’s too focused on Hope to notice. “I was trying to get to Bardo to save my family.”

The prisoner shakes his head. “You can’t, the bridge is too deep.”

You reach out and grab Hope’s hand, making sure to keep your voice light and sincere. “Hey, we’re your family too, okay? We’ll get there together, we’ll find a way.”

The man turns to look at you, holding out his arm as he does. “The only way off this planet is on my Absolution Day. Four years, 10 months, 22 days.” 

“It’s your Absolution Day maybe, but they’ll kill us.” The man doesn’t seem to care about that much, so Echo adds, “Hope, too.”

“I won’t let that happen.”

Hope looks at him, stepping forward and pulling him into a hug, no longer acting as she looks at him with sincerity and mutters, “Thank you.”

When they pull apart, there’s an awkward beat before you look at the man and say, “You should come to dinner tonight. At the cabin.”

“Yeah, we’d love to have you…” Gabriel trails off, waiting for the man’s name, and he finally mutters, “Orlando.”

You nod, introducing yourself, before pointing to the others. “This is Gabriel, Echo, and of course you know Hope.”

He nods by way of greeting, and you motion towards the direction of the cabin. “Dinner is at sundown.”

Echo reaches out for Hope, who takes her hand. “C’mon Hope, we need to get you dried off.”

The four of you say your goodbyes to Orlando before parting ways, moving quickly back to the cabin to dry Hope off and discuss your plans. Once Hope is in new clothes, her wet ones hanging by the fire, you all get started on dinner and readying the cabin for your visitor. You, Hope, and Gabriel are the best cooks that you have, but Hope takes over for tonight’s dinner, while Gabriel and Echo straighten up the cabin and clear up any mess that might be visible. You help Hope in the kitchen, following all of her instructions as she prepares the meal, and once it’s ready, she leaves it hanging over the fire to keep warm until you’re ready to eat. 

Despite your fears that he won’t show, Orlando arrives right at sundown, standing in the door with a handful of wildflowers. You smile at the sight, taking them from him with a quiet thank you, before turning to find something to put them in. Everyone greets the man before gathering around the table, and you set the jar of flowers in the center of the table, surrounded by the candles you use for light. Gabriel takes his usual spot across from you, though tonight you and Hope are sharing one side of the table since Orlando is your guest. Echo takes one end of the table and Orlando takes the other, all of you sitting in front of your plates as Hope retrieves the dinner from the fire. “The garden will be producing more soon, but for now, jellyfish etouffee with a side of tomatoes.”

Gabriel and Echo groan at the mention of jellyfish, and you smirk at them as Hope begins dishing out the meal. “Do not listen to them, they love it. It was my mother’s specialty.”

Gabriel reaches for the bowl and dishes out his own serving, making a joke to Orlando as he does. “Yeah, Navy Seal turned terrorist chef. Hate to see what happened if you sent it back.”

You see Hope pause on her way back to you, started by something Gabriel said, and as he passes the bowl to Echo you kick him underneath the table. He gives you a look and you give him one right back, nodding your head towards Hope, who gives Gabriel a confused look. “Terrorist?” 

Echo, realizing what’s happening, deadpans, “She didn’t tell you.” 

“I was ten when they took her.”

Gabriel backtracks, giving Hope an apologetic smile. “She was a freedom fighter, not a terrorist, but that wouldn’t have been as funny with chef, so…”

He trails off and you glare at him as Echo grabs some of the etouffee and passes you the bowl. “It wasn’t funny at all.”

You take the bowl from Echo and get your own portion, before passing it to Hope, who muses out loud, “I always wondered why she wouldn’t let Aunty O train me. She was so adamant, now it makes sense.”

You turn to look at her, giving her a small smile. “She didn’t want you to be like her, she wanted better for you than the war and fighting.”

“Guys, we’re being rude.” You glance over at Echo, whose gaze is firmly fixed on the guest at the end of the table. Her hand motions to his tattoos. “Orlando, tell us about you. What are these?”

The symbols are similar to the ones on Hope’s face when you first met her, scrawled across her forehead and cheekbones. You know now that they were fake, drawn on her by Dev, but Orlando’s aren’t. His seem to be real. But he also seems to be uncomfortable, stumbling as he tries to answer, “Uh, it’s um-”

In an attempt to help him out, Hope nods, “12 symbols, it means you’re level 12, right? 

“The L-7 who atoned here before me, he teach you that?”

Hope freezes at the mention of Dev, but she recovers quickly. “Yes, Dev. And he taught me as much as he could, but we were afraid that I wouldn’t have answers if I was stopped by anyone higher once we were inside.”

“And was he right? Is that why you failed?”

Now Hope is the one that is uncomfortable, reminded of her failure from her first attempt to save her mother. “Uh…no. We failed because I hesitated when it was time to kill. He’s dead because of me.”

She pauses, taking a bite of food, trying to lighten the mood with a joke, “His body is at your skeleton picnic.”

You look down at your food with wide eyes, because you can tell that this is going badly, and you take a big bite of your etouffee as Gabriel attempts to salvage the conversation. “So, uh, tell us about Bardo, Orlando. You know, I’ve got a theory about how your people got there. Would you like to-”

Orlando cuts him off, his eyes locked solely on Hope. “The Shepherd delivered us. I’m sorry about Dev, I’ll bury him with honor. You have my word.”

Hope seems surprised, but she nods at him with thanks anyways. “Thank you.”

“Was the Shepherd on Eligius III, as well?”

This time, Orlando does shift his gaze from Hope to Gabriel, his expression pulled into a glare, his tone stern. “ _Don’t_ say his name.”

Across the table, Echo asks, “You still believe all that stuff even after they locked you up? Why did they lock you up?”

“Shepherd’s law number four: ‘honor the day of rest to be efficient the rest of the week’. I chose not to rest, and I was punished for it. And, yes, I still believe.”

There’s an awkward pause before Orlando abruptly stands, pushing away from the table and leaving his dinner untouched. You all look at him in alarm, and you plead, “Wait, Orlando, stay. _Please_.”

He shakes his head, looking between you and Hope. “Nah. Thanks for everything. It was…it was lovely.”

He turns and heads towards the door, pulling it open as Hope makes a last ditch effort to stop him, calling out his name. “Orlando.”

He pauses, looking at her with disappointment. “Too bad your mom, _the Navy Seal_ , didn’t teach you how to swim.”

All of you freeze, well aware that you’ve been caught in a web of lies. Orlando looks over all of you one last time before slipping out the door, leaving the four of you stunned into silence. You plop back down into your chair, scrubbing your hands over your face in frustration as you muse, “Well, that could’ve gone better.”

Echo hums in agreement, but Hope sits down at the table beside you, sounding excited. “Level 12 is hardcore. If we can turn him, we’ll have access to everything in Bardo.”

Echo counters, “Well, then it’s a good thing we have time, because we’re gonna need it.”

You nod, feeling dejected, the disappointment rushing in as you start to worry. _What if you can’t turn him? What if the four of you have to sneak onto a highly advanced planet with no knowledge of how the planet works? With no access to anything? How soon will they catch you? What will they do to you when they do?_ You shake your head, the thoughts already making you antsy with anxiety. You stand, looking over your friends again before nodding towards your room. “I’m gonna call it a night.”

Three worried faces look back at you, the Wanlida version of you still fresh on their minds. You shake your head, waving off their worry. “You can all stop looking at me like that, I’m just tired.” 

And then you turn and head towards your bed, popping down onto the mattress before falling back into it with a sigh. You let your anxious thoughts return, let them weigh heavy on you and remind you of your mistakes, of what’s at stake if you aren’t successful. You let Wanlida back into your head, just for tonight, to remind you of what you’ll lose if you can’t turn Orlando. Because Wanlida is quick to remind you of what’s at stake if you can’t successfully get onto Bardo.

Bellamy. Your love, your heart, your everything.

Which is why you can’t fail.

-

_4 years, 8 months, 23 days until Absolution Day_

You sit crouched in the bushes across from Echo, the two of you glancing at each other as you await Hope and Gabriel’s approach. You woke the others bright and early to practice on your escape plan, which has not been going well. It’s been nearly two months since Orlando left your dinner, and the four of you started to train for your escape pretty soon after, but it seems that with each day of practice, you only get worse. Orlando stops by occasionally to watch and judge your practice, though he never says anything. He watches with a blank stare for a while, and then disappears into the woods again. You wish he’d help, because his level 12 knowledge of Bardo would be incredibly helpful, but since he won’t, you’ll have to make do without.

Which means training harder than may be necessary, so that you’re ready for anything. Which is why you and Echo are crouched in the bushes, each of you clutching a knife as you wait for Hope and Gabriel, who are pretending to be disciples. 

You hear the soft rustling of someone approaching, and you and Echo share a look as you prepare to attack. You motion for her to take whoever is in the back and you’ll attack the lead, and she nods in understanding. Seconds later, Hope comes into view and you jump out at her, pretending to cut her throat as you catch her off guard, before you yell out, “One!”

“Damn it!”

At the same time, Echo jumps from the bushes and pretends to cut Gabriel’s throat, but he lifts his arm to defend his neck, cutting his arm on her blade in the process. He lets out a growl of frustration as he yells, “ _Every_ _time_!”

Echo angrily deadpans, “You’re dead.”

He snaps back, “I’m not dead, I’m invisible! _You’re dead_ , and that really hurt.”

Echo rolls her eyes as you step towards Gabriel, reaching out for him, urging him to let you look. He offers you his arm as Echo argues, “Is this a game to you?”

You glance away from Gabriel’s wound long enough to toss a look at Echo and mutter, “Easy.”

“He’s back.”

You all turn to Hope, who is staring in the distance at Orlando, who is watching all of you. She looks away from him and over to you and Echo. “And Gabriel’s right. If they ghost, we’re dead.”

“You’ll live.” You glance at Gabriel, smirking at him, and he shakes his head a little as you release him and step away, turning to back Hope up. “Let’s go again.”

Echo, though, is still angry, and still staring at Orlando. She motions to your group and snaps, “Are we entertaining you?”

“Echo, calm down.” 

She ignores Gabriel’s whispered warning, and stalks closer to the prisoner. “If you’ve got something to say, say it! Or maybe you’re gonna run away again, huh?”

Hope starts to walk towards Echo to pull her back, but Gabriel motions for her to stay put, and watch how this plays out. Echo steps even closer to Orlando, challenging him. “Level 12, huh? Is that supposed to scare me?”

“If it doesn’t, it’s because you don’t know what we can do.”

“Now I’m really scared.” She rolls her eyes, thinking for a moment before she continues, “I’ll tell you what. If I lose, you get the cabin back. If you lose, you help us train. Tell us what we need to know.”

“Need to know to kill my people?”

“That’s gonna happen anyway. The only question is: are you gonna die with them when they come?”

She kicks him hard in the stomach before he can answer, and he lets out a groan of pain. Echo swings a punch towards him, but Orlando recovers quickly and grabs her arm, stopping the punch in place, before following it up with a punch of his own. He clutches her tight and then flips her over his shoulder, onto her back, her breath leaving her body in a rush. She lays staring up at Orlando with surprise, as Hope finally steps over to them. “You win. The cabin’s yours.”

Orlando nods, before tuning and disappearing into the woods again, leaving the four of you frozen in place, watching him go. You share a look with Gabriel before walking over to Echo and pulling her to her feet, the four of you walking back to the cabin to grab your things before Orlando’s arrival. It doesn’t take long to drag your modest belongings out of the cabin and over to the fire pit, the four of you making your beds close to each other so you can share warmth. Hope and Echo setup on either end, and you and Gabriel settle in the center before you begin working on a fire. 

The temperature drops quickly once the sun goes down, and although the temperature on Skyring is comfortable during the day, it tends to be cold at night, which you are not looking forward to. Luckily, you manage to get a fire going pretty quickly, and Gabriel whips up a quick dinner before the four of you settle into your beds around the heat. Echo is laid out, her body turned to face the rest of you. You, Gabriel, and Hope are all still sitting up, and you’re turned slightly towards the fire, tossing more wood onto the mix. Hope suddenly breaks the silence with a laugh, looking over at Echo as she does. “Aunty O would have loved seeing you get your ass kicked.”

Echo rolls her eyes and mutters, “Tell us about M-Cap again.”

During your sleepover night, Hope mentioned some of her time on Bardo, including a few things she learned, along with M-Cap. The thought of a machine that can easily sift through your memories terrifies you, and you get a chill down your spine as Hope explains, “Memory capture. It’s not torture unless you fight it. Aunty O did, and apparently, so did my mom.”

You glance over at Echo, the only other person who really knows Bellamy, and you mutter, “Bellamy will too.”

She nods in agreement, and the image of Bellamy being tortured for his memories comes into your mind, bringing tears to your eyes. Your voice is quiet and shaky when you add, “I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose him.”

Echo reaches out to grab your hand, and Gabriel turns towards you, a small smile on his face, his voice confident. “You won’t. A year here for us has only been a few days for him.”

You give him a small smile back, and a nod of thanks for his comforting words. He smiles again and then leans back, stretching out onto his makeshift bed as he glances at Echo. “Well, from now on, you want to bet something, you leave my bed out of it.”

You laugh a little, despite your sadness moments ago, Gabriel’s complaints truly sounding like those of an old man, despite his young body. Hope leans back into her bed too, getting comfortable as she mutters, “Goodnight, la lune. Goodnight, Echo. Goodnight, Gabriel.”

All of you chorus back your goodnights before Hope raises her voice so it can be heard in the cabin. “Goodnight, Orlando!”

There is no response from the building as you and Echo settle into your beds too, your hand still held in hers. It brings you comfort, and you’re thankful for it, and for her, the one person who understands a fraction of what it feels like to lose Bellamy. As you lean back and look at the stars, Bellamy is all that is on your mind, your heart overflowing with memories of him. All of the star stories you’ve told him, all the times you’ve looked at the moon and stars together, and all you can do is wish he was here to see the view on Skyring at night, because it’s beautiful. 

As you drift off to sleep, you imagine saving him and bringing him back here, watching his face as he watches the sky. You can imagine the look of awe, the smile framed by freckles, and with your hand held in Echo’s, you can almost pretend it’s his.

Almost. 

-

_4 years, 8 months, and 17 days until Absolution Day_

Echo and Hope stand at the edge of the garden, both in offensive stances, waiting for the other to strike. You watch them sporadically, in between harvesting from the garden, filling up two baskets with carrots and tomatoes and spinach. The second basket is at the request of Gabriel, who says that Orlando needs the vegetables because he’s in ketosis. You just nod your head and fill the basket up, not bothering to ask for an explanation of what that means. 

When you finish filling them both, you hand one to Gabriel, who walks up to the cabin to deliver it to Orlando. You set your basket aside, wiping the dirt from your hands as you move closer to your sparring friends, watching as Echo beats Hope and knocks her to the ground. Hope glares at her, before Echo offers her a hand up. “Stop pouting. We go again.”

They get back into position, circling each other for a few seconds before they attack again, punching and blocking and kicking in an attempt to come out on top. Gabriel joins you a few minutes later, and the two of you start to spar, the four of you switching and rotating partners for a while until Hope announces it’s time for your run. The run is your least favorite part of the training session, but could ultimately be the most important, as the four of you work to run the distance from the lake to the cabin in less than a minute. 

So far, you’re not there yet, but you’re steadily getting closer. Today when the four of you come running back to the cabin, Hope in the lead, you are only a few seconds away from your goal time, frustratingly close, but still too long. As the four of you stand panting, trying to catch your breath, Orlando comes walking down the path from the cabin, clearly waiting for your arrival. He doesn’t wait for any of you to acknowledge him before he calls out, “We don’t kill anyone, you get your people, and you get out.”

You instantly recognize the sentence as an agreement to train, and Echo steps forward, challenging him to train the four of you better than anyone he’s ever trained before. “Best efforts. You’re a soldier, you know that in battle things can-”

He cuts her off, “Done. I’ve got 4 years, 8 months, and 17 days to turn you into disciples. If you survive, you may be ready. Get some rest, we start at dawn.”

And then he turns and walks off, leaving the four of you exchanging excited looks, now on your way to becoming disciples. 

-

_4 years, 8 months, 16 days until Absolution Day_

Orlando wakes the four of you bright and early the next morning, after making you sleep outside despite your mutual agreement to train. He pushes you hard all day, explaining Bardo and how the disciples are trained, pushing your bodies well beyond the limits you thought you had. And when you finally think the day is over, he directs all of you inside and motions for you to gather around a table, a map spread across the surface. “This is a map of Bardo. You’ll need to study it, memorize it, because it might save your life.”

He points down to a list of levels, and begins. “Level 1 is the oxygen plant. You will arrive on level 2, in the stone room. Level 3 is the living quarters for L-1s through L-6s, and level 4 is the living quarters for L-7s though L-12s. Level 5 is the mess hall, and level 6 is the training level for adolescents. Level 7 is where you’ll find M-Cap, which is where you might also find some of your people. Level 8 is the cryo labs and the place of the Shepherd, don’t even go near this level. Level 9 is cell block 1, and the most likely location of your friends if they aren’t in M-Cap, but if you can’t find them there, they could possibly be in cell block 2 on level 10. Level 11 is systems maintenance and level 12 is the power plant.”

He pauses and looks at each of you. “Got that?”

You each nod in confirmation, and Orlando points to a rough sketch on the paper. “There is a conductor in the room at all times, so you will need to secure them without killing them. We will go to M-Cap first, and then to cell block 1 to find your friends. From there, you will return to the Stone Room and make the jump to Sanctum. There, you will smash your helmets and never return to Bardo. Any questions?”

When all four of you shake your heads, he nods once. “Good. Study the map, we begin testing in an hour.”

-

_3 years, 7 months, 23 days until Absolution Day_

You grab the basket that sits near your feet, full of fresh vegetables from the garden, and head inside the cabin, passing them off to Gabriel, who stands in the kitchen awaiting your arrival. He peers into the basket, impressed, before locking eyes with you. “A good harvest so far this year, you’re getting better at this.”

You were put solely in charge of the garden this year when everyone realized how much you enjoy growing the food, and how _good_ you are at growing the food. Hope has made a few comments about how the garden has never produced as well as it has with you in control, and everyone collectively agrees you should be in charge of growing the food. You’re happy that the garden is your responsibility, because it gets you out of some of the other less enjoyable chores. But beyond that, it makes you happy. You find it rewarding to see your crops successfully growing, your garden now expanding even larger than it was when you arrived. And working with the fruits and vegetables keeps you out of your head, able to distract yourself from the five year time frame that is slowly ticking by. 

Plus, your successful garden also means better meals.

Gabriel has taken to cooking more lately, now that the variety is larger than it was the first two years, and he’s also taken to teaching you how to cook, a task that you also enjoy. As you sit down at the table, your knife and cutting board in front of you, Gabriel delivers the now washed vegetables to you, motioning towards them. “Get to chopping.”

You roll your eyes and pull out a few potatoes, carefully chopping them into large pieces as you glance over at him. “What are we making today, chef?”

“Something my grandmother used to make for me as a kid. It’s a Colombian dish called Sancocho Trifásico.”

“Sancocho Trifásico.”

Gabriel laughs a little at your pronunciation, repeating the words again, correcting your accent. You try again, saying it as similarly as you can, this time earning a proud smile from Gabriel. You smile back at him and continue chopping, asking, “What is it?”

“It’s a thick soup, kind of like a stew. It’s usually made with a few meats, but since we only have jellyfish, that’ll have to do the trick.” You pull a face at the mention of jellyfish, all of you openly disgusted with the food at this point, but Gabriel insists that you continue to eat it. “You won’t even notice it. Sancocho Trifásico is just that good.”

“If you say so.”

You finish chopping the vegetables and join Gabriel over at the pot over the fire, listening and following his instructions as he teaches you to make Sancocho Trifásico. He lets you do most of the work, sitting back and allowing you to practice your cooking, and a little while later, the meal is done and ready to be tasted. You sit back and anxiously await his verdict as he dips a spoon into the soup and takes an experimental taste. His face lights up as he does, turning to you with a proud look. “That’s almost as good as my grandmother’s Sancocho Trifásico.”

You roll your eyes and shake your head, sure that he’s exaggerating. He dips the spoon into the soup and offers it to you, tasting the soup of your labor. Your face lights up as you do, an explosion of flavor rolling across your tongue. Gabriel laughs a little, “See?”

“I bet your grandmother’s was much better considering she had access to a lot more spices and herbs than we did, but it is pretty good for what we have.”

“I think she’d approve, _cielito_.” You smile at the nickname. It’s one he started using a few months ago, and he explained that it means ‘little sky’ in Spanish. It’s his own twist on your classic nickname and it makes you smile every time he uses it. Gabriel brings you back to the present by nodding towards the door of the cabin. “Should we call the others?”

“I guess so.” Gabriel laughs at your joking reluctance before calling Hope, Echo, and Orlando in for dinner, the five of you enjoying the meal, everyone impressed with your new skills. And sitting there among them, laughing over a delicious meal, it’s easy to forget what’s waiting for you on the other side of the Anomaly. 

-

_3 years, 2 months, 18 days until Absolution Day_

On your rare days off of training for Absolution Day, the four of you find ways to train that are a little less intense. Primarily, you teach each other the skills that you have.

You and Hope teach Gabriel and Echo how to effectively throw knives and hit your target every time. Gabriel teaches all of you first aid, making sure to pay special attention to your crooked stitches, which steadily improve. You teach them all firearms training, though you have no firearms, just in case they need it in the future. And Echo teaches all four of you how to shoot a bow, though none of you ever get as good as she does.

Still, your off days are enjoyable, because even though you’re still training, still learning, it’s not as structured as your training sessions with Orlando. You all get to laugh and have fun with it, cracking jokes when you fail, and celebrating when you do well. You begin to look forward to the off days more than your official training days, because it gets your mind off of your heartbreaking reality and your separation from all of those that you love and call family. 

And slowly but surely, you start to form a new family, a second family, with those on Skyring. All of you, Orlando included, becoming closer with each passing day.

-

_2 years, 11 months, 5 days until Absolution Day_

You wander down to the lake, lost in your thoughts, surprised to find somebody already there. 

She doesn’t turn around as you approach and sit next to her, but as you turn to glance at Echo, you realize that she’s wiping away tears, hoping you don’t notice. 3 years ago, you would have pretended that you didn’t, but now, your group doesn’t work like that. You all agreed towards the end of year 1 to be there for each other, so that no one would repeat your breakdowns of the past and try to swim to the bottom of the lake and get killed from desperation. Which is why you reach out and put your arm around Echo, leaning against her as you whisper, “What’s wrong?”

“I was just thinking about space.” You glance at her, her eyes locked out on the lake as she continues, “Everything was so different up there. I went into space barely knowing any of them, and when we came back down to Earth, we returned as a family. And now it’s hard to think about the fact that Monty and Harper are gone, and me and Bellamy are broken up, and now he’s missing…”

She trails off, casting a worried look your way when she realizes she’s discussing her past relationship with Bellamy to you. “I just mean that we were all so close on the ring, and I worry about us losing Bellamy for good. Monty and Harper’s death hit me harder than I’d like to admit, and I’m terrified of going through that again. I’m terrified of how it would affect me.”

You shake your head, waving off her worry, already aware of how she feels about Bellamy.Which is why you shrug and say, “You never talk to me about your relationship with Bellamy. Tell me about it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Echo, Bellamy is your family too. You can talk about him, even to me. _Especially_ to me, because I get it. I told you once that Bellamy makes it easy to fall in love with him, and I’d never blame you for that. I meant it.”

She nods, taking a deep breath, a faraway look coming over her face. “It took him three years for him to forgive me and come around, though we started training together long before that. Reluctantly on his part though.”

She laughs and you laugh alongside her, muttering, “That sounds like Bell.”

“He kissed me for the first time after he beat me in a training session. It was the first time I ever had to tap out with him. Afterwards, he made some joke about me learning his weaknesses and sharing them with others, and I told him I didn’t think he had weaknesses. He paused and said he did, and when I turned to look at him, he said it used to be you and Octavia, but it was only Octavia then, because we thought you and Clarke were dead.”

You feel tears rise to your eyes as you think about the six years you spent without him, and how tortuously long they were. And how you’re now spending another five without him, these five just as long as the last. Echo squeezes your hand in comfort this time, aware of where your mind is drifting. “He talked about you all the time, even after we started dating. You mean so much to him, and I’m sure he’s fighting his way back to you as we fight our way back to him.”

“I’m sure you’re right.” You twist the ring around your finger, drawing Echo’s attention to it. She stills your hand, eyeing the ring carefully. “I never got to see it up close before. He always kept it hidden.”

You give her a surprised look, your brows lifting high. “You knew?”

“Of course I knew.” She blows out a soft laugh, “Bellamy isn’t as secretive as he thinks he is. I knew as soon as he found it, because his demeanor shifted. Though, that was before we even got together.”

“Maybe the problem isn’t that Bellamy sucks with secrets, but that you’re too good at picking up on them.”

You both exchange a smile and she shrugs, “Maybe. I always knew the ring was meant for you though. Even if we got down to the ground and had confirmation that you were actually dead, I don’t think he would have ever given it to me, because it was for you. For Bellamy, it was always you.”

This time you do start to cry, the tears spilling over your cheeks as you think of Bellamy, _because it’s always been him for you. Everything begins and ends with Bellamy._ Echo puts her arm around you and comforts you the way you were comforting her, and you wipe away your tears, shaking your head a little. “I’m supposed to be comforting you, not the other way around.”

Echo smiles a little, shrugging as she looks out at the lake again. “Bellamy has that effect, doesn’t he?”

“He certainly does.”

You follow her gaze out to the lake, the two of you sitting side by side as you watch the green glow of the Anomaly beneath the water. You’re silent now, and you stay that way for a while, enjoying each other’s presence as you both think of Bellamy, and all of the ways he’s impacted your lives.

-

_2 years, 4 months, 24 days until Absolution Day_

You and Orlando sit across from each other, out in the woods where he used to live, situated around a chessboard. The pieces are wooden, hand carved, intricately designed if you take the time to look at them. Though you rarely focus on them longer than necessary, as Orlando is a formidable opponent. 

The two of you have been playing each other for a few years at this point, though you have yet to beat him, frustratingly enough. But you recently had a dream about your father, Pike, and Lasker Traps, which you have carefully implemented during this game. So far, Orlando is falling right into the trap, though you remind yourself to stay cool and collected, as the game can change at any second. Something your father taught you the same day he taught you the Lasker Trap. 

You watch Orlando closely, his eyes frantically darting around the board, seemingly realizing that he is trapped, and at this point, there are only a few possible moves he can make to escape. Luckily for you, he makes none of them. 

He slides his King into one of the last safe spots, and you immediately corner him with your Queen and mutter, “Check.”

There is only one place on the board left for him now, and once he moves his King there, you’ll have him. Orlando studies the board, once, twice, three times, realizing what’s happening, and he reluctantly moves his King into the last available square, allowing you to move your Bishop into position, cornering him onto the poisoned square. You look down at his trapped King, and then up at his face, proudly declaring, “Checkmate.”

Orlando gives you a look that is equal parts pride and surprise, “How did you do that?”

“Lasker Trap and a poisoned square. Deadly combination.” You rearrange the pieces, explaining the move to him the same way your father explained it to you all those years ago, and when you finish, Orlando looks at you, impressed. “I knew you’d beat me one day, but I didn’t imagine it’d be like this.”

You laugh a little, shrugging as you do. “It was used to beat my dad, who was unbeatable, so it seems fitting to use it on you, who is equally as unbeatable.”

“No one’s unbeatable, you just proved that.” He shakes his head, standing from the table, the two of you heading back towards the cabin as the sun begins to set in the sky. “I should have known something was up when you sacrificed both of your knights.”

“I knew you wouldn’t fall into a trap of pawns, and I needed to go bigger than that. Knights were the next best thing, though it sucked to lose them.”

“Chess is all about strategy, and sometimes strategy requires sacrifice, as hard as it is to do.” He turns to look at you with a smile. “I’m proud of you.”

You smile back at him as the two of you reach the edge of the garden. “Thank you, Orlando. That means a lot coming from you.”

-

_1 year, 7 months, 15 days until Absolution Day_

Orlando stares at you, Hope, Gabriel, and Echo, all of you sitting at the table as he gives you a serious look, your rapid fire test about to begin. Since the introduction of the map of Bardo and your plan to get off Skyring, Orlando has taken to frequently testing the four of you on where things are and how to get there, just in case things go south during your rescue mission. 

He starts by turning his gaze on Echo. “The Anomaly opens, and I’m tied to a post, where are you?”

“In the trees with the others. Gabriel has built an EMP that we’ll hide near you, and I’ll use my bow and arrow to trigger the EMP, preventing the disciples from going into ghost mode.”

“Good.” Orlando turns to Hope. “How long until the bridge closes?”

“Five minutes. We need to secure the disciples, get their armor off of them and be suited up and ready to go before that.”

He nods and then turns to Gabriel. “What happens when we arrive in Bardo?”

“There’ll be a conductor in the room. We have to knock them out and secure them before we leave. Then you’ll lead us to our people.”

You’re the last person he turns to look at, your questions focused solely on the map. “What level are the prisoners on?”

“Level 9.”

“What level is the Stone Room on?”

“Level 2.”

“If your people are in M-Cap, what level would you find them on?”

“Level 7.”

Orlando nods in satisfaction, giving all of you a pleased look. “Good. Only 1 year, 7 months, and 15 days until Absolution Dy. Training continues tomorrow, bright and early.”

-

_1 year, 1 month, and 9 days until Absolution Day_

If anyone asked what you’ll miss most about living on Skyring, you’re sure that you’ll say the family dinners. 

You’ve spent nearly four years separated from Clarke, Bellamy, and the others, but eventually, the time started to feel less agonizing. Eventually, you found yourself starting to enjoy Skyring, and you’re sure that family dinners played a big part in that. Sitting down with Echo, Hope, Gabriel, and Orlando each night allows all of you to get to know each other better, and talk about your lives and friendships and relationships prior to your time on Skyring. It allows you to talk about life on the Ark, and Earth, and Bardo, and Sanctum, and Skyring, comparing how it’s similar and different. You learn more about the Shepherd and his teachings, Ice Nation and their customs, Eligius and their missions, and a life with none of that. 

Each night the five of you grow closer and closer, becoming more and more like a family, finding each other amongst the chaos of your separate lives. You comfort each other through the late night breakdowns, celebrate each other through the victories, reminisce on the days when you knew more than life in a cabin. You eat together, train together, sleep together, cry together, grow together. You become better people, leaving behind the violence and hurt of your pasts, leaving behind Wanlida and _doing better._

You start to do better.

It’s something you get a taste of, what it’s like to live without death and violence and war, but unfortunately for all of you, even the happiness of Skyring has to come to an end.

-

_2 weeks until Absolution Day_

You finish tying the knots on Orlando’s wrists, securing him to the pole before walking around in front of him and tugging the gag up and into his mouth. With the exception of the bruises that will mar his features on Absolution Day, everything is just as it will be for the real thing. 

He nods at you, signaling for the test to begin, and you turn to face Gabriel, who is setting up the small target that has been serving as the EMP during the practice sessions. Once he finishes, he turns to face you, giving you a thumbs up, before turning and darting into the bushes, taking up his position. You yell into the woods, loud enough for Hope and Echo to hear you, “Is everyone in position?”

You hear a voice to your left call out, “Ready!”

A second voice behind you calls out, “Let’s do this!”

You nod, everyone in position, before yelling, “The bridge is opening!”

And then you turn and dart into the bushes across from Orlando, ducking until you are out of sight, but can still see Orlando. You sit crouched in the brush, waiting for the next signal, your hands sweating with nervousness. Finally, Gabriel calls out, “Disciples!”

Five seconds later, Hope yells, “Ghost mode!”

You see an arrow fly through the air a second after that, hitting the center of the target with ease, and Gabriel confirms the hit by yelling, “Bullseye!”

All four of you run out from your positions and simulate undressing disciples and then redressing yourselves, stopping when Gabriel calls out, “Time!”

You all stop, and you jog over to Orlando and pull the gag from his mouth. “How’d we do?”

As he starts to speak, you move behind him and untie his restraints. “That’s the fifth time we’ve run it today. All of you got the chance to be a disciple and play out the worst case scenario, all of you got the chance to take up your real positions for the night of and play out the best case scenario. In the end, we had five successful missions just today.”

He looks over the four of you, standing together, anxiously awaiting his verdict before he smiles a little, “You’re ready.”

-

_5 days until Absolution Day_

With five days left until Absolution Day, you start to get a little introspective. 

You spend a lot of time in your head, thinking over the last five years, thinking over your time with Bellamy, thinking over the plan that lays ahead, and it’s enough to drive you crazy. Which is why you’ve taken to walks through the woods each evening, after any extra training or review.

The woods of Skyring are nearly identical to the woods of Earth, with the exception of the view of the sky, which includes the pretty set of rings around your current planet. Still, you can almost pretend that you’re home and everything is okay, and that you’re not facing an incredibly stressful plan to save the love of your life and reunite with the rest of your family. 

You start your walk today extra anxious as you let the clock on Orlando’s arm get to you, but eventually, after forcing yourself to take a swim and forget your thoughts, you start to calm down. On your way back to the cabin you find a patch of wildflowers, reminding you of your time in Shallow Valley with Clarke and Madi, and you can’t help but pick a heaping handful to bring back with you. As you finally burst through the treeline and your eyes fall on the cabin, you see that Echo and Hope are outside in the garden, harvesting the rest of the food that will last you until your departure. They look up at you as you walk into the garden, smiling at your arrival, though Echo is looking at you with a flash of worry. “Your hair is wet.”

“Just a casual swim. No dives to the Anomaly, I promise.”

She nods, and her and Hope pause their harvesting to take a quick break. You sit down between them, all three of you turning your faces to the sun and soaking up the late afternoon warmth. As you sit there, your fingers brushing over the flowers in your lap, you hear Hope remark, “The flowers are pretty.”

You glance at her and down to the bouquet in your hands, smiling. “I thought so too. They reminded me of Clarke and Madi. Clarke used to braid flowers into Madi’s hair in the spring.”

Hope’s face lights up as she looks at you, “Could you do that with my hair? Before we cut it?”

You smile back, “Of course.”

Hope unfurls her signature buns, letting her long hair down, allowing it to hang around her shoulders. As you carefully untangle the knots with your fingers, Hope pats the ground in front of her. “C’mon Echo, you too.”

The Echo of the past would have been reluctant to allow someone to braid flowers into her hair, but the Echo of Skyring is not. She slides in front of Hope with a smile, closing her eyes and enjoying the sensation of Hope finger combing her hair before she begins to braid. 

In 5 days, the three of you, along with Gabriel and Orlando, will be fighting for your lives and your family. But for now, you form a happy chain, filling your hair with braids and flowers and pretty things, unaware of the danger that awaits you. For once, you aren’t worried about running or fighting or hiding. You’re not scared of war of death or violence. You’re just three girls, sitting in a garden under a late afternoon sun, braiding flowers into your hair. You’re three girls laughing and smiling and talking, none of it about the horrors you’ve faced or will soon face, the topics light and easy, making your heart warm with happiness.

When all of this is over, you’ll long for this. You’ll wish you could go back to this time, before everything that happens, happens. But right now, you enjoy it, lost in the joy and the happiness of the moment.

-

_23 hours until Absolution Day_

The time has nearly come.

Inside the cabin of Skyring, five people prepare for battle. You and Echo stand studying the map of Bardo, making sure you really do know every twist and turn ahead of you. Gabriel glances at it periodically, though he mostly focuses on his last meal on Planet Beta. Hope sits in a chair across from Orlando, who is carefully drawing the level 12 symbols on her face. He’s using the same mixture that Dev used on Hope years ago, soot and water, and a touch of jellyfish to get the texture right. He’s using a small brush to give her identical markings to his and Echo’s, who has already been promoted. As Orlando works, he whispers, “Congratulations on reaching Level 12.”

Orlando leans back, his hair freshly cut and his beard freshly trimmed, and he smiles at Hope. “Dev would be proud of you. I know I am.”

Hope smiles at him, her smile more visible now with her shorter hair. Echo’s hair is short too, cutting it in solidarity with Hope, who was worried about being easily recognized. You and Gabriel kept your appearances pretty much the same, not as concerned about people knowing who you are. 

Orlando turns away from Hope and faces the three of you. “That goes for the three of you, too. I wish all my trainees were as determined as you, because the war to end all wars would be a lot easier.”

You all smile at him, happily accepting the compliment, before Orlando asks, “Who’s next?”

You turn to Gabriel, the two of you yet to receive your facial tattoos, and he meets your gaze, motioning towards the chair. “You go, I’m eating.”

You roll your eyes. “You’re always eating.”

You head for the chair that Hope has just abandoned, getting comfortable as Echo mutters, “I can never eat the night before battle.”

“I wouldn’t know.”

Echo tips her head as she watches Orlando closely. “It must be hard to dedicate your whole life to something that may never come.”

“Not really. I didn’t know anything else until I met all of you.”

There’s a heavy pause of silence as you take in his words, full of affection, before Gabriel asks, “Once it’s done and we’re out of your hair, what’re you gonna do?”

Orlando looks away from the symbol he’s drawing on your face, thinking, clearly struggling to come up with anything. You smirk a little, turning slightly to glance at Gabriel over your shoulder, answering for Orlando. “He’s gonna miss us.”

“Of course I am.” Orlando pauses in his symbol painting, so he can smile at the four of you. Hope seizes the opportunity to make a plea that she’s been making for at least the last year. “So come with us.”

“Where? Sanctum? Red sun toxin, immortal body snatchers? Thanks, but I’ll stick with honor and duty.” He turns back to you, a mock scolding look on his face. “Now stop talking, or I won’t just take the beating I’m about to let you give me.”

You grow still, allowing him to paint the rest of the symbols across your forehead and cheekbones. And when Orlando finishes with you, he repeats the process with Gabriel, the hours slowly ticking by. The sun rises, none of you sleeping that night, and as it arcs across the sky, you go over everything one last time. Finally, when the sun has set again, one hour before Orlando’s Absolution, you get ready. You dress down into clothes that can be easily slipped beneath the disciple suits, you strap on your Grounder knife, grab the supplies you need, and you head to the clearing. 

Echo roughs up Orlando, to sell the illusion of the trap, and you tie him to the pole in question. Hope waits at the edge of the woods near the lake, prepared to warn all of you of the disciples arrival, considering she was always the fastest runner. And when the timer on Orlando’s arm hits five minutes, Gabriel sets up the EMP target out of sight. As you restrain your friend, Orlando gives you a serious look. “It’s time. You know what to do, now make me proud.”

You nod and pull the gag into his mouth, before turning and slipping into your position across the clearing. Gabriel takes up his spot near the EMP, Echo takes her spot across from the EMP, and minutes later, Hope comes tearing through the clearing, giving you the signal, before dropping into the brush behind Orlando. The five of you sit patiently in your respective positions, waiting for the arrival of the disciples.

And before you know it, the time has come.

Five disciples come stalking through the woods, one of them calling out, “Master Orlando, time for your Absolution!”

One of the others snaps, “Quiet. Knowing Orlando, he would have been at the bridge.”

They move through the path towards the clearing, and you hear someone mutter, “I don’t like this.”

Seconds later, they burst through the trees, and the first disciple gets eyes on Orlando, tied to a pole. She yells, “It’s a trap! Ghost mode now!”

They go invisible, but only for half a second before an arrow comes flying through the air and hits the EMP, making all five of them visible before knocking them out. Gabriel yells, “Nice shot! Bridge closes in five minutes. Move, move!”

The four of you come running from your positions, each of you stopping at whichever disciple is closest as you work quickly on stripping them of their armor. “Get the armor off and secure them before they wake up.”

As you’re unzipping the suit of your disciple, you hear Hope gasp, “Not again.”

Seconds later, someone cries out in pain and Orlando cries out in anguish. You spin around, a dead disciple slipping from Hope’s grip, their weapon clearly aimed at you before their arm drops. You stand and close the space between you quickly, hugging Hope and whispering, “Thank you.”

In a way, it’s her returning the favor after you saved her life, back before you all walked into an Anomaly the last time, history repeating itself in its own way. Echo, who witnessed everything, calls out, “Suit up!”

You and Hope break apart and head back to your disciples, stripping them quickly as conversation stays limited to only what’s necessary. “How much time?”

“Four minutes, 10 seconds.”

“She had no choice, and you know it.”

“Orlando, we’re sorry.“ You can tell that Echo and Gabriel are defending Hope’s actions, as Orlando’s main stipulation throughout your five years of training was no killing. In this case, you’re glad she did kill them, because otherwise you’d be dead. Gabriel yells to Orlando, “We’ll suit up, then cut you loose.”

A couple of minutes later, the four of you are suited up and ready to leave Skyring. “Two and a half minutes to spare, it’s time to go.”

Gabriel turns and starts to walk towards Orlando so he can cut your trainer loose, but Echo reaches out and grabs his arm, stopping him. “ _No_. He knew that girl, trained her I’m guessing. How many more people will he know on the other side?”

You all look at Echo in confusion. “Echo, what are you talking about?”

“We have to save Bellamy. We have to get our family back.”

She turns away and activates the knife in her suit, leaning down and stabbing the disciple at her feet. All of you watch her in shock, as Orlando yells and tugs against his restraints, but Gabriel is the only one able to speak up. “Echo! Echo, what the hell are you doing? This isn’t the plan!”

“Plans change. If we leave them alive, he’ll tell them everything, and they’ll come after us.”

Hope breaks up their argument and yells, “We’re running out of time! We have to go.”

You glance down at your watch, just over a minute left until the bridge to Bardo closes. Echo turns and kills the remaining disciples, as Orlando continues to fight and yell through the gag in his mouth. You turn to look at him, guilt creeping up within you, feeling bad that you’re doing nothing to stop Echo from killing the disciples. _Because some part of you agrees with her._

Gabriel grabs Echo’s arm to stop her this time, his voice rising as he gets more upset. “Echo! He’ll be with us, acting like our hostage, leading us through the compound. That’s the plan!”

“No, he won’t!”

You all look at her in shock again, your brain making the connection first as you call out to her, your voice full of horror. “We’re leaving him here?”

She turns to look at you, her expression all of the confirmation you need, and Gabriel yells, “No, no way. He’s our friend!”

Echo yells back, “Yes! But we are _not_ his people!” 

“Echo, this is wrong.”

“Do you want to stay, or do you want the answers that are waiting for you on the other side?” Gabriel says nothing, clearly wanting the answers that Bardo has to offer, and she snaps, “Grab your helmet.”

You yell to her, “Echo, we can’t!”

She turns on you, her expression serious. “If you don’t want to do this, then we can stay and live out the rest of our days on Skyring. But if you want to save Bellamy and get back to the rest of our family, then you will leave Orlando here. It’s the only way!”

You feel the war within you, as your mind battles with the choice. Save Bellamy or save Orlando. Orlando is your friend, and in a way, he’s your family too, but if it comes down to him or Bellamy, you already know who you’ll choose. It might be wrong, but it’s always been Bellamy. But you can feel the decision bringing emotion to the surface, making you want to break and scream and cry, because even though you’re choosing Bellamy, you feel bad about leaving Orlando behind. And suddenly, that part of you that agreed with Echo before the rest of you did, she rises to the surface, revealing her warpaint streaked face. _Wanlida._

She’s been with you all along, even in the moments of peace, because she knew you’d need her. And though you won’t let her consume you, you do give her some control. She shuts off your emotions, flipping a switch so you can easily shove them aside, your expression getting hard as you set your jaw. Echo must see the change, must know what it means, because she leans down and grabs your helmet, pushing it into your arms. You take it and start to walk over to Orlando, activating your own knife. _Because if you’re going to leave him behind, the least you could do is show him some mercy._

Gabriel must get the wrong idea because he scrambles towards you, worried you’re about to kill Orlando. “No, no, no, no!”

You reach the pole before Gabriel reaches you, and you stab the knife into the wood by Orlando’s hands, snapping it off from the rest of the suit. You look up into Orlando’s face, tears falling from his eyes, though his emotions don’t affect you the way they would have 30 seconds ago. Your expression is still hard, though there is some sorrow in your eyes as you mutter, “Cut yourself free. Sometimes strategy requires sacrifice, as hard as it is to do. _Tell me you understand._ ”

You practically beg the last sentence, your emotions slipping through a little, and Orlando stares at you with complete anguish for a long second before he finally nods. You put a hand to his cheek, closing your eyes for a second as he leans into it, and then you pull away, opening your eyes and backing up. Gabriel stares at him, still distressed, his voice so soft that only you and Orlando hear because of your proximity. “He’ll be alone for years.”

You feel yourself want to get upset at the thought, remembering how he was when you found him, but Wanlida shakes her head, kicking the box of emotions out of sight. Behind you, Echo yells, “The bridge is closing!”

You take one last look at Orlando, yelling to be heard over everything, “I’m sorry!”

And then you tug on your helmet and turn around, following the others as you run into the Anomaly, disappearing into the green glow, ready to face whatever is on the other side. 

-


	89. lxxxix. welcome to bardo (7.05)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: language, death, blood, violence, anxiety, angst, sadness.
> 
> Summary: finally, after five years of training, you arrive in bardo. unfortunately, nothing goes according to plan.

As the four of you move through the Anomaly, you switch into ghost mode so that you’re invisible when you arrive.

The move has the desired effect as the 4 people in the room, 1 conductor and 3 disciples, stare at the closed space of the Anomaly, confused as to why no one came through. You all creep across the room, taking the person in front of you, and you motion to attack all at the same time. Three bodies silently hit the ground at the same time, stunned and knocked out, but the fourth body lets out a groan, thudding as it hits the floor. All of you turn towards the body, eyes falling on the conductor, who is now bleeding out, and Gabriel calls out in shock, “Echo, what the hell are you doing?”

You all start to pull your helmets off, glaring at Echo until her voice comes from behind you, “It wasn’t me.”

You turn and lock eyes with Echo, who is standing over the disciple that she knocked out, a man that is still very much alive, so you turn back to the figure standing over the dead conductor, staring at Hope in surprise. She takes in your expressions, before turning to stare at the dead body at her feet. “Without Orlando, we don’t need to take unnecessary risks.”

“Leaving Orlando _was_ the unnecessary risk.” Gabriel turns when he hears a stabbing sound to find Echo now killing the disciples. He glares at her, growing exasperated. “Echo, enough!”

She ignores him and glances over at you and Hope. “Take the conductor.”

You sigh, aware that there is not enough time to argue about this, and you walk over and grab the man’s legs as Hope hooks her arms beneath his. The two of you carry him over to a small storage closet located in the Stone Room. You hit the button and place the man inside as Echo and Gabriel bicker in the background. “Focus, we’re on the clock.”

“Clock? We drilled for five years. We have thirty minutes to get to the cell block, get our people, and get back here before shift change. With Orlando opening the doors, the best we ever did was 28 minutes.”

Echo pauses and gives Gabriel a hard look. “Then I guess we’d better hurry.”

She drags one of the other disciples towards the closet, and you step out of the space to grab one of the others. On your way over to him, you see a scorch mark on the ground near the stone, one that you didn’t notice before. “What the hell happened there?”

Gabriel comes up to your side, staring at the mark, before ignoring it and turning to look at you, appealing to the part of you that felt bad for Orlando. “Look, we all know this can’t be done without an inside man.”

You shake your head at him. “Maybe so. But we have no way to get back to Orlando now.”

Echo pipes up from behind you, as she and Hope tuck the last body into the storage closet. “We have an inside man.”

You think immediately of the stories that Hope told you from her first rescue mission to save Octavia and Diyoza, and of the man that took a liking to Octavia: Levitt. You look between Echo and Hope, both of them clearly on the same page as well, and you ask, “What if he’s not in M-Cap?”

“What if who’s not in M-Cap?”

“The man who helped before, Levitt.” Gabriel nods at Hope in understanding, though you can tell that he doesn’t like it. But he’s right, you all need an inside man, and without Orlando, you won’t survive this mission to Bardo. And with no way to get back to Skyring to grab him, Levitt is your only option. 

The two of you exchange a look, agreeing before you look to Hope and Echo. “Let’s go. M-Cap’s close, we won’t lose much time.”

You all grab your helmets and pull them on, and then everyone follows you from the Stone Room, aware that you know the map of Bardo’s layout better than anyone. You could recite it in your sleep if you needed to. The four of you move through the halls quickly, making your way to M-Cap as fast as you can, your anxiety on high alert as you turn every corner, prepared to run into danger. On the speakers overhead, some sort of speech or prayer is being read out, though you tune it out, focusing on your current mission. You make it to the door of M-Cap with 28 minutes left, according to the timer counting down on the screen in your helmet. There are identical clocks in all of your helmets, just in case you get separated. 

But as you lift your hand to hit the button and open the door, an unfamiliar voice calls out from behind you, “You four, fall in. We’re late.”

You turn and see a woman you don’t know, a disciple, her helmet off and her expression stern. She is standing with a large group of disciples, their helmets still on, clearly headed somewhere. You, Hope, Gabriel, and Echo all exchange a look, and though you can’t see it through the helmets, you know that all of you are looking at each other in surprise. The energy shifts, a collective decision being made that there are too many of them to fight off, so for now, you have to fall in line. They start heading towards the group, and you turn and look back at M-Cap one last time, itching to get the door open and see who’s inside. _Levitt with Octavia? Or Diyoza? Or_ ** _Bellamy_** _? Your fiance, strapped to a chair, tortured for his memories as you stand just on the other side of the door, unable to reach him._

The woman at the end of the hall calls out, “You too, disciple. Fall in!”

You turn and jog towards them, afraid to push your luck, falling in with the others as you march down the hall to an elevator, which carries you to the level containing the oxygen farm. You all file out of the elevator, the prayers and chanting growing louder as you follow the woman to a door, which she opens before turning and commanding, “Helmets off.”

You hesitate, worried that they’ll immediately pick all of you out as imposters, but you see the others removing their helmets, so you ultimately do the same. Nobody says a word, and you’re suddenly thankful for the sea of faces around you. Every single one of them is your enemy, but right now, they are helping to give you some much needed anonymity. You exchange a quick look with your friends before you follow the group into the arboretum, the chanting now reaching its peak volume. Situated inside a clearing of trees is a small stage, a man in all white standing upon it. Surrounding him is a large group of people, some in guard suits, some in white uniforms, all of them watching the man on the stage with awe. Something about it reminds you of Wonkru’s dedication to Blodreina, which immediately puts you on edge. 

You and your friends move through the crowd, stopping near the middle as you watch the scene in front of you. As Hope stares at the man on the stage, she mutters angrily to the rest of you, “That’s Anders.”

You feel a chill run down your spine, aware of the role he plays in Hope’s stories from her time on Bardo, and you know that this is the last man you want to pick up on your presence here. You make a mental note to stay out of his line of sight as you listen to his speech. “Let’s first take a moment to acknowledge our newest class of level 9s. You’ve each demonstrated impressive devotion to the Shepherd. Our predecessors on this planet did not share that faith. Like our ancestors on Earth, they destroyed their world. Even before they were wiped out by Gem 9 and turned into crystal giants, their atmosphere was so polluted, they were forced to build forests underground in order to breathe. Even the rain that should fall from the sky falls instead by their technology.”

You look up, towards the ceiling, towards the artificial rain that now hits your cheeks. It makes you long for Earth, wishing for nothing more than to be home, with everyone you love, all of this behind you. You shake the thought free, not wanting to get distracted from your current task, redirecting your focus back to Anders. “For that, we thank them, but where are they now? We know that by the time the Shepherd delivered us with the stone that the Bardoans were gone, extinct. Why is that?”

“They didn’t have the Shepherd!”

Anders, and the crowd around you, laughs. Your expression remains stony, and you can hear Anders continue his lecture, though you don’t notice, because Gabriel turns to you with a look of revelation. “He said the stone delivered them.”

“So?”

“So they weren’t Eligius like I thought. There was a stone on Earth.”

You feel a look of surprise pass over your face, realizing that the whole time you lived on Earth, there was an Anomaly Stone somewhere with you, and you had no idea. Never in your wildest dreams could you have imagined any of this. But the realization comes with a darker truth, as you realize that maybe you weren’t as close to Orlando as you originally thought. You turn to Gabriel and mutter, “That means Orlando didn’t tell us everything.”

Echo, who is standing on Gabriel’s other side, looks between you both and mutters, “We should go.”

You nod in agreement, and you turn to your left to pass the message onto Hope, only to find that she is no longer standing in the same spot beside you. You turn back to Echo and Gabriel with a look of alarm. “Where’s Hope?”

All of you look around, finding her signature short hair closer to the front, creeping towards Anders slowly. Echo jumps into action first, discreetly slipping through the crowd and reaching out for her, stopping her from whatever she’s planning to do. You and Gabriel watch on anxiously as they have a quiet conversation, and seconds later, Hope nods. Even from here, you can see tears in her eyes, and you can only imagine what is going through her head in the moment. As they start to slip back towards you, Anders’ speech on stage starts to crescendo, steadily growing louder and more charged. “We’re close now. We’ve located the Key. After hundreds of years, it has returned to us. Ours is the generation that will win the last war! As we fight this fight for all mankind!”

 _The Key?_ Your brows pull together, wondering what they’re talking about, but you don’t have time to consider it, because Echo and Hope finally reach you and Gabriel. At the same time, the crowd around you explodes with chaos. Everyone is yelling and jumping and cheering, one steady chant heard above the rest. “For all mankind! For all mankind! For all mankind!”

You start to get the same creeped out cult vibes that you got when you first landed on Sanctum, your early judgement of the people of Sanctum ultimately turning out to be correct after they tried to kill your twin and steal her body. You start to feel uneasy, the hairs on your arm and neck lifting in alarm, and you give the others a look before you motion towards the exit. They all nod, and you use the chaos of the celebration to sneak from the arboretum and back into the hall.

Luckily, everyone seems to be pretty preoccupied with the meeting in the woods, leaving the halls empty and easy to maneuver. You all move quickly through the levels, making your way back to M-Cap, reaching the room with only two minutes left. “We’re almost out of time.”

None of you want to spell out what that means for you or those you’ve come to rescue, so Hope mutters, “We’ll figure it out.”

You nod and place your hand on the scanner for the door, watching as it slides open, revealing a large white room. In the middle of the room is a chair, with a large scary needle hanging above it, and in that chair is a woman, her arm tattooed, her dark hair spilling over the sides. You pull off your helmet and run towards her, ignoring the man in the room as you stop at Octavia’s side, smiling down at her. “Octavia, it’s me.”

“I am not afraid. I am not afraid. I am not afraid.” She stares into the distance, repeating the mantra that she used when she would hide under the floor on the Ark. She doesn’t seem to hear you, because she doesn’t react to you at all. You put your hand on her arm as Hope comes to her aunt’s side, looking at her with worry. You turn your focus to the man in the room, calling out, “Levitt?”

He turns to face the four of you, and Hope shakes her head. “It’s not him.”

You step away from Octavia, letting Hope and Gabriel take over as you and Echo approach the man in the room. “Her brother, where is he?”

The man stares at you, saying nothing, fear evident in his eyes. Echo’s anger explodes, and she closes the space between them, pulling out her knife and pressing it to his cheek. “Show me, or I take an eye.”

He nods, his voice shaking with fear, “It’s on the security cameras, I have to pull it up.”

Echo gives him a look but releases him, standing close in case he does something he shouldn’t. He pulls up a folder, scrolling through until he clicks on a file titled ‘explosion’. You feel your stomach drop, your brain already moving back to the scorch mark in the Stone Room, and panic squeezes your chest tight as he enlarges the screen, moving the holographic picture until it’s in front of you. Just as you feared, the camera is in the Stone Room. On the picture in front of you, Bellamy stands beside the Anomaly Stone, a knife held to the conductor’s throat, and three injured disciples lay at his feet. The camera picks up on movement near the door, and Anders strolls in, followed by Octavia, a disciple holding a knife to her throat. Behind her is a dark haired man in all white, and you get the feeling that he is Levitt. As Octavia steps into view, you can see Bellamy’s expression change into one of shock, and she holds up her hand in a wave. “Hey, big brother.”

“Let her go right now.”

“We can’t do that. These good men, who you killed, brought you here from Sanctum for a reason. Let the conductor go, and then we can talk.” 

Bellamy tightens his grip on the conductor, “Her first.”

“There’s no other way out of this for you, Mr. Blake.”

Octavia, seemingly calm despite the tension in the room, adds, “Bell, he’s right. Open the bridge and send him back to Sanctum. I’ll tell you everything you want to know, even about Clarke.”

 _Clarke? What the hell do they want to know about Clarke?_ You turn and glance at Echo, who has now stopped at your side, looking equally as worried. On the screen, Bellamy seems just as confused at the mention of your twin. “What the hell are you talking about?”

Anders seems to consider the events in front of him, and he moves towards the stone, tapping symbols and activating the Anomaly, a green portal opening at your fiance’s back. Octavia glances at it, and then turns her pleading expression to her brother. “Bell, it’s okay. I can’t let you die to save me. Jump through, I’ll be okay.”

“No way, not without you!”

And everything after that feels like it’s in slow motion for you. 

You see movement at the bottom of the screen, as one of the dead disciples turns out to be not quite dead, and he reaches for one of the grenades pinned to his side. He yells something about the Shepherd, but your brain doesn’t process it, because your eyes are solely focused on Bellamy. The pin is pulled, there’s a flash of white, and as the light fades and the camera comes into focus, Bellamy, the pile of dead bodies, and the conductor are gone. Everyone else in the room is on the floor, Octavia included, recovering from the explosion, but Bellamy is gone. Killed before you could get here. Dead, because you couldn’t save him in time. 

You feel emotion well up within you, too fast for Wanlida to stop as you turn your teary expression to Echo, who stands at your side, tears falling down her face. And seeing her crying confirms that she saw Bellamy die in the explosion too. Meaning it’s not some terrible dream that only you experienced. It’s _real_ and he’s _gone_. 

You turn to glance back at the others, not wanting to believe it. “That can’t be real.”

They look over at you with pity, clearly sorry for you and the loss you’re experiencing, but they say nothing. Octavia is sitting up, and now seems to be out of her daze, though she still seems groggy as she struggles to come to. But you don’t focus on that, pain and anguish and anger bubbling up inside of you as you turn to look at the man in the room, not wanting to accept that your fiance is dead. “Is that real?”

He nods, confirming that it is, and the emotions inside of you explode. It’s like a volcano, spewing up and over the surface, too much for your mind or body to comprehend. You see a flash of red before the world clears again, and you realize your body is crossing the room, on autopilot, clearly honing in on one of the emotions. As you reach the man, you realize that your body has chosen anger, and your skin is electric with it. All of your pain and anguish is being transformed into sizzling, white hot anger, crackling around you and making you burn so bright you can’t take it. You need to get it out, because you don’t want to feel it anymore, all of it too much. The loss too much, the pressure too much, too much, too much, too much.

Wanlida takes over and channels your anger for you, and it’s like you’re watching your body move while you’re in the passenger seat. You see your arm grab the front of the man’s clothes before your other arms swings a punch towards him, hitting him in the face, knocking him off balance and into the chair that Octavia vacated a few moments ago. You can hear an alarm blaring in the background, and Gabriel yelling your name, telling you to stop, mentioning something about time, but you process none of it. You only process the emotions you feel, the anger inside of you, as you kick and punch the man repeatedly, watching as blood rises to the surface of his face and spreads with each new hit. You sense movement across the room, but you ignore it, only paying attention to it when strong arms wrap around you. Gabriel pulls you off of the man, the way he did when you were beating up Orlando five years ago, and just like then, you kick and flail and fight against him. “Let me go, Gabriel! God damn it, let me go right now!”

“We need him! They know we’re here and we need him as a hostage!”

“I don’t care!” The scream that breaks free from you is guttural and heartbreaking, the sound of your loss laced throughout it. “They killed Bellamy, and I’m going to burn Bardo to the ground, starting with him!”

You fight against Gabriel harder, but years of sparring has made him aware of your moves. He keeps his head away from you, out of reach from your headbutts, and he keeps your arms pinned securely at your sides. Your kicks have little impact because of the way he’s holding you, so fighting him is useless, though you do it anyways. And as Hope holds up Octavia and Gabriel holds you back, there is no one to keep an eye on Echo. She takes one look at you, and your desperation to destroy Bardo and avenge Bellamy, and she makes a silent vow to help you achieve that goal, no matter what.

She crosses the room towards the man, hitting him a few more times as Gabriel calls her name. Something in the tone of his voice stills you, and you watch as Echo reaches up and grabs the large needle of the machine. Gabriel drops you unceremoniously onto your butt in a frantic attempt to reach Echo and stop her, but he’s too late. By the time he reaches her, she has already let out a bloodthirsty scream and stabbed the needle through the man, quickly killing him and damaging the M-Cap machine in the process. 

Everyone looks on in shock and horror, except for you, your expression grateful as Echo finishes what you tried to start. She turns to look at you, tears in her eyes, and you nod your thanks before the reality sets in again. _Bellamy is dead, your fiancee is gone, the love of your life has disappeared. Obliterated by Bardo tech, taken from you. Because you were too slow, too stupid, and you didn’t make it in time. You didn’t save him, couldn’t save him, and now he’s_ ** _gone_** _._

A sob tears its way from your throat as your mind struggles to process your loss. You fall forward, onto your hands and knees, your vision blurring due to the tears in your eyes. You sit there sobbing, surrounded by the others, who all watch on in their own stages of shock and grief, but you are unaware of their presence. You cry hard as you think of Bellamy, your stormy love, the man of your dreams, now dead. Everything you went through, all the battles and war and forgiveness, all the times you managed to save him in the past, every single bit of it for _nothing_. 

It’s almost too much for you to handle, and you swear you feel your heart shatter into pieces as you cry, the little la lune now left without her world bearing Atlas.

-


	90. xc. nakara (7.06)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: angst (we’re heartbroken, my friends), violence, fighting, death, anxiety.
> 
> Summary: with the realization that you have failed to save bellamy in time, you and your friends look for a way off of bardo, trying to get home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i want to dedicate this chapter to ria and say thank you for all of the encouragement and support you gave me on sub rosa. I’m sorry i didn’t tell you sooner, I thought there would be more time. rest in peace angel.

Someone pulls you to your feet, but now that your anger has faded, you feel nothing.

You’re in a daze, Wanlida putting up wall after wall so that your emotions can’t reach you and make you lose control again, numbing you to everything around you. Someone pushes your helmet onto your head, and you look up and see Gabriel, his expression unreadable. He wraps an arm around you and guides you through the halls of Bardo as Hope helps Octavia and Echo leads the way. You faintly register the sound of the alarm stopping midway through, and you start to think the alarm was for something unrelated, because everything seems fine. 

Every guard, person, or conductor that you pass is calm and minding their own business. No disciples are running down the halls, no invisible people are popping up on your helmet. Everything is fine. You almost feel regret to see everything so calm, your body craving chaos to help distract you from the thoughts in your head. The walls in your mind are holding strong, but the thoughts on the other side are continuously knocking, continuously yelling, begging to be heard. They want to talk about Bellamy and the anguish you feel, but you want none of it. You don’t want to feel the pain of grief heavy on your chest. You don’t want to feel the bloodthirsty anger and revenge. You don’t want to feel any of it, you just want to _escape_ it.

And as you try to outrun your thoughts and your small group tries to outrun danger, you ultimately end up walking right into it. 

As you round a corner, there’s a person in a guard uniform fighting off three disciples, finishing them off with a knife to the chest. Something about it raises alarms in your head, but you don’t really have the energy to think about why. Instead, you follow the others as they pause just down the hall from the guard, who spins around and looks at all of you, sizing you up, before they send their knife flying straight into Hope’s helmet. And as you watch the guard running straight towards all of you, prepared to take you out the way she took out the other disciples, you realize that you know her. The recognition and shock is enough to bring some energy back to you and with your eyes locked right on her, you call out, “Diyoza?”

She pauses, and you pull your helmet off to stare at her. Hope pulls her helmet off, staring at her mother in shock, Diyoza inches from killing her own daughter. “Mom?”

Echo and Gabriel take off their helmets as Diyoza starts to cry, pulling her crying daughter towards her. If you knocked down the walls to let your emotions in, you know you’d feel happiness for Hope, glad that at least one of you will get your happy reunion. But you keep the walls firmly in place and stare blankly at them instead, unable to process your emotions right now. Echo seems to feel the same, because she glances at the reunion briefly before turning to glance back down the hall. “Stone Room’s this way.”

Diyoza turns to look at her, glaring a little for interrupting the reunion. Echo barely meets her eyes before tuning to walk away, and Diyoza turns back to look over all of you in confusion. You feel her eyes rest on you longer than it does on the others, taking in your blank expression, before she locks eyes with Octavia. “What’s wrong with them?”

Octavia looks over at her friend, her expression sad as she answers the question. “Bellamy’s dead.”

Diyoza seems genuinely sorry to hear the news, looking between you and Octavia with sadness before Hope reaches out and grabs Octavia, pulling her closer. Diyoza lifts up a hand and puts it on Octavia’s cheek, a quiet show of comfort, and you feel tears rise to your eyes as you watch, the gesture knocking down all of the walls in your head. Because it reminds you of Bellamy, which reminds you that he’s dead, and never again will you put your hand on his cheek or experience his hand on your own cheek. You let out a little sniffle, trying hard to keep your tears at bay, and Gabriel squeezes your shoulder in comfort. Octavia spins around towards you, pulling her face close to yours and whispering, “We’re almost free, la lune. Can you stay with me until then?”

You look at her with tear stained eyes, because despite your grief, you don’t want to be the reason your friends end up captured. You nod at Octavia, promising her and yourself that you’ll keep it together until you escape. She leans forward and presses her forehead to yours and adds, “We’ll get through this, sister.”

You feel a rush of grief, wrapped up in guilt, as you start to consider what Octavia’s been through since you saw her disappear on Sanctum. She was taken from all of you, so soon after starting to reconcile with Bellamy. She watched him die, right in front of her, and you know how helpless she must have felt, because you experienced the same thing when you discovered that Josephine stole your twin’s body right under your nose. She’s been going through all of this alone, for who knows how long, and you haven’t even stopped to check on her. You were so blinded by your own grief, you didn’t even make sure she was okay. 

You pull your foreheads apart to look at her with tears in your eyes, your voice low and broken. “Octavia, I’m so sorry. We tried to get to you sooner, to save you and Bellamy both, but-”

You cut yourself off, unable to finish the rest of your sentence: _we were too late._ Octavia understands though, and she shakes her head, forcing a small smile to her face through her own hidden turmoil. “Hey, I know you and I know you would’ve done everything you could to get to us sooner. There’s no need to apologize.”

Echo suddenly appears at your side, eavesdropping on your conversation and adding, “There’s no time.”

You and Octavia turn to look at her, both of you nodding, remembering the danger you’re in. As everyone around you pulls their helmets back on, Octavia turns back to you, putting her hand on your cheek. “We’re gonna get out of here, and then we’re gonna talk about it. Okay?”

You nod and whisper back, “Okay.”

The two of you step apart, and your group starts to move again. You don’t bother putting your helmet back on, not wanting to deal with it anymore, but no one fights you on it, allowing you this one thing as you all jog down the hall towards the Stone Room, in search of freedom. Gabriel keeps a hold on you the entire time, and you think he must be remembering your near death drowning on Skyring, or all the times you bolted in an attempt to outrun your feelings, because he seems terrified that you’re going to run off and get yourself killed. But you don’t. You stay by his side, and even if he let go of you, you still wouldn’t run off, your brain too conflicted to decide much of anything at the moment.

You finally creep around the last corner, arriving at your destination. “There it is, that’s the Stone Room.”

Echo looks around, her voice low and suspicious. “There’s no one here.”

“It’s too quiet.”

Diyoza agrees, “Something’s not right.”

Wanlida shakes you a little, encouraging you to be on alert as most of your group agrees that you’re in danger, the killer in your mind not wanting you to end up dead. _Like your fiance._ You shake the thought away and listen to her, perking up a little as you glance towards the Stone Room door. “The Stone is our only way out.” 

“They’d know we were coming here.”

Echo nods and gets into a defensive position. “Good. We’ll take right, you’ll go left.”

Diyoza steps onto the left side, and Gabriel positions you against the wall, out of the way, just in case, before he stands ready at the door. Octavia is standing nearby, her eyes locked on something in the distance, and you follow her gaze over to a janitor, mopping a floor nearby and shaking his head. Beside you, Gabriel starts to count. “We go on three. 1… 2…”

You watch the janitor with interest, and Octavia does too, before she finally makes a decision and calls out, “Wait.”

Everyone pauses, seconds away from attacking, watching as Octavia moves towards the janitor. Helmets come off as Diyoza reaches out, ready to stop her or defend her, you’re not sure which, but Hope stops her mother first. “It’s Levitt, let her go.”

You watch them have a quiet conversation, catching bits and pieces as you do. “…dozen disciples…”

“…to Sanctum?”

“…oxygen farm…” 

You turn away and glance at Gabriel, who stands beside you, watching Octavia and Levitt intensely. When he senses your gaze, he glances over at you, giving you a skeptical look. You’re about to ask him what’s wrong when Octavia comes jogging back towards all of you. “Guys, we run.”

As you turn towards her, you see Levitt in the background, lying on the floor, courtesy of Octavia’s punch. But everyone else seems uninterested in that, because they are already turning away and following Octavia, who is jogging down the hall, away from the Stone Room. You turn and glance at Gabriel again, wondering when the decision to run was made, but he’s still staring at Levitt with skepticism. Echo calls out to you and Gabriel, reminding you of your impending danger, and you both take off running after the rest of the group, following Octavia down to the oxygen farm. “This is it, the oxygen farm.”

As you come to a stop outside the door, a P.A. system overhead announces, “Attention all guards, prisoners last seen on level 12 by the ward.”

None of you even get the chance to exchange a worried look, because the door to the farm slides open, and an older man walks out of the farm and into the hallway as everyone is taking off their helmets. He looks around in fear, clearly about to run off, but Diyoza clamps a hand down on his shoulder and puts a smile on her face. “There’s nothing to be scared of. Just tell us how to get outside.”

“To the surface?”

“Yes.”

He shakes his head, the bundle of flowers in his hands shifting as he moves. “You can’t, not without rebreathers.”

You look at the man in confusion, “What happens without rebreathers?”

He glances over at you, but gives his answer to Diyoza, clearly still scared of her. “Same thing as happened to the Bardoans. Extinction, only slower, I expect.”

All of you exchange a worried look before looking over at Octavia. She shakes her head, “Levitt wouldn’t have told us to do this if it wasn’t survivable.”

Octavia has barely finished her sentence when Echo shoves a knife into the back of the man’s neck, killing him. Gabriel looks at her as if she has lost her mind, letting go of you so he can shift closer to her. “What the hell’s the matter with you?”

Diyoza answers for her, “Octavia said his name. We still might need Levitt on the inside.”

Echo nods, confirming that’s why she killed the man, though you’re not sure you feel better about it. You avoid looking at him, trying to keep your emotions in check and yourself composed like you promised. Instead, you look over at Echo, who is watching you closely. Despite her anger and her calm intensity, her voice softens when she asks you, “You okay?”

You’re not, but there isn’t time for that right now, so you help Wanlida tuck your overflowing emotions into a new box, shoving them behind the wall in your mind. You look at Echo and nod, and her expression gets stern again before she steps towards the door to the oxygen farm. “On me.”

Gabriel steps in front of her, blocking the door and your path to freedom. “You just heard him, it’s too dangerous.”

Echo glares at him. “He wants his answers, that’s all he’s ever wanted.” 

“No, that’s not true. I want to live.”

“Then I suggest stepping aside.”

Diyoza reaches out to grab him and pull him away. “We don’t have time for this.”

Gabriel shakes her off, looking between her and Echo. “No, wait-”

Down the hall, he is cut off by the thundering of boots approaching, letting you know that the clock is ticking, and time is nearly up. You glance towards the sound, starting to feel anxious, turning back to look at the group with worry. “They’re coming.” 

Octavia adds, “I trust Levitt, let’s go.”

But Gabriel doesn’t listen. Instead, he pulls on his helmet and plants himself firmly in the way as the girls in your group look at him with anger and annoyance. You just watch him in confusion, wondering what he saw or knows, his skepticism of Levitt clearly growing stronger with each passing second. 

“Move!”

“Gabriel, open the door.”

Gabriel shakes his head, his voice slightly muffled from beneath the helmet. “I can’t let you risk it.”

And before any of you can comprehend his next move, he activates his weapons system and starts to shoot stun rounds at all of you. He starts with Echo, then Diyoza, Hope, and Octavia. He pauses when he points it at you, and you shake your head, not wanting to get stuck in Bardo, the place where your fiance died. “Gabriel, please don’t. I don’t want to stay here.”

His voice sounds genuinely upset when he mutters, “I’m sorry, cielito. I have to keep you safe.”

And then he shoots you too. 

You only feel a slight jolt of electricity and a flash of betrayal, before you fall towards the ground, unconscious before you even hit the floor.

-


	91. xci. the queen's gambit (7.07)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: anxiety, fighting, death, mentions of blood, mentions of self inflicted violence (not in the traditional sense??? if you need clarification, let me know), torture, injuries.
> 
> Summary: after a failed escape attempt from bardo, you discover that you are more valuable to them than you could have ever imagined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i literally can’t believe we’re in the 90s!!! we don’t have many episodes left which is very weird bc i feel like I just started sharing sub rosa with yall! i’m so excited to share the ending, but so sad that it’s nearing the end!

You wake slowly, your mind trying to catch up to the events of the last few hours. 

Bellamy’s death hits you before anything else, just as painful as the first time. Then Gabriel’s betrayal follows, and as you start to open your eyes and comprehend what’s happening, you feel someone lifting up your shirt. Your eyes fly open and your gaze lands on someone from Bardo, who is staring down at the scar that the Azgeda assassin gave you in Mount Weather. They look up at you in surprise as you sit up, their hand dropping your shirt as they step away from you, hands lifted in surrender. “I’m sorry, I was changing you and I just noticed your scars.”

You ignore the person and look down, your clothes different than the ones you were wearing before. Your disciple suit is gone, your clothes from Skyring too. In their place is a shirt from Bardo, their symbol on the front, and a pair of pants to match. You’re barefoot, and the knife that usually sits strapped to your thigh is missing too. In a state of panic, you reach up to your neck, relieved to find your necklace still with you, and one glance at your finger reveals your ring hasn’t been taken either. Your eyes search the room quickly, finding your clothes in a pile nearby, your boots beside the pile, your knife on top. You quickly jump off the examination table and cross the room, running over and grabbing your weapon. You pull it from its holster before you spin around, facing the person in the room, taking in the fear in their expression before you snap, “Where are my friends?”

“They’re being examined by the medical team in the rooms nearby.”

“Examined? Why?”

They look terrified of you, their voice shaking slightly as they glance down at the knife in your hand. “Standard protocol for new arrivals.”

Your brain is running at a million miles a minute, trying to process information as fast as it can, but ultimately you know you need to get out of here. Your friends are in rooms around you and you are trapped on an unfamiliar planet, with no access to the Anomaly Stone. But maybe if you can cause a distraction, your friends can get to the Stone Room and go for help. You’ll be trapped here, but it’ll be worth it if the others can escape and bring an army back for you. You have the layout of Bardo memorized, and you have a general idea of how to cause enough chaos to get them out of Bardo, you just need to free one of your people so they can free the rest. You look back to the Bardoan in the room, noticing for the first time that they’re young, probably a few years younger than you. They’re part of the medical staff in some capacity, and they look terrified, clearly not a fighter. Something about them reminds you of Clarke, back before she became Wanheda, when she was young and naive and just wanted to save lives. But that similarity is the reason you decide to spare the person from the distraction that’s forming in your mind. “Where is Octavia Blake?”

“Across the hall. But you can’t get out of here, they have Bardo on lockdown.”

“Who’s gonna stop me, you?” They shake their head and you nod once. “Good, because I don’t want to kill you, but I will if you get in my way.”

They say nothing, keeping silent and backing up against the wall, clearly believing your threat and more than willing to allow your escape. You reach for the button that activates the door, but stop when the medical aid calls out, “Wait, there are guards!”

You pause, turning to look at them. “How many?”

“One outside each door.” You run the math, figuring there are at least 6 guards outside. You’re sure that you can take them, but it’ll only raise suspicions earlier than you can afford. You’re trying to figure out a plan when the aid mutters, “I can help you.”

You give them a skeptical look. “And why would you do that?”

“To prevent any more killings.”

You watch them closely, looking for any signs of deceit, but you find none. They seem genuine in their pursuit to prevent any more disciple deaths, and though you don’t care about the disciples dying, you do care about staying under the radar for as long as you can. Which is why you nod at the aid, accepting their help. “Fine. What do you have in mind?”

They cross the room slowly, both of you suspicious of the other, before opening the door to a supply closet. They dig around for a second before pulling out a small canister, holding it up for you to see. “Knockout gas. We’ve been perfecting it in preparation for the Last War, so there’s always some laying around in here.”

They hesitantly walk closer to you, reaching out to hand you the canister, and you take it with a nod of thanks. But you’re well aware that you can’t leave them conscious, so you look at them with regret and mutter “sorry” before swiftly knocking them out. It’s probably safer for them this way anyways. You cross the room again, back to the door button, and you hit the switch. As the door slides open, you pull the pin from the canister and toss it down the hall. You hear a yelp of surprise followed by the thudding of bodies, and you wait a solid minute before pulling your shirt up over your mouth and nose and venturing out into the hall. All six guards are unconscious and taken care of, so you cross the hall to the other door, hitting the button that opens the door to Octavia’s room. 

Your eyes find her quickly, falling on Octavia, who is sitting in the middle of the room, looking at you in surprise. Beside her, a doctor looks at you in fear before tuning and running towards a panic button on the wall. You grab your knife and throw it towards him, the blade going clean through his hand and stopping him in place. He lets out a cry of pain as he stares at the knife, and you cross the room in record time, knocking him out and grabbing your knife before turning towards Octavia. She’s looking at you in confusion, trying to figure out what’s going on. “What are you doing?”

“Getting us out of here. Can you stand?” She nods and stands with no issues, and you continue, “Good. You need to get the others and get to the Stone Room. They should know how to get there if you don’t.”

She shakes her head, immediately disagreeing with your plan. “What about you?”

“I’m going to cause a distraction so you can get to the Stone Room and then back to Sanctum with no resistance. Tell Clarke what’s going on, and bring back our army.”

You don’t wait for her to accept your plan before you start to turn away, your mind thinking of the limited time you have to pull this off. Octavia grabs your arm and stops you, pulling you to look at her. “La lune, you can’t.”

“I have to. Bellamy would want me to keep you safe.”

“He’d want _me_ to keep _you_ safe.”

You counter, “Then get the others and get out of here. You can come back for me.”

“There’s so much you don’t know. You’re not safe here.”

You shake your head, pulling your arm from her grip, already backing away. “Octavia, there’s no time. None of us are safe here. You can catch me up on everything else later, but for now, I need you to get the others and get back to Sanctum, _please_.”

She hesitates, clearly wanting to tell you now, but she understands the limited time you have so she nods. You turn and run from the room, snatching a few grenades off the fallen disciples as you jog down the hall. You mentally pull out the map of Bardo that you have memorized, _just in case something like this happened_ , thinking that the oxygen farm might be your best bet for a distraction. It’s far enough away from the Stone Room, and it’s an important resource, so they’ll be eager to protect it. You run towards the farm, passing no one on the way, confirming that they really have locked down Bardo. You reach the farm with ease, hitting the button to open the door and stepping inside. 

It’s raining, the drops of water landing on your face and running down your cheeks like tears as you look to the sky. It’s easy to imagine that this is Earth and you are home and Bellamy is just around the corner, waiting to dance in the rain with you. But the weight of the grenades in your hands reminds you that this _isn’t_ Earth, and Bellamy is _dead,_ and you are on a _mission_. You immediately pull the pin from one of the grenades and toss it into the trees nearby, taking off running as fast as you can to put distance between you and the explosion. An alarm immediately goes off, likely thanks to some sort of fire alert system, and you throw more grenades as you run through the woods, keeping your path random and erratic. You toss the last of your grenades into a clearing before you slip into the trees and turn to face the door.

You hear the doors to the farm slide open and you duck down behind some brush, hiding yourself completely from view and watching as a large group of disciples files into the farm. “Spread out and find her before she gets us all killed.”

You back away and slink into the shadows as the disciples break up into pairs and start to search for you, starting at the grenade explosion sites. You situate yourself behind a few large trees and hold your knife tight in your hand, crouching and waiting for a disciple to come your way. Your anxiety grows with each passing second that you spend hidden, the anticipation of an impending attack starting to wear you down, but just when you think you can’t take it anymore, you hear a twig snap nearby. You peer around the tree, watching two disciples walking your way, scanning the brush around them. One is walking slightly ahead of the other, giving you the perfect advantage, and when the disciple steps within arms length of you, you step out from the trees and grab him, quickly shoving your knife into the space between his suit and his helmet, right into his neck. You feel blood rush over your hand as you pull the knife out, the other disciple turning towards you in shock. 

They have enough time to process their partner’s body hitting the ground before you close the space between you and kill them too. You look around, searching for any other nearby disciples, but with none of them close by, you use the moment to quickly strip down the disciple closest to your size and slip into their suit. From there, you walk off in search of the other disciples, not bothering with ghost mode since they’d be able to see you anyways. It doesn’t take long for you to come across another pair, both of them turning towards you as you approach. “Any sign of her?”

You use your mind to activate your weapons system, lifting both of your arms towards them as you mutter, “Yeah, I am her.”

And then you kill them both.

You’re able to do this for 6 more disciples, taking them out before they even realize what’s going on. Unfortunately for you, someone stumbles onto the first pair of dead bodies, one of them stripped from their suit, and they announce, “She has a suit! Everyone gather in the clearing!”

You’re about to slink back in the shadows and rid yourself of the suit in question when a pair of disciples appears from the woods behind you, grabbing your arm as they walk past. “Come on, newbie, clearing’s this way.”

Your anxiety spikes as you wonder how you’re going to get out of this, your body being led into a group of disciples that all seem to want you dead. As soon as you arrive in the circle, a disciple in the middle of the group, clearly the leader, looks over everyone gathered around. “Is this it? Where are the others?”

Someone answers, “Dead.”

The man practically growls with anger, “Helmets off, I want to find her.”

There’s no way for you to avoid unmasking as everyone pulls off their helmets, because if you don’t do it, they’ll know it’s you. If you do it, they’ll know it’s you. With no other options, you pull off your helmet too. Everyone is looking around, trying to find a face they don’t recognize, a face devoid of tattoos, and it only takes seconds for them to realize you’re the imposter. The remaining 12 disciples all turn towards you, lifting their arms and training their weapons on you. “You! Drop the knife!”

You shake your head and bite back, “Not a chance.”

“Fine, any last words?”

You feel a flash of fear as you start to wonder, _is this it? Is this where you die?_ But then you think of Bellamy, killed on the same planet, waiting for you in the stars, and you get a sense of peace. You can die knowing you did whatever you could to save your friends and get them home. That’s your tribute to Bellamy. You couldn’t save him, but you could damn well save the rest of your family. You tip your chin in defiance, glaring at the leader of the group, anger written all over your face. “Yeah, go float yourself.”

His glare deepens, a sneer contorting his mouth as his arm takes aim at your chest. You close your eyes, waiting for the blow, waiting for death, _waiting to join Bellamy_ , but it never comes. Instead, the moment is interrupted by someone yelling, “Wait! We need her!”

Your eyes pull open in surprise and confusion, your gaze landing on a man in a long white cloak with white hair, walking quickly towards you. _Anders._ All around you, weapons start to lower as Anders yells, “She is Clarke Griffin’s twin! If we want to get the Key, we need her alive.”

 _Clarke?_ Your mind latches onto a memory that’s flying past, a snippet of conversation from Bellamy’s death video. _Let him go, and I’ll tell you everything you want to know about Clarke._ You turn your gaze towards Anders, noting his excitement as he says your twin’s name, and you spit, “Clarke? What the hell do you want with Clarke?”

“She’s the Key to everything.”

His tone is reverent, serious, hopeful, and your stomach flips in fear. You know something is wrong, something about this _isn’t okay_. You know that if it comes down to it, Clarke will do anything to keep you safe, including putting herself in danger. She’s all you have left in the world, your only blood family left, and you can’t let her do that. Which is why you lift the knife still gripped in your hand and hold it to your throat. A dozen disciples lift their weapons towards you in alarm, but Anders freaks out and yells, “Weapons down!”

You glare at him, “I won’t let you use me to get to her.”

“Miss Griffin, please. You don’t understand.”

“And I don’t care to. You already took the love of my life from me, I won’t let you take my twin too. If this is how I have to keep her safe, then so be it.”

As your grip on the knife tightens and you prepare to slit your own throat, Anders interrupts once again. “Wait. Before you do something reckless, consider this.”

On cue, a group of disciples marches your way, your friends held in their grip. Gabriel, Echo, Octavia, Hope, Diyoza, all captured and held at gunpoint. You pause, your grip loosening slightly as you look at them in alarm. Octavia mouths an apology to you before Anders mutters, “Interesting. We thought your friends might be your weakness. Put the knife down, or we kill them all.”

You look at him in shock before turning to look at your friends. Octavia is nodding her head, encouraging you to drop your knife, and Gabriel is too. But beside him, Echo is shaking her head, a glare on her face, telling you to follow through with your plan, silently telling you to protect your sister over the rest of them. But you love all of them too, and you can’t stomach knowing that you’d be the reason they all die. You fight back a sob as you turn back to Anders, resigning yourself to your fate. “Fine.”

You drop the knife, and no less than six disciples descend on you before it even hits the dirt. As you watch Anders, your expression one of defeat, he smiles a little. You can’t interpret it, unsure if it’s meant to be smug or genuine happiness or what, but you don’t get long to think about it before the disciple leader mutters, “Lights out.”

You turn towards him just as someone hits you in the back of the head, _hard_ , darkness quickly swirling at the edges of your vision. His smirk is the last thing you see before the darkness swallows you whole. 

-

The next time you wake, it’s with a groan.

Someone mutters your name as soon as they hear you stir, and you hear them shift towards you as you slowly pull your eyes open, fighting against the pain radiating from the back of your head. 

Your eyes fall on Gabriel, who is staring down at you with worry. “Cielito, are you okay?”

You look at him in confusion before you abruptly sit up, looking around the room, suddenly remembering the danger all of you were in the last time you were conscious. “Where are the others?”

“I don’t know. They took them to a different cell block.”

“Are they okay?”

“They were the last time I saw them. We’re being taken care of, meals and beds and supplies, so I’m assuming we’re worth something to them.”

You nod, taking the information in, already aware of your worth to them. A worth that stems from their fascination with Clarke, though you don’t understand _why_ they’re so enamored with her. You open your mouth to ask Gabriel if he’s heard anything, but as you do, you’re suddenly cut off by the doors to your cell opening and a swarm of disciples moving inside. Two men grab Gabriel and pull him away from you as two other guards grab you, both of you sharing a look of alarm. “What are you doing? What’s going on?”

“Let me go!” You kick and fight against them, but they hold you tight in their grip, practically dragging you down the hall behind Gabriel. “Where are my friends?”

“Doubt they’d call either of you a friend after what you’ve put them through.” His words make you panic, your mind imagining the worst. Your friends tied up and tortured, all because you failed in your mission to save them. You start to fight harder, slipping from the guard’s grip slightly, but they readjust their hold on you and grab you tighter, their fingers squeezing bruises into your arm. Gabriel yells back towards the other cell blocks as you are dragged away, clearly in just as much turmoil as you are. “No, no, no! Echo! Hope! I’m sorry!”

You and Gabriel fight the entire time you are led down the hall, and you only stop when the guards pause outside of a door, waiting for it to open. You freeze as you realize where you are, you and Gabriel exchanging a worried look as the doors to the Stone Room slide open. The guards release Gabriel and step back, but they keep their grip firmly on you as a white clothed figure steps into view.

Anders.

He smiles at Gabriel before turning to extend you the same greeting, but his smile drops into a frown when he sees the guards at your side, still holding you tight. “Release her.”

“Sir, with all due respect, she is dangerous. I don’t think we should-”

He cuts the guard off with a raised hand. “I didn’t ask what you thought. _Release her._ ”

The guards let you go, though they still seem hesitant to do so, despite the demand by their leader. Once you’re free, Anders again smiles, greeting you both. “Dr. Santiago, Miss Griffin.”

You and Gabriel stand frozen in the doorway, and he motions you closer. “Come, please.”

The two of you move hesitantly closer, and your eyes fall on the only other person in the room, the conductor. Gabriel’s gaze shifts to the Anomaly Stone, which Anders quickly takes note of. “Miraculous, isn’t it? A gift from those who have transcended, or so we believe.”

Gabriel questions, “Transcended?”

“The Shepherd teaches us that winning the Last War brings upon the final evolution of a species. I thought Orlando would have taught you that.” You turn towards Anders at the mention of Orlando, and Anders watches you and Gabriel carefully as he continues, “He hanged himself in the cabin.”

He turns and motions to what appears to be a body, covered in a sheet, your eyes missing it earlier. But they don’t miss it now, because your gaze is locked on the form as your brain struggles to process the words. _He hanged himself. He hanged himself. He hanged himself._ Gabriel shifts beside you, uncomfortable, but Anders continues speaking, ignoring the heavy feeling of grief in the air. “It appears we need to rethink our penal system. We lost 35 disciples thanks to you and yours, 10 from Miss Griffin just in the last day. I sent the others off to Nakara, but I thought that you both might like to say goodbye.”

Gabriel mutters, “I’m sure Hope and Echo would too.”

“We have different plans for them.” 

He motions towards the body again, encouraging the two of you to move closer. You glance up at Gabriel, and he reaches out for your hand and pulls you closer to Orlando’s waiting body. You both kneel on his right side, and Gabriel whispers, “La muerte es la vida.”

“May we meet again.” Tears well up in your eyes as you look down at the covered body, imagining what Orlando must have felt as the four of you left him behind on Skyring. Clearly it was painful enough that he hanged himself because of it, and you feel guilt start to press heavy on your chest. _Another person led to Death, thanks to Wanlida._ Her presence is beginning to feel like a curse again, the way it used to, no longer offering you the comfort it did on Skyring. She doesn’t care that Orlando is dead, but you do. Because he was your friend, and this is your fault. You reach out tentatively and rest a hand on what you think is his chest, your voice barely a whisper when you say, “Please forgive me.”

You feel tears tighten your throat and attempt to choke you, and Gabriel squeezes your hand, which is still held tightly in his own. You look at him with tear stained cheeks and nod, letting him know you’re okay, and he nods back before turning his attention back to Anders. “Is Nakara your heaven?”

The Anomaly powers up nearby, and you and Gabriel stand, stepping away from the body of your fallen friend as the green glow quickly grows and takes Orlando’s body before receding again. At Gabriel’s question, Anders turns to look at the two of you in surprise. “He left that out too, did he?”

You and Gabriel exchange a look, suddenly realizing that Echo really was right. Orlando was your friend, but you were never his people. Five years on a planet with him and he only ever told you what you needed to know, despite all of you telling him everything about your lives before him. Anders takes in your shared look before he continues, “No, we don’t believe in heaven, doctor. Like I said, we believe in transcendence.”

“Transcendence through the stone?”

You look away from the two men, your mind blocking out whatever they’re saying, uninterested in transcendence or the mystery of the Anomaly Stones. And as you look away, your eyes lad on an imperfection on the floor behind Anders. Black and charred, in the exact place where your fiance last stood before he was killed by one of the disciples. And now you think that the 35 dead disciples aren’t enough, because you want to burn Bardo to the ground. Its existence has brought you nothing but trouble from day one. You feel tears prick your eyes, but you work hard to keep them at bay, not wanting Anders to see you crying, not wanting the people of Bardo to know that this is something bothering you, because when you destroy them, you want them to be surprised. You don’t want them to suspect the anger hidden deep inside of you, or the anguish that you’re keeping buried, so you work hard to keep your mind off of the spot on the floor.

Anders aids in your distraction techniques when he says a word that makes your blood run cold. “Because you don’t want to be _executed_.”

You look over at him in alarm, digging through your subconscious memory to figure out why he’d say that. You finally find Gabriel’s question that prompted the response, something along the lines of why should he help the Bardoans with the stone. Gabriel senses your rising tension and squeezes the hand that is still in his own, before he levels a serious look at Anders. “I don’t want my friends to be executed either.”

“Well, that’s up to them.” He walks around the stone before stopping on the other side and watching Gabriel closely. “Given your history with the stone, I would like you to help us unlock it. We’ll share our knowledge, you’ll share yours, and all you have to do is say, ‘yes’.”

Gabriel turns to look at you, his gaze asking what you think. Your mind runs through the information you have. Clearly, you know next to nothing about Bardo and the disciples, thanks to Orlando. And if you want to destroy this place, having an inside man, with loyalty to you, is the best way to do it. Which is why you look at Gabriel and nod once, letting him know you think he should do it. Gabriel turns back to Anders and jokes, “Do I get a robe?”

Anders cuts him a look, so Gabriel adds, “Yes, I’ll join your cipher team.”

Satisfied, Anders nods once and smiles, but you start to realize that things aren’t adding up. You and Gabriel were separated from the others for a reason. _Because you serve a greater purpose to them._ But you know next to nothing about the stones and have little to offer them for scientific advancements, so what use do you have to Anders and his people? “I don’t know anything about the Anomaly, and you clearly know that, so why am I here?”

“We need you to tell us everything about Clarke Griffin.”

“Clarke?” Your brows furrow, just as confused as the first few times they mentioned Clarke, not understanding why she’s so important to them. “What does Clarke have to do with any of this?”

“She’s the Key to everything.”

You shake your head, growing frustrated. “But what does that mean?”

“Tell us what we want to know, and we’ll do the same for you.”

You feel a wave of realization pass over you when you catch on to what he really wants. Sure, he wants to know about Clarke, but it’s _more_ than that. “You want my memories.” 

“Yes.” The door to the room slides open on cue, and a group of disciples walk in, moving towards you. “We’d prefer if you went willingly, but we’ll take you by force if necessary.”

You remember your earlier desire to destroy Bardo, and your need to stay cool and calm. And despite the fact that you want to scream and cry and fight every Bardoan in this room, you put on a brave face, tip your chin in defiance, and mutter, “The guards aren’t necessary.”

Gabriel looks at you in alarm, not expecting your willingness, turning his gaze to Anders. “No. No way, she isn’t going to M-Cap. That thing is torture.”

“Only if you fight it.” Anders turns to you, waiting to see your reaction to the same thing Hope said to you 5 years ago. You stay calm and shrug, “I won’t.”

You turn to look at Gabriel, this time squeezing his hand in reassurance. “I’ll be fine. Have a good first day, doctor.”

He must sense something in your gaze, and because he trusts you, he drops it. You let go of his hand and turn to follow the disciples and Anders from the Stone Room and down to M-Cap, your mind remembering the path easily, thanks to your years of studying the map that Orlando drew. As you step into the room, the disciples stay outside and motion you inside, towards a man in white, his back turned to you as he sets up the machine, which has clearly been fixed since Echo used it to kill a man. The man in the room turns towards you when he hears you approach, and you’re surprised to see Levitt standing there, watching you with a blank expression. You almost react, but then you remember that you aren’t supposed to know each other, so you copy the same blank expression on his face, and follow Anders inside of the room tentatively. He looks at the other disciples over your shoulder. “We’ll be done in an hour.”

They nod and close the door behind them, leaving you, Anders, and Levitt alone, and he motions towards the M-Cap chair. “Please, take a seat Miss Griffin.”

You do as he asks, sliding into the seat, the leather cool against your arms. You lean back a little, resting comfortably, as Levitt begins to attach straps around your wrists and your torso. You look at them warily, and Levitt catches sight of the look. “Don’t worry, these are more to help you than hurt you.”

You give him an unconvinced nod, and he finishes up with the restraints, turning away from you and pulling a pair of glasses down onto his face. He begins fiddling with a hologram that only he can see before Anders looks over at him. “I want to see what she sees.”

Levitt spreads his arms wide and a large holographic screen expands in front of them both, big enough for Anders to see everything that Levitt can. He turns and tugs a weird helmet over your head, pinning you in place, and he gives you a look before turning away again. You don’t have time to interpret what it means, because Levitt asks, “You’re in an endless desert with a vast purple sky. A hand reaches out for your own. Whose is it?”

A million faces flash through your mind on hyperdrive. Your brain thinks of the deep blues and purples of the sky overhead, dotted with stars, and you turn your head to see Bellamy. His hand lifts and points back to the sky, and you follow his finger to see the Ark in the sky overhead, your dad’s hand reaching out for yours. He takes it and turns you around, turning you to face your mother, who smiles and offers you a flower. As you look down at the flower, it transforms into the ones around Shallow Valley, that Clarke used to sit and sketch for hours. You look at your twin, a vast purple sky behind her, the desert of the dead zone stretched around you both, and Anders exclaims, “There! The Key!”

Levitt grabs onto Clarke’s photo from the stream of passing faces, and you grunt a little as the M-Cap machine connects with your mind. It’s not painful, but it’s uncomfortable, like someone’s hand is in your head and holding your brain, their grip tight enough to put pressure on your entire skull. You decided instantly that you hate the sensation, and you want to fight and disengage the link, but that’s not the part you should be playing. But then you remember that you shouldn’t be thinking about the part you’re playing while your brain is hooked up to a machine designed to read the memories in your head, so you switch to thoughts of Bellamy, his lips on yours, hoping the intimacy is enough to get the two men out of your head. 

“Bring back Clarke. We need to know everything we can about her.”

Levitt turns back to you, his voice soft when he asks, “What’s your earliest memory of Clarke?”

Your brain starts moving backwards, landing on a memory from age 10, until you remember one even younger, age 8. But then another memory pops into your head, back to 6, then 5, before finally settling on 4. _Your father is holding your hand tight in his own, leading you towards your shared room with Clarke, his expression frantic. He takes you to the hiding spot in the closet, moving the false door aside to motion you inside, but you plant your feet and refuse to be pushed inside. “No, dad, I don’t want to hide!”_

_Your father kneels down to get into your line of sight, trying hard to hide the anxiety in his expression, though he does a poor job of it. “La lune, I know you don’t, but the Chancellor is on his way right now, and he can’t know about you. We talked about this, remember?”_

_“I remember, but I don’t want to.”_

_Suddenly there’s movement to your left, and Clarke steps into the room. She looks over at you, just as upset that you have to stay hidden, her expression identical to your own, in more ways than one. She crosses the room to you, something held tight in her grip, and she lifts her hand to offer it to you. It’s a bear, crudely stitched together, almost creepy, but it’s Clarke’s favorite, the one she sleeps with every night. “You take it, Mr. Stuffings will keep you safe.”_

_You shake your head, not wanting to take your twin’s most prized possession. “Clarke, that’s yours.”_

_She pushes it towards you again, into your hands. “But when you have to hide, he’ll be yours.”_

_“Are you sure?”_

_She nods, and you step forward to hug her, wrapping your small arms around her. “Thank you, Clarke.”_

_She hugs you back before you step back, turning to your father, “Okay, I’m ready.”_

_He nods and you step into the hidden location, watching as he puts the false wall into its place, plunging you into darkness._

When the memory ends, your brain comes back to reality shockingly fast, suddenly conscious of your surroundings again. You’re covered in a thin layer of sweat, already exhausted after one memory, and you already want to cry at the thought of how many more memories they’re going to want from you. Levitt turns to you, a proud smile on his face. “You’re doing great.”

But across the room, Anders disagrees. “That memory gave us nothing. We don’t know anymore about the Key than we did before it.”

“Sir, all due respect, sifting through memories takes time. There could be information about the Key that we need from the early memories, we can’t rush through these.”

“She must have thousands of memories of Clarke. It’ll take weeks to go through all of them.”

“Probably.”

Anders sighs and steps away from the hologram, “I want everything in the report, and I want reports daily. Anything urgent or important comes to me immediately, understood?”

“Yes, sir.”

Anders turns and exits the room without another word, leaving you and Levitt alone. He lets out an audible sigh once it’s just you two, turning to look at you in relief. “I’m glad all of you are okay.”

You counter, “Why did you tell us to go to the surface if it’s not survivable? That man Echo killed said we’d need rebreathers.”

“You’d survive for at least a few hours. Long enough for me to figure out how to get all of you out of here. Though, you got pretty close with your plan. The others made it to the door of the Stone Room before a disciple stumbled upon them by accident. They knocked her out, but she had already alerted the others.”

“Great.” You don’t know what else to say. _Almost_ freeing your friends is not enough. They’re still here, half of them god knows where, and a reminder of your failure isn’t helpful. “Where are they? Are they okay?”

“They’re okay.”

“When can I see them?”

“You can’t.”

You give Levitt a skeptical look. “Why not?”

“Because all of you play different roles in Bardo now. The others will be prepped for something different, and any fraternization between you is discouraged.”

“Just discouraged? Not banned.”

“For you, consider it banned. Anders values your memories and the information about the Key that you can offer us.”

You give him another look. “Which means that I can use my status to negotiate a visit with them.”

Levitt shakes his head, stopping any ideas before they have a chance to form. “It means that you will be kept away from the others, with the exception of Gabriel. There is a consensus that you’ll get reckless in an attempt to protect your friends, and that you may cause more trouble if given the opportunity to see them. Anders doesn’t want to risk that.”

You roll your eyes, annoyed at the situation you’re in. “Yeah, imagine getting separated from nearly everyone you love, on a strange planet where your fiance was murdered months before, and then trying to escape. Can’t imagine why anyone would do such a thing.”

Levitt ignores your sarcasm, his expression softening. “I’m sorry about what happened to Bellamy. We never wanted anyone to get hurt. But your ways are strange to us. We don’t love individuals, we value the collective. Your constant attempts at escape, which often result in a myriad of disciple deaths in the process, set us back further and further in our preparations for the Last War. We need your information and we need every disciple on Bardo to fight, so we can’t risk you seeing your friends and attempting another escape.”

“Then it seems we’re at a crossroads, because I don’t understand why I should help you.”

Levitt gets a fearful look on his face, and he leans closer to you, dropping his voice to a whisper. “You can’t say things like that. If they hear you, they’ll start killing your friends to get you to comply. I know you don’t want that.”

You look at Levitt and the fear he has, and you start to think that maybe the Bardoans aren’t as advanced as they think they are. You’ve only ever killed people to survive or save the people you love, but they’re willing to kill people, your family, just to break you. And after losing Bellamy, you can’t stomach the idea of losing anyone else. Which Levitt must know, because he takes your softening demeanor as a sign to continue. He does offer you an apologetic look though. “I don’t like digging in your head any more than you like being here. But it’s something we both have to do. And if there aren’t at least five memories in the report, Anders will get suspicious. I don’t want him to kick me off your case the way they did with Octavia.”

You sigh, knowing you don’t have much of a choice. Better that Levitt is sorting through your memories than someone else. For the rest of your time that day, and every day after that, Levitt sorts through your memories of Clarke. He starts as far back as he can and works through the memories in your head, skipping the ones that aren’t relevant, though he does tend to sit through some of your memories with Bellamy, the concept of love unfamiliar to him. And every day the disciples have to practically carry you back to your shared room with Gabriel, M-Cap draining your energy even when you’re not fighting the machine. And every day Gabriel worries about you the second you are unceremoniously delivered to your room. He keeps you awake long enough to eat whatever meal is provided to you and then he watches over you as you sleep. You know he does, because the bags under his eyes are dark and visible, and he always looks worried. You try to encourage him to worry about you less, not wanting your mental torture to torture him too, but he never listens and he continues to worry.

Still, all things considered, your time in Bardo is not bad. At least, not until your 6th day of M-Cap. Levitt has now made it to your memories in Polis, when Clarke put the Flame in her head to stop Alie. Clarke has just pulled the kill switch and everyone is coming to. Bellamy has just appeared at your side and the two of you are kissing, but as the memory plays out, Levitt mutters, “Wait, stop.”

The sound of his voice pulls you back to the present, and you turn to look at him in confusion, but he doesn’t look your way as he rewinds the memory that just played out in your head, zooming in on something in the background. As you and Bellamy pull away and your eyes open, they catch sight of something on the throne, despite it not being your focus. There, Clarke sits, your mother now removing the Flame from your twin’s head and pressing it into her hand. Levitt spins around to look at you in complete shock. “Clarke doesn’t have the Flame anymore?”

You look at him in confusion. “No, why would she?”

“In Octavia’s memories…I never saw…”

He trails off, and you put the pieces together quickly. “Wait, you’re telling me that Clarke is the Key because of the tech in her head?”

Levitt nods slightly, stunned, and you continue, ”And you never looked in Octavia’s memories beyond this to know that Clarke took it out?”

You’re careful not to mention Madi, realizing that if the Flame is this important to them, Madi could become a target next since she had the Flame most recently. Levitt nods again, confirming that the Bardoans obsession with Clarke stems from something that hasn’t been relevant in years. You can’t help yourself, but you laugh. Loud, deep, full of disbelief. Everything you’ve been through, the days of M-Cap that have drained you, all for nothing. Levitt turns to look at you when he hears your amusement, his expression worried. “No, you don’t understand. The reason you’ve been safe until now is because we thought Clarke had the Key. But if she doesn’t, then all of you, you and your friends, are useless to us.”

The laughter dies in your throat as you look at him with fear. “Levitt, you can’t tell them.”

He turns back to the screen, already moving things aside, shifting, editing, deleting. “Trust me, I did not allow Octavia to punch me twice just to throw it all away now. I’m erasing this from the report, but from now on, you can’t let me into your head.”

“You’re saying that I have to fight the machine?”

He turns to you, shaking his head. “You can’t fight the machine, because your brain will hemorrhage. But you can beat the machine by repeating a single phrase over and over, like the one that Bellamy used to say to you.”

“Tell me about the stars.”

“Right, good. We’ll begin tomorrow, but for now, get some rest.”

He walks to the door and lets the disciples in so they can carry you back to your room, back to Gabriel, your anxiety higher than usual after an M-Cap session. Because now you are hyper aware that your survival, the survival of your friends, and the survival of the people you love, all depends on your ability to beat a machine designed to dig through your memories or kill you trying. 

-

The next morning, the disciples lead you back to M-Cap, your hands damp with sweat as you think of the task ahead of you. Beat the machine, save those you love. Easy, right? Except it’s not, because when the door opens, Levitt is in the room waiting for you, like usual, but a second figure clothed in white is in there too. Anders turns towards you with a smile, some of your previous memories playing out on the screen behind him. “Miss Griffin, nice to see you again.”

You nod at him awkwardly, not sure you can trust your voice to stay strong as you face the prospect of beating the machine in front of Anders. You cross the room on shaky legs and plop down into the chair you’ve sat in for the last 7 days now, and Levitt turns to face you and prep you. He senses your fear and gives you a reassuring smile, but through his teeth, he whispers, “Pain.”

You look at him in confusion, but he just shakes his head, letting you know he can’t say anything else, leaving you to mull over his words. Once the machine is ready, he begins with the same question he always does. “You’re in an endless desert with a vast purple sky. A hand reaches out for your own. Whose is it?”

And just like every other day, your brain cycles through a scroll of faces, and Levitt picks one to begin. This time, it’s your father, his smile bright and happy. Beside you, Levitt mutters, “Good. Neural link is engaged.”

Anders moves closer to you. “I’m curious, some of the reports mention that you call Clarke ‘shining star’. Why is that?”

You glance at Levitt from the corner of your eye, and he gives you a look, reminding you of your conversation the day before. So you fight against the memory that threatens to rise to the surface, _you, your mother, and Clarke all on your couch, your father standing across from you_ , and you start to repeat, “Tell me about the stars. Tell me about the stars. Tell me about the stars. Tell me about the stars.”

The memory playing on the screen nearby stutters, before disappearing, and through your repeated words, you can hear Anders ask, “What is she doing? Bring the memory back!”

“She’s trying to block the machine.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, sir.”

Anders glares at Levitt, “Turn it up.”

“But sir-”

He cuts off Levitt’s disagreement. “Do it. Now.”

You glance at Levitt as he dials up the machine, and he flashes you another look, his mouth moving over a silent word, unseen by Anders. _Pain._

 _Pain?_ It must mean something because Levitt wouldn’t risk telling you twice if it didn’t. But you are pulled from your thoughts by Anders’ voice once again muttering, “The shining star.”

Again, a memory starts to take shape in your mind, _your family together, three perfectly wrapped boxes held tightly in your father’s hands,_ and you attempt to use the phrase to resist the memory. But you know which one it is, the allure of it too strong to resist, wanting to relive the moment again. _A small box held in your small hands, your dad’s grin is wide and bright, and it makes you feel happy too._ But your conscious mind still fights. This memory is meaningless, pointless in the quest for information on Clarke. But if you can’t resist this, what will happen when the important memories come into play? You again remember Levitt’s words, the pieces finally falling into place as you realize why he is repeating the word pain. _He wants you to hurt yourself._

After countless days spent in this chair, you know there are sensor spikes situated all around the helmet. They serve a dual purpose of relaying information while also keeping the helmet steady in one place over your head. But these sensors are sharp enough to injure someone, because you watched Levitt accidentally cut himself on one a few days ago. Which is why you quickly tip your head to the side and scratch the spike along the side of your head, something warm and wet dripping down the side of your face as you cry out in pain. But you don’t stop there. You lift your head and move again, dragging the spike through the already open wound, injuring yourself further, repeating the process over and over again until Anders finally growls in frustration, “Enough. Send her back to her cell.”

Levitt nods and retrieves the disciples, and when he broaches the subject of bandaging the cut on your head, Anders says something about letting Gabriel do it before he storms out of the room. Levitt gives you an apologetic look as two disciples lift you and half carry you from the room, your feet dragging beneath you, but you don’t have the energy to care, already drained from your fight against the machine and the pain you had to cause yourself. You are escorted back to your room quickly, Gabriel standing as you are pulled into the room. His eyes find the black blood on the side of your face with ease, his expression shifting to one of horror. “What happened to her?”

The two guards plop you onto your mattress and attempt to leave again, but Gabriel grabs the closest one and spins around, pushing them against the wall. “What did you do to her?”

The second disciple grabs Gabriel and pulls him away from his partner harshly, Gabriel stumbling in an attempt to keep his balance, and the disciple snaps, “She did it to herself, doctor. First disciple Anders said _you_ can clean her up.”

He reaches into a pouch at his side and grabs a small first aid kit, which he tosses at Gabriel before both men turn and leave the room. Gabriel scoops it up and closes the space between you. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” You wave your hand, trying to push away his concern. But his worry persists as he reaches out to gently grasp your chin, tilting your head so he can get a look at the cut down the side of your face. “Did you do this to yourself?”

“Yes.” He cuts you a look, so you add, “I had a reason.”

“What reason could there possibly be to do this?”

He reaches into the first aid kit and begins pulling out supplies, including a suture kit. Your eyes dart from his busy hands to the cameras in the corners of the room, wondering how much you can say. You tilt your head down, keeping it low so they can’t see your lips moving, and you drop your voice to a nearly inaudible level. “They’re watching, but Clarke isn’t the Key.”

“What do you mean?”

“They think she’s important because she has the Flame in her head, but they never went far enough into Octavia’s memories to see that it was for a couple of hours on one day over a hundred years ago. If they find out the truth, we’re all dead.”

Gabriel looks at you in alarm, careful to keep his head low too as he preps the sutures. “And the cut…”

“Was to beat the machine. Anders was in the room today and I couldn’t keep him out of my head. This was the only way to do it.”

Gabriel nods once, letting you know he understands, before tipping your head back into the light, giving him a better look at your wound. As he begins to stitch you up, the cut starting near your temple and dragging back and down into your hairline, he mutters, “How long can you keep this up before they realize you’re no use to them and kill you?”

“As long as they think Clarke is the Key, they won’t risk losing me.”

“I don’t like this.”

“I don’t either, but it’s the only way for me to keep all of us safe. We have to figure out how to get off of Bardo before it’s too late.”

Gabriel nods, lost in thought, probably working on a plan to get all of you out of here. He finishes up your stitches, checks over the wound and cleans it up a little more before nodding with satisfaction. “Okay, you’re good to go.”

“Thank you, Gabriel.”

He glances at you, a smile on his face as he repacks the first aid kit. “No thank yous needed, cielito.”

You smile at the nickname and lean back into your bed, the drama of the day starting to catch up to you. You feel exhaustion weighing heavy on your lids, dragging them down, and before Gabriel can say another word, you’re already fast asleep.

-

The next morning, you are dragged right back into M-Cap, this time a little harsher than before. Anders is in the room, and Levitt is gone, replaced by a different man, but you know better than to ask why. You can only hope they haven’t done something to him. As you are led over to the M-Cap chair, you work hard to keep your expression neutral and hide the fear that you feel creeping up your spine. They lock you down in the chair, attaching every restraint, which they have never done before. 

Once you are held down and the machine is up and running, the new man turns to you, his expression blank, and asks the same question Levitt used to ask you. “You’re in an endless desert with a vast purple sky. A hand reaches out for your own. Whose is it?”

Your mind starts to cycle through faces and memories, and you feel your anxiety spike, not even wanting Anders to get the neural link engaged. Which is why you jam your head wound into the sensor spike again, dragging down the wound and breaking Gabriel’s stitches, just like Clarke did years ago in Mount Weather. Your pain levels rise, blocking the machine from engaging with your mind, and Anders breaks his calm nature long enough to growl, “Try again.”

With your pain levels on the rise, you decide to combine the two methods to beat the machine, and you scrape the sensor over your wound as you repeat, “Tell me about the stars, tell me about the stars, tell me about the stars.”

Anders keeps you in the room for hours, trying to get through to your brain, before he finally gives up and sends you back to your room with a group of angry disciples. Gabriel stitches your wound again when you return, his look disapproving, though you know he doesn’t mean it. He just hates that you have to bear the weight of this on your own. Just like Clarke, you are now bearing it so they don’t have to. 

That night, when you’re laying in bed and Gabriel is asleep, you start to realize that maybe the reason the phrase doesn’t work well for you is because you aren’t concentrating on it enough. But the problem with concentrating on it is the slew of memories associated with the phrase, memories that Anders can use to link you to the machine and forcefully dig through your mind. But maybe, if you use the same phrase in Trigedasleng, your mind will have to focus on it and the translation more. There’s only one memory associated with the Trigedasleng translation, when you and Bellamy were watching a brewing civil war from the windows of a tower in Polis. But fighting one memory is much easier than fighting the countless others you have of Bellamy asking you to tell him about the stars.

The next day, as soon as the disciples come to take you, you begin your chanting. “Tel ai hashta skaifaya. Tel ai hashta skaifaya.Tel ai hashta skaifaya.Tel ai hashta skaifaya.”

You focus on the words, the translation, making sure it’s correct each time you say it, which gives Wanlida time to close the door to your memories, locking them away where Anders and the others can’t reach them. You repeat the words the whole way to M-Cap, you repeat them as they strap you down, you repeat them as they try to probe your mind again. And after another long day of attempts, you come out on the other side successful. Your memories are safe, your stitches in tact, and the knowledge of the Flame is still safely tucked away. 

The process repeats for the next few days as they try to break you and get back into your head, but with a combination of pain and your mantra, they never even successfully link the machine to your mind. By day 3, you’re feeling pretty proud of yourself when you are delivered back to your shared room with Gabriel, a smile on your face, which he quickly takes note of. “I have seen you smile like that since Skyring.”

You feel a wave of guilt when you realize that you’re smiling so soon after losing Bellamy, your brain temporarily forgetting that he isn’t back on Sanctum with Clarke. He’s dead and gone, and you’re smiling like nothing happened. Your expression quickly drops, and Gabriel seems to regret saying anything. You don’t want him to think it’s his fault, because it’s not, which is why you answer his question anyways. “I beat the machine again.”

“And you didn’t rip out your stitches to do it.”

You nod and he smiles, just as proud. He’s about to ask you something when the door to the room pulls open and no less than 10 guards file into the room, walking towards you. The air in the room is menacing, and you get a sudden thought that this is it. _You were wrong about them needing you. You outlived your usefulness, and now they’re here to kill you._ ** _At least your memories will die safely along with you._** Gabriel must have the same fear that you’re about to die, because as soon as they reach for you, he starts to yell and fight. “Leave her alone!”

You watch him knock two guards aside, and you do the same, hitting the man to your left in the throat, choking him. You twist your arm out of the other man’s grip before grabbing his helmet and curling our fingers beneath the seam, grasping at the safety latch that keeps the helmet in place. You find it easily, removing the helmet from the man’s head and using it as a weapon to knock him out. 

You can hear the grunt of fighting behind you, and you turn around to see Gabriel struggling with a circle of guards around him, all of them tugging, pulling, and grabbing at him. You start to attack them from behind, knocking them back one by one, but just as you start to get the upper hand, more disciples flood into the room. You feel someone yank on your arm hard, and someone else’s fist connects with your face, knocking you off balance. You manage to catch yourself at the last second, only to be tackled to the floor, someone pressing down on your back and pushing your face into the floor as they work to restrain you. 

You feel a pair of cuffs latch around your wrists before you are harshly yanked back to your feet, gravity making you realize that blood is now dripping from your stitched up cut. The black liquid runs down the side of your face and neck, disappearing beneath your shirt, as you turn to face the door. There Anders stands, looking over you and Gabriel both, a disapproving look on his face. “See? Their bonds need to be broken, otherwise they will never be like us.”

You look at Gabriel in alarm, blood dripping from his nose, a bruise already blooming around his eye, both of you sharing a look of fear. Anders motions to the guards holding you, pointing them towards the door. “One day, you will both understand. As will the others.”

You are being led towards the door, and at the mention of your friends, you start to fight. “The others? What about them? What do you mean?”

You’ve heard no mention of them in ages, and both you and Gabriel know that asking about them is useless, because they’ll never tell you anything. Anders shakes his head in disappointment at the frantic tone of your voice at the mention of your friends. “You are all so attached. That is not our way. We have to break your bonds, and there’s only way to do that.”

And then he motions for your guards to take you out the door. You start fighting against them, trying to get back to Gabriel and the safety of your cell, but they hold you and him tight, both of you fighting uselessly to escape. “Gabriel! Don’t let them kill me! Gabriel!”

He screams back, his voice just as desperate, “Cielito! I’ll find you! Just don’t fight them!”

You heed his words, letting some of the fight drain from your body, suddenly aware that you’re wasting your energy on them. It’s useless to try to escape in this moment, and you could need your energy later if things get worse, which you are starting to suspect they will. So you drop your fighting down to a milder level, mostly allowing the disciples to carry you off, your mind and eyes taking in everything around you. They lead you to the elevator and direct it to the sixth floor, one that you haven’t been to before. You rack the map in your brain, trying to figure out where they’re taking you, but the only thing you can remember on this floor is the adolescent training, and you’re sure that can’t be where you’re going.

But sure enough, they lead you to a door labeled “training” and hit the button, the door sliding open to reveal a large room, a gray mat stretched across the floor. Inside of the room is a group of people, and they all turn towards you at the sound of the door opening, the disciple on your left announcing, “Sorry to interrupt. First Disciple Anders wanted her to join the other trainees.”

Your brows pull together in confusion, your mind convinced ten seconds ago that you were being led to death. But instead they brought you to _training_? You shift your gaze over to the trainees, and the crowd parts a little, revealing four familiar faces that you haven’t seen in a couple of weeks. Your jaw drops in shock as your eyes move over the four women: Octavia, Echo, Diyoza, and Hope, all of them staring back at you in happy surprise. Octavia is the first to break the silence, her voice full of happiness as she looks at you and whispers, “La lune.”

-


	92. xcii. anaconda (7.08)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: angst, language, anxiety.
> 
> Summary: your average day as a disciple quickly becomes not so average when a new group arrives in bardo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this upload puts us halfway through the final season! only eight left!!!!

You wake the same way you have for the last three months in Bardo: before the morning alarm goes off.

Your eyes pull open to the room around you, larger than any room you’ve ever had before, but modest in belongings, only holding the necessities. You roll over and stare at the ceiling, your mind going the same place it does every morning: to Bellamy and Clarke.

Bellamy, who has been dead for months at this point, is still on your mind. Some days, the loss is as fresh as it was the moment you found out, though you can never show it. Other days, you find yourself forgetting him. The sound of his voice, the feel of his lips on your own, the laugh that he saved just for you. That bright smile that made you feel on top of the world. All of that is gone, and even worse, you’re starting to forget. 

The realization that you’re starting to forget might be worse than actually forgetting, because the realization is always accompanied by guilt. Sometimes you find yourself smiling, enjoying yourself, and then the memory of Bellamy’s death comes right back to you, sucking the happiness from the moment. But the guilt from forgetting him, from realizing that those lost memories are nearly impossible to get back, it eats at you. Reminds you daily of what Bardo and the disciples took from you. And when you feel yourself forgetting your anger, softening to this planet and these people, Wanlida reminds you.

In a way, you’re not sure you can live without her now. 

Her presence has always been pushed away, buried deep, not wanting to accept that she could be a part of you. But since your arrival on Skyring and Wanlida’s initial takeover, you rely on her to remind you of your anger. You rely on her to remind you of the feral, dark, awful parts of your soul that crave the destruction of Bardo. She keeps your anger sharp and expression blank, like Echo, who condemned you for Wanlida on Skyring, but who now acts just as cold. So much of her was lost when Bellamy died, and at first it brought out the jealousy in you. But as time passed, you started to realize that it wasn’t so much the loss of Bellamy that changed Echo. Sure, his death hardened her heart, but the knowledge that her family is broken, that more of the people she loves are either dying or in danger? That’s what changed her. She is so much like the Azgeda spy you met in Mount Weather, and so little like the woman you called sister on Skyring. It hurts you to see that change in her, though you suspect the others often feel the same way about you.

Your mind also drifts to Clarke, your twin, your other half, the time you’ve spent without her stretching on and on. You wonder if you’ll ever see her again, your time apart now going on five plus years, though it’s felt like less for her. Anders told all of you months ago that he sent a team after her, and that it would take time for them to return to Bardo due to the time dilation, but you’ve never had much trust in Anders. Not since everything he put you through in M-Cap. 

Still, you hope he’s wrong. Because despite missing your sister so much it physically hurts you sometimes, you don’t want her here. You don’t want her on Bardo, on this damn planet that has either taken people you love or changed them forever. You want her somewhere else, anywhere else, as long as it’s safe and she’s okay. Bardo has been nothing but terrible for you from the moment you arrived, and you don’t want that for Clarke. You hope that she’s on Sanctum and she’s happy and at peace. You hope that everyone has learned to get along, and that she is building a compound for the rest of your people, the way all of you were trying to do before everything went to shit. You hope Madi is okay, and that she’s going to school, the way she always wanted to. You miss your bright little sun and her endless hope for the world, because these days, you could use some of her hope.

Your thoughts are suddenly interrupted by the morning alarm, and you roll out of bed, dressing quickly for your day, the fifteen minute countdown starting. You make sure your hair is out of the way before you pull on a disciple suit, _your_ disciple suit, given to you this time instead of being stolen from a dead body. It’s comfortable enough, which is good because you usually pull long days, picking up extra shifts where you can. Anything to keep your brain distracted from thinking, or from the memories that threaten to plague you.

As soon as you’re dressed and your helmet is in hand, you push the button on your door and step outside, joining Echo, Octavia, and Diyoza as they come down the hall towards you. All of you keep your expressions mostly blank, only nodding in greeting, aware that someone is always watching in Bardo. All of you were supposed to sever your familial bonds weeks ago, and though you pretended to, none of you actually did. _Well, except for Echo._ Only in your occasional secret meetings do you interact the way you normally would, though paranoia has made even those few and far between these days.

All of you move down the hall towards the mess hall, the disciple schedule pretty structured and routine. You wake up during the alarm and have 15 minutes to get ready. Walk to the mess hall and have breakfast for 30 minutes. Light training for an hour before going to your assignments for 4 hours. Break for lunch for an hour, more advanced training afterwards for at least an hour. Return to your assignments for the remainder of your shift, then report to dinner. After dinner, there is personal time before it’s lights out. There isn’t an official curfew, but it’s generally frowned upon to be out after personal time since they want everyone in the best shape possible for the Last War. The exceptions, of course, are additional training sessions for the betterment of Bardo, or extra shifts picked up to help someone out. Because everything that you do is for all mankind, it’s encouraged to help others. Because helping others is helping everyone, and that’s all they care about here.

As you step into the mess hall, your eyes instinctively search the room, looking for Gabriel. You do it every morning, being careful to be subtle, as you haven’t seen him since they dragged you from your shared cell three months ago. You haven’t seen him in the halls, and since you’re supposed to be indifferent about him, you can’t ask around, leaving you to wonder if he’s okay, or even on Bardo at all. But just like every morning, Gabriel is not among the people dressed in white in the mess hall, leaving you to worry about him, as usual.

You hop in line and grab your meal, some sort of non descript something, designed for energy and efficiency, to meet all of your nutritional needs. It’s not very good, though you guess it isn’t _awful_. It keeps you full until the next meal, and it’s edible, but it makes you long for the days of family meals on Skyring. It even makes you miss Hope’s jellyfish etouffee. _Hope. Awaiting her Penance on Skyring, thanks to Echo. How the hell are you going to get her out of this one?_

You shake your head, scrambling your thoughts, not wanting to fall down this rabbit hole right now, because you’ll never get out of it. Instead, you separate from Octavia, Echo, and Diyoza, all of you moving to sit at different tables with different people, appearing not to care about each other. You sit down with a group of level 2s, nodding in greeting before eating your nutrition bar and drinking your nutrition shake. You imagine that it’s something delicious, making it easier for you to get down, tricking your brain into thinking that you enjoy it, just like everything else in Bardo.

As soon as you finish, you stand and return your tray to the line, leaving it to be cleaned, turning just in time to stop yourself from running into Octavia. The two of you apologize, pretending to be strangers, and as you start to move apart, towards your respective assignments, an alarm blares out. 

“Attention all available disciples: please report to Level 8. I repeat, please report to Level 8.”

You and Octavia exchange a look, the request odd, as it sounds urgent. You both immediately start following the wave of other disciples, pulling on your helmet as you go, trying to understand the wave of urgency moving through the crowd. _The 8th level._ You rack your brain to find the map of Bardo that you memorized years ago, mentally running through the levels until you reach the 8th one. _The cryo labs._ ** _The Shepherd._**

The man you spent the last few months learning about, whose teachings you had to memorize, resides on the 8th level. And he is only disturbed every few years to be updated on the progress of the Last War before he is returned back to cryo until the next update. But if all of you are being sent to the 8th level, then that means that either something is wrong, or the Shepherd is awake. And as all of you rise in the elevator to the 8th level, you think that maybe both guesses are true. There is a quiet nervousness rustling through the crowd, indicating that this is not something normal, and as the doors slide open to your destination, a sharp intake of breath moves though the disciples around you.

As everyone marches out of the elevator and into the hall, you see why. 

Standing beside Anders is an older man, his hair and beard long, sandals on his feet, you know that only he could be the Shepherd. You only get a glimpse of him as you move by and fall into formation, but when you do, you realize that you recognize him. Something about his face is so damned familiar, though you don’t know why. It bothers you as Anders tells all of you that there is a disturbance in the Stone Room, it bothers you as you move down the hall and guard the two men, and it bothers you as you arrive at the one way off of Bardo. And as you stand there, less than six feet behind the Shepherd, you realize that the man in question is Bill Fucking Cadogan. 

Crazed cult leader that built the Second Dawn Bunker beneath the tower of Polis, the man that burned Becca Pramheda at the stake, the man that has been alive since the first Praimfaya, nearly hundreds of years ago, is now standing in front of you. So many questions are running through your mind, primarily ‘how the hell is this possible?’, until you remember Gabriel’s words to you when you first arrived on Bardo, listening to a speech given by Anders. _There must be a stone on Earth._

Bill Cadogan found an Anomaly Stone on Earth and came to Bardo. Bill Cadogan took his cult to the next level by delivering them from Praimfaya, into the safety of Bardo. Bill Cadogan stays asleep in cryo for years at a time, waiting for an update on the Last War, so that he can lead Bardo into battle. And if Bill Cadogan is awake and standing in front of you right now, waiting for the doors to the Stone Room to open, that can only mean one thing.

The Key to the Last War is here.

_Clarke is here._

As if on cue, the doors slide open. Anders and Bill peer inside, their eyes searching the scene. Clarke is there, along with Raven, Miller, Niylah, Jordan, and Gabriel, weapons pointed Bill’s way. And you have to ignore every cell in your body that is telling you to run to your twin and tell her everything. Because you have a part to play, one you’ve been carefully playing for months, a part that you can’t mess up now. You feel someone beside you shift, their glove brushing yours, and you’re sure it’s Octavia, her face likely smiling behind her helmet at the sight of Clarke, the same way yours is.

And though you want to run into the Stone Room with her and shut the door behind you, you watch as Bill lifts his hands in surrender, head turning towards the Bardoans trapped in the room. “I’m coming in alone, unarmed.”

Bill starts walking inside, and Raven yells from the back, “Who are you?”

“They call me the Shepherd, but you can call me Bill.” You see his arms drop, though your gaze is focused on Clarke. She is watching Bill closely, realization crossing her features as she remembers the pages of articles Jaha showed all of you years ago, before you knew about Bardo or Anomaly Stones. Bill focuses on Clarke now, directing his plea to her. “You have me. Now let my people go.”

Clarke shakes her head a little, getting a hold of herself, before turning and muttering. “It’s okay.”

All of the Bardoans quickly run from the room, moving out into the hall and away from the confrontation, leaving Gabriel behind with the others. And with a roll of anxiety, you watch the doors to the Stone Room slide closed again, cutting off your view of your twin sister, oblivious to her importance to Bill and his cause.

You stand staring at the door intently, willing it to open, your concentration disturbed by Anders’ low voice. “When that door opens, I want weapons on everyone. Clarke Griffin is not to be harmed, and the Shepherd must be protected. All other occupants can be disposed of.”

The words bring your anxiety crashing back. Though your twin will be safe, the others are not, and you’re not sure you can watch them being shot down. Even if it means blowing your cover, you’re sure you’ll fight to save them. You don’t have to worry for long, because within minutes the door beeps, indicating that it’s being opened, and all of you lift your arms in one swift motion, activating your weapons. You train them into the room, your eyes landing instantly on Clarke, who is standing in the same place, a gun now held to Bill’s head. You smile a little, hoping that maybe all of you will get off this planet after all, when Bill commands, “Weapons down, all of you.”

Without hesitating, you all disengage and lower your arms in tandem, and Anders takes a few steps into the room. Bill turns to look at him, his voice lower. “Send in their friends.”

Without turning around, Anders motions towards the four of you. The crowd parts around you, and Octavia nudges you ahead, into motion. You lead them into the room, standing in front, Octavia and Diyoza standing in a line behind you. Echo stands in the rear, directly behind you, the four of you forming a diamond shape. And as you walk towards Clarke, you take a deep pull of air and calm your breathing, because you know what’s coming. You’re about to take off your helmet and look at your sister as if she’s a stranger, likely breaking her heart in the process. In doing so, it’ll break your own.

You will have to resist every fiber of your being that wants to reach out to her, reassure her, let her know that it’s all a joke, because now isn’t the time. It isn’t safe. Despite Clarke’s control over Bill right now, a group of disciples is right behind you, ready to attack in an instant, putting all of you at risk. 

As you get closer, everyone is already looking at you in confusion, unsure of what’s going on. You come to a stop a few feet away from them, and Clarke shifts her and Bill closer. In tandem, the four of you reach up and tug off your helmets, moving them into your right arm before dropping your left arm by your side. You keep your jaw set, eyes and expression blank, removing any love or joy or excitement from them. Clarke stares at you in horror, her expression dropping, tears springing to her eyes. You have to glance away, sure that you’ll break if you see her cry, your eyes casually raking over the others. They all look just as horrified, just as anxious as Clarke, staring at four people who were their friends and family less than a few days ago. 

None of them realize that you have spent years separated from them, scattered between two planets, forced to break the bonds that united you and made you human. Now, to them, you are machines. Uncaring, unfeeling, blank machines. 

And Clarke Griffin doesn’t realize that her la lune is still inside of you, hidden behind this mask. 

She doesn’t realize that a small metal moon hangs around your ankle, hidden from the eyes of the people of Bardo, the charm brushing against a ring with a sapphire stone. She doesn’t realize that the eyes that are blankly staring at her are hiding a storm of emotions that have cried countless tears for her. She doesn’t realize that you have spent months, years, trying to figure out how to get back to her. That you have had to sacrifice and bear so much, and that you understand how heavy her leadership has weighed on her. She doesn’t realize the loss you have experienced as you stand before her.

Because when you left her in Sanctum, you left her with Bellamy at your side. 

And now, as you return to her on Bardo, you return _alone_.

-


	93. xciii. the flock (7.09)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: mentions of blood, injuries, anxiety, needles, mentions of death, language.
> 
> Summary: with your release from m-cap, you join the others to begin training as a disciple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter has a few of my favorite scenes that I’ve written, and I’m excited to hear what you guys think about it! it’s a long one, so get your snacks and get comfy!

_Day 1 of training, 78 days until Clarke’s arrival_

As you stare at the four familiar faces across from you, you feel the cuffs around your wrists release. Before the disciples at your side can comprehend your movements, you take off in a run, towards your friends, a smile on your face. Octavia meets you halfway, the two of you colliding in a fierce hug, quiet laughter spilling from your lips. As Octavia grips you tight, she whispers, “We thought you were dead.”

You pull away and look at her, tears pricking your eyes. “I thought all of you were dead. Gabriel and I-”

“Gabriel?” You turn to look at Hope, her eyes wide. “You’ve seen Gabriel?”

“Yes, I’ve been with him since we were all separated.”

Hope and Octavia both smile, pleased to hear the news. Echo, who you get a better look at now that you’re closer, seems less impressed. But your brain moves past that and to the scars on the side of her face, scabbed over with black blood, clearly a few days old at this point. Echo ignores the look on your face as you meet her eyes, and she pulls you into a hug instead. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

You nod a little, trying to shake off your shock as you pull away and smile at her. “Me too.”

Hope moves closer to you next, her eyes locked on the black blood dripping down your face. “Okay? What about the blood all over her face?”

She hugs you and then turns to glare at the door, where your previous captors are no longer standing. “What the hell did they do to you?”

“I panicked when they came for me. Me and Gabriel started fighting them off, but it didn’t exactly go well.”

Diyoza’s motherly instincts kick in, and despite the lack of relationship that you share with the older woman, the two of you are bonded through your mutual love for Hope and Octavia. She reaches for you, tipping your chin to get a look at the cut on your face, the same way Gabriel did when you first got it. She mutters, “Looks like you broke a few stitches.”

“Figures.”

Her gaze lifts over your head to call out to someone on the other side of the room. “Any way we could get a first aid kit?”

“Of course.”

The familiar voice makes your brows pull together as you rack your brain and try to identify it. When you turn towards the source of the sound, they appear to your right, holding out a first aid kit, a small smile on their face. You look up and meet Levitt’s gaze, smiling back at him. “Oh my god, you’re okay. I got worried when I didn’t see you in M-Cap.”

“First Disciple Anders thought I’d be better suited to train everyone. But now, with your arrival, I suspect he’ll be joining us.”

“Because of me?”

Levitt glances around the room, towards the other trainees, native Bardoans, who are all watching you closely, clearly talking about you. He glances back and lowers his voice so they can’t hear him. “I’ve heard he’s taken an interest in you, especially now that you won’t let them into your head. Plus, you’re a twin. We’ve never had any twins here, so I’m sure you’ll be pretty popular all around.”

“Oh great, so I have a target on my back.”

“Only until the Key arrives.” You give Levitt a look, both of you aware of the dangers of discussing Clarke, knowing what you both know. Octavia doesn’t miss the look, her gaze bouncing between you both before she worriedly whispers, “What?”

Behind you, the door slides open, and the room grows quieter. You turn to see why, watching as Anders walks into the room. Levitt pushes the first aid kit into your hand before moving to greet him, and you glance at Octavia and mutter, “Tell you later.”

She nods, and Diyoza takes the first aid kit from you, quickly taking over the job of doctor as Anders addresses the room. “I know you’ve all been training for the last few days, but we have a new training partner joining us, Miss Griffin.”

Everyone turns their rapt attention away from him to look your way, before quickly turning back again when Anders continues, “I don’t often lead the training, but with such a unique group in front of me, I couldn’t resist the prospect of showing our new recruits the importance of our cause. Although half of you were not born in the cause, everyone has the ability within them to serve humanity. Give everything to the group. Trust in the process. _Trust in each other._ ”

He looks over each of you, his eyes lingering on you the longest as Diyoza finishes up with your cut. You shiver, his gaze sending a chill down your spine, so much of his presence reminding you of Shumway. The thought makes your hands clammy. Finally, Anders lifts his hands a little and says, “For all mankind.”

The others in the room repeat after him, lifting their hands and echoing his words, and you feel another chill roll over you at the weird cult mentality of the Bardoans. It weirded you out when the people of Sanctum did it, it weirded you out when Orlando did it, and it weirds you out now. No one seems to notice your discomfort as Anders announces, “We’ll start with some simple sparring, please choose a partner.”

You and Diyoza stand, wandering over with the others to choose someone to spar with, but Anders calls out to you. “Not you, Miss Griffin. I have something to show you.”

You look towards the others in alarm, but you all know there is nothing that any of you can do. So you step away from the partner you chose and move towards Anders with apprehension. He looks over the rest of the group, waiting patiently, and calls out, “You may begin.”

You hear four take downs nearly immediately, and you turn around to smile at your triumphant friends, all standing over their defeated partners. Levitt looks towards Anders, who directs, “Again. But slower.”

Everyone nods in compliance, and once the sparring begins again, Anders motions towards the door, urging you to walk ahead. You do, stepping aside as he opens the door and leads you down the hall, towards the elevator. You look at the back of his head, your eyes flitting down every open hallway you pass, wondering if you can make a run for it. Anders must sense your desire to escape, because without turning around, he remarks, “They’re already on high alert, Miss Griffin. The disciples are already expecting you to run. How about, for once, you stay and listen?”

He turns to look at you, waiting for your answer, and you stare back at him. You hate Bardo, you hate Anders, you hate what this place symbolizes to you. _Death, torture, capture, prison._ But you can’t leave. Ignoring all of your failed attempts and what they did to Bellamy, you can’t go anywhere without your friends, and you can’t go anywhere now that Clarke is supposedly on her way. Which means, you might as well play along. Listen to what they have to say, saving information for later, biding your time until a successful escape is possible. So you nod at Anders, accepting whatever he’s offering.

He nods a little and continues on, back towards the elevator. When you reach the doors, he hits the button and they slide open, and as you step inside, you ask, “Where are we going?”

Anders presses another button, which opens a little door, a small camera sliding out of it. Answering you and directing the machine, he simply states, “Surface.”

The doors slide closed and a smaller door opens, revealing a pile of masks. Anders takes two, passing you one, and as the elevator starts to move, he turns to look at you. “Your friends only agreed to disciple training to get out of their cells, and you’re only agreeing to it now to protect them. But that’s because you’re blind to what’s really going on. I’m about to open your eyes to the truth of our cause, because I realize from the time we’ve spent in your head that taking things on faith is not in your nature. I’m going to show you what happens if we lose the Last War.”

You say nothing, you just stand as far from him as you can, riding the elevator to the top, curious to see what it’s like. As it reaches the last few feet, Anders turns to you again. “Mask on. The particulate matter in the air is lethal to humans. It’ll literally calcify you from the inside.”

You nod and press your mask to your face, attaching it with the clasp behind your head. You can hear your breaths moving through the mask, your body taking in filtered air before pushing it out again. Despite the anxiety that sits with you constantly in Bardo, you are eerily calm in this moment, your breaths coming out in steady puffs. The elevator makes a small sound to let you know you’ve arrived, and the doors slide open to reveal a grim view outside.

You weren’t sure what you were expecting to see on the surface, but it wasn’t gray skies, accented by flashes of lightning, and it certainly wasn’t the large crystal giants that dot the landscape, rock hard and unmoving. You stare at the scene in front of you in shock, remembering back to when all of you nearly came to the surface without masks in an attempt to escape, stopped only by Gabriel, who didn’t want to take the risk. Something that everyone was annoyed about in the moment, but ultimately it saved your life. You whisper, “Gabriel saved us.”

But then your brain remembers that you were forcefully dragged from your shared room with Gabriel, leaving him behind bruised and bloodied. You turn to look at Anders, your voice a little harder than before. “Where is Gabriel? Is he okay?”

“Gabriel is no longer your concern.” You glare at him, and Anders must sense that he is losing you. Your anger is rising again, not fond of being told you can’t see your friends, so he tries to redirect your attention back to the view outside. “If we lose the Last War, this will be all that is left of us.”

You glance at the scene again, before stepping away from the door, not wanting to fall for his bullshit again. “Not if I can help it.”

He smiles a little but says nothing. He just closes the doors to the elevator and takes you back down, pulling his mask off and holding out his hand for yours. You pass it to him and he stows them away again, both of you standing in silence until the elevator arrives at your new destination. Without waiting, Anders steps off the elevator and begins walking down the halls. You quickly scramble after him, turning to look at the closing elevator door to check what floor you’re on. _Three. Level three is living quarters for level 1s through 7s._ You turn to look at Anders as he walks down the hall, quietly reading numbers off to himself. He stops near the end of a long hallway, near the branch that takes you to other rows of rooms. He waits for you to stop beside him, before he motions towards a door. “Room 301.”

You look at the door and then to him, and he motions towards it again. “Open it. It’s yours.”

You look at him in disbelief, sure that you’d always be sharing a room with the others, or a prison cell, but never expecting to get one of your own. You reach out and put your hand on the sensor, and the door slides open, revealing a pretty large room. There’s a bed pushed up against the wall, a small desk and dresser, and a second door that you can’t see into from where you’re standing. You look at Anders again, distrusting, and he motions for you to go inside. “It’s your room, Miss Griffin. There are no tricks.”

You step inside, your feet carrying you into the center of the room, turning slowly to take it all in. It’s bigger than the one you shared with Bellamy, bigger than the one you shared with Clarke, bigger than the one you shared with Gabriel on Skyring. The room you had at Becca’s mansion is the only room you’ve ever had that is bigger than this, but you only stayed there for a few days, and it never belonged to you. This room is _yours_ for what will be weeks, something that seems hard for you to understand. 

Anders steps into the room behind you, walking towards the second door, and he steps inside to turn on the light. Behind him you can see the makings of a bathroom, and you step towards it in awe. It has a large shower, a sink, a toilet, a mirror, and a cabinet full of soap. You feel overwhelmed, unused to rooms like this. Despite it only holding the necessities, it’s still the nicest room you’ve ever been able to call your own, and you look at Anders in shock. He’s smiling a little, like he’s enjoying exposing you to the modern luxuries of Bardo. And you realize instantly, that’s exactly it. He’s seen memories of you on the Ark, and the Dropship, and Arkadia. He’s seen memories of you sleeping outside, up in trees, in caves, in wet tents. He’s seen memories of you after days of being unable to bathe on the ground, your hair matted and tangled and caked with mud. He’s seen you covered in blood, sometimes your own, sometimes others, and you know what he must think of you. 

That you’re a _savage_.

A primitive, wild girl that has never known rules or order or the complexities of a modern society. And it’s ironic, because at one point, that’s how you and your people once saw the Grounders, until you too became just like them. Over time, it was easy to see that just because their culture was different than yours, it didn’t make it less than. The same thing can be said for the people of Mount Weather or Sanctum. Just because they’re different, it doesn’t mean any of you are more superior than the other. 

But Anders will never agree with that. This man, who has spent his entire life growing up in this cult like society, with constant access to food, water, medicine, resources, and _safety_ , he will _never_ understand. He will never understand fighting for your life or for your friends and families lives. He will never understand what it’s like to take a life, even when you don’t want to. He will never understand the _ugliness_ of war. He has spent his entire life training for a war that he will never be ready for. 

You shake your head a little, the beauty of the room wearing off a little. Because now you see that you’re standing inside the room of a stone castle, in front of a man who thinks he’s better than you, but who is so desperate for the memories of you and the people you love. You meet his gaze, and you can tell that he has picked up on the change in your attitude. Still, he motions to the room again and says, “Stay here and get some rest, you’ve had a long few days. Training for you will begin tomorrow, with the others, in the room you were in earlier.”

You nod and watch as he moves towards the door, intending to leave you behind, but he stops just before he exits, turning to look at you again. “Miss Griffin, you’ll soon understand the importance of our cause. What we do, we do for all mankind, to save us all. Trust the process.”

And then without another word, he turns and leaves, the door sliding shut behind him, leaving you alone for the first time in a long time. You stand frozen in the middle of the room, unsure of what to do, your mind racing with a million thoughts at once. _Levitt says Anders has taken an interest in you. In what way? Should you be worried? Is he like Shumway? Or does he only care about you because of your connection to Clarke? And where the hell is Gabriel? Is he okay? Is he worried? And what’s up with Echo’s scars? Or the crystal giants? Or this Last War?_

You shake your head, dislodging the tornado of thoughts, unable to process any of them right now. Instead, you step towards the bathroom again, moving to stand in front of the mirror. You can’t remember the last time you got a look at yourself, but something about the moment reminds you of standing in front of a mirror in Mount Weather. Just like then, there is blood on your face, except instead of being the red blood of a guard, it’s your own black blood. And instead of Bellamy coming into the room to wrap his arms around you, he is dead and you are alone. 

You feel tears threaten to rise at the thought of your fiance, and in an attempt to distract yourself you pull open the cabinet to reveal the supplies left for you. You reach for a bar of soap and close the cabinet again, turning on the water to wash the blood from your face. You get your face damp and reach for the soap, lathering your hands, releasing the scent. It’s familiar, hitting you like a train, reminding you of that special bar of soap from your father, a moon etched into the top. This bar in your hand is decoration free, but it takes you back, sending you tumbling into your memories, and the emotion that has threatened to overtake you finally wins out. 

Bellamy’s death, failing to save your friends multiple times, missing Clarke, the stress of M-Cap, this unfamiliar place, all of it weighs on you and breaks you down. You drop to your knees, your face still wet, your tears mingling with the water, and you start to cry, thinking about everything you’ve been through recently, allowing yourself this moment of weakness. Wanlida watches on, allowing the display of emotion, aware that you need this release now to control yourself later. Because these moments of weakness must always be private after this. This stone castle and the people within its walls are dangerous, and you can’t let them see any weakness in you. You have to play the part of a perfect soldier, despite wanting nothing more than to burn Bardo to the ground. 

And tomorrow, a perfect soldier is what you’ll be.

But today, in this moment, you allow yourself to be human; broken, hurting, and lonely.

-

_Day 3 of training, 75 days until Clarke’s arrival_

You sit in a chair in a dimly lit hallway, your foot shaking with nerves as you stare at the door across from you.

One by one your friends have gone in, but none of them have come out again. You have no idea what’s going on, and the others were just as confused earlier, sitting around anxiously until Levitt steps out to call them in. You’re the last one standing, wondering why that is, wishing you could touch your necklace for strength or twirl your ring as a distraction. But both are together and clasped around your ankle, tucked into your sock and then your boot, afraid that it’s just another thing Bardo will want to take from you.

Finally, after what feels like days of anxious waiting, Levitt steps out into the hall. He doesn’t have time to say your name because you’re already on your feet and moving towards him as soon as you see the door start to open. You step inside the room, ready to see your friends, disappointed to find none of them. A door on the other side of the room gives you a good idea why. 

But strangely enough, stretched out in a chair in front of you, his eyes closed, is Anders.

His hands are clasped over his stomach, his expression calm, and you turn to look at Levitt. “What is this? What’s going on?”

“I can’t say anything until after the test. It could alter your results.”

You give him a confused look, but he ignores it and leads you over to a second empty chair. You slide into it, your heart rate picking up as your anxiety grows, and Levitt fidgets with a few things behind you before moving to your side. “Hold out your arm.”

You give him a skeptical look. “Why?”

“It’ll be easier if you don’t fight.”

You almost roll your eyes at him. “Levitt, you’ve been inside of my head. You’ve seen enough to know by now that I’m not one to go quietly.”

“That’s exactly what you said to Kane when Pike locked you up.”

Whatever witty response you had ready to go dies on your tongue at the mention of Kane. You didn’t even realize you said the same thing now, but as Levitt mentions it, you know he’s right. You don’t know why, but it makes you stick out your arm, offering it to the man. Maybe it’s because you know Kane would want you to. Maybe it’s your own morbid curiosity. 

Levitt pushes a needle connected to some tubing into the vein near the inside of your elbow, before flipping a switch and pushing a red liquid through the tubing towards you. You watch it come closer, getting more anxious with each passing second, until finally it reaches your arm. Within seconds, you can feel yourself getting drowsy, your lids suddenly heavy, pulling closed before you can even fight it.

When you wake up again, you’re in Shallow Valley. You’re in the house you picked out for you and Bellamy, and the sun is shining through the window over your head. It’s warm and nice, and for a second you start to lose yourself in the feeling, until you realize that something isn’t right. Your eyes fly open and you look down, your gaze falling on your bound hands and feet. You’re tied to the chair beneath you, restrained, and a gag is pulled tight through your mouth. And as you try to process what happened and how you got here, your brain searching for the memory, you hear muffled cries from the other room. You look up in alarm, screaming through your gag to whoever it is. They scream back, and you swear you hear a muffled cry of “la lune” mixed in with their cries. 

You look around, trying to find a way out, your eyes landing on your Grounder knife across the room. You scoot your chair across the room as gracefully as you can, turning when you reach the small table, reaching out as far as you can with your bound hands. You peer over your shoulder, grasping clumsily for the knife, nearly sighing with relief when your hand closes over it. You turn it around in your hands and saw at the ropes restraining you, cutting your hand in the process, but you don’t care. You’re too focused on escaping, sawing as fast as you can until your hands eventually break free. 

The ropes hit the ground and you move your hand to the front, frantically sawing through the rope around your feet. You’re able to get it loose much faster, your feet dropping free, and you quickly stand and pull the gag from your mouth as you move into the next room. There, tied side by side in chairs, are Clarke and Bellamy. They’re both looking at you in alarm, their cries growing more frantic, and you don’t understand why until you feel a blade at your throat. You freeze and a voice grunts, “Drop the knife.”

You do as you’re told, and the person kicks the knife away before hitting you in the back of the head so hard you see stars. You stumble forward, onto your hands and knees, fighting against the unconsciousness that threatens to take you, as two sets of boots walk past you and move to stand in front of your fiance and twin. You look up, your eyes falling on two familiar looking Eligius prisoners. Something about the moment feels wrong, off, but you can’t place why. 

Each of the prisoners lifts a gun at their own prisoner, the two most important people in your life. Terrified, you yell, “What do you want?”

“To watch you suffer.”

Two guns cock, one after the next, and you look between Bellamy and Clarke in horror, both of them crying and calling out for you, while you sit frozen in fear, unsure what to do. As you struggle to decide, two shots ring out through the room. A scream tears through you as you look up in alarm, expecting to find Clarke and Bellamy dead, but they’re both okay, just looking behind you in surprise. Behind them, two dead bodies stretch across the floor, both prisoners killed by someone else. 

You spin around, your eyes locking on Anders, who stands with a gun in his hand, still smoking. He lowers it, and you stare at him with tears in your eyes. “Thank you.”

“I didn’t do it for you, I did it _for all mankind_.” You hear movement behind you and you turn, Clarke and Bellamy both untied and standing, their clothes different than they were before. _Are they different? Were they always in white?_ They are now in the same clothes as Anders, the long white gown common amongst the Bardoans. You look back at Anders with confusion. “What’s going on?”

“They’re one of us. They belong to the cause.”

You shake your head, “No they aren’t. They’re mine. _My_ fiance, _my_ twin, _my family_.”

He tilts his head to the side, saying nothing as he motions for Clarke and Bellamy to join him. They do, walking right past you, not even sparing you another look, stepping outside of the small house without you. You stand and try to move after them, but a disciple stops you in your tracks, holding you in place as you call out, “Bellamy! Clarke! Wait! Come back, don’t leave me here! Please!”

They never turn back for you, but Anders does, his face smiling. “Join the cause and you won’t feel fear. You won’t feel lonely. You won’t feel broken. Isn’t that what you want?”

“No, I just want my damn family back!”

You get a rush of a feeling, one you’re struggling to identify, but you never get time to figure out why. Anders shakes his head at you, disappointed, and turns to follow Bellamy and Clarke out the door. You stay trapped inside, held back by a disciple, screaming for them until your throat feels raw and painful. As you scream, you pass out with panic, and when your eyes pull open again, you wake with another scream. “Bellamy!”

But as your eyes look around, you find that you are back on Bardo in a stark white room, sitting beside Anders, who is now turned towards you. You sit up and turn to him with a glare, yanking the needle from your arm as you do. “What the hell was that?”

“A test, and you failed. Like Octavia, Hope, and Diyoza before you. You need to give up on your selfish love, the love you have for your twin and your romantic love.”

Your glare deepens, anger starting to rise within you. “I can’t just turn it off like a robot.”

“Then you’d better learn to, because if you don’t come over to the cause, you’ll be sent back to Penance one at a time to grow old and die alone.” He stands, giving you a serious look as he does. “I suggest you commit to the training, or you’ll lose your sanity and your life.”

He turns and leaves the room, through the door you walked into, leaving you alone. You sit in shock, frozen, just like you were before. You look up at Levitt, who has been standing silently nearby, and you ask, “What was that?”

“A fear simulation. It draws on your deepest fears and amplifies them.” You say nothing, still frozen, and Levitt continues, “Those two guys that Anders killed, who were they?”

You rack your brain, taking yourself back to the simulation, recognizing the men instantly now that you’re back in reality. “Eligius prisoners. Brothers. I killed one when they came back to Earth, and the other tried to kill me in revenge before we left Earth. I almost died.”

Levitt nods, sensing how heavy this is weighing on you, and he motions towards the door. “The others are waiting for you.”

You nod in thanks, standing on shaky legs, and walk towards the door, out to the people on the other side who are keeping you from being a perfect disciple. 

-

_Day 5 of training, 73 days until Clarke’s arrival_

You walk down the hall slowly, your eyes scanning the faces of those passing you, wondering if they’re suspicious of you or where you’re heading. But everyone seems uninterested in you or your destination, too invested in their own personal activities. When you reach the door marked 321, you hit the button and immediately slip inside, just like Octavia told you to earlier. During your sparring session, all of you agreed that you needed to meet and catch up, away from prying eyes and ears. Everyone agreed to meet in Echo’s room during personal hours to discuss everything you haven’t had the chance to until now.

As the door slides shut behind you, you look up and find that Echo, Hope, Diyoza, and Octavia are already here, talking quietly, waiting for you. They look up at the sound of your arrival, and Octavia hugs you in greeting before motioning for you to sit beside her on the floor. The two Diyoza women are on the bed, and Echo is leaning against the wall, stoic. Everyone turns to you first, wanting to hear what you were up to before joining them in training. “I guess I should start by telling all of you that Clarke isn’t the Key. They think she is because she had the Flame in her head in Polis, but they don’t realize that she took it out that very same day.”

“So their obsession over her is all for nothing?”

You turn to Hope and nod, before adding, “Levitt knows. He saw it in my memories and told me that I couldn’t let them in my head anymore in M-Cap. So after deleting the file, he told me how to beat the machine, which is what I started doing the next day. Eventually, Anders realized I wasn’t letting him back in again and now I’m here.”

“Why are they keeping us separated from Gabriel?”

You shake your head at Octavia and shrug. “I’m not sure. Levitt did tell me that I was being kept from all of you because they were worried I’d try to escape once we reunited. Maybe they know we won’t leave without Gabriel, or maybe it’s because he’s part of the cipher team for the stone and they’re worried he’ll pass information to us.”

Diyoza adds, “They want us to break our bonds.”

“That too. They can’t really keep the five of us separated because it would be a pain to train us all that way, but they can keep us away from him at the very least.” You sigh and shrug, “For now, we know we have a friend somewhere else around here. He knows the truth about Clarke too.”

Echo, who has been silent up until now, finally speaks up. “With the exception of Levitt and Gabriel, this needs to stay between us.”

“Agreed. I’m worried we’ll become more expendable if they know the truth, so we hold this one close to our chest until we need to use it.” You look around the room at everyone, making sure they nod in agreement before you ask, “Good. Now what were the four of you up to while I was gone?”

“Nothing as exciting as you. We spent seven days locked up before Echo figured out that they wanted us to fight, so we agreed to join their cause. We were only training for a few days when you showed up.”

“Did Anders take you to the surface?”

“Yes.”

You nod. “Good, so now we all know that the only way off of Bardo is through the heavily guarded Stone Room. They say Clarke is on her way to us, but because of time dilation, it’ll be a few weeks before she arrives. Until then, we play the part of disciple, pass their tests, and earn their trust. Agreed?”

You again make sure everyone nods before you ask, “Is there anything else we should all know?”

Everyone shakes their heads, nothing of importance to offer. But Diyoza speaks up to say, “We should only meet when necessary, and we’ll use a different room each time, just in case. When someone has something to share, find a way to signal the others, and we’ll meet in Octavia’s room next. Sound good?”

Everyone nods in agreement before Diyoza stands. “Wait a few minutes before leaving. I’ll see you beauty queens tomorrow.”

And without another word, she slips from the room. You, Octavia, and Hope talk for a few minutes before Hope is the next to leave, and then you and Octavia hang out before she too leaves, you and Echo now alone. You linger for a minute, looking at her, your incredibly stoic friend, her face still fresh with scars. This is the first time you’ve really been able to talk to her since you found out about Bellamy’s death, and you’re starting to worry that she isn’t taking it well. You glance over at her, her eyes locked on her feet, avoiding your gaze, and you mutter, “Echo. Ash. talk to me.”

She looks up, shrugging off your concern the same way you shrugged off hers on Skyring. “I’m fine.”

Your eyes land on the scars on her face, and you cut her a look. She shrugs again, “This is how my people symbolize that the pain is over. The wound is healed, but we never forget. I will never forget what they did to Bellamy, to my family, to _you_.”

“Echo, I don’t want you to lose yourself to this cause. You were the one that told me losing yourself to the mission only hurts yourself. I don’t want that for you.”

“ _I_ want it for me. I failed Bellamy, and you, and my family. Bardo broke us, so I’m going to break them.”

You shake your head, “We are not broken, Echo. Bellamy may be gone, but he lives on in us and our family. We’re going to survive and live _for him_. We’re going to get off of this planet and go home.”

She nods a little, tears in her eyes, though she tries to hide them. You spent five years on a planet with her, becoming like family, and you know how important that is to her. Losing part of her family is like losing part of herself, and it’s not something Echo takes lightly, which is obvious by her quiet intensity. You start to worry that she’ll never soften again, existing only in torn edges and sharp corners, which is why you hold your arms out for her, urging her to come hug you. You don’t know if it’s enough, if it’ll help, but it seems like the right thing to do. She crosses the room towards you and pulls you into her arms, the two of you standing in the middle of her room, sniffing quietly as you both hold back tears, mourning the man you both loved.

Losing Bellamy is like losing part of yourself, part of your heart, and you’re sure the hole in your heart will never be filled, not even if you fall in love again. Because Bellamy is special. He’s bright and magnetic and wonderful, with a soft side that he keeps hidden for those closest to him. He is stormy and protective and loyal, and it’s hard to fathom a world without him in it. You’re not sure if your brain will ever fully process the loss, because it’s easier to pretend that he’s somewhere else. Back on Sanctum, waiting for you in your room above the tavern. Back on Earth, in the house you saved for you both, _the Iliad_ in his hands, just waiting to read to you.

Bellamy was easy to love, which makes him hard to lose. The world seems less bright without him in it, and it hurts you to know that so few people know of his loss. He deserves to be mourned properly, to be buried somewhere he can be visited, but you’ll likely never get that. Not with his body gone, blown to bits by the disciple and his grenade. And maybe that’s what hurts most of all, that he can’t be mourned in the way he deserves. He didn’t deserve to be killed the way he was, he didn’t deserve the death that was given to him. He deserved to live long and grow old, with you by his side, watching his grandchildren play. He deserved a life happier than the one he got, with no more war or killing. Instead, he was killed while trying to protect Octavia. Something that is so true to his nature, but so painful nonetheless.

As you pull away from Echo and look into her tear stained face, you regret that there are five years worth of memories that you never got to share with him. He never got to see your friendship with Echo, or hear about your non crooked stitches. You never got to share your cooking with him, or show him how well you can shoot a bow. You have five years of memories, all of them without him, all of them made while he was being killed on Bardo.

-

_Day 12 of training, 66 days until Clarke’s arrival_

Before training could begin, Anders pulls you, Octavia, Echo, Hope, and Diyoza from the room and tells you to follow him and Levitt to some unknown destination. None of you argue, though you’re not sure you would if you could, silently following the two men down the hall, long aware of the fact that the questions you ask are rarely answered. 

They lead the five of you to a lab, one technician inside. They flip on the lights in the room, revealing two long rows of tubes, a baby floating inside each one. The five of you all exchange a weird look before you tentatively move closer, stopping in front of one of the tubes to look at the baby floating inside. Levitt and Anders let all of you take in the sight in silence, aware that it’s a lot to process. Diyoza is the first to accept the babies, her tone light as she jokes, “No morning sickness, sign me up.”

Anders nods and expands on her point. “No negative effects on a person’s health in any way, and we can monitor the embryos and the extracorporeal gestational systems for birth defects and correct them before they are born.”

Levitt sees you and Octavia still exchanging weirded out looks, and he adds, “I know it must seem strange, but the fact that you gestated in someone’s body is equally as bizarre to us.”

Diyoza turns to Hope and smirks, “You did kick the hell out of my kidneys.”

“Exactly. In our method, none of our people are laid up for extended periods of time. Do you want to know how many embryos we have?” Anders pauses to look at all of you, his eyes landing on you as he continues. “35, the same number of disciples that you have murdered.”

All of you exchange a tense look, clearly not forgiven for the disciples you’ve killed, but Octavia shakes her head, confused. “If you need as many warriors as possible, then why don’t you just hatch a larger army?”

“Resources. It’s a limited world.”

Hope mutters, “And you can only mind control so many at a time, so-”

Diyoza cuts her off and cuts her a look, trying to cover for her by asking, “And these kids, they don’t have and parents to take care of them after they’re…deglopped?”

Anders nods, “The team raises the children until they’re ready for the creche, and then it’s everyone’s job.”

Diyoza clarifies, “So they don’t form selfish bonds.”

Anders smiles a little, “Exactly. You’re learning.”

Hope cuts a look at her mother, and Diyoza cuts one right back, the two women clearly not on the same page. You turn away and look back at one of the babies, your hand instinctively lifting to your own stomach. You try to imagine what it’s like to be pregnant, something you thought you’d get to experience with Bellamy. But now, that is just another dream stolen by Bardo. You feel a pang of sadness for the children you’ll never get to have with him, reminded each day that you spend in Bardo that this planet has stolen nearly everything from you. 

You have to push away the flash of anger that threatens to rise, reminding yourself to be a mask of calm, playing your part until you can get out of here.

-

_Day 14 of training, 64 days until Clarke’s arrival_

Two days after your trip to see the test tube babies, Anders announces another field trip, this time, without Levitt. He stays behind to train the others while Anders leads you down the hall to one of the classrooms, eager to give all of you a taste of the education that the Bardoans receive when they’re younger. You’re all led into a large classroom, all of the walls covered with artwork, reminding you of the school on Sanctum, and the school in Mount Weather, making you long for the school on the Ark that you never got to attend. 

There are five kids in the room with the teacher, who greets Anders enthusiastically. Behind the five children are five empty chairs, one for each of you, and you take a seat between Octavia and Echo. Anders and the teacher speak quietly for a minute, clearly discussing what the kids have been learning, because Anders turns around and smiles. “I understand you have learned a lot about the Shepherd’s journey. Who can tell me about Etherea?”

A girl in front of Hope eagerly waves her hand, and Anders points at her. She drops her hand and answers, “The mountain was very tall and very scary, but the Shepherd was brave and wise.”

“Excellent. Who else can tell me something about the Shepherd’s journey to enlightenment? What passage do we have in our books about it?” Nearly everyone raises their hand, except for the little boy sitting in front of you. Anders directs his gaze over to him, and nods. “Sean.”

Sean looks up at him, worried, and stutters, “I- I don’t know.”

The teacher looks at Sean with an empathetic smile. “Sometimes when new things happen, we get nervous. We have feelings we need to learn to control, otherwise they control us. But when we feel out of control, we know what to do. Perhaps we’ll have the honor of Mr. Anders leading us in our exercise.”

Anders nods, still smiling. “My pleasure. Okay, close your eyes.”

The kids quickly comply, but the five of you are more suspicious. Octavia glances at you, and you both shrug, before she closes her eyes. Then Echo, then Diyoza, until only you and Hope have your eyes open. Anders opens his and looks between you both, urging, “Everyone.”

You suppress an eye roll and close your eyes, listening to Anders as he leads the room. “Now take a deep breath. Hold it and let it out slowly on the count of three.” 

You do as he says, taking in a deep breath, letting it out slowly when he tells you to. Then you listen as everyone in the room chants, “The Shepherd brings us calm. The Shepherd brings us wisdom. The Shepherd brings us love for all mankind.”

There is a pause before Anders takes the lead again, “Now open your eyes and breathe.”

All of you comply, your eyes pulling open and landing on Anders, who is steadily watching Hope. You glance over at her, noting the annoyance on her face, which Anders also seems to notice, though he pretends not to. “Excellent. Miss Haggerman, thank you for your time. Continue working hard.”

He motions for all of you to follow him, and you stand from your chairs and move towards the door, following Anders path. Behind you, you can hear Hope whisper, “Oh, this is some serious brainwashing.”

Echo counters, “These kids had it better than I ever did.”

You turn to glance at Echo, remembering the stories she’s told you of her childhood, and you offer her a sympathetic look. She pretends not to notice, all of you remembering to go blank faced as soon as you’re out in the hall and under the watchful eyes of the disciples, morphing into who they want you to be.

-

_Day 18 of training, 60 days until Clarke’s arrival_

You all sit in tense silence, waiting for Echo, the last to arrive.

Hope and Diyoza are sitting on your bed, and you and Octavia are leaning against opposite walls, all of you anxious to begin the meeting that Echo called. You’re careful to only call these when necessary, though you’ve been even more cautious as of late, due to your training nearing its end. You know all of you will be given your final tests soon, and it’s vital that you pass and appear to be perfect soldiers. At the very least, you need to be convincing ones. 

Which is why you’ve avoided any meetings if you can help it. But Echo seemed pretty adamant that this needed to be called, so everyone complied, agreeing to gather in your room as soon as possible, which is where you are now, waiting for Echo’s arrival. It’s only a few minutes before she slips in the room, and as soon as the door is shut behind her, she closes the space between herself and Hope, glaring as she moves. “They are watching us _all of the time_. You’ve got to try harder.”

Diyoza nods in agreement. “She’s right. Echo’s the only one that passed the fear simulation, but you’re the only one who almost killed Anders.”

Hope mutters, “Yeah, wish it was real.”

“ _Stop_.“ Everyone turns to look at Octavia, who is now moving over to Hope, a scolding look on her face. “Get your anger under control, or do you want to go to Penance alone?”

“What do they want with us, anyway? We can already kick the disciples’ asses.”

You cut Hope a look, “Not the point.”

“Single minded devotion. Screw your friends, family. You’ve got to bury your love and your anger and everything else so deep they’ll never find it.”

Echo adds, “It’s not that hard.”

“Yeah, for you.” Hope turns her anger on Echo, taking the low blow. “You know, you just like having someone give you orders again so you don’t have to think for yourself.”

“Hope.” She ignores your scolding tone and keeps her gaze focused on Echo, waiting for a reaction. Echo scoffs, “I think it’s time for me to go to bed.”

She walks towards the door, but stops when she’s right in front of it, turning to look at Hope again. “Damn yourself if you want to, but I believe in what they’re teaching, and I will not let you take me down with you.”

Echo pushes the button to your door and slips outside without another word, leaving the rest of you in silence, a little stunned by her admission of believing in the disciples. None of you really know what to say after that, and Hope seems annoyed by all of you ganging up on her, so everyone breaks apart pretty soon after, going off to their respective rooms to process the new information.

-

_Day 26 of training, 53 days until Clarke’s arrival_

As soon as all of you arrive at training in the morning, Levitt informs you that today will be spent primarily working with weapons training and learning how to properly use the suits. You all follow him down the hall to a new room, one you haven’t seen before, weapons covering every inch of the walls. Levitt sends those more familiar with the suits, the native Bardoans, to a different room to spar, while you and the others are fitted with gloves. 

Octavia volunteers to go first, sitting patiently as Levitt measures her hands and picks her out a pair of gloves, while Diyoza watches on. You, Echo, and Hope walk around the room, surveying the weapons as Levitt explains the gloves to you. “They’re like trainers for the suits, and they work with muscle contractions. Not as cool as swords, but still pretty effective.”

Diyoza snorts a little at Levitt’s inability to hide his awe for Octavia, and you look over at her, the two of you sharing a look and holding back a laugh. Octavia throws both of you a scolding look before nodding towards the guns and asking, “Do we get to play with those?”

“You’ll be cross trained on all of them eventually.”

Hope points towards a weapon, built almost like a rifle, situated in a case by itself. “What is this?”

Diyoza, familiar with the weapon from her time on Earth, answers her daughter before Levitt can. “That’s a flamethrower. It’ll make you smokey and crispy.”

“We don’t know what we’ll be fighting, so we have to be prepared for everything.”

Echo nudges you and when you turn to look her way, she nods towards a large door behind Diyoza. It’s intimidating, seemingly locked tight, a warning printed on the front containing the word ‘biohazard’. You share a look with Echo before she looks over her shoulder at Levitt. “What’s in here?”

“Only level 11s and above allowed.”

“Bioweapons?”

“Not a weapon, at least not anything that we would ever use.” Levitt pauses, looking like he wants to say more, but hesitant to do so. Octavia puts her hand over his and squeezes lightly, smiling at him, laying on the charm. “If we’re gonna go all in, you’re gonna have to trust us.”

You exchange another look with Diyoza, the two of you smirking as Levitt falls for it and adds, “After years of study, we’ve managed to isolate the substance that wiped out the former inhabitants of this planet.”

You look at Levitt in confusion, “Those crystal creatures that are outside?”

“Yes. We call in Gem 9, and the little that we have would wipe out everyone on Bardo.” He seems uncomfortable to say it, noting the shock on all of your faces as you take in the fact that behind that scary door is a substance that can kill everyone here. Wanlida smiles at the thought, already working on a plan, but you shake your head and stop her, not wanting to go down that path. Not right now. Levitt must sense the shift in the attitude of the room, because he looks over all of you and calls out, “Now it’s time to train.”

After quickly fitting the rest of you for gloves, he leads you into another room, where your other trainees, and now Anders, are waiting. As soon as everyone arrives, Anders pairs you off and begins to explain the exercise of the day. “This exercise is about communication and teamwork. It’s very simple. The shooter will be firing blindly, and they’ll have to listen to their spotter to hit the small target behind me. First person who hits it wins.”

Everyone nods in understanding, and your partner, a girl named Lila, checks over your glove, making sure it’s on the right way. Once she checks it over, you turn towards Anders and the target. He looks over everyone with a smile, “Please help your partner with the blindfolds.” 

He starts to walk towards you, to get out of the way, but as he does, Echo stops him with a question. “Are these weapons lethal?”

“No.” Anders gives her a strange look, and you resist the urge to do the same thing, wondering why the hell she’d ask something like that. But you don’t have time to question it, because Lila starts to shimmy the blindfold onto your head, obstructing your vision. As she pulls it down into place, you hear Anders’ voice again, this time from behind you. “Is everyone ready?”

With a murmur of agreement, he states, “Begin.”

You lift your arm towards the general direction of the target, and Lila leans close to you, muttering by your ear. “Down a little, and to the left.”

You shift your arm and adjust your aim, waiting for her next instruction to come, but it never does. Instead, you hear three shots fire out and a series of grunts before you hear a fourth follow suit. Seconds later, you feel a shockwave pass through you, reminding you of the shock batons from the Ark, the force of it knocking you off your feet and onto the ground. You pull off your blindfold and look in Echo’s direction, down where the shots came from, your face scrunching into a glare. “What the hell?”

You pull yourself to your feet as she looks towards you, her face perfectly calm, not an ounce of regret in her expression. “I won.”

You look at her in shock, wondering who the hell this woman is, because it is not the Echo that you used to know. One glance at Hope, Diyoza, and Octavia confirms that they’re all thinking the same thing, equally as confused by this intense change in Echo. Clearly she meant it when she told all of you she believed in what they’re teaching in Bardo, because she’s only gotten weirder and more distant since then. 

Levitt gives Echo a look too, responding to her claim of victory. “Technically, but you broke the spirit of the rules.”

She shrugs, “Following rules isn’t how you win a war.”

Behind you, you can hear Anders whisper to Levitt, his voice thick with admiration. “Perfect control. That is how we win.”

You shake your head, not sure you’d ever want to do something that pleases Anders that much. You know that all of you are supposed to be playing the part of perfect disciples, but now you’re really starting to worry that Echo is no longer playing. That this is very real for her and that she will betray all of you for Bardo, which worries you even more considering that she knows the secret about Clarke, and the lack of the Flame in her head. If she really believes what Bardo is teaching, you might need to be more careful around her, just in case. And you hate the idea that you’re possibly losing part of your family to Bardo, another thing stolen from you, but at this point, it’s more important to you to protect Clarke, and that means keeping the secret of the Flame.

-

_Day 37 of training, 42 days until Clarke’s arrival_

You wake before the morning alarm and lie awake in bed, staring at the ceiling. Your thoughts immediately drift to Bellamy and Clarke, something you’ve let yourself do less of the last few days as you prepare for your final tests in becoming a disciple. You don’t know when they’re coming, they just seem to spring them on you the day of, meaning you have to stay prepared. And anytime you let yourself get lost in your thoughts and memories of Bellamy and Clarke, you find it difficult to focus for the rest of the day, difficult to play the part you’re supposed to be playing, your emotions written all over your face for everyone to see. 

So instead of letting your brain run free this morning, you hop into the shower, turning the water as hot as it will go, hoping it will serve as a good distraction from the chaos in your mind. You focus on the movements of your shower, washing your hair and face and body, carefully getting the knots out of your hair, getting ready for another day as a disciple. As soon as you step out and dry off, you immediately get dressed, not wanting the chill of Bardo to reach you. Before you pull on your socks and boots, you reach down and touch the necklace now chained around your ankle, making sure that it’s still securely in place. The moon hangs just above your foot, a ring held next to it, the last two of your most prized possessions that you still have left. 

You haven’t seen your Grounder knife since you tried to break out of Bardo a few weeks ago, and you left _the Iliad_ back in Sanctum, assuming you’d return in no time. Now it’s been over five years and you’re no closer to returning than you were when you arrived at Skyring initially. You sigh and shake the thoughts from your head, tucking the belongings into your sock before pulling on your shoes and heading out for the day, walking straight to the mess hall. 

You look around the room, eyes scanning for Gabriel, wishing you could just get a glance of him and see that he’s okay. Not knowing is killing you more than anything. But just like every other morning, Gabriel is not in the mess hall, leaving you to wonder about his fate as you quickly eat your breakfast. Leaving you to hope that soon, all of you can be reunited again, and you can get off of Bardo.

-

_Day 54 of training, 25 days until Clarke’s arrival_

Anders releases all of you from training late, well past the time you usually stop for dinner. Once he finally lets you go, everyone rushes off in search of leftovers, but you linger behind, not ready to join them just yet. Your mind has been racing all day, plagued by thoughts of your life before Bardo, your body almost aching with how much you want to be back with the people you love. As the others make a beeline for dinner, you wander the halls of Bardo, letting your feet take you where they want to go. Eventually, unsurprisingly, you find yourself in front of the door to the oxygen farm, staring at the button that will let you in. Technically, there are no rules that you’re aware of that are keeping you out of the arboretum, but you’re sure your presence in the room is highly discouraged, especially considering the fact that you killed ten people when you were here last.

Still, the allure of the woods is too strong and you reach out for the button, slipping inside unnoticed. You kneel just inside of the room and quickly tug off your shoes and socks, standing again and letting the damp grass tickle your feet. You haven’t felt the calming aspect of nature in weeks, your body confined to the harsh and sterile landscape of Bardo. You relish in the feel of the Earth between your toes, the cool mist that hangs in the air, and you’re reminded again how easy it is to pretend that you’re back home on Earth and not on some planet training for a war that you don’t want to fight.

You walk through the trees, reaching out to touch their trunks as you pass, picking a few flowers as you spot them. Nothing more than weeds and wildflowers, not wanting to take the nicer flowers, just wanting something that can remind you of this place once you have to leave again. 

You eventually wander into a field, surrounded by different flowers and plants, and as you reach out and pick a few, you recite their names, something that you used to do with Clarke in Shallow Valley. She was insistent that you and Madi learn the different types of plants that could be used for medicinal purposes, including what those purposes were, and you and Madi spent a lot of time reciting the plants to each other, finding it to be the easiest way to remember. As you reach for a pretty purple flower, you whisper, "Lavender. Lavandula angustifolia, thought to be good for anxiety, sleep, and relaxation.”

You slip the lavender into the rest of your bundle, nearly jumping out of your skin when a voice from behind you says, “You shouldn’t be in here.”

Your eyes go wide as you turn and lock eyes with Anders, his smiling expression not matching his scolding tone. His eyes drop to the flowers in your hand and you mutter, “I’m sorry. I just wanted to wind down after training and I thought this might be a nice place to do it.”

“Do you do this often?”

You shake your head, “This is my first time here since…”

You trail off, not wanting to say what you’re both thinking. _Since you murdered a bunch of disciples in an escape attempt._ But Anders understands exactly what you’re alluding to, because his expression drops a little before he nods. “You seem to know a lot about the flowers in your hand.”

You shrug a little, “On Earth, Clarke wanted me to learn about different flowers and their medicinal properties. I guess I’ve retained some of it.”

“She must have picked that up from your mother. She was a doctor, correct?” You nod, but say nothing, not wanting to have this conversion with Anders, but really feeling like you have no other choice. You start to worry it’s going to make him want to put you back in M-Cap, something that you don’t want to deal with, especially now that the scar on the side of your face is healed. Anders must sense this, ever intuitive, because he almost laughs a little at the expression on your face. “Relax, Miss Griffin. I’m not here to interrogate you about Clarke or put you back in M-Cap. Though you may think otherwise, I don’t enjoy forcefully taking people’s memories. As you can see, we’ve respected your desire to no longer let us in your head.”

“Thank you.”

He acknowledges your thanks with a nod before moving closer to you. “I did come here to offer my assistance though.”

“What do you mean?” 

“You seemed distracted today, and I wanted to remind you that final tests begin soon. We don’t expect perfect emotional control from any of you, but we do expect some level of control. You were doing well, up until today, so I wanted to offer a technique.” You nod, hesitant, but unable to disagree. “Do you remember when we went to visit the class and sit in on their lesson?”

“Yes.”

“There was an exercise we did together, that we never really expanded upon to all of you. But it is one that we use in Bardo when we need help seeking control of ourselves and our emotions. I’d like to teach it to you.”

You nod, and Anders motions for you to follow him to the center of the clearing. He surprises you by sitting down in the grass, likely staining his white robes, motioning for you to do the same. You sit across from him, setting your flowers aside, and he looks at you with an unreadable expression before nodding. “Okay, close your eyes.”

You’re tense and uncomfortable, not liking the fact that you are in the oxygen farm with Anders, alone, no one aware that you’re here. And though you don’t think Anders would do anything, he still freaks you out and makes you uncomfortable. But as you close your eyes, Wanlida smiles, reminding you that you are not a sheep sitting with a wolf. _You are the wolf, and Anders is the sheep._ You have killed men and women, you have defied death at every turn, and you have led death to others. If Anders messes with you, you will do the same to him, walking him straight to Death’s door if you have to. 

Once your eyes are closed, Anders whispers, “Take in a deep breath and hold it.”

You suck in a breath and lock it inside, waiting for him to give quiet instructions. “Now let it out, slowly.”

You push the air out past your lips, releasing it back into the atmosphere around you, trying to send some of your anxieties and worries out with it. Anders then whispers, “Repeat after me. The Shepherd brings us calm.”

“The Shepherd brings us calm.”

“The Shepherd brings us wisdom.”

You whisper back, “The Shepherd brings us wisdom.”

“The Shepherd brings us love, for all mankind.”

You cringe inwardly, but you repeat the final line, “The Shepherd brings us love, for all mankind.”

And despite your better judgement, you do feel better when Anders says, “Open your eyes.”

You pull them open and look at Anders’ serene expression. “Better?”

You nod, “Yes, thank you.”

“Good.”

He stands and you follow suit, wiping the grass from your pants as he offers, “You know, they can always use extra hands in the medical ward, especially from people with real world experience. Maybe you could volunteer some of your time there.”

You force a smile to your face, “I’d like that.”

He smiles back, opening his mouth to say something else when the evening alarm rings, letting everyone know that you should get to your room if you aren’t already. Whatever Anders was going to originally say, he changes his mind with the alarm. “You should get back to your room. I’ll have someone deliver something for you to eat, because a disciple needs their strength.”

“Thank you.”

The two of you look at each other for a minute before you turn and head towards the door, grabbing your boots and socks on the way out, heading back to your room barefoot. As you move, you start to think that maybe there is some good in the repeated mantras that the disciples seem so fond of. Giving yourself something to think about other than the fears running through your head might be a good way to push back against the things that weigh on you throughout the day, which is why you create your own.

_I am war, rage singing beneath my skin, running into battle and wearing Death like a crown._

_I am the moon, loss tied to my ankles like chains, trying to pull me down, but still I rise._

_I am fire, wild and untameable, spitting flames when I walk, unapologetic as I burn down the world around me._

You repeat the words in your head, breathing deeply and pushing your worries away. By the time you reach your room, you feel a sense of calm that you don’t think you’ve felt in years.

-

_Day 68 of training, 12 days until Clarke’s arrival_

You sit in your bed, staring up at the ceiling, as usual, fiddling with a strap around your thigh. Your brain is trying to drift to distracting thoughts, anxious thoughts, and you remind yourself to stay centered by repeating your mantra in your head. “I am war, rage singing beneath my skin, running into battle and wearing Death like a crown. I am the moon, loss tied to my ankles like chains, trying to pull me down, but still I rise. I am fire, wild and untameable, spitting flames when I walk, unapologetic as I burn down the world around me.”

As you repeat the words, you hear the door to your room open, and you sit up in confusion, your eyes landing on Hope, who is standing in your doorway with a flamethrower on her back. She gives you an urgent look as she glances out into the hallway. “We need to go.”

You ignore her and stare at the weapon in her hand. “You took the flamethrower?”

“We need to torch the oxygen farm.”

You give her a confused look, “What?”

“I already shut down the fire suppression system. It’ll be an inferno. _We’ll end Bardo today._ ”

Part of her plan appeals to you, and Hope seems to recognize this because she is already turning and running out the door, expecting you to follow. You run after her, your necklace bouncing against your chest as you move, and you call out, “Hope, wait! What about your mother and Octavia and Gabriel and Echo?”

She reaches an elevator and steps inside, turning to look at you as she answers, “The alarms will create chaos. We’ll have time to get to them, and through the confusion, we’ll get to the Stone Room and get off this planet.”

You give her a look and step inside, watching her closely as you consider her plan because something feels off to you. This whole moment, something about it is strange, and it’s weighing on you, nagging at you, convincing you to stop Hope. “I don’t think you thought this through.”

“I thought you wanted this.” She shakes her head at you, disappointed. “They took Bellamy from you. They stole my life!”

“Yes, but this isn’t the right way. Let’s go get the others and run this plan by them.”

“Don’t you understand? They’ll try and stop us. You’ve seen Echo, they’ve bought in. We have to save them from themselves.”

The elevator door slides open behind you, and Hope pushes past you and out into the hallway, stalking towards the oxygen farm, despite you protesting behind her. “Hope! Hope, let’s talk about this.”

She reaches the door to the oxygen farm and smashes the button, turning on you when it slides open. “Talk? That is not the la lune that I spent five years with on Skyring. That’s not the la lune that nearly drowned trying to save Bellamy.”

She starts to step inside, disappointment rolling off of her in waves. “I guess they got to you too.”

You look at her in shock, that nagging feeling returning as you watch her walk deeper into the woods. She stops and turns towards you, fidgeting with the flamethrower as she scoffs, “You know, I thought Bellamy meant something to you.”

The blow hits you hard, making your breath stutter in your throat, because _of course Bellamy meant something to you. He still does._ Still, that nagging feeling returns, and you glare at her. “You know he does, but this isn’t right!”

“I have to save you from yourself, all of you!”

And as she reaches for the button to activate the flamethrower, your body slips into motion. You are tearing through the trees towards her, the scene unfolding like it’s in slow motion. She doesn’t realize you’re closing the space between you until you’re nearly by her side, and as you close the distance between you, your hand reaches for the Grounder knife on your thigh, pulling it from the holster and plunging it into Hope’s neck in one fell swoop. Hope looks at you in shock, blood spilling out from around the knife as she stutters and chokes, before finally she drops to her knees, and you close your eyes in sorrow, your eyes opening up to a bright white room. 

You sit up suddenly, looking down at a needle in your arm, and Hope in a chair beside you, alive and well. Behind you, Levitt stands, looking down at you, and finally the pieces connect. _The final fear simulation._ You stare at Levitt in shock as you whisper, “I killed her.”

“Yes. And you saved everyone else in Bardo.” He leans down to pull the needle from your arm, relaying the good news to you. “You passed the final test.”

You turn and stare at Hope, still in her own fear simulation, and you feel no excitement over passing the test, because you just simulated killing your friend to do it. And even though it isn’t real, it feels cruel to even put you through it, to simulate another death of someone you love on Bardo. It reminds you too much of Bellamy, and you abruptly stand, eager to leave the room and let your emotions out without anyone watching, whispering a quiet goodbye as you slip from the room.

-

_Day 80 of training, 2 days until Clarke’s arrival_

Once you pass the fear simulation, everyone is given their assignments and given the opportunity to get accustomed to your new routine. You, Octavia, Echo, and the Diyozas have been unable to meet to discuss the fact that Hope failed her fear simulation, because there are eyes on you at all times, just waiting for you to mess up before the Ceremony. You all manage to stay out of trouble and play your parts, and a little over a week later, you’re invited to the Ceremony, held inside the Stone Room. 

Your eyes move to the stone a few times throughout, so close to the way out, but so far at the same time. You try to focus on Levitt, who is moving down the front row, tattooing all of you with your new symbols, literally symbolizing your success as level 2s. He starts with Echo, and then Diyoza, and then Octavia, before finally moving over to you. He lifts the machine to the right side of your face, the two symbols burning into the skin near the start of your cheekbone, back near your hairline. It burns for a second and then it’s over, the flash of pain so temporary compared to everything else you’ve faced. 

Anders stands at the front of the room, looking you all over with pride, and once everyone has been tattooed, he begins his speech. “You should all be proud. Each of you has shown commitment to the cause, and I’m sure you will serve well in the Last War. Sadly, one of you has not been able to grow for the cause.”

He pauses to glance over at Hope, who is standing close to you, held between two disciples, back to being a prisoner. “The Shepherd is merciful. We don’t expect perfect emotional control so soon, certainly not from level 2s. Echo…”

He turns to glance at Echo, down at the other end of the front line, a small smile on his face. “You have been our star student. You fully integrated into our culture, so I’m giving you the honor of deciding Hope’s fate.”

Echo glances at Hope, your friend, your family, and shocks all of you with her decision. “We have to break her spirit, rip apart her bonds. 5 years on Penance.”

You can feel the energy shift around Diyoza, Hope, and Octavia, all of them just as shocked as you are about the sentence. And you know all of you are wondering the same thing: _is she still on your side? Is she still one of you?_ But Anders seems satisfied with the punishment, turning to look at Hope’s guards. “A fair sentence. Guards, put her in the cell block until Penance is available.”

They nod and start to lead her away, but Hope panics and starts to fight, looking at Echo with betrayal. “No, no, no! Echo, what are you doing? What are you doing!”

When she gets no reaction from Echo, she turns to her mother, fighting against the guards that are now dragging her away, screaming, “Mom, please! No! Please! Stop!”

You swallow the emotion that threatens to rise, and you know Octavia and Diyoza are doing the same thing, all of your hearts breaking at the sound of Hope’s cries. Anders moves past the moment as if nothing occurred, smiling over the group again. “Her penance begins soon, but your celebration begins now. For all mankind.”

You all lift your hands and repeat the words in perfect unison, thus cementing your fate as one of the Bardoans. A disciple. A level 2. The rest of your identity has been stripped away, hidden, individuality discouraged and unity encouraged. And all the things that make you who you are, like your love for others, your memories, your humanity, are buried deep within you, only let out when you are alone, when you can trust that no one is watching.

The months of hiding yourself scares you, because you worry that you’ll start to forget.

Forget what Bardo did to you.

To Bellamy.

To your family.

All of that hidden away in favor of being a good soldier, part of the collective, worried only about the things that will help all mankind.

-


	94. xciv. a little sacrifice (7.10)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: language, mentions of anxiety, blood, injuries, death, violence, genocide.
> 
> Summary: clarke’s arrival in bardo throws everything off, and one of your own seeks revenge against the people of bardo.

Clarke seems to remember that she’s in a room full of people, all eyes on her, because you watch her mask slip back into place as she shifts the gun closer to Cadogan’s temple. “Let them go.”

“They’re not my prisoners, Clarke.”

Clarke looks at you, her eyes begging you to say you’re joking, but with no guarantee you can get off of this planet and no guarantee that you can save Hope, you offer her nothing. You keep the same blank expression on your face as she nods, “Great, then here’s the deal. I’ll use the Key to help you, but only after you let my people return to Sanctum.”

Her eyes stay locked on you as she adds, “All of them.”

Cadogan looks over all of you and shrugs. “You’re free to go with her.”

Your brain runs through the offer, looking for holes, but finding none. If all of you are allowed to leave, that means you can take Hope, and all of your people will be safe. There’s no way in hell you’re going to leave Clarke behind on Bardo to deal with the disciples on her own, but at the very least you can make sure the others are safe and finally off of this inescapable planet. But as you prepare to open your mouth and agree to the offer, someone speaks up for all of you. “We’re not going anywhere. We have a war to fight.”

You almost spin around and give Echo a look, and your left hand curls at your side, wanting to hit her for keeping all of you stuck here. And you suppose that now you have the answer you were waiting for this whole time; Echo is no longer on your side. She really has bought in and fallen under the spell of Bardo. 

You hear her walk off, and you turn to glance at Octavia and Diyoza, both of them seeming as panicked as you are beneath their blank demeanor. And because neither of them are arguing to the contrary, you speak up on their behalf, turning your gaze back to Cadogan. “We’re staying too, sir.”

Diyoza and Octavia turn and leave, and you shift your gaze to your twin, hesitating, hoping she can read the hidden expression beneath your blank mask, confirming that you’re still you. And though you still just want to run to her and hug her, you force your body to turn and head towards the door. On your way out, you pass by Gabriel, his eyes locked on you as you move, but you keep your eyes averted, not wanting Anders to see your excitement at seeing your friend. You spent three months thinking he was dead and pretending you didn’t care, and it’s a relief to see that he’s still alive, but you can’t erase all the work you did in this moment. Not yet. Not when Echo has forced your hand. 

You pull on your helmet and step back into position, thankful that the emotion on your face is now hidden, allowing a few tears to spill from your eyes and down your cheeks. The other disciples fall in around you, taking up their position as Clarke steps away from Cadogan and stares at you in absolute shock, not understanding how you could just walk away from her. But her shock quickly morphs into anger and she turns to face Bill, lifting the gun and pointing it right at him. “What did you do to them?”

Anders is the one to answer, “We didn’t do anything. They’re simply committed to the cause, ready to serve mankind in the Last War.”

Cadogan adds, “A moment that will soon be upon us now that you’re here, with the help of the Key.”

Clarke lowers her gun and steps towards the revered Shepherd, her voice low and serious. “So here’s the new deal: we talk to our friends _alone_. I don’t even want to see your men in the halls. You want my help? Earn it.”

Cadogan stares at Clarke, his gaze heavy with happiness, like he just found a hidden treasure. His gaze never leaves her as he calls out across the room. “First Disciple Anders, have all nonessential personnel return to Livsec.”

“Sir, I’m not sure if that’s-” Cadogan and Clarke both turn to cut Anders a look, and he immediately backs down. “Yes, my Shepherd.”

“Good. Your Shepherd stays here, the rest of you out.” When no one moves, she turns to glare at Anders and the group of disciples just outside the door, lifting her voice to snap, “Now!”

Everyone remains frozen in place, awaiting orders, until Cadogan looks at Anders with a smile. “Go, I’ll be fine.”

Anders backs away, worry written all over his face as he turns to face all of you, and you’re shocked to see it, sure this is the first time he’s lost his cool around all of you. He steps into the hall, motioning for all of you to follow, and you turn in unison to walk back towards your rooms, the door to the Stone Room, to Clarke, to your escape, closing as you pass. Anders leads all of you through the halls, stopping at the end of the hall to address you before you leave. “I want all of you to stay in your rooms. We can’t do anything that will put the Shepherd at risk. Everyone is dismissed, except for Echo and Miss Griffin.”

You freeze in place, sure that you already know why you’ve been singled out, but curious as to why Echo is. Everyone else files around you and heads towards their respective rooms, leaving you and Echo alone with Anders. Once it’s just the three of you, he motions towards your helmets. “You can remove your helmets.”

You reach up and remove your helmet, moving it to rest in your right arm as you look up at Anders expectantly. He turns his focus to Echo first. “Since you chose Hope’s punishment, I want you to make sure she is on Penance before the others can get to her.”

You freeze again, taking in his words. _He wants Echo to send Hope to Skyring now, before any of you can save her. Even if she’s only there for a few hours, it’ll be years for her on Skyring because of the time dilation. You can’t let them send her away._ “Miss Griffin.”

You are pulled out of your thoughts, your gaze lifting to meet his eyes, which are watching you closely. “Due to your twin’s arrival and lack of cooperation, you will be staying with me at all times, where I can keep an eye on you.”

You understand the implication of his words, what he really means but isn’t saying: by his side, _where he can use you as leverage._ But you know you can’t say anything, not in front of Echo, who has bought in, or in front of the groups of people that are still filing past, running to their rooms to abide by Anders command. He dismisses Echo, sending her off to banish Hope, and you watch her leave with wide eyes, fearful of what will happen if she’s successful. Because no one knows that Hope is being sent away at this moment, not her mother or Octavia, not even Hope herself. And you stand there conflicted, wanting to run after Echo and stop her, unsure what to do as Anders hovers nearby, motioning for you to follow him. 

Ultimately, you cave, deciding to follow Anders until you can get away and stop Echo, hoping that you can get there in time. Taking the First Disciple out in the middle of a crowded hallway is almost a guaranteed death sentence at this point, so the only thing you can do is hope that he takes you somewhere with less people, somewhere you can ditch him and get back to Echo. Anders leads you down the hall, turning to look back at you every few seconds, seemingly fearful that you’re going to run off. But you don’t, not yet, and you allow him to lead you away, towards some unknown destination. “Where are we going?”

“Somewhere you enjoy.”

You pull a face as you stare at his back, wondering if you should be more worried than you are in this moment. For some reason, you are eerily calm, despite the challenges in front of you. _You’re stuck with Anders, Echo is going to get rid of Hope, and your twin is on this planet somewhere, probably looking for you._ Despite it all, your anxiety is low, which you’re thankful for, as your head is clear and a plan is forming. It doesn’t take you long to realize that Anders is leading you to the oxygen farm, towards the empty halls on the other side of Bardo, making your escape plan much easier. 

As he presses the button for the farm and steps inside, he turns to look at you with a small smile. “I thought we could practice controlling your emotions while we wait.”

If it were anyone else, you might find the gesture sweet, pleased that he remembers your fondness for the woods and trees. But because it’s Anders, you’re worried something about it is much more sinister, because he’s too calculating to want to take an innocent trip to the tree farm. He doesn’t care about you. He seems fascinated by you, sure, but most of that has to do with your connection to Clarke, not because he genuinely cares about you. Because the disciples don’t care about the individuals, so whatever interest he has taken in you is starting to feel more dangerous than it did a few weeks ago. 

You follow Anders deeper into the farm, walking behind him, sizing him up. If you can take him out now, you can go find Echo and stop her. The halls should be empty by now, making it easier to slip away unnoticed. And just as you’re preparing to lunge at Anders and attack him, he surprises you by attacking first. He spins around, something held tight in his hand, moving towards your shoulder. You duck just in time, catching him off guard, before you knock whatever is in his hand out of his grip. It hits the ground by your feet, but you don’t have time to look at it, because Anders is now swinging a punch towards you, which you don’t notice fast enough. His fist lands on your cheekbone, pain exploding across your left cheek, knocking you off balance a little. 

Anders seizes the opportunity and reaches down for the object, which you now see is a syringe, and your panic sets in immediately after that. You lunge at him, a growl ripping from your throat, aware that you don’t want whatever is in that syringe to be put into your body. You collide with Anders, knocking him back and onto the ground, rolling over him as you land. You recover first, scrambling towards him and grabbing him by the front of his robes and punching him with your other hand, giving him a bruise to match the one he gave you. You hit him again, getting angrier as you realize that he brought you here just to take you out. 

But Anders recovers and blocks your next punch, sending one of his own into your stomach, making you double over in pain. He stands and kicks you backwards, one solid blow to the chest, sending you flying onto the ground before he drops on top of you and reaches for your throat. You reach for his face, clawing and scratching, trying to stop him, but his hands close around your neck, beginning to squeeze. Anders looks crazed, his bright blue eyes standing out against the blood on his face, brought to the surface by your nails, and his expression is wild with anger as he squeezes the air from your body.

Panic sets in when the black spots dance around the edge of your vision, and you fumble around, searching for anything to use as a weapon, but finding nothing. You start to feel the fight leave your body until your hand closes around a tube at your side, reminding you that your disciple helmet is still connected to your suit. You tug on the tube and bring the fallen helmet closer, knocked out of your hand in the scuffle, and your fingers close around the helmet with a flash of relief. You swing it towards Anders, using all of your strength to hit him in the side of the head, knocking him off of you in the process. 

He falls away from you and you roll to the side, gasping for air, drawing in long breaths as you suck oxygen back into your body at an alarming rate. You can hear Anders shift beside you, still conscious, and you roll over to your hands and knees and try to frantically crawl away, trying to give yourself enough space to recover and fight him off again. But Anders growls in anger and reaches out for you, his hand clasping around your ankle, trying to pull you back towards him. You feel your eyes go wide in alarm, the moment reminding you so much of the fight for your life in Shallow Valley, and just like then, you don’t want to die. There is too much at stake, and you have to get out of here and save Hope and Clarke and the others, before it’s too late.

As you slide back towards Anders, tugged by the ankle, a glint of something shiny catches your eye. You look over, your gaze falling on the fallen syringe, and you reach out for it, grabbing it while you still can. You pull it close to your body, gripping it tight and hovering your finger over the plunger, waiting for the right moment. Anders gives it to you when he flips you over, preparing to choke you again, but you never give him the chance. This time, you act first, and you plunge the syringe into his shoulder, pushing the liquid inside of him with your thumb, watching his eyes go wide with the realization of what you’ve done. His face contorts into one of fury, and he mutters, “You bitch.”

It’s the first time you’ve ever heard him curse, and it’s alarming, if not a little funny, to hear the word come from his mouth. But it’s all he manages to say before his eyes flutter closed and he falls forward, right on top of you. You push him to the side, sliding out from beneath him, before pressing a finger to his neck as soon as you’re free. Whatever you injected him with didn’t kill him, his heart still beating strong, so you can only guess that it just knocked him out for a little while. 

You stand and stare down at him, his clothes streaked with mud and grass, his perfect white robes no longer perfect. You consider leaving him right where he is, but start to worry that doing so might raise an alarm before you’re ready, so you ultimately decide to drag him off to the side, hiding him beneath a row of bushes. You quickly strip out of your disciple suit as well, leaving it discarded beside him, not wanting to run in the slightly stiff material, now comfortably dressed down in some Bardo leisurely clothes. And the last thing you do before you run off is bend down and tug your sock down, removing the necklace from around your ankle. You slide the ring off and move it to your finger before reattaching the necklace around your neck, letting the moon hang in full view.

You leave Anders and your suit behind as you run through the farm and back into the hallway. You move as fast as you can, headed straight for the cell block, checking every room once you arrive. You finally stumble upon something in the last room in the hall, a guard laying on a bed, stripped of her uniform, a stab wound on the back of her neck. But there is no sign of Hope or Echo, and you feel your panic start to rise again as you rack your brain on where they could be. Ultimately, you decide to check the Stone Room next, because if Echo is taking Hope away, you’re sure that’s the first place they’d go, and you can only pray you’ll find them there. On your way, as you’re running down the hall, you see a disciple walking towards you, dressed all in white, a machine gun in his hand. It takes a second for you to recognize him as Gabriel, and you smile and call out to him, “Gabriel!”

He looks up in surprise, clearly so lost in his own thoughts that he didn’t even hear you coming, and he drops the gun before running towards you, the two of you colliding in a hug for the first time since you were dragged from your shared room. You’re both laughing when you pull apart, and he’s looking at you with relief when he mutters, “I thought you were dead.”

“I thought _you_ were dead. They refused to tell us where you were or how you were doing.”

He smiles, shaking his head in disbelief a little before a look of confusion passes over his face. “Wait, what are you doing here? Clarke was on her way to come see you.”

“Anders made me stay with him as insurance, and then he tried to drug me. I fought him off and used the syringe on him instead.”

“You fought off a level 12 when you’re only a level 2?” He reaches up to brush a finger over the symbols along your cheekbone and you roll your eyes. “Yeah, well, what are you?”

“A level 3.”

You scoff, “Diyoza, Octavia, Echo and I-”

And you cut yourself off as soon as you say Echo’s name, reminding yourself of your time sensitive mission. You look at Gabriel in alarm, and he shakes his head, growing concerned. “What?”

“Oh god, Echo and Hope. Hope failed and they sentenced her to five years on Penance. Echo bought in, she’s taking her to the Stone Room right now to send her away.”

You start to run off, trying to push past Gabriel, but he reaches out and grabs you, holding you still as he says, “No wait, cielito, I just came from the Stone Room, and I never saw either of them.”

You look at him in confusion, “Then where the hell are they?”

“I don’t know. I’m supposed to be keeping an eye on Cadogan, but I can come with you instead and help you find them.”

You shake your head, “No. We need eyes on Cadogan so we can keep the upper hand. You go, I’ll find Echo and Hope.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure.” You smile up at him, and he smiles back. 

“I’ll see you soon. Go find the others so we can get off this planet and go home.”

The two of you break apart, running in opposite directions now. You switch your destination from the Stone Room to the living quarters, hoping you can find them over there instead, looking for Clarke and the others. As you run down the hall towards Echo’s room, you can hear the sound of muffled yelling steadily growing louder. Confused, you slow down, following the sound as you reach a door in the middle of the hall. You hit the button, stepping inside tentatively, surprised to have your gaze fall on Levitt. He’s tied to a chair, his face bloodied and bruised, blood all over his white clothes, a gag tied around his mouth. You run over to him and yank the gag out, looking at him in confusion, “Levitt, what the hell happened?”

“Echo. She’s getting revenge for Bellamy. She killed two people in front of me and I broke, I told her how to get the Gem 9.”

You give him a look of absolute panic. “Gem 9? As in the bio weapon that could wipe out this whole damn planet?”

“Yes.”

“Where is she?”

“Raven said Echo’s probably planning to use the central humidification system.” 

You look at him in surprise. “Raven was here? Was Clarke here too?”

“Yes, with Octavia, Hope, Diyoza, and Miller.” 

You start to back away, panicking at the thought of Echo preparing to kill all of you in a need for revenge. “I have to go.”

“Wait, don’t leave me here!”

“There’s no time, Levitt!”

“Please!”

The pain and fear in his voice affects you, so you look around, trying to find a way to help him but still save the others. Your eyes fall to a knife sitting on his desk, and you grab it and toss it near his feet, meeting his eyes as it lands. “If you can get yourself out of this, consider yourself a Grounder.”

And before he can say anything else, you turn and run off, heading towards the machine level. You run as fast as you possibly can, your legs carrying you through Bardo at an alarming rate. As you draw closer to the machine level, you swear you hear voices, the hairs on the back of your neck lifting in a warning. You slow down a little, making your footsteps light enough to listen, but still moving fast enough so you don’t lose any time. And as you listen, you recognize Clarke’s voice urging someone to move faster. You break into a run again, your feet pounding along the tiles as you move down the hall and round the corner, coming face to face with a large group of people. 

Every available weapon lifts towards you, ready to shoot you and take you down, until they catch sight of your face and freeze, looking at you in shock. Clarke pushes through the group and takes off running towards you, and you run down the hall towards her, the two of you colliding halfway in a hug that nearly knocks you over. You grip your twin with desperation, tears springing to your eyes as you hug her for the first time in over five years. An audible sob slips from your mouth, emotion squeezing your heart in your chest as you think of all the things you want to tell her, all the things you need to say, but your brain struggles to settle on one thing. Clarke beats you to it, her voice soft as she squeezes you and whispers, “I’m so sorry about Bellamy, la lune.”

And the comfort that you needed from her from the last five years, the comfort from someone who loves you and truly understands you, it’s enough to send you over the edge. Tears start rushing down your face as you grip your twin tighter, choking back, “I couldn’t save him. I failed him.”

“No you didn’t.” She pulls away to look at you, her expression serious. As she reaches up to wipe the tears from your face, her eyes land on the bruise forming along your cheek, something that clearly wasn’t on your face the last time you saw her. She ignores it to whisper, “This is not your fault.”

You nod, willing yourself to believe her, reminding yourself to put the blame on the people that deserve it: the disciples. You look at Clarke, your mind shifting to your niece. “How’s Madi? Is she okay?”

“Yeah, she’s-” She doesn’t get to finish, because a series of beeps rings out in the small space, followed by Hope’s panicked voice. “We’re out of time!”

Clarke looks over in alarm, and unspoken, all of you break into a run again, tearing down the hall towards the humidification system, situated at the very end of the machine level. When you reach the door to the room, you can see Echo inside, standing over a pipe, a dropper in her hand, and as Raven struggles to get the door open, you yell out, “Echo, stop!”

She freezes and turns around in alarm, the door to the room finally sliding open, allowing all of you to spill inside. Echo glares at all of you before directing her anger at Hope. “You were supposed to get them out!”

Octavia steps forward, defending Hope. “It’s not her fault, we wouldn’t leave without you, Echo. You don’t have to do this. I get it, everything they took from you they took from me too, but there are good people here.”

“Who? Levitt?” She gives Octavia an incredulous look. “The man who stole your memories and gave them to the enemy? Who stole la lune’s memories and gave them to the enemy? All of this happened _because of him._ Way to honor your brother’s memory.”

Clarke steps in next, taking a few steps ahead of you to stand beside Octavia. “Echo, this is not who you are. I know you think this is the right thing to do, but trust me, it’s not. Grief is something we can learn to live with, but once you make a choice like this, it stays with you.”

You know she’s thinking of Mount Weather, of the genocide that has stayed with you, her, and Bellamy since you pulled that lever. It had such a profound impact on all of you, and despite doing it to save those you love, you’re not sure any of you would do it again, if given the option. Which is why preventing this genocide right now is important. But Echo fails to see the comparison between the two, practically rolling her eyes at Clarke. “This is _nothing_ like the choices you make, Clarke. You take lives to save the people you love. This is vengeance, pure and simple.”

You step forward now, joining Octavia and Clarke near the front, Echo’s gaze shifting towards you. You shake your head, disapproving, and her face falls a little. “Echo, this is not what Bellamy would have wanted.”

“If they killed you or Octavia or Clarke, he would be standing right where I am! Three months ago, when you found out he was dead, I saw how that crushed you, I _felt_ how it crushed me. And in that moment, I made a promise to myself that Bardo would pay for what they did to all of us. I’m doing this because it’s what we should have done from the beginning, and I know that none of you have the strength to do this. I’m doing this for _you_.”

“I love Bellamy with all that I am, but this is not how we should honor his memory. This is not how I want to honor his memory. I don’t want you to do this Echo, not for me, or Bellamy, or any of us. There are good people here, innocent people, and they shouldn’t die for something they had no control over.”

“Good people?” She scoffs and shakes her head at you. “How’d you get the bruise, la lune? Because you were fine when we separated in the hall.”

You look at Clarke, silently asking for help, aware that your answer is only going to fuel Echo’s anger, but Clarke isn’t the one to speak up next, Raven is. She moves closer, her voice soft as she pleads, “Echo, you’re my sister, and my sister wouldn’t do this.”

Echo starts to cry, shaking her head as she fights off her tears, the decision already weighing heavily on her. “You’re wrong.”

Raven stands firm, not backing down. “I’m not leaving, Echo. If you drop that, I am staying right here. You will have to kill me too.”

You step towards Raven, drawing Echo’s gaze. “And me.”

Echo looks between you both, her emotions warring inside of her, threatening to take over, and you all stand watching with bated breath, panicked on what emotion will win. There’s a sense of relief when a sob bursts free from her, and Raven steps forward and wraps Echo in her arms, whispering in her ear to comfort her. “It’s okay. It’s okay. We’re here now.”

Diyoza walks over and slowly slips the Gem 9 from Echo’s grip, holding it carefully as you all watch Raven and Echo hug each other, thankful that Echo’s love for all of you is enough to stop her revenge. Clarke reaches out for your hand, holding it tight in her grip as you both watch, tears springing to your eyes again as Raven whispers, “We’re gonna go home.”

“Good choice.” All of you turn towards the door in surprise, greeted by Anders, a glare on his face, his clothes still stained. He’s wiped most of the blood from his face, but the scratches remain visible on his skin, the bruise along his cheek already darkening, and there’s a knot forming on the side of his head where you hit him with the helmet. 

Clarke steps forward, her hand still holding your own, her voice angry and commanding. “We had a deal. I told Cadogan if I saw any of you, I wouldn’t help him.”

“That was before one of you tried to kill me.” He turns to glare at you, and you glare back, both of you knowing damn well that’s not what happened. He turns to Echo, adding, “And before we knew that one of you killed three more of us, torturing another just to get him to give you a weapon with which to commit genocide.”

“The man makes a good point.” Diyoza steps forward, holding out her hand, offering him the unused Gem 9. “Let’s call it even.”

“Even?” He takes the Gem 9 from her as he looks you all over. “I just told you three disciples are dead. You people disgust me. Look at yourselves: raised in the wild.”

He looks at you, and you feel yourself start to grow angry as he confirms what you already knew: that he thinks he’s better than all of you. More civilized. “You’re nothing but primal beasts, utterly in thrall to your feelings, prioritizing the want of self over the need of all others. You don’t deserve the Shepherd’s mercy.”

Miller lifts his gun and counters, “Brave words coming from a man standing alone in front of a pack of armed beasts.”

You shake your head, your eyes never leaving Anders. “He’s not alone.”

Despite his anger with you, his admiration shines through as he smiles at you. “Smart girl.”

On cue, the disciples behind him leave ghost mode, four of them now visible and aiming weapons at all of you. Clarke, Raven, and Miller all react and lift their weapons, aiming them at the disciples who are aiming at all of you. Diyoza raises her voice to be heard over everyone’s panic. “Probably _not_ a good idea to fire lasers in a room with a WMD.”

Everyone calms a fraction of an inch before Diyoza steps closer to Anders, giving him a small smile. “Let’s get back to the Shepherd’s mercy.”

“Echo will be sent to Penance for 20 years, but she’ll be back before you know it. Unless by then, the code hasn’t been entered to begin the Last War. In which case, she dies there.”

Hope snaps, “I have a better idea. _You_ die here.”

Before any of you can react, Hope steps forward, a knife sliding out of her sleeve to slash Anders’ neck. In surprise, he immediately drops the Gem 9, which all of you lunge for, not wanting to crystallize to death. But Hope grabs it first, turning to run back towards the pipes, all of you turning to watch her in shock. None of you can grab her as she runs past, but Diyoza is right behind her, and as Hope squeezes one drop of Gem 9 into the water supply, you watch in shock as Diyoza reaches out to catch the drop before it can fall into the water. She immediately closes the door to the water supply, and you all run towards Diyoza in surprise, her hand already beginning to crystallize. Hope stares at her mother in shock before she screams, “No, Mom! No!”

“Get her out of here!”

You and Octavia heed Diyoza’s request and rush towards Hope, both of you grabbing one of her arms before you pull her back towards the door. Hope fights against you both, kicking and screaming, and Octavia yells to be heard over her, “Hope, it’s too late!”

“No! No, Mom! No!”

Everyone else in the room is frozen in shock, and as Diyoza’s arm turns to crystal in a matter of seconds, she looks over everyone and yells out, “What are you all waiting for? Move! Go!”

The disciples leave the room first, Miller, Raven, Echo, and Clarke behind them as you and Octavia struggle to drag Hope out of the room. She fights hard against you both, you and Octavia using all of your strength to pull her past Anders’ dead body, the crystal now rapidly covering Diyoza’s body and beginning to climb up the walls around you. Hope screams as she watches her mother be engulfed, “I can’t lose her, not again!”

“Hope, we have no choice!”

You turn to look at the door, nearly there now, the crystal rapidly closing in on all of you, and Diyoza watches on, the crystal climbing up her neck and spreading across her face. “Don’t waste this, little one! Be better than me.”

Hope sobs as the crystal completely engulfs her mother’s face, no part of Diyoza visible any longer, and you and Octavia drag Hope through the door, yelling, “Get the door!”

Someone hits the button, the door sliding closed in front of you, cutting off Hope’s access to her mother. She pulls herself free from yours and Octavia’s grip and jumps against the door, sob after sob tearing from her throat. “Mom! Mom!”

And there’s nothing that any of you can do except watch on as the crystals spread from Diyoza and take over Anders, spidering out into the air and along the walls, all of you safely on the other side, thanks to Diyoza’s sacrifice.

You watch on, crying as you and Octavia struggle to comfort Hope, another person taken from you on Bardo.

Part of you wishes you hadn’t stopped Echo, and that you crystallized the whole planet before escaping back to Sanctum.

But the rest of you knows that another genocide isn’t the answer. As much as you hate Bardo and the disciples and the Shepherd, there are innocent people here, and killing them, repeating the sins of your past, won’t fix any of the hurt that’s been done to you. 

It won’t bring back Bellamy.

It won’t bring back Diyoza.

It won’t bring back the part of you that died with your fiance. The dreams and memories that left when he did, all the hopes you had for your shared future together. No, a genocide won’t bring any of that back.

Unfortunately, knowing that doesn’t make the loss any easier. Which is why you cry alongside the others, mourning the loss of the Navy SEAL turned terrorist turned freedom fighter turned Eligius prisoner turned mother. A woman that came into your life as an enemy, but left your life as a friend.

-


	95. xcv. etherea (7.11)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: language, angst, anxiety.
> 
> Summary: an unexpected reunion shocks you in more ways than one.

Word of Anders’ death and Diyoza’s sacrifice travels quickly, and Cadogan comes to find all of you, shocked and still standing outside the machine room door. You are all led to his personal quarters, encouraged to eat and sleep and rest, with the promise to meet again in a few hours. Miller, Raven, Hope, Jordan, and Niylah all crash in the giant bedroom, but you, Clarke, Octavia, Echo, and Gabriel are all too wired or hungry to sleep, and you sit together in the large dining room of the Shepherd. It’s not long before food, _real food_ , not just nutrition bars, is brought to you, and you look it over before you exchange a look with the others. “They were capable of food like this the whole time? Why the hell were we eating all that bland stuff?”

“Guess they didn’t want to waste it on some low level disciples.”

You wish you had enough of an appetite to eat the first real meal that’s been offered to you in ages, but your stomach is tied in knots, wrapped tight with anxiety. You shake your head and plop into a seat beside Clarke, her eyes locked on a wall across the room, and you reach out to squeeze her hand, trying to pull her out of her head. Gabriel and Octavia each take a seat at the table while Echo remains standing, choosing to pace the room as her brain processes the last few hours and what she nearly did before you all arrived. Diyoza’s death hangs over the room like a wet blanket, and though you only knew her for a few months, it still hurts you to know that she’s gone. It hurts you worse when you realize the loss that Octavia and Hope must be feeling. 

Octavia sits and picks at her food, unable to stomach it right now, but Gabriel sits nearby, hungrily eating anything within his reach, looking over all of you with a nod. “Thank God for the Flame. Doubt they’d serve us saji bowls in jail.”

Octavia eventually gives up on the prospect of stomaching anything, dropping her spoon into her bowl and looking at Gabriel in disbelief. “How could you eat right now?”

Echo looks over at Gabriel, reminding you and him of a memory that feels so long ago now, when Orlando was preparing you for your mission to Bardo. “He can always eat.”

If it were any other moment, you’d laugh. But with Diyoza’s death over your head and the looming possibility for severe punishment for both Hope and Echo, you’re too tense to laugh. Clarke must think the same thing, because she abruptly stands from her chair and glances over at the only man in the room. “Gabriel’s right. If they didn’t believe I had the Flame, we’d be in cells.”

She starts to cross the room, towards the door, and you stand and call out to her. “Where are you going?”

“To wake the others. It’s time to go back to Sanctum.”

Gabriel glances her way, pausing his feast to shake his head. “Clarke, we’re under house arrest.”

“I’m aware of that. I’m also aware our leverage disappears the moment he puts me in front of that stone.”

You lock eyes with your twin, starting to guess where this is going. “So what are you gonna do?”

“I’m gonna offer to do it as soon as the rest of you are safely back on Sanctum.” 

Octavia stands, instantly disagreeing, “Clarke, they’ll kill you.”

Echo adds, “You are not sacrificing yourself for us.”

You stare at your twin, shaking your head, letting her know her plan is completely out of the question. “You’ve lost your mind if you think I’m leaving you here with these people.”

She doesn’t get the chance to argue back, because the door behind her slides open, and someone announces, “Make way for the Shepherd.”

You take the few steps separating you and Clarke, so you can stand by her side, and Octavia shifts closer to the two of you. Gabriel stands and moves around the table, along with Echo, all of you united on one side, mentally preparing yourselves for anything. As the disciples step into the room, they move apart, making room for Bill before a few more disciples pull up the rear. As soon as Clarke locks eyes with Bill, she starts, “We need to talk. I’m ready to help you, but only after my friends are…”

She trails off when Cadogan turns and motions towards the door, and confused, you all turn to see what he’s motioning towards, watching as a heavily bearded man in a large coat shuffles into the room. It takes a second for you to recognize him, your eyes finding the freckles along his face and the warm eyes beneath an unruly mop of hair, but as soon as you recognize him, you nearly collapse, reaching out for Clarke as you mutter, “Bellamy?”

He nods a little, confirming what you already knew, and you swear all of the air leaves your lungs. Your knees feel weak, tears springing to your eyes and spilling over your face as your body starts to move, you and Octavia both walking towards him. But in doing so, you trigger a reaction from the room full of guards, all of them lifting weapons towards you, freezing you in place. You stare at him, stunned, and your brain struggles to form more words, stumbling over a long list of questions before you manage to gasp, “How?”

Echo, sounding just as shocked, adds, “We saw you die.”

Octavia shifts a little, and you can hear her sniffle as she stares at her big brother, in awe to see that he is alive and well. “It’s hard to keep the Blakes down.”

The room is silent, no one sure what to say, but from the corner of your eye, you see Clarke glancing at you and Octavia, able to see that the two of you are practically buzzing, unable to hold back your reunions much longer. She turns her gaze to Bill, using her status as the chosen one to demand, “Let them hug him.”

He stares at her for a long second, and you think he’s going to say no, but then a smile crosses his features and he commands, “Stand down.”

You turn to look at Octavia, whose eyes are on you and you nod towards Bellamy, knowing she likely wants to hug her brother first. She smiles at you in thanks before stepping forward and tugging him into a hug, and you watch on with a smile, happy to see the reunion. Octavia steps away and makes room for you to hug him, and you glance at Clarke before you do, exchanging a silent conversation. _Should you warn him?_ Clarke gives you an imperceptible nod, both of you aware of the dangers of Bellamy accidentally slipping up because he’s not in the loop. You’re lucky Gabriel was in the room when Clarke arrived, able to clue her in to play along, saving all of your lives as you work to get off Bardo. You step forward and pull Bellamy into your arms, relishing in the feel of him, smiling as his arms wrap around your back, returning the hug. A hug that is five years, three months, and two days in the making. A hug that you have longed for since you first arrived on Skyring. A hug you nearly drowned for, learned to play disciple for. You want nothing more than to kiss him, whisk him away to some private room and tell him everything, show him how much you’ve missed him, but you know you’ll have time for that later. Right now, you have an audience and you have a mission, so you lean forward and whisper into his ear, “The key is the Flame. They think it’s still in Clarke’s head, say nothing.”

You pull away with a smile, your eyes never leaving Bellamy as Cadogan announces, “I hope that now you’re ready to help us, Clarke. Too much blood has been spilled. Each death is a child of Earth who won’t transcend. I’ll give you time to reunite while we make preparations.”

Clarke nods in agreement, and you glance at your twin, tears on her face, just as happy to see her best friend alive. Cadogan turns and starts to leave the room, and just as he reaches the door, Bellamy speaks for the first time, his words shocking you all into silence. “My Shepherd.”

Your eyes widen and your mouth drops open a little, and you see Clarke and Octavia’s smiles drop as you all turn to stare at Bellamy, who has now turned towards Bill. “There’s something you should know: Clarke doesn’t have the Key. The Flame was destroyed, I’m sorry.”

You swear you’ve never been more stunned in your entire life.

And it’s only later, after Cadogan has the disciples drag everyone into a cell, after your fiance has betrayed you, that you realize something is wrong. You were so blinded by your joy at seeing him alive that you didn’t even stop to really process his appearance. Not just the long hair or thick clothes, but the blank expression he gave all of you as soon as he stepped in the room. Any other time he would have burst in and tugged you and Octavia both into hugs, initiating the hugs first, not waiting for you to come to him. But now he just looks at all of you as if you’re a stranger.

And the realization hurts. The betrayal hurts too. You thought Bellamy joining Pike or not telling you about Echo was the worst thing he could ever do to you. But now you see that _this_ is. 

Whatever the hell _this_ actually is.

You pray to the Universe that it’s a fluke. He’s playing a part, knows something that you don’t.

But something deep in your gut is telling you it’s not a fluke, and he’s not paying an angle.

Deep down, you know that Bellamy is lost to you.

Now, he’s a believer.

Now, he’s a disciple.

Which means that now _, he is your enemy._

-


	96. xcvi. the stranger (7.12)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: angst, fighting, violence, blood, language.
> 
> Summary: faced with the aftermath of bellamy’s betrayal, you finally get a chance to talk to him, only to discover that he may be too far gone.

You sit on the flimsy mattress beside your twin, your hand held tight in her own, both of your expressions contemplative as you try to figure out what the hell is going on. Across from you, Octavia sits on her own bed, looking at you both, a soft laugh slipping from her mouth. You and Clarke lift your gazes to her in tandem, and Clarke looks at Octavia with mild annoyance. “Something funny? Because I don’t see anything humorous about this.”

“I’m laughing because I’m realizing just how much I missed the Twinadoes. It’s been so long since I’ve seen you both together.”

Clarke’s expression softens, her curiosity causing her to ask, “How long were you on Penance?”

“We call it Skyring. 10 years, good ones.”

You smile, remembering some of your better memories from Skyring. Cooking with Gabriel, chess with Orlando, braiding flowers into Echo and Hope’s hair. You whisper, “They were.”

Clarke turns to look at you in confusion, unaware of how long you’ve been apart. “You were there?”

“Not with Octavia, Diyoza, and Hope. We came later, the four of us: me, Gabriel, Echo, and Hope.”

“How long were you there?”

“Five years.”

Her jaw drops in shock, “It’s been five years for you?”

You nod and you see tears in her eyes. She drops your hand to pull you in a hug, and you’re grateful for it, grateful to be back with your twin, even if it is in a jail cell. “Oh my god, la lune. I’m so sorry, we had no idea or we would have come sooner.”

You shake your head, pulling away to smile at her. “It’s not your fault, Clarke. It was only a few days for you, there’s no way you could have known.”

She looks at you, and you can tell she wants to know more, but she hesitates, not wanting to push you. You read her mind and look between her and Octavia. “It was hard at first. Really hard. The first few months…all I could think about was saving Bellamy and Octavia, and getting back to you and Madi. But over time, Gabriel, Echo, Hope, and Orlando wore me down. I started to warm up to them, and then one day I woke up and I realized that I hadn’t worried about the time at all the day before. I felt guilty about that at first, but once I stopped religiously counting down the days, time went faster after that. It wasn’t so bad in the end. We had peace, and we became a family, sharing meals and stories. And even though I missed both of you, and Bellamy, and Madi and the rest of our family, I was happy.”

Octavia and Clarke can sense that you have more to say, and Clarke reaches out to grab your hand again, prepared to console you. “And then we got here, to Bardo, and it was worse than I could have imagined. Because in the five years it took for us to play house on Skyring, Bellamy was killed here. I let myself relax too much, and he ended up dead. All those years of training…for nothing.”

Clarke squeezes your hand, and you glance at her before looking away, tears welling up in your eyes as you remember the loss you felt three months ago. “I lost it when I found out, which is why I can’t blame Echo for nearly crystallizing us all. She knew how hard all of this has been on us, and she tried to do what she thought was best to make things right again. She went about it the wrong way, but her heart was in the right place. Anyways, I do believe there are good people on this planet, but I know that Cadogan is not one of them. I want nothing more than to get the hell off Bardo. Nothing good has happened to me here, besides reuniting with all of you, and I just want to escape.”

“Me too.”

“Too bad my brother betrayed us to a man he just met.” Octavia sighs, turning her gaze to Clarke. “You know, I was just starting to understand you, but I guess it doesn’t matter anymore. We’ll probably be dead soon anyways.”

Clarke’s brows pull together as she looks at Octavia, “Really? How so?”

“You have Madi, I have Hope. I’d do anything to keep her safe.” She scoffs a little, tears welling up in her eyes, and you and Clarke both look at her with concern. “What’s wrong?”

“A couple of days ago, she was just our little girl. Now she’s messed up like the rest of us.”

You and Clarke both stand from your bed and move over to Octavia’s, splitting apart to sit on either side of her. Octavia takes one of your hands and one of Clarke’s, and the three of you sit together in silence, sorrow hanging over all of you as you think of the tragedies you’ve all experienced. And as the three of you sit together, the door to your cell slides open and Bellamy steps inside, looking different from the last time you saw him. His hair is cut and his beard is gone, his face clean shaven for the first time in a long time. It reminds you of the Bellamy you first met on the Ark, in more ways than one. Because this Bellamy is just as much of a stranger to you as that Bellamy was.

Bellamy walks inside the room, his white robes flowing, flanked by two guards on either side of him. You look at him in shock and cock your head to the side, masking your hurt with your anger. “You need back up to talk to us now?”

He turns to glance at the guards behind him, waving them out of the room. “It’s okay.”

As they step out of the room and the door slides shut behind them, the three most important women in Bellamy Blake’s life stand, a wall of strength and anger as they look at him. You are the first to break the silence, looking at your fiance in disbelief. “It’s about time. Bellamy, what the hell was that?”

Before he can answer, Clarke adds, “I have been racking my brain, trying to figure out how you telling Cadogan the truth about the Flame helps us. You know what I’ve come up with? It doesn’t.”

Bellamy’s voice is soft, sounding conflicted as he shakes his head slightly. “I couldn’t lie to him.”

Octavia snaps, “Really? Why not?”

He glances over at her, then Clarke, then you, relaying his reasoning on his change in behavior. “I had an experience, something that changed me to my core, something that explains why we’re still here and where we’re going. It came to me in a vision. Mom was there.”

Octavia gives him a weird look, unconvinced, and he continues, “The Shepherd led me to her, and there was a light, and it was beautiful and warm and peaceful, and I chose it. And when I opened my eyes, the storm had passed, just like that.”

You, Clarke, and Octavia share a bewildered look, and you look at your fiance, your anger softening a little as you take in his hurt expression. “Bellamy, I love you, you know that, but this sounds…crazy.”

He turns to you, his eyes widening slightly as he takes in your confused expression. “Natshana, I know how this sounds, but it’s real.”

You flinch a little when he uses the nickname, your brain struggling to see the man you love in the disciple in white that stands before you. He sees you flinch, and a look of hurt passes over his face before he turns to look at all of you again. “A war is coming, the Last War we will ever fight. Win it, and we become the light.”

Clarke snaps, “Is that what the cult leader told you?”

She turns and starts to pace, as Octavia steps forwards and adds, “Did he tell you what happens if we lose?”

“We won’t.”

Octavia shakes her head, telling him anyways. “We turn into crystal, wiped out like Medusa, turning people into stone. It’s the end of everything.”

“Not everything, just us.” 

“ _Just_ us?” You look at him in confusion. “Bellamy, everything we have done, we have done to survive. To help our people survive. And now you’re willing to risk everything on Cadogan’s insistence that we’ll win the Last War?”

He gives you a conflicted look, giving you a flash of hope that maybe he isn’t gone forever. But then he pushes it away and looks over all of you, his voice growing louder and more insistent as he tries to convince all of you that him following Cadogan is not as weird as you think it is. “If I told you the AI that destroyed the Earth was storing our minds in the City of Light, would that be any more believable? What about a group of astronauts turning themselves into gods by transferring their minds into the bodies of their own followers in order to live forever?”

Exasperated, Clarke sighs, stopping her pacing to turn to Bellamy and throw her hands up in frustration. “Okay, yes! We’ve seen our share of crazy, but that doesn’t change the fact that fighting some war to become the light is as ridiculous as the clothes you’re wearing.”

He pulls a face, hurt by her comment on his clothes, but he pushes past it. “There’s one way to find out: tell me where the Flame is.”

Clarke’s denial is firm and resolute. “No.”

“Clarke, yesterday, you were offering it up in exchange for safe passage.”

“Yesterday, I was bluffing! I made a deal to save my twin and my friends, knowing damn well I had no intention of following through with it. Today, I’m standing in front of my best friend, who I thought was dead, and I don’t even recognize him.”

His expression is hurt, tears springing into his eyes as he steps closer to all of you, his gaze locked on Clarke. “I am the same person who helped bring you back from the dead, who refused to give up on you. There is so much more at stake here than you know.”

He turns to you, making his final, teary eyed plea to you. “I know you don’t believe in transcendence, but I’m telling you it’s real, and I am asking you to believe in me.”

You glance at Clarke and Octavia, their expressions letting you know that believing in Bellamy means believing in Cadogan. Something the three of you are determined not to do. Because even though you love Bellamy with all that you are, and you want to believe him, you know that this isn’t right. He betrayed all of you in the blink of an eye for a man that he thought was crazy back on Earth, and you’re worried just how far his devotion to Cadogan will go. You can tell something happened to Bellamy, something changed him, and you’re willing to listen to him to find out what that is, but you’re not willing to support Cadogan.

Which is why you turn back to Bellamy, trying to ignore the tears in his eyes, your voice sounding soft, but regretful. “Even if you’re right, even if everything you’re saying is true, we will not help that man start his war.”

He looks from you to Clarke to Octavia, seeing if they agree with you. When they make no move towards him, or say nothing to dispute your claim, he shakes his head and looks down at his feet. You can see him visibly recompose himself before he looks back up at Clarke. “Tell me where the Flame is.”

Octavia locks eyes with her brother, asking, “Or what?”

“I’m trying to save you! All of you, but if you don’t tell me where it is, they will execute all of you. _Please_ let me help.”

Your eyes widen at the word execute. It’s one thing for the three of you to speculate that you’re facing death, it’s another to have Bellamy confirm that they’re ready to kill all of you if you won’t give them what they want. And despite the shaky intake of breath that you hear Clarke take, her answer to Bellamy’s request is unwavering. _“Go float yourself.”_

You turn and step back towards Clarke, the sadness in the room shifting to anger again. Octavia gives Bellamy a disappointed look before she turns towards you and Clarke, all of you turning your backs on Bellamy, standing together and comforting each other, waiting for him to leave. But instead of leaving, he sighs and calls out, “Guards.”

The three of you hesitantly turn towards the door, watching as four guards step into the room. Bellamy looks them all over before motioning towards Clarke. “Take this one to M-Cap.”

Clarke gives him an incredulous look, “What?!”

The guards close in on Clarke, and the two of you exchange a panicked look as they grab her arm and start to pull her towards the door. You jump towards her, trying to grab the hand that is reaching out for you. You’re all too familiar with the pain of M-Cap, and it’s not a pain that you want Clarke to experience. “La lune!”

“Clarke!”

As your hand closes around hers, you are pulled backwards by your other arm, one of the other guards in the room stopping you. You turn and punch him, getting him off of you, trying again to run after Clarke. As she is pulled out of the door, you hear Octavia protesting, but she is stopped in place by her brother. You run after your twin, barely making it past Bellamy before you are grabbed from behind and yanked backwards, onto the ground. One of the guards pins your arms to the floor while the other grabs you by the front of your shirt and punches you, pain exploding behind your left eye and cheekbone. They hit you again, blood blooming across your tongue as you accidentally bite down from the force. A third punch smashes your nose, and you’re sure you can feel blood trickling down to your mouth, though it’s hard to think much past the pain. 

You can hear Octavia yelling at her brother and Bellamy yelling commands at the guards, but your brain doesn’t process them, too focused on the pain in your face. You feel your wrists being released, the weight of someone’s body leaving you, your body now free to roll onto your hands and knees and spit black blood onto the stone floor. You feel a hand on your shoulder and you flinch before Octavia’s soft voice whispers, “La lune, are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” You spit again, pulling yourself to your feet, your anger flaring white hot as you turn towards Bellamy, your earlier sympathy now gone. “What the hell was that?”

He looks over your face, at the blood dripping from your nose, the bruise blooming along your skin, and you can see a flash of worry cross his features as he urges, “You shouldn’t fight them, the Shepherd authorized them to-”

You cut him off, your voice loud, “I don’t care! Bellamy, what are you doing? Letting guards beat me up, sending Clarke to be tortured? This isn’t you!”

He shakes his head, another hurt look on his face. Five minutes ago, you wanted to comfort him through his conflict, hear about what he went through. But right now, your mind thinking of your twin in danger, a danger he sent her to, you want to hit him. You want to punch those puppy dog eyes until they swell shut. But you keep your cool and control your anger as he shakes his head. “It’s not torture.”

You let out a short laugh, pushing your hair out of the way to show him the scar on the right side of your face that runs beneath your level two symbols and into your hairline. “It is if you fight it, and you know damn well she will.”

“All she has to do is tell us where the Flame is, and we’ll let her go. We’ll let _you_ go.”

“No way in hell are we going to give Cadogan what he wants. The Bellamy I love would be right beside me, opposed to doing anything for the crazed cult leader that’s so determined to start a war.”

Bellamy shakes his head, “He’s not a cult leader, and he doesn’t want to start a war. He wants us to transcend, to have real peace.”

“Do you hear yourself? War has never brought us peace, Bellamy. Only death and pain. But let’s say that Cadogan is right, and we do win this war and transcend. Torturing your friends, your family, people you love, watching us be locked up and potentially executed is not the way to do it. Doing the right thing the wrong way isn’t doing the right thing. _You know that._ ”

“I’m trying to save all of you.”

You shake your head at him, in disbelief that the two of you are on opposite sides. After everything with Pike, you were sure that you’d never be on opposite sides again, especially not for something this big, yet here you are. You don’t have the energy to argue with him right now, because he clearly believes in Cadogan, or wants to believe in Cadogan, and you’re sure that nothing you say will change his mind. So you turn away from him, shaking your head in disappointment, angrily swiping blood from your nose before muttering, “Get out.”

“La lune, please-”

You spin around and cut him off, your voice loud. “ _Don’t_ call me that! My family calls me la lune, and as long as you’re wearing those robes and worshipping the Shepherd, you are _not_ my family, you are my enemy.”

You wait for his face to fall before you snap, “Now get out!”

This time, he obliges, turning away from you quickly, knocking on the door to alert the guards on the other side. As soon as he’s out of your cell and the door is closed, you collapse onto your flimsy mattress, your anger finally giving way to your tears. Octavia crosses the room and sits down beside you, the two of you wrapping your arms around each other and crying as you try to come to terms with who Bellamy is now.

-

A few hours after Clarke is dragged from the cell, your door opens again. You and Octavia stand, expecting it to be her, but instead it is a group of disciples, all of them pointing weapons at you as they demand, “Back against the wall, hands out in front of you!”

You and Octavia do as they say, stepping backwards and pressing your backs to the wall as you hold out your hands. A guard walks over to you and slips a pair of cuffs onto your wrists, a thick metal bar holding your arms apart, before they grab your arm and drag you to the door. You and Octavia are dragged through the halls of Bardo and led to the Stone Room, much to your surprise. As the doors open, you see that your friends are already here, lined up against the wall. Everyone looks at you in surprise, now more injured than the last time they saw you, but you shake off their worry, letting them know you’re okay. 

Octavia is led towards the end of the line, pushed between Hope and Niylah, while you are stopped at the opposite end, pushed between Gabriel and Jordan. Another disciple walks over and places a helmet at your feet before taking one down to Octavia, all of you now standing in a row with disciple helmets nearby, waiting for what’s next. Two disciples stand near the stone, and two more stand near the door, everyone waiting in silence, but Gabriel can’t resist the urge to whisper, “Are you okay?”

“Looks worse than it is.” You smirk at him, trying to ease his tension, and he smiles back, right before one of the disciples snaps, “No talking!”

Less than a minute later, the doors to the room slide open. Two disciples stop just outside the door as two more walk inside, taking up their posts. Behind them is Cadogan, followed by Bellamy and the man that is likely replacing Anders, whose name you don’t know. Behind them is Clarke, unrestrained, her eyes searching the line of prisoners until her eyes lock with you. Her expression drops at the sight of all of you restrained, but it drops further when she sees the bruise already darkening around your eye. “Why are they still restrained? We had a deal.”

You look at her, your eyes glancing at Cadogan, who has taken up a spot in front of the stone. “Clarke, what is this? What deal?”

“He releases all of us, and I take him to the Flame.”

Bill turns around, his gaze falling to Clarke. “You’ll forgive me if I have trust issues where you’re concerned.”

He turns to look at the man replacing Anders. “Remove the restraints one at a time. Any violence will be met with lethal force.”

Bellamy looks at you, his expression a warning as he addresses your group. “No one is getting violent. It’s a good thing, you’re being released.”

The man moves down to Miller first, slipping off his restraints before motioning down to the helmet on the floor. “Helmet on to protect your memory.”

Miller leans down and grabs the helmet, turning to look at Clarke as the Anomaly powers up beside him. “You good with this?” 

She nods, and he pulls the helmet on and allows himself to be led into the Anomaly. All down the line the others are unrestrained and led into the green glow behind Miller: Hope, then Octavia, Niylah. The man skips over Raven, who gives him a strange look, and moves on to Echo, freeing the former spy with a guarded look. “Sending the fighters first, is that it?”

He shrugs a little, “Can’t be too careful.”

After Echo is Jordan, and you put your hands out after him, waiting your turn, but the man in front of you steps back, leaving you, Gabriel, and Raven behind, still restrained. Cadogan moves over to the stone and types in a code, the Anomaly closing behind Jordan, leaving the rest of you behind. You glance over at Clarke in confusion, wondering if this was part of the plan, and she gives you a look of worry, letting you know that it’s not. She steps towards Cadogan, a glare on her face. “What are you doing?”

“Ensuring you keep your part of the deal.”

Raven shifts closer to you, glaring at Cadogan as she moves, her lip curling into a sneer. “He didn’t send them to Sanctum.”

“Correct.” He turns to look at her, smiling at her, and you want nothing more than to launch yourself at him and wipe the smile from his face. “And thank you for demonstrating why I didn’t send you with them.”

Gabriel clicks his tongue, his gaze shifting to his feet before moving back up to Cadogan. “We know how the stone works.”

“Also correct.” You shake your head, confused, because you don’t have knowledge of the stone in the way that Gabriel and Raven do. If anything, Echo and Hope know more about the stone than you, meaning they should be here too. Clarke seems to think the same thing, because she looks over at you before her eyes lock with Cadogan’s. “My twin doesn’t know about the stone, so why is she here?”

The realization hits you as you look at her, the worry on her face to have you still among the dangers of Bardo. You shift your gaze to the cult leader and deadpan, “I’m an insurance policy. If you don’t get him the Flame, I’m assuming that I’m the first to go.” 

Bill turns his condescending smile to you, confirming your suspicions. “Another correct answer.”

You glare at him, your mind on your friends and not your safety. “Where are they?” 

“They’re safe, as I promised they would be. I said nothing about releasing them on Sanctum.”

Clarke turns on Bellamy, her anger radiating off of her in waves. “You knew about this?”

Bellamy looks at her, lost, clearly unaware of Bill’s plans, which the Shepherd confirms. “He doesn’t know where they are, only I do. I told you, Clarke, I don’t trust you. I do, however, trust the love you have for your friends and your twin, and once I have the Key and the Last War begins, they’ll all be freed. At which point, each of you will be welcome to fight alongside us, and if you choose not to, well, we’ll save you anyway. That is what we mean when we say, ‘for all mankind’.”

He turns, eyes moving over to the new Anders. “Doucette, please release the others, so we can retrieve the Key.”

Doucette walks over to Raven and pulls off her restraints as Cadogan once again opens the Anomaly, this time to Sanctum. Raven leans down to grab her helmet, and Doucette walks over to you next. You stick out your arms, waiting for your freedom, your brain already contemplating all the ways you’re going to get Clarke and the others out of this, when Bill’s voice calls out, “Not her.”

You look around the disciple to stare at the cult leader in shock. “What?”

“Your restraints will remain on, Miss Griffin. You killed 10 disciples in our oxygen farm, attacked First Disciple Anders before his death, and have assaulted countless guards since arriving on Bardo, two of them earlier today. I trust you even less than I trust Clarke, which is why you will remain restrained and at my side.”

From across the room, Bellamy speaks for the first time since your friends were sent away, his expression concerned as he looks at his leader. “Sir, I don’t think that’s really necessary.”

“And I think it is. I’m sure you’re aware of what she’s capable of more than any of us.” Bellamy’s expression drops a little, his mind clearly playing through an assortment of memories in which you fight or kill anyone that gets in your way. Cadogan notes his expression, stating with a nod, “That is why I’m keeping her restrained.”

You roll your eyes and drop your hands, accepting that, for now, your restraints will stay on. You’re hesitant to push Cadogan in this moment, when everything is so tense and you’re surrounded by a room full of guards. You’re less concerned about your own safety and more concerned about the others, not wanting to do anything that’ll put Clarke or your friends in danger. You glance over at your twin, and you can tell that she wants to argue, but you shake your head at her, telling her you’re fine, you’ll be okay, and that none of this is as bad as it seems. You see her sigh a little before accepting the message, leaning down to pick up her own helmet. 

You grab your helmet as Gabriel is freed, and Cadogan turns and begins to give orders. “Disciples, I want most of you ahead of us. Weapons hot, remain in ghost mode, and take down anyone that is armed. Bellamy and Doucette will go ahead of me and the troublesome twin, and then Gabriel, Raven, and Clarke will bring up the rear, along with the remaining disciples. Is that clear?”

Everyone mumbles their assent and agreement, and you are pushed across the room, over to Cadogan’s side. You glare as you look at him, Bellamy moving past the two of you to stand in front of you, and you shift your glare to the back of his head. Because he _barely_ fought for you. He seems more than content to leave you chained up like an animal. You hope he can feel your anger as Cadogan directs everyone to pull their helmets on, which you do clumsily, thanks to your restraints, and you hope Bellamy can feel your anger when you all step into the Anomaly and come out the other side on Sanctum. 

Except, instead of appearing in Gabriel’s tunnel under his camp, you’re in the palace, surrounded by armed guards. Russell is sitting on a throne made of skulls, wearing Grounder clothes, and you look around in confusion as you reach up to tug your helmet off. Clarke does the same thing, speaking the thought on all of your minds as you look around the room in confusion. “What the hell happened here?”

Murphy, who you didn’t notice until this moment, is sitting across from Russell, his hands restrained, a chessboard in front of him. He smiles a little as he takes in the arrival of your group, but it drops at Clarke’s question. He glances briefly at Russell before deadpanning, “Oh, gee. Where to begin.”

You look around the room again, at the chaos that has apparently ensued since your departure, and you glance over at Clarke, wondering if it was like this when she left. But given the expression on her face and the confused look that she turns towards you, it wasn’t. Which means your people managed to ruin not just Bardo, but Sanctum too. You can only hope that things here aren’t that bad, though as you look towards Russell again, you’re not sure that’s the case.

But nothing can be as bad as your time on Bardo, _right_?

-


	97. xcvii. blood giant (7.13)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: blood, fighting, violence, death, angst, language.
> 
> Summary: your return to sanctum coincides with a red sun eclipse, making an already stressful situation worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the only thing i can say is, trust me and trust the process

The tension in the room is so thick that it’s practically suffocating.

Gabriel, Doucette, Cadogan, Bellamy and Raven remove their helmets, all of them looking around the room as they do, their eyes landing on Russell, who is standing next to the throne of bones. Gabriel steps forward a little, smiling a little at his former friend and current adversary. “Russell. What the hell is this?”

Russell stares at him with an angry glare, countering, “Who the hell are you?”

And though you have no idea what’s going on, you know that the man in the front of the room, standing next to a horrifying throne, his body adorned in Grounder clothes, is not Russell. You step forward a little, drawing Gabriel’s eyes back to you, and earning a warning stare from Cadogan. “That’s not Russell.”

Confirming your point, the man between Russell and Indra announces, “This is Malachi kom Sangedakru, and you will kneel before him.”

You hear Raven whisper, “Well, I guess we found Sheidheda’s code.”

 _Sheidheda._ Not a threat that you expected to arise in your time away from Sanctum. Civil War between Wonkru, Eligius, and the Sanctumites? Sure, very likely. The Children of Gabriel changing their minds and deciding to kill everyone who left them out to die? It’s possible. But the code of a Dark Commander killed over a hundred years ago now taking over the body of your mother’s killer? Not something you were expecting. 

Sheidheda seems to be handling his power well, because he looks over all of you with no fear or worry. “Since my Ascension, the protocol has become rather simple really. Kneel…or die.”

You pull a face and Cadogan bristles, stepping away from you and the others to draw closer to the opposing leader. “Ordinarily, I would relish the opportunity to recruit your forces to the cause. But unfortunately, I have neither the time nor patience to suffer your primitive tribalism.”

He holds out his hands and bows his head, giving a silent signal to the hidden disciples in the room to begin shooting. They take out every person in the room that is holding a gun, killing them all without hesitation, before revealing themselves one by one, deactivating their ghost mode. You are hyper aware of at least one missing disciple, still hidden from view, but your mind is distracted from the information when Raven calls out, “Murphy!”

She and Clarke rush towards him, along with Indra, and you try to step closer to them, only to be stopped in place by Doucette. You turn towards him and glare, wondering if you can use your restraints to choke him out before anyone would notice, but you see Bellamy looking at you from the corner of your eye. When you shift your gaze to him, he’s giving you a look, one that says he knows exactly what’s going through your mind and that you better stop considering it. You roll your eyes and turn away from him, catching bits and pieces of the whispered conversation being held by your friends and twin. 

“…ray guns I can accept, but that…”

“…Madi’s safe with…”

“…Gaia was with you.”

“…safe for now.”

Their conversation is interrupted by Cadogan, who was also eavesdropping, and who is now turning to give commands to the disciples in the room. “Restrain the soldier with him.”

The disciples move towards Indra and Sheidheda, but Clarke steps in front of Indra, trying to protect her. “No, she’s with us.”

They take Indra away anyways, ignoring Clarke, and Cadogan watches them take the warrior over to a pole in the room, preparing to tie her up. “She was standing unrestrained by the throne. The only reason she’s not dead is because she was unarmed.”

Sheidheda lets out a yell and starts to run towards Cadogan, intending to attack the cult leader, but the last unseen disciple stops him in his place, shoving a knife into his side. He lets out a grunt of pain as the disciple turns off ghost mode and then drops him, Sheidheda falling to his knees as he clutches his side. Black blood seeps between his fingers as Cadogan points at the microphone nearby and bends down to Sheidheda’s level. “That wound is deep. I have no interest in removing you from your throne, so here’s my proposal. You give me undisturbed passage to get what I came for. That means I see not a single soul on our path, and I leave Dr. Santiago here to treat you. When we’re gone, you’re free to continue the debasement of our species until you’re saved like the rest of humanity by the completion of my quest. Refuse this, and you die.”

Sheidheda just lets out a grunt and Bill nods. “Right then. Make the announcement, I don’t want to see anyone in our way.”

Sheidheda nods once and reaches for the microphone, and Cadogan rises to his feet and turns in the direction of the exit. “Onward to the Key.”

He walks past all of you, and Bellamy and Doucette move to pass. When you don’t follow, one of the disciples shoves you ahead, behind the group of men. Gabriel stays behind to save the Dark Commander and the two of you exchange a look before you are pushed out the door. Murphy, Raven, and Clarke all move behind you, following you through the palace, and Clarke gets close to you and whispers, “I’m gonna get you out of those cuffs.”

You whisper back, “I’m more concerned with getting rid of Cadogan.”

“I’m working on it.”

“Well, work faster.”

A disciple reaches out to shove you again, moving you apart from Clarke and the others as the group steps out into the cool night air, goosebumps immediately lifting across your skin. Cadogan and the others look out on Sanctum, watching as people scurry into their homes and out of sight, following the instructions of Sheidheda, who is repeating a message on the loudspeakers overhead. The Shepherd turns and glances at the castle, a disgusted look passing over his face as he mutters, “A fire burned castle surrounded by a city of garbage dumpsters.”

You turn and look at the castle, realizing for the first time that half of it is burned away. You turn to look at Clarke, your eyes asking a question, but she just shakes her head in that ‘tell you later’ sort of way. Ahead of you, Cadogan continues his musings. “Everywhere human beings go is worse off for it, but thanks to us, we will transcend. Thanks to us, we will reach the promised land.”

Clarke, tired of the man and his ramblings, scoffs, “Oh, for God’s sake.”

She pushes past him and walks ahead, moving down the stairs, and Raven scrambles to follow. Cadogan and Doucette begin walking again, and Bellamy waits until you’re at his side to continue moving down the stairs behind the others. Murphy catches up with the two of you, reaching out to grab Bellamy’s arm. “Hey, so what’s our play here?”

Bellamy speaks for the first time since arriving on the planet, turning to look at Murphy in confusion. “Our play?” 

“Don’t get me wrong, you look good. Not as good as me, but I know a thing or two about pretending to be something you’re not.”

You glance over at Murphy and let out a short laugh before moving your gaze over to your brainwashed fiance. “Unfortunately, he’s not pretending.”

Murphy looks at you in confusion, “What?”

Bellamy adds, “This isn’t an act, Murphy, I’m trying to save us all. I don’t expect you to understand, just know that I am your friend, and I’m looking out for you.”

Murphy looks at you with wide eyes, waiting for one of you to say ‘just kidding’, but you just give him a look that says ‘I wish it was bullshit too’. Murphy nods once, quickly understanding your meaning, barely glancing at Bellamy as he answers, “That’s very reassuring. I’m just gonna…”

He trails off, motioning towards Clarke and Raven before he scurries after them, leaving you and Bellamy behind. You watch him go, so eager to get away from disciple Bellamy, and something about it makes you let out a quiet snort of laughter. Bellamy glances at you, brows drawn together as he takes in your amused expression. “What?”

“Murphy is speechless. You actually stunned _Murphy_ into silence. No comeback, no biting remark, just a hasty retreat.” You give him a look of appreciation before your eyes lock on the back of Clarke’s head. “It’s impressive, really.”

Bellamy says nothing, but you spare another quick glance at him, and you swear you can see the ghost of a smile on his face. It gives you hope, because maybe he isn’t lost to you yet, maybe you can bring him back to the side of reason, just like you did when he followed Pike. And as all of you start to stride through Sanctum, you open your mouth to ask a question, snapping it shut again when something wet lands on your cheek. You look up, watching as big white flakes of snow fall on Sanctum, and you smile at it, the first sign of snow you’ve seen in years. Skyring has a pretty mild climate year round, and you missed the beauty of the snow in winter. 

You turn to look at Bellamy, but his eyes are locked on the sky, his expression haunted. You reach out and touch his arm, getting his attention, and he shakes his head a little before looking at you and whispering, “It snowed on Etherea. I never thought it’d stop snowing. I thought we were going to die in that cave.”

You shake your head, the few sentences containing so much information for you to process. “Etherea? You were on Etherea? What cave? Wait, and who is ‘we’?”

“Doucette and I. We were on Etherea together.”

You look at the man meant to replace Anders, suddenly understanding all of the looks he seems to throw Bellamy’s way. You turn back to Bellamy, who is watching you closely. “What cave?”

“The Anomaly Stone was at the top of a mountain. There’s a cave on the way, the Cave of Ascent, and-”

He’s cut off by Cadogan’s voice firmly calling out, “Hold.”

Clarke stops and turns to look at the man in frustration. “Look, I’m in a hurry. You have my twin and our friends. I would like them back, then to see my daughter. If you want to see yours, the Flame is this way.”

She turns towards the stairs behind her, already walking away, but Cadogan calls out to her retreating figure, “New plan. You go, we’ll stay here.”

Clarke turns around, an annoyed look on her face, and Bellamy moves forward a little, trying to step in before Clarke loses her cool. “Sir, you heard her. As long as our friends are out there, she won’t risk their lives.”

Cadogan nods, motioning towards you, Raven, and Murphy. “That’s why these three are staying with us. Hurry along, Clarke. I don’t want to be on this infernal moon a moment longer than I have to.”

She gives you a long look, clearly not wanting to leave you behind, but you smile a little and nod, letting her know you’ll be okay. She hesitates for a second longer, her hand absentmindedly reaching out to touch the star charms that hang around her wrist, before she finally nods, turning to leave and quickly head down the stairs. As soon as she’s out of sight, Murphy throws up his hands and tries to walk away from the group. “Well, what do you say we wait in the tavern instead?”

He makes it less than three steps before a handful of invisible disciples appear in front of him, deactivating their ghost modes, and Murphy clutches his chest in fear as he yells out, “Oh, what the hell!”

You and Raven let out a laugh, his reaction easing the tension for half a minute as you call out, “You get used to it!”

He turns to look at you, completely unconvinced. “Yeah?”

You nod, still smiling, before Cadogan interrupts, motioning towards the others, “Come.”

Doucette and Bellamy start to walk away, following the man, but you hang back, fully intending to sit with Raven and Murphy instead. Unfortunately for you, Cadogan senses that you’re no longer behind him, and without turning around, he calls out, “You too, Miss Griffin! I still don’t trust you!”

You give an annoyed look to Raven and Murphy, watching as they step away and move towards a small fire pit, leaving you to go and trudge behind the men in white. Cadogan walks them to the top of the stairs that lead down to the crops and the edge of the shield, looking around with a satisfied smile. “I like this spot. High ground.”

You sigh and step past them, moving down one step before plopping down, leaning against the stairs, looking out at the fields below. You can hear Murphy and Raven already talking quietly, leaving you with the stiff, boring Shepherd and his disciples, all of them standing quietly just behind you. They stand in complete silence, and you sit repeating the mantra you created after speaking with Anders, trying to translate it into Trigedasleng. _Ai laik wor, reij belen ona ai…_ you’re hung up on the word for skin, racking your brain, trying to find something close, when Cadogan interrupts your thoughts, sounding annoyed. “What’s taking her so long?”

“She’ll be here.”

Cadogan turns to look at Bellamy, noting his confidence in Clarke is mixed with uncertainty in his expression. “I know how hard this is on you, son, believing in something with all your heart that the people you love don’t understand. You remind me of myself when I was young.”

The thought makes you want to gag, not liking the idea that your fiance is anything like the crazed man that stands behind you. You turn to glance back at the men as Cadogan glances at Doucette. “Would you excuse us, please?”

“Of course, my Shepherd.”

Cadogan watches him go before he turns back to Bellamy again, speaking as if you aren’t sitting right beneath their feet. “Doucette’s a good man. He’ll make a fine replacement for Anders, but he’s not like us.”

You roll your eyes, turning away from Bellamy and Cadogan to look out at the field, sending silent messages to Clarke in the hopes that she can hear you. But you have a hard time concentrating on anything other than Cadogan’s preachy speech, delivered to Bellamy with earnest. “The disciples are taught our ways from birth, they know nothing else. Makes faith easy. We, on the other hand, know the pull of love between individuals, what it makes us do, the highs and lows of it, how it leads to hatred of the other, tribalism.”

You can feel his eyes on the back of your neck, staring at you, his words about you, and Bellamy’s love for you. You ignore him as he continues preaching, “I’ve spent generations dedicating my life to something greater.”

“Transcendence.”

“Now you know the weight of that too. The path of the prophet is always hard. Your friends will understand eventually.”

 _No we won’t._ You love Bellamy, you believe in him, you trust him, but you feel none of that for Cadogan. You see right through his bullshit, the same way you saw through Jaha’s bullshit and Pike’s bullshit. He is nothing more than an egotistical cult leader, obsessed with the idea of being worshipped and saving the human race. You start to wonder if it’s worth the risk to kill him now, even if it means the disciples will kill you immediately after. You wish you had your Grounder knife, lost to you since your confrontation on Bardo, your hand practically itching to push the blade into Cadogan’s chest.

Bellamy’s soft, conflicted voice cuts through your thoughts as he appeals to Cadogan for advice. “You had a family, how did you manage it? I feel like I’m failing both you and them.”

“You’re not failing me, Bellamy. Far from it.”

“You are failing me.” You know the words are mean, and one glance at Bellamy’s face confirms that they hurt him, but you can’t help it. You’re frustrated that he’s buying into Cadogan’s lies, and you just want him to wake up and stop playing disciple. 

Cadogan cuts his eyes at you, but you ignore it as he attempts to reassure Bellamy. “You’re special. You were given a glimpse of what comes next, just as I was.”

“They all think I’m crazy.”

“And so we ignore their judgments and we save them anyway.”

Bellamy whispers, “For all mankind.”

Cadogan takes a breath and smiles, repeating the words back to him. You roll your eyes and mutter under your breath, _“Joken koken hedswisha seda.”_

_Fucking crazy cult leader._

“I’m not a cult leader.”

Your eyes go wide and you stand, spinning around to face Cadogan, who seems to understand the Trigedasleng words you just used to insult him. “What did you just say?”

“I’m not a cult leader. Crazy, maybe, but aren’t we all?”

You glance over at Bellamy, wondering if he somehow had the time to teach his Shepherd Trig, but he seems just as surprised as you are. You look back over at Cadogan and the smug look on his face. “How do you know Trig?”

He looks like he’s actually going to answer, until he is interrupted by the loudspeakers of Sanctum powering up and beginning an announcement. “Attention, Sanctum. Red sun toxin has been detected. Make your way to your assigned location for evacuation.”

You look at Bellamy in alarm, remembering what happened the last time all of you were exposed to the toxin. Raven and Murphy walk up to you, Doucette behind them, as Murphy jokes, “Time to play another round of ‘Who Wants to Murder Your Friends?’”

“Sir, we should get you back to Bardo.”

Cadogan shakes his head, ignoring Bellamy’s advice. “I’m not going anywhere without the Flame, and for all we know, this is another one of Clarke’s tricks.”

“If it is, then it’s a good one.” Behind you, you can hear a soft buzzing sound, and curious, you turn to see what it is. The shield over Sanctum that is usually invisible, is now visible to the naked eye, thanks to the thousands of bugs colliding with it, trying to reach all of you down below. You turn to look at the others; you, Murphy, and Bellamy sharing a knowing look based on your first experience with the eclipse. “Bugs.”

All around you, the people of Sanctum have started to scurry from their homes and into their evacuation locations, the P.A. system repeating the warning on a loop. Murphy glances at them as they run past, before turning back to Bellamy. “We should be going with them to Ryker’s Keep, or maybe you’d like to drown me again in the pond.”

And as all of you are standing there, waiting for Cadogan to decide on what to do, Sanctum goes dark, punctuated by a chorus of screams. All of the lights, the quiet machine hum, the shield, they all power down, plunging you into darkness before a series of torches are lit by people around you. As you’re able to see the faces of those around you one by one, Raven’s face pulls into one of realization. “Power’s out. That means the shield’s down.”

You turn to look at the shield, your eyes locking on a strange movement in the sky, seconds before your brain remembers the bugs. The swarm is lowering themselves to the ground, moving towards Sanctum in a wave, and you watch them in fear for a second before calling out, “Guys. We should run.”

Bellamy backs you up, remembering the swarm of bugs from your first night on Sanctum. “She’s right, we should go right now.”

“Not without the Key.”

Doucette moves closer to Cadogan, preparing to protect his Shepherd. “I agree with Bellamy. We should execute the hostages and get you home.”

You all look at Doucette in alarm, Bellamy’s message lacking anything about an execution, which Murphy comments on. “Well, Bellamy never said _that_.”

Worried about your possible death, your mind starts to process through your thoughts quickly, trying to think of anything to save your life, before you remember Clarke’s earlier words about wanting to see her daughter. “Clarke heard the alarm too. She’ll go for Madi.”

“Yes, right, good. The reactor.”

You look at Murphy in shock. “The reactor? As in the _nuclear_ reactor?”

Murphy grimaces, unable to explain why your niece is in the reactor before Raven adds, “I’ll get the power back on and kill the bugs.”

“Before they kill us. Everyone grab a torch!” Bellamy starts to step away, grabbing a torch as he moves, calling out towards your group, “Sir, stay with me. You too, la lune!”

You give him a look at the nickname, not wanting to hear it from disciple Bellamy. Though some of your earlier anger towards him has started to dissipate, you meant it when you said that it was a nickname meant for family, and that as long as he worships Cadogan, he is not your family. But none of that matters, not right now when thousands of toxin crazed bugs are swarming behind all of you, trying to kill you. 

Murphy leads all of you to the machine shop built around the reactor, and when you run into the building, you find that bugs are already inside and have already claimed three victims right outside the door of the reactor. Those with the torches use them to push the bugs out of the room and away from all of you, and Bellamy yells, “Scatter them! Get that door closed and seal the windows! The swarm’s still outside.”

As they start to lower the door to the garage, a voice calls from just outside, “Wait, hold the door.”

A wave of relief crashes over you as you watch Clarke run inside, a bag slung across her shoulder and a torch in her hand. She immediately locks eyes with you, looking you over and making sure you’re okay as you smile at her. “Clarke!”

Cadogan looks at her with suspicion. “What’s in the bag?”

“Antitoxin from the farmhouse.” She pulls the bag off and passes it to Bellamy, who happens to be standing closest to her.

Cadogan deadpans, “For your daughter and twin.”

“Enough for all of us, but, yes, I was thinking of Madi and la lune before you.”

You smile at her, grateful, not too keen to see the ghosts of your past in this moment, but Cadogan ruins the moment by remarking, “Another lesson in the destructiveness of familial love.”

You turn towards him, tired of his preachy attitude. “Destructiveness? That antitoxin is going to keep you from seeing all your regrets playing out in front of you. Maybe you should just go without.”

“La lune…” Bellamy’s voice is a warning, and you turn towards him with an angry look. “I told you not to call me that. And why are you still defending him? ‘The destructiveness of familial love’? How many times has familial saved your life? Octavia’s life? My life? The lives of our people? You can’t honestly tell me that you think love is weakness.”

His eyes frantically dart between you and Cadogan, but his expression is unreadable, making you worried that maybe he is lost to you after all. But you never get to find out, because Cadogan steps up beside you and snaps, “Enough, don’t make me gag you too.”

You have to physically bite your tongue to hold back your response, your entire body wanting to fight back and put him in his place. But you can see the warning in Clarke’s eyes, telling you not now, not here, so you step back, accepting the antitoxin that Bellamy throws to you as Cadogan turns to your twin. “Do you have the Flame or not?”

You take your dose of the antitoxin as she responds, “If you open this door, I’ll give it to you without a fight.”

“All right. Disciple Kelly, the door.”

The disciple steps up and moves towards the door of the reactor, firing a single shot into it, damaging it. Murphy steps towards it first, muttering to all of you, “Let me go in first, I’m the least likely to get attacked.”

You all nod and watch him step inside, you and Clarke waiting just outside of the door until you can hear the soft sounds of happiness from Murphy’s reunion with Emori. You and Clarke exchange a look before she steps inside, in search of Madi, and you stand just outside the door, wanting to follow her, but unsure if you can. You look towards Cadogan, who is standing resolute, before tuning your pleading eyes to Bellamy, hoping they still have some effect on him.

Luckily for you, they do, and he turns to his leader, his voice soft and insistent. “Sir.”

“Fine, go.”

You smile at Bellamy in thanks before turning and stepping through the door, walking around the corner, your eyes already moving past Murphy and Emori. There, a few steps behind them, is your niece, your bright little sun, and her face lights up as she gets a glimpse of you over Clarke’s shoulder. “Ani!”

Your face breaks into a grin as she pulls away from Clarke and runs towards you, wrapping her arms around you in a tight hug. You slip your restrained hands over her shoulders, hugging her back the best you can, relief flooding through you as you look down at Madi. She pulls back and you lift your hand to her cheeks, her eyes landing on the restraints holding your wrists together, and you see a flash of worry cross her features. “Why are you tied up?”

“It’s not important. Are you okay?”

She nods her head, blowing past your concern to focus on her own. “I’m fine, but you aren’t.” She reaches up to touch the bruise around your left eye and cheekbone. “What happened?”

The room falls eerily silent around you and you turn to the door to see why, everyone watching in shock as Cadogan steps inside the room. You push Madi backwards, the two of you moving back towards Clarke as you mutter, “He happened.”

And though Cadogan himself did not give you the injuries, his fanatics did, beating you up in defense of their leader. Which means that though it is technically an exaggeration, it isn’t a complete falsity. Cadogan crosses the room, over to Clarke, who stands near you and Madi both. You push Madi behind you, putting yourself in front of her, and Clarke puts herself in front of you both. The Shepherd says nothing as he holds his hand out towards Clarke, waiting for his Key. 

She reaches into her jacket and hesitantly pulls out the Flame, sliding back the lid on the container just enough so he can see that it’s inside. He takes it with a look of excitement, holding the damaged AI up in his hand as a grin splits his face. “For all mankind.”

Clarke just looks at him until he puts the Flame back in its container and closes it, stepping across the room to stand near the door, Bellamy and Doucette on either side of him. You, Madi, and Clarke back up towards a set of stairs, the two of them lowering themselves down as you stand beside them. The room is tense, everyone unsure of what’s going on or how to act in Cadogan’s presence. Madi gives you and Clarke the quickest summary that she can manage on how all of them ended up hiding in the reactor, and you feel a flash of regret that you weren’t here to protect her or keep her safe. Your mind shifts to your curse, the one that plagued you when you first landed on the ground, long forgotten in the chaos since then. But now, standing near the people you love the most, your brainwashed fiance standing across from you, you’re suddenly reminded of it again. The curse that takes the people you love away from you, now working in its own creative way: dangling Bellamy just out of your reach. 

Madi watches Cadogan across the room, who is back to admiring the damaged Flame, and her voice is low and serious when she whispers, “I don’t think you should have given him that.”

You and Clarke exchange a look before you look at her in confusion. “Why?”

“I remember things.”

Clarke looks at her in alarm. “Your sketchbook?”

You know you must have missed something, because you don’t understand the importance of Madi’s sketchbook in this conversation, but based on the expression on both Madi’s and Clarke’s faces, you know whatever is in that sketchbook must be a big deal. Clarke confirms as much when she mutters, “Madi, don’t tell anyone that, okay? Ever.”

Madi nods and you watch her for a second before you turn to look across the room, over to Bellamy and Cadogan. Cadogan’s eyes are still locked on the Flame, but Bellamy’s are locked on you, watching you closely. You watch him back, searching for any signs of affection in his face, but just like when he followed Pike, his expression is unreadable to you. You sigh and lean your head back against the wall, your hands hanging in front of you, the bar that holds them apart pressing against your body, and you look down at the restraints, tired of being the only one still tied up. The lights in the room come on, reminding you of your genius mechanic friend, who is more than capable of getting you free. You glance over at Clarke and whisper, “I’m gonna go talk to Raven.”

She nods and you slip away, using Cadogan’s focus on his prize to get away unnoticed. You walk into the next room, looking for Raven, but finding no one. Instead, someone steps out of the secondary containment, a blonde haired woman with braids on one side of her head, an Eligius uniform on her body. She barely glances your way as you walk past, and something about the situation raises alarm bells in your head. Worried, you call out, “Raven?”

A soft sob answers your call, and you feel a wave of panic as you rush towards the secondary containment, anxious about what you’re going to find. But instead of finding Raven in a pool of blood, bleeding out from some unknown wound, she is kneeling at the base of a machine, knees pulled up to her chest, crying. The sobs that wrack her body are hard, and you look at her with pity as you cross the room, dropping beside her to whisper, “Hey, it’s okay, you’re okay.”

You have no idea why she’s crying, but it doesn’t matter, because she clearly just needs someone by her side. She reaches out for you, wrapping her arms around you, and you hug her back as you settle beside her, beginning to softly hum Clair de lune. She cries in your arms, not stopping when Emori, Murphy, and Clarke run into the room, clearly worried about her. Clarke drops down beside you, Emori moves to Raven’s other side, and Murphy kneels in front of her, all of them reaching out and holding her arm or her hand, offering her their comfort. 

You don’t know how long the five of you sit together before Bellamy comes into the room and lets you know it’s time to go, but it doesn’t feel long enough. You don’t want to go back out there and join Cadogan, or watch Bellamy follow him around like a lost puppy, but you know you have no other choice. The others know it too, because you all stand, and Raven quickly wipes away her tears as you walk back into the main part of the reactor. 

Clarke grabs Madi, and all of you follow Bill back to the castle, prisoners to the cult leader as you await the return of your friends. When you step inside of the throne room behind Cadogan and two disciples, you find Indra pointing a gun at all of you, surrounded by dead disciples. Sheidheda is leaning against a nearby pole, looking weak and drowsy, Jackson is standing in the corner of the room, surveying the scene, and Gabriel is setting up some machine nearby. 

As soon as Indra sees Cadogan, she lifts the gun towards him and snaps, “Where is my daughter?”

“Who the hell is your daughter?”

Bellamy moves from his place behind you, stepping into Indra’s line of sight, holding his hands up in surrender. “Indra, hold on. We didn’t know she was missing until today. Nobody did. We’re gonna get everyone back, but you have to put down the gun.”

You step forward, nodding at Indra, corroborating Bellamy’s story. “It’s okay, Indra. He’s gonna help us.”

She lowers the gun, and as soon as it’s clear, Gabriel steps forward. “Does that mean you have the Flame?”

Cadogan nods, “I do.”

“I believe I can restore the damaged code with this.” Gabriel turns and motions towards the nearby machine, and you look at him in disbelief. _What is with these men and following Cadogan?_ “It’s used to repair memory drives, stitching together broken strings of code. Code, like the Flame itself, that was created by-”

Cadogan cuts him off, saying her name first, “Becca Franko.” Gabriel nods in confirmation and the cult leader mutters, “Show me.”

He passes the Flame to Gabriel, and all of you watch as he loads the tech into the machine. “If Becca’s memories are still in here, this will find them.”

The screen comes to life, showing a loading page, letting all of you know that soon Cadogan will have exactly what he wants. Doucette looks at it with a smile and muses, “Now we can start the Last War.”

“It’s working.”

But as everyone watches the percentage bar get closer and closer to the end, your eyes shift to Gabriel, confused as to why he’s helping Cadogan, only to find that his entire demeanor has changed. He now looks conflicted, his eyes locked on an empty spot at Cadogan’s side, and he suddenly whispers, “We are. I’m sorry.”

Everyone looks towards him in confusion, not understanding who he’s talking to given the silence in the room, when he suddenly pulls out a gun from his waistband and aims it at the Flame, pulling the trigger and blowing it to pieces before you can even make sense of his movements. You all look towards him in shock as he turns the gun on Cadogan, aiming it at the shocked man before he yells to the disciples around the room, “Helmets off and weapons down, all of you, right now!”

They comply, worried about the risk of losing their Shepherd, and as they disarm and remove their helmets, Gabriel reaches a hand out towards Jackson. “Antitoxin.”

The pieces slide into place as you realize he must have been seeing Josephine, talking to her, until he remembered that she had never been a good voice of reason. As Gabriel takes the antitoxin, Bellamy steps closer to him, trying to plead with him. “Gabriel, we need him to get our friends back, your friends… Echo and Hope too. Now put down the gun.”

Gabriel doesn’t waver, his gun still trained on Cadogan, but out of the corner of your eye, you see Doucette growing antsy, eyes darting between Gabriel and his leader. The man makes a split second decision and yells, “Take him!” as he runs at Gabriel. But he makes it less than three steps before a gunshot rings out and Doucette lets out a cry of pain, blood blooming across his white robes. You turn to look in the direction the shot came from, unsurprised to find your twin holding a gun, clearly the one that took Doucette down. 

Gabriel nods at her in thanks as Bellamy lets out a loud cry, running towards Doucette and putting his hand over the man’s chest wound. “No! No!”

You feel a rush of pity for him as he loses his friend, but you feel nothing for Doucette himself, unconcerned with his death. Clarke calls your name, and you turn towards her, catching the gun she tosses your way. You immediately turn it on Cadogan, ready to take him out if you need to. Clarke grabs a second gun for herself before turning to Raven. “Raven, fire up the stone. We need to get to our friends.”

Raven pulls a helmet on her head and pulls up the map, calling out to Cadogan, “Which planet? Where are they?”

He looks at her with a smug smile, “It’s offline. Only I know the code.” 

“He’s telling the truth.” Raven pulls the helmet off her head and turns to look at Clarke. “There’s one planet we can’t get to.”

Pissed, Clarke lifts her gun and turns it on Cadogan, three guns now trained on him. “Enter the code, and you get to live.”

He only hesitates for a second before he moves over to the stone and begins entering the code. When he’s done, a bright green glow erupts in the room, shining over all of you, and Cadogan motions towards it. “There’s your bridge. Go.”

Clarke shakes her head, “You’re coming with us, now move.”

Bellamy stands, moving towards Cadogan and Clarke, clearly prepared to go with all of you, but Clarke turns to glare at Bellamy, her voice angry as she snaps, “Not you! You’ve made your choice.”

You turn to look at her, already prepared to protest. “Clarke-”

“No, la lune. He chose them. He chose Cadogan.”

You hesitate, turning to look at your fiance, and Murphy calls out, “I really hope this new thing you believe in is worth it.”

Bellamy gives him a resolute nod when he answers, “It is.”

The words hit you like a shot to the chest, because even now, at the threat of being left behind by all of you, he still chooses Cadogan. You turn to Clarke, heartbreak evident on your face, silently asking to say your goodbyes. She nods, keeping her weapon trained on Cadogan, allowing you to lower your own. All around you, your friends walk past you, stepping into the green glow at your back. The green glow that you desperately tried to reach to save the man in front of you. The man that now stands in front of you, still on the other side. And everything feels like it’s crashing down around you as you realize that the man in front of you is no longer the man you love. No longer the man that loves you. He’s nothing more than a stranger, your enemy, and his conflicted feelings won’t change that. 

He gives you a soft look as you close the space between the two of you, your hand already reaching for the ring on your left hand. As you slide it off your finger, you hold it up to him. “When you gave me this ring, you told me that I meant everything to you. You told me that you want to protect me and love me until your last breath. But the man that said those words to me while we were tied up in that cave is gone. The man that’s in front of me now has been willing to torture his best friend, watch his fiance walk around restrained, and his sister be sent to an unknown planet, all without a word of disagreement.”

You reach out and grab his hand, pressing the ring into his palm. “I wish I knew what you went through on Etherea, and I wish I understood why you seem so determined to follow Cadogan. But Bellamy, even if he’s right, even if Transcendence is real, Cadogan should not be the one to deliver us to it. That man is a monster, and we’ve known it since we were on Earth. None of what he’s done is okay, and by following him, you’re condoning his actions. By following him, you’ve become someone I don’t even recognize.”

It feels like your heart is ripping in half as you say the words to him, and it must hurt Bellamy just as much, because you see tears spring to his eyes. You ignore them, pushing past his hurt and reminding yourself of your own hurt, your own anger, not allowing yourself to be swayed by his tears. “I guess Bellamy Blake really did die the day that grenade went off in the Stone Room, because the man that came through the Anomaly from Etherea is not him, is it, _Disciple Blake_?”

You practically spit the last two words, ignoring the tears that are now spilling down his face and your own. “So much for this lifetime and the next. So much for forever.”

His expression morphs into one of complete heartbreak, and you abruptly turn away from him, unable to stomach the look on his face. Your eyes fall on Clarke, and she nods, encouraging you, letting you know this is the right thing to do. As you move closer to your twin, she reaches out for you, grabbing your free hand, interlacing her fingers with yours. Indra grabs Cadogan and pushes him towards the Anomaly, you and Clarke right behind them. And when you are mere inches away from stepping inside of the green glow, you turn to get one last look at Bellamy, which stops you in your tracks. 

Because he now stands near the bone throne, something held in his hands, flipped open to a random page.

_Madi’s sketchbook._

And though you don’t quite understand the importance of what’s in the sketchbook, you follow Clarke as she pulls you away from the Anomaly and back into the room, calling out to your former fiance, “ _Belomi… Kof em op gon ai._ ”

 _Bellamy, give it to me._ Bellamy looks over at her, as the disciples in the room turn towards you, starting to close in. You and Clarke drop each other’s hands and lift your guns, leaving you to turn slightly to your left, away from Bellamy. When Bellamy doesn’t close the sketchbook or pass it over, Clarke’s voice gets harder and she snaps, _“Kom nau, o ai na rip emo klin. Yu get klin ha e'na bilaik.”_

 _Now, I’ll kill them all. You know I will._ Bellamy finally turns away from the book, moving his teary eyed gaze towards the two of you. “Madi isn’t in danger, I’ll make sure of that. I’ll keep her safe.”

_“Du na frag em op na gada in chit bilaik emo gaf in, en yu foshou get em klin. Ai nou na teik em na gon daun.”_

_They will kill her to get what they want, and you know it. I won’t let that happen._ Bellamy looks at her, tears welling up in his eyes as he shakes his head, his voice cracking with emotion. “I am trying to save us all, Clarke!”

“I’ll kill Cadogan. Is that what you want?” He shakes his head, and she raises her voice, _“Kof em op gon ai!”_

 _Give it to me!_ As soon as the words leave her mouth, one of the disciples near you starts to run your way, clearly intending to take one or both of you out. You pull the trigger before he makes it halfway, his body hitting the floor as you turn to look at Bellamy with anxiety. “Give her the damn book, Bellamy!”

He looks at you, his expression pleading, “This is bigger than any of us!”

You turn towards him slightly, locking eyes with him. “We already made Madi a pawn once when we made her the Commander, and I won’t do that to her again! Not after everything she went through with Sheidheda.”

“I’ll keep her safe, but this is important!”

You cut your eyes at Bellamy, shaking your restraints. “What, like you kept me safe?”

You see a look of hurt pass over his face, but you look away when one of the men to your left starts to shift, inching closer, and you step towards him, aiming your gun right at his chest, daring him to make a move. As you do, you can hear Clarke beside you, teary eyed and pleading, “Don’t make me do this.”

“You’re not gonna shoot me, Clarke.”

You turn to look at her as he says that, noticing that she has now moved her gun from the disciples around her to the man that you still love. Your voice is a soft warning when you whisper, “Clarke, don’t.”

Bellamy nods to the Anomaly behind you, “The bridge will close, you should go.”

“Not without that book.”

Bellamy starts to cry as he looks between you and Clarke, trying to reason with her. “Look at yourself, what you feel right now, the need to protect someone you love so badly you’re willing to kill your closest friend, someone you trust, who’s telling you that the fate of the entire human race is at stake. All that suffering can end. Madi’s suffering too. I have no choice but to share this.”

You and Clarke are both crying now, though you suspect it’s for different reasons. Your anxiety is sky high, squeezing your body and making it feel like your heart is going to burst from your chest. Clarke stares at Bellamy, her voice shaking when she mutters, “I can’t let them hurt her.”

“This is how we do better.” He tries to appeal to her using Monty’s words, but they only make her angrier, if anything. He shifts, reaching out to hand the sketchbook to the disciple closest to him. “This is the only way, I’m sorry.”

“Me too.” And as soon as she says it, you’re diving towards Clarke, the words triggering your fight response. You watch her finger pull the trigger as your hands shove against her arms, trying to stop her, and when the gunshot rings out, you swear you feel it rip through your own heart. You can hear it hit Bellamy’s body, and you turn towards him, the gun dropping from your hand as you watch red blood spread across the chest of his white robes at an alarming pace, his body falling towards the floor. You hear a scream, ungodly loud, broken and wailing, your brain unaware that it’s coming from you. 

Three more shots ring out but your brain doesn’t process it, too busy trying to tell your feet to move. You move closer to him, ignoring Clarke’s voice that is screaming your name, ignoring the disciple that is running towards you, your only focus on Bellamy, and the blood all over his clothes, his body, on the floor. You feel arms wrap around your waist, and Clarke yells in your ear, pulling you backwards, towards the disappearing Anomaly and away from Bellamy. You fight her hard, kicking and screaming and scratching at her the best you can, but she is resolute, determined to get you off of Sanctum, dragging you back into the Anomaly with every ounce of strength she can muster. 

You scream again, repeating Bellamy’s name like a mantra, watching as he disappears from view, the Anomaly closing around you. You don’t stop fighting the entire time you’re in the green glow, trying to process why Clarke would do that, why Clarke would shoot Bellamy. He may be your enemy, he may be on the wrong side of things, but _you_ ** _love_** _him._ You may have given him the ring back, but you didn’t mean it, oh god you didn’t mean it. You just wanted it to be a wake up call to him, a way for him to see the error of his ways. But now Bellamy is dying, bleeding out on the floor, _alone_ , thinking that you don’t love him.

_Bellamy Blake is dying alone, thinking that no one loves him._

The thought tears your chest open, cracks your heart into pieces as you cry harder, thinking of the blood, all that blood around him. All over his robes and dripping out of his mouth, filling up his lungs and killing him. No one at his side to put pressure on his wounds, or say the Traveler’s Blessing, or to just be there for him. 

He thinks his sister on another planet hates him, and his best friend who shot him hates him, and his former fiance who gave him back the ring hates him. All his friends and the people that he calls family, angry and hating him. Leaving him to die alone with no one at his side. You thought it was bad enough to see him die in security footage on Bardo. But to see him shot in front of you, by your own twin, your other half, it’s enough to destroy you.

And as Clarke holds you in her arms, sobbing apologies in your ear, you can only think of her one way. Now, she’s just Wanheda. 

The Commander of Death, killing everyone in her way, even the man you love.

-


	98. xcviii. a sort of homecoming (7.14)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: angst, sadness, injuries, death, mentions of blood, anxiety, fighting, violence, language.
> 
> Summary: angry at your twin because of what she’s done and trying to figure out what to do next, chaos ensues in the last place you ever expected you’d see again.

As soon as the Anomaly dissipates around you, taking you to your new location, you and Clarke drop to the floor.

Her legs give out, her energy near zero after holding you back, emotion now taking you both. You collapse onto your hands and knees, sobbing, ignoring the cries coming from Clarke behind you. Because if you stop to think about it, you know you’re going to get angry. You feel strong sobs rise up and break free from your chest, slipping out of your mouth, and over the sound of them you can hear Madi call out to you as she rushes to your side. “Clarke! Ani! What is it? What happened?”

You look up at your niece, her face pulled together with worry, and you see Raven moving to Clarke’s side to comfort her. But as your eyes lift to look at Madi, they land on someone behind her. Someone in bright white robes. Someone who has ruined _everything_ for you. Your cries stop, dying in your throat as anger washes over you, your face contorting into a glare as you yell at him. “You did this! You ruined him!”

Bill Cadogan looks at you in surprise, and you run towards him, closing the distance between you both as you launch yourself at him, knocking you both to the ground. You scramble on top of him, your still restrained hands lifting to his throat, a scream ripping from your chest as you start to choke the cult leader that has made your life hell with his bullshit teachings. “This is your fault! He’d be by my side if it weren’t for you!”

You vaguely register the sound of multiple voices calling your name, yelling at you to stop, but you ignore them all, watching with satisfaction as Cadogan’s face turns pink and then red from lack of oxygen. As you wait for it to turn purple, signaling that the end of his life is near, you feel arms wrap around each of your arms and around your waist. You kick and scream as you’re pulled backwards, away from Cadogan, the leader taking in deep gulps of air before looking at you with disgust. You glance over your shoulder at who’s holding you back, your eyes landing on Murphy, Jackson, and Gabriel. “Let me go! He deserves to die!”

“This place is perfect for you tribalistic savages.” You tug against the three men holding you back, desperate to attack him again, but they hold you in place as Cadogan sits up. As he pulls himself to his feet, he lifts a blue pill in his hand. “Nano-tracking program.”

He swallows it before any of you can stop him, turning to look at you with a smug smile on his face. “What is it you say? May we meet again.”

“NO!” Three sets of arms finally release you, and you run towards Cadogan, reaching your arms out to him as he disappears in a cloud of green light. You stand staring at the empty spot, Cadogan now gone, your anger giving way to panic as you spin in place. “Where is he? Where did he go?”

You pause, eyes wide as your gaze takes in everyone around you, looking at you as if you’ve lost your mind. But none of them know what you know. None of them have _seen_ what you’ve seen. They don’t know that Clarke killed Bellamy. They don’t know that you have to kill Cadogan, _need_ to kill Cadogan, because there’s no way you can punish your twin. She pulled the trigger on Bellamy, and maybe you’ll always hate her for that. But she’s your blood, your other half, and you could never kill her. Not even now, not even in the height of your anger. _Because maybe part of you understands._ But Cadogan? He’s your enemy. The leader of your enemy. He taught Anders and the disciples and Bellamy all of the bullshit they believed in. He ruined everything for you, and you are more than capable of killing him. 

Which is why staring at his empty spot is now sending you into a panic, and you turn and take off running before anyone can stop you. As you rush past your friends and up the ramp behind you, you realize now that you’re in the Second Dawn Bunker, on Earth somehow, bringing you a slight sense of relief amongst your growing anxiety. 

You can hear multiple voices calling your name again, begging you to stop, but you ignore all of them, moving through the door and out into the open air. The sight in front of you stops you dead in your tracks as soon as you see it, nothing but lush green trees all around you. Your mouth drops open in surprise and you turn in a small circle, taking in the green Earth and the overgrown remains of Polis just behind you. 

You hear feet thundering up the ramp towards you, and you take off running again, straight into the trees, paying no attention to where you’re going as you move. Your eyes scan the trees, looking for Cadogan, though you know enough to know that he isn’t here. Still, it doesn’t stop you from looking, your determined anxiety growing more erratic as you move. Your tears rise up in your eyes as you continue to move through the woods around Polis, catching sight of a few overgrown buildings as you get further away from the city center. 

You start to stumble just outside of the former city limits, your tears blurring your vision and making it nearly impossible to see, before you finally give up and collapse to your knees. Your grief builds and builds until it rips a broken scream from you, the force of it so much that you fall forward onto your hands and knees. The restraint between your wrist shifts and you get frustrated, pulling and tugging on the cuff around your right wrist until your hand slips free. But the restraint must have some sort of escape mechanism built into it, because in the process of freeing your right hand, you’ve only trapped your left hand further, the strap around your wrist tightening to the point that you’ll never pull it free.

You start to cry again, giving up on the cuffs as sobs rip through your body from frustration and grief and anger, everything swirling together inside of you, a perfect storm of emotions. You cry until your eyes are swollen and your chest hurts, and then you cry more, your grief washing over you in waves as you realize the reality of your situation. _Bellamy is dead. Clarke killed him. You’ll never see him again. You’ll never hug him again. He’s gone, because you failed to save him._ ** _Twice_** _._

As you sit crying, you hear a twig snap behind you, and you spin around quickly, prepared to fight off whatever is coming your way, but you collapse again when you see that it’s only Gabriel. He gives you a heartbroken look, walking closer to you slowly, as if he’s just waiting for you to bolt again. But you don’t have the energy to outrun him, not now, and you allow him to close the space between you and wrap you up in his arms. You hug him back, your arms reaching around him and clutching at the back of his shirt desperately, holding him tight as you continue to cry. 

He holds you in his arms for a few minutes, comforting you, whispering soft words of reassurance into your ear over and over. Your brain struggles to process the words, but the softness of his voice is enough to calm you down, until finally, you stop crying. You eventually pull away from him, wiping the tears from your face as you look up at him, sure that you must look like a wreck. But you’re too heartbroken to care, and too comfortable with Gabriel to care. He looks at you with sympathy, his voice soft when he whispers, “He isn’t suffering anymore, cielito. He’s finally at peace.”

You weakly nod your head, knowing that’s something Bellamy desperately wanted. And it’s cruel that it had to come to him in the form of a bullet through his heart, but maybe it’s better for him this way. He won’t have to worry about the Last War, or anymore pain, sorrow, or death. He doesn’t have to be conflicted anymore. He’s at peace, swimming amongst the stars with your dad and mom and Kane, and though it hurts you to lose him, maybe it’s the best thing for him. You hope that if you repeat it enough times, you’ll start to believe it.

You look up at Gabriel, your voice scratchy from all of your crying when you ask, “Where are the others? Our friends, are they safe?”

“Yes.” He nods back towards the bunker and adds, “Do you want to go see them?”

You look over his shoulder warily, not sure you want them to see you like this, but then you remember that Octavia and Echo are with them, and if Clarke has given them the news then they are likely just as heartbroken as you are. You want to be there for them the way they’ve been there for you, so you look back at Gabriel and nod, and he stands, offering you his hand. You grab it, allowing him to pull you to your feet, and the two of you walk back towards the others, hand in hand. 

You’re moving slowly, in no particular rush, and as you walk back towards the bunker, Gabriel mutters, “I’m glad you’re awake this time.”

You look at him in confusion, “What are you talking about?”

“When you took off into the woods on Skyring, after Hope mentioned Hesperides.” 

“You brought me back?”

He nods. “We spent all afternoon looking for you. I was so worried that you somehow ended up back at the lake and drowned again, and after hours of no sign of you, I thought you must be dead. Until I found you in the woods not long after, curled up and passed out. I carried you the whole way back to the cabin, and I watched over you all night, waiting for you to wake up. I was so worried.”

You look at him in surprise. “I never knew that was you.”

You hesitate for a minute before you look up at him again, your expression softening a little. “I don’t think I’ve ever said this to you, but thank you, Gabriel. For _everything_. For saving Clarke from Josephine and helping us save my friends on Sanctum. Thank you for supporting me and watching over me on Skyring and again on Bardo. Thank you for keeping the secret of the Key and clueing Clarke in when she arrived. Just, thank you. I don’t think I can ever repay you.”

“You don’t have to thank me, and you don’t have to repay me.” He squeezes your hand and smiles at you. “We’re family. It’s what we do.”

You smile back at him, your grief forgotten for the briefest of moments, until the sounds of soft crying and whispered conversations reach your ears. You look away from Gabriel, your eyes searching for the source of the sound, landing on Echo and Octavia sitting together nearby. There’s no sign of the others, but as soon as they see you, they both stand, fresh tears springing to their eyes. You all look at each other for a long minute before you run towards them, the three of you colliding into a group hug, the tears falling instantly. 

Somewhere behind you, you hear Gabriel mutter something about finding the others, but your mind is so focused on mourning that you don’t even really process it. Instead, you stand with Echo and Octavia crying, three of the most important women in Bellamy Blake’s life mourning his death together, while the fourth woman, the one responsible for his death, is nowhere to be seen. 

You don’t know how long the three of you cry in silence, but you’re the first to pull away when you remember just who pulled the trigger. _Your twin._ You look at them with tearful eyes, your heart breaking further when you realize that your other half has caused them more pain, as if the lifetime of hurt they’ve been given isn’t enough. “I’m so sorry. I just can’t believe… I tried to… She was trying to protect Madi.”

You know the reasoning isn’t enough, it’s not even enough for you, and Madi is your little sun, but it’s the best you can offer them. They surprise you by pulling you in for another hug, shaking their heads when they finally release you again. “We don’t blame you, la lune.”

Echo squeezes your hand and adds, “We don’t blame Clarke either.”

“You don’t?” They both shake their heads, and you can feel your expression harden, your grief giving way to anger again. “Why not? I do.”

“Because it’s not her fault. This is all Cadogan’s doing.” Octavia sighs, wiping the stray tears from her face. “I love my brother more than anything in the world, but the man that Clarke shot was not him. Our Bellamy would have never sent us here and locked you up and tortured Clarke. He would have torn Bardo down just to get all of us out of there, and I know that for a fact, because that’s what he tried to do before he was blasted to Etherea.”

You shake your head, not wanting to listen to this, not wanting to hear them defend Clarke. But Echo can sense your disagreement, and she speaks up before you can. “La lune, you know Bellamy wouldn’t want you to hold this grudge. He loved you and he loved Clarke, and he loved the bond the two of you shared. He wouldn’t want you to be angry with her.”

“How can I not be when she killed the man I love?”

Octavia’s voice is soft, but insistent, when she whispers, “But she didn’t, and you know she didn’t. Indra said you gave him the ring back, because even you knew in that moment that wasn’t the man you fell in love with.”

You feel tears prick your eyes again as you take in her words, because you know she’s right. You gave him back the ring, and he didn’t fight you on it, not really. The man you fell in love with, who would fight the gods themselves to keep you safe, would have tried harder. Done more. Held you tighter. He wouldn’t have let you go, and you know that. 

It doesn’t make your conflicting emotions any easier to handle though. 

Because you know it’s not Clarke’s fault, not really, and that she wasn’t the one to blame. She pulled the trigger, but this whole situation is so much deeper than that. And at the heart of it all is Bill Cadogan and the disciples and fucking Bardo, and their delusional teachings of the Shepherd. Unfortunately for all of you, the Shepherd and his flock are not here, and Clarke is, so blame her you will. At least for now. At least until you can blame the man responsible. And you hope that by latching onto blame and anger, you can ignore your grief for your soulmate, your guilt for not doing more to save him the first time around, before Skyring, and your sadness for the lost future that the two of you will never share. One that returned to you briefly when he reappeared with a beard and frostbite, but one that left again with a betrayal and a bullet.

You take a deep breath to steady yourself, pushing away the memories of Bellamy that are begging to play through your mind in this moment, pushing away the dreams you know you need to forget, not wanting to give into the grief again, before you look between the two girls, your sisters. “Where’s everyone else?”

“In the bunker, deciding what to do next. We wanted to wait for you.”

You smile at them both, grateful, hoping that the plan for what’s next is to get off of Earth and burn Bardo to the ground with Bill Cadogan still on it. You nod towards the door to the bunker, wiping any lingering tears from your face. “Should we go see what the plan is?”

They both smile and nod, and linking hands, the three of you walk into the bunker, eager to see what’s been decided in the time you were outside. But instead of being greeted with an escape plan and a way out of the bunker, you’re greeted by Madi barreling towards you, hugging you tight before she launches into a summary of what you missed. “Gabriel figured out that there’s an Anomaly Stone and everyone wanted to get to it and jump to Sanctum and gather an army before going to Bardo to stop Cadogan, but Clarke took the helmet and smashed it to pieces and now we’re all stuck here with no way to leave and no way to contact anyone else we know.”

You feel your expression harden again, and dropping Echo and Octavia’s hands, you mutter, “Where is she?”

“She told everyone to pick a room, and she went that way.” Madi points down a long hall, and you share a quick look with the others in the room before you grab her hand and nod in the direction Clarke walked in. “Let’s go.”

You’re able to find Clarke’s chosen room with ease, because she left the door cracked and you can see the soft glow of candlelight seeping through the space and into the hall. You push the door open, your eyes sweeping the room in search of her, over rows and rows of bunk beds. All empty, save for one. 

Clarke looks over as you and Madi step into the room, closing the door behind you, and she turns away just as fast after taking in your equally pissed off expressions. “Pick a bed. You’ll both be less mad at me in the morning.”

Madi quips, “All these beds should be filled with people.”

Clarke sighs, shifting to get more comfortable. “Oh, Madi, I’m really not in the mood to argue.”

You snap, “You don’t get to shut down Clarke, not after what you did.”

She sits up quickly, getting just as angry as she snaps back, “You saw him. He had Madi’s sketchbook and he was going to give it to Cadogan! I tried to stop him. I gave him the chance to give it back before I pulled the trigger, but he didn’t do it. You can hate me if you want to, because I sure hate myself for it, but I did what I had to do.”

“Clarke, you killed Bellamy!”

“I did that to save Madi!”

Madi grows just as frantic as you and Clarke, looking at her in a panic. “I didn’t ask you to do that! Now you have to live with that, and I don’t want that for you!”

“Madi-”

You cut Clarke off, your voice steadily rising. “Clarke, we have been here before! Years ago in this same damn bunker, when you left me and Bellamy behind to die in the fighting pits. You did that to protect Madi too. And when you got to Sanctum, you realized that you had forgotten that Bellamy is your family, just as much as she is. You swore you wouldn’t forget that, so what the hell happened?”

“Josephine tried to kill me, and then we lost mom. Everything was different after that, la lune.”

You sigh, reminding yourself that it’s only been a few days for Clarke to process your mother’s death. You’ve had years at this point, but she hasn’t. Still, that doesn’t erase the fact that her grief is not an excuse for what she did. Madi must agree, because she sighs too. “You decided for me…again.”

“I decided for everyone, that’s what I do.” 

You shake your head, and Madi glares at her. “When we landed on the ground, we decided to lead together: you, me, and Bellamy. Somewhere along the way, I think you forgot that and started to shoulder the burden on your own. I shouldn’t have let you. I should have stepped up and taken the pressure off of you, because after spending time on Skyring and Bardo, I get it. I can’t imagine the burden you’ve been carrying for all of us. But Clarke, this? This isn’t you. Killing Bellamy and shrugging it off as collateral damage when saving Madi is next level, even for you.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say. I killed Bellamy to save Madi, that’s it. Even if I regretted it, I can’t change it. I can’t go back in time and undo it.”

You sigh, getting angry as you stare at your twin, who seems bound and determined to stand by her decision. You scrub a hand over your face, taking a second to calm your brain down before you snap in a way you might regret. As you do, Clarke turns away from you, attempting to reconcile with Madi at the very least. “I know you’re mad that I stranded us here, but remember Shallow Valley, when it was just the three of us and all we wanted was for our friends-”

Madi immediately cuts her off, “ _Your_ friends. What about mine? I was starting to build my own life, I have friends in Sanctum. Picasso is there, Luca. You think you’re protecting me, but you’re not! You ruined my life and you ruined ani’s life. Just like you ruined your own.”

Clarke gives her a hurt look, but Madi ignores it, turning towards the door to leave. Your twin calls out to her, stopping her, “Madi, wait. This place is huge, you can’t just wander off in the dark.”

And right on cue, Raven gets the lights back on, all of you having no need for candles or torches any longer. Madi reaches for the door again, but Clarke stops her again. “You can’t just wander off _alone_!”

Madi looks at you, and you turn to Clarke. “She won’t be alone.”

Her face drops as you turn to follow Madi from the room, both of you slipping into the hallway and pulling the door closed behind you. You half expect Clarke to come running after the two of you, but she never does, leaving you both to wander down the hall together in silence. As you climb the stairs to a new level, Madi reaches out to take your hand, squeezing it as she whispers, “I’m sorry that Clarke killed Bellamy to save me. You have to know that I didn’t want that, I’d never ask her to-”

You cut your niece off, sensing her panic, not wanting her to put any blame on herself. You pull the two of you to a stop, dropping down to kneel in front of her, lifting your free hand, your restraint still hanging from it, to her face. “Little sun, this is _not_ your fault. It’s not entirely Clarke’s either. Something happened to Bellamy, something none of us understand, and he chose to follow Cadogan. I think he was conflicted on his beliefs, which is why I don’t think Clarke should have shot him. He promised that you weren’t in danger and that he’d keep you safe, but with Cadogan around, there’s no guarantee for any of us. At the end of the day, Clarke did what she thought was best to protect her family. Though I don’t agree with her this time, I’ve done the same.”

And as soon as you say the words, you know they’re true. They might not feel true in this moment, your anger still building against your twin, but deep down, you know that Clarke really did shoot Bellamy because she feared for Madi’s life. You don’t think that’s something she’d take lightly, even in a highly emotional moment. You wish you didn’t understand though, and that you hated her the same way you hated Cadogan, but you can’t. You just can’t seem to bring yourself to have that same level of anger for Clarke.

Madi interrupts your thoughts by asking, “Do you hate her?”

You look at her, tears welling up in your eyes a little as you think on her question, giving her a genuine answer. “No. It’d be easier if I did, because anger is always easier than grief, but I don’t hate her.”

Madi looks like she’s about to ask another question, but she stops herself when she hears music floating down the hall towards the two of you. Her eyes light up, and the two of you exchange a smile before you stand and walk towards the sound, following it down the hall and to a nearby room. You push open the door and climb a short set of stairs until you see Gabriel at a piano, playing something softly. To his left, Hope and Jordan stand dancing, and you smile at them as Madi says, “Hey, I like that song.”

Gabriel turns towards you both, pausing in his playing to smile at you. You both smile back and she asks, “Will you play something else?”

“Ahh, I’ll do better than that. Have a seat, I’ll teach you.”

“Really?” Excitement starts to grow on her face, and she glances towards you, silently asking for permission. You smile at her and nod, nudging her towards Gabriel, who slides over on the bench to make room for her. He turns to look at you, patting the bench on his other side. “We’ve got room for one more.”

You’re about to join them when the restraint around your wrist hits your leg, reminding you of its presence. You hold up your arm, showing it to him. “Let me get rid of this first, and I’d love to join you. Will she be okay with you?”

Gabriel nods and you smile in thanks. “Good, I’ll be back.” You look towards Madi and joke, “I expect to hear a song from you when I get back.”

She laughs and you smile at the sound, trying to remember the last time you heard her laugh. It’s hard to pinpoint when, but you think it must have been back on Sanctum when you and Bellamy saved her from the Children of Gabriel. _And now you’re leaving her with Gabriel himself._ You back down the stairs and rack your brain for your limited knowledge of the bunker, trying to remember where the control systems are. You think it’s a few floors lower, so you move that way, hoping Raven is still down there. Luckily for you, you hear quiet conversations coming from a room on the way, and you move towards it, pushing the door open slowly and peeking inside. 

You find Raven inside, along with Emori and Murphy. They all look over as you step into the room, their expressions dropping into one of pity when they see you, and you awkwardly clear your throat, lifting your arm to show off your restraint. “Sorry to bother you, but do you think there’s any way you could get this off me? I got one hand free, but I think there’s some sort of escape mechanism because it tightened up on my left hand.”

Raven nods, motioning for you to come closer. “Yeah, of course, let me take a look.”

You nod and move across the room, and Emori stands from the stool she’s sitting on, offering it to you. You whisper, “Thanks.”

You sit onto the stool, holding out your hand to Raven, who takes it gently, looking over the restraint. As you sit there, the room thick with tense silence, you look around, your eyes landing on the damaged disciple helmet at Raven’s side. Tools lay scattered around it, and you realize that Raven must be fixing it. “Are you trying to fix the helmet?”

“Um, yeah.” She glances at you hesitantly, like she’s worried about what you’ll say, but all you offer is, “Good. We need to get back to Sanctum and help the others back to Earth. Then we can stop Cadogan.”

You pause, your mind thinking of Bellamy’s body, laying near the stone, waiting for you to return. And you can’t help but mention it, your voice soft, breaking with emotion. “We need to bring Bellamy home.”

Raven squeezes your hand, looking up at you with tears in her eyes, and she whispers, “I’m sorry.”

You repeat Gabriel’s earlier words, hoping you can trick yourself into believing that this was all for the best. “He’s at peace now. That’s all he ever wanted.”

She nods, fiddling with your restraint for a second more before it releases with a click, falling from your wrist. You look up at her, offering her a small smile of thanks. “Thank you, Raven.”

“No problem.”

You stand from the stool, feeling like a buzzkill, your sadness zapping the life from the room, and you don’t want to do that to the trio. You offer Raven one last small smile, and Emori squeezes your shoulder as you walk past, her way of offering her condolences. You give her a small smile too, unsure what to say to the woman that you’ve spent so little time with. As you make your way towards the door and past Murphy, he surprises you by reaching out and grabbing you, pulling you into his arms, hugging you tight. You melt into the hug, squeezing him back as he whispers to you, his voice thick with tears, “I miss him too.”

You nod and pull away, forcing a slight smile to your face despite the tears in your eyes, joking, “We can’t all be cockroaches.”

He laughs a little through his tears, and you add, “We’re his legacy. We carry on for him. We do better for him and Monty.”

Murphy nods, and you give him, Emori, and Raven one last look before you mutter, “I have to go find Madi.”

They nod and you slip from the room as quietly as you came in, stepping back out into the hall. You jog away from the room, trying to outrun the grief and guilt that want to eat at you. You slow down once you’ve put some distance between you and the workshop, taking deep breaths to calm yourself before you get back to Madi and Gabriel. As you draw closer to the room, the hairs on the back of your neck lift, though you’re unsure why. You start to walk faster, and each step closer to the room brings you closer to the sounds coming from the room. It only takes you a second to realize that it’s Madi, screaming out for help, and you take off running towards the sound, tearing through the halls in search of your niece. 

When you run into the room and up the stairs, you quickly take in the scene in front of you. Gabriel is on the ground, black blood on his robes, and you feel a rush of panic for him until you hear a man’s voice on the other side of the room. You quickly look up and see that Madi is standing there, pressed against the wall in fear, a disciple standing in front of her, a knife in his hand. Without hesitation you cross the room and dive at the disciple, knocking him away from Madi, and turning his attention onto you. 

The man turns around and you see now that it’s Sheidheda. Out of the corner of your eye, you can see Madi still frozen in fear, and you turn and yell, “Madi, go! Get help!”

She hesitates for a second before rushing off, and you turn your attention back to Sheidheda as he sneers at you. You both jump to your feet, and he swings his knife towards you, but you duck beneath it, the blade missing you. He swings again, towards your face, and you lift your arms to block the blow, his blade dragging across your forearms. You wince in pain, blood dripping down your arms as he steps towards you. You make a split second decision and step towards him, bringing your right fist up to swing a punch at him, lifting your left arm as a distraction. It works, your punch landing on his eye not covered by a patch, and he grunts in pain before headbutting you, pain exploding across your face, nearly blinding you. 

The force of this hit forces you to fall back, and he pounces on you. You frantically search for a weapon, your hand closing around the disciple helmet he must have discarded earlier. You use it on him the same way you did with Anders, swinging it towards him and smashing it against his skull, dazing him. He tries to stab you with the disciple knife, but you’re able to dodge it, sliding out of the way at the last second. You don’t dodge the second one though, which plunges into your shoulder, making you cry out in pain as it cuts through scar tissue from one of your Mount Weather injuries. Sheidheda grins as he hovers over you, moving the blade until it is resting against your cheekbone, beneath your disciple tattoos. “You’re weak, just like the rest of the disciples. Just like the one that Wanheda killed.”

The mention of Bellamy brings a fresh wave of grief and anger over you, but before you can say anything back to him, you hear someone let out an angry yell. A second later you see a flash of white move across your vision, knocking Sheidheda off of you. The knife nicks your skin a little as he’s thrown to the side, but you ignore it, looking up just in time to see Sheidheda roll until Gabriel is beneath him. And to your horror, Gabriel is unable to react and you’re unable to reach him in time as Sheidheda plunges his knife into Gabriel’s chest once, twice, five times. You scream out and try to move towards them, but Sheidheda drops him and quickly stands, swinging a kick towards your face, connecting with your jaw and knocking you away. 

And then in a flash, he’s out of the room, running off in pursuit of Madi. You blink against the pain in your jaw and your head, your shoulder, your forearm, trying to will it away as you pull yourself up and scramble over to Gabriel. You pray that Madi has found someone to help her, because you’re not sure you can leave the man bleeding out on the floor. Tears spring to your eyes as soon as you see the black blood all over his white clothes, staining his hands as he reaches down to touch the wounds, and you move to his side, pressing your hands to his injuries immediately. “Gabriel, can you hear me? I have to stop the bleeding.”

“Cielito.” He smiles at you a little, breaking your heart, and you reach your shaking hands up to the clasp on his shirt, intending to pull it open and get a better look. But he just closes his hands over yours, stopping you. “No, don’t. It’s okay, I’m ready.”

You look at him in alarm, tears spilling down your face. “I’m not! I can’t lose you, Gabriel!”

Your mind flashes to memories of Bellamy, bleeding out on the palace floor in Sanctum, and you can’t watch the same thing happen to Gabriel. Not now, not so soon after Bellamy’s death. But every time you try to get his shirt open to get a better look, he stops you, leaving you to press your hands to the wound on his chest in the hopes it will slow the bleeding. “Gabriel, _please_. Please let me help you.”

He’s shaking a little, struggling to talk as he shakes his head. “It’s my time.”

Your voice breaks as you look down at him, “I can’t watch you die.”

“It’s okay, it’s okay.”

He puts his hand over the one you have on his chest, squeezing as you look down at him, tears in your eyes. He’s smiling at you, despite it all, and that makes everything seem worse. As you’re sitting with him, unsure what to do, you hear people run into the room behind you. Someone mutters Gabriel’s name, and a second later a panicked Hope runs over to him, muttering, “No, no, no.”

She lifts Gabriel’s head and puts it into her lap, looking down at him, already crying, and he looks at her with a smile. “Hope, my friend.”

“I’m right here, I’m with you.”

Octavia crosses the room and drops to the floor by Gabriel’s feet. Hope looks at you, asking for help, and you shake your head, tears spilling down your cheeks. “He won’t let me do anything.”

Before she can say anything else, Clarke steps into the room, followed by the others, sounding frantic. “Where is she? Where’s Madi?”

You don’t turn her way when you answer, “Sheidheda. He’s here, she ran off to find all of you.”

A second later, a soft voice speaks up, bringing you a flash of relief. “I’m right here.”

“Thank God. Are you hurt?”

Madi ignores Clarke’s concern and pulls away from her hug, crossing the room to come stand on Gabriel’s other side, looking down at him with guilt and sorrow. “He saved my life. Sheidheda got away, he stabbed himself in the gut and disappeared.”

Your mind flashes to Hope doing the same thing to Octavia, and she must be remembering the same thing, because the surviving Blake mutters, “I know how that works. Cadogan will send more disciples.”

“We have to get back to Sanctum now.”

Gabriel grunts out, “The stone, find the stone.”

Raven counters, “I couldn’t fix the helmet.”

Gabriel squeezes your hand, getting you to look at him, and when you do, he whispers, “Sheidheda’s.”

You remember your fight with him, turning to Raven to say, “Sheidheda, he left his.”

You point across the room to its location, and Raven rushes over to grab it. At the same time, Miller and Jackson rush into the room, looking over the scene in confusion. “What’d we miss?”

Jackson sees you covered in blood, some of your own and some of Gabriel’s, and he rushes over to help. “Tell me what happened.”

“Sheidheda is here. He stabbed Gabriel, who won’t let me help him.”

Jackson pulls off his backpack and reaches out for Gabriel, trying to pull up his shirt and inspect his wounds, but Gabriel stops him too, stilling his hands. “No, no, no. I’m ready.”

Tears spill from your eyes as he says it, not wanting to accept that this is the end for Gabriel. You can hear Madi and Clarke arguing behind you, but you ignore it, your focus solely on the man in front of you, who has helped you more times than you can count. And though you don’t want to accept his death, if this is what he wants, you’re going to be there for him, the way he’d be there for you. The way you should have been there for Bellamy. 

Gabriel coughs, blood coming out of his mouth and spilling over his chin, and his body starts to shake harder. You know he’s nearing the end now, and you can’t stand to see it. Neither can Hope, because she turns to look at Jackson and begs, “Do something!”

Gabriel whispers, “Hope, I want this. It’s okay.”

She looks at him, tears spilling down her face at his confession that this is what he wants. None of you want to disrespect his wishes, but you don’t want to see him die either. Octavia, who has been silent for the last few minutes, finally speaks up and whispers, “In peace, may you leave this shore. In love, may you find the next. Safe passage on your travels, until our final journey on the ground. May we meet again.”

All around you the room repeats, “May we meet again.”

You look down at Gabriel, his eyes locked on you, and you remember the words that he said to Josephine, the same words that his people use as a motto. As tears stream down your cheeks, you force a smile to your face and whisper, “La muerte es la vida.”

He smiles at you, thankful you said it, before he lifts his hand, placing it on your cheek. As he shakes and struggles with the pain, he uses his final moments to pass along one last message to you. “I love you, mi cielito.”

Your eyes go wide at the affection in his voice, but you don’t have time to process it before Gabriel lets out one final gasp and he goes completely still, the life leaving his body in one quick rush. His hand drops from your face, leaving a smear of Nightblood in its wake, but you don’t care. You look at him in alarm, starting to cry as you whisper, “Gabriel?”

But Gabriel doesn’t move, and you and Hope start to cry harder, both of you mourning the loss of your family. You reach across Gabriel’s body and grab her hand, both of you clutching each other as you cry. You feel Octavia’s hand close over your shoulder, offering you her comfort, but the moment is short lived before Clarke lets out a panicked yell. “Madi? Madi!”

You look over at her, her eyes searching the room frantically before landing on an open air vent in the corner. “The vent. She used the vent!”

Clarke turns to look at you in alarm before she rushes towards the exit, calling out as she does, “Raven, Murphy, find that stone!”

Octavia stands, holding out her hand to you. “Madi’s in trouble. There’s nothing you can do for Gabriel now.”

You look down at his body one last time, leaning forward to press a kiss to his forehead and close his eyes, before you untangle your hand from his and take Octavia’s outstretched hand. She helps you to your feet before you both reach out for Hope, helping her up, and the three of you turn and run towards the door together, Jordan and Miller right behind you. You follow Clarke down the hall to the rotunda, all of you pausing just inside the room when you see Madi at the center of it, the tracking knife in her hand, pressed to her own stomach. 

You walk towards her, stopping beside Clarke, Madi’s gaze shifting between both of you. “Madi, please put the knife down.”

“Octavia said Cadogan would just keep sending more people until he gets me. No one will ever be safe.”

Gaia calmly urges, “Madi, please don’t do this.”

“I told you no one else is dying to save me.” Madi turns to look at you, tears in her eyes. “Ani, you’ve already lost two people because of me. I can’t let anyone else die to save me.”

“I told you that wasn’t your fault, little sun, and I meant it. Gabriel’s death isn’t your fault either.”

Clarke’s voice is thick with desperation when she whispers, “Madi…please.”

“I love you, Clarke. I love you, ani.”

And then she plunges the knife into her stomach. 

Clarke lets out a scream and lunges for her, but Madi’s gone before she can get close, disappearing in a flash of green light. Less than ten seconds after Madi’s departure, the Anomaly opens. Gaia reaches out for Clarke, pulling her away from it, and as you step back, Indra tosses you a sword before grabbing one of her own. “Take up your arms!”

“Be prepared! They’ll be invisible!”

All of you tense up, waiting for someone else to come through. But instead of someone else, it’s some _thing_ else. As the Anomaly fades and the green light disappears, your eyes land on a metal object on a small cart, beeping softly. Miller reacts first, screaming, “Bomb!”

He rushes towards it, grabbing it quickly and running towards the nearest door, tossing it inside and latching the door closed a second before the bomb goes off. The force of it knocks all of you to the ground, shaking the bunker down to its core, and as you pull yourself to your feet, you all look around in alarm as the bunker shakes and rumbles. It’s soft at first, gradually growing louder until part of the bunker collapses, spilling concrete into the hallways around you. 

Everyone is stunned, staring at the collapsed concrete with the same sickening realization, which you quietly voice aloud. “We’re trapped.”

-


	99. xcix. the dying of the light (7.15)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: language, mentions of blood, angst, Cadogan is a piece of shit, anxiety, fighting, death, just some very sad, very heavy stuff.
> 
> Summary: bellamy is gone, gabriel is gone, and now madi has disappeared. desperation rises as you all race to save madi before she too is taken from you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry, but my brain is struggling to process that this is number 99!!!!! i swear i just posted episode 1 like last week? how is this possible?

The first thing you realize is that Miller saved all of your lives with his quick thinking. You turn and meet his gaze, grateful that he was fast enough to get the bomb behind one of the solid doors. “Thank you.”

He nods in acknowledgment, before another soft rumble settles through the room, and the door the bomb is behind starts to groan softly. Which brings you to the second realization, that in saving all of your lives, Miller possibly doomed the others. Because the door he threw the bomb behind is the door that leads to the rest of the bunker. It’s the door that leads to the stone, in the rec room with Jackson, Murphy, Emori, and Raven. 

Miller immediately pries the door in question off the hinges with one of the spears from the arena, revealing a doorway of stacked concrete, confirming what you already knew. The others are trapped down below, and the rest of you are trapped up here. You have access to the outside, but no way to reach the stone or the rest of your friends. You turn to look at Clarke, seeking out her counsel, despite still being angry with her. She gives you a desperate look, before a look of realization passes over her face. “We can still get to Madi.”

She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a small vial, three blue pills inside. You recognize them immediately as nano trackers, likely brought over by Sheidheda, the same ones Cadogan used to leave the bunker. Clarke unscrews the bottle and immediately dumps one out, preparing to swallow it, but Gaia closes the space between them and stops her hand from dropping the pill into her mouth. “Clarke, we have to think this through.”

“Gaia’s right. Only the second pill’s for me.” Clarke looks over at you in surprise, not expecting you to take her side after what she did. But she killed Bellamy to protect Madi, and if something happens to Madi, then Bellamy and Gabriel died for nothing. All of it was for _nothing_. You refuse to let their deaths be in vain, which is why you hold your hand out for one of the pills, and Clarke quickly passes one to you. Behind you, Octavia speaks up, moving closer to you and Clarke. “We’re gonna need an inside man.”

You both understand her statement for what it is: an offer to go with the two of you, so Clarke hands Octavia the third and final pill. All of you swallow them, one after the next, Octavia the last to do so, and you stand staring at each other, waiting to instantly disappear the way that Cadogan did. 

Except, you don’t.

The three of you stay firmly in place, looking at each other in absolute confusion. “Cadogan disappeared right away.”

“Why isn’t this working?”

Hope answers you and Clarke both, shrugging a little as she does. “Maybe somebody has to be waiting in Bardo to pull you through.”

A strange look passes over Clarke’s face, half anger, half amusement, before settling into one of determination. She crosses the room in three strides, stopping at the door to the rest of the bunker, clamping her hands down on the first piece of stone she sees. She pulls, letting out a cry of effort as she does, the concrete moving nowhere. She tries again, her hands slipping off the stone, likely scratching her the way they did when the two of you tried to dig to this very same bunker, and you shake your head before moving towards her. “Clarke.”

She doesn’t turn around, determinedly yanking at the stones and sliding off them, making no progress, going _nowhere_ , but still trying nonetheless. “We have to get to Madi! Cadogan could be digging into her brain right now.”

You reach out for her, grabbing her arm and spinning her towards you. “Clarke! We spent days trying to dig our way to the bunker before we nearly died in that collapse, and this is no different. You’re gonna dislodge a stone and get yourself killed if you keep this up, and you’re no use to Madi if you’re dead.”

She sets her jaw, and you think she’s about to start a fight with you before her eyes drop and her gaze softens. “Your shoulder.”

You peer down at your shoulder and the blood staining your shirt, the wound from Sheidheda still bleeding, the pain forgotten to you in the chaos of everything that’s happened since then. “It’s nothing.”

You try to shrug her off, stepping away from her, not wanting her comfort or her help, but she reaches out to grab your arm, her hand closing around one of the cuts on your forearm. She can feel the wetness on her hand as soon as she grabs you, and she immediately lets go of you and looks at you in alarm. “La lune!”

She grabs your hand and turns your arm over, eyes scanning the cuts on both of your forearms. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I honestly can’t feel it. Adrenaline and all that.”

“Come here.” She tries to pull you to the side, and you don’t budge at first, but she gives you one of those looks that lets you know this is not negotiable, because your own words apply to you in this moment. You’re no good to Madi dead, and bleeding to death because you’re mad at Clarke is not the way to go. So when she tugs you to the side a second time, you let her, and she motions for you to sit across from her as she tears strips of cloth from the bottom of her shirt. The tension between the two of you temporarily melts away as she ties makeshift bandages around your forearms and shoulder, your access to real bandages nonexistent. You sit quietly as she fixes you up the best she can, before she finally breaks the silence to whisper, “I’m sorry about Bellamy, I swear I am. I didn’t want to do it, but I had to, to protect Madi. You can hate me forever, la lune, I’ll understand.”

You sit in silence for a second, weighing her words, and you can tell from the anguish in her voice that she means it. But that doesn’t erase all of your feelings instantly, as much as you wish it did. You wish you could erase the hurt and the grief and the anger, but you can’t. It’s still raw and open, weighing on you at every moment. “Clarke, you’re my shining star. You’re a part of me. I understand why you did what you did, and I understand why you feel like it was the only choice. But that doesn’t change the fact that Bellamy is dead and you pulled the trigger. I don’t hate you, I don’t think I ever could, but I don’t forgive you either, at least not yet. Hopefully one day I’ll forgive you and we can move past this, but right now, I’m too damn hurt and angry.”

She nods her head, looking up at you with tears in her eyes. “I understand. If it helps, I regret it. I don’t think I’d do it again, especially if I knew that Madi was just gonna turn herself in despite everything.”

You say nothing for a long second, your voice a soft whisper, cracking with emotion when you say, “I just wish I could have said goodbye. I gave him back the ring, you know, and he died thinking I didn’t love him, but I do. I love him with my whole heart, my entire being. He’s my soulmate, and he died thinking that I hate him.”

You feel your bottom lip quiver before tears start to spill down your face, and you see tears in Clarke’s eyes before she pulls you in for a hug, holding you as you cry for Bellamy. And in this moment, you allow yourself to forget what happened to him, focusing only on the fact that he’s gone. You allow your twin to comfort you, hold you close, softly humming Clair de lune in your ear until you start to calm down again. And even after the two of you break apart, you stay side by side, unable to leave each other’s side, even now, when everything between you is tense and weird.

Indra is the first to break the silence and tension hanging over the room. “We should discuss the plan. Clarke, la lune, and Octavia bring us over. We get Madi and kill their leader.”

Gaia jumps down from the perch she was on, walking towards her mother. “Killing Cadogan won’t change anything.”

“He can’t chase us if he’s dead.”

She shakes her head at Indra trying to get her to understand. “You’ve seen faith, Mother. You kill the Commander, another takes her place. You kill the Fleimkepa, another takes his place. Faith doesn’t just die, it gets carried forward. Cadogan’s people are no different.”

Miller asks the question that you’re all beginning to wonder. “Then how does this end?”

“Bellamy asked that question, too.” You all look towards Octavia, the mood sobering even further at the mention of Bellamy. “One Last War, and then we transcend and we become the light.”

Across the room, Jordan breaks his silence. “It’s a beautiful idea, but fighting is not how we get there. War is a failure of everything. Which is why it’s a test, not a war.”

“Test, war, test, war. The disciples have been studying the Bardo texts for over 1,000 years. You really think you know better?”

Jordan turns to Hope, answering her question with complete confidence. “Yes. And it’s not just that I read some old books, I felt it. That red sun toxin showed me something. I couldn’t figure it out, but I knew it was important, and then I read the Bardo texts, and it hit me… the next step in human evolution.”

You can feel Clarke going more restless with each passing second, until she abruptly stands and snaps, “Nonsense.”

Everyone turns to face her after the outburst, but she avoids everyone’s eyes as she stalks up the ramp towards the exit. “All that matters now is saving Madi and killing Cadogan. There’s no Last War or test. Bellamy’s dead because he believed that crap, and I’ve heard enough!”

You look after her retreating figure, wondering if you should go after her. Everything between the two of you is weird, and your anger is telling you to stay, bristling at the casual way she mentioned Bellamy’s death. But your softer side, the part of you that’s connected to her, it’s telling you to go after her, comfort her, despite what she did. Gaia seems to sense your conflict, because she steps towards you with a smile and whispers, “I got it.”

You nod in thanks, relieved that you don’t have to decide, before sitting back down and beginning the excruciating process of waiting once more. You’re quickly realizing that there’s nothing you hate more than waiting: waiting to fight, waiting to escape, waiting to die. Because waiting is usually silent, and that silence easily morphs into your regrets, and fears, and worries. It’s when you think about everything you’ve done wrong and everything you haven’t yet gotten the chance to do. There’s time to think of who you’ve killed and who you’ve lost, which opens up the door to the painful memories that usually stay locked deep in your brain, in that place you try to keep hidden from everyone, including yourself. 

Waiting is suffocating, and in the time you’ve spent on Earth, Sanctum, Skyring, and Bardo, you’ve already done too much of it. 

You stand, starting to pace around the rotunda, the way Bellamy used to pace when he first got back from space. The same habit he turned to when he had to wait. And as your feet move you around the room in continuous circles, you start to understand. It’s rhythmic, the way your feet carry you across the floor, boots thudding softly against the metal, and each time you walk past Hope, the thuds stutter, your footsteps softened by an uneven spot on the floor. 

As you pace around the room, you force your mind to stay on the safe topics. The ones that don’t involve painful memories or the ghosts that seem to stalk you. Instead, you keep things light, reciting constellations and medicinal plants, anything to keep your mind occupied. A few times you slip up, your thoughts drifting to what Bellamy was thinking in his final moments, as he bled out on Sanctum alone. You start to worry about Madi and what she’s going through without you, cursing yourself for not getting to her sooner and stopping her from leaving. You think about Gabriel and his final words to you, what they meant… You shake your head, clearing the spiral of memories and grief, shifting back to your safe topics, ignoring the thoughts that are begging to pull you down.

You only pause your pacing once, when Clarke and Gaia come out of the decontamination room and take up a spot on the ramp, sitting across from each other cross legged, Gaia talking to your twin softly. You resume your pacing, glancing at them every few minutes, realizing that Gaia must be teaching Clarke to calm her mind the way she taught Madi to. 

But Clarke’s peace is short lived, and within minutes she’s standing, her voice rising as she glares down at Gaia. “How do you expect me to focus right now when my daughter is out there, probably being tortured right now?”

“You think I don’t know that?” Gaia stands abruptly, and you pause your pacing to watch them. She gives Clarke an anguished look, her voice dropping slightly when she adds, “I love her too, Clarke.”

A look of sympathy passes over Clarke’s face before she reaches out and pulls the former Flamekeeper into a hug. “I know, I know, I’m sorry.”

You’re about to start pacing again, the conflict seemingly resolved, when you catch a glimpse of green around Clarke. She pulls away from Gaia, her hands starting to disappear, and she turns to look at you with a smile. “It’s working.”

Clarke disappears in a haze of emerald, leaving you to turn and look at Octavia, “I’m next.”

Miller yells out to you, “La lune, catch!”

You turn towards him, catching the pistol he tosses your way, seconds before you too fade away from the bunker. All around you, the world is green, bright and hazy, until it fades into a darker hue. It takes a second for you to realize that you’re not in the Stone Room, but in the oxygen farm, surrounded by an army of disciples, all of them pointing weapons right at you and Clarke. You raise the pistol that Miller tossed to you, you and Clarke aiming back at the disciples, and Octavia appears a second later, instantly lifting her rifle.

A disciple near the font of the armed group looks towards you and loudly yells, “Drop your weapons! Hands in the air!”

Octavia drops her weapon first, lifting her hands in surrender, and you and Clarke exchange a look before you both follow suit. Despite not wanting to surrender to the disciples, you both know you have no choice, and if you choose to take a stand here, it will only result in the three of you ending up dead. So you both drop your weapons and lift your hands in the air, following the commands of the disciples as they close in on you. The three of you are restrained and led past the waiting army, through the oxygen farm and the halls of Bardo until you’re delivered to a cell.

They release all three of you in one room, and you stand there for a minute, stunned by what just happened. “Why did we show up in the oxygen farm?”

Clarke shakes her head, “I don’t know. But they’re preparing for a war, which means they have Madi and she’s in trouble.”

She plops down onto the nearest bed in frustration, dropping her head into her hands before she starts to softly cry. Octavia sits down beside her, offering her comfort, the moment soon overshadowed by someone singing. And not just someone, _Sheidheda_. He sings the Grounder Anthem, “Take a Life With Me”, over and over on a loop, until there is no sadness left in your prison cell, only frustration. 

You take up pacing again as nothing you do drowns out the awful, annoying sound, which continues repeatedly, until you’re sure you’re about to lose your mind. You can sense Clarke growing tense too, her body starting to fidget more and more until she finally yells out, “Shut up!”

But Sheidheda doesn’t shut up, he just keeps singing without a care in the world. Clarke looks at you with worry and frustration, her eyes wide, her nerves frazzled. “We did all that just to end up back here, locked up in a cell next to Sheidheda.”

“We’ll get Madi back.” You don’t say anything beyond that, your anger at her now back in full force now that you’re back in Bardo, but you do let out a sigh, frustrated that your emotions are so all over the place. You wonder what Anders would say about you now, watching you pace the room like a caged animal, angry and frustrated and ready to destroy Bardo if you have to.

You’re pulled back to the present by Clarke sighing loudly, looking doubtful about your assurance of finding Madi, which Octavia notices. She puts a hand on Clarke’s knee, whose gaze shifts over to the younger Blake. “Think about it: someone brought us here. That means we have help on the inside, it’s just a matter of time.”

Clarke nods, contemplating her words, realizing the truth to them, and she’s quiet for a moment before whispering, “Thank you.”

Something about her tone makes you pause, and you stop in front of her as Clarke’s gaze shifts between you and Octavia. “Both of you. Thank you for offering to come.”

Octavia answers first, “I told you I get it now, what she means to you. It’s what Hope means to me.”

“It’s what we meant to Bellamy.” Clarke and Octavia look towards you, the mood dampening the way it does when you all remember that Bellamy is gone, for real this time. You’re surprised you even said it, and you have to fight against the tears that are threatening to rise, glancing between the two women you call sister. “We were everything to him.”

Octavia whispers, “That’s how I’ll remember him.”

Clarke reaches out to grab your hand and you let her, before she reaches for Octavia’s hand too, the three of you sitting together as a small human chain, mourning the loss of Bellamy. And as the three of you mourn, tears streaming down your faces, the door to your cell opens. Clarke and Octavia stand beside you and turn to see Levitt hovering near the entrance, smiling at Octavia. She moves towards him, and as the pair hugs, you get a flash of disappointment. Part of you hoped that it would be Bellamy here to save you, despite seeing his body bleeding out on the palace floor in Sanctum. Something you remind yourself of as Clarke mutters, “Hate to interrupt, but we need to get to Madi. What’s the plan?”

Levitt and Octavia pull apart, and he looks between the three of you, growing anxious. “I don’t know. Isn’t this your guys’ specialty? How would you do it?”

Octavia thinks for a second and then says, “Use the suits, go invisible.”

“No, that won’t work. Too many disciples with helmets around.”

Clarke shrugs, “Then we come in hot, and we take them all out.”

You shake your head, instantly disagreeing. If the disciples are preparing for a war, then Clarke’s right. Madi is in danger _now_. You have no doubt that you, Clarke, and Octavia could come in and take the disciples out with ease, but how long will that give you? Five minutes? Ten? It’s loud and it’s messy, and it’ll put a target on your backs. You need a distraction, something to pull the disciples away from M-Cap, giving the four of you time to find Madi and get her to safety. You search your brain for a different plan, struggling to come up with anything, thanks to Sheidheda’s obnoxious singing. 

And that’s when it comes to you. 

You look between the three of them, smiling, pointing to the room next door. “Or we create a distraction.”

Realization passes over each of their faces, and you know you’re all on the same page. “Good idea.” 

Levitt heads to the door of your cell and reaches for a bag that he left behind, tossing each of you a gun before leading you from your room and to the next cell over. He quickly pulls the door scanner from the wall, attaching a few wires to a tablet from his bag and typing in a code. He removes the tablet and tucks it away before reattaching the scanner and pushing the button. The door to Sheidheda’s cell slides open, and you, Clarke, and Octavia go in weapons hot, aiming directly at the man in the room. He stops singing when he hears your entrance, turning slowly to look at the three of you glaring in anger, Levitt waiting just behind you. “Well, since no one’s shooting, I suppose that means you need me.”

He laughs a little and stands to his feet, musing, “What would Madi think?”

Clarke lowers her gun and lunges at him, intending to hit him, but you reach out and grab her arm to stop her. “Clarke!”

Sheidheda laughs, looking you over, taking in your bandages and the blood that’s still on your face, a mix of Gabriel’s and your own. “I got the doctor good, didn’t I? Tell me, did he make it?”

And this time, it’s your turn to lunge, dropping Clarke’s arm and reaching for the man, seeing only red, your anger raw with grief. But Octavia grabs you, pulling you back, yelling out, “That’s enough, all of you! We need to stop Cadogan.”

You take a breath, calming yourself, aware that you need the man in front of you to save your niece and stop Cadogan from winning. Which means, for now, you’ll play alongside him. But if he makes it out of here and you get the chance, you’ll kill him for what he did to Gabriel and Madi. 

Sheidheda shrugs at Octavia’s words, growling a little, “I tried, and for my troubles, they locked me up here.”

Clarke doesn’t care, blowing past his complaint to snap, “Here’s the deal. I’d love to kill you, but you’re right, we need you. We set you loose, and you draw the disciples away from M-Cap.”

“I’m not some petty distraction. I’m the high king of Sanctum.”

You roll your eyes, “Okay, Your Highness. Then we walk out of here and lock the door behind us.”

He sneers at you, giving you an annoyed smile. “Hmm, distraction it is.”

You motion towards the door with your gun. “Then let’s go.”

Levitt leads the way to M-Cap, the rest of you keeping your guns trained on Sheidheda, but you stop when you reach the last few hallways to your destination. You can hear people nearby, likely standing guard or prepping for the war, and you motion towards Sheidheda as you all duck out of sight. He smiles before he steps away, and you can hear the moment he catches sight of the disciples. “Attention, sheep. I’m here to kill your Shepherd.”

You can hear one of the guards yelling commands, followed immediately by the sounds of fighting. Gunshots ring out in the air, accented by screams of pain, but you all stay hidden in a nearby corridor until the sounds grow fainter and fainter, Sheidheda clearing the halls ahead of you. Once you hear no more fighting, you tentatively slip from your hiding spot and walk down the hall, rounding the corner to find blood splashed along the walls and dead bodies scattered everywhere. You shake your head at the violent scene in front of you, thinking that surely Sheidheda didn’t need to be so brutal. Still, he got the job done, because there’s no one in sight to stop your approach.

Unfortunately, there is also no sign of Sheidheda. “He’s not here?”

Clarke turns to look back at Octavia. “We knew that was a possibility, we’ll deal with Sheidheda later.”

Levitt looks around at the bodies littering the floor, carefully stepping around dark red puddles of blood, his voice horrified when he whispers, “I grew up with these people.”

“That’s war, Levitt.” Octavia turns to glance at him, offering him no sympathy for the horror he’s experiencing. “It looks exciting in hologram mode, but this is the reality.”

Clarke shakes her head, grabbing a few grenades as she walks past the bodies, barely glancing back at the couple as she continues on her way. “Come on. Right now, all that matters is getting to Madi.”

You all follow her down the halls towards M-Cap, your guns raised, ready for a fight with each new hallway you turn down. But you find no one, this section of Bardo completely empty, everyone gone in pursuit of Sheidheda. “Looks like our diversion worked.”

As you reach the door to M-Cap, Clarke nods towards it. “Levitt, you go in first. They won’t see you as a threat.”

He nods, and Octavia quickly pushes the button to the room, and as the door slides open, you all get into position and step inside behind Levitt. The first thing you notice is that someone is humming, the tune comforting and familiar. The second thing you notice is Madi, sprawled out in the M-Cap chair, someone’s arms around her. And when that someone looks up, you swear you’re dreaming. 

Because it looks like Bellamy.

“Bellamy?” You freeze in place, the gun in your hand clattering to the floor as you stare at him in shock. He looks up at all of you, his expression surprised, clearly not expecting to see you here. He’s out of the white robes and into a white top and bottom combo, the same thing that Gabriel used to wear, and you’re relieved to see no blood on his clothes. He looks a little tired, and his curly hair is unruly, flopped all over the place, but he looks fine. Healthy even, no sign that he was recently dead. 

Clarke seemingly breezes past the fact that Bellamy is alive and well, her gaze solely focused on Madi, and he releases his hold on her to allow Clarke the room to take over. He stands, looking at you closely, his expression blank for a moment, and you worry that he’s even more brainwashed than the last time you saw him. But then his expression morphs into one of relief, and he steps around the M-Cap chair to walk towards you. “La lune.”

His voice is warm and thick with affection and emotion, and you start to run towards him, tears welling up in your eyes as he jogs towards you. He meets you halfway across the room, scooping you up in his arms and spinning you once, before putting your feet firmly back on the ground, his arms holding you tight. He tucks his head into the crook of your neck, and you can hear him crying as he whispers, “I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry. I should have never betrayed you. I should’ve listened to you.”

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” You pull away to look at him, tears running down his face and your own, and you whisper, “I love you. Oh my god, I love you, and I’m sorry I left you. I didn’t want to, but-”

He cuts you off, “No, you were right to leave me. And you were right about Cadogan.”

It’s like the words remind him of something, and he turns to look at the others. “Levitt, something is wrong with Madi. Cadogan did something to her.”

You all turn to look at him in shock. “What?”

Levitt immediately crosses the room to grab the glasses that the disciples use for M-Cap, and for the first time since grabbing her, Clarke pulls away from Madi, realizing that Bellamy’s right, something is wrong with her. You miss the reunion between the Blake siblings as you rush over to your niece, though you can hear them quietly talking behind you. You look down at Madi in horror, catching onto what Bellamy meant. Madi’s eyes are open, but her expression and her eyes are blank, no sign of recognition in either of them. Her heartbeat is strong, but her body is limp, moving only when one of you moves her. 

Clarke looks at you with tears in her eyes, and you feel tears in your own, both of you starting to cry as Clarke turns her teary expression back to Madi. “Madi, look at me. Say something. Please say something.”

Madi remains frozen, and Clarke lets out a panicked yell, “Say something!”

But still, Madi doesn’t move, and Clarke pulls her into her arms, holding her tight as she sobs, rocking her back and forth, “Oh, my baby. My baby. My baby.”

You start to cry harder, not wanting to hear or see Clarke’s heartbreak, not wanting to see Madi’s blank expression, but you can’t look away. You don’t look away when you feel Bellamy slide up beside you, slipping his hand into your own, you don’t look away when you hear Octavia and Levitt talking quietly behind you. You keep your eyes on your little sun and your shining star, unable to do anything other than cry at the scene before you. 

Clarke lays Madi back down, before turning her teary face back to you, her eyes landing on Bellamy in the process. You see surprise pass over her face, meaning she really didn’t register his presence when you all stepped into the room. But her surprise turns to anger as she glares at him, “What happened? What did he do to her?”

Bellamy shakes his head, looking just as upset as the rest of you, tears streaming down his face too. “I don’t know. When I heard she was here, I came looking for her immediately. She was like this when I found her. Cadogan was already gone.”

“You said you’d keep her safe!”

Bellamy stutters a little, his voice thick with emotion. “I tried, Clarke, but I woke up in a hospital bed. I left as soon as I heard she was here, but it must have been hours after her arrival by that point.”

Clarke’s expression turns horrified as she takes in the weight of his words. _He got to her as soon as he could to try to help her. But the reason it took him so long to reach her is because he was in a hospital bed. Put there by Clarke._ You reach out for her, squeezing her shoulder to stop her train of thought. “Hey, hey, hey, this is not your fault. This is Cadogan’s fault.”

Bellamy whispers, “You couldn’t have known.”

And though he doesn’t outright say it, you know that his words are forgiveness. Bellamy offers his forgiveness to Clarke for shooting him, her anguish over Madi punishment enough. He offers her the olive branch, and it’s up to her to take it. Thankfully, she does, looking at Bellamy with genuine regret. “I shouldn’t have shot you, Bellamy. I panicked, and didn’t know what to do.”

“No, you were right to. I don’t blame you for shooting me, it was part of a wake up call for me. La lune giving me back her ring, you shooting me, finding Madi like this, they all woke me up to the truth about Cadogan: he’s a monster. A psychopath obsessed with being worshipped, just like he was on Earth.”

And everything is simultaneously okay and not okay, because the confession is big, but none of you get the time to respond to it, because Octavia steps up beside Clarke, looking between all of you. “She can hear you. She knows you’re here.”

Clarke nods and turns back towards Madi, trying to hide her tears as she smiles. “Hey, baby, I’m here. I’m right here.”

You lean down into Madi’s line of sight, doing the same to mask your hurt as you whisper, “Hey there, little sun. Ani’s here too.”

Clarke turns to face Levitt, who’s still standing off to the side. “Is it recoverable?”

“What? I-” The question catches him off guard, not sure if he should answer, but after a second, he solemnly shakes his head. “No. The areas of her brain responsible for voluntary movement have been destroyed. I’m sorry.”

The words make all of you start to cry harder, now faced with the reality that Cadogan has paralyzed Madi permanently in the pursuit of transcendence. It’s enough to make you sick to your stomach. But that feeling only intensifies as Clarke glances off to the side, where her discarded pistol now lays, and after a moment of thought, she leans down to get it. You know exactly what she’s thinking because you know her better than she knows herself, and you shake your head, your voice soft and firm. “Clarke, no.”

She starts to cry harder, her hands shakily lifting the gun, determined to do what she thinks is right for Madi. But the sight breaks your heart, as Clarke can barely hold the gun steady, too overcome with emotion. Your twin that has bore it so the rest of you don’t have to is breaking, and you know you need to be there for her. Which is why you drop Bellamy’s hand and reach out for the gun. “I’ll do it.”

She looks at you, expression heartbroken but hopeful, and you whisper, “I’m not letting you live with this.”

She nods a little, passing you the gun, which you take with now shaky hands. Clarke reaches out for Madi, putting a hand on either side of her face as she whispers, “I love you so much. Don’t be scared, just listen to my voice, okay?”

And just like Bellamy was doing before all of you arrived, she starts to hum Clair de lune, ducking her head beside Madi’s so she can’t see her tears. You lift the gun with a shaky hand, your own tears blurring your vision, aiming the pistol at her chest. But as you stare down at the blank expression of your little sun, you don’t think you can do it, the burden too great for any of you to bear. You start to cry harder, a sob escaping from your chest, and Clarke looks over at you, nodding a little, letting you know that it’s okay, it’s time. 

But you can’t. You stare down at Madi’s face, reminded of the girl that couldn’t speak English when you met her, who caught Clarke with a bear trap. The little girl you taught how to drive, how to fight. The girl who inspired an army to fight for Shallow Valley. You shake your head a little, unable to do it, your hand starting to lower again. But then Bellamy reaches out and closes his hand over your own. You look back at him, and he looks at you, tears falling down his face as he whispers, “Together.”

You nod, and the two of you turn to face Madi, lifting the gun to aim right over her heart. And as your finger lifts to the trigger, Bellamy’s finger poised over your own, ready to help you, you whisper, “I love you, little sun.”

But before the two of you can pull the trigger, Levitt suddenly calls out, “No, he got the code!”

You pause and you all turn towards him in shock, and he catches sight of the gun in your hand, suddenly apologetic. “Oh, God. Oh, I’m sorry.”

Octavia asks, “The test code? Are you sure?”

“Hologram mode.”

He enlarges the memory so you can all see, watching as Becca’s fingers press the symbols on the Anomaly Stone, the room glowing in white before the memory ends. Clarke shifts her gaze from the memory down to Madi, her heartbreak giving way to hard anger. “He got what he needed and _left_ her here?”

The words hit all of you right in the chest. This man that is so determined to transcend, to prove that humans are worthy, paralyzed a child to do it, and then left her _alone_. Bellamy was right when he called Cadogan a monster, and you can feel Wanlida smiling as she steps into view. “We have to stop him.”

Octavia starts, “If one man represents the entire human race-”

Bellamy finishes, “It can’t be him.”

Levitt nods, looking between all of you. “We can still stop him, but we have to go now.”

Everyone seems to silently agree, and you and Clarke turn back to Madi. Clarke puts her hand on Madi’s cheek, and you reach out to squeeze Madi’s hand. Clarke whispers, “I’ll come back. I’ll be back after we stop the test, and I promise I will not let him win.”

She presses a kiss to Madi’s forehead, and leans back so you can add, “We’re going to stop him, Madi, and we’re going to fix this. I promise. Bill Cadogan thinks he’s unstoppable, but he’s never met Wanheda and Wanlida.”

-


	100. c. the last war (7.16)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: violence, fighting, death, blood, angst, language, anxiety.
> 
> Summary: the last war is here, can you stop it before it’s too late?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 100!!!! I WROTE 100 CHAPTERS!!! YOU READ 100 CHAPTERS!!!! WE DID IT!!!! HOW ARE WE FEELING!!!! PLEASE CHECK THE END FOR MORE NOTES!!!!

The tension in the elevator is heavy as you and Clarke slip into Wanheda and Wanlida mode.

It’s hard to believe that you’ve always been so eager to distance yourself from Wanlida, but in the last few years, you’ve found yourself welcoming her with open arms. And it’s a far cry from doing better for Monty, and trying to create lasting peace, but with your niece lying limply in a chair, left alone, you don’t care about any of that. You’re willing to kill anyone that gets in your way, do better be damned, because _no one messes with_ ** _your_** _family_. 

Bellamy, Levitt, and Octavia hang back a little, noting the anger in yours and Clarke’s expressions, none of them wanting to get in your way and risk your wrath. As the elevator lifts to level 2, Octavia leans forward to pass you her gun, giving you two weapons to work with. Levitt watches the exchange and then says, “The Shepherd’s unit will be with him guarding the door.”

“Too bad for them.”

Clarke lifts her jacket and pulls two grenades from her pockets, taken from the fallen victims of Sheidheda, and as soon as Levitt sees them, he looks at her with disappointment. “Grenades? So more killing, that’s the answer?”

Clarke doesn’t turn to face him, just squares up and readies for the door to open. You spare him a quick glance over your shoulder, expression hard when you counter, “It’s what we do.”

You lock eyes with Bellamy before turning back to the front, and he offers you a nod of approval, agreeing with what you and Clarke are about to do. You nod back, wishing there was time for the two of you to have more of a proper reunion, to talk about everything that’s happened in the last few days, but there isn’t time right now. Earlier today you had too much time on your hands, leaving you anxious and waiting, and now you don’t have enough of it, causing you to leave so much with Bellamy unresolved. You shake your head to clear your thoughts, pushing them aside for later. Right now, as the elevator stops on the second level, you have more important things on your mind. 

_Justice_.

Clarke steps out of the elevator first, turning to make sure you’re following, and when she sees that you are, she continues towards the Stone Room. You lift your two pistols, hearing the others step out of the elevator behind you, all of you watching as Clarke throws both grenades down the hall, right outside the Stone Room. As the two of you round the corner, side by side, you step through the smoke from the explosions, shooting anyone that moves or turns towards you. 

You take out disciple after disciple with ease, the two of you killing them before most of them can even lift their weapons. When you round the last corner, you both pause in front of the door, turning to look at the others. Octavia is leaning down to grab a sword, Levitt is looking around with distress, and Bellamy is holding a gun in his hand, his back to you, already covering your backs. Clarke glances at Octavia and Levitt and says, “Cover us.”

They both nod, moving into position as Clarke turns to look at you. You lift your hand, hovering it over the button to the door, looking at her closely. “You ready?”

She nods, “Stronger together.”

And then you hit the button, quickly getting back into position as the door slides open, revealing the Stone Room, drowning in the light. Your weapons lower as your eyes land on the Anomaly Stone, now a large, glowing ball of white light, no one else in the room around you. As you stare at the stone, you can feel the crushing weight of disappointment, and you whisper, “We’re too late.”

Clarke turns towards you, distress crossing her features for half a second before it settles into determination. “Maybe not.”

You give her a look, already aware of what she’s thinking, but Levitt shakes his head, not understanding. “What do you mean?”

“She wants to go in after him.”

Bellamy steps towards the two of you, his tone skeptical. “Clarke, you have no idea what you could face when you step in there.”

You already know there’s no way you’re going to change her mind, which is why you add, “At least let us go with you.”

“No. I have to do this.” She gives you a serious look, adding, “ _Alone_.”

You sigh, looking at her, thinking of the grief she’s going to carry if she can’t avenge Madi, and you understand it. It’s the same grief you carried when you thought Bellamy was dead or when you thought you lost Clarke to Josephine. Which is why you nod at her, relenting, allowing her to do what she needs to do. “Fine. But we’re waiting just outside the door. We’ll keep the halls clear for you.”

She reaches out and pulls you into a hug, whispering into the crook of your neck, “Thank you, la lune.”

You pull away and smile at her, any anger you had for her gone now that Bellamy is alive and well, and your focus instead on avenging Madi. “I love you, my shining star. Be careful.”

“I will.”

She starts to step towards the bright light, before pausing and turning to face Bellamy, her face pulled into one of regret. “I’m sorry for shooting you, Bellamy, and I’m really glad you’re okay.”

Bellamy nods, smiling at her a little, before motioning towards the light. “Go get that son of a bitch, and make him pay for what he did to our family.”

Clarke nods and gives you one last look before turning and walking towards the stone, reaching out to touch the bright light, which quickly consumes her. Once she’s gone, you turn to face the others. “We can’t let anyone get close.”

Everyone agrees and you all file into the hall again, looking around. They all turn to you, looking for your direction, and you motion towards the fallen disciples. “Levitt, Octavia, gather all the weapons.”

They start to move down the hall, grabbing anything that might be useful to the rest of you, and you turn to look at Bellamy, pointing to a long table at the other end of the hall. “Let’s use that to make a barrier.”

“Good idea.”

The two of you jog down the hall and grab the table, carrying it back to the other end and tipping it on its side, making a makeshift shield large enough for the four of you to duck behind. As soon as you get it set up, Octavia and Levitt come back with an armful of weapons each, discarding them behind your shield in case you need them. And then the four of you take up your positions behind it, getting comfortable as you wait. Octavia braces her back against the table legs, and Levitt settles in beside her. You and Bellamy move to lean against the wall, sitting in a position that’ll allow you to duck behind the shield if you need it. 

The four of you sit in silence before Bellamy makes a small sound, reaching into his pockets as he moves. You turn towards him, curious, watching as he pulls a knife and a holster from his pocket. “Almost forgot to give this to you.”

“My knife!” You take it from him with a wide smile, immediately moving to put the holster on. “Where’d you get it?”

“When I was escaping from my hospital room, I went through the cabinets to find some clothes. That was tucked in the back, along with your old clothes.”

“I didn’t think I’d ever get it back.” You pull the knife from the holster, eyeing the notches on the handle as you do. Thirteen in total, missing the two disciples you killed with it when you tried to escape. You run your fingers over the lines and mutter, “It’s missing two.”

Octavia digs around the pile of weapons before producing a knife, which she leans forward to hand you. You take it with a smile of thanks, already beginning to add the two additional tallymarks when Levitt gets an idea. He runs his fingers through the ash on the wall behind you and Bellamy, courtesy of one of the grenades, before he moves back towards Octavia. “Can’t go to war without your war paint.”

He starts to smudge the ash over her face, using it to draw the same warpaint she wore when she fought in the Final Conclave. You and Bellamy watch the pair, feeling a little awkward by the intimacy of the moment, but it reminds you so much of Orlando painting symbols on your face the night before you jumped to Bardo. Which makes you think of Gabriel, dead, his body still stuck in a partially collapsed bunker. You look at Levitt and ask, “Can I ask you something?”

He nods, and you slide your knife back into its holster just as he finishes with Octavia’s make up, turning to face you fully. “If Clarke takes the test and we pass, will Gabriel transcend too? Even though he’s dead?”

“No. Shepherd’s passage, ‘Book of Bardo’, Chapter 1, Verse 6. ‘Death is the end, my friend. Only the living shall transcend.’”

You sigh, and Bellamy looks at you in confusion, reaching out to touch your arm. “Wait, Gabriel’s dead?”

You turn to face him, completely forgetting that he has no idea what all of you have gone through since leaving him on Sanctum. “Sheidheda showed up to kill Madi, and he stabbed Gabriel. He probably would have lived, but Sheidheda was about to kill me when Gabriel jumped in and saved my life. Sheidheda killed him after that.”

You leave out the potential love confession, not even sure that’s what it was, and Bellamy gives you a look of sympathy as he reaches up to touch your cheek. “I was wondering whose blood that was.”

You feel tears start to well up in your eyes, suddenly overwhelmed with unprocessed emotions. You got Bellamy back, despite the odds, but you still lost Gabriel and Madi. Before that, you lost Diyoza, and your mom, and Kane, and so many others. The loss hangs over you, heavy, weighing down on you, and Bellamy can sense your impending breakdown. He abruptly stands, holding out his hand to you, and you take it as he glances over at Levitt. “Are there medical supplies nearby? Her bandages need to be changed.”

Levitt nods, pointing down the hall. “Should be some down there, last door on the right.”

Bellamy nods in thanks and wraps his arm around you, turning you away from the pair as he starts to lead you down the hall. You feel tears falling down your face as you softly cry, unable to do much more than follow Bellamy to one of the medical rooms. He leads you inside and takes you over to the inspection chair, putting his hands beneath your arms to lift you and set you onto the cool leather. He leans down a little, getting eye level with you, before lifting his hands to your cheeks, wiping away your rapidly falling tears. “I’m so sorry about Gabriel, natshana.”

You nod, sure that he must be confused, unaware that the two of you became like family. “There’s so much I need to tell you, Bellamy. I spent five years trying to get you back, with Hope, Echo, and Gabriel at my side.”

He looks at you with complete shock. “Five _years_?”

You nod in confirmation and he shakes his head in confusion. “How? Where?”

“Skyring. The disciples call it Penance. The time dilation there is fast, a few days here is years on Skyring and minutes on Sanctum. We came after you as soon as the disciples knocked you out, but we got trapped there.”

Your lip starts to quiver as you remember the devastation you felt upon realizing you were stuck there. “I thought about you everyday, and when I finally made it to Bardo, they told me you died in an explosion. I never thought I’d see you again.”

Your voice cracks on the last sentence, bringing tears to Bellamy’s eyes, and he reaches out to pull you in for a hug, one of his hands going to the back of your head to hold you in place as you cry in his arms. All the while, he whispers in your ear, “It’s okay, I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”

After a moment, he pulls back, looking at you with sympathy. “I can’t imagine what you’ve been through, but it’s over now, and I’m not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me.”

“Forever?” 

He reaches into his pocket, pulling something out and holding it out to you in his open palm. You look down at his hand, your eyes falling on your ring as he whispers, “Forever.”

You smile and take the ring, sliding it onto your left hand, where it belongs. And even though everyone you love is still in danger, possibly on the edge of extinction, for one, blissfully happy second, everything is okay. Bellamy leans forward and pulls you in for a kiss, stretching the moment from one happy second to five, electricity zipping across your skin as you kiss your fiance for the first time in five years. It’s the best kiss the two of you have ever shared, and it leaves you breathless and lightheaded. Bellamy pulls away, and the two of you sit looking at each other, the air in the room charged with tension. And something about the moment, your closeness to war, to extinction, the fact that you’ve been apart for so long, it gets to you both. You see Bellamy’s gaze drop to your lips before his eyes find yours again, and in a flash, you’re both pulling each other closer. 

He crashes his lips onto yours, his hands lifting to your face to hold you in place. Your hands reach out for him, searching for skin to touch, frustrated when you find none because of his long sleeves. You slide your hand up his shirt as he slides his tongue into your mouth, and as your tongues move together, you hastily undo the small buttons on Bellamy’s shirt, pushing your hands against his skin as soon as you get his shirt open. You move your hands along his stomach, reveling in the feel of him, this sensation you haven’t experienced in five years, and you swear you feel like you’re going to explode. But as your hands move up to his chest, they graze across a bandage, and you pull your hand away, instantly knowing what it is. 

You and Bellamy break apart before you look at him with sadness, your eyes dropping back down to his open shirt. There, taped across his chest, is a bandage, no larger than your palm. As you sit staring at it, aware of what’s beneath the cotton square, Bellamy whispers, “The bullet barely missed my heart. A few inches to the right, and I would have been dead as soon as it hit me. But you saved me.”

You look up at him in confusion, shaking your head. “Me? I didn’t do anything. I left you there when I shouldn’t have. I should have fought Clarke harder and gotten back to you. Maybe then I could have saved you _and_ Madi.”

“Or maybe Cadogan would have killed you the second he saw you. Besides, you _did_ save me. I saw you push Clarke’s hand away. That was just enough for the bullet to miss my heart.”

“Oh, Bellamy…” You trail off, feeling full of regret, wishing you did more than just push your twin’s arm away. You meet his eyes and whisper, “Does it hurt?”

“Not really. Bardo tech got me to 90% within a few hours, and I woke up feeling fine. Then I heard one of the doctors mention Madi, and I snuck out pretty soon after that. I was only there for a few minutes before you guys showed up. I was still trying to figure out what to do, but I knew I couldn’t leave her there alone.”

“I don’t even know how you can look at me after what I did.”

Bellamy shakes his head, giving you a serious look. “I did worse than you did, la lune. I watched them torture Clarke and send Octavia away. I betrayed you and stopped fighting for you.” He shakes his head again, his thoughts overwhelming him. “I know that what I saw on Etherea was real, but Cadogan cannot be the one to take the test. You were right. Doing the right thing the wrong way is not the right thing. I should have never trusted him.”

“You didn’t-”

You’re cut off by a yell of surprise from Octavia down the hall, and you and Bellamy exchange a worried look before you take off running from the room. Bellamy haphazardly buttons his shirt back up as you pull out your knife, and with his shirt in place again, Bellamy grabs his gun. As the two of you round the corner, you lift your weapons towards the disciples that stand near the new couple, and they each lift a gun towards you, the four of you standing frozen in shock as you take each other in. 

“Bellamy?” Raven and Echo both lower their weapons, staring at Bellamy as if they’ve seen a ghost, and it takes you a second to remember that they are. Because the last anyone else heard, Bellamy was dead. You both lower your weapons seconds before they run over to him, pulling him into a hug at the same time, laughing in surprise. Bellamy hugs them back with a smile on his face, savoring the reunion between himself and part of his Spacekru family. When they all break apart they look at him in disbelief, Raven asking the question on both hers and Echo’s mind. “How are you here?”

“It’s a long story, but how are you here?”

Raven counters, “It’s a long story.”

Echo looks over at you, her expression dropping slightly as she says, “Octavia told us about Madi.”

And just like that, any joy you temporarily possessed is now gone, again reminded of the situation you’re in and the danger all of you face. “What are you doing here?”

“We came to kill Cadogan.”

You nod back towards the Stone Room, “Clarke’s taking care of it.”

Levitt looks at them with worry. “You said you brought an army.”

Raven turns to look at him, nodding at him once. “Wonkru is here to distract the disciples so we could sneak inside.”

But the worry on Levitt’s face doesn’t fade. “The disciples don’t know that. If Clarke can’t stop the test to determine whether or not the human race deserves to transcend, while what’s left of the human race is fighting a war…”

He trails off, waiting for all of you to catch on to what he means, and as soon as you do, your anxiety levels rise, suddenly realizing you might be closer to extinction than you originally thought. “We have to stop the war.”

Everyone nods in agreement, turning to head back towards the oxygen farm, Octavia and Levitt in the lead. Raven and Echo follow right behind, and you and Bellamy move to follow them before you suddenly stop, remembering Clarke inside of the Stone Room. Clarke, who will be vulnerable and unprotected if you all leave. Bellamy turns to you when you stop, his expression scrunched with concern. “What? What is it?”

“I can’t leave Clarke.”

“Then we’ll both stay here.”

And as much as you don’t want him to leave your side, you know they need him on the battlefield. Because if anyone can give a speech so inspiring that it stops a war, it’s Bellamy. You’ve seen him rally less than 100 exhausted delinquents and prepare them for a war, and you’ve seen him inspire a small group ready to fly into space to avoid a death wave. People will follow him, your fiance with the big heart, and you know he’s better suited out there than he is in here with you. 

You shake your head, lifting your hand to his cheek. “No. If anyone can stop this war, it’s you Bellamy Blake.”

“I don’t want to lose you. Not again.”

You smile at him, tears in your eyes. “You won’t. Because no matter what, you’re stuck with me. No matter what, you can always find me in the stars.”

Bellamy pulls you in for a kiss, desperate and full of love, and you kiss him back just as urgently, praying that the moment never ends. But it does, and you both pull away, looking at each other with heartbreak, knowing that you’re needed in two different places. Bellamy runs his hands from your shoulders, down your arms, linking your hands together. He squeezes once before he whispers, “I love you.”

“I love you more than the stars.”

He fights back a fresh wave of tears, backing away from you slowly, your hands breaking apart. “Stay out of trouble.”

“Go save our asses.” The two of you smile at each other before he turns and jogs down the hall, following the path the others took. He stops when he reaches the end, turning to look at you one last time before he disappears from sight, leaving you to stop a war and possibly save all of you from extinction. You turn and grab a pistol from the pile of weapons before you head to the Stone Room, pushing the button for the door so that you can wait inside. 

The room is empty when you arrive, looking exactly the same as last time, and you push the button to close the door behind you, not wanting to get caught off guard by anyone. You stare at the glowing white light for a second before leaning back against the wall, sliding down it until you’re sitting on the floor. You lean your head back and do the thing you dread the most: you wait. 

Luckily for you, you don’t have to wait long before there’s a flash of white near the Anomaly Stone. You stand and turn towards it, watching as Cadogan’s dead body appears at the base of the stone, multiple bullet wounds in his chest, blood seeping out onto the floor around him. You feel a rush of relief that he’s dead, that he has paid for what he did to Madi, Bellamy, you, and countless others, but that relief is short lived. Because a moment later the Anomaly flashes again and Clarke steps out of the light, turning to look down at Cadogan’s dead body with shock. 

As she looks up again, her eyes meet yours, but her face is devoid of the happiness she should feel. Instead, she looks upset, her expression anguished. “What have I done?”

You step closer to her, reaching out to take her hand as she looks away from you. “Did you take the test? Tell me what happened.”

“I failed.” You swear you feel all the air leave your body in one quick rush, the reality of what her words mean hitting you hard. She squeezes your hand and looks up at you, tears in her eyes. “It should have been you, la lune, not me. Our whole lives, everyone always looked to me, chose me to be the twin that lived on the outside, but it should have been you. It should have always been you.”

You look at her in shock, your mind buzzing with all the information she’s just given you. But you force it all away and focus on the pressing situation, the one that matters the most right now. “So that’s it? We’re wiped out?”

She nods her head, and you ask, “Well, can we change their minds?”

“I don’t know.” She squeezes your hand and then drops it, already turning towards the door. “I need to be with Madi, there’s not much time.”

You turn to follow her, calling out to her quickly retreating figure, “Clarke, wait!”

As you reach the door, the Anomaly Stone behind you turns bright red, pulsing with an almost angry, vibrating sound. You pause and turn to look at it, watching it closely. Despite your better judgement, you walk closer to it, closing the space between you and the bright red ball. As you look at it, you start to wonder: _can you stop this? Can you change their minds?_

You take a deep breath, lifting your hand as you mutter to yourself, “I am war, rage singing beneath my skin, running into battle and wearing Death like a crown. I am the moon, loss tied to my ankles like chains, trying to pull me down, but still I rise. I am fire, wild and untameable, spitting flames when I walk, unapologetic as I burn down the world around me.”

And then you touch the stone.

Everything around you grows so bright that you can do nothing more than close your eyes against it, the low vibration growing louder as something happens around you. You keep your eyes closed until you hear the sound fade, and only then do you slowly pull open your eyes. Your gaze immediately lands on a wall of trees, surrounding you on all sides, and you turn around, trying to figure out where you are. When you do, your eyes land on a large hunk of metal, three levels tall, scorched and damaged from its descent. 

“The dropship.” You let out a breathy laugh of surprise. “No way.”

You jump when a voice behind you calls out, “Took a beating on the way down, didn’t she?”

“Dad.” You spin around, your eyes landing on your dad standing in the middle of the clearing, looking at you closely. You close the space between you, jumping into his arms and wrapping him up in a hug, squeezing him tight as you laugh. “Dad! What are you doing here?”

He doesn’t answer, just hugs you back weakly before setting you back on the ground. You step back and look at him in confusion, taking in his blank expression, no sign of his usual affection for you. The pieces fall into place as you look at him, realizing that he’s not your father at all. “You’re not him.”

“No, I’m not. This is who you chose.”

You shake your head in confusion, “I don’t understand.”

“We often take the form of your greatest teacher, your greatest failure, or your greatest love.” You step back, putting more distance between you and the imposter dad. He tips his head to the side slightly, studying you. “Why are you here? The test is over. As you know, your twin failed.”

You glare at the man, your anger rising as you think of everything Clarke has sacrificed. Not just for you, but for your people too. “How could she have failed? Clarke sacrificed everything for us, so that we didn’t have to. She gave up her soul so we could keep ours!”

“She committed atrocities.”

You counter, “She did what she thought was right. She was trying to save us.”

“She doomed you.” Your dad shakes his head, starting to turn away from you as he mutters, “I’m sorry.”

You yell back, “Are you?”

He turns back to face you, and you continue on, “Because to me, it looks like you don’t feel anything. We’ve made mistakes, but we were just trying to survive! And everything we’ve done, all the bullshit we went through, we did it to save our people, to save the human race. Everything we did brought us here, to this moment, and I’m not saying we’re ready now, but at least let us live. Let us keep trying to do better, because we will. We have.” 

“You say you have, yet even now you are poised and on the brink of self-extermination. Look.” He motions to your left, and you turn to look, suddenly away from the dropship and back in the oxygen farm. To your left stands Wonkru, crouching behind barriers and shields, and to your right are the disciples, looking frightened and worried. “You say you’re trying to do better, but all I see are two tribes of frightened creatures willing to kill the other to save themselves.”

You shake your head, your brows pulling together as you look between the two groups, frozen in a state of nonviolence. “But they’re not fighting or killing each other. It was just a distraction, this proves _nothing_.”

“They will fight, la lune, like they always do.”

You snap, “You can’t possibly know that.”

Your dad motions to your left, to a person in the trees, crouching with a weapon in their hand. As you look their way, you see that it’s Sheidheda, and he has a smile on his face, ready to stir up some chaos. You look at him in fear and try to move closer to him, yelling, “Stop!”

Your dad grabs your arm, pulling you to a standstill. “They can’t see or hear you. You can’t stop this, no one can.”

And just as he says, you can’t stop him. You can only stand and watch in horror as Sheidheda pulls the trigger, firing a few rounds at the disciples across the field. They look ready to retaliate, and Wonkru looks ready to fight, but Indra manages to keep them restrained, seconds before a figure dressed in all white bursts onto the field. For one agonizing second you think it’s Bellamy, but then you realize that it’s Levitt, and Bellamy is waiting in the trees with Octavia and Raven and Echo. As soon as Levitt is on the field, everyone pauses, listening to him as he yells, “Wait, wait, wait! Listen to me, this is not the Last War. We don’t achieve transcendence through violence, Cadogan was wrong. We’re being tested right now, all of us!”

You turn to look at your dad, raising one of your brows. “You were saying?”

But he just motions back to the scene in front of you. Levitt is urging everyone to put down their weapons, and people start to respond, lowering their guns and swords, until Sheidheda grows restless and sends another round of bullets towards the disciples. Levitt gets caught in the crossfire, and you watch in horror as he falls to the ground, blood already staining his clothes, and the disciples take the attack on Levitt as an attack on themselves. They return fire, prompting Wonkru to do the same, and before you know it, you have a war on your hands. People on either side are being taken down, hitting the ground, and you catch a glimpse of Octavia and Echo running to grab Levitt before you turn to face your father. “This still proves nothing. The actions of one man should not define our entire species! Those people are scared, and half of them spent their entire lives thinking that they needed to defeat you in a war.”

“Don’t you see? Despite the beauty that humans are capable of, you can’t break free from the cycle of violence. They trained for a war, because they wanted a war.”

“No one wants a war.”

Your dad shrugs, “This is who you are, and that’s why you failed the test.”

You shake your head, thinking of the peace you lived in your lifetime. The peace on Bardo, the peace on Sanctum. You know that peace is possible, that all of you can change, and you turn to look at your dad with desperation. “No. That can’t be it.”

“It’s time for us to go, la lune. The end of the human race is here.”

And as you start to turn away, devastated that you couldn’t change their minds, you hear Octavia yell, “Indra! Indra, hold your fire!”

You pull your dad to a stop, “Wait!”

Both of you turn back to the battlefield, watching as Indra yells to Wonkru, “Hold your fire!”

Wonkru stops firing their weapons, and in return, the disciples stop firing theirs. You watch on with hope, thinking that maybe, they can still turn this around. Maybe, you can still avoid extinction. But then Sheidheda jumps out of the trees, stepping into a circle of warriors. “Indra is not in command here! I am, and I say jus drein, jus daun!”

He starts to repeat the phrase over and over, and you feel your hope being crushed once again as people start to join him, chanting the phrase and intending to continue the war. But Indra, who has clearly had enough of the Dark Commander at this point, snatches one of the sonic cannons from an Eligius prisoner, turns it on Sheidheda and blasts him to pieces before you can even respond. You feel relief course through you as he disappears, Gabriel’s death now avenged, and as you stare at the group around you, you see none other than your fiance running onto the battlefield, his voice loud as he yells, “Enough!”

Everyone turns to face him, watching him stride out into the center of the field with Octavia at his side, and he looks between both groups with disappointment. “What the hell are we doing here? You swore an oath to fight for all mankind. Well, look around you! We are mankind!”

Octavia, remembering her position as the former leader of Wonkru, turns to face her people, adding, “We are one crew! If I kill you, I kill myself. If we keep killing each other, there won’t be anyone left to save!”

She looks to Indra, her teacher, her mentor, resignation in her voice. “Our fight is over, Indra!”

Indra stares back at her former second, giving her a long look before she mutters, “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

She drops her weapon, and all around her, the others do the same, until no one on the Wonkru side is armed. You watch on with pride as Bellamy turns to face the disciples, determined to stop this war, right here, right now. “We’re unarmed! I know you’re afraid to walk away from everything you’ve spent your lives training for, but I believe transcendence is within reach! But if we fight this war, we’ll never deserve to see it, and we’ll never deserve to survive.”

You can see some of the disciples starting to lower their weapons, as Wonkru nods along in agreement. You smile at your fiance, whispering to yourself, “He’s reaching them.”

Octavia reaches out and takes her brother’s hand before she finishes up their speech. “I’ve been to war, and let me tell you the only way to win… is not to fight.”

She pulls out her sword and stabs it into the dirt, and Bellamy pulls the gun from his waistband and drops it on the ground. The Blake siblings stand together, united as they should be, unarmed and facing an army. The disciples look lost and confused, everyone exchanging looks, trying to figure out what they should do. Someone calls out, “Sir, what are our orders?”

Their leader looks around at his army and then back to the Blake siblings, before he disconnects his weapon from his suit and drops it to the ground, muttering, “For all mankind.”

All around him, other disciples do the same, dropping their weapons and repeating the mantra, until two armies stand united, at peace, despite the odds. You turn to look at your father with hope, gesturing to the scene beside you. “I told you, we can change. We just need more time.”

He looks at you long and hard, before tuning his gaze back to the siblings. You follow his line of sight, wondering what he sees, shocked to see the pair beginning to glow. You start to jog towards them, surprised, but a second later they disappear, leaving two beings of light in their wake. You whisper with shock, “Transcendence.”

You turn back to face your father, only to find that he’s already gone. All around you are flashes of gold, and you turn back to the field, watching as the disciples and Wonkru start to glow, leaving behind a gold stand in. You turn in a circle, amazed to see everyone transcending, and as you spin, the trees around you transform. Suddenly, you’re back at the dropship, your mind remembering your forgotten niece and twin, somewhere inside Bardo. 

You run towards the dropship, yanking the makeshift door aside to step inside, suddenly back in the Stone Room on Bardo. Without hesitation, you take off running, tearing down the halls and back towards M-Cap, reaching the door with an audible sigh of relief. You push the button to open the door and Clarke turns at the sound, a figure of light stretched in front of her, Madi already gone. “My shining star.”

And as the words leave your mouth and you start to cross the room, you realize that the dull ache in your shoulder, present since Sheidheda stabbed you, disappears. You look down at your shoulder in shock, your eyes landing on the light that is starting to radiate off of you, and as you look up at your twin with excitement, you fade away, melting into the light and becoming one with the rest of humanity.

-

You open your eyes to find yourself in Shallow Valley.

You sit up quickly, looking around in confusion, surprised to see that you’re in the house you saved for you and Bellamy. Stars stretch across the sky above your head, visible to you through the window, though they aren’t as breathtaking as usual. You shake your head, remembering the valley that was destroyed by McCreary, meaning whatever is happening right now is not normal. You turn and slide out of the bed, listening for the laughter and yelling outside, and you walk tentatively to the door, pushing it open to peek out into the night. There’s no one in the village from what you can tell, but the laughter sounds close so you decide to follow it. 

The voices lead you through the trees, and you look down to watch your step, remembering how bad some of the tree roots were in this part of the woods. You’re surprised to see your bare feet walking through the forest, none of the usual pain coming along with it. Though confused, you push on, following the laughter through the woods, catching glimpses of a fire as you move, until you suddenly burst through the treeline and see all of your friends gathered near the lake that you, Clarke, and Madi would swim in. 

They all look up as you approach, calling your name, and you smile back at them, walking towards the water where they’re waiting. As you move, you see a streak of something barreling towards you, and a second later a body collides with your own. You look down to see a head of dark hair, and Madi pulls away to look up at you, smiling as she does, “Ani!”

You laugh in disbelief and hug her back, but something about it feels off, wrong. You’re excited to see her, happy that she’s okay, but it doesn’t feel right to you. You shake your head, trying to push the thought away as Bellamy steps along the edge of the lake, towards you, smiling as he nears closer. “My love.”

The words don’t light you up the way they normally would, and his kiss doesn’t either. Everything about it feels flat and unusual, and you hate it. You have no idea what’s going on, but you hate it. 

You look around for Clarke, sure that she’ll know what’s going on, but you see no sign of your blonde haired twin. You look back at Bellamy in confusion, “Where’s Clarke?”

“Everyone’s been showing up one at a time. If she transcended after you, she should be here soon.”

“Transcendence.” You nod, remembering the events leading up to this moment. You have only just transcended, but you can already tell that none of this feels right. The fire next to you brings you no warmth, the joy you should be feeling isn’t there, and you can’t feel the sensations of the ground beneath your feet. The stars are dull and lifeless, the laughter sounds forced and unusual, and the affection that you normally feel for Bellamy and Madi and the others isn’t there. You know what it should feel like, you know how you should be acting, but none of this is the way it’s supposed to be. You look around again, seeing if anyone else feels the same, pausing when you catch sight of a glint of metal through trees. “What was that?”

Bellamy looks back quickly before turning to you. “What?”

You shake your head and lock eyes with him, forcing a smile to your face as you do. “Nothing. Uh, I’m gonna go say hey to the others and then I’ll come find you, okay?”

He nods and steps away from you. “Okay.”

But instead of wandering over to the rest of your friends, you slip back into the trees, moving through the dark woods, towards the metal you caught sight of earlier. Weirdly enough, as you grow closer, you can see that it’s part of Arkadia, situated all the way out in Shallow Valley, far from where Alpha Station crash landed to the ground. You step inside of the building, heading to the door at the end of the hall, voices drifting from behind it. 

Your feet thud softly on the metal floors, but they don’t shock you with cold the way they normally would. You reach the door and push it open slowly, your eyes landing on a large round table in the center of the room. Situated around it are seven different people, talking quietly, their backs to you, but at the sound of your entrance they all turn towards you. You’re shocked to see your mother, Kane, and Jaha, along with a few other familiar council members. You feel a rush of excitement and you start to cross the room towards your mom, a smile on your face, but you hesitate when she doesn’t smile back at you, your mind remembering that your mother is dead.

It takes a second for you to realize that this is not your mom, Kane, Jaha, or the rest of the council. It’s the species that created the stones, appearing in front of you in a way that makes sense to your brain. For some reason, your mind chose the Council and the Chancellor. 

The seven people in the room take a seat in tandem, looking towards you expectantly. “What can we do for you, Miss Griffin?”

You ask the question weighing heaviest on your mind. “Where’s Clarke?”

“Right now, she’s on Sanctum. Though I doubt she’ll be there long.”

You pull a face as you stare at Jaha, the one who answered your question. “Sanctum? What’s she doing there? When is she coming here?”

This time, it’s Kane that answers. “She’s not.”

“What?”

“Clarke isn’t transcending.” You stare at your mother in shock, sure that you must be imagining things. She shrugs as she looks at you. “How fitting that one twin saved the human race, while the other condemned it.”

You shake your head, looking between everyone on the council. “I don’t understand, I thought you changed your mind.”

“We did. For everyone but her.”

“Why?”

“Her actions must have a cost, Miss Griffin.” You look at Jaha, your expression indicating that you need some clarification, so he adds, “She is the only test subject from any species anywhere in the Universe since the dawn of time who committed murder during a test.”

“So she can never transcend? She has to live out the rest of her days _alone_?”

“She found Picasso.”

You glare at Kane, both of you knowing damn well that though Picasso is lovely, she is not a replacement for real human interaction. You look between them all, your mind making a decision before you can even process it. “I want to go back.”

“Okay.”

You look at Jaha in confusion, expecting him to fight you on this. “Okay? That’s it?”

“Transcendence is a choice, Miss Griffin. It always has been.”

“Then I choose to go back.”

Kane gives you a long look. “You do understand that if you leave us, you may never return.”

“Yes.”

“You will bleed and live and die as a human.”

“I know.”

Jaha holds out his hands, shrugging. “Then you may return. Though I suspect the others may want to join you.”

“If Madi comes back, will she be okay?”

“Yes. We will restore her health.”

You nod, “And that’s it then? Those of us that choose to return, we’re the last of the human race?”

“In a manner of speaking, yes.”

You shake your head, looking at your mother. “What does that mean?”

“Those of you that leave now can never transcend again, but your offspring will be given a choice: transcend or remain human. If they join us, they will be eternal. If they choose to stay, they will live and die, just as you do. There will be limitations, of course, so that the human species will be unable to repopulate the way you once did, but your lives will remain mostly the same, untouched by the rest of us.”

You nod, processing the information, sure that it’s something you can live with. “Fine. I’d like to tell my friends first.”

Kane motions towards the door. “You will find us when you’re ready.”

You look them all over one last time before you turn towards the door and leave, heading back to the lake to tell your friends that you plan to leave and return to Clarke. Madi and Bellamy are the first to join you, and the others quickly follow suit. Word begins to spread through Wonkru, the Bardoans, the Eligius prisoners, and the Sanctumites, and before you know it, you have a couple hundred people that decide to go back with you. 

The alien species drops all of you back on Earth, near a large lake, leaving you to figure out how to get everyone back to their respective homes. You’re in the process of leading them all back to the bunker and the stone when you hear a dog bark growing steadily louder. You turn to look at Bellamy and Madi with a smile. “Stay here with the others. I’ll go find her.”

They both nod, just as Picasso breaks through the treeline and comes barreling towards all of you, making a beeline for Madi, laying down at your niece’s feet as soon as she reaches her. You smile at them before taking the path Picasso did to reach you, backtracking towards Clarke’s frantic voice, calling out for the dog. You walk up a small, rocky hill, searching for your twin, and you know you’re close when you hear her broken whisper. “I don’t want to be alone.”

You round a curve of trees, Clarke now coming into view, her back to you. You call out, “You’re not alone.”

She turns around in shock, her expression surprised as she looks at you, a smile breaking out on her face, tears rising to her eyes. “La lune?”

You nod and your face splits into a grin, and the two of you run towards each other, colliding in a fierce hug. She holds you tight, laughing with happiness, and you do the same, this hug feeling _right_ , the way that it should. Clarke breaks the hug to look at you in alarm. “Wait, what about Bellamy and Madi? And the others?”

You take her hand, leading her towards them. “They understood why I needed to come back.”

You see panic cross her features, and she shakes her head. “No, la lune, I would never want you to leave them behind! Even if it meant I was alone.”

“Hey, stop worrying.” You squeeze her hand, the two of you now reaching the bottom of the hill, coming around the corner and into view of the others. But Clarke doesn’t see them, not yet, because her eyes are still locked on you, looking panicked. “La lune, I-”

You cut her off, saying, “We couldn’t possibly leave you alone. Not after everything you’ve done for us.”

“We?” She looks at you in confusion, and you just smile, nodding towards the group standing nearby. Her eyes go wide as she turns to see the large group of people from multiple different planets, Madi and Bellamy and your friends standing at the front. At the sight of Madi, Clarke turns to flash you a smile before dropping your hand and taking off running, and the two of them collide in a hug so hard that Clarke falls backwards into the sand around the lake. 

You walk towards them, Bellamy pulling you in for a kiss when you get close enough, and you smile into it, reveling in the feel of him and the kiss. Transcendence might be nice in a lot of ways, like joining a conscious collective and getting to live forever, but transcending also meant losing all the things that made you _human_. Nothing would ever feel quite right, look quite right. Emotions would never be quite complete, you would never feel truly whole. And coming back to Earth means that one day you’ll die, and you’ll be able to feel pain again, but that’s part of being human. Life is messy and complicated, but it’s wonderful too. And feeling things like pain reminds you that you’re _alive_ and that you can feel joy and love and sadness and anger. It means that you get to truly live, experience the good and the bad, no matter what. 

Bellamy pulls away from you with a smile, the two of you enjoying your time back on Earth already, and he turns to greet your approaching twin. They hug each other, breaking apart so that Clarke can greet the rest of your friends too. You stand watching, a smile on your face, realizing that you and your family have been given a second chance. You get the chance to prove yourself, prove to Monty and the Universe that you can do better. Prove to Jasper that human beings aren’t the problem, and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

There, on a beach on a regrown Earth, after journeying through the stars and back again, you get a second chance at life.

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it’s not over yet, my little moons!!! Surprise epilogue going up on friday!!! 


	101. ci. including bellamy (the epilogue)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: angst, death, anxiety, pregnancy/birth (and maybe it’s not the most factual but so what), lots of fluff and happiness, mentions of blood, smut, nausea and puking, language.
> 
> Summary: the last update of sub rosa takes you through some moments of your life with bellamy after you reject transcendence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> full author's note at the end, but this is a long one (18k words) so enjoy!

_24 hours after Transcendence_

You stand at the door of the bunker, staring into the darkness, trying to talk yourself into going inside. 

But you can’t bring yourself to do it, because that makes all of this real, and you don’t want to accept that. 

As you try to psych yourself up, you feel a hand slip into your own, and you turn to face Bellamy, a sympathetic smile on his face. “You don’t have to go in. Murphy and I can get it done without you.”

You shake your head, thankful for the offer, but well aware that you can’t accept it. “No, I need to do this. Gabriel deserves to have a proper burial. We couldn’t do it for Diyoza or Kane or my mother, so I need this. I have to see this through.”

Bellamy nods, understanding. “We can wait as long as you like.”

You put on a brave face, looking up at your fiance. “I got this.”

And then you step inside. 

You lead Murphy and Bellamy back to the rec room, where Gabriel’s body remains, untouched since you all left him there to save Madi. Bellamy helps you change him into clean clothes, unstained by blood, something more akin to what he’d usually wear. You also clean the blood from his face, and by the end, it’s easy for you to pretend that he’s just sleeping. That Gabriel Santiago is not dead, he’s just taking a long nap. In a few minutes, he’ll jump up, ready for dinner, cracking some joke about being ready to eat, even when he’s sleeping. 

Of course, that isn’t the reality. And once you’re ready, Murphy and Bellamy load him onto a stretcher and carry him out of the bunker, out into the woods where the others are standing beside a grave that is already dug and waiting. On your way out, your eyes land on the piano, black blood staining some of the white keys. You pause and stare at it, Gabriel’s cup of alcohol still sitting on the edge, right where he left it before he was stabbed. You feel yourself start to choke up, and you step away from the piano, intending to join the others outside when something catches your eye. A sheet of music beside the others, a familiar scrawl in the corner. 

You reach out and pick it up, tears springing to your eyes when you read the title of the song. 

Clair de lune.

And off to the side, framed by music notes, is a message. One line, simple, but it’s enough to make you cry again.

_For mi cielito._

You hear a sound out in the hall and you grab the sheet of music, swiping away your tears as you fold it into quarters and tuck it into your pocket, running outside to join the others. 

There are no dry eyes as Gabriel is lowered into the ground, and you all collectively say one last Traveler’s Blessing for him, mourning the loss of your friend and family. Everyone whispers their final ‘may we meet again’s,’ and file away, one by one, leaving only you and Bellamy. You walk to the edge of the grave and look down at Gabriel’s peaceful face, your mind thinking back to his final moments. You still don’t know if his final words were a love confession, but looking back on the years you spent with him and the sheet of music in your back pocket, you think that maybe it was a confession. You hate that you’ll never know for sure, but you do get a sense of comfort in knowing that he’s at peace now. 

He was ready to die ten years ago, before he was unwillingly put into a new body, but now, he’s at peace. He’s probably with Josephine and Russell and the other Primes, watching all of you from the stars. He lived a full life, a few of them actually, and got to answer some of his biggest questions about the Anomaly and the Anomaly Stone. And maybe that’s enough.

Bellamy steps up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his head on your shoulder. “Are you okay, natshana?”

“Yeah, just thinking.”

“About Gabriel?”

You hum in agreement and stand silent for a moment before you reach into your pocket and pull out the sheet music, unfolding it so Bellamy can see it. You both look at it, and you can hear his mind silently putting together the pieces before you quietly add, “I think he confessed his love for me before dying.”

You don’t know why you say it to him, because it’s not like it matters now. And you’re not even sure what your feelings for Gabriel would have been like had he survived, but you’re sure of your feelings for Bellamy. If Bellamy really had died in Sanctum and Gabriel had lived instead, you’re sure you could have loved him. But he would have never been your soulmate, because that title belongs to Bellamy. Bellamy is a part of you, the same way Clarke is a part of you, his fate and existence intertwined with your own in every way. 

You start to grow nervous when Bellamy doesn’t say anything, afraid you’ve hurt him, but he finally breaks his silence when he whispers, “I’m glad he was there for you when I couldn’t be. I’ll always be grateful to him for that.”

“Me too.”

Bellamy tightens his grip around your waist a little, lifting his head to press a kiss into your hair. “Besides, you’re easy to love.”

You turn your head and smile at him. “Are you using my own line on me?”

“Is it working?”

You smile at him, lifting your hand and placing it over his hand that’s resting on your stomach. “A little. Too bad we’re stuck in tents right now.”

“Is that supposed to stop me?”

You let out a surprised snort of laughter and shake your head. “Enough.”

He smiles and presses a kiss to your cheek. “There’s the smile I was missing.”

“It’s hard losing people. I know so many of us have survived, despite the odds continuously stacked against us, but I still feel like we’ve lost so much.”

“I know, la lune.” He tightens his grip on you before stepping away and turning you to face him. “But things will be different now. We’re building a new life here and we’re going to do better. We’re going to honor all those we’ve lost by living long, peaceful lives, the way they’d all want us to.”

You nod your head, tears welling up in your eyes. “Promise?”

“I promise.”

You lean forward and press a kiss to his lips, accepting the comfort he offers you. When you finally pull away, you both turn towards the open grave, Gabriel still waiting to be buried. Bellamy grabs the shovels, passing you one, and as the two of you start to drop dirt around him, you whisper one last time, “La muerte es la vida.”

-

_6 months after Transcendence_

You roll over with a huff, turning to look at the ceiling of your tent, cursing yourself for not taking up Octavia’s offer to sleep in their guest bed.

You thought you could handle a couple more weeks in the tent with Bellamy, but your aching back and stiff limbs are starting to tell you otherwise. Everyone’s permanent homes are being built one by one, everyone focusing on one home at a time, finding that makes the process much faster. You, Wonkru, the Eligius prisoners, and even some of the Sanctumites have been sharing the workload, moving from one group to the next to keep things fair. You and Bellamy are next on the list for your people, but there’s one house for someone from Wonkru and one for someone from Eligius that needs to be built before you and Bellamy get your own place. 

Meaning, you have at least a few more weeks of tent living before you get your own bed, and your own roof that doesn’t leak when it rains too hard. 

You sit up with a sigh, closing your eyes and stretching the stiffness from your arms and legs. As you’re rubbing a knot out of your shoulder, Bellamy’s smiling face pokes into the tent, grinning at you as if he has the bet news. You give him an odd look, not appreciating his chipper energy when you’re feeling grumpy and sore. “What?”

“Let’s get married.”

You laugh a little and he steps inside of the tent fully. “You’ve already asked me that, Bellamy.”

“No, I mean, let’s get married _today_.”

“Today?” You shake your head, your brows pulling together. “We can’t get married today. We have a house to help build.”

“Everyone could use a break.”

You counter, “We don’t have anything planned out.”

“I’ll take care of it.” Your jaw drops open a little as you look at him, trying to think of some other excuse why you can’t marry your fiance today, but unable to find one. He smiles when he realizes that you’re speechless. “If you have no other objections, then you need to get to Sanctum.”

“Sanctum? Why?”

“You’ll see when you get there.” He passes you your boots and a pair of clean clothes, the large smile back on his face. “C'mon, get dressed. We have a lot to do and I need you out of here!”

You laugh a little as you quickly get dressed, stepping out of the tent to find Bellamy waiting. He leads you to the Anomaly Stone, pulling on the helmet in the room and getting the code for Sanctum, which he quickly types in. As the flash of green appears in front of you, he tugs off the helmet and sets it aside, turning to you with a bright smile. He places a quick kiss on your lips before ushering you towards the open Anomaly. “I’ll see you in a few hours. I love you!”

You turn to look at him with bewilderment, unused to this playful energy, as you call back, “I love you more than the stars!”

You step into the Anomaly, appearing in the palace of Sanctum. The room has been mostly cleared out by this point, Sheidheda’s throne destroyed, the blood staining the ground, Bellamy’s included, now scrubbed away. The palace primarily serves as a transportation hub at this point, shelves lining the walls with disciple helmets placed on them, waiting to be used. 

You look around at the empty room, confused as to why you’re here, and as you start to walk towards the door, someone comes running in, an apologetic smile on their face. “Sorry I’m late, we got busy at the tavern!”

“Blythe Ann? What am I doing here?”

Blythe Ann smiles and motions for you to follow her before she turns and heads out the door. You jog to catch up, her voice floating back to you. “Bellamy wanted you to stay here so they could get things ready back on Earth. Plus, you left a few things here.”

You follow her from the palace and over to the tavern, where she leads you to the base of the stairs that lead to your former living quarters. You stand looking up at it, and she motions to the top. “Go on.”

You give her a look before tentatively climbing the stairs, moving down the hallway and pushing open the door to your former room. It’s empty, but it looks nearly identical to the way you left it years ago, back when you thought you’d only be gone for a few days. You had no idea it would be _years_. 

The room is different though, because a long silver dress is stretched out on the bed, a gift from Delilah. You smile at it, walking across the room to the dress, running your hand over the fabric. As you do, something catches your eye, and you turn to look at the top of your bed, near the pillows, a yellow book with blue binding sitting beside your old pack. You reach out and grab the book with a smile, the cover stained with your blood and a little scorched. You open the book and flip the first few pages to the note that Bellamy wrote you years ago, reading it over again, tears springing to your eyes as you do. 

And just as you finish the note, you hear a noise behind you, startling you. You drop the book on the bed and reach for your knife, an old habit that you still haven’t broken, despite the six months of peace you’ve lived. But instead of finding a masked intruder or someone ready to kill you, you find Clarke, Octavia, Raven, Emori, Echo, Hope, Gaia, and Madi. They all look at you in surprise, holding up their hands in surrender, “Slow down there, we come bringing drinks!”

They all hold up cups and you smile, dropping your hand. “Sorry, old habit.”

They all file into the room and move over to you, each of them pulling you in for a hug in greeting. As you hug Gaia last, you look over them in confusion. “What are you all doing here?”

“We’re your wedding party!” You look at Emori, your confusion deepening. “Blythe Ann said it’s what they used to do on Earth before Praimfaya. Brides would have bridesmaids that stand at the altar to support them, and grooms have groomsmen to support them.”

Clarke smiles, “I know all those traditions were lost on the Ark, but we thought it might be nice to have a real wedding, like they used to.”

You smile at her, “How long have you been planning this?”

This time, it’s Octavia that answers. “My brother’s been working on this for weeks, and he has a very specific schedule for us to follow, so we better get started.”

“Okay then.” She passes you a drink, and now all of you have a cup in your hands. Clarke lifts it in the air, looking at you with a smile. “To the bride, our la lune!”

Everyone echoes, “To the bride!” before downing their drinks.

After that, your morning is a whirlwind of activity. Everyone helps you to get ready, and the morning is full of stories about Bellamy. Octavia tells you some from her childhood that you had never heard before, and Echo, Emori, and Raven share stories from the Ring. They help you get dressed in the silver dress, before helping you with your hair. And as you sit in your old room with your friends, you can’t help but be overwhelmed by all the love you feel. You start to tear up, and Clarke is the first to notice. “La lune, what’s wrong?”

You shake your head, quickly wiping away your tears as everyone turns to look at you. “Nothing, I’m just so happy.”

Everyone lets out a collective aw, and Clarke helps wipe away your tears. “Well, before we finish up your look, we should probably get the rest of your tears out of the way.”

“What do you mean?”

Emori, the resident wedding expert, steps forward. “There’s another tradition with weddings, and that’s for the bride to have something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue.”

Clarke grabs your hand, turning it over before dropping something into your palm. “Something old, it symbolizes continuity and often incorporates something sentimental, passed down through the family.”

You look down at your open palm to find a ring, your father’s wedding ring, given back to your mother before he was floated. You thought it was lost after she was bodysnatched by Simone, but now you see that it’s not. You look up at Clarke with teary eyes, which overflow quickly and rush down your face. “Dad’s ring?”

“He would want you to have it, to give to Bellamy.” You feel yourself start to cry harder as she whispers, “He’d be so proud of you, la lune. Mom too.”

You reach out and pull her into a hug, whispering into her hair, “Thank you.”

The two of you share a moment before pulling apart, and Echo and Hope step forward next. “Something new, it symbolizes excitement for the future and a new chapter in your life.”

They each hold out a boot to you, new shoes for your wedding, but shoes that still fit your personality. You take them with a smile and hug them each, setting the shoes down as Madi steps forward, a chain clasped tight in her hand. “Something borrowed, for good luck.”

You look down at the necklace in her hand, a sun hanging from the chain, and you start to cry again as she steps forward and clasps it around your neck. You hug her as soon as she’s finished, a piece of your father and a piece of your mother now with you on your wedding day. When you and Madi pull apart, Raven and Emori step forward with matching smiles. “Something blue, to ward off evil spirits, but also a symbol of love, purity, and fidelity.”

They open their palms to reveal hair clips adorned with small blue moons, and you smile as you hug them both in thanks. They help to arrange the clips into your hair, and before you know it, you’re ready to get married. You all take one more shot of Jo Juice for good luck before heading down the stairs and back to the palace, towards your wedding. You feel your nerves start to build with each step you take back towards Earth.

Blythe Ann, Jae, and a few others are waiting for you at the stone, and as someone enters the code back to Earth, Jae turns to you with a curious look. “Who’s walking you down the aisle?”

“What?”

“Typically, the father of the bride walks her down the aisle, and gives her away to her future husband.”

You shake your head, lost, unsure who could do that for you when your father is dead, Kane is dead, and your mother is dead. But just as you start to panic, you feel a hand slip into your own, and you look down to find your niece smiling up at you. “I’ll do it, ani. If you want me to.”

You smile back down at her, “I’d be honored if you walked me down the aisle, little sun.”

The two of you share a grin as the Anomaly is activated ahead of you, and in one large group, you step through, following the rest of the crowd as they lead you through the bunker and out into the warm afternoon air. The sun is beginning to lower in the sky, creating a golden glow over everything you see. You have no idea where you’re going, you just allow yourself to be led to your destination, trying to keep your mind off your nerves and focus on your excitement instead. 

Finally, after a few minutes of walking, you all stop near a tree. The other wedding guests walk ahead of you, moving to find their seats, but your bridesmaids keep you hidden out of view, but also unable to see anything around you. Clarke reaches out to take the hand not held by Madi, and she gives you a reassuring smile. “One by one, we’re going to walk down the aisle ahead of you. Madi knows your cue, and she’ll walk you down to us. After that, just follow the lead. We’ll be right there with you if you need us.”

You smile at her, tears in your eyes again, “Thank you, Clarke. For everything.”

She smiles, shaking off your praise. “Don’t thank me, thank your future husband when you see him.”

You smile at her, and one by one, your friends hug you before walking down the aisle ahead of you, a soft song playing over a set of speakers. It takes a second for you to realize that it’s Clair de lune, and you smile, another piece of your parents put into your wedding. And despite them not being here, you feel like they are. You feel their love everywhere, incorporated into everything around you, reminding you that they’ll never truly leave you. 

You get so lost in your thoughts of your parents that you don’t even realize Madi is starting to tug on your hand, until she whispers, “Ani, it’s time. Are you ready?”

You look down at your niece and smile. “I’m ready.”

She starts to walk, leading you around the large tree and into a clearing. There is an aisle cutting through two large groups of people, all of them standing and watching as you approach. Your eyes lift to the trees, where stars and moons of varying sizes hang down, catching the light of the setting sun, and it brings a smile to your face. At the end of the aisle is an arch adorned with flowers, and your friends stand on either side: Gaia, Raven, Emori, Echo, Hope, and Clarke stand on the left, and on the right is Octavia, Murphy, Miller, Jackson, Jordan, and Levitt. But you don’t focus on any of them, because as soon as you catch sight of Bellamy, your eyes never leave his face.

He is watching you intensely, tears streaming down his face, which makes you start to cry too. He’s dressed in a suit, which he must have gotten from someone in Sanctum, and though the sight is a little startling at first, he also looks _good_. He shaved once he joined Cadogan’s cause, but once all of you decided to return back to Earth, he started to grow out his beard again, reminding you of the scruffy man that saved your life from Diyoza and her prisoners a few years ago. The freckles that dot his face and cheeks are prolific, thanks to the days that all of you spend in the sun, and his eyes are sparkling in the golden hour light. And though you think he looks good every single day, you think he looks beautiful right now. You sear the image into your memory, never wanting to forget how he looks in this moment.

You finally reach the end of the aisle, and Madi passes you off to Bellamy, who leans in for a quick kiss. They exchange a quick hug before Madi moves to stand beside Octavia, switching places with Murphy, and you turn to Bellamy and whisper, “You did all of this?”

He grins, “You like it?”

“Bellamy, I love it.”

His smile grows even wider, and you melt, wishing you could stay in this moment forever. As the two of you stand smiling at each other, Murphy comes to stand beside the two of you, beneath the arch, and you turn to look at him. He smiles at you, “You look beautiful.”

You smile back and counter, “You look good too, for a cockroach.”

He laughs a little before lifting his voice to address the crowd, which is now sitting and watching all of you closely. “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate a wedding between our favorite couple. I’ve never officiated a wedding before, but honestly, I already know that I’m going to be good at it.”

The crowd snickers and you and Bellamy exchange an eye roll as Murphy continues, “I’ve heard from reliable sources that weddings on Earth before Praimfaya were long and boring, but this wedding will be anything but that. We have a party to get to after this, so I’m gonna keep it short.”

He pauses and looks you and Bellamy over for a second, before he says, “From the very first moment they laid eyes on each other, Bellamy and la lune were in love. It was obvious to everyone _but_ them, but eventually, for all of our sake, they figured it out. We all thought the puppy dog eyes and longing looks would end once they got together, but to our dismay, they didn’t. Bellamy and la lune look at each other with as much love as they did on that first day, if not more. Some of us had to watch Bellamy pine away for her while trapped on a tin can in space, while others had to watch la lune pine away for him while in the last green valley on Earth.”

He motions to your surroundings, lush, green, overgrown, and muses, “Or so we thought. Still it didn’t take long for them to figure it out again, though life continued to get in the way. But finally, after a few years and a few different planets, we have arrived at this moment. Bellamy and la lune, it’s time to exchange your vows. Bellamy, you go first.”

Bellamy holds both of your hands in his own as he takes a deep breath and begins, “Natshana. We have been through so much together. We have experienced so much loss, so many hardships, but through it all, I felt at peace, because I knew I had you. I vow to always love you, to support you through everything, and to remain by your side through it all. I vow to protect you and keep you safe, and to remind you daily of how much I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, proving to you that I deserve the love you freely give me. I want to be your best friend and confidant, your soulmate. I vow to be a good husband, a good father, and a better man. I vow to love you in this lifetime and in the next.”

You’re crying by the end, tears streaming down your face, making your vision blurry, and you smile at him as he finishes his speech. You swear you even hear Murphy sniffle a little before he says, “La lune, your vows.”

You wipe away your tears to get a better look at Bellamy before taking his hands again with a smile. “Bellamy, I have spent my entire life feeling like something was missing. Despite living a life full of love on the Ark, surrounded by people that cared about me, I knew that something was missing from my life. I would have never guessed that what was missing was _you_. From the moment you saved me from Shumway, I knew our fates were intertwined. I didn’t understand just how much back then, but I understand now. You are a part of me, as if the gods created our souls from the same mixture of stardust. I can’t imagine my life without you, and I am so honored and grateful to be standing up here today, joining my life with yours. I vow to love you unconditionally, until we take our last breaths. I vow to comfort you when things are hard, to protect you from the harsh world, and to make you smile as much as I can. I vow to be a good wife, and mother, and woman, and I vow to do everything I can to make you happy, because I love you more than the stars.”

Bellamy starts to cry as you say your vows to him, and by the end not only are you both crying, but almost everyone around you is crying too. Murphy gathers himself and mutters, “The rings.”

Clarke and Octavia each pass him a ring, the first of which he offers to Bellamy. Bellamy takes your left hand, poising the ring at the end of your ring finger as Murphy says, “La lune, do you accept this ring as a symbol of Bellamy’s love for you?”

“Yes.”

Bellamy slides the ring on your finger, the gold band matching the band of your engagement ring. Except this band has a small moon on it, seeming impossibly small, and as you admire it, Bellamy whispers, “Bardo tech is good for something.”

You smile at him as Murphy passes your father’s ring to you, and you take Bellamy’s left hand, holding the ring at the end of his ring finger the same way he did with you. Murphy repeats, “Bellamy, do you accept this ring as a symbol of la lune’s love for you?”

Bellamy smiles at you and whispers, “I do.”

You slide the ring onto his finger, whispering, “It was my father’s.”

Bellamy looks up at you in surprise, tears in his eyes again as he whispers back, nearly speechless, “Natshana.”

You smile at him, and beside you, Murphy proudly announces, “I now pronounce you married! You may now kiss the bride!”

Bellamy grins at you before sweeping you into his arms, turning and dipping you before kissing you, pouring all the love he has for you into it. You both pull away with matching grins, the crowd cheering around you as Murphy yells, “Let’s party!”

And party you do. 

All of you move to a different clearing, set up with food and fire and more music, and you spend hours dancing, partying, and laughing with your friends, your family, and your husband. Sometime later, long after midnight, you and Bellamy are slow dancing, looking at each other with adoration when he mutters, “I have one more surprise for you.”

“What is it?”

“Do you trust me?”

You give him a look and say, “You know I do.”

“Close your eyes.”

You do as he says, and he leads you away from the party to a chorus of goodnights, hoops, and hollers following you. As the sounds of the party grow fainter, the sounds of the woods grow louder, and you can hear leaves crunching beneath your boots as Bellamy leads you through the woods. You walk for a few minutes before he pulls you to a stop, putting his hands over your eyes to cover them even further. His mouth is right beside your ear when he whispers, “Ready?” and it sends a chill down your spine. 

Your voice is a breathy whisper when you answer, “Ready.”

“Okay, open.“ Bellamy drops his hands from your eyes, and they open to see a house standing in front of you, the soft light of a fire coming from inside. It has a porch and a big yard, and as you look at it in confusion, Bellamy adds, “It’s no house in Shallow Valley, but…”

He trails off as realization dawns on you, and you turn to him with a look of excitement. “Wait, are you saying?”

“It’s ours.”

You laugh and pull him in for a kiss, pulling away again so you can ask, “Wait, how? There were two houses ahead of ours!”

“We’ll probably be babysitting for everyone for the rest of our lives, but they came by everyday to work on it.”

You smile at him, shaking your head with disbelief. “I don’t deserve you, Bellamy Blake.”

“You deserve more than me, blainen natshana.”

“That’s not true.” He smiles at you a little before nodding towards the house. “Wanna go inside, Mrs. Blake?”

You grin at him, “I’d love to, Mr. Blake.”

He takes your hand and leads you inside, giving you a quick tour before leading you back to the bedroom. There, he stops at the door, motioning for you to go inside. You push the door open and walk into the room, looking around at the decor, Gabriel’s sheet music hanging on the wall, the large bed in the room, and…the skylight. You let out a little gasp as your gaze locks on the window situated in the ceiling, letting in the soft light of the moon. It shines down on the bed, giving you a perfect view of space from the place you’ll be sleeping. As you look up at the stars over your bedroom, you feel Bellamy slide up behind you, his hands on your shoulders. You whisper, “It’s beautiful.”

“Yes, you are.” You smile at the compliment, but your smile drops into a gasp when his lips move to your neck, pressing soft kisses to your skin. His hands slide from your shoulders, down your arms, and then to your waist. You sink into him, enjoying the feel of his lips on your skin, as they move from your neck to your shoulder. One of his hands lifts, and you feel your zipper being tugged down your back slowly, his lips kissing down your spine as he exposes more skin. Your dress slides off your body, the silky material moving off you easily, landing around your feet. Bellamy drops down behind you, his hands roaming across your skin before reaching around and untying your shoes, one after the next, his lips pressing kisses to your legs. 

He rises slowly, trailing a finger up your spine and sending a chill through you before his lips press to your neck again. He pulls away to spin you in his arms so you’re facing him, and he eyes you up and down hungrily, his expression one of admiration. “More beautiful than the moon.”

You smile at him, before reaching out and crashing his lips to yours, the two of you kissing hungrily, Bellamy’s teasing leaving you eager with anticipation. He pulls you close to him, his suit rubbing against your bare skin, his arousal pressing against your body. You slide your hands up his chest and push his jacket down his shoulders, before moving your hands to his buttons. You break your kiss so you can press kisses to his skin, the same way he did to you, a new kiss with each new inch of exposed skin. When you reach the last button, you drop to your knees, leaving his shirt on as you do. You press one kiss to his waist before leaning down and ridding him of his own boots, before you return your focus to his waistband. 

You undo his pants and slide them down his legs, letting them pool around his feet, and then you tug his underwear down, his dick springing free. You look up at him, and his eyes are locked on you, watching your every move as you take him into your mouth. His eyes flutter closed as you work him with your tongue, slowly at first, increasing your pace as you move. You can feel him start to reach his climax, his thighs clenching beneath your hands, but he stops you before he can finish, his voice breathy when he whispers, “Not yet.”

He pulls you to your feet and straight into a kiss, guiding you backwards towards the bed, stopping just at the edge to break your kiss. Bellamy shakes off his shirt, the last of his clothes, before nudging you to sit on the bed so he can help you out of your underwear. As soon as you’re naked, he takes a moment to admire you again, and you do the same with him, your eyes scanning his body, before settling on a scar at his side. You reach out to run a finger over the scar, given to him by Kane while he was under the influence of Alie. Bellamy reaches out and tips your chin up until you’re locking eyes, and he smiles, “I love my crooked scar.”

“And I love you.”

He leans down and kisses you, the two of you moving backwards on the bed until your head is on the pillows. His mouth leaves yours to press kisses all over your body, worshipping you, and when he finally sinks into you later, you climax while looking at the stars.

-

_7 months after Transcendence_

You look down at the list of supplies in your hand, checking over it a second time before you jump to Bardo to grab all that you need. But as you’re reading through the list, you get an idea, and you lift your gaze to look at your twin, who’s sitting across from you at your kitchen table. “We should form a council.”

Clarke looks up at you, confused, her mind too focused on the list in her own hand. “What?”

“We should form a council, like we had on the Ark. Except this one will be between all of us that chose to leave Transcendence.”

Clarke considers your idea for a minute before nodding in agreement. “It would definitely make it easier to get supplies if we had an official person to go to each time.”

“Everyone can choose or elect a council member to represent them. One from Bardo, one from Sanctum, one from Wonkru, and one from Eligius. And then the council members can elect a chancellor to represent all of us.” Clarke nods in agreement. The ideas start coming to you quickly now, and you add, “We can set an age for Transcendence, for those who choose to go through with it. We’ve already got a few pregnant people within each group, so inevitably, somebody will want to transcend. Even though none of us liked the idea, we can make it a celebration or ceremony of some sort.”

“I like that. And we can jump to other planets for trades, make the routes and access to each other easier. With Bardo being at its closest point in its orbit, it’s easy to handle the time dilation now. But in the future it’s something we’ll need to consider. We can also set up schools or specialized learning within each group, so everyone has some way to contribute. Maybe check in with each other once a year at an official meeting just to make sure we’re all on the same page.” She looks back down to her notebook, flipping to a new page and already scribbling out a few notes. “I’ll get a few ideas written out, and we can pitch it to the others later.”

You smile at her, standing from your chair with your list. “And with that, I’m gonna go get our supplies.”

Clarke glances up at you as you step away, smiling. “Good idea, la lune.”

You smile back and counter, “Thank you.” And as you turn away from her, you drop your voice to a whisper, low enough that she can’t hear you. “Intergalactic _Chancellor_.”

-

_9 months after Transcendence_

You walk up the path to the newest building in your fast growing town, Octavia and Gaia at your side. 

The temple in front of you is built with stone, gifted to you from Bardo, the first of many gifts exchanged after the announcement of the Intergalactic Council. Everyone agreed and elected their council members. The Bardoans chose Lila, your former training partner, the Sanctumites chose Jae, Wonkru chose Indra, and the Eligius prisoners chose Nikki. With most of the people concentrated back on Earth, everyone agreed that Earth needed two delegates, to ensure everyone’s voice was heard, so they quickly chose Clarke as a fifth council member. And then a few minutes after that, they made her the Chancellor, just like you predicted. Everyone agreed that she could put the needs of the many over the few, that she could be more impartial than most, and that she was the best suited for the job. What surprised you though, was when they chose you to take over Clarke’s council seat, making you the new fifth member. 

The last two months have been hectic as you all established the council and a new routine, and each Stone Room was cleaned up and made easier to access. On top of that, each of the three planets built a temple for Transcendence, where future ceremonies could be celebrated. Which is where you are right now, walking up to the new temple with Octavia and Gaia. Gaia leads you all inside, pointing out the various features of the temple. Stained glass windows, designed based off images from Earth before Praimfaya, but the religious images have been replaced with the origin of the Grounder religion and the story of Transcendence. 

In the center of the temple, surrounded by a stone altar, are the remnants of Gaia’s transcendence. She was the only one on Earth when everyone transcended, and despite coming back down, her being of light remained. Now, it sits in the center of the temple, serving as a reminder of what will happen to those that choose to transcend. On Sanctum, they fixed up the palace and made it part temple, part Stone Room. And on Bardo, they put their temple in the oxygen farm, where most of the beings of light remain. 

It’s weird to think that all of you are essentially establishing a new religion for people to follow. And though it’s likely that most of you that are alive right now won’t believe in the miracle of Transcendence, it’s possible that the descendants that come from your generation _will_ believe. Religion on the Ark was always more of a melting pot of histories, most of the major religions combined into one universal religion. The Grounders believed in the Commanders and Becca Pramheda, and the Bardoans believed in the Shepherd and his teachings. On Sanctum, they believed in the divinity of the Primes. 

And even if the new religion surrounding transcendence is not something you’ll ever believe in, religion has always been a big part of the human experience, and it only seems fitting that all of you create something for future generations to believe in. Plus, it does bring a smile to your face to know that you’ll always be part of the history of transcendence. Without you, the human race was condemned to extinction, until you urged them to reconsider. With Bellamy and Octavia’s help and everyone else’s compliance, you were able to convince the alien species to give humans another chance. It wasn’t just because of you, but you are a part of the legend, a legend that will be passed down to generations to come. 

Your story will live on, even when you’re not there to tell it.

-

_11 months after Transcendence_

You sit in your large bed, waiting for your husband to join you, both of you winding down for the night and preparing for sleep. 

When he finally steps into your bedroom, you give him a serious look and muse, “I think it’s time.”

Bellamy gives you a shocked look, “You think so?”

“I do.” You hold up _The Iliad_ , bookmarked a few pages from the end, you and Bellamy both procrastinating the inevitable: finishing the book. But now, after working your way through the book slowly, over the course of a few years, you know it’s time for the two of you to finish it. 

Bellamy strips down to his underwear and climbs into the bed beside you, taking the book from your outstretched hand. He settles back into the pillows, opening his arms so that you can cuddle up next to him, tucked into his arms. You turn your gaze to the night sky above you, visible though the window in your room, and listen as Bellamy reads you the story of Achilles’ wrath. The moon rises slowly as he reads to you, bringing more light into the room as the time passes, and it’s right overhead when he finishes the last lines with a solemn voice. “When they had heaped up the barrow they went back again into the city, and being well assembled they held a high feast in the house of Priam, their king. Thus, then, did they celebrate the funeral of Hector, tamer of horses.”

Bellamy closes the book with a snap, setting it aside as you roll over to face him, resting across his chest as you look at him in confusion. “Wait, that’s it?”

“That’s it. Was that not enough for you, la lune?”

You glare at the laughter in his tone, and he attempts to hide the smile on his face as you answer, “What about the Trojan Horse? And the end of the war?”

Bellamy shrugs, “ _The Iliad_ was always about Achilles’ rage and the consequences of it. I guess Homer didn’t think the rest of it was important.”

“Bummer.”

Bellamy laughs at the genuine disappointment in your voice, readjusting so he can place a kiss on your forehead. “If you want, I can get Niylah to keep an eye out for more historical books. She’s pretty good at finding them.”

“That would be great.”

He smiles at you, “Good. Now go to sleep, we have a lot to do tomorrow.”

He turns and blows out the candles beside your bed before the two of you adjust and get comfortable, falling asleep in each other’s arms. The last thing you think before sleep overtakes you, is that this sure beats sleeping in a tree. 

-

_1 year after Transcendence_

You stand in the kitchen directing Clarke, Madi, Bellamy, and Octavia on different tasks. “Madi, you and Clarke work on the vegetables.”

“Bellamy, you cut up the beef, and Octavia you’ll cut up the pork.” You slide your cutting board towards you, chicken laid out on top of it. “I’ll take care of the chicken.”

Everyone takes their directions, asking you for approval every few minutes, making sure everything seems right as you rely on your memory for how to make Sancocho Trifásico. You carve the chicken into bite size pieces, using your Grounder knife to do it. You haven’t used the knife to take a human life in over a year. Little do you know, you’ll never use the knife to take another human life again. The Grounder knife eventually becomes a knife, the way it should, and Wanlida becomes a distant memory. She’s only ever mentioned in stories now, memories, the nickname never again used. You’re thankful for that.

And as you sit preparing dinner with some of your favorite people, it’s easy to forget all the messed up things you’ve done. It’s easy to forget that you’ve killed people, hurt people, fought in more battles and wars than one person ever should. You’ve lied and kept secrets, betrayed people. You’ve done a lot of bad in life. But here, among your family, those closest to you, none of that matters, because they’re messed up too. All of you have done terrible things, usually to save the ones you love, and you’ve all been forgiven for that. You’ve all forgiven each other for the betrayals and secrets and fights. And what was once two sets of killer siblings, is now just one big family. Happy, at peace, able to rest for the first time in your lives. 

You look around the table, not seeing Wanheda, Heda, Blodreina, Wanlida, or the man that slaughtered a Grounder Army. Instead, you see your twin, your niece, your sister, and your husband, all of you laughing as you exchange stories, preparing dinner and living a life drastically different from the one you used to live. 

A while later, after the Sancocho Trifásico has had time to cook and the flavors have had time to intertwine, the five of you sit down around the table, bowls in hand. Before you start to eat, you lift your cup and announce. “To those we have lost, and those that aren’t here with us today. To Gabriel.”

Everyone repeats, “To Gabriel,” toasting the man that taught you the recipe you’re all about to dig into. Once you finish your toast, everyone takes their first bite of the meal, a collective moan of delight rippling through your group. There’s a chorus of compliments around the table, everyone praising each other’s contributions, before Madi looks around at all of you and says, “We should make this a monthly thing. Once a month, no matter how busy we are, we all meet up for dinner.”

Everyone nods in agreement, and Octavia adds, “And we can invite the others: Raven, Echo, Hope, Murphy, Emori, Jackson, Miller, Gaia, Indra, Niylah, and Levitt.”

“We can switch houses so the burden never falls on just one person to host. And maybe we can all bring dishes to eat.” They all nod at your suggestion, and you say, “All those in favor, raise your hand.”

Five hands go up around the table, everyone united on Madi’s idea. You nod once, announcing, “Well, that’s that. Let the new family dinner tradition begin.”

-

_1 year, 3 months after Transcendence_

You drag the cart full of fruit behind you, straight into the green glow of the Anomaly, stepping into the palace of Sanctum. 

Normally, you would just drop the fruit off in the palace and head back to Earth, but you have a stack of Intergalactic Council papers to sort through and sign off on, and you’re eager to procrastinate the task. So instead, you bring the cart out of the palace and down to the tavern, stepping inside behind a group of patrons. Jae looks your way as you walk towards the bar, and he smiles and calls out your name. You wave and point to the cart behind you. “I come bearing gifts!”

“We’ve been eagerly awaiting the next shipment from your garden! The last batch went pretty fast.”

You smile at him, proud that everyone seems to enjoy the food from your garden. “I’m glad you liked it! I’ll try to double up on the next batch for you.”

Jae winks, “We’d really appreciate that.”

As you start to unload the fruit into the various baskets around the bar, he looks up from the glass he’s cleaning, a look of realization on his face. “Oh! The last time Niylah was here, she said you guys were looking for old books or anything about history. We found a few things in the library and when we were cleaning out the palace. We put them up in your old room.”

“Thanks, Jae.”

“No problem. I think there are some old magazines too. The news is outdated, but it might be good if you’re using them to teach Earth history to the young ones.”

“That’ll be great, I’ll go check them out.” You finish unloading the fruit and leave your cart downstairs as you head towards the stairs. You take them two at a time, turning and heading towards your old room. You smile as you approach the closed door, remembering the last time you were here nearly a year ago, before your wedding. You step inside the old room, your eyes immediately falling on the stacks of books and magazines on the bed, and you can immediately tell that even with your cart, you won’t be able to carry all of these back in one trip. You decide to sort through them now and grab the ones that you think Bellamy will like.

You find the _Aeneid_ by Virgil, _Metamorphoses_ by Ovid, _The Divine Comedy_ by Dante, and _Paradise Lost_ by Milton, among others. You gather the books and start to stand, intending to take them and leave, until one of the magazines on the top of the pile catches your eye. It’s a _Time Magazine_ , and normally you wouldn’t have paid it any mind, but the front is a picture of a ship overflowing with people, hundreds if not thousands of them. The title reads: “The Battle of San Francisco, humanitarian disaster.” Beneath it, in a smaller print, is a subheading: “Charmaine Diyoza: terrorist or freedom fighter?”

You gasp a little, dropping the books in your hands and reaching out for the magazine, flipping it open to the table of contents. You scroll your finger down the page, reading each blurb until you find the one you’re interested in about Diyoza, page 52. You frantically flip the pages, finally landing on a full page picture of Diyoza. You gasp a little when you see it. She looks only a few years older than Hope, her hair pulled back into a messy ponytail. She’s covered in dirt and blood, and her clothes look like a torn military uniform. There is no scar on her neck, her own SEAL team yet to come after her, and her mouth is open in a yell. You can tell from the ferocity of her expression that she’s giving orders, directing the refugees of San Francisco onto an aircraft carrier as others in the background shove the helicopters overboard. 

Honestly, she looks beautiful, and terrifying, and commanding, and all you can think is that Hope has to have this. She lost her mom in such a tragic way, and you know she still blames herself for it. Echo says that some days she doesn’t even leave her bed, she just locks herself inside her room and refuses to come out for anyone. But you think that maybe having a small piece of her mother might help her. 

You sift through the rest of the magazines, finding a few more that offer pictures and stories about Diyoza, and before you know it, you have two armfuls of books and magazines to bring back to Earth with you. You manage to grab them all and carry them back down the stairs, setting them into your cart as Jae looks on with a smile. “Looks like a successful trip!”

You smile at him, truly unaware of just how much he’s helped you. “Thank you again, Jae. You can expect double the fruit when I’m here next!”

“We look forward to it!”

You wave your goodbyes to him and to Blythe Ann across the room, before wheeling your cart back to the castle and through the Anomaly to Earth. You stop by your own house since it’s on the way to Hope and Echo’s, and you drop the books and cart off before grabbing the magazines and continuing on your journey. The walk isn’t far, and you mostly get to stay on the wooded path that connects nearly all of your houses. It’s a nice walk because the weather is mild, one of those early fall days where the wind is cool but the sun is warm. 

You reach Hope and Echo’s in a matter of minutes, walking through their own personal garden before knocking on the door. You only have to wait a few seconds before the door is opened and Echo smiles at you, “La lune!”

She reaches out and the two of you exchange a hug before she steps aside and motions towards the house. “Come in.”

“Thanks.” You step into their living room, looking around for any sign of the younger Diyoza. “Where’s Hope?”

Echo’s expression drops, her eyes darting to the back of the house. “It’s one of those bad days. She locked me out earlier.”

“Oh.” You feel a pang of disappointment before you hold the magazines out to Echo. “I found these, I thought she might like them.”

Echo’s face lights up as she flips through the magazines, finding the pictures of Diyoza, and she looks up at you with a smile. “You should try to give these to her, she might let you in.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, just…” She trails off, stepping into the next room to grab an apple and a cup of water off the table. “Try to get her to eat something if she lets you in.”

“I will.”

She smiles and passes the water and apple to you, along with the magazines, and you take the path back to Hope’s room, comfortable with the layout of Echo and Hope’s shared house. You knock on the door a few times with no answer, calling out your name, hoping it’s enough to get the door open. When that doesn’t work, you knock again. “Hope, I have something for you.”

You wait, met by silence, before adding, “It’s about your mom.”

You’re met by more silence, and you glance down the hall, where Echo stands watching, both of you looking disappointed. But then you hear the lock on the door click, and a smile graces Echo’s face before she slips away, unseen. You turn back to the door and push your way inside, your eyes landing on Hope, already curled back up in her bed. The curtains are drawn and the room is dark, none of the warm afternoon sun reaching the room. You close the door behind you, giving your eyes a second to adjust to the darkness before you cross the room and set the apple and water on the table beside her bed. 

Then, you move to the foot of her bed, sitting yourself down at the edge, keeping your voice soft when you talk to her. “I know what it’s like, you know. My dad got floated because of me. He made a deal to save my life, and I never got to thank him for it.”

You let out a shaky breath, surprised that grief still visits you, all these years later. “Anyways, I went to Sanctum today, and they had these.”

You flip the magazines open to the relevant pages, stacking them together before setting them beside you, right at her feet. Hope makes no move towards them, and she stays silent, the two of you sitting in her dark room without a word. You wait a few minutes before standing, guessing that she needs some time alone. “I’ll leave these with you. They’re yours, if you want them.”

As you start to step away, a hand reaches out and clamps down on your wrist, stopping you. You turn to look at Hope, her eyes locked on you, tears welling up in them. “Can you read them to me? The stories, I mean.”

You give her a small smile and nod your head. “Sure. You have to eat that apple though.”

Hope sits up, adjusting her position in the bed to make room for you to slide in beside her. She reaches out for the apple as you flip through the magazines, deciding to start with the _Time Magazine_ article. You glance at Hope, and she takes a bite of the apple, bringing a smile to your face as you shift the magazine so she can see the pictures. And then, you begin to read, “Charmaine Diyoza, former NAVY Seal turned self proclaimed freedom fighter, is pictured here with the refugees of…”

-

_1 year, 6 months after Transcendence_

You sit in the chair in front of the mirror, checking over your appearance as Clarke carefully braids sections of your hair, tucking them out of the way for your date tonight. As she works, she muses, “Are you excited? I can’t believe it’s been a year already.”

You smile, thinking of the night you have planned for you and Bellamy. A trip to Sanctum to visit the new dance night at Jae and Blythe Ann’s tavern, followed by a moonlight picnic, like the one you used to have back at Arkadia. “Yeah, I think it’s going to be great. I hope Bellamy is surprised.”

Clarke smiles at you in the mirror. “I know he will be.”

She tucks the last few braids into place and reaches for the hair clips you wore at your wedding, arranging them in your hair as an extra touch. As she works, she asks, “What do you think of Raven?”

Your brows pull together and you try to lock eyes with her in the mirror, and you open your mouth to ask what she means. But then you see the light tint of a blush in her cheeks, her eyes avoiding yours, her tone tentative, and you suddenly realize what she means. You look away from her, back at your reflection, as you muse, “She’s pretty. Smart too. And she’s saved our asses a few dozen times, so we maybe owe her some undying gratitude.”

Clarke lets out a soft laugh before placing in the last hair clip, her eyes finally meeting yours in the mirror. “I think I’m gonna ask her out.”

“Yeah?”

She smiles, growing more confident with each passing second. “Yeah.”

You stand from your seat, turning to hug her, pulling away to smile at her and say, “I think that’s a great idea.”

“Thank you, la lune.” You have no idea what she’s thanking you for, but you know you have a reason to thank her, due to her weeks of support as you planned your first anniversary celebration with Bellamy, so you counter, “Thank you, my shining star.”

She smiles at you before grabbing your hand, tugging you towards the door. “Okay, time to go. You don’t want to be late!”

You allow her to pull you out of the room and down the stairs to your waiting husband, eager to celebrate your first wedding anniversary.

-

_2 years after Transcendence_

You and Bellamy stalk through the woods, eyes scanning the brush around you.

He has a rifle slung over his shoulder, but he ignores it, favoring the axe in his hand to hunt with. You have your Grounder knife out, both of you tracking the boar that you can hear nearby. Somewhere up ahead, a twig breaks, and you and Bellamy turn to look at each other, eyes wide, and he nods towards it, taking the lead. You move behind him, scanning the woods around you for the wild animal, and as you do, you feel a wave of nausea pass through you. You shake your head, trying to will it away, hoping it’ll pass long enough for you to get through your hunt. But shaking your head only makes you feel worse, and suddenly feeling light headed, you pause, stilling your movements. 

It only takes a moment for Bellamy to notice your absence, and he backtracks towards you, immediately reaching out and putting his hands on your cheeks, lifting your face to look at him. “Hey, what’s going on? Why’d you stop?”

He can tell something is wrong as soon as he looks at you, a light sweat across your face despite the cool temperature, and you don’t have time to answer him before you push his hands away, quickly turning to vomit. Bellamy reaches out for you, holding your hair back and putting an arm around your waist to support you, and as soon as you finish puking, you sway in his arms. You feel a rush of dizziness, and Bellamy turns you towards him again, looking you over with concern. “La lune, what is it? What’s wrong?”

“Must be a stomach bug or something. Clarke said something was going through the school last week.”

Bellamy leans down and scoops you up in his arms, and you let out a sound of protest. “Bellamy, I’m fine! I can walk.”

Bellamy shakes his head, already turning back towards the town. “I’m not taking any chances. The last stomach bug that went around took everyone out for nearly a week.”

You’re about to protest again, but Bellamy gives you one of those looks, and you know immediately that it’s a waste of time to argue with him when he’s being protective. He carries you all the way back to town, heading straight for the small clinic near the center, where Jackson works on a day to day basis. As soon as he door is open, Bellamy is yelling out, “Jackson! I need your help!”

Jackson comes running, and as soon as he catches sight of you, his expression morphs into one of deep concern. You wave him off immediately, trying to placate his worries. “I’m fine, Bellamy’s just being dramatic.”

But as soon as Bellamy puts your feet on the ground, your knees give out beneath you, and he has to quickly catch you before you hit the ground. Jackson’s concern returns, and he motions for Bellamy to follow him. “Bring her in here.”

Bellamy follows the doctor down the hall, sitting you down in a bed as Jackson turns to you. “What are your symptoms?”

“I’m feeling kind of weak and dizzy.”

Bellamy adds, “She threw up on the way here.”

Jackson hums, turning to reach for some equipment. “Could be dehydration. I wanna do some blood work on you, and if it’s dehydration, we can treat you and have you back home in a few hours.”

You nod, and Jackson readies everything to take your blood, the process going smoothly. He leaves the room with your samples, and you and Bellamy sit in there together, talking and distracting you from the worries that are threatening to take over your mind. You’re there for a few hours before Jackson comes back in, looking over his notes. “Okay, la lune, you’re definitely dehydrated, so we’re gonna get you an IV to bring those levels back up.”

You nod, about to thank him, when he flips another page, reading over a different result, and he looks up at you and Bellamy in surprise. Bellamy immediately gets worried, his voice cracking a little when he asks, “What?”

Jackson smiles, “It seems congratulations are in order. La lune, you’re pregnant.”

You let out a laugh of surprise, turning to look at Bellamy, whose mouth is dropped open in shock. As soon as you turn and lock eyes with him, you both start crying, and he dives at you, pulling you into a nearly bone crushing hug. He tucks his head into the crook of your shoulder, and you can hear him muttering through his tears, “Oh my god. We’re gonna be parents. I’m gonna be a dad.”

His voice cracks on the word, and you pull away, looking your husband in the face and giving him a watery smile. “You’re going to be the best dad.”

“You’re going to be the best mom.”

He pulls you in for another hug, both of you laughing with disbelief, tears still streaming down your faces. Your joy is overwhelming, though your worries are already beginning to creep in, despite just finding out the news. Because now you have to carry a baby. And raise it. And try not to fuck it up. And it’s overwhelming to think about, but Bellamy’s presence is reassuring. Because you know that no matter what, he’ll be there. For you, the baby, your family. Bellamy will always be there.

Especially now, because you’re a mother.

And he’s a father.

And the Blake family is growing by one.

-

_2 years, 6 months after Transcendence_

Bellamy comes running into your bedroom, a bag in his hand. “I got them!”

You sit up in the bed and smile, and he collapses into the bed beside you, pulling open the bag to reveal a collection of fresh baked cookies, courtesy of Jae. You’re 6 months pregnant, and it’s the only thing that you, your body, and the baby are craving. And Bellamy, the angel that he is, is more than happy to make the trip to Sanctum to grab them for you. You’d go yourself, but Bellamy is very protective and insists on doing nearly everything for you. At first you tried to fight him on it, but eventually you gave in and allowed him to protect you in the way that he so desperately desires.

And now, the two of you lay in bed eating cookies, your shirt pulled up to reveal your round belly. Bellamy finishes his cookie and leans forward, pressing a kiss to your stomach before he whispers, “Hey there, little guy. It’s your dad. I just wanted to tell you that me and your mom love you so much. In fact, we love you to the moon and back again, can you believe it?”

You smile as you watch him, Bellamy already the attentive father that he never had growing up. And he’s not the only one that’s attentive and protective of you. All of your family has turned out to be the same way. Clarke, Raven, and Madi come over nearly everyday. Octavia and Levitt bring food by every few days, sometimes with Murphy and an again pregnant Emori, who offers you and Bellamy first time parenting tips. Echo and Hope keep an eye on your garden, and Jackson has even taken to making house calls. You think it’s because your pregnancy is reminding him more and more of your mom, and when she was pregnant with you and Clarke, so you don’t argue. Instead, you sit back and accept the doting, aware that everyone means well, and is just eager to offer their love to you, Bellamy, and your growing son.

Bellamy rests his hands on your stomach, his face lighting up every time your little warrior kicks, which is starting to feel like every few minutes at this point. The two of you exchange a smile, and his hand drops to a scar on your side, the one from the assassin in Mount Weather. He traces another scar, stretched across the middle of your stomach, from the first time you met Lincoln. He traces a few more, stretched along your arms, legs, and shoulders, though he doesn’t find them all. As he does, he looks up at you, his face reverent as he whispers, “It’s incredible, you know. I’ve seen your body change so much since we met, but never more than I have right now. I’ve seen you stabbed, shot, bloody, and bruised and you always came out the other side stronger. You’re so damn resilient, and now you’re carrying our child. I’m in awe of you.”

You melt, Bellamy always good at leaving you as a nearly incoherent puddle of emotions. You smile at him, motioning for him to come closer, “C’mere.”

He smiles and moves back up the bed towards you, dipping his head to kiss you until you’re breathless. The two of you smile as he pulls away, both of you high off your happiness. You’ve definitely had your struggles in your pregnancy, but moments like this have made it worth it. And you just know that meeting your son will make it all worth it too. 

Bellamy settles onto the bed beside you, pulling you into his arms, offering you another cookie as the two of you stretch out beneath your skylight, searching the stars. He’s quiet for a minute, before he says, “I’ve been thinking about names.”

You glance up at him, expression curious. “Yeah?”

“I know we haven’t found anything we really love yet, so I started thinking about the things we love the most: the stars and history. And then, I remembered the first constellation you ever told me about, Orion. I thought that might be a nice name.”

Your face lights up as soon as he says it, and you smile at him. “I think that’s a really good name.”

He smiles at you before continuing, “For history, there was a Roman emperor named Alexander.”

“Orion Alexander Blake.” Your smile grows, knowing immediately that it’s perfect. “I love it.”

He looks down at you, a big smile on his face. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

You feel a kick in your stomach, strong enough that Bellamy can feel it too, and you both look down at your stomach with a smile. “I think Orion likes it too.”

Bellamy’s smile grows larger, and he shifts his gaze from your stomach to your eyes. “Orion Alexander it is.”

-

_2 years, 9 months after Transcendence_

You stand in the kitchen, peering into your cabinets for something to eat while Bellamy waits for you in the other room, studying a chess board. 

He was adamant on getting up to get the snack for you, but you insisted on getting it yourself, not quite sure what you want. And as you stand there deciding, you feel a trickle of water run down your leg. Your stomach drops, already aware of what’s happening, but you look down anyways, confirming what you already guessed.

Your water just broke.

You keep your voice calm as you call out, “Bell!”

He immediately comes running, his face contorted with worry. “What’s wrong?”

He sees you standing in the kitchen, looking at him with wide eyes, and he immediately understands what’s going on. “I’ll get the bag and get the rover started. You go change.”

You hurry to your bedroom the best you can and change quickly, before heading out of the house and into the rover where Bellamy is waiting. His grip on the steering wheel is tight, and you know he’s just as nervous as you are, if not more. As he puts the vehicle into drive, you reach out and place a comforting hand on his thigh. “We’re gonna be okay.”

He puts his hand on top of yours, turning to glance at you quickly with a smile. “I think I’m the one that’s supposed to be comforting you right now.”

“I’m fine.”

But as soon as you say it, the contractions begin.

It takes your breath away, and Bellamy keeps looking at you with worry. “La lune, are you okay?”

You breathe through the pain, relieved when it stops, and you turn to give your husband your most reassuring smile. “I’m okay. The contractions are starting.”

The drive to the clinic isn’t long, but you’re thankful for the rover, gifted to you and Bellamy by the others just a few days prior. The two of you live further out than anyone else, and everyone was worried about how you’d get to the clinic once you went into labor. The distance is short enough that you could have walked, but no one seemed too keen on that idea, you included. Luckily, Miller found the rover a few weeks ago, in pretty bad shape, but with the help of some Bardo tech, they got it fixed up and gifted to you before the big day. 

Bellamy pulls the rover up right outside of the clinic, quickly hurrying to the other side to help you out and into the building. The only person in the clinic right now is Niylah, who stands from the front desk as soon as she sees you. “I’ll call Jackson, pick any room!”

“Thank you, Niylah.”

Bellamy takes you to the first available room and helps you into the bed, before he works on calling Clarke and Octavia on the radioes you all set up between your houses. You try to focus on the sound of his voice as you feel another wave of contractions, and a few minutes later, Niylah comes into the room to get an IV started and let you know that Jackson is on the way. He arrives quickly, and so does Clarke, Raven, Madi, Octavia, and Levitt. Everyone crowds in your room and helps to distract you from the increasing amount of pain you’re feeling, until Jackson finally says that it’s time for you to push. He kicks everyone out, except for Niylah and Bellamy, and he turns to you with a smile. “Okay, we’re gonna push now, are you ready?”

You nod weakly, getting worried before you turn to Bellamy. He reaches out to take your hand, smiling softly at you as he whispers, “You’re the strongest person I know, la lune. You can do this.”

And then you push.

Before you know it, a sharp cry cuts through the room, and you sag with relief, well aware that your son has entered the world. Bellamy cuts the umbilical cord and Jackson and Niylah take your son away, cleaning him up and checking him over. Bellamy presses a flurry of kisses to your face, whispering between each one. “I’m so proud of you. You did so amazing, natshana. I love you. I love you. I love you.”

You smile up at him, feeling the energy drain from your body as your adrenaline starts to fade, but in this moment, you are so unbelievably happy. Jackson brings your baby over to you and Bellamy, putting him into your waiting arms. You and Bellamy crouch together, looking down at your son and his tiny nose and tiny ears and tiny hands. You look over at your husband, both of you smiling, and you whisper, “Do you want to hold him?”

Bellamy nods, his smile growing even brighter, into one of those rare ones you treasure so much. It melts your heart as you pass Orion into his arms, Bellamy holding him so tenderly, so carefully. He smiles down at the bundle in his arms, tears springing to his eyes as he whispers, “Hey Orion, it’s dad. I’m so happy that you’re finally here. Me and your mom have been waiting so long to meet you. I love you to the moon and back again, and I’ll always be here to keep you safe.”

You look at Bellamy and Orion, your heart so full of love. At this moment, you’re not sure your life could be any better than it is right now. You have no idea just how wrong you are. 

-

_3 years after Transcendence_

Your dazzling little sun comes to see you nearly every day now.

Correction, she comes to see Orion nearly every day. She comes over in the late afternoon, after his nap and before his dinner, to visit and play with him. Sometimes she brings Clarke, sometimes she brings Luca, but mostly she comes alone. You and Bellamy welcome the visit, Madi’s babysitting giving the two of you a little break to rest or work on dinner. 

Today, she comes alone, knocking on the door softly, but full of excitement. You pull the door open to her smiling face, and she pulls you in for a quick hug before barreling past you, into the living room where Orion and Bellamy now play. You close the door and quickly follow her, stepping into the living room to find your husband picking up Orion with a smile, both of them turning to greet Madi. Orion lets out an incoherent babble of happy sounds, and Bellamy nods and mutters, “Yeah, what he said.”

Madi looks between you and Bellamy, a big smile on her face. “I made Orion something.”

“Yeah?”

She reaches into her jacket, pulling out a thick bound book. You all step closer to her as she flips open the first page. “It’s his own sketchbook of stories. Some of them are yours and Clarke’s, some are mine, but some are from the others too. Eligius, Sanctum, Wonkru, Bardo. I interviewed everyone and drew what they described so that I could pass it onto Orion.”

She passes the sketchbook to you, and you flip through a few pages, Bellamy peering over your shoulder. You look up at your niece, equal parts touched and impressed. “Madi, these are incredible!”

“Thank you.”

Bellamy adds, “La lune’s right, these are amazing. Plus, Orion loves storytime.”

Madi looks at him, hopeful. “Really?”

“Really.”

“Can I read him something now?”

Bellamy nods, passing Orion into her outstretched arms. “Of course. Though, maybe hold off on the violent stories for now.”

She smiles, settling into one of the chairs with Orion in her arms, and you put the book in her lap as she looks up at you with thanks. “I’ve got a good story in mind.”

As you and Bellamy start to step out of the room and towards the kitchen to get a few things done, you hear Madi begin, “Orion, this is the story of your parents. They met on this spaceship in the sky, called the Ark, and…”

-

_4 years, 2 months after Transcendence_

You hear a knock on your bedroom door, and you tug your shirt down over your head before yelling, “Come in!”

The door swings open, and Octavia stands in the doorway, a big smile on her face. “Hi, sister.”

You smile back, “Hi, trouble.”

“Trouble?” She scrunches her nose and you let out a laugh before you explain, “Bellamy told me that you put all the kids’ hands in warm water at nap time. He said he was changing kids for an hour.”

She tries to hold back a laugh, but fails, “Oops.”

“Oops is right.”

You cross the room towards each other, and she pulls you in for a hug, leaning back after a moment to inspect your outfit. “That’s what you’re wearing to date night?”

You look down at your clothes, pants, a long sleeve shirt, and some boots, and look back up at Octavia, your voice a skeptical, “Yes?”

She shakes her head. “I know you’ve been married for a few years, but this is awful.”

You balk at her, but she waves off your indignation, turning to grab a bag that she dropped near the door. “Lucky for you, I already anticipated this being a problem, so I brought you this.”

She pulls a top out of the bag, red, velvety, and dressier than anything you’ve worn since having Orion. You look at it with skepticism, but Octavia holds up her hand. “Before you protest, at least try it on first.”

“Fine.”

You take the top from her hand and quickly change into it, turning to look in the mirror as you do. And even though you’re still wearing your usual pants and boots, you already look way better than you did a few moments before. Octavia steps up behind you, pulling your hair out of its ponytail, freeing your hair and looking at you in the mirror. You look at yourself, shocked, not used to seeing yourself dressed up these days. Octavia smiles at you in the mirror. “I mean, you looked great before, you always do, but now you look hot.”

You laugh turning to press an appreciative kiss to her cheek. “Thank you, Octavia.”

“It’s always my pleasure.” She turns and motions to the door. “Now, go! Bellamy is waiting for you.”

You smile at her, both of you walking to the door together. “Thanks again for babysitting Orion.”

“There’s nothing I love more than visiting my nephew.”

You walk past the living room, where Levitt is sitting with your son, and the two of you exchange a greeting before you continue on to the door. You try to remind Octavia of Orion’s bedtime schedule, but she shakes her head, pushing you out of your now open door. “There are no rules with Aunty O.”

You sigh and she smiles, hugging you one last time before closing the door in your face. You roll your eyes and turn, starting to walk down your porch, looking for your husband. But instead of finding Bellamy, you see a path of candles, leading you into the woods near your house, lighting the way through the rapidly darkening night. You follow the candles with a smile on your face, which only grows larger when you see what’s at the end of the path. 

Bellamy, standing beside a blanket, a spread of food and candles beside him. He grins when he sees you, eyes raking up and down your body with appreciation. “You look beautiful, Mrs. Blake, as always. More radiant than the moon.”

“Thank you, Mr. Blake.”

You reach him, and he pulls you in for a kiss, slow and sweet, and when the two of you break apart, you’re both smiling. You turn to look at the blanket, taking in the bowls of fruit and cookies spread across it. “And what’s this?”

“A picnic, like we had in Arkadia. Back when life was all about spying, Grounders, and Pike.”

You turn back to him, “Do you miss it?”

He shakes his head, taking your hand and guiding you down onto the blanket. “Not at all. I’m glad it led us to this moment, this life, but I wouldn’t trade any of this right now for anything.”

“Me either.”

The two of you sit talking and eating and laughing, enjoying your date night together, enjoying each other’s presence. And later, after you’ve eaten one too many cookies, and Bellamy’s had a little too much Jo Juice, he looks at you, taking your hand. “Tell me about the stars?”

Normally, it’s a request that comes when he’s upset or angry or looking for a distraction. But now it is one of curiosity, and love, your husband eager to just listen to the sound of your voice. So you smile at him, and answer, “Of course.”

You lift your gaze to the sky, searching for one you haven’t told yet, your eyes finally landing on one overhead. You point it out and begin, “That’s Perseus. I’m sure you know a little about him already.”

Bellamy nods, confirming he does, but he makes no move to stop you, wanting to hear the story from you anyways. You continue, “Perseus and his mother, Danae, were locked in a box by his grandfather and thrown into the sea to drown. But instead of sinking, the box floated, carrying Danae and baby Perseus to a different country. They were greeted by the king of the new land, Polydectes, who immediately fell in love with Danae. But she refused to marry him, claiming she wanted to focus on raising Perseus instead. When Perseus was a young man, Polydectes hatched up a plan that would get him out of his hair so he could marry Danae. He tricked Perseus into agreeing to the mission, which was to slay the gorgon Medusa and bring back her head as proof. Polydectes was sure that Perseus would be killed and he would be able to marry Danae with ease, because Medusa had hair made of snakes, which turned anyone that looked at her into stone.”

Bellamy smiles at you, and you smile back, pressing a quick kiss to his forehead before you continue, “The next day, as Perseus began his mission, he sang songs to welcome the rising sun, which pleased the gods. Because of this, they decided to help him on his quest. The goddess Athena gave him a gold shield that he could look into, to avoid being turned to stone but still see what he was doing. Hermes gave him a pair of sandals that would help him move quickly, along with a new moon sword that was sharp enough to cut off Medusa’s head. Armed with these gifts, and a special sack to put Medusa’s head in, Perseus went to the cave of the gorgons and killed Medusa, putting her head into the bag and returning home. On his way home, he came across Andromeda, who was chained to a rock and being offered to a sea monster.”

Bellamy gasps a little, adding dramatic effect to your story, and you roll your eyes at him, pretending to be annoyed. “Luckily for Andromeda, Perseus used Medusa’s head to turn the monster to stone, saving her. She was so grateful she decided to marry him, and the pair continued back to Perseus’ home. They made it just in time to stop the wedding of Danae and Poydectes, which was being forced on Perseus’ mother. He used Medusa’s head to turn the king and his wedding guests to stone, saving his mother in the process. After that, it’s said that Perseus lived for a long time, happily married, and he eventually became king of Mycenae, which he founded. After he died, Zeus put him in the stars, alongside his wife Andromeda.”

Bellamy smiles, squeezing your hand a little. “I hope I get to be by your side in the stars.”

“Me too.” You’re quiet for a minute, thinking before you muse, “I guess in a way, you are like Perseus. You’ve definitely slayed your fair share of gorgons and monsters, and you saved me.”

“Does that make me a king?”

You laugh, “Maybe not officially, but you’ll always be a king to me.”

Bellamy smiles at you, tugging you down into a kiss. “You promise?”

“I promise.”

-

_8 years after Transcendence_

You peer up from your papers and to the late afternoon sun, enjoying the feel of it on your skin. 

It’s the first time you’ve had quiet for a while, as Orion has just reached an age where he’s old enough to go to the school in town during the day. Before that, he stayed at home with you, making it pretty difficult for you to get any real work done while he was awake and playing. But you’re glad you got the time with him, your favorite little carbon copy of Bellamy. He looks just like him, dark, curly hair, a face full of freckles, a bright smile. But he acts just like you, and you can see so much of your personality in him already.

You shake your head, trying to clear the distraction from your brain, giving yourself a wave of nausea instead. You have just enough time to push your papers out of the way before you turn and puke. Your brows pull together, wondering what that could be about, until you remember your pregnancy with Orion. 

And how you found out.

You gather your things and quickly stuff them inside your pack, glad that you’re already in town and not far from Jackson’s clinic. He’s in the lobby, talking to one of the nurses in training when you walk in. He looks up at you with a smile, his gaze questioning. “La lune, what brings you here?”

“I think I might be pregnant.”

Jackson’s eyes go wide and he motions for you to follow him. “Let’s go find out for sure.”

You follow him back into one of the rooms and he draws some blood, returning not long later to inform you that you are indeed pregnant. You let out a surprised little laugh, and Jackson asks, “We can do an ultrasound right now, if you want. Or you can wait for Bellamy.”

You’re about to say you want to wait for Bellamy, but then you think it might be a nice surprise to have an ultrasound picture to show him when you announce the news. “Let’s do one now.”

“Great.”

He takes you into a separate room, pulling out a machine and moving it over your stomach, searching for the baby and its heartbeat. After a moment, he finds it, the heartbeat thudding rhythmically, bringing you a sense of peace. But as Jackson shifts, his eyes go wide, and he whispers, “Oh my god.”

The words send alarm bells off in your head, and you look at him with fear. “What? What is it?”

“You’re having twins.”

You look at him with shock. “What?”

He turns to you with a smile, pointing out the two little blobs on the screen. “It looks like you’re having twins!”

You laugh with disbelief, tears pricking your eyes. “Oh my god. Bellamy’s gonna flip.”

Jackson prints a picture of the ultrasound for you, both of your little babies visible, so you can bring it home to Bellamy. He sends you on your way with a few vitamins and a big piece of news. You practically run the whole way home, excited that Bellamy is already there when you arrive. You come into the house in a flurry of excitement, unable to contain it, and Bellamy looks at you with amusement. “What?”

You can see Orion playing nearby, clearly distracted, so you turn to your husband and say, “Close your eyes and hold out your hands.”

He gives you a weird look, but he complies anyways, holding out his hands for you. You place the ultrasound picture onto his palms, and say, “Open.”

He opens his eyes, and looks down at the picture in surprise, his face instantly lighting up and he turns to you. “You’re pregnant?”

You nod, your face split into a grin, and you motion to the picture. “Look closer.”

Bellamy looks down at the picture again, his eyes finding the two arrows that point to each baby. His mouth drops open in shock, and he looks up at you with wide eyes. “Are you…is this…”

You finish for him, “Twins!”

“Oh my god.” You laugh at the fact that you, Jackson, and Bellamy all had the same reaction, and Bellamy laughs too, happy. He reaches out and scoops you into his arms, pressing a kiss to your lips. From across the room, your son sees you, and he pulls himself to his feet, proclaiming, “I want a kiss too!” 

You and Bellamy pull away, smiling at each other before he leans down and picks up Orion, lifting him in his arms. Both of you press a kiss to his cheeks, and he laughs, delighted, before you pull away and say, “Hey buddy, we have some news…”

-

_15 years after Transcendence_

You finish up with the paperwork in front of you, looking up to glance at the clock.

“Is it 3 already?”

Madi looks up in surprise, glancing at the clock too. “I guess so.”

You stand from your seat, stretching before you reach out for your bag and start to pack your things inside. “I’ve gotta go. The twins requested that I walk home with them today so they can show me their favorite tree to play in.”

Madi smiles, shaking her head a little. “They’re so cute.” She stands and starts to pack her own bag, glancing at you in between. “I’ll go with you. Luca has to work late tonight, and I promised I’d pick up Abigail from daycare.”

“Perfect.”

As the two of you grab your bags and head towards the door, Clarke comes tearing inside, looking between you both. “Are you leaving?”

“Yeah, we have to go get the kids.”

Clarke smiles at the mention of her nieces, nephew, and adopted granddaughter. “I want to come. The council can wait until tomorrow.”

“That’s the spirit!” 

You all laugh as Clarke runs to grab her things, glad that your twin is deciding to join you and Madi today. She works so hard all of the time, and she takes her job as Intergalactic Chancellor very seriously. Sometimes Raven comes to eat dinner with you and Bellamy, because Clarke is working late and she doesn’t want to be alone. You’re always happy to welcome her, the woman becoming so much like a sister to you over this last decade. 

As you, Clarke, and Madi make the walk down to the school, you can’t help but think about everything that’s happened just with the three of you. Clarke and Raven are now married, and have been for a few years. Madi married Luca a couple of years ago and they have a child together, a three year old girl named Abigail, named after your mother. You and Bellamy haven’t had any more kids after the twins, Selene Ara and Helen Carina, each named after a woman from a Greek myth and a constellation. They’re now 7 and still very identical, looking just like you and Clarke did as kids. They have Bellamy’s soft heart and kind spirit, and you love them more with each passing day. 

Orion is now 12, the same age Madi was when she became Commander, a burden that you can’t believe you allowed your niece to take on. Because now, every time you look down at Orion, you can’t imagine putting something like that on him. And Clarke’s reaction to your betrayal makes much more sense to you now. In the moment, you were so focused on saving her, that you allowed Madi to take on more than she should have. Though everything has long since been forgiven, it’s something you think about often. 

Still, walking between Madi and Clarke, you’re in awe of the women they’ve both become. They inspire you every day to be a better wife, mother, and woman, and you’re so grateful to have them in your life. 

It’s not long before the three of you arrive at the school, the door and windows to the building all thrown open to allow the influx of cool afternoon air inside. The three of you stop just outside the door to the building, watching as Bellamy sits surrounded by all of the kids inside. Your kids, Miller and Jackson’s, Murphy and Emori, Hope and Jordan’s daughter, Echo’s son, all of them spread out around Bellamy. Technically, the school day is over at this point, but every day after school they gather around Bellamy and he tells them all a story from your collective history. The kids love it, all of them proclaiming it their favorite class of the day, and it’s easily won Bellamy the title of ‘favorite history teacher ever’, something he proudly reminds you of on a weekly basis.

But you’re happy that he’s so happy, so at peace. He hasn’t picked up a gun in years, not even to hunt, and he hasn’t fought anyone in twice as long. And he’s more than happy to teach history to the kids every day, and share stories of your history, before coming home to a house full of laughter and love. As he finishes his story about the 100’s first day on the ground (the kids favorite), his eyes lift to you, sensing your presence. He smiles at you and wraps up the story, looking over all of the kids. “That’s it for today!”

They all groan, wanting another story, and Bellamy smiles as he shakes his head. “Maybe, if all of you are really good this week, I’ll tell you _two_ stories on Friday.”

They all clap with excitement before breaking away and grabbing their bags, turning and running to the door, where the rest of their parents, your friends, stand waiting. The twins come running at you as soon as they see you, and you pick one up in each arm for a quick hug. “Mommy, you came!”

You smiled down at Selene, “Of course, I came! I can’t wait to see your favorite tree.”

Bellamy walks over then, baby Abigail in his arms, fast asleep. He passes her to Madi, who takes her with a smile of thanks, before he turns to greet you with a kiss. “Hey, beautiful.”

“Hi handsome.”

He smiles and presses a kiss to Clarke and Madi’s cheek, greeting them both. Orion is the last to join your group, giving you a hug as he reaches you. “Hi mom.”

“Hi baby.” You hug him back, glad he’s still at that age where he wants to hug his mom, and then all of you turn and head out the door. Bellamy locks up the school behind him, before he takes each of the twin’s hands in his own. Orion grabs Clarke’s hand, and you smile at them as they walk slightly ahead of you, talking all things medical. You turn and look at your husband, walking with your daughters, and your smile grows, reminded of how grateful you are to have this family and live this life.

-

_50 years after Transcendence_

You and Clarke step out onto her porch, cups of tea in hand. You both walk over to the chairs she has waiting, sliding into one of the seats, situated one beside the other. You’re silent, your relationship long past the point where you have to fill the silence, more than content to sit side by side, saying nothing. You’re both well into your 70’s by now, Clarke’s blonde hair faded to a pale gray, yours doing the same. Her hands and face are wrinkled, but her smile is just as bright and her mind is just as sharp as it was 50 years ago. 

And as you take a sip of your tea, she hums, “I’m going to resign as Chancellor next week.”

You turn to her with a look of surprise, “Really?”

You had retired a few years ago, along with Bellamy, but Clarke hadn’t. You were convinced she’d work up until the day she died. “Yeah, I just don’t have as much patience for it these days. I’ve been doing it nearly 50 years at this point, and I’m ready to step back, pass the torch on to someone else.”

You nod, take another sip of your tea, and muse, “I think that’ll be good for you. Spend the rest of your days with Raven and the kids and grandkids.”

She nods, and your mention of the kids reminds you of the small gift tucked into your pocket. “Oh, I have something for you.”

You pull it out and pass it to her, and she sets her tea aside to unwrap it, revealing a charm, a silver star with a gem in the middle. Clarke smiles at it, admiring it. “It’s beautiful.”

“It’s from the girls. They each made one.” You pull your moon necklace from beneath your shirt, a few different charms hanging on it at this point, thanks to the many gifts you’ve received over the years. Clarke’s bracelet looks the same, now something more akin to a charm bracelet, her wrist twinkling every time she moves it. She secures the new charm to the bracelet, looking down at it with a smile. “It’s come a long way from original gifts dad gave us all those years ago.”

“Definitely.” You brush a finger over the original moon, whispering, “I wish they were here to see us. To see who we’ve become. And our families, god I wish they could meet the kids.”

“Me too. But they know, I believe that. And I know they’d be proud of you, la lune.”

You turn to her with a smile, “I know they’d be proud of you too, shining star.”

-

_63 years after Transcendence_

You step out of your house, welcomed by the sounds of joy and laughter. 

Your eyes roam the yard, searching for your husband, but he surprises you by calling out from beside you. “I’m right here, my love.”

You turn to see his smiling face, patting the seat beside him in the rocking chair on your porch. You smile and move to sit next to him, the two of you softly swinging as you look out into the yard. Gathered there are your friends, kids, grandkids, and your first grandkid, a boy named Jake. As you look out at your large family, Bellamy grabs your hand and squeezes it gently. “This is what I always dreamed of. When I wrote you that note, back before we even knew about Praimfaya, this is what I wanted for us. A big family, full of kids and grandkids, all of them a product of our love. I wanted to live the rest of my life with you by my side.”

You turn to smile at your husband, pressing a kiss to his ageing face. “That’s all I ever wanted my love, and you made my dreams come true. I’ve gotten to live a full life with you, and I wouldn’t trade a second of it for anything.”

Bellamy whispers, “Me either.”

The two of you turn back to look at the scene in front of you. Echo is out in the yard, braiding flowers into some of the girls’ hair, and Hope is helping her, reminding you of your days on Skyring. Gaia is sitting with Madi, the two women still close after all these years. Murphy and Emori are playing with the youngest grandkids, always so full of energy when it comes to the kids. Their own seven children gave them 15 grandchildren, and a handful of great grandchildren. Echo only ever had one son, with a man from Wonkru named Michael. Hope and Jordan have two kids, one son and one daughter, and Madi and Luca have three kids of their own. Octavia and Levitt, and Clarke and Raven all decided to remain childfree, choosing instead to be the best aunts and uncle a family could ever ask for. They’ve spoiled your kids more than even you have. Miller and Jackson have a few kids of their own, thanks to the tech on Bardo, and they just welcomed their first great grandchild around the same time you and Bellamy did. 

Your own son brought home a man of his own a few years ago, one he met while studying in Bardo. They both became doctors and remain childfree, but they spoil their nieces and nephews from the children your twins had. Helen married one of Murphy and Emori’s sons, making you related to the cockroach, and they had five kids of their own, including a set of twins, identical boys. Selene married a woman from Sanctum, and they created their own family with Bardo tech, welcoming two kids together. One of Selene’s daughters gave birth to your first grandkid, Jake, who is asleep in his mother’s arms, sitting out in the open air.

And now, sitting on your porch, your hand held tight in Bellamy’s, you can’t help but reflect on your life as a whole. You spent the first almost 18 years of your life thinking that you would never see the Ark beyond the walls of your room. You thought you’d live and die in the same room with your parents, and that you’d never make friends, never fall in love. Then Shumway came along. In the moment, you were sure that he ruined your life. But your dad made a deal to have himself floated, just to save you and give you a chance to live beyond the life you had dreamed. Living without your dad was difficult, but it gave you the chance to go to the ground, and it gave you the opportunity to meet Bellamy. 

Your life changed after that.

Meeting your soulmate is one of those experiences that you can’t describe to others. You can try, but they’ll only understand when they meet their own soulmate. Until then, they can try to understand your words and hope one day that they’ll get it. But if you had to try explaining the feeling, you’d say that it feels like falling. It’s a rush, and your stomach drops, but you know someone is there to catch you. Raven always says it’s like spacewalking. Tethered to a ship, the only thing between you and the endless universe is this small space suit. That space suit is love, protecting you from the dangers of space, while also allowing you to explore it. 

But no matter how you describe it, it’s magical. 

It’s life changing, and even if you hate your soulmate at first, the way that you and Bellamy did, there will always be that inexplicable pull to each other. Half the time you followed him out into the woods, you never knew why. You just knew that you had too. But now, you get it. You know it’s because he is a part of you, part of your soul, and you can’t resist the pull to him even if you wanted to. And from that pull came love. A kiss in the middle of a battlefield, a proposal while chained up in a cave, a wedding after saving the human race (again). Three kids, seven grandkids, and one great grandkid, all a product of your love.

You’re not sure you would have believed that this would be your future if someone had told you back then. Back when life was all about Grounders, fighting, Mountain Men, and war, you would have never thought that peace was possible. But it is, and you and everyone you know and love has spent the last 63 years proving that it is. The alien species that created the stones leaves you alone, allowing the remaining survivors of the human race to just be. They seem to have no interest in any of you beyond the few that choose to transcend when they turn 25. 

You are suddenly pulled out of your thoughts by someone yelling, “Nana luney!”

You smile, turning your focus to the voice, your eyes landing on one of Miller’s grandkids, David. He smiles at you, waving you over, “Come tell us a star story!”

You glance at Bellamy and he grins at you, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “Duty calls.”

You stand and start to walk over to the gathering group, only to be stopped by Selene, who calls from inside the house, “Time to eat!”

The kids all groan, and you smile at them. “I’ll tell you one after dinner, I promise.”

They smile and all run into the house, grabbing their plates and returning outside. Orion brings a plate for you and Bellamy, helping you both down the stairs and into the grass with the others. You’re having one of your first nice days in weeks, and everyone agreed that they wanted to eat outside. Someone set up blankets and tables for those who need it, but you feel good enough to plop down on a pillow beside Bellamy, Clarke, and Raven. 

Once everyone has gotten their plates and returned outside, you begin the dinner the same way you have every month for the last 63 years: with a toast. Bellamy lifts his cup, looking over the many faces gathered there. “To those we have lost, and those that aren’t here with us today.”

You know everyone is thinking of those that have passed in the last few years: Indra and Niylah, Jae and Blythe Ann, Jackson. Losses that affect each of you when they occur, every one of you so close after everything you’ve endured together. Still, all of you have promised to celebrate their lives and not mourn their deaths, so you lift your glasses and repeat, “To those we have lost, and those that aren’t here with us today.”

Everyone drinks, honoring those that are absent, hoping that they’re somewhere in the stars watching, smiling at the tradition that has never died.

-

_67 years after Transcendence_

The gods look down at the devoted couple, held tight in each other’s arms, both of them taking their last breaths together. And as the couple passes on, the gods exchange a look, tears present in some of their eyes. “It was a love story for the ages.”

“A privileged, invisible twin falling for the demoted guard that only ever tried to do right by his little sister. A love that was felt across the Universe as we all watched on, rooting for them. A love that crossed the stars and left their mark on multiple planets, and a moon. I think there’s only one place for them.”

The god gives the other a surprised look. “Do you think so?”

“They belong in the stars. They always have.”

“Then it must be so. Let it be known that we have an 89th constellation being created: The Lovers.”

Year round The Lovers shine down on Earth, reminding all those they left behind of the power of their love. They live on as legends, their story told for generations to come. As a kid, you never thought you’d be up among the stars, your life told as a story, the same way your father told you the stories of countless others. But because of Bellamy and your unforgettable love for each other, you become part of history forever. 

And it all started over 200 years ago, on a dying spaceship floating over the Earth, when a cocky ex-guard came running down the abandoned halls of the Ark, finding you held tight in Shumway’s arms.

Thus beginning a love story that would span from this lifetime, and into the next.

 _Forever_. 

-

 _Fin_.

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One 68 page outline, 14 pages of written notes, 3 maps, and 2 calendars later, we did it!!! That’s it, my friends. That’s a wrap. It’s insane to think that I sat down in January of 2020 and decided to write a 7 season, 101 chapter rewrite. It’s insane to think that I actually did it. This journey has been so wonderful. I have learned so much, had so much fun, and truly grown from writing this monster of a series. But more than anything, I’m fucking grateful. I have met so many lovely people through this series, made so many incredible friends, read so many kind comments and messages. And I just gotta say: thank you. Thank you to those that have been there since I posted 1.01 all those months ago. Thank you to those of you that showed up later, throughout the seasons. Thank you to all of the binge readers, the weekly readers, and those of you that commented on every upload. Thank you to everyone who ever sent me a message or ask or commented. Thank you to the quiet readers too, the ones that have enjoyed sub rosa silently. Fanfiction is an escape for so many of us, and I’ll never judge the way that you consume content. So even if we’ve never interacted or talked before, but you took the time to read this series, then thank you!!!
> 
> I have more projects planned and more series coming out, including a sub rosa au mini series, another Bellamy x reader series, and others! I’m also going to be posting in a few other fandoms as well, if you’re interested. If you like me or my writing, I invite you to stick around. If sub rosa is the only content of mine you think you’ll ever enjoy, just know that it’ll always be here for you. 
> 
> Okay, that’s all for now. I love you all more than the stars, in this lifetime, and in the next!!!!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [La Douleur Exquise](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27877489) by [mashed_potato_with_cheese](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mashed_potato_with_cheese/pseuds/mashed_potato_with_cheese)
  * [there are ghosts in the sky; a sub rosa au](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29383842) by [slytherinbarnes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/slytherinbarnes/pseuds/slytherinbarnes)




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